1
00:00:14,247 --> 00:00:17,627
♪ Try to remember ♪

2
00:00:18,209 --> 00:00:21,499
♪ The kind of September ♪

3
00:00:21,963 --> 00:00:25,803
♪ When life was slow ♪

4
00:00:25,884 --> 00:00:30,014
♪ And oh, so mellow ♪

5
00:00:30,096 --> 00:00:33,676
♪ Try to remember ♪

6
00:00:33,767 --> 00:00:37,477
♪ The kind of September ♪

7
00:00:37,562 --> 00:00:41,362
♪ When grass was green ♪

8
00:00:41,441 --> 00:00:45,781
♪ And grain was yellow ♪

9
00:00:45,862 --> 00:00:49,532
♪ Try to remember ♪

10
00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:52,866
♪ The kind of September ♪

11
00:00:53,453 --> 00:00:57,333
♪ When you were a tender ♪

12
00:00:57,415 --> 00:01:00,835
♪ And callow fellow ♪

13
00:01:01,503 --> 00:01:04,593
♪ Try to remember ♪

14
00:01:05,256 --> 00:01:07,836
♪ And if you remember ♪

15
00:01:09,219 --> 00:01:11,349
♪ And follow ♪

16
00:01:11,429 --> 00:01:12,969
♪ Follow ♪

17
00:01:17,102 --> 00:01:19,272
♪ And follow ♪

18
00:01:19,354 --> 00:01:21,234
♪ Follow ♪

19
00:01:37,747 --> 00:01:42,417
You are now in the presence of God,
creator of the universe, Father of mercy,

20
00:01:42,502 --> 00:01:48,552
and final judge of the destination
for your eternal soul. Dazzle me!

21
00:01:48,633 --> 00:01:52,393
I did sweaty, filthy things
to a sad, old man.

22
00:01:52,470 --> 00:01:56,390
I stole a tombstone from the cemetery
and blamed it on my brother.

23
00:01:56,474 --> 00:01:59,984
I put goofballs in my mom's coffee
so I could have a kegger.

24
00:02:00,061 --> 00:02:05,151
You know what? You know what?
Nana got me a goldfish, and I ate it.

25
00:02:05,233 --> 00:02:08,153
I'm harboring resentful thoughts
about my husband.

26
00:02:08,236 --> 00:02:12,026
Marie is mad at me because I took
some innocent crotch-level pictures

27
00:02:12,115 --> 00:02:13,235
of our neighbor.

28
00:02:13,324 --> 00:02:15,744
I crashed a school bus
into a telephone pole

29
00:02:15,827 --> 00:02:17,227
and blamed it on my son.

30
00:02:17,579 --> 00:02:19,789
I received the sacrament of oral sex,

31
00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:22,253
but I passed out
before I could reciprocate.

32
00:02:22,333 --> 00:02:25,633
And then I found the goldfish
in the toilet later.

33
00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:28,762
But it wasn't gold,
and it wasn't swimming.

34
00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:31,470
I knew Chet was being poisoned,
but I didn't say anything.

35
00:02:31,551 --> 00:02:36,061
I held back five dollars from my pimp
that wasn't mine to keep.

36
00:02:36,139 --> 00:02:37,429
I'm a watcher, not a doer!

37
00:02:37,515 --> 00:02:39,885
Daddy loves me so much.

38
00:02:39,976 --> 00:02:45,266
My son is really my nephew,
and my dead sister was a whore!

39
00:02:46,232 --> 00:02:49,442
There ain't no toilet paper
in this here talking bathroom.

40
00:02:49,527 --> 00:02:51,647
Okay, it's six o'clock. Bye-bye, now.

41
00:02:54,532 --> 00:02:57,542
Ah, at least you get to die
at the end of your shift.

42
00:03:00,205 --> 00:03:01,205
Anybody in here?

43
00:03:01,289 --> 00:03:04,129
Sir, I'm afraid confession time
is over for this week.

44
00:03:04,209 --> 00:03:06,209
Oh, come on, pick up.
I got to talk to you.

45
00:03:06,294 --> 00:03:07,694
It's me, Frank Murphy.

46
00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:10,838
I walked in on you sitting on the shitter
at the couples' retreat.

47
00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:14,054
I remember. You know,
this is supposed to be anonymous.

48
00:03:14,135 --> 00:03:17,255
Come on, Father, I'm at the end
of my rope here. You got to hear me out.

49
00:03:17,722 --> 00:03:21,022
You know, Frank, I'd be more inclined
to bend the rules

50
00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:22,351
if you ever came to Mass.

51
00:03:22,435 --> 00:03:25,725
Okay, I'm sorry
about my lack of attendance,

52
00:03:26,314 --> 00:03:28,944
but coming to Mass blows
my whole Sunday right out of the water.

53
00:03:29,025 --> 00:03:32,945
I got to get up early, shave,
pile the family in the car.

54
00:03:33,029 --> 00:03:36,489
Then once I get here, I'm kneeling,
I'm standing, I'm kneeling, I'm sitting,

55
00:03:36,574 --> 00:03:38,744
shaking hands
with people I don't care about.

56
00:03:38,827 --> 00:03:42,247
And even then it's not over because I have
to take the whole family out for waffles!

57
00:03:42,330 --> 00:03:45,000
Everybody gets waffles!
And there's another line.

58
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We can make waffles at home,

59
00:03:46,543 --> 00:03:50,423
but no, we have to go out
where the whole town's getting waffles!

60
00:03:50,505 --> 00:03:52,715
I got my wife a waffle iron
for our anniversary.

61
00:03:52,799 --> 00:03:56,469
She said, "What's this for?"
I said, "So I can have my Sundays back!"

62
00:03:56,553 --> 00:03:58,973
So, yeah, I don't go to church, okay?

63
00:03:59,055 --> 00:04:01,465
Because I figure I'm not gonna make it
to heaven anyways.

64
00:04:01,558 --> 00:04:03,478
None of my dreams
have come true in this world.

65
00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,520
Why should the afterlife be any different?

66
00:04:05,603 --> 00:04:07,443
But I've had a really bad run lately.

67
00:04:07,522 --> 00:04:08,942
Today was my worst day in months.

68
00:04:09,023 --> 00:04:11,993
My wife and kids think I'm crazy,
and I don't know what to do with myself.

69
00:04:12,068 --> 00:04:15,108
So you are gonna sit there,
listen to what I have to say,

70
00:04:15,196 --> 00:04:17,566
clean it up a little bit,
break the news to him,

71
00:04:17,657 --> 00:04:20,097
and tell him to get off his fat cloud
and give this guy a win!

72
00:04:20,910 --> 00:04:23,410
Sir, I'm sorry,
but we can hear you out here.

73
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:27,247
And God can see you
interrupting me, so go fuck yourself!

74
00:04:35,550 --> 00:04:40,050
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.
I... just told a nun to go fuck herself.

75
00:04:50,899 --> 00:04:53,319
♪ Come and get your love ♪

76
00:04:55,445 --> 00:04:58,065
♪ Come and get your love ♪

77
00:04:59,908 --> 00:05:02,198
♪ Come and get your love ♪

78
00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:06,660
♪ Come and get your love ♪

79
00:05:08,082 --> 00:05:10,042
♪ Come and get your love
Come and get your love ♪

80
00:05:10,126 --> 00:05:11,526
♪ Come and get your love now ♪

81
00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:14,839
♪ Come and get your love
Come and get your love ♪

82
00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:16,121
♪ Come and get your love now ♪

83
00:05:16,174 --> 00:05:18,934
Ah!

84
00:05:21,971 --> 00:05:23,891
♪ Come and get your love
Come and get your love ♪

85
00:05:23,915 --> 00:05:25,315
♪ Come and get your love now ♪

86
00:05:30,355 --> 00:05:33,685
I'm sorry I swore at you, Sister.
I thought you were a normal person.

87
00:05:34,192 --> 00:05:36,652
You're a fat man full of sin.

88
00:05:37,779 --> 00:05:39,779
Now, now, now, Sister Layla.

89
00:05:39,864 --> 00:05:43,244
This man is in pain,
and I am going to hear his confession.

90
00:05:43,868 --> 00:05:46,868
But come back in five minutes
and tell me there's an emergency.

91
00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:48,873
Uh, uh... the boiler exploded,

92
00:05:48,957 --> 00:05:52,287
uh... the diaper boy is bathing
in the holy water, something believable.

93
00:05:53,711 --> 00:05:56,511
Go ahead, Frank.
Tell me what's got you in such a state.

94
00:05:56,589 --> 00:05:59,429
Right, well, it's my father.

95
00:06:00,009 --> 00:06:02,889
He's been out of my life for years.
No contact.

96
00:06:02,971 --> 00:06:06,601
And then he just comes waltzing back in
like Fred Astaire.

97
00:06:06,683 --> 00:06:09,603
Well, it may comfort you to know
that you're not alone.

98
00:06:09,686 --> 00:06:11,896
I had a difficult stepfather.

99
00:06:11,980 --> 00:06:15,650
Did he make you wear a grass skirt because
you cried when Pearl Harbor happened?

100
00:06:15,733 --> 00:06:19,203
Oh, no. My... my goodness. A grass skirt?

101
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:21,659
And coconut tits.

102
00:06:21,739 --> 00:06:25,199
Oh, jeepers. Okay, go on.

103
00:06:25,785 --> 00:06:26,825
Tell me about him.

104
00:06:26,911 --> 00:06:29,211
Okay.

105
00:06:29,289 --> 00:06:33,579
When I was a kid, my dad was
the most popular guy in Rustvale.

106
00:06:33,668 --> 00:06:35,708
"Big Bill Murphy" they called him.

107
00:06:36,921 --> 00:06:39,841
And he was like a king
in his hardware store on Main Street.

108
00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:45,966
So Dick Sawitzki says to me, "Big Bill,"
he says, "You've got the gift of gab.

109
00:06:46,055 --> 00:06:50,595
You could sell a camel
a suitcase full of sand."

110
00:06:52,353 --> 00:06:53,353
My dad can do anything.

111
00:06:53,438 --> 00:06:57,568
Look at this little acorn
that fell off my tree.

112
00:06:57,650 --> 00:06:59,820
That was my old man to the public.

113
00:07:00,695 --> 00:07:03,525
Home was a whole different kettle of fish.

114
00:07:03,614 --> 00:07:07,664
My mom, my sister, and me,
we got to see who he really was.

115
00:07:07,744 --> 00:07:09,664
So then Jack O'Connor says to me,

116
00:07:09,746 --> 00:07:13,706
"Big Bill, you could sell snowballs
to an Eskimo."

117
00:07:13,791 --> 00:07:16,171
Why would you sell snowballs to an Eskimo?

118
00:07:16,252 --> 00:07:17,342
You wouldn't.

119
00:07:17,420 --> 00:07:22,130
Then why would Jack say that?
Doesn't he know how cold it is up there?

120
00:07:22,216 --> 00:07:27,806
For the love of God, Nora, he's just
trying to say that I'm a good salesman.

121
00:07:27,889 --> 00:07:31,729
Eskimos don't even buy anything.
They have a barter economy.

122
00:07:31,809 --> 00:07:34,979
Christ! Would it kill you
to give me an "attaboy"?

123
00:07:37,231 --> 00:07:38,521
Attaboy.

124
00:07:38,608 --> 00:07:40,528
That wasn't so hard, was it?

125
00:07:40,610 --> 00:07:42,530
Something would always set him off.

126
00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:44,736
Could've been a bad day at work,

127
00:07:45,323 --> 00:07:47,743
could've been the sound
of an innocent child's laugh,

128
00:07:47,825 --> 00:07:49,285
but it was gonna be something.

129
00:07:49,369 --> 00:07:52,499
Binghamton, I thought
you took my car to the shop.

130
00:07:52,580 --> 00:07:54,580
It's still not working right.

131
00:07:54,665 --> 00:07:58,665
The car is fine, boss.
The problem is the nut behind the wheel!

132
00:07:59,754 --> 00:08:03,304
It's funny
because he doesn't know his place.

133
00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:05,433
Dad, last week he...

134
00:08:05,510 --> 00:08:07,470
Jesus Christ, Francis!

135
00:08:07,553 --> 00:08:10,813
What the hell is wrong with you,
you goddamn dope?

136
00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:13,310
Oh, the radio made me laugh. It was funny.

137
00:08:13,393 --> 00:08:15,193
Well, here's something hilarious.

138
00:08:16,771 --> 00:08:17,861
Mom!

139
00:08:17,939 --> 00:08:20,899
You gonna cry for your mommy,
you spoiled brat?

140
00:08:20,983 --> 00:08:25,783
Clean this mess up
before I drop you down that fucking well.

141
00:08:25,863 --> 00:08:28,203
- We don't have a well.
- It's an expression!

142
00:08:28,282 --> 00:08:30,872
Christ, you're just like your mother!

143
00:08:30,952 --> 00:08:33,372
That's why I changed it
to "put you through a wall,"

144
00:08:33,454 --> 00:08:35,084
'cause there's always a wall.

145
00:08:35,164 --> 00:08:37,084
That was my "fuck you" to my old man.

146
00:08:37,583 --> 00:08:38,983
Oh, okay.

147
00:08:39,544 --> 00:08:42,384
He'd just sit there
and smoke that goddamn pipe.

148
00:08:42,463 --> 00:08:44,633
To this day, I hate anybody with a pipe.

149
00:08:44,715 --> 00:08:46,115
Fucking Popeye.

150
00:08:47,218 --> 00:08:49,928
Things started to go bad
for the old man in '52.

151
00:08:50,012 --> 00:08:53,222
He invested all his savings
in crutches and iron lungs

152
00:08:53,307 --> 00:08:56,517
during the big polio boom
just when it went bust.

153
00:08:57,311 --> 00:09:00,061
Polio is now poli-no.

154
00:09:00,148 --> 00:09:03,028
Thanks to Dr. Jonas Salk
and his miracle vaccine,

155
00:09:03,109 --> 00:09:06,239
millions of children will never know
the horrors of the iron lung.

156
00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:07,910
Goddamn it!

157
00:09:09,490 --> 00:09:12,370
As he hit rock bottom,
he got even meaner.

158
00:09:14,829 --> 00:09:16,499
Turn that shit off!

159
00:09:16,581 --> 00:09:19,081
But like those newly vaccinated kids,

160
00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:21,537
now I was able to stand up for myself.

161
00:09:21,627 --> 00:09:25,257
I said I don't want to hear any more
of your goddamn noise!

162
00:09:25,339 --> 00:09:29,139
It's not noise, it's music!
The Sweatermen are great artists!

163
00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:31,595
Rudy Vallée is an artist!

164
00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:33,929
I can't wait until I'm old enough
to move out of here!

165
00:09:34,015 --> 00:09:38,475
And then you'll fly away in
your magic airplane, right, Tinker Bell?

166
00:09:38,561 --> 00:09:41,361
Instead of staying here and helping
your father save his business.

167
00:09:41,772 --> 00:09:43,652
Why would I? I hate you!

168
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:47,070
- And I'm glad polio got cured!
- You take that back!

169
00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:48,703
Ow! Ow!

170
00:09:48,779 --> 00:09:50,179
Ow!

171
00:09:50,198 --> 00:09:54,158
Stop that! What kind of a man
takes his failures out on his son?

172
00:09:54,243 --> 00:09:56,163
Every man in America!

173
00:09:56,245 --> 00:09:57,745
Get away from him!

174
00:10:03,753 --> 00:10:07,593
When he lost my mother's respect,
that was the beginning of the end.

175
00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:09,908
He beat you with a crutch?

176
00:10:10,384 --> 00:10:12,804
Yeah, he had 80 gross of them
lying around.

177
00:10:15,723 --> 00:10:17,683
I'll never forget the last thing
he said to me.

178
00:10:19,101 --> 00:10:21,231
Reserves.

179
00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:25,108
That was it. He was gone for good.

180
00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:28,191
My mother lives with my sister now
in California.

181
00:10:28,277 --> 00:10:32,777
California. Fucking Smothers Brothers.
Your mom hates both of you!

182
00:10:32,865 --> 00:10:36,325
Frank, could we get
to the "waltzing back in" part?

183
00:10:36,410 --> 00:10:39,960
Okay. So I haven't heard word one
from this guy in 18 years, right?

184
00:10:40,540 --> 00:10:44,630
And then there he is,
sitting in front of my house in a taxicab.

185
00:10:46,420 --> 00:10:48,050
Well, I guess the comet landed.

186
00:10:48,130 --> 00:10:49,840
No!

187
00:10:50,758 --> 00:10:52,928
We have two grandfathers?

188
00:10:53,010 --> 00:10:54,100
Cool!

189
00:10:54,178 --> 00:10:56,508
No. Not cool. That man is the devil!

190
00:10:56,597 --> 00:10:58,677
You said Walter Cronkite was the devil.

191
00:10:58,766 --> 00:11:00,976
No, I said he's a fucking traitor

192
00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:03,650
who should grow his hair
and die in the mud at Woodstock!

193
00:11:04,146 --> 00:11:06,476
That son of a bitch
is not setting a foot in this house!

194
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:09,106
Now, Frank, he is your father.

195
00:11:10,278 --> 00:11:12,778
Maybe he's come back to see you
for a good reason,

196
00:11:12,863 --> 00:11:16,533
and we can't just let him sit out there
and yit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit!

197
00:11:16,617 --> 00:11:18,037
Dit-dit-dit-dit-dit!

198
00:11:18,119 --> 00:11:20,159
Sue said, "Yit-dit-dit-dit-dit"?

199
00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:24,206
No, that's just what she sounds like
when she's trying to make a point.

200
00:11:24,292 --> 00:11:27,252
She said I needed to face him. So I did.

201
00:11:27,336 --> 00:11:28,956
All right, I'll do it.

202
00:11:29,463 --> 00:11:32,633
Think positive, Frank. Maybe he's dying.

203
00:11:32,717 --> 00:11:34,427
Fucking son of a bitch.

204
00:11:35,511 --> 00:11:37,101
Why does he hate his father?

205
00:11:37,179 --> 00:11:39,099
I don't know. He saw Dad
in a play or something.

206
00:11:39,181 --> 00:11:40,581
I'd love that.

207
00:11:43,561 --> 00:11:46,231
So here you are. Just like that.

208
00:11:47,148 --> 00:11:50,478
Well, come on out, you big bully.
I'm not afraid of you, tough guy.

209
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:54,450
Come on, face your son... Dad.

210
00:11:59,368 --> 00:12:00,868
Good to see you, son.

211
00:12:02,038 --> 00:12:03,038
What?

212
00:12:03,122 --> 00:12:05,752
No, it's been too long.
Thanks for welcoming me.

213
00:12:05,833 --> 00:12:07,423
Did you have a stroke?

214
00:12:07,501 --> 00:12:09,551
- Mr. Murphy, I'm...
- No! No, no, no.

215
00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:12,589
No Mr. Murphy.
"Mr. Murphy" was my father.

216
00:12:12,673 --> 00:12:14,723
That rotten apple's been feeding the worms

217
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:17,010
since Frank here
was knee-high to a sailor,

218
00:12:17,094 --> 00:12:20,104
which he was several times
during the war years.

219
00:12:20,181 --> 00:12:22,811
It's how we paid for the coal.

220
00:12:22,892 --> 00:12:26,062
No, I'm just kidding.
Frank never blew a sailor.

221
00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:29,477
You must be the lovely Susan.

222
00:12:29,565 --> 00:12:33,065
And aren't you just as radiant
as the summer sun?

223
00:12:33,152 --> 00:12:35,322
Frank, he's charming.

224
00:12:35,404 --> 00:12:37,664
He just said I spent my childhood
blowing sailors.

225
00:12:37,740 --> 00:12:39,490
He said you didn't!

226
00:12:39,575 --> 00:12:41,325
- Hi, I'm Bill!
- I'm Maureen!

227
00:12:41,410 --> 00:12:44,750
Frank, I'm honored.
You named your son "Bill" after me.

228
00:12:44,830 --> 00:12:47,540
Don't get excited.
It was Sue's turn to pick.

229
00:12:47,625 --> 00:12:49,285
Hey, Grandpa, I'm Kevin Murphy.

230
00:12:50,002 --> 00:12:52,632
Look at you.
A dead ringer for your father.

231
00:12:52,713 --> 00:12:53,923
Aw, shit.

232
00:12:54,006 --> 00:12:56,376
Kevin, have a giant typewriter key.

233
00:12:56,467 --> 00:12:58,177
It's a "Q" for "cool"!

234
00:12:58,260 --> 00:13:00,430
A giant typewriter key?

235
00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:03,393
He got a big job as a regional salesman

236
00:13:03,474 --> 00:13:06,524
for Dustbowl Typewriter Ribbon
and Adding Machine Tape.

237
00:13:06,602 --> 00:13:08,772
They sent him here
to scope out the territory.

238
00:13:08,854 --> 00:13:10,734
The bastard bounced all the way back!

239
00:13:10,815 --> 00:13:14,685
Why don't you come inside?
I'm sure it was a long trip from Tulsa.

240
00:13:14,777 --> 00:13:19,447
Oh, it was an ordeal. They lost my bag.
My meal tasted like an ashtray.

241
00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:22,542
No matter what you do, kids,
never fly Mohican.

242
00:13:22,618 --> 00:13:24,788
It's run by circus pinheads.

243
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:28,710
Ugh. He acted nice,
like a Nazi living in Brazil.

244
00:13:28,791 --> 00:13:29,961
And he kept it up!

245
00:13:30,042 --> 00:13:31,752
Helping me build the baby's room.

246
00:13:32,461 --> 00:13:33,861
Doing the dishes.

247
00:13:34,171 --> 00:13:36,171
Remembering Bill's birthday.

248
00:13:36,257 --> 00:13:38,127
Telling Kevin he has a future.

249
00:13:38,718 --> 00:13:41,678
All aboard the Grandpa Express!

250
00:13:41,762 --> 00:13:44,522
Chug-a-chug-a-chug-a-chug-a.

251
00:13:44,598 --> 00:13:45,598
Toot-toot!

252
00:13:45,683 --> 00:13:51,313
Now passing Sourpuss Junction!
Population: one grumpster!

253
00:13:52,732 --> 00:13:54,692
Even the neighbors
fell for his bullshit!

254
00:13:54,716 --> 00:13:57,857
Okay, Big Bill will have these T-bones
out for you in no time.

255
00:13:57,945 --> 00:13:59,855
T-bones.

256
00:13:59,947 --> 00:14:03,077
And I know how you take them, Babe,
well-done!

257
00:14:03,159 --> 00:14:05,909
And, Goomer, extra rare.

258
00:14:05,995 --> 00:14:08,575
I like it cold on the inside.

259
00:14:08,664 --> 00:14:10,714
Your dad's a hell of a guy, Frank.

260
00:14:10,791 --> 00:14:12,591
Eh, not bad for a fucking Mick.

261
00:14:12,668 --> 00:14:15,338
He said my head was normal-sized.

262
00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:17,841
He's so sweet with Anthony.

263
00:14:18,382 --> 00:14:20,382
Oh, tummy yum-yum!

264
00:14:20,468 --> 00:14:22,678
Oh, he had everyone fooled.

265
00:14:22,762 --> 00:14:26,682
But I knew... it was just a matter of time
before he showed his true colors,

266
00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:29,136
and they'd all see what a prick he was.

267
00:14:29,226 --> 00:14:31,306
- And did he?
- No, he did not.

268
00:14:31,395 --> 00:14:33,055
And that was four weeks ago.

269
00:14:33,147 --> 00:14:35,397
But the shit he pulled on me today,

270
00:14:35,483 --> 00:14:37,764
that's why I had to come here. He told...

271
00:14:37,788 --> 00:14:40,358
Father Patrick,
you need to come right away.

272
00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:42,316
It's time for Mr. McCriskin's funeral.

273
00:14:42,406 --> 00:14:45,196
You made up a great one,
but I'm gonna finish the confession.

274
00:14:45,284 --> 00:14:46,414
It's getting juicy.

275
00:14:46,494 --> 00:14:50,124
No, Father, there's a real dead guy
and everything!

276
00:14:55,211 --> 00:14:58,301
Mr. McCriskin can wait in purgatory
for a few more minutes.

277
00:14:58,380 --> 00:14:59,780
Just keep them entertained.

278
00:15:01,133 --> 00:15:04,013
Hey, how's everybody doing today?

279
00:15:05,513 --> 00:15:06,513
So, what happened then?

280
00:15:06,597 --> 00:15:09,977
Everything. On Friday night,
I got devastating news.

281
00:15:10,476 --> 00:15:13,226
What's that, Colt?
You say you got out of the submarine,

282
00:15:13,312 --> 00:15:15,232
but now you're about to go in a coma?

283
00:15:15,314 --> 00:15:17,234
Oh, come by when you get better.

284
00:15:17,316 --> 00:15:20,186
Aw, what the fuck? Where is Colt?

285
00:15:20,277 --> 00:15:23,407
I think he's gonna be in a coma
for a while, Dad.

286
00:15:25,324 --> 00:15:27,374
Ah, fuck me!

287
00:15:29,703 --> 00:15:32,293
And then I got worse news.

288
00:15:32,373 --> 00:15:33,773
The old man's never gonna leave.

289
00:15:33,791 --> 00:15:35,921
He's selling a boatload
of typewriter ribbon,

290
00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:38,051
so they want him to open a new territory.

291
00:15:38,128 --> 00:15:41,548
- He's gonna stay at least another month.
- Oh, the kids will love that.

292
00:15:41,632 --> 00:15:44,512
The kids also love
the smell of gasoline, Susan!

293
00:15:44,593 --> 00:15:48,063
I'll tell you, I can't take him anymore.
I have enough to deal with right now.

294
00:15:48,138 --> 00:15:52,478
I'm working three jobs since Pogo had
his heart attack, the pork-eating fuck!

295
00:15:52,977 --> 00:15:56,557
And now we're all going downtown
with Big Bill so he can get himself a car,

296
00:15:56,647 --> 00:16:00,147
and then he's taking the whole family
to lunch, which, of course, I'll pay for.

297
00:16:00,234 --> 00:16:02,994
- If he says he wants to pay, Frank, then...
- No, I'm paying.

298
00:16:03,070 --> 00:16:04,910
I'll show him how well I'm doing.

299
00:16:04,989 --> 00:16:08,329
I might have to break into the swear jar.
There's got to be a couple grand in there.

300
00:16:08,409 --> 00:16:09,989
We used it all for Kevin's bail money.

301
00:16:10,077 --> 00:16:12,497
Aw, piece-of-shit
motherfucking cocksucker!

302
00:16:12,580 --> 00:16:13,460
Frank, stop it!

303
00:16:13,539 --> 00:16:16,329
Ah, start a new jar.
I don't give a shit-shit-shit-shit!

304
00:16:16,417 --> 00:16:17,877
Frank, calm down!

305
00:16:18,502 --> 00:16:20,592
Come here, honey.

306
00:16:24,049 --> 00:16:28,009
- I understand that he was a bad father.
- The worst.

307
00:16:28,095 --> 00:16:30,805
Okay, the worst. But...

308
00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:33,390
Why is there always a "but"
at the end of you agreeing with me?

309
00:16:33,475 --> 00:16:37,935
But... he's been very nice,
especially to the kids.

310
00:16:38,022 --> 00:16:39,422
I'm nice to the kids.

311
00:16:40,691 --> 00:16:44,991
Yes, you are.
But maybe he's really changed.

312
00:16:45,070 --> 00:16:46,470
People do change.

313
00:16:46,530 --> 00:16:49,120
I don't. You don't.
You keep getting pregnant.

314
00:16:49,199 --> 00:16:51,119
- Ow.
- You listen to me.

315
00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:53,544
I know you have your problems with him,

316
00:16:53,621 --> 00:16:56,671
but the kids are enjoying
their time with their grandfather.

317
00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:58,539
And he's not gonna be here forever.

318
00:16:59,209 --> 00:17:01,669
Would it kill you
to hold out a little longer?

319
00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:03,154
Fine. You're right.

320
00:17:03,547 --> 00:17:05,947
I mean, if I can shove
a man's intestines back into his body,

321
00:17:05,966 --> 00:17:08,796
Lord knows I can put up with this asshole
for another couple of weeks.

322
00:17:08,886 --> 00:17:10,346
You can do it, honey.

323
00:17:11,847 --> 00:17:13,807
But you're really gonna need
to work on your...

324
00:17:13,891 --> 00:17:17,601
Oh, would you stop with the "buts"?
It's a fucking sickness with you.

325
00:17:19,897 --> 00:17:22,687
You ready to go downtown?

326
00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:25,565
Oh, yeah, it's a big day for Big Willie.

327
00:17:25,653 --> 00:17:28,863
Home office sent me a little cash
to get some wheels.

328
00:17:28,948 --> 00:17:31,488
Wow. I've never seen
those presidents before.

329
00:17:31,575 --> 00:17:35,495
Then it's time for the vagabond to find
a more permanent place to stay.

330
00:17:35,579 --> 00:17:39,579
I'm, uh... going to get myself
a nice quiet motel room somewhere.

331
00:17:39,667 --> 00:17:43,877
I recommend
the Quint City Motor Inn on Route 16.

332
00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:48,303
I visited it once or twice
with a woman I was seeing.

333
00:17:48,884 --> 00:17:50,894
Oh, really? And who was that?

334
00:17:50,970 --> 00:17:54,890
I don't want to say her name.
She might appear.

335
00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:59,144
It's a shame you got to go, Big Bill.
Families should all be together.

336
00:17:59,228 --> 00:18:02,558
Sometimes a little break
is just what the doctor ordered.

337
00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:06,568
I told you, I'm done with
all that Vic stuff, my Swedish meatball!

338
00:18:07,236 --> 00:18:09,816
Now that's a man who loves his woman.

339
00:18:09,905 --> 00:18:12,235
- See? Vic said...
- Don't you talk to me!

340
00:18:12,908 --> 00:18:15,408
Nope, a motel it is.

341
00:18:15,911 --> 00:18:21,081
Frank, I have taken advantage
of your generous hospitality far too long.

342
00:18:24,586 --> 00:18:27,166
I'm sure Sue would love
to have her couch back.

343
00:18:28,215 --> 00:18:29,615
My couch.

344
00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:37,219
Wait a minute. Goomer has his trailer.

345
00:18:37,307 --> 00:18:38,847
You can stay in there.

346
00:18:38,934 --> 00:18:40,944
Goomie, you never use it.

347
00:18:42,813 --> 00:18:47,863
That's right. I don't use it for anything.

348
00:18:48,986 --> 00:18:51,656
Just give me a little time
to clear some stuff out.

349
00:18:51,739 --> 00:18:54,319
And bleach the walls.
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

350
00:18:54,408 --> 00:18:58,408
Oh, you've got some great neighbors, son.

351
00:18:58,495 --> 00:19:00,075
Nobody look at it!

352
00:19:00,164 --> 00:19:02,624
Let's get you that car, Mr. Wonderful.

353
00:19:02,708 --> 00:19:04,878
Daddy, are we getting a new car too?

354
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:07,800
No, princess. Our car is just fine.

355
00:19:09,256 --> 00:19:12,376
The back door popped open
when you took me to the movies yesterday.

356
00:19:12,468 --> 00:19:13,338
I almost fell out.

357
00:19:13,427 --> 00:19:16,757
Aw, will you stop whining
about shit that almost happened?

358
00:19:16,847 --> 00:19:19,347
I almost walked out on your mother
last week. I'm still here.

359
00:19:19,933 --> 00:19:23,353
You listen to your dad, son.
He knows what's best.

360
00:19:23,437 --> 00:19:27,777
He would never put saving a buck
before your safety.

361
00:19:27,858 --> 00:19:30,898
If he's okay with you
rolling out into traffic,

362
00:19:30,986 --> 00:19:34,236
then who am I to say
he's not a good father?

363
00:19:34,323 --> 00:19:38,993
If he says the car is fine, it's fine.

364
00:19:39,078 --> 00:19:40,478
That son of a bitch.

365
00:19:43,415 --> 00:19:45,325
Here's the rest of the down payment.

366
00:19:45,417 --> 00:19:49,507
You can keep the green stamps.
Pleasure doing business with you both.

367
00:19:49,588 --> 00:19:52,548
Whoa, the tailgate opens two ways!

368
00:19:52,633 --> 00:19:54,513
This must be what astronauts drive!

369
00:19:54,593 --> 00:19:58,473
Frank, you don't have to do this
to impress your father.

370
00:19:58,555 --> 00:20:00,555
Are you sure we can even handle it?

371
00:20:00,641 --> 00:20:04,061
Yes, Susan. I'm extremely well-paid.

372
00:20:04,561 --> 00:20:07,691
We're doing 150 payments, right?
With the $20 trade-in?

373
00:20:07,773 --> 00:20:11,113
Yeah. You pay me $20
to take that heap off your hands.

374
00:20:11,193 --> 00:20:13,323
You're a thief. Let's eat!

375
00:20:16,782 --> 00:20:20,662
Well, that's the last time I do
a personal appearance for these hicks.

376
00:20:20,744 --> 00:20:23,794
The Polack that runs that TV store
said he'd watch out

377
00:20:23,872 --> 00:20:26,632
for the water-headed psycho.
That kid keeps sending me hair.

378
00:20:26,708 --> 00:20:29,918
Jim, you brought this on yourself
for rigging that game.

379
00:20:30,003 --> 00:20:34,303
And you've got to get your... problem
with pregnant women under control.

380
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:37,467
I'm working on it, Ray, but it's tough.

381
00:20:37,553 --> 00:20:40,973
Especially this weekend. Labor Day.

382
00:20:41,473 --> 00:20:44,693
Grandpa, will you take me to the first day
of school Wednesday in your new car?

383
00:20:44,768 --> 00:20:48,728
I would be as happy
as a hand in a doorknob factory.

384
00:20:48,814 --> 00:20:51,614
My car is newer.
I signed the papers second.

385
00:20:51,692 --> 00:20:54,612
I think you'll be proud
of your grandchildren when school starts.

386
00:20:54,695 --> 00:20:58,775
They've all promised to work very hard
on their studies this year. Right, Kevin?

387
00:21:02,035 --> 00:21:04,655
Oh, hi, ketchup, you want to fuck?

388
00:21:05,372 --> 00:21:09,502
And Frank and I have made a promise to be
more attentive and involved this year.

389
00:21:09,585 --> 00:21:13,165
A hundred and fifty payments,
$34 a payment,

390
00:21:13,255 --> 00:21:16,375
it'll be paid off in '86. Christ,
there'll be a black president by then.

391
00:21:16,884 --> 00:21:18,844
Grandpa, will you come
and watch me play hockey?

392
00:21:18,927 --> 00:21:21,507
Jesus Christ, Bill!
The fuck is wrong with you?

393
00:21:21,597 --> 00:21:25,137
Okay, calm down, son.
It's not the end of the world.

394
00:21:26,351 --> 00:21:27,751
What did you say to me?

395
00:21:27,769 --> 00:21:30,649
Well, there's no need to lose your cool
over a little spill.

396
00:21:30,731 --> 00:21:33,781
You've got to be shitting me.
You goddamn hypocrite!

397
00:21:33,859 --> 00:21:35,439
Whoa, whoa, okay, take it easy.

398
00:21:35,527 --> 00:21:37,607
Oh, I've been taking it easy for a month.

399
00:21:37,696 --> 00:21:39,696
Hey, kids, you want to know
what your grandpa did

400
00:21:39,781 --> 00:21:41,831
when I spilled a bit of grape juice?

401
00:21:41,909 --> 00:21:43,829
He shoved ice cream in my face!

402
00:21:43,911 --> 00:21:45,451
I never did any such thing.

403
00:21:45,537 --> 00:21:47,117
- Yes, you did!
- Never!

404
00:21:47,206 --> 00:21:48,956
And you called me a "goddamn dope."

405
00:21:49,041 --> 00:21:50,921
You called me a "dope"
when I failed Algebra.

406
00:21:51,001 --> 00:21:53,421
- Oh, I did not!
- Yes, you did.

407
00:21:53,503 --> 00:21:54,903
Silence!

408
00:21:55,923 --> 00:21:58,803
- What about the grass skirt, Dad?
- Oh, it was a joke.

409
00:21:58,884 --> 00:21:59,934
Sounds funny to me.

410
00:22:00,010 --> 00:22:02,220
It wasn't funny. It hurt my feelings!

411
00:22:02,304 --> 00:22:03,704
That's what's funny about it.

412
00:22:03,722 --> 00:22:07,232
A grass skirt and coconuts he got me
for crying over an act of war!

413
00:22:07,309 --> 00:22:08,709
Who does that to a kid?

414
00:22:08,769 --> 00:22:10,399
Well, you said you'd buy me a doll

415
00:22:10,479 --> 00:22:14,229
if I didn't stop talking about the guy
whose guts landed on me at the airport.

416
00:22:14,316 --> 00:22:17,606
- You got to stop living in the past, Bill!
- Frank, you promised!

417
00:22:17,694 --> 00:22:20,864
At least one guy's got bigger problems
than I do and...

418
00:22:20,948 --> 00:22:25,158
Sweet Jesus, that balloon's about to pop,
and I want to be under it!

419
00:22:25,244 --> 00:22:26,644
Tell them, Dad!

420
00:22:27,246 --> 00:22:29,126
Tell them some of the shit
you used to do to me!

421
00:22:30,582 --> 00:22:32,082
- Tell them!
- Dad, leave him alone.

422
00:22:32,167 --> 00:22:33,587
Spit it out, you son of a bitch!

423
00:22:33,669 --> 00:22:36,799
Stop yelling at the choo-choo man!

424
00:22:48,767 --> 00:22:50,267
The hell with this.

425
00:22:50,352 --> 00:22:53,192
Enjoy the rest of your day
with Santa Claus.

426
00:23:18,213 --> 00:23:19,813
And that's when I came in here.

427
00:23:20,632 --> 00:23:23,762
If he'd just once admit to me
what a prick he was,

428
00:23:23,844 --> 00:23:25,244
just once...

429
00:23:25,887 --> 00:23:27,307
I could find some peace.

430
00:23:27,889 --> 00:23:29,729
Nah, but he'll... he'll never do that.

431
00:23:31,268 --> 00:23:34,728
Oh, Frank, I'm so sorry for your pain.

432
00:23:35,230 --> 00:23:38,440
But our Father brought
your father back into your life,

433
00:23:38,525 --> 00:23:40,355
and now you have a choice.

434
00:23:40,444 --> 00:23:44,994
You can let out all your anger at him
and call him an old so-and-so

435
00:23:45,073 --> 00:23:46,783
and live with that hatred forever,

436
00:23:46,867 --> 00:23:49,747
or you can choose to accept his presence

437
00:23:49,828 --> 00:23:53,668
the way I think our Lord wants you to.
With forgiveness.

438
00:23:53,749 --> 00:23:57,789
Forgive the bastard for what he did to me?
What the hell kind of bullshit is that?

439
00:23:57,878 --> 00:24:00,588
Your job is to mumble some prayers
and tell me I'm going to heaven.

440
00:24:00,672 --> 00:24:02,262
Confession doesn't work that way.

441
00:24:02,341 --> 00:24:04,511
- Then what am I paying you for?
- You don't pay me.

442
00:24:04,593 --> 00:24:08,103
I put coins in those stupid
cardboard boxes every Halloween!

443
00:24:08,180 --> 00:24:09,220
That's UNICEF.

444
00:24:09,306 --> 00:24:12,056
Aw, shit, what a waste this was.

445
00:24:12,142 --> 00:24:14,852
Forgive my dad? I'll never forgive him!

446
00:24:17,230 --> 00:24:19,980
Talk to God! He loves you!

447
00:24:20,067 --> 00:24:22,987
That's a company lie, and you know it!

448
00:24:47,928 --> 00:24:50,098
Big Bill Let me tell you...

449
00:25:09,825 --> 00:25:12,235
Goddamn son of a bitch.

450
00:25:12,327 --> 00:25:14,247
Coming here, making my kids happy.

451
00:25:14,329 --> 00:25:17,329
"Oh, talk to God." Oh, what a laugh!

452
00:25:17,416 --> 00:25:20,246
Just sits there with his son
and the fucking Holy Ghost,

453
00:25:20,335 --> 00:25:22,415
thinking he's better than me.

454
00:25:22,504 --> 00:25:24,174
It's Frank Murphy calling!

455
00:25:24,256 --> 00:25:27,626
Why'd you bring that fucker back to me?
I demand an answer!

456
00:25:33,723 --> 00:25:35,773
Aw, fuck all three of you!

457
00:25:35,851 --> 00:25:38,231
♪ I'm tickled pink ♪

458
00:25:38,311 --> 00:25:41,691
♪ That things are rosy ♪

459
00:25:41,773 --> 00:25:46,323
- ♪ And skies are blue once again ♪
- ♪ Do, do, do, do ♪

460
00:25:46,403 --> 00:25:51,873
♪ Let the bygones go bye-bye ♪

461
00:25:51,950 --> 00:25:57,080
♪ No more will I sigh or cry ♪

462
00:25:57,164 --> 00:25:58,584
♪ Do, do, do, do, do ♪

463
00:25:58,665 --> 00:26:04,245
♪ I'm tickled pink
The moon is yellow ♪

464
00:26:04,337 --> 00:26:05,797
♪ And I'm your fellow ♪