1 00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:05,805 ♪ ARE YOU READY, Y'ALL TO HAVE SOME FUN 2 00:00:05,872 --> 00:00:08,108 ♪ ON THE SHOW TONIGHT DON'T YOU WORRY, BABY 3 00:00:08,174 --> 00:00:09,175 ♪ WHERE YOU COME FROM IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT 4 00:00:09,242 --> 00:00:16,950 ♪ IT'S "THE LATE LATE SHOW!" >> Reggie: LADIES AND 5 00:00:17,016 --> 00:00:24,524 GENTLEMEN, ALL THE WAY FROM UNDERNEATH A NUCLEAR MISSILE 6 00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:28,395 ICBM SILO, GIVE IT UP FOR YOUR HOST, THE ONE, THE ONLY... JAMES 7 00:00:28,461 --> 00:00:32,966 CORDEN! 8 00:00:33,032 --> 00:00:36,970 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> James: HOW ARE YOU? 9 00:00:37,036 --> 00:00:40,407 THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH. 10 00:00:40,473 --> 00:00:41,341 THANK YOU FOR COMING OUT. 11 00:00:41,408 --> 00:00:42,242 I APPRECIATE IT. 12 00:00:42,308 --> 00:00:43,543 THANK YOU, EVERYBODY. 13 00:00:43,610 --> 00:00:44,944 CHEERS, GUYS! 14 00:00:45,011 --> 00:00:48,314 HELLO, GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME TO "THE LATE LATE SHOW." 15 00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:49,315 BLESS YOU FOR STOPPING BY. 16 00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:50,984 THANKS FOR STAYING UP FOR US. 17 00:00:51,050 --> 00:00:53,019 THANK YOU VERY MUCH, EVERYBODY. 18 00:00:53,086 --> 00:00:54,187 LET'S TAKE A LOOK AND SEE WHO THE GUESTS ARE ON THE SHOW 19 00:00:54,254 --> 00:00:55,422 TONIGHT! 20 00:00:55,488 --> 00:00:57,991 SHE'S A BRILLIANT COMEDIAN WHO IS CURRENTLY ON HER "VACCINATED 21 00:00:58,057 --> 00:01:00,293 AND HORNY" TOUR. 22 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:04,464 SHE ALSO HOSTS THE WEEKLY PODCAST, "DEAR CHELSEA." 23 00:01:04,531 --> 00:01:05,865 SHE'S ONE OF OUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITES, THE ONE AND ONLY, 24 00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:06,699 CHELSEA HANDLER IS ON THE SHOW TONIGHT! 25 00:01:06,766 --> 00:01:12,172 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> HI! 26 00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:12,872 HI! 27 00:01:12,939 --> 00:01:14,340 >> James: CHELSEA, HOW ARE YOU? 28 00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:14,941 >> I'M SO EXCITED TO BE HERE, JAMES. 29 00:01:15,008 --> 00:01:15,608 HOW ARE YOU DOING? 30 00:01:15,675 --> 00:01:16,409 >> I'M GREAT. 31 00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:16,876 I'M GREAT. 32 00:01:16,943 --> 00:01:18,077 HOW ARE YOU DOING? 33 00:01:18,144 --> 00:01:19,045 >> James: I'M GREAT. 34 00:01:19,112 --> 00:01:21,247 IS YOUR HAIR NORMALLY THIS LONG AND SWOOSHED? 35 00:01:21,314 --> 00:01:24,584 >> NO, I DID THIS, SOMETHING DIFFERENT FOR YOU BECAUSE THIS 36 00:01:24,651 --> 00:01:28,121 IS PROBABLY OUR LAST TIME TOGETHER BEFORE YOU -- WHERE ARE 37 00:01:28,188 --> 00:01:28,822 YOU GOING? 38 00:01:28,888 --> 00:01:30,490 I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING. 39 00:01:30,557 --> 00:01:32,959 >> James: WE HAVE PLENTY MORE TIMES TOGETHER IN THE FUTURE. 40 00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:35,228 CHELSEA HANDLER, EVERYBODY! 41 00:01:35,295 --> 00:01:37,964 AND HE IS A GRAMMY, TONY, AND EMMY AWARD-WINNING PERFORMER, 42 00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:38,798 ACTOR, DIRECTOR, WRITER, FASHION ICON! 43 00:01:38,865 --> 00:01:39,866 THERE'S NOTHING HE CAN'T DO! 44 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:40,767 THE UNSTOPPABLE BILLY PORTER IS ON THE SHOW TONIGHT! 45 00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:47,106 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> HI! 46 00:01:47,173 --> 00:01:47,707 >> James: BILLY! 47 00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,642 HOW ARE YOU? 48 00:01:49,709 --> 00:01:50,276 >> I'M GOOD. 49 00:01:50,343 --> 00:01:52,178 >> James: HOW ARE YOU DOING? 50 00:01:52,245 --> 00:01:53,379 >> I'M FANTASTIC. 51 00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:56,082 >> James: GIVE US A TWIRL! 52 00:01:56,149 --> 00:01:57,083 LOOK AT THE HAIR. 53 00:01:57,150 --> 00:01:57,750 THE WHOLE THING! 54 00:01:57,817 --> 00:02:00,587 >> I'M GETTING LIQUORED UP! 55 00:02:00,653 --> 00:02:05,191 >> James: HOW FAR IN ADVANCE WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'RE COMING ON A 56 00:02:05,258 --> 00:02:07,560 SHOW LIKE THIS, BILLY, BECAUSE FASHION IS A HUGE PART OF YOUR 57 00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:12,932 LIFE, HOW FAR IN ADVANCE DO YOU PLAN THESE LOOKS? 58 00:02:12,999 --> 00:02:14,534 >> OH... YESTERDAY! 59 00:02:14,601 --> 00:02:17,604 [LAUGHTER] >> James: STOP! 60 00:02:17,670 --> 00:02:18,404 REALLY? 61 00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:19,405 YOU COMPLETELY -- >> NO, NOT REALLY. 62 00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:20,840 I'M ON A BOOK TOUR. 63 00:02:20,907 --> 00:02:22,075 >> James: YEAH. 64 00:02:22,141 --> 00:02:25,178 >> SO I CALLED UP TOM BROWN WHO IS A FRIEND OF MINE, AND HE IS 65 00:02:25,245 --> 00:02:28,314 OUTFITTING ME FROM HEAD TO TOE FOR MY BOOK TOUR. 66 00:02:28,381 --> 00:02:30,683 I NEEDED TO LOOK STUDIOUS. 67 00:02:30,750 --> 00:02:32,452 >> James: YOU DO -- HA! 68 00:02:32,519 --> 00:02:34,420 STUDIOUS INDEED, WE LOVE YOU. 69 00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:35,421 BILLY PORTER, EVERYBODY! 70 00:02:35,488 --> 00:02:38,224 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] AND HE IS A MULTI-PLATINUM 71 00:02:38,291 --> 00:02:39,392 SELLING SINGER-SONGWRITER. 72 00:02:39,459 --> 00:02:39,959 HIS LATEST SINGLE, "SAVED MY LIFE," IS BRILLIANT, AND IT'S 73 00:02:40,026 --> 00:02:42,695 OUT RIGHT NOW. 74 00:02:42,762 --> 00:02:43,897 WE LOVE HIM THAT THE SHOW. 75 00:02:43,963 --> 00:02:48,034 IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE HE'S BEEN HERE BUT THE EXCEPTIONAL 76 00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:49,435 ANDY GRAMMER IS ON THE SHOW TONIGHT! 77 00:02:49,502 --> 00:02:50,436 ANDY, HOW ARE YOU? 78 00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:52,272 >> WHAT'S GOING ON, MAN? 79 00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:53,706 >> James: SO GOOD TO SEE YOU! 80 00:02:53,773 --> 00:02:54,841 >> GOOD TO BE BACK HERE. 81 00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:57,977 >> James: IT'S BANE WHILE SINCE -- HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN 82 00:02:58,044 --> 00:02:59,746 SINCE WE BUMPED INTO EACH OTHER? 83 00:02:59,812 --> 00:03:02,382 YOU WERE HERE ON THE SHOW IN THE SECOND WEEK. 84 00:03:02,448 --> 00:03:03,249 SECOND WEEK. 85 00:03:03,316 --> 00:03:04,050 HAVE YOU BEEN DOING A LOT OF WORKING OUT? 86 00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:07,520 >> A LITTLE -- I MEAN, NOT A LO LOT. 87 00:03:07,587 --> 00:03:11,090 >> James: LIKE HOW I'M WORKING OUT? 88 00:03:11,157 --> 00:03:13,560 >> YEAH. 89 00:03:13,626 --> 00:03:14,294 >> >> James: THAT'S WHAT I THINK 90 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:15,328 IT IS. 91 00:03:15,395 --> 00:03:18,932 YOU LOOK FANTASTIC AND SMELL LIKE SUMMER IN A BOWL. 92 00:03:18,998 --> 00:03:19,999 ANDY GRAMMER, EVERYBODY! 93 00:03:20,066 --> 00:03:22,936 ARE YOU READY? 94 00:03:23,002 --> 00:03:24,938 THEN LET'S, I'M JAMES CORDEN AND THIS, THIS IS "THE LATE LATE SHOW 95 00:03:25,004 --> 00:03:26,005 ROLL THE TITLES COME ON! 96 00:03:35,214 --> 00:03:38,751 ♪ THE LATE LATE SHOW, OH, OH THE LATE LATE SHOW, WOO! 97 00:03:38,818 --> 00:03:41,421 ♪ THE LATE LATE SHOW, OH, OH THE LATE LATE SHOW OH-OH! 98 00:03:41,487 --> 00:03:45,491 ♪ IT'S THE LATE, LATE SHOW ♪ 99 00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:50,496 >> James: IT CERTAINLY IS! 100 00:03:50,563 --> 00:03:54,734 LOOK UP THERE, I STILL CAN'T GET USED TO IT. 101 00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:55,868 A GIANT WALL OF CANDY STARING AT ME THROUGHOUT THE SHOW. 102 00:03:55,935 --> 00:04:00,039 THANKS TO OUR FRIENDS AT HERSHEY'S FOR THIS SPECIAL 103 00:04:00,106 --> 00:04:06,713 HALLOWEEN TREAT -- BY TURNING OUR BAR INTO A "CANDY BAR," 104 00:04:06,779 --> 00:04:10,683 STOCKED WITH KIT KAT BARS AND REESE'S CUPS. 105 00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:15,121 I FIND IT A CHALLENGE EVERY DAY I WALK PAST THE STUDIO. 106 00:04:15,188 --> 00:04:17,490 >> Ian: I'M JUST NOW UNDERSTANDING THE CANDY BAR PUN 107 00:04:17,557 --> 00:04:18,758 AND THIS IS DAY TWO. 108 00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:27,033 [LAUGHTER] >> James: CO-HEAD WRITER OF 109 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,001 THE SHOW LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. 110 00:04:28,067 --> 00:04:28,701 CO-HEAD WRITER OF THE SHOW. 111 00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:29,669 >> Reggie: I HAVE A QUESTION. 112 00:04:29,736 --> 00:04:30,737 >> James: GO AHEAD. 113 00:04:30,803 --> 00:04:36,109 >> Reggie: THE UMBRELLA COMPANY IS CALLED HERSHEYS? 114 00:04:36,175 --> 00:04:37,076 >> James: YEAH. 115 00:04:37,143 --> 00:04:40,913 >> Reggie: IS THERE A COMPANY CALLED HIS-HIMS? 116 00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:48,154 >> James: SO -- [APPLAUSE] 117 00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:51,457 I HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU, THAT MIGHT BE THE HIGH POINT OF THE 118 00:04:51,524 --> 00:04:54,193 ENTIRE NIGHT. 119 00:04:54,260 --> 00:04:55,094 LOOK COME ON! 120 00:04:55,161 --> 00:05:01,234 IT'S THAT TIME, IT'S TIME FOR "THE NEWS!" 121 00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:03,569 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> James: JURY SELECTION 122 00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:04,871 CONTINUED TODAY FOR THE NEW YORK CRIMINAL TRIAL AGAINST THE TRUMP 123 00:05:04,937 --> 00:05:06,572 ORGANIZATION. 124 00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:08,041 THE PROCESS OF SCREENING 140 POTENTIAL JURORS BEGAN 125 00:05:08,107 --> 00:05:09,409 YESTERDAY. 126 00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:12,478 FINDING QUALIFIED JURORS IS NOT EASY. 127 00:05:12,545 --> 00:05:17,917 THEY HAVE TO FIND 12 PEOPLE WHO WON'T BREAK OUT LAUGHING WHEN 128 00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:21,988 TRUMP PUTS HIS HAND ON A BIBLE AND SWEARS TO TELL THE TRUTH. 129 00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:25,525 OBVIOUSLY, TRUMP'S NOT ALLOWED TO BE INVOLVED IN THE JURY 130 00:05:25,591 --> 00:05:27,960 SELECTION PROCESS, BUT THAT DIDN'T STOP HIM FROM REQUESTING 131 00:05:28,027 --> 00:05:30,563 THAT THEY NOT CHOOSE "ANYONE UNDER A SEVEN." 132 00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:32,331 [LAUGHTER] THE JUDGE TOLD POTENTIAL JURORS 133 00:05:32,398 --> 00:05:36,302 THAT THE TAX FRAUD CASE WOULD LAST AS LONG AS SIX WEEKS. 134 00:05:36,369 --> 00:05:37,737 OR, AS TRUMP PUT IT, THE AMOUNT OF TIME IT TAKES TO BANKRUPT A 135 00:05:37,804 --> 00:05:40,406 CASINO. 136 00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:44,544 [LAUGHTER] AND JOURNALIST BOB WOODWARD 137 00:05:44,610 --> 00:05:46,913 RELEASED A NEW AUDIOBOOK TODAY, FEATURING MORE THAN 20 HOURS OF 138 00:05:46,979 --> 00:05:48,047 INTERVIEWS WITH DONALD TRUMP. 139 00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:51,384 AND IN THE AUDIOBOOK, TRUMP CLAIMS HE HAD GOOD CHEMISTRY 140 00:05:51,451 --> 00:05:55,254 WITH NORTH KOREAN DICTATOR KIM JONG-UN. 141 00:05:55,321 --> 00:05:58,991 BOY, THIS REALLY MAKES ME THINK LESS OF KIM JONG-UN. 142 00:05:59,058 --> 00:06:02,862 [LAUGHTER] WHEN TALKING ABOUT KIM, TRUMP 143 00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:07,200 SAID, "I'M THE ONLY ONE HE DEALS WITH." 144 00:06:07,266 --> 00:06:10,403 >> THE WORD "CHEMISTRY" YOU MEET SOMEBODY AND YOU HAVE A GOOD 145 00:06:10,470 --> 00:06:12,338 CHEMISTRY. 146 00:06:12,405 --> 00:06:15,641 YOU MEET A WOMAN, IN ONE SECOND, YOU KNOW WHETHER OR NOT IT'S ALL 147 00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:16,476 GOING TO HAPPEN. 148 00:06:16,542 --> 00:06:20,780 [LAUGHTER] >> James: GET A BUNKER, YOU 149 00:06:20,847 --> 00:06:21,981 TWO! 150 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:24,183 I GET IT, IT'S HARD TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS AS AN ADULT, THOUGH, 151 00:06:24,250 --> 00:06:25,384 ISN'T IT? 152 00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:31,958 WHEN YOU FIND A GEM LIKE KIM JONG-UN, YOU HAVE TO HOLD ON FOR 153 00:06:32,024 --> 00:06:35,595 DEAR LIFE! 154 00:06:35,661 --> 00:06:36,796 IN OTHER NEWS, AFTER SERVING FOUR YEARS IN PRISON, THE 155 00:06:36,863 --> 00:06:38,064 FOUNDER OF FYRE FEST, BILLY MCFARLAND, IS OUT AND REPORTEDLY 156 00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:46,973 CREATING ANOTHER FESTIVAL. 157 00:06:47,039 --> 00:06:48,174 TRUE STORY! 158 00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:49,375 IT'S BIG NEWS, HE'S GETTING BACK INTO THE FESTIVAL BUSINESS! 159 00:06:49,442 --> 00:06:50,143 ALTHOUGH I'D ARGUE, HE WAS NEVER TECHNICALLY "IN THE FESTIVAL 160 00:06:50,209 --> 00:06:53,479 BUSINESS" IN THE FIRST PLACE. 161 00:06:53,546 --> 00:06:54,247 PEOPLE ARE SHOCKED BY THIS. 162 00:06:54,313 --> 00:06:57,483 WHAT ELSE IS HE GOING TO DO? 163 00:06:57,550 --> 00:06:58,518 WHAT ELSE? 164 00:06:58,584 --> 00:07:06,793 ARE DO YOU REALLY THINK THE FYRE FEST GUY IS LIKE, 165 00:07:06,859 --> 00:07:07,460 "LEARNED MY LESSON! 166 00:07:07,527 --> 00:07:08,661 I'M GOING TO NURSING SCHOOL." 167 00:07:08,728 --> 00:07:09,929 AND BILLY MCFARLAND IS PLANNING ALL THIS AFTER SPENDING FOUR 168 00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:10,830 YEARS IN PRISON-- AN EXPERIENCE HE DESCRIBED AS "LIKE FYRE FEST, 169 00:07:10,897 --> 00:07:11,664 BUT WITH BETTER FOOD, SHELTER, AND PEOPLE." 170 00:07:11,731 --> 00:07:14,967 [LAUGHTER] AND, A ZOO IN SWEDEN REMAINS 171 00:07:15,034 --> 00:07:17,470 PARTIALLY CLOSED AFTER A VENOMOUS KING COBRA SNAKE 172 00:07:17,537 --> 00:07:19,906 ESCAPED. 173 00:07:19,972 --> 00:07:21,507 THE SNAKE ESCAPED OVER THE WEEKEND, AND STILL HASN'T BEEN 174 00:07:21,574 --> 00:07:23,776 FOUND. 175 00:07:23,843 --> 00:07:26,078 A SWEDISH KING COBRA. 176 00:07:26,145 --> 00:07:28,281 WHICH IS LIKE A NORMAL KING COBRA, ONLY SEXIER. 177 00:07:28,347 --> 00:07:30,149 [LAUGHTER] THE ZOO IS NOW PARTIALLY CLOSED 178 00:07:30,216 --> 00:07:33,920 DOWN BECAUSE OF THE ESCAPE. 179 00:07:33,986 --> 00:07:38,724 PARTIALLY? 180 00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:39,192 IT'S PARTIALLY! 181 00:07:39,258 --> 00:07:39,492 CLOSE IT ENTIRELY! 182 00:07:40,493 --> 00:07:41,994 DO THEY THINK THIS SNAKE IS SNEAKY ENOUGH TO ESCAPE, BUT 183 00:07:42,061 --> 00:07:44,864 RESPECTFUL ENOUGH TO AVOID THE AQUARIUM? 184 00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:51,237 [LAUGHTER] IS THERE ANY ANIMALS YOU'RE 185 00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:52,171 SCARED OF? 186 00:07:52,238 --> 00:07:54,941 >> Ian: I DON'T TRUST DOLPHINS FOR A SECOND. 187 00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:55,842 >> James: WHY? 188 00:07:55,908 --> 00:07:59,011 >> Ian: I DON'T LIKE HOW SHINY THEY ARE. 189 00:07:59,078 --> 00:07:59,712 THAT CREEPS ME OUT. 190 00:07:59,779 --> 00:08:01,414 WHY ARE YOU SO SHINY? 191 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:03,583 AND I DON'T KNOW, THEY HAVE GROUPS. 192 00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:04,383 A LAUGH A LOT. 193 00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:06,018 I FEEL LIKE THEY'RE MAKING FUN OF ME. 194 00:08:06,085 --> 00:08:08,921 THEY'RE LIKE THE COOL HOT GUYS -- THEY'RE LIKE THE WATER POLO 195 00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:12,859 TEAM AND I'M JUST ON THE BEACH WITH A T-SHIRT. 196 00:08:12,925 --> 00:08:13,726 I DON'T LIKE THEM. 197 00:08:13,793 --> 00:08:14,827 I DON'T LIKE DOLPHINS. 198 00:08:14,894 --> 00:08:15,761 NEVER HAVE. 199 00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:17,897 THERE'S NOTHING HE CAN DO TO CHANGE MY MIND. 200 00:08:17,964 --> 00:08:18,998 >> James: WOW. 201 00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:20,833 REG, ANY ANIMALS YOU'RE SCARED OF? 202 00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:22,902 >> Reggie: HORSES. 203 00:08:22,969 --> 00:08:24,737 >> James: I GET THAT. 204 00:08:24,804 --> 00:08:27,740 >> Reggie: THEY'RE TOO TALL. 205 00:08:27,807 --> 00:08:28,975 >> James: YEAH. 206 00:08:29,041 --> 00:08:30,676 >> Reggie: AND THEIR LEGS ARE LIKE STICKS AND THEN THEY HAVE A 207 00:08:30,743 --> 00:08:32,945 REALLY POWERFUL NECK. 208 00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:34,046 >> James: YEAH. 209 00:08:34,113 --> 00:08:37,416 >> Reggie: AND THEY CAN MOVE THEIR HEAD REALLY QUICKLY 210 00:08:37,483 --> 00:08:38,618 SIDE-TO-SIDE. 211 00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:41,187 IF YOU'RE NEXT TO THEM AND THEY DECIDE TO LOOK AT SOMETHING, 212 00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:42,321 THEY'LL LIKE JUST KNOCK YOU OUT. 213 00:08:42,388 --> 00:08:44,390 >> James: I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT, YEAH, THAT'S A VERY GOOD 214 00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:45,424 POINT. 215 00:08:45,491 --> 00:08:46,926 I'M UNCOMFORTABLE WITH ANY ANIMAL THAT'S INCREDIBLY 216 00:08:46,993 --> 00:08:50,663 COMFORTABLE WITH ME ON IT. 217 00:08:50,730 --> 00:08:51,864 >> Reggie: YEAH. 218 00:08:51,931 --> 00:08:54,367 >> James: THAT'S A LEVEL OF CONFIDENCE WHICH I CANNOT RELATE 219 00:08:54,433 --> 00:08:55,568 TO. 220 00:08:55,635 --> 00:08:57,169 THE ONLY -- THE ONLY THING I'VE SEEN CLOSE TO THAT LEVEL OF 221 00:08:57,236 --> 00:08:58,004 CONFIDENCE IS PETE. 222 00:08:58,070 --> 00:09:01,107 [LAUGHTER] AT A BARBECUE. 223 00:09:01,173 --> 00:09:02,241 >> UNSTOPPABLE! 224 00:09:02,308 --> 00:09:03,943 >> James: YEAH. 225 00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:05,978 >> Ian: PETE WILL THROW YOU ON HIS BACK, TOO. 226 00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:08,481 >> James: YOU KNOW IF I WAS GOING TO GET ON ANY MAN'S BACK 227 00:09:08,547 --> 00:09:10,750 IN THIS STUDIO, YOU KNOW WHO IT WOULD BE. 228 00:09:10,816 --> 00:09:11,284 MARK RIGHT THERE. 229 00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:12,485 THERE HE IS. 230 00:09:12,551 --> 00:09:14,954 HE'S THE ONLY MAN -- HE'S THE ONLY MAN I'D BE CONFIDENT THAT 231 00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:17,523 HE WOULD GET ME TO THE DESTINATION I NEEDED. 232 00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:19,692 >> I'LL GET YOU THERE, JAMES. 233 00:09:19,759 --> 00:09:21,560 >> James: HE WILL GET ME THERE. 234 00:09:21,627 --> 00:09:22,728 >> YEAH. 235 00:09:22,795 --> 00:09:24,730 >> James: AND WE ALREADY KNOW HE'S GOT ONE THING IN COMMON 236 00:09:24,797 --> 00:09:25,698 WITH A HORSE. 237 00:09:25,765 --> 00:09:35,341 [LAUGHTER] [APPLAUSE] 238 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,542 >> HONESTLY. 239 00:09:36,609 --> 00:09:40,446 HONESTLY. 240 00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:41,747 >> James: LOOK! 241 00:09:41,814 --> 00:09:43,249 LOOK! 242 00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:43,616 LOOK! 243 00:09:43,683 --> 00:09:47,119 LOOK AT HIM! 244 00:09:47,186 --> 00:09:51,590 LOOK! 245 00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:54,527 THAT'S -- THAT'S AN ANIMAL I'M SCARED OF! 246 00:09:54,593 --> 00:09:55,394 RIGHT THERE! 247 00:09:55,461 --> 00:10:07,006 [LAUGHTER] WHO IN THE GRAPHICS DEPARTMENT 248 00:10:07,073 --> 00:10:08,140 JUST HAS THAT PHOTO READY? 249 00:10:08,207 --> 00:10:11,811 HOW COULD SOMEONE JUST BE LIKE -- OH D HE MENTION MARK? 250 00:10:11,877 --> 00:10:13,012 THROW IT UP! 251 00:10:13,079 --> 00:10:20,653 [LAUGHTER] LOOK AT THAT! 252 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:24,256 [APPLAUSE] I MEAN, HOW -- WHAT OTHER PHOTOS 253 00:10:24,323 --> 00:10:27,693 HAVE THEY GOT UP THERE JUST READY TO GO? 254 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:29,762 >> I WAS SHOCKED AT THE SPEED THAT CAME OUT. 255 00:10:29,829 --> 00:10:32,064 >> James: NICK BERNSTEIN. 256 00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:32,531 >> STAND BY. 257 00:10:32,598 --> 00:10:34,066 >> James: KNEW IT! 258 00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:46,312 [LAUGHTER] OH DEAR. 259 00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:46,846 ROB CRABBE. 260 00:10:46,912 --> 00:10:48,848 LOOK AT HIS FACE. 261 00:10:48,914 --> 00:10:50,416 LOOK AT ROB'S FACE. 262 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:55,187 >> STAND BY. 263 00:10:55,254 --> 00:10:57,256 >> James: STEVE, STEVE, GIVE US A LITTLE DUN-DUN! 264 00:11:14,306 --> 00:11:21,781 [MUSIC] [LAUGHTER] 265 00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:23,849 HEY! 266 00:11:30,022 --> 00:11:31,957 [APPLAUSE] >> Ian: TOTALLY WORTH THE 267 00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:33,959 BUILD UP. 268 00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:37,730 >> James: WOW, THAT IS AN ABSOLUTE BEAUTY! 269 00:11:37,797 --> 00:11:40,332 BEAUTY! 270 00:11:40,399 --> 00:11:42,835 >> THAT IS AWFUL! 271 00:11:42,902 --> 00:11:45,704 I THOUGHT IT WAS PHOTOSHOPPED AND I REMEMBER THAT ACTUALLY DID 272 00:11:45,771 --> 00:11:46,806 HAPPEN. 273 00:11:46,872 --> 00:11:50,576 >> James: HA-HA! 274 00:11:50,643 --> 00:11:51,777 AND FINALLY, THE "PADDLE YOUR OWN PUMPKIN" RACE RETURNED TO 275 00:11:51,844 --> 00:11:54,180 BELGIUM YESTERDAY, AFTER A TWO-YEAR BREAK DUE TO COVID. 276 00:11:54,246 --> 00:11:56,749 HUNDREDS OF COMPETITORS, MANY DRESSED UP IN HALLOWEEN 277 00:11:56,816 --> 00:11:59,351 COSTUMES, CLIMBED INTO GIANT CARVED-OUT PUMPKINS AND PADDLED 278 00:11:59,418 --> 00:12:03,322 AROUND A POND IN NORTHERN BELGIUM. 279 00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:18,270 HAVE A LOOK AT THIS. 280 00:12:18,337 --> 00:12:21,273 HAVE A LOOK AT THIS. 281 00:12:21,340 --> 00:12:23,709 17 DEAD. 282 00:12:23,776 --> 00:12:29,582 [LAUGHTER] I WAS CONFUSED BY THIS EVENT AT 283 00:12:29,648 --> 00:12:31,484 FIRST, BUT I THINK I GET IT NOW. 284 00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:36,021 I FEEL LIKE THIS IS HOW PEOPLE WHO DON'T DRINK HAVE FUN. 285 00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:39,525 [LAUGHTER] THE CRAZIEST PART OF THE "PADDLE 286 00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:44,430 YOUR OWN PUMPKIN" RACE? 287 00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:47,566 I'M SORRY, THAT'S CLEARLY A EUPHEMISM FOR MASTURBATING. 288 00:12:47,633 --> 00:12:50,936 [LAUGHTER] WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE OF 289 00:12:51,003 --> 00:12:53,005 "THE LATE LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY! 290 00:13:12,992 --> 00:13:13,993 JOINING US NOW IS ONE OF FAVORITE GUESTS HERE ON THE 291 00:13:14,059 --> 00:13:15,227 SHOW. 292 00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:17,930 PLEASE PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR THE ALWAYS HILARIOUS CHELSEA 293 00:13:17,997 --> 00:13:19,498 HANDLER! 294 00:13:19,565 --> 00:13:27,106 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Reggie: IT'S CHELSEA 295 00:13:27,173 --> 00:13:28,040 HANDLER! 296 00:13:28,107 --> 00:13:29,542 ♪ >> James: HOW ARE YOU? 297 00:13:29,608 --> 00:13:31,610 SO NICE TO SEE YOU. 298 00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:40,352 CHELSEA, WE LOVE YOU. 299 00:13:40,419 --> 00:13:43,222 WE LOVE YOU HERE AT THE "THE LATE LATE SHOW." 300 00:13:43,289 --> 00:13:44,390 EVERYBODY LOVES YOU. 301 00:13:44,456 --> 00:13:46,959 YOU'RE FAMOUSLY, FAMOUSLY AN OPEN BOOK, BE IT ON YOUR "DEAR 302 00:13:47,026 --> 00:13:49,929 CHELSEA" PODCAST OR RELATING TO FANS ON YOUR OWN STAGE AND I 303 00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:52,331 REALIZED THAT MAKES YOU THE PERFECT PERSON TO COME DOWN AND 304 00:13:52,398 --> 00:13:55,100 HELP OUR STAFFERS HERE WHO ARE GRAPPLING PERHAPS WITH SOME OF 305 00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:56,435 LIFE'S BIG ISSUES. 306 00:13:56,502 --> 00:14:02,875 IT'S TIME FOR "LIFE ADVICE WITH CHELSEA HANDLER." 307 00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:07,213 >> Reggie: IT'S LIFE ADVICE WITH CHELSEA HANDLER. 308 00:14:07,279 --> 00:14:08,981 >> James: OK, DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOOD WITH THIS -- I 309 00:14:09,048 --> 00:14:12,651 IMAGINE A LOT OF YOUR FRIENDS TURN TO YOU IN MOMENTS OF CRISIS 310 00:14:12,718 --> 00:14:13,319 IN. 311 00:14:13,385 --> 00:14:14,920 >> A LOT OF PEOPLE TURN TO ME. 312 00:14:14,987 --> 00:14:16,922 I GIVE THERAPY TO MY FRIENDS. 313 00:14:16,989 --> 00:14:19,024 I'VE BEEN THROUGH THERAPY. 314 00:14:19,091 --> 00:14:19,992 I UNDERSTAND HOW IT WORKS. 315 00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:22,061 I CONSIDER MYSELF A DOCTOR. 316 00:14:23,996 --> 00:14:24,463 >> James: RIGHT. 317 00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:25,598 THAT WAS A REAL JUMP. 318 00:14:25,664 --> 00:14:31,937 >> I'M A DOCTOR, A MEDICAL PRACTITIONER, GYNECOLOGIST AND 319 00:14:32,004 --> 00:14:33,706 >> James: YOU'RE THE PERFECT PERSON TO DO THIS. 320 00:14:33,772 --> 00:14:35,941 FIRST OFF, WE GO TO MELVIN. 321 00:14:36,008 --> 00:14:37,643 MELVIN, SAY HI TO CHELSEA. 322 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,411 WHAT'S YOUR QUESTION? 323 00:14:39,478 --> 00:14:46,252 WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM. 324 00:14:46,318 --> 00:14:47,453 >> HOW DO I POLITELY ASK A GUEST TO LEAVE MY HOUSE, WITHOUT 325 00:14:47,519 --> 00:14:48,687 BEING RUDE? 326 00:14:48,754 --> 00:14:50,689 ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S BEEN HOURS! 327 00:14:50,756 --> 00:14:53,158 >> James: ALWAYS DIFFICULT TO GET SOMEONE TO LEAVE. 328 00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:55,060 WHAT DO YOU SAY, CHELSEA? 329 00:14:55,127 --> 00:14:56,996 >> I JUST GO TO BED, YOU KNOW? 330 00:14:57,062 --> 00:14:58,197 DON'T SAY ANYTHING. 331 00:14:58,264 --> 00:15:00,332 JUST DISAPPEAR, AND EVENTUALLY THEY'LL HAVE TO LEAVE. 332 00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:01,634 >> James: HM. 333 00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:06,905 DO YOU TRUST YOUR FRIENDS ENOUGH TO DO THAT, MELVIN? 334 00:15:06,972 --> 00:15:08,941 >> UM, HONESTLY, I DON'T. 335 00:15:09,008 --> 00:15:09,875 >> James: NO? 336 00:15:09,942 --> 00:15:11,076 OK. 337 00:15:11,143 --> 00:15:14,046 >> IN THAT CASE, I WOULD GET YOUR VALUABLES, COLLECT THEM AND 338 00:15:14,113 --> 00:15:15,648 TAKE THEM INTO THE BEDROOM WITH YOU. 339 00:15:15,714 --> 00:15:17,916 >> James: THAT'S A WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL IDEA. 340 00:15:17,983 --> 00:15:22,187 NEXT UP, WE'VE GOT WINNIE, WINNIE IS JUST HERE. 341 00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:24,823 WINNIE, I'M EXCITED ABOUT WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE EVER GOING 342 00:15:24,890 --> 00:15:26,725 TO ASK OR SAY AROUND THE OFFICE. 343 00:15:26,792 --> 00:15:28,594 WHAT HELP DO YOU NEED? 344 00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:37,202 >> SO, JAMES LONGMAN, ONE OF OUR E.P.'S, HE CONSTANTLY SENDS ME 345 00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:38,971 ENVIRONMENTAL FACTS EARLY IN THE MORNINGS OR SOMETIMES ON THE 346 00:15:39,038 --> 00:15:42,174 WEEKENDS LIKE I CAUSED THE PROBLEM, UM, SO I WAS JUST 347 00:15:42,241 --> 00:15:45,911 WONDERING, SHOULD I BILL THE SHOW EVERY SINGLE TIME HE DOES 348 00:15:45,978 --> 00:15:46,745 THAT? 349 00:15:46,812 --> 00:15:47,946 [LAUGHTER] >> James: WOW, WE SHOULD SAY 350 00:15:48,013 --> 00:15:51,817 THIS IS JAMES LONGMAN WHO HAS JUST STOOD VERY CASUALLY HERE. 351 00:15:51,884 --> 00:15:55,721 [LAUGHTER] LIKE HE STOOD THERE IN SOME KIND 352 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,790 OF WHAT I WOULD CALL SPORTS CASUAL, UM. 353 00:15:57,856 --> 00:16:00,926 >> WELL, HE'S AN ENVIRONMENTALIST, YOU KNOW WHAT 354 00:16:00,993 --> 00:16:02,027 I MEAN? 355 00:16:02,094 --> 00:16:03,696 HE'S SO GOT TO THINK ABOUT, I GUESS, NOT HIS CLOTHING. 356 00:16:03,762 --> 00:16:05,931 [LAUGHTER] SORRY. 357 00:16:05,998 --> 00:16:08,400 >> James: YOU -- YOU'VE NO IDEA HOW MUCH YOU JUST KILLED 358 00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:08,834 HIM. 359 00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:09,435 NO IDEA. 360 00:16:09,501 --> 00:16:11,470 GO ON. 361 00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:13,238 WHAT DOES WINNIE DO ABOUT THIS? 362 00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:16,508 >> I MEAN I WOULDN'T -- CHARGING HIM IS AN. 363 00:16:16,575 --> 00:16:19,411 >> YOU CAN RESPOND BY SENDING HIM THINGS ABOUT IRRITABLE BOWEL 364 00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:22,181 SYNDROME OR OTHER THINGS YOU MIGHT THINK HE MIGHT BENEFIT 365 00:16:22,247 --> 00:16:25,584 FROM AND THEN HE'LL GET THE MESSAGE QUICKLY THIS WOULD BE 366 00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:27,353 BETTER ADVICE IF HE WASN'T STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU, BUT 367 00:16:27,419 --> 00:16:30,923 -- BUT, YEAH, I THINK YOU SHOULD JUST FIND SOMETHING THAT'S 368 00:16:30,989 --> 00:16:32,725 REALLY GOING TO IRK HIM AS WELL. 369 00:16:32,791 --> 00:16:33,892 YOU'RE RIGHT. 370 00:16:33,959 --> 00:16:35,194 YOU'RE NOT THE PROBLEM. 371 00:16:35,260 --> 00:16:37,262 WE ALL ARE. 372 00:16:37,329 --> 00:16:38,497 >> EXACTLY. 373 00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:40,499 >> James: THAT'S VERY, VERY GOOD ADVICE. 374 00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:42,768 CHRIS, CHRIS RIGHT HERE, CHRIS, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? 375 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:50,376 WHAT DO YOU NEED CHELSEA'S HELP WITH? 376 00:16:50,442 --> 00:16:51,510 >> MY BOSS KEEPS TELLING ME I NEED TO STOP WEARING JEAN 377 00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:52,077 SHORTS. 378 00:16:52,144 --> 00:16:53,112 BUT I LIKE JEAN SHORTS. 379 00:16:53,178 --> 00:16:55,881 WHAT ARE YOUR FEELINGS ON JORTS IN THE WORKPLACE? 380 00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:57,983 >> James: STAND UP FOR US. 381 00:16:58,050 --> 00:17:00,018 LET'S HAVE A LOOK AT THE FULL JORTS. 382 00:17:00,085 --> 00:17:06,792 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] CHRIS, CHRIS HAS BEEN WEARING -- 383 00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:11,997 CHRIS HAS BEEN -- IAN, HOW LONG HAS CHRIS BEEN WEARING JEAN 384 00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:12,564 SHORTS TO WORK? 385 00:17:12,631 --> 00:17:13,799 DO YOU THINK SIX YEARS? 386 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:16,735 >> EIGHT YEARS, THE ENTIRE TIME HE'S BEEN AT THE SHOW WHICH IS 387 00:17:16,802 --> 00:17:21,373 THE ENTIRE TIME WE'VE HAD A SHOW, IT'S BEEN JORTS. 388 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:24,143 >> I FIND JEAN SHORTS ON MEN TO BE SLIGHTLY OFFENSIVE. 389 00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:26,612 THEY'RE RIGHT UP THERE WITH -- YOU KNOW WHAT? 390 00:17:26,678 --> 00:17:29,148 THEY'RE RIGHT UP THERE WITH FLIP-FLOPS AT THE WORKPLACE. 391 00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:32,017 I DON'T LIKE THAT EITHER, ESPECIALLY ON MEN, BECAUSE 392 00:17:32,084 --> 00:17:34,153 FLIP-FLOPS ARE KIND OF OUR SHOES. 393 00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:35,821 THEY'RE FOR WOMEN AND FOR GAY MEN. 394 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:38,457 THERE'S A SEASON WHERE MEN ARE ALLOWED TO WEAR THEM AND IT'S 395 00:17:38,524 --> 00:17:42,161 CALLED SUMMER AND YOU HAVE TO BE BY A WATER FEATURE AND I ALSO -- 396 00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:44,096 I FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT JEAN SHORTS. 397 00:17:44,163 --> 00:17:48,967 I FIND THAT MEN WHO WEAR THEM, LIKE I DON'T THINK THAT'S A 398 00:17:49,034 --> 00:17:50,102 SOLID FOOT FORWARD, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 399 00:17:50,169 --> 00:17:54,573 YOU WANT TO PUT YOUR BEST FOOT FORWARD OR MAYBE YOU DON'T 400 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:56,475 BECAUSE HE'S RETIRING OR WHATEVER HE'S DOING AND YOU 401 00:17:56,542 --> 00:17:58,877 DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE AT WORK THINK ABOUT YOU, BUT YOU 402 00:17:58,944 --> 00:18:00,012 SHOULD. 403 00:18:00,078 --> 00:18:01,980 I THINK A LONGER PANT IS A BETTER WAY TO PRESENT YOURSELF 404 00:18:02,047 --> 00:18:03,348 IN A WORKPLACE ENVIRONMENT. 405 00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:05,918 >> James: YEAH, I MEAN -- TO BE CLEAR, IT'S NOT -- IT ISN'T 406 00:18:05,984 --> 00:18:07,119 JUST ME. 407 00:18:07,186 --> 00:18:12,658 I THINK THIS JORTS THING HAS BEEN AN ISSUE COMPANY-WIDE WOULD 408 00:18:12,724 --> 00:18:13,859 YOU SAY? 409 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:17,596 >> IT'S ALSO -- WE -- WE DON'T -- NO GIRL IS LIKE, OH MY GOD, 410 00:18:17,663 --> 00:18:19,231 HE HAD THE HOTTEST JEAN SHORTS ON. 411 00:18:19,298 --> 00:18:20,532 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 412 00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:21,233 >> James: YEP. 413 00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:21,867 THAT'S IT. 414 00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:26,438 I APPRECIATE T THAT. 415 00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:28,173 >> I APPRECIATE YOUR HONESTY. 416 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:32,177 >> James: WILL THIS HAVE AN IMPACT AT ALL TOMORROW, 417 00:18:32,244 --> 00:18:33,011 LEADERSHIP AND. 418 00:18:33,078 --> 00:18:34,213 >> I PROBABLY WILL WEAR SOME TOMORROW. 419 00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:37,249 >> James: FINALLY, LET'S HEAR FROM ONE OF OUR WRITERS, CECE, 420 00:18:37,316 --> 00:18:39,251 RIGHT HERE. 421 00:18:39,318 --> 00:18:40,486 CECE, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? 422 00:18:40,552 --> 00:18:44,089 HO CAN CHELSEA HELP? 423 00:18:44,156 --> 00:18:45,924 >> MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER A LONG TIME. 424 00:18:45,991 --> 00:18:50,262 WE'RE INTERESTED IN SPICING THINGS UP A BIT. 425 00:18:50,329 --> 00:18:53,232 WHERE DO YOU STAND ON THRUPLES? 426 00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:58,036 >> USUALLY SOMEONE GETS LEFT OUT OF THE THRUPLE. 427 00:18:58,103 --> 00:19:02,808 IT STARTS OUT AS A GOOD IDEA THEN SOMEONE IS LEFT AT THE EDGE 428 00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:03,675 OF THE BED GOING WHAT ABOUT ME? 429 00:19:03,742 --> 00:19:04,776 YOU HAVE TO HAVE A LOT OF CONVERSATIONS. 430 00:19:04,843 --> 00:19:08,580 IF YOU'RE LOOKING TO SPICE THINGS UP -- I KNOW WE'RE ON 431 00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:13,151 NETWORK TELEVISION BUT THERE'S A LOT OF DIFFERENT ORIFICES YOU 432 00:19:13,218 --> 00:19:14,353 CAN STICK THINGS INTO. 433 00:19:14,419 --> 00:19:17,990 THERE'S ALWAYS ROOM FOR MORE EXPERIMENTATION. 434 00:19:18,056 --> 00:19:20,592 THINGS YOU THINK YOU CAN'T STAND YOU MIGHT LOVE. 435 00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:26,398 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ISN'T THAT RIGHT? 436 00:19:26,465 --> 00:19:26,832 RIGHT? 437 00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:27,566 COME ON, JAMES! 438 00:19:27,633 --> 00:19:32,371 >> James: AND I'M THAT BOMBSHELL. 439 00:19:32,437 --> 00:19:33,605 CHELSEA HANDLER, EVERYBODY. 440 00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:37,709 CHECK OUT HER BRILLIANT PODCAST WHEREVER YOU GET YOUR PODCAST. 441 00:19:37,776 --> 00:19:39,778 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH CHELSEA AND BILLY. 442 00:20:24,022 --> 00:20:33,198 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] HAVE A SEAT, PLEASE. 443 00:20:33,265 --> 00:20:35,367 >> HI, EVERYBODY! 444 00:20:35,434 --> 00:20:39,304 >> James: BILLY, WELCOME, WELCOME TO THE SHOW. 445 00:20:39,371 --> 00:20:40,472 CHELSEA HANDLER IS OF COURSE WITH US. 446 00:20:40,539 --> 00:20:41,974 THANK YOU FOR DOING LIFE ADVICE WITH US EARLIER. 447 00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:44,743 BILLY, WHAT'S THE BEST PIECE OF ADVICE YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED? 448 00:20:44,810 --> 00:20:47,613 >> I'M RECEIVED A LOT OF GOOD ADVICE BUT ONE OF THE BEST 449 00:20:47,679 --> 00:20:52,084 PIECES CAME FROM MY MENTOR GEORGE. 450 00:20:52,150 --> 00:20:56,021 HE SAID "NEVER WAIT FOR ANYBODY TO GIVE YOU NOTIFICATION TO 451 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:56,855 PRACTICE YOUR ART. 452 00:20:56,922 --> 00:21:00,425 YOU SHOULD BE DOING THAT ALL THE TIME." 453 00:21:00,492 --> 00:21:03,462 [APPLAUSE] "WHETHER PEOPLE ARE LISTENING OR 454 00:21:03,528 --> 00:21:04,630 NOT. 455 00:21:04,696 --> 00:21:07,599 "AND MOST OF THE TIME, THEY WON'T BE LISTENING." 456 00:21:07,666 --> 00:21:10,002 >> James: I LOVE THIS. 457 00:21:10,068 --> 00:21:12,404 I FEEL LIKE ENTIRE LIFE IS PERMISSION FOR YOUR ART, BECAUSE 458 00:21:12,471 --> 00:21:15,874 OBVIOUSLY, LOOK AT YOU TONIGHT, YOU'VE BEEN SO -- YOU'VE BECOME 459 00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:19,144 SO KNOWN OUTSIDE OF YOUR INCREDIBLE CAREER FOR BEING SUCH 460 00:21:19,211 --> 00:21:20,312 A TRAIL BLAZER IN FASHION. 461 00:21:20,379 --> 00:21:24,716 I MEAN, THIS ICONIC LOOK THERE WHICH IS YOU HERE DRESSED IN 462 00:21:24,783 --> 00:21:25,851 THIS TUXEDO DRESS! 463 00:21:25,917 --> 00:21:31,723 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] IT'S JUST BEEN SO SHOWCASED IN A 464 00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:34,059 MUSEUM IN LONDON. 465 00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:37,462 WHEN YOU CHOOSE TO WEAR THIS TO THE ACADEMY AWARDS, DID YOU 466 00:21:37,529 --> 00:21:40,632 REALIZE IT WOULD HAVE SUCH AN IMPACT ON FASHION AND IN 467 00:21:40,699 --> 00:21:41,233 CULTURE? 468 00:21:41,299 --> 00:21:42,401 >> THE SHORT ANSWER IS NO. 469 00:21:42,467 --> 00:21:45,937 THE OTHER ANSWER IS I HOPED IT WOULD. 470 00:21:46,004 --> 00:21:46,905 >> James: RIGHT. 471 00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:48,340 >> I HOPED IT WOULD HAVE SOME SORT OF IMPACT. 472 00:21:48,407 --> 00:21:52,010 I HAD NO IDEA THAT IT WOULD HAVE THE IMPACT THAT IT ACTUALLY HAS 473 00:21:52,077 --> 00:21:53,345 HAD. 474 00:21:53,412 --> 00:21:55,447 I COULD NEVER HAVE DREAMED THAT. 475 00:21:55,514 --> 00:21:58,984 >> James: WELL, IT'S A TRIUMPH. 476 00:21:59,051 --> 00:21:59,484 IT'S A TRIUMPH. 477 00:21:59,551 --> 00:22:00,719 IT'S IN THE MUSEUM. 478 00:22:00,786 --> 00:22:02,688 GO AND CHECK IT OUT. 479 00:22:02,754 --> 00:22:06,425 CHELSEEKERS YOU'VE BEEN FLYING ALL OVER THE COUNTRY FOR YOUR 480 00:22:06,491 --> 00:22:08,727 "VACCINATED AND HORNY TOUR." 481 00:22:08,794 --> 00:22:13,532 YOU'VE NOTICED A DISTURBING TREND GIVEN YOU'VE BEEN FLYING A 482 00:22:13,598 --> 00:22:15,133 LOT IN AIR TRAVEL. 483 00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:16,768 >> THIS IS VERY DISENCHANTING. 484 00:22:16,835 --> 00:22:20,605 THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO THINK IT'S OK TO TAKE THEIR BARE FEET OUT 485 00:22:20,672 --> 00:22:21,206 ON AIRPLANES. 486 00:22:21,273 --> 00:22:23,008 I WAS ON A FLIGHT -- UHG! 487 00:22:23,075 --> 00:22:28,180 AND THIS GUY HAD HIS TWO PAWS UP ON THE TELEVISION SCREEN, HIS 488 00:22:28,246 --> 00:22:32,984 BARE FEET WITH THE FEET AND HE WAS CHURNING THE STATION WITH -- 489 00:22:33,051 --> 00:22:33,719 >> James: NO! 490 00:22:33,785 --> 00:22:35,020 >> YES! 491 00:22:35,087 --> 00:22:36,021 WITH HIS TOE. 492 00:22:36,088 --> 00:22:38,056 I WAS LIKE -- I FELT LIKE I WAS BEING VIOLATED! 493 00:22:38,123 --> 00:22:39,491 I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT. 494 00:22:39,558 --> 00:22:43,795 SO I HAD TO MAKE A VIDEO ABOUT IT AND CALL OUT ALL THE AIRLINES 495 00:22:43,862 --> 00:22:45,430 BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT PEOPLE ARE THINKING. 496 00:22:45,497 --> 00:22:46,932 OBVIOUSLY, THIS IS POST COVID. 497 00:22:46,998 --> 00:22:50,035 PEOPLE NEED AN UPDATE ON ETIQUETTE. 498 00:22:50,102 --> 00:22:51,236 I WAS FLOODED. 499 00:22:51,303 --> 00:22:55,207 MY INBOX WAS FLOODED WITH DM'S OF PEOPLE WITH THEIR FEET OUT, 500 00:22:55,273 --> 00:22:58,043 PEOPLE WITH THEIR FEET ON THE CEILINGS. 501 00:22:58,110 --> 00:23:00,912 FLIGHT ATTENDANTS BOMBARDING ME SAYING YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, 502 00:23:00,979 --> 00:23:06,218 PEOPLE CHANGE THEIR BABY'S DIAPERS!U█ ON THE TRAY TABLE PEE 503 00:23:06,284 --> 00:23:06,785 EAT OFF. 504 00:23:06,852 --> 00:23:08,386 THAT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL! 505 00:23:08,453 --> 00:23:10,489 >> OH MY GOODNESS IS. 506 00:23:10,555 --> 00:23:16,094 >> YOU CAN'T TAKE OUT YOUR BABY'S SHDOOBIE AND PUT IT3 507 00:23:16,161 --> 00:23:17,262 THE TRAY TABLE. 508 00:23:17,329 --> 00:23:22,634 >> I TAKE MY SHOES OFF AND THEY GIVE ME COMPRESSION SOCKS. 509 00:23:22,701 --> 00:23:23,201 >> THAT'S FIRST CLASS. 510 00:23:23,268 --> 00:23:23,935 NOT EVERY CLASS. 511 00:23:24,002 --> 00:23:27,405 >> THAT IS FAIR, BUT WE'RE NOT -- 512 00:23:27,472 --> 00:23:27,973 >> I TRAVEL ECONOMY. 513 00:23:28,039 --> 00:23:29,074 THAT'S HOW I KNOW. 514 00:23:29,141 --> 00:23:31,743 >> James: WE'RE NOT SAYING IT'S THE REMOVAL OF A SHOE. 515 00:23:31,810 --> 00:23:34,112 >> I'M FINE WITH A SOCK. 516 00:23:34,179 --> 00:23:36,748 >> James: IT'S A BAREFOOT. 517 00:23:36,815 --> 00:23:37,983 >> YES. 518 00:23:38,049 --> 00:23:42,521 >> I SAW THAT GUY GET UP, GO IN THE BATHROOM BAREFOOT AND THEN 519 00:23:42,587 --> 00:23:44,356 WALK BACK TO HIS SEAT. 520 00:23:44,422 --> 00:23:44,923 >> THAT'S GROSS. 521 00:23:44,990 --> 00:23:45,390 >> THAT'S UNACCEPTABLE. 522 00:23:45,457 --> 00:23:46,558 >> IT IS. 523 00:23:46,625 --> 00:23:50,128 >> THEN I HEARD A STORY A FLIGHT ATTENDANT TOLD ME SOMEONE 524 00:23:50,195 --> 00:23:53,799 BROUGHT OYSTERS ON A PLANE, OYSTERS ON A PLANE TO GO, AND 525 00:23:53,865 --> 00:23:58,236 THEY PUT ALL THE CHEMISE IN -- ALL THE SHELLS IN A BAG UNDER 526 00:23:58,303 --> 00:23:59,004 THE SEAT. 527 00:23:59,070 --> 00:24:00,605 THINGS HAVE GOTTEN OUT OF CONTROL! 528 00:24:00,672 --> 00:24:01,873 >> YOU'RE RIGHT. 529 00:24:01,940 --> 00:24:03,074 YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 530 00:24:03,141 --> 00:24:09,381 >> WE NEED AN IN-FLIGHT MESSAGE FROM SOMEONE WHO CAN EXPLAIN 531 00:24:09,447 --> 00:24:10,215 THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. 532 00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:11,950 >> James: CAN I MAKE A SUGGESTION HERE? 533 00:24:12,017 --> 00:24:14,719 I THINK THE TWO OF YOU ARE ACTUALLY THE PERFECT PEOPLE TO 534 00:24:14,786 --> 00:24:18,056 MAKE AN IN-FLIGHT VIDEO WHICH PLAYS ON EVERY PLANE, EVERY 535 00:24:18,123 --> 00:24:23,762 PLANE ACROSS-THE-BOARD, BUT IT'S NOT A SAFETY VIDEO, IT'S AN 536 00:24:23,829 --> 00:24:26,064 ETIQUETTE VIDEO THT'S GOING THIS IS WHAT IS ACCEPTABLE. 537 00:24:26,131 --> 00:24:31,203 >> KEEP YOUR SOCKS ON, BITCHES! 538 00:24:31,269 --> 00:24:31,837 KEEP YOUR SOCKS ON. 539 00:24:31,903 --> 00:24:34,573 >> James: YOU TRAVEL A LOT. 540 00:24:34,639 --> 00:24:36,808 ANY PET PEEVES WHEN YOU ON A FLIGHT? 541 00:24:36,875 --> 00:24:39,444 >> MY PET PEEVE IS YOU CAN'T TALK ON THE FLIGHT SO I'M GOING 542 00:24:39,511 --> 00:24:43,081 TO SAY MY PET PEEVE IN GENERAL IS WHEN YOU'RE IN A QUIET PLACE 543 00:24:43,148 --> 00:24:49,554 AND SOMEONE'S ON THE PHONE AND THEY'RE YELLING. 544 00:24:49,621 --> 00:24:53,225 AND IT'S LIKE -- AND I'M A YELLER. 545 00:24:53,291 --> 00:24:56,728 I'M A YELLER. 546 00:24:56,795 --> 00:24:57,796 YES! 547 00:24:57,863 --> 00:24:58,096 YES, QUEEN! 548 00:24:58,163 --> 00:24:59,331 YES! 549 00:24:59,397 --> 00:25:01,666 NO, I'M A YELLER, AND SO I TAKE ONE EAR OUT TO MAKE SURE THAT 550 00:25:01,733 --> 00:25:03,401 I'M NOT YELLING. 551 00:25:03,468 --> 00:25:05,570 WHEN I TALK ON THE PHONE, I DO THAT. 552 00:25:05,637 --> 00:25:07,072 THAT'S MY BIGGEST PET PEEVE. 553 00:25:07,138 --> 00:25:14,045 >> PEOPLE WILL DO THAT, TOO, THEY'LL BE ON THE PLANES 554 00:25:14,112 --> 00:25:15,513 FACETIMING EVERYONE WITHOUT AIR PODS IN. 555 00:25:15,580 --> 00:25:18,250 I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THEIR STUPID CONVERSATION, YOU KNOW 556 00:25:18,316 --> 00:25:20,452 WHAT I MEAN? 557 00:25:20,518 --> 00:25:21,987 >> James: CHELSEEKERS BEFORE YOUR INCREDIBLE STAND-UP CAREER, 558 00:25:22,053 --> 00:25:24,589 WHEN YOU MOVED TO LOS ANGELES, YOU WANTED TO BECOME AN ACTOR. 559 00:25:24,656 --> 00:25:26,057 >> I DID, BUT -- YEAH, YEAH. 560 00:25:26,124 --> 00:25:27,459 >> James: HOW DID THE EARLY DAYS? 561 00:25:27,525 --> 00:25:28,727 WHAT WAS IT LIKE? 562 00:25:28,793 --> 00:25:30,862 DID YOU LAND ANY PARTS? 563 00:25:30,929 --> 00:25:31,463 DID YOU GET ANY GIGS? 564 00:25:31,529 --> 00:25:32,697 >> I GOT A COUPLE THINGS. 565 00:25:32,764 --> 00:25:35,066 I WASN'T REALLY GOOD WITH SAYING OTHER PEOPLE'S LINES WHICH IS 566 00:25:35,133 --> 00:25:38,770 WHY I BECAME A STAND-UP SO I COULD WRITE MY OWN MATERIAL. 567 00:25:38,837 --> 00:25:40,071 PEOPLE WOULD HAVE A SCRIPT. 568 00:25:40,138 --> 00:25:42,407 I'D BE LIKE, NO, I WANT TO DO IT THIS WAY. 569 00:25:42,474 --> 00:25:43,441 THEY'RE LIKE, NO. 570 00:25:43,508 --> 00:25:44,542 WE WROTE THIS. 571 00:25:44,609 --> 00:25:46,378 IT'S SO INSULTING TO WRITERS WHEN YOU DON'T READ THEIR 572 00:25:46,444 --> 00:25:47,846 MATERIAL, YOU KNOW? 573 00:25:47,913 --> 00:25:48,780 I WASN'T CONSIDERING THAT. 574 00:25:48,847 --> 00:25:51,950 THEN I GOT A ROLE -- WHAT WAS MY FIRST ROLE. 575 00:25:52,017 --> 00:25:57,188 ON "THE PRACTICE" I PLAYED A RAPE FILM ON "THE PRACTICE" THE 576 00:25:57,255 --> 00:25:59,391 SHOW WITH DYLAN MCDERMOTT. 577 00:25:59,457 --> 00:26:00,592 MY FATHER WATCHED IT. 578 00:26:00,659 --> 00:26:02,694 HE SAID, YOU SEEMED SO SAD. 579 00:26:02,761 --> 00:26:03,628 IT DIDN'T SEEM LIKE YOU. 580 00:26:03,695 --> 00:26:06,898 I SAID, I WAS PLAYING A RAPE VICTIM, DAD. 581 00:26:06,965 --> 00:26:09,067 I WAS IN COURT GIVING TESTIMONY ABOUT MY ATTACK. 582 00:26:09,134 --> 00:26:10,235 HE WAS LIKE, I DIDN'T LIKE IT. 583 00:26:10,302 --> 00:26:14,639 THAT WAS LIKE ONE THING I GOT, BUT I DIDN'T -- YEAH, I HAD 584 00:26:14,706 --> 00:26:17,642 AUDITIONS FOR A LOT OF THING WHERE THEY WOULD ASK FOR YOU TO 585 00:26:17,709 --> 00:26:18,443 DANCE OR SING. 586 00:26:18,510 --> 00:26:19,711 I CAN'T REALLY DO ANY OF THAT STUFF. 587 00:26:19,778 --> 00:26:21,913 THE LAST TIME I TRIED TO AUDITION FOR ANYTHING FOR 588 00:26:21,980 --> 00:26:26,718 DANCING WAS AT A CHEERLEADING -- MY CHEERLEADING AUDITIONS IN 589 00:26:26,785 --> 00:26:30,055 MIDDLE SCHOOL AND THE SCHOOL NURSE TESTED ME FOR SCOLIOSIS 590 00:26:30,121 --> 00:26:31,323 THE NEXT DAY. 591 00:26:31,389 --> 00:26:32,424 IT'S A TRUE STORY. 592 00:26:32,490 --> 00:26:33,658 >> James: WOW! 593 00:26:33,725 --> 00:26:36,227 >> AND THEN SHE ASKED ME FOR MY PROOF OF VACCINATION FOR POLIO 594 00:26:36,294 --> 00:26:38,029 BECAUE SHE'S LIKE SOMETHING UP IS WITH YOUR BODY. 595 00:26:38,096 --> 00:26:39,097 AND I WAS LIKE, OH. 596 00:26:39,164 --> 00:26:42,400 AND THEN I REALIZED I JUST HAD NO RHYTHM. 597 00:26:42,467 --> 00:26:44,002 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 598 00:26:44,069 --> 00:26:44,469 I CAN'T DANCE. 599 00:26:44,536 --> 00:26:45,670 I HAVE NO RHYTHM. 600 00:26:45,737 --> 00:26:55,480 IF I'M AT A PARTY AND ANYONE STARTS DANna. DANCING, I GO ANT 601 00:26:55,547 --> 00:26:56,081 IS SOMEWHERE. 602 00:26:56,147 --> 00:26:57,215 I TRY TO FIT IN. 603 00:26:57,282 --> 00:27:01,186 I JUST DON'T KNOW -- I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO THINK I CAN'T 604 00:27:01,252 --> 00:27:02,053 DANCE BUT I CAN'T. 605 00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:03,655 I KNOW TO STAY SEATED. 606 00:27:03,722 --> 00:27:06,291 IT'S LIKE I CAN'T FEEL THE RHYTHM. 607 00:27:06,358 --> 00:27:09,494 >> James: BILLY, YOU, OF COURSE, MULTI-AWARD WINNING 608 00:27:09,561 --> 00:27:12,864 ACTOR, STAGE ACTOR, FILM ACTOR, TV -- DID YOU KNOW THIS THAT 609 00:27:12,931 --> 00:27:18,503 YOUR NAME, YOUR NAME, YOU KNOW, CHELSEA HAD SOME UNSUCCESSFUL 610 00:27:18,570 --> 00:27:21,873 AUDITIONS BUT YOUR NAME HAS POPPED UP ON A LIST OF PEOPLE 611 00:27:21,940 --> 00:27:25,877 WHO COULD TAKE OVER FROM DANIEL CRAIG AS BOND, DID YOU KNOW 612 00:27:25,944 --> 00:27:26,244 THAT? 613 00:27:26,311 --> 00:27:26,811 IT'S THERE. 614 00:27:26,878 --> 00:27:27,445 IT'S THERE ON THE LIST! 615 00:27:27,512 --> 00:27:30,148 >> YOU HAVE TO SHOW ME THAT. 616 00:27:30,215 --> 00:27:30,749 I DON'T BELIEVE THAT! 617 00:27:30,815 --> 00:27:31,149 >> James: IT'S ON A LIST. 618 00:27:31,216 --> 00:27:31,916 IT'S TRUE. 619 00:27:31,983 --> 00:27:34,719 >> ALL RIGHT, WELL, I WOULD, BALD! 620 00:27:34,786 --> 00:27:40,158 JAMES BALD! 621 00:27:40,225 --> 00:27:41,593 -- BOND, JAMES BOND! 622 00:27:41,659 --> 00:27:47,999 I GOT A TONY AWARD FOR A BRITISH ACCENT, HONEY, IN BOOTS. 623 00:27:48,066 --> 00:27:49,934 I COULD BE BUTCH ENOUGH. 624 00:27:50,001 --> 00:27:53,004 >> I THINK THE WORLD IS READY FOR THAT. 625 00:27:53,071 --> 00:27:54,139 >> 100%. 626 00:27:54,205 --> 00:27:59,344 >> James: IS IT TRUE YOU AUDITIONED TO PLAY THE BAKER ON 627 00:27:59,411 --> 00:28:00,345 INTO THE WOODS? 628 00:28:00,412 --> 00:28:04,215 >> THERE'S A NEW REVIVAL ON BROADWAY RIGHT NOW. 629 00:28:04,282 --> 00:28:06,317 THE FIRST REVIVAL WAS AROUND 2001. 630 00:28:06,384 --> 00:28:09,487 I AUDITIONED FOR THE BAKER, THE PART YOU PLAYED IN THE MOVIE. 631 00:28:09,554 --> 00:28:14,025 AND THE DIRECTOR SAID, YEAH, YOU HAVE A LITTLE BIT TOO MUCH 632 00:28:14,092 --> 00:28:18,063 PIZAZZ. 633 00:28:18,129 --> 00:28:21,466 CODE: LET'S GET IT RIGHT FOR THE BAKER. 634 00:28:21,533 --> 00:28:22,500 I SAID WHAT ABOUT THE WITCH? 635 00:28:22,567 --> 00:28:23,935 DON'T PLAY WITH ME! 636 00:28:24,002 --> 00:28:26,037 THE WITCH IS USUALLY A WOMAN. 637 00:28:26,104 --> 00:28:28,273 IT WAS ORIGINALLY BERNADETTE PETERS. 638 00:28:28,339 --> 00:28:30,642 IT'S PATINA MILLER RIGHT NOW ON BROADWAY. 639 00:28:30,708 --> 00:28:31,776 I SAID PLEASE. 640 00:28:31,843 --> 00:28:33,878 HE SAID, WELL, TAKE THE MATERIAL, GO AWAY AND COME BACK 641 00:28:33,945 --> 00:28:36,548 IN A COUPLE OF DAYS AND LET ME SEE WHAT YOU DO WITH IT. 642 00:28:36,614 --> 00:28:37,882 I SAID I DON'T NEED TO. 643 00:28:37,949 --> 00:28:39,117 IT WAS MY FAVORITE MUSICAL. 644 00:28:39,184 --> 00:28:40,351 I CAN DO IT RIGHT NOW. 645 00:28:40,418 --> 00:28:41,019 HE SAID WHAT? 646 00:28:41,086 --> 00:28:42,754 I SAID I CAN DO IT RIGHT NOW. 647 00:28:42,821 --> 00:28:43,555 HIT IT. 648 00:28:43,621 --> 00:28:50,028 AND I HANG ♪ IT'S THE LAST MIDNIGHT 649 00:28:50,095 --> 00:29:00,038 ♪ IT'S THE LAST WISH ♪ IT'S THE LAST MIDNIGHT 650 00:29:00,105 --> 00:29:08,746 ♪ SOON IT WILL BE BOOM SQUISH ♪ >> James: OH MY, COME ON NOW! 651 00:29:08,813 --> 00:29:09,747 YOU HAVE TO PLAY THAT PART. 652 00:29:09,814 --> 00:29:10,882 >> DON'T PLAY WITH ME. 653 00:29:10,949 --> 00:29:12,450 >> James: YOU HAVE TO PLAY THAT PART. 654 00:29:12,517 --> 00:29:14,519 STICK AROUND, MORE WITH THESE TWO WHEN WE COME BACK. 655 00:29:31,970 --> 00:29:34,706 WE'RE BACK WITH CHELSEA HANDLER AND BILLY PORTER. 656 00:29:34,772 --> 00:29:40,011 BILLY, WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS UNBELIEVABLE PAPERBACK OF 657 00:29:40,078 --> 00:29:42,714 YOUR INCREDIBLE MEMOIR "UNPROTECTED." 658 00:29:42,780 --> 00:29:47,252 THE BOOK COVERS EVERY ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE. 659 00:29:47,318 --> 00:29:49,487 IT'S MORE THAN JUST A MEMOIR REALLY. 660 00:29:49,554 --> 00:29:50,522 WHAT'S THE RESPONSE BEEN TO THE BOOK? 661 00:29:50,588 --> 00:29:56,494 >> UM, THE RESPONSE HAS BEEN REALLY, UM, GREAT. 662 00:29:56,561 --> 00:29:57,695 YOU KNOW? 663 00:29:57,762 --> 00:30:06,171 I WANTED TO WRITE A BOOK THAT WAS ABOUT -- TALKING ABOUT HOW 664 00:30:06,237 --> 00:30:07,939 ART CAN HEAL TRAUMA. 665 00:30:08,006 --> 00:30:10,008 YOU KNOW, I'VE EMPLOYED THAT IN MY LIFE. 666 00:30:10,074 --> 00:30:13,878 MY ART HAS BEEN VERY HEALING TO ME AND MY HOPE IS THAT WHEN YOU 667 00:30:13,945 --> 00:30:18,016 READ IT, YOU KNOW, SOMEBODY ELSE CAN GET SET FREE. 668 00:30:18,082 --> 00:30:23,288 YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT A JUICY TELL ALL. 669 00:30:23,354 --> 00:30:26,357 IT'S A REAL, YOU KNOW, I REALLY, REALLY WENT DEEP. 670 00:30:26,424 --> 00:30:27,559 I WENT DEEP. 671 00:30:27,625 --> 00:30:30,428 >> James: THE BOOKENDS -- IT ENDS WITH THE LYRICS FROM A SONG 672 00:30:30,495 --> 00:30:36,501 THAT YOU WROTE CALLED "STRANGER THINGS. 673 00:30:36,568 --> 00:30:37,602 ." 674 00:30:37,669 --> 00:30:40,605 THIS IS YOU SINGING IT AT LAST NIGHT'S GLOBAL FESTIVAL. 675 00:30:40,672 --> 00:30:43,975 HAVE A LOOK AT THIS. 676 00:30:44,042 --> 00:30:46,044 >> ♪ I'M GOING TO KEEP IT TOGETHER 677 00:30:46,110 --> 00:30:48,780 AND MAKE IT GREAT FOR ALL ♪ BECAUSE STRANGER THINGS HAVE 678 00:30:48,846 --> 00:30:52,150 HAPPENED TO ME >> James: THE SONG IS 679 00:30:52,217 --> 00:30:53,184 BEAUTIFUL. 680 00:30:53,251 --> 00:30:54,185 IT'S SO POWERFUL. 681 00:30:54,252 --> 00:30:58,022 I THINK IT'S AMAZING YOU END WITH THE BOOK IN IT. 682 00:30:58,089 --> 00:31:00,558 WHAT'S ABOUT THE SONG THAT'S SO SIGNIFICANT? 683 00:31:00,625 --> 00:31:01,793 >> IT'S EMPOWERING. 684 00:31:01,859 --> 00:31:04,329 ONE OF THE THINGS I WANT TO TALK ABOUT AND I'VE BEEN TRYING TO 685 00:31:04,395 --> 00:31:09,167 TALK ABOUT IS WE'VE ALL BEEN THROUGH A VERY, VERY ROUGH 686 00:31:09,234 --> 00:31:11,836 COLLECTIVE TRAUMA AND WE'RE STILL IN THE MIDDLE OF IT. 687 00:31:11,903 --> 00:31:15,807 THE SONG SAYS "STRANGER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED TO ME." 688 00:31:15,873 --> 00:31:17,976 NONE OF THIS THAT WE'RE GOING THROUGH IS NEW. 689 00:31:18,042 --> 00:31:19,244 IT'S NOT NEW. 690 00:31:19,310 --> 00:31:21,779 STRANGER THINGS HAVE ALREADY HAPPENED TO ALL OF US. 691 00:31:21,846 --> 00:31:23,982 AND OUR ANCESTORS. 692 00:31:24,048 --> 00:31:24,682 SO DON'T BE SCARED. 693 00:31:24,749 --> 00:31:25,950 DON'T BE TERRIFIED. 694 00:31:26,017 --> 00:31:28,319 STAND UP FOR WHAT YOU KNOW IS RIGHT. 695 00:31:28,386 --> 00:31:31,556 SPEAK TRUTH TO POWER, RIGHT? 696 00:31:31,623 --> 00:31:34,392 STAND FOR SOMETHING OR YOU'LL FALL FOR ANYTHING. 697 00:31:34,459 --> 00:31:36,995 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] AND I JUST -- YOU KNOW -- THAT'S 698 00:31:37,061 --> 00:31:39,230 THE MESSAGE I'M TRYING TO GET OUT TO THE WORLD. 699 00:31:39,297 --> 00:31:40,465 >> James: IT'S BEAUTIFUL! 700 00:31:40,531 --> 00:31:43,668 LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS BECAUSE CHELSEA, YOU'VE RECENTLY BECOME 701 00:31:43,735 --> 00:31:47,071 AWARE OF A PHENOMENA THAT'S CALLED CUFFING SEASON. 702 00:31:47,138 --> 00:31:48,306 WHAT IS CUFFING SEASON FOR ANYONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW? 703 00:31:48,373 --> 00:31:51,776 >> THERE'S A LOT OF NEW TERMS BEING THROWN AROUND. 704 00:31:51,843 --> 00:31:52,944 ONE IS CUFFING. 705 00:31:53,011 --> 00:31:55,947 TAT'S WHEN YOU SHACK UP FOR SOMEONE THROUGH WINTER MONTHS 706 00:31:56,014 --> 00:31:57,315 BECAUSE IT'S COLD. 707 00:31:57,382 --> 00:32:00,285 IT'S SOMEONE BELOW YOUR STANDARDS BUT YOU'RE DESPERATE. 708 00:32:00,351 --> 00:32:03,021 KIND OF LIKE A COVID BOYFRIEND. 709 00:32:03,087 --> 00:32:04,255 YOU KNOW? 710 00:32:04,322 --> 00:32:05,990 THEN SOMETHING CALLED SOAKING WHICH I FOUND OUT ABOUT BECAUSE 711 00:32:06,057 --> 00:32:09,794 I POSTED A VIDEO ON MY INSTAGRAM ABOUT CUFFING THEN I WAS 712 00:32:09,861 --> 00:32:11,729 BOMBARDED WITH NEW INFORMATION. 713 00:32:11,796 --> 00:32:16,868 SOAKING IS A TERM WHERE IT'S FOR MORMONS, LADDER DAY SAINTS WHERE 714 00:32:16,934 --> 00:32:21,606 YOU PUT THE PENIS IN THE PIKACHU BUT YOU DON'T GO BACK-AND-FORTH 715 00:32:21,673 --> 00:32:22,774 BUT YOU LEAVE IT THERE. 716 00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:27,278 THAT'S THE WAY THEY GET AROUND PREMARITAL SEX FOR MORMONS. 717 00:32:27,345 --> 00:32:29,580 YOU PUT THE PENIS IN BUT YOU CAN'T MOVE IT AROUND. 718 00:32:29,647 --> 00:32:33,251 YOU CAN PUT THE WHOLE THING IN AND -- BUT I MEAN, IT'S REALLY 719 00:32:33,318 --> 00:32:35,653 HARD TO PUT -- HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO PUT A PENIS IN 720 00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:36,854 SOMETHING AND NOT MOVE IT? 721 00:32:36,921 --> 00:32:38,556 HAVE YOU? 722 00:32:38,623 --> 00:32:39,090 >> WOW! 723 00:32:39,157 --> 00:32:40,291 >> James: I'M TRYING. 724 00:32:40,358 --> 00:32:46,030 I'M TRYING TO THINK WHERE I HAV- >> YEAH, THAT'S A NEW TERM I 725 00:32:46,097 --> 00:32:46,731 HEARD. 726 00:32:46,798 --> 00:32:48,232 SOAKING AND CUFFING. 727 00:32:48,299 --> 00:32:54,405 CUFFING IS LIKE -- I DON'T THINK ANYONE SHOULD LOWER THEIR 728 00:32:54,472 --> 00:32:54,872 STANDARDS. 729 00:32:54,939 --> 00:32:56,174 NOT FOR THE COLD. 730 00:32:56,240 --> 00:32:57,608 CLIMATE CHANGE IS UPON US. 731 00:32:57,675 --> 00:33:06,484 I'M NOT GOING TO PARTICIPATE THAT KIND OF CHICANERY, JAMES. 732 00:33:06,551 --> 00:33:07,752 CHELSEA WILL BE PERFORMING THIS SATURDAY AT THE HARD ROCK HOTEL 733 00:33:07,819 --> 00:33:08,886 AND CASINO IN SACRAMENTO. 734 00:33:08,953 --> 00:33:10,888 GO TO CHELSEAHANDLER.COM FOR TOR AND TICKET INFORMATION. 735 00:33:10,955 --> 00:33:14,892 BILLY PORTER'S BOOK IS AVAILABLE EVERYWHERE, RIGHT NOW! 736 00:33:14,959 --> 00:33:17,362 REGGIE DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION FOR OUR GUESTS THIS EVENING? 737 00:33:17,428 --> 00:33:18,529 >> Reggie: YES, I DO. 738 00:33:18,596 --> 00:33:26,003 TONIGHT'S QUESTION GOES TO... 739 00:33:26,070 --> 00:33:29,307 BOTH OF OUR GUESTS. 740 00:33:29,374 --> 00:33:30,508 HERE IT GOES. 741 00:33:30,575 --> 00:33:34,612 UM, IF YOU WERE ON THE OCEAN AT ANY TIME OR ON A SEA, JUST A 742 00:33:34,679 --> 00:33:38,816 LARGE ENOUGH BODY OF WATER TO WHERE YOU CAN JUST SEE WATER NO 743 00:33:38,883 --> 00:33:41,652 MATTER WHERE YOU LOOKED AROUND YOU ON THE HORIZON, WOULD YOU 744 00:33:41,719 --> 00:33:46,157 BEFORE TO BE ABOVE WATER OR WOULD YOU PREFER TO BE IN A 745 00:33:46,224 --> 00:33:47,125 SUBMARINE? 746 00:33:47,191 --> 00:33:54,031 OR WOULD YOU PREFER TO JUST, YOU KNOW, JUST -- 747 00:33:54,098 --> 00:33:54,732 >> JUST WHAT? 748 00:33:54,799 --> 00:33:56,300 >> >> James: JUST BE? 749 00:33:56,367 --> 00:33:58,336 >> I WOULD BE ABOVE WATER. 750 00:33:58,403 --> 00:34:02,507 I LOVE CRUISING. 751 00:34:02,573 --> 00:34:06,177 I LOVE A GOOD MEDITERRANEAN CRUISE. 752 00:34:06,244 --> 00:34:07,412 YOU POP IN AND YOU POP OUT. 753 00:34:07,478 --> 00:34:08,312 I LIKE IT. 754 00:34:08,379 --> 00:34:10,281 THE HOTEL IS THE BOAT. 755 00:34:10,348 --> 00:34:12,784 YOU GET TO SEE A BUNCH OF PLA PLACES. 756 00:34:12,850 --> 00:34:14,018 I LIKE IT AT NIGHT TIME. 757 00:34:14,085 --> 00:34:16,287 YOU'RE ON THE -- YOU'RE IN THE CLUB. 758 00:34:16,354 --> 00:34:17,054 YOU CAN'T SEE NOTHING. 759 00:34:17,121 --> 00:34:18,523 I LIKE IT. 760 00:34:18,589 --> 00:34:19,791 >> YEAH, YEAH. 761 00:34:19,857 --> 00:34:27,498 I WOULD LIKE TO BE ABOVE WATER ON A YACHT WITH SELECTED PEOPLE. 762 00:34:27,565 --> 00:34:32,069 >> I CRUISE WITH GAY PEOPLE SO -- ATLANTIS CRUISE EVENTS. 763 00:34:32,136 --> 00:34:33,204 I DO THAT A LOT. 764 00:34:33,271 --> 00:34:36,541 I LIKE IT BECAUSE I'M WITH THE BOYS. 765 00:34:36,607 --> 00:34:38,009 >> James: REG? 766 00:34:38,075 --> 00:34:41,846 >> Reggie: ♪ LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE BOYS ♪ 767 00:34:41,913 --> 00:34:42,613 IT'S CORRECT. 768 00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:44,015 >> James: IT'S ABSOLUTELY CORRECT. 769 00:34:44,081 --> 00:34:46,083 STICK AROUND, ANDY GRAMMER IS HEE WHEN WE COME BACK. 770 00:35:02,967 --> 00:35:03,835 >> James: WELCOME BACK. 771 00:35:03,901 --> 00:35:04,936 I'M HERE AT "THE LATE LATE SHOW" CANDY BAR. 772 00:35:05,002 --> 00:35:07,038 PERFORMING HIS LATEST SINGLE, "SAVED MY LIFE," 773 00:35:07,104 --> 00:35:12,109 WHICH IS OUT NOW, PLEASE WELCOME ANDY GRAMMER! 774 00:35:12,176 --> 00:35:17,515 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ WHOA 775 00:35:17,582 --> 00:35:22,487 WHOA ♪ I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW 776 00:35:22,553 --> 00:35:27,425 YOU SAVED MY LIFE ♪ I DON'T THINK YOU REALIZE 777 00:35:27,492 --> 00:35:33,631 WHAT YOU'VE DONE ♪ FOR ME 778 00:35:33,698 --> 00:35:36,801 OH-OH ♪ I DON'T THINK YOU REALIZE 779 00:35:36,868 --> 00:35:42,373 WHAT A LITTLE LOVE ♪ COULD MEAN 780 00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:45,610 OH, YOU ♪ YOU STAYED BY MY SIDE 781 00:35:45,676 --> 00:35:47,345 AND YOU ♪ YOU KEEP ON THE LIGHTS 782 00:35:47,411 --> 00:35:50,481 AND YOU KNEW ♪ JUST WHAT TO SAY 783 00:35:50,548 --> 00:35:54,485 WHEN I WAS FADIN' SOMETIMES 784 00:35:54,552 --> 00:35:59,123 ALL THAT YOU NEED IS ♪ SOMEONE WHO CAN BELIEVE IN YOU 785 00:35:59,190 --> 00:36:03,928 MORE THAN YOU DO ♪ I WAS LOST UNTIL I 786 00:36:03,995 --> 00:36:06,764 SAW YOUR HALO ♪ I WAS BLIND UNTIL I 787 00:36:06,831 --> 00:36:11,769 SAW YOUR LIGHT ♪ I BELIEVE, OH, FRIEND 788 00:36:11,836 --> 00:36:17,775 WE ALL HAVE ANGELS AND YOU ARE MINE 789 00:36:17,842 --> 00:36:21,012 ♪ I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW YOU SAVED MY LIFE 790 00:36:21,078 --> 00:36:27,018 ♪ WHOA-OH-OH WHOA-OH-OH 791 00:36:27,084 --> 00:36:30,087 ♪ I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW YOU SAVED MY LIFE 792 00:36:30,154 --> 00:36:36,327 ♪ WHOA-OH-OH WHOA-OH-OH 793 00:36:36,394 --> 00:36:39,597 ♪ I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW YOU SAVED MY LIFE 794 00:36:39,664 --> 00:36:45,202 ♪ I DON'T THINK YOU REALIZE WHAT YOUR WORDS 795 00:36:45,269 --> 00:36:49,674 ♪ CAN DO OH-OH 796 00:36:49,740 --> 00:36:53,911 ♪ THE WHOLE WORLD WAS FALLIN' ALL 'ROUND ME 797 00:36:53,978 --> 00:36:57,114 ♪ BUT I HELD ON TO YOU 798 00:36:57,181 --> 00:36:59,684 ♪ OH, YOU YOU STAYED BY MY SIDE 799 00:36:59,750 --> 00:37:01,786 ♪ AND YOU YOU KEEP ON THE LIGHTS 800 00:37:01,852 --> 00:37:04,155 ♪ AND YOU KNEW JUST WHAT TO SAY 801 00:37:04,221 --> 00:37:07,625 ♪ WHEN I WAS FADIN' SOMETIMES 802 00:37:07,692 --> 00:37:10,528 ♪ ALL THAT YOU NEED IS SOMEONE WHO CAN 803 00:37:10,595 --> 00:37:15,600 ♪ BELIEVE IN YOU MORE THAN YOU DO 804 00:37:15,666 --> 00:37:20,638 ♪ I WAS LOST UNTIL I SAW YOUR HALO 805 00:37:20,705 --> 00:37:24,809 ♪ I WAS BLIND UNTIL I SAW YOUR LIGHT 806 00:37:24,875 --> 00:37:27,445 ♪ I BELIEVE OH, FRIEND 807 00:37:27,511 --> 00:37:32,950 ♪ WE ALL HAVE ANGELS AND YOU ARE MINE 808 00:37:33,017 --> 00:37:35,920 ♪ I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW YOU SAVED MY LIFE 809 00:37:35,987 --> 00:37:42,026 ♪ WHOA-OH-OH WHOA-OH-OH 810 00:37:42,093 --> 00:37:44,996 ♪ I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW YOU SAVED MY LIFE 811 00:37:45,062 --> 00:37:48,432 ♪ I WAS LOST UNTIL I SAW YOUR HALO 812 00:37:48,499 --> 00:37:53,204 ♪ I WAS BLIND UNTIL I SAW YOUR LIGHT 813 00:37:53,270 --> 00:37:55,573 ♪ I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW YOU SAVED MY LIFE 814 00:37:55,640 --> 00:37:57,808 ♪ I BELIEVE, OH, FRIEND WE ALL HAVE ANGELS 815 00:37:57,875 --> 00:38:05,683 ♪ AND YOU ARE MINE ♪ I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW 816 00:38:05,750 --> 00:38:09,654 YOU SAVED MY LIFE ♪ ♪ WHOA-OH-OH 817 00:38:09,720 --> 00:38:12,289 WHOA-OH-OH ♪ I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW 818 00:38:12,356 --> 00:38:15,626 YOU SAVED MY LIFE ♪ ♪ WHOA-OH-OH 819 00:38:15,693 --> 00:38:21,399 WHOA-OH-OH ♪ I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW 820 00:38:21,465 --> 00:38:27,738 YOU SAVED MY LIFE ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 821 00:38:27,805 --> 00:38:28,572 >> James: WHAT ABOUT THAT? 822 00:38:28,639 --> 00:38:30,675 ANDY GRAMMER, EVERYBODY! 823 00:38:30,741 --> 00:38:31,108 OH. 824 00:38:31,175 --> 00:38:31,575 THANK YOU, MAN. 825 00:38:31,642 --> 00:38:33,577 THANK YOU SO MUCH! 826 00:38:33,644 --> 00:38:34,111 ANDY GRAMMER, EVERYBODY! 827 00:38:34,178 --> 00:38:36,180 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK! 828 00:38:51,996 --> 00:38:55,032 TOMORROW NIGHT, JOSH GAD WILL JOIN US, FRED ARMISEN WILL BE 829 00:38:55,099 --> 00:38:56,567 HERE, AND WE'LL HAVE MUSIC FROM THE BIG PINK. 830 00:38:56,634 --> 00:38:57,501 WE HOPE YOU'LL JOIN US, TOO. 831 00:38:57,568 --> 00:38:58,469 WE'LL SEE YOU THEN. 832 00:38:58,536 --> 00:39:00,471 REGGIE, TAKE US HOME.