1 00:00:08,158 --> 00:00:12,197 [music] 2 00:00:17,292 --> 00:00:19,587 - Heya, fellas! - Heya, Frank! 3 00:00:19,670 --> 00:00:21,004 [car sputters] 4 00:00:21,921 --> 00:00:24,717 [Frank sighs] [Susan] Daddy's home! Time for dinner. 5 00:00:25,967 --> 00:00:29,555 - I made pigs in blankets. - Oh, my favorite. Thanks, honey. 6 00:00:29,638 --> 00:00:31,473 Dad, do you know anything about magnets? 7 00:00:31,557 --> 00:00:33,308 A buddy from the war has one in his head. 8 00:00:33,392 --> 00:00:35,644 We used to throw paper clips at it. Does that help you? 9 00:00:35,728 --> 00:00:38,355 Daddy, I got an "A" on my spelling test! 10 00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:40,941 Oh, that's wonderful, princess. 11 00:00:41,024 --> 00:00:45,237 Well, I guess His Royal Highness has finally decided to join us. 12 00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:47,197 Yeah, I'm high, all right. 13 00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:50,200 All right, guys, dig in. Oh, so I gotta tell ya, 14 00:00:50,284 --> 00:00:52,494 the funniest thing happened at work today. 15 00:00:52,578 --> 00:00:55,226 Ed calls a mandatory meeting, we go to the break 16 00:00:55,227 --> 00:00:57,875 room, and he's just bragging about his new tie. 17 00:00:57,958 --> 00:01:00,210 [chuckles] So then I says to Ed... [phone ringing] 18 00:01:02,797 --> 00:01:05,006 Jesus Christ. I'm not answering that. 19 00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:09,052 Frank, you should answer it. What if somebody got hurt? 20 00:01:09,136 --> 00:01:11,221 Nobody ever gets hurt at supper, Susan, OK? 21 00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:14,308 It's always some goddamn salesman, and I'm not answering it. 22 00:01:14,391 --> 00:01:16,184 Dad, we all know you're gonna answer it. 23 00:01:16,268 --> 00:01:17,937 You don't know a goddamn thing about me. 24 00:01:17,938 --> 00:01:19,631 [ringing continues] 25 00:01:19,772 --> 00:01:21,022 What if it's important? 26 00:01:21,106 --> 00:01:23,776 I sweated blood at that airport for 12 hours today, 27 00:01:23,859 --> 00:01:27,070 and what's important to me is I have just one moment 28 00:01:27,071 --> 00:01:30,282 of peace with my family, enjoying a delicious home-cooked meal. 29 00:01:30,365 --> 00:01:32,827 Is that too much to ask? I'm not answering it. 30 00:01:41,543 --> 00:01:44,292 [ringing continues] 31 00:01:45,130 --> 00:01:46,632 Shit. 32 00:01:50,344 --> 00:01:52,304 Murphy residence. 33 00:01:54,974 --> 00:01:57,601 Oh, let me tell you something, you goddamn son of a bitch. 34 00:01:57,685 --> 00:02:00,646 I don't need a goddamn engraved family Bible! 35 00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:03,148 You see? You see? What did I say? 36 00:02:03,231 --> 00:02:06,234 Every goddamn time. I am eating dinner with my family, young man! 37 00:02:06,318 --> 00:02:09,154 I don't need a $25 Bible to teach me about God. 38 00:02:09,237 --> 00:02:12,533 I almost bled out in Korea, all right?! I have met God! 39 00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:15,327 What did you just say to me? 40 00:02:15,410 --> 00:02:17,705 Ah, you come down here and you say that to me like a man! 41 00:02:17,788 --> 00:02:20,207 I swear I'll pull your tongue out through your goddamn neck! 42 00:02:20,290 --> 00:02:23,460 [growling, shrieking] 43 00:02:24,085 --> 00:02:26,129 Why do they have to put the goddamn things on the wall? 44 00:02:26,213 --> 00:02:28,965 - Frank, calm down. - Yeah, "Frank, calm down, calm down." 45 00:02:28,966 --> 00:02:30,759 It's always "Frank, calm down!" 46 00:02:30,843 --> 00:02:34,388 Why's it always me, Susan? How about a little support? Huh? 47 00:02:34,471 --> 00:02:36,673 Would that kill ya? [door thud, clank] 48 00:02:38,684 --> 00:02:41,311 [exhales, chuckles] [low thuds in garage] 49 00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:43,689 So, how was school? 50 00:02:43,772 --> 00:02:46,738 Goddamn punk, calling me at supper. Huh? Huh? 51 00:02:46,773 --> 00:02:48,318 Won't even come to my door like a man?! 52 00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:51,655 Hi, Mr. Murphy. Can Billy come out and play? 53 00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:53,699 Get the fuck outta here! 54 00:02:53,782 --> 00:02:55,116 [voice echoing] 55 00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:58,165 [up-tempo song playing] 56 00:03:31,236 --> 00:03:33,989 [grunts, screams] 57 00:03:40,295 --> 00:03:43,247 1x01 - "The Bleedin' in Sweden" 58 00:03:43,248 --> 00:03:44,458 [crickets chirring] 59 00:03:44,541 --> 00:03:47,002 [man on TV] And now, back to Colt Luger. 60 00:03:47,086 --> 00:03:48,336 [motorcycle revs on TV] 61 00:03:48,420 --> 00:03:50,464 [cackling] 62 00:03:50,547 --> 00:03:54,175 - It's time to die, Luger. - Is that so, Boneskull? 63 00:03:54,259 --> 00:03:57,554 Well, I say it's time you took a bath... in your own blood! 64 00:03:57,638 --> 00:03:59,890 Here it comes. Here it comes. [gunshot on TV] 65 00:04:03,184 --> 00:04:06,354 [grunts, screams] [bike crashing] 66 00:04:12,277 --> 00:04:14,154 [clicking] [Frank] Oh, he's out of bullets! 67 00:04:14,237 --> 00:04:16,531 [woman on TV] Colt, they're gonna kill us! 68 00:04:16,615 --> 00:04:19,785 - They'll try, Sweet Cakes. - But what can you do? 69 00:04:19,868 --> 00:04:22,245 Sometimes a man's gotta do... [thudding] 70 00:04:22,329 --> 00:04:23,956 - ...what a man does. - What a man does. 71 00:04:32,965 --> 00:04:35,467 See? You see that? That right there, that is a man. 72 00:04:35,550 --> 00:04:37,886 - That is a stunt man. - What was that? 73 00:04:37,970 --> 00:04:40,097 - Nothing. - That's enough, Kevin. 74 00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:42,536 Your father already had his dinner ruined, don't you 75 00:04:42,537 --> 00:04:44,893 ruin his favorite show. It's one of his few joys in life. 76 00:04:44,977 --> 00:04:47,855 [man on TV] Colt Luger will return after these messages. 77 00:04:47,938 --> 00:04:50,107 Ah, shit, commercials. 78 00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:53,318 It's the heavyweight boxing event of the decade! 79 00:04:53,401 --> 00:04:56,696 Haywood "Big Skillet" Shavers defends his title against 80 00:04:56,697 --> 00:04:59,992 Irish Mickey Ireland, out to avenge his heartbreaking loss, 81 00:05:00,075 --> 00:05:03,162 forever known now as "The Bleedin' in Sweden!" 82 00:05:03,244 --> 00:05:07,624 The slaughter starts at nine, on Sunday Bloody Sunday! 83 00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:09,877 Right after an all new There's a Fairy On My Shoulder. 84 00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:12,253 That's my guy! That's my guy, Irish Mickey. 85 00:05:12,337 --> 00:05:14,662 Ya know, he would've beat Shavers the last time, but 86 00:05:14,663 --> 00:05:16,987 lost on a technicality 'cause the ref thought he was 87 00:05:16,988 --> 00:05:19,803 bleeding too much, which he wasn't. He lost because he was drunk. 88 00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:22,430 Hey, Sue, I gotta have everybody over to watch this. 89 00:05:22,514 --> 00:05:23,612 Some food, some beer. 90 00:05:23,613 --> 00:05:25,809 I'll throw one of my "Frank's Famous Fight Parties" 91 00:05:25,893 --> 00:05:28,187 - for the whole neighborhood. - That's a great idea. 92 00:05:28,269 --> 00:05:30,480 I know. You better start cooking, good looking. 93 00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:33,984 - Can I watch the fight too? - No. This is gonna be a grown-up party, 94 00:05:34,068 --> 00:05:35,861 so you kids are gonna have to stay in your rooms. 95 00:05:35,944 --> 00:05:37,696 Close the door and lock 'em. 96 00:05:37,779 --> 00:05:40,741 Oh, this is gonna be fun, Sue. I mean, this is gonna be big. 97 00:05:40,824 --> 00:05:43,347 You can put my chair right in the middle of the room, 98 00:05:43,348 --> 00:05:45,871 right in front of the TV. Get some that good bottled beer. 99 00:05:45,954 --> 00:05:48,207 And make that "Frank's Special Chip Dip." [plop in toilet] 100 00:05:48,289 --> 00:05:50,084 You know, with cream cheese and chili in a can? 101 00:05:50,167 --> 00:05:53,087 [dryer whirring] [yelling] And those fancy potato chips 102 00:05:53,170 --> 00:05:58,592 that come in a tin! We can use it as a garbage can after! 103 00:05:58,675 --> 00:06:00,468 And maybe some... 104 00:06:00,552 --> 00:06:01,970 [panting] Those... those deviled eggs? 105 00:06:01,971 --> 00:06:03,388 Can you make some of those? 106 00:06:03,471 --> 00:06:05,015 [Susan] Yeah. Are you gonna stuff the eggs? 107 00:06:05,099 --> 00:06:06,808 - Oh, you're the best, sweet cakes. - Stuff 'em! 108 00:06:06,892 --> 00:06:08,602 - Stuff 'em! - You're the best! Oh! 109 00:06:08,685 --> 00:06:10,604 Oh, you're the best! 110 00:06:14,024 --> 00:06:17,194 Have fun! Come home when the streetlights come on! 111 00:06:17,276 --> 00:06:19,696 Don't go playing with those dirty kids down the end of the block. 112 00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:22,074 - They probably have chiggers! - [kids] We won't! 113 00:06:23,742 --> 00:06:24,826 What do you want to do? 114 00:06:24,910 --> 00:06:27,370 [Southern accent] We found a rusty lawn mower in the woods. 115 00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:29,123 [Southern accent] Dare you to lick it. 116 00:06:29,206 --> 00:06:30,832 [Maureen] How much will you give me? 117 00:06:32,500 --> 00:06:35,294 Hey, you stay away from that loose girl down on River Street. 118 00:06:35,378 --> 00:06:37,172 I don't want any half-slut grandkids. 119 00:06:37,256 --> 00:06:39,507 - We're not doing anything. - Neither was I. 120 00:06:39,591 --> 00:06:43,095 - That's how you got here! - That's a fine boy you got there, Frank. 121 00:06:43,678 --> 00:06:45,472 Ah, he's a fuckin' animal. 122 00:06:46,305 --> 00:06:50,447 Street sign: yes. Magnetic attraction 123 00:06:50,482 --> 00:06:53,605 has many properties. Actually, too many to mention. 124 00:06:53,688 --> 00:06:54,898 [slobbering sounds] 125 00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:56,275 What the hell are you doing? 126 00:06:57,484 --> 00:06:59,194 Tastes like Momma's gun. 127 00:07:00,028 --> 00:07:02,423 Give it back, Kenny! [Kenny growls] 128 00:07:03,157 --> 00:07:06,534 - Oh, you'll never get it now. - Bite down hard, Ken! 129 00:07:06,618 --> 00:07:08,341 [growls] 130 00:07:10,122 --> 00:07:11,623 [magnet clangs] 131 00:07:13,041 --> 00:07:16,753 Oh, man, that's the Nazi's house. He's gonna kill me! 132 00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:18,797 Who's a Nazi, Ben? 133 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:22,334 You know, that German guy in that there house. 134 00:07:22,369 --> 00:07:25,553 Kids all say he's Hitler's little brother. 135 00:07:25,637 --> 00:07:27,806 Yeah, yeah, and he hunts down kids. 136 00:07:27,889 --> 00:07:29,850 Shut up, he's gonna hear you! 137 00:07:30,934 --> 00:07:31,893 [all gasp] 138 00:07:31,977 --> 00:07:34,395 [door creaking] 139 00:07:36,815 --> 00:07:40,027 [German accent] Well, hello. Do you need some help? 140 00:07:40,110 --> 00:07:41,862 [voice wavering] No, I'm OK. 141 00:07:41,945 --> 00:07:46,116 - Oh, please, it is my pleasure. - It's OK, I got it. 142 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:49,369 - He almost got you! - You see that number on his arm? 143 00:07:49,370 --> 00:07:52,039 That's how many people he's killed. It's a scoreboard! 144 00:07:52,122 --> 00:07:54,749 Have a wonderful day, children! 145 00:07:57,169 --> 00:07:59,296 Oh, it is gonna be one hell of a fight party. 146 00:07:59,379 --> 00:08:02,299 Sue is going all out. She's making those deviled eggs you like. 147 00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:04,801 She's got the Rice Krispies with the toothpick things in there. 148 00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:07,470 All right? We got plenty of booze. Everyone's coming. 149 00:08:07,554 --> 00:08:10,015 - Everybody's getting loaded. - I can bring a Jell-O loaf! 150 00:08:10,098 --> 00:08:12,309 Jell-O? Babe, this is a fight, 151 00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:14,561 not a party for someone with stomach cancer. 152 00:08:14,644 --> 00:08:17,689 Yeah, the thing is, actually, it's... [chuckles] 153 00:08:17,772 --> 00:08:19,607 it's a little delicate, but uh... 154 00:08:19,691 --> 00:08:22,819 we've already been invited to watch the fight over at, uh... 155 00:08:23,570 --> 00:08:26,732 - at Vic's. - Vic's? 156 00:08:26,767 --> 00:08:28,616 Wait, we always watch the fight at my house. 157 00:08:28,700 --> 00:08:31,098 I am the fight host on this block! And why the hell 158 00:08:31,099 --> 00:08:33,496 would you want to hang out with that guy anyways? Huh? 159 00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:36,333 What, do you like his hair, and his car, acting all Hollywood? 160 00:08:36,416 --> 00:08:38,710 You can't see through that phony positivity? 161 00:08:38,793 --> 00:08:42,214 "Hey, guys! You need some help? Oh, have a great day!" 162 00:08:42,297 --> 00:08:45,300 Fucking asshole. Last time, I'm walking with my wife, my woman, 163 00:08:45,384 --> 00:08:49,054 he's got the nerve to go, "Hey, Frank, you're a lucky man." 164 00:08:49,137 --> 00:08:52,015 "Lucky man"? Luck had nothing to do with it, punk! 165 00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:54,142 Hey, Frank, take it easy, take it easy. 166 00:08:54,226 --> 00:08:56,603 Nothing against you, we just kind of like him. 167 00:08:56,686 --> 00:08:59,022 - For one thing, he smells great. - He's got you there, Frank. 168 00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:01,357 [car approaching] 169 00:09:02,067 --> 00:09:04,361 Ah, Christ. Here he comes. 170 00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:06,863 [rock music playing] 171 00:09:14,246 --> 00:09:16,248 [tires squealing] [music stops] 172 00:09:17,465 --> 00:09:19,342 Hola, amigos! 173 00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:22,262 - Just the men I want to see. - [woman] Mm... 174 00:09:22,345 --> 00:09:25,682 Would you look at that jerk, carrying on like he's a goddamn astronaut. 175 00:09:25,765 --> 00:09:29,394 - Probably has the clap. - Kitty Kat, make me some mac and chee. 176 00:09:29,395 --> 00:09:31,062 Not the spiral kind, that makes me dizzy. 177 00:09:31,145 --> 00:09:33,147 [slap] [giggles] 178 00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:35,692 Hey, so how about that fight? 179 00:09:35,775 --> 00:09:38,528 Big Skillet's gonna kill that pasty booze-bag. 180 00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:41,322 Hey, where's your loyalty? You're white. 181 00:09:41,406 --> 00:09:44,367 So what? Black dudes are cool. 182 00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:46,661 You ever seen one naked? I do all the time. 183 00:09:46,745 --> 00:09:49,789 - Big stars, too. - Oh, yeah? Which ones? 184 00:09:49,872 --> 00:09:52,270 One of the Four Tops was washing his armpits in 185 00:09:52,271 --> 00:09:54,669 the men's room at the radio station just last week. 186 00:09:54,753 --> 00:09:57,756 He was the main one, I think. We made eye contact. 187 00:09:57,838 --> 00:10:01,578 Good guy. Hey, Frank, it'd be righteous 188 00:10:01,613 --> 00:10:03,386 if you joined us to watch the fight at my house. 189 00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:06,723 - Thirty-two inches of living color. - Thirty-two inches? 190 00:10:06,806 --> 00:10:08,933 - That's pretty big. - Up here, Babe. 191 00:10:09,016 --> 00:10:11,352 Well, thanks, but you're a little late. 192 00:10:11,436 --> 00:10:13,980 Everyone in the neighborhood is already coming over 193 00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:17,164 to watch the fight on my new color set. It's 33 inches. 194 00:10:17,191 --> 00:10:18,818 [Vic] They make 'em that size? 195 00:10:18,901 --> 00:10:21,780 - They do for me. - Out of sight. 196 00:10:21,862 --> 00:10:25,283 You got it all going on. I bet you're digging the skin you're in. 197 00:10:25,366 --> 00:10:29,746 - You bet your ass I am. - Hey, Vic! It's hot. 198 00:10:29,829 --> 00:10:32,290 About to get hotter. See ya, fellas! [Kitty Kat giggles] 199 00:10:32,373 --> 00:10:35,075 Eh, Frank, I look through your window every night. 200 00:10:35,076 --> 00:10:36,877 And I've never seen a color TV. 201 00:10:36,961 --> 00:10:40,590 - It's great that you got one! - Yeah. I was gonna surprise you. 202 00:10:40,674 --> 00:10:43,760 Well, it's gonna be one hell of a party. 203 00:10:43,843 --> 00:10:45,970 [shouts] Frank got himself a new color TV! 204 00:10:46,053 --> 00:10:50,677 - It's 33 inches! - [German man] Oh, that's wunderbar! 205 00:10:50,809 --> 00:10:51,851 Oh, shit. 206 00:10:57,816 --> 00:11:00,450 That was bitchin'! [groans] 207 00:11:01,027 --> 00:11:02,278 [all] Ew... 208 00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:05,490 - My turn! - Hold your balls! 209 00:11:06,949 --> 00:11:10,620 Look out... [voice slows] ...below! 210 00:11:12,831 --> 00:11:15,175 Oh, he's gone too far. 211 00:11:16,334 --> 00:11:17,544 [crashing] 212 00:11:18,669 --> 00:11:21,089 [boy] What the shit was that? 213 00:11:22,090 --> 00:11:25,753 Oh, my God, big kids! Run! 214 00:11:26,719 --> 00:11:28,429 [grunts, forced chuckle] 215 00:11:28,512 --> 00:11:31,682 Hiya, Jimmy. Sorry about your house. 216 00:11:31,766 --> 00:11:35,227 It's not my house, shit stain. It's my clubhouse. 217 00:11:35,311 --> 00:11:37,438 And I'm gonna fuckin' kill you. 218 00:11:37,521 --> 00:11:38,856 [barrel clangs] Huh? 219 00:11:39,649 --> 00:11:43,820 Little pussy! Get back here, Murphy, and let me fuckin' kill you! 220 00:11:45,571 --> 00:11:49,366 Frank, why did you do that? We can't afford a big color TV. 221 00:11:49,450 --> 00:11:51,869 Well, I can't afford not to have one now. 222 00:11:51,953 --> 00:11:54,789 Things were said in that driveway that cannot be unsaid. 223 00:11:54,872 --> 00:11:57,165 This is all the money we have saved in the world. 224 00:11:57,249 --> 00:12:00,015 - It's Kevin's college fund. - Come on, Sue. 225 00:12:00,050 --> 00:12:01,462 We both know Kevin's not going to college. 226 00:12:01,545 --> 00:12:04,964 That's not the point. I just wish you'd told me. 227 00:12:05,303 --> 00:12:08,848 All I'm saying is you don't get to make big financial decisions 228 00:12:08,931 --> 00:12:11,684 - like this by yourself. - Then agree with me. 229 00:12:11,767 --> 00:12:13,144 That way we both decided together. 230 00:12:13,227 --> 00:12:17,606 OK. All I ask is that we stay within our budget. 231 00:12:17,690 --> 00:12:20,026 Absolutely. We will not spend one more dime than... 232 00:12:20,109 --> 00:12:22,444 [both gasp] Sweet Jesus. 233 00:12:22,528 --> 00:12:27,382 [slow love song playing] 234 00:12:42,548 --> 00:12:45,134 [music stops] I see you know your TVs. 235 00:12:45,218 --> 00:12:47,220 This is the Sonabishi Color Plex right here. 236 00:12:47,303 --> 00:12:50,723 It is the biggest and heaviest television on the market. 237 00:12:52,183 --> 00:12:55,311 Mm, this varnish. It's so decadent. 238 00:12:55,393 --> 00:12:59,523 - It was hand-rubbed in Korea. - Huh. [gasps] 239 00:12:59,690 --> 00:13:01,817 - Wow. - [softly] We don't have that much cash. 240 00:13:01,901 --> 00:13:05,779 - We're $50 short. - I know, but I need this, Sue. 241 00:13:05,863 --> 00:13:07,948 Oh, I need this. 242 00:13:08,032 --> 00:13:10,910 You know, I'll tell you what. We could finance that last $50 243 00:13:10,993 --> 00:13:14,398 at a point above prime: 26 percent. 244 00:13:14,538 --> 00:13:15,539 Sold. 245 00:13:15,622 --> 00:13:17,415 [both moaning] 246 00:13:18,584 --> 00:13:21,170 - Come on, just touch it a little. - No. 247 00:13:21,254 --> 00:13:23,130 - I won't tell anybody. - No. 248 00:13:23,214 --> 00:13:24,965 - Then let me touch you. - No. 249 00:13:25,049 --> 00:13:27,968 Come on, you're so pretty and you're so cool, 250 00:13:28,052 --> 00:13:32,430 and I really like you, and you're the only one I want to touch it. 251 00:13:32,514 --> 00:13:35,851 - All right, but only over your pants. - Oh, thank you so much. 252 00:13:35,935 --> 00:13:40,064 Kevin! Billy's getting killed by some big kids! 253 00:13:40,147 --> 00:13:42,913 Now? Son of a bitch! 254 00:13:43,483 --> 00:13:44,777 Ow! 255 00:13:46,237 --> 00:13:49,447 Cut it out! This isn't funny anymore! [boys laughing] 256 00:13:49,531 --> 00:13:51,325 Leave me alone, you jerks! 257 00:13:51,409 --> 00:13:52,618 Please! 258 00:13:53,786 --> 00:13:55,913 - [boy] Yeah! - Stop it! 259 00:13:55,996 --> 00:13:58,207 Oh, I'm gonna be a cop! 260 00:13:58,291 --> 00:13:59,499 - [Billy] Ouch! - [Kevin] Jimmy! 261 00:13:59,583 --> 00:14:01,737 Shit, it's Kevin Murphy! 262 00:14:04,255 --> 00:14:05,505 Oh, hey, Kevin. 263 00:14:06,257 --> 00:14:08,050 [whimpers] Oh, man! 264 00:14:08,134 --> 00:14:10,677 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 265 00:14:10,761 --> 00:14:13,431 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 266 00:14:13,513 --> 00:14:17,768 [groaning, sobs] Oh, man! Oh, man! Oh, man! 267 00:14:19,895 --> 00:14:21,272 Thanks, Kevin. 268 00:14:23,316 --> 00:14:25,318 [grunts] Oh! 269 00:14:25,401 --> 00:14:27,394 [sobbing] 270 00:14:33,116 --> 00:14:36,119 Kids, this right here is an example of what can be yours 271 00:14:36,203 --> 00:14:38,434 if you're willing to work hard and go the extra 272 00:14:38,435 --> 00:14:40,666 mile to give your family the nice things in life. 273 00:14:40,749 --> 00:14:43,293 You are not to touch this unless I say so, 274 00:14:43,377 --> 00:14:46,450 and I am never gonna say so. Is that understood? 275 00:14:46,485 --> 00:14:46,672 - OK. - Yes. 276 00:14:46,755 --> 00:14:48,173 Good. Now go to bed. 277 00:14:50,676 --> 00:14:51,635 Are you ready? 278 00:14:52,886 --> 00:14:55,180 We did it, Sue. We made it. 279 00:14:55,264 --> 00:14:56,557 Pull the knob. 280 00:14:58,016 --> 00:14:59,101 [upbeat intro music plays] 281 00:14:59,184 --> 00:15:01,853 [man on TV] This is the ABS Evening News. [audience laughs] 282 00:15:01,937 --> 00:15:04,690 [woman] You're not exactly Joe Namath yourself! 283 00:15:04,773 --> 00:15:07,901 [man 2 on TV] No, Your Honor, the defense does not rest. 284 00:15:07,984 --> 00:15:09,236 [crowd on TV gasps] 285 00:15:09,319 --> 00:15:12,114 [man 3 on TV] Ladies and gentlemen: Evel Knievel. 286 00:15:12,197 --> 00:15:13,449 [upbeat music] 287 00:15:13,532 --> 00:15:17,827 [snoring] ["Star-Spangled Banner" plays on TV] 288 00:15:17,911 --> 00:15:21,123 [static hissing] [continues snoring] 289 00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:27,921 [clanks] [yawns] Toaster: yes. 290 00:15:28,004 --> 00:15:32,926 [man on TV] Good morning. Channel Nine begins its broadcast day with What It Is? 291 00:15:33,009 --> 00:15:37,264 A discussion of today's issues facing today's black community, today. 292 00:15:37,347 --> 00:15:38,807 With your host, Jim Jeffords. 293 00:15:38,890 --> 00:15:40,726 A happy Sunday to all. 294 00:15:40,768 --> 00:15:44,062 So how do you people feel about these election results? 295 00:15:44,146 --> 00:15:47,441 I mean, now that the Civil Rights era has drawn to a close 296 00:15:47,442 --> 00:15:50,736 and we're all equal now. You know, not that you're going to be 297 00:15:50,737 --> 00:15:52,488 marrying my daughter or anything. [laughs] 298 00:15:52,571 --> 00:15:56,158 [woman] You have an interesting way of phrasing things, Mr. Jeffords. 299 00:15:56,241 --> 00:15:58,076 [Jeffords] Thank you, Ms. Unchacka. 300 00:15:58,160 --> 00:15:59,995 [snoring] [woman] It wasn't a compliment. 301 00:16:00,954 --> 00:16:03,332 It's The Nickel and Pickle Show! 302 00:16:03,415 --> 00:16:05,751 In col...! [sound distorting] 303 00:16:05,834 --> 00:16:07,795 [hissing, sizzling] Huh? 304 00:16:08,629 --> 00:16:09,630 [gasps] 305 00:16:10,714 --> 00:16:12,382 [normal audio resumes] 306 00:16:12,466 --> 00:16:14,259 [static hissing] 307 00:16:14,343 --> 00:16:16,679 [audio distorting] 308 00:16:17,971 --> 00:16:19,931 [static hissing] 309 00:16:20,390 --> 00:16:24,102 - [softly] No, no, no, no! - [softly] What the hell are you doing? 310 00:16:24,186 --> 00:16:28,106 I put the magnet on the TV and now I can't make it go back! 311 00:16:28,190 --> 00:16:30,609 See? This is what doing your homework gets you. 312 00:16:31,943 --> 00:16:35,446 All right, pretend to be asleep. You were never there. It'll be fine. 313 00:16:37,073 --> 00:16:38,492 [Frank] What the hell? 314 00:16:39,493 --> 00:16:40,703 [louder] What the hell?! 315 00:16:40,786 --> 00:16:43,079 Ah, you got to be shittin' me! Susan! 316 00:16:43,163 --> 00:16:45,666 [Susan] Frank, what is it? [louder] What the hell?! 317 00:16:45,749 --> 00:16:46,875 What happened to it? 318 00:16:46,958 --> 00:16:50,212 - It was like this when I woke up! - Maybe you watched it too long! 319 00:16:50,295 --> 00:16:53,507 Oh, for Christ's sake, I didn't watch it too long! It's brand new! 320 00:16:53,590 --> 00:16:55,258 Well, did you pour water down it? 321 00:16:55,342 --> 00:16:57,678 - No, I didn't pour water down it! - Don't yell at me! 322 00:16:57,761 --> 00:16:59,388 - You're undermining me! - No, I'm not! 323 00:16:59,471 --> 00:17:00,681 - The hell you're not! - I'm not! 324 00:17:00,764 --> 00:17:02,391 Why the fuck would I pour water down it? 325 00:17:02,474 --> 00:17:04,351 - What is it?! - You're on the side of the TV! 326 00:17:05,018 --> 00:17:09,064 No one is on the side of the TV. How could this happen? 327 00:17:09,815 --> 00:17:11,316 I know what happened. 328 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:15,153 - I know exactly what happened here. - [softly] Play dead or you will be. 329 00:17:15,237 --> 00:17:19,700 [Frank] That slick son of a bitch down at the TV store sold me a lemon! 330 00:17:19,783 --> 00:17:22,661 [sighs] Oh, you're so lucky. 331 00:17:22,745 --> 00:17:26,623 [men grunting] Goddamn Korean-rubbed piece of shit. [barking] 332 00:17:27,750 --> 00:17:29,710 [Frank] Major, you're not going anywhere. 333 00:17:29,793 --> 00:17:32,588 Get back inside, you stupid maniac! 334 00:17:32,671 --> 00:17:34,506 You need some help, Frank? 335 00:17:35,131 --> 00:17:38,051 - Everything's fine. - His new TV's on the fritz! 336 00:17:38,134 --> 00:17:41,096 - Goddamn it, Goomer. - Well, let me help you out, buddy! 337 00:17:41,179 --> 00:17:42,931 Hold that thought. 338 00:17:44,974 --> 00:17:47,018 - I like your shorts. - I know. 339 00:17:47,102 --> 00:17:49,646 One, two, three, lift! 340 00:17:49,730 --> 00:17:51,706 All right. Here we go. 341 00:17:51,741 --> 00:17:54,047 Keep on truckin', chief. 342 00:17:55,944 --> 00:17:58,947 I'll be back in a second. I have to go burn this shirt. 343 00:17:59,030 --> 00:18:02,284 [man on TV] Feminist Focus, with your host, Jim Jeffords. 344 00:18:02,367 --> 00:18:06,037 Thank you for joining us, ladies. May I say, you all look super hot. 345 00:18:06,121 --> 00:18:07,747 You ever think people would listen to your 346 00:18:07,748 --> 00:18:09,374 opinions more if you brushed your hair? 347 00:18:09,458 --> 00:18:10,793 You... [static hissing] 348 00:18:11,835 --> 00:18:13,253 There you have it. A lemon. 349 00:18:13,336 --> 00:18:16,298 So, uh... how we gonna do this? Refund, new set? 350 00:18:16,381 --> 00:18:19,384 So what happened here? Pour water down the back? 351 00:18:19,468 --> 00:18:22,033 Why do people keep asking me that? Why on earth would 352 00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:24,598 I pour water down the back of my own television set? 353 00:18:24,681 --> 00:18:27,601 - OK, look, sir... - You call me "sir" like you mean it. 354 00:18:27,684 --> 00:18:31,271 This TV worked perfectly when it left the store, so we're not responsible. 355 00:18:31,354 --> 00:18:35,191 Not responsible? I spent $640 on this thing. 356 00:18:35,275 --> 00:18:37,820 Then you should've sprung the extra five on the warranty. [chortles] 357 00:18:37,903 --> 00:18:39,988 Let me tell you something, you goddamn son of a bitch. 358 00:18:40,071 --> 00:18:42,866 - Now, Frank... - "Now Frank, now Frank" nothing! 359 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:45,097 I am gonna speak! You think you can put on 360 00:18:45,098 --> 00:18:46,995 slacks and talk to a grown man like that? 361 00:18:47,079 --> 00:18:50,159 Well, do ya? This is not how business is done. 362 00:18:50,194 --> 00:18:52,446 I am a customer of this store of long standing. 363 00:18:52,481 --> 00:18:54,669 I bought a radio back here when there was no TV 364 00:18:54,753 --> 00:18:56,838 and you, sir, were still in your dad's balls! 365 00:18:56,922 --> 00:18:59,465 [shouting] Now I have been wronged in this transaction! Get off of me! 366 00:18:59,549 --> 00:19:02,635 I have been wronged in this transaction and I have 14 people, 367 00:19:02,719 --> 00:19:05,471 an entire cul-de-sac, coming to my home tonight 368 00:19:05,555 --> 00:19:07,807 to watch the fight on my color television! 369 00:19:07,891 --> 00:19:10,060 So you need to rectify this situation! 370 00:19:10,143 --> 00:19:11,937 Now what do you plan on doing about it? 371 00:19:12,812 --> 00:19:13,855 Tell you what I can do. 372 00:19:15,273 --> 00:19:20,445 I'll hold the door open for you so you can carry it back to the car. 373 00:19:22,989 --> 00:19:25,867 Maybe you should've gotten the warranty. 374 00:19:25,951 --> 00:19:28,036 [growling] 375 00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:31,581 If they didn't sell us a lemon and you didn't break it, then who did? 376 00:19:31,664 --> 00:19:33,583 Oh, Sue, I don't know who... 377 00:19:35,252 --> 00:19:37,212 Those fuckin' animals. 378 00:19:38,921 --> 00:19:41,799 You kids either really think I'm dumb, or you don't respect me. 379 00:19:41,883 --> 00:19:43,926 - Or both. - Thanks, honey, I got this. 380 00:19:44,010 --> 00:19:45,782 That TV was fine when it left the store, 381 00:19:45,783 --> 00:19:47,555 and I sure as hell didn't break it! 382 00:19:47,638 --> 00:19:51,210 - Now one of you did! - And whoever it was, I want you to know 383 00:19:51,245 --> 00:19:53,561 that thanks to you, your father went to that TV store 384 00:19:53,644 --> 00:19:56,902 - and made a fool of himself. - Oh, OK, Sue, thank you. 385 00:19:56,937 --> 00:19:59,128 No, they need to hear this. Your poor father 386 00:19:59,129 --> 00:20:01,319 made himself look like a lunatic because of you. 387 00:20:01,403 --> 00:20:04,355 - Jesus Christ, Sue. - And now, he has to watch 388 00:20:04,390 --> 00:20:07,742 the fight at Vic's while the whole neighborhood laughs at him! 389 00:20:07,825 --> 00:20:12,372 They got it! Nobody is leaving this couch until I know who did this. 390 00:20:12,455 --> 00:20:15,041 - Did you break my TV? - It wasn't me, Daddy. 391 00:20:15,124 --> 00:20:18,127 Ah, I know it wasn't, princess. You can go. 392 00:20:18,211 --> 00:20:21,130 - Can you give me a quarter for ice cream? - I don't have one. 393 00:20:22,465 --> 00:20:24,033 - Did you break my TV? - No. 394 00:20:24,217 --> 00:20:25,660 - Did you break my TV? - No. 395 00:20:25,843 --> 00:20:27,145 - Did he break my TV? - No. 396 00:20:27,429 --> 00:20:29,038 - Did he break my TV?! - No. 397 00:20:29,222 --> 00:20:32,058 - Who broke my TV? - We don't know. 398 00:20:32,141 --> 00:20:34,227 One of you is a liar. Are you a liar? 399 00:20:34,310 --> 00:20:35,770 - Didn't do it! - All right. 400 00:20:35,853 --> 00:20:37,897 So that's how it's gonna be? Very well. 401 00:20:37,980 --> 00:20:39,566 We will sit here all day 402 00:20:39,648 --> 00:20:42,818 until one of you respects us enough to tell the truth. 403 00:20:50,409 --> 00:20:52,704 - Dad... - I did it. I broke your new TV. 404 00:20:52,787 --> 00:20:54,330 - You did? - Yeah, it was me. 405 00:20:54,413 --> 00:20:56,582 Ah-ha! I knew it! How? 406 00:20:56,666 --> 00:20:58,250 I poured water down it. 407 00:20:58,334 --> 00:21:01,962 [sputters] Poured water... Why the hell would you pour water down it?! 408 00:21:02,046 --> 00:21:04,757 I'll tell you why. 'Cause you got no respect, that's why. 409 00:21:04,841 --> 00:21:07,593 Oh, yeah? Well guess what, genius? I didn't do it! 410 00:21:07,677 --> 00:21:10,346 You didn't? Then why the hell would you tell me you did?! 411 00:21:10,429 --> 00:21:13,140 Because I fucking hate you! [gasps] 412 00:21:16,894 --> 00:21:18,229 [door slams] 413 00:21:21,899 --> 00:21:23,568 [softly] Frank? 414 00:21:27,196 --> 00:21:28,781 [airplane soars above] 415 00:21:32,034 --> 00:21:33,911 [gas hissing] 416 00:21:36,330 --> 00:21:37,373 [coughing] 417 00:21:40,209 --> 00:21:42,754 [hacking, gagging] 418 00:21:45,089 --> 00:21:47,633 You have something you want to tell me? 419 00:21:49,886 --> 00:21:51,470 [sniffling] 420 00:21:51,554 --> 00:21:53,890 I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't mean it. 421 00:21:53,972 --> 00:21:56,392 I can't look at you right now. I might kill you. 422 00:21:56,475 --> 00:21:59,854 It's not so much that you broke my TV. It's that you lied to me. 423 00:21:59,937 --> 00:22:02,106 We are taking you right down to that store, 424 00:22:02,189 --> 00:22:04,609 and you are gonna march right up to that salesman 425 00:22:04,692 --> 00:22:06,444 and apologize for what you did, 426 00:22:06,527 --> 00:22:10,030 and for making your father humiliate himself. 427 00:22:10,114 --> 00:22:12,784 There were so many people we knew in that store. 428 00:22:12,867 --> 00:22:15,578 Oh, Sue, for the love of Christ! 429 00:22:20,458 --> 00:22:24,420 So I kicked the guy's ass, jumped into my car, and I got to the 430 00:22:24,421 --> 00:22:28,382 Civic right as Grand Funk was taking the stage. It was insane. 431 00:22:28,466 --> 00:22:30,967 Just another page out of my life journey. 432 00:22:31,051 --> 00:22:34,346 Did a bum shit in your mouth? [door opens, closes] 433 00:22:38,058 --> 00:22:40,519 - Can I help you? - Um, my dad told me to... 434 00:22:42,354 --> 00:22:43,755 I know who your old man is. 435 00:22:43,756 --> 00:22:45,858 That's the guy who poured water in the Sonabishi. 436 00:22:45,942 --> 00:22:47,485 He didn't pour water in it. 437 00:22:47,568 --> 00:22:51,322 He sent you here to give me the sob story? Too chicken to face me, huh? 438 00:22:51,405 --> 00:22:53,198 He's not chicken. I just... 439 00:22:53,282 --> 00:22:56,243 Nice old man you got there, sending a kid to bitch and moan for him. 440 00:22:56,327 --> 00:22:58,496 Unbelievable. Now get outta here. 441 00:22:58,579 --> 00:23:01,081 Go tell your dad he's a bigger punk than I thought. 442 00:23:01,165 --> 00:23:04,794 Or just stand there pissing yourself, makes no difference to me. 443 00:23:05,753 --> 00:23:07,692 Did I tell you how the Army didn't take me 444 00:23:07,693 --> 00:23:09,632 because they said my dick was too big? 445 00:23:09,715 --> 00:23:11,592 I mean, I can't help it. I can't help what I got. 446 00:23:11,676 --> 00:23:15,095 Not complaining about it, but really wanted to fight for our country. 447 00:23:15,179 --> 00:23:18,683 [man on TV] Hey, Luger! You're one dead gringo. 448 00:23:18,766 --> 00:23:21,101 Oh, is that so, Escobar? 449 00:23:21,185 --> 00:23:26,231 Sí. Are you going to run, or do you got the cajones to stand and fight? 450 00:23:26,315 --> 00:23:28,233 Well, sometimes a man's gotta do... 451 00:23:28,317 --> 00:23:29,902 - what a man does. - What a man does. 452 00:23:29,986 --> 00:23:31,821 [distorted static] 453 00:23:33,113 --> 00:23:36,158 [gunfire] Ay, Chihuahua! 454 00:23:38,786 --> 00:23:39,954 [audio sizzling] 455 00:23:46,627 --> 00:23:49,380 [static hissing] 456 00:23:51,966 --> 00:23:55,643 - I ain't buying this piece of shit. - What the fuck is this? 457 00:23:56,303 --> 00:24:00,182 Jesus, Chuck, what in the hell is wrong with all these TVs? 458 00:24:00,265 --> 00:24:03,477 [stammers] I don't know, Dad. We never had a problem with these before. 459 00:24:03,561 --> 00:24:07,523 Well, we sure as shit do now! I mean, Christ, they're all defective! 460 00:24:07,606 --> 00:24:10,442 Pull the receipts of everyone we sold these to. 461 00:24:10,526 --> 00:24:13,612 Uh, excuse me, sir. My dad bought one of those. 462 00:24:14,947 --> 00:24:17,073 The Pattonhouse is a better model. 463 00:24:17,157 --> 00:24:20,494 The Sonabishi is good, but we must've got a bad bunch from overseas. 464 00:24:20,578 --> 00:24:23,414 Those Orientals don't do good work. Their hands are too small. 465 00:24:23,497 --> 00:24:26,500 Again, my apologies for the defective product. 466 00:24:26,584 --> 00:24:31,589 - And... - Sorry I raised my voice to you, sir. 467 00:24:31,672 --> 00:24:34,675 Uh... OK. Thank you. 468 00:24:39,013 --> 00:24:41,473 - What happened in there? - Well... 469 00:24:41,557 --> 00:24:45,212 I know what happened. I know exactly what happened. 470 00:24:45,728 --> 00:24:47,730 I finally won one! I won! 471 00:24:47,813 --> 00:24:51,149 [yelling] You hear that, world? Frank Murphy's not a loser! 472 00:24:51,233 --> 00:24:52,860 Frank Murphy's a wi... [horn blaring] 473 00:24:52,944 --> 00:24:55,227 [Frank] Whoa! Watch it! 474 00:24:55,446 --> 00:24:57,949 Ha-ha! Those Koreans'll never kill me! 475 00:24:58,282 --> 00:25:00,284 [male announcer] And the fighters are approaching the ring! 476 00:25:00,366 --> 00:25:02,953 You can cut the excitement with a knife! [indistinct chatter] 477 00:25:03,037 --> 00:25:04,872 Hey, here we go, here we go! 478 00:25:04,955 --> 00:25:06,874 [announcer] Shavers and Ireland meet in the center of the ring 479 00:25:06,957 --> 00:25:08,042 for the traditional greeting. 480 00:25:08,125 --> 00:25:10,878 [man] There's something kind of red there on Mickey's face. 481 00:25:10,961 --> 00:25:12,796 Oh, my God, is he bleeding already? 482 00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:16,050 I'll tell you, Ernie, he was wearing a turtleneck earlier. 483 00:25:16,133 --> 00:25:18,384 Those are tough to get off at this altitude. 484 00:25:18,468 --> 00:25:21,555 Hey, your hero Vic is over there watching it alone. 485 00:25:23,515 --> 00:25:25,600 [scoffs] Some party. 486 00:25:26,552 --> 00:25:28,720 [announcer] We don't hold out many hopes for the challenger tonight, 487 00:25:28,803 --> 00:25:32,307 - but he keeps on coming. - Yeah, poor guy. 488 00:25:33,058 --> 00:25:35,643 - Hey, where do you think you're going? - Uh... 489 00:25:35,727 --> 00:25:38,105 - Finish my science project. - No, you're not. 490 00:25:38,188 --> 00:25:40,357 Come over here and watch the fight with the rest of the men. 491 00:25:40,441 --> 00:25:43,026 - Really? - Yeah, really. 492 00:25:44,319 --> 00:25:46,238 [bell clangs] [Frank] OK, here we go! Here we go! 493 00:25:46,321 --> 00:25:48,574 [excited chatter] 494 00:25:49,699 --> 00:25:52,750 One sip. Don't tell your mother. 495 00:25:53,619 --> 00:25:55,080 [announcer chatters indistinctly] 496 00:25:55,163 --> 00:25:57,291 Oh, no, they gotta stop this. 497 00:25:57,374 --> 00:26:00,043 [Frank] That's it, Mickey, that's it, let him punch himself out! 498 00:26:00,127 --> 00:26:01,669 [announcer] And there goes the mouthpiece! 499 00:26:01,753 --> 00:26:04,798 Oh, it's gonna be a long and painful night for the Irishman! 500 00:26:04,881 --> 00:26:07,468 [crickets chirring] 501 00:26:07,593 --> 00:26:10,804 [phone ringing] [Frank] Ah, shit. 502 00:26:12,638 --> 00:26:16,101 - Does it ever fail? - Just answer it. 503 00:26:16,184 --> 00:26:18,895 Goddamn it. This better be good. 504 00:26:20,730 --> 00:26:22,149 He's dead? 505 00:26:22,816 --> 00:26:26,987 [stammers] OK. Yeah, of course. Of course, yeah. 506 00:26:27,070 --> 00:26:29,739 - Who died? - My boss, Ed. 507 00:26:29,823 --> 00:26:33,452 - There was an accident at the airport. - Oh, my God, are you serious? 508 00:26:33,535 --> 00:26:36,330 They want me to come in early tomorrow to cover his shift. 509 00:26:36,413 --> 00:26:39,833 Sue, I think I just got promoted to management. 510 00:26:39,916 --> 00:26:41,168 I think you did, too. 511 00:26:41,251 --> 00:26:44,004 You know what? I think our luck is finally turning around. 512 00:26:44,087 --> 00:26:45,922 Jesus, Frank, a man is dead. 513 00:26:46,006 --> 00:26:48,925 - Yeah, but he was kind of a dick. - Frank! 514 00:26:49,009 --> 00:26:51,761 You know, if this had happened a week ago, we could've got a bigger TV. 515 00:26:51,845 --> 00:26:54,348 - Frank! - [Kevin] Guys, I'm trying to sleep! 516 00:26:54,431 --> 00:26:57,091 [Frank shouts] Then close your eyes and shut the fuck up! 517 00:26:57,126 --> 00:26:58,435 [crickets chirring] 518 00:27:01,415 --> 00:27:04,665 [music] 519 00:27:26,087 --> 00:27:27,506 [gunshot] [casing clatters]