1 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:10,910 ♪ THAT'S RIGHT. 2 00:00:10,977 --> 00:00:18,518 ♪ IT'S THE JAMES CORDEN SHOW. THE "LATE, LATE SHOW." 3 00:00:18,585 --> 00:00:22,689 GUYS, I'M SO HAPPY TO INTRODUCE FOR THE FIRST TIME ON 4 00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:32,632 TELEVISION, CHECK IT OUT, IS' PRETTY GREAT, IT'S JAMES CORDEN. 5 00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:40,774 >> James: HOW ARE YOU? THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH. 6 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:44,811 BLESS I, EVERYBODY, I APPRECIATE T I REALLY, REALLY DO. 7 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:47,981 HELLO, GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME TO THE "LATE, LATE SHOW." 8 00:00:48,047 --> 00:00:51,351 HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVE. THANKS FOR TUNING IN. 9 00:00:51,418 --> 00:00:54,754 THANKS FOR COMING TO HANG OUT FOR A LITTLE BIT. 10 00:00:54,821 --> 00:00:56,556 LET'S SEE WHO THE GUESTS ARE ON THE SHOW TONIGHT! 11 00:00:56,623 --> 00:01:00,727 SHE'S AN EMMY-NOMINATED ACTRESS YOU KNOW AND LOVE FROM "GREEN 12 00:01:00,794 --> 00:01:03,062 BOOK," "BLOODLINE" AND THE SMASH, "DEAD TO ME," THE 13 00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:07,600 ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTFUL, LINDA CARDELLINI! 14 00:01:07,667 --> 00:01:08,968 HERE TONIGHT, LINDA, HOW ARE YOU. 15 00:01:09,035 --> 00:01:11,771 >> I'M GREAT, HAPPY THANKSGIVING. 16 00:01:11,838 --> 00:01:14,507 >> James: HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVE, HOW IS IT GOING, ALL READY 17 00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:17,243 AND PREPPED FOR TOMORROW. >> I AM READY, PIES IN OT VEN, 18 00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:19,579 WAITING FOR YOU TO COME OVER FOR DINNER. 19 00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:23,016 >> James: THIS IS GLORIOUS, BLESS YOU FOR BEING HERE. 20 00:01:23,082 --> 00:01:24,918 LINDA CARDELLINI, EVERYBODY. AND 21 00:01:24,984 --> 00:01:28,688 HE'S AN EMMY-NOMINATED COMEDIAN, WRITER AND DIRECTOR WITH A 22 00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:32,859 BRILLIANT NEW NETFLIX SPECIAL CALLED "BLOCKS." 23 00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,294 I URGE YOU TO GO AND LOOK FOR IT, IT IS SO GOOD AND YOU CAN 24 00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:35,562 GET TICKETS FOR HIS "BRAND NEW NEAL" 25 00:01:35,628 --> 00:01:39,666 U.S. TOUR ARE AVAILABLE NOW, THE SINGULAR, THE HILARIOUS, NEAL 26 00:01:39,732 --> 00:01:43,269 BRENNAN! IS HERE TONIGHT. 27 00:01:43,336 --> 00:01:45,738 THERE HE IS. >> HEY BUDDY. 28 00:01:45,805 --> 00:01:47,774 >> James: HOW IS IT GOING? HOW ARE YOU? 29 00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:49,609 I'M THRILLED ARE YOU HERE ON THE SHOW. 30 00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:52,078 >> I'M VERY EXCITED TO BE HERE. >> James: IT DOESN'T FEEL IT 31 00:01:52,145 --> 00:01:54,013 WHEN YOU SAY IT LIKE THAT, IT DOESN'T. 32 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:56,483 >> NO, I AM, I REALLY AM. >> James: IS THAT AN 11. 33 00:01:56,549 --> 00:01:59,886 >> NO, THIS IS LIKE A ZOOM, BASICALLY, I AM LOOKING, YOU 34 00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:02,489 KNOW WHAT I MEAN. I CAN'T WAIT TO TOUCH YOU AND 35 00:02:02,555 --> 00:02:04,924 SNUGGLE YOU. >> James: OKAY, WELL, I CANNOT 36 00:02:04,991 --> 00:02:10,697 WAIT FOR YOU TO TOUCH ME ALSO. I AM SO THRILLED THAT YOU ARE 37 00:02:10,763 --> 00:02:13,867 HERE. WE LOVE OU, NEAL BRENNAN, 38 00:02:13,933 --> 00:02:15,001 EVERYBODY. AND 39 00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:16,369 HE'S A TREMENDOUSLY TALENTED STAND-UP COMEDIAN AND WE'RE 40 00:02:16,436 --> 00:02:19,305 THRILLED HE'LL BE MAKING HIS LATE-NIGHT DEBUT HERE 41 00:02:19,372 --> 00:02:22,408 WITH US TONIGHT. THE ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT, 42 00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:27,780 IT'S GIANMARCO SORESI! HERE TONIGHT, HOW ARE YOU, ARE 43 00:02:27,847 --> 00:02:30,116 YOU OKAY? >> NO, YOU WANT TO COME IN? 44 00:02:30,183 --> 00:02:37,023 >> James: SURE, YEAH. REALLY, YOU WANT US TO COME IN, 45 00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:40,093 IT SEEMS LIKE YOU MIGHT BE A LITTLE BUSY, NO? 46 00:02:40,159 --> 00:02:43,162 >> NO, I'M GOOD. I SAVED SOME GRAPES FOR YOU. 47 00:02:43,229 --> 00:02:49,669 >> James: I HAVE NEVER IN 1,134 EPISODES BEEN THIS AROUSED 48 00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:54,140 HOSTING THE SHOW. I AM GOING TO BE THERE. 49 00:02:54,207 --> 00:02:59,312 WHEN WE ROLL THE TITLES. GIANMARCO SORESI, ARE YOU READY? 50 00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:00,947 THEN LET'S, I'M JAMES CORDEN, THIS IS THE "LATE, LATE SHOW," 51 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:09,289 ROLL THE TITLES. 52 00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:16,162 ♪ THE LATE LATE SHOW, OH, OH THE LATE LATE SHOW, WOO! 53 00:03:16,229 --> 00:03:18,431 ♪ THE LATE LATE SHOW, OH, OH THE LATE LATE SHOW OH-OH! 54 00:03:18,498 --> 00:03:25,238 ♪ IT'S THE LATE, LATE SHOW ♪ >> James: IT CERTAINLY IS! 55 00:03:25,305 --> 00:03:27,473 HEY, THANK GIVING EVE, THIS IS IT. 56 00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:31,711 THIS IS IT. YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE TO DO 57 00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:34,747 THANKSGIVING EVE, I IMAGINE HOW MANY PEOPLE RIGHT NOW, ARE 58 00:03:34,814 --> 00:03:43,222 WATCHING THIS LIKE IN THEIR OLD CHILDHOOD BEDROOM ON ONE OF 59 00:03:43,289 --> 00:03:46,125 THOSE TVS ON A BRACKET, DO YOU REMEMBER THAT, YOU USED TO CALL 60 00:03:46,192 --> 00:03:49,462 IT A PORTABLE TV AND YOU ARE LIKE THAT IS NOT PORTABLE IN 61 00:03:49,529 --> 00:03:51,531 ANYWAY. >> NO. 62 00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:54,801 >> James: IS IT A BIG DRINKER, THE NIGHT BEFORE THANKSGIVING. 63 00:03:54,867 --> 00:03:57,937 >> OH YEAH, THIS IS THE BIG GET DRUNK WITH PEOPLE YOU WENT TO 64 00:03:58,004 --> 00:04:01,841 HIGH SCHOOL WITH EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE NOW IN YOUR 30S DURING THE 65 00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:02,775 HOLIDAY. >> James: YES. 66 00:04:02,842 --> 00:04:06,512 FOR US AT HOME, THAT IS LIKE CHRISTMAS EVE. 67 00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:09,215 >> OKAY. >> James: THAT IS WHAT YOU DO 68 00:04:09,282 --> 00:04:12,685 CHRISTMAS EVE. IF I WENT BACK TO THE CROWN,, IN 69 00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:14,320 HAZELMERE I CAN GUARANTEE YOU THIS IS THE FIRST TIME ANYONE 70 00:04:14,387 --> 00:04:18,324 HAS EVER MENTIONED THE CROWN IN HAZELMERE ON LATE-NIGHT 71 00:04:18,391 --> 00:04:22,829 TELEVISION. IF I WENT BACK THERE, ARGUABLY 72 00:04:22,895 --> 00:04:26,633 ANY FRIDAY OR SATURDAY BUT PARTICULARLY CHRISTMAS EVE, I 73 00:04:26,699 --> 00:04:30,003 WOULD SEE 20 PEOPLE I WENT TO DISOOL WITH. 74 00:04:30,069 --> 00:04:31,404 >> YEAH. BACK IN BEAVERTON, IF YOU GO TO 75 00:04:31,471 --> 00:04:36,175 LIKE THE MAD GREEK TAVERNA THE NIGHT BEFORE THANKSGIVING, YOUR 76 00:04:36,242 --> 00:04:40,013 NIGHT STARTS WITH CARMEL, HOW-- KARMEL, HOW THE HELL ARE 77 00:04:40,079 --> 00:04:45,818 YOU, TWO HOURS ARE YOU HAMMERED AND THIS GUY IS LIKE, SHE NEVER 78 00:04:45,885 --> 00:04:48,087 LOVED ME. >> James: I IMAGINE YOU GET 79 00:04:48,154 --> 00:04:51,724 PRETTY BUSY AROUND THIS TIME. >> I DO. 80 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:57,830 I'M NOT COOKING THIS YEAR. MY MOTHER IN LAW-- MY 81 00:04:57,897 --> 00:05:00,233 MOTHER-IN-LAW PAM IS DOING THE COOKING. 82 00:05:00,299 --> 00:05:02,702 AND SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE IS DOING. IT IS GOING TO BE PRETTY GREAT. 83 00:05:02,769 --> 00:05:05,471 >> James: REALLY. >> PAM KNOWS WHAT SHE IS DOING. 84 00:05:05,538 --> 00:05:10,176 AND HER HUSBAND BRUCE IS SMOKING A HAM AND THE TURKEY. 85 00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:15,281 IN THE SMOKER. >> James: SMOKING PAM HAM 86 00:05:15,348 --> 00:05:17,417 AND-- . >> YOU KNOW HOW TO COOK IF YOUR 87 00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:21,888 NAME IS PAM, BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO COOK YOU GO BY 88 00:05:21,954 --> 00:05:23,990 PAMELA. >> James: HUNDRED PERCENT. 89 00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:26,159 YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. >> YEAH. 90 00:05:26,225 --> 00:05:29,862 >> James: AND EQUALLY, IF YOUR NAME IS BRUCE YOU BETTER KNOW 91 00:05:29,929 --> 00:05:34,000 HOW TO SMOKE A [BLEEP] HAM OR YOU AIN'T NO BRUCE TO ME. 92 00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:36,235 HUH-UH. >> YOU DON'T GET TO BE BORN 93 00:05:36,302 --> 00:05:39,472 BRUCE, YOU EARN BRUCE WHEN YOU SMOKE A HAM. 94 00:05:39,539 --> 00:05:41,941 BEFORE THAT YOUR NAME IS LIKE KEVIN OR SOMETHING. 95 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:44,544 >> James: YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 96 00:05:44,610 --> 00:05:47,280 THAT IS A VERY GOOD POINT. NOBODY SHOULD BE BORN BRUCE. 97 00:05:47,346 --> 00:05:49,015 >> YOU SHOULD EARN BRUCE. >> James: YOU SHOULD EARN THE 98 00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:53,052 RIGHT TO BE A BRUCE. >> YEAH, IT SHOULD BE LIKE A 99 00:05:53,119 --> 00:05:55,421 DOCTORATE, YOU HAVE TO SMOKE HAM FOR SEVEN YEARS. 100 00:05:55,488 --> 00:05:58,758 >> James: YOU ARE RIGHT, YOU PUT UP ENOUGH-- SMOKE ENOUGH 101 00:05:58,825 --> 00:06:01,894 HAM, CHANGE A STRANGER'S TIRE, AND ALL OF THE FAMILY SHOULD GET 102 00:06:01,961 --> 00:06:09,302 TOGETHER AND THEY SAY LIKE ALLEN, ALLEN WALKS IN AND THEY 103 00:06:09,368 --> 00:06:12,939 ALL GO SURPRISE, AND ALLEN GOES WHAT IS GOING ON. 104 00:06:13,005 --> 00:06:16,342 ALLEN, WE GOT A LETTER TODAY. YOU HAVE BEEN FORMALLY MADE A 105 00:06:16,409 --> 00:06:23,583 BRUCE. AND EVERYONE IS LIKE OH MY GOD! 106 00:06:23,649 --> 00:06:26,085 (APPLAUSE). >> James: IT'S THAT TIME, IT'S 107 00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:37,597 TIME FOR THE NEWS. ♪ YOU HOPE YOU DIDN'T OVEREAT 108 00:06:37,663 --> 00:06:44,437 BUT NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE NEWS. (APPLAUSE). 109 00:06:44,504 --> 00:06:48,141 >> James: I LOVE THAT. AND 110 00:06:48,207 --> 00:06:49,375 TOMORROW, BE SURE TO SHOW SOME EXTRA GRATITUDE TO WHOEVER 111 00:06:49,442 --> 00:06:52,478 IS HOSTING YOUR DINNER, BECAUSE, THIS YEAR, THANKSGIVING MEAL 112 00:06:52,545 --> 00:06:55,248 PRICES HAVE RISEN TO AN ALL-TIME RECORD HIGH. 113 00:06:55,314 --> 00:07:00,153 IN OTHER WORDS, IT'S GOING TO COST YOU AN ARM 114 00:07:00,219 --> 00:07:03,089 AND A LEG FOR A WING AND A THIGH. 115 00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:05,324 PRICES ARE UP BECAUSE OF INFLATION AND SUPPLY CHAIN 116 00:07:05,391 --> 00:07:07,960 ISSUES. SO DON'T BE SURPRISED IF THIS 117 00:07:08,027 --> 00:07:10,696 YEAR, THE CANDIED YAMS ARE JUST A POTATO WITH A STARBURST 118 00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:15,368 IN IT. A NEW RECORD HIGH FOR 119 00:07:15,434 --> 00:07:18,471 THANKSGIVING FOOD ITEMS. YOU KNOW HOW THE ECONOMISTS 120 00:07:18,538 --> 00:07:26,445 FIGURED THIS OUT? PIE CHART. 121 00:07:26,512 --> 00:07:30,183 IS THAT YOUR JOKE, JOHN, OH S IT NOT. 122 00:07:30,249 --> 00:07:32,084 >> NO. >> James: IT IS NOT YOUR JOKE. 123 00:07:32,151 --> 00:07:33,052 >> NO. >> James: WHY WERE YOU SO 124 00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,287 PASSIONATE. >> TEAM SPIRIT. 125 00:07:34,353 --> 00:07:37,557 >> James: TEAM SPIRIT. >> WHOEVER DID IT, IT WAS 126 00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:38,791 HILARIOUS. AND DID YOU GUYS HEAR THIS? 127 00:07:38,858 --> 00:07:41,961 66% OF AMERICANS PREFER SIDES TO THEIR HOLIDAY MAIN COURSES. 128 00:07:42,028 --> 00:07:45,898 IT'S TRUE, HALF OF THE UNITED STATES SAYS THEY'D BE 129 00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:47,834 CONTENT WITH ONLY SIDES ON THEIR HOLIDAY PLATE. 130 00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:52,071 BE SURE TO MENTION THAT TO WHOEVER JUST SPENT AN ENTIRE DAY 131 00:07:52,138 --> 00:08:00,146 BASTING A MASSIVE TURKEY. HERE IS WHAT I THINK, RIGHT, 132 00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:04,016 ANYTHING CAN BE A SIDE IF YOU'RE A FREAK LIKE ME. 133 00:08:04,083 --> 00:08:09,956 POT ROAST? SIDE. 134 00:08:10,022 --> 00:08:11,858 HAMBURGER? SIDE. 135 00:08:11,924 --> 00:08:19,966 IT'S ALL SIDES FOR ME, BABY. 136 00:08:20,032 --> 00:08:21,067 I DON'T. >> JUST WHEREVER YOU PUT IT ON 137 00:08:21,133 --> 00:08:22,368 THE PLATE T IS OFF TO THE SIDE, BABY THAT IS A SIDE. 138 00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:25,171 >> James: HIT ME, BEST AND WORST SIDES. 139 00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:27,473 >> THE BEST SIDE ON THANKSGIVING IS STUFFING. 140 00:08:27,540 --> 00:08:31,143 >> James: I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS, YOUR STUFFING IS KIND OF 141 00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:35,882 CRAZY. >> WE-- OUR STUFFING RUNS THE 142 00:08:35,948 --> 00:08:38,150 GAMUT THERE IS SOME CRAZY STUFF. >> James: YOUR STUFFING IS 143 00:08:38,217 --> 00:08:42,421 LIKE BIG LUMPS OF BREAD. >> IT'S BREAD SMOKED IN SAUSAGE 144 00:08:42,488 --> 00:08:49,996 JUICE, IT'S GREAT, IT'S PERFECT. JPS WHAT IS YOUR STUFFING? 145 00:08:50,062 --> 00:08:54,100 WELL, OUR STUFFING WE JUST HAVE A LOT MORE MEAT IN IT. 146 00:08:54,166 --> 00:08:59,305 SO IT WOULD BE LIKE SAUSAGE MEAT, ROSEMARY. 147 00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:02,775 ONE I DID ONCE ONE YEAR, PETE, YOU MIGHT WANT TO MOVE THE 148 00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:06,178 CAMERA BECAUSE ARE YOU GUARANTEED TO HAVE AN A RECTION 149 00:09:06,245 --> 00:09:14,687 WHEN I FINISHED. IT WAS SAUSAGE MEAT, SAUSAGE 150 00:09:14,754 --> 00:09:19,325 MEAT, SAUSAGE MEAT, SAGE, HESTNUT AND THIS IS GOING TO 151 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:25,031 APP RECOT, AND THAT, WHAT WE DO IS WE PUT IT IN THE BIRD. 152 00:09:25,097 --> 00:09:29,402 YOU PUT IT IN THE BIRD. >> YEAH. 153 00:09:29,468 --> 00:09:30,603 >> WE DO THAT. YEAH. 154 00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:32,371 >> James: SO STUFFING IS NUMBER ONE. 155 00:09:32,438 --> 00:09:39,245 WORST? >> STUFFING WITH CELERYNIN IT. 156 00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:43,149 >> James: SO I'M NOT DOING WHAT I WOULD CALL AN AMERICAN 157 00:09:43,215 --> 00:09:47,086 THANKSGIVING TOMORROW. CUZ I'M JUST DONE WITH PUTTING 158 00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:49,488 MARSHMALLOWS IN. IT MAKES NO SENSE TO ME. 159 00:09:49,555 --> 00:09:55,227 IT MAKES NO SENSE, LIKE I DON'T KNOW HOW IT HAPPENS, WHY IT 160 00:09:55,294 --> 00:09:56,796 HAPPENS. NO ONE WOULD EVER BE LIKE OH 161 00:09:56,862 --> 00:10:03,703 WHAT'S THAT, IT IS SORT OF, IT'S SWEET POTATOE WITH JELLY BEANS. 162 00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:07,707 JUST NEVER HAVE IT. >> SAVE IT FOR THE PIE, THE 163 00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:10,576 POTATOES DON'T NEED TO BE PIE. >> James: I'M ALSO NOT DOING A 164 00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:13,879 PIE. >> WHAT? 165 00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:17,717 WHY? >> James:-- AND BERRIES I'M 166 00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:21,120 GENIUSLY SERIOUS. >> I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU HOPE TO 167 00:10:21,187 --> 00:10:22,254 CONTINUE WITH THE SHOW AFTER THAT. 168 00:10:22,321 --> 00:10:24,357 >> THAT'S TOO MUCH. >> James: I HAVE NEVER REALLY 169 00:10:24,423 --> 00:10:28,527 FEEL LIKE OH, YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT NOW, I'M IN A 170 00:10:28,594 --> 00:10:32,431 FOOD COMA, SOME PIE. >> COME ON, YOU ARE MAKING A PIE 171 00:10:32,498 --> 00:10:34,567 DECISION FOR EVERYONE ELSE AT YOUR THANKSGIVING. 172 00:10:34,633 --> 00:10:38,237 THERE IS GOING TO BE NO PIE, SO YOU WILL STAND THERE IN FRONT OF 173 00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:42,074 YOUR FAMILY AND GOD AND EVERYONE AND SAY IT'S BERRIES, THAT IS A 174 00:10:42,141 --> 00:10:45,177 THING ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO PEOPLE YOU LOVE T IS 175 00:10:45,244 --> 00:10:46,946 THANKSGIVING, MAYBE OUR LAST ONE IN AMERICA. 176 00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:52,752 I'M NOT DONE. MAYBE OUR LAST ONE IN AMERICA, 177 00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:55,821 FOR AWHILE. AND YOU'RE GOING TO SAY HERE IS 178 00:10:55,888 --> 00:11:01,861 THE SELECTION OF FRESH BERRIES? I DON'T KNOW WHO THE [BLEEP] YOU 179 00:11:01,927 --> 00:11:14,073 ARE ANY MORE. >> James: YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY 180 00:11:14,140 --> 00:11:17,443 RIGHT. COMPLETELY [BLEEP] UP. 181 00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:19,545 >> ARE YOU REALLY JUST GOING DO BERRIES. 182 00:11:19,612 --> 00:11:23,015 >> James: NOW I HAVE TO DO A PIE NOW WON'T I, AFTER THIS. 183 00:11:23,082 --> 00:11:27,219 WHAT DO I DO, AN APPLE PIE. >> I THINK YOU DO A PUMPKIN PIE, 184 00:11:27,286 --> 00:11:33,392 A PECAN PIE. >> James: I PUMPKIN PIE, I 185 00:11:33,459 --> 00:11:35,761 FIND THEM TOO INTENSE. THAT IS MY PROBLEM. 186 00:11:35,828 --> 00:11:37,997 A NICE APPLE PIE. >> SWEET POTATOE PIE, THAT IS A 187 00:11:38,064 --> 00:11:40,199 GOOD ONE. >> James: CAN I DO A NICE 188 00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:42,601 APPLE PIE. >> YOU CAN DO AN APPLE PIE. 189 00:11:42,668 --> 00:11:45,971 >> SWEET POTATOE. >> WHY ARE YOU DISGUSTED WITH 190 00:11:46,038 --> 00:11:49,708 ME. >> IT'S A PUMPKIN PIE, IT'S 191 00:11:49,775 --> 00:11:51,143 THANKSGIVING. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU. 192 00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:52,778 >> I'M BRITISH. I DON'T GIVE A [BLEEP] ABOUT ANY 193 00:11:52,845 --> 00:11:56,515 OF THIS. PECAN PIE, NO ONE WANTS IT. 194 00:11:56,582 --> 00:11:58,584 >> PUMPKIN PIE NO ONE IS INTERESTED. 195 00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:01,020 YOU COULD LURE ME WITH A NICE APPLE AND SOME YOU CANS TARD OR 196 00:12:01,087 --> 00:12:05,825 ICE CREAM ON IT, OR A LA MODE. >> SWEET POTATOE PIE. 197 00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:08,994 >> STOP SAYING SWEET POTATOE PIE. 198 00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:12,598 >> SWEET POTATOE. >> AND STOP CLEANING YOUR 199 00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:14,800 GLASSES EVERY TIME WE SPEET. >> SWEET POTATOE. 200 00:12:14,867 --> 00:12:17,536 >> James: THE ENTIRE THING IS FREAKING ME OUT. 201 00:12:17,603 --> 00:12:20,272 >> SWEET POTATOE. >> James: STOP IT! 202 00:12:20,339 --> 00:12:23,342 >> SWEET POTATOE. >> James: STOP IT. 203 00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:28,581 NICK IS GOT A RAISED HAND, HERE WE GO, THE FINAL WORD FROM THE 204 00:12:28,647 --> 00:12:30,649 SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT OF THE LATE NIGHT PROGRAMMING WEST 205 00:12:30,716 --> 00:12:36,222 COAST RIGHT HERE ON CBS, AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE NETWORK. 206 00:12:36,288 --> 00:12:42,528 >> SHOULD WE JUST RUN A REPEAT TONIGHT? 207 00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:46,065 OKAY I WILL DO I A PIE, I WILL SEND YOU A PHOTO, I WILL DO AN 208 00:12:46,132 --> 00:12:48,934 APPLE PIE THOUGH. DON'T ROLL YOUR EYES, IT IS 209 00:12:49,001 --> 00:12:51,137 STILL A PIE. >> YOU HAVE TO DO THAT. 210 00:12:51,203 --> 00:12:57,042 >> James: I AM NOT GETTING INVOLVED IN ANY OTHER NONSENSE 211 00:12:57,109 --> 00:13:00,012 SIDE, I'M NOT CREAMING BEANS AND ALL THAT [BLEEP]. 212 00:13:00,079 --> 00:13:04,049 >> IF THE PIE IS GOOD ENOUGH, YOU WILL BE. 213 00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:06,886 >> CREAMING BEANS. >> James: CREAMING BEANS. 214 00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:09,788 IT'S TRUE. WHY YOU ARE LAUGHING. 215 00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:12,458 >> NO ONE CREAMS BEANS. >> James: YES, YOU DO. 216 00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:15,361 >> YOU CREAM CORN. >> James: NO YOU HAVE CREAMED 217 00:13:15,427 --> 00:13:20,966 BEANS, CREAM EVERYWHERE. CREAMED BEANS, MARSHMALLOW IN 218 00:13:21,033 --> 00:13:22,902 SAVORY [BLEEP] THERE IS MASHED POTATOE. 219 00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:25,804 I JUST CAN'T. >> CREAMED-- . 220 00:13:25,871 --> 00:13:27,840 >> James: DON'T EVEN, I DON'T LIKE MASHED POTATOE. 221 00:13:27,907 --> 00:13:29,975 >> WHAT THE HELL, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. 222 00:13:30,042 --> 00:13:32,244 WHO ARE YOU? >> James: I DON'T LIKE IT, 223 00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:35,314 WINNIE. >> SWEET POTATOES. 224 00:13:35,381 --> 00:13:39,919 >> James: STOP SAYING SWEET POTATOES. 225 00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:43,022 >> SWEET POTATOES. >> James: WHAT IS THAT NOISE? 226 00:13:43,088 --> 00:13:49,195 THAT IS CBS PULLING US OFF AIR. AND IF YOU EVER WISHED YOUR 227 00:13:49,261 --> 00:13:54,967 FAVORITE THANKSGIVING SIDE DISH CAME-- HERE IS A STORY, RIGHT. 228 00:13:55,034 --> 00:13:59,572 [BLEEP] HERE IS A DIFFERENT WAY TO SPEND YOUR THANKSGIVING DAY, 229 00:13:59,638 --> 00:14:03,042 A NEW YORK ANIMAL SANCTUARY IS GIVING VITSERS THE OPTION OF 230 00:14:03,108 --> 00:14:09,682 TURKEY CUDDLING. THIS ST REAM YOU CAN CUDDLE WITH 231 00:14:09,748 --> 00:14:15,387 A REAL LIP TURKEY WHILE FEEDING IT 232 00:14:15,454 --> 00:14:16,589 CRANBERRIES AND GRAPES. THE EXPERIENCE COSTS $50. 233 00:14:16,655 --> 00:14:22,695 BUT IF YOU DROP 60, YOU MIGHT GET A LITTLE SOMETHING EXTRA. 234 00:14:22,761 --> 00:14:24,430 (LAUGHTER) THAT'S THE NEWS, WE'LL BE RIGHT 235 00:14:24,496 --> 00:14:28,067 BACK, EVERYBODY. 236 00:14:37,977 --> 00:14:40,412 >> James: WELCOME BACK, LET'S MEET OUR GETION, SHE STARS IN 237 00:14:40,479 --> 00:14:55,094 "GED TO ME" LET'S MEET LINDA CARDELLINI. 238 00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:59,798 HIS NEW SPECIAL IS CALLED "NEAL BRENNAN: BLOCKS," NEAL BRENNAN! 239 00:14:59,865 --> 00:15:14,747 >> Reggie: IT'S NEAL BRENNAN! 240 00:15:14,813 --> 00:15:25,991 >> Reggie: IT'S NEAL BRENNAN! 241 00:15:26,058 --> 00:15:33,699 THANK YOU DO MUCH FOR COMING, TWO PEOPLE I LOVE, RESPECT, 242 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:38,170 ADMIRE AND ADORE, RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF ME, HOW LUCKY AM I. 243 00:15:38,237 --> 00:15:40,539 NOW THANKS GIVING IS TOMORROW. NEAL, WHAT'S THE PLAN. 244 00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:43,075 LOOKING FORWARD, ARE YOU GOING TO GET TOGETHER WITH FAMILY? 245 00:15:43,142 --> 00:15:48,314 >> I DON'T WANT TO SAY I'VE GIVEN UP ON MY FAMILY BUT LAST, 246 00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:52,951 A COUPLE THANKSGIVING AGO I HAD THE IDEA WE SHOULD HAVE THE GAME 247 00:15:53,018 --> 00:15:56,055 SHOW WHERE I'M ONE OF TEN KIDS. >> James: WOW. 248 00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:58,924 >> I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA IF WE ALL MOVED IN 249 00:15:58,991 --> 00:16:04,129 TOGETHER, CBS WOULD FILM IT. AND AMERICA WOULD VOTE US OFF 250 00:16:04,196 --> 00:16:08,167 ONE AT A TIME. IT WOULD BE CALLED LAST BRENNAN 251 00:16:08,233 --> 00:16:10,502 STANDING AND THE WINNER WOULD GET A MILLION DOLLARS. 252 00:16:10,569 --> 00:16:14,740 AND WOULD BE ABLE TO LEAVE THE FAMILY FOREVER. 253 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:18,844 >> James: NICK, WOULD CBS GO FOR THIS, DO YOU THINK? 254 00:16:18,911 --> 00:16:21,280 >> IT'S POSSIBLE. MAYBE NOT THE MILLION DOLLARS 255 00:16:21,347 --> 00:16:23,982 PART BUT THE REST OF IT SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD. 256 00:16:24,049 --> 00:16:25,851 >> James: LOOK AT THAT, HE IS ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT THE CASH. 257 00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:28,454 WHAT IF WE GOT IT SPONSORED. >> YEAH. 258 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:31,724 >> James: LIKE TOYOTA TUNDRA. LIKE THE LAST BRENNAN STANDING 259 00:16:31,790 --> 00:16:35,094 LEAVES IN A TOYOTA TUNDRA. DO YOU THINK WE WOULD GET THE 260 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,129 MILLION THEN. >> THAT SOUNDS LIKE AROUND THAT. 261 00:16:37,196 --> 00:16:39,732 >> James: WE'RE ALREADY COOKING NEAL. 262 00:16:39,798 --> 00:16:40,666 >> FANTASTIC. >> I'M LIKING IT. 263 00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:43,268 >> James: YOU BOTH COME FROM BIG FAMILIES. 264 00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:46,438 I UNDERSTAND THIS IS WHERE YOUR PERFORMING CHOPS CAME IN BECAUSE 265 00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:50,175 YOU AND YOUR SIBLINGS ALL USED TO PERFORM AT THANKSGIVING S 266 00:16:50,242 --> 00:16:52,511 THAT RIGHT. >> I WAS THE YOUNGEST OF FOUR SO 267 00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:55,781 I WAS KIND OF ALWAYS LIKE PERFORMING. 268 00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:59,818 BUT I WOULD CHARGE TICKET PRICES. 269 00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:02,454 I WOULD GOUGE MY FAMILY, MAKE TICKETS AND I WOULD DO LIKE, I 270 00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:05,391 DON'T KNOW SOME KIND OF SHOW. >> James: WHAT KIND OF SHOW, 271 00:17:05,457 --> 00:17:07,860 WHAT WOULD YOU DO. >> I WOULD DO, I DON'T KNOW LIKE 272 00:17:07,926 --> 00:17:14,066 A TALK SHOW, OR I WOULD DO LIKE DRESS UP AND WRESTLE THE COUCH 273 00:17:14,133 --> 00:17:17,002 PILLOW, I DON'T KNOW, WHATEVER THERE WAS TO DO I WOULD DO IT 274 00:17:17,069 --> 00:17:19,638 FOR THE ATTENTION. >> James: THE OLD CARDELLINI 275 00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:23,976 COUCH PILLOW WRESTLING. THAT IS WHERE I WAS BORN AT 276 00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:26,011 THANKSGIVING. YOU WERE ONE OF TEN. 277 00:17:26,078 --> 00:17:29,114 SO MEAL TIMES MUST HAVE BEEN INSANE, RIGHT? 278 00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:32,951 >> YEAH, THEY WERE, THEY WERE INSANE. 279 00:17:33,018 --> 00:17:36,989 LIKE WE COULDN'T, IF SOMEONE CALLED YOU BETWEEN 7 AND 8 ON 280 00:17:37,055 --> 00:17:40,692 THE PHONE AND INTERRUPTED DINNER, YOU WERE GROUNDED FROM 281 00:17:40,759 --> 00:17:45,497 THE PHONE FOR A WEEK. EVEN THOUGH IT WASN'T YOUR 282 00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:48,500 FAULT. WILD RULES, WE USED TO HAVE TO, 283 00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:51,603 THERE WERE TOO MANY OF US SO WE WOULD HAVE TO MAKE OUR LUNCHES 284 00:17:51,670 --> 00:17:55,174 IN BULK ON THE WEEKENDS. >> James: RIGHT. 285 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,409 >> SO WE WOULD MAKE FIVE SANDWICHES FOR THE WEEK. 286 00:17:57,476 --> 00:18:01,447 AND STICK THEM IN THE FREEZER. AND THEN WE WOULD GRAB A 287 00:18:01,513 --> 00:18:05,317 SANDWICH ON THE WAY TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY AND MAYBE THINKING IT 288 00:18:05,384 --> 00:18:08,654 MUST NOT HAVE MADE FOR A REFRESH SANDWICH BUT YOU ARE FORE 289 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:13,625 GETTING AN IMPORTANT PIECE IS THAT SANDWICHES DON'T ALWAYS THD 290 00:18:13,692 --> 00:18:15,994 LUNCHTIME IN THOSE CASES WE WOULD EAT AROUND THE EDGES OF 291 00:18:16,061 --> 00:18:18,597 THE SANDWICH LIKE RATS ON A PIRATE SHIP. 292 00:18:18,664 --> 00:18:22,868 >> James: LINDA, YOU HAVE BEEN IN SO MANY SHOWS AND MOVIES. 293 00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:25,270 I IMAGINE YOU MUST GET RECOGNIZED ALL THE TIME. 294 00:18:25,337 --> 00:18:28,474 WHICH DO YOU PREFER THAT PEOPLE COME UP TO YOU, DO YOU PREFER 295 00:18:28,540 --> 00:18:32,778 SOMEONE ASKING FOR A SELFIE OR MORE TRADITIONAL AUTO GRAFER. 296 00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:35,247 >> AN AUTOGRAPHS, YOU PRACTICED THAT THEN YOU YOU WERE A KID BUT 297 00:18:35,314 --> 00:18:38,917 NOBODY WANTS THOSE ANY MORE. EVERYBODY JUST WANTS A SELFIE. 298 00:18:38,984 --> 00:18:42,287 I DON'T KNOW, MY FAVORITE STORY ABOUT AN AUTOGRAPH IS THAT ONE 299 00:18:42,354 --> 00:18:44,590 TIME I WAS TELLING SOMEBODY WHO I SORT OF JUST DON'T GET 300 00:18:44,656 --> 00:18:46,692 RECOGNIZED. OKAY, WE WERE WALKING FROM A 301 00:18:46,758 --> 00:18:50,529 PREMIER TO THE PARTY. AND A WOMAN CHASED ME, I MEAN 302 00:18:50,596 --> 00:18:53,131 REALLY CHASED ME DOWN THE STREET, HUFFING AND PAIN AND 303 00:18:53,198 --> 00:18:54,933 SUFFERING. I THOUGHT THAT SHE WAS YELLING 304 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,802 LINDA LINDA. SO I TURNED AROUND. 305 00:18:56,869 --> 00:19:00,405 SHE IS OH MY GOD, I'M SO SORRY, I CHASED YOU ALL THE WAY DOWN 306 00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:04,109 THE STREET BECAUSE I REALLY WANT YOU TO AUTOGRAPH THIS PICTURE. 307 00:19:04,176 --> 00:19:09,147 AND SHE PULLED IT OUT AND IT WAS A PICTURE OF LINDA CARTER FROM 308 00:19:09,214 --> 00:19:11,984 WONDER WOMAN IN THE 1970S. AND LINDA CART CERTIFICATE ALSO 309 00:19:12,050 --> 00:19:14,553 BEAUTIFUL AND 6 FEET TALL. AND I THOUGHT OH MY GOD, I 310 00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:17,856 REALIZED SHE WAS ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO PROBABLY JUST CHASES 311 00:19:17,923 --> 00:19:22,561 PEOPLE SHE HEAR ARE CELEBRITY AND HEARD LINDA CARD-- AND 312 00:19:22,628 --> 00:19:27,266 DIDN'T HERE THE WREST OF IT, LYNNI, AND THOUGHT SHE WAS 313 00:19:27,332 --> 00:19:28,834 WONDER WOMAN. >> I DIDN'T SIGN IT BUT I TOOK A 314 00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:30,669 PICTURE OF HER WITH THE PICTURE. >> James: I WOULD HAVE JUST 315 00:19:30,736 --> 00:19:33,505 SIGNED IT. THAT IS WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE. 316 00:19:33,572 --> 00:19:37,342 I HAD SOMEONE A FEW YEARS AGO, KIMMEL WA HOSTING THE OSCARS 317 00:19:37,409 --> 00:19:42,714 AND SOMEONE CAME UP TO ME AND SAID GOOD LUCK TONIGHT, IT WAS 318 00:19:42,781 --> 00:19:47,185 ON A SUNDAY, LIKE 2 P.M. I WAS IN SANTA MONICA AND THE 319 00:19:47,252 --> 00:19:49,755 SHOW STARTED AT 5. AND THEY WENT GOOD LUCK TONIGHT. 320 00:19:49,821 --> 00:19:52,124 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ARE OUT SHOPPING WHEN ARE YOU ABOUT TO 321 00:19:52,190 --> 00:19:55,093 HOST THE ACADEMY AWARDS. AND I THOUGHT I WOULD GO WITH IT 322 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,930 AND I JUST SAID LOOK, I LIKE TO KEEP MY MIND OFF OF IT. 323 00:19:57,996 --> 00:20:02,134 IT SAY BIG SHOW. IT IS SO KOOVMENT COULD I GET 324 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,770 YOUR AUTOGRAPH. AND I SAID ABSOLUTELY. 325 00:20:04,836 --> 00:20:07,339 AND I SAID CAN I GET A FET OWE. AND I SAID SURE. 326 00:20:07,406 --> 00:20:10,208 AND HE SAID OH MY GOD, I'M GOING TO WATCH TONIGHT. 327 00:20:10,275 --> 00:20:12,344 AND MY FRIENDS AREN'T GOING TO BELIEVE IT. 328 00:20:12,411 --> 00:20:15,547 AND I THOUGHT YOU DON'T KNOW HOW RIGHT YOU ARE. 329 00:20:15,614 --> 00:20:18,016 YOU GET RECOGNIZED A LOT WHEN ARE YOU OUT AND ABOUT. 330 00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:24,890 >> I CALL MYSELF, I'M ABOUT AS FAMOUS AS AN NBA REFEREE. 331 00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:28,660 Z THEY ARE LIKE I KNOW I KNOW YOU FROM SOMEWHERE VAGUELY. 332 00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:35,400 I I CALL MYSELF, I'M FREE SAUCE FAMOUS, IF I GO TO A FAST FOOD 333 00:20:35,467 --> 00:20:38,937 PLACE AND I NEED EXTRA SAUCE AND IT IS LIKE 30 CENTS, THEY WILL 334 00:20:39,004 --> 00:20:41,506 SLIDE IT TO ME AND BE LIKE BIG FAN. 335 00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:44,776 THEY MAKE ME PAY FOR THE ENTREE. >> James: OF COURSE. 336 00:20:44,843 --> 00:20:47,746 >> BUT THE SAUCE, ON THE HOUSE. >> James: I MEAN, CAN I BE 337 00:20:47,813 --> 00:20:52,417 HONEST, I THINK IT SAY PERFECT LEVEL OF THANKS. 338 00:20:52,484 --> 00:20:55,854 FREE SAUCE FAME IS WHAT EVERYONE SHOULD STRIFE FOR. 339 00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:57,022 >> WELL, I'M THERE. >> James: ARE YOU RIGHT THERE. 340 00:20:57,089 --> 00:21:00,092 LINDA, WE HAVE TO CONGRATULATE YOU ON THE THIRD AND FINAL 341 00:21:00,158 --> 00:21:04,696 SEASON OF DEAD TO ME, IT HAS BEEN SUCH A HUGE SMASH. 342 00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:06,431 FOR ANYBODY THAT DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING THIS SEASON. 343 00:21:06,498 --> 00:21:09,935 >> THIS SEASON CHRISTINA APPLEGATE AND I PLAY CHARACTERS 344 00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:13,939 JEN AND JUDY AND DOING SOMETHING THAT IS GOING TO BE-- EVEN 345 00:21:14,006 --> 00:21:17,509 MURDERING PEOPLE SO THIS SEASON WE ARE ON THE RUN STILL FROM OUR 346 00:21:17,576 --> 00:21:20,278 PAST. AND IT IS THE THIRD AND FINAL 347 00:21:20,345 --> 00:21:23,081 SEASON. SO SOME OF THOSE THINGS WILL BE 348 00:21:23,148 --> 00:21:25,250 TIDIED UP AND SOME QUESTIONS WILL BE ANSWERED. 349 00:21:25,317 --> 00:21:28,153 AND IT'S THE END OF THE SHOW, SO STUFF HAPPENS. 350 00:21:28,220 --> 00:21:32,090 >> James: YOU HAVE BEEN ON LOTS OF BIG SHOWS THAT HAVE 351 00:21:32,157 --> 00:21:34,493 ENDED AT VARIOUS POINTED. DO YOU EVER TAKE A MOMENTO. 352 00:21:34,559 --> 00:21:36,828 >> OH YEAH. >> James: WHAT DID YOU TAKE 353 00:21:36,895 --> 00:21:42,034 FROM DEAD TO ME. >> I TOOK THE OUTDOOR FURNITURE, 354 00:21:42,100 --> 00:21:45,470 MY ENTIRE BACKYARD. >> James: THAT IS NOT A 355 00:21:45,537 --> 00:21:49,941 MEMENTO, I THINK THAT IS CALLED THEFT, I WAS THINKING LIKE A 356 00:21:50,008 --> 00:21:51,043 MUG. BUT DID THEY GIVE IT TO YOU AS A 357 00:21:51,109 --> 00:21:52,944 GIFT. >> THEY DID. 358 00:21:53,011 --> 00:21:55,580 >> James: OR DID YOU GO GUY, PUT THIS IN. 359 00:21:55,647 --> 00:21:57,716 >> WHEN NOBODY IS LOOKING PUT ALL THAT FURNITURE. 360 00:21:57,783 --> 00:21:58,850 >> James: IT IS NICE FURNITURE. 361 00:21:58,917 --> 00:22:02,020 >> IF IS WRLT BEAUTIFUL. SO WE HAD A LOT OF, YOU KNOW, 362 00:22:02,087 --> 00:22:03,989 REALLY HEARTFELT MOMENTS ON THAT. 363 00:22:04,056 --> 00:22:07,159 SO I CAN TELL WHO HAS SEEN THE SHOW WHEN THEY COME OVER AND SIT 364 00:22:07,225 --> 00:22:10,729 IN MY BACKYARD, THIS LOOKS FAMILIAR AND I KNOW THEY HAVE 365 00:22:10,796 --> 00:22:11,997 SEEN IT. >> James: LET'S LOOK AT A CLIP 366 00:22:12,064 --> 00:22:14,466 FROM DEAD TO ME WHICH IS STREAMING RIGHT NOW ON NETFLIX. 367 00:22:14,533 --> 00:22:19,137 >> WHAT IS GOING ON. YOU SOUNDED WORRIED ON THE 368 00:22:19,204 --> 00:22:20,772 PHONENESS. >> I THINK SOMEONE WAS FOLLOWING 369 00:22:20,839 --> 00:22:21,573 ME. >> REALLY. 370 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:23,709 >> MAYBE I'M JUST BEING PARANOID. 371 00:22:23,775 --> 00:22:25,711 >> MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE PARANOID. >> WHY DO YOU SAY THAT. 372 00:22:25,777 --> 00:22:28,146 >> BECAUSE YOU JUST SAID THAT. >> I DID SAY, THAT I THINK YOU 373 00:22:28,213 --> 00:22:30,482 SHOULD FOLLOW UP ON IT BEFORE IT'S TOO LIGHT. 374 00:22:30,549 --> 00:22:36,088 >> ALL RIGHT. WHAT DID THIS PERSON LOOK LIKE. 375 00:22:36,154 --> 00:22:39,491 >> WHAT PERSON. >> THE PERSON FOLLOWING YOU. 376 00:22:39,558 --> 00:22:41,993 >> THAT PERSON, I DON'T KNOW, I DIDN'T GET A GOOD LOOK. 377 00:22:42,060 --> 00:22:43,528 >> James: STICK AROUND, MORE WITH THESE TWO WHEN WE COME 378 00:22:43,595 --> 00:22:45,397 BACK, EVERYBODY. 379 00:22:50,569 --> 00:22:53,171 >> MOST INTERACTIONS I HAVE FEEL LIKE WHEN YOU GO TO THROW 380 00:22:53,238 --> 00:22:56,274 SOMETHING AWAY AND IT IS IN ONE OF THOSES GARBAGE CANS WITH A 381 00:22:56,341 --> 00:23:00,078 GARBAGE HOLE, RECYCLING HOLE AND COME POST HOLE AND DO YOU YOUR 382 00:23:00,145 --> 00:23:04,082 BEST BUT AFTERWARD YOU ARE LIKE, I DON'T THINK I DID THAT RIGHT. 383 00:23:04,149 --> 00:23:09,121 THAT IS HOW I FEEL MOST OF THE TIME. 384 00:23:09,187 --> 00:23:13,291 GO YOU THROUGH LIFE FEELING LIKE I [BLEEP] UP AND I'M GOING TO 385 00:23:13,358 --> 00:23:16,461 GET IN TROUBLE. I WORRY THAT MY FINAL THOUGHT ON 386 00:23:16,528 --> 00:23:27,305 EARTH ON MY DEATH BED IS GOING TO BE S THAT NURSE MAD AT ME? 387 00:23:27,372 --> 00:23:29,574 >> James: THAT WAS A CLIP FROM "NEAL BRENNAN: BLOCKS," WHICH 388 00:23:29,641 --> 00:23:32,511 IS STREAMING RIGHT NOW ON NETFLIX. 389 00:23:32,577 --> 00:23:39,885 CONGRATS ON THE SHOW, IT'S SO GOOD. 390 00:23:39,951 --> 00:23:43,755 IT'S SO BRILLIANT, THIS ONE FEELS LIKE IT IS A REAL, 391 00:23:43,822 --> 00:23:47,526 EVOLUTION FROM THAT. TELL US ALL ABOUT T. 392 00:23:47,592 --> 00:23:52,097 >> IT IS BAIFLT LIKE ABOUT-- BASICALLY ABOUT MY-- I 393 00:23:52,164 --> 00:23:55,400 FEEL LIKE KIND OF ISOLATED IN A LOT OF SITUATIONS. 394 00:23:55,467 --> 00:23:59,070 I'M NOT MARRIED, I DON'T HAVE KIDS, I AM IN MY LATE 40S. 395 00:23:59,137 --> 00:24:02,941 PEOPLE DON'T LIKE IT AND I JUST TALK ABOUT HOW I HAVE TRIED A 396 00:24:03,008 --> 00:24:07,579 BUNCH OF DIFFERENT STUFF. LIKE I'VE DATED BY AGE AND JOB 397 00:24:07,646 --> 00:24:12,017 AND RACE, I DATED A MODEL. THANK YOU. 398 00:24:12,083 --> 00:24:16,521 GUYS, DATING A MODEL IS LIKE OWNING A DUNE BUGGY. 399 00:24:16,588 --> 00:24:20,425 AND DATING A MODEL IS LIKE OWNING A DUNE BUGGY BECAUSE AT 400 00:24:20,492 --> 00:24:23,328 THE BEACH IT'S GREAT. BUT EVERYWHERE ELSE YOU ARE 401 00:24:23,395 --> 00:24:25,964 LIKE, I SHOULDN'T HAVE BROUGHT YOU HERE. 402 00:24:26,031 --> 00:24:30,569 SO IT TOOK A LOT OF THAT IN EXPRESSING JOKES, OPINIONS, OR 403 00:24:30,635 --> 00:24:34,339 JOKE THINGS BUT ALSO HOW I ACTUALLY FEEL ABOUT STUFF. 404 00:24:34,406 --> 00:24:38,376 IT WOULD BE LIKE IF RODNEY DANGERFIELD DID LIKE, I GOT NO 405 00:24:38,443 --> 00:24:40,846 RESPECT. AND THEN HE TOLD YOU HOW BAD HE 406 00:24:40,912 --> 00:24:44,382 FELT ABOUT NOT GETTING RESPECT. >> James: IT IS VERY RAW, YOU 407 00:24:44,449 --> 00:24:47,652 ARE VERY OPEN. WHEN YOU RELEASE A NEW SPECIAL 408 00:24:47,719 --> 00:24:51,857 ON NETFLIX DO YOU EVER GET CAUGHT UP WITH HOW MANY, DO YOU 409 00:24:51,923 --> 00:24:55,093 EVER GET TOLD HOW MANY VIEWERS ARE WATCHING, HOW MANY PEOPLE 410 00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:56,628 ARE WATCHING IT, IS THAT SOMETHING THAT MATTERS TO YOU. 411 00:24:56,695 --> 00:25:00,298 >> I DO BUT YOU KIND OF CAN'TR3 PAY ATTENTION. 412 00:25:00,365 --> 00:25:03,902 OLDER PEOPLE WOULD ALWAYS BRING UP TV RATINGS AS PROOF THAT 413 00:25:03,969 --> 00:25:06,938 AMERICA WAS BETTER OR SOMETHING. THEY WOULD BE LIKE 50 MILLION 414 00:25:07,005 --> 00:25:10,275 PEOPLE WOULD WATCH SEINFELD OR ALL IN THE FAMILY. 415 00:25:10,342 --> 00:25:13,545 THE REASON 50 MILLION PEOPLE WATCH ALL IN THE FAMILY IS 416 00:25:13,612 --> 00:25:14,913 BECAUSE THERE WAS NOTHING ELSE TO DO. 417 00:25:14,980 --> 00:25:19,451 YOU EITHER WATCH ALL IN THE FAMILY OR GO STAND IN THE YARD. 418 00:25:19,517 --> 00:25:22,721 THERE WAS NOTHING. LIKE AMERICA USED TO BE SO 419 00:25:22,787 --> 00:25:26,191 BORING AND SO DISORGANIZED, YOU COULD MURDER. 420 00:25:26,258 --> 00:25:30,428 COULD YOU MURDER SO EASILY. >> James: I DO OFTEN THINK HOW 421 00:25:30,495 --> 00:25:33,398 EASY IT MUST HAVE BEEN TO MURDER. 422 00:25:33,465 --> 00:25:36,101 >> ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS NOT LEAVE A FINGERPRINT AND COULD 423 00:25:36,167 --> 00:25:38,536 YOU MURDER THREE OR FOUR DAYS A WEEK. 424 00:25:38,603 --> 00:25:41,840 >> THERE WAS NO WAY TO CATCH YOU, HERE IS HOW EASY IT WAS TO 425 00:25:41,907 --> 00:25:45,677 MURDER. MURDER IS USED TO WRITE LETTERS 426 00:25:45,744 --> 00:25:48,346 TO THE NEWSPAPER FOR FUN. >> YES. 427 00:25:48,413 --> 00:25:51,082 >> James: YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 428 00:25:51,149 --> 00:25:54,019 >> DEAR PAPER, IT'S ME THE MURDERER, HA HA HA. 429 00:25:54,085 --> 00:25:57,155 HERE SAY LITTLE CLUE, THINGS ARE GETTING BORING OVER HERE, SO 430 00:25:57,222 --> 00:25:59,424 HERE SAY CLUE. WHAT HAS FOUR LEGS AND LOVES 431 00:25:59,491 --> 00:26:02,427 DINNER, A TABLE. SEE YOU AT THE NEXT MURDER. 432 00:26:02,494 --> 00:26:08,667 >> James: THIS SAY BIG YEAR, THE 20th ANNIVERSARY OF 433 00:26:08,733 --> 00:26:13,004 SCOOBY DOO, AND IT WAS RECENTLY REVEALED THAT YOUR CHARACTER, 434 00:26:13,071 --> 00:26:14,306 VELMA, IS GAY. >> RIGHT. 435 00:26:14,372 --> 00:26:17,042 >> James: WHAT DID YOU THINK WHEN YOU HEARD THIS NEWS. 436 00:26:17,108 --> 00:26:19,277 >> WELL, THEY HAVE BEEN HINTING AROUND WITH THAT FOREVER. 437 00:26:19,344 --> 00:26:23,248 I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS IN 220 YEARS AGO, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT 438 00:26:23,315 --> 00:26:26,952 WAS SO LONG AGO, THERE WERE PARTS IN THE MOVIE AND SORT OF 439 00:26:27,018 --> 00:26:30,055 GOT WEEDED OUT. BUT YEAH, I THINK IT HAS BEEN 440 00:26:30,121 --> 00:26:32,490 HINTED AROUND FOR LONG ENOUGH, I'M HPPY IT OUT THERE. 441 00:26:32,557 --> 00:26:34,025 >> James: SHE IS OUT THERE. GOOD LUCK. 442 00:26:34,092 --> 00:26:37,929 >> GOOD FOR YOU, VELMA. >> James: NEAL, I WANT TO TALK 443 00:26:37,996 --> 00:26:41,599 TO YOU ABOUT THIS, YOU HAVE BECOME OBSESSED WITH AN APP 444 00:26:41,666 --> 00:26:46,104 CALLED WONDER AI WHICH USES ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE TO 445 00:26:46,171 --> 00:26:49,774 CREATE PHOTOS AND YOU SENTED US SOME PHOTOS, WHAT AM I LOOKING 446 00:26:49,841 --> 00:26:55,447 AT HERE? >> SO IF YOU TYPE IN FRANCE, 447 00:26:55,513 --> 00:26:59,117 ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE JUST GENERATES IMAGES BASED ON 448 00:26:59,184 --> 00:27:01,553 WHATEVER YOU TYPE IN. IT DOESN'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE. 449 00:27:01,619 --> 00:27:07,492 I TYPED IN NEAL BRENNAN, NASCAR AND THIS IS WHAT IT GAVE ME. 450 00:27:07,559 --> 00:27:11,830 >> IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE YOU. >> YEAH. 451 00:27:11,896 --> 00:27:14,466 >> THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE ME, THAT IS WITH ALL OF THE 452 00:27:14,532 --> 00:27:19,137 AGGREGATE PHOTOS OF ME ON THE INTERNET HAVE LEAD A COMPUTER TO 453 00:27:19,204 --> 00:27:21,506 BELIEVE I LOOK LIKE. I'M GOING TO SUE THEM. 454 00:27:21,573 --> 00:27:24,275 >> James: SO THEN YOU TYPED IN. 455 00:27:24,342 --> 00:27:29,881 >> THEN I TYPED IN NEAL BRENNAN JAMES CORDEN RIDING HORSES, THIS 456 00:27:29,948 --> 00:27:33,718 IS INSANE. >> James: LOOK AT THAT. 457 00:27:33,785 --> 00:27:36,755 >> WHO IS TWHR? OR JUST. 458 00:27:36,821 --> 00:27:40,392 >> THAT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE AMISH JOHN TRAVOLTA. 459 00:27:40,458 --> 00:27:44,429 >> James: IT DOES. >> YOU'RE RIDING A HORSE AND A 460 00:27:44,496 --> 00:27:48,666 HORSE IS RIDING YOU. >> James: YES. 461 00:27:48,733 --> 00:27:51,069 >> AND I'M TRYING TO STOP THE WHOLE THING SWRZ AND I'M GOING 462 00:27:51,136 --> 00:27:54,939 GIVE IT A MINUTE. AND THEN YOU TYPED IN. 463 00:27:55,006 --> 00:27:59,811 >> OH NO, LINDA CARDELLINI, JAMES CORDEN, TELEVISION SHOW. 464 00:27:59,878 --> 00:28:06,551 >> James: AND LOOK AT US IN SOME KIND OF COP PROCEDURE, I 465 00:28:06,618 --> 00:28:12,724 KIND OF LOVE IT, IT IS AMAZING. >> I THINK THIS WOULD BE CALLED 466 00:28:12,791 --> 00:28:14,492 CSI: SCARIER LOOKING THAN THE CRIMINALS. 467 00:28:14,559 --> 00:28:18,863 >> James: IT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE WE'RE IN SCOOBY DOO AND 468 00:28:18,930 --> 00:28:22,600 WE'RE GOING TO PULL THOSE MASKS OFF AND BE LIKE WE WOULD HAVE 469 00:28:22,667 --> 00:28:25,703 GOTEN AWAY WITH IT IF IT WASN'T FOR THOSE PESKY KIDS. 470 00:28:25,770 --> 00:28:28,473 >> WHAT IS WITH YOUR FINGER. >> WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH MY 471 00:28:28,540 --> 00:28:30,341 FINGER. >> James: WOULD CBS GO FOR 472 00:28:30,408 --> 00:28:34,179 THIS, NICKER F WE GOT IT SPONSORED. 473 00:28:34,245 --> 00:28:36,014 >> TOYOTA TUNDRA WRITTEN ALL OVER IT. 474 00:28:36,081 --> 00:28:38,650 >> James: THEY WILL GO FOR THIS, I'M CERTAIN, PLEASE THANK 475 00:28:38,716 --> 00:28:44,122 OUR WONDERFUL GUESTS, LINDA CARDELLINI, NEAL BRENNAN. 476 00:28:44,189 --> 00:28:48,760 STICK AROUND, GIANMARCO SORESI WHEN WE COME BACK. 477 00:28:56,668 --> 00:28:59,070 >> James: WELCOME BACK. WE'VE ALL SEEN THOSE 478 00:28:59,137 --> 00:29:02,674 PRESCRIPTION DRUG ADS ON TV WHERE AT THE END IT SAYS “SIDE 479 00:29:02,740 --> 00:29:04,809 EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE,” AND THEN THEY LIST A LONG SET OF SIDE 480 00:29:04,876 --> 00:29:07,912 EFFECTS. WELL, IT TURNS OUT THAT SIDE 481 00:29:07,979 --> 00:29:09,013 EFFECTS AREN'T JUST FOR DRUGS, THERE'S SIDE EFFECTS FOR 482 00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:09,948 EVERYTHING IN LIFE. WHICH BRINGS US 483 00:29:10,014 --> 00:29:14,452 TO OUR SEGMENT, "SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE". 484 00:29:14,519 --> 00:29:17,455 >> Reggie: SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE. 485 00:29:17,522 --> 00:29:19,357 IS ANYONE HERE WORRIED ABOUT YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW ASKING YOU TO 486 00:29:19,424 --> 00:29:22,694 KEEP AN EYE ON THE OVEN FOR FIVE MINUTES? 487 00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,597 IF YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW ASKING YOU TO KEEP 488 00:29:25,663 --> 00:29:28,032 AN EYE ON THE OVEN FOR FIVE MINUTES, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT 489 00:29:28,099 --> 00:29:30,869 THERE ARE SIDE EFFECTS, AND THOSE SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE 490 00:29:30,935 --> 00:29:33,605 PEERING INTO THE OVEN WINDOW AND SAYING, "THAT'S A 491 00:29:33,671 --> 00:29:37,775 BEAUTIFUL-LOOKING BIRD YA GOT THERE, LINDA." 492 00:29:37,842 --> 00:29:39,777 WONDERING WHY YOU SAID THAT WHEN YOU'VE NEVER USED THAT 493 00:29:39,844 --> 00:29:43,715 COMBINATION OF WORDS BEFORE IN YOUR LIFE. 494 00:29:43,781 --> 00:29:48,786 RECOVERING BY SAYING, LOOKS NUM NUM YUMMERS TO ME, LINDA." 495 00:29:48,853 --> 00:29:50,688 BURYING YOUR FACE IN YOUR HANDS. WHY CAN'T YOU TALK LIKE A NORMAL 496 00:29:50,755 --> 00:29:56,427 HUMAN PERSON? REASSURING HER WITH "MMMMM 497 00:29:56,494 --> 00:30:00,331 LINDA, JUST LOOK AT THOSE JUICY BREASTS." 498 00:30:00,398 --> 00:30:03,301 FINALLY TELLING LINDA THE HOLIDAYS MAKE YOU NERVOUS AND 499 00:30:03,368 --> 00:30:05,336 YOU AREN'T VERY GOOD AT SMALL TALK, BUT YOU'RE VERY EXCITED 500 00:30:05,403 --> 00:30:08,640 FOR DINNER. AND THE FINAL SIDE EFFECT OF 501 00:30:08,706 --> 00:30:10,642 YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW ASKING YOU TO KEEP AN EYE ON THE OVEN FOR FIVE 502 00:30:10,708 --> 00:30:17,248 MINUTES IS LINDA REMINDING YOU HER NAME IS LESLIE. 503 00:30:17,315 --> 00:30:23,354 IS ANYONE HERE THINKING ABOUT BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPING? 504 00:30:23,421 --> 00:30:25,790 IF YOU'RE THINKING OF BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPING YOU SHOULD KNOW 505 00:30:25,857 --> 00:30:28,760 THAT THERE ARE SIDE EFFECTS AND THOSE SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE, 506 00:30:28,826 --> 00:30:30,361 TELLING YOURSELF TO STAY COOL, YOU'RE JUST HERE TO FIND SOME 507 00:30:30,428 --> 00:30:35,767 DEALS. IMMEDIATELY STOMPIN' OUT SOME 508 00:30:35,833 --> 00:30:38,736 BITCH WHO TRIED TAKING YOUR XBOX. 509 00:30:38,803 --> 00:30:40,738 THROAT CHOPPIN' SOME CHODE WHO'S TRYIN' TO GANK YOUR 510 00:30:40,805 --> 00:30:43,975 CROCK POT. SEE THAT GUY WHO JUST GOT THE 511 00:30:44,042 --> 00:30:47,812 LAST BLENDER? LAYIN' HIS DUMB ASS OUT HARD. 512 00:30:47,879 --> 00:30:50,982 BEING SURPRISED AT HOW HIGH YOU CAN KICK AS YOU KNOCK THE 513 00:30:51,049 --> 00:30:53,585 GLASSES OFF OF SOME CHOWDERHEAD WHO THOUGHT THEY COULD GET AWAY 514 00:30:53,651 --> 00:30:57,589 WITH THREE iPADS. NOT BEING SURE IF THIS BLOOD 515 00:30:57,655 --> 00:31:00,692 BELONGS TO YOU OR ONE OF THE MANY BRENDAS YOU JUST TOOK OUT, 516 00:31:00,758 --> 00:31:04,162 BUT NOT CARING. AND THE FINAL SIDE EFFECT OF 517 00:31:04,229 --> 00:31:08,032 BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPING IS SAVING $8.00 518 00:31:08,099 --> 00:31:14,672 IS ANYONE HERE THINKING OF ASKING YOUR UNCLE HOW HIS YEAR 519 00:31:14,739 --> 00:31:19,444 HAS BEEN? IF YOU'RE THINKING OF ASKING 520 00:31:19,510 --> 00:31:20,979 YOUR UNCLE HOW HIS YEAR HAS BEEN, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT THERE 521 00:31:21,045 --> 00:31:24,315 ARE SIDE EFFECTS, AND THOSE SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE, HEARING 522 00:31:24,382 --> 00:31:27,085 YOUR UNCLE TELL YOU IN DETAIL ABOUT EVERY MEDICAL PROCEDURE 523 00:31:27,151 --> 00:31:32,323 HE'S HAD THIS YEAR. LOOKING AT ALL 157 PHOTOS 524 00:31:32,390 --> 00:31:36,694 HE TOOK WILE ON HIS CRUISE TO ALASKA. 525 00:31:36,761 --> 00:31:39,063 MENTIONING TO HIM THAT YOU'RE SURPRISED PEOPLE ARE STILL GOING 526 00:31:39,130 --> 00:31:43,034 ON CRUISES AFTER COVID. HIM EXPLAINING IT'S SCAMDEMIC 527 00:31:43,101 --> 00:31:46,004 AND YOU'VE BEEN BRAINWASHED BY THE LIBERAL MEDIA. 528 00:31:46,070 --> 00:31:49,407 YOU TELLING HIM THAT HE IS THE ONE WHO HAS BEEN BRAINWASHED. 529 00:31:49,474 --> 00:31:50,541 BOTH OF YOU FEELING SORRY FOR EACH OTHER FOR BEING SO 530 00:31:50,608 --> 00:31:54,178 CLOSE-MINDED. AND THE FINAL 531 00:31:54,245 --> 00:31:56,581 SIDE EFFECT OF ASKING YOUR UNCLE HOW HIS YEAR HAS BEEN IS NOT 532 00:31:56,648 --> 00:32:00,184 SEEING EACH OTHER AGAIN UNTIL CHRISTMAS WHERE YOU WILL HAVE 533 00:32:00,251 --> 00:32:08,059 THIS EXACT SAME CONVERSATION. IS ANYONE HERE THINKING OF 534 00:32:08,126 --> 00:32:14,599 TRYING TO MAKE A TURDUCKEN? IF YOU'RE THINKING OF TRYING TO 535 00:32:14,666 --> 00:32:16,567 MAKE A TURDUCKEN, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT THERE ARE SIDE EFFECTS 536 00:32:16,634 --> 00:32:20,104 AND THOSE SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE, STRAIGHT UP SHOVING A 537 00:32:20,171 --> 00:32:24,575 WHOLE CHICKEN INTO A DUCK'S ASS. SHOVING THAT WHOLE DUCK WITH THE 538 00:32:24,642 --> 00:32:28,346 WHOLE CHICKEN IN ITS ASS INTO A TURKEY'S ASS. 539 00:32:28,413 --> 00:32:31,683 SHOVING THAT WHOLE TURKEY WITH THE WHOLE DUCK WITH A WHOLE 540 00:32:31,749 --> 00:32:35,053 CHICKEN IN ITS ASS IN ITS ASS INTO THE OVEN. 541 00:32:35,119 --> 00:32:37,455 AND THE FINAL SIDE EFFECT OF TRYING TO MAKE A TURDUCKEN IS 542 00:32:37,522 --> 00:32:39,757 BEING TOO HORNY TO EAT. THAT WAS "SIDE EFFECTS MAY 543 00:32:39,824 --> 00:32:45,496 INCLUDE." WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY. 544 00:32:56,407 --> 00:32:58,209 >> James: WELCOME BACK. OUR NEXT GUEST IS A BRILLIANT 545 00:32:58,276 --> 00:33:00,912 STAND-UP COMEDIAN AND WE'RE HONORED HE'S CHOSEN OUR SHOW TO 546 00:33:00,978 --> 00:33:03,214 MAKE HIS LATE-NIGHT DEBUT. HIS VERY ENTERTAINING PODCAST, 547 00:33:03,281 --> 00:33:06,851 "THE DOWNSIDE," IS AVAILABLE NOW. 548 00:33:06,918 --> 00:33:13,658 PLEASE WELCOME, THE DELIGHTFUL, GIANMARCO SORESI! 549 00:33:13,725 --> 00:33:17,095 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YOU, THANK YOU. 550 00:33:17,161 --> 00:33:18,096 HELLO! HELLO, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 551 00:33:18,162 --> 00:33:22,400 MY NAME IS GIANMARCO. I AM FROM NEW YORK CITY. 552 00:33:22,467 --> 00:33:26,571 THANK YOU, IT'S GOOD, IT'S GOOD. I GET A LOT OF MY MATERIAL JUST 553 00:33:26,637 --> 00:33:30,608 FROM LIVING THERE, YOU KNOW. LIKE I WAS ON THE TRAIN, TRUE 554 00:33:30,675 --> 00:33:34,445 STORY, I WAS ON ITS TRAIN, THERE WAS A COUPLE ACROSS FROM ME. 555 00:33:34,512 --> 00:33:37,348 THE MAN SAID TO THE WOMAN, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO FOR DINNER. 556 00:33:37,415 --> 00:33:44,255 AND I SWEAR TO GOD, THE WOMAN SAID, I THINK THAT LENGTH LANKY 557 00:33:44,322 --> 00:33:48,025 JEW IS LISTENING TO OUR CONVERSATION. 558 00:33:48,092 --> 00:33:50,695 I AM JEWISH. I DON'T MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF 559 00:33:50,762 --> 00:33:56,868 IT UNLESS I'M LOSING AN ARGUMENT WITH A PERSON OF COLOR. 560 00:33:56,934 --> 00:33:59,937 I DID HAVE A GERMAN BARTENDER ONCE. 561 00:34:00,004 --> 00:34:05,676 AND SHOW IT CAME UP, I WAS JEWISH AND IMMEDIATELY HE WAS 562 00:34:05,743 --> 00:34:09,414 LIKE, I AM SO SORRY FOR THE HOLOCAUST. 563 00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:11,849 WHICH THREW ME OFF GUARD. LIKE HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO 564 00:34:11,916 --> 00:34:14,986 RESPOND TO THAT AS A JEW. NO WORRIES. 565 00:34:15,052 --> 00:34:19,424 DON'T LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN. I DON'T KNOW, SO I JUST SAID 566 00:34:19,490 --> 00:34:22,693 COULD I GET A FREE BEER. AND HE WAS LIKE I WOULD BUT MY 567 00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:26,531 BOSS WOULD GET MAD. I WAS LIKE I GET T YOU'RE JUST 568 00:34:26,597 --> 00:34:38,142 FOLLOWING ORDERS. IS MY MOM'S JEWISH, MY DAD ASK 569 00:34:38,209 --> 00:34:40,411 ITALIAN. IF YOU DON'T KNOW ITALIAN, 570 00:34:40,478 --> 00:34:44,982 SOCIAL DISTANCING WAS HARD BECAUSE ITALIANS, WE HUG, WE 571 00:34:45,049 --> 00:34:48,653 KISS, WE GET FIRED FOR IT BECAUSE IT MAKES PEOPLE QUITE 572 00:34:48,719 --> 00:34:50,822 UNCOMFORTABLE. LIKE MY ROOMMATE IS NOT ITALIAN. 573 00:34:50,888 --> 00:34:54,892 I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME MY ROOMMATE SAW MY ITALIAN FATHER 574 00:34:54,959 --> 00:34:58,863 AND I KISS EACH OTHER GOOD-BYE, HE WAS LIKE EWW. 575 00:34:58,930 --> 00:35:02,600 DO YOU KISS YOUR DAD? IN PUBLIC? 576 00:35:02,667 --> 00:35:06,537 AND I WAS LIKE YEAH, YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE WEIRD, IF I 577 00:35:06,604 --> 00:35:13,144 ONLY KISSED HIM IN PRIVATE. SO I WAS LIKE HEY, POPS, LET'S 578 00:35:13,211 --> 00:35:17,348 GET OUT OF HERE. FOR A PROPER GOOD-BYE. 579 00:35:17,415 --> 00:35:29,360 AND I WASN'T BORN IN ITALY, OBVIOUSLY, BUT-- WHEN PEOPLE ASK 580 00:35:29,427 --> 00:35:36,267 IN ITALY WHERE IS MY FAMILY FROM, I'M LIKE NINTENDO. 581 00:35:36,334 --> 00:35:41,339 I WENT TO COLLEGE FOR MUSICAL THEATER. 582 00:35:41,405 --> 00:35:46,377 WHICH IS LIKE SAYING I HAVE A PH DID IN IMAGINATION. 583 00:35:46,444 --> 00:35:50,882 PICKING YOUR MAJOR SHOULD WORK MORE LIKE-- BECAUSE I WOULD HAVE 584 00:35:50,948 --> 00:35:53,918 NEVER GONE TO COLLEGE FOR MUSICAL THEATER IF I HAD TO GO 585 00:35:53,985 --> 00:35:57,655 TO MY PARENTS AND BE LIKE I LIKE TO ACT, CAN I KIND OF SING AND 586 00:35:57,722 --> 00:36:05,429 CAN I DO THIS. AND I'M ASKING FOR 200,000 587 00:36:05,496 --> 00:36:11,502 DOLLARS. WITH A ZERO PERCENT RETURN ON 588 00:36:11,569 --> 00:36:13,004 INVESTMENT. AND THAT WILL BECOME A COMEDIAN 589 00:36:13,070 --> 00:36:17,341 AND TALK CRAP ABOUT YOU FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. 590 00:36:17,408 --> 00:36:23,981 MY PARENTS GOT DIVORCED WHEN I WAS 7, SO LIKE MY KIDS MY FIRST 591 00:36:24,048 --> 00:36:37,828 WORD WERE MAMA, TOLD ME TO TELL YOU. 592 00:36:37,895 --> 00:36:40,298 THEY HAVE JOINT CUSTODY AND THE CUSTODY AGREEMENT WAS SO 593 00:36:40,364 --> 00:36:43,200 COMPLICATED IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ON THE SAT'S. 594 00:36:43,267 --> 00:36:47,838 LIKE IF GIANMARCO IS SUPPOSED TO BE AT HIS JEWISH MOM'S HOUSE ON 595 00:36:47,905 --> 00:36:50,341 TUESDAY, BUT TUESDAY IS HIS FATHER'S BIRTHDAY, WHICH HAPPENS 596 00:36:50,408 --> 00:36:54,612 TO BE THE LAST NIGHT OF HANUKKAH BUT HIS DAD'S PARENTS ARE TAKING 597 00:36:54,679 --> 00:37:00,818 A TRAIN IN FROM PHILLIE GOING AT 60 MILES PER HOUR, THAN HOW MUCH 598 00:37:00,885 --> 00:37:13,197 LEXAPRO WILL GIANMARCO NEED? I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE I LIKE 599 00:37:13,264 --> 00:37:14,332 MORE. BECAUSE WHEN YOUR PARENTS GET 600 00:37:14,398 --> 00:37:17,335 DIVORCED THERE IS ALWAYS THE MORE RESPONSIBLE PARENT AND 601 00:37:17,401 --> 00:37:23,040 THERE IS THE DAD. LIKE MY DAD, MY DAD LET ME EAT 602 00:37:23,107 --> 00:37:26,110 WHATEVER I WANTED. MY FRIEND WAS GET JEALOUS 603 00:37:26,177 --> 00:37:29,213 BECAUSE WHEN MY DAD PACKED ME LUNCH FOR SCHOOL WE ALWAYS SLIP 604 00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:33,718 A BIG PEPPER PEPPERMINTS PADDY IN MY PACK OF CIGARETTE, FUN 605 00:37:33,784 --> 00:37:35,920 DAD. I KNOW NOT ALL OF YOU CAN RELATE 606 00:37:35,987 --> 00:37:38,456 TO MY DIVORCE JOKES, BUT WILL YOU SOME DAY. 607 00:37:38,522 --> 00:37:41,559 I LIKE TELLING THEM BECAUSE I DID A FAMILY SHOW ONCE. 608 00:37:41,626 --> 00:37:44,362 WHERE AFTER THE SHOW THIS LITTLE KID RAN UP TO ME. 609 00:37:44,428 --> 00:37:47,765 HE WAS THERE WITH HIS MOM AND HE WAS VERY SHY BUT HE CAME RIGHT 610 00:37:47,832 --> 00:37:51,135 UP, HE WAS LIKE MY PARENTS ARE DIVORCED. 611 00:37:51,202 --> 00:37:55,006 AND ARE YOU REALLY FUNNY. AND THAT'S WHY I DO THIS. 612 00:37:55,072 --> 00:38:03,114 TO MEET SINGLE MOMS. MY DAD HAS A NEW GIRLFRIEND. 613 00:38:03,180 --> 00:38:08,185 WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON LIKE BEING BORN IN 1988. 614 00:38:08,252 --> 00:38:12,189 IT'S WEIRD, I LIKES DATING YOUNGER, I LIKE DATING OLDER, 615 00:38:12,256 --> 00:38:16,894 ONCE WE WENT ON A DOUBLE DATE AND IT LOOKED LIKE THE FAMILY 616 00:38:16,961 --> 00:38:19,664 DINNER I NEVER HAD. BUT THE HOST WAS GIVING WEIRD 617 00:38:19,730 --> 00:38:23,868 LOOKS BECAUSE THE SHE THOUGHT HE WAS PLAYING-- AND AT THE END MY 618 00:38:23,934 --> 00:38:27,638 CAN DAD WENT TO KISS ME AND I WAS LIKE LET'S DO THIS IN 619 00:38:27,705 --> 00:38:28,506 PRIVATE. THAT IS MY TIME. 620 00:38:28,572 --> 00:38:32,910 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. GIANMARCO SORESI. 621 00:38:32,977 --> 00:38:37,281 >> James: WHAT ABOUT THAT. THAT WAS SO GOOD. 622 00:38:37,348 --> 00:38:41,585 GIANMARCO SORESI, EVERYBODY. BRILLIANT PODCAST IS STREAMING 623 00:38:41,652 --> 00:38:46,257 RIGHT NOW. COME ON BACK, EVERYBODY. 624 00:39:00,905 --> 00:39:02,640 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> James: THANK YOU SO MUCH 625 00:39:02,707 --> 00:39:05,443 FOR WATCHING, HAPPY THANKSGIVING EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU. 626 00:39:05,509 --> 00:39:10,214 REGGIE, TAKE US HOME. ♪