PAIGE: 'Previously on The Real Housewives Of Cheshire...'
JONTE: Perfect position.
You've done plenty of dogs over the years, love.
So this is no different, so get your lips wrapped round it.
Hot James, we call him. Hot James.
Is that his new name? That's his new name.
Sheena said that she's tried to get closer to you.
How?! Don't listen to other people.
Use your own judgement. But I am cautious.
I thought our friendship was more than it was.
So, you're another one that's just happy just to be quite wary.
Cos that's how it feels. Yeah, it is making me wary.
Wary of what? Of you!
But I'm actually gonna invite you to my diamond soiree.
Don't want any Butlin vibes.
THEY GASP And no see-through catsuits.
That's aimed at Nermina.
No-one sends out invites like that.
Yes. You don't think how other people are going to feel.
Do you not understand my opinion on the matter? Cos there's two sides.
I've apologised to her. You sent the invite to me.
It ends there. With you, it ends.
'I'm a queen bee, and I've got a sting in my tail.'
'Cheshire's in my blood, but don't make it boil.'
'I'll pray for peace, but I'm ready for war.'
'I might be younger, but I wasn't born yesterday.'
'I don't have time for gossip. I'm too busy building an empire.'
'Cheshire's my playground,
'and I'll give you the ride of your life.'
♪ Livin' like a billionaire
♪ Whoa, oh-oh-oh... ♪
These all make beautiful presents.
Diamond studs, classics?
May be the one? Oh, sod it.
I'm just gonna do it. Give me seven of those.
Thank you. You're welcome.
♪ Like a what? Billionaire Like a what? Billionaire
♪ Livin' like a billionaire... ♪
Look at you. Got it all under control. This is what I love.
SHANE: I'm grand.
You do do a good breakfast, though, babe.
It's too early for wine, isn't it?
Champagne? Shall we have a glass? Shall we wait till Seema comes?
If she wants one, we'll get a glass.
PAIGE: Right, hold your horses.
BOTH SCREAMING
You are a thrill-seeker!
We've got to make this fun, don't we? Yeah.
Full speed. Whoo! You can do it!
BOTH SCREAMING
Oh, my God! That's it. And that's more like it.
Putting your foot down,
whizzing us about like we're in Alton Towers,
is not quite the etiquette that these people want on the greens.
We can let those ladies hit their balls,
and we will not be an obstruction to them.
So, golf etiquette is not get in the way? Yes.
BALL THWACKS Wow!
Do you clap? Is that what you do?
No, no, no. Oh, it's gone in the water.
I wouldn't be clapping. I would've clapped...
You've put her off, Paige.
Can the earth just swallow me up?
'The golfer is absolutely frickin' mortified.'
Paige, not the time, not the place.
How are wedding plans going?
I showed David two dresses that I want to get married in.
Oh! He said he doesn't want loads of fuss and loads of razzmatazz.
Like, "Ampika, I just want it really low-key."
Yeah. "Just you and I, two witnesses, that's it."
He said, "I really struggle. I've never proposed to anyone."
Oh! He said, "So it's such a big thing for me..."
Yeah. "..to make this commitment."
I am super excited
because I've waited a long time for this moment.
'If I had it my way, I'd have more of a circus type of feel.'
But as it's David, I'll let him have his way,
cos ultimately, I'm getting wed.
So, you're gonna go back.
Keep looking at the ball, and then go right through.
Don't let go of the club, Paige.
Whoo! Whoo!
Right, OK. You... You missed.
There we go.
Whoo! Ooh! That's called a skimmer.
Oh, never mind. It's gone for a swim.
It's boring, this, isn't it?
Whoo! Ooh! Hit the golf cart.
I have tried a lot of sport, but golf is not for me.
Ooh!
Oh! Oh, so close!
Agh! Third time lucky!
Whoo! Whoo!
BOTH: High five! Whoo!
Seema's last week in Cheshire.
I can't believe it. It's flown, hasn't it? I know.
I'm thinking that we maybe do, like, a really big leaving party.
Like, glamorous leaving party.
I've even thought of a place where we can go, and it's very grand.
OK. What about a leaving present?
I'll do that. Maybe a cute necklace or bracelet, but I just think...
Jewellery. Yeah, she loves that. ...just think sweet.
'I am still really sad that my bestie, Seema,
'is leaving Cheshire to go and live in Dubai.'
But I have come to terms with it.
And now I am determined to give her the biggest and best send-off ever.
I wanna do maybe, like, some kind of desert survival kit.
She's not going on a hen party. She's going to live in Dubai.
I know, I thought it'd be funny.
Trying to think of funny things. That's ridiculous.
Desert survival kit? I'm not leaving Rachel to organise this on her own.
She'll be getting penis straws next.
But, I mean, if anything, a nice bikini.
A nice bikini? I hate tacky shit, you know me.
Not that I'm calling you tacky right now. However...
I'm definitely not tacky, darling. No, you're not.
Lauren! Tacky, me?
It's just a bit of humour. You'll see.
Hi, girls! Hello!
You OK?
I have only got a few days left in Cheshire.
'This is exactly what I've needed.'
And I'm just gonna go and have some fun with my girls.
So, how's the packing going?
Cos we're keeping the house... Yes.
...I feel like I'm just going on holiday,
so I just have to pack a few bits.
Gonna get a new wardrobe there?
Maybe. Oh, my goodness!
You're gonna live in a hotel for a year. That's my dream.
I know. I just literally can't wait.
And you're gonna come and stay with me.
Yeah. We need to get our flights booked. Yeah, yeah.
Now it's getting closer, my stomach's in knots.
It's such a weird feeling that I'm experiencing at the moment.
I'm happy, but I kind of feel a bit anxious about leaving.
So, who's more excited to go?
You or Sandeep? Sandeep, for sure.
Is he? Yeah, he can't wait. Yeah.
Him, the boys, so excited. Yeah.
Hi, girls!
Oh! LAUREN SQUEALS
Oh, how are you?
Ester Dee! Oh, my gosh!
This woman completely has my heart.
But how's married life? Oh, good! No, but...
How's Mr Dee? I'm not getting divorced.
We are happily married. Good, good.
I'm not pregnant.
So, we've just become a very normal couple.
Married couple. Yeah, and I... I do enjoy it.
Nice. She looks happier. Look at her.
Yeah, when you get to that stage, you kind of feel that you're secure.
You know where your life's going. Yes.
Unlike us two. Unlike us two.
So, Dad, when are you next taking me out for my lesson?
Right after breakfast. Perfect. There you go, darling.
Fill your belly up first. Thank you.
Are you enjoying your lessons? I can't wait for, like,
the freedom of being able to go out whenever I want.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not having to rely on you guys to take me places.
I can't wait till you can take me places.
KEAVY: Morning! TARA: Morning!
Hello! How are you?
Shane's sisters, Keavy and Tara,
live just walking distance from us,
and they are joining us this morning
cos Shane's cooking up an Irish breakfast.
It's so funny. This is not how we had gatherings when we were little.
It was absolute carnage in our house, wasn't it?
Yeah. Free-for-all.
The majority of Shane's sisters were also in the music industry.
'Keavy was a part of B*Witched,
'and Tara was also in a pop band called Fab.'
There is a whole heap of talent in that family.
When we were little, performance was part of our life, wasn't it? Yeah.
Poor Shane was probably dragged into it more than wanting to do it,
and all we ever did was play musicals.
We did. He knows all the words.
That's why he knows every single musical.
I'll give you that one. Yeah, you did.
You do. He was really tolerant.
The main thing is, I have five sisters.
I'm the only boy. The hand-me-downs were awful.
THEY LAUGH
When Shane came home, saying he was in a boy band,
it was like, "What?!" THEY LAUGH
I remember going to the first show,
and it was brilliant to watch from the very beginning.
Yeah, it was.
To obviously now, after your entire amazing career,
and now youse are doing a stadium, and we're joining!
KEAVY SQUEALS Oh, I can't wait!
So excited. I know. It's gonna be so exciting.
These upcoming Boyzone gigs,
Shane's sisters that were in B*Witched
are also gonna be supporting them, so it's gonna be a Lynch-fest.
We weren't meant to go on tour ever again.
We weren't meant to do any of this.
It was the documentary, and people said, "Please do something."
We went, "OK, let's get our heads together."
I'm really looking forward to the girls
being able to see their dad in a different light.
They're used to their dad
who drives them everywhere, makes them breakfast,
but he's gonna be on stage in front of thousands.
My two wanna go into entertainment industry.
Mm-hm. I didn't really push them to do any kind of acting or...
It was something that I possibly even steered them away from.
As a kid, you know, I always wanted to perform.
Only really this year, it kind of came to me that, like,
I can do that, and go into,
cos I can't see myself doing anything else.
Anything else. I'm always trying to sing with these two.
I'm always like, "Come on, let's do a duet."
THEY LAUGH We can do it!
At the dinner table sometimes, they'll just start harmonising,
and they're like, "Join in!"
Everybody gets embarrassed by their parents.
And how about your auntie? Just cool?
No embarrassment about me. No, it's just cool.
So, who's this gentleman?
He's a guy I met a few months ago
when I went to Wales, funnily enough.
Wales? And he lives there, and he's really cute.
He owns nightclubs, works for himself.
Things are going really well with James,
and I think I might be ready to introduce him to the girls.
Lauren, er, blossomed, so he must do something right.
You look very glammed. Well, she's probably having sex now.
Yeah, lots of it. Yeah, you still like?
I love sex, don't you? No, I do. But sometimes, it goes...
My age, you lose it.
I haven't had it since last year! No, girls.
You do, you switch off. You switch off.
Because it's like cobwebs. You know, you look.
Don't always do it. It's like anything.
You can have Champagne and caviar every day, it's boring.
LAUGHTER
Oh, someone's phone ringing. Ooh, sorry! Yeah.
PHONE RINGING Who is it?
Sandeep. No!
Oh, stop it! SQUEALING
Dawn!
'Hi, everybody!' Oh, my God, how are you?
'I'm just a little bit hot.'
Has she got a beer? LAUREN LAUGHS
'No, I've got Champagne, my darling.'
Ah! I leave next week.
'Are you excited?' When I see that sun and everything.
But I am gutted cos I'm gonna miss the girls. I'm so jealous.
'Been here four-and-a-half years now. Best thing I've ever done.'
Oh! 'You will absolutely love it, Seema, honestly.'
This is so bittersweet, leaving my girlies.
The memories we've actually made over the years are unreal.
I just figured that today, we'd all run as big tits.
LAUGHTER Come on. Come on, you bunch of tits.
ALL: Three, two, one.
CHEERING, KLAXON BLARES
'Since I've lived here, I've never exercised
'and played so many sports and drank less alcohol.'
You'd have been dead if you'd stayed here in the UK with me.
'Come on, let's... let's... compare stomachs and waistlines.'
Oi, don't be horrible, you!
I'm glad to see the mouth hasn't changed.
The stomach might have done, but the gob hasn't.
I'm so happy you're coming over, Seema.
Oh, we're gonna have so much fun.
I'm really happy that Seema's got Dawn there when she goes to Dubai.
God help her!
'I actually am a bit jealous I'm not with all you girls today.'
ALL: Aw! We wish you were here.
And we wanna be with you.
SEEMA: And we'll celebrate when we come over, yeah?
Oh, gorgeous. 'I can't wait.'
All right, love. Love you! 'Love you all!'
Bye, darling! See you later! Love to you.
♪ Too hot to handle Baby, that's me
♪ We heatin' up With that one, two, three
♪ Y'all better listen
♪ Hear the crowd screaming out Go get 'em... ♪
I've had some dodgy Botox.
STYLIST: Oh, have you? I can't smile.
Where did you get that? Near up to here?
Oh, girlies!
Hello! Look at you! You look beautiful.
I have a hair extension brand,
and today is the launch of my hair care range
in a local beauty salon.
And I'm gonna be trying my products on the girls. Ooh!
I am so excited.
Do you think I look like a dentist? No. No!
You look like a boss bitch. Oh, thank you kindly.
You do. You look amazing. Do you like my new fringe?
I do. Can I have one put in? Yeah.
What have you got for me?
We're gonna give you a new look. I'm not good with them.
Be open to it. Be open to it. You might like it.
No, but look at my face.
Ooh, that is so... Look, when I laugh.
Oh, stop it. It's not recovered yet.
Have you done it? I did a little course on that.
I did lips. Did you?
I'd never do it again. I've just got a bad face, like...
You've got a great face.
Maybe you should stop sticking so many injections in it.
♪ We on a mission They won't know... ♪
Hi! Hi!
♪ Get in position, go get 'em! ♪
NERMINA: I'm really excited to be here.
And I can't wait for you to wash Rachel's hair.
Come on.
Now I'm worried. Tan's washing my hair.
Come on. Oh, my goodness!
I don't even wash my own hair.
Am I making a big mistake? Am I gonna regret this?
Ooh! Hey! LAUGHING
Put your gown on, love. Oh, I have to put my own gown on?
Interesting. Here you are. I'll sit here.
RACHEL CHUCKLING Oh, my gosh.
I can't wait to see this. Tan?
Oh. Yeah? That's quite tight.
Oh! Sorry. RACHEL LAUGHING
Right, come back, honey. Come back. Ooh!
Right, shuffle your bum back. It can't go any further back.
Shuffle it. Shuffle it. Ow! Oh, my God!
Why did I agree to this?
I no longer need a blow-dry, I need a blinking neck brace!
Ooh! Me bra's popped!
What is that? Oh, it's my belt.
RACHEL LAUGHING It's just my belt.
Lauren, what have I agreed to do?
Exactly what I didn't.
Oh! CHUCKLING: Sorry.
Oh! Ooh! Oh, come back!
Come back.
Oh, God. We've got a make-up artist, don't worry.
Close your eyes. MUFFLED: Oh, my God!
Ooh.
Tan! Don't. Keep your eyes closed.
Oh, no, your hair's got stuck in the plug.
What?! LAUREN LAUGHS
Just kidding! 'Make it stop, please!'
When is this torture over?
There we go, honey bunny. Thank God.
I think she's coming back next week again.
I'm never coming back here ever again.
I've never in my life had my hair washed like that, ever.
Nermina, will you please appreciate the puddle in this chair?
Oh!
There we go. HAIRDRYER WHIRRING
Oh, she's wet at the back.
CHUCKLES
♪ I love myself
Love me like nobody else
♪ I love myself... ♪
AMPIKA: Wow! PAIGE: Oh!
SHEENA: Look at that view! Oh, my gosh, this is gorgeous!
This is our little oasis of heaven.
Is it nice? That is wonderful!
Oh, wow. Oh, you've got your own pool!
Own pool! This is the norm for you, Ampika.
Do you do this every single day?
'I am very, very lucky.'
I have two pools in Essex and a pool at my house in Cheshire.
I love the water. I'm a water baby. What more can I say?
Thank you. Ooh! Oh, careful.
Oh, this is... this is like a Jacuzzi! It is.
That's the most glamorous swimming costume I've ever seen.
You could actually wear that on a night out.
It's so cute!
I actually like skinny-dipping. Is this something you and David do?
When we've got a private yacht, 100%.
Not every day you're on a superyacht with your own pool in the Caribbean.
Absolutely. Might as well make use of it.
Get absolutely butt naked and do whatever the hell you want.
Well, I'd absolutely love an invite aboard your yacht, Ampika,
but I'm not skinny-dipping.
I think people do make horrible assumptions
about yours and David's relationship.
All the time. And I think if they just got to know you,
they would see how much you love David.
Aw! You'll make me cry.
You're a right soppy pair of buggers, you two!
I've bought myself six wedding dresses.
I am a bit disappointed that the girls won't see me
on my wedding day, in my beautiful wedding dress.
But do you know what? I've got a few sneaky wedding outfits
that I'll show them just before the event.
Oh, my God, Ampika, you're so brave!
Yes! Oh, no!
Our Ampika is crazy!
There is no way you're getting me in that cold plunge pool.
Fucking hell! Oh! SHEENA LAUGHING
SQUEALING: Ooh! Oh, my God!
Oh, it's like losing your virginity!
SCREAMING
Oh, my God. Well done!
I don't think I suit a fringe. Lauren?
I used to be a hairdresser, unlike Tan.
I was on, erm, £30 a week.
I've lost a ginger fringe. Looks like an octopus.
What, is this a fringe? Have you given her a calamari?
Does anyone know what they're doing in this place? Be quiet.
What's everyone been up to?
Well, Lauren and I actually went...
RACHEL WHEEZES, LAUREN LAUGHS
Hold on, I thought Tanya's fringe was gonna give me Hollywood glamour,
not Shih Tzu chic.
I'm obviously trying to work out this whole leaving party and things.
Seema and some of the other girls
haven't really been getting on that well.
I mean, it's not been great at the moment.
She's been crying her eyes out. Everyone's been horrible to her.
She does not deserve any of that.
Seema was very quiet that evening.
I told her that, yeah, I'm a little bit wary of her now,
but I'm not NOT speaking to her. No.
Her party's going to be a gorgeous send-off
with all of her close friends and family. Good.
I just don't think it's a place where anyone would want to...
I will... Don't jinx the frickin' moment, Paige.
Well, yeah. You need to stop being the firework.
You think no to getting the other girls involved
in any kind of speech? I...
You think they'd take it as a chance to kind of have a bit of a go back?
I went over the other night, and she was sat there, and...
Who, Paige? Yeah, and she was like,
"I thought the girls would have given me grace tonight."
Was this Paige's event? Yeah. And I went...
Paige? I said, "Are you joking?"
The way she invited us? I said... I said the invite...
I said, "You can't cause loads of shit."
No. So, I stomped off.
Then I had to stomp back to get Seema.
Aw, mate, honestly.
Then I stomped back over to McDonald's.
We are the queens of Cheshire. We are.
Ooh, f...! Ooh, I told Phil I weren't drinking.
So, you two left as well? I'm not proud of myself.
I think when you invite someone to something,
you want them to feel welcome.
You know what the problem is?
It's the second time she's done an invite like that.
And it's her way to elevate herself, ask for support
but put other people down at the same time,
and I've got a big problem with that.
My whole invitation is getting...
every word is getting nit-picked, and it's like, why?
It's pointless, and you really... Defending myself all the time.
I get that Paige's invite went down like a lead balloon.
We've all moved on from that, but what I will not move on from
is Rachel's behaviour towards Paige on that night.
Unacceptable. End of.
What gets me is the fingers.
I will not have anybody... SHEENA: What fingers?
I will not have anybody pointing... Pointed in my face.
Was she? Yeah, that's when Amir came over.
That's really hostile! I find it really, really offensive.
Amir actually saw that, cos he was in the corner.
All he could see was loads of shouting
and her pointing fingers. I don't like pointing fingers.
He came over and was like, "What is going on?" We're at a party.
My family and friends are here. The brand is watching. Yeah.
I've just finished a gorgeous speech about why we're all here.
There's two sides to every story. There's no helping you.
Why is my side less valid? Let's send an invite out,
have a dig at everybody else and hope they support me?
It's not... And stupidly...
Oh, my God! ...we do support you all the time!
She broke Lauren's heart, and, Lauren,
I don't care whether you've accepted the apology.
I saw your face when the invite was shown. They knew I was upset.
I'm really worried about Seema's party, with all these tensions.
I just hope the girls are on their best behaviour.
You can't send an invite like that and not... Expect.
...expect that people don't react to it,
then be like, "Actually..." She does it on purpose.
Of course. She does that on purpose.
No, she did it for a reaction, and she got one.
♪ Hello, hello, pick up the phone It's the future calling
♪ It's time to go, better move now Don't stop, no stalling
♪ Ready to blow If you don't move
♪ You get left behind... ♪ How are you, hon? Hola!
You OK? Seema, she's upstairs getting her things together.
Hello! Hi.
This is heaven! Have you got anything for me?
Take what you want, honestly. I will.
'It's really pulling at my heart strings, this.'
We bought this house in our early 30s.
'We've got so many memories. We had the kids here.'
Doing this packing, every two minutes,
I have to sit down, I keep having a little cry.
What do you think of these, Lauren?
Oh, they're beautiful. Try them on.
They don't look very comfy. They're so comfy!
Are you a six? I'm a four. Are you a four?!
Little hands and little feet, but a big mouth.
THEY LAUGH
Look in the mirror.
Have a look, yeah. Oh, Sim, they're beautiful.
It's actually hitting home that she's going.
I can't actually believe it. I'm gonna miss her so much.
Got you a couple of things, so...
Have you? Yes.
OK. BOTH CHUCKLE
Oh, I love that! That's nice, isn't it?
I've not showed it Rach yet, actually,
but I just thought it was a really nice picture.
Yeah, that's gorgeous. Oh, look at that.
And this one... Yeah.
...just makes me giggle.
We've not changed!
Oh, look at your fringe! I mean...
And look at me! But you actually look really pretty there.
I don't remember you being that pretty.
Seema and I met at school, and from day dot,
we formed a really close friendship where we could be completely honest
but never, ever hold a grudge.
You wanna box it off and move on, and you know what?
That's so my style.
Well, I'm sorry if I disappointed you.
You know what? Let's move on. But you are Screaming Seema.
I am, and you better watch out.
Don't scream at me again. I'll fucking knock you out.
Beautiful house.
We've been in here for over 30 years, you know what I mean?
Can you believe? So many memories. I know.
You know when you start packing, that's when it becomes really real.
But I am stressed a bit about this party as well,
cos I just think, with everything that's going on,
I mean, are some of them actually gonna turn up?
And you've had a really tough time recently.
I mean, I can't actually get over the fact you've said,
"I'm going away, I'm leaving Cheshire,"
and then they've all started with you.
With everything with the move, and now the party,
I feel like my head's everywhere.
And, yeah, with some of the girls, it does feel a little bit awkward.
But if I'm honest, I'm done with trying.
I mean, you've really not had a good time, have you?
I just don't get what I've done that's so wrong.
I've created memories with every single one of those girls,
so I really want them to be here.
I just hope they show up.
I'm not having any drama.
I wanna make this night iconic, a night to remember.
♪ When the lights go dark And you feel alone
♪ Take it by the reins You got to keep holdin' on... ♪
RACHEL: 'Nick's back in my life.'
I know there's some people
that might say we should both just move on
because it hasn't been plain sailing,
but we just keep getting drawn back together.
Did you choose this spot because it's where we had our second date?
Six years ago. Yeah.
Were you nervous?
Yeah. Yeah, course.
I think that was the first time you kissed me, actually.
'When things are good between us, they're absolutely amazing.'
But we do have some issues that we just can't get past.
I thought the couples counselling was actually very good.
I thought we were gonna go in,
say what really annoys us about each other,
and she was gonna referee.
Yeah, that's what I thought, to be fair.
But it wasn't like that at all, and because of that...
...well, we didn't argue.
No! I... I did... I was very surprised, actually.
But I think the problems that exist between us,
we don't fall out over day-to-day stuff.
It's only over the fact that I want the relationship
to move to another stage,
and you're not in a position where that can happen.
You know, I think it's important
to go to bed together and wake up together.
You want us to live together.
Do you not? No, it's not that I don't, but...
I can't at the minute,
but I still don't think it's necessarily a bad thing
because, you know,
the time we spend together is still quality time.
Yeah, no, that's true.
The therapy session was really positive,
but we still have issues that we need to get over.
'I just hope we can make it work this time.'
I guess there's a reason why here we are again
six years later, right?
What do you mean? Well, come on.
We're not meant to be apart, are we, really?
I don't think we're meant to be apart.
I don't think we are.
I don't want to be apart from Nick, but we've been here before.
And now the situation with the puppy has just complicated things further.
The kids wanted to keep the dog. What did you want me to do?
Fall out with them? The kids are all adults.
None of them live there, hardly.
And you're the one that's left walking it, feeding it.
Right, well, that's me, though, isn't it?
Yeah, that is you. You're right.
You could have actually said, "What on earth are you doing,
"turning up here, unannounced, with a dog?"
That's not my character, so...
No, maybe that's what you should have done.
You'd rather accept a gift from your ex-husband
and say, "Bugger what Nick thinks."
If I wasn't patient, I probably wouldn't...
we wouldn't be here, would we?
Plus the fact that I love you.
Do you? Yeah.
Love you. I love you, too.
AMPIKA: Do you know, one thing I am excited about tonight
is to meet James.
I feel like I want to vet him.
I want to know, is he a suitable suitor for the future?
Cos if he's not, unfortunately Mama here's gonna have to...
grease his path and swerve him to the side.
The age thing is bothering me a little bit, I'm not gonna lie.
Oh, age gap is nothing. Look at me and David.
I know, but yours is the right way.
Cos you... you're a lot younger than him.
There's no right way or wrong way. Is there not?
No, I don't think, no. Are you sure?
I think if your lifestyles, mentality...
You want the same things,
then you've got everything, that's what I think. Oh, really?
You're making me feel a lot better cos I am on a wobble at the moment.
This started as a bit of fun, but the more time I spend with him,
the more I go, "Actually, I quite like you."
We see it. But that's not good.
I sometimes feel like I'm the bloke in our relationship
cos I do all the serenading, I do all the organisation.
I say, "Right, tonight, it's gonna be a night of passion.
"Right, what we doing? I'll get all the sex toys out, then."
Oh, no, not for me. Literally, I get everything out.
I would never initiate sex. I'm so vanilla.
I would never go and hold someone's hand.
Would you not? Well...
Oh, God! I always grab hold of David.
He thinks I'm a pervert. I can't stop touching him.
No, do you know...? BOTH LAUGH
Can I just listen to that? Cos it is James.
VOICE MESSAGE: 'Erm, I'm about ten minutes away from you.
'I've poured myself a drink for my nerves.'
Oh, bless.
Right, I've just told him there's Champagne in the fridge.
You be nice. I will be nice.
I only bite when you're nasty.
BOTH LAUGH
ROYSTON: Nick, it looks like a cartoon character.
NICK: It looks like a witch's cauldron.
But then again, it looks very realistic.
BOTH CHUCKLING
That is AI at its finest, Lauren.
It does look good. She looks amazing.
I mean, I'm not sure she looks like that in real life.
BOTH LAUGHING
We certainly know we're at Seema's event tonight, don't we?
She's 20 years younger on there, do you not think?
That's not Seema. It doesn't even look like Seema.
Is that Seema?
Wow! Seema's AI younger sister, she's projected everywhere.
We're not gonna forget her in a rush, are we?
Anyway, where's my eye candy, James?
This nipple keeps falling out.
Have I got to keep doing this tonight, then?
That's your job tonight. Right, OK.
LAUREN CHUCKLES
NICK: Is this your new man? Yeah.
He's lovely. You're looking amazing, isn't she?
You do. You're glowing. You're really happy.
It's called Champagne and sperm!
And a nice man, yeah. Oh, Mark!
How you doing? Your face looks amazing, Mark.
Are you pleased with it? It is very, very weird.
So, when are you gonna be ready
to go out with me and Nick into Canal Street?
RACHEL: This is insane! TANYA: Oh, amazing!
Beautiful. Rachel, just pull this dress down a minute.
Where? It's just stuck up my bum.
I'm not pulling it out of your bum.
No, just pull it down at the bottom bit.
Oh, my God!
BOTH LAUGH
Come on. Try and look sexy. Right, OK.
I've just got a problem with the left nipple, it keeps popping out.
PAIGE: Oh, no! James, this is Paige. This is Amir.
You look great together.
Yeah, it was good. Yeah?
I should be feeling really nervous,
introducing James for the first time to the girls,
but I'm not, I'm super cool.
I'm actually enjoying his company, so let's hope they do.
How are you? NICK: You remember Erik, of course.
Erik is way more interesting than me, of course. Of course.
ROYSTON: Very much so.
How loved up is Lauren? Oh! James!
I know! He's so lovely, though.
They're so cute together!
Are you good with everyone? I've not really spoken to Sheena.
Oh, right, right. You know, cos we had that little thing.
And I think... Other than that, I think it's fine.
I think the whole thing happened with the invite from Paige.
I think when you send an invite like that,
you need to be able to just back it up.
I call it Benidorm vibes. Hi, guys! I think that was...
Yeah. Oh, there she is. Oh, hello! Hello!
Look at you! ROYSTON: Talk of the devil.
Miss Trouble herself.
We've just been talking about the invite.
Invitation-gate never gets forgotten about.
Nermina was a bit upset. I thought we were fine.
Catsuit, no catsuit. Classy, not classy.
I don't think she should have gone there at all.
We've gone through this,
so I don't really understand why we're going through it again.
I was surprised when I heard that message on the invite.
Yes. "No see-through catsuits." I'm like, why would you bring that up?
For God's sake, Nermina, can you just let this go?
You are exhausting!
That invitation was completely and utter tongue-in-cheek.
Now, I'm so sorry you couldn't understand my banter.
I didn't get the joke. You've taken it the wrong way.
Obviously, that's how you feel. There's nothing for me to feel.
But it wasn't the truth of how the invitation went.
My husband supports me whatever I wear, if I'm...
I said you looked insane.
So I think we've got to go back to that,
the first part of the conversation. For me, it's not a big thing.
Straightaway, Paige walks in the room,
someone's having a go at her.
Can you just please give the girl a bloody break?
The conversation was, you look great, Erik's missing out.
Shall we calm down the conversation? Yeah.
That's fine, but you are just talking, talking...
Well, also, you are talking, talking, talking.
I thought we were fine. I'm happy you apologised.
I am happy to move on and leave it. Yeah. Mm-hm. Good.
Sheena came over to my house the other day,
and we did something very special for tonight.
So, Rachel thought it'd be a really good idea
if we baked some cupcakes for tonight.
Oh, dear!
The lumps won't stay.
That looks absolutely terrible.
For me and you to spend time like that together
was what we needed. Yeah, it was actually lovely.
TANYA: Hello!
Hi! OTHERS SQUEALING
'Here she is, our Lee-Lee-Leanne Brown.'
Didn't read all the way down the invite, did you, Leanne?
Gorgeous. Was it meant to be in black and white?
You look beautiful. Black, white or silver.
Oh, my God, I didn't get that memo! Lovely to see you.
SANDEEP: She's quite fit. SEEMA: Wow!
You look really happy. I am happy.
By the way, it's so hard, divorce. I've not even divorced yet.
There might be somebody, a friend.
Ooh! TANYA: What? What have I missed?
A friend. CHEERING
Seeing everyone in the room...
...and having Leanne here as well,
you girls, I am gonna miss you so much.
Rachel and I have got Seema a present.
Why did we not know about this? Ooh!
OK. Where's Rachel gone?
No, I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. Oh, no.
Not with the fucking cupcakes!
No! What is that? Oh.
Oh! Hurry up.
The way Rachel is holding onto these cakes,
you'd think we're giving her the Crown Jewels.
I don't think they're gonna like how they taste.
They're gorgeous.
Thank you! Very pretty.
I just... Aw!
So, from diamonds to something made with a lot of love. Yes.
Right? With you in mind. Yes. Are they nice?
Lauren! Look where those fingers have been!
OK. SEEMA: Oh, there's pictures of me!
I'm not sure if I should feel envious or grateful
that I haven't been offered a cupcake.
Oh, my God, they're so nice. Paige?
I'm sorry. Oh!
Lovely friendship. Thank you. I appreciate that.
Aw! PAIGE MOUTHS
It took a lot for me to say sorry, Paige,
but where's the apology back?
Whoo! Cheers! To the cakes!
Yay! Yeah, to Seema! Yes.
NICK: Tonight, you look incredible. Thank you!
You're the best-looking grandma I've ever seen.
Ooh! Thank you very much.
TANYA: Leanne?
Yeah? Wait, wait, wait. All right, I'm panicking.
LEANNE CHUCKLES
It's gonna pull your knickers down! Wait a minute!
I'm panicking! Argh!
Why do I do this to myself?
Ah! Ah, ah!
It's like a rolled-up condom. It's getting tighter and tighter.
Ah! Ah!
Oh, here. TANYA SIGHS
Rachel just gave Paige a peace offering. A cake.
That's so good. I don't know really what to say right now.
I'm just gonna keep quiet. Keep it like that.
You should take it in the spirit it was given.
NERMINA: Hi there, ladies. Hi! Hello, you OK?
We were just saying that, erm... We were loving the moment...
The cake. ...when Rachel gave her a cake.
Yes. She said, "Oh, I'm sorry."
It was a gorgeous moment. It was a gorgeous moment.
But talking about apologies, I think you and I...
I've been trying to have this chat with you for a while,
and I don't know if you want to have the conversation.
Sheena and I had quite a big disagreement
at Rachel's murder mystery.
I'm gonna leave this conversation
cos I just feel like I can't say anything anyway.
Yeah, I think you should, yeah. Sorry?
I think you should leave.
I-I will decide it for myself. Because I'm talking to Seema,
and you're constantly butting in and getting involved.
I just really want to have a one-to-one with her
where we can clear the air.
I feel like there is some kind of awkwardness there.
And maybe you don't want to talk about it,
and maybe you don't want a friendship here.
Maybe you don't care enough.
It's not necessarily...
Maybe I'm trying here to, you know, talk about what happened.
There was never one moment where you actually said,
"Let's clear the air between us." Yeah.
I think, at the time, I thought we did.
It comes across quite dismissive.
Like, "Actually, I don't care," but I don't know because you don't talk.
Someone needs to teach Nermina how to have a conversation.
The lady does not let me talk.
There's never been any kind of step forward from your side.
Please... That's the energy you are giving me.
OK, but, please... Look, you're going around.
Just get straight to the point.
Like, I actually just want to know. Do you want to hear?
You're not letting me talk. I would love to.
You haven't actually let me speak.
I would love to know because that's why I made the effort.
Nermina, are you OK, hon?
This is absolute nonsense.
You said, "Look, nobody's listening to me. I'm gonna go."
And I said, "Yeah, I think you should," because I did.
But... And I think you took that massively...
No, it was the tone. I said... Oh, 100%.
The tone that I said it in, I meant. It feels like you do not care.
I think we should form a friendship, but I think if we just squash it,
move on, and start from scratch... Yeah.
...how do you feel about that? Yeah? Well, that's fine, yeah.
Let's do it. OK.
'So fake.'
What I think is that I'm going to walk away gracefully.
It just comes across really, you know, not real.
But that's OK. That's fine. OK, all right. OK. All right.
Jesus!
What on earth was that?
If you had to describe Lozza in three words, what would it be?
Loves big cock.
Loves big cock! THEY LAUGH
In three words.
OK, we'll start with a word. So, immature.
Funny. Yes!
And absolutely beautiful. Aw!
SHE MOUTHS
♪ Girls, girls
♪ Girls... ♪
Hello, everybody, and welcome.
Please step back so you can see the screen.
♪ Girls, girls... ♪
WOMAN: What now?
'Now for something special.'
Move over Seema's AI. Let the girls have a moment.
'Yo, yo, yo! Seema, come on, bitches!'
LAUGHTER I love her!
'And you're going to enjoy your new life. Love you loads!'
'Go live your big, best life. God bless.'
Look! Rachel!
We're just looking at your tits, Rach.
No-one is listening to a word. No-one's listening!
RACHEL: 'That's not underwear. That's a top!'
Now everyone thinks I'm doing OnlyFans.
'We just wanna say we're gonna miss you so, so much.'
'Oh, my God, Sim,
'Cheshire is just not gonna be the same without you.
'Love you lots, Sim.'
This is just, honestly,
a sign of great friendships that I've built with these girls,
and I'll never forget them.
'Seema! Got me lollies out.
'Erm, just want to say good luck in Dubai.
'Love, love, love you!'
♪ All my girls
♪ Girls
♪ This goes out to my girls. ♪
I've been waiting for this moment all night.
Sim.
SEEMA: Yeah?
Want you to promise me one thing, that you will wear it every day.
What is it? THEY CHUCKLE
Stop it! SEEMA LAUGHS
We've got Paige and Sheena on the butt.
SCREAMING, LAUGHTER
And, Ampika, if you wish, I could put you on the inside.
SHEENA: Hilarious!
"Oh, Ampika, as an afterthought,
"your face could go where Seema's vagina goes."
Do you think I'm laughing? Do you think it's funny?
Far from it, sweetheart.
Love that! Sandy-pops, there was only one place for you.
SANDEEP: It's too high. It's what? Too high?
Sandeep! LAUGHTER
'Literally, my heart feels so full right now.'
We just wanna thank everyone for all the memories that we've created.
Ten years of my girls.
You are the most beautiful, amazing people,
and I'll never, ever forget any of you.
Ooh! Yeah. Oh, can I have a tissue?
All my friends, my family, I love you dearly.
'It's really hitting home now.'
This is it. I am actually leaving.
I just want you to have a little memory of me.
Hers are bigger than mine!
NEIL: I just wanna say thank you.
We've... We've become family with all you guys. Aw.
I know she loves you all deep down.
The highs and the lows, the smiles, the laughter,
the tears, the nagging, the menopausal.
Love you all. Thank you. Aw, we love you!
The only words to say is let's party!
CHEERING
♪ Let's go! Girls, girls
♪ Girls, girls... ♪
TANYA: Aw, memories! Let's do a sambuca!
LAUGHTER
I need you to know from the bottom of my heart,
Sheena, I love you, and I'm sorry.
I don't wanna leave like... You don't need to think about that.
Yeah. From the bottom of my heart, babe...
I love you. We are great. We're good.
Honestly, promise you, no more apologising.
I do wanna see you in that swimsuit, though.
Could have got a better picture of me.
I'm gonna see if it fits. LAUREN LAUGHS
Oh, my God!
Oh, my left nipple!
Do you wanna see you?
LAUGHING: No, I don't. I do not want to see it.
You look lovely, earrings and dress. Thank you, so do you.
You went for black. I went for white.
We look like a chessboard. BOTH LAUGH
Whose move is it next? Well, let's see.
Sandeep! Ooh!
WOMAN: Lauren! LAUREN LAUGHING
♪ You gotta do What makes you feel good... ♪
Tonight, when you handed me that cupcake, I was thankful.
That's actually really nice of you to do that.
I thought maybe by handing it to you and saying I'm sorry,
you might say, "And I'm a dick too," but you didn't.
You just went, "Thank you."
Sure, we're doing tequila and sambuca.
I'll have a little sip.
CHEERING
I kind of walked away thinking, "That was embarrassing."
It was just what you said kind of shat on the whole party.
It wasn't nice, what you said.
I'm only pulling out of what you said about
"make sure you don't wear anything fake,
"and you wear all your best diamonds..."
You said in front of the brand, who I'm working with...
So, when you said... Hi, ladies. Are we all happy?
Positive vibes?
Of course, here comes Ampika,
butting her nose in, crashing the party.
We don't need your input.
No-one knew you were dissing Lauren's event
until we heard it on the invite.
Now I'm actually getting a bit sick of the same innuendos
that come out about Paige all the time. Well, this is why...
Don't point your finger at me, Rachel.
Can you make sure that you point your finger down, not at me.
This is why... Cos I find it really offensive.
I have not point... Look at my hands. OK.
There was no pointing. Right.
Rachel, I'm not a horse, you know. I'm not one of your five children.
Stay out of it, then. And I'm here...
Because Paige and I can deal with it by ourselves.
...to be able to help you. No, cos you've come two-on-one.
See? You've come two-on-one. I'm not having a go at you. But...
No, I handed the cake... It was two-on-one with Paige...
No, I'm not doing it. Not doing it, not doing it.
Rachel, you need to grow up. Come back here.
'I'm certainly not done with you yet.'
Rachel, why won't you talk to me?
Don't follow me and start.
Paige and I were having a conversation,
and then you had a problem with it, so just leave it be.
I haven't got a problem with it. Leave me alone, because she...
We were just talking... I'd reached out to Paige. I don't...
You're trying to start something. I'm not doing this.
I didn't think you were coming...
Not doing it here. Not doing it here.
She seems a bit distressed. What's happened?
Nothing's happened. Nothing's happened. We were just talking.
'For God's sake, Ampika,
'you're following me around like a bad smell.'
Not tonight! Stay out of it. Leave me alone.
Honestly, it's not like...
Why are you so hostile towards me? Hostile?
I was talking to Paige then. I was trying to explain.
You're having a go at me pointing at you, and I wasn't.
Yeah. I don't have a problem with you.
SEEMA: Girls! Hi!
We've had a gorgeous, gorgeous night.
The earrings, thank you so much. Oh, girls!
I'll just give you a cheers. They are beautiful.
Between you and I... AMPIKA: Yeah. Yeah.
...what's been the problem?
Well, pointing the finger at Paige when she was talking to you
at her edit event. So the finger pointing is a problem?
And what a selfish BLEEP you were tonight.
You've done a swimming costume for Seema. Where's my fucking face?
Have you seriously just called me that?
That is disgusting. You are vulgar.
My face should not be placed near anyone's BLEEP
cos it's too beautiful.
Did you actually call me BLEEP?
BLEEP, yeah, I did. Wow.
What type of a BLEEP goes and does a really nice gesture
and puts everyone's face on a swimming costume as a memento,
and then miss my face out?
Like, why would you do that to someone? That's BLEEP.
I wouldn't do that to you, Rachel. Wow! Wow, big words.
See you later, Rachel! All right.
Ampika thinks she's the queen of Cheshire,
but she's nothing but common trash that needs taking out.
Rachel, don't think you've got away with it so easily,
sweetheart, cos there's always next time.
Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com