1
00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:17,064
♪ Guess who loves to watch his friends ♪

2
00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:19,102
♪ Goomer, Goomer ♪

3
00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:24,726
♪ Looks like Sue's water broke
Or she peed her pants ♪

4
00:00:24,816 --> 00:00:27,686
All right, baby,
today's the day you come out.

5
00:00:27,777 --> 00:00:29,147
I shouldn't drive.

6
00:00:29,237 --> 00:00:32,447
But it's okay. We have plenty
of neighbors who can help us.

7
00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:45,457
You've reached
one-two-one-four-three-seven.

8
00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:48,585
And my phone number is Rustvale six...

9
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,349
Damn it.

10
00:00:52,677 --> 00:00:57,847
Bonfiglios'. We're having
the oxtail ravioli tonight. Go.

11
00:00:57,932 --> 00:01:00,392
Mrs. Bonfiglio,
this is Sue Murphy. I'm...

12
00:01:00,477 --> 00:01:05,437
Sue Murphy! You've gotten so fat,
I hardly recognized your beautiful voice!

13
00:01:05,523 --> 00:01:08,783
- Thanks. My water just broke and...
- Aw.

14
00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:10,740
A baby is a miracle.

15
00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:11,910
Yes, of course, but...

16
00:01:11,988 --> 00:01:14,278
Some women can't make-a the babies

17
00:01:14,365 --> 00:01:16,985
but have to raise
their sister's kid as their own

18
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:20,037
because "Anna Maria can do no wrong."

19
00:01:20,121 --> 00:01:23,421
- I understand, but is there any way...
- Never mind that the younger sister

20
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:26,960
could've been
one of the world's best contralto singers.

21
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:30,375
I am so sorry, but...

22
00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:46,606
♪ Or she peed her pants ♪

23
00:01:46,689 --> 00:01:48,729
♪ Or she peed her pants ♪

24
00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:50,777
♪ Now she's getting in her car ♪

25
00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:52,740
♪ And I yell in my sleep ♪

26
00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:54,321
♪ Yelling in my sleep ♪

27
00:01:54,405 --> 00:01:56,445
I hate this fucking neighborhood.

28
00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:09,712
♪ Come and get your love ♪

29
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:14,510
♪ Come and get your love ♪

30
00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:18,602
♪ Come and get your love ♪

31
00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:23,059
♪ Come and get your love ♪

32
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:26,731
♪ Come and get your love
Come and get your love ♪

33
00:02:26,755 --> 00:02:28,465
♪ Come and get your love now ♪

34
00:02:29,274 --> 00:02:31,194
♪ Come and get your love
Come and get your love ♪

35
00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:32,486
♪ Come and get your love now ♪

36
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,109
Ah!

37
00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:36,115
♪ Come and get your love
Come and get your love ♪

38
00:02:36,139 --> 00:02:37,889
♪ Come and get your love now ♪

39
00:02:38,366 --> 00:02:40,286
♪ Come and get your love
Come and get your love ♪

40
00:02:40,310 --> 00:02:41,810
♪ Come and get your love now ♪

41
00:02:48,751 --> 00:02:51,751
I hope you enjoyed the film
on how thumb holes are drilled.

42
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:53,258
It was seven minutes of garbage.

43
00:02:53,339 --> 00:02:55,929
Christ, it didn't even explain
how they make the balls so shiny.

44
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:59,179
Sir, all you've done is complain.
Why did you come here?

45
00:02:59,262 --> 00:03:01,722
To get away from my miserable life.

46
00:03:02,348 --> 00:03:03,888
Fat chance of that.

47
00:03:03,975 --> 00:03:07,685
Aw, it's just one endless parade
of being stabbed in the back, the front,

48
00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:10,980
the side, and the feet
by everyone near and dear to me.

49
00:03:11,065 --> 00:03:15,355
Don't these people realize
I killed a shitload of Koreans for them?

50
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:16,855
One of them in his sleep!

51
00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:19,032
Ah, what's the point?

52
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:22,204
Jesus Christ.

53
00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:26,785
I have also killed in Korea, but I thought
the film was very informative.

54
00:03:30,668 --> 00:03:34,088
I've never apologized to a toilet before.

55
00:03:35,381 --> 00:03:36,681
Oh, dear.

56
00:03:40,094 --> 00:03:42,644
Yes, there's a message for room 228.

57
00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:47,272
Now, if it's a noise, smell,
or flooding complaint, I can explain.

58
00:03:48,436 --> 00:03:50,056
Her mucus plug?

59
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,524
Rosie! Frank's wife is having the baby!

60
00:03:57,278 --> 00:04:01,658
Go ahead! Everybody scream
at the belly freak!

61
00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:04,289
Jesus Christ!

62
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:13,959
What the hell? People only shove
bad things into locker vents.

63
00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:17,915
- You're breaking up with me?
- No. I had some time to think,

64
00:04:18,007 --> 00:04:21,587
and I get why you let that Vic guy
change your song and all that other stuff.

65
00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:23,300
You do.

66
00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:26,098
It touches me
that you cared about an old man

67
00:04:26,182 --> 00:04:27,982
instead of your own happiness.

68
00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:31,559
Vic just seemed so vulnerable
when he held that guitar jack to my throat

69
00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:32,806
and called me a cunt.

70
00:04:32,897 --> 00:04:36,147
And I think that was
a beautiful thing you did.

71
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:40,357
But what else would you expect
from a beautiful person?

72
00:04:48,579 --> 00:04:50,539
Uh... listen... uh...

73
00:04:52,333 --> 00:04:54,043
You're, like, really special,

74
00:04:54,127 --> 00:05:01,007
and I... I think we might be ready
for, you know...

75
00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:04,972
Yeah. But I want our first time
to be magical.

76
00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:06,774
I got rid of the wasp's nest
in my basement.

77
00:05:06,798 --> 00:05:08,098
Okay!

78
00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:13,524
The concierge at the motel
said Frank was coming here.

79
00:05:13,604 --> 00:05:18,234
Red, you're the only one who isn't spooked
by a flight of stairs. Go find him.

80
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:19,818
You got it, boss.

81
00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:22,321
Frank! Frank Murphy!

82
00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:26,825
Look, I take you to airport,
but we going to need a new set of rules.

83
00:05:26,909 --> 00:05:31,079
Droopy Dog here's got to sit by window.
With window open.

84
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:34,634
How dare you! I am a champion!

85
00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:37,169
I came to your city and defeated it!

86
00:05:37,253 --> 00:05:38,423
I'm coming!

87
00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:41,264
Ah, does it ever fail?
Sue just had to have the baby today!

88
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:44,102
I'll tell you, that fucking woman
will do anything to win an argument!

89
00:05:44,126 --> 00:05:45,723
Fuck you, Frank,

90
00:05:45,803 --> 00:05:47,313
you cheap-ass son of a bitch.

91
00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:49,848
Why didn't you fix this car?

92
00:05:51,976 --> 00:05:54,556
After you went to all that trouble
of poisoning Amy

93
00:05:54,645 --> 00:05:58,645
so I could star in the play,
my dad and my grandfather ruined it.

94
00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:03,323
Look on the bright side. We got to watch
a geezer knock an older geezer out.

95
00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:06,204
Usually you have to give bums
a bunch of booze to see that.

96
00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:09,332
My family is so messed up.

97
00:06:09,410 --> 00:06:12,290
Would it make you feel better
if I poisoned one of them?

98
00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:15,671
Let's wait and see
what I get for my birthday.

99
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:18,960
Boys, we win today, and we are champeens.

100
00:06:19,670 --> 00:06:21,960
Now these kids from Westfester are tough.

101
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:23,168
They're mean.

102
00:06:23,257 --> 00:06:27,677
Their center is a sixth-year senior
who's part owner of a brickyard.

103
00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:29,102
Ugh.

104
00:06:29,180 --> 00:06:31,720
It's okay. I'll buy you a beer later.

105
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,385
But we got something they don't got.

106
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:38,265
A captain who doesn't care
how much he's hated.

107
00:06:38,981 --> 00:06:40,281
Now bow your heads.

108
00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:45,697
Lord, look over your team,
especially your anointed rat Bill Murphy.

109
00:06:46,322 --> 00:06:48,662
May he, with your holy guidance,

110
00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:51,991
shove a stick up the other team's ass
and break it off.

111
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:54,908
- In your fucking name, amen.
- Amen.

112
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,040
Jimmy, aren't you coming?

113
00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:00,669
Aw!

114
00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:02,303
Fuck you, father stealer!

115
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:06,300
Why does he like you better than me?

116
00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:09,104
Why do you care?
He put you in military school!

117
00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:10,928
He's my pip-pop!

118
00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:14,733
But you took him from me.
You took my sister.

119
00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:17,559
Oh, why don't you
just dig up my mom too, huh?

120
00:07:17,645 --> 00:07:22,435
You can't miss her. She's under the patch
of concrete in our backyard.

121
00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:25,695
Jimmy, I wasn't trying to steal your dad.

122
00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:28,108
I did all this to say "fuck you"
to my dad.

123
00:07:28,197 --> 00:07:31,487
That is not a healthy way
to express feelings, shit licker!

124
00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:33,946
Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man!

125
00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:47,127
God, bus, please come. Please come.

126
00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:49,176
Beat it, hon, this is my fuck stop.

127
00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:53,314
Janet? Janet Vanderheim? Quincy's mom?

128
00:07:53,389 --> 00:07:55,059
It's Sue Murphy.

129
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:58,691
Oh, hi, Sue.
Please forgive my street talk,

130
00:07:58,769 --> 00:08:02,819
but I thought you were the new bench whore
my pimp's been threatening me with.

131
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:08,200
Aw, are you having a baby, hon?
Or did your man punch you?

132
00:08:08,279 --> 00:08:09,949
I'm going into labor.

133
00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:12,581
Well, let me help you get on the bus.

134
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:16,703
And I'm sorry for how I treated you
in the hospital.

135
00:08:16,787 --> 00:08:18,577
That place had prison vibes,

136
00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:20,794
and I didn't want anyone
to think I was soft.

137
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:24,375
I seem to be a little short.

138
00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:26,012
Sorry. No money, no ride.

139
00:08:26,088 --> 00:08:30,008
Hey! Your name is Walt,
you're married with four kids,

140
00:08:30,092 --> 00:08:33,222
and I know what makes your soda shoot:
my tongue up your...

141
00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:35,394
Okay, all right! You can ride.

142
00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:36,563
Thank you.

143
00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:38,941
That's the last time I shit where I eat.

144
00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:43,023
You never paid for that either!

145
00:08:43,606 --> 00:08:46,066
Uh, we may be experiencing
some turbulence

146
00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:49,990
as we go through a patch of thunder smog
over Pittsburgh.

147
00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:53,661
Please secure your own alcoholic beverage
before helping others.

148
00:08:53,741 --> 00:08:56,291
Christ, I'm gonna miss
another kid being born.

149
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:59,459
I've missed every single one.
Oh-for-fucking-four.

150
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:02,749
You'll make it, Frank.
I've already called ahead,

151
00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:07,343
and they're gonna clear the runway for us
so you can get to the hospital right away.

152
00:09:07,421 --> 00:09:10,511
Thanks. But don't think
this gets you off the hook with me.

153
00:09:10,591 --> 00:09:14,261
That's not why I did it!
And it does get me off the hook.

154
00:09:15,179 --> 00:09:17,059
- What are you two talking about?
- Ha!

155
00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:18,889
Of course you didn't tell them either.

156
00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:21,385
Brandy's selling Mohican,
we're all getting fired,

157
00:09:21,477 --> 00:09:23,917
and this fat fuck's gonna make a fortune
on his stock options.

158
00:09:23,941 --> 00:09:25,733
I hope someone does anal in your mouth!

159
00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:27,315
You fucking heartless traitor!

160
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,440
What do you care?
You're off being a Negro alderman!

161
00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:33,448
It's just "alderman,"
and it ain't even a real paying job!

162
00:09:33,864 --> 00:09:35,704
And up till now, I've sucked at it!

163
00:09:35,783 --> 00:09:38,083
The mayor's probably fucking me over
as we speak.

164
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:40,580
Selling Mohican wasn't my idea!

165
00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:43,293
But you didn't warn us about it either,
you fucking asshole!

166
00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:47,004
I tried to save the company,
but we weren't in profit!

167
00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:51,166
I scrimped and saved. I cut down
on the engine maintenance budget.

168
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:01,175
This stop, Rustland General Hospital.

169
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,267
Finally.

170
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:05,730
Where's the hospital?

171
00:10:05,813 --> 00:10:07,153
That corner, make a right,

172
00:10:07,231 --> 00:10:10,481
three-and-half blocks, you're there.
Next stop, Hobo Camp!

173
00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:13,671
Ah, there's no reason to panic.

174
00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:16,368
We still have
two pretty good engines and...

175
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,659
Brace for thunder smog!

176
00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:28,745
- Get it off me! Get it off me!
- I can't! Gordon's got a mind of his own!

177
00:10:28,836 --> 00:10:31,206
Fuck you
for making me die like this!

178
00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:37,268
We made it.

179
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,930
Oh, God. We're still alive.

180
00:10:41,098 --> 00:10:42,928
All right, am I the only one with a boner?

181
00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:44,317
Get the fuck off me!

182
00:10:44,518 --> 00:10:46,758
It's not
the most romantic basement in the world,

183
00:10:46,782 --> 00:10:49,524
but I can set the mood
with some birthday candles.

184
00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:53,317
It won't matter. Once I take
my glasses off, I can't see anything.

185
00:10:53,402 --> 00:10:55,032
You are so foxy.

186
00:10:58,032 --> 00:11:00,452
Kevin! Hey!

187
00:11:00,534 --> 00:11:01,914
Aw, it's good to see you.

188
00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:04,464
I'm Vic, you must be song-about girl.

189
00:11:04,538 --> 00:11:06,578
Vic, yeah, we were...

190
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:10,996
We were actually just gonna go watch
some TV. For school.

191
00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:14,090
Oh, yeah, there's
some groovy stuff on these days.

192
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:16,183
Have you see that dolphin show?

193
00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:19,548
It's just like the one with the bear
that rides around on the airboat.

194
00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:21,847
That bear is
about ten times better-looking

195
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:23,231
than the little boy on the show.

196
00:11:23,265 --> 00:11:27,435
If I had a son that ugly, I'd want a bear
hanging around the house to look at too.

197
00:11:30,022 --> 00:11:33,692
Hey, listen, I just want to tell you
I'm sorry about how I acted yesterday.

198
00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:36,566
It's okay. I forgive you.
Could you move, please?

199
00:11:37,571 --> 00:11:38,571
Hey there!

200
00:11:38,614 --> 00:11:40,034
What the hell, Mr. Goomer?

201
00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:41,696
Ah, thank God you're here.

202
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:44,204
I was waiting to tell you that, uh...

203
00:11:44,286 --> 00:11:46,246
your mom went to the hospital
to have the baby.

204
00:11:46,789 --> 00:11:48,329
My mom is at the hospital?

205
00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:50,996
And that's why I was down here
sniffing your combs.

206
00:11:51,919 --> 00:11:53,669
- This one's good.
- Holy shit!

207
00:11:53,754 --> 00:11:56,174
And my dad's not here.
I have to get to her.

208
00:11:56,257 --> 00:12:00,427
I'll take you, man. Anything for my Kev.
Come on, let's get in the Vic-mobile!

209
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:04,562
You're strange.

210
00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:07,732
I'm Goomer.

211
00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:10,812
You're gonna make it.

212
00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:12,436
You're almost there.

213
00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:14,863
- Hey, fatty, why are you so fat?
- Get away from me.

214
00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:16,822
What'd you do, eat a whole person?

215
00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:18,661
Fuck off!

216
00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:22,451
Ow, I scraped my knee!

217
00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:24,583
Oh, are you hurt?

218
00:12:24,660 --> 00:12:26,950
There's a hospital two blocks that way.

219
00:12:27,037 --> 00:12:30,747
You can walk there, you little shit.

220
00:12:34,962 --> 00:12:37,672
Ah, folks, if you look out
of the right side of the plane,

221
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:40,587
you'll see the engine fire is dying down.

222
00:12:40,676 --> 00:12:42,466
And the Monongahela River.

223
00:12:42,553 --> 00:12:44,103
As an apology for our troubles,

224
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:47,140
please accept a voucher
for a free flight on Mohican

225
00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:51,904
- for as long as our silver eagles soar.
- They're selling the company.

226
00:12:51,979 --> 00:12:54,689
Aw, Christ, why am I always
the last to know?

227
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,904
They don't tell me anything.
Fuck this airline.

228
00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:59,033
Give all the vouchers out.

229
00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:01,028
First time almost dying, huh?

230
00:13:01,655 --> 00:13:03,235
Second or third for me.

231
00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:06,414
I'll tell you, the older you get,
the more you wish it happens.

232
00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:13,628
Oh, son of a bitch! I have to find
a way to fuck that mayor.

233
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:18,211
I can't believe we're the last of the guys
who will work for this airline.

234
00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:20,047
I promise you this.

235
00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:24,762
If there's a chance to save Mohican,
I'll do whatever I can.

236
00:13:24,845 --> 00:13:27,635
- Will you, really?
- Of course not!

237
00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:32,733
I'm gonna buy a boat!
I'm so selfish.

238
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:36,652
It's only a matter of time
before I get fat again.

239
00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:39,322
I can't stop eating!

240
00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:44,741
It's like God doesn't want me
to be able to hide.

241
00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:51,039
I'm a terrible person.

242
00:13:51,121 --> 00:13:52,711
Yes, you are.

243
00:13:53,374 --> 00:13:56,544
But... and, you know, this might be
the almost-dying talking here,

244
00:13:56,627 --> 00:13:59,627
- but, uh... I forgive you.
- You do?

245
00:13:59,713 --> 00:14:02,343
You don't try to be
a miserable piece of shit.

246
00:14:02,424 --> 00:14:06,604
You're human. You do your best.
That's all any of us can do.

247
00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:08,009
Thanks, Frank.

248
00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:10,847
A miserable piece of shit
who can't change.

249
00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:15,102
Does that sound
like anyone else you know, Frank?

250
00:14:16,772 --> 00:14:18,652
Jesus Christ, that's my dad.

251
00:14:18,732 --> 00:14:20,992
I was talking about you,
you fucking chooch.

252
00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:25,199
Oh, my God. I've just been
holding onto this anger at my dad,

253
00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:26,581
and what good did it do?

254
00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:28,499
I have to let this go.

255
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:31,704
And it took a part-time pornographer
to point it out.

256
00:14:31,787 --> 00:14:32,997
You're welcome.

257
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:34,500
I feel so much better.

258
00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:37,171
I'll tell you, Father Pat was right.

259
00:14:37,751 --> 00:14:40,671
The only way to find peace
is through forgiveness.

260
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:44,011
Watch the road, you ditzy twat!

261
00:14:44,091 --> 00:14:46,721
Blow it out your ass!

262
00:14:47,177 --> 00:14:48,967
You goddamn ingrate.

263
00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:50,894
Waits till I get over 70 to punch me.

264
00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:55,353
Ooh, if I was 60, he'd be hiding from me
like a dog who shit in the house.

265
00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:58,056
I'll get him.
Ooh, I'll get him good.

266
00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:05,107
I think the acid just kicked in.

267
00:15:05,195 --> 00:15:06,815
There's a pregnant lady on a bike!

268
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,816
Okay, the acid hasn't kicked in.

269
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,368
Are you all right, ma'am?

270
00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:13,290
Please get this thing out of me.

271
00:15:13,370 --> 00:15:17,040
Don't you worry.
You're at the best hospital in the state.

272
00:15:17,124 --> 00:15:19,844
We got a lady with a bike stuck in her!

273
00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:28,135
Come on, Rat!
Step on that overgrown ass-baby's throat!

274
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,812
What is this shit?

275
00:15:35,225 --> 00:15:38,435
Why didn't you hit that big moron
like I told you to?

276
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:39,400
I... I...

277
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:43,820
Oh, don't you pussy out on me now.
Take him down, or you're off the team!

278
00:15:55,704 --> 00:15:57,834
Ow!

279
00:15:57,915 --> 00:15:59,215
I hate kids.

280
00:15:59,875 --> 00:16:01,285
You're ejected!

281
00:16:01,835 --> 00:16:03,795
What the fuck was that?

282
00:16:03,879 --> 00:16:06,129
What am I supposed to do without my Rat?

283
00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:11,295
Coach, you've had the best rat
right under your nose this whole time.

284
00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:13,597
I'm surprised you didn't smell him.

285
00:16:13,681 --> 00:16:15,681
Jimmy Fitzsimmons?

286
00:16:16,892 --> 00:16:19,192
I could hurt kids, Papa.

287
00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:24,322
I can't remember
the last time I cried sober.

288
00:16:25,859 --> 00:16:31,199
Jimmy, from now on,
this C stands for "son."

289
00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:49,933
Whoa! Ah!

290
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,309
Yeah!

291
00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:03,519
Come on, people, prep the birthing room!

292
00:17:03,605 --> 00:17:06,275
I need a bite rag and some shackles!

293
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:09,988
- Get your filthy medicine away from her!
- They really ought to let us carry guns.

294
00:17:10,070 --> 00:17:13,410
- Samantha?
- You again? Stay out of our way.

295
00:17:13,490 --> 00:17:17,490
This lady's about to get
a hundred cc's of the goof juice.

296
00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:19,578
I am her womb Sherpa,

297
00:17:19,663 --> 00:17:22,963
and she's having this baby naturally,
even if it kills her.

298
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:26,342
Enough! I'm through doing
what other people tell me to do.

299
00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:28,380
I got here today without any help,

300
00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:30,804
and I don't need you two maniacs
right now.

301
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:33,053
This isn't your baby or your baby.

302
00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:36,425
It's my baby and my body,
and I will do it my fucking way.

303
00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:38,433
Oh, this seems like a fun day
to start here.

304
00:17:38,515 --> 00:17:41,345
Doctor, I want to be awake
when my baby is born,

305
00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:43,645
but I also want to take
a whole lot of painkillers.

306
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:46,899
Absolutely, yes, of course.
Just don't hurt me.

307
00:17:48,692 --> 00:17:51,862
You know, it's really fucked up
that Jimmy Fitzsimmons

308
00:17:51,945 --> 00:17:54,695
had to show us what a normal family is.

309
00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:56,332
We're not that bad, are we?

310
00:17:56,408 --> 00:18:00,578
Come out and face your father
like a man, Francine!

311
00:18:00,662 --> 00:18:01,962
Uh... yes.

312
00:18:01,997 --> 00:18:05,377
I got something to say to you, tough guy!

313
00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:07,289
- Grandpa?
- Oh.

314
00:18:07,377 --> 00:18:10,337
Uh... Hey, kids. Uh...

315
00:18:10,422 --> 00:18:14,382
I'm just here to give your dad
an early Christmas present.

316
00:18:14,468 --> 00:18:15,588
He's in Cleveland.

317
00:18:15,677 --> 00:18:20,137
Yeah, so you can't hit him
with his Christmas present just yet.

318
00:18:20,224 --> 00:18:22,184
Holy shit.

319
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:26,515
You know, man, I think I just got
so crazy about your band

320
00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:29,975
'cause, you know, the truth is
I have an emptiness in my life

321
00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:34,197
that I was trying to fill with music
and drugs and musical drugs.

322
00:18:35,697 --> 00:18:39,447
That's a game where, when the music stops,
you do drugs.

323
00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:42,285
Vic, not now, okay? I have to see my mom!

324
00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:44,411
Not with that attitude you won't!

325
00:18:44,498 --> 00:18:46,748
Go take a seat
with the rest of the bleeders.

326
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:50,754
Hey! My mom is about to have a baby,
and she's all by herself.

327
00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:53,298
But I am here. I am 15 years old,

328
00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:56,932
and I should totally be having sex
with my girlfriend right now.

329
00:18:57,010 --> 00:18:58,220
But I am not!

330
00:18:58,303 --> 00:19:01,013
My balls are bluer than the sky!

331
00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:05,938
So let me see my mom,
you shriveled-up old lady dildo!

332
00:19:06,019 --> 00:19:10,109
Ah, let me guess, another Murphy.

333
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:13,823
- Oh, I hope I'm not too late.
- Drive like the wind, Frank.

334
00:19:13,902 --> 00:19:16,532
And if you're stopped by the police,
don't panic.

335
00:19:16,613 --> 00:19:18,073
You're white!

336
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,664
I'm gonna get down to City Hall

337
00:19:20,742 --> 00:19:24,252
and show that mayor I can beat him
at his own game.

338
00:19:25,497 --> 00:19:29,247
I'm gonna go find a way
to save this airline.

339
00:19:30,127 --> 00:19:34,507
And I'm gonna do some poppers
and try to suck my own cock.

340
00:19:35,465 --> 00:19:36,765
Wish me luck.

341
00:19:37,801 --> 00:19:39,761
Mom! Am I an uncle yet?

342
00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:43,015
- Not yet. Is your dad here?
- No.

343
00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:47,896
Your father's gonna miss another one.

344
00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:50,608
I don't know what to do.
I flunked home ec.

345
00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:52,859
I couldn't figure out
how to put on the apron.

346
00:19:52,941 --> 00:19:55,321
You'll be fine.
Just... Just help her relax.

347
00:19:55,402 --> 00:20:00,492
- I don't know how to do that.
- No, but I bet Maui Mike does.

348
00:20:06,079 --> 00:20:08,869
♪ I'm Mr. Chilled-Out Guy ♪

349
00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:12,495
♪ Easy breezy sailing guy ♪

350
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:17,303
♪ Catamarans go cruising by ♪

351
00:20:21,136 --> 00:20:24,306
♪ That's why they call me ♪

352
00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:27,769
♪ Mr. Chilled-Out Guy ♪

353
00:20:27,851 --> 00:20:29,151
You're a good son.

354
00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:32,937
Look how grown-up you are.

355
00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:34,323
Thanks, Mom.

356
00:20:34,483 --> 00:20:35,943
And I'm here for you.

357
00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:38,066
I'm not gonna leave your side.

358
00:20:38,153 --> 00:20:40,823
You do know where this baby's
gonna come out, right?

359
00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:43,236
Oh, gross. I'll see you in a little bit.

360
00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:46,658
Sounds like you made your mom feel better.

361
00:20:46,745 --> 00:20:48,865
That's because you make me feel better.

362
00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:52,462
Hey, there you are. Okay, where was I?

363
00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:54,462
I was trying to fill a void in my soul...

364
00:20:54,544 --> 00:20:57,174
Vic! Look, you don't have
to explain yourself.

365
00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:59,416
It's okay. It really is.

366
00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:01,178
Your life isn't empty.

367
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:04,010
You're Vic Reynolds.
Nobody else can say that.

368
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:05,556
Thanks, man. Hey,

369
00:21:05,639 --> 00:21:08,769
you want to get some soft-serve
in the cafeteria? My treat.

370
00:21:08,850 --> 00:21:11,690
They got the kind
where the two flavors swirl.

371
00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:15,900
Thanks, Vic, but if you don't mind,
Alice and I want some privacy.

372
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:23,120
Well, Vic, it finally happened.
Teenagers don't think you're cool anymore.

373
00:21:24,032 --> 00:21:25,622
You're all alone.

374
00:21:26,243 --> 00:21:28,043
Never should've left the seminary.

375
00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:32,460
We're here to see Sue Murphy,
and we don't want any of your...

376
00:21:32,541 --> 00:21:35,461
Go. Delivery room one.

377
00:21:35,544 --> 00:21:40,554
If I can't drug a woman
into a delirious stupor, what's the point?

378
00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:43,837
Grandpa, you shouldn't be here.

379
00:21:43,927 --> 00:21:45,347
Why don't you go home?

380
00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:47,809
We don't want another fight breaking out
if Dad shows up.

381
00:21:47,889 --> 00:21:49,979
Your father started that fight,
and I just...

382
00:21:50,058 --> 00:21:51,358
I saw it.

383
00:21:51,393 --> 00:21:54,653
You were the one that made him mad.
And then you told him to punch you.

384
00:21:54,730 --> 00:21:57,400
I don't know what you did to our dad
when you were his dad,

385
00:21:57,482 --> 00:22:00,152
but you really messed him up.

386
00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:09,449
Friday Night Girlfriend is in the lead.

387
00:22:09,536 --> 00:22:11,826
Next Month's Rent is coming up fast.

388
00:22:11,913 --> 00:22:17,043
Oh, Little Timmy's College Fund
mysteriously broke his leg.

389
00:22:17,127 --> 00:22:21,167
And it's Rosie, from out of nowhere,
for the win.

390
00:22:21,256 --> 00:22:25,926
Mr. Mayor, you just lost
your seventh vote for that dog track.

391
00:22:26,011 --> 00:22:28,351
But it's not all bad news.

392
00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:30,930
- I got you a library card.
- Who flipped?

393
00:22:31,016 --> 00:22:35,646
Somebody who likes to fly down
to visit his mistress in Fort Lauderdale.

394
00:22:36,438 --> 00:22:39,018
Frozen steaks, flight vouchers.

395
00:22:39,107 --> 00:22:41,737
Ooh, I love serving the public.

396
00:22:41,818 --> 00:22:44,488
So I guess you think
you're the big dog now.

397
00:22:44,571 --> 00:22:47,491
No. I'm a junkyard dog.

398
00:22:47,574 --> 00:22:49,954
You win. For now.

399
00:22:50,035 --> 00:22:51,035
For good.

400
00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:53,249
- We'll see.
- We saw.

401
00:22:56,583 --> 00:23:00,133
I'm Frank Murphy. I want to see my wife,
and I'm not taking any shit from...

402
00:23:00,796 --> 00:23:01,626
Where's Beatrice?

403
00:23:04,716 --> 00:23:07,216
I raised him
the best I knew for the times.

404
00:23:08,178 --> 00:23:11,258
Was I perfect? No. But I...

405
00:23:12,682 --> 00:23:15,812
Oh, Christ, I really fucked him up.

406
00:23:16,478 --> 00:23:19,358
I just could never admit it.
Not even to myself.

407
00:23:19,439 --> 00:23:22,609
You did what you could. Like all of us.

408
00:23:23,151 --> 00:23:28,621
I truly thought a nurse's job
was to pass judgment on the sick.

409
00:23:28,698 --> 00:23:31,738
All this time there's been
something missing in my life.

410
00:23:31,827 --> 00:23:34,957
I have nothing with real meaning.
I... And I never knew it.

411
00:23:35,038 --> 00:23:38,458
Don't blame yourself.
Men weren't designed to have depth.

412
00:23:38,542 --> 00:23:41,132
Yeah, God is a fucker.

413
00:23:41,586 --> 00:23:44,006
- I'm looking for my wife.
- Right in here, pal.

414
00:23:45,966 --> 00:23:47,926
Jesus Christ! Get me out of here!

415
00:23:48,009 --> 00:23:49,759
Back! Back, all of youse!

416
00:23:50,804 --> 00:23:52,184
Sue! Where are you?

417
00:23:52,973 --> 00:23:54,563
Good to see you, Frank.

418
00:23:54,641 --> 00:23:57,141
I see the two-headed baby told you
about my back surgery

419
00:23:57,227 --> 00:23:59,977
after Goliath the elephant
tossed me through that storefront.

420
00:24:00,063 --> 00:24:02,363
That elephant is stronger
than he looks, Frank.

421
00:24:02,441 --> 00:24:04,821
That's because he's an African elephant
and not Indian.

422
00:24:04,901 --> 00:24:06,541
Bet you didn't know that, Frank, did you?

423
00:24:06,565 --> 00:24:09,185
Will you stop saying my fucking name?
I got to go!

424
00:24:09,781 --> 00:24:11,081
Dad!

425
00:24:11,116 --> 00:24:13,076
I don't want to see your face
when I have a boner!

426
00:24:13,168 --> 00:24:15,838
If I have a grandkid that's
nine months younger than my next kid,

427
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:17,660
I guarantee you, I will kill you.

428
00:24:19,749 --> 00:24:21,169
Nice to see you again, Alice.

429
00:24:25,630 --> 00:24:29,090
Ah, shit, I think that plane crashed.
This is hell, isn't it?

430
00:24:29,176 --> 00:24:31,506
Son, I'm... I'm so sorry for...

431
00:24:31,595 --> 00:24:33,555
Dad, it's okay.

432
00:24:33,638 --> 00:24:38,098
No, you don't understand.
I have so much to say to you.

433
00:24:38,185 --> 00:24:41,935
I was ready to bust you open
with a tire iron today. I...

434
00:24:42,022 --> 00:24:45,982
I had worked it all out in my head,
what I was gonna tell the police...

435
00:24:46,067 --> 00:24:48,027
Dad! Mom's down the hall.

436
00:24:48,111 --> 00:24:50,451
Pop, I got to go.
But we can do this later.

437
00:24:50,530 --> 00:24:53,370
I'll see you in a bit.
And I'll see you in hell.

438
00:24:54,701 --> 00:24:56,201
I'm coming, Sue!

439
00:24:56,703 --> 00:25:01,253
How could a nice gentleman like you
raise such an asshole?

440
00:25:01,333 --> 00:25:03,083
Beatrice, we need you
in delivery room two.

441
00:25:03,168 --> 00:25:05,888
There's a woman going into labor,
and she's demanding twilight sleep.

442
00:25:05,912 --> 00:25:09,089
Ooh-hoo-hoo! It's Bea's time to shine!

443
00:25:09,174 --> 00:25:12,144
Oh, no, you don't, you angel of death!

444
00:25:14,804 --> 00:25:17,274
Put all the drugs inside me!

445
00:25:17,349 --> 00:25:18,679
Hey, that sounds like...

446
00:25:22,187 --> 00:25:25,397
Wait a second,
I know that stretched-out yow-yow.

447
00:25:25,482 --> 00:25:26,612
Hey, Vic.

448
00:25:28,318 --> 00:25:30,028
Ooh, this is a little awkward, huh?

449
00:25:30,111 --> 00:25:32,611
- Karen?
- Now you know my name?

450
00:25:32,697 --> 00:25:34,157
It says it on your chart.

451
00:25:34,241 --> 00:25:36,621
This baby's yours, and I'm not keeping it.

452
00:25:36,701 --> 00:25:40,331
I'm this close to being assistant manager
at the reindeer rental center.

453
00:25:40,413 --> 00:25:43,833
You're having my baby?
And you're sure it's mine?

454
00:25:43,917 --> 00:25:46,587
You're the only guy I've been with
that didn't wear a condom.

455
00:25:46,670 --> 00:25:49,130
You know I'm allergic to it
when it doesn't feel good.

456
00:25:52,759 --> 00:25:53,759
Are you okay?

457
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:57,560
Oh, cutie pie,
you beautiful, cheating-ass bitch,

458
00:25:57,639 --> 00:26:00,019
you've given me a reason to live again.

459
00:26:00,517 --> 00:26:02,387
I think my heart just came.

460
00:26:04,479 --> 00:26:08,569
Sue, I made it in time.
Ah, thank God you were in labor all day!

461
00:26:09,276 --> 00:26:11,196
That didn't come out right.
You know what I mean.

462
00:26:11,220 --> 00:26:13,480
Oh, Frank, you're here.

463
00:26:14,030 --> 00:26:15,330
I never should've left.

464
00:26:16,157 --> 00:26:19,827
Sue, I swear to you,
I'm not gonna fuck up this kid.

465
00:26:19,911 --> 00:26:23,001
Starting now, I'm gonna be
a better husband. I am gonna...

466
00:26:23,081 --> 00:26:25,961
Two-and-a-half pine cones!

467
00:26:41,016 --> 00:26:44,346
Kids, you're gonna be babysitting
this little girl for free

468
00:26:44,436 --> 00:26:45,806
for the next ten years.

469
00:26:45,895 --> 00:26:47,105
This is your family.

470
00:26:47,188 --> 00:26:48,488
- Oh!
- Cool!

471
00:26:48,565 --> 00:26:50,975
- Ah.
- Aw. Hi, baby.

472
00:26:51,067 --> 00:26:53,147
Oh, my God, she has no arms!

473
00:26:53,236 --> 00:26:56,816
This is your brother Kevin.
You'll be smarter than him in two weeks.

474
00:26:58,074 --> 00:26:58,914
That's true.

475
00:26:58,992 --> 00:27:02,412
Just to let you know,
we're a pretty messed-up family, okay?

476
00:27:02,495 --> 00:27:03,795
But we stick together.

477
00:27:04,456 --> 00:27:08,456
Come on, my little angel, there's someone
in the chapel who wants to meet you.

478
00:27:09,210 --> 00:27:11,760
Dad, your granddaughter's here.

479
00:27:11,838 --> 00:27:15,008
Oh, this is your grandpa.
He's a hell of a guy.

480
00:27:15,091 --> 00:27:18,011
Did you know
he could sell snowballs to Eskimos?

481
00:27:18,970 --> 00:27:20,270
Right, Dad?

482
00:27:22,557 --> 00:27:25,347
Oh, here we go.

483
00:27:25,435 --> 00:27:26,895
Here we go for what?

484
00:27:27,729 --> 00:27:29,029
Dad?

485
00:27:29,898 --> 00:27:31,198
Dad?

486
00:27:32,859 --> 00:27:34,359
Dad! Dad!

487
00:27:34,986 --> 00:27:38,616
♪ Oh, my papa ♪

488
00:27:39,449 --> 00:27:44,659
♪ To me, he was so wonderful ♪

489
00:27:44,746 --> 00:27:49,166
♪ Oh, my papa ♪

490
00:27:49,250 --> 00:27:53,880
♪ To me, he was so good ♪

491
00:27:54,381 --> 00:27:58,841
♪ No one could be ♪

492
00:27:58,927 --> 00:28:04,057
♪ So gentle and so lovable ♪

493
00:28:04,140 --> 00:28:08,810
♪ Oh, my papa ♪

494
00:28:08,895 --> 00:28:13,065
♪ He always understood ♪

495
00:28:16,403 --> 00:28:18,363
Never should've left the seminary.