1 00:00:06,603 --> 00:00:08,483 I've never had casual sex with a sober person before. 2 00:00:08,523 --> 00:00:10,483 - I'm pregnant. - Did you just say pregnant? 3 00:00:10,523 --> 00:00:12,163 We're getting married. 4 00:00:12,203 --> 00:00:13,843 I wouldn't have ordered this if it were on the menu, 5 00:00:13,883 --> 00:00:15,323 but there was no menu. 6 00:00:15,363 --> 00:00:16,803 You gullible American prick. 7 00:00:16,843 --> 00:00:19,043 You fucking ingrate shrew! 8 00:00:21,163 --> 00:00:23,563 - I'm so sorry. - My water just broke. 9 00:00:23,603 --> 00:00:25,203 My water's broken. It's too early. 10 00:00:25,243 --> 00:00:26,243 What? 11 00:00:28,363 --> 00:00:29,723 [crowd cheering on TV] 12 00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:32,283 I knew they were going to vote him out. 13 00:00:32,323 --> 00:00:35,123 Well, congratulations. You're a psychic of garbage. 14 00:00:36,723 --> 00:00:39,203 Why are we watching this? 15 00:00:39,243 --> 00:00:41,403 Because Mad Men'sfinished, 16 00:00:41,443 --> 00:00:43,443 and Game of Thrones isn't back on yet, 17 00:00:43,483 --> 00:00:44,563 and there's nothing else. 18 00:00:44,603 --> 00:00:45,923 So let's watch that, then. 19 00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:47,403 Let's watch nothing else. 20 00:00:49,523 --> 00:00:50,963 Or let's have sex. 21 00:00:52,123 --> 00:00:53,843 Will I have to put my mug down? 22 00:00:53,883 --> 00:00:55,123 No. 23 00:00:55,163 --> 00:00:57,363 My old lady bra turns you on? 24 00:00:57,403 --> 00:00:59,603 Fuck, yeah. It's like being in bed 25 00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:02,003 with one of my aunt's friends. 26 00:01:02,043 --> 00:01:04,163 - Feels dirty and wrong. - Uhh. 27 00:01:04,203 --> 00:01:05,443 Hmm. 28 00:01:05,483 --> 00:01:08,043 Can I-- I just need to watch, 29 00:01:08,083 --> 00:01:11,083 like, the first two minutes of this next episode 30 00:01:11,123 --> 00:01:12,843 because I want to see what the hardest challenge is. 31 00:01:22,203 --> 00:01:24,763 Can you move your feet? That's really uncomfortable. 32 00:01:24,803 --> 00:01:26,003 No. 33 00:01:27,443 --> 00:01:29,563 Then can you make your legs less heavy? 34 00:01:32,163 --> 00:01:33,843 Are you going to make me do it? 35 00:01:40,403 --> 00:01:42,363 Why did you move my legs like that? 36 00:01:42,403 --> 00:01:44,803 I'm sorry. I have a cramp. 37 00:01:44,843 --> 00:01:46,803 You didn't say that. You hurt me. 38 00:01:46,843 --> 00:01:49,523 I said it was uncomfortable. I didn't know I had to give you a diagnosis. 39 00:01:49,563 --> 00:01:52,043 I asked you to move them, and you didn't move them. 40 00:01:52,083 --> 00:01:53,563 That was just really aggressive. 41 00:01:53,603 --> 00:01:55,843 - It wasn't aggressive. - You're so aggressive. 42 00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:57,963 - I'm aggressive? - "Aggressive." 43 00:01:58,003 --> 00:01:59,683 "Aggressive." It was even aggressive 44 00:01:59,723 --> 00:02:01,523 the way you said that, Mark Wahlberg. 45 00:02:01,563 --> 00:02:02,883 I'm not aggressive. 46 00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:04,483 When have I ever been aggressive to you? 47 00:02:04,523 --> 00:02:05,963 Uh, just now, the way you moved my feet. 48 00:02:06,003 --> 00:02:08,003 I have a fucking cramp. 49 00:02:08,043 --> 00:02:11,163 [scoff] Don't loom over me. 50 00:02:11,203 --> 00:02:12,323 Don't threaten me. 51 00:02:12,363 --> 00:02:14,643 What? Do you know what threaten means? 52 00:02:14,683 --> 00:02:16,003 Yeah, and I felt threatened. 53 00:02:16,043 --> 00:02:17,563 [scoff] You felt threatened? 54 00:02:17,603 --> 00:02:19,043 What are you, a blogger? 55 00:02:19,083 --> 00:02:20,843 I felt threatened. Post. 56 00:02:20,883 --> 00:02:22,683 Fucking Syrians are threatened. 57 00:02:22,723 --> 00:02:25,203 "I felt threatened." You live on a cream puff. 58 00:02:25,243 --> 00:02:28,403 Do you want to take a walk and just, like, calm down? 59 00:02:28,443 --> 00:02:30,403 Okay. 60 00:02:30,443 --> 00:02:31,843 - Where are you going? - Out. 61 00:02:31,883 --> 00:02:32,923 Out. What are you, a teenager? 62 00:02:32,963 --> 00:02:34,043 Going for a drive. 63 00:02:34,083 --> 00:02:35,683 Bullshit. You're going to McDonald's. 64 00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:37,843 Fine. Take your purse and get out of my house. 65 00:02:37,883 --> 00:02:40,643 Uh, this is my house. I bought this house. 66 00:02:40,683 --> 00:02:43,083 Fine. Well, then get off my rug 67 00:02:43,123 --> 00:02:45,923 that I bought in Amsterdam where I had sex with a guy 68 00:02:45,963 --> 00:02:47,443 whose last name I didn't even learn. 69 00:02:47,483 --> 00:02:49,563 Oh, like I haven't done that. 70 00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,043 With women. 71 00:02:53,243 --> 00:02:54,363 [raspberry] 72 00:03:02,563 --> 00:03:05,363 Where's the fucking car? 73 00:03:05,403 --> 00:03:07,243 Woman: ...after 4. 74 00:03:07,283 --> 00:03:09,843 He didn't actually begin communicating effectively 75 00:03:09,883 --> 00:03:11,523 until he was about-- 76 00:03:11,563 --> 00:03:12,683 [TV off] 77 00:03:12,723 --> 00:03:14,603 Yeah. Nice try, Jason Bourne. 78 00:03:14,643 --> 00:03:15,763 Where's the car? 79 00:03:17,163 --> 00:03:19,283 - Sharon? - Maynold Street. 80 00:03:19,323 --> 00:03:20,403 You couldn't find anything closer? 81 00:03:20,443 --> 00:03:21,963 No, there was lots of spots closer, 82 00:03:22,003 --> 00:03:24,163 but I had 11 shopping bags, and I'm nine months pregnant, 83 00:03:24,203 --> 00:03:25,763 so I fancied the fucking walk. 84 00:03:25,803 --> 00:03:28,883 Well, I don't, so I'm going to sleep. 85 00:03:35,523 --> 00:03:36,883 Don't touch me. 86 00:03:36,923 --> 00:03:38,283 If you come anywhere near me, 87 00:03:38,323 --> 00:03:39,443 I'm going to scream. 88 00:03:42,563 --> 00:03:44,643 Put your finger in my asshole. 89 00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:46,243 How? 90 00:03:51,723 --> 00:03:53,203 - [baby chatter] - Oh! 91 00:03:53,243 --> 00:03:54,923 Ow! Fuck! 92 00:03:54,963 --> 00:03:56,043 Hey! Are you okay, darling? 93 00:03:56,083 --> 00:03:57,563 Come here, honey. 94 00:03:57,603 --> 00:03:59,963 I think I cut my f-- effing eyebrow bone! 95 00:04:00,003 --> 00:04:01,363 - [barking] - Get down, Mabel! 96 00:04:01,403 --> 00:04:02,883 - Get down, Mabel! - [whimpering] 97 00:04:05,603 --> 00:04:07,603 [giggling] 98 00:04:09,363 --> 00:04:11,323 He's trying to bite the baby's toes again. 99 00:04:11,363 --> 00:04:12,563 She's not biting them. 100 00:04:12,603 --> 00:04:14,523 She's licking them, and he likes it. 101 00:04:14,563 --> 00:04:16,843 Just because he likes it doesn't mean we should allow it. 102 00:04:16,883 --> 00:04:18,403 That's how fetishes start. 103 00:04:18,443 --> 00:04:20,883 Do you want him to have to pay hookers 104 00:04:20,923 --> 00:04:22,123 to lick his feet? 105 00:04:22,163 --> 00:04:23,723 Let's not set him on that path. 106 00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:25,163 Have a great day, honey. 107 00:04:27,843 --> 00:04:29,923 - You okay? - Mm-hmm. Yeah. Think so. 108 00:04:29,963 --> 00:04:31,283 No baby today. 109 00:04:31,323 --> 00:04:32,643 - You sure? - Mm-hmm. 110 00:04:32,683 --> 00:04:34,083 Okay, I'm going to go. 111 00:04:34,123 --> 00:04:36,803 Oh, what are we going to do about my mom? 112 00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:39,123 We'll just tell her no because we've got a baby on the way. 113 00:04:39,163 --> 00:04:40,683 She claims to want to help with the baby. 114 00:04:40,723 --> 00:04:42,083 Well, we know that's not true. 115 00:04:42,123 --> 00:04:44,003 She's going to make me take her places. 116 00:04:44,043 --> 00:04:45,963 She's going to make me take her to the M&M Store 117 00:04:46,003 --> 00:04:47,683 in fucking Leicester Square. 118 00:04:47,723 --> 00:04:49,523 Like they don't have M&Ms in America. 119 00:04:49,563 --> 00:04:51,883 Well, you tell me where you don't want to take her, 120 00:04:51,923 --> 00:04:53,523 and I'll tell her it burned down. 121 00:04:53,563 --> 00:04:56,123 Our house. Tell her our house burned down. 122 00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:58,123 Okay. 123 00:04:58,163 --> 00:04:59,683 Bring me back a surprise. 124 00:05:03,683 --> 00:05:05,163 And as the fungus grows, 125 00:05:05,203 --> 00:05:07,883 it takes over the ant's central nervous system, 126 00:05:07,923 --> 00:05:09,363 manipulating its behavior. 127 00:05:09,403 --> 00:05:10,643 It then kills the ant, 128 00:05:10,683 --> 00:05:12,923 and a stalk emerges from the skull, 129 00:05:12,963 --> 00:05:15,323 which explodes, spreading the fungus much further, 130 00:05:15,363 --> 00:05:18,683 creating armies of, for want of a better term, 131 00:05:18,723 --> 00:05:19,843 zombie ants. 132 00:05:21,843 --> 00:05:25,083 And this, is a sense, is what Brayban's seeking to do 133 00:05:25,123 --> 00:05:27,323 - with our takeover of Nyromax. - [phone jingles] 134 00:05:27,363 --> 00:05:28,763 Can you see what I'm getting at here? 135 00:05:28,803 --> 00:05:30,323 Shit. I'm sorry. 136 00:05:30,363 --> 00:05:32,203 I'm just-- I'm going to take this. Just-- 137 00:05:32,243 --> 00:05:33,883 Did anyone else see the documentary? 138 00:05:33,923 --> 00:05:35,163 - Hey. - It was disgusting. 139 00:05:35,203 --> 00:05:37,443 I think the baby's coming. 140 00:05:37,483 --> 00:05:39,003 Yeah, I think it's coming. 141 00:05:39,043 --> 00:05:40,443 Whoo. 142 00:05:40,483 --> 00:05:41,843 Rob: You can't keep doing that. 143 00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:43,923 Twice. I've done it twice, 144 00:05:43,963 --> 00:05:47,923 and this time I genuinely felt really lonely and bored. 145 00:05:47,963 --> 00:05:49,843 Did you check in on Frankie? 146 00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:51,563 His little bum still up in the air? 147 00:05:51,603 --> 00:05:54,283 Way up there. I gave it a little polish. 148 00:05:54,323 --> 00:05:56,083 God, his little bum is too much. 149 00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:57,643 Even his penis is cute. 150 00:05:57,683 --> 00:05:59,163 Ah. His little penis. 151 00:05:59,203 --> 00:06:00,723 I love his little penis. 152 00:06:00,763 --> 00:06:02,203 [chuckle] You don't think 153 00:06:02,243 --> 00:06:03,763 it's little little, though, do you? 154 00:06:03,803 --> 00:06:05,803 No. It's huge for a baby penis. 155 00:06:05,843 --> 00:06:08,963 Is it? I'd hate if he had a small penis. 156 00:06:09,003 --> 00:06:10,403 - Is that bad? - No. 157 00:06:10,443 --> 00:06:12,763 All moms want their sons to have big penises. 158 00:06:12,803 --> 00:06:15,403 You want your son's penis to inspire respect 159 00:06:15,443 --> 00:06:16,803 and a tiny bit of fear. 160 00:06:16,843 --> 00:06:19,363 No. I just want it to be big enough 161 00:06:19,403 --> 00:06:20,723 so he doesn't have to worry. 162 00:06:20,763 --> 00:06:22,123 I don't want him to be a folk legend 163 00:06:22,163 --> 00:06:25,523 or have to put out ads for women with big pussies. 164 00:06:25,563 --> 00:06:27,483 Yeah. I don't want him to have to roam 165 00:06:27,523 --> 00:06:29,443 from city to city, using rural highways 166 00:06:29,483 --> 00:06:31,483 in search of women who can handle his freakish penis. 167 00:06:31,523 --> 00:06:34,363 [whistling] 168 00:06:35,843 --> 00:06:38,923 Oh. He asked me to itch his bum earlier. 169 00:06:38,963 --> 00:06:40,843 - Yeah? - But he meant inside it, 170 00:06:40,883 --> 00:06:42,643 like he parted his butt cheeks, 171 00:06:42,683 --> 00:06:44,243 and he asked me to itch him in it. 172 00:06:44,283 --> 00:06:46,323 - What did you say? - I said no. 173 00:06:46,363 --> 00:06:47,483 But I felt bad. 174 00:06:47,523 --> 00:06:48,843 It's okay to say no 175 00:06:48,883 --> 00:06:50,163 when people ask you to do stuff 176 00:06:50,203 --> 00:06:51,323 to their private parts 177 00:06:51,363 --> 00:06:52,723 that you don't want to do. 178 00:06:52,763 --> 00:06:53,803 Unless it's me. 179 00:06:53,843 --> 00:06:55,403 I got to go back to work. 180 00:07:02,843 --> 00:07:03,883 Aw. 181 00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:05,763 If we were to get Radiohead, 182 00:07:05,803 --> 00:07:07,203 it would be the first time 183 00:07:07,243 --> 00:07:09,003 they've allowed one of their tracks to be used 184 00:07:09,043 --> 00:07:11,643 in a pharmaceutical ad targeted at children. 185 00:07:11,683 --> 00:07:13,643 - What about Coldplay? - [phone buzzes] 186 00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:16,523 Well, obviously I've tried Coldplay, 187 00:07:16,563 --> 00:07:19,683 but, uh, you know, people can't buy the drug 188 00:07:19,723 --> 00:07:21,323 if they fall asleep during the commercial. 189 00:07:24,483 --> 00:07:26,603 Why would people fall asleep listening to Coldplay? 190 00:07:29,203 --> 00:07:31,563 We can try Maroon 5. 191 00:07:31,603 --> 00:07:34,243 Automated voice on phone: You have one new message. 192 00:07:34,283 --> 00:07:36,003 Sharon: Oh, God, where the fuck are you? 193 00:07:36,043 --> 00:07:38,843 The baby's coming! Fucking hell! Where are you? 194 00:07:48,083 --> 00:07:49,803 No, no, no, no. This is my lift. 195 00:07:52,963 --> 00:07:55,323 - Oh! Oh! - I'm so sorry. 196 00:07:55,363 --> 00:07:56,963 I thought you just wanted me to keep you company again. 197 00:07:57,003 --> 00:07:58,963 They'll have to cut it out of me, Rob. 198 00:07:59,003 --> 00:08:01,123 Caesarian me, please! It's not too late! 199 00:08:01,163 --> 00:08:02,483 It's too late. You're crowning. 200 00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:04,603 Push it back in and cut it out! 201 00:08:04,643 --> 00:08:05,883 I'm sorry, nurse. Is it definitely too late? 202 00:08:05,923 --> 00:08:06,963 Yes, it is. 203 00:08:07,003 --> 00:08:08,203 I told you it all started 204 00:08:08,243 --> 00:08:09,403 with the dinner together! 205 00:08:09,443 --> 00:08:11,723 I don't like this! 206 00:08:11,763 --> 00:08:13,203 Nurse, she doesn't like this. 207 00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:16,003 Is it out yet? Oh, God. 208 00:08:16,043 --> 00:08:18,323 Oh, no. Am I shitting myself now? 209 00:08:18,363 --> 00:08:19,603 Barely. 210 00:08:28,643 --> 00:08:32,203 ♪ If you've seen a change 211 00:08:32,243 --> 00:08:36,443 ♪ Yes, it's true 212 00:08:37,883 --> 00:08:41,403 ♪ I'm a useful man 213 00:08:41,443 --> 00:08:45,363 ♪ In these shoes 214 00:08:46,923 --> 00:08:50,403 Oh, fuck you, Grand Master 69! 215 00:08:50,443 --> 00:08:52,723 Whenever it's Hummel figurines, 216 00:08:52,763 --> 00:08:55,323 this piece of shit always outbids me. 217 00:08:55,363 --> 00:08:56,963 [laughing] 218 00:08:57,003 --> 00:08:58,723 Do you eBay? 219 00:09:00,363 --> 00:09:02,363 Uh...Karen. 220 00:09:02,403 --> 00:09:04,243 Are you going to cap it at two of these? 221 00:09:04,283 --> 00:09:06,403 Cap it? No, I'm going to cut it off. 222 00:09:06,443 --> 00:09:08,803 - I'm going to get snipped. - Don't do that. 223 00:09:08,843 --> 00:09:10,323 What if it doesn't work out with Sharon 224 00:09:10,363 --> 00:09:12,363 and you meet a younger woman and she wants kids? 225 00:09:12,403 --> 00:09:13,723 That's exactly why I'm going to do it: 226 00:09:13,763 --> 00:09:15,243 to remove the possibility 227 00:09:15,283 --> 00:09:16,963 of that nightmare ever happening. 228 00:09:17,003 --> 00:09:18,923 I'm going to be a husband and a dad once. 229 00:09:18,963 --> 00:09:21,363 I'm going to do a good job, and then I'm going to die. 230 00:09:21,403 --> 00:09:24,883 Give it time. What about you? 231 00:09:24,923 --> 00:09:26,883 I'm going to keep going till I have a boy. 232 00:09:26,923 --> 00:09:29,803 I'd be a great father to a son. 233 00:09:29,843 --> 00:09:31,803 How do you guys not get pregnant? 234 00:09:31,843 --> 00:09:34,043 Same way I don't get the postman pregnant. 235 00:09:34,083 --> 00:09:36,883 Fran and I haven't fucked in just over two years. 236 00:09:36,923 --> 00:09:39,443 Why, man? You're not-- [whistles] 237 00:09:39,483 --> 00:09:41,963 Not yet, but it doesn't get quite big or hard enough 238 00:09:42,003 --> 00:09:45,283 to bridge the fucking gulf that has opened up between us. 239 00:09:45,323 --> 00:09:51,763 It would take at least ten very hard, very long penises. 240 00:09:51,803 --> 00:09:53,643 I could walk across them like a tightrope, maybe, 241 00:09:53,683 --> 00:09:56,363 and, uh, I don't know, throw a handful of jism at her. 242 00:09:56,403 --> 00:09:58,083 Isn't that what Elton John does? 243 00:09:59,883 --> 00:10:01,283 Where is Fran today? 244 00:10:01,323 --> 00:10:03,003 We're not currently attending 245 00:10:03,043 --> 00:10:05,203 any public engagements together. 246 00:10:05,243 --> 00:10:08,203 Barometrically, we combine to create an atmosphere 247 00:10:08,243 --> 00:10:09,643 that is somewhat shitty. 248 00:10:09,683 --> 00:10:12,243 We flipped a coin for this party, 249 00:10:12,283 --> 00:10:13,723 and I lost. 250 00:10:15,723 --> 00:10:17,003 No offense. 251 00:10:17,043 --> 00:10:19,123 Aw. It seems like only ten minutes ago 252 00:10:19,163 --> 00:10:20,523 we were sharing one bedroom and a dildo 253 00:10:20,563 --> 00:10:21,683 above a Chicken Cottage. 254 00:10:21,723 --> 00:10:22,883 We never shared a dildo. 255 00:10:22,923 --> 00:10:24,843 That's what you think. 256 00:10:27,363 --> 00:10:28,483 Oh, my God. 257 00:10:28,523 --> 00:10:29,843 I've gone and I've wet myself. 258 00:10:31,323 --> 00:10:32,843 It's okay. I'm wearing a nappy. 259 00:10:32,883 --> 00:10:34,403 Ohh. 260 00:10:34,443 --> 00:10:35,923 You've got it all now. 261 00:10:35,963 --> 00:10:38,443 Yeah. I've got two kids and a dog now. 262 00:10:38,483 --> 00:10:40,963 It's what I always wanted, apparently. 263 00:10:41,003 --> 00:10:43,443 Rob, he's looking a little tired. 264 00:10:43,483 --> 00:10:45,803 You might want to give him a teeny break from Frankie. 265 00:10:47,403 --> 00:10:51,003 You know, I just realized who she reminds me of: 266 00:10:51,043 --> 00:10:52,923 - Rob's father. - Aw. 267 00:10:52,963 --> 00:10:54,283 To give you the context, 268 00:10:54,323 --> 00:10:56,443 you know the actor Gene Wilder? 269 00:10:56,483 --> 00:10:59,003 My baby doesn't look like Gene Wilder. 270 00:10:59,043 --> 00:11:00,683 [hums "I don't know"] 271 00:11:00,723 --> 00:11:03,283 You know, I still have trouble with the name. 272 00:11:03,323 --> 00:11:05,843 How do you say it? Moron? 273 00:11:05,883 --> 00:11:07,043 Muireann. 274 00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:08,683 M-Moray? 275 00:11:08,723 --> 00:11:10,123 "Mweren." 276 00:11:10,163 --> 00:11:13,323 I get it. In America we say Myron. 277 00:11:13,363 --> 00:11:16,323 You know, people probably try to say it your way, 278 00:11:16,363 --> 00:11:18,283 but when they got to Ellis Island 279 00:11:18,323 --> 00:11:20,123 they just changed it to Myron. 280 00:11:21,803 --> 00:11:23,323 So I think it's Myron. 281 00:11:25,923 --> 00:11:27,323 Ohh. 282 00:11:27,363 --> 00:11:28,803 How long has your mother-in-law been here? 283 00:11:28,843 --> 00:11:30,643 Oh, just, uh, just three weeks. 284 00:11:30,683 --> 00:11:32,723 Yeah, she was supposed to leave on Tuesday, 285 00:11:32,763 --> 00:11:34,763 but she mislaid her passport. 286 00:11:34,803 --> 00:11:37,523 It's fine, though, because she's been doing a lot of babysitting, 287 00:11:37,563 --> 00:11:39,243 and I'm kidding. She's fucking useless. 288 00:11:41,483 --> 00:11:42,603 You okay? 289 00:11:42,643 --> 00:11:43,763 Oh, yeah, I'm terrific. 290 00:11:43,803 --> 00:11:45,283 Where's your mom? 291 00:11:45,323 --> 00:11:46,363 She's in the toilet. 292 00:11:46,403 --> 00:11:47,923 She's scared of your mom, 293 00:11:47,963 --> 00:11:49,443 so she's hiding in our toilet. 294 00:11:49,483 --> 00:11:50,923 [dog barking] 295 00:11:50,963 --> 00:11:52,723 Why did we do this? 296 00:11:52,763 --> 00:11:54,163 Because it knocks out all our visitors 297 00:11:54,203 --> 00:11:56,283 - in one terrible afternoon. - Okay. 298 00:11:56,323 --> 00:11:57,643 [fussing] 299 00:11:57,683 --> 00:12:00,323 Do you want me to take...Muireann? 300 00:12:00,363 --> 00:12:02,243 Why do you do that? 301 00:12:02,283 --> 00:12:04,603 Why do you pause before you say her name? 302 00:12:04,643 --> 00:12:07,243 I don't. Do I? 303 00:12:07,283 --> 00:12:09,163 I mean, well, I don't know. 304 00:12:09,203 --> 00:12:10,323 [barking] 305 00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:12,243 I want to get rid of that dog. 306 00:12:12,283 --> 00:12:13,963 I'm so glad you said that. 307 00:12:14,003 --> 00:12:15,523 Why did we get her? 308 00:12:15,563 --> 00:12:17,123 Because that bitch from the shelter told us 309 00:12:17,163 --> 00:12:18,483 they were going to have her put down 310 00:12:18,523 --> 00:12:19,923 after we'd already tickled her belly, 311 00:12:19,963 --> 00:12:21,243 which is basically entrapment. 312 00:12:21,283 --> 00:12:22,763 [tapping] 313 00:12:26,363 --> 00:12:27,803 Dad, you don't need to-- 314 00:12:27,843 --> 00:12:29,603 Just a-- a little toast 315 00:12:29,643 --> 00:12:31,363 to the newest member of the family. 316 00:12:31,403 --> 00:12:34,323 And fair play to Sharon. 317 00:12:34,363 --> 00:12:36,563 She never gave up hope. 318 00:12:36,603 --> 00:12:39,243 She watched each and every one of her peers 319 00:12:39,283 --> 00:12:41,523 up and leave the disco to settle down. 320 00:12:41,563 --> 00:12:44,003 Even her baby brother beat her to the punch. 321 00:12:44,043 --> 00:12:46,683 For a long time we thought, That's it. 322 00:12:46,723 --> 00:12:48,843 She's missed her chance, 323 00:12:48,883 --> 00:12:51,603 but she'll always have her career 324 00:12:51,643 --> 00:12:54,443 which she would explain to us was her baby. 325 00:12:54,483 --> 00:12:55,923 You hear a woman say that, 326 00:12:55,963 --> 00:12:58,043 and then you watch their features harden 327 00:12:58,083 --> 00:12:59,403 and the rump widen, 328 00:12:59,443 --> 00:13:01,003 and you think, That's it now. 329 00:13:01,043 --> 00:13:02,883 She's out to pasture. 330 00:13:02,923 --> 00:13:05,003 But then Rob came along-- 331 00:13:05,043 --> 00:13:07,243 uh, broken in his own way. 332 00:13:07,283 --> 00:13:09,923 And when Sharon and Rob began their journey, 333 00:13:09,963 --> 00:13:12,763 we all thought it had about as much chance of lasting 334 00:13:12,803 --> 00:13:14,323 as a fart in a storm. 335 00:13:14,363 --> 00:13:17,523 No, not one single person thought it would last, 336 00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:19,283 least of all your mother. 337 00:13:19,323 --> 00:13:22,283 - [laughter] - But they've proved us all wrong. 338 00:13:22,323 --> 00:13:25,403 And here we are amongst a growing family, 339 00:13:25,443 --> 00:13:27,803 and it's wonderful. 340 00:13:29,083 --> 00:13:30,203 Just wonderful. 341 00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:33,043 To Bridget and Rob. 342 00:13:36,083 --> 00:13:37,763 Who the fuck is Bridget? 343 00:13:43,163 --> 00:13:44,563 Bridget and Rob. 344 00:13:45,683 --> 00:13:47,643 So you guys are in Dublin? 345 00:13:47,683 --> 00:13:49,403 No, West Meath. It's a lovely-- 346 00:13:49,443 --> 00:13:50,883 How far is that from Dublin? 347 00:13:50,923 --> 00:13:52,803 Well, about 40 miles down the moor-- 348 00:13:52,843 --> 00:13:55,163 Riverdance. Is that West Meath? 349 00:13:56,243 --> 00:13:57,243 No, I don't think so. 350 00:13:57,283 --> 00:13:58,563 Well, he is Irish, right? 351 00:13:58,603 --> 00:13:59,963 - Right. - You know what? 352 00:14:00,003 --> 00:14:02,443 I saw him dance. I wept. 353 00:14:03,723 --> 00:14:05,443 In my panties. 354 00:14:06,603 --> 00:14:08,323 You know, I would love 355 00:14:08,363 --> 00:14:10,163 to visit you in Dublin. 356 00:14:10,203 --> 00:14:13,403 Should I? I mean, I have an open-ended ticket, so-- 357 00:14:13,443 --> 00:14:16,243 Well, I should clear away. 358 00:14:17,363 --> 00:14:18,683 Mum, 359 00:14:18,723 --> 00:14:20,043 you don't need to worry about that. 360 00:14:20,083 --> 00:14:21,563 Ah, well, somebody has to. 361 00:14:23,003 --> 00:14:25,403 Sharon. 362 00:14:25,443 --> 00:14:26,483 Is the baby okay? 363 00:14:26,523 --> 00:14:27,723 There's blood in this nappy. 364 00:14:27,763 --> 00:14:29,003 - Huh? - [baby crying] 365 00:14:29,043 --> 00:14:30,163 Oh, that's fine. It's one of mine. 366 00:14:32,163 --> 00:14:34,323 Can you keep an eye on Frankie for a minute? 367 00:14:34,363 --> 00:14:35,803 I'm going to go check on Muireann. 368 00:14:35,843 --> 00:14:36,843 - Okay. - [crying continues] 369 00:14:36,883 --> 00:14:37,923 Because she's crying. 370 00:14:37,963 --> 00:14:39,683 Okay. 371 00:14:41,203 --> 00:14:42,963 Rob. 372 00:14:43,003 --> 00:14:45,123 Do you think it's a bad time for me to pop to IKEA? 373 00:14:54,003 --> 00:14:56,163 Rob's mum seems really nice. 374 00:14:56,203 --> 00:14:58,483 Yeah, she's one of humanity's brightest lights. 375 00:14:58,523 --> 00:15:01,963 I'm really glad she's here, and I hope she never leaves. 376 00:15:02,003 --> 00:15:03,763 So what's going on with Dad? 377 00:15:03,803 --> 00:15:05,043 Have you changed your name to Bridget 378 00:15:05,083 --> 00:15:06,483 and I don't know about it? 379 00:15:06,523 --> 00:15:07,843 I don't know what's wrong with him. 380 00:15:07,883 --> 00:15:09,363 He's had five cans of Stag, maybe. 381 00:15:09,403 --> 00:15:10,763 I mean, is he losing it? 382 00:15:10,803 --> 00:15:12,523 I would have put money on Mum to go first. 383 00:15:12,563 --> 00:15:15,123 Fergal, maybe I don't-- I can't-- 384 00:15:15,163 --> 00:15:16,363 My tits are leaking. 385 00:15:16,403 --> 00:15:18,243 Three people in this house wear nappies. 386 00:15:18,283 --> 00:15:20,003 I'm one of them. I have to keep babies alive, 387 00:15:20,043 --> 00:15:21,723 so I'm going to be able to think about other people 388 00:15:21,763 --> 00:15:24,763 in about six months or so. Can you deal with it? 389 00:15:24,803 --> 00:15:26,683 Yeah, yeah. I'll fix his dementia. 390 00:15:26,723 --> 00:15:28,163 Thank you. 391 00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:45,243 Where's Frankie? 392 00:15:48,403 --> 00:15:50,203 - Where's Frankie? - What do you mean? 393 00:15:50,243 --> 00:15:51,883 What do I mean? Where's your son? 394 00:15:51,923 --> 00:15:53,643 The front door was open Honey, wake up. 395 00:15:53,683 --> 00:15:55,243 - I asked you to watch him-- - Yeah, and I was-- 396 00:15:55,283 --> 00:15:56,443 - What? - I don't know. 397 00:15:56,483 --> 00:15:57,923 - Where's Frankie? - What? 398 00:15:57,963 --> 00:15:59,523 - Where's the baby? - Frankie. 399 00:15:59,563 --> 00:16:01,643 - Sharon: Frankie! - Rob: Frankie! 400 00:16:01,683 --> 00:16:03,323 Sharon: Frankie! 401 00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:05,683 Somebody's had an accident. 402 00:16:05,723 --> 00:16:07,203 He's there. 403 00:16:07,243 --> 00:16:10,083 He's crapped himself. 404 00:16:10,123 --> 00:16:12,843 Jesus Christ, you nearly gave me a heart attack. 405 00:16:12,883 --> 00:16:15,963 Why, can't a grandmother spend time with her grandson? 406 00:16:16,003 --> 00:16:18,043 Mia, you've been here three weeks. 407 00:16:18,083 --> 00:16:19,563 You've barely registered his existence. 408 00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:21,883 Oh, please. This is the first day since I got here 409 00:16:21,923 --> 00:16:23,443 that you haven't slept till 11. 410 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:26,683 - What? - You treat Rob like a hired hand. 411 00:16:26,723 --> 00:16:28,003 Knock it off, Mom. 412 00:16:28,043 --> 00:16:29,843 I think you might be more comfortable 413 00:16:29,883 --> 00:16:31,123 in a hotel. 414 00:16:31,163 --> 00:16:32,723 Well, probably. At least there 415 00:16:32,763 --> 00:16:34,443 I'd get clean sheets now and then. 416 00:16:34,483 --> 00:16:35,763 Don't be an asshole, Mom. 417 00:16:35,803 --> 00:16:37,123 Oh, she's not an asshole. 418 00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:39,203 She's an hemorrhoid on an asshole. 419 00:16:39,243 --> 00:16:41,723 You are a malevolent hemorrhoid of a woman. 420 00:16:41,763 --> 00:16:44,323 You can take it down a few notches, too, all right? 421 00:16:44,363 --> 00:16:46,643 Your parents have been here 25 times in the last three months, 422 00:16:46,683 --> 00:16:48,163 and any complaints I've had-- 423 00:16:48,203 --> 00:16:49,763 which, by the way, Carol, have been barely any-- 424 00:16:49,803 --> 00:16:51,163 I've delivered to you in private. 425 00:16:51,203 --> 00:16:52,923 I haven't nailed them to the church door. 426 00:16:55,123 --> 00:16:57,363 Where's Muireann? Where-- Where's Muireann? 427 00:16:57,403 --> 00:16:59,123 She's upstairs. But even if she wasn't, 428 00:16:59,163 --> 00:17:01,443 I couldn't call out her name because I can't pronounce it. 429 00:17:01,483 --> 00:17:02,763 Oh, don't be ridiculous. 430 00:17:02,803 --> 00:17:04,203 Please, anyone, help me out here. 431 00:17:04,243 --> 00:17:06,043 Can anyone pronounce my baby's name? 432 00:17:06,083 --> 00:17:08,723 - Muireann. - Not you people. The other people. 433 00:17:08,763 --> 00:17:10,723 - Morty. - Marian. 434 00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,203 Myron. 435 00:17:12,243 --> 00:17:13,363 [Sharon scoffs] 436 00:17:13,403 --> 00:17:15,043 Well, that is-- 437 00:17:15,083 --> 00:17:16,443 That's-- 438 00:17:16,483 --> 00:17:18,763 Just keep the fucking front door shut. 439 00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:31,843 Sorry. 440 00:17:31,883 --> 00:17:33,923 - You okay? - No. 441 00:17:33,963 --> 00:17:35,243 Will you ask everyone to leave? 442 00:17:35,283 --> 00:17:36,843 No. 443 00:17:36,883 --> 00:17:38,963 If they're still here in an hour, will you? 444 00:17:39,003 --> 00:17:41,883 Yes. I'm sorry I freaked out. 445 00:17:43,723 --> 00:17:46,323 Can you really not pronounce her name? 446 00:17:46,363 --> 00:17:48,243 It's not like some African tribal language 447 00:17:48,283 --> 00:17:50,323 with clicks in it. It's just Irish. 448 00:17:50,363 --> 00:17:51,643 It's just easy. 449 00:17:51,683 --> 00:17:54,203 I'll get it. I will get there. 450 00:17:54,243 --> 00:17:57,803 Muireann is a beautiful name. 451 00:18:01,763 --> 00:18:03,683 I'm sorry I called your mother a hemorrhoid. 452 00:18:03,723 --> 00:18:06,883 That's okay. I mean, best case scenario, 453 00:18:06,923 --> 00:18:08,963 she's so upset she leaves. 454 00:18:09,003 --> 00:18:11,563 Worst case scenario, she kills herself. 455 00:18:11,603 --> 00:18:13,363 then I can finally be free. 456 00:18:17,003 --> 00:18:18,443 For God's sake. 457 00:18:20,483 --> 00:18:23,603 - Rob Norris. - Christ. Hey, Dave. 458 00:18:23,643 --> 00:18:24,803 Is this yours? 459 00:18:24,843 --> 00:18:26,083 Yeah. Yeah, I think that's-- 460 00:18:26,123 --> 00:18:27,523 Right. Okay. Because, uh, 461 00:18:27,563 --> 00:18:29,363 I found it next to that. 462 00:18:32,003 --> 00:18:34,363 - Oh, Christ. - Oh, shit, man. 463 00:18:34,403 --> 00:18:35,603 Your wee doggie's been hurt. 464 00:18:35,643 --> 00:18:36,643 Fuck. 465 00:18:40,803 --> 00:18:41,923 Excuse me. 466 00:18:43,003 --> 00:18:44,203 Hey, Des, 467 00:18:44,243 --> 00:18:45,443 what are you doing out here? 468 00:18:45,483 --> 00:18:46,443 Oh. 469 00:18:48,403 --> 00:18:50,883 Just... looking at the house. 470 00:18:50,923 --> 00:18:54,363 It's a lovely house when you look at it from this angle. 471 00:18:54,403 --> 00:18:57,603 Yeah. Do you want to come back inside? 472 00:18:57,643 --> 00:18:59,043 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 473 00:19:01,643 --> 00:19:04,283 You go in, man. I'll find somewhere to stash it. 474 00:19:04,323 --> 00:19:06,003 Thanks. 475 00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:12,843 What's happened to your dog? 476 00:19:14,843 --> 00:19:17,883 To everything there is a season. 477 00:19:20,763 --> 00:19:26,203 Okay. 3, 2, 1. Ta-da! 478 00:19:26,243 --> 00:19:27,643 Sharon: What the hell? 479 00:19:28,803 --> 00:19:30,563 Where'd you get that photo? 480 00:19:30,603 --> 00:19:32,243 Rob texted it to me right after she was born. 481 00:19:32,283 --> 00:19:34,323 That's my aureole. You can see my veins. 482 00:19:34,363 --> 00:19:36,323 What? It's perfectly natural. 483 00:19:36,363 --> 00:19:38,563 I don't know if it is on a cake. 484 00:19:38,603 --> 00:19:42,243 ♪ Whale noses big as babies' faces ♪ 485 00:19:42,283 --> 00:19:44,003 Everybody. 486 00:19:44,043 --> 00:19:46,563 You're looking after this big fella, then? 487 00:19:46,603 --> 00:19:48,643 - Oh, I'm fine. - He's fine. 488 00:19:48,683 --> 00:19:50,403 I'm going to give you a piece of advice. 489 00:19:50,443 --> 00:19:52,763 After your brother was born 490 00:19:52,803 --> 00:19:55,763 and your father and I had a bit of a rough patch, 491 00:19:55,803 --> 00:19:58,483 we decided that we had to put our love for each other 492 00:19:58,523 --> 00:20:00,123 above everything else 493 00:20:00,163 --> 00:20:01,963 because we were man and wife 494 00:20:02,003 --> 00:20:03,923 before we were mother and father. 495 00:20:03,963 --> 00:20:07,323 Right. So you chose to love Dad more than us. 496 00:20:07,363 --> 00:20:10,123 Oh, no. Just to love him first. 497 00:20:10,163 --> 00:20:12,443 It's the same with me and Milandra. 498 00:20:16,123 --> 00:20:17,403 Where's the dog? 499 00:20:18,483 --> 00:20:20,043 [clicking tongue] 500 00:20:20,083 --> 00:20:22,683 Mabel. [clicking tongue] Mabel! 501 00:20:22,723 --> 00:20:24,803 I'm sorry, honey. 502 00:20:24,843 --> 00:20:26,603 I'm not crying about the dog. 503 00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:28,323 Why are you crying? 504 00:20:28,363 --> 00:20:30,683 Everyone's still here. 505 00:20:30,723 --> 00:20:32,843 Why won't they leave? 506 00:20:32,883 --> 00:20:34,603 - Well-- - And in case you haven't noticed, 507 00:20:34,643 --> 00:20:36,603 my dad's losing his fucking marbles.[toilet flushes] 508 00:20:36,643 --> 00:20:38,923 He left the door open. The dog's dead. 509 00:20:38,963 --> 00:20:40,763 It could have been Frankie. 510 00:20:42,043 --> 00:20:44,723 I'm sorry I left the door open. 511 00:20:44,763 --> 00:20:46,323 No, no, no, no. 512 00:20:46,363 --> 00:20:48,003 No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 513 00:20:48,043 --> 00:20:49,403 Please don't worry. 514 00:20:49,443 --> 00:20:51,283 We were going to have her put down anyway. 515 00:20:51,323 --> 00:20:52,643 I'm just glad you're here. 516 00:20:54,403 --> 00:20:57,123 Tried to find a bit of the cake without your nipple in it. 517 00:20:57,163 --> 00:20:58,603 Harder than it sounds. 518 00:21:01,683 --> 00:21:05,803 I think it may have been irresponsible for us to procreate. 519 00:21:05,843 --> 00:21:07,003 Okay. 520 00:21:07,043 --> 00:21:08,763 You're an alcoholic. 521 00:21:08,803 --> 00:21:10,763 Your mother's a card-carrying sadist. 522 00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:12,163 My dad can't remember my name. 523 00:21:12,203 --> 00:21:14,523 Fergal-- Well, nothing's been diagnosed, 524 00:21:14,563 --> 00:21:16,883 but, you know, there's obviously a few things wrong there. 525 00:21:16,923 --> 00:21:18,643 It's not looking good. 526 00:21:18,683 --> 00:21:20,403 Thank God you're so normal. 527 00:21:20,443 --> 00:21:23,603 [chuckle] What did you think about what my mother was saying 528 00:21:23,643 --> 00:21:25,803 about loving each other more than the kids? 529 00:21:25,843 --> 00:21:27,683 I think there's something wrong with her. 530 00:21:27,723 --> 00:21:30,483 Okay, good. I was worried it was just me. 531 00:21:30,523 --> 00:21:32,883 I just think if you don't love the kids more than me, 532 00:21:32,923 --> 00:21:34,603 then you're not fit to be a mother. 533 00:21:34,643 --> 00:21:36,083 Of course I love them more than you. 534 00:21:36,123 --> 00:21:38,083 I'm not a sociopath. 535 00:21:38,123 --> 00:21:39,603 I haven't even bonded with my baby, 536 00:21:39,643 --> 00:21:41,083 and I still love her more than you. 537 00:21:41,123 --> 00:21:42,723 You haven't bonded with the baby? 538 00:21:43,883 --> 00:21:45,323 - No. - Do you think 539 00:21:45,363 --> 00:21:47,763 you might have a little post-natal depression? 540 00:21:47,803 --> 00:21:49,763 I don't know. No. 541 00:21:49,803 --> 00:21:51,363 I don't know. I-- 542 00:21:51,403 --> 00:21:53,683 This is going to sound awful, but... 543 00:21:53,723 --> 00:21:55,283 I just worry that I don't love Muireann 544 00:21:55,323 --> 00:21:56,563 the way I love Frankie. 545 00:21:56,603 --> 00:21:58,203 Is that why you gave her a crazy name? 546 00:22:00,843 --> 00:22:04,123 I-- Just the minute she came out, 547 00:22:04,163 --> 00:22:05,843 she scared me. 548 00:22:05,883 --> 00:22:07,523 She looked like an alien. 549 00:22:07,563 --> 00:22:09,523 Frankie was beautiful. Even the day he was born, 550 00:22:09,563 --> 00:22:13,123 he was just this tiny beautiful little bean. 551 00:22:13,163 --> 00:22:16,723 He weighed 4 pounds. He was almost dark red. 552 00:22:16,763 --> 00:22:18,243 And he had a hairy back. 553 00:22:18,283 --> 00:22:19,563 He was a monster. 554 00:22:19,603 --> 00:22:21,323 I don't remember that. 555 00:22:22,843 --> 00:22:24,523 You don't think she seems-- 556 00:22:24,563 --> 00:22:26,163 What? 557 00:22:26,203 --> 00:22:28,043 Manipulative. 558 00:22:28,083 --> 00:22:29,643 Like she's plotting something. 559 00:22:29,683 --> 00:22:31,443 I don't get that sense, no. 560 00:22:33,363 --> 00:22:35,043 You don't think you'll do anything, do you? 561 00:22:35,083 --> 00:22:36,203 No. 562 00:22:36,243 --> 00:22:37,883 Okay. 563 00:22:37,923 --> 00:22:40,003 Well, what you're going through isn't rare, 564 00:22:40,043 --> 00:22:43,043 - so-- Oh, shit. - What? 565 00:22:43,083 --> 00:22:44,883 I forgot to bag up the dog. 566 00:22:44,923 --> 00:22:47,403 Oh, shit. Are we going to bury him? 567 00:22:47,443 --> 00:22:49,283 I think I'll just throw her away. 568 00:22:49,323 --> 00:22:51,723 I mean, she's small enough. 569 00:22:51,763 --> 00:22:53,083 She was a good dog. 570 00:22:53,123 --> 00:22:54,283 She was the best. 571 00:23:03,323 --> 00:23:05,643 [baby crying] 572 00:23:20,163 --> 00:23:23,403 ♪♪ [Woman vocalizing] 573 00:23:54,203 --> 00:23:55,163 [vocalizing stops] 574 00:23:59,883 --> 00:24:01,483 Everything okay, Rob? 575 00:24:01,523 --> 00:24:03,403 Oh, yeah. uh, great. 576 00:24:03,443 --> 00:24:04,923 H-How are you?