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Some people use it, like,
to settle their stomach. If you...
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Happy Father's Day, mothers!
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- Hey.
- Hi, hi, hi.
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- Oh, you made bruschetta?
- Hi, lovely.
5
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- I'm making bruschetta.
- Oh, hey there, Sunny.
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My ex is with Hiya's ex. This is Hiya.
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- Oh, hi.
- Uh, Chaya.
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- Chaya.
- Hiya.
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Chaya. It's a hard C-H.
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Hard. Like, uh,
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challah French toast. Chaya.
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Hiya.
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I can't with these shiksas.
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Hiya just got separated, too.
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- Our husbands work together.
- Ex-husbands.
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- Ex-husband. Get used to saying it.
- No.
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I'm not saying it.
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He's just having a moment.
He's coming back.
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I got to believe he's coming back.
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That's what I thought in the beginning.
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- Ha!
- Okay,
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- just reminding everyone.
- Yeah, right. Exactly.
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Lesbian. Single mom.
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Every mom is a single mom.
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No, no. Real single mom,
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not divorced single mom.
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Stop bragging.
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So, where are your kids?
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- Jeff took them camping.
- Mmm.
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His mantra is to be the
best dad and ex-husband
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he possibly can be.
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That's so annoying.
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Wait, why?
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Why? Why?
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Because of the years.
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Do you know how many years we spent
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sitting at the kitchen table
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with you crying over him
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and me begging for you to leave him?
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Five years.
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Five.
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Five years.
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You were tortured, and now that
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he's not your problem anymore,
he's amazing.
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I know. It's crazy,
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but we're really happier
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than we ever have been,
and we're working on being
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the best exes we can be to each other.
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- Why is that...?
- That's-that's great.
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Good for you, I guess. I just...
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I just can't ever do
something like that.
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That's not...
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That's big.
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Oh.
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This is happening because of you.
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You got me through the dark days.
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Oh, man.
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It's my job.
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Don't forget, okay?
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Never forget.
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Damn. I wanted to
be like Jennifer Garner.
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She's the number one best
ex-wife in the world.
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She's so pretty. She cooks.
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- You cook.
- How does she get over it?
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He shtups the nanny,
he breaks his sobriety,
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she jumps in the car,
she drives him to rehab,
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and now they all go on vacations
together with the kids.
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I'm gonna be sick.
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And she composts and makes her own honey
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and probably mead and...
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I love her hair.
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Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
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We were having a honeymoon of a divorce.
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We were gonna handle
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the whole thing
ourselves on the Internet.
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- Okay. This is mediators.
- Mediators. But I'm gonna...
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- But we-we can do it online.
- Mediators are here. Lawyers... Yeah.
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What are we gonna do with our rings?
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- I guess I never got that far.
- Hock them.
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We can hock them, yeah.
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We were gonna live, like, on a compound
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and raise the girls together.
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Then his mother got into his head.
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He's ready for you.
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So,
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you're LeBron, and this is the key.
87
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But you can't get through,
you can't get through.
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So what do you do?
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Basketball not your sport?
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How's this? Divorce...
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is like hockey.
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You have face-offs and fights,
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goals, heroes, villains.
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But the kids are the puck.
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Can we do soccer?
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I don't know soccer.
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Let me make this easy.
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You make more money than he does.
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So?
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So, in the words of the
immortal Jim Morrison,
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come on, baby, settle.
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Let's settle.
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And I've been paying ever since.
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Did I tell you that Tom
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now refers to his 25-year-old girlfriend
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- as his soul mate?
- Ew.
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How fun is that.
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So, when he was 30, a baby was born
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with part of his soul,
and now he has sex with it?
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Yeah.
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Someone please tell me why the hell
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she'd want to be with him.
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He has a cyst on his left testicle
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that swells in the heat.
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He has to constantly ice
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his old balls in the summer.
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- No!
- I'm eating.
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I cannot wait till he has
his second family after 60.
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I hope they're twins,
and I hope that maybe
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coaching all their sports
and shit will kill him.
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Baruch Hashem.
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- Baruch Hashem.
- Baruch Hashem.
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- Baruch Hashem.
- Cheers to that.
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Least you know why he left.
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Yeah, Richard swears up and
down it's not another woman.
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I don't even understand what happened.
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I thought we were happy.
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And I don't know how
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- I'm gonna live without him.
- Oh, baby.
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Oh, man.
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Okay. Circle.
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Do you want a Xanax?
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Yes, I do.
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- How many?
- Three.
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- Good.
- Is that all?
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The doctor is in.
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Widows are so lucky.
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Sam.
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- I'm just saying.
- We don't all hate them. Stop.
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What?
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You know, Ari wasn't perfect.
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And to be fair,
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I was the one who cheated on him.
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Thank God we ended it before
it went too far south.
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Did you know the whole time
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that he was gay?
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Gay?
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Ari's not gay.
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No, I know.
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This kills me.
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I got to tell you this
before he gets here.
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Tom wants to know
what brand of sheets I buy.
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- What?
- This dude.
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Does he want me to, like,
put roses on his pillows
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before he gets home to go to bed?
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- You're not texting him back.
- But then I'm a dick
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because I'm icing him
out on Father's Day.
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- I like it.
- Ice his balls.
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Ice his balls, baby.
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Ugh, can we stop talking about balls?
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Yeah.
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Wait a second. Wait a second.
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He's coming here?
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He's dropping off the twins.
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Okay. The fun never stops,
even when we get rid of him.
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Hey, Sam.
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Hi.
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- Smells good in here.
- Thank you.
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Are you staying?
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I know you like hanging
out at lady gatherings.
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Just dropping off the kids.
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On Father's Day.
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Nice.
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I spent the entire day with them.
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W-Was that a whole four hours
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with your own kids?
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Impressive. Hmm.
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You've always been gunning for me.
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Wh-What is your problem?
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You're a terrible husband.
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How do you know?
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Lala tells me everything.
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She does?
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Mm-hmm.
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Did she tell you how
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when the twins were born,
she got so depressed
187
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she could barely take care of them?
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I-I know about that.
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That was... that was hard.
190
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Yeah. Uh, yeah.
191
00:07:52,853 --> 00:07:54,875
That-that was hard, Sam.
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Do you know that when her mom died,
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she just never bounced back?
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That I begged her to get help,
but she refused?
195
00:08:02,810 --> 00:08:06,024
And do you know she hasn't
let me touch her in two years?
196
00:08:06,571 --> 00:08:08,516
She tell you that?
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00:08:11,596 --> 00:08:14,979
Yes, I finally called it,
198
00:08:15,004 --> 00:08:17,172
but this has been a long time coming.
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00:08:17,657 --> 00:08:19,985
You may not like me, and that's fine,
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but you have no idea what my story is,
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00:08:22,932 --> 00:08:26,101
and you have no right to
judge someone else's marriage.
202
00:08:29,583 --> 00:08:31,782
You've been divorced a long time now.
203
00:08:31,807 --> 00:08:34,336
- Don't you worry?
- About what?
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00:08:34,361 --> 00:08:36,064
Your bitterness.
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You're getting brittle and hard.
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00:08:39,459 --> 00:08:42,024
It's not a good look on you, Sam.
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Yeah, well, at least
I don't have to ice my balls
208
00:08:50,986 --> 00:08:52,988
when it's hot outside!
209
00:09:02,463 --> 00:09:05,026
- Okay.
- Are you okay?
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00:09:05,051 --> 00:09:07,109
Yeah, I was gonna walk and see you.
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00:09:07,134 --> 00:09:09,696
- Pretty good, so I won't move around.
- Yeah.
212
00:09:09,721 --> 00:09:12,664
We got married when we were 18.
213
00:09:13,407 --> 00:09:19,000
At 21, he started being very,
very mean to me.
214
00:09:19,428 --> 00:09:21,930
But... in those days,
215
00:09:21,955 --> 00:09:23,391
you didn't get divorced.
216
00:09:23,416 --> 00:09:26,102
So you stayed together
until you were 90?
217
00:09:26,127 --> 00:09:28,422
You know, it seemed the best thing to do
218
00:09:28,447 --> 00:09:32,251
would be just to stay
there and not leave.
219
00:09:32,276 --> 00:09:36,164
And, uh, I was, I was going
to be dying soon anyway.
220
00:09:36,189 --> 00:09:38,446
And so was he.
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00:09:38,471 --> 00:09:41,430
But when we both turned 90,
222
00:09:41,455 --> 00:09:44,558
I just had had enough.
223
00:09:45,212 --> 00:09:46,781
So...
224
00:09:47,319 --> 00:09:49,305
I left him.
225
00:09:49,330 --> 00:09:53,033
And that was 17 years ago.
226
00:09:53,058 --> 00:09:55,906
And these have been the happiest
227
00:09:55,931 --> 00:10:00,241
17 years of my entire life.
228
00:10:01,906 --> 00:10:03,530
All right, Pearl!
229
00:10:03,564 --> 00:10:04,930
Thatta girl.
230
00:10:04,955 --> 00:10:06,524
Okay, baby!
231
00:10:08,260 --> 00:10:09,822
Did you get all that?
232
00:10:10,738 --> 00:10:12,610
Isn't she great?
233
00:10:18,015 --> 00:10:21,750
I am the patron saint
of divorced children.
234
00:10:22,153 --> 00:10:25,590
And if you have any questions,
you ask me.
235
00:10:25,615 --> 00:10:27,836
I'm here to give you free legal advice.
236
00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:29,530
Now, if the divorce is new,
237
00:10:29,555 --> 00:10:31,756
there's gonna be a honeymoon period.
238
00:10:31,781 --> 00:10:33,000
Ziva?
239
00:10:33,025 --> 00:10:34,571
What's a honeymoon period?
240
00:10:34,596 --> 00:10:36,524
Well, it's not an actual honeymoon,
241
00:10:36,549 --> 00:10:37,951
but it's when the...
242
00:10:38,094 --> 00:10:39,295
What, Andi?
243
00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:42,039
I haven't gotten my period yet.
244
00:10:43,401 --> 00:10:45,838
Womp, womp, womp.
245
00:10:47,877 --> 00:10:50,305
♪ He talks about you in his sleep ♪
246
00:10:50,330 --> 00:10:52,554
♪ There's nothing I can do to keep ♪
247
00:10:52,579 --> 00:10:54,766
♪ From crying when he calls ♪
248
00:10:54,791 --> 00:10:57,578
♪ Your name, Jolene ♪
249
00:10:57,603 --> 00:11:01,516
♪ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene ♪
250
00:11:01,541 --> 00:11:04,375
♪ Jolene ♪
251
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:07,891
♪ I'm begging of you,
please don't take my man ♪
252
00:11:07,916 --> 00:11:09,578
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
253
00:11:09,603 --> 00:11:14,100
♪ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene ♪
254
00:11:14,125 --> 00:11:17,289
♪ Jolene, Jolene ♪
255
00:11:17,322 --> 00:11:21,305
♪ Please don't take him
just because you can ♪
256
00:11:21,330 --> 00:11:23,321
- ♪ Don't do it ♪
- ♪ Don't take him ♪
257
00:11:23,346 --> 00:11:26,172
- ♪ Don't take him away ♪
- ♪ Don't take him ♪
258
00:11:31,307 --> 00:11:32,656
♪ Jolene ♪
259
00:11:32,681 --> 00:11:35,102
♪ Jolene, Jolene ♪
260
00:11:35,127 --> 00:11:38,539
♪ Jolene... ♪
261
00:11:40,165 --> 00:11:41,270
Yes!
262
00:11:41,295 --> 00:11:42,750
Oh, my God.
263
00:11:42,775 --> 00:11:45,188
- That was beautiful.
- That was cathartic.
264
00:11:45,213 --> 00:11:47,522
Oh, that felt good!
265
00:11:47,547 --> 00:11:49,500
- Crossing over.
- How talented.
266
00:11:49,525 --> 00:11:52,360
- What about you?
- Not that talented.
267
00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:56,906
So who are you dating, Sam?
268
00:11:57,059 --> 00:11:59,063
What? Oh.
269
00:11:59,088 --> 00:12:00,256
No.
270
00:12:00,281 --> 00:12:02,217
I don't. I'm on a time-out.
271
00:12:02,242 --> 00:12:04,475
I don't play well with others.
272
00:12:04,500 --> 00:12:06,680
- All right.
- If this doesn't work out,
273
00:12:06,705 --> 00:12:10,042
I am going to have spend every
other Christmas totally alone.
274
00:12:10,067 --> 00:12:12,680
Well, you could always
come to my house and watch
275
00:12:12,705 --> 00:12:15,485
me and Murray fight with the
cat over the tinsel, huh?
276
00:12:15,510 --> 00:12:16,985
I'm getting a drink.
277
00:12:17,010 --> 00:12:18,235
Why, no?
278
00:12:18,260 --> 00:12:20,172
- No, you come to mine.
- You come to mine.
279
00:12:20,197 --> 00:12:22,274
- Or hers, see?
- All good.
280
00:12:22,299 --> 00:12:23,921
I think it's a good offer.
281
00:12:23,946 --> 00:12:26,482
Can I come to your house for Christmas?
282
00:12:27,758 --> 00:12:29,393
Done.
283
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,555
The title of my speech is called
284
00:12:32,580 --> 00:12:34,813
"Divorce: The Gift
that Keeps on Giving."
285
00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:36,751
Did you know that as
children of divorced families
286
00:12:36,775 --> 00:12:39,446
we're 50% as likely to grow
up and get divorced ourselves?
287
00:12:39,471 --> 00:12:41,680
So if you get divorced in your future,
288
00:12:41,705 --> 00:12:43,407
blame your mom and dad.
289
00:12:44,039 --> 00:12:47,149
Our next speaker is the
Fox family accountant,
290
00:12:47,174 --> 00:12:49,377
Mr. Rey Rodriguez.
291
00:12:50,447 --> 00:12:51,524
Hey, guys.
292
00:12:51,549 --> 00:12:54,709
Just a heads-up,
I was raised by a single mom.
293
00:12:54,734 --> 00:12:56,188
Never even knew my dad.
294
00:12:56,213 --> 00:12:58,249
- I don't know my dad, either.
- My man.
295
00:12:58,274 --> 00:13:00,742
That's what's up. Yeah.
296
00:13:00,925 --> 00:13:03,110
Okay, so as far as money goes,
297
00:13:03,135 --> 00:13:05,321
there's only a few things
you need to know right now.
298
00:13:05,346 --> 00:13:07,703
First of all, there's a simple rule
299
00:13:07,728 --> 00:13:11,571
called the 20-50-30, all right?
300
00:13:11,596 --> 00:13:13,133
Let's say you make a dollar.
301
00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:15,461
You save 20 cents,
302
00:13:15,486 --> 00:13:17,844
you spend 50 cents on something you need
303
00:13:17,869 --> 00:13:19,758
and 30 cents on something you want.
304
00:13:19,783 --> 00:13:21,610
- You.
- Do you have any tips
305
00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:25,203
of how to stop your mom
from crying all the time?
306
00:13:25,228 --> 00:13:27,094
Just give her a hug.
307
00:13:27,119 --> 00:13:28,921
Anybody here have a bank account?
308
00:13:28,946 --> 00:13:31,182
Because I came to talk about money.
309
00:13:31,207 --> 00:13:33,102
- We're kids.
- So what?
310
00:13:33,127 --> 00:13:35,284
You want to retire before you're 85?
311
00:13:35,309 --> 00:13:36,641
'Cause that shit's real.
312
00:13:40,774 --> 00:13:42,977
I can't wait till Murray
starts smoking weed
313
00:13:43,002 --> 00:13:45,500
- so I can stop hiding from him.
- Mm.
314
00:13:46,988 --> 00:13:49,344
Come here. I'm gonna shotgun you.
315
00:13:50,504 --> 00:13:52,227
Open your mouth.
316
00:13:59,119 --> 00:14:00,835
May I join you?
317
00:14:00,860 --> 00:14:02,289
What was that thing you were doing?
318
00:14:02,314 --> 00:14:03,803
Looked very fun.
319
00:14:03,828 --> 00:14:05,383
I'd like to try that.
320
00:14:05,408 --> 00:14:07,110
- Sure.
- Gran?
321
00:14:07,135 --> 00:14:09,164
Gran, let's go. Come on.
322
00:14:09,189 --> 00:14:11,020
You said we were
going somewhere special.
323
00:14:11,289 --> 00:14:13,280
Oh, bollocks.
324
00:14:38,363 --> 00:14:39,998
During the Shah's reign,
325
00:14:40,023 --> 00:14:42,469
the British-owned oil
industry was nationalized.
326
00:14:42,494 --> 00:14:44,196
That was his first mistake that he made
327
00:14:44,221 --> 00:14:46,046
that led to the revolution.
328
00:14:46,071 --> 00:14:47,842
I'm very impressed, miss.
329
00:14:47,867 --> 00:14:49,657
How do you know so much
about Persian history?
330
00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:52,660
Ubers... you see,
I like to talk to people.
331
00:14:52,685 --> 00:14:55,453
And 99% of the time,
they like to talk to me.
332
00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:58,039
There's so much to be learned
from Uber drivers about...
333
00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:01,696
Too much water.
334
00:15:01,721 --> 00:15:03,946
I asked for half a glass.
335
00:15:09,289 --> 00:15:10,906
Oh, my God, Nan!
336
00:15:10,931 --> 00:15:12,714
What?! It's a waste.
337
00:15:12,739 --> 00:15:15,063
Well, yeah, but now he has
to go and pour it out...
338
00:15:20,328 --> 00:15:21,977
Persian.
339
00:15:22,616 --> 00:15:25,186
They use that word to
distinguish themselves
340
00:15:25,211 --> 00:15:27,641
from the theocratic Iranians back home.
341
00:15:27,672 --> 00:15:28,696
It's nonsense.
342
00:15:28,721 --> 00:15:30,328
They should call themselves Iranians.
343
00:15:30,353 --> 00:15:33,266
Persia hasn't existed since 1935.
344
00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:40,992
So who wants to go next?
345
00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:01,492
"Dear Ari,
346
00:16:01,517 --> 00:16:04,272
"I am sorry I cheated on you.
347
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,094
"I just had to get out of the marriage.
348
00:16:06,119 --> 00:16:08,531
"I was so unhappy.
349
00:16:10,398 --> 00:16:14,202
"I don't think I ever loved you.
350
00:16:14,773 --> 00:16:16,804
"There was so much pressure put on me
351
00:16:16,829 --> 00:16:20,047
"by my family to get
married and have kids,
352
00:16:20,072 --> 00:16:21,908
"and you were kind and handsome,
353
00:16:21,933 --> 00:16:24,883
"and so I said yes without a thought.
354
00:16:24,908 --> 00:16:26,789
"Please forgive me.
355
00:16:26,814 --> 00:16:28,449
"I hope you find a woman
356
00:16:28,474 --> 00:16:32,219
who will love you and our kids."
357
00:16:46,859 --> 00:16:48,668
"Dear Richard,
358
00:16:48,693 --> 00:16:51,695
"Out of everyone in the world,
I chose you.
359
00:16:51,906 --> 00:16:55,555
"And in choosing you,
I wasn't only saying this is my man.
360
00:16:55,580 --> 00:16:58,086
"I was also saying
361
00:16:58,608 --> 00:17:00,570
"this is me.
362
00:17:01,856 --> 00:17:03,555
"I trust myself enough to know
363
00:17:03,580 --> 00:17:07,147
"what is right for me, what I need,
364
00:17:07,172 --> 00:17:09,705
"what I say yes to in life.
365
00:17:09,730 --> 00:17:11,833
"Marrying you was the
greatest validation
366
00:17:11,858 --> 00:17:14,528
"of the trust I have in myself.
367
00:17:14,553 --> 00:17:17,097
"Which is why this is so painful.
368
00:17:17,122 --> 00:17:18,680
"I question myself.
369
00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:20,609
"I don't trust myself anymore.
370
00:17:20,634 --> 00:17:22,953
"I've lost my compass.
371
00:17:25,219 --> 00:17:27,117
"I forgive you.
372
00:17:27,691 --> 00:17:30,287
"I do, and I'll never stop loving you.
373
00:17:30,312 --> 00:17:32,476
"But it's going to take a long time
374
00:17:32,501 --> 00:17:34,869
before I'll be able to forgive myself."
375
00:17:42,460 --> 00:17:44,172
"Tom,
376
00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:46,876
"I'm glad I finally found the courage
377
00:17:46,901 --> 00:17:50,787
"to move on from a relationship
that was going nowhere.
378
00:17:50,812 --> 00:17:54,125
"For the sake of myself and our kids.
379
00:17:54,729 --> 00:18:00,047
"I'm livid not only that
you moved on so fast,
380
00:18:00,072 --> 00:18:03,226
"but that it's with
someone that hasn't got
381
00:18:03,251 --> 00:18:07,601
"the physical, emotional
and neurological challenges
382
00:18:07,626 --> 00:18:09,133
"that I do.
383
00:18:09,430 --> 00:18:11,914
"Now your life will be so much easier,
384
00:18:11,939 --> 00:18:13,156
"and you won't have to face
385
00:18:13,181 --> 00:18:16,518
"all those disappointments
we've discussed for years.
386
00:18:17,445 --> 00:18:19,336
"But, hey...
387
00:18:19,361 --> 00:18:22,547
I just have to remind
myself that neither do I."
388
00:18:32,759 --> 00:18:35,350
"I will never forget watching
"The Matrix" with you
389
00:18:35,375 --> 00:18:37,837
"and being so worried
you wouldn't get it,
390
00:18:37,862 --> 00:18:39,182
but you did.
391
00:18:40,189 --> 00:18:42,728
"I remember loving you
so much at that moment.
392
00:18:42,753 --> 00:18:44,962
"Then we had some dark days.
393
00:18:44,987 --> 00:18:48,429
"I felt so unwanted, so rejected.
394
00:18:48,853 --> 00:18:50,789
"I know it was your insecurity,
395
00:18:50,814 --> 00:18:52,728
"but I just couldn't take it.
396
00:18:52,753 --> 00:18:55,868
"I don't know our future,
but I do know I'm glad
397
00:18:55,893 --> 00:18:57,923
- you are their dad."
- Oh.
398
00:18:57,948 --> 00:18:59,917
"I forgive you.
399
00:18:59,942 --> 00:19:02,378
Let us both live in our truth."
400
00:19:34,962 --> 00:19:36,289
Sam?
401
00:19:37,353 --> 00:19:39,272
Oof.
402
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:46,418
Y-You know what?
403
00:19:46,443 --> 00:19:49,054
I think I-I... I think I...
404
00:19:49,079 --> 00:19:50,431
I want to read mine.
405
00:19:50,470 --> 00:19:52,406
I think I should.
406
00:19:57,454 --> 00:20:00,593
"Dear Hitler and Hitler's son,
407
00:20:00,627 --> 00:20:02,392
"Why aren't you dead yet?
408
00:20:02,417 --> 00:20:05,453
"How are you? How is your day?
409
00:20:05,478 --> 00:20:07,533
"How do you live with yourself?
410
00:20:07,558 --> 00:20:11,771
"I don't care how you treat me,
but what about your kids?
411
00:20:11,804 --> 00:20:14,173
"How do you divorce your own kids?
412
00:20:14,206 --> 00:20:17,477
"They're the best thing that
ever happened to both of us.
413
00:20:17,511 --> 00:20:21,052
"Wondering how you sleep at
night and why you aren't dead.
414
00:20:21,077 --> 00:20:22,413
Love, Sam."
415
00:20:28,970 --> 00:20:31,329
Oh. Okay.
416
00:20:34,394 --> 00:20:36,697
I got to let this shit go.
417
00:20:36,730 --> 00:20:39,220
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
- Let this shit go.
418
00:20:39,245 --> 00:20:41,478
- Let this shit go. Just...
- That's a good idea.
419
00:20:42,413 --> 00:20:43,829
There we go.
420
00:20:43,854 --> 00:20:45,423
- Yeah.
- Yes.
421
00:20:45,448 --> 00:20:46,924
- Yeah.
- Oh, that's-that's a beauty.
422
00:20:46,948 --> 00:20:48,651
- Get a good burn.
- That's a beauty right there.
423
00:20:48,675 --> 00:20:50,689
- Burn it.
- It needs to get out.
424
00:20:50,714 --> 00:20:52,220
- Go from under.
- Bye.
425
00:20:52,245 --> 00:20:53,961
- Yeah.
- Bye.
426
00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:55,983
Out, damn spot!
427
00:21:43,724 --> 00:21:46,395
_
428
00:21:46,482 --> 00:21:50,169
_
429
00:22:01,811 --> 00:22:04,606
Look what the girls texted me.
430
00:22:04,959 --> 00:22:06,486
Little pumpkins.
431
00:22:06,511 --> 00:22:08,748
Oh, my God.
432
00:22:08,934 --> 00:22:10,685
Happy Father's Day.
433
00:22:10,710 --> 00:22:13,271
Oh, happy Father's Day, Father.
434
00:22:19,499 --> 00:22:21,401
You excited for your party?
435
00:22:21,771 --> 00:22:24,584
You gonna speak Spebrew
or Hebrish or whatever?
436
00:22:29,709 --> 00:22:31,145
You know, when I was growing up,
437
00:22:31,170 --> 00:22:33,709
my father was hardly ever around.
438
00:22:34,326 --> 00:22:38,434
My parents stayed married,
but my mother raised us all.
439
00:22:38,459 --> 00:22:40,774
Every mother is a single mother,
you know.
440
00:22:41,547 --> 00:22:43,725
She worked three jobs,
441
00:22:43,750 --> 00:22:46,696
and he didn't have
fuck all to do with us.
442
00:22:47,860 --> 00:22:50,664
One morning,
I was walking across the square,
443
00:22:50,696 --> 00:22:53,166
and I looked up, and there was my father
444
00:22:53,191 --> 00:22:55,079
holding hands with a woman.
445
00:22:55,843 --> 00:22:58,513
He turned as white as a ghost.
446
00:22:58,538 --> 00:23:00,461
He dropped the hand of the woman.
447
00:23:00,486 --> 00:23:02,988
It wasn't my mother's hand, you see.
448
00:23:03,109 --> 00:23:05,250
He walked over to me.
449
00:23:05,714 --> 00:23:08,289
"Phil," he said.
450
00:23:08,586 --> 00:23:10,383
"Yes, Father."
451
00:23:11,125 --> 00:23:14,868
He handed me a sixpence,
and I went on my way.
452
00:23:14,893 --> 00:23:16,627
We never spoke of it.
453
00:23:20,727 --> 00:23:23,391
I tried to call my dad today to say
"Happy Father's Day,"
454
00:23:23,416 --> 00:23:25,319
but his voice mail was full.
455
00:23:25,930 --> 00:23:27,969
That was very generous of you.
456
00:23:28,711 --> 00:23:32,149
You know, I don't not want
to have a relationship
457
00:23:32,174 --> 00:23:33,743
with my dad.
458
00:23:33,768 --> 00:23:35,418
You know, I don't want
to live out this, like,
459
00:23:35,442 --> 00:23:38,813
legacy of shitty dads
generationally or whatever.
460
00:23:39,938 --> 00:23:43,046
You know... Well, I hope you know...
461
00:23:43,071 --> 00:23:45,454
It's most likely that he
won't show up for your party.
462
00:23:45,479 --> 00:23:47,946
I don't care. Gran, stop.
463
00:23:52,165 --> 00:23:53,625
All right.
464
00:23:53,893 --> 00:23:56,454
I got something I want to give
you for your bat-whatever,
465
00:23:56,479 --> 00:23:58,657
but I don't want to give
it to you at the party
466
00:23:58,682 --> 00:24:00,899
and get it lost in all the kerfuffle.
467
00:24:12,915 --> 00:24:14,513
- Oh, my God.
- Mm.
468
00:24:14,547 --> 00:24:16,055
It's real gold.
469
00:24:16,344 --> 00:24:17,844
Gran.
470
00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:20,401
It belonged to my grandfather.
471
00:24:20,426 --> 00:24:23,096
He was a bit of a tosspot,
but I loved him.
472
00:24:23,945 --> 00:24:26,336
- It's beautiful.
- Mm.
473
00:24:27,579 --> 00:24:30,227
- I love it.
- You do?
474
00:24:35,204 --> 00:24:36,307
Aw.
475
00:24:37,330 --> 00:24:38,932
Thank you.
476
00:24:40,542 --> 00:24:42,422
One bun, two buns, three buns,
477
00:24:42,447 --> 00:24:45,680
four buns, five buns. This is bun six.
478
00:24:45,705 --> 00:24:48,210
- I think I got it right this time.
- Okay.
479
00:24:50,811 --> 00:24:53,093
I... it's... I-I don't even know.
480
00:24:53,118 --> 00:24:55,679
I mean, she's-she's so strict,
and, like,
481
00:24:55,704 --> 00:24:58,430
there can't even be a hair out of place.
482
00:24:58,625 --> 00:25:00,335
Like, it has to be glued down.
483
00:25:00,360 --> 00:25:02,531
Okay, come back.
I'll put more gel in it.
484
00:25:04,684 --> 00:25:06,438
Duke, is Mom making you go?
485
00:25:06,463 --> 00:25:08,141
No, no. I want to go.
486
00:25:08,166 --> 00:25:09,650
You should've seen her.
She was so pissed
487
00:25:09,674 --> 00:25:11,306
- after I gave up soccer.
- What did she say?
488
00:25:11,330 --> 00:25:13,087
But it's not like she was
the one that had to do it.
489
00:25:13,111 --> 00:25:14,791
- Like, it's my choice.
- Yeah, if you don't want
490
00:25:14,815 --> 00:25:16,891
to do soccer,
you don't have to do soccer.
491
00:25:18,719 --> 00:25:20,021
What's up?
492
00:25:20,046 --> 00:25:22,571
What's going on?
493
00:25:31,209 --> 00:25:33,532
We just want to be with the sisters now.
494
00:25:34,797 --> 00:25:36,625
Copy that.
495
00:25:37,324 --> 00:25:40,133
Cool, cool, cool, cool,
cool, cool, cool. Cool.
496
00:25:40,342 --> 00:25:41,883
Okay.
497
00:25:43,096 --> 00:25:46,381
- It's nice, though...
- There.
498
00:25:46,890 --> 00:25:50,351
... that you guys have sisters.
499
00:25:50,376 --> 00:25:51,625
So, you got this?
500
00:25:51,650 --> 00:25:53,657
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
- Right? I'll just...
501
00:25:53,682 --> 00:25:56,467
I'll just go throw myself
off the side of the freeway.
502
00:25:56,492 --> 00:25:58,665
- Ooh, fun.
- Yes.
503
00:25:59,048 --> 00:26:01,228
To the garbage with me!
504
00:26:02,073 --> 00:26:03,407
Don't worry about this.
505
00:26:03,432 --> 00:26:06,134
I just, you know... ah...
I have a better idea.
506
00:26:06,159 --> 00:26:09,517
I'm going to chop myself
up into little pieces
507
00:26:09,542 --> 00:26:11,868
and flush myself down the toilet.
508
00:26:11,893 --> 00:26:15,406
That's the natural place for me to go.
509
00:26:15,431 --> 00:26:19,071
And, uh, you guys better hope
510
00:26:19,096 --> 00:26:22,867
that I flush myself down super toilet.
511
00:26:22,892 --> 00:26:26,527
Otherwise, I will clog up
512
00:26:26,552 --> 00:26:28,797
the regular toilets, and you guys...
513
00:26:28,822 --> 00:26:30,079
All right, bye, Mom.
514
00:26:30,104 --> 00:26:32,039
... don't even know
how to use a plunger.
515
00:26:32,064 --> 00:26:36,274
I don't think you've
ever touched one or...
516
00:26:36,661 --> 00:26:39,821
know how to spell it, but that's fine.
517
00:26:40,556 --> 00:26:42,978
I have stuff to do.
518
00:26:43,736 --> 00:26:46,103
I can go do stuff.
519
00:26:46,245 --> 00:26:48,215
Frankie?!
520
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:50,392
I mean, we can hang out.
521
00:26:51,248 --> 00:26:52,950
It's cool.
522
00:26:52,975 --> 00:26:56,624
It's nice sisters want to
be together with no mom.
523
00:26:56,649 --> 00:26:58,235
That's fine.
524
00:26:58,855 --> 00:27:01,563
That's cute. My work here is done.
525
00:27:01,588 --> 00:27:03,712
It's obviously done.
526
00:27:03,944 --> 00:27:06,733
Nobody needs me anymore.
527
00:27:06,758 --> 00:27:09,595
That's fine. Cool.
528
00:27:17,074 --> 00:27:20,474
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com