1 00:00:28,071 --> 00:00:29,114 ( barks ) 2 00:00:32,909 --> 00:00:36,955 ( beeping ) 3 00:00:36,955 --> 00:00:40,500 ( beeping continues ) 4 00:00:40,500 --> 00:00:44,629 Sid: This is a story of life and death. 5 00:00:44,629 --> 00:00:46,590 Specifically, one life and one death. 6 00:00:46,590 --> 00:00:48,967 ( beeping intensifies, flatlining ) 7 00:00:48,967 --> 00:00:52,387 More specifically, mine. 8 00:00:58,977 --> 00:01:01,771 My name is Sid Sandagger, and I have figured out 9 00:01:01,771 --> 00:01:03,982 the key to a long and happy life. 10 00:01:03,982 --> 00:01:09,362 It's quite simple. Don't mess with the system. Think about it. 11 00:01:09,362 --> 00:01:12,198 Every awful thing that happens to someone in their life, 12 00:01:12,198 --> 00:01:14,618 it can be chalked up to them ripping at the fabric 13 00:01:14,618 --> 00:01:17,996 of the social continuum. So don't. 14 00:01:17,996 --> 00:01:19,706 There's a natural order to things in life, 15 00:01:19,706 --> 00:01:21,291 and it is not to be reckoned with. 16 00:01:21,291 --> 00:01:23,043 And nowhere is that more important 17 00:01:23,043 --> 00:01:26,171 than the one environment more strict, 18 00:01:26,171 --> 00:01:28,632 more brutal, and more savage 19 00:01:28,632 --> 00:01:31,635 than all of the rest-- high school. 20 00:01:31,635 --> 00:01:35,972 Luckily, I've developed three simple rules to ensure survival. 21 00:01:35,972 --> 00:01:40,101 Rule number one? Shut up. 22 00:01:40,101 --> 00:01:41,436 Most people don't get beaten up 23 00:01:41,436 --> 00:01:43,480 for what they don't say. 24 00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:48,401 Rule number two, don't stand out. 25 00:01:48,401 --> 00:01:52,656 This applies to everything, from what you wear, to who your friends are, 26 00:01:52,656 --> 00:01:55,325 to what extra-curriculars you're a part of. 27 00:01:55,325 --> 00:01:59,412 I have mastered the art of the nondescript extra-curricular. 28 00:01:59,412 --> 00:02:02,040 For example, I'm comptroller 29 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,125 for the Eastland High student council, 30 00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:07,504 understudy for the school play... 31 00:02:07,504 --> 00:02:10,382 ♪ You make me alive ♪ 32 00:02:10,382 --> 00:02:13,260 ...equipment manager for the hockey team... 33 00:02:13,260 --> 00:02:15,262 Hey, yo. Incoming! 34 00:02:15,262 --> 00:02:18,682 ...and starter for the Eastland e-sports team. 35 00:02:18,682 --> 00:02:21,184 E-sports, need I say more? 36 00:02:21,184 --> 00:02:25,021 Midnight tonight, boys. You excited, Cunningham? 37 00:02:25,021 --> 00:02:27,899 I hacked into my parents' internet account to upgrade our speed. 38 00:02:27,899 --> 00:02:31,820 - Sweet. - Also, I think my parents are getting divorced. 39 00:02:35,865 --> 00:02:41,496 And finally, the third and most important rule. 40 00:02:41,496 --> 00:02:45,500 Don't fuck with Chuck. 41 00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:48,503 Chuck Brawnte, him and his stupid friends 42 00:02:48,503 --> 00:02:51,089 have a few thousand subscribers to their YouTube channel, 43 00:02:51,089 --> 00:02:53,508 which, believe it or not, people actually give a shit about. 44 00:02:53,508 --> 00:02:55,510 - Whoo! Fuck you, window! - ( siren chirps ) 45 00:02:55,510 --> 00:02:57,846 But the real reason everybody knows who Chuck Brawnte is... 46 00:02:57,846 --> 00:03:00,515 - Are you boys okay over here? - Pussy bitch! 47 00:03:00,515 --> 00:03:02,684 ...is because he is super violent. 48 00:03:02,684 --> 00:03:04,561 - Come on. Let's go, let's go, let's go. - Here's the big one. 49 00:03:04,561 --> 00:03:06,479 Chuck got kicked out of his old school 50 00:03:06,479 --> 00:03:09,357 for beating a freshmen nearly to death. 51 00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:11,902 The kid is still in a coma. Now I'm not a lawyer, 52 00:03:11,902 --> 00:03:14,070 but allow me to present these three facts. 53 00:03:14,070 --> 00:03:18,867 One, Chuck got off with a few hours of community service. 54 00:03:18,867 --> 00:03:21,119 Two, Chuck's dad is super rich 55 00:03:21,119 --> 00:03:24,331 because he owns all the Mercedes dealerships in upstate New York. 56 00:03:24,331 --> 00:03:27,542 And three, the judge hearing Chuck's case 57 00:03:27,542 --> 00:03:30,128 now drives a top of the line Mercedes Benz. 58 00:03:30,128 --> 00:03:32,255 - ( horn honks ) - Get the picture? 59 00:03:41,181 --> 00:03:42,182 ( sighs ) Fuh... 60 00:03:42,182 --> 00:03:43,975 Well, there you have it, 61 00:03:43,975 --> 00:03:48,563 Sid Sandagger's Guide to Life. 62 00:03:48,563 --> 00:03:49,731 ( music playing ) 63 00:03:49,731 --> 00:03:51,274 ♪ But I could care less ♪ 64 00:03:51,274 --> 00:03:53,944 ♪ What's on your mind ♪ 65 00:03:53,944 --> 00:03:56,363 ♪ You say something nice ♪ 66 00:03:56,363 --> 00:03:59,366 ♪ You say something right ♪ 67 00:03:59,366 --> 00:04:02,160 ♪ And people start losing their mind ♪ 68 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:04,162 ♪ Thursdays on my mind ♪ 69 00:04:04,162 --> 00:04:06,581 ♪ We were driving through red lights ♪ 70 00:04:06,581 --> 00:04:09,376 ♪ We were flying ♪ 71 00:04:09,376 --> 00:04:12,671 ♪ But I could care less what's on your mind ♪ 72 00:04:12,671 --> 00:04:17,551 - I'm putting Todd at your parents' table. - Oh, he gives my dad anxiety. 73 00:04:17,551 --> 00:04:19,803 And your dad's a Republican, and you're marrying a woman, 74 00:04:19,803 --> 00:04:23,139 - so already kinda anxious. - Fair point. 75 00:04:23,139 --> 00:04:25,141 - Hey! - Hey. 76 00:04:27,477 --> 00:04:32,315 - How was school? - ( grunts ) 77 00:04:32,315 --> 00:04:35,986 To me that said, "Fuck off, Moms, but I love you." 78 00:04:35,986 --> 00:04:40,490 - No. - If he was half-Korean, this would not be happening. 79 00:04:40,490 --> 00:04:45,078 Sid: School was great. I woke up, I went to class, and then I came home. 80 00:04:45,078 --> 00:04:46,580 It was perfectly predictable, 81 00:04:46,580 --> 00:04:49,207 which is perfectly acceptable. 82 00:04:49,207 --> 00:04:51,626 As long as I stick to my rules, 83 00:04:51,626 --> 00:04:53,211 much like my internet search history, 84 00:04:53,211 --> 00:04:54,629 high school will be a filthy, 85 00:04:54,629 --> 00:04:57,507 nasty, amoral blip on my radar 86 00:04:57,507 --> 00:05:01,636 that someday will never have even happened. 87 00:05:01,636 --> 00:05:04,431 - ( beeping ) - Life is about embracing routine. 88 00:05:04,431 --> 00:05:06,057 - Oh. - Eat, sleep, play. 89 00:05:06,057 --> 00:05:07,767 It's gonna be a good night. 90 00:05:07,767 --> 00:05:10,145 That is, of course, except when a new edition 91 00:05:10,145 --> 00:05:12,397 of War Monger comes out. 92 00:05:12,397 --> 00:05:14,357 It's a sacred night. 93 00:05:14,357 --> 00:05:15,859 And on this night, 94 00:05:15,859 --> 00:05:17,652 you don't eat, you don't sleep, 95 00:05:17,652 --> 00:05:19,654 and you sit at your altar for hours on end 96 00:05:19,654 --> 00:05:21,239 just praying to stay alive. 97 00:05:21,239 --> 00:05:23,867 ( alarm beeping ) 98 00:05:23,867 --> 00:05:25,827 It's pure heaven. 99 00:05:28,455 --> 00:05:30,874 ( bell rings ) 100 00:05:30,874 --> 00:05:34,211 Then the semen travels through the vas deferens, 101 00:05:34,211 --> 00:05:37,464 out the urethra, and hopefully into the vagina 102 00:05:37,464 --> 00:05:39,466 of someone you're not just using for sex 103 00:05:39,466 --> 00:05:40,675 and that you're willing to stick around 104 00:05:40,675 --> 00:05:42,219 and raise the baby with. 105 00:05:44,054 --> 00:05:45,472 Or into an anus. 106 00:05:45,472 --> 00:05:47,057 Any questions? 107 00:05:47,057 --> 00:05:49,893 Oh, my God, dude. Sex Ed is such bullshit. 108 00:05:49,893 --> 00:05:51,269 Like, I don't understand 109 00:05:51,269 --> 00:05:53,063 why we spend so much time on condoms. 110 00:05:53,063 --> 00:05:55,065 What is there to know? You open the shit up, 111 00:05:55,065 --> 00:05:56,316 you stick your junk in it, and you go to town on somebody. 112 00:05:56,316 --> 00:05:57,943 Sid:My best friend Jim Vega. 113 00:05:57,943 --> 00:05:59,694 Jim cares about two things, 114 00:05:59,694 --> 00:06:01,905 getting laid and being popular, 115 00:06:01,905 --> 00:06:03,949 and so far he's achieved neither. 116 00:06:03,949 --> 00:06:05,700 Do they seriously think dudes are, like, 117 00:06:05,700 --> 00:06:07,827 sticking their balls in it or something? 118 00:06:07,827 --> 00:06:11,539 You'd be surprised. What do you want them to teach? 119 00:06:11,539 --> 00:06:13,083 - Like, I don't know. - Heads up! 120 00:06:13,083 --> 00:06:15,085 Why don't they teach us how to fuck awesome? 121 00:06:15,085 --> 00:06:17,921 'Cause it's Sex Ed. It's not sex class. 122 00:06:17,921 --> 00:06:20,131 Yeah, but what's the difference? And unlike trigonometry, 123 00:06:20,131 --> 00:06:22,717 this would be, like, practical, applicable knowledge. 124 00:06:22,717 --> 00:06:25,512 Just talk to the school board about it, man. 125 00:06:25,512 --> 00:06:28,515 - Wait, you-- you think so? - Yeah, why not? 126 00:06:28,515 --> 00:06:30,934 You go to the school board and you say, 127 00:06:30,934 --> 00:06:33,270 "Ladies and gentlemen, I would like my teachers 128 00:06:33,270 --> 00:06:35,397 - to teach me how to fuck awesome." - I'm serious. 129 00:06:35,397 --> 00:06:37,315 Like, how do you find the clitoris during over the pants sex stuff? 130 00:06:37,315 --> 00:06:40,735 Can you not say fucking "clitoris" in the hallway? 131 00:06:40,735 --> 00:06:42,904 You see, this is exactly what I'm talking about. 132 00:06:42,904 --> 00:06:45,949 Everyone is so horny that yelling "clit" in the hall 133 00:06:45,949 --> 00:06:47,826 is like yelling fire in a theater. 134 00:06:47,826 --> 00:06:50,287 Yeah, and you don't yell fire in a fucking theater. 135 00:06:50,287 --> 00:06:55,000 Regardless, the clitoris is at the top of the labia minora. 136 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,544 That sophomore with the cleft lip? 137 00:06:57,544 --> 00:06:59,546 No, that's Lydia Mindlin. 138 00:06:59,546 --> 00:07:01,548 Yo, Rafi! What's up, man? 139 00:07:01,548 --> 00:07:02,883 - How you doing? How was that test? - Who are you? 140 00:07:02,883 --> 00:07:06,469 All right. Rafi's the best. 141 00:07:06,469 --> 00:07:08,972 - You really shouldn't do that. - Why? Rafi's my homie. 142 00:07:08,972 --> 00:07:10,765 Rafi's not your fucking homie. 143 00:07:10,765 --> 00:07:13,101 He just tolerates you because you let him cheat off you once. 144 00:07:13,101 --> 00:07:14,561 You're just jealous 'cause I'm popular. 145 00:07:14,561 --> 00:07:16,563 - You're not fucking popular, - Okay. 146 00:07:16,563 --> 00:07:18,231 - And that's a blessing. - Oh, come on. 147 00:07:18,231 --> 00:07:19,441 Don't start with your whole 148 00:07:19,441 --> 00:07:21,359 "don't mess with the system" bullshit. 149 00:07:21,359 --> 00:07:23,778 - You're just afraid to live a little. - I live. 150 00:07:23,778 --> 00:07:27,157 What do you call an all-nighter playing World Of-- 151 00:07:27,157 --> 00:07:30,160 Whoa-ly shit. Tiff Mann. ( laughs ) 152 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:33,163 I don't think I've talked to Tiff Mann since our figure skating recital 153 00:07:33,163 --> 00:07:35,290 when I was eight years old. 154 00:07:41,588 --> 00:07:44,132 ( crowd groans ) 155 00:07:44,132 --> 00:07:45,967 I've been in love with her the entire time since, 156 00:07:45,967 --> 00:07:49,095 but it's clear that she didn't exactly 157 00:07:49,095 --> 00:07:51,431 see me as boyfriend material. 158 00:07:51,431 --> 00:07:53,558 I've told you, no sleepovers at boys' houses. 159 00:07:53,558 --> 00:07:56,186 But, Mom, it's just Sid's. 160 00:07:56,186 --> 00:07:57,520 Come to think of it, neither did her mom. 161 00:07:57,520 --> 00:08:00,774 Oh, that's fine. 162 00:08:00,774 --> 00:08:02,817 Even more fucked up than that, 163 00:08:02,817 --> 00:08:04,819 Tiff Mann is dating Chuck. 164 00:08:04,819 --> 00:08:08,031 - Yo. - ( laughs ) 165 00:08:08,031 --> 00:08:09,241 Chuck: Wanna go to the parking lot right now? 166 00:08:09,241 --> 00:08:11,284 - How was class? - Sucks. 167 00:08:11,284 --> 00:08:13,453 Mr. Ramirez can literally lick my butthole. 168 00:08:13,453 --> 00:08:15,664 Suck a dick, Chuck. 169 00:08:15,664 --> 00:08:18,917 - ( whistle blows ) - All right, class, let's go! 170 00:08:18,917 --> 00:08:22,337 - Two laps around the field! - Oh, my God. 171 00:08:22,337 --> 00:08:26,633 Dude, do you think Juliana Ulrich would be down for a finger in the butt? 172 00:08:26,633 --> 00:08:28,843 Teacher: Good speed! Keep it up! 173 00:08:28,843 --> 00:08:31,054 I really don't think girls are as into that as you think they are. 174 00:08:31,054 --> 00:08:33,014 Are you kidding me? It's a second G-spot. 175 00:08:33,014 --> 00:08:35,058 And I'm usually pretty good at telling who would be down. 176 00:08:35,058 --> 00:08:37,852 I'm like the Finger In The Butt Whisperer. 177 00:08:37,852 --> 00:08:40,063 You know who probably sticks a bunch of fingers in butts? 178 00:08:40,063 --> 00:08:42,899 - Teacher: Two more laps! - Chuck. Chuck is the man. 179 00:08:42,899 --> 00:08:44,776 Did you see his latest video? 180 00:08:44,776 --> 00:08:47,195 He totally wrecked Su-Ming Lee's car with a pogo stick. 181 00:08:47,195 --> 00:08:50,865 - Chuck's a fucking monster. - Jim, Jim! Hey. 182 00:08:50,865 --> 00:08:52,867 You haven't told me what color tie you're wearing to homecoming. 183 00:08:52,867 --> 00:08:54,452 That's 'cause I'm not going with you, Luna. 184 00:08:54,452 --> 00:08:56,663 Sid:Meet Luna Peralta. 185 00:08:56,663 --> 00:08:58,456 Luna and Jim have known each other since they were in diapers, 186 00:08:58,456 --> 00:09:00,667 and have hated each other just as long. 187 00:09:00,667 --> 00:09:02,294 Luna does not hold back. 188 00:09:02,294 --> 00:09:04,254 You think I wanna go with you? 189 00:09:04,254 --> 00:09:05,839 Here's a list of inanimate objects 190 00:09:05,839 --> 00:09:07,424 I would rather take to Homecoming than you, okay? 191 00:09:07,424 --> 00:09:09,676 Bleach, a bottle of urine, 192 00:09:09,676 --> 00:09:12,137 and rusty nails literally stuck in my hands. 193 00:09:12,137 --> 00:09:14,890 - Glad we're on the same page. - My crazy parents only want me to go with you 194 00:09:14,890 --> 00:09:16,766 'cause they know I'm not gonna come back pregnant. 195 00:09:16,766 --> 00:09:19,311 Great. Not happening. Leave me alone. I have herpes. 196 00:09:19,311 --> 00:09:21,897 You wish you had herpes. That would have to mean someone touched 197 00:09:21,897 --> 00:09:23,899 - your skinny little micro-penis. - It's not skinny. 198 00:09:23,899 --> 00:09:25,734 If anything, girth is my asset and length is my weakness. 199 00:09:25,734 --> 00:09:26,902 - Okay. - So fuck off. 200 00:09:26,902 --> 00:09:28,695 Buddy, nothing is your asset, 201 00:09:28,695 --> 00:09:30,906 and being a fuckwad is your weakness. 202 00:09:30,906 --> 00:09:32,699 Later, shrimp dick. 203 00:09:32,699 --> 00:09:34,117 - She is so mean. - I know. 204 00:09:34,117 --> 00:09:36,036 - Teacher: Sandagger, Vega! - I love it. 205 00:09:36,036 --> 00:09:39,164 ( music playing ) 206 00:09:42,167 --> 00:09:46,129 ( indistinct chatter ) 207 00:09:46,129 --> 00:09:50,842 - Oh, come on, babe. - Hey! Hold it. 208 00:09:50,842 --> 00:09:52,719 - What's up? - Oh. 209 00:09:52,719 --> 00:09:56,306 - Oh. You look awful. - I'm just tired. 210 00:09:56,306 --> 00:10:00,518 - We got an email. A parent-y email. - Yes. 211 00:10:00,518 --> 00:10:06,107 Uh, "Please ensure proper Homecoming attire," blah blah blah. 212 00:10:06,107 --> 00:10:10,654 Were you planning on wearing a very short skirt to this dance? 213 00:10:10,654 --> 00:10:13,114 Why is this the first time we're hearing about this Homecoming? 214 00:10:13,114 --> 00:10:16,576 - 'Cause I'm not going. - Why not? 215 00:10:16,576 --> 00:10:18,495 Homecoming is a very big deal. 216 00:10:18,495 --> 00:10:20,372 You get all dressed up, and you wait for some schnook 217 00:10:20,372 --> 00:10:22,332 to pick you up, and you dance at arm's length, 218 00:10:22,332 --> 00:10:24,292 and then you have a fleeting sexual encounter. 219 00:10:24,292 --> 00:10:27,379 - And then you realize that you're a lesbian. - Yes. 220 00:10:27,379 --> 00:10:28,964 Have you thought about that, Sid? 221 00:10:28,964 --> 00:10:30,924 You might be a lesbian and not even know it. 222 00:10:30,924 --> 00:10:33,426 - You do like Brandy Carlile. - And going to Maine. 223 00:10:33,426 --> 00:10:36,638 - Mm, the signs are all there. - Come on. 224 00:10:36,638 --> 00:10:38,932 - Why aren't you going? - ( grunts ) 225 00:10:40,517 --> 00:10:43,270 That was a pretty compelling argument. 226 00:10:43,270 --> 00:10:44,396 Come on. 227 00:10:44,396 --> 00:10:46,523 Think about it. 228 00:10:46,523 --> 00:10:51,861 You don't want to graduate high school without any memories. 229 00:10:51,861 --> 00:10:54,990 Actually, I have no problem leaving high school without any memories. 230 00:10:54,990 --> 00:10:57,200 I can't imagine any experience good enough 231 00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:59,369 to risk the possibility of a bad one. 232 00:10:59,369 --> 00:11:02,080 It's like why I don't have my driver's license. 233 00:11:06,585 --> 00:11:08,587 And what's so bad about this? 234 00:11:08,587 --> 00:11:10,589 A 72-hour War Monger marathon 235 00:11:10,589 --> 00:11:13,008 is pretty awesome and safe. 236 00:11:13,008 --> 00:11:15,260 ( burps ) 237 00:11:15,260 --> 00:11:17,387 Game on, baby. 238 00:11:17,387 --> 00:11:21,224 Okay, well, maybe 72 hours isn't entirely safe. 239 00:11:21,224 --> 00:11:25,604 According to Google, there are seven specific signs of sleep deprivation 240 00:11:25,604 --> 00:11:27,480 that all lead to complete madness. 241 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:28,815 Heads up, Tiny Tim. 242 00:11:28,815 --> 00:11:30,942 Ow. Stupid hemorrhoid. 243 00:11:30,942 --> 00:11:32,903 Look alive, fuckface. 244 00:11:32,903 --> 00:11:37,240 Oh, God. Dude, slow down. 245 00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:38,909 What happened to no carbs till college? 246 00:11:38,909 --> 00:11:42,245 Symptom number one, you eat a lot. 247 00:11:42,245 --> 00:11:44,623 - I'm fricking starving. - Oh, pop quiz. 248 00:11:44,623 --> 00:11:46,833 Okay, so you're driving home from a party and you can't drive. 249 00:11:46,833 --> 00:11:49,085 What do you take? Uber or Lyft? 250 00:11:49,085 --> 00:11:51,630 Symptom number two, you're indecisive. 251 00:11:51,630 --> 00:11:56,051 - I don't know. - Lyft, 'cause their drivers are super hot. 252 00:11:56,051 --> 00:11:57,802 Plus, Uber is for fascists. 253 00:11:57,802 --> 00:11:59,846 Symptom number three, you forget things. 254 00:11:59,846 --> 00:12:01,848 - What are we talking about? - I'm open, I'm open! 255 00:12:01,848 --> 00:12:03,975 Symptom number four? Delayed motor skills. 256 00:12:03,975 --> 00:12:05,685 - Come on, come on. - Go, go, go, go, go! 257 00:12:05,685 --> 00:12:08,355 Symptom number five, your pain receptors are... 258 00:12:08,355 --> 00:12:09,689 - Heads up! - ...diminished. 259 00:12:09,689 --> 00:12:13,193 - ( whistle blows ) - Sorry! 260 00:12:13,193 --> 00:12:17,781 Symptom number six, your senses get all weird. 261 00:12:17,781 --> 00:12:21,493 - ( distorted chatter ) - And the final symptom of sleep deprivation 262 00:12:21,493 --> 00:12:25,288 leading to complete madness, you lose your filter. 263 00:12:25,288 --> 00:12:26,665 Suck a dick, Chuck. 264 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,253 What did you just say? 265 00:12:35,549 --> 00:12:38,677 - Come on. - What the fuck did you just say to me? 266 00:12:39,970 --> 00:12:43,890 Um, I said, uh, 267 00:12:43,890 --> 00:12:47,477 I said suck-- suck her lick, Chuck. 268 00:12:47,477 --> 00:12:50,605 I want you guys to enjoy kissing each other, 269 00:12:50,605 --> 00:12:52,482 'cause, you know, like, we're not gonna be young forever. 270 00:12:52,482 --> 00:12:55,902 Uh, I didn't say that second part, but I thought it. 271 00:12:55,902 --> 00:12:58,655 Uh, what I said, uh... 272 00:13:00,907 --> 00:13:03,493 - I said, "Suck a dick." - ( crowd groaning ) 273 00:13:03,493 --> 00:13:07,455 Suck a dick, you pogo stick-riding douchebag. 274 00:13:07,455 --> 00:13:10,250 You think everyone's afraid of you? Why? 275 00:13:10,250 --> 00:13:13,420 Because you look like one of those punching bags shaped like a torso? 276 00:13:13,420 --> 00:13:17,132 ( bones crack ) 277 00:13:17,132 --> 00:13:19,175 Jimenez, my good man. 278 00:13:19,175 --> 00:13:21,011 I'm not his man. I don't even know who the hell he is. 279 00:13:21,011 --> 00:13:23,847 - We ride. - You remember three rules 280 00:13:23,847 --> 00:13:25,515 to getting through high school alive? 281 00:13:25,515 --> 00:13:30,061 Shut up, don't stand out, don't fuck with Chuck? 282 00:13:30,061 --> 00:13:32,314 Well, this is what happens when you break all three 283 00:13:32,314 --> 00:13:37,527 of those rules in the exact same moment. 284 00:13:37,527 --> 00:13:38,862 - ( grunts ) - ( bell ringing ) 285 00:13:38,862 --> 00:13:40,530 Motherfucker. Tell me another joke. 286 00:13:40,530 --> 00:13:43,033 Tell me another fucking joke. Huh? Was it worth it? 287 00:13:43,033 --> 00:13:46,202 - I really fucking hope it was worth it. - Break it up! 288 00:13:46,202 --> 00:13:48,872 - I'm gonna kill you, kid. I'm gonna fucking kill you. - Ow! 289 00:13:48,872 --> 00:13:53,835 - Oh! Oh, oh! - I am going to end your goddamn miserable life. 290 00:13:53,835 --> 00:13:59,299 - Come here, kid. Come here. - The next time I see you, you are fucking dead. 291 00:13:59,299 --> 00:14:01,885 - Get the fuck off me! - Are you okay? 292 00:14:01,885 --> 00:14:04,012 Chuck: ...fuck off me. God damn it! 293 00:14:07,265 --> 00:14:10,227 ( toilet flushing ) 294 00:14:12,395 --> 00:14:14,981 This is fucking fantastic. 295 00:14:14,981 --> 00:14:16,775 I've never seen something like this. 296 00:14:16,775 --> 00:14:19,778 I mean, terrible-- oh, dude, you're up. 297 00:14:19,778 --> 00:14:22,030 This is a fascinating porn collection. 298 00:14:22,030 --> 00:14:23,990 How long have I been out? 299 00:14:23,990 --> 00:14:27,202 Dude, you've been out for, like, seven hours. Here. 300 00:14:27,202 --> 00:14:29,955 The nurse said that you were gonna sleep for a really long time. 301 00:14:33,416 --> 00:14:36,086 - What about Chuck? - So Luna texted me. 302 00:14:36,086 --> 00:14:38,588 I don't even know how she got through to me because I blocked her number, 303 00:14:38,588 --> 00:14:42,259 but she said that Chuck is only gonna be suspended for 2 1/2 weeks. 304 00:14:42,259 --> 00:14:44,678 - That's it? - Plus anger management counseling. 305 00:14:46,221 --> 00:14:47,931 I have two weeks to live. 306 00:14:47,931 --> 00:14:51,393 2 1/2 weeks actually. So, what? Today's-- 307 00:14:51,393 --> 00:14:56,231 Today's Wednesday, so he's suspended until the 25th. 308 00:14:56,231 --> 00:14:58,692 Aw, damn it. That's the day of the Homecoming dance. 309 00:14:58,692 --> 00:15:00,902 It's not like you need another reason not to go. 310 00:15:00,902 --> 00:15:04,239 You all right? Sid? 311 00:15:04,239 --> 00:15:05,782 Dude, what are you thinking about? 312 00:15:05,782 --> 00:15:07,450 - Sid: Death. - I'm gonna kill you. 313 00:15:07,450 --> 00:15:10,829 I broke my rules, I fucked with the system, 314 00:15:10,829 --> 00:15:12,539 and this is what I deserve. 315 00:15:12,539 --> 00:15:15,041 Chuck is gonna kill me, and who's gonna stop him? 316 00:15:15,041 --> 00:15:18,837 Not the police, not the school, not the courts. 317 00:15:18,837 --> 00:15:20,714 - No one ever has. - ( knocking on door ) 318 00:15:20,714 --> 00:15:23,592 Sid, you still awake? 319 00:15:29,055 --> 00:15:33,935 Jim told me you two called out sick from work. 320 00:15:33,935 --> 00:15:35,437 You feeling okay? 321 00:15:43,695 --> 00:15:44,654 Hmm. 322 00:15:47,657 --> 00:15:50,619 Oh, I get it. Boundaries. 323 00:16:08,678 --> 00:16:11,973 ( bell ringing ) 324 00:16:11,973 --> 00:16:13,725 ( indistinct chatter ) 325 00:16:13,725 --> 00:16:17,103 Sid: This can't be it. This can't be how it ends. 326 00:16:17,103 --> 00:16:18,480 I've gotta find out where Chuck is 327 00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:19,898 and explain what happened. 328 00:16:19,898 --> 00:16:21,441 He'll understand. 329 00:16:21,441 --> 00:16:22,943 Well, obviously this would work a little bit better 330 00:16:22,943 --> 00:16:25,987 if I had a banana that wasn't quite so ripe. 331 00:16:25,987 --> 00:16:27,906 But I can't find the demo banana, 332 00:16:27,906 --> 00:16:28,949 so I just took this out of my lunch. 333 00:16:28,949 --> 00:16:30,700 Dude, did you hear? 334 00:16:30,700 --> 00:16:33,119 Chuck's parents sent him to some anger management class 335 00:16:33,119 --> 00:16:34,746 during his suspension in, like, Switzerland? 336 00:16:34,746 --> 00:16:36,122 It turns out the Swiss 337 00:16:36,122 --> 00:16:38,708 are masters of not giving a fuck. 338 00:16:38,708 --> 00:16:42,128 It sounds dope, and rich, and you can ski there. 339 00:16:42,128 --> 00:16:45,131 - Maybe he'll forgive you. - And inside the condom... 340 00:16:45,131 --> 00:16:48,134 Mm, no, you're probably right. 341 00:16:48,134 --> 00:16:51,429 - He's probably gonna murder you. Sorry, dawg. - All right, question. 342 00:16:51,429 --> 00:16:55,892 What is the only 100% effective method of contraception? 343 00:16:55,892 --> 00:16:58,853 - Butt stuff. - No, that's not it. 344 00:16:58,853 --> 00:17:00,730 - Double condoms. - No. 345 00:17:00,730 --> 00:17:02,357 - Dry humping. - Abstinence. 346 00:17:02,357 --> 00:17:04,651 It's written-- it's literally on the board behind me. 347 00:17:04,651 --> 00:17:07,404 Now, Candace is your student abstinence leader, 348 00:17:07,404 --> 00:17:10,073 so she's agreed to share her experience 349 00:17:10,073 --> 00:17:12,659 or, well, lack thereof. 350 00:17:12,659 --> 00:17:15,662 So, as you guys know, 351 00:17:15,662 --> 00:17:17,539 I have taken the abstinence pledge. 352 00:17:17,539 --> 00:17:19,332 I'm in Sex Ed, and I'm gonna die a virgin. 353 00:17:19,332 --> 00:17:20,917 What are they gonna write on my tombstone? 354 00:17:20,917 --> 00:17:23,378 "Here lies Sid Sandagger. He shrugged." 355 00:17:23,378 --> 00:17:25,297 What's wrong with me? Was this really my life? 356 00:17:25,297 --> 00:17:27,007 I can't die like this. 357 00:17:27,007 --> 00:17:29,175 Is this why my moms want me to make memories? 358 00:17:29,175 --> 00:17:32,012 In case some psycho with a YouTube channel pounds me to death 359 00:17:32,012 --> 00:17:33,555 on the dance floor at Homecoming 360 00:17:33,555 --> 00:17:36,182 to a Taylor Swift ballad? I'm sick of it! 361 00:17:36,182 --> 00:17:37,392 And this abstinence queen going on 362 00:17:37,392 --> 00:17:39,185 and on and on and on 363 00:17:39,185 --> 00:17:41,146 - and on and-- - Fuck that. 364 00:17:41,146 --> 00:17:42,105 Sid? 365 00:17:44,774 --> 00:17:47,861 - I'm sorry. - Candace, please continue. 366 00:17:47,861 --> 00:17:51,197 I'm sorry that I've wasted so much time in this dumb class. 367 00:17:51,197 --> 00:17:53,617 Excuse me. Sid Sandagger! 368 00:17:53,617 --> 00:17:55,368 Candace, I'm sorry for interrupting you, but come on. 369 00:17:55,368 --> 00:17:57,996 Be honest with yourself. Aren't you tired of lying? 370 00:17:57,996 --> 00:18:02,959 Have you ever dealt with unhealthy, unclean urges 371 00:18:02,959 --> 00:18:05,337 or impure thoughts? 372 00:18:05,337 --> 00:18:07,589 - At this very moment. - ( snickering ) 373 00:18:07,589 --> 00:18:10,759 Do you know what I think about on a daily basis? 374 00:18:10,759 --> 00:18:12,427 It would traumatize you. 375 00:18:12,427 --> 00:18:13,887 And then I search it on the internet, 376 00:18:13,887 --> 00:18:15,013 and it exists and there's porn for it. 377 00:18:15,013 --> 00:18:16,431 That means I'm not alone. 378 00:18:16,431 --> 00:18:18,808 You're probably horny all the time, too! 379 00:18:18,808 --> 00:18:21,269 - Actually-- - It's okay, Candace! 380 00:18:21,269 --> 00:18:23,563 You can admit to flicking it every now and again. 381 00:18:23,563 --> 00:18:26,441 - No one's gonna crucify you. - Dude, I don't know what you're doing, 382 00:18:26,441 --> 00:18:29,027 - but please keep going. - I'm horny. 383 00:18:29,027 --> 00:18:30,862 You are horny! 384 00:18:30,862 --> 00:18:33,740 Everyone in this room is horny! 385 00:18:33,740 --> 00:18:35,533 Like, what's the big deal? 386 00:18:35,533 --> 00:18:39,037 It takes a slight breeze, and I am hard as a rock! 387 00:18:39,037 --> 00:18:40,288 All right, Sandagger, lock it up. 388 00:18:40,288 --> 00:18:41,831 Come on, Dr. Capanna. 389 00:18:41,831 --> 00:18:44,042 This is Sex Ed, for crying out loud. 390 00:18:44,042 --> 00:18:45,835 How can you just stand there 391 00:18:45,835 --> 00:18:48,547 and let this girl make us all feel badly 392 00:18:48,547 --> 00:18:51,258 for having completely normal sexual appetites? 393 00:18:51,258 --> 00:18:53,426 - How do you sleep at night? - Yeah, I don't. 394 00:18:55,053 --> 00:18:56,846 I have really bad apnea. 395 00:18:56,846 --> 00:18:59,766 - It's not because of this. - Why? 396 00:18:59,766 --> 00:19:03,061 Why do we all have to pretend 397 00:19:03,061 --> 00:19:04,688 that we don't want to fuck each other 398 00:19:04,688 --> 00:19:06,273 six ways to the weekend? 399 00:19:06,273 --> 00:19:08,149 We should embrace it! 400 00:19:08,149 --> 00:19:09,693 For crying out loud, 401 00:19:09,693 --> 00:19:11,820 I can see Dave Guggenheim's boner from here. 402 00:19:11,820 --> 00:19:15,282 And you know what? I love your boner, Dave. 403 00:19:15,282 --> 00:19:17,993 - Because Dave's boner is in all of us. - Yeah. 404 00:19:17,993 --> 00:19:21,871 - We are all Dave's boner! - Yeah. 405 00:19:21,871 --> 00:19:25,500 And I'm not gonna sit here and let you make everyone in this room feel bad 406 00:19:25,500 --> 00:19:29,170 - for having completely normal sexual appetites. - Yeah! 407 00:19:29,170 --> 00:19:34,301 My name is Sidney Sandagger, 408 00:19:34,301 --> 00:19:37,554 and I once put a Sharpie inside of my own butthole. 409 00:19:43,143 --> 00:19:45,854 - I humped a melon. - Okay, Guggenheim! 410 00:19:45,854 --> 00:19:48,607 I cut a hole in it, and I microwaved it, and then I humped it. 411 00:19:48,607 --> 00:19:50,817 Hell yeah, man. That is disgusting. 412 00:19:50,817 --> 00:19:53,737 Okay, don't encourage him. That's a UTI waiting to happen. 413 00:19:53,737 --> 00:19:56,072 I get off to porn of guys doing it with other guys. 414 00:19:56,072 --> 00:19:59,200 - Sit down! - I use my electric toothbrush as a vibrator. 415 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:00,952 My boyfriend and I are into macrophilia. 416 00:20:00,952 --> 00:20:02,996 I have a reoccurring sex dream about Elizabeth Warren. 417 00:20:04,122 --> 00:20:05,248 I have vertical balls! 418 00:20:05,248 --> 00:20:07,167 - Oh. - ( murmuring ) 419 00:20:07,167 --> 00:20:09,544 Like, instead of a left one and a right one, 420 00:20:09,544 --> 00:20:11,838 I have an upstairs and a downstairs. 421 00:20:11,838 --> 00:20:13,590 It's like two-thirds a snowman. 422 00:20:13,590 --> 00:20:16,218 It goes pickle, potato, potato, cinnamon doughnut. 423 00:20:16,218 --> 00:20:19,095 - That is so hot. - ( bell ringing ) 424 00:20:19,095 --> 00:20:20,931 Okay, all right, all right. 425 00:20:20,931 --> 00:20:24,059 Warner, Sandagger, Guggenheim, okay. Oh, God damn it. 426 00:20:24,059 --> 00:20:25,936 - No one's taking home condoms. - Sid, Sid. 427 00:20:25,936 --> 00:20:28,396 ( overlapping chatter ) 428 00:20:28,396 --> 00:20:31,149 Sid, dude! Dude, what the hell was that? 429 00:20:31,149 --> 00:20:34,361 - I don't know. - Dude, that was brilliant! 430 00:20:34,361 --> 00:20:36,780 - Come on! Say something! - I don't know, man. 431 00:20:36,780 --> 00:20:38,531 Dude, that was fucking incredible! 432 00:20:38,531 --> 00:20:40,784 Like, fuck every other revolutionary that's come before you. 433 00:20:40,784 --> 00:20:43,578 - Like, you are the Messiah. You are Jesus returning. - ( phone chimes ) 434 00:20:43,578 --> 00:20:44,955 Candace should've fucking recognized that. 435 00:20:44,955 --> 00:20:46,831 Like, you are the king-fucking-penis. 436 00:20:46,831 --> 00:20:49,376 Your schlong definitely grew three inches from that. 437 00:20:49,376 --> 00:20:51,378 Whatever it is that made it click for you, 438 00:20:51,378 --> 00:20:53,505 - that's what we gotta tell everyone about. - What? 439 00:20:53,505 --> 00:20:55,799 Oh, my God. Sid, we're gonna get so much pussy from this. 440 00:20:55,799 --> 00:20:58,218 I was so inspired. I feel liberated! 441 00:20:58,218 --> 00:21:00,595 - Like, this is how... - ( music playing ) 442 00:21:00,595 --> 00:21:03,807 ( indistinct chatter ) 443 00:21:03,807 --> 00:21:06,393 - Sid: Who is this? - Jim: Hugh Hefner would be so proud of you, 444 00:21:06,393 --> 00:21:07,978 may his soul rest in fucking peace. 445 00:21:07,978 --> 00:21:09,813 Like, he would be so happy. 446 00:21:09,813 --> 00:21:12,607 I'm going home and I'm trying that... 447 00:21:12,607 --> 00:21:17,028 - ( music continues ) - ( phone chimes ) 448 00:21:17,028 --> 00:21:20,490 - ...like vagina juice. - Sid: What's next? 449 00:21:20,490 --> 00:21:22,617 - That's fucking brilliant! - How the hell should I know? 450 00:21:22,617 --> 00:21:23,702 It's so DIY, and, like... 451 00:21:26,246 --> 00:21:29,040 - I've never really thought about it before. - ( doorbell rings ) 452 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:30,625 I mean, I don't think I want to deliver pizzas 453 00:21:30,625 --> 00:21:32,627 with Jim for the rest of my life, 454 00:21:32,627 --> 00:21:35,005 but I'm a senior in high school. 455 00:21:35,005 --> 00:21:36,965 I don't even know what I wanna wear tomorrow. 456 00:21:38,425 --> 00:21:41,761 What if I die, Jim? What if I die? 457 00:21:41,761 --> 00:21:45,640 What are you talk-- Chuck isn't gonna kill you. 458 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:49,644 Dude, he beat a kid nearly to death, 459 00:21:49,644 --> 00:21:51,229 and he's been beating people ever since. 460 00:21:51,229 --> 00:21:53,189 It's not like he's getting any worse at it. 461 00:21:54,232 --> 00:21:56,484 Oh, God. Two weeks. 462 00:21:58,445 --> 00:21:59,863 What if this is it? 463 00:22:01,656 --> 00:22:03,199 Oh, that is just so sad. 464 00:22:03,199 --> 00:22:05,660 Look, Chuck isn't gonna kill you, dawg. 465 00:22:05,660 --> 00:22:09,247 - I'll protect you. - Yeah, sure, you will. 466 00:22:09,247 --> 00:22:11,458 Unless he offers to let you be in one of his fucking videos. 467 00:22:11,458 --> 00:22:13,877 You think he'd ever let me be in one? 468 00:22:15,253 --> 00:22:17,172 - Fuck you, man. - I'm kidding. 469 00:22:17,172 --> 00:22:21,885 But, like, let's say for a second that Chuck might actually kill you, 470 00:22:21,885 --> 00:22:26,473 which I'll admit is a possibility because he does have a record. 471 00:22:26,473 --> 00:22:28,892 So in this hypothetical world, 472 00:22:28,892 --> 00:22:30,977 then you got two weeks left to live. 473 00:22:30,977 --> 00:22:32,938 What do you wanna do? 474 00:22:38,068 --> 00:22:39,027 That. 475 00:22:40,195 --> 00:22:42,447 Skip rocks? 476 00:22:42,447 --> 00:22:46,284 No, live. 477 00:22:46,284 --> 00:22:48,286 I wanna fucking live. 478 00:22:48,286 --> 00:22:50,247 What do you mean? 479 00:22:52,415 --> 00:22:54,834 Sidney, where has that Sharpie been? 480 00:22:54,834 --> 00:22:56,753 ( music playing ) 481 00:22:56,753 --> 00:23:01,091 Sid, what are you doing? 482 00:23:01,091 --> 00:23:03,134 "Win at some--" 483 00:23:03,134 --> 00:23:04,928 What does that even mean? 484 00:23:04,928 --> 00:23:08,515 I don't know. I have no idea. 485 00:23:08,515 --> 00:23:11,309 But I'm not gonna, like, you know, 486 00:23:11,309 --> 00:23:15,021 get a promotion or start a company 487 00:23:15,021 --> 00:23:18,108 or have a fling with some foreign girl on a train in Europe. 488 00:23:18,108 --> 00:23:20,735 - ( sighs ) - Everything that you do in life, 489 00:23:20,735 --> 00:23:23,446 everything that makes life good, I have to do it right now. 490 00:23:23,446 --> 00:23:28,159 I don't want just some memories. I want all the memories. 491 00:23:30,537 --> 00:23:31,705 "Know real love." 492 00:23:34,332 --> 00:23:35,709 Are you gonna die a virgin? 493 00:23:39,129 --> 00:23:40,297 ( sighs ) 494 00:23:42,257 --> 00:23:46,344 Yeah! That's my boy! Let's go! 495 00:23:46,344 --> 00:23:48,555 Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! 496 00:23:48,555 --> 00:23:51,016 - ( music continues ) - ( indistinct chatter ) 497 00:23:51,016 --> 00:23:55,604 ♪ Don't start running me around ♪ 498 00:23:55,604 --> 00:23:57,564 ♪ Don't start running me around ♪ 499 00:23:57,564 --> 00:23:59,774 Dude, that sounds insane. 500 00:23:59,774 --> 00:24:01,860 ♪ Don't start running me around ♪ 501 00:24:01,860 --> 00:24:05,113 So you're gonna do all of this in two weeks? 502 00:24:06,990 --> 00:24:09,826 Yeah. What have I got to lose? 503 00:24:11,953 --> 00:24:14,998 ( indistinct chatter ) 504 00:24:14,998 --> 00:24:18,793 - ( sighs ) - Hey! You want some dinner? 505 00:24:18,793 --> 00:24:23,590 Stay impenetrably silent if you love your mothers. 506 00:24:23,590 --> 00:24:25,383 - Both: Yes! - ♪ You're gonna hit ♪ 507 00:24:25,383 --> 00:24:28,178 ♪ Your back side when your roll out ♪ 508 00:24:28,178 --> 00:24:30,055 ♪ I know I used to roll the dice ♪ 509 00:24:30,055 --> 00:24:32,015 ♪ Till I slowed down ♪ 510 00:24:32,015 --> 00:24:33,767 ♪ I hope you hit your back side ♪ 511 00:24:33,767 --> 00:24:35,393 - ♪ Hit your backside ♪ - ( grunts ) 512 00:24:35,393 --> 00:24:36,895 ♪ When you roll out ♪ 513 00:24:48,406 --> 00:24:52,202 ♪ Don't start, don't start ♪ 514 00:24:52,202 --> 00:24:54,204 ♪ Don't start running me around ♪ 515 00:24:54,204 --> 00:24:56,164 - What's up, dude? - Hey. 516 00:24:57,415 --> 00:24:59,834 Girl: Hey, Sid. 517 00:24:59,834 --> 00:25:03,630 ♪ Don't start running me around ♪ 518 00:25:03,630 --> 00:25:06,841 Dude! Sid, dude, everyone is talking about 519 00:25:06,841 --> 00:25:08,885 your "I'm Boner Spartacus" bit in Sex Ed yesterday. 520 00:25:08,885 --> 00:25:10,554 - Like, in a good way? - Yes, like, in a fucking ama-- 521 00:25:10,554 --> 00:25:13,431 - Jim! Jim. - Oh, my God. 522 00:25:13,431 --> 00:25:15,058 Luna, what the fuck do you want? 523 00:25:15,058 --> 00:25:17,185 I don't remember saying Beetlejuice three times. 524 00:25:17,185 --> 00:25:19,020 Ha, ha, ha. You're so funny, Jim. 525 00:25:19,020 --> 00:25:20,981 We need to buy tickets for Homecoming, 526 00:25:20,981 --> 00:25:22,857 - and you have to pay for them, so... - ( phone chimes ) 527 00:25:22,857 --> 00:25:25,068 Well, make sure you tell that to the Japanese sex robot 528 00:25:25,068 --> 00:25:26,528 that you get to take you to the dance, 529 00:25:26,528 --> 00:25:28,488 'cause I'm not going with you, Luna. 530 00:25:28,488 --> 00:25:30,865 Dude, dude, dude, dude. Incoming heatseekers inbound. 531 00:25:30,865 --> 00:25:31,908 - What? - Hey. 532 00:25:33,827 --> 00:25:35,870 Holy shit. 533 00:25:35,870 --> 00:25:38,999 Oh, please, God, let Tiff Mann be my secret texter. 534 00:25:38,999 --> 00:25:40,875 Uh, hey. Hey. 535 00:25:40,875 --> 00:25:44,796 - I'm Tiff. - Oh, I know. 536 00:25:44,796 --> 00:25:49,968 Um, listen, I just wanted to say I'm really sorry about what Chuck did to you. 537 00:25:49,968 --> 00:25:53,263 Oh, no, that's-- 538 00:25:53,263 --> 00:25:55,098 that's, uh-- he's-- 539 00:25:55,098 --> 00:25:57,350 - that's okay. - No, it's not okay. 540 00:25:57,350 --> 00:25:59,686 His parents say that he has impulsivity issues, 541 00:25:59,686 --> 00:26:03,106 but I think he can just be a dick sometimes. 542 00:26:03,106 --> 00:26:05,901 Yeah, yeah. 543 00:26:05,901 --> 00:26:10,113 Also are you going to go the game tonight? 544 00:26:10,113 --> 00:26:12,866 He'll be there, and so will I. 545 00:26:16,328 --> 00:26:18,747 Now is probably a good time to talk about hockey. 546 00:26:18,747 --> 00:26:20,332 Let me see you get it in net. 547 00:26:20,332 --> 00:26:22,375 Hockey is a pretty big deal in Eastland. 548 00:26:22,375 --> 00:26:24,461 - Let's get it in! - Score a goal, 549 00:26:24,461 --> 00:26:27,589 and you get to feel what it's like to be a god. 550 00:26:27,589 --> 00:26:30,133 Brad passes it to Worsham. And he goes for the shot. 551 00:26:30,133 --> 00:26:35,805 He shoots. He scores! 552 00:26:35,805 --> 00:26:38,141 You know who knows that feeling better than anyone? 553 00:26:38,141 --> 00:26:41,269 - Whoo! - Eric Worsham. 554 00:26:41,269 --> 00:26:43,521 Eric, Eric, Eric! 555 00:26:43,521 --> 00:26:45,982 Eric is like a king in Eastland. 556 00:26:45,982 --> 00:26:49,945 Face-off at center ice! 557 00:26:49,945 --> 00:26:52,239 Good move, man. Good move, Eric. Come on! 558 00:26:52,239 --> 00:26:55,367 But heavy is the head that wears the helmet. 559 00:26:55,367 --> 00:26:58,203 Eric has to be perfect, because if he's not... 560 00:26:58,203 --> 00:27:00,997 Move your fucking feet! Come on! 561 00:27:00,997 --> 00:27:04,960 ...he gets to enjoy a lifetime of pain and humiliation. 562 00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:08,171 - And they're alone! - ( buzzer ) 563 00:27:08,171 --> 00:27:13,134 And just like that, the Fighting Spirits have sent this game into overtime. 564 00:27:13,134 --> 00:27:15,762 Get the fuck up, you fucking piece of shit! 565 00:27:15,762 --> 00:27:18,306 Eric, that goal! That's on you! 566 00:27:18,306 --> 00:27:20,392 And Coach Worsham expressing his frustrations 567 00:27:20,392 --> 00:27:22,978 as they make their way to the locker room. 568 00:27:22,978 --> 00:27:25,522 I wouldn't wanna be at that dinner table tonight. 569 00:27:25,522 --> 00:27:26,982 Oh, yeah. Did I forget to mention? 570 00:27:26,982 --> 00:27:29,859 That psycho coach? Also Eric's dad. 571 00:27:29,859 --> 00:27:32,988 You know what you are? I can't even say the word 572 00:27:32,988 --> 00:27:35,448 because the school board won't let me call you "pussies" anymore. 573 00:27:35,448 --> 00:27:37,701 You pissed away the last period. 574 00:27:37,701 --> 00:27:39,703 God damn, look at me when I'm fucking talking to you! 575 00:27:39,703 --> 00:27:41,997 Beat the fuck out of someone out there, okay? 576 00:27:41,997 --> 00:27:44,207 Like we're back in fucking 'Nam! 577 00:27:44,207 --> 00:27:46,251 What have I got, a bunch of pacifists? 578 00:27:46,251 --> 00:27:48,920 Or do I have me some warriors in this fucking room? 579 00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:52,215 Now, I love you boys. You know I do. 580 00:27:52,215 --> 00:27:54,926 On three. One, two, three! 581 00:27:54,926 --> 00:27:57,220 - Go, Frogs! - Whoo! Go, Frogs! 582 00:27:57,220 --> 00:27:59,389 - Come on, guys. Let's go, come on. - ( phone chimes ) 583 00:27:59,389 --> 00:28:02,767 Come on, boys, let's go. Get out there and fucking win. 584 00:28:02,767 --> 00:28:05,228 Come on! I love you guys. 585 00:28:05,228 --> 00:28:08,565 Get out there, play hard, play fast. 586 00:28:08,565 --> 00:28:10,358 Come on, guys. Let's go, come on. 587 00:28:25,624 --> 00:28:26,875 You don't have go out there. 588 00:28:28,835 --> 00:28:31,004 What the hell are you talking about, man? 589 00:28:31,004 --> 00:28:32,464 Say you go out there, right? 590 00:28:32,464 --> 00:28:34,132 And you do whatever the hell it was 591 00:28:34,132 --> 00:28:36,593 your dad was screaming about, and you win the game, 592 00:28:36,593 --> 00:28:38,428 and you win a lot more games, right? 593 00:28:38,428 --> 00:28:41,097 You get a scholarship, and now you're playing NCAA. 594 00:28:41,097 --> 00:28:42,807 And you do really well there. 595 00:28:42,807 --> 00:28:45,101 And now you're playing in the NHL. 596 00:28:45,101 --> 00:28:48,271 And now you have fans and money and women 597 00:28:48,271 --> 00:28:49,814 and you might even win the Franklin Cup. 598 00:28:49,814 --> 00:28:51,608 - Stanley. - The Stanley Cup. 599 00:28:53,652 --> 00:28:56,196 But you'll still be miserable, 600 00:28:56,196 --> 00:29:00,283 because you're not playing to win. 601 00:29:00,283 --> 00:29:02,452 You're playing not to lose. 602 00:29:04,663 --> 00:29:06,289 - I don't know. - I know what it's like 603 00:29:06,289 --> 00:29:07,290 to live your life the way you do 604 00:29:07,290 --> 00:29:09,417 because you're afraid. 605 00:29:09,417 --> 00:29:12,295 I used to hide in all kinds of places. 606 00:29:12,295 --> 00:29:16,424 - You hide in here. - I gotta get back out there. 607 00:29:16,424 --> 00:29:20,095 ( crowd chanting ) 608 00:29:20,095 --> 00:29:21,263 No, you don't. 609 00:29:23,598 --> 00:29:26,101 Crowd: Let's go, Frogs! Let's go, Frogs! 610 00:29:26,101 --> 00:29:29,479 Sid: Turns out jockstraps are super uncomfortable, 611 00:29:29,479 --> 00:29:31,898 especially when you're using somebody else's. 612 00:29:31,898 --> 00:29:35,610 And we got Eric Worsham returning to the ice. 613 00:29:35,610 --> 00:29:37,696 Looks like he took a few extra minutes of rest, 614 00:29:37,696 --> 00:29:39,573 and he'll need it against these Fighting Spirits. 615 00:29:40,615 --> 00:29:42,450 And face-off at center ice. 616 00:29:42,450 --> 00:29:44,244 The drop! 617 00:29:46,913 --> 00:29:50,041 - Eric Worsham going offsides. - ( whistle blows ) 618 00:29:50,041 --> 00:29:52,544 Ooh, you don't see that from Worsham every day. 619 00:29:52,544 --> 00:29:55,714 - Uh, we've got a face-off deep in the Frog territory. - I'm good, bro. 620 00:29:55,714 --> 00:29:58,550 Jim: There's the drop! Worsham has got the puck. 621 00:29:58,550 --> 00:30:01,636 Oh! Worsham is pounded by the Spirits, and he's down. 622 00:30:01,636 --> 00:30:03,013 Coach: Get your fucking heads in the game, kids. 623 00:30:03,013 --> 00:30:04,139 Jim: Looks like that'll leave a mark. 624 00:30:04,139 --> 00:30:05,515 Coach: Come on, let's go, boys. 625 00:30:05,515 --> 00:30:08,268 ( echoing ) Let's go! God damn it. 626 00:30:08,268 --> 00:30:09,895 What the fuck are you doing? 627 00:30:09,895 --> 00:30:12,522 You cock-sucking son of a fucking bitch. 628 00:30:12,522 --> 00:30:15,150 ( continues, distorted ) 629 00:30:15,150 --> 00:30:18,528 - ( whistle blows ) - Sid: And then I remembered why I was here. 630 00:30:18,528 --> 00:30:21,156 For in the realm of the dead, where I'm going, 631 00:30:21,156 --> 00:30:23,283 I wanna be able to talk about this shit. 632 00:30:23,283 --> 00:30:25,035 The Frogs lining up with the Fighting Spirits 633 00:30:25,035 --> 00:30:28,246 - in striking distance. - Let's go, E. 634 00:30:28,246 --> 00:30:30,957 Referee: All right, boys, sticks down, face-off. 635 00:30:30,957 --> 00:30:34,836 Jim: And the puck is down. 636 00:30:34,836 --> 00:30:38,757 Oh! With a huge collision on center ice. 637 00:30:38,757 --> 00:30:40,050 Worsham now has the puck. 638 00:30:43,136 --> 00:30:44,971 Fuck fear. 639 00:30:44,971 --> 00:30:46,932 I've been doing a lot of avoiding in my life. 640 00:30:46,932 --> 00:30:48,934 Time to put it to good use. 641 00:30:48,934 --> 00:30:51,937 - Jim: Oh, he dodges! - Come on! 642 00:30:51,937 --> 00:30:53,855 Jim: He's getting close to the goal! 643 00:31:00,445 --> 00:31:02,989 With a spin like a ballerina! 644 00:31:04,282 --> 00:31:05,784 He shoots! 645 00:31:05,784 --> 00:31:07,786 No fear, motherfucker! 646 00:31:07,786 --> 00:31:09,037 - ( buzzer ) - He scores! 647 00:31:09,037 --> 00:31:10,497 ( cheering ) 648 00:31:10,497 --> 00:31:14,167 Eric Worsham brings the Frogs to victory! 649 00:31:14,167 --> 00:31:17,587 Crowd: Eric, Eric, Eric! 650 00:31:17,587 --> 00:31:22,008 - Yeah! Whoo-hoo! - ( chanting fades ) 651 00:31:22,008 --> 00:31:26,221 ( crowd murmuring ) 652 00:31:27,347 --> 00:31:31,184 - Sid. - What the fuck? 653 00:31:31,184 --> 00:31:35,814 Sid? Is that the guy that shoved the sharpie up his asshole? 654 00:31:35,814 --> 00:31:38,900 Um, correction, that goal was scored by, 655 00:31:38,900 --> 00:31:40,902 and I can't believe I'm saying this, 656 00:31:40,902 --> 00:31:45,448 my best friend Sid Sandagger! 657 00:31:52,122 --> 00:31:56,126 He's 160 pounds of pure sexual energy, 658 00:31:56,126 --> 00:31:57,878 and he's very, very single! 659 00:31:57,878 --> 00:31:59,462 Go, Sid! 660 00:32:03,717 --> 00:32:07,596 Hey. Who the fuck are you? 661 00:32:07,596 --> 00:32:10,849 I'm a friend of your son's, I guess? 662 00:32:10,849 --> 00:32:13,310 I clean the jockstraps. I give them-- I'm, like, their penis-- 663 00:32:13,310 --> 00:32:15,270 Where the fuck did you learn that thing? 664 00:32:15,270 --> 00:32:18,481 I, um-- I... 665 00:32:18,481 --> 00:32:22,235 Fantastic Figure Skating for Fabulous Five-Year-Olds. 666 00:32:24,070 --> 00:32:25,113 Can you be at practice tomorrow? 667 00:32:27,073 --> 00:32:28,783 Yeah. 668 00:32:28,783 --> 00:32:31,453 Yes, sir. Yes, coach. 669 00:32:31,453 --> 00:32:34,456 ( cheering, laughter ) 670 00:32:57,520 --> 00:32:58,813 ( chimes ) 671 00:33:43,733 --> 00:33:45,235 Jim: I don't know what you did to Eric, 672 00:33:45,235 --> 00:33:48,738 but that was some serious Jedi voodoo shit. 673 00:33:48,738 --> 00:33:51,199 He was just afraid. I used to live like that. 674 00:33:51,199 --> 00:33:54,619 - Dude, he quit hockey. He joined the dance team. - Good for him. 675 00:33:54,619 --> 00:33:56,913 - Yo, what up, Sid? - What's up, Sandagger? 676 00:34:00,750 --> 00:34:01,877 Who are you? 677 00:34:03,712 --> 00:34:04,754 Moving on. 678 00:34:04,754 --> 00:34:06,172 With Arlene in the hospital 679 00:34:06,172 --> 00:34:08,425 for her Seasonal Affective Disorder, 680 00:34:08,425 --> 00:34:10,093 I will be assuming the role of interim 681 00:34:10,093 --> 00:34:11,386 student body president. 682 00:34:11,386 --> 00:34:13,388 However, according to school bylaws, 683 00:34:13,388 --> 00:34:14,973 we will hold a special election 684 00:34:14,973 --> 00:34:16,766 to determine a permanent replacement 685 00:34:16,766 --> 00:34:18,894 for the remainder of the year. 686 00:34:18,894 --> 00:34:21,062 Obviously, I will need a vice-president to run with. 687 00:34:21,062 --> 00:34:24,608 You'll be working with me, designing campaign signs, 688 00:34:24,608 --> 00:34:28,778 ironing out our platform, and of course, debating alongside me in three days. 689 00:34:28,778 --> 00:34:33,742 Expect long, gruesome hours and a whole lot of fun. 690 00:34:33,742 --> 00:34:35,785 - ( phones chiming ) - Now, raise your hand 691 00:34:35,785 --> 00:34:36,953 if you'd like to be considered. 692 00:34:36,953 --> 00:34:40,790 ( chiming continues ) 693 00:34:40,790 --> 00:34:43,001 Sid: You know, I'm not sure when it became cool 694 00:34:43,001 --> 00:34:46,838 to hate on Megan Waters, or even why, really. 695 00:34:46,838 --> 00:34:48,798 But a few months ago, some kid started a FarmersOnly account 696 00:34:48,798 --> 00:34:51,218 and posted pictures of her with a bunch of dicks 697 00:34:51,218 --> 00:34:52,719 and other stuff flying around. 698 00:34:52,719 --> 00:34:54,971 People can be such jerks. 699 00:34:54,971 --> 00:34:57,432 And when do they decide that's the one we're gonna torture? 700 00:34:57,432 --> 00:35:00,644 That's the one that we're gonna make feel like shit? 701 00:35:00,644 --> 00:35:02,562 It isn't right. 702 00:35:02,562 --> 00:35:05,649 ( chiming continues ) 703 00:35:05,649 --> 00:35:07,442 Great. 704 00:35:07,442 --> 00:35:09,027 I'll give you guys some time to think it over 705 00:35:09,027 --> 00:35:10,528 and I'll put a sign-up sheet on the door. 706 00:35:10,528 --> 00:35:13,615 Meeting adjourned. 707 00:35:13,615 --> 00:35:16,368 Before I die, I said I'd fuck up the system. 708 00:35:16,368 --> 00:35:19,037 Helping Megan Waters just might be the way. 709 00:35:19,037 --> 00:35:21,373 - Hey, Megan. - Hey, Sid. 710 00:35:21,373 --> 00:35:23,208 About the whole vice-president thing? 711 00:35:23,208 --> 00:35:24,834 I'm sure that I'll find somebody. 712 00:35:24,834 --> 00:35:28,004 I would-- I would love to run with you. 713 00:35:29,631 --> 00:35:32,467 - Really? - Yeah. Why not? 714 00:35:32,467 --> 00:35:35,262 Well, I should probably vet you against the other candidates 715 00:35:35,262 --> 00:35:36,805 before I make any final decisions. 716 00:35:40,433 --> 00:35:42,811 Right. Welcome to the ticket. 717 00:35:44,854 --> 00:35:47,065 I've never really done drugs. 718 00:35:47,065 --> 00:35:49,150 Oh, except in sixth grade when I took two Tylenol 719 00:35:49,150 --> 00:35:50,860 and drank three Diet Dr Peppers 720 00:35:50,860 --> 00:35:53,280 and ended up riding the mammoth at the museum. 721 00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:55,490 Haven't really experimented since. 722 00:35:55,490 --> 00:35:58,493 This is the shit you want. You ever spent the night with molly? 723 00:35:58,493 --> 00:36:01,079 Uh, spent what? 724 00:36:01,079 --> 00:36:02,372 Oh, yeah. No. 725 00:36:02,372 --> 00:36:04,666 Um, what is molly exactly? 726 00:36:04,666 --> 00:36:06,710 You ever been rolling down a hill in the ice 727 00:36:06,710 --> 00:36:08,837 but felt really hot in your soul? 728 00:36:08,837 --> 00:36:13,341 Um, no. 729 00:36:13,341 --> 00:36:15,510 It's, like, spiritual. 730 00:36:15,510 --> 00:36:17,721 The real you comes out. 731 00:36:17,721 --> 00:36:18,805 You're gonna trip balls. 732 00:36:18,805 --> 00:36:21,308 Cool. Sweet. 733 00:36:21,308 --> 00:36:22,893 Um, how much do I owe you? 734 00:36:22,893 --> 00:36:27,522 - How much you want? - Just a few... bits. 735 00:36:27,522 --> 00:36:30,108 - Bits? - Pieces? I don't know. 736 00:36:30,108 --> 00:36:32,527 Just a handful. I don't-- what-- 737 00:36:32,527 --> 00:36:34,112 Just enough to have a good time. 738 00:36:34,112 --> 00:36:36,990 - 80. - 80. Cool. 739 00:36:36,990 --> 00:36:39,910 Usually, I'd be saving this money for, I don't know, my future? 740 00:36:39,910 --> 00:36:41,536 That's the nice thing about imminent death. 741 00:36:41,536 --> 00:36:43,538 It makes financial planning a lot easier. 742 00:36:43,538 --> 00:36:46,833 But don't take more than half a pill at a time. 743 00:36:46,833 --> 00:36:47,834 - Half a pill? - Yeah. 744 00:36:47,834 --> 00:36:49,878 Got it. Okay. 745 00:36:49,878 --> 00:36:54,341 - Minty fresh. Just like this shit. - Thank you. 746 00:36:54,341 --> 00:36:56,343 You think that Candace chick would be down to hump? 747 00:36:56,343 --> 00:36:59,763 The abstinence cop? No. 748 00:36:59,763 --> 00:37:01,389 No, man, I don't think she is. 749 00:37:03,350 --> 00:37:05,227 I might be catching feelings for her. 750 00:37:05,227 --> 00:37:06,519 That's too bad, man. 751 00:37:12,108 --> 00:37:15,695 You know what, Dave? Why wait? 752 00:37:15,695 --> 00:37:18,156 If not now, then when, right? 753 00:37:18,156 --> 00:37:20,992 - Boner bros. - Boner bros. 754 00:37:23,453 --> 00:37:25,205 Like, a lot of puss. 755 00:37:25,205 --> 00:37:27,791 Oh, dude, the Frakas twins are having a party this weekend. 756 00:37:27,791 --> 00:37:30,210 - We gotta go. - Sweet. What kind of party? 757 00:37:30,210 --> 00:37:32,837 Aw, dude, it's a wine-tasting party. 758 00:37:32,837 --> 00:37:36,633 They got Austrian whites, they got a sommelier coming. 759 00:37:36,633 --> 00:37:39,928 I mean, he's gonna-- I mean-- what do you think kind of party? 760 00:37:39,928 --> 00:37:41,388 Yeah, dude. Whatever, I'm in. 761 00:37:41,388 --> 00:37:42,973 - Are you serious? - Yeah. 762 00:37:42,973 --> 00:37:46,101 Fuck yes, dude! That's what I'm talking about. 763 00:37:46,101 --> 00:37:47,519 Dude, I thought I was gonna have to sell that. 764 00:37:47,519 --> 00:37:49,604 Like, for real, I had this whole thing prepared 765 00:37:49,604 --> 00:37:52,607 about how if we both hook up, we would be brothers. 766 00:37:52,607 --> 00:37:53,817 Like, not that we're not already brothers, 767 00:37:53,817 --> 00:37:55,819 but we would be like boner brothers. 768 00:37:55,819 --> 00:37:59,114 Oh, dude, I'm so sorry, but Dave Guggenheim already called that. 769 00:37:59,114 --> 00:38:02,367 ( phone chiming ) 770 00:38:14,337 --> 00:38:17,007 You know, I always suspected Tiff Mann was an angel, 771 00:38:17,007 --> 00:38:19,009 but am I really falling in love 772 00:38:19,009 --> 00:38:22,429 with an honest to goodness celestial being? 773 00:38:22,429 --> 00:38:24,973 - Oh, shit. - Oh, were you masturbating again? 774 00:38:24,973 --> 00:38:27,017 - What? No! - That's okay. 775 00:38:27,017 --> 00:38:28,435 Masturbation promotes health. 776 00:38:28,435 --> 00:38:30,103 That's why grandma's never had the flu. 777 00:38:30,103 --> 00:38:32,147 - Can I help you guys? - Well, when you are a parent, 778 00:38:32,147 --> 00:38:36,401 and your son's Sex Ed teacher Dr. Capanna calls you 779 00:38:36,401 --> 00:38:38,695 and tells you that your son has flipped out in class... 780 00:38:38,695 --> 00:38:41,781 Dr. Capanna, by the way, sounds like the biggest moron. 781 00:38:41,781 --> 00:38:45,660 But also, if your son, say, mysteriously ends up 782 00:38:45,660 --> 00:38:48,830 on the cable access sports channel pucking a goal, 783 00:38:48,830 --> 00:38:51,875 we have no choice but to get very invasive 784 00:38:51,875 --> 00:38:54,294 and ask what exactly is going on? 785 00:38:54,294 --> 00:38:56,213 - I'm fine. - Do you know what? 786 00:38:56,213 --> 00:38:57,547 - You don't look fine. - Mm-mm. 787 00:38:57,547 --> 00:39:00,634 I had teeny little mishap at school. 788 00:39:00,634 --> 00:39:01,927 - With a girl? - No. 789 00:39:01,927 --> 00:39:03,929 - With Dr. Capanna? - No. 790 00:39:06,514 --> 00:39:10,435 Okay, well, if you change your mind, you know where to find us. 791 00:39:18,276 --> 00:39:20,195 - Friday. - Hmm? 792 00:39:20,195 --> 00:39:23,240 I have another game on Friday. 793 00:39:23,240 --> 00:39:26,993 And I am going to Homecoming next week. 794 00:39:28,787 --> 00:39:31,164 Do you want us to ask a girl out for you? 795 00:39:31,164 --> 00:39:33,124 Because we are good at that. 796 00:39:33,124 --> 00:39:35,961 No thank you, no. 797 00:39:37,087 --> 00:39:40,340 ( music playing ) 798 00:39:40,340 --> 00:39:45,679 ( music continues ) 799 00:39:47,931 --> 00:39:50,141 Well, all right. 800 00:39:50,141 --> 00:39:51,935 It appears as though I am not the only one 801 00:39:51,935 --> 00:39:53,353 who is fucking up the system nowadays. 802 00:39:53,353 --> 00:39:56,940 - ( cheering ) - Whoo! 803 00:39:58,483 --> 00:40:00,110 Hey, take five, guys. What's up? 804 00:40:00,110 --> 00:40:01,653 - What's up, man? - How you doing? 805 00:40:01,653 --> 00:40:02,862 I'd heard you joined the dance team. 806 00:40:02,862 --> 00:40:04,656 That's-- that was-- that was awesome. 807 00:40:04,656 --> 00:40:07,200 - Hey, nice goal the other night. - Thanks, man. 808 00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:08,785 Hey, I wanted to tell you something. 809 00:40:08,785 --> 00:40:13,957 Um, just thank you for talking to me the other night. 810 00:40:13,957 --> 00:40:15,750 I feel like I'm finally having fun in high school. 811 00:40:15,750 --> 00:40:17,752 - I'm happy for you, man. - I should get back there, 812 00:40:17,752 --> 00:40:21,214 - but have a good game Friday. - Careful on those backflips. 813 00:40:21,214 --> 00:40:24,009 - Hey, don't let my dad ride you too hard. - I won't! 814 00:40:24,009 --> 00:40:28,513 - See you around, Sid. Let's go again. - All right! Okay, one... 815 00:40:28,513 --> 00:40:33,977 ( piano playing scales ) 816 00:40:33,977 --> 00:40:35,562 Good God, understudy, 817 00:40:35,562 --> 00:40:37,188 I cannot wait to kiss that mouth. 818 00:40:37,188 --> 00:40:40,525 It's, like, the hottest face hole I've ever seen. 819 00:40:40,525 --> 00:40:41,568 God. 820 00:40:41,568 --> 00:40:43,028 Only a total tool 821 00:40:43,028 --> 00:40:44,070 would call Tiff Mann's 822 00:40:44,070 --> 00:40:46,031 perfect lips a face hole. 823 00:40:46,031 --> 00:40:49,200 Then again, Erwin Mueller is a total tool. 824 00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:52,120 Voice on PA: This time with lights, please. Thank you. 825 00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:57,500 - ( thunder rolling ) - ♪ Me, alive ♪ 826 00:40:57,500 --> 00:41:02,130 ♪ You make me alive ♪ 827 00:41:02,130 --> 00:41:04,841 ( thunder continues ) 828 00:41:04,841 --> 00:41:10,472 ♪ A final kiss before I burn your body ♪ 829 00:41:10,472 --> 00:41:14,351 Also, what the fuck even is this show? 830 00:41:14,351 --> 00:41:16,394 Megan: 'Cause we know that Olivia's gonna go after 831 00:41:16,394 --> 00:41:18,813 those one-issue plastic straw voters, 832 00:41:18,813 --> 00:41:20,690 who aren't even informed, and they don't even know 833 00:41:20,690 --> 00:41:22,400 that it's landfills that are causing 834 00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:25,195 the most pollution in our entire planet. 835 00:41:25,195 --> 00:41:26,821 But we have to appeal to them. 836 00:41:26,821 --> 00:41:28,990 We have to appeal to that dumb demographic. 837 00:41:28,990 --> 00:41:31,409 Hey! You know, that's really rude, 838 00:41:31,409 --> 00:41:33,495 to just rifle through people's things? 839 00:41:33,495 --> 00:41:36,414 What is it? Is it, like, a diary or a journal? 840 00:41:36,414 --> 00:41:38,833 Is it a hit list? Are you an assassin? 841 00:41:38,833 --> 00:41:43,964 It sounds stupid, but I write poetry sometimes. 842 00:41:43,964 --> 00:41:46,383 - Can I hear one? - No. 843 00:41:46,383 --> 00:41:48,093 - Please? - No. 844 00:41:57,310 --> 00:41:59,813 Look, it's... 845 00:42:01,439 --> 00:42:02,566 I'm still fixing them. 846 00:42:09,990 --> 00:42:12,701 Rainbows contain all of the colors, 847 00:42:12,701 --> 00:42:16,454 but white light contains all of the colors of the rainbow. 848 00:42:16,454 --> 00:42:20,125 I am the white light on a cold night. 849 00:42:20,125 --> 00:42:21,710 And if you look just right, 850 00:42:21,710 --> 00:42:26,214 you will see all of the colors inside of me. 851 00:42:27,883 --> 00:42:30,886 There. Now we can get back to recycling. 852 00:42:30,886 --> 00:42:33,471 - That was great. - You don't have to like it. 853 00:42:33,471 --> 00:42:37,475 - I know. - You know, I've never actually 854 00:42:37,475 --> 00:42:39,811 read one of my poems out loud. 855 00:42:39,811 --> 00:42:45,275 Normally when I try to talk to people, they just walk away. 856 00:42:45,275 --> 00:42:49,529 Megan, I'm sorry that I never stuck up for you in student council. 857 00:42:49,529 --> 00:42:51,239 - It's fine. - It's not. 858 00:42:51,239 --> 00:42:53,491 It's not. I'm sorry. 859 00:42:55,243 --> 00:42:58,705 Okay, we really need a stronger stance on cardboard. 860 00:42:58,705 --> 00:43:02,167 ( groans ) Let's just take a break. 861 00:43:03,460 --> 00:43:05,462 I can't just take a break, Sid. 862 00:43:05,462 --> 00:43:07,714 Every minute that we take off 863 00:43:07,714 --> 00:43:09,925 is another one that Olivia Binghman doesn't. 864 00:43:09,925 --> 00:43:12,719 That dirty whore has been trying to steal the council from me for years, 865 00:43:12,719 --> 00:43:16,181 and we are not about to let that happen. 866 00:43:16,181 --> 00:43:17,265 Mm-hmm. 867 00:43:18,725 --> 00:43:20,435 - Your breath stinks. - I'm good. 868 00:43:20,435 --> 00:43:23,480 - I have some in my bag. - Good, 'cause I'm almost out. 869 00:43:26,900 --> 00:43:30,987 I've been meaning to get the average joe perspective. 870 00:43:30,987 --> 00:43:33,615 What do you feel? Paper or plastic? 871 00:43:36,910 --> 00:43:40,747 Yeah, my mom threw a hairdryer at my dad last night. 872 00:43:40,747 --> 00:43:44,626 - I don't know if he bled, but it look like it hurt. - Oh, my God. 873 00:43:44,626 --> 00:43:49,714 - Um... - I wanna believe in love, but I don't know anymore. 874 00:43:52,008 --> 00:43:56,346 Yeah, that's one of life's greatest mysteries. 875 00:43:56,346 --> 00:43:58,348 It's big, right? Like, life-changing. 876 00:43:58,348 --> 00:44:00,976 Mm-hmm, and it's-- just don't feel like it's your fault. 877 00:44:00,976 --> 00:44:02,936 - I'm sure it's not your fault. - It might be. 878 00:44:11,987 --> 00:44:13,196 Sorry. I need a minute. 879 00:44:13,196 --> 00:44:16,324 Yeah, take-- I'm sorry. Yeah. 880 00:44:18,994 --> 00:44:21,037 - I didn't mean to make that weird. - No, no. 881 00:44:21,037 --> 00:44:22,664 - I'm good. I'm surviving. - Yeah, of course. 882 00:44:22,664 --> 00:44:25,000 I just-- I wanna be there and I don't know with to say 883 00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:29,588 because I don't-- I never-- my parents are still in love. 884 00:44:29,588 --> 00:44:32,674 - So, sorry. I just-- - Yeah, thanks for rubbing that in. 885 00:44:32,674 --> 00:44:37,387 - Um, I'm so sorry. - It's okay. 886 00:44:37,387 --> 00:44:38,805 ( PA chimes ) 887 00:44:38,805 --> 00:44:39,890 Announcer: Attention, Eastland Frogs. 888 00:44:39,890 --> 00:44:41,391 The student council assembly 889 00:44:41,391 --> 00:44:43,685 will begin in ten minutes in the auditorium. 890 00:44:43,685 --> 00:44:45,395 Where the fuck have you been, Sandagger? 891 00:44:45,395 --> 00:44:47,022 Megan, this is the men's room. 892 00:44:47,022 --> 00:44:48,815 I know. What the hell are you doing in here, huh? 893 00:44:48,815 --> 00:44:52,652 - I'm just peeing. - You peed? 894 00:44:52,652 --> 00:44:56,948 Every great politician knows, "No pee before debate. 895 00:44:56,948 --> 00:44:59,826 It's the pee that makes you great." 896 00:44:59,826 --> 00:45:02,287 I haven't pissed in four days. 897 00:45:02,287 --> 00:45:04,205 Oh, my God. That's incredibly unhealthy. 898 00:45:04,205 --> 00:45:06,583 By the way, your mints, they taste like shit. 899 00:45:10,420 --> 00:45:14,299 - No. Oh, shit. - What? 900 00:45:14,299 --> 00:45:16,384 Are they not mints? 901 00:45:18,053 --> 00:45:20,430 - Uh, kind of. - Kind of? 902 00:45:20,430 --> 00:45:23,266 Okay, there's no such thing as kind of when it comes to mints. 903 00:45:23,266 --> 00:45:26,144 They either refresh your breath or they don't. 904 00:45:26,144 --> 00:45:27,729 They freshen your perspective. 905 00:45:29,272 --> 00:45:30,482 Oh, my God, they're a drug. 906 00:45:30,482 --> 00:45:33,318 I've never taken a drug before! 907 00:45:33,318 --> 00:45:36,571 ( toilet flushing ) 908 00:45:36,571 --> 00:45:39,491 Get the fuck out of here, Eli! 909 00:45:39,491 --> 00:45:42,410 - Move! - And vote Megan Waters! 910 00:45:42,410 --> 00:45:45,789 Nobody's gonna vote Megan Waters now. 911 00:45:45,789 --> 00:45:47,791 Relax. It's okay. 912 00:45:47,791 --> 00:45:49,876 - I think I need to call my pediatrician. - It's gonna be fine. 913 00:45:49,876 --> 00:45:53,088 I'm-- you're gonna be fine. I promise. 914 00:45:53,088 --> 00:45:54,756 - ( whimpering ) - You're gonna go out there, 915 00:45:54,756 --> 00:45:56,091 and you're gonna be yourself, 916 00:45:56,091 --> 00:45:57,342 and everyone's gonna love you. 917 00:45:57,342 --> 00:45:59,678 - No one loves me, Sid! - Jesus. 918 00:45:59,678 --> 00:46:01,429 No one even likes me. 919 00:46:01,429 --> 00:46:05,308 Because people like you and me, we're not pretty. 920 00:46:05,308 --> 00:46:07,435 No! But we're smart. 921 00:46:07,435 --> 00:46:10,814 And that means that we're supposed to have good lives after we leave. 922 00:46:10,814 --> 00:46:15,735 No. Megan, we're gonna start now. 923 00:46:16,820 --> 00:46:18,321 See? 924 00:46:18,321 --> 00:46:20,115 ( groaning ) 925 00:46:20,115 --> 00:46:22,492 You're gonna be fine, I promise. 926 00:46:23,868 --> 00:46:24,828 Okay. 927 00:46:26,913 --> 00:46:29,207 So what drug was it that we took? 928 00:46:29,207 --> 00:46:31,668 ( feedback whines ) 929 00:46:45,765 --> 00:46:46,933 ( overlapping whispers ) 930 00:46:46,933 --> 00:46:48,518 - Oh, okay. - Your turn, your turn. 931 00:46:48,518 --> 00:46:50,353 Hey, everyone. Sid Sandagger. 932 00:46:50,353 --> 00:46:52,272 Uh, it is my strong opinion 933 00:46:52,272 --> 00:46:55,066 that Megan is the fucking best. 934 00:46:55,066 --> 00:46:56,526 - I'm serious, girl, you're such-- - Really? 935 00:46:56,526 --> 00:46:58,737 - Yeah, you're the fucking shit. - Aw, dude. 936 00:46:58,737 --> 00:47:01,448 - I love you so fucking much. - Such good friends. We've blossomed. 937 00:47:01,448 --> 00:47:02,699 - Our friendship has blossomed. - Aww, Sid. 938 00:47:02,699 --> 00:47:05,744 Oh, yeah, of course. Friends. 939 00:47:05,744 --> 00:47:07,370 Okay, I hear ya. 940 00:47:07,370 --> 00:47:11,750 We have evaluated things and come to the conclusion 941 00:47:11,750 --> 00:47:13,543 that you have all been cocks to her. 942 00:47:13,543 --> 00:47:15,378 Yeah, you guys-- you guys have been cocks. 943 00:47:15,378 --> 00:47:16,755 - Yeah. Yeah. - You've been cocks! 944 00:47:16,755 --> 00:47:18,840 Especially you, Jonathan Gliggman. 945 00:47:18,840 --> 00:47:21,176 Yeah, but she is wonderful, 946 00:47:21,176 --> 00:47:23,178 wonderful, if you can't tell already. 947 00:47:23,178 --> 00:47:24,304 - Thank you. - And I think it's about time 948 00:47:24,304 --> 00:47:25,764 that you got to know her yourself. 949 00:47:25,764 --> 00:47:29,392 So, um, well, without much further ado, Megan. 950 00:47:29,392 --> 00:47:31,228 Be yourself. You got this. 951 00:47:33,188 --> 00:47:34,356 Whoo! 952 00:47:44,574 --> 00:47:47,118 I am a prism. 953 00:47:47,118 --> 00:47:51,414 I refract. 954 00:47:51,414 --> 00:47:54,251 But I glow for me. 955 00:47:56,419 --> 00:48:00,215 And I dance for you. 956 00:48:00,215 --> 00:48:05,220 And you and you and you and everybody! 957 00:48:05,220 --> 00:48:08,431 Not her! You made your signs with signs with glitter, 958 00:48:08,431 --> 00:48:10,725 and I went to Kinko's, bitch. 959 00:48:10,725 --> 00:48:14,729 ( beat-boxing ) 960 00:48:16,189 --> 00:48:18,066 ( continues beat-boxing ) 961 00:48:18,066 --> 00:48:19,734 ♪ Composting papers on papers ♪ 962 00:48:19,734 --> 00:48:22,404 - ♪ Recycle bottles on bottles ♪ - ♪ Skrr, skrr ♪ 963 00:48:22,404 --> 00:48:24,197 ♪ We're burning bodies like models ♪ 964 00:48:24,197 --> 00:48:26,241 ♪ And now you inhaled the vapors ♪ 965 00:48:26,241 --> 00:48:28,034 ♪ You know what you wanted me to spit ♪ 966 00:48:28,034 --> 00:48:30,245 - ♪ Whoo, whoo ♪ - ♪ And now you're sorry I did ♪ 967 00:48:30,245 --> 00:48:32,706 - ♪ Huh! ♪ - ♪ Losers vote for Olivia ♪ 968 00:48:32,706 --> 00:48:35,458 ♪ Ballers vote Megan and Sid, you love it ♪ 969 00:48:35,458 --> 00:48:38,044 Sid: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Whoo! 970 00:48:38,044 --> 00:48:42,215 Megan, Megan, Megan, Megan! 971 00:48:42,215 --> 00:48:45,594 Megan, Megan, Megan! 972 00:48:45,594 --> 00:48:49,973 Megan, Megan, Megan, Megan! 973 00:48:49,973 --> 00:48:54,269 Megan, Megan, Megan, Megan! 974 00:48:54,269 --> 00:48:58,273 Megan, Megan, Megan, Megan! 975 00:48:58,273 --> 00:49:02,485 Megan, Megan, Megan, Megan! 976 00:49:02,485 --> 00:49:06,239 - Megan, Megan... - ( music playing ) 977 00:49:09,451 --> 00:49:11,953 - ( crowd cheering ) - Jim: Oh, it's a pass to Sandagger! 978 00:49:11,953 --> 00:49:14,497 - Oh, oh! - Sid: I can't believe I'm about to say this, 979 00:49:14,497 --> 00:49:17,167 but as long as you are not falling flat on your face in spandex... 980 00:49:17,167 --> 00:49:21,004 - He shoots! He scores! - ( cheering ) 981 00:49:21,004 --> 00:49:23,256 ...standing out might not be the worst thing in the world. 982 00:49:23,256 --> 00:49:26,843 - Sidney! Go, Sidney! Go! - Whoo! 983 00:49:31,223 --> 00:49:34,184 - Whoo! - It certainly has its benefits. 984 00:49:34,184 --> 00:49:35,477 Later, dude. 985 00:49:36,895 --> 00:49:38,647 - Good game, guys. - Good job, Sid. 986 00:49:48,323 --> 00:49:50,325 Tiff Mann might be my destiny, 987 00:49:50,325 --> 00:49:53,286 but sometimes even destiny needs a little nudge. 988 00:49:55,622 --> 00:49:58,541 Break a leg out there tonight, man. 989 00:49:58,541 --> 00:50:02,837 Hello, understudy. I thought I smelled you. 990 00:50:02,837 --> 00:50:05,131 Now, this isn't something I'm super proud 991 00:50:05,131 --> 00:50:08,176 to add to my lifetime achievements, 992 00:50:08,176 --> 00:50:10,220 but Erwin Mueller's a dick. 993 00:50:10,220 --> 00:50:11,930 ( Erwin screams ) 994 00:50:11,930 --> 00:50:13,557 Announcer: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, 995 00:50:13,557 --> 00:50:15,100 welcome to tonight's performance of "Frankenstein," 996 00:50:15,100 --> 00:50:17,727 the new musical by Erwin Mueller, 997 00:50:17,727 --> 00:50:19,813 based on a concept by Mary Shelley. 998 00:50:19,813 --> 00:50:21,356 Tonight, the role of Frankenstein 999 00:50:21,356 --> 00:50:23,567 will be performed by Sidney Sandagger. 1000 00:50:23,567 --> 00:50:25,235 The performance will begin in a moment. 1001 00:50:25,235 --> 00:50:27,571 - Did he tell you? - No. 1002 00:50:27,571 --> 00:50:28,780 Oh. 1003 00:50:28,780 --> 00:50:32,701 ( music playing ) 1004 00:50:40,166 --> 00:50:43,211 ♪ Oh, how I love thee ♪ 1005 00:50:43,211 --> 00:50:45,630 ♪ And yet you're a monster ♪ 1006 00:50:45,630 --> 00:50:47,424 ♪ A vicious monster ♪ 1007 00:50:47,424 --> 00:50:51,219 ♪ I am a vicious monster ♪ 1008 00:50:51,219 --> 00:50:54,389 - Wow. - ♪ You must die, monster ♪ 1009 00:50:54,389 --> 00:50:58,268 ♪ But know I will never forget you ♪ 1010 00:50:58,268 --> 00:51:03,523 - ♪ She will never forget me ♪ - ♪ Goodbye, goodbye ♪ 1011 00:51:03,523 --> 00:51:06,860 - I can't tell if it's supposed to be a parody. - Is it funny? 1012 00:51:06,860 --> 00:51:11,781 - ( grunts ) - ( sobbing ) 1013 00:51:11,781 --> 00:51:13,408 ♪ A final kiss ♪ 1014 00:51:13,408 --> 00:51:16,369 ♪ Before I burn your body ♪ 1015 00:51:16,369 --> 00:51:18,788 Sid: Don't get a boner. Don't get a boner. Don't get a boner. 1016 00:51:18,788 --> 00:51:20,790 Don't get a boner. Don't get a boner. Don't get a boner. 1017 00:51:20,790 --> 00:51:23,543 Don't get a boner. Damn it. 1018 00:51:23,543 --> 00:51:27,088 - Oh, shit. - Go, Sid. 1019 00:51:33,803 --> 00:51:37,098 Whoo! Yeah, Sid! 1020 00:51:38,892 --> 00:51:41,269 My acting coach says I need to follow my instincts. 1021 00:51:41,269 --> 00:51:46,942 Huh. Wait, you have a-- you have an acting coach? 1022 00:51:46,942 --> 00:51:50,487 - On YouTube. - Well, that's 21st century. 1023 00:51:50,487 --> 00:51:54,658 Um, do you want to-- would you like to go maybe 1024 00:51:54,658 --> 00:51:57,911 to the Frakas twins' party with me tomorrow? 1025 00:51:57,911 --> 00:51:59,079 ( phone chimes ) 1026 00:52:05,669 --> 00:52:07,837 - Okay. - Oh, yeah. Okay. 1027 00:52:07,837 --> 00:52:09,673 Sick. Cool. Uh, dope. 1028 00:52:09,673 --> 00:52:12,050 I'll pick you up at 10. 1029 00:52:12,050 --> 00:52:14,344 - You'll text me? - I don't have your number. 1030 00:52:14,344 --> 00:52:16,137 Sid: Don't have my number. 1031 00:52:16,137 --> 00:52:18,139 We love a good cat and mouse, don't we, Tiff Mann? 1032 00:52:18,139 --> 00:52:20,267 Hey, bud, you got something on your face. 1033 00:52:20,267 --> 00:52:23,478 ( music playing ) 1034 00:52:23,478 --> 00:52:26,523 ♪ Go ♪ 1035 00:52:26,523 --> 00:52:29,818 ( music continues ) 1036 00:52:29,818 --> 00:52:32,028 ♪ Let's go ♪ 1037 00:52:32,028 --> 00:52:34,864 ♪ Go, go, trouble in the evening ♪ 1038 00:52:34,864 --> 00:52:36,032 ♪ Take it or leave it ♪ 1039 00:52:36,032 --> 00:52:38,034 ♪ I can really feel it ♪ 1040 00:52:38,034 --> 00:52:39,869 ♪ Stay in on the weekends ♪ 1041 00:52:39,869 --> 00:52:41,705 Hey, does this shirt make me look fat? 1042 00:52:41,705 --> 00:52:44,040 Like, kinda like when I do this? 1043 00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:45,709 Oh, no. No. Buttons are totally slimming. 1044 00:52:45,709 --> 00:52:47,961 - What time again? - Um, so, 10. 1045 00:52:47,961 --> 00:52:51,131 So then I'll pick you up at 9:30 'cause we gotta get Luna first. 1046 00:52:51,131 --> 00:52:54,301 - Dude, you're taking Luna? - It's just for show. What? 1047 00:52:54,301 --> 00:52:56,678 - ( speaking Spanish ) - Mom! 1048 00:52:56,678 --> 00:52:58,972 No wonder you don't like Luna. You're too busy falling in love with Sid! 1049 00:52:58,972 --> 00:53:02,893 - Mom! Making me date that brown fire hydrant-- - She is a lovely girl. 1050 00:53:02,893 --> 00:53:05,520 - She's like Satan in the flesh. - I will smack your ass 1051 00:53:05,520 --> 00:53:07,647 - back to next Thursday, okay? - Okay, okay, okay. 1052 00:53:07,647 --> 00:53:09,733 That's the kind of woman you could slap around in bed a little. 1053 00:53:09,733 --> 00:53:12,027 - Okay, Mom, please stop. - I punched your father in the face! 1054 00:53:12,027 --> 00:53:15,614 - Eww, eww! Mom! - And then I got down on him and just went to town! 1055 00:53:15,614 --> 00:53:17,240 - Mom! - Si, and... 1056 00:53:17,240 --> 00:53:22,370 - ( speaking Spanish ) - ( screaming, sobbing ) 1057 00:53:34,591 --> 00:53:36,718 Okay. What the fuck. 1058 00:53:38,637 --> 00:53:42,682 Oh, that was too many knocks. Too many knocks. Okay. 1059 00:53:42,682 --> 00:53:45,143 - You're not even gonna say I look nice? - You don't look nice. 1060 00:53:45,143 --> 00:53:46,978 You look like an incredibly mean person 1061 00:53:46,978 --> 00:53:48,271 because you are one. 1062 00:53:48,271 --> 00:53:50,774 You have the mustache of a child molester 1063 00:53:50,774 --> 00:53:52,859 and the haircut of a molested child. 1064 00:53:55,946 --> 00:53:57,530 Relax, relax. 1065 00:54:10,335 --> 00:54:13,213 - Hey. - Hey. 1066 00:54:13,213 --> 00:54:17,175 Is that your minivan? 1067 00:54:19,427 --> 00:54:23,265 It's Jim's. Great for families. 1068 00:54:28,687 --> 00:54:30,522 Fuck my life. 1069 00:54:30,522 --> 00:54:32,482 You ever wonder what life is like 1070 00:54:32,482 --> 00:54:34,109 for the cool kids? 1071 00:54:34,109 --> 00:54:37,070 Well, tonight I find out. 1072 00:54:37,070 --> 00:54:41,199 ( music playing ) 1073 00:54:41,199 --> 00:54:42,784 You okay? 1074 00:54:46,204 --> 00:54:48,623 Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay. 1075 00:54:48,623 --> 00:54:50,417 - Wanna get a drink? - Oh, yeah. 1076 00:54:50,417 --> 00:54:51,835 - Totally. - Let's do it. 1077 00:54:55,338 --> 00:54:58,800 ( cheering ) 1078 00:54:58,800 --> 00:55:00,760 Cheers. Let's just go for it. Okay. 1079 00:55:00,760 --> 00:55:03,847 - Nice-- oh, you-- - Oh, my God. 1080 00:55:03,847 --> 00:55:06,558 - Is this one bad? - Sid, come hit this! 1081 00:55:14,774 --> 00:55:18,153 Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! 1082 00:55:18,153 --> 00:55:20,071 Chug, chug, chug, chug! 1083 00:55:20,071 --> 00:55:23,575 ( cheering ) 1084 00:55:28,580 --> 00:55:31,666 This is literally the coolest fucking party 1085 00:55:31,666 --> 00:55:33,668 that I have ever been to in my entire life. 1086 00:55:33,668 --> 00:55:37,255 Why doesn't anybody want to go ride a horse with me? 1087 00:55:37,255 --> 00:55:39,257 You wanna do one? Guys, let's go-- 1088 00:55:39,257 --> 00:55:42,510 Dude, give them their moment. Stop hopping on the... 1089 00:55:42,510 --> 00:55:44,262 - For a moment... - ( tires screeching ) 1090 00:55:44,262 --> 00:55:47,140 ...this party felt like heaven. 1091 00:55:52,103 --> 00:55:53,563 Luna: Oh, like you haven't thought about it. 1092 00:55:53,563 --> 00:55:57,442 Yo. Why aren't you responding to my texts? 1093 00:55:57,442 --> 00:55:59,819 'Cause I don't want to talk to you. 1094 00:55:59,819 --> 00:56:03,406 - Okay, let's go for a walk. - No. 1095 00:56:03,406 --> 00:56:08,495 We're gonna go for a walk, 'cause we clearly have things-- 1096 00:56:08,495 --> 00:56:11,790 - ( murmuring ) - What the fuck? 1097 00:56:11,790 --> 00:56:14,668 - Uh, uh, Chuck. Yo, dawg. - I need you to shut up. 1098 00:56:14,668 --> 00:56:17,295 Sid: Who gets out of anger management a week early? 1099 00:56:17,295 --> 00:56:20,715 - Fuck you, Switzerland. - Dude, don't. 1100 00:56:20,715 --> 00:56:24,302 - Don't do this. - David, Candace, I-- 1101 00:56:24,302 --> 00:56:28,265 I really appreciate it, but I'm fine. 1102 00:56:31,101 --> 00:56:34,312 Well, now I see why you wanted to get me suspended, 1103 00:56:34,312 --> 00:56:36,940 you little piece of shit. 1104 00:56:36,940 --> 00:56:39,401 Give me one good reason 1105 00:56:39,401 --> 00:56:41,236 why I shouldn't kill you right now. 1106 00:56:41,236 --> 00:56:44,698 - Uh... - This is it. 1107 00:56:44,698 --> 00:56:48,910 Barring divine intervention, I am... dead? 1108 00:56:50,704 --> 00:56:52,330 - ( crowd yells ) - Oh! 1109 00:56:55,458 --> 00:56:59,754 - Not again. Oh! - It may not have been a burning bush, 1110 00:56:59,754 --> 00:57:03,258 but if an exploding car at the time of your imminent demise 1111 00:57:03,258 --> 00:57:04,968 isn't evidence of a higher power, 1112 00:57:04,968 --> 00:57:06,052 then I don't know what is. 1113 00:57:06,052 --> 00:57:08,263 Halle-fucking-lujah! 1114 00:57:08,263 --> 00:57:10,849 Let's get the hell out of here. 1115 00:57:10,849 --> 00:57:12,559 - Yeah. - I think God just did that. 1116 00:57:12,559 --> 00:57:14,811 That was fucking dope! 1117 00:57:14,811 --> 00:57:17,898 - ( crowd murmuring ) - Oh, my God. 1118 00:57:22,944 --> 00:57:24,863 - Oh, I'm shaking. - It just-- 1119 00:57:24,863 --> 00:57:27,365 That happened, right? You saw that too? 1120 00:57:27,365 --> 00:57:30,243 I feel like we're in a rap video or something. 1121 00:57:30,243 --> 00:57:32,537 - What happened? - I don't know. 1122 00:57:39,669 --> 00:57:42,005 ( retching ) Oh, shit. I'm sorry. 1123 00:57:42,005 --> 00:57:44,174 That just came out. I don't even know what noise that was. 1124 00:57:44,174 --> 00:57:48,386 It sounded like you put a pig in a blender. 1125 00:57:48,386 --> 00:57:51,389 Um, I'm so confused. 1126 00:57:51,389 --> 00:57:53,808 Have you not been texting me this whole time? 1127 00:57:53,808 --> 00:57:55,352 No, I told you, I don't have your number. 1128 00:57:55,352 --> 00:57:58,813 Look, the truth is, Sid, 1129 00:57:58,813 --> 00:58:01,733 I've been trying really hard to like you. 1130 00:58:01,733 --> 00:58:04,277 I mean, like that. 1131 00:58:04,277 --> 00:58:07,614 That's cool, because I want to like you, too. 1132 00:58:07,614 --> 00:58:11,701 And I do like you, so I'm like a success story you can really look up to. 1133 00:58:16,164 --> 00:58:20,877 You know, I've just-- I've felt so trapped dating Chuck the past few years. 1134 00:58:20,877 --> 00:58:23,046 He and I, we have this cycle. 1135 00:58:23,046 --> 00:58:26,174 It's, like, we fight, we break up, we get back together. 1136 00:58:26,174 --> 00:58:28,218 He gets into some kind of insane trouble 1137 00:58:28,218 --> 00:58:30,220 and I swear that I'm gonna never date him again. 1138 00:58:30,220 --> 00:58:35,976 And then I just end up back with him again. 1139 00:58:35,976 --> 00:58:37,978 ( music playing ) 1140 00:58:37,978 --> 00:58:42,315 I guess I just thought that maybe if I liked you 1141 00:58:42,315 --> 00:58:45,860 then I wouldn't go back to him, you know? 1142 00:58:45,860 --> 00:58:47,988 I wouldn't make the same mistake. 1143 00:58:51,366 --> 00:58:53,868 But... 1144 00:58:53,868 --> 00:58:59,457 But I just-- I don't feel that way about you, Sid. 1145 00:58:59,457 --> 00:59:01,042 I'm sorry. 1146 00:59:05,589 --> 00:59:06,548 Friends? 1147 00:59:24,482 --> 00:59:26,067 She didn't even jerk you off? 1148 00:59:30,071 --> 00:59:31,031 Bummer. 1149 01:00:14,115 --> 01:00:16,451 ( music playing ) 1150 01:00:16,451 --> 01:00:18,828 Screw, Chuck. He can't touch me. 1151 01:00:18,828 --> 01:00:20,247 - What's up, Sid? - Yo. 1152 01:00:20,247 --> 01:00:21,873 When he left, I was invisible. 1153 01:00:21,873 --> 01:00:24,542 Now I'm invincible. 1154 01:00:24,542 --> 01:00:27,546 I'm like a hero, and people protect heroes. 1155 01:00:27,546 --> 01:00:31,675 Heroes never die, right? 1156 01:00:35,554 --> 01:00:36,930 ( phone chimes ) 1157 01:01:08,795 --> 01:01:10,589 Uh, hey. 1158 01:01:10,589 --> 01:01:13,174 Hey, can I talk to you guys? 1159 01:01:16,344 --> 01:01:18,013 I think-- I think that-- 1160 01:01:18,013 --> 01:01:19,389 I think that you should log off. 1161 01:01:19,389 --> 01:01:20,974 Get the fuck outta here. 1162 01:01:20,974 --> 01:01:23,602 Okay, I get it. I do. 1163 01:01:23,602 --> 01:01:28,815 I love being in here, but I think you're-- 1164 01:01:28,815 --> 01:01:30,984 I just-- I think you're missing out. 1165 01:01:30,984 --> 01:01:32,736 Trust me. I'm you. 1166 01:01:32,736 --> 01:01:36,156 We're to living our lives to our full potential. 1167 01:01:36,156 --> 01:01:40,368 Out there, the quests don't wait for you like they do in here. 1168 01:01:40,368 --> 01:01:43,622 There's a lot more out there than orcs and night elves 1169 01:01:43,622 --> 01:01:47,417 and you shouldn't be spending your whole lives hiding. 1170 01:01:51,546 --> 01:01:54,341 Yeah, all right. Okay. 1171 01:01:56,218 --> 01:01:57,761 ( phone chimes ) 1172 01:02:07,687 --> 01:02:10,023 Whoa, whoa. Sorry. Hey! 1173 01:02:12,275 --> 01:02:14,110 Hey, hey! 1174 01:02:17,072 --> 01:02:19,407 Hey! Hey! 1175 01:02:22,494 --> 01:02:26,873 - What? - You're, uh... 1176 01:02:26,873 --> 01:02:29,876 Katie. 1177 01:02:29,876 --> 01:02:31,878 You've been texting me this whole time. 1178 01:02:31,878 --> 01:02:33,505 - I'm sorry, okay? I got-- - No. 1179 01:02:33,505 --> 01:02:34,673 No, don't say you're sorry. 1180 01:02:34,673 --> 01:02:37,425 Just... 1181 01:02:37,425 --> 01:02:38,927 ...hi. 1182 01:02:40,679 --> 01:02:43,348 - Hi. - How do you even know who I am? 1183 01:02:43,348 --> 01:02:47,894 I think everyone knows who you are at this point. 1184 01:02:47,894 --> 01:02:49,688 You've been weird. 1185 01:02:49,688 --> 01:02:52,274 Good weird, though. 1186 01:02:52,274 --> 01:02:57,070 And you-- you wanted to help me? 1187 01:02:59,906 --> 01:03:01,032 Yeah. 1188 01:03:01,032 --> 01:03:03,285 Suck a dick, Chuck. 1189 01:03:03,285 --> 01:03:05,495 Why do we all have to pretend that we don't want to fuck each other... 1190 01:03:05,495 --> 01:03:08,039 Jim: Hugh Hefner would be so proud of you right now. 1191 01:03:08,039 --> 01:03:11,209 Sandagger! 1192 01:03:11,209 --> 01:03:14,421 ♪ She will never forget me ♪ 1193 01:03:16,923 --> 01:03:18,341 Do you wanna go on a date with me? 1194 01:03:19,926 --> 01:03:22,345 - Really? - Yeah. 1195 01:03:24,723 --> 01:03:28,101 I'm going to something after school if you wanna come. 1196 01:03:28,101 --> 01:03:29,102 Yeah. 1197 01:03:33,857 --> 01:03:36,318 - I'll text you, I guess. - Yeah, please. 1198 01:03:49,122 --> 01:03:54,294 ( organ playing ) 1199 01:03:58,590 --> 01:04:01,343 You know that I have two moms, right? 1200 01:04:03,386 --> 01:04:04,888 And they're both going to hell. 1201 01:04:04,888 --> 01:04:06,723 Oh. 1202 01:04:11,519 --> 01:04:12,729 Okay. 1203 01:04:16,983 --> 01:04:19,110 I just like bits and pieces. 1204 01:04:19,110 --> 01:04:24,574 - Of the Bible? - Yeah, of all religions. 1205 01:04:24,574 --> 01:04:30,580 Plus, churches are really pretty, and quiet, 1206 01:04:30,580 --> 01:04:33,959 and they make boys like you super uncomfortable. 1207 01:04:45,011 --> 01:04:47,514 Sometimes it's just nice to be somewhere, you know? 1208 01:04:51,518 --> 01:04:52,769 Amen. 1209 01:04:56,606 --> 01:04:57,774 Amen. 1210 01:05:02,862 --> 01:05:05,657 ( music playing ) 1211 01:05:05,657 --> 01:05:07,450 Jim: Ten seconds left! 1212 01:05:07,450 --> 01:05:09,869 He's going! Yeah! 1213 01:05:09,869 --> 01:05:13,415 Sandagger! 1214 01:05:13,415 --> 01:05:16,751 ( cheering ) 1215 01:05:23,049 --> 01:05:25,343 ♪ I spent a lifetime killing me ♪ 1216 01:05:27,470 --> 01:05:30,056 ( indistinct chatter ) 1217 01:05:30,056 --> 01:05:33,018 ♪ I found an old soul who disagreed ♪ 1218 01:05:35,478 --> 01:05:36,855 Hey, can I ask you something? 1219 01:05:36,855 --> 01:05:37,814 Yeah. 1220 01:05:39,316 --> 01:05:41,318 Did you set Chuck Brawnte's car on fire? 1221 01:05:41,318 --> 01:05:44,529 - No. - I had this awful-- 1222 01:05:44,529 --> 01:05:46,448 ♪ I only wanna be with you ♪ 1223 01:05:53,872 --> 01:05:56,875 Cool. I can do better. 1224 01:05:56,875 --> 01:05:58,585 I wasn't expecting that. So, I can-- 1225 01:06:02,297 --> 01:06:04,299 Katie:"Let go of the past, 1226 01:06:04,299 --> 01:06:05,967 let go of the future, 1227 01:06:05,967 --> 01:06:07,469 in the present, let go. 1228 01:06:07,469 --> 01:06:10,096 Gone to the other shore of becoming, 1229 01:06:10,096 --> 01:06:11,890 mind released entirely, 1230 01:06:11,890 --> 01:06:15,101 you will never again undergo birth and old age." 1231 01:06:15,101 --> 01:06:17,896 - Wow. That's beautiful. - Isn't it? 1232 01:06:17,896 --> 01:06:19,022 - Depressing. - No. 1233 01:06:19,022 --> 01:06:20,232 ♪ We're still young ♪ 1234 01:06:20,232 --> 01:06:22,108 ♪ We should still believe ♪ 1235 01:06:22,108 --> 01:06:26,321 ♪ We passed out on a city street ♪ 1236 01:06:26,321 --> 01:06:29,115 ♪ We laughed until we couldn't breathe ♪ 1237 01:06:29,115 --> 01:06:32,035 ♪ I spent a lifetime killing me ♪ 1238 01:06:32,035 --> 01:06:35,121 My mom is eighth grade math, 1239 01:06:35,121 --> 01:06:37,916 and my dad is a librarian, 1240 01:06:37,916 --> 01:06:40,418 but he likes to be called a media specialist. 1241 01:06:43,338 --> 01:06:44,548 - I wanna kiss you again. - ♪ I ain't got nothing ♪ 1242 01:06:44,548 --> 01:06:50,554 ♪ Left to lose ♪ 1243 01:06:50,554 --> 01:06:52,514 ♪ I only wanna be with you ♪ 1244 01:06:52,514 --> 01:06:54,891 Watch your head because there's, like, a lot of books. 1245 01:06:59,145 --> 01:07:02,691 - ( barks ) - Like this, Joey. 1246 01:07:02,691 --> 01:07:03,942 All right, if you don't poop there, 1247 01:07:03,942 --> 01:07:05,360 I'm just gonna tell Mom that you pooped. 1248 01:07:05,360 --> 01:07:09,906 - Oh, my God. - ( bass thumping ) 1249 01:07:09,906 --> 01:07:12,951 Jimbo, what's up, brother? 1250 01:07:12,951 --> 01:07:15,245 Hey, dawg. 1251 01:07:15,245 --> 01:07:18,081 You wanna come chill with us? We're gonna shoot a session. 1252 01:07:18,081 --> 01:07:20,375 You need someone to, like, hold the camera or something? 1253 01:07:20,375 --> 01:07:22,377 No, bro, we need to get you in a goddamn video. 1254 01:07:22,377 --> 01:07:25,589 - You're hilarious. - Uh, all right. Yeah. 1255 01:07:25,589 --> 01:07:26,798 Chuck: Jim, Jim! Jim, Jim, Jim! 1256 01:07:26,798 --> 01:07:29,593 - All right. - Fuck yeah, baby! 1257 01:07:29,593 --> 01:07:32,637 - This fucking kid. - Your dog smells. 1258 01:07:36,391 --> 01:07:40,770 ( music playing ) 1259 01:07:44,399 --> 01:07:46,943 I hope you do die, you fucking drug addict. 1260 01:07:52,782 --> 01:07:54,159 Hey, guys. 1261 01:08:01,166 --> 01:08:02,626 I could press charges, you know? 1262 01:08:02,626 --> 01:08:04,211 For what you did to my face? 1263 01:08:04,211 --> 01:08:06,004 My mom had to put chapstick on my eyelids. 1264 01:08:06,004 --> 01:08:08,924 Okay, what the fuck is going on? 1265 01:08:08,924 --> 01:08:10,425 I feel like I'm in a fricking, like, 1266 01:08:10,425 --> 01:08:11,843 spaceship right now, right? 1267 01:08:11,843 --> 01:08:14,638 You are in a spaceship. 1268 01:08:14,638 --> 01:08:15,805 Yeah, I am! 1269 01:08:15,805 --> 01:08:17,515 I'm in a fucking spaceship, dawg! 1270 01:08:17,515 --> 01:08:19,643 - And your boy, Sid? - Yeah? 1271 01:08:19,643 --> 01:08:21,436 Dude, I've been hearing so many stories. 1272 01:08:21,436 --> 01:08:23,230 Actually, I have mad respect for the guy. 1273 01:08:23,230 --> 01:08:24,856 Dude, he's been going crazy. 1274 01:08:24,856 --> 01:08:27,817 He spiked that theater kid's makeup with Icy Hot 1275 01:08:27,817 --> 01:08:29,319 just so he could go onstage. 1276 01:08:29,319 --> 01:08:31,696 And he got Megan Waters crazy high for her debate. 1277 01:08:31,696 --> 01:08:33,323 - Megan fucking waters? - Yeah, yeah. 1278 01:08:33,323 --> 01:08:35,075 Chuck: He's just trying to live it up before I X him? 1279 01:08:35,075 --> 01:08:37,661 And, dude, he's determined to get laid, too. 1280 01:08:37,661 --> 01:08:39,246 He tried sticking it to Tiff Mann. 1281 01:08:39,246 --> 01:08:41,706 - But don't worry. She said no. - Yeah? 1282 01:08:41,706 --> 01:08:43,250 Jim: Now he's trying to hit on this gamer chick. 1283 01:08:43,250 --> 01:08:44,834 He even went to church with her 1284 01:08:44,834 --> 01:08:46,336 just so that he could get in her pants 1285 01:08:46,336 --> 01:08:47,629 all before you fucking kill him. 1286 01:08:47,629 --> 01:08:49,464 Sid, that is cold, brother. 1287 01:08:49,464 --> 01:08:51,258 You're not gonna, like, hurt him or anything? 1288 01:08:51,258 --> 01:08:53,552 'Cause, like, I'm-- like, I'm down with him. 1289 01:08:53,552 --> 01:08:55,845 No, for sure. I'm not gonna hurt him. 1290 01:08:55,845 --> 01:08:57,597 - Um... - Dope. 1291 01:08:57,597 --> 01:09:00,517 Chuck: 'Cause I'm gonna fucking end him. 1292 01:09:00,517 --> 01:09:03,687 I'm gonna beat him so badly 1293 01:09:03,687 --> 01:09:07,274 that he's never able to feel a fucking thing ever again. 1294 01:09:07,274 --> 01:09:09,901 - Say, "Hi, Sid." - Wait, what? 1295 01:09:17,450 --> 01:09:19,160 - Hey! - Slow down! 1296 01:09:23,540 --> 01:09:25,000 Fuck off, noob. 1297 01:09:28,587 --> 01:09:31,548 ( music playing ) 1298 01:09:36,469 --> 01:09:38,889 What was everyone so upset about? 1299 01:09:38,889 --> 01:09:41,725 Yeah, they were part of a list. So what? 1300 01:09:41,725 --> 01:09:45,437 I still did all the things they thought were great. 1301 01:09:45,437 --> 01:09:48,064 But after the video, everything went to shit. 1302 01:09:49,900 --> 01:09:51,693 I was kicked off the ice, 1303 01:09:51,693 --> 01:09:53,695 and the rest of the guys refused to play with me. 1304 01:09:56,197 --> 01:09:59,326 Megan was put on disciplinary probation for doing drugs, 1305 01:09:59,326 --> 01:10:01,828 and then kicked off student council. 1306 01:10:01,828 --> 01:10:06,124 Candace re-pledged her eternal abstinence and dumped Dave. 1307 01:10:06,124 --> 01:10:08,168 Dr. Capanna: Oh, yeah, sure... 1308 01:10:08,168 --> 01:10:10,962 Oh, and guess who decided to be sick today? 1309 01:10:21,139 --> 01:10:23,141 - Hey, man. - Dude, seriously? Go away. 1310 01:10:23,141 --> 01:10:24,684 - Sid, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - Go, dude. 1311 01:10:24,684 --> 01:10:26,561 - I made a mistake. - Don't fucking touch me. 1312 01:10:26,561 --> 01:10:28,355 - Leave, man. - I made a mistake. Just hear me out. 1313 01:10:28,355 --> 01:10:29,731 Just let me talk for a little bit. 1314 01:10:29,731 --> 01:10:31,942 Do you have any idea what the fuck you've done? 1315 01:10:31,942 --> 01:10:37,155 - Sid, I do know what I did. - You have literally ruined everything. 1316 01:10:37,155 --> 01:10:41,409 All you ever wanted was for someone popular to like you, and they never will. 1317 01:10:41,409 --> 01:10:42,577 Luna, was right, Jim. 1318 01:10:42,577 --> 01:10:45,372 You are an insecure attention whore 1319 01:10:45,372 --> 01:10:46,790 who would literally sell out 1320 01:10:46,790 --> 01:10:49,125 the only real friend that you have ever had 1321 01:10:49,125 --> 01:10:51,711 for the chance at someone with more fucking followers. 1322 01:10:51,711 --> 01:10:54,923 Sid. Sid, I'm sorry, dude. 1323 01:10:54,923 --> 01:10:57,551 Sid, come on! Sid! 1324 01:11:01,054 --> 01:11:04,683 Jim is an idiot. 1325 01:11:04,683 --> 01:11:05,809 Stupid. 1326 01:11:09,980 --> 01:11:15,986 I wasn't just trying to get with you. 1327 01:11:15,986 --> 01:11:17,487 I promise. 1328 01:11:21,324 --> 01:11:22,867 God. 1329 01:11:22,867 --> 01:11:23,827 ( phone chimes ) 1330 01:11:31,710 --> 01:11:32,794 I know. 1331 01:11:50,020 --> 01:11:52,522 Aah! God! 1332 01:12:06,536 --> 01:12:08,413 This is why I have rules. 1333 01:12:08,413 --> 01:12:09,664 This is why I said to shut up 1334 01:12:09,664 --> 01:12:11,082 and to stay under the radar 1335 01:12:11,082 --> 01:12:13,043 and to not mess with the system. 1336 01:12:13,043 --> 01:12:15,462 Because when you speak up, when you care, 1337 01:12:15,462 --> 01:12:17,464 and when you stop being afraid, 1338 01:12:17,464 --> 01:12:20,467 people will hurt you. 1339 01:12:20,467 --> 01:12:22,093 They will find that thing inside of you 1340 01:12:22,093 --> 01:12:24,679 that you try so hard to guard and protect, 1341 01:12:24,679 --> 01:12:26,681 and they will poke at it and jab at it 1342 01:12:26,681 --> 01:12:30,852 until you want to just crawl into a little ball and cry, 1343 01:12:30,852 --> 01:12:33,438 and then you might as well be dead. 1344 01:12:36,274 --> 01:12:40,695 ( doorbell rings ) 1345 01:12:40,695 --> 01:12:43,657 ( ringing continues ) 1346 01:12:50,288 --> 01:12:54,084 Why haven't you been answering Jim's DMs? 1347 01:12:54,084 --> 01:12:56,545 I don't really feel like talking to him right now. 1348 01:12:56,545 --> 01:12:58,922 What he did was stupid. 1349 01:12:58,922 --> 01:13:02,008 But what do you expect? It's Jim. 1350 01:13:02,008 --> 01:13:05,095 He has the emotional intelligence of a premature baby 1351 01:13:05,095 --> 01:13:08,139 and the actual intelligence of one of those baboons with the red asses. 1352 01:13:08,139 --> 01:13:10,100 Those are just baboons. 1353 01:13:10,100 --> 01:13:12,227 And they use tools, they're brilliant animals. 1354 01:13:12,227 --> 01:13:13,478 Well, Jim isn't. 1355 01:13:14,729 --> 01:13:16,273 But he's also your best friend. 1356 01:13:20,193 --> 01:13:21,653 You're coming to Homecoming tonight, right? 1357 01:13:21,653 --> 01:13:25,615 No. I don't have a date. I don't have a ride. 1358 01:13:25,615 --> 01:13:28,952 I got you a tie and boutonnière when Jim got his. 1359 01:13:28,952 --> 01:13:31,329 Fair warning, he did that dumb thing 1360 01:13:31,329 --> 01:13:33,748 where he got the pimp cane and the top hat. 1361 01:13:33,748 --> 01:13:34,874 Ugh. 1362 01:13:34,874 --> 01:13:37,961 As far as a date goes, fuck it. 1363 01:13:37,961 --> 01:13:40,213 Just show up, or you'll regret it. 1364 01:13:41,548 --> 01:13:42,966 Chuck will kill me. 1365 01:13:42,966 --> 01:13:46,011 - I blew up Chuck's car. - What? 1366 01:13:46,011 --> 01:13:47,846 Yeah. 1367 01:13:47,846 --> 01:13:49,931 ( music playing ) 1368 01:13:58,857 --> 01:14:01,359 Grain alcohol is surprisingly flammable. 1369 01:14:01,359 --> 01:14:03,695 Luna, that's insane. And a felony. 1370 01:14:03,695 --> 01:14:06,114 - Maybe. - It is. 1371 01:14:06,114 --> 01:14:08,158 - But do you know why I did it? - Because you're fucking nuts? 1372 01:14:08,158 --> 01:14:11,786 Because for a moment, you gave everyone hope. 1373 01:14:11,786 --> 01:14:14,581 Look at all those people whose lives you affected 1374 01:14:14,581 --> 01:14:16,583 just by being an arrogant little shit 1375 01:14:16,583 --> 01:14:20,003 by refused to play by the rules and be quiet. 1376 01:14:20,003 --> 01:14:23,340 Now everybody just thinks I was using them for some stupid bucket list. 1377 01:14:23,340 --> 01:14:26,343 But stay home and hide from Chuck? 1378 01:14:28,803 --> 01:14:30,096 You'll be showing them that they're right. 1379 01:14:33,808 --> 01:14:35,977 Well, I gotta get back before lunch is over. 1380 01:14:43,860 --> 01:14:45,362 For you. 1381 01:14:47,197 --> 01:14:49,366 Later, fuckwad. 1382 01:15:07,842 --> 01:15:10,971 - I think we have to start over. - You know how to tie a tie? 1383 01:15:10,971 --> 01:15:13,557 Can you get a YouTube video just in case? 1384 01:15:13,557 --> 01:15:16,685 Oh, did you know that this is called an oriental knot? 1385 01:15:16,685 --> 01:15:18,687 - It goes around the tree trunk. - Yeah. 1386 01:15:18,687 --> 01:15:21,439 - Did it. - Photo time. 1387 01:15:21,439 --> 01:15:24,401 ( music playing ) 1388 01:15:27,237 --> 01:15:28,572 Oh, man, this is my song! 1389 01:15:28,572 --> 01:15:32,534 ( music continues ) 1390 01:15:39,249 --> 01:15:41,084 - Get up. - ( whispering ) 1391 01:15:41,084 --> 01:15:45,130 - Get up. - Nice cane. 1392 01:15:45,130 --> 01:15:49,467 - Thanks. - Look, man, I'm sorry 1393 01:15:49,467 --> 01:15:51,261 about some of that stuff that I said. 1394 01:15:51,261 --> 01:15:54,222 Yeah, you said some pretty rough stuff. 1395 01:15:54,222 --> 01:15:56,099 I do think you care a little bit too much 1396 01:15:56,099 --> 01:15:59,477 about being popular, but I get it. 1397 01:15:59,477 --> 01:16:01,730 I know how good it felt when I finally started to get some attention, 1398 01:16:01,730 --> 01:16:03,940 so I don't blame you. 1399 01:16:03,940 --> 01:16:06,109 Boner brothers? 1400 01:16:06,109 --> 01:16:09,279 I thought that was you and Dave Guggenheim's thing. 1401 01:16:09,279 --> 01:16:12,490 Come on, Jimenez. 1402 01:16:12,490 --> 01:16:14,117 You'll always be my boner brother. 1403 01:16:15,493 --> 01:16:17,245 I'm gonna go spike the punch. 1404 01:16:24,502 --> 01:16:26,922 Give him some time. 1405 01:16:26,922 --> 01:16:28,465 Jim doesn't think very fast. 1406 01:16:31,509 --> 01:16:33,511 You look nice. 1407 01:16:33,511 --> 01:16:35,722 Thanks. 1408 01:16:35,722 --> 01:16:37,140 You look beautiful. 1409 01:16:37,140 --> 01:16:38,266 I know. 1410 01:16:42,312 --> 01:16:46,149 - Um, will you give me a second? - Yeah. 1411 01:16:46,149 --> 01:16:50,195 Hey. Um, just-- 1412 01:16:50,195 --> 01:16:52,155 - Hey, please. - Sid, I don't wanna have this conversation. 1413 01:16:52,155 --> 01:16:54,908 This isn't that. It's not that conversation. 1414 01:16:54,908 --> 01:16:57,953 This isn't me saying that I made a mistake, 1415 01:16:57,953 --> 01:17:01,539 or that there was some big misunderstanding, 1416 01:17:01,539 --> 01:17:04,960 or even telling you that you're the love of my life 1417 01:17:04,960 --> 01:17:06,962 or the only one for me or anything. 1418 01:17:06,962 --> 01:17:08,797 This isn't even me trying to win you back. 1419 01:17:08,797 --> 01:17:11,716 - Okay, then what is it? - It's goodbye. 1420 01:17:14,344 --> 01:17:17,347 I just-- I wanted to say that I've had 1421 01:17:17,347 --> 01:17:20,183 a lot of bad days and a few good ones. 1422 01:17:20,183 --> 01:17:24,854 But the ones that I spent with you, Katie, were the best ones. 1423 01:17:24,854 --> 01:17:28,024 And I'm so thankful to you for that. 1424 01:17:38,618 --> 01:17:43,957 - ( all cheering ) - ( music playing ) 1425 01:17:48,545 --> 01:17:52,966 ( music continues ) 1426 01:17:54,593 --> 01:17:57,846 - ( music stops ) - ( crowd murmuring ) 1427 01:18:03,476 --> 01:18:04,519 You ready? 1428 01:18:08,315 --> 01:18:10,275 I am. 1429 01:18:10,275 --> 01:18:14,112 As I walk through the valley of the shadow of high school, 1430 01:18:14,112 --> 01:18:17,449 I take with me my memories, I leave behind my regrets. 1431 01:18:17,449 --> 01:18:20,535 I have loved, lost, risen, fallen, 1432 01:18:20,535 --> 01:18:22,454 and now I face the beyond. 1433 01:18:22,454 --> 01:18:25,248 May my beatdown inspire those who still live in fear. 1434 01:18:25,248 --> 01:18:29,336 I am Sid Sandagger, and I am no longer afraid! 1435 01:18:29,336 --> 01:18:32,047 And I have lived! 1436 01:18:32,047 --> 01:18:36,843 ( flatlining ) 1437 01:18:42,849 --> 01:18:45,185 Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. 1438 01:18:45,185 --> 01:18:46,603 - How does this shit fucking work? - ( beeping resumes ) 1439 01:18:46,603 --> 01:18:50,106 That's definitely not how it works. 1440 01:18:50,106 --> 01:18:53,610 Hey, buddy. How you feel? 1441 01:18:54,861 --> 01:18:56,238 I'm alive? 1442 01:18:56,238 --> 01:18:57,447 Yeah, you're alive. 1443 01:18:57,447 --> 01:19:00,075 I mean, you look like a Picasso, 1444 01:19:00,075 --> 01:19:02,077 but you're alive. 1445 01:19:06,665 --> 01:19:08,667 - Oh, my God. - What? 1446 01:19:08,667 --> 01:19:11,044 What happened to your face? 1447 01:19:11,044 --> 01:19:13,880 Oh, um, I think Luna might've tagged me by accident. 1448 01:19:13,880 --> 01:19:15,340 She is so strong. 1449 01:19:15,340 --> 01:19:18,093 I think it's the low center of gravity 1450 01:19:18,093 --> 01:19:21,596 - and the rage issues. - So what happened? 1451 01:19:21,596 --> 01:19:24,224 You went unconscious pretty quickly, and then shit went down. 1452 01:19:24,224 --> 01:19:26,142 ( crowd gasps ) 1453 01:19:26,142 --> 01:19:28,436 - ( grunting ) - Coach: Break it up! 1454 01:19:28,436 --> 01:19:30,897 Dad, listen to me! I'm a dancer! 1455 01:19:30,897 --> 01:19:31,898 What do you mean you're a dancer? 1456 01:19:31,898 --> 01:19:33,108 Yeah! You know what else? 1457 01:19:33,108 --> 01:19:35,277 ( crowd gasps ) 1458 01:19:35,277 --> 01:19:37,529 I wanna dance! 1459 01:19:37,529 --> 01:19:38,863 Somebody dance with me! 1460 01:19:38,863 --> 01:19:40,699 Now I know why pimps carry canes! 1461 01:19:40,699 --> 01:19:42,158 ( grunts ) 1462 01:19:42,158 --> 01:19:45,704 ( panting ) 1463 01:19:45,704 --> 01:19:47,330 - Oh, fuck. - You stupid bitch. 1464 01:19:47,330 --> 01:19:51,293 - No, I thought we were bros! - Motherfucker! 1465 01:19:51,293 --> 01:19:54,504 I'll kill you, you hear me? I'll fucking kill you, bitch! 1466 01:19:55,630 --> 01:19:57,048 I hope you choke to death! 1467 01:19:57,048 --> 01:19:58,925 I'll protect you. 1468 01:19:58,925 --> 01:20:00,552 Protect yourself, bitch. 1469 01:20:00,552 --> 01:20:03,013 - Make your melon. - Yes. 1470 01:20:09,603 --> 01:20:11,980 - You fought Chuck for me? - Yeah, of course, dude. 1471 01:20:11,980 --> 01:20:14,858 You're my best friend. 1472 01:20:14,858 --> 01:20:18,445 I'm never gonna let some piece of shit beat the shit out of you. 1473 01:20:18,445 --> 01:20:23,116 - Can you walk? - Oh, fuck. 1474 01:20:23,116 --> 01:20:25,160 Dude, I haven't even tri-- oh. 1475 01:20:25,160 --> 01:20:26,953 Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, I think so. 1476 01:20:26,953 --> 01:20:27,954 Fuck! 1477 01:20:27,954 --> 01:20:30,165 ( moaning ) 1478 01:20:30,165 --> 01:20:33,251 Well, anyway, there's some people who might wanna see you. 1479 01:20:33,251 --> 01:20:35,754 Yeah, I'm good. 1480 01:20:38,882 --> 01:20:40,175 - Hey. - ( music playing ) 1481 01:20:40,175 --> 01:20:42,969 ( crowd chattering ) 1482 01:20:42,969 --> 01:20:44,179 Yeah, you're definitely gonna need stitches. 1483 01:20:44,179 --> 01:20:47,766 - Ow. Oh, fuck. - Sid! Hey. 1484 01:20:47,766 --> 01:20:53,605 ♪ Today I took my first breath ♪ 1485 01:20:53,605 --> 01:20:55,774 Sid, way to take that punch, man. 1486 01:20:55,774 --> 01:20:57,651 - Oh! - ( chatter continues ) 1487 01:20:57,651 --> 01:21:02,155 ♪ I'm standing on this broken road ♪ 1488 01:21:02,155 --> 01:21:08,119 ♪ I'll find my way back home to you and me ♪ 1489 01:21:10,580 --> 01:21:12,999 ♪ Hey ♪ 1490 01:21:12,999 --> 01:21:15,418 ♪ Hey ♪ 1491 01:21:15,418 --> 01:21:16,545 ♪ Hey ♪ 1492 01:21:19,714 --> 01:21:21,007 So we're agreed on ground rules? 1493 01:21:21,007 --> 01:21:22,342 One night only, 1494 01:21:22,342 --> 01:21:23,426 and then we never breathe a word of this 1495 01:21:23,426 --> 01:21:24,928 - to anyone ever again. - Deal. 1496 01:21:24,928 --> 01:21:26,263 Like it never happened. 1497 01:21:26,263 --> 01:21:28,014 - Wanna know something? - What? 1498 01:21:28,014 --> 01:21:31,810 - I blew up Chuck's car. - God, you're fucking crazy. 1499 01:21:31,810 --> 01:21:35,647 ♪ Today is the day ♪ 1500 01:21:37,023 --> 01:21:40,402 ( vocalizing ) 1501 01:21:46,449 --> 01:21:48,243 Hey. 1502 01:21:48,243 --> 01:21:49,202 Hey. 1503 01:21:50,245 --> 01:21:53,790 How was your day? 1504 01:21:53,790 --> 01:21:54,791 Eventful. 1505 01:21:54,791 --> 01:21:57,335 Can we just start over? 1506 01:21:58,837 --> 01:22:01,089 Yeah. 1507 01:22:01,089 --> 01:22:02,048 I'm Sid. 1508 01:22:04,050 --> 01:22:05,010 I know. 1509 01:22:07,262 --> 01:22:08,722 Do you wanna dance? 1510 01:22:10,640 --> 01:22:11,641 Yeah. 1511 01:22:11,641 --> 01:22:14,603 ( vocalizing ) 1512 01:22:17,272 --> 01:22:19,065 - Oh! - What? 1513 01:22:19,065 --> 01:22:20,442 What, what? What, what, what? 1514 01:22:20,442 --> 01:22:22,652 - What, what? What? - You bit me! 1515 01:22:22,652 --> 01:22:25,196 Why is your tongue so long? Are you trying to get my throat pregnant? 1516 01:22:25,196 --> 01:22:27,490 Oh, my God. Why did I think this would be a good idea? 1517 01:22:27,490 --> 01:22:30,994 - You kiss like a succubus. - I hate you so much. 1518 01:22:33,663 --> 01:22:36,666 What, what? 1519 01:22:36,666 --> 01:22:38,251 Will you stick a finger in my butt? 1520 01:22:42,172 --> 01:22:45,675 - You are so beautiful. - ♪ Hey ♪ 1521 01:22:45,675 --> 01:22:50,680 ♪ Today is the day ♪ 1522 01:22:50,680 --> 01:22:55,894 ♪ Today is our day ♪ 1523 01:22:55,894 --> 01:22:57,646 Shit, I have a boner. 1524 01:22:58,939 --> 01:23:00,899 Me too. 1525 01:23:00,899 --> 01:23:05,070 ( vocalizing ) 1526 01:23:05,070 --> 01:23:10,325 ♪ Today is the day ♪ 1527 01:23:10,325 --> 01:23:13,912 ♪ Today is our day ♪ 1528 01:23:13,912 --> 01:23:15,914 ♪ For your and me ♪ 1529 01:23:15,914 --> 01:23:18,917 ( chatter continues ) 1530 01:23:18,917 --> 01:23:20,877 ♪ For you and me ♪ 1531 01:23:23,713 --> 01:23:26,091 ♪ For you and me ♪ 1532 01:23:28,718 --> 01:23:30,512 ♪ For you and me ♪ 1533 01:23:37,686 --> 01:23:40,689 ( music playing ) 1534 01:23:40,689 --> 01:23:44,317 ( vocalizing ) 1535 01:23:51,700 --> 01:23:55,370 ♪ All the roads I've had to choose ♪ 1536 01:23:55,370 --> 01:23:59,040 ♪ And they all led back to you ♪ 1537 01:23:59,040 --> 01:24:02,711 ♪ My eyes are open wide out ♪ 1538 01:24:02,711 --> 01:24:05,755 ♪ But you put the light out ♪ 1539 01:24:05,755 --> 01:24:08,758 ♪ You're running me around ♪ 1540 01:24:08,758 --> 01:24:12,596 ♪ Don't start running me around ♪ 1541 01:24:12,596 --> 01:24:16,308 ♪ Don't start running me around ♪ 1542 01:24:16,308 --> 01:24:19,895 ♪ Don't start running me around ♪ 1543 01:24:19,895 --> 01:24:21,813 ♪ Don't start running me around ♪ 1544 01:24:21,813 --> 01:24:25,400 ♪ I never know how many roads ♪ 1545 01:24:25,400 --> 01:24:29,070 ♪ I'll have to choose ♪ 1546 01:24:29,070 --> 01:24:31,406 ♪ It's not a bed of roses ♪ 1547 01:24:31,406 --> 01:24:33,408 ♪ You never notice ♪ 1548 01:24:33,408 --> 01:24:36,411 ♪ You never knew ♪ 1549 01:24:36,411 --> 01:24:40,999 ♪ I hope you don't hit your back side when you roll out ♪ 1550 01:24:40,999 --> 01:24:44,794 ♪ And you never used to roll the dice till you slowed down ♪ 1551 01:24:44,794 --> 01:24:48,632 ♪ Now I hope you hit your back side, hit your back side ♪ 1552 01:24:48,632 --> 01:24:51,092 ♪ When you roll out ♪ 1553 01:24:51,092 --> 01:24:54,095 ♪ You're running me around ♪ 1554 01:24:54,095 --> 01:24:57,766 ♪ Don't start running me around ♪ 1555 01:24:57,766 --> 01:25:01,478 ♪ Don't start running me around ♪ 1556 01:25:01,478 --> 01:25:05,106 ♪ Don't start running me around ♪ 1557 01:25:05,106 --> 01:25:08,777 ♪ Don't start running me around ♪ 1558 01:25:08,777 --> 01:25:12,447 ♪ Who you calling in the middle of the night? ♪ 1559 01:25:12,447 --> 01:25:16,117 ♪ I know you miss it and you wish it was right ♪ 1560 01:25:16,117 --> 01:25:19,788 ♪ I know you wish you knew what you know now ♪ 1561 01:25:19,788 --> 01:25:24,084 ♪ But I can't take you when you're running me around ♪ 1562 01:25:37,681 --> 01:25:41,601 ♪ All the roads I've had to choose ♪ 1563 01:25:41,601 --> 01:25:44,688 ♪ And they all led back to you ♪ 1564 01:25:44,688 --> 01:25:48,692 ♪ My eyes are open wide out ♪ 1565 01:25:48,692 --> 01:25:52,279 ♪ But you put the light out ♪ 1566 01:25:52,279 --> 01:25:54,072 ♪ I hope you know you're gonna hit ♪ 1567 01:25:54,072 --> 01:25:57,075 ♪ Your back side when you roll out ♪ 1568 01:25:57,075 --> 01:25:59,077 ♪ I know I used to roll the dice ♪ 1569 01:25:59,077 --> 01:26:00,787 ♪ Till I slowed down ♪ 1570 01:26:00,787 --> 01:26:02,706 ♪ I hope you hit your back side, 1571 01:26:02,706 --> 01:26:06,877 ♪ Hit your back side when you roll out ♪ 1572 01:26:06,877 --> 01:26:09,713 ♪ You're running me around ♪ 1573 01:26:09,713 --> 01:26:13,508 ♪ Don't start running me around ♪ 1574 01:26:13,508 --> 01:26:17,220 ♪ Don't start running me around ♪ 1575 01:26:17,220 --> 01:26:21,099 ♪ Don't start running me around ♪ 1576 01:26:21,099 --> 01:26:24,728 ♪ Don't start running me around ♪ 1577 01:26:24,728 --> 01:26:28,523 ♪ Don't start, don't start ♪ 1578 01:26:28,523 --> 01:26:33,278 ♪ Don't start running me around ♪ 1579 01:26:36,239 --> 01:26:41,286 ♪ Don't start running me around ♪ 1580 01:26:45,749 --> 01:26:51,713 ( music playing ) 1581 01:27:00,931 --> 01:27:04,768 ( music continues ) 1582 01:27:04,768 --> 01:27:08,772 ♪ The cycle never really ends ♪ 1583 01:27:08,772 --> 01:27:12,150 ♪ You and me were left out ♪ 1584 01:27:12,150 --> 01:27:14,945 ♪ I'm stuck inside the glass again ♪ 1585 01:27:14,945 --> 01:27:17,155 ♪ Tell me everything about it ♪ 1586 01:27:17,155 --> 01:27:20,158 ♪ Now I can't explain ♪ 1587 01:27:20,158 --> 01:27:23,954 ♪ Everything inside your brain ♪ 1588 01:27:23,954 --> 01:27:26,581 ♪ Is turning inside out ♪ 1589 01:27:26,581 --> 01:27:30,544 ♪ And upside down ♪ 1590 01:27:32,796 --> 01:27:36,591 ♪ I think I'm just your bad habit ♪ 1591 01:27:36,591 --> 01:27:40,595 ♪ I think I'm just your bad habit ♪ 1592 01:27:40,595 --> 01:27:43,974 ♪ I think I'm just your bad habit ♪ 1593 01:27:43,974 --> 01:27:46,935 ♪ I think I'm just your-- just your ♪ 1594 01:28:01,992 --> 01:28:05,412 ♪ Hurting from a tough crowd ♪ 1595 01:28:05,412 --> 01:28:09,416 ♪ Cool classic playing on the brain ♪ 1596 01:28:09,416 --> 01:28:13,420 ♪ We're craving all the old times ♪ 1597 01:28:13,420 --> 01:28:15,839 ♪ Just to bring back all the pain ♪ 1598 01:28:15,839 --> 01:28:18,425 ♪ Tell me everything about it ♪ 1599 01:28:18,425 --> 01:28:21,219 ♪ Now I can't explain ♪ 1600 01:28:21,219 --> 01:28:24,848 ♪ Everything inside your brain ♪ 1601 01:28:24,848 --> 01:28:27,642 ♪ Is turning inside out ♪ 1602 01:28:27,642 --> 01:28:31,813 ♪ And upside down ♪ 1603 01:28:33,648 --> 01:28:37,652 ♪ I think I'm just your bad habit ♪ 1604 01:28:37,652 --> 01:28:41,448 ♪ I think I'm just your bad habit ♪ 1605 01:28:41,448 --> 01:28:45,035 ♪ I think I'm just your bad habit ♪ 1606 01:28:45,035 --> 01:28:48,663 ♪ I think I'm just your-- just your habit ♪ 1607 01:28:48,663 --> 01:28:51,666 ♪ Makes me wanna scream ♪ 1608 01:28:51,666 --> 01:28:55,462 ♪ Feeling like I'm 17 ♪ 1609 01:28:55,462 --> 01:28:59,674 ♪ Pick a fight and make a scene ♪ 1610 01:28:59,674 --> 01:29:02,636 ♪ Think I'm just your bad habit ♪ 1611 01:29:19,694 --> 01:29:23,490 ♪ I think I'm just your bad habit ♪ 1612 01:29:23,490 --> 01:29:27,285 ♪ I think I'm just your bad habit ♪ 1613 01:29:27,285 --> 01:29:30,914 ♪ I think I'm just your bad habit ♪ 1614 01:29:30,914 --> 01:29:34,084 ♪ I think I'm just your-- just your ♪ 1615 01:29:34,084 --> 01:29:39,047 ( music playing )