1 00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:12,545 ♪ ARE YOU READY, Y'ALL TO HAVE SOME FUN 2 00:00:12,612 --> 00:00:15,949 ♪ IT WILL BE ALL RIGHT. 3 00:00:16,015 --> 00:00:19,953 ♪ IT'S THE "LATE, LATE SHOW." 4 00:00:20,019 --> 00:00:21,955 >> Reggie: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ALL THE WAY FROM 5 00:00:22,021 --> 00:00:27,427 INSIDE A ROLLED UP PIECE OF PERCENT CARPET, GIVE IT UP FOR 6 00:00:27,494 --> 00:00:33,133 YOUR HOST, THE ONE, THE ONLY JAMES CORDEN! 7 00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:34,567 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE). 8 00:00:34,634 --> 00:00:35,168 >> James: HOW ARE YOU. 9 00:00:35,235 --> 00:00:38,571 THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH. 10 00:00:38,638 --> 00:00:40,640 APPRECIATE IT. 11 00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:45,211 THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH. 12 00:00:45,278 --> 00:00:47,914 HELLO, GOOD EVENING. 13 00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:50,583 WELCOME TO THE "LATE, LATE SHOW," BLESS YOU FOR BEING HERE. 14 00:00:50,650 --> 00:00:53,052 THANKS FOR STAYING UP. 15 00:00:53,119 --> 00:00:55,855 THANKS FOR HANGING OUT WITH US. LET'S TAKE A LOOK AND SEE WHO 16 00:00:55,922 --> 00:01:00,927 OUR GUESTS ARE ON THE SHOW TONIGHT. 17 00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:02,595 HE IS AN EMMY AND GOLDEN GLOBE-WINNING ACTOR YOU KNOW 18 00:01:02,662 --> 00:01:04,931 FROM "THE WEST WING," "NYPD BLUE," "IN THE HEIGHTS," AND SO 19 00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:07,467 THE SUPREMELY TALENTED, JIMMY SMITTS IS ON THE SHOW TONIGHT! 20 00:01:07,534 --> 00:01:10,036 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) HI, JIMMY HOW ARE YOU. 21 00:01:10,103 --> 00:01:13,239 >> HE'S FINE, HE'S FINE, HE'S NINE. 22 00:01:13,306 --> 00:01:15,442 HE'S WAITING FOR YOU, JAMES. 23 00:01:15,508 --> 00:01:19,345 >> James: GOOD, YEAH, IS HE-- ON DRUGS? 24 00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:20,647 HOW ARE YOU, JIMMY, YOU WELL. 25 00:01:20,713 --> 00:01:22,348 >> I'M GOOD, JAMES, CAN'T WAIT TO SIGH. 26 00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:29,556 >> James: SO HAPPY YOU ARE HERE, JIMMY SUBMITS, EVERYBODY. 27 00:01:29,622 --> 00:01:32,959 HE IS THE TERRIFIC AND HILARIOUS ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM "SILICON 28 00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:33,827 VALLEY," "THE OFFICE," AND "AVENUE FIVE." 29 00:01:33,893 --> 00:01:36,629 HE'S ONE OF OUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITES! 30 00:01:36,696 --> 00:01:39,699 WHOEVER COMES THROUGH THE DOORS OF THIS SHOW, THE 31 00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:42,936 THE DELIGHTFUL, THE BEAUTIFUL, ZACH WOODS IS ON THE SHOW 32 00:01:43,002 --> 00:01:43,703 TONIGHT! 33 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,672 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) THERE HE IS! 34 00:01:45,738 --> 00:01:49,142 HOW ARE YOU, ZACH? 35 00:01:49,209 --> 00:01:51,344 >> ARE YOU THE WONDERFUL BUN BABY. 36 00:01:51,411 --> 00:01:52,579 >> James: HOW ARE YOU DOCK. 37 00:01:52,645 --> 00:01:55,148 >> I DIDN'T SLEEP ENOUGH SO I HAVE BEEN MAIN LINING DIET COKE 38 00:01:55,215 --> 00:01:58,151 BACK HERE AND WILL BE A SPEED FREAK FROM HELL. 39 00:01:58,218 --> 00:02:05,191 >> James: OH, YOU DON'T SEEM LIKE A SPEED FREAK. 40 00:02:05,258 --> 00:02:06,759 >> NOT YET BUT WAIT UNTIL I GET OUT. 41 00:02:06,826 --> 00:02:09,162 THERE I WILL REALLY MENACE YOUR AUDIENCE. 42 00:02:09,229 --> 00:02:10,930 >> James: CAN I BE HONEST, I AM LOOKING AT THIS AUDIENCE 43 00:02:10,997 --> 00:02:13,900 RIGHT NOW AND THEY WOULD LOVE NOTHING MORE THAN TO BE MENACE 44 00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:17,670 BY ZACH WOOD. 45 00:02:17,737 --> 00:02:18,905 AND AND HE IS A TREMENDOUSLY 46 00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:20,940 TALENTED STAND-UP COMEDIAN, AND WE'RE THRILLED HE'LL BE MAKING 47 00:02:21,007 --> 00:02:24,110 HIS LATE-NIGHT DEBUT HERE WITH US TONIGHT. 48 00:02:24,177 --> 00:02:27,614 THE UTTERLY BRILLIANT GREG STONE IS HERE TONIGHT. 49 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:30,950 HEY GREG, HOW ARE YOU? 50 00:02:31,017 --> 00:02:34,420 >> WHERE IS SUBMITS AND WHERE IS MY MONEY? 51 00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:36,756 >> James: SHOULD I TELL YOU WHERE HE IS. 52 00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:39,826 >> IF HE IS NOT HERE IN TEN MINUTE, LET'S SAY BIG TROUBLE IN 53 00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:43,229 LITTLE CHINA IS NOT JUST A MOVIE. 54 00:02:43,296 --> 00:02:44,430 >> James: WHERE GREG, GREG, GREG, IF YOU GO BACK INTO YOUR 55 00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:45,665 ROOM, YOU KNOW THERE IS A DOOR THERE, GO WITH THE CAMERA, GO 56 00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:49,235 WITH THE CAMERA, IN YOUR ROOM, SEE THAT DOOR, SEE TA DOOR, BANG 57 00:02:49,302 --> 00:02:51,538 ON THAT DOOR, SAY SUBMIT WHERE IS MY MONEY. 58 00:02:51,604 --> 00:02:54,941 >> SUBMIT, WHERE IS MY MONEY! 59 00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,109 >> WHAT? 60 00:02:56,175 --> 00:02:58,745 >> YOU GOT SOME NERVE BEING ON THIS SHOW WITHOUT MY MONEY, 61 00:02:58,811 --> 00:02:59,979 SUBMITS. 62 00:03:00,046 --> 00:03:06,920 YOU'RE NEVER GETTING THAT MONEY, YOU WILL NEVER GET THAT MONEY! 63 00:03:06,986 --> 00:03:10,924 >> I PUT MY LIFE IN THE JIMMY SUBMITS-- AND YOU OWE ME TEN 64 00:03:10,990 --> 00:03:11,724 POINTS OFFER THE BACK END. 65 00:03:11,791 --> 00:03:14,861 >> YOU WILL NEVER GET IT BACK. 66 00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:17,230 >> THIS IS ON YOU CORDO. 67 00:03:17,297 --> 00:03:17,864 >> James: OH, THERE HE IS. 68 00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:19,866 GET HIM, GETS HIM. 69 00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:21,668 OH, YOU MISSED HIM. 70 00:03:21,734 --> 00:03:26,339 WE'LL FIGURE THIS WHOLE THING OUT, WE LOVE YOU, GREG STONE, 71 00:03:26,406 --> 00:03:26,739 EVERYBODY. 72 00:03:26,806 --> 00:03:30,376 ARE YOU READY? 73 00:03:30,443 --> 00:03:32,445 ROLL THE TITLE, COME ON. 74 00:03:37,183 --> 00:03:39,319 ♪ THE LATE LATE SHOW OH, OH. 75 00:03:39,385 --> 00:03:41,120 ♪ THE LATE LATE 76 00:03:43,323 --> 00:03:45,158 ♪ THE LATE LATE SHOW, OH, OH THE LATE LATE SHOW, WOO! 77 00:03:45,224 --> 00:03:46,559 ♪ THE LATE LATE SHOW, OH, OH THE LATE LATE SHOW OH-OH! 78 00:03:46,626 --> 00:03:48,428 ♪ IT'S THE LATE, LATE SHOW ♪ 79 00:03:50,096 --> 00:03:50,663 Captioning sponsored by CBS 80 00:03:56,035 --> 00:03:58,404 >> James: WE LOVE TVMENT I'M IN A GOOD ZONE. 81 00:03:58,471 --> 00:04:03,276 NOT GOING TO LIE, GUYS, YOU CAUGHT ME ON A GOOD ONE. 82 00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:03,876 >> YOU'RE COOKING. 83 00:04:03,943 --> 00:04:04,544 >> I'M ABSOLUTELY COOKING. 84 00:04:04,611 --> 00:04:05,612 >> HELL YEAH. 85 00:04:05,678 --> 00:04:09,248 >> DAVE KNOWS I'M COOKING. 86 00:04:09,315 --> 00:04:11,884 >> I THINK WE'RE ALL COOKING, JAMES. 87 00:04:11,951 --> 00:04:15,321 >> KNOW WHY WE ARE COOKING? ZACH WOOD SONS THE SHOW AND WE 88 00:04:15,388 --> 00:04:18,358 LOVE TESTIFY REE TIME, EVERY TIME HE STOPS BY. 89 00:04:18,424 --> 00:04:21,361 HIM, JIMMY, GREG, GREAT SHOW, WE HAVE NO TIME TO CHAT BECAUSE ST 90 00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:31,938 THAT TIME, IT'S TIME FOR THE NEWS. 91 00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:44,050 (MUSIC) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 92 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:46,452 SNOATS EVERY SINCE EL DAY'S THE NEWS. 93 00:04:46,519 --> 00:04:51,858 ♪ YES, THE NEWS. 94 00:04:51,924 --> 00:04:58,431 ♪ CHEESIER. 95 00:04:58,498 --> 00:05:02,869 ♪. 96 00:05:02,935 --> 00:05:15,348 >> EVERY SINGLE DAY ASK THE NEWS. 97 00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:18,317 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE). 98 00:05:18,384 --> 00:05:21,954 >> James: STEVE, I DON'T SAY THIS ENOUGH, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE 99 00:05:22,021 --> 00:05:22,488 YOU. 100 00:05:22,555 --> 00:05:23,222 >> I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. 101 00:05:23,289 --> 00:05:23,923 >> James: I LOVE THE BOTH OF YOU. 102 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:25,892 >> I LOVE YOU. 103 00:05:25,958 --> 00:05:29,829 >> James: BUT WE DO HAVE TO DO THE NEWS. 104 00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:31,964 AND >> James: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT 105 00:05:32,031 --> 00:05:34,434 THIS? 106 00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:38,104 IT'S WHAT WE PROFESSIONALS CALLING A SEGUE. 107 00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,205 AND DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS. 108 00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:42,442 THE DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE HAS NOW CHARGED FIVE I.R.S. 109 00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:46,412 EMPLOYEES WITH STEALING $1 MILLION IN TAXPAYER MONEY FROM 110 00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:47,880 COVID-RELIEF PROGRAMS. 111 00:05:47,947 --> 00:05:50,183 AND THEY USED THE MONEY TO BUY CARS, LUXURY GOODS, AND TRIPS TO 112 00:05:50,249 --> 00:05:51,751 LAS VEGAS. 113 00:05:51,818 --> 00:05:55,888 OFFICIALS BECAME SUSPICIOUS WHEN THE I.R.S. EMPLOYEES SUDDENLY 114 00:05:55,955 --> 00:05:57,857 STARTED ENJOYING THEIR JOBS. 115 00:05:57,924 --> 00:05:59,892 THE MONEY WENT TO THINGS LIKE JEWELRY, GUCCI CLOTHING, 116 00:05:59,959 --> 00:06:03,863 MANICURES, TRIPS TO LAS VEGAS, AND A MERCEDES BENZ. 117 00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:04,430 AND THE REST OF THE MONEY? 118 00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:06,599 THEY JUST WASTED. 119 00:06:06,666 --> 00:06:11,871 WHY DO PEOPLE ALWAYS BUY SUCH COMICALLY LUXURIOUS THINGS AFTER 120 00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:14,540 THEY STEAL MONEY? 121 00:06:14,607 --> 00:06:19,879 RECENT DO YOU THINK YEAH, MY BOSS SUSPECT GOING NOTICE WHEN 122 00:06:19,946 --> 00:06:22,415 I START SHOWING UP TO WORK IN A BENZ AND THESE GUCCI LOAFERS! 123 00:06:22,482 --> 00:06:26,219 I'LL JUST SAY THEY'RE FAKE!" IF YOU STEAL $1 MILLION FROM 124 00:06:26,285 --> 00:06:28,521 YOUR WORKPLACE-- AND I'M SURE YOU HAVE-- WHAT SHOULD YOU SPEND 125 00:06:28,588 --> 00:06:35,862 IT ON? 126 00:06:35,928 --> 00:06:36,429 >> BEANIE BABIES. 127 00:06:36,496 --> 00:06:38,064 >> James: GO ON. 128 00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:39,565 >> THEY'RE COMING BACK. 129 00:06:39,632 --> 00:06:40,133 THEY'RE COMING BACK. 130 00:06:40,199 --> 00:06:42,835 I THINK THEY HIT A LOW. 131 00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:45,938 >> James: YOU ARE LOOKING AT THEM LIKE STOCKS. 132 00:06:46,005 --> 00:06:50,843 >> I THINK WE ARE BUYING BEANIE BAOBABBEES ON THE LOW AND A HUGE 133 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:51,878 BOWJ BARK. 134 00:06:51,944 --> 00:06:53,079 >> James: WHAT DO THEY COST. 135 00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:56,649 >> ANYWHERE FROM 99 CENTS AND $20,000, STILL IN CIRCULATION, 136 00:06:56,716 --> 00:06:57,817 WE ARE BUYING THE PENNY. 137 00:06:57,884 --> 00:07:02,455 >> James: YOU LIKE A DOLLAR A BEANIE BABY AND YOU CAN SELL 138 00:07:02,522 --> 00:07:03,256 THOSE IN FIVE YEARS TIME. 139 00:07:03,322 --> 00:07:05,158 >> IT IS ABOUT TO GET MORE COZY OUT. 140 00:07:05,224 --> 00:07:10,429 THERE AND YEAH, I THINK I JUST MICROTRADE BEANIE BAB EYES. 141 00:07:10,496 --> 00:07:13,366 THEY DON'T RETIRE, THEY COULD COME SEE ME ON A BOATS. 142 00:07:13,432 --> 00:07:14,901 >> James: I WILL BE THERE, THAT'S IT PETE WHAT WOULD YOU 143 00:07:14,967 --> 00:07:16,669 SPEND A MILLION BUCKS ON. 144 00:07:16,736 --> 00:07:18,738 >> IF I STEEL A MILLION BUCKSES FROM MY BOSS. 145 00:07:18,805 --> 00:07:19,939 >> James: UH-HUH. 146 00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:30,850 >> I WOULD KEEP IT SUBTLE LIKE A WHOLE SEARS OF NICE HAWAIIAN 147 00:07:30,917 --> 00:07:32,852 SHIRTS. 148 00:07:32,919 --> 00:07:34,353 AND, WE THOUGHT THIS WAS INTERESTING. 149 00:07:34,420 --> 00:07:35,521 ACCORDING TO NEW RESEARCH, SCREEN TIME COULD ACTUALLY BE 150 00:07:35,588 --> 00:07:36,622 GOOD FOR A YOUNG BRAIN. 151 00:07:36,689 --> 00:07:37,390 SCIENTISTS SAY WATCHING TELEVISION WITH YOUR CHILD CAN 152 00:07:37,456 --> 00:07:38,090 BOOST THEIR COGNITIVE DEVELOPMENT. 153 00:07:38,157 --> 00:07:38,758 SO, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? 154 00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:39,292 GO WAKE THE KIDS UP! 155 00:07:39,358 --> 00:07:44,330 GET THEM OUT HERE! 156 00:07:44,397 --> 00:07:45,331 GET THEM WATCHING THIS. 157 00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:46,699 WATCHING TV CAN HELP YOUR CHILD'S BRAIN DEVELOP. 158 00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:47,900 IT'S TRUE. 159 00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:50,736 JUST ONE HOUR OF TELEVISION TEACHES THEM ABOUT 30 DIFFERENT 160 00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:54,740 PRESCRIPTION DRUGS. 161 00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:58,544 THEY STILL SAY THAT SOLO SCREEN-TIME IS HARMFUL, BUT 162 00:07:58,611 --> 00:08:00,379 WATCHING TV WITH A PARENT AND USING IT AS A TOOL IS 163 00:08:00,446 --> 00:08:02,114 BENEFICIAL. 164 00:08:02,181 --> 00:08:05,251 SO GO AHEAD, WATCH "YELLOWSTONE" WITH YOUR KIDS. 165 00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:06,752 THEN, FINALLY TALK TO THEM ABOUT WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO KILL A MAN 166 00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:14,093 WITH YOUR BARE HANDS. 167 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,462 OWE MOVEK ON. 168 00:08:16,529 --> 00:08:18,598 AND, A BRAZILIAN COUPLE IS UNDER FIRE AFTER THEIR GENDER 169 00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:22,902 REVEAL STUNT WENT VIRAL, FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS. 170 00:08:22,969 --> 00:08:28,040 AS PART OF THE REVEAL, THEY DYED A WATERFALL BLUE. 171 00:08:28,107 --> 00:08:30,109 AND THEY ARE NOW BEING INVESTIGATED FOR AN 172 00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:31,277 ENVIRONMENTAL CRIME. 173 00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:33,746 LOOK AT THAT. 174 00:08:33,813 --> 00:08:37,583 IT LOOKS LIKE A DELETED SCENE FROM "AVATAR." 175 00:08:37,650 --> 00:08:42,221 THE MOST SHOCKING PART ABOUT THIS STORY IS THAT IT WAS NOT IN 176 00:08:42,288 --> 00:08:43,856 AMERICA. 177 00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:48,127 THE STUNT TRIGGERED OUTRAGE, BECAUSE THE RIVER SUPPLIES WATER 178 00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:49,495 TO A NEARBY TOWN. 179 00:08:49,562 --> 00:08:53,299 SAY WHAT YOU WILL, BUT THAT CHILD WILL GROW UP KNOWING HIS 180 00:08:53,366 --> 00:09:03,009 PARENTS LOVED HIM ENOUGH TO POISON AN ENTIRE VILLAGE. 181 00:09:03,075 --> 00:09:07,179 NOW GENDER REVEALS, WHEN DOES IT STOP, HOW MANY TRAGEDIES HAVE TO 182 00:09:07,246 --> 00:09:11,417 HAPPEN FOR PEOPLE TO JUST GO, LET'S JUST STOP DOING THIS? 183 00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:17,590 >> DO YOU THINK WE STOP DOING STUFF IN THIS COUNTRY WHEN A 184 00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:19,125 TRAGEDY HAPPENS? 185 00:09:19,191 --> 00:09:23,129 >> I THINK, I THINK WE HAVE TO STOP LETTING PATIENTSES DO IT I 186 00:09:23,195 --> 00:09:24,297 THINK WE LET, WHEN THE KID, WHEN THEY GROW UP AND THIS WORKS WITH 187 00:09:24,363 --> 00:09:27,800 GENDER FLUIDITY, WHEN THEY DECIDE WHAT GENDER THEY WANT TO 188 00:09:27,867 --> 00:09:29,735 PRESENT AS, WE LET THE KID DO THEIR OWN GENDER REVEAL. 189 00:09:29,802 --> 00:09:31,170 >> James: I LIKE THAT. 190 00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:33,639 I LIKE THAT. 191 00:09:33,706 --> 00:09:35,141 IMAGINE TURNING UP THERE. 192 00:09:35,207 --> 00:09:37,410 TO THAT GENDER REVEAL PARTY. 193 00:09:37,476 --> 00:09:42,682 I WOULD BE LIKE [BLEEP], YOU IDIOT. 194 00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:47,153 THEY GO WE'RE HAVING A BABY, WELL CLEARLY, YOU [BLEEP] 195 00:09:47,219 --> 00:09:50,623 SHOULDN'T HAVE ONE. 196 00:09:50,690 --> 00:09:51,891 AND, DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS? 197 00:09:51,958 --> 00:09:52,925 A JEWELRY COMPANY IS NOW SELLING THE WORLD'S FIRST "PUMPKIN SPICE 198 00:09:52,992 --> 00:09:55,127 ENGAGEMENT RING." 199 00:09:55,194 --> 00:09:58,297 THE RING BOX COMES WITH A PUMPKIN CLOSURE LATCH, AND 200 00:09:58,364 --> 00:10:03,135 SMELLS LIKE PUMPKIN SPICE WHEN OPENED. 201 00:10:03,202 --> 00:10:03,669 THE PRICE? 202 00:10:03,736 --> 00:10:07,139 $11,300. 203 00:10:07,206 --> 00:10:09,675 HERE IT IS HERE. 204 00:10:09,742 --> 00:10:11,143 LOOK AT THAT. 205 00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:15,147 "AND DO YOU, EDWARD, TAKE MELISSA AS YOUR LAWFULLY 206 00:10:15,214 --> 00:10:19,151 BASIC BITCH?" A PUMPKIN SPICE ENGAGEMENT RING 207 00:10:19,218 --> 00:10:21,687 FOR MORE THAN $11,000. 208 00:10:21,754 --> 00:10:26,592 YOU JUST KNOW THE MARKETING PERSON WAS LIKE, "IF SOMEONE IS 209 00:10:26,659 --> 00:10:29,595 STUPID ENOUGH TO PAY $5,000 FOR THIS, THEY'LL BE STUPID ENOUGH 210 00:10:29,662 --> 00:10:30,730 TO PAY $11,000 FOR THIS." 211 00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:34,533 AND, THIS IS NICE, THE PUMPKIN SPICE RING EVEN COMES 212 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:39,138 PRE-ENGRAVED TO READ, "SO, SHE SAID NO." 213 00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:43,042 AND FINALLY, SCIENTISTS HAVE NOW CREATED A NEW MOBILE GAME 214 00:10:43,109 --> 00:10:45,678 THAT CAN SAVE YOUR EYESIGHT. 215 00:10:45,745 --> 00:10:47,146 IT'S TRUE. 216 00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:50,416 THE GAME "METEOR BLASTER" ACTUALLY TESTS YOUR EYES FOR 217 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:53,285 SYMPTOMS OF GLAUCOMA WHILE YOU PLAY IT. 218 00:10:53,352 --> 00:10:55,388 AND YOU KNOW THE VIDEO GAME IS FUN, BECAUSE IT WAS CREATED BY 219 00:10:55,454 --> 00:10:59,158 GLAUCOMA RESEARCHERS. 220 00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:02,695 THE GOAL IS TO SHOOT METEORS. 221 00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:06,298 IF YOU GET A BAD SCORE, THEN IT'S TIME TO GO TO THE DOCTOR. 222 00:11:06,365 --> 00:11:09,735 THAT IS WHAT YOU DO, I DON'T LIKE THE WAY THIS IS GOING, 223 00:11:09,802 --> 00:11:14,340 WHERE DOES IT TENGD. 224 00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:16,108 MS. PAC MAN TELLING ME I SHOULD SEE A THERAPIST? 225 00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:17,309 BUT SCIENTIFIC VIDEO GAMES ARE NOTHING NEW. 226 00:11:17,376 --> 00:11:18,778 I BREATHE A LOT EASIER EVERY SPRING THANKS TO "CALL OF DUTY: 227 00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:19,278 SEASONAL ALLERGIES." 228 00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:20,279 AND THAT'S THE NEWS! 229 00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:21,847 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "LATE LATE SHOW!" 230 00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:39,331 >> James: WELCOME BACK. 231 00:11:39,398 --> 00:11:43,602 IF THERE'S ONE THING WE LOVE DOING HERE, IT'S LOOKING AT 232 00:11:43,669 --> 00:11:48,340 WE LOVE A LOT OF THINGS, WHAT DO WE LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE. 233 00:11:48,407 --> 00:11:52,278 >> WE LOVE LOOKING AT DOGS IN SUNGLASS. 234 00:11:52,344 --> 00:11:54,847 >> James: WE LOVE LOOKING AT PICTURES OF DOGS WEARING 235 00:11:54,914 --> 00:11:56,849 SUNGLASSES, IT IS A FACT. 236 00:11:56,916 --> 00:11:59,919 BUT WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW, ARE YOU PROBABLY THINKING WHY, WHY DO 237 00:11:59,985 --> 00:12:02,254 THEY DO THAT I WILL TELL YOU WHY. 238 00:12:02,321 --> 00:12:05,157 BECAUSE THERE IS A LOT MORE THAN DOGS IN SUNGLASSES THAT MEETS 239 00:12:05,224 --> 00:12:08,794 THEIR EYE, SO I WILL TELL YOU A LITTLE ABOUT THEIR 240 00:12:08,861 --> 00:12:09,895 PERSONALITIES, TO LET YOU KNOW WHAT THEY'RE ALL ABOUT. 241 00:12:09,962 --> 00:12:10,763 THIS IS "DOGS IN SUNGLASSES." 242 00:12:10,830 --> 00:12:13,432 (MUSIC) >> Reggie: "DOGS IN SUNGLASSES." 243 00:12:13,499 --> 00:12:22,942 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> Reggie: DOGS IN SUNGLASS. 244 00:12:23,008 --> 00:12:26,946 PROTECTION FOR THEIR EYES. 245 00:12:27,012 --> 00:12:27,413 YES! 246 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:34,019 PROTECT YOUR EYES. 247 00:12:34,086 --> 00:12:39,992 HEY. 248 00:12:40,059 --> 00:12:54,940 DOGS! 249 00:12:55,007 --> 00:12:56,142 DOGS! 250 00:13:09,488 --> 00:13:13,425 SUNGLASSES. 251 00:13:13,492 --> 00:13:19,265 SUNGLASSES. 252 00:13:19,331 --> 00:13:25,437 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> James: I WANT TO TALK TO 253 00:13:25,504 --> 00:13:33,279 YOU ABOUT THIS GUY. 254 00:13:33,345 --> 00:13:35,915 F GHIE, THIS GUY IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN 255 00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:39,985 A WEREWOLF BITES SOMEONE IN PORTLAND. 256 00:13:40,052 --> 00:13:41,020 THIS GUY? 257 00:13:41,086 --> 00:13:45,991 THIS GUY IS ABSOLUTELY, 100%, REPLACING YOUR DAD. 258 00:13:46,058 --> 00:13:48,594 THIS GUY? 259 00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:51,997 THIS GUY DOESN'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR WIFE. 260 00:13:52,064 --> 00:14:03,943 HE JUST WANTS TO WATCH WHILE YOU HAVE SEX WITH YOUR WIFE. 261 00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:08,314 LET ME TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS GUY. 262 00:14:08,380 --> 00:14:09,481 THIS GUY HAS GOTTEN EIGHT FREE DINNERS PRETENDING TO BE 263 00:14:09,548 --> 00:14:15,721 DAVID CROSBY. 264 00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:18,591 IAN, YOU GOOD FOR A MINUTE, I KNOW ARE YOU RUSHING OFF FOR THE 265 00:14:18,657 --> 00:14:23,629 BREAK, BECAUSE I WOULD LOVE TO TELL BUT THIS GUY. 266 00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,431 THIS GUY'S FAVORITE MOVIE IS "GEOSTORM," STARRING GERARD 267 00:14:25,497 --> 00:14:28,567 BUTLER. 268 00:14:28,634 --> 00:14:29,969 THIS GUY WANTS YOU TO KNOW HE HIRED YOU, NOT BECAUSE 269 00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:40,012 YOU'RE HOT, BUT BECAUSE YOU'RE SMOKIN' HOT. 270 00:14:40,079 --> 00:14:41,814 THIS GUY'S TIE IS CLIP-ON, BUT HIS PENIS IS TIED IN A DOUBLE 271 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:51,557 WINDSOR. 272 00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:54,627 LETD ME TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS GAL. 273 00:14:54,693 --> 00:14:55,794 THIS GAL? 274 00:14:55,861 --> 00:14:56,595 THIS GAL IS THE ONE WHO TOLD GAL GADOT TO DO THAT "IMAGINE" 275 00:14:56,662 --> 00:15:04,003 VIDEO. 276 00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:09,408 FOR SOME REASON, THERE ARE MORE THAN 3,000 PHOTOS OF THIS GAL ON 277 00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:16,815 HUNTER BIDEN'S LAPTOP. 278 00:15:16,882 --> 00:15:19,451 WILL ME TALK TO BUT THIS GUY. 279 00:15:19,518 --> 00:15:20,719 THIS GUY HOOKED UP WITH HIS COUSIN, BUT HE'S ONLY 280 00:15:20,786 --> 00:15:29,428 EMBARRASSED BECAUSE IT "WASN'T THE HOT ONE." 281 00:15:29,495 --> 00:15:33,999 THIS GUY? 282 00:15:34,066 --> 00:15:37,436 THIS GUY IS CURRENTLY STARING AT WHAT HE CALLS "A PAIR OF MONDO 283 00:15:37,503 --> 00:15:43,375 GAZONGAS." 284 00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:47,246 LAUREN, I KNOW ARE YOU DOING THE EDIT, DO YOU HAVE A MINUTE. 285 00:15:47,313 --> 00:15:50,916 >> GREAT, BECAUSE I WOULD LOVE TO TELL BUT THIS GAL. 286 00:15:50,983 --> 00:15:52,184 THIS GAL HAS FIVE KIDS-- BUT ONLY REMEMBERS GIVING 287 00:15:52,251 --> 00:15:57,423 BIRTH TO THREE. 288 00:15:57,489 --> 00:15:58,590 THIS GAL? 289 00:15:58,657 --> 00:16:01,427 THIS GAL HAS ESCAPED THROUGH A BATHROOM WINDOW DURING SEVEN 290 00:16:01,493 --> 00:16:03,495 DIFFERENT INTERVENTIONS. 291 00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:25,417 >> James: OH GOD, I JUST READ THIS ONE. 292 00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:28,654 THIS GAL? 293 00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:39,998 THIS GAL DESCRIBES HER LABIA AS "BILLOWING." 294 00:16:40,065 --> 00:16:44,203 (LAUGHTER) WHO WROTE THAT. 295 00:16:44,269 --> 00:16:45,070 >> THERE WAS A FIGHT ABOUT THIS. 296 00:16:45,137 --> 00:16:46,472 >> James: WAS THAT YOU NATE. 297 00:16:46,538 --> 00:16:48,474 >> ROB DIDN'T WANT ME TO PUT IT IN. 298 00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:51,176 I PUT THE EXECUTIVE DECISION THAT IT HAD TO BE SAID. 299 00:16:51,243 --> 00:16:55,147 >> James: YOU DON'T LIKE A BILLOWING LABIA. 300 00:16:55,214 --> 00:16:57,282 >> WELL, I KNOW THAT YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN THESE BEFORE SO YOU 301 00:16:57,349 --> 00:16:59,017 ARE READING THEM LIVE FOR THE FIRST TIME. 302 00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:01,153 >> James: DO YOU THINK THAT IS HALF THE FUN. 303 00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:04,089 >> NO, ABSOLUTELY BUT I THOUSAND BILLOWING LABIA IS GOING TO ABE 304 00:17:04,156 --> 00:17:04,990 TOUGH ONE. 305 00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:06,024 >> James: DO YOU SAY LABORIA. 306 00:17:06,091 --> 00:17:08,961 >> HE WITH SAY LABIA. 307 00:17:09,027 --> 00:17:15,667 >> James: OH, LET'S CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF. 308 00:17:15,734 --> 00:17:23,475 YOU SAY LABIA, AND I SAY LABIA. 309 00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:26,779 >> LET ME TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS GUY. 310 00:17:26,845 --> 00:17:28,414 THIS GUY THINKS DEEP-FRIED TWINKIES ARE AN APHRODISIAC. 311 00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:32,885 THIS GUY? 312 00:17:32,951 --> 00:17:34,052 THIS GUY FORGOT TO SET HIS ALARM AND STORMED THE CAPITAL ON 313 00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:47,132 JANUARY 7th. 314 00:17:47,199 --> 00:17:49,034 LET ME TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS GUY. 315 00:17:49,101 --> 00:17:52,571 THIS GUY'S LIFE WAS CHANGED AFTER HE INVESTED IN CRYPTO. 316 00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:58,010 IT MADE HIM LOSE HIS HOUSE AND HIS FAMILY. 317 00:17:58,076 --> 00:18:01,013 THIS GUY? 318 00:18:01,079 --> 00:18:04,016 THIS GUY IS A FAN OF QUIET QUITTING. 319 00:18:04,082 --> 00:18:05,884 AND LOUD [BLEEP]. 320 00:18:05,951 --> 00:18:07,953 THAT WAS "DOGS IN SUNGLASSES!" WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 321 00:18:25,971 --> 00:18:27,973 >> James: WELCOME BACK. 322 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:33,145 LOOK S THAT A NEW BASS GUITAR OR ONE I HAVEN'T SEEN BEFORE. 323 00:18:33,212 --> 00:18:33,912 >> I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED. 324 00:18:33,979 --> 00:18:36,014 ST GORGEOUS, RIGHT? 325 00:18:36,081 --> 00:18:38,484 >> James: IT IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BASS GUITAR I HAVE 326 00:18:38,550 --> 00:18:39,685 EVER SEEN. 327 00:18:39,751 --> 00:18:42,788 >> THANK YOU, FENDER JUST SENTED ME THIS, I'M JUST IN SHOCK. 328 00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:44,022 IT IS BEAUTIFUL,. 329 00:18:44,089 --> 00:18:52,197 >> James: LOOK AT IT GIVE US A BIG-- OH. 330 00:18:52,264 --> 00:18:54,566 ITS A HE A BEAUTY. 331 00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:56,168 LET'S LET'S MEET OUR GUESTS TONIGHT! 332 00:18:56,235 --> 00:18:56,768 HE STARS IN "AVENUE 5." 333 00:18:56,835 --> 00:18:57,903 PLEASE WELCOME ZACH WOODS! 334 00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,972 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> Reggie: IT'S ZACH WOODS! 335 00:19:11,550 --> 00:19:13,719 >> James: HE STARS IN "EAST NEW YORK." 336 00:19:13,785 --> 00:19:14,786 PLEASE WELCOME JIMMY SMITTS! 337 00:19:14,853 --> 00:19:18,357 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> Reggie: IT'S JIMMY SMITTS! 338 00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:35,140 >> James: I'M SO HAPPY ARE YOU HERE. 339 00:19:35,207 --> 00:19:37,009 ZACH, WE LOVE IT EVERY TIME ARE YOU COMING THROUGH THE DOOR, WE 340 00:19:37,075 --> 00:19:41,280 LOVE IT EVERY TIME YOU ARE ON THE SHOW, SO THRILLED ARE YOU 341 00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:42,481 HERE. 342 00:19:42,548 --> 00:19:43,982 JIMMY, YOUR FIRST TIME HERE ON THE SHOW BUT WE'VE MET BEFORE. 343 00:19:44,049 --> 00:19:44,816 >> WE HAVE. 344 00:19:44,883 --> 00:19:46,184 >> James: OUR PATHS HAVE CROSSED, YES. 345 00:19:46,251 --> 00:19:46,685 >> YEAH. 346 00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:47,452 >> James: THEY HAVE. 347 00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:48,620 >> THEY HAVE. 348 00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:50,489 >> James: I REMEMBER MEETING YOU, I WAS SO STAR STRUCK AND 349 00:19:50,556 --> 00:19:52,257 THRILLED. 350 00:19:52,324 --> 00:19:53,926 >> NO, YOU WERE WONDERFUL. 351 00:19:53,992 --> 00:19:57,930 FIRST OF ALL, YOU KNOW HOW AN ACCOMPLISHED ACTOR AND COMEDIAN 352 00:19:57,996 --> 00:20:00,666 AND SINGER AND ALL THAT STUFF. 353 00:20:00,732 --> 00:20:01,900 NO, NO, NO. 354 00:20:01,967 --> 00:20:02,501 COME ON. 355 00:20:02,568 --> 00:20:03,802 COME ON. 356 00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:08,373 IS YOU ARE ON BROADWAY DOING TWO GUVNOR. 357 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:12,544 IT WAS A MATINEE DAY AND SSH CAME TO ME AND I HADN'T BEEN ON 358 00:20:12,611 --> 00:20:16,114 BROADWAY AM I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING, DOING TWO SHOWS, YOU NEED 359 00:20:16,181 --> 00:20:18,016 THAT BREAK IN BETWEEN. 360 00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:19,985 BUT THEY ASKED-- . 361 00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:25,023 >> James: I HEARD YOU BROUGHT YOUR SUN, WE HAD THE LOVELIEST 362 00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:25,824 TIME. 363 00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:27,659 >> YOU WERE THE BEST, MAN, THE BEST. 364 00:20:27,726 --> 00:20:30,696 AND JUST LIKE A WONDERMENT THAT HE HAS. 365 00:20:30,762 --> 00:20:31,997 NO, NO, ABOUT PEOPLE. 366 00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:35,767 >> James: WELL, I WAS SO THRILTED TO MEET YOU THEN AND 367 00:20:35,834 --> 00:20:37,536 HONORED THAT ARE YOU HERE ON THE SHOW. 368 00:20:37,603 --> 00:20:38,804 I REALLY, REALLY AM. 369 00:20:38,870 --> 00:20:41,373 AND I KNOW, I KNOW THAT ZACH IT IS A BIG DEAL FOR YOU TO BE ON. 370 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,610 BECAUSE YOU HAVE A FONDNESS FOR ONE OF JIMMY'S TV SHOWS S THIS 371 00:20:44,676 --> 00:20:45,811 CORRECT. 372 00:20:45,877 --> 00:20:50,082 >> YES, I GREW UP WATCHING NYPD BLUE WITH MY PARENTS. 373 00:20:50,148 --> 00:20:51,883 >> James: YEAH. 374 00:20:51,950 --> 00:20:56,488 >> AND IT WAS FORM TIFF IN THAT I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW, THIS 375 00:20:56,555 --> 00:21:02,494 BUT THAT WAS ONE OF THE FIRST SHOWS TO SHOW A HUMAN BUTT ON 376 00:21:02,561 --> 00:21:03,328 NETWORK TELEVISION. 377 00:21:03,395 --> 00:21:04,129 >> YES. 378 00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:06,098 >> AND IT WAS SUCH A PROFOUND THING. 379 00:21:06,164 --> 00:21:10,035 BECAUSE IT WAS DENNIS FRANZ'S BUTT, AND I DON'T KNOW IF YOU 380 00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:13,271 ARE FAMILIAR WITH DENNIS FRANZ. 381 00:21:13,338 --> 00:21:17,175 BUT I FELT THAT IT GAVE ME A DEGREE OF BODY ACCEPTANCE 382 00:21:17,242 --> 00:21:20,479 BECAUSE IN THE '90S YOU WERE JUST BEING PELTED WITH THESE 383 00:21:20,545 --> 00:21:27,786 IMAGES OF JAMES VANDER BEEK AND FREDDIE PRINS, JR. BUT SEEING 384 00:21:27,853 --> 00:21:28,587 HIM WITH HIS DIMPLED. 385 00:21:28,654 --> 00:21:29,821 >> YOU REALLY. 386 00:21:29,888 --> 00:21:32,491 >> YEAH, AND NOW IT IS THE ONLY WAY THAT I CAN BE SECRETARIES 387 00:21:32,557 --> 00:21:33,925 ULTLY AROUSED. 388 00:21:33,992 --> 00:21:37,929 >> James: WERE YOU AWARE OF THIS WITH THE NYPD BLUE CAST, 389 00:21:37,996 --> 00:21:43,902 AWARE THAT FAMILIES LIKE ZACH OTHER MEMBERS BACKSIDES. 390 00:21:43,969 --> 00:21:47,005 >> I KNOW IT WAS VERY IMPORTANT FOR US. 391 00:21:47,072 --> 00:21:49,408 BUT WHEN YOU SAW ONE OF THOSE SCENES COMING UP IN THE SCRIPT, 392 00:21:49,474 --> 00:21:53,445 EVERYBODY, WHY ARE YOU IN THE GYM ALL WEEK. 393 00:21:53,512 --> 00:21:53,845 TIGHTEN UP. 394 00:21:53,912 --> 00:21:56,381 >> TIGHTEN UP. 395 00:21:56,448 --> 00:21:56,715 >> REALLY? 396 00:21:56,782 --> 00:21:57,215 >> DENNIS. 397 00:21:57,282 --> 00:21:58,250 >> IT WAS WONDERFUL. 398 00:21:58,316 --> 00:22:01,520 >> DID THIS INSPIRE YOU TO ACT, DO YOU THINK ZACH. 399 00:22:01,586 --> 00:22:05,424 >> WELL, YOU KNOW, NO, BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT, BACK THEN I DIDN'T 400 00:22:05,490 --> 00:22:06,191 WANT TO BE AN ACTOR. 401 00:22:06,258 --> 00:22:08,694 I WANTED TO BE ALSO POLICE RELATED. 402 00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:11,763 I WANTED TO BE A BRITISH POLICEMAN. 403 00:22:11,830 --> 00:22:12,497 >> A BOBBY. 404 00:22:12,564 --> 00:22:13,932 >> I WANTED TO BE A BOBBY. 405 00:22:13,999 --> 00:22:15,634 >> James: WHY? 406 00:22:15,701 --> 00:22:20,505 >> MY FAVORITE MOVIE LIKE ALL YOUNG AMERICAN BOYS WAS A FILM 407 00:22:20,572 --> 00:22:27,212 RENDITION OF THE PIRATES OF PEN ZAN STARRING LINDAR RONSTADT AND 408 00:22:27,279 --> 00:22:28,380 KEVIN KLEIN. 409 00:22:28,447 --> 00:22:31,650 >> THAT IS A HEUSES KAL BY GILBERT AND SULLIVAN WHERE THERE 410 00:22:31,717 --> 00:22:37,155 THESE BRITISH BOBBIES WHO GET INTO ALL KINDS OF MISS CHIEF AND 411 00:22:37,222 --> 00:22:40,592 HIGH JINKINGS AND I THOUGHT THAT IS WHAT I WANT TO BE WHEN I GROW 412 00:22:40,659 --> 00:22:41,793 UP. 413 00:22:41,860 --> 00:22:44,496 I WOULD FAST FORWARD TO GET TO THE BOBBIES DOING THEIR THING. 414 00:22:44,563 --> 00:22:48,233 AND I THINK IN RETROSPECT MY PARENTS, I PROBABLY LIKE HAD TO 415 00:22:48,300 --> 00:22:52,337 COME OUT OF THE CLOSET AS STRAIGHT TO MY PARENTS BECAUSE I 416 00:22:52,404 --> 00:22:55,240 FEEL THERE IS A NATURAL PRESUMPTION THAT IF YOU ARE 417 00:22:55,307 --> 00:23:00,078 ENJOYING THE SOPHISTICATION OF GILBERT AND SULLIVAN, THAT 418 00:23:00,145 --> 00:23:01,113 YOU-- . 419 00:23:01,179 --> 00:23:01,580 >> James: OR ORGANIZABLY A LOT OF MUSICAL THEATER. 420 00:23:01,646 --> 00:23:02,781 >> YEAH. 421 00:23:02,848 --> 00:23:05,117 >> James: IF YOU ARE A KID SO INTO MUSICALS YOU HAVE TO SIT 422 00:23:05,183 --> 00:23:09,187 YOUR PARENTS DOWN BETWEEN THE AGE OF 12 AND 18 AND BREAK IT TO 423 00:23:09,254 --> 00:23:13,725 THEM THAT YOU MIGHT BE HETEROSEXUAL, YOU KNOW. 424 00:23:13,792 --> 00:23:16,661 NOW JIMMY, LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR NEW SERIES, EAST NEW YORK, 425 00:23:16,728 --> 00:23:21,533 CONGRATS ON THE SHOW, IT HAS HAD THE HIGHEST RATINGS FOR ANY NEW 426 00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:22,868 NETWORK SHOW THIS SEASON. 427 00:23:22,934 --> 00:23:24,136 YOU MUST BE THRILLED. 428 00:23:24,202 --> 00:23:26,505 FOR ANYONE WHO HASN'T CAUGHT IT TELL US WHAT IT IS ABOUT AND WHO 429 00:23:26,571 --> 00:23:28,240 YOU PLAY. 430 00:23:28,306 --> 00:23:31,309 >> IT IS ABOUT A POLICE PRECINCT IN A SECTION OF BROOKLYN, EAST 431 00:23:31,376 --> 00:23:34,913 NEW YORK, SECTION OF BROOKLYN WHERE I AM ACTUALLY FROM. 432 00:23:34,980 --> 00:23:43,855 AND IT IS ABOUT A INSPECTOR WHO IS TASKED TO BECOME THE CHIEF OF 433 00:23:43,922 --> 00:23:48,226 THIS PARTICULARS PRECINCT, THIS VERY TALENTED WOMAN WHO WANTS TO 434 00:23:48,293 --> 00:23:51,930 BRING DIFFERENT TYPE OF POLICING TO THE COMMUNITY. 435 00:23:51,997 --> 00:23:53,498 >> RIGHT. 436 00:23:53,565 --> 00:23:55,767 >> IT MUST BE KIND OF AMAZING TO BE BACK FILMING IN THE 437 00:23:55,834 --> 00:23:59,704 NEIGHBORHOOD THAT YOU GREW UP IN, YOU MUST BE NOSTALGIA ON 438 00:23:59,771 --> 00:24:00,972 EVERY CORNER. 439 00:24:01,039 --> 00:24:04,910 >> I AM RUSHED WITH-- THE OTHER DAY WE ARE SHOOTING SCENES AT A 440 00:24:04,976 --> 00:24:08,246 CHURCH PARKING LOT THAT HAPPENED TO BE THE PARKING LOT WHERE MY 441 00:24:08,313 --> 00:24:13,485 SISTER HAD A FIRST COMMUNION AND GOT MARRIED AND I WORKED IN THE 442 00:24:13,552 --> 00:24:14,719 BUILDING NEXT TO IT. 443 00:24:14,786 --> 00:24:18,023 IT IS LIKE PEOPLE COME UP TO ME AND SAY MY MOM SAID TO SAY HI, 444 00:24:18,089 --> 00:24:19,691 SHE WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH YOU. 445 00:24:19,758 --> 00:24:23,428 SO JUST INFORMS THE CHARACTER IN A DIFFERENT KIND OF WAY. 446 00:24:23,495 --> 00:24:24,462 >> IT IS SO GREAT. 447 00:24:24,529 --> 00:24:25,797 IT REALLY. 448 00:24:25,864 --> 00:24:27,933 IS I'M THRILLED YOU HAVE SUCH A HUGE SUCCESS. 449 00:24:27,999 --> 00:24:31,703 LET'S LOOK AT A CLIP FROM EAST NEW YORK WHICH AIRS SUNDAYS AT 450 00:24:31,770 --> 00:24:35,707 9:00 ON CBS AND IS AVAILABLE TO STREAM ON PARAMOUNT PLUS. 451 00:24:35,774 --> 00:24:41,880 >> MEANTIME YOU STILL HAVEN'T--. 452 00:24:41,947 --> 00:24:48,587 >> I KNOW THERE ISN'T OPTIONAL, WERE YOU INVOLVED IN A FATTAL 453 00:24:48,653 --> 00:24:50,455 SHOOTING, REGULATION REQUIRE TO YOU SEE A DEPARTMENT 454 00:24:50,522 --> 00:24:54,659 PSYCHOLOGIST WHO HAS TO SIGN OFF ON YOUR PRICH LIGE OF DUTY. 455 00:24:54,726 --> 00:24:57,195 >> I TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE, I DON'T CARE FOR THAT OFFICERS. 456 00:24:57,262 --> 00:24:58,530 >> YOU ARE KIDDING ME. 457 00:24:58,597 --> 00:24:59,798 >> NO, I'M NOT. 458 00:24:59,865 --> 00:25:03,501 I HAVE GONE BEFORE IN THE PAST, IT IS A WINDOW LESS OFFICE, SOME 459 00:25:03,568 --> 00:25:05,871 GUY STAIRING AT HIS COMPUTER SCREEN THE WHOLE TIME, THAT IS 460 00:25:05,937 --> 00:25:07,806 ROUGH, THAT SIN TENSE. 461 00:25:07,873 --> 00:25:11,076 >> I WILL BE TRUE FOR ALL OF THEM AND THE NEXT OFFICE YOU GO 462 00:25:11,142 --> 00:25:13,044 TO WILL HAVE WINDOWS. 463 00:25:13,111 --> 00:25:13,879 >> James: STICK AROUND! 464 00:25:13,945 --> 00:25:15,614 MORE WITH THESE TWO WHEN WE COME BACK. 465 00:25:23,989 --> 00:25:25,657 HE IS A MORE AGGRESSIVE TACT, BECAUSE I FIND BRITISH PEOPLE 466 00:25:25,724 --> 00:25:28,026 OFTEN RESPOND BETTER TO ABUSE. 467 00:25:28,093 --> 00:25:32,597 >> YOU TELLING ME THAT MY BREATHE SMELLS LIKE A CAT'S BACK 468 00:25:32,664 --> 00:25:36,434 PASSAGE IS NOT GOING TO MAKE ME TELL THEM ANY SOONER. 469 00:25:36,501 --> 00:25:38,403 >> YOU HAVE STARTED. 470 00:25:38,470 --> 00:25:42,540 >> YOU DEPRESSED ANOREXICS SANTA CLAUS THRARKS IS WHAT YOU ARE. 471 00:25:42,607 --> 00:25:46,411 >> SHOW DO YOU SHAVE THAT FACE OF LIES. 472 00:25:46,478 --> 00:25:48,113 >> I USE AN ELECTRIC. 473 00:25:48,179 --> 00:25:53,385 >> YOU ARE A PISSY LITTLE MUMMEES BOY. 474 00:25:53,451 --> 00:25:55,453 >> SO SHE EXPLODED. 475 00:25:59,958 --> 00:26:01,192 >> James: THAT WAS A CLIP FROM "AVENUE 5!" 476 00:26:01,259 --> 00:26:07,098 SEASON TWO PREMIERES MONDAY ON HBO AND HBO MAX. 477 00:26:07,165 --> 00:26:10,302 THE SHOW IS BACK AFTER A TWO YEAR BREAK, IT IS BACK, 478 00:26:10,368 --> 00:26:13,905 CONGRATULATIONS, TELL US WHAT IS HAPPENING THIS TIME AROUND. 479 00:26:13,972 --> 00:26:18,109 >> IT IS ABOUT A SPACE-- THAT GETS KNOCK OFF COURSE AND THEY 480 00:26:18,176 --> 00:26:23,248 ARE STUCK UP THERE FOR EIGHT YEARS AND HAVE TO REINVENT 481 00:26:23,315 --> 00:26:26,318 CIVILIZATION A LITTLE BIT LIKE LORD MUCH THE FLIES BUT 482 00:26:26,384 --> 00:26:27,218 SLIGHTEDLY FUNNIER, HOPEFULLY. 483 00:26:27,285 --> 00:26:30,288 AND IT IS, THAT IS WHAT THE SHOW IS ABOUT. 484 00:26:30,355 --> 00:26:33,992 >> ST THE MOST AMAZING CAST, THE WHOLE CAST OF THE SHOW IS 485 00:26:34,059 --> 00:26:35,160 EXTRAORDINARY. 486 00:26:35,226 --> 00:26:38,430 WHO DO YOU GET ASKED, WHICH MEMBER OF THE CAST DO YOU GET 487 00:26:38,496 --> 00:26:41,166 ASKED MOST ABOUT WHEN ARE YOU WALKING AROUND. 488 00:26:41,232 --> 00:26:45,770 >> HEW LAURIE, PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW A LOT ABOUT HUGH LAURIE AND 489 00:26:45,837 --> 00:26:47,038 PARTICULARLY WOMEN AND PARTICULARLY A CERTAIN 490 00:26:47,105 --> 00:26:52,310 GENERATION OF WOMEN COME UP WITH A KIND OF NEAR FERAL INTENSITY. 491 00:26:52,377 --> 00:26:55,947 I HAD ONE WOMAN GO HI, I'M A BIG FAN OF THE OFFICE. 492 00:26:56,014 --> 00:26:59,250 WHAT IS HUGH LAURIE SMELL LIKE. 493 00:26:59,317 --> 00:27:02,387 AND I WAS LIKE BEG YOUR PARDON, WHAT DOES HE SMELL LIKE. 494 00:27:02,454 --> 00:27:07,726 >> AND I WAS, BECAUSE I MAMG HE SMELLS LIKE A LIBRARY WITH CIGAR 495 00:27:07,792 --> 00:27:11,129 SMOKE IN IT AND I WAS LIKE THAT IS HONESTLY NOT FAR OFF BUT 496 00:27:11,196 --> 00:27:14,399 WEIRD, WEIRD TO HAVE A PET THEORY ABOUT HIS SCENT. 497 00:27:14,466 --> 00:27:17,135 BUT HE IS A KIND OF. 498 00:27:17,202 --> 00:27:21,406 I FEEL LIKE HE IS THE EMBODIMENT OF A DYING BREED OF MASCULINITY 499 00:27:21,473 --> 00:27:29,180 THAT HAS DIED COMPLETELY, YOU KNOW, HE IS A KIND OF RUGGED, 500 00:27:29,247 --> 00:27:32,584 YOU KNOW THOSE EVOLUTIONARY CHARTS WHERE IT IS FIRST THE 501 00:27:32,650 --> 00:27:37,689 MONKEY AND THEN-- I FEEL LIKE THIS IS IN REVERSE MASCULINITY. 502 00:27:37,756 --> 00:27:42,260 JIMMY SUBMITS, THEN ME AND THEN THERE IS A BOX OF WET TISSUES. 503 00:27:42,327 --> 00:27:45,964 >> YOU ARE RIGHT, PEOPLE DO GET LIKE THAT ABOUT HUGH LAURIE. 504 00:27:46,031 --> 00:27:48,433 I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH A FRIEND OF MINE, IN LONDON. 505 00:27:48,500 --> 00:27:50,402 AND WE WERE ON THE PHONE. 506 00:27:50,468 --> 00:27:53,805 AND I WAS TALKING AND HE WENT SORRY, I DIDN'T HEAR WHAT YOU 507 00:27:53,872 --> 00:27:58,176 JUST SAID, HUGH LAURIE JUST ROAD PAST ME ON THE BIKE, OH HE IS 508 00:27:58,243 --> 00:28:01,046 COMING BACK, I WILL TAKE A PHOTO. 509 00:28:01,112 --> 00:28:04,482 AND HE DID HE JUST TOOK A PHOTO OF HUGH LAURIE AND SENT IT TO ME 510 00:28:04,549 --> 00:28:07,652 AND ST WAS JUST HUGH LAURIE ON A BIKE. 511 00:28:07,719 --> 00:28:10,422 HE HAS THAT, IF IS AN UNQUANTITY FIABLE THING. 512 00:28:10,488 --> 00:28:12,657 >> HE DRIVES A MOTS OTHER SIEBLG. 513 00:28:12,724 --> 00:28:16,127 HE PLAYS BEAUTIFUL SONGS ON PIANO. 514 00:28:16,194 --> 00:28:19,664 >> HE IS A MESSY BITACH. 515 00:28:19,731 --> 00:28:21,399 >> JIMMY, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU, A LOT OF ACTORS TALK ABOUT THE 516 00:28:21,466 --> 00:28:25,904 ROLL THAT THEIR PARENTS HAVE PLAYED IN THEIR CAREERS, BUT YOU 517 00:28:25,970 --> 00:28:28,940 REALLY OWE YOUR FATHER A LOT, A GREAT DEAL OF YOUR START IN 518 00:28:29,007 --> 00:28:29,574 ACTING. 519 00:28:29,641 --> 00:28:32,143 WHAT WAS IT, WHAT DID HE DO. 520 00:28:32,210 --> 00:28:34,512 >> BUT THEY DIDN'T, THEY-- THEY HAVE ALWAYS BEEN VERY SUPPORTIVE 521 00:28:34,579 --> 00:28:42,153 BUT THEY DON'T, I DON'T COME FROM A THEATRE FILM BACKGROUND, 522 00:28:42,220 --> 00:28:45,056 LIKE THAT, BUT WHEN I WAS DOING SHAKES SPEER OR ANY OF THE 523 00:28:45,123 --> 00:28:50,428 CLASSICS THEY WERE SAYING OH, I LOVE WHAT YOU ARE DOING BUT 524 00:28:50,495 --> 00:28:53,698 EVERYBODY TALKS A LITTLE FUNNY IN THOSE PLAYS THAT ARE YOU 525 00:28:53,765 --> 00:28:56,434 DOING AM BUT HE WAS SUPPORTIVE IN THE KIND OF WAY, I HAD GAPS 526 00:28:56,501 --> 00:29:01,005 IN PLIE TEETH AND I WAS TOLD THAT I NEEDED TO GET, YOU KNOW, 527 00:29:01,072 --> 00:29:02,440 THAT FIXED. 528 00:29:02,507 --> 00:29:08,346 AND HE PROPPED UP THE MONEY TO DO THAT FOR ME BECAUSE HE 529 00:29:08,413 --> 00:29:09,047 BELIEVED. 530 00:29:09,114 --> 00:29:13,918 BECAUSE HE-- HE, GO DO IT. 531 00:29:13,985 --> 00:29:14,886 THE. 532 00:29:14,953 --> 00:29:17,255 >> IS HE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS BEAUTIFUL SMILE. 533 00:29:17,322 --> 00:29:18,456 >> I DON'T KNOW ABOUT ALL THAT. 534 00:29:18,523 --> 00:29:20,358 >> LOOK AT THAT. 535 00:29:20,425 --> 00:29:25,029 >> NOW BEFORE WE GO TO BREAK, THIS IS KIND OF, I'M TOLD THERE 536 00:29:25,096 --> 00:29:27,866 ARE SOME THINGS, SOME THINGS YOU WOULD LIKE TO CLEAR UP. 537 00:29:27,932 --> 00:29:31,769 SOME STUFF YOU WANT TO SAY, I THINK THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU 538 00:29:31,836 --> 00:29:32,904 SAID THIS PUBLICLY. 539 00:29:32,971 --> 00:29:34,472 WHAT IS THE ISSUE, WHAT IS HAPPENING. 540 00:29:34,539 --> 00:29:36,875 >> THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THIS SPACE. 541 00:29:36,941 --> 00:29:38,076 >> OF COURSE. 542 00:29:38,143 --> 00:29:41,813 >> YOU KNOW, I JUST WANT SPHO SQUASH A BEEF THAT IS STARTING 543 00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:46,117 TO GET OUT OF HAND. 544 00:29:46,184 --> 00:29:49,687 DRAKE AND I, THIS BEEF IS GETTING OUT OF CONTROL. 545 00:29:49,754 --> 00:29:52,524 AND I JUST THINK IT NEEDS TO STOP. 546 00:29:52,590 --> 00:29:56,628 BECAUSE DRAKE IS OUT THERE LIKE I'M THE MOST FAMOUS PERSON IN 547 00:29:56,694 --> 00:29:57,896 THE WORLD. 548 00:29:57,962 --> 00:30:02,400 I'M MORE FAJ US THAT ZACH WOODS WHO WAS ON ITS GOOD WIFE, LIKE 549 00:30:02,467 --> 00:30:05,670 RECURRING, ON THE GOOD WIFE AND LATE SEASONS OF THE OFFICE. 550 00:30:05,737 --> 00:30:09,073 AND IT IS LIKE, NO ONE KNOWS, LIKE NEITHER ONE OF US ARE 551 00:30:09,140 --> 00:30:11,543 SCIENTISTS, WE DON'T KNOW WHO IS MORE FAMOUS. 552 00:30:11,609 --> 00:30:15,013 AND ALSO, IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, LIKE, AND THIS IS THE STHING 553 00:30:15,079 --> 00:30:16,114 THAT START THE BEEF. 554 00:30:16,181 --> 00:30:19,284 YOU GUYS KNOW SO I AM JUST TELLING YOU. 555 00:30:19,350 --> 00:30:24,255 BUT EVERYONE KNEW I WAS CHAMPAGNE POPPY. 556 00:30:24,322 --> 00:30:24,756 >> OARKS. 557 00:30:24,822 --> 00:30:26,224 >> EVERYONE KNEW IT. 558 00:30:26,291 --> 00:30:30,061 AND THEN DRAKE ROLLS IN AND SAYS I'M CHAMPAGNE POPPY, AND IT'S 559 00:30:30,128 --> 00:30:34,432 LIKE, ARE YOU FROM THE CHAMPAGNE REGION OF FRANCE IF NOT, ARE YOU 560 00:30:34,499 --> 00:30:39,070 SPARKLING WINE POPPY, BITCH, MY FRIEND VANESSA POINTED THAT OUT 561 00:30:39,137 --> 00:30:40,238 TO ME. 562 00:30:40,305 --> 00:30:43,208 AND I DON'T WANT TO GET, I DON'T WANT TO SQUASH THE BEEF OR 563 00:30:43,274 --> 00:30:47,078 PERPETUATE THE BEEF BUT I WILL SAY DRAKE IS A MUS-- MUSICIAN, 564 00:30:47,145 --> 00:30:53,851 BUT CAN I PLAY ANY MOVIE THEME ON TRUMPET AND DRAKE CAN'T EVEN 565 00:30:53,918 --> 00:30:54,452 PLAY TRUMPET. 566 00:30:54,519 --> 00:30:54,886 >> James: CORRECT. 567 00:30:54,953 --> 00:30:56,154 >> THERE YOU GO. 568 00:30:56,221 --> 00:30:57,088 >> YOU SEE WHAT I AM SAYING. 569 00:30:57,155 --> 00:30:57,589 >> THERE YOU GO. 570 00:30:57,655 --> 00:30:58,756 >> SO THAT IS IT. 571 00:30:58,823 --> 00:31:03,828 I JUST NEED TO SQUASH IT BECAUSE I WILL BE THE BIGGER MAN, 572 00:31:03,895 --> 00:31:05,430 SPIRITUALLY, ALSO PHYSICALLY BECAUSE DRAKE SAY MINI. 573 00:31:05,496 --> 00:31:08,900 AND THAT IS BETWEEN HIM AND HIS NUTRITIONIST. 574 00:31:08,967 --> 00:31:10,435 BUT I JUST, IT ENDS HERE TONIGHT, DRAKE. 575 00:31:10,501 --> 00:31:12,136 YOU CAN STOP. 576 00:31:12,203 --> 00:31:15,106 AND I'M SORRY, NOW I AM REALLY GOING ON AND ON BUT I WANT TO 577 00:31:15,173 --> 00:31:19,377 SAYONE LAST THING WHICH IS THAT THE THING THAT HE HAS DONE THAT 578 00:31:19,444 --> 00:31:22,814 REALLY INEXCUSABLE IS IN A BEEF, WHAT YOU DON'T DO IS YOU DON'T 579 00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:24,048 BE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE. 580 00:31:24,115 --> 00:31:28,186 BUT DRAKE HAS ACTED AS THOUGH HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM, OR 581 00:31:28,253 --> 00:31:31,489 THAT WE'RE IN A BEEF, SWI A LOW BELOW. 582 00:31:31,556 --> 00:31:32,890 SO SHAME ON YOU. 583 00:31:32,957 --> 00:31:35,593 AND THAT IS COMING FROM YOUR CHAMPAGNE POPPY. 584 00:31:35,660 --> 00:31:38,830 >> James: THERE IT IS, IT IS SQUASHED. 585 00:31:38,896 --> 00:31:42,000 REGGIE, DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION FOR OUR GUEST THIS EVENING. 586 00:31:42,066 --> 00:31:46,404 >> Reggie: YES, I DO, THIS IS A QUESTION THAT COMES IN ONLINE 587 00:31:46,471 --> 00:31:50,408 ON ONE OF THE FORMS OF COMMUNICATION THAT WE CAN USE 588 00:31:50,475 --> 00:31:52,910 THAT ARE ALL DOING EXACTLY THE SAME THICK. 589 00:31:52,977 --> 00:31:59,851 FIRST OF ALL, BIG FAN OF YOUR CHARACTER, ZACH, MIKE MURRAY. 590 00:31:59,917 --> 00:32:03,354 WHICH SWUFN MY FAVORITE MASCOTS. 591 00:32:03,421 --> 00:32:05,657 MR. SUBMITS, THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN 592 00:32:05,723 --> 00:32:09,060 US, AND WE WERE ALL THINKING MAYBE PERHAPS IN THE FUTURE YOU 593 00:32:09,127 --> 00:32:10,662 COULD PLAY. 594 00:32:10,728 --> 00:32:11,296 >> OH YEAH. 595 00:32:11,362 --> 00:32:14,165 >> AND HERE IS THE QUESTION. 596 00:32:14,232 --> 00:32:16,067 ABOUT THAT INFORMATION THAT I JUST GAVE OUT TO YOU, THAT 597 00:32:16,134 --> 00:32:22,440 EVERYBODY CAN HEAR, WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE PART OF THAT? 598 00:32:22,507 --> 00:32:25,743 ANG MY FAVORITE PART OF THE QUESTION YOU JUST ASKED. 599 00:32:25,810 --> 00:32:26,911 >> Reggie: YEAH. 600 00:32:26,978 --> 00:32:30,415 >> James: OF EVERYTHING HE JUST SAID WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE 601 00:32:30,481 --> 00:32:33,051 PART OF THAT? 602 00:32:33,117 --> 00:32:37,322 >> I THINK IT WAS PROBABLY THE LAST PART WHEN THE QUESTION 603 00:32:37,388 --> 00:32:39,657 TURNED IN ON IT SIFF. 604 00:32:39,724 --> 00:32:41,025 >> COMPLETELY TURNED, COMPLETELY TURNED. 605 00:32:41,092 --> 00:32:44,962 >> LIKE A SNAKE EATING ITS OWN TAIL, WHICH HAVE I ALWAYS BEEN A 606 00:32:45,029 --> 00:32:46,431 FAN OF IN NATURE. 607 00:32:46,497 --> 00:32:51,069 >> KIND OF HAD THAT SALVADOR DALI. 608 00:32:51,135 --> 00:32:53,204 >> OH. 609 00:32:53,271 --> 00:32:55,206 >> THING, IT TURNED INTO ITSELF. 610 00:32:55,273 --> 00:32:58,409 >> James: THAT IS WHAT WE ARE SAYING, REG S THAT-- . 611 00:32:58,476 --> 00:33:00,378 >> Reggie: WORD FOR WORD THAT IS CORRECT. 612 00:33:00,445 --> 00:33:01,913 >> James: WORD FOR WORD IT IS CORRECT. 613 00:33:01,979 --> 00:33:03,915 LET'S THANK OUR GREAT GUESTS, JIMMY SUBMITS, ZACH WOODS. 614 00:33:03,981 --> 00:33:04,982 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH GREG STONE. 615 00:33:16,294 --> 00:33:17,628 >> James: WELCOME BACK. 616 00:33:17,695 --> 00:33:18,830 OUR NEXT GUEST IS A BRILLIANT STAND-UP COMEDIAN AND HOST OF 617 00:33:18,896 --> 00:33:20,932 THE "FRIDAY NIGHT GREG" PODCAST. 618 00:33:20,998 --> 00:33:22,100 WE'RE HONORED HE'S CHOSEN OUR SHOW TO MAKE HIS LATE-NIGHT 619 00:33:22,166 --> 00:33:25,937 DEBUT. 620 00:33:26,003 --> 00:33:28,005 PLEASE WELCOME THE WONDERFUL, GREG STONE. 621 00:33:42,253 --> 00:33:42,720 >> ALL RIGHT. 622 00:33:42,787 --> 00:33:44,956 HOW ARE WE DOING? 623 00:33:45,022 --> 00:33:48,426 I JUST HAD A BABY, I JUST HAD A BABY. 624 00:33:48,493 --> 00:33:52,463 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> IT IS KILLING ME. 625 00:33:52,530 --> 00:33:55,800 I'M 22 YEARS OLD. 626 00:33:55,867 --> 00:34:02,407 I GOT MARRIED, I DON'T HAVE A RING ON, I SWALLOWED IT. 627 00:34:02,473 --> 00:34:05,510 THE PREGNANCY, THE PREGNANCY WAS CRAZY. 628 00:34:05,576 --> 00:34:08,413 I WAS ON STAGE PERFORMING WHEN MY WIFE WENT INTO LABOR. 629 00:34:08,479 --> 00:34:09,781 I WAS ON STAGE. 630 00:34:09,847 --> 00:34:11,082 I WALKED OFF. 631 00:34:11,149 --> 00:34:14,852 I HAD 22 MISSED PHONE CALLS FROM MY WIFE. 632 00:34:14,919 --> 00:34:15,253 YEAH. 633 00:34:15,319 --> 00:34:15,787 I CALLED HER. 634 00:34:15,853 --> 00:34:17,555 I WAS LIKE WHAT'S UP? 635 00:34:17,622 --> 00:34:21,959 SHE GOES DON'T FREAK OUT, MY WATER BROKE, JUST GET HOME WHEN 636 00:34:22,026 --> 00:34:23,060 YOU CAN. 637 00:34:23,127 --> 00:34:25,596 SO I FREAKED OUT. 638 00:34:25,663 --> 00:34:27,899 I JUMPED IN A CAB, I WAS LIKE HEY MAN, MY WIFE JUST WENT INTO 639 00:34:27,965 --> 00:34:30,868 LABOR, YOU GOT TO GET ME HOME. 640 00:34:30,935 --> 00:34:35,406 THE CAB DRIVER TURNS AROUND AND GOES, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS 641 00:34:35,473 --> 00:34:38,409 MY WHOLE LIFE. 642 00:34:38,476 --> 00:34:41,946 HE WENT 150 MILES AN HOUR ON THE WILLIAMSBURG BRIDGE, THE WIFE 643 00:34:42,013 --> 00:34:44,148 SON THE PHONE, DON'T WORRY, WE'VE GOT TIME. 644 00:34:44,215 --> 00:34:46,784 HE'S LIKE WE'VE GOT NO TIME. 645 00:34:46,851 --> 00:34:47,251 YEAH! 646 00:34:47,318 --> 00:34:49,787 JUMPED THE HUDSON. 647 00:34:49,854 --> 00:34:51,622 I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING. 648 00:34:51,689 --> 00:34:55,326 WE GET HOME, HE PULLS IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE, SHUT THE METER OFF, 649 00:34:55,393 --> 00:34:57,762 HE GOES GET YOUR WIFE, I'M TAKING BOTH TO THE HOSPITAL. 650 00:34:57,829 --> 00:35:00,932 MY WIFE WAS LIKE WHO IS THAT. 651 00:35:00,998 --> 00:35:03,901 IS WITH LIKE THAT IS MAMI DID. 652 00:35:03,968 --> 00:35:11,075 THAT IS THE NEW GODFATHER. 653 00:35:11,142 --> 00:35:12,643 (APPLAUSE) SOMEONE STEL MY BROTHER HE'S 654 00:35:12,710 --> 00:35:13,845 OUT. 655 00:35:13,911 --> 00:35:17,048 YEAH, I WAS KIDDING ABOUT THE RING THING, I WAS WITH MY WIFE 656 00:35:17,114 --> 00:35:20,418 14 YEARS, NEVER CHEATED BUT FLA IS NOT SOMETHING I SHOULD BE 657 00:35:20,485 --> 00:35:21,118 PROUD OF. 658 00:35:21,185 --> 00:35:24,689 ALSO CUZ LIKE NO ONE IS ASKK. 659 00:35:24,755 --> 00:35:29,460 ME BEING PROUD OF NOT CHEATING FEELS VERY SIMILAR, I USED TO 660 00:35:29,527 --> 00:35:33,764 WATCH BASKETBALL WITH MY DAD, HE WAS LIKE I WOULD NEVER PLAY FOR 661 00:35:33,831 --> 00:35:37,768 THE KNICKSES, YEAH, WE'RE NOT IN THE DRAFT. 662 00:35:37,835 --> 00:35:41,472 CRAZY, MAN, THE PREGNANCY WAS WILD. 663 00:35:41,539 --> 00:35:44,742 IT WAS THE HORMONES WENT TO MY WIFE'S BRAIN FOR NINE MONTH, SHE 664 00:35:44,809 --> 00:35:45,776 WAS A PSYCHO. 665 00:35:45,843 --> 00:35:48,446 IT WAS GREAT, I LOVED IT. 666 00:35:48,513 --> 00:35:52,850 BUT LIKE SHE WOULD YELL AT ME AND I AM JUST LIKE I CAN'T YELL 667 00:35:52,917 --> 00:35:55,186 BACK, THERE SAY HOSS TAJ IN THERE. 668 00:35:55,253 --> 00:35:56,153 SOMETHING ISN'T RIGHT. 669 00:35:56,220 --> 00:35:57,255 I LOVED IT. 670 00:35:57,321 --> 00:36:00,658 IT WAS FUN, ONE NIGHT, SIX MONTHS, SIX MONTHS INTO THE 671 00:36:00,725 --> 00:36:02,393 PREGNANCY WE'RE LAYING IF BED. 672 00:36:02,460 --> 00:36:05,396 A MOSQUITO BITES HER ON THE NOSE. 673 00:36:05,463 --> 00:36:08,432 SHE WAKES ME UP. 674 00:36:08,499 --> 00:36:13,237 SHE GOES YOU DON'T COME BOOK TO BED TILL YOU'VE KILLED THIS 675 00:36:13,304 --> 00:36:14,338 THING. 676 00:36:14,405 --> 00:36:19,977 NOW I HAVE TO FIENGD A MOSS-- MOSQUITO IN THE MIDDLE OF 677 00:36:20,044 --> 00:36:21,479 THE NIGHT IN THE COMPLETE DARKNESS, QUNTD EVEN PUT THE 678 00:36:21,546 --> 00:36:27,418 LIGHTS OUT, SMELL HIM OUT, SMELLING OUT A MOSS-- MOSQUITO 679 00:36:27,485 --> 00:36:32,423 FOR EIGHT DAYS, WAKES UP, GET T KNOCKING PICTURES OFF THE WALL. 680 00:36:32,490 --> 00:36:34,825 AND I REMEMBER, IT WAS EIGHT DAYS. 681 00:36:34,892 --> 00:36:38,429 BECAUSE ON THE 8th DAY I WAS LAYING IN BED, ON MY PHONE, THE 682 00:36:38,496 --> 00:36:40,932 MOSQUITO LANDS ON MY PHONE, I KILLED IT. 683 00:36:40,998 --> 00:36:45,202 AND I WAS SOCIAL SIGHTED I WOKE MY WIFE UP, LOOK, I GOT HIM. 684 00:36:45,269 --> 00:36:50,408 AND SHE LOOKS AT ME AND GOES, WIPE IT ON THE WALL. 685 00:36:50,474 --> 00:36:54,412 SHOW THEM WHAT HAPPENS. 686 00:36:54,478 --> 00:36:57,682 WHEN THEY COME FOR MY FAMILY. 687 00:36:57,748 --> 00:36:58,849 WHAT? 688 00:36:58,916 --> 00:37:03,421 OKAY, MAMA BEAR, SO THERE I AM, A NORMAL CITIZEN SMEARING 689 00:37:03,487 --> 00:37:07,258 MOSQUITO BLOOD ON THE WALL AS A WARNING TO OTHER MOSQUITOES. 690 00:37:07,325 --> 00:37:11,762 LIKE WE CAN'T BE HERE, LOOK WHAT THEY DID TO JERRY, JUST RUN. 691 00:37:11,829 --> 00:37:13,531 ANYWAY, I DIDN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH THIS. 692 00:37:13,598 --> 00:37:16,434 I NEVER WANT TO DEAL WITH THIS AGAIN, I SO I WAS LIKE DO YOU 693 00:37:16,500 --> 00:37:19,837 WILL A THE RESEARCH I K I FOUND THIS OUT, MOSQUITO LIFE SPAN, IT 694 00:37:19,904 --> 00:37:23,441 IS ONLY TEN DAYS, IT BOTHERED US FOR EIGHT. 695 00:37:23,507 --> 00:37:26,344 ALL I HAD TO DO WAS WAIT HIM OUT TWO MORE DAYS. 696 00:37:26,410 --> 00:37:31,248 THEN I REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT T MANS, THAT MOSQUITO BOTHERED MY 697 00:37:31,315 --> 00:37:36,454 WIFE AND I FOR A WEEK AND A DAY BUT FOR THAT MOSQUITO, I WAS 698 00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:39,357 HUNTING HIM HIS WHOLE LIFE. 699 00:37:39,423 --> 00:37:44,128 HE MADE A MISTAKE AS A CHILD AND THEN JUST LIVED HIS LIFE ON THE 700 00:37:44,195 --> 00:37:45,396 RUN. 701 00:37:45,463 --> 00:37:49,667 ALL HE KNEW WAS ME THIS IMMORTAL BEAST TRYING TO MURDER HIM WITH 702 00:37:49,734 --> 00:37:54,105 THIS VENDETTA, WHEN HE LANDED ON THAT PHONE HE WAS LIKE, I'M 703 00:37:54,171 --> 00:37:57,241 TIRED OF RUNNING. 704 00:37:57,308 --> 00:38:00,144 I CAN'T LIP MY LIFELIKE THIS ANY MORE. 705 00:38:00,211 --> 00:38:07,251 AND I LOOKED AT HIM LIKE MY NAME IS INIGO MONTOYA, YOU BIT MY 706 00:38:07,318 --> 00:38:08,519 WIFE, PREPARE TO DIE. 707 00:38:08,586 --> 00:38:13,791 AND I MURDERED A SENIOR CITIZEN, AND WIPED HIS BLOOD ON THE WALL, 708 00:38:13,858 --> 00:38:17,161 THANK YOU SO MUCH. 709 00:38:17,228 --> 00:38:20,464 I'M GREK STONE. 710 00:38:20,531 --> 00:38:27,104 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> THAT IS NOTHING T IS NOTHING 711 00:38:27,171 --> 00:38:28,706 STAIRKS LITTLE SOMETHING. 712 00:38:28,773 --> 00:38:29,974 >> LOOK AT THAT. 713 00:38:30,041 --> 00:38:33,244 THE FIRST COMEDIAN ON THE "LATE, LATE SHOW" TO GIVE ME FIVE BUCKS 714 00:38:33,310 --> 00:38:35,413 AFTER HIS SET. 715 00:38:35,479 --> 00:38:37,014 GREG STONE, EVERYBODY. 716 00:38:37,081 --> 00:38:41,185 CHECK OUT HIS BRILLIANT PODCAST, FRIDAY NIGHT GREG. 717 00:38:41,252 --> 00:38:41,686 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 718 00:38:41,752 --> 00:38:42,687 >> THAT WAS SO GOOD. 719 00:38:54,999 --> 00:38:56,500 >> James: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING. 720 00:38:56,567 --> 00:38:59,704 WE APPRECIATE IT SO MUCH, NEXT WEEK, JAMIE LEE CURTIS IS GOING 721 00:38:59,770 --> 00:39:05,176 TO BE HERE, EDDIE REDMAYNE, MARLON, MUSIC FROM FLORENCE AND 722 00:39:05,242 --> 00:39:07,244 THE MACHINE, WE HOPE YOU WILL JOIN US, REGGIE, TAKE US HOME.