1 00:00:06,243 --> 00:00:08,283 Everything's changed. Now Rob's left his job 2 00:00:08,363 --> 00:00:09,563 because he wanted to. 3 00:00:09,643 --> 00:00:11,523 He wasn't fired or laid off. 4 00:00:11,603 --> 00:00:13,203 He just felt like it. 5 00:00:14,643 --> 00:00:16,963 So we have to move house, into a smaller house, 6 00:00:17,043 --> 00:00:18,563 which is, I mean it's not the end of the world. 7 00:00:18,643 --> 00:00:20,163 You know, there's rooms we don't use. 8 00:00:20,243 --> 00:00:22,683 But it's stressful. It's emotional. 9 00:00:22,763 --> 00:00:25,003 Um, our daughter was born there. 10 00:00:25,083 --> 00:00:26,563 - No, she wasn't. - Yep. 11 00:00:27,843 --> 00:00:29,363 Well, she was born while we lived there, 12 00:00:29,443 --> 00:00:31,443 so it's all she knows. 13 00:00:31,523 --> 00:00:33,523 I've had to go back to work, 14 00:00:33,603 --> 00:00:35,203 which, you know, he-- Rob made that choice for us. 15 00:00:35,283 --> 00:00:36,763 I mean, it's the right choice. 16 00:00:36,843 --> 00:00:39,563 Well, we all make choices, honey. 17 00:00:40,883 --> 00:00:41,963 Don't we, Anthony? 18 00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:44,803 Yeah. Of course we all do. 19 00:00:44,883 --> 00:00:47,883 Uh, so you want to put the house on the market, yeah? 20 00:00:47,963 --> 00:00:49,723 Yeah. So I'd say it's worth a fair amount now, 21 00:00:49,803 --> 00:00:51,603 isn't it, our house? We painted it. 22 00:00:51,683 --> 00:00:53,763 It's all Deluxe Heritage colors now, isn't it? 23 00:00:53,843 --> 00:00:54,923 - Oh, yeah. - Yeah. 24 00:00:55,003 --> 00:00:56,043 We bought it 25 00:00:56,123 --> 00:00:57,603 about two and a half years ago, 26 00:00:57,683 --> 00:00:59,203 so I'd say it's value is-- [whistle] 27 00:00:59,283 --> 00:01:01,243 Yeah, I got you a great price for that, I remember. 28 00:01:01,323 --> 00:01:03,243 But, um, right now I'd say 29 00:01:03,323 --> 00:01:04,763 it's not gonna be worth a lot more 30 00:01:04,843 --> 00:01:06,723 than what you paid for it. 31 00:01:06,803 --> 00:01:09,483 How much not a lot more? 32 00:01:09,563 --> 00:01:11,803 Well, it's all sort of dropped off a bit, ain't it? 33 00:01:11,883 --> 00:01:13,603 Since the old Brexit nonsense. 34 00:01:13,683 --> 00:01:17,323 If I'm honest, now is not a good time to sell. 35 00:01:17,403 --> 00:01:20,803 If I were you, I'd just sort of leave it for a while. 36 00:01:20,883 --> 00:01:22,083 [phone buzzes] 37 00:01:25,443 --> 00:01:28,083 Just out of curiosity, 38 00:01:28,163 --> 00:01:30,763 if it is such a worthless shit hole, 39 00:01:30,843 --> 00:01:32,683 why did you make us buy it in the first place? 40 00:01:32,763 --> 00:01:34,643 We didn't make you buy it, did we? 41 00:01:34,723 --> 00:01:35,923 I remember you telling us 42 00:01:36,003 --> 00:01:37,283 we were making a great investment. 43 00:01:37,363 --> 00:01:38,483 Yeah, you were. 44 00:01:38,563 --> 00:01:40,163 Look, it is a great investment. 45 00:01:40,243 --> 00:01:42,443 Just sounds to me like you're contradicting yourself. 46 00:01:42,523 --> 00:01:44,123 I'm just telling you the market reality. 47 00:01:44,203 --> 00:01:45,843 Rob: The market reality? 48 00:01:45,923 --> 00:01:47,563 How you gonna get a good rate with an attitude like that? 49 00:01:47,643 --> 00:01:49,043 You know, what about positive thinking? 50 00:01:49,123 --> 00:01:50,883 I mean, you gotta jazz it up, buddy. 51 00:01:50,963 --> 00:01:52,523 Yeah. And why are you smiling? 52 00:01:52,603 --> 00:01:54,043 You're telling us bad news. 53 00:01:54,123 --> 00:01:55,923 You should do that with a somber face 54 00:01:56,003 --> 00:01:57,483 or a neutral one. 55 00:01:57,563 --> 00:01:59,403 It just doesn't seem like you're a serious person. 56 00:01:59,483 --> 00:02:01,403 All the smiling, your clothes. 57 00:02:01,483 --> 00:02:02,523 You're at work, 58 00:02:02,603 --> 00:02:03,883 People make life decisions in here, 59 00:02:03,963 --> 00:02:05,923 and you're sitting there all trussed up. 60 00:02:06,003 --> 00:02:08,043 You look like a magician. 61 00:02:08,123 --> 00:02:09,763 Because of the jewelry. 62 00:02:12,803 --> 00:02:14,283 [sigh] 63 00:02:14,363 --> 00:02:17,163 So do we take a sign with us to stick in our lawn? 64 00:02:17,243 --> 00:02:18,963 Nah, we've got a guy. 65 00:02:19,043 --> 00:02:19,963 Cool. 66 00:02:25,883 --> 00:02:28,323 So if you think you like the house, 67 00:02:28,403 --> 00:02:31,563 I should say that I received an offer last week 68 00:02:31,643 --> 00:02:35,163 from two men-- uh, brothers, I think. 69 00:02:35,243 --> 00:02:37,483 They had the same haircut. 70 00:02:37,563 --> 00:02:39,603 Um, they may just have been roommates. 71 00:02:39,683 --> 00:02:41,003 Eh, probably. 72 00:02:41,083 --> 00:02:42,363 They said they were dancers. 73 00:02:42,443 --> 00:02:43,643 - Oh. - In any case, though, 74 00:02:43,723 --> 00:02:45,203 they were talking about knocking this down 75 00:02:45,283 --> 00:02:46,523 and ripping that out. 76 00:02:46,603 --> 00:02:49,083 What? That's nuts. This house is great. 77 00:02:49,163 --> 00:02:52,603 Thank you. Yes, my wife had a flair for design. 78 00:02:52,683 --> 00:02:55,563 You can't buy carpets this color anymore. 79 00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:58,443 - It's a very bright brown. - Mm. Persian, 80 00:02:58,523 --> 00:03:02,083 or, as you young people call it now, Iran. [chuckle] 81 00:03:02,163 --> 00:03:05,363 We used to call it Persia. That was good enough for us. 82 00:03:05,443 --> 00:03:07,643 So, uh, would you like a drink of any kind? 83 00:03:07,723 --> 00:03:09,563 Oh, yeah. I'll-- I'll have a tea, 84 00:03:09,643 --> 00:03:11,203 uh, with lemon, thank you, Wallace. 85 00:03:11,283 --> 00:03:12,363 Uh, Robert? 86 00:03:12,443 --> 00:03:14,403 Uh, no. I'm good, thank you. 87 00:03:15,843 --> 00:03:18,043 Tea with lemon? 88 00:03:18,123 --> 00:03:19,603 Shut up. 89 00:03:19,683 --> 00:03:20,803 What do you think? 90 00:03:20,883 --> 00:03:22,363 Do you think his wife died here? 91 00:03:22,443 --> 00:03:24,323 Who cares? It's charming as fuck. 92 00:03:24,403 --> 00:03:25,763 I think I love it. 93 00:03:25,843 --> 00:03:28,563 Can I show you one thing very quickly? 94 00:03:28,643 --> 00:03:29,563 Yeah. 95 00:03:33,043 --> 00:03:34,643 What are you doing? 96 00:03:35,963 --> 00:03:37,563 Very uncomfortable. 97 00:03:37,643 --> 00:03:40,563 Right. Well, maybe learn to take a shit in under 20 minutes? 98 00:03:40,643 --> 00:03:42,483 That's ridiculous and impossible. 99 00:03:42,563 --> 00:03:44,763 I really like this house. I swear to God, 100 00:03:44,843 --> 00:03:46,403 if you knocked through that pokey kitchen 101 00:03:46,483 --> 00:03:47,963 into that ridiculous little scullery, 102 00:03:48,043 --> 00:03:49,563 you'd take away a lot of the-- 103 00:03:49,643 --> 00:03:51,963 charm of the sort of-- 104 00:03:52,043 --> 00:03:53,563 you know, how it's like a cozy maze. 105 00:03:53,643 --> 00:03:54,723 So I don't know 106 00:03:54,803 --> 00:03:56,163 what those dancers were talking about. 107 00:03:57,683 --> 00:03:59,643 Do you feel bad that we lied to an old man? 108 00:03:59,723 --> 00:04:01,203 I feel bad that you lied to him. 109 00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:02,763 I mean, I was just standing there 110 00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:04,363 while you told him we had a mortgage ready to go. 111 00:04:04,443 --> 00:04:06,003 Well, it might be lie today, 112 00:04:06,083 --> 00:04:08,803 but it's not gonna be a lie next week, maybe, I think. 113 00:04:10,163 --> 00:04:11,923 I like this little area, do you? 114 00:04:12,003 --> 00:04:12,963 Sure. 115 00:04:13,043 --> 00:04:14,443 It's a great house. 116 00:04:14,523 --> 00:04:16,243 I mean, I thought I was gonna be embarrassed-- 117 00:04:16,323 --> 00:04:17,763 you know, moving into a tiny house, 118 00:04:17,843 --> 00:04:20,243 but that house is just-- almost feels like a choice. 119 00:04:20,323 --> 00:04:21,443 Ha. 120 00:04:21,523 --> 00:04:23,163 How long do you think to sell our house? 121 00:04:23,243 --> 00:04:25,123 I don't know, but even if we get the asking price, 122 00:04:25,203 --> 00:04:27,723 it's gonna be tight if we want to get somewhere in this area. 123 00:04:27,803 --> 00:04:29,483 Yeah, well, maybe it's not just selling the house. 124 00:04:29,563 --> 00:04:30,883 Maybe we need to start thinking 125 00:04:30,963 --> 00:04:32,363 about paring back our lives. 126 00:04:32,443 --> 00:04:33,843 I mean I'll be happy to downsize. 127 00:04:33,923 --> 00:04:36,043 I'm a pretty simple person, and-- 128 00:04:36,123 --> 00:04:37,563 Why are you doing that with your face? 129 00:04:37,643 --> 00:04:39,363 Sorry. Just my eyes rolled back so fast, 130 00:04:39,443 --> 00:04:41,243 it actually pulled my skull backwards. 131 00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:42,763 You're not a simple person. 132 00:04:42,843 --> 00:04:45,083 I am. I'm Irish. We're simple people. 133 00:04:45,163 --> 00:04:47,883 Uh, an Irish milkmaid is a simple person. 134 00:04:47,963 --> 00:04:50,083 You're a cosmopolitan clothes fiend 135 00:04:50,163 --> 00:04:52,923 who consciously left Ireland to come here and shop. 136 00:04:55,083 --> 00:04:56,803 Do you really think I'm cosmopolitan? 137 00:04:56,883 --> 00:04:58,203 [laughing] 138 00:04:58,283 --> 00:05:00,843 Well, how about, as a sort of interim 139 00:05:00,923 --> 00:05:03,163 kind of a cash flow sort of a thing, 140 00:05:03,243 --> 00:05:05,643 and, I mean, this might sound crazy, 141 00:05:05,723 --> 00:05:08,683 but I'll remind you it was your idea. 142 00:05:08,763 --> 00:05:11,443 What if, per your idea, 143 00:05:11,523 --> 00:05:14,923 I did become a big and tall model? 144 00:05:15,003 --> 00:05:16,163 I mean, it was crazy then, 145 00:05:16,243 --> 00:05:18,363 but now I weigh at least 20 pounds more, 146 00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:20,763 so I really am big and tall, 147 00:05:20,843 --> 00:05:22,803 so maybe it's not as crazy as I thought. 148 00:05:22,883 --> 00:05:25,043 - [chuckle] - What? It was your idea. 149 00:05:25,123 --> 00:05:27,683 Yeah, I'm not sure I was being serious. 150 00:05:27,763 --> 00:05:30,083 I think I was probably flirting with you. 151 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,243 You said nice things to me when we first met. 152 00:05:32,323 --> 00:05:33,883 I meant those nice things. 153 00:05:33,963 --> 00:05:35,683 Yeah, well, they were tailored to get into my knickers. 154 00:05:35,763 --> 00:05:36,963 I didn't have to say anything special 155 00:05:37,043 --> 00:05:38,403 to get into your knickers. 156 00:05:38,483 --> 00:05:40,683 I just had to say "Hello" or "Remove your knickers." 157 00:05:40,763 --> 00:05:44,083 Well, look, yeah. Give it a go. 158 00:05:44,163 --> 00:05:45,803 I mean, you are-- you're big and tall. 159 00:05:45,883 --> 00:05:47,443 They'd be lucky to have you. 160 00:05:47,523 --> 00:05:49,603 Just make sure you tell them you won't model fur. 161 00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:51,403 What about leather? 162 00:05:51,483 --> 00:05:53,083 All you're gonna get is leather work. 163 00:05:53,163 --> 00:05:54,843 [laughing] 164 00:05:54,923 --> 00:05:57,123 You could cancel your gym membership. 165 00:05:57,203 --> 00:05:59,083 Not if I'm gonna be a model. 166 00:06:00,363 --> 00:06:01,483 [grunt] 167 00:06:02,923 --> 00:06:04,123 That's right. 168 00:06:05,523 --> 00:06:07,123 [groaning] 169 00:06:08,683 --> 00:06:10,283 Come on, you pussy. 170 00:06:11,683 --> 00:06:13,963 Oh, mother fuck. 171 00:06:14,043 --> 00:06:15,523 Ah. 172 00:06:15,603 --> 00:06:17,483 I need to stop. 173 00:06:17,563 --> 00:06:19,803 I don't want to get too ripped on day 1. 174 00:06:19,883 --> 00:06:21,643 Too late, baby. 175 00:06:23,683 --> 00:06:25,083 I haven't seen you for a while. 176 00:06:25,163 --> 00:06:28,243 Uh, yeah. I used my membership so little last year 177 00:06:28,323 --> 00:06:31,163 that it worked out to about 70 quid a visit. 178 00:06:31,243 --> 00:06:32,723 I can't afford that. 179 00:06:35,323 --> 00:06:37,523 - Sell your house yet? - Uh, not yet 180 00:06:37,603 --> 00:06:39,043 but we just hired a guy 181 00:06:39,123 --> 00:06:40,603 who wears a lot of really beautiful jewelry 182 00:06:40,683 --> 00:06:42,283 to sell it, 183 00:06:42,363 --> 00:06:44,363 so it should fly off the shelf now. 184 00:06:44,443 --> 00:06:46,323 Fran came to see me last night. 185 00:06:46,403 --> 00:06:49,043 Looks like we've reached a settlement détente. 186 00:06:49,123 --> 00:06:50,883 She wants an amicable divorce. 187 00:06:50,963 --> 00:06:52,363 That's nice. 188 00:06:52,443 --> 00:06:53,723 Ah, when your life falls apart, 189 00:06:53,803 --> 00:06:55,443 it's nice to keep things nice. 190 00:06:55,523 --> 00:06:57,443 I'm gonna give her half of everything-- 191 00:06:58,963 --> 00:06:59,923 including Jeffrey. 192 00:07:04,683 --> 00:07:06,603 What's happening with you and Sharon? 193 00:07:06,683 --> 00:07:09,563 You all squared with her snake handling, so to speak? 194 00:07:09,643 --> 00:07:11,723 Yeah. We're okay. It's getting better. 195 00:07:11,803 --> 00:07:14,043 And honestly, at this point in our marriage, 196 00:07:14,123 --> 00:07:15,843 if she makes a mistake, it just gives me leverage 197 00:07:15,923 --> 00:07:17,243 for whatever monstrous thing 198 00:07:17,323 --> 00:07:18,763 I'll definitely do next month. 199 00:07:19,923 --> 00:07:23,443 Marriage is like a game of chess, 200 00:07:23,523 --> 00:07:25,123 but the board is made of water, 201 00:07:25,203 --> 00:07:26,803 and the pieces are made of smoke. 202 00:07:26,883 --> 00:07:28,603 - Who said that? - I said it. 203 00:07:28,683 --> 00:07:30,083 No, you didn't. 204 00:07:33,083 --> 00:07:34,883 Jerry Seinfeld said that. 205 00:07:34,963 --> 00:07:36,643 He said it, too, but who said it first? 206 00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:38,563 - He did. - Yeah, but who just said it? 207 00:07:41,483 --> 00:07:42,683 Spot me. 208 00:07:49,683 --> 00:07:51,803 You have a lovely home. 209 00:07:51,883 --> 00:07:54,003 [chuckle] Well, thank you. 210 00:07:54,083 --> 00:07:56,083 I don't think I've ever had the pleasure 211 00:07:56,163 --> 00:07:59,923 of two such beautiful ladies on one social call. 212 00:08:00,003 --> 00:08:01,763 So healthy. 213 00:08:01,843 --> 00:08:02,883 Oh, I like you. 214 00:08:02,963 --> 00:08:04,523 Do you come with the house? 215 00:08:04,603 --> 00:08:07,683 Uh, no, no. I-- I hope, when I sell this place, 216 00:08:07,763 --> 00:08:10,043 to move into a small apartment in town. 217 00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:13,283 I'd like to be a little, um, closer to the action. 218 00:08:13,363 --> 00:08:15,243 - Oh. - And they'll find me sooner 219 00:08:15,323 --> 00:08:17,283 if I die at home by myself. 220 00:08:17,363 --> 00:08:19,083 Oh, don't say that. 221 00:08:19,163 --> 00:08:20,723 I'm sure someone would find you here. 222 00:08:20,803 --> 00:08:22,283 Oh, you're too kind. 223 00:08:22,363 --> 00:08:25,203 Uh, so I'll wait to hear from you. 224 00:08:25,283 --> 00:08:27,803 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll just, um... 225 00:08:27,883 --> 00:08:29,923 Yeah, we'll just sort the-- Yeah. 226 00:08:32,163 --> 00:08:35,003 Oh, I often think it might be nice to be with an older guy. 227 00:08:35,083 --> 00:08:36,403 They just know more. 228 00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:38,403 Really? They don't seem like they know more. 229 00:08:38,483 --> 00:08:40,003 Actually, they're a lot closer to knowing less. 230 00:08:40,083 --> 00:08:42,163 Oh, I don't know. Experience counts. 231 00:08:42,243 --> 00:08:43,923 They'd know their way around a woman's body. 232 00:08:44,003 --> 00:08:46,843 Stop saying stuff like that and looking over at Wallace. 233 00:08:46,923 --> 00:08:48,883 What do you think of it? 234 00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:50,403 Well, if you have to move, 235 00:08:50,483 --> 00:08:52,083 it seems like a good a place as any. 236 00:08:52,163 --> 00:08:54,563 Could Rob just not save you both all this grief 237 00:08:54,643 --> 00:08:56,203 and go back to his job? 238 00:08:56,283 --> 00:08:58,203 It seems like he's being a wee bit of a selfish shit. 239 00:08:58,283 --> 00:08:59,843 Yeah, but he hated it there. 240 00:08:59,923 --> 00:09:01,323 I mean, he really hated it, 241 00:09:01,403 --> 00:09:03,323 and I don't currently occupy the moral high ground 242 00:09:03,403 --> 00:09:05,163 because of the-- ck-ck-- so... 243 00:09:05,243 --> 00:09:06,763 There's fireplaces in all the bedrooms. 244 00:09:06,843 --> 00:09:08,963 Oh, Game of Thrones. 245 00:09:09,043 --> 00:09:11,283 You can make love in front of every one of them. 246 00:09:11,363 --> 00:09:13,003 Hey, thanks for doing this. 247 00:09:13,083 --> 00:09:14,603 Nothing else to do. 248 00:09:14,683 --> 00:09:16,483 I kicked Patrick out last week. 249 00:09:16,563 --> 00:09:18,803 Oh, I'm sorry. He was awful. 250 00:09:18,883 --> 00:09:20,403 I'm getting straight back on the horse, though. 251 00:09:20,483 --> 00:09:22,203 - Going right back out there. - Well, good for you. 252 00:09:22,283 --> 00:09:23,683 Just gonna have a little nip and tuck first. 253 00:09:23,763 --> 00:09:25,123 Really? 254 00:09:25,203 --> 00:09:26,723 - Why? - It's tough out there, 255 00:09:26,803 --> 00:09:28,563 and you catch a lot more flies with honey than shit. 256 00:09:28,643 --> 00:09:31,283 I mean, I'm not saying that this is shit, 257 00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:33,083 but I'd like a little more honey. 258 00:09:33,163 --> 00:09:35,643 Is that true? Catch more flies with honey than shit? 259 00:09:35,723 --> 00:09:37,043 Isn't shit, like, they're favorite thing? 260 00:09:38,563 --> 00:09:39,803 What's he doing? 261 00:09:41,443 --> 00:09:43,003 Sharon: Oh. 262 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,603 Hi. 263 00:09:44,683 --> 00:09:45,603 [mouthing] 264 00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:50,923 [chuckling] Aw. 265 00:09:51,003 --> 00:09:53,883 You've got two original fireplaces, 266 00:09:53,963 --> 00:09:55,083 original wood flooring. 267 00:09:55,163 --> 00:09:56,163 Man: It's parquet, right? 268 00:09:56,243 --> 00:09:57,363 Yeah, that's parquet, that. 269 00:09:57,443 --> 00:09:59,043 When you add that to your great schools 270 00:09:59,123 --> 00:10:00,683 and your transport links, you can't really go wrong. 271 00:10:00,763 --> 00:10:02,363 Well, we're gonna have a look upstairs now, yeah? 272 00:10:02,443 --> 00:10:03,763 - Help yourself. - Great house. 273 00:10:03,843 --> 00:10:05,323 Oh, thank you. Enjoy the bedrooms. 274 00:10:05,403 --> 00:10:06,643 If there's any dirty knickers on the floor, 275 00:10:06,723 --> 00:10:07,763 just kick them under the bed. 276 00:10:07,843 --> 00:10:08,923 I mean, there won't be. 277 00:10:09,003 --> 00:10:10,403 We knew you were coming. 278 00:10:11,723 --> 00:10:13,523 Added features... 279 00:10:13,603 --> 00:10:15,803 - Do you think they like it? - I don't know. 280 00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:17,403 Do you think they'll put an offer in? 281 00:10:17,483 --> 00:10:18,563 Yeah, no, I know. You don't know. 282 00:10:18,643 --> 00:10:20,003 Fuck. It's nerve-wracking. 283 00:10:20,083 --> 00:10:22,203 I went to see Wallace's place again with Fran. 284 00:10:22,283 --> 00:10:24,403 He asked if we were full steam ahead. I didn't know what to tell him. 285 00:10:24,483 --> 00:10:26,763 The truth-- that we're not? 286 00:10:26,843 --> 00:10:28,643 I mean, we don't even have an offer on this place yet. 287 00:10:28,723 --> 00:10:30,243 Yeah, but he's put an offer in on his bachelor pad. 288 00:10:30,323 --> 00:10:31,963 Well, tell him not to do that. 289 00:10:32,043 --> 00:10:34,163 Why? Look, if we get Wallace's place, 290 00:10:34,243 --> 00:10:35,803 it's gonna take the money pressure off, right? 291 00:10:35,883 --> 00:10:37,283 Yeah, but we don't even have a mortgage yet. 292 00:10:37,363 --> 00:10:38,723 Yeah, but we will. 293 00:10:38,803 --> 00:10:40,683 We're asking for half the mortgage we got now. 294 00:10:40,763 --> 00:10:42,403 Let's just do it. Let's go for it. 295 00:10:42,483 --> 00:10:43,683 We're gonna sell this place. 296 00:10:43,763 --> 00:10:45,763 I mean, look at it. Look at our cushions. 297 00:10:45,843 --> 00:10:49,083 I'd buy it if I didn't already own it or could afford it. 298 00:10:49,163 --> 00:10:51,043 It's nuts we've had no offers yet. 299 00:10:51,123 --> 00:10:53,483 We should put it on with another estate agent. He's an idiot. 300 00:10:53,563 --> 00:10:56,763 What does he do up there, take a nap with them? 301 00:10:56,843 --> 00:10:59,843 [laughing] Or like, uh, put on a magic show? 302 00:10:59,923 --> 00:11:02,003 That's probably what he does. 303 00:11:02,083 --> 00:11:03,283 We should call him David Blaine, 304 00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:04,763 like, between us, like, to each other. 305 00:11:04,843 --> 00:11:06,443 David Blaine it is. 306 00:11:10,443 --> 00:11:12,643 Sharon: Fran told me she's getting some work done. 307 00:11:12,723 --> 00:11:14,923 - On her house? - No, on her face. 308 00:11:15,003 --> 00:11:16,643 Christ, why is she doing that? 309 00:11:16,723 --> 00:11:20,443 I don't know. Because she's in her mid-40s and single 310 00:11:20,523 --> 00:11:22,323 and it's grim out there. 311 00:11:22,403 --> 00:11:25,123 So she wants to look more like an angry, surprised alien 312 00:11:25,203 --> 00:11:26,363 when she meets new guys? 313 00:11:28,043 --> 00:11:30,003 Don't you do anything to your face. 314 00:11:30,083 --> 00:11:31,443 Okay. 315 00:11:31,523 --> 00:11:33,483 I'm serious. Never ever touch your face. 316 00:11:33,563 --> 00:11:35,843 Well, you know, I don't plan to, 317 00:11:35,923 --> 00:11:37,683 but if, down the road, 318 00:11:37,763 --> 00:11:40,043 there was a procedure that didn't hurt 319 00:11:40,123 --> 00:11:41,603 - and it was guaranteed-- - Look, look, no, listen. 320 00:11:41,683 --> 00:11:43,123 I want to fuck you. 321 00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:44,603 - Do you? - Yeah, 322 00:11:44,683 --> 00:11:45,963 because you're like 323 00:11:46,043 --> 00:11:48,043 "This is it, take it or leave it." 324 00:11:48,123 --> 00:11:49,803 It's like bald guys. 325 00:11:49,883 --> 00:11:52,323 Women and gay guys don't give a shit if a guy's bald 326 00:11:52,403 --> 00:11:55,483 if he's like "I'm a man, I'm fucking bald, 327 00:11:55,563 --> 00:11:57,163 and that's how it is." 328 00:11:57,243 --> 00:12:00,123 Then you're like "Gimme that dick, you bald asshole." 329 00:12:01,283 --> 00:12:02,283 Yeah, that's true. 330 00:12:02,363 --> 00:12:03,803 Don't you go bald, though. 331 00:12:03,883 --> 00:12:04,883 Okay. 332 00:12:08,243 --> 00:12:10,803 So there's nothing about me you'd change? 333 00:12:10,883 --> 00:12:12,643 - What? - No, I mean surgically. 334 00:12:12,723 --> 00:12:13,963 There's nothing about me 335 00:12:14,043 --> 00:12:15,683 you'd surgically change if you could? 336 00:12:15,763 --> 00:12:16,963 No. 337 00:12:17,043 --> 00:12:19,043 Not even my saggy tits? 338 00:12:19,123 --> 00:12:21,363 - They're not saggy. - Yeah, they are. 339 00:12:21,443 --> 00:12:23,643 I was bending over, getting out the bath the other day, 340 00:12:23,723 --> 00:12:26,403 and Frankie pointed at them and said "Tubes." 341 00:12:26,483 --> 00:12:28,203 Fuck Frankie. 342 00:12:28,283 --> 00:12:30,523 Look, are they less like the breasts 343 00:12:30,603 --> 00:12:32,603 I would've drawn on my notebook in high school? 344 00:12:32,683 --> 00:12:35,723 Maybe, but are they attached to you? 345 00:12:35,803 --> 00:12:38,483 Are they still a couple feet above an amazing pussy? 346 00:12:40,963 --> 00:12:42,803 That's the nicest thing you've said to me in weeks. 347 00:12:44,203 --> 00:12:45,323 [phone buzzes] 348 00:12:46,923 --> 00:12:50,163 Oh. It's Wallace. 349 00:12:50,243 --> 00:12:51,603 It's 10 past 11. 350 00:12:51,683 --> 00:12:53,723 Yeah. He's old, 351 00:12:53,803 --> 00:12:55,683 so he doesn't know how to text. 352 00:12:55,763 --> 00:12:57,843 I think he's just lonely, and he likes me. 353 00:12:57,923 --> 00:13:00,483 He's like the grandpa I never had. 354 00:13:00,563 --> 00:13:01,803 I mean, I had grandpas, 355 00:13:01,883 --> 00:13:04,483 but they were more, you know, drunker. 356 00:13:04,563 --> 00:13:06,243 You're not gonna answer it? 357 00:13:06,323 --> 00:13:08,843 No. It's fucking 10 past 11. 358 00:13:11,683 --> 00:13:13,483 ♪♪ [dance beat] 359 00:13:28,563 --> 00:13:29,643 [puff] 360 00:13:52,083 --> 00:13:53,203 - Hey. - Hi. 361 00:13:55,403 --> 00:13:56,803 - Mm. - Mm. 362 00:13:56,883 --> 00:13:59,043 You know, I'm just gonna grab a couple for my kids. 363 00:13:59,123 --> 00:14:00,283 Yeah, sure. 364 00:14:02,963 --> 00:14:04,123 [beep] 365 00:14:04,203 --> 00:14:06,483 Um, my pass thing isn't-- 366 00:14:06,563 --> 00:14:07,803 Let's have a look. May I see it? 367 00:14:09,083 --> 00:14:10,683 Um... 368 00:14:10,763 --> 00:14:11,883 [beep] 369 00:14:11,963 --> 00:14:13,483 Oh, it says we charged your card 370 00:14:13,563 --> 00:14:15,163 for the membership for the last quarter, 371 00:14:15,243 --> 00:14:17,123 - and it didn't go through. - Oh, that's weird. 372 00:14:17,203 --> 00:14:20,323 Uh, you know, my other card is in my car. 373 00:14:20,403 --> 00:14:21,923 Do you mind if I pop out and grab that? 374 00:14:22,003 --> 00:14:23,163 Sure. 375 00:14:23,243 --> 00:14:24,203 [beep] 376 00:14:40,203 --> 00:14:42,283 I've thought about vaginal rejuvenation, 377 00:14:42,363 --> 00:14:44,043 but I've been pretty good with my kegals, 378 00:14:44,123 --> 00:14:45,723 and I've only had one child-- 379 00:14:45,803 --> 00:14:48,963 a son-- the actor Jeffrey Baisley? 380 00:14:51,083 --> 00:14:53,643 So I'm doing pretty good in that department. 381 00:14:53,723 --> 00:14:56,603 We don't do vaginal rejuvenation here anyway. 382 00:14:56,683 --> 00:14:58,403 Oh, good. 383 00:14:58,483 --> 00:15:00,523 So, um... 384 00:15:02,323 --> 00:15:05,883 what were you, uh, thinking of? 385 00:15:05,963 --> 00:15:08,403 Uh, well I-- I was thinking of my chin. 386 00:15:08,483 --> 00:15:10,243 There's nothing wrong with your chin. 387 00:15:10,323 --> 00:15:12,363 Or not my chin, my jowls. 388 00:15:12,443 --> 00:15:14,763 Get these bits lifted up, up and away. 389 00:15:14,843 --> 00:15:16,043 I try and keep my hair short 390 00:15:16,123 --> 00:15:17,323 to try and not draw attention-- 391 00:15:17,403 --> 00:15:19,203 Why would you do that? 392 00:15:19,283 --> 00:15:22,243 I don't know where you got the insane idea 393 00:15:22,323 --> 00:15:23,843 that you need to do this. 394 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:27,723 Television, magazines, ads on the tube. 395 00:15:29,003 --> 00:15:30,243 Uh-- 396 00:15:30,323 --> 00:15:33,123 Maybe just inject a wee bit of botox like-- 397 00:15:34,363 --> 00:15:36,683 Yes. I could. 398 00:15:36,763 --> 00:15:39,403 Maybe after, I'll nip to the Louvre, 399 00:15:39,483 --> 00:15:43,363 paint a little petunia in the Mona Lisa'shair. 400 00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:44,883 - Sorry? - I wouldn't do that. 401 00:15:44,963 --> 00:15:46,723 You know why? She's a masterpiece. 402 00:15:46,803 --> 00:15:47,763 Doesn't need it. 403 00:15:49,403 --> 00:15:50,403 Neither do you. 404 00:15:51,923 --> 00:15:52,963 Oh. 405 00:15:58,683 --> 00:16:00,363 Uh... 406 00:16:00,443 --> 00:16:02,203 back in a minute. 407 00:16:03,923 --> 00:16:06,403 Excuse me. Oh. Sorry. 408 00:16:06,483 --> 00:16:09,603 Uh, I wanted to, um-- 409 00:16:09,683 --> 00:16:13,083 Look, maybe you've just got a very good bedside manner 410 00:16:13,163 --> 00:16:14,523 and I have misinterpreted this, 411 00:16:14,603 --> 00:16:16,363 but since my husband left me, 412 00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:19,723 my motto is-- well, I don't have a motto. 413 00:16:19,803 --> 00:16:21,283 I'm not a netball club. 414 00:16:21,363 --> 00:16:25,163 But it's nothing ventured, nothing gained. 415 00:16:25,243 --> 00:16:26,323 So... 416 00:16:29,563 --> 00:16:30,603 Sorry. 417 00:16:33,883 --> 00:16:36,483 "I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me." 418 00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:38,963 "And what can be the use of him is more than I can see." 419 00:16:39,043 --> 00:16:41,443 "He's very very like me from the heels up to the head." 420 00:16:41,523 --> 00:16:42,483 [phone jangles] 421 00:16:42,563 --> 00:16:44,003 "And I see him jump before me 422 00:16:44,083 --> 00:16:45,683 when I jump into my bed." 423 00:16:45,763 --> 00:16:47,283 "The funniest thing about him is the way he likes..." 424 00:16:47,363 --> 00:16:48,963 Um, I can't talk unless it's an emergency. 425 00:16:49,043 --> 00:16:50,963 - Is it an emergency? - No, I'm just-- 426 00:16:51,043 --> 00:16:52,363 It's an emergency. Sorry. 427 00:16:52,443 --> 00:16:54,363 I have an emergency. 428 00:16:55,763 --> 00:16:57,843 [girls continue reciting "My Shadow"] 429 00:16:57,923 --> 00:16:59,203 Hey, what did they say? 430 00:16:59,283 --> 00:17:00,563 I'm just heading into the bank now. 431 00:17:00,643 --> 00:17:03,083 Oh, okay. Well, it'll be fine. 432 00:17:03,163 --> 00:17:04,683 Just thank them for the huge mortgage we have, 433 00:17:04,763 --> 00:17:06,203 and tell them we want to trade it in for a smaller one. 434 00:17:06,283 --> 00:17:07,883 - It's so simple. -Yep. 435 00:17:07,963 --> 00:17:09,483 It's not like we're trying to fleece anybody. 436 00:17:09,563 --> 00:17:10,803 We're just trying to be responsible adults. 437 00:17:10,883 --> 00:17:12,723 - Yeah. - Treating us like criminals. 438 00:17:12,803 --> 00:17:14,483 - I haven't even gone in yet. - Okay. Sorry 439 00:17:14,563 --> 00:17:16,683 Um, well, look, um, good luck. 440 00:17:16,763 --> 00:17:17,723 Call me. 441 00:17:27,243 --> 00:17:28,643 Fuck. 442 00:17:28,723 --> 00:17:30,883 Hey! I'm sitting here! 443 00:17:32,003 --> 00:17:34,323 Fucking jerk. 444 00:17:41,963 --> 00:17:43,323 Hey. Hi, Dan. 445 00:17:43,403 --> 00:17:44,843 Uh, it's Rob. I just want to- 446 00:17:44,923 --> 00:17:46,563 Hey, Rob. Yeah, I was just about to call you. 447 00:17:46,643 --> 00:17:48,123 Well, great. 448 00:17:48,203 --> 00:17:49,403 Yeah, it didn't go your way with Glenco. 449 00:17:49,483 --> 00:17:51,043 - Right. - Yeah. Apparently, 450 00:17:51,123 --> 00:17:52,563 they had mostly hired this other guy 451 00:17:52,643 --> 00:17:53,883 before they saw you, 452 00:17:53,963 --> 00:17:55,363 but then they still really wanted to see you, 453 00:17:55,443 --> 00:17:57,003 uh, but then meeting you, 454 00:17:57,083 --> 00:17:58,723 uh, didn't make them change their mind 455 00:17:58,803 --> 00:18:00,283 about the other guy. 456 00:18:00,363 --> 00:18:01,523 Does that make sense? 457 00:18:01,603 --> 00:18:03,443 Does that make sense? No. 458 00:18:03,523 --> 00:18:05,643 They knew they had the guy that they wanted, 459 00:18:05,723 --> 00:18:07,603 but they still strung me along for a week? 460 00:18:07,683 --> 00:18:09,043 No, no, that doesn't make sense 461 00:18:09,123 --> 00:18:10,923 in answer to your query. 462 00:18:17,883 --> 00:18:19,043 [sigh] 463 00:18:22,443 --> 00:18:24,683 [phone jangling] 464 00:18:26,283 --> 00:18:27,403 [jangling] 465 00:18:29,363 --> 00:18:30,283 Hey. 466 00:18:30,363 --> 00:18:31,963 Hey, Dave, you busy? 467 00:18:32,043 --> 00:18:33,563 Not really. What's up? 468 00:18:33,643 --> 00:18:37,523 Well, I was wondering if you knew of any people 469 00:18:37,603 --> 00:18:39,483 that might be able to help me with a mortgage 470 00:18:39,563 --> 00:18:41,923 that operate outside 471 00:18:42,003 --> 00:18:44,483 of the traditional banking realm. 472 00:18:44,563 --> 00:18:46,603 Uh, yeah, I definitely do. 473 00:18:46,683 --> 00:18:48,043 Well, great. 474 00:18:48,123 --> 00:18:50,203 Yeah, but I think what sets them apart from a bank 475 00:18:50,283 --> 00:18:51,483 is their interest rates 476 00:18:51,563 --> 00:18:53,763 aren't super competitive, 477 00:18:53,843 --> 00:18:55,883 and if you're late for a payment, they will kill you, 478 00:18:55,963 --> 00:18:57,923 and there'd be no funeral and no wake 479 00:18:58,003 --> 00:18:59,723 because your body wouldn't be found. 480 00:18:59,803 --> 00:19:01,963 I mean, you could have a memorial service, 481 00:19:02,043 --> 00:19:03,283 but there'd be no body. 482 00:19:03,363 --> 00:19:05,283 Uh, does that make sense? 483 00:19:07,443 --> 00:19:08,403 [door closes] 484 00:19:08,483 --> 00:19:10,123 Rob: I didn't get that job. 485 00:19:10,203 --> 00:19:11,923 Oh, fuck. 486 00:19:12,003 --> 00:19:14,763 Oh, shit. How did it go with the-- 487 00:19:14,843 --> 00:19:16,523 And they're not gonna give us a mortgage. 488 00:19:16,603 --> 00:19:18,803 - What? - He said the biggest mortgage we could get 489 00:19:18,883 --> 00:19:20,203 was for a stereo. 490 00:19:20,283 --> 00:19:21,563 Why would he say that? 491 00:19:21,643 --> 00:19:23,563 He didn't say that, but it turns out 492 00:19:23,643 --> 00:19:25,883 that a schoolteacher and a house husband 493 00:19:25,963 --> 00:19:28,363 don't qualify for a mortgage of the size that we need. 494 00:19:28,443 --> 00:19:30,123 For people in our position, 495 00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:33,923 a more realistic time to get a mortgage would be 2007. 496 00:19:34,003 --> 00:19:36,043 We didn't even know each other then. 497 00:19:37,603 --> 00:19:39,203 So what-- 498 00:19:39,283 --> 00:19:41,043 Why are you wearing no trousers? 499 00:19:41,123 --> 00:19:42,643 Because on top of everything else, 500 00:19:42,723 --> 00:19:44,203 I'm fat now and they hurt, 501 00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:45,883 so when I got home, I threw them away. 502 00:19:45,963 --> 00:19:49,723 Oh, Christ. 503 00:19:49,803 --> 00:19:51,563 This is terrible news. 504 00:19:51,643 --> 00:19:53,283 So what now? I mean, what-- 505 00:19:53,363 --> 00:19:54,803 Oh, shit. What about Wallace? 506 00:19:54,883 --> 00:19:56,043 What about Wallace? 507 00:19:56,123 --> 00:19:57,363 No, I know it's not as-- 508 00:19:57,443 --> 00:19:58,803 But I just-- 509 00:19:58,883 --> 00:20:02,043 I feel awful. His little bachelor pad. 510 00:20:02,123 --> 00:20:03,603 Mm, sorry our shitty lives 511 00:20:03,683 --> 00:20:05,163 are now making somebody else's worse. 512 00:20:05,243 --> 00:20:07,203 - He could die soon. - We're not a hospice. 513 00:20:07,283 --> 00:20:09,163 - You're gonna have to tell him. - You have to tell him. 514 00:20:09,243 --> 00:20:11,603 We feel terrible about this. 515 00:20:11,683 --> 00:20:13,563 We feel sick, honestly. 516 00:20:13,643 --> 00:20:15,523 It's a-- It's a terrible situation 517 00:20:15,603 --> 00:20:16,803 for-- for everyone, 518 00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:18,243 I mean we're devastated-- 519 00:20:18,323 --> 00:20:20,923 not just for us, but for letting you down. 520 00:20:21,003 --> 00:20:24,163 You know, when our daughter Muireann was born, 521 00:20:24,243 --> 00:20:25,563 I said to Sharon-- 522 00:20:25,643 --> 00:20:27,683 Are you mentally retarded? 523 00:20:27,763 --> 00:20:29,923 No, I'm not. 524 00:20:30,003 --> 00:20:32,723 So just an idiot and a liar. 525 00:20:32,803 --> 00:20:34,643 You-- You-- You don't have a job, 526 00:20:34,723 --> 00:20:37,043 but you thought you could get a mortgage? 527 00:20:37,123 --> 00:20:39,323 Well, no, but Sharon-- 528 00:20:39,403 --> 00:20:41,803 No. No, no. 529 00:20:41,883 --> 00:20:44,563 I'm going to sue you. You shook my hand. 530 00:20:44,643 --> 00:20:47,043 You can't sue us for shaking your hand. 531 00:20:47,123 --> 00:20:50,403 I fought at Suez, and that wasn't half as upsetting 532 00:20:50,483 --> 00:20:52,043 as what you people are putting me through. 533 00:20:52,123 --> 00:20:53,683 We-- We brought you cupcakes. 534 00:20:53,763 --> 00:20:56,723 [scoff] You're liars, stupid liars. 535 00:20:56,803 --> 00:20:58,403 Well, look, we really hope this doesn't mean 536 00:20:58,483 --> 00:20:59,603 you've lost your apartment in town. 537 00:20:59,683 --> 00:21:01,083 Oh, it better fucking not! 538 00:21:01,163 --> 00:21:03,123 Well, we're very sorry. 539 00:21:03,203 --> 00:21:05,243 I'm going to have to sell the home I raised my children in 540 00:21:05,323 --> 00:21:06,323 to a pair of faggots. 541 00:21:06,403 --> 00:21:07,963 - Wallace! What? - Hey, Wallace, 542 00:21:08,043 --> 00:21:10,403 look, we're very sorry about all of this, okay? 543 00:21:10,483 --> 00:21:11,883 But in actual legal fact, 544 00:21:11,963 --> 00:21:13,763 you have no power over us, okay? 545 00:21:13,843 --> 00:21:15,763 So this visit, or the first half of it, 546 00:21:15,843 --> 00:21:17,643 was just to extend you a courtesy. 547 00:21:17,723 --> 00:21:19,243 We're sorry, okay? 548 00:21:19,323 --> 00:21:20,963 And we hope you don't wind up on the street 549 00:21:21,043 --> 00:21:22,043 because you look pretty frail. 550 00:21:22,123 --> 00:21:23,803 Frail? Oh! 551 00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:26,363 I'll kick a cupcake up your pussy! 552 00:21:26,443 --> 00:21:28,523 Why are you looking at me? 553 00:21:28,603 --> 00:21:30,163 Let's go. Let's just go. 554 00:21:31,243 --> 00:21:33,763 [moaning] 555 00:21:35,403 --> 00:21:37,323 And he definitely doesn't know where we live? 556 00:21:37,403 --> 00:21:40,043 Not unless he followed us home. 557 00:21:40,123 --> 00:21:42,643 What are we gonna do? 558 00:21:42,723 --> 00:21:44,243 We keep the doors locked? 559 00:21:44,323 --> 00:21:46,003 I have a big flashlight under the bed. 560 00:21:46,083 --> 00:21:47,603 I meant about where we live. 561 00:21:47,683 --> 00:21:49,563 I think we're gonna have to rent somewhere. 562 00:21:49,643 --> 00:21:51,803 Well, we definitely can't afford to stay here. 563 00:21:51,883 --> 00:21:54,923 We can afford it for, like, another hour and a half. 564 00:21:56,443 --> 00:21:59,723 Okay. I'm sure-- I'm not definite, 565 00:21:59,803 --> 00:22:01,403 but I'm pretty sure that I've still got 566 00:22:01,483 --> 00:22:03,243 a Post Office savings account in Ireland. 567 00:22:03,323 --> 00:22:04,923 I don't know how much is in there, but-- 568 00:22:05,003 --> 00:22:08,843 Is it more or less than £800,000? 569 00:22:08,923 --> 00:22:10,363 It's less. 570 00:22:10,443 --> 00:22:12,243 Well, then you can just leave it there, then. 571 00:22:24,523 --> 00:22:25,843 Can I help you? 572 00:22:25,923 --> 00:22:29,443 Um, yeah. I was just wondering, um, 573 00:22:29,523 --> 00:22:32,043 how to go about, uh, getting on your books? 574 00:22:32,123 --> 00:22:34,203 In what way? 575 00:22:34,283 --> 00:22:40,923 Uh, well, uh, I'm 6'4", and I weigh 250 pounds, 576 00:22:41,003 --> 00:22:42,803 and, you know, it's just something 577 00:22:42,883 --> 00:22:45,283 that my wife thought that I should see if-- 578 00:22:45,363 --> 00:22:46,963 she wondered if, you know, if it would be worth-- 579 00:22:48,643 --> 00:22:50,003 Would that be possible? 580 00:22:50,083 --> 00:22:51,643 I'm afraid we're not currently looking 581 00:22:51,723 --> 00:22:53,243 to take any new clients on our books. 582 00:22:53,323 --> 00:22:54,843 Right. Sure. 583 00:22:54,923 --> 00:22:56,563 But thank you. 584 00:23:08,963 --> 00:23:10,323 Thank you. 585 00:23:10,403 --> 00:23:13,843 Hey, Harita, long time, no, uh... 586 00:23:13,923 --> 00:23:15,283 Well, I just wanted to call 587 00:23:15,363 --> 00:23:17,123 and-- and check in and see how you're doing. 588 00:23:17,203 --> 00:23:18,683 I hope you had a nice, um, break. 589 00:23:18,763 --> 00:23:20,243 I think I remember you saying 590 00:23:20,323 --> 00:23:22,163 you were going on a whaling trip off of Okinawa. 591 00:23:22,243 --> 00:23:24,083 I hope-- hope that was fun. 592 00:23:24,163 --> 00:23:25,643 Um, so yeah, give me a call. 593 00:23:25,723 --> 00:23:27,243 I wanted to talk about my future, 594 00:23:27,323 --> 00:23:29,483 see if you had any use for this old bag of bones 595 00:23:29,563 --> 00:23:31,283 around the old shop. So, 596 00:23:31,363 --> 00:23:33,363 yeah, anyway, give me a call. I miss you guys. 597 00:23:33,443 --> 00:23:35,643 ♪♪ [male singer yodeling]