1
00:00:05,306 --> 00:00:08,267
[instrumental holiday music playing]
2
00:00:08,350 --> 00:00:10,269
[wind blowing]
3
00:00:12,938 --> 00:00:15,107
[siren wailing]
4
00:00:17,401 --> 00:00:19,403
[man 1] Look at the stash
this Fitzsimmons kid had.
5
00:00:19,487 --> 00:00:20,780
[man 2] Lucky bastard.
6
00:00:20,862 --> 00:00:23,823
I had to jerk off to the
Indian girl on the butter box.
7
00:00:31,039 --> 00:00:33,167
[man 3] We won't be
taking any legal action.
8
00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:35,961
He said it was an accident,
and I'm inclined to believe him.
9
00:00:36,044 --> 00:00:39,423
He seems like a good boy,
unlike your other son.
10
00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:41,967
Thank you, sir.
You hear that, you jackals?
11
00:00:42,050 --> 00:00:43,485
The man with the badge said it.
12
00:00:43,486 --> 00:00:45,638
This five-alarm fire
was not the boy's fault!
13
00:00:45,721 --> 00:00:48,223
The witch hunt is over!
My son is innocent!
14
00:00:49,975 --> 00:00:52,394
What the fuck did you
do, you pyromaniac?!
15
00:00:52,478 --> 00:00:53,854
It was an accident!
16
00:00:53,937 --> 00:00:56,898
An accident is clipping a guy
changing his tire on the interstate
17
00:00:56,982 --> 00:00:59,568
who was wearing dark clothes
and he didn't light a flare.
18
00:00:59,652 --> 00:01:02,363
Then it turns out he's a cop, so
it'll be his word against yours,
19
00:01:02,446 --> 00:01:04,699
and who do you think the
judge is gonna believe? Huh?
20
00:01:04,782 --> 00:01:06,805
So you keep going,
and you get your fender
21
00:01:06,806 --> 00:01:08,828
painted in a different
state. That is an accident!
22
00:01:08,910 --> 00:01:10,641
OK! I wanted to prove you were wrong
23
00:01:10,642 --> 00:01:14,208
- when you called me a little pussy.
- I... I never said that!
24
00:01:14,291 --> 00:01:15,835
How did he hear you say that?
25
00:01:15,917 --> 00:01:17,878
I can't find the dog anywhere!
26
00:01:17,961 --> 00:01:20,631
I think he ran away when
the fireworks exploded!
27
00:01:20,715 --> 00:01:23,091
Ah, Jesus. Oh, no, buddy...
28
00:01:23,175 --> 00:01:27,179
Oh, so help me God, if I
started building walls today
29
00:01:27,262 --> 00:01:28,847
and didn't stop for the next ten years,
30
00:01:28,848 --> 00:01:30,432
there still wouldn't be enough of them
31
00:01:30,516 --> 00:01:33,060
- to fucking put you through!
- Hang on, hang on, hang on.
32
00:01:33,143 --> 00:01:35,895
We're all forgetting
something very important.
33
00:01:35,979 --> 00:01:39,316
I am now the good son.
34
00:01:39,825 --> 00:01:41,936
Deal with it. [slurps]
35
00:01:42,944 --> 00:01:46,824
Hey, make yourself useful.
Go light your brother's cape on fire.
36
00:01:46,906 --> 00:01:49,825
[up-tempo song playing]
37
00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:25,696
[grunts, screams]
38
00:02:31,508 --> 00:02:34,537
1x06 - "Holy Moly Night"
39
00:02:36,582 --> 00:02:38,584
[Frank] Rosie, you have
every reason to be mad at me.
40
00:02:38,667 --> 00:02:40,001
But we're down to the wire now.
41
00:02:40,085 --> 00:02:43,422
We both know if you guys strike at
midnight, the airline will not survive.
42
00:02:43,505 --> 00:02:46,174
Dad, keep it down. I can't
concentrate on my drawing.
43
00:02:46,258 --> 00:02:47,426
[softly] Shut up.
44
00:02:47,509 --> 00:02:49,470
Pogo is presenting my
proposal to Dunbarton.
45
00:02:49,553 --> 00:02:51,179
If you can get your guys behind it,
46
00:02:51,263 --> 00:02:53,432
we can avert the strike
and save all our jobs.
47
00:02:53,515 --> 00:02:55,684
You happy now? I just
gave the dog two dicks.
48
00:02:55,768 --> 00:02:57,937
Now someone's gonna bring
us a double-dicked dog!
49
00:02:58,019 --> 00:02:59,062
[giggling]
[softly] Hey!
50
00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:00,731
Don't talk like that
in front of your sister.
51
00:03:00,815 --> 00:03:03,901
Ow! I'm outta here anyway.
I have a job to go to.
52
00:03:03,983 --> 00:03:06,946
Because now I'm the responsible son!
53
00:03:07,028 --> 00:03:09,156
Oh, shit, I'm an hour late.
54
00:03:10,073 --> 00:03:12,618
Thanks, Rosie. That means a lot.
I'll see you there.
55
00:03:13,702 --> 00:03:16,747
[hums indistinctly]
'Tis the day before Christmas!
56
00:03:17,186 --> 00:03:20,375
Mwah.
I'm so excited. And late.
57
00:03:20,459 --> 00:03:21,836
- It's OK, Sue.
- No.
58
00:03:21,919 --> 00:03:24,421
I admit, I've got some catching
up to do as far as the decorating.
59
00:03:24,505 --> 00:03:26,632
It's only natural. You've
been busy working your job.
60
00:03:26,715 --> 00:03:28,091
Which I am 100 percent behind.
61
00:03:28,175 --> 00:03:31,094
I know you are. I just got
a late start, that's all.
62
00:03:31,178 --> 00:03:32,972
I'll have us ready for our
Christmas party tonight.
63
00:03:33,054 --> 00:03:36,099
Honey, I really wish I could help you,
but Dunbarton called a meeting.
64
00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:38,018
It sounds like they're
gonna go for my proposal.
65
00:03:38,101 --> 00:03:39,353
- That's great.
- Yeah!
66
00:03:39,436 --> 00:03:41,605
I think we can wrap this
up in the next few hours.
67
00:03:41,689 --> 00:03:43,231
It's fine, I can get it done.
68
00:03:43,315 --> 00:03:45,150
Honey, we don't have to
do the party this year.
69
00:03:45,233 --> 00:03:47,778
Are you kidding me? This year
is more important than ever.
70
00:03:47,862 --> 00:03:50,322
We have some fence-mending to
do around this neighborhood.
71
00:03:50,405 --> 00:03:52,366
Speaking of which, the
Petersen's fence burned down.
72
00:03:52,449 --> 00:03:53,575
Fucking Bill.
73
00:03:54,618 --> 00:03:56,912
What time does Emperor Nero
have to be at church?
74
00:03:56,996 --> 00:03:58,163
Father Pat said 11:30.
75
00:03:58,246 --> 00:04:01,082
Well, he's gonna get there an
hour early. I got shit to do.
76
00:04:01,166 --> 00:04:03,002
[yells] Hey, Bill! Let's go!
77
00:04:03,084 --> 00:04:04,920
[holiday music playing]
78
00:04:05,004 --> 00:04:07,047
Hey, keep this guy away
from the punch bowl.
79
00:04:07,130 --> 00:04:09,466
Last year he tried to jump off the roof.
80
00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:10,425
Hey, Frank!
81
00:04:10,509 --> 00:04:13,387
Great. Get in the car and don't
touch the cigarette lighter.
82
00:04:13,470 --> 00:04:15,973
Frankie, I'm having
an outta-sight wing-ding later.
83
00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:20,519
Love it if you and Suzie-Q could come.
Forecast calls for "snow."
84
00:04:20,602 --> 00:04:23,022
Really?
Goddamn it, I just shoveled.
85
00:04:23,104 --> 00:04:25,816
The invite stands!
It's gonna be a blast.
86
00:04:25,900 --> 00:04:27,818
Hot cider, ice skating.
87
00:04:27,902 --> 00:04:30,696
Some of my dwarf buddies
are coming, they're wild.
88
00:04:30,779 --> 00:04:33,448
I saw one eat a two-pound steak once!
89
00:04:37,536 --> 00:04:41,498
- Here we are, in you go.
- Why do I have to be an altar boy?
90
00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:44,501
Ah, 'cause church will set you
straight. It's good for you.
91
00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:45,836
Then how come you never go?
92
00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:48,756
Because I already heard
those stories a hundred times.
93
00:04:48,839 --> 00:04:51,884
Look, if Jesus comes back and
he does some more magical shit,
94
00:04:51,967 --> 00:04:54,469
I'll come down and listen to that.
Now get in there.
95
00:04:56,055 --> 00:04:58,015
Stay away from the candles!
96
00:05:01,142 --> 00:05:04,396
[organ music playing]
97
00:05:13,906 --> 00:05:15,449
[clattering]
Jesus!
98
00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:17,952
Jesus! Sorry, Lord.
99
00:05:18,035 --> 00:05:20,245
- [man] That's OK, no biggie.
- What the fuck?
100
00:05:20,328 --> 00:05:23,769
I'm just pulling your leg.
By the way, that's two Hail Marys
101
00:05:23,770 --> 00:05:25,717
for the F-word or you're going to hell.
102
00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:29,004
I'm Father Pat.
Welcome to the flock.
103
00:05:29,088 --> 00:05:31,381
You'll be under the guidance
of our head altar boy.
104
00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:34,426
James!
Would you show Bill the ropes?
105
00:05:34,509 --> 00:05:38,013
Sure thing, Father. I'll show
him the shit outta the ropes.
106
00:05:38,097 --> 00:05:40,348
[ominous organ music plays]
107
00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:49,775
Major!
108
00:05:51,902 --> 00:05:53,403
- You see him, Kenny?
- Nope.
109
00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:55,572
Just tree candy.
110
00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:58,408
He's not gonna be in a
tree hole, idiot! [grunts]
111
00:05:58,492 --> 00:06:01,578
Well, I'm not thinking
straight. My diaper's froze.
112
00:06:02,245 --> 00:06:04,748
I'm sorry. Let's keep looking.
113
00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:07,459
If you'd been outside for
two days straight with no food
114
00:06:07,542 --> 00:06:10,169
and you were tired and cold,
where would you go?
115
00:06:10,253 --> 00:06:13,423
I've been outside for
two days with no food.
116
00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:14,925
I'm going home!
117
00:06:15,717 --> 00:06:17,176
[growls]
118
00:06:19,387 --> 00:06:21,515
Mr. Dunbarton. It's really
good to see you again.
119
00:06:21,598 --> 00:06:25,226
Frank Murphy. Pogo told
me about your proposal.
120
00:06:25,310 --> 00:06:26,937
It's smart. Real smart.
121
00:06:27,021 --> 00:06:29,148
- You've made me proud, Frank.
- Thank you, sir.
122
00:06:29,230 --> 00:06:30,065
[car door slams]
123
00:06:31,066 --> 00:06:33,819
My shop steward tells me we have a deal?
124
00:06:33,902 --> 00:06:37,238
Yes. If you accept the smaller
cost of living increase,
125
00:06:37,322 --> 00:06:40,659
- we won't cut any union jobs.
- We can live with that.
126
00:06:40,742 --> 00:06:44,245
Fine. Let's draw the contracts
up and get this over with.
127
00:06:44,329 --> 00:06:46,331
And not a minute too soon.
128
00:06:46,414 --> 00:06:50,502
I'm due back in Indiana.
Gotta be in Gary by midnight.
129
00:06:50,585 --> 00:06:54,339
Well, I want to be in Brandy
by midnight. [chortling]
130
00:06:54,422 --> 00:06:57,176
[giggles] I'm Brandy!
131
00:06:57,258 --> 00:06:58,593
And I'm Gary!
132
00:06:58,677 --> 00:07:02,681
[man] Tonight at eight, it's
A Bing Crosby Family Christmas,
133
00:07:02,764 --> 00:07:04,349
with Bing and his sons!
134
00:07:04,432 --> 00:07:06,601
- # Pah rum pum pum #
- Please stop, Daddy.
135
00:07:06,685 --> 00:07:08,130
And Bing's special guests,
136
00:07:08,173 --> 00:07:12,357
Rich Little and TV's
Colt Luger, Reid Harrison!
137
00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:16,528
Sometimes a snowman's gotta do
what a snowman does.
138
00:07:16,611 --> 00:07:18,989
[audience laughs]
I'm not a crook!
139
00:07:20,323 --> 00:07:22,409
[gunshot]
[sighs]
140
00:07:22,492 --> 00:07:23,744
One more down.
141
00:07:23,827 --> 00:07:27,414
Oh! Oh! Oh...
[yells] Son of a bitch!
142
00:07:27,497 --> 00:07:30,500
Hey, Sue. Bite off
more than you can chew?
143
00:07:31,679 --> 00:07:34,264
Yeah, thanks a lot, kid.
Merry Christmas!
144
00:07:34,348 --> 00:07:36,767
- It's customary to tip.
- Oh, fuck that.
145
00:07:38,686 --> 00:07:41,188
Well, that's it.
Another year of selling marked-up
146
00:07:41,189 --> 00:07:42,564
trees to hard-working idiots.
147
00:07:43,858 --> 00:07:48,654
- So, I guess this is where you pay me?
- Oh, no, no, no, you're not done.
148
00:07:48,737 --> 00:07:51,949
You don't get paid
till all the trees are sold.
149
00:07:52,032 --> 00:07:53,868
Hey, Doreen, want to come with me?
150
00:07:53,951 --> 00:07:56,286
I gotta go meet the folks
from Guinness Book of Records.
151
00:07:56,370 --> 00:07:57,663
It's just a formality.
152
00:07:57,746 --> 00:07:59,832
They gotta measure and
validate the size of my penis.
153
00:07:59,915 --> 00:08:04,503
Oh, so the world's biggest asshole
has the world's smallest dick?
154
00:08:04,586 --> 00:08:09,424
Ah, yeah, if it's so small, why
you driving away from it? Huh?
155
00:08:09,508 --> 00:08:10,551
[sighs]
156
00:08:10,634 --> 00:08:12,052
Sell those trees!
157
00:08:13,470 --> 00:08:14,972
[tires squealing]
158
00:08:15,931 --> 00:08:19,434
What are you smiling about?
Stupid festive dildo.
159
00:08:20,143 --> 00:08:24,272
So what, your folks make you do this
'cause you torched the woods?
160
00:08:24,356 --> 00:08:25,941
- Yeah.
- I hear ya.
161
00:08:26,025 --> 00:08:28,819
I'm here for sticking
a pencil in the milk man's leg.
162
00:08:28,903 --> 00:08:31,279
Asshole wouldn't give me heavy cream!
163
00:08:31,363 --> 00:08:34,909
[chuckles] Can I ask you something?
Why haven't you killed me yet?
164
00:08:34,992 --> 00:08:37,619
Took a lot of balls
to go psycho like that.
165
00:08:37,703 --> 00:08:40,414
And I respect the fuck outta balls!
166
00:08:40,497 --> 00:08:41,540
Hey, keep a look out.
167
00:08:44,167 --> 00:08:47,671
- Hey, that's for the poor.
- So what? I'm poor.
168
00:08:47,755 --> 00:08:49,882
Take this and keep your mouth shut.
169
00:08:49,965 --> 00:08:51,466
What do I do with it?
170
00:08:51,550 --> 00:08:54,678
Just put it in your bra and say,
"Thank you, Jimmy."
171
00:08:54,762 --> 00:08:58,015
You and me are gonna
get along just fine.
172
00:08:59,767 --> 00:09:02,978
I'm glad we could reach
a deal without resorting
173
00:09:02,979 --> 00:09:06,189
to more ungentlemanly
means, methods or tactics.
174
00:09:06,273 --> 00:09:09,985
Thankfully, we'll only be using
our shovels for snow this year.
175
00:09:10,069 --> 00:09:11,578
Well said.
176
00:09:14,197 --> 00:09:16,784
Since Frank Murphy
brokered the agreement,
177
00:09:16,867 --> 00:09:21,747
we've given him the honor of
distributing the ceremonial pens.
178
00:09:34,885 --> 00:09:37,220
Can I get a pen, too?
179
00:09:37,304 --> 00:09:40,390
Oh, no, it's just for those two.
There's only two pens.
180
00:09:40,474 --> 00:09:43,226
What are you saying? Brandy
isn't good enough to have a pen?
181
00:09:43,310 --> 00:09:46,229
No, she's great. It's just that she's
not a signatory of this legal document.
182
00:09:46,313 --> 00:09:49,108
- So she's a common whore, is that right?
- No, that's not what I'm saying.
183
00:09:49,190 --> 00:09:52,694
- You think she's just my fuck doll?
- Everybody thinks that, but I don't!
184
00:09:52,778 --> 00:09:54,029
What the hell is going on?
185
00:09:54,113 --> 00:09:57,491
Yes, come on! Let's just
focus on signing the deal!
186
00:09:57,574 --> 00:09:58,826
There is no deal!
187
00:09:58,909 --> 00:10:03,038
- Then we are calling this strike right now!
- Go ahead!
188
00:10:03,122 --> 00:10:06,667
I wouldn't shake the hand of
any man who disrespects my wife!
189
00:10:06,750 --> 00:10:08,585
I thought that was your daughter.
190
00:10:08,669 --> 00:10:11,964
You think I'd fuck something
as old as my daughter?!
191
00:10:12,047 --> 00:10:14,716
- I will drown you!
- No, no, no, no! Put that away!
192
00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:18,261
Tree!
193
00:10:19,179 --> 00:10:21,765
Nice trees! Want to buy a tree?
194
00:10:23,308 --> 00:10:25,206
Want to buy a tree for tha...
195
00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:28,689
Trying to be good here, you asshole!
Help me out!
196
00:10:28,772 --> 00:10:30,190
Oh, fuck this.
197
00:10:31,900 --> 00:10:33,652
[crashing]
[man] Hey!
198
00:10:33,735 --> 00:10:34,862
Ah, shit.
199
00:10:41,618 --> 00:10:45,330
Oh, don't look at me like that.
These aren't the body of Christ
200
00:10:45,413 --> 00:10:49,334
till they've been blessed
during transubstantiation.
201
00:10:50,669 --> 00:10:53,797
Here, take a swig.
Come on, drink it!
202
00:10:53,881 --> 00:10:55,841
Uh, OK, sure.
203
00:10:55,924 --> 00:10:57,009
[door opens]
204
00:10:57,092 --> 00:10:59,427
Five minutes, gentlemen.
Biggest show of the year.
205
00:10:59,511 --> 00:11:04,183
- Yes, Father!
- [sighs] Just gotta warm up a little.
206
00:11:04,265 --> 00:11:07,519
Wa-Wa-Wa-Water
and wine are wonderful.
207
00:11:07,602 --> 00:11:11,606
He kissed a leper's foot,
don't throw rocks at a whore.
208
00:11:11,690 --> 00:11:15,069
Leper, whore, whore,
whore, whore, leper, whore.
209
00:11:15,152 --> 00:11:16,403
[door closes]
Good, he's gone.
210
00:11:16,486 --> 00:11:18,613
Now listen up.
Tonight, during the sermon,
211
00:11:18,697 --> 00:11:21,499
we're gonna come back here
and break into this safe
212
00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:25,537
- and get us some gold chalices.
- What? Uh, I don't think...
213
00:11:25,620 --> 00:11:28,373
The combination is written down
here somewhere. Help me find it.
214
00:11:28,456 --> 00:11:31,418
- I don't want to do this.
- I don't want to beat the fuck outta you,
215
00:11:31,419 --> 00:11:33,003
either, but I will if you don't help me.
216
00:11:33,087 --> 00:11:35,047
You can do what you want,
but I'm not doing it.
217
00:11:35,130 --> 00:11:36,798
- Do it!
- Ow! No!
218
00:11:36,882 --> 00:11:38,008
[clattering]
219
00:11:39,093 --> 00:11:42,020
You soiled my surplice,
you fucking catamite!
220
00:11:42,429 --> 00:11:44,305
[grunts]
221
00:11:44,389 --> 00:11:45,557
Oh, shit.
222
00:11:46,391 --> 00:11:49,770
[man] Please, gentlemen, there's
still plenty of time to talk.
223
00:11:49,853 --> 00:11:52,480
[Rosie] Talking is over!
This union is on strike!
224
00:11:52,564 --> 00:11:54,273
[Dunbarton] I'll replace
you all in an eye blink!
225
00:11:54,357 --> 00:11:56,777
[Pogo] I have a dozen scabs ready to go!
226
00:11:56,860 --> 00:11:59,738
[Rosie] You have a dozen
scabs on your titties, fat boy!
227
00:11:59,821 --> 00:12:04,325
[man on radio] A low of 27 tonight
with flurries on Christmas Day.
228
00:12:04,409 --> 00:12:06,578
Music of the season continues now.
229
00:12:06,661 --> 00:12:10,415
["O Holy Night" playing]
230
00:12:44,365 --> 00:12:45,867
Ah, shit.
231
00:12:45,951 --> 00:12:48,162
[overlapping chatter]
232
00:13:04,427 --> 00:13:07,264
[sings off-key to "O Holy Night"]
233
00:13:36,168 --> 00:13:37,502
[loud thunk]
[music stops]
234
00:13:37,585 --> 00:13:39,899
- Yeah. Oh, you like that?
- God, yeah!
235
00:13:39,934 --> 00:13:41,048
[honking]
236
00:13:41,131 --> 00:13:43,925
- What the fuck?!
- How's it going, Frank?
237
00:13:44,009 --> 00:13:46,427
Why is there a person and a half
fucking on the hood of my car?
238
00:13:46,511 --> 00:13:50,807
Because he's a man, Frank.
A man named Skee-Ball.
239
00:13:50,891 --> 00:13:55,270
A man with desires,
just like you and me.
240
00:13:55,354 --> 00:13:59,233
But the only job society lets him
have is playing an elf at the mall.
241
00:13:59,316 --> 00:14:03,862
Or the occasional cookie commercial.
Frank, this man earned this.
242
00:14:03,945 --> 00:14:06,948
Let him fuck on your car.
243
00:14:08,283 --> 00:14:11,755
- Thanks, Vic. You get me.
- But I wanna know who's gonna
244
00:14:11,790 --> 00:14:13,914
pay for the tiny ass dent
on the hood of my car.
245
00:14:13,997 --> 00:14:15,374
It's all good, man.
246
00:14:15,456 --> 00:14:18,564
No, it's not, Vic. It's not all good!
247
00:14:19,378 --> 00:14:20,420
Sue?
248
00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:24,341
- Ah, Christ.
- That's all I get from you?
249
00:14:24,424 --> 00:14:26,634
As hard as I've been working
all day for the party?
250
00:14:26,718 --> 00:14:29,971
Oh, what party? There is no party!
We're on strike!
251
00:14:30,055 --> 00:14:32,766
- What?!
- It's a long story. We were gonna sign!
252
00:14:32,849 --> 00:14:34,184
There were fancy pens!
253
00:14:34,268 --> 00:14:37,520
He's got a trophy wife, they
were shiny. It all fell apart!
254
00:14:37,604 --> 00:14:39,439
We can't let it ruin Christmas!
255
00:14:39,522 --> 00:14:41,733
Christmas?
This is the real world, Susan!
256
00:14:41,816 --> 00:14:44,293
If this doesn't work out,
next year we'll be having
257
00:14:44,294 --> 00:14:46,771
- Christmas on Skid Row!
- Keep your voice down!
258
00:14:46,772 --> 00:14:48,823
We have to put on
a brave face for the kids.
259
00:14:48,907 --> 00:14:51,785
The kids?
Who, the flunky? The pyro?
260
00:14:51,868 --> 00:14:54,079
Mr. Fucking Coconut? Face it, Sue.
261
00:14:54,162 --> 00:14:57,416
- Our family is pretty fucked up!
- How dare you say that!
262
00:14:57,540 --> 00:15:01,211
Dad, I need 20 bucks so I can
tell my boss I sold these trees.
263
00:15:01,295 --> 00:15:05,215
- And 50 bucks to fix a guy's windshield.
- Exhibit A!
264
00:15:05,299 --> 00:15:09,886
I looked everywhere and I still
can't find Major! [sobbing]
265
00:15:09,970 --> 00:15:13,056
- What if he's dead?
- Oh, then he's the lucky one!
266
00:15:13,140 --> 00:15:15,100
Frank Murphy, you stop that right now!
267
00:15:15,183 --> 00:15:18,082
- Honey, he didn't mean that.
- Seriously, Dad, I need that money.
268
00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:20,981
- That guy said he might sue you.
- Well, he'd better do it quick.
269
00:15:22,232 --> 00:15:26,027
- Jimmy Fitzsimmons is coming to kill me!
- Oh, there you go, perfect!
270
00:15:26,111 --> 00:15:29,614
Let's just bring all the
bad news at once! Whoo!
271
00:15:29,697 --> 00:15:31,783
Come on, Santa,
my mouth's wide open!
272
00:15:31,866 --> 00:15:34,202
Fly up on the roof
and shit down my neck!
273
00:15:34,286 --> 00:15:36,997
[thudding]
Hey! Murphy!
274
00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:40,792
Where is the little
shit who hurt my son?
275
00:15:40,875 --> 00:15:42,085
Great.
276
00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:47,034
- Can I help you?
- Your kid almost killed my kid.
277
00:15:47,069 --> 00:15:48,508
Little prick looks OK to me.
278
00:15:48,591 --> 00:15:51,719
He tried to get my son
to rob the church!
279
00:15:51,803 --> 00:15:54,473
- That's not true!
- Yes, it is, you liar!
280
00:15:54,555 --> 00:15:56,266
Leave Bill alone, piss breath!
281
00:15:56,350 --> 00:15:59,894
It's not my fault!
I have a dead tooth!
282
00:15:59,978 --> 00:16:03,606
- Go away, Jimmy!
- She tried to gouge my eyes out!
283
00:16:03,690 --> 00:16:07,243
- Christ, are all your kids psycho?
- Hey! Hey!
284
00:16:07,278 --> 00:16:09,737
Nobody calls one
of my kids a psycho except me!
285
00:16:09,821 --> 00:16:11,281
- Thanks, Dad.
- Shut up!
286
00:16:11,365 --> 00:16:14,146
You are way outta line
coming over to my house
287
00:16:14,147 --> 00:16:16,191
and insulting my family.
You owe us all an apology.
288
00:16:16,318 --> 00:16:20,332
Ooh! "Apology!"
Somebody went to college.
289
00:16:20,415 --> 00:16:22,667
I didn't go to college, I went to Korea.
290
00:16:22,750 --> 00:16:25,212
You should've stayed
there, you piece of shit!
291
00:16:25,295 --> 00:16:27,672
- Watch your mouth.
- Mind your own business,
292
00:16:27,755 --> 00:16:29,632
you fucking nosey bi...
293
00:16:31,259 --> 00:16:32,427
[grunting]
294
00:16:32,511 --> 00:16:33,594
Hey!
295
00:16:33,678 --> 00:16:35,596
[overlapping grunts]
Goddamn it!
296
00:16:37,849 --> 00:16:39,976
[yells] Oh!
297
00:16:44,398 --> 00:16:47,067
Skee-Ball, no!
[gasping]
298
00:16:47,901 --> 00:16:49,903
[groans]
Jesus, Sue!
299
00:16:49,986 --> 00:16:51,946
Get the fuck off my lawn!
300
00:16:52,030 --> 00:16:53,948
Your whole family's crazy!
301
00:16:54,032 --> 00:16:56,910
I've got the best family
in this whole goddamn town!
302
00:16:56,993 --> 00:16:58,828
And don't you ever come back!
303
00:16:58,912 --> 00:17:00,497
You mean that about us?
304
00:17:00,580 --> 00:17:03,124
[panting]
You're damn right, I do.
305
00:17:03,208 --> 00:17:05,793
- You all right, champ?
- Fine.
306
00:17:05,877 --> 00:17:07,628
Jesus Christ, I'm outta shape.
307
00:17:08,796 --> 00:17:11,341
- Thanks, Dad.
- OK, all right, all right.
308
00:17:11,425 --> 00:17:13,009
There's dwarves watching.
309
00:17:16,137 --> 00:17:17,972
[Sue kisses]
[Frank chuckles]
310
00:17:18,056 --> 00:17:20,267
- We got some good kids.
- They're OK.
311
00:17:20,350 --> 00:17:22,102
[Major barks]
Major!
312
00:17:22,185 --> 00:17:24,312
Look who I f... [shouts]
313
00:17:24,396 --> 00:17:27,648
[Major whining]
Major, I missed you so much!
314
00:17:27,732 --> 00:17:30,527
Oh, there you are, boy!
You're home!
315
00:17:30,610 --> 00:17:35,240
And you're still just as fat.
What've you been eating?
316
00:17:35,323 --> 00:17:39,557
- Well, I guess I should be going.
- Ah, get back in here,
317
00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:42,463
you lonely old bastard!
Come on, we're having a party!
318
00:17:43,123 --> 00:17:46,334
[man on TV] This is a special
report from Channel Nine News.
319
00:17:46,418 --> 00:17:49,588
I won't be home for Christmas?
320
00:17:49,670 --> 00:17:52,549
That's the sad story here
at Rustbelt Memorial Airport,
321
00:17:52,632 --> 00:17:54,634
where the striking baggage handlers
322
00:17:54,635 --> 00:17:56,636
of Mohican Airways have
grounded all flights.
323
00:17:56,719 --> 00:17:58,930
There seems to be no solution in sight
324
00:17:59,013 --> 00:18:02,392
as management has taken
a firm stance against the union.
325
00:18:02,476 --> 00:18:05,353
- [Dunbarton] You should all be shot!
- Dad, your friend's on TV.
326
00:18:05,437 --> 00:18:08,898
Nah, nah, nah, that's just
my boss, not my friend.
327
00:18:08,982 --> 00:18:13,194
- You gotta go down there, don't you?
- If I don't, it's just gonna get worse.
328
00:18:13,278 --> 00:18:16,156
OK, you go do what you gotta do.
We'll be here for you.
329
00:18:16,806 --> 00:18:19,742
- Get a room.
- Fuck you, get an apartment.
330
00:18:19,826 --> 00:18:23,288
[chanting] ...on Christmas Day!
Mohican brave, noble savage,
331
00:18:23,371 --> 00:18:26,249
you go carry your own baggage!
332
00:18:26,333 --> 00:18:28,376
Mohican brave, noble savage...
333
00:18:28,460 --> 00:18:31,692
Jim, it breaks my heart to
see homesick travelers denied
334
00:18:31,693 --> 00:18:34,924
the opportunity to go home to
their families on Christmas.
335
00:18:35,008 --> 00:18:38,219
And honestly, I think it's
a gutless play by the union.
336
00:18:38,303 --> 00:18:40,639
It wasn't long ago that
abandoning your post
337
00:18:40,721 --> 00:18:42,474
got you put in front of a firing squad.
338
00:18:42,557 --> 00:18:45,893
Maybe that's why they call
it "the good ol' days."
339
00:18:46,894 --> 00:18:48,938
- Mr. Dunbarton.
- What do you want?
340
00:18:49,022 --> 00:18:51,691
Sir, I just left my
wife and kids back home.
341
00:18:51,774 --> 00:18:54,694
We had a terrible Christmas
Eve, but we stuck together
342
00:18:54,695 --> 00:18:57,614
and got through it, because
that's what a family does.
343
00:18:57,697 --> 00:19:00,274
And I'd like to think
all of us at Mohican,
344
00:19:00,275 --> 00:19:05,413
- well, we're a family too.
- Who the fuck told Andy Williams to come?
345
00:19:05,497 --> 00:19:07,999
Let him speak, Bob.
You have something to say?
346
00:19:08,082 --> 00:19:09,668
We've gotta get this.
347
00:19:09,750 --> 00:19:12,953
I know it's a little
schmaltzy, but we are a family
348
00:19:12,954 --> 00:19:15,089
and now we need to pull together.
349
00:19:15,173 --> 00:19:18,385
We were all set to sign that
deal today and avoid this strike.
350
00:19:18,468 --> 00:19:21,221
But you let it fall
apart because of a pen.
351
00:19:21,304 --> 00:19:24,015
And your wife, who some of
us thought was your daughter.
352
00:19:24,098 --> 00:19:26,351
Mr. Dunbarton, you're
the head of this family.
353
00:19:26,434 --> 00:19:28,478
And only you can pull us together.
354
00:19:28,562 --> 00:19:31,898
You can stick to your pride and ego,
trust me, I've been there,
355
00:19:31,981 --> 00:19:37,320
or you can get past all that and sign
the fair contract we all agreed to.
356
00:19:37,404 --> 00:19:38,872
So what do you say?
357
00:19:38,944 --> 00:19:42,242
Sign this deal and save
the Mohican Airways family.
358
00:19:46,204 --> 00:19:49,249
Murphy, your words are very moving.
359
00:19:49,332 --> 00:19:53,545
And I think I can find a way to make
this deal work and make me happy.
360
00:19:53,628 --> 00:19:54,713
Gimme that contract.
361
00:20:01,411 --> 00:20:06,015
[chanting] Murphy!
Murphy! Murphy! Murphy!
362
00:20:06,099 --> 00:20:07,475
[man on TV] There you have it.
[cheering]
363
00:20:07,559 --> 00:20:12,146
A strike ended, a company mended,
a Christmas that's truly splendid.
364
00:20:12,230 --> 00:20:14,148
Well, this is Jim Jeffords,
365
00:20:14,149 --> 00:20:17,026
believing in miracles again,
Channel Nine News.
366
00:20:17,110 --> 00:20:20,614
If that doesn't win me a Peabody,
I will blow a horse.
367
00:20:26,786 --> 00:20:31,124
Frank, no one's talked to
me like that in 30 years.
368
00:20:31,207 --> 00:20:34,043
- Just spoke from the heart, sir.
- Merry Christmas.
369
00:20:39,799 --> 00:20:43,762
Congratulations, Frank. Your
little sermon saved the airline.
370
00:20:43,844 --> 00:20:45,054
Ah, thanks, Bob.
371
00:20:45,138 --> 00:20:47,932
Tell Mr. Dunbarton if there's
anything he needs, I'll do it.
372
00:20:48,015 --> 00:20:51,144
- Well, there is one thing...
- Anything, just name it!
373
00:20:51,227 --> 00:20:53,647
He needs you to clean out your office.
374
00:20:53,730 --> 00:20:55,732
- What?
- You're done, Frank.
375
00:20:55,815 --> 00:20:58,234
He's firing me on... on Christmas?
376
00:20:58,318 --> 00:21:01,738
No, no, he's firing
you on Christmas Eve.
377
00:21:01,821 --> 00:21:05,659
That way you can watch your kids
open the presents you can't afford.
378
00:21:05,742 --> 00:21:09,412
You blew it, Frank!
You insulted Dunbarton!
379
00:21:09,496 --> 00:21:13,583
- All I did was appeal to his humanity.
- Exactly.
380
00:21:13,667 --> 00:21:16,544
Bob. I got a family to feed.
What am I gonna do?
381
00:21:16,628 --> 00:21:19,297
Not my problem, you fucking traitor.
382
00:21:19,380 --> 00:21:22,049
It was a mistake to promote you anyway.
383
00:21:22,133 --> 00:21:26,999
You weren't fit for management.
Happy Holidays.
384
00:21:27,639 --> 00:21:29,808
Frank, what are you doing?
We're done here.
385
00:21:29,890 --> 00:21:33,060
- You are, but I'm not.
- What are you doing?
386
00:21:33,144 --> 00:21:36,481
Not fit for management? I've been
carrying you for three months.
387
00:21:36,564 --> 00:21:39,233
I just saved the airline,
saved your goddamn job,
388
00:21:39,317 --> 00:21:41,444
which appears to be
nothing more than eating,
389
00:21:41,528 --> 00:21:43,196
and you stood by while I got fired?!
390
00:21:43,279 --> 00:21:45,397
Well, fuck you, fuck Dunbarton,
391
00:21:45,398 --> 00:21:48,576
and fuck you,
you miserable tub of living shit!
392
00:21:48,660 --> 00:21:50,537
Hey. Hey, you want these?
393
00:21:50,620 --> 00:21:53,873
- Huh? You want your keys?
- Don't you dare throw them.
394
00:21:53,956 --> 00:21:57,936
I wouldn't do that to you, Bobby.
They're at your feet.
395
00:21:58,336 --> 00:22:01,130
You fucker!
[horn blaring]
396
00:22:01,214 --> 00:22:03,257
Merry Christmas, Bob.
[horn honking]
397
00:22:04,217 --> 00:22:08,388
[groaning] You fucker!
You're not human!
398
00:22:08,471 --> 00:22:13,393
You can't leave me here!
I'll die!
399
00:22:14,793 --> 00:22:18,498
[sad music plays]
400
00:22:32,286 --> 00:22:36,624
- [clicking] Vic?
- Hey, neighbor.
401
00:22:36,708 --> 00:22:38,877
Jesus, Vic, you're
gonna freeze to death.
402
00:22:38,959 --> 00:22:43,130
Oh, I'm not shaking because
I'm cold. You know what I mean?
403
00:22:43,214 --> 00:22:45,007
Nah, Vic, I never know what you mean.
404
00:22:45,091 --> 00:22:47,677
Here, here, come here.
Take my coat.
405
00:22:47,761 --> 00:22:51,180
Oh. Thanks, man.
You go on home now.
406
00:22:51,264 --> 00:22:52,849
Have yourself a Merry Little.
407
00:22:59,021 --> 00:23:02,901
- Vic, I lost my job tonight.
- Fucking Santa, man.
408
00:23:03,568 --> 00:23:06,487
I don't know how to tell Sue.
Christ, this is gonna kill her.
409
00:23:06,571 --> 00:23:09,824
No, man, she'll be all right.
She loves you.
410
00:23:09,908 --> 00:23:11,992
Your kids love you.
You'll be OK.
411
00:23:12,076 --> 00:23:14,829
- You guys are solid.
- How would you know that?
412
00:23:14,913 --> 00:23:18,875
I see you over there, cooking out,
tossing the ball with the boys.
413
00:23:18,917 --> 00:23:23,087
It's beautiful. You guys are
like a Norman Rockwell painting.
414
00:23:23,170 --> 00:23:26,132
- You want a bumperooski?
- No, no, no.
415
00:23:26,215 --> 00:23:30,428
- Hey, where's all your guests?
- Oh, Christmas is for family, Frank.
416
00:23:30,511 --> 00:23:34,140
I'm for the other 364 days of the year.
417
00:23:34,223 --> 00:23:36,267
I'm, uh, gonna go inside.
418
00:23:37,184 --> 00:23:40,688
Hey, Vic, um...
would you like to join us?
419
00:23:40,772 --> 00:23:45,025
[softly] Oh, yeah, I could
seriously dig that, Frank.
420
00:23:45,109 --> 00:23:46,694
[bellowing]
421
00:23:48,279 --> 00:23:50,740
Better take a reindeer
check, Frankincense.
422
00:23:50,824 --> 00:23:53,160
This dude and I gotta tangle.
423
00:23:53,195 --> 00:23:55,703
All right, now, super-freak,
party's over.
424
00:23:55,787 --> 00:23:56,995
[panting]
425
00:23:57,914 --> 00:23:59,248
[glass shattering]
Hey, hey, hey!
426
00:23:59,332 --> 00:24:01,960
Hey, slow it down, hot sauce!
[bellowing]
427
00:24:02,042 --> 00:24:03,544
You're on a bad trip, brother!
428
00:24:04,712 --> 00:24:07,757
Let me talk you down!
Have a little O.J.
429
00:24:07,841 --> 00:24:10,677
Hey, hey! [voice fading]
I'll rub your hooves!
430
00:24:11,260 --> 00:24:12,720
Let's talk about it!
431
00:24:12,804 --> 00:24:14,347
You can do this, Frank.
432
00:24:15,723 --> 00:24:17,183
No, you can't.
433
00:24:18,935 --> 00:24:21,479
[cheering, chattering]
434
00:24:22,188 --> 00:24:25,607
[up-tempo holiday music playing]
435
00:25:26,293 --> 00:25:27,754
[gunshot]
[casing clatters]