1 00:00:05,094 --> 00:00:07,374 Can we get an update on what's shakin' out over there? 2 00:00:07,384 --> 00:00:09,044 It'd be great to get a clearer idea 3 00:00:09,084 --> 00:00:10,644 of what you've been doin'. 4 00:00:10,684 --> 00:00:12,004 Up your game, like the guy said. 5 00:00:12,044 --> 00:00:14,494 Maybe buy a suit with normal length arms. 6 00:00:14,534 --> 00:00:16,004 Do you think Clive Owen would wear that? 7 00:00:16,044 --> 00:00:18,084 - Fran thinks I'm having an affair. - What? 8 00:00:18,124 --> 00:00:20,324 She wants to meet with you and sort it out. 9 00:00:23,644 --> 00:00:24,924 This is-- 10 00:00:24,964 --> 00:00:26,004 No! 11 00:00:27,404 --> 00:00:28,874 No, I asked you the one simple thing. 12 00:00:28,914 --> 00:00:30,014 - Fuck off! - Oh, tell me to fuck off. 13 00:00:30,034 --> 00:00:31,484 Yeah, I'm telling you to fuck off. 14 00:00:31,534 --> 00:00:32,804 That reminds me. 15 00:00:32,844 --> 00:00:35,604 We really should go ahead and pull the trigger on the wedding. 16 00:00:35,644 --> 00:00:38,124 Should I make an appointment at the registry office? 17 00:00:38,164 --> 00:00:40,644 I don't know if I want to do it at a registry office. 18 00:00:40,684 --> 00:00:43,004 - Why not? - Well, bec-- 19 00:00:43,044 --> 00:00:45,364 It's embarrassing but when I was 19 20 00:00:45,404 --> 00:00:48,164 this Polish guy who used to come into the restaurant where I worked at 21 00:00:48,204 --> 00:00:51,084 he paid me to be a witness at his registry office wedding. 22 00:00:51,124 --> 00:00:53,084 You were a witness whore? 23 00:00:53,124 --> 00:00:55,524 Yeah, well, 50 quid. 24 00:00:55,564 --> 00:00:57,444 Anyway, he took us all to TGI Friday afterwards, 25 00:00:57,484 --> 00:01:00,084 and he and the English girl he married, they got beyond pissed, 26 00:01:00,124 --> 00:01:02,364 and he fell over and broke his jaw on a urinal. 27 00:01:02,404 --> 00:01:03,684 - How the fuck? - I don't know, 28 00:01:03,724 --> 00:01:04,884 and since I was the least drunk person there, 29 00:01:04,924 --> 00:01:06,284 I had to take him to the hospital. 30 00:01:06,324 --> 00:01:08,204 He freaked out and kicked a nurse in the stomach, 31 00:01:08,244 --> 00:01:09,964 and then he threw a wheelchair at a vending machine. 32 00:01:10,004 --> 00:01:11,604 - Wow. - Yeah. 33 00:01:11,644 --> 00:01:13,804 So, you know, I don't want our wedding to be like that. 34 00:01:13,844 --> 00:01:15,364 Yeah, me neither. 35 00:01:15,404 --> 00:01:17,724 The last big wedding I went to was my sister's. 36 00:01:17,764 --> 00:01:19,164 300 people. 37 00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:20,884 That was the one I shat my pants at. 38 00:01:20,924 --> 00:01:22,324 Oh, yeah. 39 00:01:22,364 --> 00:01:23,844 What'd your sister think about that? 40 00:01:23,884 --> 00:01:26,164 She didn't care for it. I mean, nobody did. 41 00:01:26,204 --> 00:01:28,684 I think after the fact, for anecdotal value, 42 00:01:28,724 --> 00:01:29,904 people were glad it happened. 43 00:01:29,904 --> 00:01:30,924 Yeah, of course. 44 00:01:30,964 --> 00:01:33,804 But, you know, I wouldn't do it again. 45 00:01:33,844 --> 00:01:35,404 Yeah, we don't have to have 300 people, 46 00:01:35,444 --> 00:01:37,244 you know, just some family and friends, 47 00:01:37,284 --> 00:01:38,764 - and a few Scotch eggs. - Hmm. 48 00:01:38,804 --> 00:01:40,044 What do you think? 49 00:01:40,084 --> 00:01:41,364 You up for doing something more than 50 00:01:41,404 --> 00:01:44,004 a sad transaction in a gray building? 51 00:01:44,044 --> 00:01:46,644 - Definitely. - Great. 52 00:01:46,684 --> 00:01:48,244 What'd you think if I asked your mother? 53 00:01:48,284 --> 00:01:49,924 Sure. Go ahead. 54 00:01:49,964 --> 00:01:51,804 I mean, I will say, if she wasn't my mother, 55 00:01:51,844 --> 00:01:53,604 I definitely wouldn't invite her. 56 00:01:53,644 --> 00:01:56,124 I mean, just 'cause she's not fun. Or nice. 57 00:01:56,164 --> 00:01:57,544 Yeah, we don't have to have her on our table. 58 00:01:57,564 --> 00:01:58,684 [laughing] 59 00:01:58,724 --> 00:02:03,204 [indistinct arguing] 60 00:02:03,244 --> 00:02:05,604 I love watching young couples argue. 61 00:02:05,644 --> 00:02:06,884 I can't keep my eyes off of 'em. 62 00:02:06,924 --> 00:02:08,104 [laughs] I hope he hits her. 63 00:02:08,104 --> 00:02:09,324 [laughing] 64 00:02:09,364 --> 00:02:11,324 And then the cops Tase him and he falls in the river. 65 00:02:11,364 --> 00:02:12,404 [laughs] Now you're talkin'. 66 00:02:12,444 --> 00:02:13,764 If we ever sound like that, 67 00:02:13,804 --> 00:02:16,244 please get a gun from America and shoot us both. 68 00:02:16,284 --> 00:02:17,804 We sound like that all the time. 69 00:02:17,844 --> 00:02:19,244 Do we? 70 00:02:19,284 --> 00:02:21,564 Yeah, but we've got real problems. 71 00:02:21,604 --> 00:02:25,844 ♪♪ 72 00:02:25,884 --> 00:02:27,204 Hang on a second. 73 00:02:27,244 --> 00:02:29,444 I've been at Fry and Loeb for 11 years, 74 00:02:29,484 --> 00:02:31,789 and you're gonna fire me for making you a shit load of money, 75 00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:32,974 and opening a UK office? 76 00:02:33,004 --> 00:02:34,164 We're not firing you. 77 00:02:34,204 --> 00:02:36,804 I mean, we are, unless you want to come back to Boston 78 00:02:36,844 --> 00:02:38,764 where you have an office and clients. 79 00:02:38,804 --> 00:02:42,044 I get that my current setup isn't conventional, but-- 80 00:02:42,084 --> 00:02:44,884 You're right, it's not conventional. 81 00:02:44,924 --> 00:02:47,004 By the way, are you in a college dorm? 82 00:02:47,044 --> 00:02:49,004 You know what? Fuck you, Mark. 83 00:02:49,044 --> 00:02:50,604 Hey, Rob. Look, come on. 84 00:02:50,644 --> 00:02:52,644 And Tony, fuck you for being a nice guy, 85 00:02:52,684 --> 00:02:54,364 and workin' with this fuckin' asshole. 86 00:02:54,404 --> 00:02:55,644 You know what, Mark? 87 00:02:55,684 --> 00:02:57,284 When I heard that Greg had a stroke, 88 00:02:57,324 --> 00:03:00,164 my first thought after being sad for his family, 89 00:03:00,204 --> 00:03:02,204 was that I wish it had been you, you conniving cunt. 90 00:03:02,244 --> 00:03:04,524 No. He can't talk to me like that. 91 00:03:04,564 --> 00:03:07,924 And Tony, you better make sure that I get a nice severance package, 92 00:03:07,964 --> 00:03:10,844 or I'm gonna come there and kick Mark's ass in front of that receptionist 93 00:03:10,884 --> 00:03:13,244 that he sexually harasses for three hours every day. 94 00:03:13,284 --> 00:03:17,484 And Mark, you can-- [distorted audio] 95 00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:22,524 Is he done? 96 00:03:26,924 --> 00:03:29,524 [door opens] 97 00:03:29,564 --> 00:03:31,284 Hey, how was your day? 98 00:03:31,324 --> 00:03:32,724 Shit. 99 00:03:32,764 --> 00:03:34,004 How was yours? 100 00:03:34,044 --> 00:03:36,644 Good. It was good. Very good. 101 00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:38,324 - Tea? - Yeah. 102 00:03:38,364 --> 00:03:40,204 It's just tough at the moment 103 00:03:40,244 --> 00:03:45,164 because I don't smile for the first few months of the school year. 104 00:03:45,204 --> 00:03:48,564 I mean, you really can't. If they smell weakness, they just-- 105 00:03:48,604 --> 00:03:51,204 It's like putting chum in the water for sharks. 106 00:03:51,244 --> 00:03:54,364 But it's hard because there's this new lad 107 00:03:54,404 --> 00:03:56,884 with thick glasses and one big eyebrow, 108 00:03:56,924 --> 00:03:59,404 and I just really want to smile at him. 109 00:03:59,444 --> 00:04:01,884 - Can I have a wagon wheel? - Sure. 110 00:04:01,924 --> 00:04:06,084 Hey, I was thinking how great it is that our kid is gonna have two cultures, 111 00:04:06,124 --> 00:04:08,444 can two countries that he can spend time in. 112 00:04:08,484 --> 00:04:09,804 Hmm. Yeah. 113 00:04:09,844 --> 00:04:11,484 I mean, especially when he's a baby. 114 00:04:11,524 --> 00:04:14,244 I mean, we'll be able to just bounce back and forth. 115 00:04:14,284 --> 00:04:16,364 Mm. 116 00:04:16,404 --> 00:04:20,484 You know, it might be worth thinking about basing ourselves in Boston for a while. 117 00:04:20,524 --> 00:04:23,604 I mean, it's cheaper by probably about 500 percent. 118 00:04:23,644 --> 00:04:26,604 [laughs] Why are you saying this to me? 119 00:04:26,644 --> 00:04:28,684 I was let go from my job today. 120 00:04:28,724 --> 00:04:30,604 - What? - It's fine. 121 00:04:30,644 --> 00:04:32,804 They only let me go 'cause it wasn't working out here. 122 00:04:32,844 --> 00:04:35,054 I mean, they would have kept me forever back there. 123 00:04:35,084 --> 00:04:36,844 Not that I'd go back to that shit shop 124 00:04:36,884 --> 00:04:40,724 when they wouldn't give me 20 minutes to even plug in my fuckin' computer here. 125 00:04:40,764 --> 00:04:43,004 But I could work anywhere in Boston. 126 00:04:43,044 --> 00:04:46,244 Everyone in advertising knows me there. 127 00:04:46,284 --> 00:04:47,884 I don't want to live in Boston. 128 00:04:47,924 --> 00:04:49,204 Why not? 129 00:04:49,244 --> 00:04:52,724 [laughs] Because it's Boston. 130 00:04:52,764 --> 00:04:56,244 I mean, once you graduate to a place like London or New York, 131 00:04:56,284 --> 00:04:58,724 you don't regress to Boston. What's even there? 132 00:04:58,764 --> 00:05:02,164 And, you know, my family's here, my job, my friends. 133 00:05:02,204 --> 00:05:06,124 Yeah, I had all that, too. And now I don't even have a job here anymore. 134 00:05:06,164 --> 00:05:08,564 And do you think our baby would like to eat, for example? 135 00:05:08,604 --> 00:05:10,644 'Cause I'd like to be able to buy it food, 136 00:05:10,684 --> 00:05:13,404 and I was issued a very specific work visa, 137 00:05:13,444 --> 00:05:15,164 not a sit-around- on-a-couch visa. 138 00:05:15,204 --> 00:05:17,004 Yeah, okay. It's terrifying. 139 00:05:17,044 --> 00:05:19,004 But, you know, just take a minute. 140 00:05:19,044 --> 00:05:21,234 Don't go making crazy decisions for us. 141 00:05:21,244 --> 00:05:22,684 I will help you. 142 00:05:22,724 --> 00:05:25,484 And we'll sort it out, but we have to sort it out here. 143 00:05:25,524 --> 00:05:28,164 And, you know, I mean, just to be practical, 144 00:05:28,204 --> 00:05:30,404 you can't fly when you're this pregnant. 145 00:05:30,444 --> 00:05:32,284 Isn't that just the last trimester? 146 00:05:32,324 --> 00:05:34,644 You can't fly to Boston at any point during your pregnancy. 147 00:05:45,804 --> 00:05:47,124 Yes! 148 00:05:47,164 --> 00:05:49,884 I feel like a fucking god here. 149 00:05:49,924 --> 00:05:52,084 Brits don't have bowling in their veins like we do. 150 00:05:52,124 --> 00:05:54,364 It's like being Super Man on Earth. 151 00:05:54,404 --> 00:06:00,004 Hey, listen. I wound up parting ways with my company in the US. 152 00:06:00,044 --> 00:06:01,804 I was wondering if you knew of any job leads. 153 00:06:04,924 --> 00:06:07,564 Take that, the Queen. 154 00:06:07,604 --> 00:06:10,124 Did you hear about that heart drug Tevantrix 155 00:06:10,164 --> 00:06:12,164 that killed all those people a couple of months ago? 156 00:06:12,204 --> 00:06:13,844 - No. - Oh, good. 157 00:06:13,884 --> 00:06:16,244 Well, I'm on the board of the company that makes it, 158 00:06:16,284 --> 00:06:19,404 and their putting together a kind of messaging task force, 159 00:06:19,444 --> 00:06:21,804 you know, to teach the public that they do stuff other than kill people. 160 00:06:21,844 --> 00:06:24,044 - Oh, Jesus. - No, they're good guys. 161 00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:26,684 My pal Harita is the senior VP of marketing, 162 00:06:26,724 --> 00:06:31,284 and I guarantee that she will see you if I tell her to. 163 00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:33,004 So what do you think, man, you want me to hit her up? 164 00:06:33,044 --> 00:06:35,324 I guess, yeah. 165 00:06:35,364 --> 00:06:38,044 I need money and a visa, so yes. 166 00:06:38,084 --> 00:06:40,564 Well, all right. 167 00:06:40,604 --> 00:06:42,404 Thank you. 168 00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:43,484 I owe you one. 169 00:06:46,564 --> 00:06:50,004 Have you ever heard of a prostate massage? 170 00:06:50,044 --> 00:06:51,364 I'm not massaging your prostate. 171 00:06:51,404 --> 00:06:53,364 No, I don't want you to massage my prostate. 172 00:06:53,404 --> 00:06:55,324 I want you to come with me to this place I know 173 00:06:55,364 --> 00:06:57,324 where we can both get our prostates massaged. 174 00:06:57,364 --> 00:06:59,204 I went there a couple of weeks ago. 175 00:06:59,244 --> 00:07:03,524 I'm telling you, man, it is easily the best orgasm I have ever had. 176 00:07:03,564 --> 00:07:06,084 And before you say anything, it's not gay. 177 00:07:06,124 --> 00:07:09,164 That's like eighth on the list of why I don't want to do it. 178 00:07:09,204 --> 00:07:11,124 But they do put something up your butt, right? 179 00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:12,284 Way up. 180 00:07:12,324 --> 00:07:13,644 It kinda hurts. 181 00:07:13,684 --> 00:07:17,004 'Til they start massaging the old prostate. 182 00:07:17,044 --> 00:07:18,564 Yeah, I'm not gonna do that. 183 00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:19,884 Oh, come on, man. 184 00:07:19,924 --> 00:07:22,644 Come on, spend some quality time with me. 185 00:07:22,684 --> 00:07:26,124 My dad died a few weeks ago. 186 00:07:26,164 --> 00:07:27,684 Et cetera. 187 00:07:27,724 --> 00:07:29,244 Your dad died, et cetera? 188 00:07:29,284 --> 00:07:31,084 Yeah, I don't really want to talk about it. 189 00:07:31,124 --> 00:07:33,364 Just... 190 00:07:33,404 --> 00:07:36,204 come and get your butt fucked with me. 191 00:07:36,244 --> 00:07:37,244 Help me heal. 192 00:07:40,004 --> 00:07:42,884 [phone line ringing] 193 00:07:42,924 --> 00:07:44,404 - Woman: Hello? - Hello, is this Mia? 194 00:07:44,444 --> 00:07:45,444 Yes, it is. 195 00:07:45,484 --> 00:07:47,804 Mia, this is Sharon. 196 00:07:47,844 --> 00:07:50,724 Um, from London. 197 00:07:50,764 --> 00:07:51,764 Rob's Sharon. 198 00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:54,924 Oh. Yes, of course. How are you? 199 00:07:54,964 --> 00:07:57,644 I'm okay, thank you. Nice to speak to you. 200 00:07:57,684 --> 00:07:59,124 I know we'll meet sooner or later 201 00:07:59,164 --> 00:08:01,484 I just wanted to introduce myself. 202 00:08:01,524 --> 00:08:03,484 And also to invite you to our wedding. 203 00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:04,764 Oh, my goodness. 204 00:08:04,804 --> 00:08:07,404 Yeah, we're-we're gonna get married properly, 205 00:08:07,444 --> 00:08:09,884 so if it's something that you wanted to attend, 206 00:08:09,924 --> 00:08:12,044 then we'd be very happy to work around your dates and-- 207 00:08:12,084 --> 00:08:14,124 You know, I really-- I don't fly well, 208 00:08:14,164 --> 00:08:16,204 and I-- I can't leave my dogs, so-- 209 00:08:16,244 --> 00:08:18,164 Oh. Would it make any difference 210 00:08:18,204 --> 00:08:21,404 if I told you we're not just getting married because I'm pregnant? 211 00:08:21,444 --> 00:08:24,004 Yeah, we-- we really like each other, 212 00:08:24,044 --> 00:08:25,964 and also, he needs a visa. 213 00:08:26,004 --> 00:08:29,044 Whatever the reason, it's just such wonderful news. 214 00:08:29,084 --> 00:08:31,404 I'm just so glad that Rob has found someone 215 00:08:31,444 --> 00:08:33,474 after everything with Betsy. 216 00:08:33,573 --> 00:08:34,884 Who's Betsy? 217 00:08:34,924 --> 00:08:36,764 Betsy? His ex? 218 00:08:36,804 --> 00:08:38,564 You know, after Betsy miscarried, 219 00:08:38,604 --> 00:08:41,364 it was very hard for both of them. And me. 220 00:08:41,404 --> 00:08:43,404 - What? - He must have told you. 221 00:08:43,444 --> 00:08:47,524 No. Um, I have to say I think that's very insensitive of you. 222 00:08:47,564 --> 00:08:49,964 I am currently pregnant, after all. 223 00:08:50,004 --> 00:08:52,444 - Well, I didn't mean-- - Oh, no, I think you did. 224 00:08:52,484 --> 00:08:54,884 Jesus, stick the knife in phone call number one, why don't you. 225 00:08:54,924 --> 00:08:56,044 Sorry? 226 00:08:56,084 --> 00:08:58,324 You know what? I rescind my invitation. 227 00:08:58,364 --> 00:09:00,084 That means I take it back. 228 00:09:00,124 --> 00:09:03,404 - You're not invited. - [beep] 229 00:09:03,444 --> 00:09:05,524 Hello? 230 00:09:05,564 --> 00:09:07,804 I hope your dogs get leukemia. 231 00:09:10,604 --> 00:09:12,364 Are you chewing gum? 232 00:09:12,404 --> 00:09:14,314 Take it out, put it in the bin. 233 00:09:19,584 --> 00:09:20,724 Hi. 234 00:09:20,764 --> 00:09:21,854 Hi. 235 00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:25,294 So, I got a job interview today. 236 00:09:25,324 --> 00:09:27,004 Great. 237 00:09:27,044 --> 00:09:30,014 And, uh, I checked out that place you like for the reception by the canal. 238 00:09:30,024 --> 00:09:31,534 - And I think that-- - You never told me you got 239 00:09:31,554 --> 00:09:34,084 another woman pregnant. 240 00:09:34,124 --> 00:09:36,884 Uh, well, I didn't-- 241 00:09:36,924 --> 00:09:39,404 - Did my mother-- - Yeah. 242 00:09:39,444 --> 00:09:41,644 - Was it on purpose? - What? 243 00:09:41,684 --> 00:09:44,044 Was it an "oh, no, whoops" pregnant like me, 244 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:48,324 or was it a "let's make a baby" pregnant like normal people? 245 00:09:48,364 --> 00:09:49,764 [scoffs] 246 00:09:49,804 --> 00:09:52,084 Does it matter? Look, as big as this is, 247 00:09:52,124 --> 00:09:53,364 I had a life before you. 248 00:09:53,404 --> 00:09:54,764 Yeah, I knew you fucked other women, 249 00:09:54,804 --> 00:09:56,644 I just didn't know you fucked babies into them. 250 00:09:56,684 --> 00:09:58,844 - Jesus. - And you meant to do it with Betsy. 251 00:09:58,884 --> 00:10:00,284 You know, that was premeditated. 252 00:10:00,324 --> 00:10:02,844 I was like a-- a second degree pregnancy. 253 00:10:02,884 --> 00:10:05,884 You just got drunk and drove into a crowd of women and got me pregnant. 254 00:10:05,924 --> 00:10:07,244 A second degree pregnancy? 255 00:10:07,284 --> 00:10:08,564 Why didn't you tell me? 256 00:10:08,604 --> 00:10:11,004 What would you have done with that information? 257 00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:14,364 If the baby had been born, I would have told you. 258 00:10:14,404 --> 00:10:16,084 But it wasn't. 259 00:10:16,124 --> 00:10:17,404 Okay. 260 00:10:17,444 --> 00:10:18,924 Sorry. 261 00:10:18,964 --> 00:10:20,404 Well, don't be sorry. 262 00:10:20,444 --> 00:10:22,874 - Jesus, can I explain? - No, it doesn't matter. 263 00:10:22,894 --> 00:10:24,044 Just forget it. 264 00:10:24,084 --> 00:10:28,004 I might have insulted your mother a little bit on the phone. 265 00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:29,444 Like how? 266 00:10:29,484 --> 00:10:31,364 Tell me how, 'cause I want to do a different, 267 00:10:31,404 --> 00:10:33,444 more hurtful insult when I call her. 268 00:10:33,484 --> 00:10:35,404 [phone ringing] 269 00:10:40,284 --> 00:10:41,804 Mia: Yes? Hello? 270 00:10:41,844 --> 00:10:43,684 Hi, Mia. It's Sharon. 271 00:10:43,724 --> 00:10:45,404 Uh, from London again. 272 00:10:45,444 --> 00:10:47,084 I saw that it was a UK number. 273 00:10:47,124 --> 00:10:49,484 I just thought it was Rob calling to yell at me again. 274 00:10:49,524 --> 00:10:51,324 I'm-- I'm sorry about that. 275 00:10:51,364 --> 00:10:54,044 And sorry for saying that you couldn't come to the wedding. 276 00:10:54,084 --> 00:10:55,884 Of course we want you to come. 277 00:10:55,924 --> 00:10:59,124 [scoffs] Well, I don't think Rob wants me to come, so-- 278 00:10:59,164 --> 00:11:00,404 No, of course, he wants you to come. 279 00:11:00,444 --> 00:11:02,444 Well, I can't leave the dogs. 280 00:11:02,484 --> 00:11:05,524 No, that-- that's fine. Just, you know, want you to know that 281 00:11:05,564 --> 00:11:07,044 if you could come to the wedding 282 00:11:07,084 --> 00:11:08,294 you'd be welcome. 283 00:11:09,804 --> 00:11:14,204 By the way, do you have Betsy's surname? 284 00:11:14,244 --> 00:11:15,894 It's just, um, 285 00:11:15,934 --> 00:11:19,204 I thought it'd be a nice gesture to invite her along because, 286 00:11:19,244 --> 00:11:23,044 you know, we just want everybody to be there. 287 00:11:23,084 --> 00:11:26,204 You know, a lot of my ex-boyfriends will be coming. 288 00:11:26,244 --> 00:11:28,764 Well, not a lot, but maybe three. 289 00:11:28,804 --> 00:11:30,564 - Ostroff. - It's Os-- 290 00:11:30,604 --> 00:11:31,844 - Ostroff. - That's O-- 291 00:11:31,884 --> 00:11:35,244 O-S-T-R-O-F-F. 292 00:11:35,284 --> 00:11:38,204 Well, you know, if Betsy's gonna make the journey, 293 00:11:38,244 --> 00:11:39,604 then maybe I should come. 294 00:11:39,644 --> 00:11:42,164 I would just love to see her. 295 00:11:42,204 --> 00:11:43,444 What about the dogs? 296 00:11:43,484 --> 00:11:45,484 - Well, I-- - And the thing is, 297 00:11:45,524 --> 00:11:48,084 I want to ask her but, you know, it's a numbers game, 298 00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:49,684 so that could all change. 299 00:11:49,724 --> 00:11:51,724 And I'm actually at school at the moment, 300 00:11:51,764 --> 00:11:54,404 so I'm gonna have to-- It's lovely talking to you. 301 00:11:54,444 --> 00:11:55,544 Hello? 302 00:12:04,044 --> 00:12:05,684 Please let it be you. 303 00:12:22,244 --> 00:12:23,844 Oh, good for you. 304 00:12:28,964 --> 00:12:30,164 You're not better than me. 305 00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:46,764 I just came in to get my workbook. 306 00:12:46,804 --> 00:12:47,984 Well, get it then. 307 00:12:58,484 --> 00:13:01,844 I'm sure Dave's told you a little about what's been happening here. 308 00:13:01,884 --> 00:13:03,764 Blow back hasn't been as bad as it could have been. 309 00:13:03,804 --> 00:13:05,884 It was only older men who died. 310 00:13:05,924 --> 00:13:07,484 Focus groups we've done since have shown 311 00:13:07,524 --> 00:13:09,284 they're the least missed demographic. 312 00:13:09,324 --> 00:13:12,244 I mean, a child dies and understandably people get really upset, 313 00:13:12,284 --> 00:13:16,164 but four or five guys in their 70s, it's like... 314 00:13:16,204 --> 00:13:18,524 sad but also... 315 00:13:18,564 --> 00:13:19,844 c'est la vie. 316 00:13:19,884 --> 00:13:22,164 Well, that's-- Wow. 317 00:13:22,204 --> 00:13:26,284 I mean, I guess if you're going to be allegedly responsible 318 00:13:26,324 --> 00:13:28,844 for some people not being alive anymore, 319 00:13:28,884 --> 00:13:32,604 uh, then old men are the best ones. 320 00:13:32,644 --> 00:13:34,964 I think the one that really hurt us was the astronaut. 321 00:13:35,004 --> 00:13:39,364 Okay, yeah, I did read about him. 322 00:13:39,404 --> 00:13:42,484 So, what are your thoughts on how we might progress this? 323 00:13:42,524 --> 00:13:47,044 Well, I'm not sure people feel the same way about astronauts as they used to. 324 00:13:47,084 --> 00:13:49,284 They're not the heroes that they once were. 325 00:13:49,324 --> 00:13:50,924 I don't know if this made the news here, 326 00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:52,964 but a few years ago 327 00:13:53,004 --> 00:13:56,884 a female astronaut traveled across the US in a diaper 328 00:13:56,924 --> 00:13:59,004 with a bunch of weapons in her trunk 329 00:13:59,044 --> 00:14:01,084 to attack a love rival. 330 00:14:01,124 --> 00:14:05,724 So, you know, really, they're just like you and me. 331 00:14:09,644 --> 00:14:12,804 So, it pays really well, 332 00:14:12,844 --> 00:14:14,764 and they'd sort my visa. 333 00:14:14,804 --> 00:14:18,924 But the woman who interviewed me definitely sleeps in a coffin. 334 00:14:18,964 --> 00:14:23,484 Well, two out of three. 335 00:14:23,524 --> 00:14:25,124 And did you try? 336 00:14:25,164 --> 00:14:27,524 - What? - Big and Tall. 337 00:14:27,564 --> 00:14:30,404 No. I didn't go to the Big and Tall Modeling Agency. 338 00:14:30,444 --> 00:14:31,644 Why not? 339 00:14:31,684 --> 00:14:33,164 I think you should just go in. 340 00:14:33,204 --> 00:14:34,404 Just pop in. 341 00:14:34,444 --> 00:14:36,284 What would be the harm in just popping in? 342 00:14:36,324 --> 00:14:40,604 Well, I'm big and tall, but I'm not that big and tall. 343 00:14:40,644 --> 00:14:43,124 Well, I think you are. 344 00:14:43,164 --> 00:14:44,684 And now we'll never know. 345 00:14:46,724 --> 00:14:49,484 Listen, um-- 346 00:14:49,524 --> 00:14:51,204 I know I said I didn't want to talk about Betsy, 347 00:14:51,244 --> 00:14:52,674 and I understand why you didn't tell me, 348 00:14:52,694 --> 00:14:54,024 but to be honest, 349 00:14:54,034 --> 00:14:55,364 I just would have liked to have known, 350 00:14:55,404 --> 00:14:58,164 because I'd hate for you to have to deal with a bombshell like that. 351 00:14:58,204 --> 00:14:59,684 So I thought before the wedding 352 00:14:59,724 --> 00:15:02,044 we should just get a few things out there, you know? 353 00:15:02,084 --> 00:15:04,164 So there's no skeletons in our closet. 354 00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:07,044 - Okay. - Okay. 355 00:15:07,084 --> 00:15:12,404 So, uh, um, I went out with a French guy, 356 00:15:12,444 --> 00:15:15,884 and I had two pregnancy scares with him. 357 00:15:15,924 --> 00:15:19,284 And I considered moving to France. 358 00:15:19,324 --> 00:15:20,884 Oh, well, I mean, that's-- 359 00:15:20,924 --> 00:15:22,724 No, I haven't told you the thing yet. 360 00:15:22,764 --> 00:15:25,364 So, two pregnancy scares, considered moving to France, 361 00:15:25,404 --> 00:15:28,684 and when I broke up with him, 362 00:15:28,724 --> 00:15:30,204 he committed-- 363 00:15:30,244 --> 00:15:32,524 tried to kill himself. 364 00:15:32,564 --> 00:15:34,604 So I just wanted to tell you that. 365 00:15:34,644 --> 00:15:39,124 You know, 'cause I'd hate for you to have to learn that from my mother. 366 00:15:39,164 --> 00:15:41,204 I'm not telling you that to scare you. 367 00:15:41,244 --> 00:15:44,084 Okay. Uh, are you sure that's why he did it? 368 00:15:44,124 --> 00:15:45,964 Because a lot of people who are depressed-- 369 00:15:46,004 --> 00:15:49,044 Yeah, I'm why he did it. 370 00:15:49,084 --> 00:15:51,964 Okay. Well, thank you for telling me that. 371 00:15:52,004 --> 00:15:53,364 Well, that's okay. 372 00:16:05,124 --> 00:16:06,724 [cell phone chimes] 373 00:16:09,204 --> 00:16:11,084 What is wrong with him? 374 00:16:15,884 --> 00:16:17,244 Happy birthday. 375 00:16:17,284 --> 00:16:19,844 [groaning] 376 00:16:19,884 --> 00:16:21,764 Thank you. 377 00:16:23,164 --> 00:16:25,204 [laughs] 378 00:16:25,244 --> 00:16:27,524 Wow. I haven't had a birthday gift in a few year. 379 00:16:27,564 --> 00:16:30,644 You know, that I can open with paper and all that, 380 00:16:30,684 --> 00:16:34,684 so I don't even care what's in here. 381 00:16:34,724 --> 00:16:35,924 Oh. 382 00:16:35,964 --> 00:16:37,724 Actually, I do. I love them. 383 00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:40,524 Well, thank you. I made them. 384 00:16:40,564 --> 00:16:41,884 You can wear them to dinner tonight. 385 00:16:41,924 --> 00:16:43,204 Just them and nothing else. 386 00:16:43,244 --> 00:16:44,684 Can I wear my maternity bra? 387 00:16:44,724 --> 00:16:46,084 It's just my tits are a bit sore. 388 00:16:46,124 --> 00:16:48,724 Well, okay, but that's it. 389 00:16:48,764 --> 00:16:50,924 No cake tonight. No candles. 390 00:16:50,964 --> 00:16:52,284 Don't want any waiters singing to me. 391 00:16:52,324 --> 00:16:54,444 Just makes me want to vom. 392 00:16:58,204 --> 00:16:59,444 What time is it? 393 00:16:59,484 --> 00:17:01,884 It's just after 7. 394 00:17:01,924 --> 00:17:04,444 Do you want to get under here and put another baby in me? 395 00:17:04,484 --> 00:17:05,724 I can try. 396 00:17:11,804 --> 00:17:14,324 Hey, you're late, Heisenberg, let's go, man. 397 00:17:14,364 --> 00:17:17,444 Listen, I came here to thank you for setting up that interview, 398 00:17:17,484 --> 00:17:19,444 and to tell you I'm not doing this. 399 00:17:19,484 --> 00:17:21,333 What? Come on, man, we had a deal. 400 00:17:21,394 --> 00:17:22,434 We didn't have a deal. 401 00:17:22,464 --> 00:17:24,603 You did a nice thing for me and I'm grateful, 402 00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:27,924 but I never said I would let a stranger put anything up in my asshole. 403 00:17:27,964 --> 00:17:30,644 You gotta try this, man. It feels so good. 404 00:17:30,684 --> 00:17:33,044 I believe you, but now is not the time 405 00:17:33,084 --> 00:17:36,684 for me to pay a hooker to fuck my butt with an implement. 406 00:17:36,724 --> 00:17:38,804 You do that after you've been with somebody for a long time, 407 00:17:38,844 --> 00:17:40,764 and you hate each other. I'm not there yet. 408 00:17:40,804 --> 00:17:43,964 Okay, well, you want to do something more low key? 409 00:17:44,004 --> 00:17:45,524 I mean, we could go get some lap dances. 410 00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:48,084 Dave, I don't want to do those things with you. 411 00:17:48,124 --> 00:17:49,924 What, you don't want big titties all over your face? 412 00:17:49,964 --> 00:17:52,444 Of course I do, but in my own home, 413 00:17:52,484 --> 00:17:54,724 not a strip club at lunchtime. 414 00:17:54,764 --> 00:17:58,604 Look, I can tell that you're a bit lonely or whatever. 415 00:17:58,644 --> 00:18:00,004 I'm not lonely, motherfucker. 416 00:18:00,044 --> 00:18:01,924 Well, whatever the case is, you know, 417 00:18:01,964 --> 00:18:04,324 you need some companionship or something. 418 00:18:04,364 --> 00:18:07,364 Listen, I'm having a party tonight for Sharon. 419 00:18:07,404 --> 00:18:08,964 Do you want to come? 420 00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:12,004 Uh, no, I can't tonight. I've got a thing. 421 00:18:12,044 --> 00:18:15,244 All right, well, let's talk soon. 422 00:18:22,444 --> 00:18:23,804 Rob. 423 00:18:23,844 --> 00:18:27,924 Uh, where is it? Just in case. 424 00:18:27,964 --> 00:18:29,604 [bell ringing] 425 00:18:56,324 --> 00:18:59,484 Chris: So I've had a wee trim, threw on my best cologne, 426 00:18:59,524 --> 00:19:02,444 so I can give Sharon a birthday kiss she'll really enjoy. 427 00:19:02,484 --> 00:19:04,364 Now we're kissin' each other's wives. 428 00:19:04,404 --> 00:19:07,044 Oh, hey, Chris, you have to know 429 00:19:07,084 --> 00:19:09,324 that was an accident. 430 00:19:09,364 --> 00:19:11,364 It was a hug that I think she-- 431 00:19:11,404 --> 00:19:12,844 Not that it was her fault, it's just-- 432 00:19:12,884 --> 00:19:14,004 I'm just takin' the piss, man. 433 00:19:14,044 --> 00:19:15,684 [laughs] I'm glad you did. 434 00:19:15,724 --> 00:19:19,524 She came home and fucked my knob off after that. 435 00:19:19,564 --> 00:19:21,244 You're my hero as far as I'm concerned. 436 00:19:21,284 --> 00:19:23,684 Oh. Well, good. Oh, okay. 437 00:19:23,724 --> 00:19:26,404 Uh, thank you, and I'm sorry. 438 00:19:26,444 --> 00:19:28,324 I'm still kissin' Sharon, no. 439 00:19:28,364 --> 00:19:30,604 - Hiya. - Hey, glad you could make it. 440 00:19:30,644 --> 00:19:32,124 Where's Mallandra? 441 00:19:32,164 --> 00:19:34,764 Oh, sorry, did I not say? She didn't want to come. 442 00:19:34,804 --> 00:19:36,804 Are we early? There's more people comin', right? 443 00:19:36,844 --> 00:19:39,324 No, this is it. And-- I know, I-- 444 00:19:39,364 --> 00:19:42,324 It's just, I don't know a lot of her friends. 445 00:19:42,364 --> 00:19:44,564 I'm not optimistic she'll be thrilled. 446 00:19:46,844 --> 00:19:48,564 - Rob. - Hey, Fran. 447 00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:50,244 So great you could come. 448 00:19:50,284 --> 00:19:52,764 You know the last birthday of Sharon's that I went to 449 00:19:52,804 --> 00:19:57,684 we ended up taking some mushrooms of the magical variety. 450 00:19:57,724 --> 00:19:59,964 Ended up getting our clitoral hoods pierced. 451 00:20:00,004 --> 00:20:02,004 Won't be doing that again any time soon. 452 00:20:02,044 --> 00:20:03,884 Are you fucking kidding me? 453 00:20:03,924 --> 00:20:07,684 - All: Hey! - Sharon: Hey. Hi! 454 00:20:07,724 --> 00:20:10,364 Thank you. For doing this to me. 455 00:20:10,404 --> 00:20:11,604 - Come here. - Hi, hi. 456 00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:14,044 - Birthday girl. - Nice to see you. 457 00:20:20,124 --> 00:20:22,164 Thank you. 458 00:20:22,204 --> 00:20:25,644 Dave: Hey! Sorry we're late. 459 00:20:25,684 --> 00:20:27,444 This is, um, my friend. 460 00:20:27,484 --> 00:20:30,204 Um, happy birthday. 41. 461 00:20:30,244 --> 00:20:32,964 [laughs] 41! 462 00:20:39,964 --> 00:20:43,044 Friday night's a tricky night for getting people out. 463 00:20:43,084 --> 00:20:45,804 Yeah, yeah, that's maybe what it is. 464 00:20:48,644 --> 00:20:50,244 Well, this is humiliating. 465 00:20:50,284 --> 00:20:52,244 That's exactly the response I was hoping for. 466 00:20:52,284 --> 00:20:54,124 [laughs] 467 00:20:54,134 --> 00:20:55,464 Let's not do the big wedding. 468 00:20:55,484 --> 00:20:56,604 Is that all right? 469 00:20:56,644 --> 00:20:57,684 I mean, look around you. 470 00:20:57,724 --> 00:21:00,084 I have a petite circle of friends. 471 00:21:00,124 --> 00:21:01,484 You have one friend. 472 00:21:01,524 --> 00:21:04,684 He's probably gonna OD before we get married. 473 00:21:04,724 --> 00:21:06,484 And if you had any idea what something costs 474 00:21:06,524 --> 00:21:08,244 when you put the word wedding in front of it. 475 00:21:08,284 --> 00:21:12,644 If you knew how much a wedding ham costs as opposed to a ham ham, 476 00:21:12,684 --> 00:21:14,244 you wouldn't want to be part of that. 477 00:21:14,284 --> 00:21:16,044 I just want a transaction in a gray building. 478 00:21:16,084 --> 00:21:18,204 Okay. 479 00:21:18,244 --> 00:21:19,724 And then you can finger me in a cab 480 00:21:19,764 --> 00:21:21,484 on the way to TGI Fridays. 481 00:21:21,524 --> 00:21:23,484 I'd like that. 482 00:21:23,524 --> 00:21:24,924 Dave: Good news, buddy. 483 00:21:24,964 --> 00:21:28,964 Harita from Braeband called. She wants you. 484 00:21:29,004 --> 00:21:33,804 She's gonna send you an offer letter on Monday. 485 00:21:33,844 --> 00:21:35,884 [laughs] 486 00:21:35,924 --> 00:21:38,884 - [glass breaking] - Oh, goddammit! 487 00:21:38,924 --> 00:21:40,484 [laughs] I don't care. 488 00:21:40,524 --> 00:21:42,524 I don't care! [laughs] 489 00:21:42,564 --> 00:21:44,324 - Happy birthday. - Dave: To the happy couple. 490 00:21:44,364 --> 00:21:46,604 - I mean, to the-- - All: Happy birthday. 491 00:21:46,644 --> 00:21:48,764 [moaning] 492 00:21:53,524 --> 00:21:54,804 That was a long come for me. 493 00:21:54,844 --> 00:21:58,844 Yeah, that was-- Wow. 494 00:21:58,884 --> 00:22:00,964 Oh, could you just wipe your-- 495 00:22:01,004 --> 00:22:02,324 Yeah. 496 00:22:10,284 --> 00:22:12,564 [sighs] 497 00:22:12,604 --> 00:22:14,964 I keep thinking about you getting another woman pregnant. 498 00:22:15,004 --> 00:22:17,084 - Oh. - And I'm not being obsessive, 499 00:22:17,124 --> 00:22:18,804 and-- and I understand why you didn't tell me, 500 00:22:18,844 --> 00:22:20,644 it's just... 501 00:22:20,684 --> 00:22:22,164 I've never actually liked anyone enough 502 00:22:22,204 --> 00:22:23,604 to want to have a baby with them, 503 00:22:23,644 --> 00:22:28,524 and you did and it just messes me up a bit. 504 00:22:28,564 --> 00:22:30,924 Well, listen to me. 505 00:22:30,964 --> 00:22:33,204 My life was smaller then. 506 00:22:33,244 --> 00:22:35,204 I worked next to Betsy for six years, 507 00:22:35,244 --> 00:22:37,124 and then I found myself dating her, 508 00:22:37,164 --> 00:22:39,084 then we were living together because it was cheaper, 509 00:22:39,124 --> 00:22:41,324 and I'm sorry to say that, but it's true. 510 00:22:41,364 --> 00:22:43,044 Babies started appearing in my world, 511 00:22:43,084 --> 00:22:45,284 so it seemed normal to try, 512 00:22:45,324 --> 00:22:47,084 and she got pregnant, 513 00:22:47,124 --> 00:22:49,844 and then, in rapid succession, she miscarried, 514 00:22:49,884 --> 00:22:52,844 and I found out she'd been hiding her Jewishness from me. 515 00:22:52,884 --> 00:22:54,404 - What the fuck? - I'm kidding. 516 00:22:54,444 --> 00:22:56,204 And I know I shouldn't be kidding right now 517 00:22:56,244 --> 00:22:59,284 because, yes, I was sad when she miscarried, 518 00:22:59,324 --> 00:23:00,804 but it was tempered by the fact 519 00:23:00,844 --> 00:23:02,964 that I was happier not being with her. 520 00:23:03,004 --> 00:23:06,164 And then you blew into my life like a fuckin' hurricane, 521 00:23:06,204 --> 00:23:09,924 and FYI, sex with her was, at best, nice, 522 00:23:09,964 --> 00:23:12,804 but you induce like a medical condition in me, 523 00:23:12,844 --> 00:23:14,844 and I had to be inside you for like a week. 524 00:23:14,884 --> 00:23:16,204 You fucked me up. 525 00:23:16,244 --> 00:23:18,644 [laughs] 526 00:23:18,684 --> 00:23:21,324 I have to tell you something. 527 00:23:21,364 --> 00:23:23,164 One of the first nights we were together, 528 00:23:23,204 --> 00:23:25,084 you made this weird sound when you came. 529 00:23:25,124 --> 00:23:27,404 Like, normally you're all grunty and "arrr," 530 00:23:27,444 --> 00:23:31,244 but this one time you made this weird, high pitched kind of feminine, 531 00:23:31,284 --> 00:23:32,364 kind of-- [squeals] 532 00:23:32,404 --> 00:23:33,964 And I don't know if you remember, 533 00:23:34,004 --> 00:23:36,284 but one of the days I didn't call you until like 9 p.m. 534 00:23:36,324 --> 00:23:37,444 Yeah. 535 00:23:37,484 --> 00:23:40,124 [laughs] Well, it was because of that. 536 00:23:40,164 --> 00:23:43,324 [laughs] 537 00:23:50,964 --> 00:23:54,484 ♪♪