1 00:00:05,763 --> 00:00:07,603 [grunting, groaning] 2 00:00:11,443 --> 00:00:12,363 Ohh! 3 00:00:18,483 --> 00:00:20,763 - Thanks. - Thank you. 4 00:00:20,803 --> 00:00:23,283 You won't be able to do that for much longer. 5 00:00:23,323 --> 00:00:24,643 Which part? 6 00:00:24,683 --> 00:00:25,923 Toss me about like a sack of radishes. 7 00:00:25,963 --> 00:00:27,523 Yeah, I will. 8 00:00:27,563 --> 00:00:29,443 You're sexier pregnant than you are not pregnant, 9 00:00:29,483 --> 00:00:31,483 and it gives me super strength. 10 00:00:31,523 --> 00:00:33,043 I'll fuck you 11 00:00:33,083 --> 00:00:35,043 and then throw you up on top of the refrigerator. 12 00:00:35,083 --> 00:00:36,883 What will I do up there? 13 00:00:36,923 --> 00:00:39,163 I don't care. 14 00:00:39,203 --> 00:00:40,843 You know how we were talking 15 00:00:40,883 --> 00:00:42,603 about doing the godparents thing? 16 00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:44,163 You were talking about it 17 00:00:44,203 --> 00:00:45,603 because you want to ask that Irish writer dude 18 00:00:45,643 --> 00:00:46,843 that you barely know. 19 00:00:46,883 --> 00:00:49,203 I don't barely know him. 20 00:00:49,243 --> 00:00:50,443 I know him. 21 00:00:50,483 --> 00:00:52,283 I went to the same school as him. 22 00:00:52,323 --> 00:00:53,963 And I just think it would be great 23 00:00:54,003 --> 00:00:55,843 for our child to have someone 24 00:00:55,883 --> 00:00:57,523 of that cultural significance in his life. 25 00:00:57,563 --> 00:00:58,803 In your life. 26 00:01:00,603 --> 00:01:02,803 Anyway, you have to christen a child 27 00:01:02,843 --> 00:01:04,283 if you want to have godparents, 28 00:01:04,323 --> 00:01:05,923 so I think we should do that. 29 00:01:05,963 --> 00:01:08,643 If I thought you halfway believed in any of that shit, 30 00:01:08,683 --> 00:01:11,043 I'd christen it three times, but you don't. 31 00:01:11,083 --> 00:01:13,203 We can't not christen the baby, Rob. 32 00:01:13,243 --> 00:01:14,963 Why? It's bullshit. 33 00:01:15,003 --> 00:01:17,523 You know that godparents have to renounce the devil? 34 00:01:17,563 --> 00:01:18,683 So what? 35 00:01:18,723 --> 00:01:20,403 How weird is that? 36 00:01:20,443 --> 00:01:22,883 A bunch of adults standing around a baby, 37 00:01:22,923 --> 00:01:24,483 pretending to believe in the devil 38 00:01:24,523 --> 00:01:25,603 so they can renounce him. 39 00:01:25,643 --> 00:01:27,403 The baby won't know. 40 00:01:27,443 --> 00:01:28,483 Yeah, but we'll know. 41 00:01:28,523 --> 00:01:30,963 - We don't care. - I care. 42 00:01:31,003 --> 00:01:34,203 Well, why don't we just have a naming ceremony? 43 00:01:34,243 --> 00:01:35,803 Because that is a bullshit 44 00:01:35,843 --> 00:01:38,283 California yoga retreat load of bullshit, 45 00:01:38,323 --> 00:01:39,963 and my parents would kill me. 46 00:01:40,003 --> 00:01:41,643 The best case scenario 47 00:01:41,683 --> 00:01:44,683 is we ask your Patrick O'Heaney to be godfather 48 00:01:44,723 --> 00:01:48,003 and he's like "Okay," and then he changes his phone number 49 00:01:48,043 --> 00:01:50,083 and writes a poem about what assholes we are. 50 00:01:54,363 --> 00:01:56,563 Ohh. I don't know. 51 00:01:56,603 --> 00:01:57,963 I just think there's pros 52 00:01:58,003 --> 00:02:00,483 in raising your kid just a little bit religious. 53 00:02:00,523 --> 00:02:03,083 Like, God is like the best friend of the lazy parent. 54 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,563 Why is the sun yellow? 55 00:02:04,603 --> 00:02:06,523 Because God's favorite color is yellow. 56 00:02:06,563 --> 00:02:10,123 Now go upstairs so I can give Dad a special hug 57 00:02:10,163 --> 00:02:11,883 and make you a little sister. 58 00:02:11,923 --> 00:02:14,083 Okay, well, that makes sense. 59 00:02:14,123 --> 00:02:16,203 I mean, it all comes back to love. 60 00:02:18,883 --> 00:02:21,163 Are you nervous about meeting my parents tomorrow? 61 00:02:21,203 --> 00:02:23,163 Yeah, but manageably. 62 00:02:23,203 --> 00:02:24,443 You? 63 00:02:24,483 --> 00:02:26,163 Don't know. 64 00:02:26,203 --> 00:02:28,083 My dad's pretty hard to talk to. 65 00:02:28,123 --> 00:02:30,043 He's like a piece of granite with bushy eyebrows. 66 00:02:30,083 --> 00:02:31,963 What about your mom? 67 00:02:32,003 --> 00:02:33,483 She's magical. 68 00:02:33,523 --> 00:02:34,923 You'll like her better than you like me. 69 00:02:34,963 --> 00:02:36,443 Great. 70 00:02:36,483 --> 00:02:39,123 How's she doing in the boob department? 71 00:02:39,163 --> 00:02:41,243 Well, she only has one 72 00:02:41,283 --> 00:02:43,523 since her mastectomy a couple of years back, 73 00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:46,163 but it's pretty big. 74 00:02:46,203 --> 00:02:47,963 Oh. 75 00:02:48,003 --> 00:02:49,363 Okay. 76 00:02:54,563 --> 00:02:56,043 Terrible flight. 77 00:02:56,083 --> 00:02:57,163 Turbulence. 78 00:02:57,203 --> 00:02:58,323 Oh. 79 00:02:58,363 --> 00:03:00,323 - Fuckin' Ryanair. - Des. 80 00:03:00,363 --> 00:03:01,883 They sat me next to a Turkish. 81 00:03:01,923 --> 00:03:02,963 A Turkish what? 82 00:03:03,003 --> 00:03:04,243 A Turkish man. 83 00:03:04,283 --> 00:03:05,203 Right. 84 00:03:05,243 --> 00:03:06,603 From Turkey. 85 00:03:06,643 --> 00:03:07,683 Right, right. 86 00:03:08,883 --> 00:03:11,083 Let me just check on the tea. 87 00:03:11,123 --> 00:03:12,563 [mouthing] 88 00:03:12,603 --> 00:03:15,883 Doesn't get any better than this, does it? 89 00:03:15,923 --> 00:03:18,083 - Your brother's place? - Oh, yeah, it's lovely. 90 00:03:18,123 --> 00:03:19,523 He's doubled his money on this place. 91 00:03:19,563 --> 00:03:21,083 He hasn't doubled his money, Dad. 92 00:03:21,123 --> 00:03:22,403 The money doubled itself. 93 00:03:22,443 --> 00:03:24,443 You know, he just sat there. 94 00:03:26,203 --> 00:03:28,123 I'll go and help with the tea. 95 00:03:28,163 --> 00:03:29,523 Where are you going? 96 00:03:36,163 --> 00:03:38,723 - I love Ireland. - You're an American. 97 00:03:38,763 --> 00:03:40,083 I'm sorry. 98 00:03:40,123 --> 00:03:42,003 I was just saying I love Ireland. 99 00:03:42,043 --> 00:03:43,403 Have you been? 100 00:03:43,443 --> 00:03:45,723 I want to. 101 00:03:47,003 --> 00:03:48,483 Ugh. 102 00:03:48,523 --> 00:03:50,403 What've they been doing since they got here? 103 00:03:50,443 --> 00:03:52,203 What have they been doing? You saw it. 104 00:03:52,243 --> 00:03:54,843 Growing mushrooms out of their arseholes on my couch. 105 00:03:54,883 --> 00:03:56,563 I told them I was going to the office earlier, 106 00:03:56,603 --> 00:03:58,123 and I hid in the girls' bedroom 107 00:03:58,163 --> 00:03:59,763 just so I could have some fucking peace. 108 00:03:59,803 --> 00:04:01,683 I had to take a piss into a sippy cup. 109 00:04:01,723 --> 00:04:03,483 [laughing] 110 00:04:03,523 --> 00:04:05,563 Can I tell them? This is taking too long. 111 00:04:05,603 --> 00:04:08,963 No. You're an observer today, okay? Like the UN. 112 00:04:09,003 --> 00:04:11,283 You say a syllable, and I'll cut your hands off. 113 00:04:13,123 --> 00:04:15,363 Whatever happened to that Owen fella? 114 00:04:15,403 --> 00:04:16,923 He was around for a while. 115 00:04:16,963 --> 00:04:19,323 He moved to Africa, didn't he, Sha? 116 00:04:19,363 --> 00:04:22,803 Hmm? Yeah. Yeah. He had to go to Africa. 117 00:04:22,843 --> 00:04:24,803 He was a good man. 118 00:04:24,843 --> 00:04:27,923 Well, I won't be running off to Africa any time soon. 119 00:04:27,963 --> 00:04:29,683 I don't even know where it is. 120 00:04:33,603 --> 00:04:36,803 So, uh, Mum, Dad, 121 00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:38,443 we've got something we'd like to tell you-- 122 00:04:38,483 --> 00:04:40,523 talk to you about. 123 00:04:40,563 --> 00:04:43,763 Lovely news I think will make you very happy, 124 00:04:43,803 --> 00:04:45,163 and that's... 125 00:04:45,203 --> 00:04:47,523 we're getting married. 126 00:04:50,843 --> 00:04:52,843 Congratulations. 127 00:04:52,883 --> 00:04:54,563 - Thanks, Mum. - I thought you were going to tell us 128 00:04:54,603 --> 00:04:56,083 you were pregnant there for a minute. 129 00:04:56,123 --> 00:04:58,323 And I'm pregnant. That's also part of this. 130 00:05:05,603 --> 00:05:07,363 Rob: Your dad will warm up. 131 00:05:07,403 --> 00:05:08,883 I mean, Fergal and I are practically-- 132 00:05:08,923 --> 00:05:10,603 I wouldn't say brothers yet 133 00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:13,763 but maybe like cousins who are also good friends. 134 00:05:13,803 --> 00:05:14,883 We really bonded when he came with me 135 00:05:14,923 --> 00:05:16,283 to pick out the ring. 136 00:05:16,323 --> 00:05:19,363 And we both laughed when your dad farted at the TV 137 00:05:19,403 --> 00:05:20,843 when Tottenham scored that goal. 138 00:05:20,883 --> 00:05:22,523 Everybody laughed at that. 139 00:05:22,563 --> 00:05:24,723 Yeah, but I think Fergal and I the hardest. 140 00:05:24,763 --> 00:05:28,043 Hey, why don't we ask Fergal to be the godfather? 141 00:05:28,083 --> 00:05:30,603 He's not technically an adult in the eyes of the Church. 142 00:05:30,643 --> 00:05:32,243 What? 143 00:05:32,283 --> 00:05:34,363 He missed his confirmation because he had the measles, 144 00:05:34,403 --> 00:05:36,043 and then he refused to do it the following year 145 00:05:36,083 --> 00:05:38,043 because he'd a growth spurt and a mustache by then. 146 00:05:38,083 --> 00:05:40,123 Also, fuck him. I don't want him to do it. 147 00:05:40,163 --> 00:05:42,283 Your mom cornered me at one point 148 00:05:42,323 --> 00:05:43,643 and asked me where I go to Mass. 149 00:05:43,683 --> 00:05:44,683 What did you say? 150 00:05:44,723 --> 00:05:46,083 Saint Mary's. 151 00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:51,203 How are we feeling? 152 00:05:51,243 --> 00:05:54,283 Fine, I guess. Not terrible. 153 00:05:54,323 --> 00:05:57,523 I mean, emotionally, I suppose, I'm like... 154 00:05:57,563 --> 00:06:00,043 A dumpster fire. 155 00:06:00,083 --> 00:06:01,843 A bit up and down. 156 00:06:01,883 --> 00:06:04,283 Good. Now, I do have something 157 00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:07,283 that we need to discuss that is somewhat serious. 158 00:06:07,323 --> 00:06:08,723 - It's full cancer now? - No, no. 159 00:06:08,763 --> 00:06:10,363 No, it's not that. What it is, 160 00:06:10,403 --> 00:06:12,003 we've been catching up on screenings 161 00:06:12,043 --> 00:06:13,523 that your first doctor didn't do. 162 00:06:13,563 --> 00:06:15,803 One of them is the combined test, 163 00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:18,043 and that tells us if there's a chromosomal abnormality. 164 00:06:18,083 --> 00:06:19,723 What does that mean? 165 00:06:19,763 --> 00:06:21,403 It would mean that there's a higher risk 166 00:06:21,443 --> 00:06:22,883 of your baby having Down syndrome. 167 00:06:22,923 --> 00:06:26,403 Because in a geriatric pregnancy-- 168 00:06:26,443 --> 00:06:27,603 Geriatric? 169 00:06:27,643 --> 00:06:29,403 It's just a term. 170 00:06:29,443 --> 00:06:32,283 But according to the combined test, 171 00:06:32,323 --> 00:06:36,043 you are looking at a 1 in 50 risk 172 00:06:36,083 --> 00:06:38,283 that your child has Down syndrome. 173 00:06:38,323 --> 00:06:40,963 Well, Christ. 174 00:06:41,003 --> 00:06:43,803 1 in 50? That's not that bad. 175 00:06:43,843 --> 00:06:45,523 - What are you, a sadist? - Sharon. 176 00:06:45,563 --> 00:06:46,883 No, why do I need to know that? 177 00:06:46,923 --> 00:06:48,523 Because the risk should ideally be 178 00:06:48,563 --> 00:06:49,883 three times as low, 179 00:06:49,923 --> 00:06:51,003 and I am required to tell you that 180 00:06:51,043 --> 00:06:53,603 in case you need to prepare 181 00:06:53,643 --> 00:06:57,003 for a substantially different child-rearing experience. 182 00:06:59,003 --> 00:07:01,283 You know, some people decide 183 00:07:01,323 --> 00:07:03,043 they won't ever be ready for that. 184 00:07:06,003 --> 00:07:07,003 Honey-- 185 00:07:15,843 --> 00:07:16,843 Why-- 186 00:07:16,883 --> 00:07:18,243 Where are my knickers? 187 00:07:18,283 --> 00:07:19,323 - Uh-- - Where are my-- 188 00:07:26,923 --> 00:07:28,963 Can you think up 189 00:07:29,003 --> 00:07:31,443 or make up some good news 190 00:07:31,483 --> 00:07:32,763 for the next time we come in? 191 00:07:32,803 --> 00:07:34,643 Uh, okay. 192 00:07:35,763 --> 00:07:37,523 Thank you. 193 00:07:41,843 --> 00:07:44,403 Rob: Oh. Hey, Melissa, she just came in. 194 00:07:44,443 --> 00:07:45,923 Okay. Thank you. 195 00:07:47,283 --> 00:07:48,963 Where the hell have you been? 196 00:07:49,003 --> 00:07:50,123 I walked to Croydon. 197 00:07:51,323 --> 00:07:53,123 Okay. Is that far? 198 00:07:53,163 --> 00:07:54,923 It's about 13 miles. 199 00:07:54,963 --> 00:07:57,003 Well, if you ever need to do that again, 200 00:07:57,043 --> 00:07:59,963 please let me shadow you from a block back or something. 201 00:08:00,003 --> 00:08:02,043 Okay. 202 00:08:07,483 --> 00:08:09,363 What are we going to do? 203 00:08:09,403 --> 00:08:12,043 Why couldn't you come over here and got me pregnant ten years ago? 204 00:08:12,083 --> 00:08:14,203 - What the hell were you doing then? - Nothing that cool. 205 00:08:14,243 --> 00:08:16,843 Can't I just enjoy my fucking pregnancy? 206 00:08:16,883 --> 00:08:18,763 Why can't I go to the doctor one time 207 00:08:18,803 --> 00:08:20,163 and not get a bombshell 208 00:08:20,203 --> 00:08:22,003 that makes me want to just rip all my hair out? 209 00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:23,763 Every time I see a happy pregnant woman on the street, 210 00:08:23,803 --> 00:08:24,883 I want to punch her. 211 00:08:26,963 --> 00:08:28,203 I know. 212 00:08:28,243 --> 00:08:30,203 And I'm so sorry. 213 00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:32,043 And I don't expect this 214 00:08:32,083 --> 00:08:33,683 to make you feel better right now, 215 00:08:33,723 --> 00:08:37,363 but the fucking math of it all is still in our favor, 216 00:08:37,403 --> 00:08:40,683 even if it's worse math than most people get. 217 00:08:40,723 --> 00:08:41,963 I don't know. 218 00:08:42,003 --> 00:08:43,643 Maths. 219 00:08:43,683 --> 00:08:44,923 Maths. 220 00:08:44,963 --> 00:08:47,123 Fuck maths. 221 00:08:47,163 --> 00:08:48,683 Fuck each math. 222 00:08:48,723 --> 00:08:52,363 My uncle Kenny has Down syndrome, 223 00:08:52,403 --> 00:08:54,403 and he's a cool guy. 224 00:08:54,443 --> 00:08:55,923 - Your uncle Kenny? - Yeah. 225 00:08:55,963 --> 00:08:57,883 He showed me my first picture of a boob. 226 00:08:57,923 --> 00:08:59,963 It was in a breast health pamphlet or something. 227 00:09:00,003 --> 00:09:01,563 Well, I'm sure your uncle Kenny 228 00:09:01,603 --> 00:09:03,203 was great fun to hang out with when you were little, 229 00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:04,803 but do you hang out with him now? 230 00:09:04,843 --> 00:09:06,883 Because somebody has to. They need more help forever. 231 00:09:06,923 --> 00:09:08,123 Are you ready for that? 232 00:09:08,163 --> 00:09:10,083 Well, no. I haven't seen him in-- 233 00:09:10,123 --> 00:09:11,683 But that's not the point. The point is-- 234 00:09:11,723 --> 00:09:13,403 I don't know if I'm a good enough person 235 00:09:13,443 --> 00:09:14,963 to be able to look after a disabled child. 236 00:09:15,003 --> 00:09:16,323 Neither am I. 237 00:09:16,363 --> 00:09:17,563 A friend of mine's brother 238 00:09:17,603 --> 00:09:19,003 had Down syndrome, 239 00:09:19,043 --> 00:09:20,523 and his parents were still looking after him 240 00:09:20,563 --> 00:09:22,123 when they were in their 70s. 241 00:09:22,163 --> 00:09:24,203 And then the dad died, and it was just the mum left. 242 00:09:24,243 --> 00:09:26,403 I used to see them in the supermarket, 243 00:09:26,443 --> 00:09:30,203 and she never once looked anything but old 244 00:09:30,243 --> 00:09:32,803 and really, really tired. 245 00:09:32,843 --> 00:09:36,523 Well, who fucking whistles their way around a supermarket? 246 00:09:36,563 --> 00:09:39,043 You know, maybe they went home and smoked a joint 247 00:09:39,083 --> 00:09:41,603 and watched Judge Judy, and had a great time. 248 00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:46,683 [man on TV speaking] 249 00:09:47,963 --> 00:09:49,723 What do you want to do? 250 00:09:49,763 --> 00:09:52,363 Do you mind if we don't talk about it anymore? 251 00:09:54,603 --> 00:09:55,923 Chris: It's not going to happen. 252 00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:58,123 - Rob: But if it did-- - It's not. 253 00:09:58,163 --> 00:10:00,163 Put it this way: imagine you've got 254 00:10:00,203 --> 00:10:02,243 a 1 in 100 chance of winning the lottery. 255 00:10:02,283 --> 00:10:03,443 It's 1 in 50. 256 00:10:03,483 --> 00:10:05,043 Fine. 1 in 50 chance 257 00:10:05,083 --> 00:10:07,003 of winning the lottery if you buy a ticket tomorrow. 258 00:10:07,043 --> 00:10:08,283 Feeling good about your chances? 259 00:10:08,323 --> 00:10:09,683 - No, but-- - There you go. 260 00:10:09,723 --> 00:10:11,163 If you're not going to win that, 261 00:10:11,203 --> 00:10:12,563 why would you win this one? 262 00:10:12,603 --> 00:10:14,523 - That's a good point. - Side point, 263 00:10:14,563 --> 00:10:16,363 the lottery is for mouth-breathing idiots 264 00:10:16,403 --> 00:10:18,123 and should be illegal. 265 00:10:18,163 --> 00:10:21,203 My cunt dad pissed away every paycheck at Ladbrokes 266 00:10:21,243 --> 00:10:23,283 till the day he shot himself in our barn. 267 00:10:27,603 --> 00:10:29,363 Fuck, that is good cake. 268 00:10:29,403 --> 00:10:31,683 Ohh. By the way, 269 00:10:31,723 --> 00:10:33,203 Fran thinks I'm having an affair. 270 00:10:33,243 --> 00:10:35,363 She found the receipts from all our din-dins 271 00:10:35,403 --> 00:10:36,843 and jumped to conclusions, 272 00:10:36,883 --> 00:10:38,283 so I had to tell her I'd been out with you. 273 00:10:38,323 --> 00:10:39,963 - What? - It's all right. 274 00:10:40,003 --> 00:10:42,363 She wants to meet with you and sort it out. 275 00:10:42,403 --> 00:10:44,923 Why? No, I'm sorry. 276 00:10:44,963 --> 00:10:47,003 This is not a good time 277 00:10:47,043 --> 00:10:48,483 Don't be a bastard. 278 00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:50,043 Life goes on. 279 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:53,043 So man up and talk to my wife for me. 280 00:10:57,443 --> 00:10:58,883 "Spleeny"? 281 00:10:58,923 --> 00:11:01,563 That's not a word. 282 00:11:01,603 --> 00:11:02,683 Yeah, it is. 283 00:11:02,723 --> 00:11:04,043 It is a word. 284 00:11:04,083 --> 00:11:05,883 - Spleeny? - Yeah, spleeny. 285 00:11:05,923 --> 00:11:09,843 Like, if I walk into a room with a pile of human spleens. 286 00:11:09,883 --> 00:11:12,643 Yeah. You'd say, "It smells a bit spleeny in here." 287 00:11:12,683 --> 00:11:14,923 What? No. We said we weren't looking things up. 288 00:11:14,963 --> 00:11:16,483 - Rob, don't-- Ohh. - [phone rings] 289 00:11:19,923 --> 00:11:21,923 Who's calling you? 290 00:11:21,963 --> 00:11:22,923 Who's calling me? 291 00:11:22,963 --> 00:11:24,083 Yeah. 292 00:11:24,123 --> 00:11:26,923 Uh... Oh. Chris. 293 00:11:29,123 --> 00:11:31,643 Fran found out Chris and I were dating, 294 00:11:31,683 --> 00:11:33,483 and he wants me to go and talk to her. 295 00:11:33,523 --> 00:11:35,043 You bellend. 296 00:11:36,523 --> 00:11:37,923 Spleeny works. 297 00:11:37,963 --> 00:11:39,403 That's-- You win. 298 00:11:39,443 --> 00:11:41,603 Yes! Bananas! 299 00:11:41,643 --> 00:11:42,803 [bell rings] 300 00:11:42,843 --> 00:11:44,083 So I think when you consider 301 00:11:44,123 --> 00:11:46,683 everything that happened in the 14th century, 302 00:11:46,723 --> 00:11:48,323 complaining about whether you can find 303 00:11:48,363 --> 00:11:51,763 a socket for your iPad charger, Kiki, 304 00:11:51,803 --> 00:11:53,203 when you're on holiday with your parents-- 305 00:11:53,243 --> 00:11:54,523 [phone buzzes] 306 00:11:54,563 --> 00:11:58,283 All right, turn to page 46, chapter 8. 307 00:11:58,323 --> 00:12:00,043 Just read from there. 308 00:12:00,083 --> 00:12:02,043 - Hello. - Hello. Is that Ms. Morris? 309 00:12:02,083 --> 00:12:03,923 - Yep, it is. - Oh, great. 310 00:12:03,963 --> 00:12:05,723 I thought I'd got the wrong number there. 311 00:12:05,763 --> 00:12:07,163 I'm calling because Dr. Harris 312 00:12:07,203 --> 00:12:08,563 did some tests with you the other day. 313 00:12:08,603 --> 00:12:09,963 - Yeah. - Yeah. 314 00:12:10,003 --> 00:12:11,683 There was an error in the results. 315 00:12:11,723 --> 00:12:13,603 It turns out the chances of chromosomal abnormality 316 00:12:13,643 --> 00:12:15,363 aren't 1 in 50, as you were told. 317 00:12:15,403 --> 00:12:17,483 - Oh. Well-- - Mm. 318 00:12:17,523 --> 00:12:19,083 Well, that's-- I mean, is that-- 319 00:12:19,123 --> 00:12:21,163 It's actually closer to about 1 in 25. 320 00:12:21,203 --> 00:12:22,683 Sorry about that. 321 00:12:22,723 --> 00:12:24,123 I'm not sure what happened there. 322 00:12:24,163 --> 00:12:26,083 The doctor suggested you pop in 323 00:12:26,123 --> 00:12:28,003 and chat about the option of amniocentesis. 324 00:12:28,043 --> 00:12:30,083 He can recommend an expert in the field. 325 00:12:30,123 --> 00:12:32,283 Let us know, okay? Sorry again. 326 00:12:32,323 --> 00:12:33,883 - Bye, now. - Bye, now. 327 00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:48,203 Oh, shit. Sorry. 328 00:12:52,803 --> 00:12:55,883 It's okay. I've just been sick. 329 00:12:55,923 --> 00:12:57,443 Just excuse me. 330 00:13:01,963 --> 00:13:03,643 Is she drunk? 331 00:13:03,683 --> 00:13:05,523 She was drunk at the Christmas concert last year. 332 00:13:05,563 --> 00:13:07,083 [laughter] 333 00:13:07,123 --> 00:13:08,723 Ahem. 334 00:13:08,763 --> 00:13:10,803 Mr. Norris isn't joining us? 335 00:13:10,843 --> 00:13:12,243 No. 336 00:13:12,283 --> 00:13:14,323 Now, it takes a week to get the test results. 337 00:13:14,363 --> 00:13:16,563 You also have to know that the risk of miscarriage 338 00:13:16,603 --> 00:13:19,603 just from getting the test done does exist. 339 00:13:22,123 --> 00:13:23,323 Ms. Morris? 340 00:13:24,643 --> 00:13:26,163 Sorry. I was just, um, 341 00:13:26,203 --> 00:13:27,963 I was just trying to work out 342 00:13:28,003 --> 00:13:30,603 how I mentally cope with the nightmare scenario 343 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:35,003 of having a needle stuck in my belly into my baby's neck, 344 00:13:35,043 --> 00:13:37,363 risking miscarriage. 345 00:13:37,403 --> 00:13:39,323 I don't-- 346 00:13:39,363 --> 00:13:42,443 I mean, can you say something to help? 347 00:13:42,483 --> 00:13:44,963 You will have a much clearer picture 348 00:13:45,003 --> 00:13:46,243 of your prospects 349 00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:47,523 with the amnio. 350 00:13:49,483 --> 00:13:50,843 Great. 351 00:13:52,003 --> 00:13:53,163 Thanks. 352 00:13:55,203 --> 00:13:57,083 Um... 353 00:13:57,123 --> 00:14:00,043 so I mean, was there anything else? 354 00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:04,723 Is Mummy here? 355 00:14:04,763 --> 00:14:06,283 Mummy? 356 00:14:06,323 --> 00:14:08,523 Jesus, get in here. You're a mess. 357 00:14:12,163 --> 00:14:13,843 Was Dad okay after we left? 358 00:14:13,883 --> 00:14:15,763 Ah, he'll warm to it. 359 00:14:15,803 --> 00:14:18,163 His heart did go out of rhythm, though, afterwards. 360 00:14:18,203 --> 00:14:20,083 He had to take one of his pills and lie down. 361 00:14:20,123 --> 00:14:21,163 Oh, please. 362 00:14:21,203 --> 00:14:23,043 His heart went out of rhythm 363 00:14:23,083 --> 00:14:24,443 because his only daughter is getting married? 364 00:14:24,483 --> 00:14:26,083 - And pregnant. - Yeah, with a baby, 365 00:14:26,123 --> 00:14:27,763 not a wombat. 366 00:14:27,803 --> 00:14:29,043 Oh, yes, yes, yes. 367 00:14:29,083 --> 00:14:31,243 Where have you come from? 368 00:14:31,283 --> 00:14:32,723 I was at the doctor. 369 00:14:32,763 --> 00:14:34,003 Why? 370 00:14:34,043 --> 00:14:35,643 Well, because I'm pregnant. 371 00:14:35,683 --> 00:14:37,603 You know, you go to the doctor when you're pregnant 372 00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:39,123 so they can tell you if everything's okay, 373 00:14:39,163 --> 00:14:40,723 you know, if there's any issues. 374 00:14:40,763 --> 00:14:43,323 You couldn't find out any of that stuff in my day. 375 00:14:43,363 --> 00:14:45,163 In my day you had two choices: 376 00:14:45,203 --> 00:14:47,283 you either liked what you had, or you didn't like it 377 00:14:47,323 --> 00:14:48,883 and you buried it behind the old oak tree. 378 00:14:48,923 --> 00:14:50,883 - God forgive me. - Mum! 379 00:14:52,243 --> 00:14:54,923 Oh, God, no. I didn't. 380 00:14:54,963 --> 00:14:57,803 Just-- Well, that's the way it was. 381 00:14:57,843 --> 00:15:01,203 But everything's all right, though, with you and the baby? 382 00:15:01,243 --> 00:15:04,883 Oh, no! You knock-kneed fuckin' idiot! 383 00:15:04,923 --> 00:15:07,163 Des! Mind your heart! 384 00:15:07,203 --> 00:15:08,763 Yes, yes. 385 00:15:08,803 --> 00:15:10,083 Couldn't be better. 386 00:15:11,603 --> 00:15:13,563 Ah, that's great. 387 00:15:13,603 --> 00:15:15,363 Rob: First, 388 00:15:15,403 --> 00:15:19,243 I want to really, unreservedly apologize 389 00:15:19,283 --> 00:15:21,243 for the way I behaved when we came to dinner. 390 00:15:21,283 --> 00:15:23,243 That's okay. 391 00:15:23,283 --> 00:15:26,563 I probably shouldn't have got quite so riled up. 392 00:15:26,603 --> 00:15:29,163 Well, maybe a little bit when you were shouting 393 00:15:29,203 --> 00:15:31,083 about shoving blueberries up arseholes. 394 00:15:31,123 --> 00:15:33,883 Was it blueberries? I thought I said walnuts. 395 00:15:33,923 --> 00:15:35,523 Well, that's neither here nor there. 396 00:15:35,563 --> 00:15:37,483 No, no, I-- 397 00:15:37,523 --> 00:15:38,803 So how's Jeffrey? 398 00:15:38,843 --> 00:15:40,323 Jeffrey's great. 399 00:15:40,363 --> 00:15:42,203 He's about to make his West End debut 400 00:15:42,243 --> 00:15:44,123 with Alan Rickman. Lovely man. 401 00:15:44,163 --> 00:15:45,803 Do you know, he's nearly 70. 402 00:15:45,843 --> 00:15:48,803 Still very muscular, though. 403 00:15:48,843 --> 00:15:50,803 Anyway, Rob, 404 00:15:50,843 --> 00:15:52,203 I'm sure you're aware 405 00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:54,523 that Chris and I have had our little... 406 00:15:54,563 --> 00:15:56,843 internal disagreements. 407 00:15:56,883 --> 00:15:58,163 He's a very tricky man. 408 00:15:58,203 --> 00:15:59,803 - Yeah, but he's-- - Very tricky. 409 00:15:59,843 --> 00:16:01,803 Mm-hmm. 410 00:16:01,843 --> 00:16:04,403 And he shouldn't have kept you for his secret. 411 00:16:04,443 --> 00:16:07,403 because that makes me look like I'm... 412 00:16:07,443 --> 00:16:09,883 like... 413 00:16:09,923 --> 00:16:12,123 It's really hard being married. 414 00:16:13,723 --> 00:16:15,163 Sometimes I just want to scream. 415 00:16:15,203 --> 00:16:16,563 Maybe you should. 416 00:16:16,603 --> 00:16:18,643 I mean, kids scream all the time, 417 00:16:18,683 --> 00:16:20,603 and then they're happy the rest of the time. 418 00:16:20,643 --> 00:16:22,003 And adults, 419 00:16:22,043 --> 00:16:24,363 we try to just keep everything stuffed in a box 420 00:16:24,403 --> 00:16:27,283 that explodes every once in a while and hurts people. 421 00:16:27,323 --> 00:16:28,443 Yeah. 422 00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:31,923 Well, Mister. 423 00:16:33,403 --> 00:16:35,283 I really miss Sharon. 424 00:16:35,323 --> 00:16:37,283 And you're not so bad yourself. 425 00:16:39,243 --> 00:16:43,003 We'd love to give it another go with you guys. 426 00:16:43,043 --> 00:16:45,683 Well, we could get together and scream, 427 00:16:45,723 --> 00:16:47,123 just not at each other this time. 428 00:16:47,163 --> 00:16:48,323 Funny. 429 00:16:48,363 --> 00:16:49,763 You're funny. 430 00:16:49,803 --> 00:16:52,843 Oh, Rob. 431 00:17:00,483 --> 00:17:03,483 Mm. Mm! 432 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:05,443 This is-- No, we-- Chris. 433 00:17:05,483 --> 00:17:06,563 - What-- - I was just-- 434 00:17:07,323 --> 00:17:08,683 I'm sorry. 435 00:17:32,203 --> 00:17:33,803 - Hey. - Hi. 436 00:17:37,963 --> 00:17:39,323 - There's something-- - I've been to the doctor 437 00:17:39,363 --> 00:17:41,043 without telling you 438 00:17:41,083 --> 00:17:42,603 because, um, they rang 439 00:17:42,643 --> 00:17:45,323 and said that chances are higher than they thought. 440 00:17:45,363 --> 00:17:46,603 Sorry. 441 00:17:46,643 --> 00:17:48,723 And sorry I haven't been talking to you. 442 00:17:48,763 --> 00:17:49,923 That's okay. 443 00:17:49,963 --> 00:17:51,323 It's because I can't. 444 00:17:51,363 --> 00:17:53,683 I mean there's parts of my heart and my brain 445 00:17:53,723 --> 00:17:56,243 that I can't even visit right now. 446 00:17:56,283 --> 00:17:59,363 But I want to know. 447 00:17:59,403 --> 00:18:01,203 I mean, I don't know what I'll-- 448 00:18:01,243 --> 00:18:03,203 what we will do when we find out 449 00:18:03,243 --> 00:18:05,003 because I can't even-- 450 00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:07,723 All I know is I need to know. 451 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,483 At least we can see him quickly, 452 00:18:12,523 --> 00:18:14,083 since there's, like, eight people in the country 453 00:18:14,123 --> 00:18:16,043 - who can afford him. - They say he's the best. 454 00:18:16,083 --> 00:18:18,523 He says he's the best. So arrogant. 455 00:18:18,563 --> 00:18:20,403 He looks like Elton John on his website. 456 00:18:20,443 --> 00:18:23,243 Or like if Elton John had a baby and Kanye West raised it. 457 00:18:23,283 --> 00:18:26,523 He's the Kanye West of Amniocentesis. 458 00:18:27,763 --> 00:18:29,363 Are you okay? 459 00:18:31,603 --> 00:18:33,603 What a smug fucker. 460 00:18:33,643 --> 00:18:37,043 Smugger than a doctor and an architect combined. 461 00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:40,643 Can't believe he referred to himself as "Magic Fingers." 462 00:18:40,683 --> 00:18:42,443 I want to be like that. 463 00:18:42,483 --> 00:18:44,443 I want to be a confident clown. 464 00:18:44,483 --> 00:18:46,603 God, he smelled good, too, didn't he? 465 00:18:46,643 --> 00:18:47,723 Oh, yeah. 466 00:18:47,763 --> 00:18:48,963 What was that? 467 00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:51,163 That fucking needle, though. 468 00:18:51,203 --> 00:18:53,203 Sorry I sent you out of the room. 469 00:18:53,243 --> 00:18:55,483 I would've let you stay if you weren't audibly crying, 470 00:18:55,523 --> 00:18:57,843 you know, if there hadn't been a noise component. 471 00:18:57,883 --> 00:18:59,763 I cannot believe it didn't hurt. 472 00:18:59,803 --> 00:19:01,563 It didn't. 473 00:19:01,603 --> 00:19:03,603 I'll see that needle in my nightmares 474 00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:05,643 until the day I die, but it didn't hurt. 475 00:19:05,683 --> 00:19:07,763 You're going to be a champ giving birth. 476 00:19:07,803 --> 00:19:09,763 You'll just yawn, and it'll fall right out. 477 00:19:09,803 --> 00:19:11,483 Because of my roomy vagina? 478 00:19:11,523 --> 00:19:13,883 Hey, I mean, it's like a cozy little room, 479 00:19:13,923 --> 00:19:16,923 like a laundry room, not like a meeting hall. 480 00:19:19,563 --> 00:19:21,523 - Hi. - Hey. 481 00:19:21,563 --> 00:19:22,803 How are you? 482 00:19:22,843 --> 00:19:24,603 Come in. Come in. 483 00:19:25,723 --> 00:19:27,083 Is Rob home? 484 00:19:27,123 --> 00:19:29,283 No. No, don't worry. I know all about it. 485 00:19:29,323 --> 00:19:33,763 Oh. Okay. 486 00:19:33,803 --> 00:19:35,203 What did he say? 487 00:19:35,243 --> 00:19:36,603 Just that he was sorry 488 00:19:36,643 --> 00:19:38,243 and, you know, it must seem weird. 489 00:19:38,283 --> 00:19:39,803 Silly. 490 00:19:39,843 --> 00:19:41,163 I'm just glad it's all out in the open. 491 00:19:41,203 --> 00:19:42,163 Oh. 492 00:19:42,203 --> 00:19:44,443 You're very kind. 493 00:19:44,483 --> 00:19:46,243 It was just one kiss. 494 00:19:47,243 --> 00:19:48,643 Sorry. What? 495 00:19:48,683 --> 00:19:51,283 I think Rob and I both regret what happened. 496 00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:56,083 Rob and I kissed. 497 00:19:57,443 --> 00:19:58,763 It was just a moment's nothing. 498 00:19:58,803 --> 00:20:02,043 It was just-- 499 00:20:02,083 --> 00:20:04,083 I'm very sorry. 500 00:20:05,483 --> 00:20:07,203 Ohh. 501 00:20:09,003 --> 00:20:10,323 [door closes] 502 00:20:10,363 --> 00:20:12,683 I had a visitor today. 503 00:20:12,723 --> 00:20:14,003 Really? 504 00:20:14,043 --> 00:20:15,323 Yeah, really. 505 00:20:15,363 --> 00:20:17,123 Fran came to see me. 506 00:20:17,163 --> 00:20:18,443 Oh, well-- 507 00:20:18,483 --> 00:20:19,563 Did you sleep with Fran? 508 00:20:19,603 --> 00:20:21,763 Oh, my God, no. 509 00:20:21,803 --> 00:20:23,243 Is that what you-- 510 00:20:23,283 --> 00:20:25,763 No, no, no, no, no, no. She kissed me. 511 00:20:25,803 --> 00:20:27,803 She practically ate a piece of my gum. 512 00:20:27,843 --> 00:20:29,283 The reason that I didn't say anything 513 00:20:29,323 --> 00:20:31,723 is because I didn't want to embarrass her. 514 00:20:31,763 --> 00:20:33,163 You gotta believe me. 515 00:20:33,203 --> 00:20:34,803 I don't know what to believe, Rob. 516 00:20:34,843 --> 00:20:37,483 This has totally backfired. I was only trying to-- 517 00:20:39,163 --> 00:20:40,803 Of course I believe you. 518 00:20:40,843 --> 00:20:42,923 You son of a bitch! 519 00:20:43,723 --> 00:20:45,803 Your face. 520 00:20:45,843 --> 00:20:47,123 Oh, you're on your knees. 521 00:20:47,163 --> 00:20:49,123 Oh, that's so good. 522 00:20:51,163 --> 00:20:52,923 I might have got a bit carried away, though. 523 00:20:52,963 --> 00:20:55,923 I asked them to be godparents. 524 00:20:55,963 --> 00:20:58,163 At least they've got money if we die. 525 00:21:04,123 --> 00:21:07,683 [horror movie music ringtone] 526 00:21:14,083 --> 00:21:15,963 Hello. 527 00:21:16,003 --> 00:21:17,043 Yeah. 528 00:21:22,163 --> 00:21:23,563 Okay. Yeah. 529 00:21:23,603 --> 00:21:24,883 Thank you very much. 530 00:21:39,403 --> 00:21:41,163 You okay, Miss? 531 00:21:41,203 --> 00:21:42,523 Yeah, I'm great. 532 00:21:42,563 --> 00:21:44,163 You can't lie there. 533 00:21:44,203 --> 00:21:46,883 I'm just waiting for my fiancé. 534 00:21:48,043 --> 00:21:50,003 - Are you okay? - Yeah. 535 00:21:53,963 --> 00:21:56,483 Uh, the hospital just called. 536 00:21:58,963 --> 00:22:01,283 So it's all okay. 537 00:22:14,523 --> 00:22:15,603 I'll see you in a few months. 538 00:22:15,643 --> 00:22:17,443 All right, love. 539 00:22:17,483 --> 00:22:19,443 Now don't forget to eat. 540 00:22:20,563 --> 00:22:22,163 - Bye, Dad. - Goodbye, dear. 541 00:22:22,203 --> 00:22:23,923 - Listen, just-- - Oh, no, don't be silly. 542 00:22:23,963 --> 00:22:26,083 No, no, no. For the baby. 543 00:22:27,163 --> 00:22:28,123 Bye. 544 00:22:36,163 --> 00:22:37,843 For fuck's sake. 545 00:22:55,643 --> 00:22:56,563 Sorry. 546 00:22:58,323 --> 00:23:00,363 She's gorgeous. 547 00:23:01,443 --> 00:23:02,923 She is, isn't she? 548 00:23:18,643 --> 00:23:21,243 Donovan: ♪ Ah, but I may as well 549 00:23:21,283 --> 00:23:24,883 ♪ Try and catch the wind 550 00:23:27,163 --> 00:23:31,643 ♪ When rain has hung the leaves with tears ♪ 551 00:23:31,683 --> 00:23:33,683 ♪ I want you near 552 00:23:33,723 --> 00:23:35,843 ♪ To kill my fears 553 00:23:35,883 --> 00:23:42,003 ♪ To help me to leave all my blues behind ♪ 554 00:23:43,803 --> 00:23:47,443 ♪ For standing in your heart 555 00:23:47,483 --> 00:23:51,483 ♪ Is where I want to be...