1 00:00:05,643 --> 00:00:07,363 Woman: Sorry. 2 00:00:07,403 --> 00:00:09,363 Sorry. Sorry. 3 00:00:09,403 --> 00:00:13,683 - Sorry. - It's okay. 4 00:00:13,723 --> 00:00:15,443 Uh, I know it seems crowded, 5 00:00:15,483 --> 00:00:18,163 but it only took me 40 minutes to get my last drink. 6 00:00:18,203 --> 00:00:19,883 Is that all? 7 00:00:19,923 --> 00:00:21,763 Hey, let me get yours. 8 00:00:21,803 --> 00:00:24,243 It'll make me feel better about being in line for just a Coke. 9 00:00:24,283 --> 00:00:26,483 You don't drink? 10 00:00:26,523 --> 00:00:31,163 No, I quit a few years ago after I shit my pants at my sister's wedding. 11 00:00:31,203 --> 00:00:35,123 [laughs] Okay. Thank you. That'll be-- 12 00:00:35,163 --> 00:00:36,523 - No, I'll get it. - No, it's fine. 13 00:00:36,563 --> 00:00:38,043 Hey, don't make me fight a stranger. 14 00:00:40,843 --> 00:00:42,403 Okay. 15 00:00:42,443 --> 00:00:44,243 I'll have a margarita. 16 00:00:49,003 --> 00:00:50,963 I've never had casual sex with a sober person before. 17 00:00:54,283 --> 00:00:55,363 You've got a really nice room. 18 00:00:55,403 --> 00:00:56,523 Thank you. I got upgraded. 19 00:00:56,563 --> 00:00:59,203 Yeah? Oh, shit. 20 00:00:59,243 --> 00:01:00,923 Oh, God. [laughing] 21 00:01:00,963 --> 00:01:02,683 That was really unnecessary. 22 00:01:02,723 --> 00:01:05,363 - You don't have a hairy back. - Neither do you. 23 00:01:05,403 --> 00:01:07,123 I was all psyched up to deal with a hairy back. 24 00:01:07,163 --> 00:01:08,563 I have hairy balls. 25 00:01:08,603 --> 00:01:10,003 Whoa. 26 00:01:10,043 --> 00:01:11,083 Oh, what the fuck? 27 00:01:11,123 --> 00:01:12,643 - Oh, Jesus. - Oh, shit! 28 00:01:12,683 --> 00:01:14,163 I'm sorry. 29 00:01:14,203 --> 00:01:15,123 Uh-- 30 00:01:18,643 --> 00:01:19,923 That was exciting. 31 00:01:24,883 --> 00:01:25,843 Hi. 32 00:01:25,883 --> 00:01:27,283 Hey. 33 00:01:27,323 --> 00:01:29,123 I was just sneaking out. 34 00:01:29,163 --> 00:01:30,243 Okay. 35 00:01:30,283 --> 00:01:34,363 [laughs] So, um, when do you go back? 36 00:01:34,403 --> 00:01:36,843 - Thursday. - Well, that's-- 37 00:01:36,883 --> 00:01:39,083 Do you want to have dinner? 38 00:01:39,123 --> 00:01:41,723 Um... do you want to have dinner? 39 00:01:41,763 --> 00:01:44,443 Yeah. That's why I asked. 40 00:01:44,483 --> 00:01:46,443 Okay. Um, do you have a wife or anything? 41 00:01:46,483 --> 00:01:48,203 - No. - No. 42 00:01:48,243 --> 00:01:51,923 Okay, well, I'll just-- I'll write down my number. 43 00:01:53,483 --> 00:01:56,403 You know what, that's my work visa so if you-- 44 00:01:56,443 --> 00:01:57,403 Doesn't matter. 45 00:01:57,443 --> 00:01:59,443 Okay. 46 00:01:59,483 --> 00:02:01,243 Great. 47 00:02:01,283 --> 00:02:04,043 And I noticed that you took some things from the bathroom, 48 00:02:04,083 --> 00:02:05,163 and that's fine, 49 00:02:05,203 --> 00:02:07,083 but could you leave the toothpaste? 50 00:02:07,123 --> 00:02:10,523 No, I didn't take any tooth-- Oh, shit, I did, yeah. 51 00:02:10,563 --> 00:02:12,403 Sorry. 52 00:02:12,443 --> 00:02:14,203 It's just small and cute. 53 00:02:14,243 --> 00:02:17,043 Um, so you should probably open a window 54 00:02:17,083 --> 00:02:19,843 'cause it really stinks in here. Okay? 55 00:02:19,883 --> 00:02:23,243 ♪♪[vocalizing] 56 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:30,603 Keep the change. 57 00:02:36,243 --> 00:02:37,283 That dinner was really nice. 58 00:02:37,323 --> 00:02:40,923 The lamb was exceptional. 59 00:02:40,963 --> 00:02:44,963 ♪♪[vocalizing] 60 00:02:51,283 --> 00:02:53,363 [no audible dialog] 61 00:03:06,123 --> 00:03:07,443 So, what time's your flight? 62 00:03:07,483 --> 00:03:08,443 7:30. 63 00:03:08,483 --> 00:03:10,603 - 7:30. - Yeah. 64 00:03:10,643 --> 00:03:13,363 So, listen, I wanted to say that 65 00:03:13,403 --> 00:03:17,003 I know this wasn't anything serious and it was just a bit of fun-- 66 00:03:17,043 --> 00:03:18,683 This wasn't serious? 67 00:03:18,723 --> 00:03:20,643 No, when I say it wasn't serious, I'm-- 68 00:03:20,683 --> 00:03:22,483 Goofin' you, bro. 69 00:03:22,523 --> 00:03:24,283 Yeah. Okay. 70 00:03:24,323 --> 00:03:25,523 Go on. No, carry on. 71 00:03:25,563 --> 00:03:28,123 You were saying this was just a bit of fun. 72 00:03:28,163 --> 00:03:32,243 I want you to know that I'm gonna look back on my time with you, 73 00:03:32,283 --> 00:03:36,923 and remember you as an extraordinarily good smelling woman 74 00:03:36,963 --> 00:03:40,523 with a magical ass, and you're smart, 75 00:03:40,563 --> 00:03:43,683 so you could even get away with being less attractive, 76 00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:46,443 and you'd still be fairly attractive. 77 00:03:46,483 --> 00:03:48,483 [laughing] 78 00:03:48,523 --> 00:03:50,003 Fuck. 79 00:03:50,043 --> 00:03:51,843 Wow. Okay. Um, 80 00:03:51,883 --> 00:03:54,883 I'll remember you as a sturdy love maker 81 00:03:54,923 --> 00:03:56,683 with a massive chin, 82 00:03:56,723 --> 00:04:01,043 who was really kind to waiters and taxi drivers, 83 00:04:01,083 --> 00:04:03,723 which suggests you might actually be a good person. 84 00:04:07,523 --> 00:04:08,723 What time is it? 85 00:04:08,763 --> 00:04:09,803 It's 4:30. 86 00:04:09,843 --> 00:04:11,283 [grunting] 87 00:04:11,323 --> 00:04:12,643 Really, seriously, you have to go faster. 88 00:04:12,683 --> 00:04:13,963 [groaning] 89 00:04:18,563 --> 00:04:20,243 [laughing] 90 00:04:20,283 --> 00:04:22,803 Man: So, I thought it was fine if I asked you out 91 00:04:22,843 --> 00:04:24,443 - because you're a temp. - Right. 92 00:04:24,483 --> 00:04:25,483 Um, if you worked with us permanently, 93 00:04:25,523 --> 00:04:27,203 this wouldn't be appropriate, 94 00:04:27,243 --> 00:04:30,163 but you're a temp so we just won't hire you again. 95 00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:33,363 [laughs] Okay. You're funny. 96 00:04:33,403 --> 00:04:35,683 So, tell me something about you. 97 00:04:35,723 --> 00:04:38,923 Well, um, I'm doing my Master's at Boston University in-- 98 00:04:38,963 --> 00:04:40,923 [phone ringing] 99 00:04:40,963 --> 00:04:43,363 I'm sorry. This is my mom. 100 00:04:43,403 --> 00:04:46,963 She's calling me back 'cause I called her 'cause it's her birthday. 101 00:04:47,003 --> 00:04:48,763 Oh. 102 00:04:48,803 --> 00:04:50,763 Hey, so great to hear from you. 103 00:04:50,803 --> 00:04:52,563 I'm sorry that I haven't called, 104 00:04:52,603 --> 00:04:54,323 but I have some good news. 105 00:04:54,363 --> 00:04:55,963 I'm gonna be in London in April. 106 00:04:56,003 --> 00:04:57,843 I'm pregnant. 107 00:04:57,883 --> 00:04:59,843 Did you just say pregnant? 108 00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:02,123 Yeah, I said pregnant. Do you want me to say it again? 109 00:05:02,163 --> 00:05:03,163 Pregnant. 110 00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:04,963 Well, how? 111 00:05:05,003 --> 00:05:06,723 I don't understand. I mean, h-how-- 112 00:05:06,763 --> 00:05:09,083 Well, I think it's because, you know, we had sex 113 00:05:09,123 --> 00:05:12,563 like 25 times in a week and you wore a condom maybe twice. 114 00:05:12,603 --> 00:05:15,243 - Twice of those times. - Why did you let me do that? 115 00:05:15,283 --> 00:05:17,523 I don't know, because-- 116 00:05:17,563 --> 00:05:18,483 I was drunk the first-- 117 00:05:21,043 --> 00:05:23,123 And even though I wasn't drunk most of the other times, 118 00:05:23,163 --> 00:05:26,443 there was a precedent there that you just took complete advantage of. 119 00:05:26,483 --> 00:05:28,163 What do you want to do? 120 00:05:28,203 --> 00:05:31,203 I want to build a time machine out of your fucking carcass, 121 00:05:31,243 --> 00:05:33,123 and go back and make it un-happen. 122 00:05:37,283 --> 00:05:39,163 - Do you want me to come over sooner? - No! 123 00:05:39,203 --> 00:05:41,123 Yeah. I don't know. 124 00:05:41,163 --> 00:05:44,243 I just-- I don't know what you do when you get pregnant by a stranger, 125 00:05:44,283 --> 00:05:45,243 I don't know the etiquette. 126 00:05:45,283 --> 00:05:46,643 I'm not a stranger. 127 00:05:46,683 --> 00:05:49,163 I'm-- I'm a familiar acquaintance. 128 00:05:49,203 --> 00:05:52,083 A-- a friend who helped you make a mistake, 129 00:05:52,123 --> 00:05:54,843 but will now help you... 130 00:05:54,883 --> 00:05:57,083 figure it out. Okay? 131 00:06:01,003 --> 00:06:02,603 Is your mom okay? 132 00:06:02,643 --> 00:06:04,363 Huh? 133 00:06:04,403 --> 00:06:06,123 Oh. 134 00:06:06,163 --> 00:06:07,203 No. 135 00:06:07,243 --> 00:06:08,963 She's pregnant. 136 00:06:09,003 --> 00:06:11,163 [laughs] 137 00:06:11,203 --> 00:06:15,603 So, why don't you tell me a little bit about you now. 138 00:06:18,723 --> 00:06:20,803 Oh, shit. 139 00:06:20,843 --> 00:06:22,123 Hi. 140 00:06:24,603 --> 00:06:25,923 I wasn't sure you'd recognize me. 141 00:06:29,123 --> 00:06:32,483 It only says Rob because I don't know your surname. 142 00:06:32,523 --> 00:06:34,003 It's Norris. 143 00:06:34,043 --> 00:06:36,923 It's-- it's Norris. 144 00:06:36,963 --> 00:06:39,443 Mine's Morris. 145 00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:41,723 Morris and Norris. 146 00:06:41,763 --> 00:06:45,243 Well, at least that's fuckin' ridiculous. 147 00:06:47,243 --> 00:06:50,643 You just don't think that stuff like this'll happen. 148 00:06:50,683 --> 00:06:54,123 What, that repeated sexual intercourse between two healthy adults 149 00:06:54,163 --> 00:06:56,003 will do the exact thing it's supposed to do? 150 00:06:56,043 --> 00:06:58,123 Have you ever done a science class? 151 00:06:58,163 --> 00:07:00,363 Do you know how to read? 152 00:07:00,403 --> 00:07:03,083 I'm sorry. I-- I-- 153 00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:04,883 I'm not pregnant and you are, 154 00:07:04,923 --> 00:07:06,883 and it's because of me, 155 00:07:06,923 --> 00:07:10,163 but if you're gonna have this baby, then-- 156 00:07:10,203 --> 00:07:12,763 Who says I'm gonna have it? 157 00:07:12,803 --> 00:07:15,323 Well, how old are you? 158 00:07:15,363 --> 00:07:19,763 Look, the good news is is that we're reasonably good people, 159 00:07:19,803 --> 00:07:24,323 so we could probably do this and not fuck the kid up too horribly. 160 00:07:24,363 --> 00:07:28,323 I'm just saying a terrible thing has happened, 161 00:07:28,363 --> 00:07:30,563 let's make the best of it. 162 00:07:34,643 --> 00:07:37,803 So, where are you staying? 163 00:07:37,843 --> 00:07:39,003 I'm joking. 164 00:07:39,043 --> 00:07:41,683 You can stay in my spare room. 165 00:07:41,723 --> 00:07:43,203 I'm joking. I'm a teacher. 166 00:07:43,243 --> 00:07:45,363 I don't have a spare room. 167 00:07:46,203 --> 00:07:47,643 Do you want some? 168 00:07:47,683 --> 00:07:48,883 Sure. 169 00:07:48,923 --> 00:07:51,003 [bell ringing] 170 00:07:53,043 --> 00:07:56,843 Hello. Do you know if Miss Morris is finished with her classes? 171 00:07:56,883 --> 00:07:58,203 Is she under arrest? 172 00:07:58,243 --> 00:07:59,643 No. I'm just waiting. 173 00:07:59,683 --> 00:08:01,483 - Are you American? - Yes, I am. 174 00:08:01,523 --> 00:08:03,443 - Do you know Barack Obama? - No, I don't. 175 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:04,843 Do you know his daughters? 176 00:08:04,883 --> 00:08:06,683 I know Sasha but I don't know Malia. 177 00:08:06,723 --> 00:08:08,443 How do you know them if you don't know Barack Obama? 178 00:08:08,483 --> 00:08:10,043 I don't know them. 179 00:08:10,083 --> 00:08:12,563 - Are you a basketball player? - No. 180 00:08:15,043 --> 00:08:17,763 Why are you waving at Miss Morris? 181 00:08:17,803 --> 00:08:19,163 Because she's my girlfriend. 182 00:08:19,203 --> 00:08:21,163 Is her hair a wig? 183 00:08:21,203 --> 00:08:22,403 Uh, I don't think so. 184 00:08:22,443 --> 00:08:23,363 Do you know she's pregnant? 185 00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:26,643 What? What did you just say? 186 00:08:26,683 --> 00:08:28,203 She's pregnant. 187 00:08:28,243 --> 00:08:29,883 Oh, yeah. I knew that. 188 00:08:29,923 --> 00:08:31,643 Are you a basketball player? 189 00:08:31,683 --> 00:08:32,843 Mm-hmm. 190 00:08:32,883 --> 00:08:34,563 Excuse me. 191 00:08:36,363 --> 00:08:38,003 D-- Do that in the car. 192 00:08:38,043 --> 00:08:39,163 Okay. 193 00:08:39,203 --> 00:08:41,843 So, got yourself some fans here. 194 00:08:41,883 --> 00:08:44,243 We're not his fans. 195 00:08:44,283 --> 00:08:46,163 I thought you were someone special. 196 00:08:46,203 --> 00:08:48,803 I am special. 197 00:08:48,843 --> 00:08:52,523 Rob: So, is this just a regular scan? 198 00:08:52,563 --> 00:08:56,603 Sharon: Yeah, well, I can find out the sex this time if I want. 199 00:08:56,643 --> 00:08:58,723 Well, you know, do we want to? 200 00:08:58,763 --> 00:09:02,203 I mean, wouldn't it be nice to have a surprise? 201 00:09:02,243 --> 00:09:05,643 Well, um, Rob, it is Rob, isn't it? 202 00:09:05,683 --> 00:09:06,843 'Cause I only met you about 20 minutes ago, 203 00:09:06,883 --> 00:09:08,643 and now I'm pregnant with your baby, 204 00:09:08,683 --> 00:09:12,043 so for the moment I would like a whisper of certainty in my life. 205 00:09:12,083 --> 00:09:13,643 Not even in my life. 206 00:09:13,683 --> 00:09:14,923 In my body. 207 00:09:14,963 --> 00:09:18,523 Right, now in reviewing your pap smear, 208 00:09:18,563 --> 00:09:20,363 we found an abnormality. 209 00:09:20,403 --> 00:09:22,403 It's nothing to worry too much about yet, 210 00:09:22,443 --> 00:09:25,043 but you've got what's called cervical dysplasia. 211 00:09:25,083 --> 00:09:26,603 What the hell is that? 212 00:09:26,643 --> 00:09:29,643 Strictly speaking, it's what we call a pre-cancer. 213 00:09:29,683 --> 00:09:30,803 Cancer? 214 00:09:30,843 --> 00:09:32,403 Pre-cancer. 215 00:09:32,443 --> 00:09:34,603 Frankly, I hate that it has the word cancer attached to it, 216 00:09:34,643 --> 00:09:37,043 because it isn't cancer, 217 00:09:37,083 --> 00:09:41,163 but it's sort of next door to cancer. 218 00:09:41,203 --> 00:09:42,883 What is she saying? 219 00:09:42,923 --> 00:09:44,963 That you do not have cancer. 220 00:09:45,003 --> 00:09:47,963 Yeah, but she said cancer, like, eight times. 221 00:09:48,003 --> 00:09:51,483 Yeah, doctor, you have said cancer rather a lot. 222 00:09:51,523 --> 00:09:54,243 Like more than you would hear in a casual conversation 223 00:09:54,283 --> 00:09:56,163 that isn't about cancer. 224 00:09:56,203 --> 00:09:59,723 Yes, and I'm sorry, but while again, you do not have cancer, 225 00:09:59,763 --> 00:10:02,683 you do have a situation that we need to monitor closely 226 00:10:02,723 --> 00:10:05,483 so that it doesn't become cancer. 227 00:10:05,523 --> 00:10:06,563 That's two more times she said it, 228 00:10:06,603 --> 00:10:07,843 that's two more cancers. 229 00:10:07,883 --> 00:10:09,323 All it means is that you'll come in here 230 00:10:09,363 --> 00:10:11,643 a little more frequently than you would have otherwise 231 00:10:11,683 --> 00:10:13,563 so that we can take a look-see at your cervix 232 00:10:13,603 --> 00:10:17,963 and make sure it remains in the cancer free state it's currently in. 233 00:10:18,003 --> 00:10:20,043 Do you have pamphlets? 234 00:10:20,083 --> 00:10:22,283 Yes, we have pamphlets. 235 00:10:22,323 --> 00:10:25,403 I'm gonna get us some pamphlets. 236 00:10:25,443 --> 00:10:28,683 Right, let's shift gears a little bit, shall we, 237 00:10:28,723 --> 00:10:29,963 and take a look at the baby. 238 00:10:30,003 --> 00:10:31,483 Okay. 239 00:10:31,523 --> 00:10:34,123 No, we go in through the tummy for this one. 240 00:10:34,163 --> 00:10:35,803 Okay. 241 00:10:38,603 --> 00:10:40,123 Here we are. 242 00:10:40,163 --> 00:10:41,283 Heartbeat. 243 00:10:41,323 --> 00:10:43,883 Beautiful. Nice and strong. 244 00:10:43,923 --> 00:10:45,323 Here's the spine. 245 00:10:45,363 --> 00:10:46,883 Exquisite. 246 00:10:46,923 --> 00:10:49,083 Ooh, there's something. Do you recognize that, Mommy? 247 00:10:49,123 --> 00:10:50,483 Is that the cancer? 248 00:10:50,523 --> 00:10:52,563 Very funny, no. That's a little penis. 249 00:10:52,603 --> 00:10:54,083 - Oh, God. - Congratulations, 250 00:10:54,123 --> 00:10:55,923 you're gonna have a baby boy. 251 00:10:57,363 --> 00:10:58,963 She said it's statistically unlikely 252 00:10:59,003 --> 00:11:01,243 to become full cancer. 253 00:11:01,283 --> 00:11:04,203 So just-- just half cancer, then. 254 00:11:04,243 --> 00:11:07,203 Just a gentle little half cancer like you get? 255 00:11:07,243 --> 00:11:09,523 Do you think it's 'cause I'm old? 256 00:11:09,563 --> 00:11:10,843 It's because I'm old, isn't it? 257 00:11:10,883 --> 00:11:12,403 No, it isn't. You're not old. 258 00:11:12,443 --> 00:11:13,883 Oh, God, I want to smoke a cigarette. 259 00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:17,283 Will you get one and just smoke it and blow it on me? 260 00:11:17,323 --> 00:11:19,003 Well, just have a cigarette if you want one. 261 00:11:19,043 --> 00:11:22,283 - Yeah? - But put your wine down. 262 00:11:22,323 --> 00:11:23,803 May I have a cigarette? 263 00:11:23,843 --> 00:11:26,963 Thank you so much. 264 00:11:27,003 --> 00:11:28,483 I'm just gonna smoke this. Not even the whole thing, 265 00:11:28,523 --> 00:11:29,803 I'm just gonna have a few puffs, 266 00:11:29,843 --> 00:11:31,803 and then I'm just never gonna do it again. 267 00:11:31,843 --> 00:11:33,283 - It's fine. - That's all right, isn't it? 268 00:11:33,323 --> 00:11:35,403 Have a few puffs and then never do it again. 269 00:11:35,443 --> 00:11:36,363 Absolutely. 270 00:11:42,363 --> 00:11:43,323 God, that's delicious. 271 00:11:43,363 --> 00:11:44,443 [knocking] 272 00:11:44,483 --> 00:11:47,043 Oh, for fuck's sake, take that. 273 00:11:47,083 --> 00:11:49,363 Hi. [laughs] 274 00:11:49,403 --> 00:11:50,323 Fuck. 275 00:11:51,803 --> 00:11:54,923 - Hi, I thought that was you. - Hey, you. 276 00:11:54,963 --> 00:11:56,763 Well, is it true? 277 00:11:56,803 --> 00:11:58,403 You pregnant? 278 00:11:58,443 --> 00:12:00,123 A little bit. 279 00:12:00,163 --> 00:12:02,123 Sorry, this is Rob. He's my, um-- 280 00:12:02,163 --> 00:12:04,083 - Boyfriend. - Yeah. 281 00:12:04,123 --> 00:12:06,603 Yeah, and he's the father of the-- 282 00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:08,723 This is Fran, she's an old pal. 283 00:12:08,763 --> 00:12:10,163 Great to meet you, Rob. 284 00:12:10,203 --> 00:12:11,283 Great to meet you. 285 00:12:11,323 --> 00:12:13,243 Great to see you, too, stranger. 286 00:12:19,283 --> 00:12:20,763 So-- 287 00:12:20,803 --> 00:12:22,963 - You have to come over for dinner. - Yeah. 288 00:12:23,003 --> 00:12:24,123 Chris would love to see you. 289 00:12:24,163 --> 00:12:25,203 Definitely. 290 00:12:25,243 --> 00:12:26,443 We should. 291 00:12:26,483 --> 00:12:28,283 - Yeah? - Yeah, yeah. 292 00:12:28,323 --> 00:12:29,603 I mean, that'd be great. 293 00:12:29,643 --> 00:12:32,203 What are you doing this Saturday night? 294 00:12:32,243 --> 00:12:33,163 Saturday? 295 00:12:34,523 --> 00:12:36,003 Um... 296 00:12:36,043 --> 00:12:38,723 Well, actually, we've just had some news-- 297 00:12:38,763 --> 00:12:40,523 No, we haven't. 298 00:12:40,563 --> 00:12:41,723 - I was just gonna tell her-- - No, we don't. 299 00:12:41,763 --> 00:12:43,723 That's not-- Yes, we'd love to. 300 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,603 Great. Well, we can catch up then. 301 00:12:45,643 --> 00:12:47,083 Yeah. You're still in the-- 302 00:12:47,123 --> 00:12:48,883 Still in the same big house, yeah. 303 00:12:48,923 --> 00:12:51,963 Saturday night. 7:00. Don't be late. 304 00:12:52,003 --> 00:12:53,483 All right. 305 00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:55,243 Rob. 306 00:12:55,283 --> 00:12:57,203 Oh. 307 00:12:57,243 --> 00:12:59,723 She seems nice. 308 00:12:59,763 --> 00:13:01,043 She's a cunt. 309 00:13:05,643 --> 00:13:08,003 Sharon: Oh, God, my feet are too swollen for these boots. 310 00:13:08,043 --> 00:13:09,483 Did you see the size of them? 311 00:13:09,523 --> 00:13:11,683 Rob: Yeah, they look like little Hobbit feet. 312 00:13:11,723 --> 00:13:13,203 Sharon: Fuck off. 313 00:13:13,243 --> 00:13:17,083 I meant to ask you. Uh, why did you call her a cunt? 314 00:13:17,123 --> 00:13:18,803 I shouldn't have called her a cunt. 315 00:13:18,843 --> 00:13:20,003 She's more of a bitch. 316 00:13:20,043 --> 00:13:21,403 Why is she a bitch? 317 00:13:21,443 --> 00:13:22,763 She's one of these people where, like, 318 00:13:22,803 --> 00:13:24,203 everything has gone her way. 319 00:13:24,243 --> 00:13:26,563 You know, and she thinks she did it, but it was luck. 320 00:13:26,603 --> 00:13:29,003 You know, I just wish one bad thing would happen to her, 321 00:13:29,043 --> 00:13:32,243 Like, I don't want her to get hit by a bus or anything, but, 322 00:13:32,283 --> 00:13:34,403 you know, maybe if she got arrested for tax fraud 323 00:13:34,443 --> 00:13:37,363 or if her dad got caught with child porn or something. 324 00:13:37,403 --> 00:13:40,243 You know? Just to knock the smug out of her. 325 00:13:40,283 --> 00:13:41,243 Do you know what I mean? 326 00:13:41,283 --> 00:13:42,603 Yeah, totally. 327 00:13:44,283 --> 00:13:46,243 Oh, and don't mention the pre-cancer. 328 00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:47,523 Okay? If you need to talk about something, 329 00:13:47,563 --> 00:13:49,923 then-then talk about the weather or the meal, 330 00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:52,483 or, you know, other meals you've enjoyed. 331 00:13:52,523 --> 00:13:55,003 - So, meals. - Yeah. 332 00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:56,083 [ringing] 333 00:13:56,123 --> 00:13:58,163 So, do I look fat? 334 00:13:58,203 --> 00:13:59,963 No. Except for your belly. 335 00:14:00,003 --> 00:14:00,923 Then your tits. 336 00:14:02,123 --> 00:14:03,403 My tits are fat? 337 00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:05,803 Your tits are fat and beautiful. 338 00:14:05,843 --> 00:14:07,443 - Welcome. - Hi. 339 00:14:07,483 --> 00:14:09,563 Come in. Come in. 340 00:14:09,603 --> 00:14:11,163 Shoes go here. 341 00:14:11,203 --> 00:14:13,523 Oh. That's a good spot for shoes. 342 00:14:13,563 --> 00:14:15,523 We keep a shoe free home. 343 00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:16,923 Oh. Gotcha. 344 00:14:16,963 --> 00:14:18,363 Actually, do you mind if I keep mine on? 345 00:14:18,403 --> 00:14:20,083 It's just my feet are really swollen from-- 346 00:14:20,123 --> 00:14:22,683 Well, you can, but you'll be the only one with shoes on. 347 00:14:22,723 --> 00:14:26,203 So if you're okay with that, then I am. [laughs] 348 00:14:26,243 --> 00:14:27,403 Okay, just-- 349 00:14:33,003 --> 00:14:34,683 This is a delicious meal. 350 00:14:34,723 --> 00:14:36,523 Thank you. 351 00:14:36,563 --> 00:14:38,523 Well, it's all Chris's work. 352 00:14:38,563 --> 00:14:41,163 He's the cook around here. Aren't you, Chris? 353 00:14:42,243 --> 00:14:43,243 Where's Jeffrey tonight? 354 00:14:43,283 --> 00:14:45,203 He's in bed. 355 00:14:45,243 --> 00:14:47,123 He has to get up at 4:00 because he's filming in the morning. 356 00:14:47,163 --> 00:14:48,883 Our son's a thespian now. 357 00:14:48,923 --> 00:14:50,083 Really? 358 00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:51,443 Mm. 359 00:14:51,483 --> 00:14:52,963 When did that happen? 360 00:14:53,003 --> 00:14:54,923 - I thought you knew. - No, I didn't know. 361 00:14:54,963 --> 00:14:58,843 Oh, that's funny. I thought you knew. 362 00:14:58,883 --> 00:15:02,843 Anyway, this is his third film. 363 00:15:02,883 --> 00:15:05,883 Filmed a scene with Patrick Stewart last week. 364 00:15:05,923 --> 00:15:07,003 Such a lovely man. 365 00:15:07,043 --> 00:15:08,883 Total flirt. 366 00:15:08,923 --> 00:15:10,683 Well, good for-- good for Jeffrey. 367 00:15:10,723 --> 00:15:12,923 It's good for all of us. He's coinin' it in. 368 00:15:12,963 --> 00:15:14,163 Yeah? 369 00:15:14,203 --> 00:15:15,603 Great. 370 00:15:20,603 --> 00:15:22,523 This is a delicious meal. 371 00:15:22,563 --> 00:15:24,203 [laughs] 372 00:15:24,243 --> 00:15:28,963 So, tell me, are you planning on a natural birth? 373 00:15:29,003 --> 00:15:30,803 Uh, I don't know. I'm just-- 374 00:15:30,843 --> 00:15:33,643 see what the pain's like, maybe take it from there. 375 00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:37,723 Really? I really think you should consider a natural birth. 376 00:15:37,763 --> 00:15:40,563 My cousin Sheila, she had all the pain medication going, 377 00:15:40,603 --> 00:15:45,963 oxytocin, pethedine, she had the epidural. 378 00:15:46,003 --> 00:15:47,643 - Didn't turn out well. - Really? 379 00:15:47,683 --> 00:15:49,163 What happen-- What happened to the baby? 380 00:15:49,203 --> 00:15:51,043 Oh, no, the baby's fine. 381 00:15:51,083 --> 00:15:52,763 But my cousin had a massive stroke. 382 00:15:52,803 --> 00:15:54,003 She has to use one of those wheelchairs 383 00:15:54,043 --> 00:15:56,043 that you blow into to make it move. 384 00:15:56,083 --> 00:15:59,803 Jesus. 385 00:15:59,843 --> 00:16:01,923 That's actually why we should have more than one kid. 386 00:16:01,963 --> 00:16:03,163 What? 387 00:16:03,203 --> 00:16:05,083 Well, just all the shit that can go wrong. 388 00:16:05,123 --> 00:16:07,123 I mean, birth's a risky thing. 389 00:16:07,163 --> 00:16:10,403 There's a reason people had 11 kids in the olden days. 390 00:16:10,443 --> 00:16:14,323 If one or two of 'em died, you still had leftovers. 391 00:16:14,363 --> 00:16:15,363 Plus, only children are weirdoes. 392 00:16:15,403 --> 00:16:16,883 I'm an only child. 393 00:16:16,923 --> 00:16:18,563 There are exceptions. 394 00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:20,443 My son's an only child. 395 00:16:20,483 --> 00:16:23,083 More than one exception. 396 00:16:23,123 --> 00:16:25,803 But, you know, this is a delicious meal. 397 00:16:25,843 --> 00:16:28,483 This is the best meal I've had in some time. 398 00:16:28,523 --> 00:16:30,043 Uh, do you remember that meal we had Tuesday? 399 00:16:30,083 --> 00:16:31,963 - I do. - Because this is better. 400 00:16:32,003 --> 00:16:32,923 - This meal-- - Yeah. 401 00:16:36,683 --> 00:16:37,923 I'm going for a cigarette. 402 00:16:37,963 --> 00:16:40,163 Really? Do you really have to? 403 00:16:40,203 --> 00:16:42,003 Yep. 404 00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:43,003 Rob, do you smoke? 405 00:16:43,043 --> 00:16:43,803 No, I don't. 406 00:16:43,843 --> 00:16:45,523 Did you quit? 407 00:16:45,563 --> 00:16:47,363 - Oh, because you saw-- - Rob, just go for a cigarette. 408 00:16:47,403 --> 00:16:48,363 Okey dokey. 409 00:16:53,723 --> 00:16:55,203 Sorry about that. 410 00:16:55,243 --> 00:16:56,803 I hope I didn't upset Fran. 411 00:16:56,843 --> 00:16:58,883 Oh, don't worry about it. 412 00:16:58,923 --> 00:17:00,363 She'll wank off to that for a week. 413 00:17:00,403 --> 00:17:01,763 She loves to get angry at people. 414 00:17:01,803 --> 00:17:03,123 You did her a favor. 415 00:17:05,763 --> 00:17:07,923 Can I give you some advice, Rob? 416 00:17:07,963 --> 00:17:09,443 Uh, maybe. About what? 417 00:17:09,483 --> 00:17:11,803 When Sharon goes into labor, 418 00:17:11,843 --> 00:17:13,883 jump on a plan, go back to Wisconsin, 419 00:17:13,923 --> 00:17:16,163 or wherever it is you're from, 420 00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:19,123 and skip the whole delivery. 421 00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:21,563 I saw my son comin' out. 422 00:17:21,603 --> 00:17:24,723 It was a fuckin' war zone. 423 00:17:24,763 --> 00:17:28,283 - Fran: Just put it in there, he'll do it later. - Sharon: Such a nice kitchen. 424 00:17:28,323 --> 00:17:30,963 You know they shit when they give birth? 425 00:17:31,003 --> 00:17:33,363 Uh, I've heard that. 426 00:17:33,403 --> 00:17:35,883 Yeah, well, I've seen it. 427 00:17:35,923 --> 00:17:38,323 I wouldn't want that for you. 428 00:17:39,963 --> 00:17:42,523 You'll never be able to forgive her. 429 00:17:42,563 --> 00:17:44,563 Forgive her? 430 00:17:44,603 --> 00:17:47,563 You see a little troll come tobogganing out of your wife's snatch 431 00:17:47,603 --> 00:17:48,803 on a wave of turds, 432 00:17:48,843 --> 00:17:51,843 and part of you will hold her responsible. 433 00:18:05,323 --> 00:18:07,523 This is my first cigarette in ten years. 434 00:18:07,563 --> 00:18:09,923 You haven't smoked in ten years? 435 00:18:09,963 --> 00:18:11,083 Well, don't start now. Give me that. 436 00:18:11,123 --> 00:18:12,083 No, no. 437 00:18:12,123 --> 00:18:13,683 No, no. Don't. 438 00:18:13,723 --> 00:18:15,803 I do this now. 439 00:18:19,403 --> 00:18:21,763 He's a big one. Isn't he? 440 00:18:21,803 --> 00:18:23,963 Rob? Yeah. 441 00:18:24,003 --> 00:18:27,763 Is he... big all over? 442 00:18:27,803 --> 00:18:31,163 Um, yeah. Well, you know, he's in proportion. 443 00:18:31,203 --> 00:18:33,323 What's that like? 444 00:18:33,363 --> 00:18:34,443 Does it hurt? 445 00:18:34,483 --> 00:18:36,683 [laughs] No, I mean-- 446 00:18:36,723 --> 00:18:38,563 I mean, he's proportional. I wasn't, you know-- 447 00:18:38,603 --> 00:18:40,003 Is he circumcised? 448 00:18:40,043 --> 00:18:41,643 Most American men are, I've heard. 449 00:18:41,683 --> 00:18:42,763 Yeah, yeah, he is. 450 00:18:42,803 --> 00:18:44,763 What's that like? 451 00:18:44,803 --> 00:18:46,643 Well, it's the same basic deal, really, you just-- 452 00:18:46,683 --> 00:18:49,963 I mean, what does it feel like? 453 00:18:50,003 --> 00:18:52,923 Sorry, what does my boyfriend's penis feel like? 454 00:18:56,843 --> 00:18:57,883 You okay? 455 00:18:57,923 --> 00:18:59,603 Yeah, just a little dizzy. 456 00:18:59,643 --> 00:19:01,043 Oh, dear. 457 00:19:01,083 --> 00:19:02,363 You know, I get a little bit anemic myself sometimes, 458 00:19:02,403 --> 00:19:04,363 and whenever I feel weak, 459 00:19:04,403 --> 00:19:08,163 I just take a tincture of helonias or some arsenicum if that's all I've got, 460 00:19:08,203 --> 00:19:09,443 and I perk right up. 461 00:19:09,483 --> 00:19:11,443 What-- You do what? 462 00:19:11,483 --> 00:19:12,843 It's a homeopathic remedy. 463 00:19:12,883 --> 00:19:14,323 Oh. No, thanks. 464 00:19:14,363 --> 00:19:15,963 - Why not? - It's not real. 465 00:19:16,003 --> 00:19:16,963 Yeah, it is. 466 00:19:17,003 --> 00:19:17,963 No. No, it's not. 467 00:19:18,003 --> 00:19:19,963 Well, I think it is. 468 00:19:20,003 --> 00:19:23,243 Oh, yeah. I was on the tube today and I saw a guy with no legs, 469 00:19:23,283 --> 00:19:26,283 so I prescribed him three drops of doodly doodle-oo, 470 00:19:26,323 --> 00:19:27,763 and his legs grew back. 471 00:19:27,803 --> 00:19:29,523 [snickering] 472 00:19:29,563 --> 00:19:31,843 Rob, Fran's a homeopath. 473 00:19:31,883 --> 00:19:34,283 Well, you could have told me that in my pre-dinner briefing. 474 00:19:34,323 --> 00:19:36,523 Yeah, I think a lot of people don't actually realize 475 00:19:36,563 --> 00:19:39,203 that there are alternatives out there that really do work. 476 00:19:39,243 --> 00:19:43,563 My guru Alan, he cured himself of prostate cancer last year 477 00:19:43,603 --> 00:19:44,763 with walnuts. 478 00:19:44,803 --> 00:19:46,683 - Oh, give me a break. - Pardon! 479 00:19:46,723 --> 00:19:48,483 What did he do, jam them up his asshole? 480 00:19:48,523 --> 00:19:50,403 I'm sorry, you're coming into my house-- 481 00:19:50,443 --> 00:19:52,163 I don't mean to rip into your beliefs in your own home, 482 00:19:52,203 --> 00:19:55,243 but we just received some news about Sharon that is not good, 483 00:19:55,283 --> 00:19:57,323 and if I thought for a second that I could just 484 00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:59,963 rub a blueberry on her vagina and fix her I would, 485 00:20:00,003 --> 00:20:01,883 but I can't because it's bullshit! 486 00:20:01,923 --> 00:20:02,883 I think you should leave! 487 00:20:02,923 --> 00:20:04,123 I have cancer. 488 00:20:04,163 --> 00:20:06,203 No, you don't. She's lying. 489 00:20:07,923 --> 00:20:10,203 I think we pulled it back at the end. 490 00:20:10,243 --> 00:20:12,843 It was good of you to ask Chris for the recipe for that tagine. 491 00:20:12,883 --> 00:20:14,803 I thought about asking them to wake their kid up 492 00:20:14,843 --> 00:20:16,443 so I could get his autograph. 493 00:20:16,483 --> 00:20:19,083 You should have. She'd have loved that. 494 00:20:19,123 --> 00:20:20,043 Oh. 495 00:20:22,643 --> 00:20:24,763 I'm really sorry about tonight. 496 00:20:24,803 --> 00:20:28,083 Don't be. They're awful. 497 00:20:28,123 --> 00:20:29,283 And actually I was really touched 498 00:20:29,323 --> 00:20:31,843 to see you go apeshit at someone for me. 499 00:20:31,883 --> 00:20:34,123 Well, I'm scared. 500 00:20:34,163 --> 00:20:36,523 Of the not-cancer cancer? 501 00:20:36,563 --> 00:20:37,563 Of everything. 502 00:20:37,603 --> 00:20:39,403 I mean, you're pregnant, 503 00:20:39,443 --> 00:20:40,683 you might be sick, 504 00:20:40,723 --> 00:20:42,523 and I don't know what I'm doing. 505 00:20:42,563 --> 00:20:44,443 You know, my shit's still in a suitcase. 506 00:20:44,483 --> 00:20:46,603 Am I a part of your life or not? 507 00:20:46,643 --> 00:20:48,643 I mean, are we doing this for real or not? 508 00:20:48,683 --> 00:20:49,643 Well, I don't know. 509 00:20:49,683 --> 00:20:51,323 I think you should marry me. 510 00:20:51,363 --> 00:20:54,123 [laughs] What? 511 00:20:56,003 --> 00:20:56,923 Are you mental? 512 00:20:56,963 --> 00:20:58,363 Marry me and find out. 513 00:20:58,403 --> 00:20:59,723 Why? 514 00:20:59,763 --> 00:21:02,523 I mean, I literally don't know who you are. 515 00:21:02,563 --> 00:21:03,803 I mean, seriously. 516 00:21:03,843 --> 00:21:05,843 Who are you? Do you have a middle name? 517 00:21:05,883 --> 00:21:09,043 Can you ride a horse? Did a priest ever fiddle with you? 518 00:21:09,083 --> 00:21:11,083 These are things I don't know. 519 00:21:11,123 --> 00:21:13,803 Clifford. Yes. And no. 520 00:21:13,843 --> 00:21:15,643 But a nun did stay in the room with me 521 00:21:15,683 --> 00:21:17,523 when I changed out of dirty underpants once. 522 00:21:17,563 --> 00:21:19,163 [laughs] 523 00:21:19,203 --> 00:21:20,723 Oh, God. 524 00:21:20,763 --> 00:21:25,283 Oh, aren't you supposed to fall in love first? 525 00:21:25,323 --> 00:21:27,523 Well, my mom sent me an article 526 00:21:27,563 --> 00:21:30,843 about a study on arranged marriages versus love marriages, 527 00:21:30,883 --> 00:21:36,283 and they found that fewer arranged marriages end in divorce than real ones. 528 00:21:36,323 --> 00:21:38,003 Is that because they end in suicide? 529 00:21:38,043 --> 00:21:40,643 I don't know, I didn't read the whole article. 530 00:21:40,683 --> 00:21:43,363 Also, you'll need to marry me so I can stay in the country. 531 00:21:43,403 --> 00:21:45,323 Oh, God. 532 00:21:45,363 --> 00:21:49,083 You don't have to be part of its life, you know. 533 00:21:49,123 --> 00:21:51,243 I'm not expecting anything. 534 00:21:51,283 --> 00:21:52,723 Except money. 535 00:21:52,763 --> 00:21:54,603 Maybe a bit of money. 536 00:21:54,643 --> 00:21:57,163 So I just write a check every month and leave it at that? 537 00:21:57,203 --> 00:21:58,443 Fuck that. 538 00:21:58,483 --> 00:21:59,803 I didn't know my father, and it sucked. 539 00:21:59,843 --> 00:22:01,603 This kid gets a dad. 540 00:22:01,643 --> 00:22:06,243 Oh, God, you don't have to be so American about it. 541 00:22:06,283 --> 00:22:08,003 Fine. 542 00:22:10,483 --> 00:22:11,963 [grunting] 543 00:22:12,003 --> 00:22:13,483 Oh, God, hurry up, I'm not gonna come. 544 00:22:13,523 --> 00:22:14,483 [groans] 545 00:22:14,523 --> 00:22:18,203 [sighs] 546 00:22:18,243 --> 00:22:20,123 How did my vagina feel? 547 00:22:20,163 --> 00:22:21,163 It felt great. 548 00:22:21,203 --> 00:22:23,123 Yeah? Well, make the most of it, 549 00:22:23,163 --> 00:22:26,243 'cause it's not gonna feel like that for much longer. 550 00:22:26,283 --> 00:22:30,483 Not after your big-headed son scrums his way out of it. 551 00:22:30,523 --> 00:22:33,763 If it helps, I dated a woman a few years ago, 552 00:22:33,803 --> 00:22:35,523 and she'd had a couple of kids, 553 00:22:35,563 --> 00:22:38,243 and her vagina was crazy tight. 554 00:22:38,283 --> 00:22:40,683 I mean, like teenager tight. 555 00:22:40,723 --> 00:22:43,043 It was amazing. 556 00:22:43,083 --> 00:22:46,083 How do you know what a teenager's vagina feels like? 557 00:22:46,123 --> 00:22:47,963 'Cause I used to be a teenager. 558 00:22:48,003 --> 00:22:50,043 [laughs] 559 00:22:52,683 --> 00:22:54,803 And I-- I didn't-- It didn't feel cancer-y? 560 00:22:54,843 --> 00:22:57,443 No, it didn't feel cancer-y, 561 00:22:57,483 --> 00:23:01,643 because you really, sincerely don't have cancer. 562 00:23:01,683 --> 00:23:03,883 In fact, I want us to get a second opinion. 563 00:23:03,923 --> 00:23:05,843 Doctors make mistakes all the time. 564 00:23:05,883 --> 00:23:07,643 You know, they told my brother when he was ten 565 00:23:07,683 --> 00:23:09,043 that he had polio, 566 00:23:09,083 --> 00:23:11,803 but it turns out he was just clumsy. 567 00:23:11,843 --> 00:23:13,843 They probably told another kid he was clumsy, 568 00:23:13,883 --> 00:23:15,523 and then he died of polio. 569 00:23:15,563 --> 00:23:17,563 Well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. 570 00:23:17,603 --> 00:23:19,043 Yeah, well, you might have to cross that bridge alone 571 00:23:19,083 --> 00:23:21,203 because I'll be dead. 572 00:23:22,163 --> 00:23:23,683 That's the spirit. 573 00:23:32,323 --> 00:23:35,843 ♪♪[vocalizing]