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Downloaded from
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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This is
"The Kiss" by Judee Sill.
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Judee Sill, incredible
'70s songwriter,
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made two of
the best albums ever,
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"Judee Sill" and "Heart Food."
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Um, hugely, hugely influential
and incredible artist.
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♪ Love ♪
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♪ Rising from the mist ♪
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♪ Promise me ♪
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♪ This and only this ♪
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♪ Holy breath touching me ♪
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♪ Like ♪
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♪ A windsong ♪
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♪ Sweet communion ♪
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♪ Of a kiss ♪
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♪ Sun ♪
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♪ Sifting through the grey ♪
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♪ Enter in ♪
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♪ And reach me with a ray ♪
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♪ Silently swooping down ♪
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♪ Just to show me ♪
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♪ How to give my heart away ♪
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There was
a lot of excitement
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about Judee in the business,
because here was somebody
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who was a strong woman,
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who wouldn't take no
for an answer,
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who tried to guide her own life
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the way that
she wanted to guide it.
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She was pretty fierce.
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Uh...
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I liked her-- I liked her.
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She was so talented.
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I mean,
she had more musical chops
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than any of the people
on the scene,
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except for Brian Wilson.
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When I met her,
she told me she was
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a heroin addict,
that she'd been a prostitute,
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and that she'd been in jail.
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So, you know, that's a--
that's a lot of information.
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I had no judgment
about these things.
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I was only interested
in her talent.
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I used to wish
when I first started out
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that I could be the
greatest living songwriter
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in the world.
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And I used
to wish that every day.
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I still want to go
to the very top.
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In all ways,
not just as far as fame,
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I mean spiritually, too.
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I want to just evolve as high
as I can, as fast as I can.
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She always
thought that you could
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save someone,
save their soul through music.
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And she didn't doubt that.
She believed it.
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A lot of what I feel in there
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is this voice of grace,
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this curious spirit,
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and this part of her
that never was damaged.
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You can see
from where she wanted to go
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that she had a great future.
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I just think
it's the darker side of Judee
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that didn't enable
that incredible flower
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to grow into a beautiful tree.
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That's what I want
to write this song about,
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that moment of change,
that moment of redemption,
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where the lowest thing and
the highest meet, you know.
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Do you think I'm crazy?
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There are
quite a few stories
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- about your background.
- Oh, tell me some.
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Uh, I want you
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- to tell me some.
- Okay.
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Which is
the whole purpose of this.
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Um, okay. Would you
like some of the wilder ones?
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When I was real little,
I always wanted someone
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to harmonize with,
and I could never find
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anyone that could stay
on the melody.
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And it used to be
real frustrating to me,
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trying with different members
of my family.
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So my father owned this bar
and had a piano in it,
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and one day I went down there,
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when I was about three, I think,
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and I discovered
that I could harmonize
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with myself on the piano.
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And that's how I got
started in music.
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Judee's father, Milford,
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died when Judee was real young.
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She loved him very much.
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He was really involved
in their lives
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and a good heart,
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you know, a good father.
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My real father died
in 1952 in Oakland.
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The rest was all in LA.
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My mother remarried,
so the second guy,
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he was a crazy cartoon animator.
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And he was pretty rich,
so I had all the instruments
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I wanted, everything.
But they were real crazy.
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They drank all the time.
They were real crazy,
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so I was very unhappy.
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My mother liked
to fight all the time.
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She was a Capricorn.
I hated her.
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We never got along.
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But she was mean
on top of being dumb.
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That was too much to take.
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My Aunt Judee did
not get along at all
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with Ken Muse. She hated him.
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My mom told me
to never be with him alone.
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He had showed himself to her.
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And my Aunt Judee told me
that he was not nice to her...
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in certain ways.
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You lose your daddy,
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who you were really close to.
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And my father had already
got married to my mom.
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They had me, so he was
having his own life.
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And here she was, alone.
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A lot was tormenting me.
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I didn't even know a lot
about what was tormenting me.
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But I knew that I couldn't
ever have a moment of relief.
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I never had a moment of relief.
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I think
she wanted to move somewhere,
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get out of her house.
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I worked at
the Insomniac Coffee House.
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The Chambers Brothers
came there to play.
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So, after hours,
I went to their house,
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and she was there.
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She played the guitar
and the flute.
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And we just hit it off good.
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And I took her home
and kept her.
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I lived in a wrecking yard,
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and we'd get high
and smoke a lot of pot.
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She used to play the flute,
and I can remember
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sitting on the bed there,
and that flute would
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go through your-- your body.
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I was in love.
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I guess she was in love, too.
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But...
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shit happens, you know.
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She was doing robberies
with these guys.
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She told me
that she had pointed a gun
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at the guy and said,
"Okay, mothersticker,
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this is a fuck-up."
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And she swore that was true.
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ACTRESS AS "JUDEE": Sometimes
it was quite exciting.
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We'd go to a motel afterwards
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and spill the loot out
over the bed.
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This guy fixed downers
all the time.
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I was a little intrigued
by the needle,
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but I didn't know what it was
going to lead to later.
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I didn't care one way
or the other.
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That's why I was doing
those robberies, I guess,
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because my heart was
reaching out,
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trying to get me
to care about something.
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I got caught and went
to reform school for a year,
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and I became church organist,
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and I learned
all of my gospel licks there.
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She told me
that first day she was there
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was a Sunday, and they were
having a service that morning.
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She jumped up on the piano
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and took over the whole service,
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playing songs and...
and preaching.
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"JUDEE": I got some good
out of being in there.
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I learned a lot of good music
while I was in the joint.
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My mother died, mostly from
drinking too much whiskey.
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"JUDEE":
I didn't know where to live
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'cause I had no good reason
to stay with my stepfather.
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In fact, I would try
to go home sometimes,
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and he would lock all the doors,
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and when I came
through the window,
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he would ambush me.
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I felt kind of cast out
in a sea alone.
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♪ So I hope someday
the world will see ♪
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♪ How blind they've been ♪
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♪ But if that day ever comes ♪
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♪ I doubt if there'll be
anyone alive left to say ♪
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♪ Good God ♪
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♪ What have we done... ♪
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♪ Good God ♪
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♪ What have we done? ♪
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I'm out of reform school now,
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and I'm working at a piano bar.
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- You're how old?
- I'm 19.
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And I meet this guy
who sells LSD.
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And I start taking acid.
I move in with him.
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He's a bass player.
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It was
in 1963 that I met her,
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and I think she came into a club
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where I was working one night.
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She came over
and didn't go home.
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You know, she was one of those.
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I had a couple of those.
But no, she was a prize.
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You never knew
what she was going to say.
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Mostly pretty happy,
except, you know,
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there must be
a lot of shit raging
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underneath there, too, though.
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I was a bass player
for five years.
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Stand-up bass.
I used to be a bebopper.
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I always liked a good bass line,
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you know, a good foundation.
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I met this guy who I had
known at Valley College,
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a fabulous piano player.
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So I married him because
I wanted to learn his licks.
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I wanted to learn
his inversions.
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I wanted to learn his voicings.
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Some things boggled my mind
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about the way he played,
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so I married him...
to absorb them.
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So we became junkies together.
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I don't know.
It just seemed like
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the right thing to do, you know?
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I would feel all right.
I would get relief.
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It hurt so much
to play the bass, you know?
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I've got real thin fingers.
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Stand-up bass was very hard.
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I used to shoot heroin,
be able to play
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into long hours into the night.
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With the lights off,
sometimes I'd feel
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some sweat running off me.
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And I'd turn on the light,
and there'd be blood
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splattered on the wall,
you know?
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Hopeless heroin addict,
$150 a day.
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I was a killer junkie.
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Killer junkie.
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"JUDEE": I was shooting up
15 to 20 bags a day.
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Me and my husband traded
a car down in Tijuana
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00:11:03,145 --> 00:11:06,389
for an ounce of heroin.
It had some impurity in it
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that gave me a rash
and made my legs
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00:11:07,770 --> 00:11:09,496
swell up like balloons.
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00:11:09,634 --> 00:11:11,601
And I smuggled it
across the border in my cunt,
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and it was raining,
and I was crying,
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and I could barely walk,
because I was crippled
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00:11:14,846 --> 00:11:15,985
by the impurity.
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00:11:17,918 --> 00:11:19,540
I realized that I could
come up with more money
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00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,819
by myself.
So I went out on my own
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00:11:21,957 --> 00:11:23,061
and started hooking.
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One night, I was fixing up
at a friend's house,
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00:11:28,032 --> 00:11:29,654
and I OD-ed.
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The next thing I knew,
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the people there had
fixed milk in my veins,
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00:11:32,899 --> 00:11:35,004
and they were slapping me
around till I came to.
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00:11:37,593 --> 00:11:40,113
Right after that,
I got busted for forgery
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00:11:40,251 --> 00:11:42,080
and a lot of narcotics-
related offenses,
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00:11:42,218 --> 00:11:44,186
and I was just beyond
desperation in jail.
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I had a brother who was
a cartoon animator also
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00:11:50,192 --> 00:11:51,745
and a herpetologist.
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He was real nice.
He was a Libra, and he died
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00:11:53,333 --> 00:11:55,197
of a liver infection
and pneumonia.
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00:11:55,335 --> 00:11:57,061
And he died the same day
I OD-ed on heroin.
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She felt like
my father was a saint.
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00:12:00,996 --> 00:12:03,584
She just loved him so much,
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00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:07,140
and when he passed away,
it was really hard on her.
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00:12:09,038 --> 00:12:11,869
She couldn't be there,
you know, she was in jail.
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00:12:12,939 --> 00:12:15,665
And I think that
that carried with her.
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That was
the turning point for her.
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There was some kind of
internal process
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00:12:22,638 --> 00:12:24,295
which led her
to finding the source
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00:12:24,433 --> 00:12:26,953
to make those songs, I think.
255
00:12:27,091 --> 00:12:31,958
♪ And the fires were roarin' ♪
256
00:12:32,096 --> 00:12:36,652
♪ Stars aligned
and the webs were spun ♪
257
00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:38,861
I knew that I had to clean up
258
00:12:38,999 --> 00:12:40,449
or else go back to jail,
you know, I had to figure out
259
00:12:40,587 --> 00:12:41,588
some way, so I started
thinking, this is gonna be
260
00:12:41,726 --> 00:12:42,762
my ultimate thing.
261
00:12:42,969 --> 00:12:44,108
So I got a tattoo on my arm
262
00:12:44,246 --> 00:12:45,592
to remind me forever,
so it would be
263
00:12:45,730 --> 00:12:47,525
indelibly imprinted on my body.
264
00:12:47,663 --> 00:12:49,354
And then I started formulating
265
00:12:49,492 --> 00:12:50,804
exactly what
my mission would be.
266
00:12:50,942 --> 00:12:53,531
♪ Chasin' the sun ♪
267
00:12:53,669 --> 00:12:56,534
♪ Hopin' we will soon be one ♪
268
00:12:56,672 --> 00:12:59,364
♪ Until it turns around to me ♪
269
00:12:59,502 --> 00:13:01,815
♪ Then I try to run ♪
270
00:13:08,132 --> 00:13:10,030
Here we go then,
number three, right?
271
00:13:10,168 --> 00:13:13,344
Okay. One, two, three, four.
272
00:13:26,288 --> 00:13:29,705
Here I was, just writing
songs and real poor,
273
00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:31,983
I had no one interested
in my songs yet or anything.
274
00:13:33,053 --> 00:13:34,883
I was living in a '55 Cadillac
275
00:13:35,021 --> 00:13:37,126
with five people
sleeping in shifts
276
00:13:37,264 --> 00:13:40,509
in the flatlands of Hollywood.
277
00:13:40,647 --> 00:13:43,305
And so I just listened
to the radio all the time
278
00:13:43,443 --> 00:13:46,342
with the earplug in my ear
day and night.
279
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:47,896
I'd go hitchhiking around,
people would pick me up
280
00:13:48,034 --> 00:13:49,380
and say "What do you do?"
I'd say, "I'm waiting
281
00:13:49,518 --> 00:13:51,071
to be a star.
I'm going to be a big star."
282
00:13:52,176 --> 00:13:53,833
No one knew but me, you know?
283
00:13:59,183 --> 00:14:00,667
At our very first meeting,
284
00:14:00,805 --> 00:14:04,050
it was openly divulged
that she was a heroin addict
285
00:14:04,188 --> 00:14:07,432
and had been arrested
for armed robbery.
286
00:14:08,468 --> 00:14:10,125
I didn't know who she was,
and I didn't know
287
00:14:10,263 --> 00:14:12,852
she was a songwriter.
She wasn't a songwriter.
288
00:14:14,163 --> 00:14:16,027
But she knew that we had a band
289
00:14:16,165 --> 00:14:19,134
called The Leaves, and
she wanted to become famous.
290
00:14:19,272 --> 00:14:20,929
And she was going
to write some songs,
291
00:14:21,067 --> 00:14:22,620
and they were going to be good.
292
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,035
"The Dead Time
Bummer Blues" was,
293
00:14:24,173 --> 00:14:25,795
I think, the first.
294
00:14:25,934 --> 00:14:29,075
She was getting good, fast.
295
00:14:30,248 --> 00:14:34,908
♪ Where is
justice and liberty?♪
296
00:14:35,046 --> 00:14:39,292
♪ The judge was blind
and could not see ♪
297
00:14:39,430 --> 00:14:43,468
♪ Where is justice
and liberty?♪
298
00:14:43,606 --> 00:14:47,196
♪ Somebody help,
please, set me free ♪
299
00:14:47,334 --> 00:14:49,405
♪ It's such a drag
just knowing ♪
300
00:14:49,543 --> 00:14:51,649
♪ That the outside is so near ♪
301
00:14:51,787 --> 00:14:53,823
♪ Can't help
but ask this question ♪
302
00:14:53,962 --> 00:14:55,687
♪ What the fuck
am I doing here?♪
303
00:14:55,825 --> 00:14:59,070
♪ Ooh ♪
304
00:14:59,208 --> 00:15:01,141
♪ Dead time ♪
305
00:15:01,279 --> 00:15:05,663
♪ Doing the dead time
bummer blues ♪
306
00:15:07,561 --> 00:15:08,942
Well, I thought
I'd do this song "Lady-O,"
307
00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:11,427
which is the first song
I ever had on the radio.
308
00:15:11,565 --> 00:15:13,464
I knew this one guy
that was in The Turtles,
309
00:15:13,602 --> 00:15:16,812
and one day he called me
on the phone and said,
310
00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:18,572
"Hey, how would you like us
to do one of your songs?
311
00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:20,781
"We'll give you $65 a week,
and you'll be a writer
312
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,438
for our company?"
And I said, "Great!"
313
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,892
I was livin'
at this girl's house.
314
00:15:28,030 --> 00:15:30,688
And that's who I wrote
"Lady-O" for, this girl.
315
00:15:30,826 --> 00:15:33,725
She used to come
and flaunt her tits at me.
316
00:15:33,863 --> 00:15:35,313
In the morning, wake me up,
317
00:15:35,451 --> 00:15:37,729
hanging her tits over my bed.
318
00:15:37,867 --> 00:15:40,629
So naturally,
we got into some hanky-panky.
319
00:15:42,493 --> 00:15:45,220
It was very miserable for me
because I didn't get
320
00:15:45,358 --> 00:15:46,876
enough attention,
you know, so it made me
321
00:15:47,015 --> 00:15:48,809
so unhappy that
I would go in my room,
322
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,432
shut the door, and write songs.
323
00:15:50,570 --> 00:15:51,743
In fact,
some of my greatest songs
324
00:15:51,881 --> 00:15:53,021
would come
out of the worst times,
325
00:15:53,159 --> 00:15:54,505
but that's food for me, see?
326
00:15:54,643 --> 00:15:55,644
That's high octane.
327
00:15:57,059 --> 00:15:58,647
I remember her
in the studio
328
00:15:58,785 --> 00:16:00,373
with the Turtles,
playing "Lady-O."
329
00:16:00,511 --> 00:16:02,478
And she played guitar,
and I think
330
00:16:02,616 --> 00:16:03,963
she overdubbed the bass,
331
00:16:04,101 --> 00:16:06,344
which she had some nuances
332
00:16:06,482 --> 00:16:09,175
that I wasn't able
to achieve myself.
333
00:16:09,313 --> 00:16:11,211
And she also wrote
334
00:16:11,349 --> 00:16:14,490
and conducted
the string section.
335
00:16:14,628 --> 00:16:16,251
They took out an ad
in all the trade papers
336
00:16:16,389 --> 00:16:19,150
that said "Lady-O, Lady-O,
out of the radio,
337
00:16:19,288 --> 00:16:21,290
into your hearts."
338
00:16:21,428 --> 00:16:24,224
And it sold anyway.
339
00:16:30,817 --> 00:16:33,578
♪ While you sit and seek ♪
340
00:16:33,716 --> 00:16:38,342
♪ A crescent moon is laying
at your feet ♪
341
00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:41,310
♪ With hope
that's made of sand ♪
342
00:16:41,448 --> 00:16:43,554
♪ You don't think you can ♪
343
00:16:43,692 --> 00:16:47,834
♪ But you have held it all
in your hand ♪
344
00:16:47,972 --> 00:16:50,837
♪ Lady-O ♪
345
00:16:54,254 --> 00:16:58,845
♪ I've been trying hard
to keep from needing you ♪
346
00:16:58,983 --> 00:17:01,537
♪ But from the start ♪
347
00:17:01,675 --> 00:17:04,540
♪ My heart just
rolled and flowed ♪
348
00:17:04,678 --> 00:17:07,923
♪ I've seen where it goes
and still somehow ♪
349
00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:11,237
♪ My love for you grows ♪
350
00:17:11,375 --> 00:17:14,343
♪ Lady-O ♪
351
00:17:16,138 --> 00:17:21,868
♪ So on my heels,
I'll grow wings ♪
352
00:17:22,006 --> 00:17:27,563
♪ Gonna ride silver strings ♪
353
00:17:27,701 --> 00:17:32,016
♪ But I'll see you
in my holiest dreams ♪
354
00:17:32,154 --> 00:17:35,502
♪ Lady-O ♪
355
00:17:45,374 --> 00:17:50,310
I think it was probably
around January of '68,
356
00:17:50,448 --> 00:17:52,795
and I went out
to find a place to play.
357
00:17:52,933 --> 00:17:56,868
And I walk in, and I see
this lanky girl in the back,
358
00:17:57,006 --> 00:18:01,839
you know, playing jazz bass
and really killing it, too.
359
00:18:01,977 --> 00:18:03,668
And the place was jumping,
360
00:18:03,806 --> 00:18:05,291
and I-- "Wow, this is great."
361
00:18:05,429 --> 00:18:06,637
And so I asked
if I could sit in.
362
00:18:08,984 --> 00:18:11,090
She was with me,
like, on every note.
363
00:18:11,228 --> 00:18:12,850
She was just underlying
364
00:18:12,988 --> 00:18:14,610
and making me sound better
than I was, you know.
365
00:18:16,474 --> 00:18:17,855
She calls me the next night
366
00:18:17,993 --> 00:18:19,960
and says, "Oh,
we got to get together."
367
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,963
She said, "I know a place
up by the Observatory."
368
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:24,482
She says, "Just follow me."
And she ran down
369
00:18:24,620 --> 00:18:26,346
some little paths.
370
00:18:26,484 --> 00:18:27,554
And she said,
"Here's a good spot."
371
00:18:27,692 --> 00:18:30,039
And I said, "Well, okay."
372
00:18:30,178 --> 00:18:33,595
So we take our clothes off,
it's freezing, right?
373
00:18:33,733 --> 00:18:36,184
And we make love.
374
00:18:36,322 --> 00:18:39,359
And... that was part
of the adventure with Judee.
375
00:18:39,497 --> 00:18:41,534
You never knew,
but you went along with it
376
00:18:41,672 --> 00:18:43,777
because, hey, what are you
going to do, you know?
377
00:18:46,815 --> 00:18:49,093
"JUDEE": I knew in my bones
something important was
378
00:18:49,231 --> 00:18:51,406
in the works, that I was
just getting going.
379
00:18:53,201 --> 00:18:55,858
One day I painted
this huge bird.
380
00:18:55,996 --> 00:18:59,034
It was real ornate, had
lots of frills and things.
381
00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:00,863
I rubbed the beak
and wished I could be
382
00:19:01,001 --> 00:19:03,832
the greatest living
songwriter in the world.
383
00:19:03,970 --> 00:19:06,628
Right around then,
someone gave me some peyote.
384
00:19:06,766 --> 00:19:09,217
It took me off
into unknown areas,
385
00:19:09,355 --> 00:19:11,080
and the songs
that came out of me were,
386
00:19:11,219 --> 00:19:14,014
without me realizing it,
much better.
387
00:19:15,188 --> 00:19:16,845
I met this guy
that had a magic library,
388
00:19:16,983 --> 00:19:18,847
and I heard about
Pythagorean music, you know,
389
00:19:18,985 --> 00:19:21,056
how to affect people's
deepest emotional centers
390
00:19:21,194 --> 00:19:23,231
with what sounds and what notes,
391
00:19:23,369 --> 00:19:25,198
you know, and he used
to do big things
392
00:19:25,336 --> 00:19:26,855
like curing
whole flocks of people
393
00:19:26,993 --> 00:19:28,788
in insane asylums.
One shot, you know,
394
00:19:28,926 --> 00:19:30,686
two chords on his lute,
and that would be it.
395
00:19:32,654 --> 00:19:34,863
She believed
it was being downloaded
396
00:19:35,001 --> 00:19:37,866
from a higher source,
and it had to be accurate.
397
00:19:38,004 --> 00:19:40,834
That's the way
the song was ordained to be,
398
00:19:40,972 --> 00:19:42,767
and it had to be that way.
399
00:19:42,905 --> 00:19:47,703
She was here on a mission
to awaken the masses.
400
00:19:48,946 --> 00:19:52,052
What happens is it...
it comes to me from God,
401
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:53,916
and then I look back and say,
402
00:19:54,054 --> 00:19:55,366
"Hey, that's mathematically
perfect!" You know?
403
00:19:55,504 --> 00:19:56,885
- It's an afterthought.
- Mm-hm.
404
00:19:57,023 --> 00:19:58,369
But it always comes out
right, you know?
405
00:19:58,507 --> 00:20:00,095
But I don't really know
what I'm doing.
406
00:20:01,924 --> 00:20:03,132
We're sitting on the couch,
407
00:20:03,271 --> 00:20:05,618
she's looking
into my eyes and says,
408
00:20:05,756 --> 00:20:08,379
"Hey, you wanna hear
one of my new songs?"
409
00:20:08,517 --> 00:20:10,761
And she starts singing,
and this velvet voice
410
00:20:10,899 --> 00:20:12,797
comes out. Unbelievable.
411
00:20:12,935 --> 00:20:14,730
I just fell in love with her.
412
00:20:14,868 --> 00:20:17,906
Right then.
I mean, it was like magic.
413
00:20:18,044 --> 00:20:23,498
♪ I miss
the sweet love of the air ♪
414
00:20:25,258 --> 00:20:30,919
♪ A silver chariot soars ♪
415
00:20:32,748 --> 00:20:35,579
♪ Through mercury ripples ♪
416
00:20:35,717 --> 00:20:39,410
♪ Of sky ♪
417
00:20:39,548 --> 00:20:43,414
♪ I'm looking so hard ♪
418
00:20:43,552 --> 00:20:46,969
♪ For a place to land ♪
419
00:20:47,107 --> 00:20:52,941
♪ I almost forgot how to fly ♪
420
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:59,810
♪ So, keep on moving ♪
421
00:20:59,948 --> 00:21:03,986
♪ Or stay by my side ♪
422
00:21:04,124 --> 00:21:07,680
♪ Either way ♪
423
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:12,788
♪ I'll tell you a secret ♪
424
00:21:12,995 --> 00:21:16,620
♪ I've never revealed ♪
425
00:21:16,758 --> 00:21:20,555
♪ However we are ♪
426
00:21:20,693 --> 00:21:23,282
♪ Is okay, doo doo-doo-doo ♪
427
00:21:23,420 --> 00:21:26,388
♪ Doo doo doo doo doo-doo doo ♪
428
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:30,772
I wrote "Lopin' Along
Through the Cosmos,"
429
00:21:30,910 --> 00:21:32,118
and I just wanted
to stay up there.
430
00:21:32,256 --> 00:21:33,568
I'd rather be detached,
you know, but...
431
00:21:33,706 --> 00:21:35,259
I know I'm down here
to stay till I'm done.
432
00:21:35,397 --> 00:21:38,158
I know I have to work
all this stuff out, you know.
433
00:21:38,297 --> 00:21:40,195
That's what I'm doing,
I'm working it out.
434
00:21:42,749 --> 00:21:43,992
Her harmonies is
what I like the best,
435
00:21:44,130 --> 00:21:45,890
her internal harmonies.
436
00:21:46,028 --> 00:21:48,479
She did a lot of that
going-down-into-the-canyon-
437
00:21:48,617 --> 00:21:50,136
on-horseback shuffle.
438
00:21:50,274 --> 00:21:51,931
It's like a cowboy feel.
439
00:21:52,069 --> 00:21:54,002
♪ "Bless the ridge rider" ♪
440
00:21:55,624 --> 00:21:57,695
You know?
That was a recurring theme.
441
00:21:57,833 --> 00:22:00,836
She was good, you know,
she was really good.
442
00:22:00,974 --> 00:22:02,976
Actually,
I had a divine inspiration
443
00:22:03,114 --> 00:22:06,842
on how noble it is
to not fake it, you know?
444
00:22:06,980 --> 00:22:09,845
A friend of mine came along
and manifested this for me,
445
00:22:09,983 --> 00:22:13,055
because he's a real
mild-mannered, shy person,
446
00:22:13,193 --> 00:22:15,541
and he's never learned
how to fake it socially,
447
00:22:15,679 --> 00:22:17,336
or be slick, you know.
And I thought it was
448
00:22:17,474 --> 00:22:19,199
noble of him
to not learn how, you know.
449
00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:22,064
And that's
how I wrote this song.
450
00:22:22,202 --> 00:22:23,376
She says, "Hey,
I wrote a song about you,"
451
00:22:23,514 --> 00:22:26,068
and she hands me
this sheet here,
452
00:22:26,206 --> 00:22:27,346
and it was the "Ridge Rider."
453
00:22:27,484 --> 00:22:28,726
She wrote it about me.
454
00:22:28,864 --> 00:22:30,349
She told me she wrote
455
00:22:30,487 --> 00:22:32,523
the "Ridge Rider" about me.
456
00:22:32,661 --> 00:22:33,904
So three of us think
that song's about us,
457
00:22:34,042 --> 00:22:35,492
that's good!
458
00:22:35,630 --> 00:22:37,632
Oh, geez! Well, it's just
459
00:22:37,770 --> 00:22:41,083
the human condition that
she was exposing in all of us.
460
00:22:41,290 --> 00:22:43,776
Cause she knew
what complications
461
00:22:43,914 --> 00:22:47,573
we were all going through
as human beings.
462
00:22:47,814 --> 00:22:50,334
She was very
complicated herself.
463
00:22:52,094 --> 00:22:54,234
♪ He rides the ridge ♪
464
00:22:54,373 --> 00:22:58,169
♪ Between dark and light ♪
465
00:22:58,307 --> 00:23:03,761
♪ Without partners or friends ♪
466
00:23:03,899 --> 00:23:09,215
♪ He's courageous enough
to be scared ♪
467
00:23:10,734 --> 00:23:16,981
♪ But he's too humble to win ♪
468
00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:21,607
♪ Bless the ridge rider ♪
469
00:23:21,745 --> 00:23:24,989
♪ The ridge he's riding
is mighty thin ♪
470
00:23:29,442 --> 00:23:34,447
♪ I guess the ridge rider ♪
471
00:23:34,585 --> 00:23:38,140
♪ Forgets he's traveling
with a friend ♪
472
00:23:42,075 --> 00:23:44,043
After I wrote
the "Ridge Rider," you know,
473
00:23:44,181 --> 00:23:47,805
I started changing my idea
about fear and shame.
474
00:23:47,943 --> 00:23:49,980
And I started not trying
to get rid of them anymore.
475
00:23:50,118 --> 00:23:53,949
But to be really courageous
is to be scared
476
00:23:54,087 --> 00:23:56,296
and to be ashamed
in front of everyone.
477
00:23:56,435 --> 00:23:59,127
Ah, takes so much
courage to do that!
478
00:23:59,265 --> 00:24:01,163
More courage than to rob
a liquor store, more courage
479
00:24:01,301 --> 00:24:03,200
than to sing in front
of thousands of people.
480
00:24:03,338 --> 00:24:05,478
More courage than
kicking a heroin habit.
481
00:24:05,616 --> 00:24:06,997
More courage than any of that.
482
00:24:16,834 --> 00:24:19,216
She was going to do
a Troubadour Hoot.
483
00:24:19,354 --> 00:24:21,874
And so I called David Geffen,
and I said,
484
00:24:22,012 --> 00:24:24,290
"David, you should
really hear this girl."
485
00:24:24,428 --> 00:24:26,085
His butt was kicked, guy.
486
00:24:26,223 --> 00:24:28,190
Geffen said,
"You gotta go see this girl,
487
00:24:28,328 --> 00:24:30,365
Judee Sill." And I said,
"What's she like?"
488
00:24:30,503 --> 00:24:32,367
And he said,
"She's like nobody else.
489
00:24:32,505 --> 00:24:34,403
Just go see her."
490
00:24:34,542 --> 00:24:37,372
She was playing
some little club on Melrose.
491
00:24:37,510 --> 00:24:41,687
Someone in the audience said,
"Can you play 'Clouds'?"
492
00:24:41,825 --> 00:24:45,104
She said, "I don't fucking do
other people's songs, okay?
493
00:24:45,242 --> 00:24:47,520
"You want to hear her songs,
go hear her play, all right?
494
00:24:47,658 --> 00:24:49,695
I'm doing my own songs,
so shut up!"
495
00:24:49,833 --> 00:24:52,663
She performed
just voice and guitar a lot.
496
00:24:52,801 --> 00:24:54,838
Arty Fatbuckles on Melrose
497
00:24:54,976 --> 00:24:57,012
was one of her standard stops.
498
00:24:57,150 --> 00:24:58,773
All the people that
came in there at that time,
499
00:24:58,911 --> 00:25:00,533
there was
a lot of really good talent,
500
00:25:00,671 --> 00:25:02,708
but Judee was
right at the top of it.
501
00:25:02,846 --> 00:25:04,537
I saw her at the Troubadour
502
00:25:04,675 --> 00:25:07,195
where all the great
singer-songwriters
503
00:25:07,333 --> 00:25:08,886
of the day performed.
504
00:25:09,024 --> 00:25:10,854
Laura Nyro, Linda Ronstadt,
505
00:25:10,992 --> 00:25:13,546
Joni Mitchell, everyone.
506
00:25:13,684 --> 00:25:15,548
Sitting around in
my house and I was thinkin',
507
00:25:15,686 --> 00:25:16,756
"Boy, it shouldn't be long
now, 'cause I've already
508
00:25:16,894 --> 00:25:18,689
been writing
pretty good songs now."
509
00:25:18,827 --> 00:25:20,035
Phone rang
at that the very instant.
510
00:25:20,173 --> 00:25:22,003
It was David Geffen.
511
00:25:22,141 --> 00:25:23,176
He said he'd heard all about me,
512
00:25:23,314 --> 00:25:25,903
please come down
and sing for him.
513
00:25:26,041 --> 00:25:27,456
So I came down,
I was so nervous, oh God,
514
00:25:27,595 --> 00:25:28,734
my heart was in my throat
like a dead rat,
515
00:25:28,872 --> 00:25:30,459
stuck, palpitating.
516
00:25:30,598 --> 00:25:31,978
She was very engaging.
517
00:25:32,116 --> 00:25:36,742
Easy to like.
Had an unusual story.
518
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:38,398
And so she played a few bars
519
00:25:38,537 --> 00:25:40,297
of one of the songs.
520
00:25:40,539 --> 00:25:42,402
Might have been "Lady-O."
I'm not sure.
521
00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:44,301
And before she finished,
522
00:25:44,439 --> 00:25:46,924
he said, "That's enough,
you're hired."
523
00:25:49,375 --> 00:25:50,618
He said
"What do you want to do?"
524
00:25:50,756 --> 00:25:52,481
And I said,
"I want to be a big star."
525
00:25:52,620 --> 00:25:53,931
And he said, "How big
a star do you want to be?
526
00:25:54,069 --> 00:25:56,244
And I said "How big can I be?
527
00:25:56,382 --> 00:25:58,039
How big is it possible to be?"
528
00:25:58,177 --> 00:25:59,523
I told him I wanted
to be a bigger star
529
00:25:59,661 --> 00:26:02,457
than has ever been before.
530
00:26:02,595 --> 00:26:03,976
She was
the first artist signed
531
00:26:04,114 --> 00:26:05,460
to Asylum Records,
532
00:26:05,598 --> 00:26:08,636
and Geffen had
tremendous belief in her.
533
00:26:08,774 --> 00:26:10,914
She was thrilled
to get a record deal.
534
00:26:11,052 --> 00:26:13,261
She was proud of being
involved with Asylum Records
535
00:26:13,399 --> 00:26:14,952
and the other artists
that were there.
536
00:26:15,090 --> 00:26:16,471
You know, we had Linda Ronstadt,
537
00:26:16,609 --> 00:26:17,990
Jackson Browne, The Eagles,
538
00:26:18,128 --> 00:26:20,440
The Byrds, John David Souther.
539
00:26:20,579 --> 00:26:23,271
You know, they were all good.
540
00:26:23,409 --> 00:26:25,238
We liked each other's
songs, you know, like,
541
00:26:25,376 --> 00:26:26,723
I loved Jackson's songs
that he wrote,
542
00:26:26,861 --> 00:26:28,138
and I loved JD's songs.
543
00:26:28,276 --> 00:26:29,380
But everybody seemed
to think that
544
00:26:29,518 --> 00:26:30,589
Judee had something special.
545
00:26:32,107 --> 00:26:33,937
♪ The next thing I knew ♪
546
00:26:34,075 --> 00:26:36,871
♪ I came to and one song,
it was carrying me ♪
547
00:26:37,009 --> 00:26:41,289
♪ Soldier of the heart,
how'd ya get so fine? ♪
548
00:26:41,427 --> 00:26:43,567
♪ Soldier of the heart ♪
549
00:26:43,705 --> 00:26:46,156
♪ I wish you were mine ♪
550
00:26:46,294 --> 00:26:50,678
♪ Soldier of the heart,
how'd ya get so true? ♪
551
00:26:50,816 --> 00:26:52,956
♪ Soldier of the heart ♪
552
00:26:53,094 --> 00:26:55,614
♪ I'm marching with you ♪
553
00:26:55,752 --> 00:26:59,445
♪ The battlefield's so cold ♪
554
00:26:59,583 --> 00:27:01,309
♪ Take my heart as a token ♪
555
00:27:01,447 --> 00:27:05,900
♪ I'd love to give it you ♪
556
00:27:06,038 --> 00:27:08,592
♪ Flames arise ♪
557
00:27:08,730 --> 00:27:10,698
♪ From the sword in his hand ♪
558
00:27:10,836 --> 00:27:15,564
♪ We'll march in
over no-man's land ♪
559
00:27:15,703 --> 00:27:19,810
♪ And burn
the enemy's stolen throne ♪
560
00:27:19,948 --> 00:27:22,019
♪ I'll carry your gun
'til it's done ♪
561
00:27:22,157 --> 00:27:24,504
♪ And we can go
rollin' back home ♪
562
00:27:35,136 --> 00:27:36,793
So I thought I'd do
this oldest one first.
563
00:27:36,931 --> 00:27:38,657
This is about three years
old, and it's called
564
00:27:38,795 --> 00:27:40,520
"Enchanted Sky Machines."
565
00:27:40,659 --> 00:27:42,730
It has all of my gospel licks
that I learned
566
00:27:42,868 --> 00:27:45,284
when I was the church
organist in reform school.
567
00:27:46,699 --> 00:27:48,425
That's the truth, I swear.
568
00:27:58,711 --> 00:28:00,609
She came in,
she was fully formed.
569
00:28:00,748 --> 00:28:04,924
Country, church music,
Bach fugues, blues.
570
00:28:05,062 --> 00:28:07,099
I mean, I heard
so many things in there
571
00:28:07,237 --> 00:28:10,412
that you wouldn't think
would work but did.
572
00:28:10,654 --> 00:28:12,035
You can hear the country,
573
00:28:12,173 --> 00:28:13,588
you can hear the roots,
and you can hear
574
00:28:13,726 --> 00:28:15,694
the kind of Pentecostal fire.
575
00:28:15,832 --> 00:28:17,247
Baroque,
did you put baroque in?
576
00:28:17,385 --> 00:28:18,869
I didn't, but yeah.
577
00:28:19,007 --> 00:28:20,388
Okay, occult, holy,
578
00:28:20,526 --> 00:28:24,254
western, baroque, gospel.
579
00:28:24,392 --> 00:28:26,049
Is your music rock and roll?
580
00:28:26,187 --> 00:28:28,430
No. But I have
some hot licks,
581
00:28:28,568 --> 00:28:30,018
and I have some boogie licks.
582
00:28:30,156 --> 00:28:33,125
And I have some, um, licks
of the Pentecostal fury.
583
00:28:33,263 --> 00:28:35,472
She kind of
occupies a more cosmic space
584
00:28:35,610 --> 00:28:39,165
and uses more jazz chords
and interesting harmonies
585
00:28:39,303 --> 00:28:41,650
and compositions and borrows
from classical music.
586
00:28:41,789 --> 00:28:43,894
Most of her musical training
587
00:28:44,032 --> 00:28:46,621
came from a keyboard,
playing Bach melodies
588
00:28:46,759 --> 00:28:48,554
and playing church organ.
589
00:28:48,692 --> 00:28:51,488
She has a sense of melody
and of structure
590
00:28:51,626 --> 00:28:54,318
that was really exceptional.
591
00:28:54,456 --> 00:28:56,182
She played these
really full, beautiful chords
592
00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:58,426
with interesting voicings.
And I was very interested
593
00:28:58,564 --> 00:28:59,772
in what her thumb was doing
594
00:28:59,910 --> 00:29:01,429
when she was playing the guitar
595
00:29:01,567 --> 00:29:02,741
and the fingers of her left hand
596
00:29:02,879 --> 00:29:04,915
when she was playing the piano.
597
00:29:05,053 --> 00:29:06,261
There's always a sense
598
00:29:06,399 --> 00:29:08,160
exactly where the bass is.
599
00:29:08,298 --> 00:29:10,610
And she builds
on top of the bass
600
00:29:10,749 --> 00:29:13,579
the same way that
the baroque composers did.
601
00:29:15,063 --> 00:29:17,065
When I'm doing it good
and everyone's listening,
602
00:29:17,203 --> 00:29:20,310
and it's real quiet,
God, what a thrill it is.
603
00:29:20,448 --> 00:29:23,658
Oooh, magic webs are spun! Mm!
604
00:29:40,330 --> 00:29:42,850
Thank you very much.
605
00:29:50,409 --> 00:29:52,480
I was so shocked when
I first saw it coming down.
606
00:29:52,618 --> 00:29:53,895
After all this wishing,
you know,
607
00:29:54,033 --> 00:29:55,724
just indiscriminate wishing,
608
00:29:55,863 --> 00:29:58,072
when it started to come
around, it scared me.
609
00:29:58,210 --> 00:29:59,970
I knew I had to get
my act together.
610
00:30:00,108 --> 00:30:02,386
So I started going
real fast then.
611
00:30:02,524 --> 00:30:05,804
♪ The sun was red ♪
612
00:30:05,942 --> 00:30:09,566
♪ And the fires were roarin' ♪
613
00:30:11,016 --> 00:30:12,362
♪ Stars aligned ♪
614
00:30:12,500 --> 00:30:15,089
♪ And the webs were spun ♪
615
00:30:15,227 --> 00:30:17,712
♪ I coulda sworn I heard ♪
616
00:30:17,850 --> 00:30:22,061
♪ My spirit soarin' ♪
617
00:30:22,199 --> 00:30:25,824
♪ Guess I'm always
chasin' the sun ♪
618
00:30:25,962 --> 00:30:29,172
♪ Hopin' we will soon be one ♪
619
00:30:29,310 --> 00:30:31,968
♪ Until it turns around to me ♪
620
00:30:32,106 --> 00:30:34,453
♪ Then I try to run ♪
621
00:30:42,081 --> 00:30:44,256
You know, I made
the album in eight days.
622
00:30:44,394 --> 00:30:45,913
I wrote the parts in two weeks,
623
00:30:46,051 --> 00:30:47,362
and then I went into the studio
624
00:30:47,500 --> 00:30:48,916
and did the whole thing
in eight days.
625
00:30:49,054 --> 00:30:50,124
I didn't know
what I was going to do.
626
00:30:50,262 --> 00:30:51,539
These musicians came in,
and I said,
627
00:30:51,677 --> 00:30:53,161
"Okay, here's how it goes."
And I said,
628
00:30:53,299 --> 00:30:54,611
"I want to build it up,
so for the first time
629
00:30:54,749 --> 00:30:56,268
"do it playing,
the second time do it,
630
00:30:56,406 --> 00:30:58,132
♪ Da da da da da ♪
631
00:31:00,997 --> 00:31:03,413
She knew
exactly what she wanted.
632
00:31:03,551 --> 00:31:05,794
If you didn't give it to her,
she would very politely
633
00:31:05,933 --> 00:31:08,418
tell you, "That's not
the way I wish it,
634
00:31:08,556 --> 00:31:10,627
and you will play it
the way I want it."
635
00:31:10,765 --> 00:31:13,423
We were recognized
as producers,
636
00:31:13,561 --> 00:31:15,735
but most of the work was
done by Judee.
637
00:31:15,874 --> 00:31:18,048
There wasn't much really
we needed to do.
638
00:31:18,186 --> 00:31:20,050
Just turn the machines on.
639
00:31:20,188 --> 00:31:21,224
She worked
with Henry Lewy,
640
00:31:21,362 --> 00:31:22,777
that's an incredible find.
641
00:31:22,915 --> 00:31:24,365
A wonderfully talented
642
00:31:24,503 --> 00:31:26,091
engineer / producer who'd worked
643
00:31:26,229 --> 00:31:27,782
with Joni Mitchell, was perfect
644
00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:29,232
for someone like Judee.
645
00:31:29,370 --> 00:31:31,993
He would say "Joni,"
and she'd say,
646
00:31:32,131 --> 00:31:34,478
"No, no, no, it's Judee."
You know?
647
00:31:34,616 --> 00:31:36,895
He had confused her
with Joni Mitchell.
648
00:31:37,033 --> 00:31:39,449
And she was like,
"Ooh," you know.
649
00:31:39,587 --> 00:31:41,209
In the studio,
you can imagine making
650
00:31:41,347 --> 00:31:42,590
your first album, and then
they come on the big speaker.
651
00:31:42,728 --> 00:31:43,832
Anything sounds great, you know.
652
00:31:43,971 --> 00:31:45,317
"I'll take it, I'll take it.
653
00:31:45,455 --> 00:31:47,491
Glory, glory,
in the vein, in the vein."
654
00:31:47,629 --> 00:31:48,665
So to speak.
655
00:31:48,803 --> 00:31:49,908
♪ Through the rose ♪
656
00:31:50,046 --> 00:31:53,083
♪ In his hand ♪
657
00:31:53,221 --> 00:31:55,534
♪ Flows blood ♪
658
00:31:58,157 --> 00:31:59,745
Oh, thank you.
659
00:32:28,118 --> 00:32:31,052
♪ Once I heard
a serpent remark ♪
660
00:32:31,190 --> 00:32:34,987
♪ If you try
to evoke the spark ♪
661
00:32:35,125 --> 00:32:40,303
♪ You can fly through the dark ♪
662
00:32:40,441 --> 00:32:43,892
♪ With a red midnight raven ♪
663
00:32:44,031 --> 00:32:46,895
♪ To rule the battleground ♪
664
00:32:47,034 --> 00:32:50,485
♪ So I drew my sword
and got ready ♪
665
00:32:50,623 --> 00:32:54,834
♪ But the lamb ran away
with the crown ♪
666
00:32:54,973 --> 00:32:56,629
♪ So I drew my sword ♪
667
00:32:56,767 --> 00:32:58,700
♪ And got ready ♪
668
00:32:58,838 --> 00:33:02,325
♪ But the lamb ran away
with the crown ♪
669
00:33:08,055 --> 00:33:10,505
"The Lamb Ran Away
with the Crown" is
670
00:33:10,643 --> 00:33:12,473
a song that's
pretty unpredictable
671
00:33:12,611 --> 00:33:14,820
all the way through.
672
00:33:14,958 --> 00:33:18,513
Starts off fairly traditionally,
673
00:33:18,651 --> 00:33:19,859
but then there's all of a sudden
674
00:33:19,998 --> 00:33:22,207
that big jump
to the much higher note.
675
00:33:25,831 --> 00:33:27,660
- ♪ Once a demon... ♪
- You know?
676
00:33:27,798 --> 00:33:29,248
And you're like,
"Where'd that come from?"
677
00:33:29,386 --> 00:33:31,768
And then there's
this-- this kind of,
678
00:33:31,906 --> 00:33:34,460
almost like a seasick melody
679
00:33:34,598 --> 00:33:38,533
where the "da-bom-bom-bom,"
where it's actually playing
680
00:33:38,671 --> 00:33:40,570
almost against the beat...
681
00:33:40,708 --> 00:33:46,472
♪ ...crested cardinals
to guard my battleground ♪
682
00:33:46,610 --> 00:33:50,166
♪ But I laughed so hard
I cried ♪
683
00:33:50,304 --> 00:33:52,582
♪ And the lamb ran away
with the crown ♪
684
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:55,343
And now this astonishing ending.
685
00:33:56,379 --> 00:34:00,038
She repeats it,
and the angels come in,
686
00:34:00,176 --> 00:34:02,419
♪ And the lamb ran away... ♪
687
00:34:02,557 --> 00:34:05,629
And then all of a sudden
you get this really gritty,
688
00:34:05,767 --> 00:34:08,874
old New York rockin'--
♪ Bah-buh-buh, buh-buh ♪
689
00:34:09,012 --> 00:34:12,050
- ♪ But I laughed ♪
- ♪ But I laughed so hard ♪
690
00:34:12,188 --> 00:34:14,121
- ♪ I cried ♪
- ♪ Laughed so hard ♪
691
00:34:14,259 --> 00:34:16,226
- ♪ And the lamb... ♪
- And then
692
00:34:16,364 --> 00:34:19,229
it's just a perfect
little clockwork.
693
00:34:22,577 --> 00:34:24,717
Perfect, a perfect record.
694
00:34:26,305 --> 00:34:29,170
Why this was
not a huge hit single
695
00:34:29,308 --> 00:34:31,276
will always amaze me.
696
00:34:44,047 --> 00:34:46,774
Thank you.
697
00:34:50,433 --> 00:34:51,606
What's going to happen
698
00:34:51,744 --> 00:34:54,333
when you do become a star?
699
00:34:54,471 --> 00:34:58,026
Which all signs are...
then what will you do?
700
00:34:58,165 --> 00:35:00,719
Once I get my foot
in the door, I'll go crazy.
701
00:35:00,857 --> 00:35:03,377
I'll do everything I can,
as fast as I can.
702
00:35:03,515 --> 00:35:04,999
Who knows how high
I'll go? I don't know.
703
00:35:05,137 --> 00:35:06,587
But I'm putting it
at the top right now.
704
00:35:06,725 --> 00:35:09,521
That's how high I want to go,
is the very top.
705
00:35:09,659 --> 00:35:11,143
I told her if she wanted
to have a success,
706
00:35:11,281 --> 00:35:12,593
she needed to write
something that would,
707
00:35:12,731 --> 00:35:14,250
you know, get a lot
of radio airplay.
708
00:35:14,388 --> 00:35:16,114
And she was dating
John David Souther
709
00:35:16,252 --> 00:35:17,977
at that time.
710
00:35:18,116 --> 00:35:20,152
Judee felt
she and I occupied
711
00:35:20,290 --> 00:35:23,121
some special territory
that no one else occupied.
712
00:35:23,259 --> 00:35:24,708
Were you in love with her?
713
00:35:24,846 --> 00:35:26,469
Yeah, I think so.
714
00:35:26,607 --> 00:35:28,333
But I was also
in love with Linda.
715
00:35:28,471 --> 00:35:31,681
And Linda sort of
came before and after.
716
00:35:31,819 --> 00:35:33,545
I didn't know that
there had been anything
717
00:35:33,683 --> 00:35:35,374
between them when I first
took up with him.
718
00:35:35,512 --> 00:35:37,618
But I think that that was
a bit of a problem.
719
00:35:37,756 --> 00:35:39,171
I think she was kind of
angry at John David.
720
00:35:41,104 --> 00:35:42,899
I happened to stumble
across this real obscure
721
00:35:43,037 --> 00:35:46,972
theological fact, and that is
that Jesus was a cross maker.
722
00:35:47,110 --> 00:35:48,698
And that really got me
when I heard that,
723
00:35:48,836 --> 00:35:50,044
I knew I had to write
a song about it.
724
00:35:50,182 --> 00:35:51,666
At the same time,
I was having a...
725
00:35:51,804 --> 00:35:53,427
real unhappy romance
with this guy
726
00:35:53,565 --> 00:35:55,222
who was a bandit
and a heartbreaker.
727
00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:58,673
So, one morning I woke up,
and realized that
728
00:35:58,811 --> 00:36:00,503
"he's a bandit
and a heartbreaker"
729
00:36:00,641 --> 00:36:04,058
rhymes with "but Jesus
was a cross maker."
730
00:36:04,196 --> 00:36:06,060
And I knew that
even that wretched bastard
731
00:36:06,198 --> 00:36:07,889
was not beyond redemption.
732
00:36:12,100 --> 00:36:14,689
It's true, it's true, I swear.
733
00:36:16,484 --> 00:36:17,899
She just
showed up one morning,
734
00:36:18,037 --> 00:36:19,556
knocked on the door,
"I wanna play you something."
735
00:36:19,694 --> 00:36:21,317
Came in and sat on the bed
and looked me
736
00:36:21,455 --> 00:36:22,904
right in the eye
and played that.
737
00:36:23,042 --> 00:36:24,872
She called me
an "irredeemable bastard"
738
00:36:25,010 --> 00:36:26,563
or something like that.
739
00:36:26,701 --> 00:36:29,048
♪ One time
I trusted a stranger ♪
740
00:36:29,187 --> 00:36:31,396
♪ 'Cause I heard
his sweet song ♪
741
00:36:31,534 --> 00:36:34,433
♪ And it was
gently enticin' me ♪
742
00:36:34,571 --> 00:36:36,780
♪ Though there was
somethin' wrong ♪
743
00:36:36,918 --> 00:36:42,027
♪ But when I turned,
he was gone ♪
744
00:36:42,165 --> 00:36:44,581
♪ Blindin' me,
his song remains ♪
745
00:36:44,719 --> 00:36:47,550
♪ Remindin' me he's a bandit ♪
746
00:36:47,688 --> 00:36:50,449
♪ And a heartbreaker ♪
747
00:36:50,587 --> 00:36:54,936
♪ Oh, but Jesus was
a cross maker ♪
748
00:36:55,074 --> 00:36:57,422
- ♪ Sweet silver angel ♪
- I heard the song,
749
00:36:57,560 --> 00:36:59,147
and it was very intriguing
750
00:36:59,286 --> 00:37:01,426
because I thought
it could be a hit.
751
00:37:01,564 --> 00:37:04,256
It took very little
producing on my part.
752
00:37:04,394 --> 00:37:06,741
You know, she was great
at overdubbing her voice.
753
00:37:06,879 --> 00:37:08,743
She was great at singing live.
754
00:37:08,881 --> 00:37:11,815
Oh, the voicings
in "Jesus Was a Cross Maker,"
755
00:37:11,953 --> 00:37:13,990
I love the bass line.
If she had a song
756
00:37:14,128 --> 00:37:16,164
that was gonna be a hit,
it was that one.
757
00:37:16,303 --> 00:37:19,098
She wanted to have
success in a big, big way.
758
00:37:19,237 --> 00:37:21,480
And with Graham producing it,
759
00:37:21,618 --> 00:37:23,827
she was sure
that was gonna be the one.
760
00:37:23,965 --> 00:37:25,967
I suppose in some way I wish
761
00:37:26,105 --> 00:37:28,176
I had been able
to make it up to her,
762
00:37:28,315 --> 00:37:30,351
I wish I had been
a little bit less reckless
763
00:37:30,489 --> 00:37:33,354
with her feelings. And yet it's,
764
00:37:33,492 --> 00:37:34,666
as she said, she thought it was
765
00:37:34,804 --> 00:37:36,806
the best song she'd written.
766
00:37:36,944 --> 00:37:38,635
It saved me, this song.
767
00:37:38,773 --> 00:37:41,638
It was writing this song
or suicide.
768
00:37:41,776 --> 00:37:43,985
♪ Fightin him,
he lights a lamp ♪
769
00:37:44,123 --> 00:37:47,023
♪ Invitin' him, he's a bandit ♪
770
00:37:47,161 --> 00:37:49,957
♪ And a heartbreaker ♪
771
00:37:50,095 --> 00:37:54,168
♪ Oh, but Jesus was
a cross maker ♪
772
00:37:54,306 --> 00:37:58,897
♪ Sweet silver angels
over the sea ♪
773
00:37:59,035 --> 00:38:01,140
♪ Please come down flyin' ♪
774
00:38:01,279 --> 00:38:05,835
♪ Low for me ♪
775
00:38:05,973 --> 00:38:08,631
♪ I hear the thunder
come rumblin'♪
776
00:38:08,769 --> 00:38:10,840
♪ The light never
looked so dim ♪
777
00:38:10,978 --> 00:38:13,463
♪ I see the junction
get nearer ♪
778
00:38:13,601 --> 00:38:16,190
♪ And danger is in the wind ♪
779
00:38:16,328 --> 00:38:18,779
♪ And either road's ♪
780
00:38:18,917 --> 00:38:21,954
♪ Lookin' grim ♪
781
00:38:22,092 --> 00:38:23,887
♪ Blindin' me,
his song remains ♪
782
00:38:24,025 --> 00:38:26,994
♪ Remindin' me he's a bandit ♪
783
00:38:27,132 --> 00:38:28,582
♪ And a heartbreaker ♪
784
00:38:28,720 --> 00:38:31,412
Judee Sill opened
for us, for me and Nash,
785
00:38:31,550 --> 00:38:34,312
on a tour.
That's how I got to know her.
786
00:38:34,450 --> 00:38:35,692
She was thrilled
to be on the road.
787
00:38:35,830 --> 00:38:37,901
She was thrilled to be
playing these clubs.
788
00:38:38,039 --> 00:38:39,938
She was thrilled the people
were loving her music.
789
00:38:40,076 --> 00:38:42,699
I remember giving Judee
an acoustic guitar.
790
00:38:42,837 --> 00:38:45,046
I think one of hers had
gone wonky at some point.
791
00:38:45,184 --> 00:38:47,290
And we lent her
one of ours for her show,
792
00:38:47,428 --> 00:38:50,017
and she loved it.
And so I gave it to her.
793
00:38:50,155 --> 00:38:51,467
So what was written on the back?
794
00:38:51,605 --> 00:38:52,847
"Live Life."
795
00:38:55,954 --> 00:38:57,852
That sounds like Judee to me.
796
00:39:00,372 --> 00:39:01,787
You talked
about some low times.
797
00:39:01,925 --> 00:39:03,099
Can you remember some times
when you have had
798
00:39:03,237 --> 00:39:04,963
- a good time?
- Oh, yeah.
799
00:39:05,101 --> 00:39:07,137
I'm having
a pretty good time right now.
800
00:39:07,275 --> 00:39:09,243
And my billboard being up
makes me have a good time.
801
00:39:09,381 --> 00:39:10,865
I go and look at it.
802
00:39:11,003 --> 00:39:12,626
I rented a car
and parked in a lot.
803
00:39:12,764 --> 00:39:15,767
Just parked. That was great.
804
00:39:15,905 --> 00:39:17,424
I couldn't help
but remember it was
805
00:39:17,562 --> 00:39:20,703
only two years earlier
she was living in her car.
806
00:39:20,841 --> 00:39:23,878
Now she's got a house
and a pool out in the Valley!
807
00:39:24,016 --> 00:39:27,054
And she's on a billboard
on the Strip!
808
00:39:27,192 --> 00:39:29,712
From rags to riches, definitely.
809
00:39:29,850 --> 00:39:31,058
But she was still the same,
810
00:39:31,196 --> 00:39:32,749
that was the beauty
of it, you know.
811
00:39:32,887 --> 00:39:35,752
They gave her
a lot of money and advances.
812
00:39:35,890 --> 00:39:39,307
And, of course, she liked
to spend money, a lot.
813
00:39:39,446 --> 00:39:41,102
Whether it was gifts
for her friends
814
00:39:41,240 --> 00:39:43,933
or people going out to dinner,
815
00:39:44,071 --> 00:39:47,039
she always had
a place to put it.
816
00:39:47,177 --> 00:39:48,869
I don't want you
to get the wrong impression.
817
00:39:49,007 --> 00:39:50,560
I love to have fun.
I love to drink tequila
818
00:39:50,698 --> 00:39:53,908
and hoot out the window,
real loud, over the balcony.
819
00:39:54,046 --> 00:39:55,703
I wake up in the morning
and go out and hoot.
820
00:39:55,841 --> 00:39:58,361
I go "Ahooooo!" real loud,
821
00:39:58,499 --> 00:40:00,812
and it echoes over the canyon.
822
00:40:00,950 --> 00:40:03,090
I have a good time
when people applaud.
823
00:40:03,228 --> 00:40:04,988
I have a good time
when they like me.
824
00:40:05,126 --> 00:40:06,507
I have a good time
when I get to sing real good,
825
00:40:06,645 --> 00:40:08,164
when my voice sounds good.
826
00:40:08,302 --> 00:40:10,477
It thrills me.
It thrills me so much
827
00:40:10,615 --> 00:40:12,410
I can't tell you.
Ah, fulfilling my dreams.
828
00:40:12,548 --> 00:40:14,412
You know?
829
00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:23,593
"JUDEE": Album sold about
40,000 in the States,
830
00:40:23,731 --> 00:40:25,906
which isn't bad.
831
00:40:26,044 --> 00:40:27,494
They keep putting me on
with rock bands,
832
00:40:27,632 --> 00:40:28,978
which is appalling.
833
00:40:29,116 --> 00:40:30,669
I come on, and there's 11,000
834
00:40:30,807 --> 00:40:32,844
screaming groupies
taking reds and red wine.
835
00:40:34,708 --> 00:40:36,330
Please buy my albums
so I won't have to open
836
00:40:36,468 --> 00:40:38,850
for any more rock groups,
because it's so terrible
837
00:40:38,988 --> 00:40:40,852
opening for rock groups.
838
00:40:40,990 --> 00:40:42,543
Especially when they're
really young and real loud
839
00:40:42,681 --> 00:40:44,890
and real snotty, too.
840
00:40:45,028 --> 00:40:46,374
It's so humiliating for me.
841
00:40:46,513 --> 00:40:47,652
Please buy my album.
842
00:40:49,757 --> 00:40:52,622
There was a kind of an owl-
like properness to her.
843
00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:54,279
She'd look out over the crowd,
844
00:40:54,417 --> 00:40:56,488
like an owl surveying.
Ad she'd make judgments--
845
00:40:56,626 --> 00:41:00,043
like the wise old owl.
846
00:41:00,181 --> 00:41:02,287
She could attack
like an owl, too.
847
00:41:06,498 --> 00:41:08,258
That person who hissed can
848
00:41:08,396 --> 00:41:10,778
either come up on the stage
and do it, or leave.
849
00:41:17,578 --> 00:41:19,407
Judee didn't
play the game very well,
850
00:41:19,546 --> 00:41:22,203
Judee was as rough
around the edges as I am.
851
00:41:22,341 --> 00:41:24,620
She was all pointy elbows.
852
00:41:24,758 --> 00:41:26,242
You know,
neither one of us could--
853
00:41:26,380 --> 00:41:28,140
were very great
at remembering people's names
854
00:41:28,278 --> 00:41:30,833
and absolutely terrible
at kissing ass.
855
00:41:32,282 --> 00:41:34,250
She was absolutely
856
00:41:34,388 --> 00:41:39,117
not going to minimize herself,
857
00:41:39,255 --> 00:41:42,741
you know,
for anybody else's comfort.
858
00:41:44,571 --> 00:41:47,021
It upsets me
to be number two.
859
00:41:47,159 --> 00:41:49,092
To have to open
the show for someone.
860
00:41:49,230 --> 00:41:50,991
You know, I know
it's just a silly thing.
861
00:41:51,129 --> 00:41:52,544
I think it's my fanaticism
862
00:41:52,682 --> 00:41:54,753
coming out in a mundane way,
863
00:41:54,891 --> 00:41:56,375
- you know?
- Yeah.
864
00:41:56,514 --> 00:41:57,929
I get a little
impatient sometimes,
865
00:41:58,067 --> 00:41:59,655
with my progress.
866
00:41:59,793 --> 00:42:01,519
I want to be better, you know.
867
00:42:01,657 --> 00:42:03,486
They're always worried
that my impatience
868
00:42:03,624 --> 00:42:05,281
will blow it for me.
869
00:42:05,419 --> 00:42:07,041
I'm horribly impatient.
870
00:42:08,180 --> 00:42:09,734
She got the same shot
that every other artist
871
00:42:09,872 --> 00:42:11,805
on Asylum Records got,
and of course
872
00:42:11,943 --> 00:42:14,497
most of those people did
succeed in a big way,
873
00:42:14,635 --> 00:42:17,431
so, you know,
if you're not selling
874
00:42:17,569 --> 00:42:19,398
as much as you want to sell,
or as much as
875
00:42:19,537 --> 00:42:21,746
your other label mates
are selling,
876
00:42:21,884 --> 00:42:23,886
that doesn't feel that great.
877
00:42:24,024 --> 00:42:25,197
But it certainly wasn't because
878
00:42:25,335 --> 00:42:26,405
she got less of an effort.
879
00:42:29,167 --> 00:42:30,582
Do you want
to record again right away?
880
00:42:30,720 --> 00:42:32,411
- No.
- No? You wanna wait?
881
00:42:32,550 --> 00:42:33,620
I wanna wait
till I have the album,
882
00:42:33,758 --> 00:42:35,380
then I'll record again,
which won't be
883
00:42:35,518 --> 00:42:37,658
for a while 'cause I only
have about five songs, maybe.
884
00:42:37,796 --> 00:42:39,108
And I go as fast as I can.
885
00:42:39,246 --> 00:42:40,592
I swear, I work 24 hours a day,
886
00:42:40,730 --> 00:42:42,076
thinking about it all the time.
887
00:42:42,214 --> 00:42:43,802
But if I had to write
two albums a year,
888
00:42:43,940 --> 00:42:45,632
I'd have to write shit,
and I don't wanna write shit.
889
00:42:45,770 --> 00:42:47,254
If it takes five years
to make my next album,
890
00:42:47,392 --> 00:42:48,945
that's how long
it's going to take.
891
00:42:49,083 --> 00:42:50,153
They can rush me all they want,
892
00:42:50,291 --> 00:42:51,465
but I'm not gonna rush God.
893
00:42:51,603 --> 00:42:53,743
What an outrage, you know?
894
00:42:53,881 --> 00:42:55,124
Sucking up to the Almighty.
895
00:43:01,475 --> 00:43:03,235
I don't care about
turning lead into gold,
896
00:43:03,373 --> 00:43:05,134
but I do care about turning
my lower animal natures
897
00:43:05,272 --> 00:43:07,343
into the highest thing.
898
00:43:07,481 --> 00:43:09,345
But I keep confirming
my suspicion about that--
899
00:43:09,483 --> 00:43:11,036
that the lower down you go
to get your momentum,
900
00:43:11,174 --> 00:43:14,315
from the higher up, it will
propel you-- that's a fact.
901
00:43:14,453 --> 00:43:16,007
I thought I would take
a different approach
902
00:43:16,145 --> 00:43:18,319
when I wrote this song,
in that most of my songs,
903
00:43:18,457 --> 00:43:19,700
I always try to write 'em
that they will
904
00:43:19,838 --> 00:43:21,840
make people feel better.
905
00:43:21,978 --> 00:43:23,773
But I thought one day
when I was real depressed
906
00:43:23,911 --> 00:43:25,464
that-- you know,
when you're real depressed
907
00:43:25,603 --> 00:43:27,294
and you see everything comes
to nothing-- well, I thought
908
00:43:27,432 --> 00:43:28,916
maybe I'd better take
a different approach
909
00:43:29,054 --> 00:43:31,194
and write a song, instead
of directed at people,
910
00:43:31,332 --> 00:43:33,611
that would somehow
musically induce God
911
00:43:33,749 --> 00:43:35,440
into giving us all a break.
912
00:43:39,133 --> 00:43:42,205
♪ I'll chase 'em to the bottom ♪
913
00:43:42,343 --> 00:43:45,243
♪ Till I've finally caught 'em ♪
914
00:43:45,381 --> 00:43:48,695
♪ Dreams fall deep ♪
915
00:43:48,833 --> 00:43:50,938
So I put these
"Kyrie Eleisons,"
916
00:43:51,076 --> 00:43:53,389
which I found out means
something to the effect of,
917
00:43:53,527 --> 00:43:55,184
"God, give us a break."
918
00:43:55,322 --> 00:43:57,186
And they say it in requiems
when people die,
919
00:43:57,324 --> 00:43:58,428
you know, so that
their soul will be guarded
920
00:43:58,566 --> 00:43:59,809
on the way on, you know.
921
00:44:01,328 --> 00:44:02,363
There's a fugue
in that song also,
922
00:44:02,501 --> 00:44:04,158
and a sixteen-part round.
923
00:44:04,296 --> 00:44:06,333
Also, while all
those voices are saying,
924
00:44:06,471 --> 00:44:09,370
♪ Da da-da-da-da da,
da da da da ♪
925
00:44:09,508 --> 00:44:11,752
The second person comes in with,
926
00:44:11,890 --> 00:44:15,204
♪ Da-da-da-da da-da-da-da,
da-da-da-da da-da-da ♪
927
00:44:15,342 --> 00:44:16,654
And then all throughout,
they're going,
928
00:44:16,792 --> 00:44:19,933
♪ Kyrie Elei... Kyrie Elei... ♪
929
00:44:20,071 --> 00:44:21,486
you know, it goes...
930
00:44:24,040 --> 00:44:26,146
Since that time, I've decided
that I shouldn't get
931
00:44:26,284 --> 00:44:27,388
any more breaks because
I already squandered them
932
00:44:27,526 --> 00:44:28,907
in weird places.
933
00:44:29,045 --> 00:44:30,391
But I'd like to sing
this song for you
934
00:44:30,529 --> 00:44:33,153
and hope that you'll get
a break. "The Donor."
935
00:44:37,019 --> 00:44:42,541
♪ Kyrie, Kyrie ♪
936
00:44:44,233 --> 00:44:49,687
♪ Kyrie, Kyrie ♪
937
00:44:51,550 --> 00:44:57,073
♪ Kyrie, Kyrie ♪
938
00:44:59,524 --> 00:45:02,423
♪ Kyrie, Kyrie ♪
939
00:45:02,561 --> 00:45:05,599
♪ Chase em' to the bottom ♪
940
00:45:05,737 --> 00:45:09,292
♪ Till I've finally caught 'em ♪
941
00:45:09,430 --> 00:45:12,744
♪ Dreams fall deep ♪
942
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:19,440
♪ Where voices come a-chimin' ♪
943
00:45:19,578 --> 00:45:23,824
♪ Moanin', and a-rhymin' ♪
944
00:45:23,962 --> 00:45:26,827
♪ Warnin' me, their words are ♪
945
00:45:26,965 --> 00:45:30,382
♪ Ringin' and a-whinin' ♪
946
00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:35,180
♪ Hear 'em weep ♪
947
00:45:37,838 --> 00:45:43,154
♪ Kyrie Eleison ♪
948
00:45:43,292 --> 00:45:46,813
♪ Eleison, Eleison ♪
949
00:45:46,951 --> 00:45:49,781
♪ Eleison ♪
950
00:45:49,919 --> 00:45:55,822
♪ Kyrie Eleison ♪
951
00:45:55,960 --> 00:45:59,860
She was literally
crying out to God for mercy.
952
00:45:59,998 --> 00:46:02,173
It's like a level of
desperation and vulnerability
953
00:46:02,311 --> 00:46:04,140
that totally transcends
a lot of the real
954
00:46:04,278 --> 00:46:06,177
personal songwriting that
was going on at the time.
955
00:46:06,315 --> 00:46:10,008
It's a completely
spiritual plea.
956
00:46:10,146 --> 00:46:13,563
I mean, what else is there
like it in pop music?
957
00:46:15,669 --> 00:46:16,843
I learned
what not to do this time.
958
00:46:18,465 --> 00:46:20,674
Not let anyone tell me
what to do.
959
00:46:20,812 --> 00:46:22,987
I'm throwing them all
out of the studio
960
00:46:23,125 --> 00:46:24,402
and taking
a little conductor's wand
961
00:46:24,540 --> 00:46:26,300
and rapping everyone's
knuckles, get out.
962
00:46:27,474 --> 00:46:29,165
That way I won't have
to feel bad if I hear
963
00:46:29,303 --> 00:46:30,477
something that someone put
their own notes in.
964
00:46:30,615 --> 00:46:32,341
You know,
there'll be none of that.
965
00:46:32,479 --> 00:46:34,205
She was conducting
her own orchestra,
966
00:46:34,343 --> 00:46:36,000
that's... that's
pretty impressive.
967
00:46:36,138 --> 00:46:38,519
You know? I don't know
a lot of singer-songwriters
968
00:46:38,657 --> 00:46:40,521
that were able to do that.
969
00:46:40,659 --> 00:46:42,144
And she was
listening to the playback
970
00:46:42,282 --> 00:46:44,146
with a big, giant set
of headphones on
971
00:46:44,284 --> 00:46:46,148
that were too big for her,
and her eyes closed,
972
00:46:46,286 --> 00:46:48,426
with the baton she bought.
973
00:46:48,564 --> 00:46:51,222
That was Judee, I mean,
she had to have it, you know.
974
00:46:51,360 --> 00:46:52,671
"If I'm gonna conduct,
I'm gonna have
975
00:46:52,810 --> 00:46:55,536
a fucking baton, okay?"
Ha, ha, okay, dear.
976
00:47:04,891 --> 00:47:06,409
She was
growing and evolving
977
00:47:06,547 --> 00:47:08,411
with her orchestrations,
and the basic parts of them
978
00:47:08,549 --> 00:47:10,758
that you can't teach
were really good.
979
00:47:10,897 --> 00:47:14,210
Her own talents blossomed
in the studio.
980
00:47:14,348 --> 00:47:16,178
She just was really
gifted in that way.
981
00:47:16,316 --> 00:47:18,249
So her second album was
just remarkable.
982
00:47:19,837 --> 00:47:21,942
"JUDEE":
I'm here in the studio now.
983
00:47:22,080 --> 00:47:24,738
Louie Shelton is putting on
his guitar part on "Soldier."
984
00:47:24,876 --> 00:47:26,602
It's good!
985
00:47:26,740 --> 00:47:28,466
"The Donor" is dynamite.
986
00:47:28,604 --> 00:47:30,917
Album cover looks good.
987
00:47:31,055 --> 00:47:33,022
I still want to be
the greatest songwriter
988
00:47:33,160 --> 00:47:34,990
in the world
because the aim gives me
989
00:47:35,128 --> 00:47:36,888
something to strive for.
990
00:47:37,026 --> 00:47:38,545
I'm happy if there's some hope
991
00:47:38,683 --> 00:47:40,064
of reaching a high place.
992
00:47:41,928 --> 00:47:43,653
I was
working in Baskin Robbins
993
00:47:43,791 --> 00:47:46,035
in Carbondale, Illinois,
994
00:47:46,173 --> 00:47:48,727
so I must have been
15 years old.
995
00:47:48,866 --> 00:47:50,798
"There's a Rugged Road" came on,
996
00:47:50,937 --> 00:47:54,043
and I was pulled in immediately.
997
00:47:54,181 --> 00:47:55,458
And then when the chorus came in
998
00:47:55,596 --> 00:47:57,736
and those harmonies came in,
999
00:47:57,875 --> 00:48:00,912
I'm like, "Who..."
"...is this?"
1000
00:48:04,053 --> 00:48:07,263
♪ Roll on, roll on, roll on ♪
1001
00:48:07,401 --> 00:48:09,058
♪ Night birds are flyin' ♪
1002
00:48:09,196 --> 00:48:12,130
♪ Come on, the light is gone ♪
1003
00:48:12,268 --> 00:48:14,236
♪ Hope's slowly dyin' ♪
1004
00:48:14,374 --> 00:48:18,447
♪ Tell me how you come
ridin' through ♪
1005
00:48:18,585 --> 00:48:22,796
♪ Still surveyin'
the miles yet to run ♪
1006
00:48:22,934 --> 00:48:27,490
♪ On the long and lonely road
to kingdom come ♪
1007
00:48:34,083 --> 00:48:35,291
Oh, yes,
I've been wanting to do
1008
00:48:35,429 --> 00:48:36,603
this little song here
that I just wrote
1009
00:48:36,741 --> 00:48:38,329
seven days ago, eight days ago,
1010
00:48:38,467 --> 00:48:40,469
and it's called "The Kiss."
1011
00:48:40,607 --> 00:48:43,230
And I can't decide
if this is a romantic song
1012
00:48:43,368 --> 00:48:45,094
or a holy song,
but whatever it is,
1013
00:48:45,232 --> 00:48:46,854
it stands
for that brief communion
1014
00:48:46,993 --> 00:48:49,133
of a kiss, you know.
Whether it's actually a kiss
1015
00:48:49,271 --> 00:48:50,858
or whether it's just a moment
1016
00:48:50,997 --> 00:48:52,930
that is locked in,
you know, I don't know.
1017
00:48:54,138 --> 00:48:56,381
Uh... I hope you like it.
1018
00:49:07,910 --> 00:49:10,982
"The Kiss" was
my introduction to Judee Sill,
1019
00:49:11,120 --> 00:49:14,503
and I thought,
"I need to learn that song."
1020
00:49:14,641 --> 00:49:16,884
It's been very rare that
1021
00:49:17,023 --> 00:49:19,887
I've been moved
in the moment, on the spot.
1022
00:49:20,026 --> 00:49:22,511
"I just want to feel
this song in a deeper way."
1023
00:49:24,651 --> 00:49:26,204
There's
just so much movement
1024
00:49:26,342 --> 00:49:27,999
in the song itself.
1025
00:49:28,137 --> 00:49:30,001
It goes through
so many movements
1026
00:49:30,139 --> 00:49:31,692
like an opera, almost.
Like the melody is
1027
00:49:31,830 --> 00:49:34,074
often the 9th
or the 11th or the 13th,
1028
00:49:34,212 --> 00:49:35,765
and she'll modulate keys
to the major third,
1029
00:49:35,903 --> 00:49:38,320
and then she's substituting
chords all over the place.
1030
00:49:38,458 --> 00:49:41,081
It's amazing.
It's another artifact
1031
00:49:41,219 --> 00:49:43,670
of her pursuit to try
to remove the threshold
1032
00:49:43,808 --> 00:49:45,499
between the human experience
1033
00:49:45,637 --> 00:49:48,778
and some kind of
universal force.
1034
00:49:48,916 --> 00:49:50,815
She used the term "kiss" a lot
1035
00:49:50,953 --> 00:49:53,335
in describing God's grace.
1036
00:49:53,473 --> 00:49:57,373
It's almost like
a sensual experience with God.
1037
00:49:57,511 --> 00:49:59,997
It becomes slightly sexualized.
1038
00:50:00,135 --> 00:50:02,896
She kind of wanted
the two things to merge,
1039
00:50:03,034 --> 00:50:05,450
you know, the love
of two humans together
1040
00:50:05,588 --> 00:50:07,590
and the love
between a spiritual god.
1041
00:50:07,728 --> 00:50:10,524
I had never
heard a song about that.
1042
00:50:10,662 --> 00:50:14,011
It just felt like something
that I could listen to
1043
00:50:14,149 --> 00:50:18,429
throughout my whole life
and continuously uncover
1044
00:50:18,567 --> 00:50:21,156
more and more meaning,
like, it just seemed
1045
00:50:21,294 --> 00:50:24,228
like a bottomless well.
1046
00:50:24,366 --> 00:50:26,851
Like a life-giving song,
like medicine.
1047
00:50:33,892 --> 00:50:36,309
♪ Love... ♪
1048
00:50:36,447 --> 00:50:41,245
♪ Rising from the mists ♪
1049
00:50:41,383 --> 00:50:43,937
♪ Promise me ♪
1050
00:50:44,075 --> 00:50:47,458
♪ This and only this ♪
1051
00:50:47,596 --> 00:50:49,598
♪ Holy breath ♪
1052
00:50:49,736 --> 00:50:52,187
♪ Touching me ♪
1053
00:50:52,325 --> 00:50:56,881
♪ Like a windsong ♪
1054
00:50:58,779 --> 00:51:01,265
♪ Sweet communion ♪
1055
00:51:01,403 --> 00:51:03,922
♪ Of a kiss ♪
1056
00:51:07,064 --> 00:51:10,067
♪ Sun ♪
1057
00:51:10,205 --> 00:51:15,555
♪ Sifting through the grey ♪
1058
00:51:15,693 --> 00:51:19,076
♪ Enter it ♪
1059
00:51:19,214 --> 00:51:21,940
♪ Reach me with a ray ♪
1060
00:51:22,079 --> 00:51:27,014
♪ Silently swooping down ♪
1061
00:51:27,153 --> 00:51:33,952
♪ Just to show me ♪
1062
00:51:34,091 --> 00:51:39,786
♪ How to give my heart away ♪
1063
00:51:42,892 --> 00:51:46,827
♪ Once a crystal choir
appeared ♪
1064
00:51:46,965 --> 00:51:51,246
♪ While I was sleeping
and called my name ♪
1065
00:51:51,384 --> 00:51:55,181
♪ And when they came down ♪
1066
00:51:55,319 --> 00:51:57,286
♪ Nearer ♪
1067
00:51:57,424 --> 00:52:03,154
♪ Saying dying is done ♪
1068
00:52:03,292 --> 00:52:08,573
♪ Then a new song was sung ♪
1069
00:52:08,711 --> 00:52:11,542
♪ Until somewhere ♪
1070
00:52:11,680 --> 00:52:17,479
♪ We breathed as one ♪
1071
00:52:20,413 --> 00:52:22,691
♪ Ahhh ♪
She would crescendo things
1072
00:52:22,829 --> 00:52:24,555
with this double vocal--
1073
00:52:24,693 --> 00:52:28,697
♪ Sweet communion of a... ♪
1074
00:52:28,835 --> 00:52:31,355
There just wasn't
1075
00:52:31,493 --> 00:52:33,564
and won't be anybody
that writes like that.
1076
00:52:33,702 --> 00:52:36,532
I've never heard anything
that's made me go,
1077
00:52:36,670 --> 00:52:39,052
"Oh, that sounds like
Judee Sill." Never.
1078
00:52:39,190 --> 00:52:41,710
♪ Lately sparkling hosts ♪
1079
00:52:41,848 --> 00:52:43,988
♪ Come fill my dreams ♪
1080
00:52:44,126 --> 00:52:48,026
♪ Descending on fiery beams ♪
1081
00:52:48,165 --> 00:52:49,821
♪ I've seen 'em ♪
1082
00:52:49,959 --> 00:52:54,688
♪ Come clear down ♪
1083
00:52:54,826 --> 00:52:59,210
♪ Where our poor bodies lay ♪
1084
00:53:00,729 --> 00:53:05,216
♪ Soothe us gently and say ♪
1085
00:53:06,873 --> 00:53:08,392
♪ Gonna wash ♪
1086
00:53:08,530 --> 00:53:12,534
♪ All our tears ♪
1087
00:53:12,672 --> 00:53:14,639
♪ Away ♪
1088
00:53:14,777 --> 00:53:19,541
♪ And still I hear
their whisper? ♪
1089
00:53:19,679 --> 00:53:22,060
♪ Love ♪
1090
00:53:22,199 --> 00:53:26,893
♪ Rising from the mists ♪
1091
00:53:27,031 --> 00:53:30,621
♪ Promise me ♪
1092
00:53:30,759 --> 00:53:33,555
♪ This and only this ♪
1093
00:53:33,693 --> 00:53:38,491
♪ Holy breath touching me ♪
1094
00:53:38,629 --> 00:53:44,876
♪ Like a wind song ♪
1095
00:53:45,014 --> 00:53:48,121
♪ Sweet communion ♪
1096
00:53:48,259 --> 00:53:51,607
♪ Of a kiss ♪
1097
00:53:59,236 --> 00:54:02,066
When she made
the second album,
1098
00:54:02,204 --> 00:54:03,930
she was thrilled.
1099
00:54:04,068 --> 00:54:05,690
She was sure
it was going to give her
1100
00:54:05,828 --> 00:54:08,245
the kind of success
that she so craved.
1101
00:54:09,315 --> 00:54:11,178
She thought,
"This is really good stuff."
1102
00:54:11,317 --> 00:54:13,284
And it was
really good stuff, and...
1103
00:54:13,422 --> 00:54:15,286
David Geffen knew it,
and I knew it,
1104
00:54:15,424 --> 00:54:17,254
and a few other people
knew it, and we thought,
1105
00:54:17,392 --> 00:54:19,290
"Yeah, that... should do well."
1106
00:54:21,154 --> 00:54:23,121
I... was wondering
how it was going to do well,
1107
00:54:23,260 --> 00:54:26,849
'cause it was so not
what anyone else was doing.
1108
00:54:26,987 --> 00:54:28,506
But it was just so damn good.
1109
00:54:28,644 --> 00:54:29,852
I always think something that's
1110
00:54:29,990 --> 00:54:31,371
really good is going to make it.
1111
00:54:34,581 --> 00:54:35,651
I've had
a great time, people are
1112
00:54:35,789 --> 00:54:37,101
real nice over here.
1113
00:54:37,239 --> 00:54:38,447
The general public seems like
1114
00:54:38,585 --> 00:54:39,793
they're a little more sensitive
1115
00:54:39,931 --> 00:54:41,347
to the kind of music
that I think of.
1116
00:54:41,485 --> 00:54:43,728
More than in the States,
seems like.
1117
00:54:43,866 --> 00:54:45,351
In America, the young people,
1118
00:54:45,489 --> 00:54:47,042
when they go
to hear a rock group,
1119
00:54:47,180 --> 00:54:50,942
seems like they are set
on having the music
1120
00:54:51,080 --> 00:54:53,151
excite certain levels.
1121
00:54:53,290 --> 00:54:55,499
They don't wanna have any
ethereal music, you know?
1122
00:54:55,637 --> 00:54:57,880
They wanna... boogie
in the lower levels.
1123
00:54:58,018 --> 00:54:59,606
They don't want to boogie
in the higher levels,
1124
00:54:59,744 --> 00:55:01,470
you know? It's hard to
combine those two things.
1125
00:55:01,608 --> 00:55:03,369
Hmm.
1126
00:55:03,507 --> 00:55:05,750
♪ I'm tired of hangin' on ♪
1127
00:55:05,888 --> 00:55:08,822
♪ Waiting for a showdown ♪
1128
00:55:08,960 --> 00:55:11,066
♪ Don't you see,
I gotta ride 'em out ♪
1129
00:55:11,204 --> 00:55:14,828
♪ 'Cause the pearl's
just 'round the bend ♪
1130
00:55:14,966 --> 00:55:17,314
♪ Beautiful pearl ♪
1131
00:55:17,452 --> 00:55:20,731
♪ When will you reappear? ♪
1132
00:55:20,869 --> 00:55:24,838
♪ Mysteries unfurl
and become so clear ♪
1133
00:55:24,976 --> 00:55:29,222
♪ When I feel you near ♪
1134
00:55:29,360 --> 00:55:31,811
♪ When my backyard weeds
grew high, I hoped ♪
1135
00:55:31,949 --> 00:55:34,848
♪ That they would hide me ♪
1136
00:55:34,986 --> 00:55:36,747
♪ But I felt
that the pearl was near ♪
1137
00:55:36,885 --> 00:55:41,510
♪ 'Cause I thought
I saw it shine ♪
1138
00:55:41,648 --> 00:55:43,409
♪ I was lookin' all around ♪
1139
00:55:43,547 --> 00:55:46,688
♪ When I felt it there
inside me ♪
1140
00:55:46,826 --> 00:55:49,104
♪ And I see a possibility ♪
1141
00:55:49,242 --> 00:55:53,695
♪ That it's been there
all the time ♪
1142
00:55:53,833 --> 00:55:55,559
♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo ♪
1143
00:55:55,697 --> 00:55:59,010
♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo
doo-doo-doo... ♪
1144
00:56:04,878 --> 00:56:07,571
I never saw
anything happen sales-wise.
1145
00:56:07,709 --> 00:56:09,193
Where The Eagles
and Jackson Browne
1146
00:56:09,331 --> 00:56:11,989
kind of took off, and there was
1147
00:56:12,127 --> 00:56:13,956
very little promotional material
1148
00:56:14,094 --> 00:56:15,889
to work with on Judee.
1149
00:56:16,027 --> 00:56:17,546
I can only go in
with so many albums
1150
00:56:17,684 --> 00:56:19,652
to promote
to a producer at a time.
1151
00:56:19,790 --> 00:56:23,552
So basically a few of them
got lost in the shuffle,
1152
00:56:23,690 --> 00:56:25,382
and unfortunately
Judee got lost.
1153
00:56:27,211 --> 00:56:28,971
She was very disappointed
1154
00:56:29,109 --> 00:56:32,216
in the lack of response
to her records.
1155
00:56:32,354 --> 00:56:34,252
Some of it has got to be
the topic of the songs.
1156
00:56:34,391 --> 00:56:35,944
How many people were
interested in songs
1157
00:56:36,082 --> 00:56:39,465
about a mystical Christ
in 1972 and '73?
1158
00:56:39,603 --> 00:56:42,191
Coming from someone
with that very strange voice
1159
00:56:42,329 --> 00:56:44,159
and strange combination
of influences,
1160
00:56:44,297 --> 00:56:46,092
records that had
all the Bach progressions,
1161
00:56:46,230 --> 00:56:47,680
with these big string charts
1162
00:56:47,818 --> 00:56:50,165
and sort of Sons of the Pioneers
1163
00:56:50,303 --> 00:56:52,443
steel guitar and...
1164
00:56:52,581 --> 00:56:54,928
you know,
coconut shell hoof beats,
1165
00:56:55,066 --> 00:56:57,655
and... it's a real strange
mélange of sound to put
1166
00:56:57,793 --> 00:56:59,105
on a singer-songwriter record.
1167
00:56:59,243 --> 00:57:00,451
That's not what was happening.
1168
00:57:00,589 --> 00:57:02,419
Jackson Browne was
what was happening.
1169
00:57:02,557 --> 00:57:04,110
It wasn't in a category,
1170
00:57:04,248 --> 00:57:06,043
it wasn't in a niche,
it was an original.
1171
00:57:06,181 --> 00:57:07,769
So, how to promote her,
1172
00:57:07,907 --> 00:57:09,460
I wouldn't have known
how to promote her.
1173
00:57:09,598 --> 00:57:11,773
Somehow Joni Mitchell
got through.
1174
00:57:11,911 --> 00:57:14,361
She had to deal
with so much rejection,
1175
00:57:14,500 --> 00:57:17,710
being so different,
being so singular
1176
00:57:17,848 --> 00:57:21,783
and not being
as physically attractive.
1177
00:57:21,921 --> 00:57:23,992
And I think that
being that singular
1178
00:57:24,130 --> 00:57:26,650
and that different
but not looking beautiful,
1179
00:57:26,788 --> 00:57:29,687
in the '70s,
was probably really hard.
1180
00:57:29,825 --> 00:57:31,862
It's the music business.
So it's show biz.
1181
00:57:32,000 --> 00:57:33,864
And it was in the '70s in LA.
1182
00:57:34,002 --> 00:57:35,693
I'm sure there was
a lot of pressure on her
1183
00:57:35,831 --> 00:57:38,247
to look a certain way
and to maybe act a certain way
1184
00:57:38,385 --> 00:57:39,732
or be with certain people.
1185
00:57:39,870 --> 00:57:41,319
She's probably like
"Hey, I'm doing something
1186
00:57:41,458 --> 00:57:42,873
"with all my heart here.
1187
00:57:43,011 --> 00:57:44,806
"These songs contain,
1188
00:57:44,944 --> 00:57:47,671
like, my truest essence.
Are they not enough?"
1189
00:57:47,809 --> 00:57:49,431
When all that support is pulled,
1190
00:57:49,569 --> 00:57:51,191
and when you feel that,
it's like, okay,
1191
00:57:51,329 --> 00:57:53,055
all this abandonment is
happening again,
1192
00:57:53,193 --> 00:57:54,505
like, what am I worth?
1193
00:57:57,094 --> 00:57:59,130
I think she thought
she was misunderstood.
1194
00:58:00,269 --> 00:58:01,892
At some point we all question
any talent we've got
1195
00:58:02,030 --> 00:58:03,410
and think we suck.
1196
00:58:03,549 --> 00:58:04,826
I'm sure she went
through plenty of that,
1197
00:58:04,964 --> 00:58:05,930
or she wouldn't be an artist.
1198
00:58:07,484 --> 00:58:08,554
Did she know
how great she was?
1199
00:58:08,692 --> 00:58:10,383
Yeah, oh, yes!
1200
00:58:10,521 --> 00:58:11,729
Yeah.
1201
00:58:14,180 --> 00:58:15,768
Yeah, I think that's
part of the bitterness
1202
00:58:15,906 --> 00:58:18,322
was that she did know
how great she was.
1203
00:58:19,910 --> 00:58:22,878
And to really not
even get enough back
1204
00:58:23,016 --> 00:58:25,502
to barely be able to tour
and make a living
1205
00:58:25,640 --> 00:58:27,158
was pretty tough
for her to swallow.
1206
00:58:27,296 --> 00:58:28,815
That is more likely
1207
00:58:28,953 --> 00:58:30,645
what happened with David Geffen.
1208
00:58:30,783 --> 00:58:32,716
- It is.
- In her mind,
1209
00:58:32,854 --> 00:58:34,303
it was easier to...
1210
00:58:34,441 --> 00:58:35,546
Think it was his fault.
1211
00:58:36,892 --> 00:58:38,998
She felt
that David wasn't
1212
00:58:39,136 --> 00:58:41,000
giving her all the attention.
1213
00:58:41,138 --> 00:58:42,726
It was all going
to Joni Mitchell
1214
00:58:42,864 --> 00:58:45,694
and to the rest of
his people that were signed.
1215
00:58:45,832 --> 00:58:46,902
And so she was kind of getting
1216
00:58:47,040 --> 00:58:48,455
a little angry about that.
1217
00:58:48,594 --> 00:58:52,080
And I think she, um,
kind of blew it.
1218
00:58:52,218 --> 00:58:54,772
She badmouthed Geffen on stage,
1219
00:58:54,910 --> 00:58:56,256
was the story I heard.
1220
00:58:56,394 --> 00:58:57,534
I don't know, I wasn't there.
1221
00:58:57,672 --> 00:59:00,019
I had heard she had
made some remark
1222
00:59:00,157 --> 00:59:02,677
about David Geffen's pink shoes.
1223
00:59:02,815 --> 00:59:06,370
Judee told me
she called him a fat fag.
1224
00:59:06,508 --> 00:59:08,337
On stage.
1225
00:59:08,475 --> 00:59:09,925
And all of a sudden,
1226
00:59:10,063 --> 00:59:12,065
she didn't have a deal anymore.
1227
00:59:14,102 --> 00:59:15,793
She couldn't believe it.
1228
00:59:15,931 --> 00:59:17,933
She went over
to his house many times,
1229
00:59:18,071 --> 00:59:19,797
and he wouldn't answer the door.
1230
00:59:19,935 --> 00:59:24,284
And so she was very,
very put down about that.
1231
00:59:24,422 --> 00:59:27,253
I can't imagine
that Geffen would cut Judee
1232
00:59:27,391 --> 00:59:29,566
based on it not being a success.
1233
00:59:29,704 --> 00:59:32,569
That wasn't what that label
was like in those days.
1234
00:59:32,707 --> 00:59:34,467
He didn't have
much patience for people
1235
00:59:34,605 --> 00:59:36,089
if they were disloyal.
1236
00:59:36,227 --> 00:59:38,402
I have seen
that side of Judee,
1237
00:59:38,540 --> 00:59:40,300
and I have seen
that side of David.
1238
00:59:40,438 --> 00:59:42,268
You know, when you own
a record company,
1239
00:59:42,406 --> 00:59:44,097
and somebody pisses you off...
1240
00:59:45,236 --> 00:59:46,341
it's your label.
1241
00:59:48,412 --> 00:59:50,932
Judee had a splendid gift.
1242
00:59:51,070 --> 00:59:55,005
She also was,
unfortunately, vindictive.
1243
00:59:55,143 --> 00:59:57,455
And so when
she perceived a slight,
1244
00:59:57,594 --> 00:59:58,974
she would go on the warpath,
1245
00:59:59,112 --> 01:00:00,493
as she did with David Geffen.
1246
01:00:00,631 --> 01:00:01,874
And she went to battle
with him, and...
1247
01:00:03,116 --> 01:00:05,153
she lost.
1248
01:00:05,291 --> 01:00:06,464
The things
that some people have said
1249
01:00:06,603 --> 01:00:07,983
about her calling you
1250
01:00:08,121 --> 01:00:10,917
a derogatory name on a stage...
1251
01:00:11,055 --> 01:00:12,470
that doesn't ring true?
1252
01:00:12,609 --> 01:00:14,058
I-- absolutely not.
1253
01:00:15,819 --> 01:00:18,476
I've also read
1254
01:00:18,615 --> 01:00:20,651
and heard people say that
she camped out on your lawn
1255
01:00:20,789 --> 01:00:22,791
trying to apologize to you.
1256
01:00:22,929 --> 01:00:25,242
This is made-up stuff,
it's just not true.
1257
01:00:25,380 --> 01:00:26,864
You know, she was
dropped from the label
1258
01:00:27,002 --> 01:00:28,625
long after I was gone.
1259
01:00:28,763 --> 01:00:29,695
I didn't have a lawn,
by the way.
1260
01:00:31,800 --> 01:00:34,631
All Judee ever got from me
was acceptance...
1261
01:00:34,769 --> 01:00:36,874
support.
1262
01:00:37,012 --> 01:00:38,773
There is no way
to explain these things.
1263
01:00:42,190 --> 01:00:44,364
The audience...
1264
01:00:44,502 --> 01:00:46,021
loves what the audience loves.
1265
01:00:48,541 --> 01:00:50,923
There wasn't
anybody out to get her.
1266
01:00:51,061 --> 01:00:53,891
She just didn't deliver
the goods that would have
1267
01:00:54,029 --> 01:00:55,962
resonated in that culture
at that time.
1268
01:00:57,205 --> 01:00:58,482
It's a shame.
1269
01:01:01,140 --> 01:01:02,589
There are
so many musicians
1270
01:01:02,728 --> 01:01:07,008
who are way more talented
than I'll ever be.
1271
01:01:07,146 --> 01:01:09,631
And I often wonder,
you know, "Why...
1272
01:01:09,769 --> 01:01:12,013
Why not them and why me?"
1273
01:01:12,151 --> 01:01:13,980
You know? I have a feeling that
1274
01:01:14,118 --> 01:01:16,017
the darker side
of Judee's life was
1275
01:01:16,155 --> 01:01:17,950
what stopped her
1276
01:01:18,088 --> 01:01:21,091
going to whatever
the next level was.
1277
01:01:23,438 --> 01:01:26,303
"JUDEE": I've been hanging out
in the most decadent scene.
1278
01:01:26,441 --> 01:01:30,203
Cocaine, Percodan,
grass to oblivion.
1279
01:01:30,341 --> 01:01:33,068
Last night,
first two shows were great.
1280
01:01:33,206 --> 01:01:34,725
Then I was hanging out
on a break
1281
01:01:34,863 --> 01:01:36,485
with Franken and Davis.
1282
01:01:36,623 --> 01:01:38,246
I'd given them codeine earlier.
1283
01:01:38,384 --> 01:01:40,627
We smoked some Colombian grass.
1284
01:01:40,766 --> 01:01:43,700
I was so bombed I blew
the third show completely.
1285
01:01:43,838 --> 01:01:46,323
It was terrible,
but funny after all.
1286
01:01:48,428 --> 01:01:51,604
I woke up this morning,
knowing I should be alone.
1287
01:01:51,742 --> 01:01:53,779
You know when I'm really
happy, don't you?
1288
01:01:53,917 --> 01:01:56,264
When I'm clearly
and singularly feeling
1289
01:01:56,402 --> 01:01:58,611
the bond with God.
1290
01:01:58,749 --> 01:02:01,303
Let's get right again.
I should practice.
1291
01:02:01,441 --> 01:02:03,581
I must write a new song as well.
1292
01:02:03,720 --> 01:02:06,101
New song, new view.
1293
01:02:08,241 --> 01:02:11,624
I think she genuinely
wanted to be a better person.
1294
01:02:11,762 --> 01:02:14,903
She was interested
in Rosicrucianism,
1295
01:02:15,041 --> 01:02:16,215
and she thought that
that might be a path
1296
01:02:16,353 --> 01:02:17,941
to helping her.
1297
01:02:18,079 --> 01:02:20,150
I think she wanted
to have the drugs
1298
01:02:20,288 --> 01:02:22,911
and be a good person, you know?
1299
01:02:23,049 --> 01:02:24,464
But it wasn't gonna
work like that,
1300
01:02:24,602 --> 01:02:26,466
bless her heart.
1301
01:02:26,604 --> 01:02:27,674
The Church of the Heart,
1302
01:02:27,813 --> 01:02:29,607
that's not a bad church.
1303
01:02:29,746 --> 01:02:31,092
No price, you don't have
to put any money
1304
01:02:31,230 --> 01:02:32,196
in the collection plate,
you can go any time
1305
01:02:32,334 --> 01:02:33,819
you want, day or night.
1306
01:02:33,957 --> 01:02:36,925
She just had
her own unique visions
1307
01:02:37,063 --> 01:02:40,826
of... of God and spirituality.
1308
01:02:42,103 --> 01:02:45,451
And they also were
very tied up with sexuality.
1309
01:02:45,589 --> 01:02:48,454
So you sort of didn't know
which was which.
1310
01:02:48,592 --> 01:02:50,145
The two were fused for her.
1311
01:02:50,283 --> 01:02:53,942
She was looking for salvation
and a romantic union.
1312
01:02:54,080 --> 01:02:56,393
And I think that she was
also seeking salvation
1313
01:02:56,531 --> 01:02:58,360
through God, and she had the two
1314
01:02:58,498 --> 01:03:00,673
kind of melded together
in a way.
1315
01:03:00,811 --> 01:03:03,124
She had
this image that appeared
1316
01:03:03,262 --> 01:03:05,609
in different guises
in many of her songs.
1317
01:03:05,816 --> 01:03:07,093
This loner,
1318
01:03:07,231 --> 01:03:09,820
sort of unattainable person.
1319
01:03:09,958 --> 01:03:12,754
And there was not much
of a boundary
1320
01:03:12,892 --> 01:03:15,136
between that being Jesus
1321
01:03:15,274 --> 01:03:17,794
and that being the man
that she was after.
1322
01:03:21,073 --> 01:03:22,660
I had a sense
that there was
1323
01:03:22,799 --> 01:03:25,249
a Svengali-like figure
in her life,
1324
01:03:25,387 --> 01:03:27,873
giving her all the wrong advice.
1325
01:03:28,011 --> 01:03:30,220
But she was...
1326
01:03:30,358 --> 01:03:31,877
enraptured by it.
1327
01:03:35,501 --> 01:03:38,297
She says
"Hey, I got a new boyfriend.
1328
01:03:38,435 --> 01:03:40,471
David Bearden,
can I bring him over?"
1329
01:03:40,609 --> 01:03:41,783
And I said,
"Sure, bring him over."
1330
01:03:41,921 --> 01:03:43,889
He played some harmonica.
He was okay.
1331
01:03:44,027 --> 01:03:45,925
He was-- He was a decent person,
1332
01:03:46,063 --> 01:03:47,616
but he was, like, a--
you know, a different--
1333
01:03:48,963 --> 01:03:51,241
uh, just a different, um...
1334
01:03:51,379 --> 01:03:53,450
he was more like a... a cowboy.
1335
01:03:55,693 --> 01:03:57,385
"JUDEE": David has
developed a new persona.
1336
01:03:59,007 --> 01:04:01,009
It's sensitive and fine,
and it grabs me
1337
01:04:01,147 --> 01:04:02,839
and makes me
helplessly surrender.
1338
01:04:03,840 --> 01:04:05,186
I had
a sense of foreboding
1339
01:04:05,324 --> 01:04:10,570
because she seemed
to have given up
1340
01:04:10,708 --> 01:04:13,021
her individuality
1341
01:04:13,159 --> 01:04:16,024
to his influence,
to his presence.
1342
01:04:19,062 --> 01:04:20,822
"JUDEE": My consciousness
has sure changed
1343
01:04:20,960 --> 01:04:23,066
since I've been with David.
1344
01:04:23,204 --> 01:04:25,620
Please, let me be worthy
of David's love.
1345
01:04:25,758 --> 01:04:27,864
Please, please let us grow
from this purging.
1346
01:04:29,796 --> 01:04:32,627
I have nothing to offer
except my love for you.
1347
01:04:35,768 --> 01:04:39,323
What the fuck happened?
My soul is in jeopardy.
1348
01:04:39,461 --> 01:04:40,773
David thinks I'm a cold killer.
1349
01:04:40,911 --> 01:04:42,257
I'm crazy and everything
I think, I doubt.
1350
01:04:42,395 --> 01:04:44,777
Our love, what happened?
He says he's coming back
1351
01:04:44,915 --> 01:04:46,434
tonight or tomorrow
to make a stand with me
1352
01:04:46,572 --> 01:04:48,229
to show how much he loves me.
Oh, thank the Lord.
1353
01:04:48,367 --> 01:04:50,058
It got better, and then crasho,
1354
01:04:50,196 --> 01:04:51,611
he dropped the big one again.
1355
01:04:51,749 --> 01:04:53,544
He called me a whore,
swinger, hippie superstar.
1356
01:04:53,682 --> 01:04:54,856
I hit him in the face.
I'm broken.
1357
01:04:54,994 --> 01:04:56,340
A wretched piece of filth.
1358
01:04:56,478 --> 01:04:58,515
I'm fucked.
David pukes over my past.
1359
01:04:58,653 --> 01:05:00,758
Dust filled my mouth.
David, could you please
1360
01:05:00,897 --> 01:05:03,451
come and take care of me,
protect me from all harm?
1361
01:05:03,589 --> 01:05:06,972
I'm in such bad trouble.
You've changed me so much.
1362
01:05:07,110 --> 01:05:08,559
Is there any hope for me?
1363
01:05:11,562 --> 01:05:14,289
Dear David, you're right,
1364
01:05:14,427 --> 01:05:16,809
I'm too hideous to love.
1365
01:05:16,947 --> 01:05:18,328
I see that I'm either
the worst thing
1366
01:05:18,466 --> 01:05:20,088
that ever lived,
or if I somehow get
1367
01:05:20,226 --> 01:05:22,815
through this, I'll be a saint.
1368
01:05:22,953 --> 01:05:25,162
I prayed most fervently
to be allowed
1369
01:05:25,300 --> 01:05:28,545
to be punished for real
and be cast into the flames.
1370
01:05:28,683 --> 01:05:31,203
Me, the black widow killer,
who kills Christ,
1371
01:05:31,341 --> 01:05:33,377
is Satan, is the beast,
1372
01:05:33,515 --> 01:05:35,345
is all evil rolled into one.
1373
01:05:36,794 --> 01:05:39,038
Today, I looked into my eyes
in the rearview mirror,
1374
01:05:39,176 --> 01:05:41,351
and I saw you looking at me.
1375
01:05:41,489 --> 01:05:44,009
I don't want anything but you.
1376
01:05:44,147 --> 01:05:45,734
I'm yours forever,
1377
01:05:45,872 --> 01:05:47,046
whether you want me or not.
1378
01:05:57,194 --> 01:05:59,438
Things could have
really opened up for her...
1379
01:06:02,096 --> 01:06:04,270
but things went
the way that they did.
1380
01:06:08,067 --> 01:06:12,244
Her injuries, of course,
were catastrophic.
1381
01:06:12,382 --> 01:06:14,349
Well,
those of you who don't know,
1382
01:06:14,487 --> 01:06:17,318
Judee Sill was scheduled to
do this appearance tonight,
1383
01:06:17,456 --> 01:06:20,528
but a series of auto accidents
1384
01:06:20,666 --> 01:06:22,668
and her neck being
in traction prevented her
1385
01:06:22,806 --> 01:06:24,981
from sitting up here
and singing her lovely songs.
1386
01:06:26,430 --> 01:06:27,811
So she called me up and asked me
1387
01:06:27,949 --> 01:06:29,916
if I would do it.
And I immediately agreed.
1388
01:06:31,470 --> 01:06:33,955
So, as a tribute to her
and for her,
1389
01:06:34,093 --> 01:06:35,992
if we can all possibly say
a little silent prayer,
1390
01:06:36,130 --> 01:06:37,372
'cause she's in a little pain.
1391
01:06:37,510 --> 01:06:39,719
And I'm gonna sing
a song of hers
1392
01:06:39,857 --> 01:06:42,722
that's one of my favorites,
called "The Vigilante."
1393
01:06:42,860 --> 01:06:45,311
And we'll start it now.
1394
01:06:45,449 --> 01:06:47,244
Oh, great, a "Vigilante" fan.
1395
01:06:50,523 --> 01:06:52,525
She got
in the wreck in my car.
1396
01:06:52,663 --> 01:06:54,700
You know, I loaned her
my Volkswagen Beetle
1397
01:06:54,838 --> 01:06:56,357
when I went on the road,
and she got hit from the side,
1398
01:06:56,495 --> 01:06:59,222
and it reactivated
an old back injury
1399
01:06:59,360 --> 01:07:01,741
which, uh...
1400
01:07:01,879 --> 01:07:03,467
put her back
on pain pills again.
1401
01:07:03,605 --> 01:07:04,917
I know that
the first accident was
1402
01:07:05,055 --> 01:07:07,471
an auto accident,
and I've been told that
1403
01:07:07,609 --> 01:07:10,129
a boyfriend pushed her
down the stairs.
1404
01:07:10,267 --> 01:07:12,062
The stairs involved
David Bearden.
1405
01:07:13,546 --> 01:07:15,031
- How?
- I think
1406
01:07:15,169 --> 01:07:17,067
he pushed her
down the stairs drunk.
1407
01:07:19,656 --> 01:07:20,898
Since you're asking.
1408
01:07:23,591 --> 01:07:25,110
Because of her drug history
1409
01:07:25,248 --> 01:07:27,353
and her criminal record,
they wouldn't give her
1410
01:07:27,491 --> 01:07:29,597
opiates, they wouldn't
give her any serious
1411
01:07:29,735 --> 01:07:32,013
pain relief, she had
to take aspirin and Tylenol.
1412
01:07:32,151 --> 01:07:34,567
And ironically
she had to resort to...
1413
01:07:34,705 --> 01:07:36,742
much harder-core drugs
to relieve the pain.
1414
01:07:38,744 --> 01:07:41,436
Every time
she would be recuperated,
1415
01:07:41,574 --> 01:07:42,989
something would come up.
1416
01:07:43,128 --> 01:07:45,406
And when you're
on those meds for so long,
1417
01:07:45,544 --> 01:07:47,408
it's very hard
to get off of them.
1418
01:07:48,857 --> 01:07:52,551
"JUDEE": September 22nd, 1974.
1419
01:07:52,689 --> 01:07:55,795
I've been in the hospital
for two weeks and two days.
1420
01:07:55,933 --> 01:07:58,971
I have five sprains,
three in the sacrum area,
1421
01:07:59,109 --> 01:08:00,593
one between the wings,
and one in the neck.
1422
01:08:00,731 --> 01:08:03,044
Also, most painful inflammation
1423
01:08:03,182 --> 01:08:06,012
around the six vertebrates
and bottom six vertebrates.
1424
01:08:06,151 --> 01:08:08,325
Got a big shot of Demerol--
works okay.
1425
01:08:08,567 --> 01:08:09,913
I'm scared.
1426
01:08:10,051 --> 01:08:11,501
Doctor came in to hear my story,
1427
01:08:11,639 --> 01:08:14,366
how I got started on dope,
my comeback:
1428
01:08:14,504 --> 01:08:16,885
"Courageous girl,
with no family or friends,
1429
01:08:17,023 --> 01:08:18,784
"all alone, kicks habit,
1430
01:08:18,922 --> 01:08:21,752
is now top songwriter-singer
of pop hymns."
1431
01:08:23,616 --> 01:08:26,032
Four months passed, painfully.
1432
01:08:27,413 --> 01:08:29,898
I'm in St. John's Hospital
having my spine fused.
1433
01:08:30,036 --> 01:08:31,935
At 8:00 a.m., I had the Dilaudid
1434
01:08:32,073 --> 01:08:33,971
and morphine mixture
and noticed my handwriting.
1435
01:08:34,110 --> 01:08:36,042
Second pain shot at 10:35.
1436
01:08:36,181 --> 01:08:38,044
That makes four hours
and five minutes!
1437
01:08:38,183 --> 01:08:39,736
Now I'm utterly stoned.
1438
01:08:39,874 --> 01:08:41,220
Tonight, I took half a Quaalude,
1439
01:08:41,358 --> 01:08:42,739
half a Valium, two bombs,
1440
01:08:42,877 --> 01:08:44,844
one of their hospital
sleepers, Dalmain,
1441
01:08:44,982 --> 01:08:46,225
and soon I'll get a pain shot,
1442
01:08:46,363 --> 01:08:48,227
do my nightly nod.
Today I told the doc
1443
01:08:48,365 --> 01:08:50,747
I'd been an addict,
he cut off my Demerol.
1444
01:08:50,885 --> 01:08:53,336
Taking supplemental
Percs and Cods.
1445
01:08:53,474 --> 01:08:54,854
Help me to overcome, please.
1446
01:08:54,992 --> 01:08:57,857
Two bombs, 11:15,
one bomb earlier.
1447
01:08:57,995 --> 01:09:00,066
Gotta stop this, I'm having
a nervous breakdown.
1448
01:09:00,205 --> 01:09:01,930
Rick is coming over
and also bringing
1449
01:09:02,068 --> 01:09:03,725
a liquid solution
with appliance.
1450
01:09:03,863 --> 01:09:05,002
I hope this can be pulled off;
1451
01:09:05,141 --> 01:09:06,625
I don't want to be stuck
empty-handed.
1452
01:09:06,763 --> 01:09:08,005
Thank you, dear God,
1453
01:09:08,144 --> 01:09:10,215
thank you dear Jesus
and all helpers.
1454
01:09:10,353 --> 01:09:12,976
Until later, J.S.
1455
01:09:17,463 --> 01:09:18,671
She had
gotten an operation,
1456
01:09:18,809 --> 01:09:20,708
and she was in a cast
for a long time,
1457
01:09:20,846 --> 01:09:22,192
as I remember.
1458
01:09:22,330 --> 01:09:25,230
It went from here to here,
1459
01:09:25,368 --> 01:09:27,853
you know, it covered her torso.
1460
01:09:27,991 --> 01:09:30,476
And I would be one of the people
1461
01:09:30,614 --> 01:09:33,410
who would help her
physically do things.
1462
01:09:33,652 --> 01:09:35,240
But she never seemed
1463
01:09:35,378 --> 01:09:37,242
like she was self-pitying
1464
01:09:37,380 --> 01:09:40,176
or maudlin in any way.
1465
01:09:41,211 --> 01:09:43,731
It just seemed
like she had accepted
1466
01:09:43,869 --> 01:09:45,733
what was happening,
and she was gonna
1467
01:09:45,871 --> 01:09:47,217
move through it.
1468
01:09:48,391 --> 01:09:50,220
You know,
when people go through
1469
01:09:50,358 --> 01:09:52,395
as many things
as Judee went through...
1470
01:09:53,396 --> 01:09:56,261
your survival mechanism
is sorely tested,
1471
01:09:56,399 --> 01:09:58,470
over and over, you know?
1472
01:09:58,608 --> 01:10:01,749
And I think part
of her technique for survival
1473
01:10:01,887 --> 01:10:03,751
was immersing herself
in the music.
1474
01:10:05,753 --> 01:10:06,961
"JUDEE": Working on a new song,
1475
01:10:07,099 --> 01:10:08,756
"Dreams Come True."
1476
01:10:08,894 --> 01:10:10,689
Last night,
I went to Linda Ronstadt's
1477
01:10:10,827 --> 01:10:12,518
recording session.
1478
01:10:12,656 --> 01:10:14,244
John David Souther was there
1479
01:10:14,382 --> 01:10:16,073
and was glad to see me.
1480
01:10:16,212 --> 01:10:18,075
He hugged me and kissed me.
1481
01:10:18,214 --> 01:10:19,836
A full circle has come around,
1482
01:10:19,974 --> 01:10:22,425
after all this time.
1483
01:10:22,563 --> 01:10:25,462
It hurts still,
how sweet he was to me.
1484
01:10:25,600 --> 01:10:27,326
I cried so long.
1485
01:10:29,570 --> 01:10:32,020
She had
her spine fused twice,
1486
01:10:32,158 --> 01:10:34,368
and they did a botched job.
1487
01:10:34,506 --> 01:10:36,301
But she still, you know,
would pull out the guitar,
1488
01:10:36,439 --> 01:10:38,164
and we'd play some songs.
1489
01:10:38,303 --> 01:10:39,959
She was able to sit up
and start functioning
1490
01:10:40,097 --> 01:10:41,996
and writing songs
1491
01:10:42,134 --> 01:10:43,756
and playing piano
and guitar again.
1492
01:10:46,276 --> 01:10:49,175
So this session was
called to demo,
1493
01:10:49,314 --> 01:10:52,317
these last eight songs.
1494
01:10:53,421 --> 01:10:56,666
When we did the
"Dreams Come True" sessions,
1495
01:10:56,804 --> 01:10:58,702
all her friends got
together, you know,
1496
01:10:58,840 --> 01:11:01,429
and she was very frail.
1497
01:11:01,567 --> 01:11:03,431
I mean,
I had to carry her literally
1498
01:11:03,569 --> 01:11:06,020
into the studio.
1499
01:11:06,158 --> 01:11:08,160
But when she sat down
at that piano,
1500
01:11:08,298 --> 01:11:10,818
I had never heard a better
performance from her.
1501
01:11:12,268 --> 01:11:13,648
The power that she produced
1502
01:11:13,786 --> 01:11:15,581
kind of amazed all of us.
1503
01:11:15,719 --> 01:11:18,170
She just opened up like...
1504
01:11:18,308 --> 01:11:19,551
like she was brand new.
1505
01:11:21,069 --> 01:11:23,175
♪ We were lost almost ♪
1506
01:11:23,313 --> 01:11:27,110
♪ 2,000 years ♪
1507
01:11:29,077 --> 01:11:30,976
♪ Thinking someday ♪
1508
01:11:31,114 --> 01:11:33,461
♪ A sign might ♪
1509
01:11:33,599 --> 01:11:38,535
♪ Appear... ♪
1510
01:11:38,673 --> 01:11:41,055
♪ While love ♪
1511
01:11:41,193 --> 01:11:44,300
♪ Through the cloven sky ♪
1512
01:11:44,438 --> 01:11:48,718
♪ Peers ♪
1513
01:11:48,856 --> 01:11:53,826
♪ Over all we... ♪
1514
01:11:53,964 --> 01:11:56,312
♪ Do ♪
1515
01:11:58,210 --> 01:12:02,663
♪ Till dreams come ♪
1516
01:12:02,801 --> 01:12:06,529
♪ True ♪
1517
01:12:06,667 --> 01:12:08,669
She was just
thrilled with it, you know.
1518
01:12:08,807 --> 01:12:10,843
And that was
the main part, you know,
1519
01:12:10,981 --> 01:12:13,259
that she was so happy about it.
1520
01:12:13,398 --> 01:12:17,643
The fact that she had
returned from her illness
1521
01:12:17,781 --> 01:12:19,852
and had come back
with this strength.
1522
01:12:19,990 --> 01:12:21,544
I mean, it was
a spiritual strength
1523
01:12:21,682 --> 01:12:23,304
that you felt from her.
1524
01:12:24,409 --> 01:12:27,204
At that point,
we mixed those tapes down,
1525
01:12:27,343 --> 01:12:31,001
and we made the presentation
not only to Asylum,
1526
01:12:31,139 --> 01:12:32,900
but to Clive Davis
1527
01:12:33,038 --> 01:12:35,385
and several other labels.
1528
01:12:35,523 --> 01:12:37,663
With no success.
1529
01:12:40,494 --> 01:12:44,739
I was in
the lobby of Electra-Asylum.
1530
01:12:44,877 --> 01:12:49,088
This waif of a young woman
came in the lobby doors.
1531
01:12:49,226 --> 01:12:50,987
And I said, "I've heard of you.
1532
01:12:51,125 --> 01:12:53,092
"I'm a big fan of The Hollies,
1533
01:12:53,230 --> 01:12:56,406
and you wrote
'Jesus Was a Cross Maker.'"
1534
01:12:56,544 --> 01:12:59,444
And she said,
"What good did that do me?
1535
01:12:59,582 --> 01:13:01,825
"The label is dropping me.
1536
01:13:01,963 --> 01:13:06,209
I'm here to get
my records from them."
1537
01:13:06,416 --> 01:13:08,453
It was just...
1538
01:13:08,591 --> 01:13:11,766
"I'm unhappy,
I don't know what's next."
1539
01:13:15,252 --> 01:13:18,290
"JUDEE": July 11th, 1975.
1540
01:13:18,428 --> 01:13:20,396
I'm strung out on heroin.
1541
01:13:20,534 --> 01:13:22,743
I'm fucked after two operations,
1542
01:13:22,881 --> 01:13:24,469
the last one
taking out six discs,
1543
01:13:24,607 --> 01:13:26,332
sawed the right side of sacrum,
1544
01:13:26,471 --> 01:13:28,507
pulverized it,
molded with my spine.
1545
01:13:28,645 --> 01:13:30,958
Now I'm strung out again,
but this time on dope.
1546
01:13:31,096 --> 01:13:33,581
Real dope. Scary.
1547
01:13:33,719 --> 01:13:35,790
Day after tomorrow,
I leave for Seattle
1548
01:13:35,928 --> 01:13:37,654
to kick at Jim Bredouw's house.
1549
01:13:37,792 --> 01:13:39,967
I'm scared of this ordeal.
1550
01:13:40,105 --> 01:13:41,900
God help me, I'm in your hands.
1551
01:13:43,211 --> 01:13:45,075
I was an apprentice
1552
01:13:45,213 --> 01:13:46,698
recording engineer
at a little studio
1553
01:13:46,836 --> 01:13:48,424
on Capitol Hill in Seattle.
1554
01:13:48,562 --> 01:13:50,598
And one night,
I got it in my head
1555
01:13:50,736 --> 01:13:54,637
to just call information
in Hollywood generically
1556
01:13:54,775 --> 01:13:56,846
and see if they had
Judee's phone number.
1557
01:13:56,984 --> 01:13:58,468
And she hadn't had a record out
1558
01:13:58,606 --> 01:14:00,677
in a couple, three years,
and I wanted to ask her why.
1559
01:14:00,815 --> 01:14:03,680
And I called information,
they had her number.
1560
01:14:03,818 --> 01:14:06,511
So I called her on the phone,
and she answered,
1561
01:14:06,649 --> 01:14:09,548
and I told her who I was,
and she started to cry.
1562
01:14:09,686 --> 01:14:11,654
She came back on the phone,
composed herself,
1563
01:14:11,792 --> 01:14:13,621
and said I was
only the second person
1564
01:14:13,759 --> 01:14:16,486
who had ever called her cold
1565
01:14:16,624 --> 01:14:19,316
to tell her that
they liked her music,
1566
01:14:19,455 --> 01:14:21,077
and that she was
in kind of a bad place,
1567
01:14:21,215 --> 01:14:23,838
and it was good timing.
1568
01:14:23,976 --> 01:14:25,668
And then about six weeks later,
1569
01:14:25,806 --> 01:14:28,533
to my complete surprise,
she called,
1570
01:14:28,671 --> 01:14:31,846
and she asked
if she could come visit.
1571
01:14:31,984 --> 01:14:36,057
And I said, "Sure, I guess so."
1572
01:14:36,195 --> 01:14:38,335
She stayed with us
for four days,
1573
01:14:38,474 --> 01:14:40,337
seemed to have the flu
1574
01:14:40,476 --> 01:14:42,823
and was in her pajamas
the whole time.
1575
01:14:42,961 --> 01:14:44,341
We'd have dinner,
she'd come out,
1576
01:14:44,480 --> 01:14:45,653
and we'd play
a little music together,
1577
01:14:45,791 --> 01:14:47,483
and... we'd talk,
1578
01:14:47,621 --> 01:14:51,556
but in the most part,
she was... in the bedroom,
1579
01:14:51,694 --> 01:14:54,869
which struck me as odd
but... was okay with me.
1580
01:14:55,076 --> 01:14:56,284
I didn't know rock stars,
1581
01:14:56,422 --> 01:14:57,665
I thought maybe
that's what they do.
1582
01:14:57,803 --> 01:14:59,322
He didn't even know
what was going on.
1583
01:15:00,565 --> 01:15:01,945
And then at some point,
1584
01:15:02,083 --> 01:15:03,740
I think Russell went out
and picked her up
1585
01:15:03,878 --> 01:15:05,397
and brought her home.
1586
01:15:06,432 --> 01:15:08,780
"JUDEE":
It's now August 29th, 1975.
1587
01:15:08,918 --> 01:15:11,265
I kicked in Seattle,
then got strung out again.
1588
01:15:11,403 --> 01:15:13,060
All is lost, beyond help.
1589
01:15:13,198 --> 01:15:15,856
Back into junkie-dom, heavily.
1590
01:15:15,994 --> 01:15:18,790
Is there any hope for me
if I don't believe there is?
1591
01:15:18,928 --> 01:15:22,138
Only a minuscule part
believes or remembers at all.
1592
01:15:24,071 --> 01:15:25,417
She was in constant pain,
1593
01:15:25,555 --> 01:15:27,453
all the time.
1594
01:15:27,592 --> 01:15:30,422
That will drain anybody
out of any energies
1595
01:15:30,560 --> 01:15:32,217
going out looking
for another deal,
1596
01:15:32,355 --> 01:15:33,252
or anything like that.
1597
01:15:34,668 --> 01:15:35,945
So, she just kind of let it go
1598
01:15:36,083 --> 01:15:37,878
and just started
traveling around,
1599
01:15:38,016 --> 01:15:39,189
you know, when she could.
1600
01:15:40,881 --> 01:15:44,022
♪ Ooh... ♪
1601
01:15:44,160 --> 01:15:49,061
♪ And the fires were roarin' ♪
1602
01:15:49,199 --> 01:15:53,825
♪ Stars aligned,
and the webs were spun ♪
1603
01:15:53,963 --> 01:15:56,310
♪ I coulda sworn I heard ♪
1604
01:15:56,448 --> 01:16:00,107
♪ My spirit soarin' ♪
1605
01:16:01,729 --> 01:16:04,456
♪ Chasin' the sun ♪
1606
01:16:04,594 --> 01:16:07,183
♪ Hopin' we will soon be one ♪
1607
01:16:07,321 --> 01:16:10,289
♪ Until it turns around to me ♪
1608
01:16:10,427 --> 01:16:12,153
♪ Then I try to run ♪
1609
01:16:20,437 --> 01:16:22,405
It was hard
to learn her songs
1610
01:16:22,543 --> 01:16:24,131
and sing them in her style,
1611
01:16:24,269 --> 01:16:25,546
unless you had
the key to Judee Sill
1612
01:16:25,684 --> 01:16:27,168
and the way she phrased.
1613
01:16:27,306 --> 01:16:29,757
I hired her to play
on the recording
1614
01:16:29,895 --> 01:16:31,794
that I made of
"Jesus Was a Cross Maker,"
1615
01:16:31,932 --> 01:16:33,519
which I called
"Bandit & a Heartbreaker."
1616
01:16:33,658 --> 01:16:35,936
I thought that was
a really good song.
1617
01:16:36,074 --> 01:16:37,454
But poor Judee, unfortunately,
1618
01:16:37,593 --> 01:16:39,146
was way back into drugs by then,
1619
01:16:39,284 --> 01:16:40,699
and she just couldn't handle it
1620
01:16:40,837 --> 01:16:42,011
in the room,
I was afraid she was gonna
1621
01:16:42,149 --> 01:16:43,771
fall off her chair
and hurt herself.
1622
01:16:43,909 --> 01:16:45,324
Everybody else was
embarrassed for her,
1623
01:16:45,462 --> 01:16:46,809
but we didn't know what to do,
1624
01:16:46,947 --> 01:16:48,431
and we couldn't do it
without her, and...
1625
01:16:48,569 --> 01:16:50,088
so we finally went
to another song.
1626
01:16:52,815 --> 01:16:54,402
It was horribly
disappointing for us,
1627
01:16:54,540 --> 01:16:57,302
for the rest of us,
and, you know, it's just sad.
1628
01:16:57,440 --> 01:16:59,097
We all knew
what a talent she was.
1629
01:17:01,927 --> 01:17:04,447
So, moving
right along here...
1630
01:17:06,829 --> 01:17:08,520
...would anyone like
to say anything
1631
01:17:08,658 --> 01:17:10,695
that maybe would
bring some comfort
1632
01:17:10,833 --> 01:17:13,836
to anyone listening
out there that feels like
1633
01:17:13,974 --> 01:17:15,907
it's pretty desolate,
and the desolation comes
1634
01:17:16,045 --> 01:17:18,357
crushing down on them
in the early morning?
1635
01:17:18,495 --> 01:17:21,637
Ooh... waking up on a bummer.
1636
01:17:26,607 --> 01:17:29,541
Sometimes you can
see a person in distress
1637
01:17:29,679 --> 01:17:31,785
and know that they've lost
somebody they love
1638
01:17:31,923 --> 01:17:34,063
or failed in some way,
1639
01:17:34,201 --> 01:17:36,859
but with Judee, it was
more ephemeral than that.
1640
01:17:36,997 --> 01:17:39,378
I mean, it was just...
1641
01:17:39,516 --> 01:17:41,380
...it was just something that
1642
01:17:41,518 --> 01:17:43,831
enveloped her...
1643
01:17:43,969 --> 01:17:46,178
and...
1644
01:17:46,316 --> 01:17:48,353
never went away.
1645
01:17:48,594 --> 01:17:51,149
This music was so great.
1646
01:17:51,287 --> 01:17:54,048
Why didn't that feed her?
Why didn't that fulfill her?
1647
01:17:54,186 --> 01:17:56,430
"Heart Food,"
exactly what it is.
1648
01:17:56,568 --> 01:17:58,915
Why didn't that
nourish her and keep her?
1649
01:18:00,158 --> 01:18:02,954
She struggles
with the good and evil,
1650
01:18:03,092 --> 01:18:04,714
you know,
it's in almost everything
1651
01:18:04,852 --> 01:18:06,440
that that she writes.
1652
01:18:06,578 --> 01:18:09,063
"I could have sworn
I heard my spirit soaring,
1653
01:18:09,201 --> 01:18:11,238
"and I'm chasing the sun,
hopin' we will soon be one,
1654
01:18:11,376 --> 01:18:13,136
then it turns around to me,
and I try to run."
1655
01:18:13,274 --> 01:18:15,242
It's just always this dichotomy,
1656
01:18:15,380 --> 01:18:17,727
and I think it's what we all do.
1657
01:18:17,865 --> 01:18:19,764
It's not absolute,
1658
01:18:19,902 --> 01:18:21,800
we don't have
absolute confidence,
1659
01:18:21,938 --> 01:18:24,251
we're not exactly sure
what's good
1660
01:18:24,389 --> 01:18:26,253
and what's evil, really.
1661
01:18:26,391 --> 01:18:30,844
And... it's just
beautiful, you know?
1662
01:18:30,982 --> 01:18:34,295
Uh, I think
it's neat that
1663
01:18:34,433 --> 01:18:37,022
of all of these religions
we're thinking about,
1664
01:18:37,160 --> 01:18:39,853
that we all agree
on certain points like...
1665
01:18:41,578 --> 01:18:43,926
"one day all tears will
be wiped away"
1666
01:18:44,064 --> 01:18:47,688
and, and...
1667
01:18:47,826 --> 01:18:49,379
that's my favorite one.
1668
01:19:02,254 --> 01:19:04,636
I tried a couple
of times to contact her
1669
01:19:04,774 --> 01:19:06,811
because I had heard
she wasn't doing that great.
1670
01:19:07,950 --> 01:19:10,366
And my friend,
Russ Giguere, just insisted,
1671
01:19:10,504 --> 01:19:12,023
he just went to her house,
1672
01:19:12,161 --> 01:19:13,645
he got her address
and went there, and...
1673
01:19:13,783 --> 01:19:15,681
I said, "How is she?"
1674
01:19:15,820 --> 01:19:18,477
And he goes, "It's dark there,
you don't want to go.
1675
01:19:18,615 --> 01:19:20,169
"She doesn't want you
to see her this way.
1676
01:19:20,410 --> 01:19:22,136
"She just doesn't go out.
1677
01:19:22,274 --> 01:19:24,138
"Curtains are drawn.
It's dark in there.
1678
01:19:25,588 --> 01:19:27,624
And she is very much alone."
1679
01:19:32,215 --> 01:19:35,909
"JUDEE": October 18th, 1979.
1680
01:19:36,047 --> 01:19:38,290
Will I get high tonight?
1681
01:19:38,428 --> 01:19:39,809
We shall see.
1682
01:19:41,707 --> 01:19:43,261
You see, I am a drug addict,
1683
01:19:43,399 --> 01:19:45,435
a wrong-hearted,
lost soul who has chosen
1684
01:19:45,573 --> 01:19:47,644
the wrong path,
I beseech thy help,
1685
01:19:47,783 --> 01:19:50,509
for I am in the clutches
of the beast, 666.
1686
01:19:50,647 --> 01:19:51,787
This is your last test,
1687
01:19:51,925 --> 01:19:53,202
and you really know it,
don't you?
1688
01:19:53,340 --> 01:19:55,721
Write songs,
don't run from pain.
1689
01:19:55,860 --> 01:19:58,863
Acute sensitivity means
better chance to help others.
1690
01:19:59,001 --> 01:20:00,209
Do you ever feel
like there's been
1691
01:20:00,347 --> 01:20:01,935
a terrible karmic mistake
made somewhere,
1692
01:20:02,073 --> 01:20:04,006
and you were meant for
a life not wholly consumed
1693
01:20:04,144 --> 01:20:06,525
by abject desolation?
Now, can I write songs?
1694
01:20:06,663 --> 01:20:08,700
Remember the vision on
the ceiling the other night?
1695
01:20:08,838 --> 01:20:10,357
Was it true,
or did Satan send it?
1696
01:20:10,495 --> 01:20:12,393
Perfect Mary,
have mercy on my wayward,
1697
01:20:12,531 --> 01:20:13,878
lost, sad soul.
1698
01:20:14,016 --> 01:20:15,258
I gotta figure out why it is
1699
01:20:15,396 --> 01:20:16,881
that I want to die. God help me,
1700
01:20:17,019 --> 01:20:18,710
if I don't, I'll go down bad.
1701
01:20:18,848 --> 01:20:20,677
Please, please,
don't let me go down bad.
1702
01:20:20,816 --> 01:20:22,541
Stay with me, please,
come on, please,
1703
01:20:22,679 --> 01:20:24,405
we're here in this together,
aren't we?
1704
01:20:24,647 --> 01:20:26,649
Or am I alone?
1705
01:20:26,787 --> 01:20:29,031
I am a hopeless case.
1706
01:20:29,169 --> 01:20:31,688
♪ That even shadows come ♪
1707
01:20:31,827 --> 01:20:35,485
♪ And hum the requiem ♪
1708
01:20:35,623 --> 01:20:40,456
♪ Kyrie ♪
1709
01:20:40,594 --> 01:20:45,012
♪ Eleison ♪
1710
01:20:56,817 --> 01:20:59,716
A week before Thanksgiving,
1711
01:20:59,855 --> 01:21:02,305
Judy Taylor called me,
and she was very worried
1712
01:21:02,443 --> 01:21:05,826
that Judee was maybe
OD-ing, you know,
1713
01:21:05,964 --> 01:21:09,623
I was meditating on her
and-- and what was going on.
1714
01:21:09,761 --> 01:21:12,039
And the next morning,
Judy Taylor calls me and says,
1715
01:21:12,177 --> 01:21:13,696
"Oh, here's somebody
wants to talk to you."
1716
01:21:13,834 --> 01:21:15,077
And Judee, she was just lively--
1717
01:21:15,215 --> 01:21:17,493
"Oh, yeah, yeah.
I was-- I was on my way,
1718
01:21:17,631 --> 01:21:19,115
"and I saw the white light,
1719
01:21:19,253 --> 01:21:21,635
"and then I saw you
behind me calling me back.
1720
01:21:21,773 --> 01:21:23,395
And so I came back!" It was so--
1721
01:21:23,533 --> 01:21:25,915
and she was so invigorating.
1722
01:21:26,053 --> 01:21:28,607
I mean, just so enlightened,
she seemed.
1723
01:21:28,745 --> 01:21:31,300
And so we made a date
to go out that following week.
1724
01:21:31,438 --> 01:21:34,406
And we went out, and she was
just lively, full of life.
1725
01:21:34,544 --> 01:21:38,065
We had a great time.
It's just like old times.
1726
01:21:38,203 --> 01:21:41,379
And then two days later,
she was gone.
1727
01:21:44,209 --> 01:21:46,073
You know what they say,
according to the--
1728
01:21:46,211 --> 01:21:47,661
some of these mystical texts,
1729
01:21:47,799 --> 01:21:49,456
you know,
if you die in an accident
1730
01:21:49,594 --> 01:21:51,803
or violently or while
you're under the influence
1731
01:21:51,941 --> 01:21:53,115
of an opiate, which is
the worst, you know,
1732
01:21:53,253 --> 01:21:54,737
because an opiate is
like the devil,
1733
01:21:54,875 --> 01:21:56,635
it's the beast, you know?
1734
01:21:56,773 --> 01:21:59,121
Then you will die improperly,
and you'll have to wait.
1735
01:21:59,259 --> 01:22:00,881
What's... the worst part
of that is, is that
1736
01:22:01,019 --> 01:22:02,400
it's boring, you'll be bored
1737
01:22:02,538 --> 01:22:04,850
for maybe 100 years, waiting.
1738
01:22:04,989 --> 01:22:06,128
That's what they say, you know.
1739
01:22:07,957 --> 01:22:10,201
To me, it was an accident.
1740
01:22:10,339 --> 01:22:11,685
Because that was Judee's style,
1741
01:22:11,823 --> 01:22:14,481
to take it to the very edge.
1742
01:22:14,619 --> 01:22:16,172
But this time she went over.
1743
01:22:18,761 --> 01:22:21,384
I went
to her memorial service,
1744
01:22:21,522 --> 01:22:24,870
and this man said,
1745
01:22:25,009 --> 01:22:27,390
"I don't believe
that your Aunt Judee
1746
01:22:27,528 --> 01:22:29,565
"committed suicide,
and I don't want you
1747
01:22:29,703 --> 01:22:31,981
to believe that
she committed suicide."
1748
01:22:32,119 --> 01:22:35,778
He said, "You know,
she's a musical genius,
1749
01:22:35,916 --> 01:22:38,160
and please don't
let her music die."
1750
01:22:47,341 --> 01:22:49,861
♪ The sun was red ♪
1751
01:22:49,999 --> 01:22:54,831
♪ And the fires were roarin' ♪
1752
01:22:54,970 --> 01:22:59,457
♪ Stars aligned,
and the webs were spun ♪
1753
01:22:59,595 --> 01:23:01,838
♪ I coulda sworn I heard ♪
1754
01:23:01,977 --> 01:23:05,842
♪ My spirit soarin' ♪
1755
01:23:05,981 --> 01:23:09,432
♪ Guess I'm always
chasin' the sun ♪
1756
01:23:09,570 --> 01:23:12,504
♪ Hopin' we will soon be one ♪
1757
01:23:12,642 --> 01:23:15,231
♪ Until it turns around to me ♪
1758
01:23:15,369 --> 01:23:17,716
♪ Then I try to run ♪
1759
01:23:19,546 --> 01:23:23,377
My big disappointment in
her death was quite selfish.
1760
01:23:23,515 --> 01:23:25,517
I looked forward
to growing old with her
1761
01:23:25,655 --> 01:23:28,934
because she was just
so funny and so talented
1762
01:23:29,073 --> 01:23:30,798
and just
such a wonderful person.
1763
01:23:30,936 --> 01:23:34,216
So, her death just took me
completely by surprise
1764
01:23:34,354 --> 01:23:36,908
and just...
1765
01:23:37,046 --> 01:23:39,221
you know,
left a big hole in my heart.
1766
01:23:40,843 --> 01:23:42,327
This was very difficult for me
1767
01:23:42,465 --> 01:23:45,123
to handle at that time.
1768
01:23:45,261 --> 01:23:47,746
And still even thinking
about it is very difficult,
1769
01:23:47,884 --> 01:23:50,197
to think that she's gone.
1770
01:23:50,335 --> 01:23:51,509
You know, all through my life--
1771
01:23:51,647 --> 01:23:53,718
just the greatest friend.
1772
01:23:53,856 --> 01:23:55,271
I loved her. I loved her music.
1773
01:23:55,409 --> 01:23:56,893
I still enjoy it.
1774
01:23:57,032 --> 01:23:59,206
I listen to it once in a while.
1775
01:23:59,344 --> 01:24:01,588
You know,
if Judee were here today,
1776
01:24:01,726 --> 01:24:03,210
I would hope that
we would still be friends.
1777
01:24:03,348 --> 01:24:05,040
I'm still really
good friends with JD.
1778
01:24:06,075 --> 01:24:07,525
I really did like her, you know.
1779
01:24:07,663 --> 01:24:08,940
Whether it was returned
or not, I'll never know--
1780
01:24:09,078 --> 01:24:10,321
she was a mysterious person.
1781
01:24:10,459 --> 01:24:11,805
But I really cared
for her a lot.
1782
01:24:16,879 --> 01:24:19,882
♪ And even now I wonder ♪
1783
01:24:20,020 --> 01:24:22,988
♪ Where I'm goin' ♪
1784
01:24:23,127 --> 01:24:26,785
♪ Ever since a long time ago ♪
1785
01:24:26,923 --> 01:24:29,788
♪ I've tried
to let my feelings show ♪
1786
01:24:29,926 --> 01:24:32,791
♪ I'd like to think
I'm bein' sincere ♪
1787
01:24:32,929 --> 01:24:35,622
♪ But I'll never know ♪
1788
01:24:48,876 --> 01:24:51,224
You have to be grateful
for what you get in this life.
1789
01:24:51,362 --> 01:24:53,847
And... we got, uh...
1790
01:24:54,917 --> 01:24:56,884
we got a fair amount
of Judee Sill.
1791
01:24:57,022 --> 01:25:01,268
♪ ...breath touchin' me ♪
1792
01:25:01,406 --> 01:25:03,443
♪ Like... ♪
1793
01:25:03,581 --> 01:25:05,238
I think
she's much more popular now
1794
01:25:05,376 --> 01:25:07,826
than she was when she was alive.
1795
01:25:07,964 --> 01:25:09,759
And people are getting it now.
1796
01:25:09,897 --> 01:25:12,693
They seem to get it
and appreciate it.
1797
01:25:12,831 --> 01:25:18,527
♪ ...communion of the kiss ♪
1798
01:25:20,598 --> 01:25:22,151
Thank you.
1799
01:25:30,711 --> 01:25:33,680
We're talking,
you know, 50 years later,
1800
01:25:33,818 --> 01:25:36,959
and still young kids are
listening to those records
1801
01:25:37,097 --> 01:25:39,686
and being like, "What is this?"
1802
01:25:39,824 --> 01:25:41,826
When work is
as true as hers,
1803
01:25:41,964 --> 01:25:44,104
it will find people.
1804
01:25:44,242 --> 01:25:46,175
It may take time,
but it will inevitably
1805
01:25:46,313 --> 01:25:48,626
find people.
1806
01:25:49,765 --> 01:25:53,458
I adapted this from the notes
of the last song Judee wrote,
1807
01:25:53,596 --> 01:25:55,495
just a few weeks before
she passed away, I believe.
1808
01:25:55,633 --> 01:25:57,186
And I'm still working on it.
Like, it felt like it was
1809
01:25:57,324 --> 01:25:59,464
all there on the page,
but it wasn't yet
1810
01:25:59,602 --> 01:26:02,087
organized into song form.
1811
01:26:02,226 --> 01:26:05,505
And... was this the guitar
that she recorded with?
1812
01:26:05,643 --> 01:26:06,816
Wow.
1813
01:26:08,093 --> 01:26:10,544
It seems that she was so driven
1814
01:26:10,682 --> 01:26:15,446
to gift humanity with songs
that had healing power.
1815
01:26:15,584 --> 01:26:18,449
I guess I feel a responsibility
1816
01:26:18,587 --> 01:26:22,556
to continue bringing
those songs to the world.
1817
01:26:22,694 --> 01:26:24,627
'Cause it's all there,
she's still alive in them,
1818
01:26:24,765 --> 01:26:26,595
and all that wisdom is
still alive.
1819
01:26:28,493 --> 01:26:30,909
Anyone who needs
to at any time can
1820
01:26:31,047 --> 01:26:34,050
listen to her music,
and there's some articulation
1821
01:26:34,189 --> 01:26:35,914
for a feeling that is
1822
01:26:36,156 --> 01:26:38,262
so hard to articulate.
1823
01:26:39,332 --> 01:26:42,266
That feels like
a gift that she gave.
1824
01:26:44,233 --> 01:26:45,683
Knowing all the things I know,
1825
01:26:45,821 --> 01:26:47,926
knowing the laws of karma,
1826
01:26:48,064 --> 01:26:49,376
that's the only way
I'm going to get anything
1827
01:26:49,514 --> 01:26:51,067
is by doing something
for somebody.
1828
01:26:51,206 --> 01:26:53,035
I want to do something
that will improve humanity.
1829
01:26:54,209 --> 01:26:55,727
I want to do good.
1830
01:26:55,865 --> 01:26:58,074
I want to fight the good fight.
1831
01:26:58,213 --> 01:27:00,249
I want to inspire people
and uplift them
1832
01:27:00,387 --> 01:27:01,492
without them knowing it.
1833
01:27:02,941 --> 01:27:04,391
That's what I want to do.
1834
01:27:07,394 --> 01:27:12,399
♪ So keep on moving ♪
1835
01:27:12,537 --> 01:27:16,507
♪ Or stay by my side ♪
1836
01:27:16,645 --> 01:27:21,132
♪ Either way ♪
1837
01:27:21,270 --> 01:27:24,860
♪ I'll tell you a secret ♪
1838
01:27:24,998 --> 01:27:28,484
♪ I've never revealed ♪
1839
01:27:28,622 --> 01:27:32,764
♪ However we are ♪
1840
01:27:32,902 --> 01:27:38,494
♪ Is okay ♪
1841
01:27:41,394 --> 01:27:43,637
Bye!
1842
01:28:23,470 --> 01:28:26,853
♪ If I told you some secrets ♪
1843
01:28:26,991 --> 01:28:29,649
♪ Would you say I'm unreal ♪
1844
01:28:29,787 --> 01:28:32,376
♪ I could easily love you ♪
1845
01:28:32,514 --> 01:28:34,032
♪ If you'd just let me feel ♪
1846
01:28:35,448 --> 01:28:38,243
♪ I can't play forever ♪
1847
01:28:38,382 --> 01:28:40,556
♪ The games I've outgrown ♪
1848
01:28:40,694 --> 01:28:43,214
♪ But just till
enchanted sky machines ♪
1849
01:28:43,352 --> 01:28:45,837
♪ Take all the gentle home ♪
1850
01:28:52,154 --> 01:28:55,157
♪ Just needin' to touch you ♪
1851
01:28:55,295 --> 01:28:58,194
♪ Is so hard to restrain ♪
1852
01:28:58,333 --> 01:29:00,542
♪ Just waitin' for the time ♪
1853
01:29:00,680 --> 01:29:03,579
♪ Could maybe make me insane ♪
1854
01:29:03,717 --> 01:29:06,651
♪ My heart is so hungry ♪
1855
01:29:06,789 --> 01:29:09,067
♪ Livin' on patience alone ♪
1856
01:29:09,205 --> 01:29:11,863
♪ Please hurry,
enchanted sky machines ♪
1857
01:29:12,001 --> 01:29:14,210
♪ Take all the gentle home ♪
1858
01:29:21,010 --> 01:29:23,772
♪ I believe the beginning ♪
1859
01:29:23,910 --> 01:29:26,878
♪ Won't be too far away ♪
1860
01:29:27,016 --> 01:29:29,433
♪ The power's gettin' stronger ♪
1861
01:29:29,571 --> 01:29:32,367
♪ I see signs every day ♪
1862
01:29:32,505 --> 01:29:35,266
♪ So I'll swallow my yearnin' ♪
1863
01:29:35,404 --> 01:29:37,786
♪ And won't let it be shown ♪
1864
01:29:37,924 --> 01:29:40,305
♪ Until the enchanted
sky machines ♪
1865
01:29:40,444 --> 01:29:42,929
♪ Take all the gentle home ♪
1866
01:30:10,922 --> 01:30:13,546
♪ My desire is a rosebud ♪
1867
01:30:13,684 --> 01:30:16,790
♪ In the magic design ♪
1868
01:30:16,928 --> 01:30:18,930
♪ I can't wait
to feel it bloom ♪
1869
01:30:19,068 --> 01:30:22,278
♪ They'll be landin' anytime ♪
1870
01:30:22,417 --> 01:30:25,178
♪ Then when the skeptics
are wonderin'♪
1871
01:30:25,316 --> 01:30:27,870
♪ Where all the faithful
have flown ♪
1872
01:30:28,008 --> 01:30:30,528
♪ We'll be on enchanted
sky machines ♪
1873
01:30:30,666 --> 01:30:33,220
♪ The gentle are goin' home ♪
1874
01:30:33,358 --> 01:30:36,154
♪ We'll be on enchanted
sky machines ♪
1875
01:30:36,292 --> 01:30:39,537
♪ The gentle are goin' home ♪
1876
01:31:20,095 --> 01:31:22,753
Ahh, excelsior,
onward and upward.