WEBVTT 1 00:00:04,091 --> 00:00:04,308 . 2 00:00:04,352 --> 00:00:06,789 - Okay, uh, Jay, I'm putting you in Grocery. 3 00:00:06,832 --> 00:00:09,009 Sandra, we haven't even started the Cosmetics reset, 4 00:00:09,052 --> 00:00:10,010 so can you get on that? 5 00:00:10,053 --> 00:00:11,446 - Got it. - Okay, Carol... 6 00:00:11,489 --> 00:00:13,056 I'm moving you off the register, 7 00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:14,492 and, Cheyenne, I need you in Jewelry. 8 00:00:14,536 --> 00:00:17,147 - What? Then no one's covering Housewares. 9 00:00:17,191 --> 00:00:18,670 - I mean, if somebody finds a way 10 00:00:18,714 --> 00:00:20,759 to shoplift a couch, then they deserve it. 11 00:00:20,803 --> 00:00:23,327 - I get that that's a joke, but in all seriousness, guys, 12 00:00:23,371 --> 00:00:25,329 if you do see someone taking a couch, 13 00:00:25,373 --> 00:00:26,983 walkie oh-three-five. 14 00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:28,811 See something, say something. 15 00:00:28,854 --> 00:00:32,510 - And, also, corporate is asking us to cut hours again. 16 00:00:32,554 --> 00:00:33,859 [all groaning] 17 00:00:33,903 --> 00:00:36,123 Yes, I know. I agree. It sucks. 18 00:00:36,166 --> 00:00:38,821 - We can barely keep up with everything there is to do now. 19 00:00:38,864 --> 00:00:40,257 - Yeah, it already looks 20 00:00:40,301 --> 00:00:42,042 like the day after the Fyre Festival in here. 21 00:00:42,085 --> 00:00:43,782 - I said the exact same thing yesterday. 22 00:00:43,826 --> 00:00:45,871 - Oh, did you really? 'Cause I wasn't in Grocery at the time, 23 00:00:45,915 --> 00:00:47,003 so I couldn't have heard you. 24 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,439 - Yeah, this place is a mess. 25 00:00:48,483 --> 00:00:49,875 Did you guys see this picture somebody tweeted? 26 00:00:49,919 --> 00:00:51,790 It's just a bunch of beef in a shopping cart. 27 00:00:51,834 --> 00:00:53,357 - What? - "Less Meat, More Filling." 28 00:00:53,401 --> 00:00:55,359 What does that even mean? - It's a pun. 29 00:00:55,403 --> 00:00:57,405 Remember that commercial-- "Tastes Great, Less Filling"? 30 00:00:57,448 --> 00:01:00,277 - In what world is that a pun? - I get it. 31 00:01:00,321 --> 00:01:01,887 - That picture could be from any Cloud 9. 32 00:01:01,931 --> 00:01:05,021 - No, I think it was ours. 33 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,154 [all groaning] 34 00:01:07,197 --> 00:01:08,807 - Can somebody please take care of that? 35 00:01:08,851 --> 00:01:10,983 - Dibs! Yes. 36 00:01:11,027 --> 00:01:13,986 [upbeat music] 37 00:01:14,030 --> 00:01:15,814 ♪ 38 00:01:15,858 --> 00:01:18,817 [light music] 39 00:01:18,861 --> 00:01:25,085 ♪ 40 00:01:25,128 --> 00:01:26,956 - What do we think happened here? 41 00:01:26,999 --> 00:01:28,131 - Overdose? 42 00:01:28,175 --> 00:01:29,611 - Ah, Bob didn't even drink. 43 00:01:29,654 --> 00:01:31,526 His wife's been flirting with that tennis pro 44 00:01:31,569 --> 00:01:33,180 over in Fitness with the big arms and no head. 45 00:01:33,223 --> 00:01:34,833 I'd start there. 46 00:01:34,877 --> 00:01:36,922 - I swear, it's like every time we solve one problem, 47 00:01:36,966 --> 00:01:38,228 another one pops up. 48 00:01:38,272 --> 00:01:39,577 I feel like I'm playing Whac-A-Mole. 49 00:01:39,621 --> 00:01:41,449 That can't still be a game, can it? 50 00:01:41,492 --> 00:01:44,104 With the hitting animals? Never mind. 51 00:01:44,147 --> 00:01:46,236 - We're just too understaffed. 52 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:48,282 - Yeah. No, I-I know. I keep telling corporate, 53 00:01:48,325 --> 00:01:49,761 but they just don't believe me. 54 00:01:49,805 --> 00:01:51,589 - Yeah, because every time they cut hours, 55 00:01:51,633 --> 00:01:53,635 we push ourselves even harder to make it work, 56 00:01:53,678 --> 00:01:55,941 which they think just proves we never needed the hours 57 00:01:55,985 --> 00:01:58,030 to begin with, and so they just keep cutting and cutting 58 00:01:58,074 --> 00:02:00,076 until something like this happens. 59 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,773 - Poor guy. 60 00:02:01,817 --> 00:02:04,733 - He had kids. - He had kids? 61 00:02:04,776 --> 00:02:06,561 - Yeah. They've been playing soccer 62 00:02:06,604 --> 00:02:08,998 over in Toys and Games for the last three months. 63 00:02:09,041 --> 00:02:10,521 - I don't know what I'm gonna do 64 00:02:10,565 --> 00:02:12,871 if they keep cutting back our hours. I got bills! 65 00:02:12,915 --> 00:02:14,873 - I saw this methadone study that pays pretty well, 66 00:02:14,917 --> 00:02:17,398 but they said I'd have to get addicted to heroin first. 67 00:02:17,441 --> 00:02:18,660 So that's another expense. 68 00:02:18,703 --> 00:02:20,314 - I was thinking of being a surrogate 69 00:02:20,357 --> 00:02:22,794 I mean, my womb is just sitting here empty. 70 00:02:22,838 --> 00:02:24,361 - Ooh, highly recommend! 71 00:02:24,405 --> 00:02:26,276 The money's good and your nipples get super sensitive. 72 00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:27,625 - I guess I'm gonna have to have a garage sale 73 00:02:27,669 --> 00:02:28,626 or something. 74 00:02:28,670 --> 00:02:30,585 - I don't have anything to sell. 75 00:02:30,628 --> 00:02:32,326 - You have, like, 83 pairs of sneakers, and you can't walk. 76 00:02:32,369 --> 00:02:33,892 - Yeah? You got a bunch of hats. 77 00:02:33,936 --> 00:02:35,329 You don't bounce around on your head all day. 78 00:02:35,372 --> 00:02:36,721 - Ah, fair enough. 79 00:02:36,765 --> 00:02:38,245 - Well, no one will even hire you 80 00:02:38,288 --> 00:02:39,898 if you're on call here all the time. 81 00:02:39,942 --> 00:02:41,335 That's why I didn't get that job as a shirtless greeter 82 00:02:41,378 --> 00:02:42,988 at Abercrombie & Fitch. 83 00:02:43,032 --> 00:02:45,817 - Oh, I used to have that job, but in a guy's house. 84 00:02:45,861 --> 00:02:48,907 [stammers] I knew him. He was my wrestling coach. 85 00:02:48,951 --> 00:02:50,779 [The Pretenders' "Angel of the Morning" plays] 86 00:02:50,822 --> 00:02:57,307 - ♪ I'm old enough to face the dawn ♪ 87 00:02:57,351 --> 00:03:00,005 ♪ Just call me angel of the-- ♪ 88 00:03:00,049 --> 00:03:02,530 - Hey, Carol, can you cover Sporting Goods for me? 89 00:03:02,573 --> 00:03:05,402 'Cause there's been a gigantic honey spill in Groceries. 90 00:03:05,446 --> 00:03:08,623 It's the hardest of all spills, so this is where I shine. 91 00:03:08,666 --> 00:03:09,885 [chuckles] 92 00:03:09,928 --> 00:03:12,017 - Uh-huh. 93 00:03:12,061 --> 00:03:14,237 - Hey, something bothering you? 94 00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:18,023 If there is, you can talk to me about anything. 95 00:03:18,067 --> 00:03:19,373 - Well... 96 00:03:19,416 --> 00:03:23,333 Sandra's a whore who's [bleep] my boyfriend. 97 00:03:23,377 --> 00:03:26,249 - Okay, well... Wow. Uh... 98 00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:29,252 - She doesn't know that I know, but that's the way I like it. 99 00:03:29,296 --> 00:03:32,690 You can really hurt someone when they don't see it coming. 100 00:03:32,734 --> 00:03:33,865 - Well, sounds like 101 00:03:33,909 --> 00:03:35,954 you've pretty much got that under control. 102 00:03:35,998 --> 00:03:39,262 - It's so good to finally have someone to talk to about this. 103 00:03:39,306 --> 00:03:40,698 - Yeah. 104 00:03:40,742 --> 00:03:43,353 - We have a real father-daughter relationship. 105 00:03:43,397 --> 00:03:45,790 Thank you, Daddy. 106 00:03:46,791 --> 00:03:47,836 - You're welcome. 107 00:03:47,879 --> 00:03:51,187 - No, no. Do the Daddy voice. 108 00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:54,146 - [deep voice] You're welcome, Honey Bear. 109 00:03:54,190 --> 00:03:56,888 - How much do you think I could get for this? 110 00:03:56,932 --> 00:03:59,369 - Oh, no, you're selling that? It's so gorgeous. 111 00:03:59,413 --> 00:04:01,023 - I know, but I need the money. 112 00:04:01,066 --> 00:04:02,546 - Oh, God, I'm sorry. 113 00:04:02,590 --> 00:04:04,722 I was being so sarcastic there, it came off as sincere. 114 00:04:04,766 --> 00:04:06,942 It's hideous. Maybe two dollars? 115 00:04:06,985 --> 00:04:10,250 - [sighs] Maybe there's no point in having a garage sale. 116 00:04:10,293 --> 00:04:12,077 - Well, why can't you just find another way to make money? 117 00:04:12,121 --> 00:04:14,079 - Well, I thought about doing a webcam, 118 00:04:14,123 --> 00:04:15,690 but then Bo said no. 119 00:04:15,733 --> 00:04:18,388 And it's like, why does he get to do one and I don't? 120 00:04:18,432 --> 00:04:20,521 - Excuse me. How much is this? 121 00:04:20,564 --> 00:04:22,914 - You...want to buy that? - Yeah. 122 00:04:22,958 --> 00:04:25,395 - It's $59.99. Yeah, they're selling like crazy. 123 00:04:25,439 --> 00:04:28,398 That's the last one. - Okay. 124 00:04:28,442 --> 00:04:30,966 - Great! I can ring you up here. 125 00:04:31,009 --> 00:04:32,837 Oh, there might be some old birth control pills 126 00:04:32,881 --> 00:04:35,231 in the side pocket there, but you can keep those. 127 00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,581 - So we are really concerned about this Twitter photo 128 00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:39,366 of a shopping cart of steaks in your store. 129 00:04:39,409 --> 00:04:40,758 - Uh-huh. 130 00:04:40,802 --> 00:04:42,586 - It's a big warning sign for us. 131 00:04:42,630 --> 00:04:44,414 - Yeah, uh, I-I know that it looked bad, 132 00:04:44,458 --> 00:04:46,024 but--but we threw the steaks out, 133 00:04:46,068 --> 00:04:48,897 and the big honey spill is--is taken care of. 134 00:04:48,940 --> 00:04:51,421 - The what? - The big-- 135 00:04:51,465 --> 00:04:53,293 Huh? What? 136 00:04:53,336 --> 00:04:55,773 - Look, are you having trouble handling things over there? 137 00:04:55,817 --> 00:04:57,949 - No. No, I-I-I got it handled. 138 00:04:57,993 --> 00:04:59,516 It's handled. 139 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,866 - So you don't think you need more hours, then? 140 00:05:01,910 --> 00:05:05,914 - Are--you're--you're offering to give me more hours? 141 00:05:05,957 --> 00:05:09,961 I, uh--I didn't--I didn't realize that was an option. 142 00:05:10,005 --> 00:05:11,615 - Of course. I mean, if you need them. 143 00:05:11,659 --> 00:05:13,225 But if you're sure you can handle it 144 00:05:13,269 --> 00:05:14,618 with just the hours you have-- 145 00:05:14,662 --> 00:05:16,664 - No, I'll take the hours. 146 00:05:16,707 --> 00:05:18,448 I mean... 147 00:05:18,492 --> 00:05:21,799 Um, maybe. Yeah, we could... 148 00:05:21,843 --> 00:05:23,932 Or not. I mean, yes, definite-- 149 00:05:23,975 --> 00:05:26,151 Yeah, definitely, we'll take the hours. 150 00:05:26,195 --> 00:05:28,937 - ♪ I don't know where my soul is ♪ 151 00:05:28,980 --> 00:05:31,287 ♪ I don't know where my home is ♪ 152 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,985 ♪ And, baby, all I need for you to know ♪ 153 00:05:34,029 --> 00:05:35,465 I've been asking corporate for weeks 154 00:05:35,509 --> 00:05:36,901 to give me more hours, and nothing! 155 00:05:36,945 --> 00:05:38,555 And then one embarrassing photo comes out, 156 00:05:38,599 --> 00:05:40,165 and they're like, "Here you go!" 157 00:05:40,209 --> 00:05:42,559 - See? I told you. They just needed to see that things 158 00:05:42,603 --> 00:05:44,431 would fall apart if they didn't step in. 159 00:05:44,474 --> 00:05:45,649 - You were totally right. 160 00:05:45,693 --> 00:05:46,998 It was my need to be perfect 161 00:05:47,042 --> 00:05:48,652 that was screwing everything up. 162 00:05:48,696 --> 00:05:50,567 - You know, it's crazy how many of your problems 163 00:05:50,611 --> 00:05:53,004 stem from your own excellence. - I know. 164 00:05:53,048 --> 00:05:55,355 We should start encouraging customers 165 00:05:55,398 --> 00:05:57,182 to keep tweeting bad things about us. 166 00:05:57,226 --> 00:05:58,619 - Yeah, w-why stop there? 167 00:05:58,662 --> 00:06:00,055 I mean, we should just create a bunch 168 00:06:00,098 --> 00:06:01,839 of fake Twitter accounts and tweet it ourselves. 169 00:06:01,883 --> 00:06:03,624 - Ha ha. We should totally do that. 170 00:06:03,667 --> 00:06:06,670 - We totally should. 171 00:06:06,714 --> 00:06:09,499 - No, we should actually do that. 172 00:06:09,543 --> 00:06:10,935 - Yeah, I-I thought I was communicating that 173 00:06:10,979 --> 00:06:13,764 with my eyes, but, yeah, yeah, same page. 174 00:06:15,984 --> 00:06:16,201 . 175 00:06:16,245 --> 00:06:18,769 - Just make sure you get the whole-- 176 00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:21,163 - No, I got it, I've got it. Okay, and what should it say? 177 00:06:21,206 --> 00:06:24,253 - Um, okay, how about "Cleanup on Aisle Yuck"? 178 00:06:24,296 --> 00:06:28,083 - Eh, I just don't feel like that's MayaJade91's voice. 179 00:06:28,126 --> 00:06:29,954 - "MayaJade91"? What happened to "Steelersfan211"? 180 00:06:29,998 --> 00:06:31,565 - Steelersfan is the one who tweeted 181 00:06:31,608 --> 00:06:32,914 about how gross the bathrooms were. 182 00:06:32,957 --> 00:06:34,568 MayaJade's a little more spiritual, 183 00:06:34,611 --> 00:06:36,221 more in touch with vibrations 184 00:06:36,265 --> 00:06:39,399 and just kind of, like, the energy surrounding things. 185 00:06:39,442 --> 00:06:41,270 - Mm-hmm. Yeah, okay, how about... 186 00:06:41,313 --> 00:06:44,012 "Don't let this chaos dim your inner light, 187 00:06:44,055 --> 00:06:47,668 #Cloud9Fail, #BadDayToWearSandals"? 188 00:06:47,711 --> 00:06:50,671 - Wow. You are really, really good at this. 189 00:06:50,714 --> 00:06:52,455 It's like a one-line character portrait. 190 00:06:52,499 --> 00:06:56,372 - Oh, Amy? Someone left half a cat in Electronics. 191 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:57,504 - Half a dead cat? 192 00:06:57,547 --> 00:06:59,680 - Well, no. - That's perfect. 193 00:06:59,723 --> 00:07:02,378 - I can't believe this just fell into our lap. 194 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:05,207 - It's the butt half! 195 00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:08,297 - Ooh, what about this promotional Sinex visor? 196 00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:09,603 - Ugh, that was Jeff's. 197 00:07:09,646 --> 00:07:11,387 He said he wore it ironically, but... 198 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,215 - So you guys are just selling your old crap in the store? 199 00:07:13,258 --> 00:07:16,131 - Vintage. We're selling our vintage crap in the store. 200 00:07:16,174 --> 00:07:18,176 - I got one guy to buy an old bra of mine 201 00:07:18,220 --> 00:07:19,874 just by saying it touched my boobs. 202 00:07:19,917 --> 00:07:22,311 - Wow. It's all in the marketing, huh? 203 00:07:22,354 --> 00:07:24,748 - We set up a special bar code, so anything scanned 204 00:07:24,792 --> 00:07:26,663 gets sent straight to our Venmo account. 205 00:07:26,707 --> 00:07:28,883 - @chateo$biz. 206 00:07:28,926 --> 00:07:30,537 We've already made over $200. 207 00:07:30,580 --> 00:07:31,929 - Seriously? 208 00:07:31,973 --> 00:07:35,498 Maybe I should try selling some of my sneakers. 209 00:07:35,542 --> 00:07:37,108 - I feel like the casino guy. 210 00:07:37,152 --> 00:07:39,459 You're broke. 211 00:07:39,502 --> 00:07:41,591 - ♪ One that won't keep me up all night ♪ 212 00:07:41,635 --> 00:07:43,724 ♪ One that won't make me sleep all day ♪ 213 00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:45,682 ♪ 214 00:07:45,726 --> 00:07:47,423 ♪ One that won't make me nervous ♪ 215 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:50,992 - "Just a normal day in America, #Cloud9Fail." 216 00:07:51,035 --> 00:07:53,429 Unbelievable. - What's going on here? 217 00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,562 - Uh, more people are posting photos of the store. 218 00:07:55,605 --> 00:07:57,215 - You're kidding me. - This store? 219 00:07:57,259 --> 00:08:00,436 - "Cloud 9 is looking a little bit cattywampus"? 220 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,003 What does "cattywampus" mean? 221 00:08:02,046 --> 00:08:04,309 - Uh, cattywampus is, I believe, 222 00:08:04,353 --> 00:08:06,964 regional slang for, uh, like, "all messed up." 223 00:08:07,008 --> 00:08:09,314 You know, I think the-- they use it in Arkansas. 224 00:08:09,358 --> 00:08:12,274 Oh, yep, there you go right there--petiteroche22, 225 00:08:12,317 --> 00:08:15,103 that--that just--that means "Little Rock" in French. 226 00:08:15,146 --> 00:08:16,104 - Whoa. 227 00:08:16,147 --> 00:08:17,801 - These just keep going and going. 228 00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:19,629 This is why we shouldn't let customers into the store. 229 00:08:19,673 --> 00:08:22,806 - Wow, bummer. - "Wow, bummer"? 230 00:08:22,850 --> 00:08:25,548 People are tearing us apart, and your reaction is, 231 00:08:25,592 --> 00:08:27,376 "Wow, bummer"? 232 00:08:27,419 --> 00:08:28,943 - No. No. 233 00:08:28,986 --> 00:08:32,468 No, I-I meant that like-- like, "Wow! That's a bummer! 234 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:35,602 Like, what the hell? I'm up to here with this crap!" 235 00:08:35,645 --> 00:08:38,126 You know, like, "[bleep] these people!" 236 00:08:38,169 --> 00:08:39,606 Ugh! 237 00:08:39,649 --> 00:08:41,433 - [gasps] 238 00:08:41,477 --> 00:08:43,131 [grain pouring] 239 00:08:43,174 --> 00:08:46,787 - That is how people act when they're upset. 240 00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:49,311 - Oh, man. Petiteroche22 is gonna rip 241 00:08:49,354 --> 00:08:51,226 our asses for this one. 242 00:08:52,619 --> 00:08:54,577 - If you're looking for an electric toothbrush, 243 00:08:54,621 --> 00:08:57,449 I'd suggest the Dentafix 100. 244 00:08:57,493 --> 00:08:59,103 - It looks used. 245 00:08:59,147 --> 00:09:01,497 - What? Who would sell a used toothbrush? 246 00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:02,846 We wouldn't sell that. 247 00:09:02,890 --> 00:09:05,066 - This is the newest trend in oral hygiene. 248 00:09:05,109 --> 00:09:06,763 You want a brush that's pre-distressed, 249 00:09:06,807 --> 00:09:08,286 like a nice pair of jeans. 250 00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:10,506 - A friend of mine got one of the old models 251 00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,508 with the straight, white bristles. 252 00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,118 Tore her gums to shreds. 253 00:09:14,162 --> 00:09:17,905 She had to get new ones from a dead body. 254 00:09:17,948 --> 00:09:21,996 - You have 83 pairs of shoes and none of them light up? 255 00:09:22,039 --> 00:09:23,650 - No, but some of them are pretty valuable. 256 00:09:23,693 --> 00:09:25,173 - Well, yeah. No, I bet. 257 00:09:25,216 --> 00:09:27,349 - Excuse me, um, what could you tell me 258 00:09:27,392 --> 00:09:29,003 about these white Reeboks? 259 00:09:29,046 --> 00:09:31,658 - Oh, yeah, those are the OG 1989 Reebok Pumps. 260 00:09:31,701 --> 00:09:34,661 Classic white-and-blue colorway with the mesh tongue. 261 00:09:34,704 --> 00:09:37,185 I even got the original box and the Pump hang tag. 262 00:09:37,228 --> 00:09:40,275 - I have flat feet. How's the arch support? 263 00:09:40,318 --> 00:09:43,234 - Those are original Reebok Pumps. 264 00:09:43,278 --> 00:09:47,195 When you buy a painting, do you ask how the arch support is? 265 00:09:47,238 --> 00:09:49,545 - I'm just looking for something I can go hiking in. 266 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,852 - Please leave. - What? No, I was just asking-- 267 00:09:51,895 --> 00:09:54,158 - Sir, he asked you to leave. 268 00:09:55,420 --> 00:09:57,335 - So we've been noticing a lot more 269 00:09:57,379 --> 00:09:59,555 of these "Cloud9Fail" photos on Twitter. 270 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:03,864 - Yeah, um, you know, we are trying our best over here, 271 00:10:03,907 --> 00:10:06,083 but we just keep coming up short. 272 00:10:06,127 --> 00:10:08,346 - We really need to take care of this. 273 00:10:08,390 --> 00:10:12,089 - I agree, but I am just all out of ideas. 274 00:10:12,133 --> 00:10:15,266 If you want to suggest anything... 275 00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:17,007 You know, I'm just thinking out loud here, 276 00:10:17,051 --> 00:10:19,575 and I hate to even have to bring this up, 277 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,795 but I kind of feel like if you guys give us back 278 00:10:21,838 --> 00:10:24,145 a few more hours, we could nip this thing 279 00:10:24,188 --> 00:10:25,712 in the bud once and for all. 280 00:10:25,755 --> 00:10:27,539 - Well, actually, we think all of the tweets 281 00:10:27,583 --> 00:10:29,585 have come from an employee at your store. 282 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:30,978 - Huh? 283 00:10:34,155 --> 00:10:34,546 . 284 00:10:34,590 --> 00:10:36,548 - Hi, my name is Luanne. I'm from Human Resources. 285 00:10:36,592 --> 00:10:37,985 I'm here because an employee 286 00:10:38,028 --> 00:10:40,204 has been tweeting defamatory photos of the store 287 00:10:40,248 --> 00:10:41,815 from fake accounts, 288 00:10:41,858 --> 00:10:43,468 and I'm here to find out who it is 289 00:10:43,512 --> 00:10:45,688 and to hold them responsible. - So who was it? 290 00:10:45,732 --> 00:10:47,690 If you just stand up and come clean about what you did, 291 00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:50,737 I promise nothing will happen to you. 292 00:10:50,780 --> 00:10:52,739 - Well, we will have to fire them. 293 00:10:52,782 --> 00:10:54,871 - I know, but don't say it. We almost had them. 294 00:10:54,915 --> 00:10:55,698 - No, we didn't. 295 00:10:55,742 --> 00:10:57,134 - Okay, well, in the future, 296 00:10:57,178 --> 00:10:59,267 if you could just follow my lead, please. Thank you. 297 00:10:59,310 --> 00:11:00,616 - Excuse me? [scoffs] 298 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,139 How do you know it's one of us? 299 00:11:02,183 --> 00:11:04,707 - Well, all the posts came from the same MAC address, 300 00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:07,710 and that device was logged into the employee WiFi network. 301 00:11:07,754 --> 00:11:09,930 - Who would be dumb enough to send incriminating tweets 302 00:11:09,973 --> 00:11:11,714 from the employee WiFi? 303 00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:14,499 - Well, it wasn't me, because my phone is on airplane mode, 304 00:11:14,543 --> 00:11:16,284 and I do not know how to get it off. 305 00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:18,373 - They were so obvious about it, too. 306 00:11:18,416 --> 00:11:21,506 All the fake customer accounts were created on the same day, 307 00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:23,683 and they each only tweeted once. 308 00:11:23,726 --> 00:11:25,293 - What a dumbass. - Oh, my God. 309 00:11:25,336 --> 00:11:26,903 - Stupid. - Seriously. Idiot. 310 00:11:26,947 --> 00:11:28,949 - All right, well, I don't know how productive it is 311 00:11:28,992 --> 00:11:32,822 to dwell on how stupid this person may or may not be. 312 00:11:32,866 --> 00:11:37,479 I think the point is, whoever did it, knock it off. 313 00:11:37,522 --> 00:11:39,437 You have been warned. 314 00:11:39,481 --> 00:11:40,656 - That's fair. - Okay, well, thank you 315 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,179 so much for coming by, Luanne. 316 00:11:42,223 --> 00:11:44,834 - Sure, but I'm not leaving until we figure this out. 317 00:11:44,878 --> 00:11:46,314 - Oh, good. 318 00:11:46,357 --> 00:11:48,229 - All right, everyone, you're all gonna have 319 00:11:48,272 --> 00:11:49,317 to hand over your phones. 320 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:50,622 [all grumbling] 321 00:11:50,666 --> 00:11:51,841 - No, we cannot take your devices. 322 00:11:51,885 --> 00:11:54,975 - Luanne! Are you serious right now? 323 00:11:55,018 --> 00:11:58,369 - ♪ I'll run the gun for you and so much more ♪ 324 00:11:58,413 --> 00:12:02,199 ♪ I'll tumble for ya, I'll tumble for ya ♪ 325 00:12:02,243 --> 00:12:03,635 ♪ I'll tumble for-- 326 00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:05,159 - What are we gonna do? We need a plan. 327 00:12:05,202 --> 00:12:06,682 - We should have never done this. 328 00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:08,510 Or at least we should've used a burner phone. 329 00:12:08,553 --> 00:12:09,990 - Yeah, great. That's-- Good--good plan. 330 00:12:10,033 --> 00:12:11,208 That's really helpful. 331 00:12:11,252 --> 00:12:12,949 - Okay, well, then what's your plan? 332 00:12:12,993 --> 00:12:15,343 - Well, for starters, neither of us can admit 333 00:12:15,386 --> 00:12:16,431 to sending the tweets. 334 00:12:16,474 --> 00:12:18,520 - Oh, well, that--that's good. 335 00:12:18,563 --> 00:12:20,522 Hold on while I write that down. 336 00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:23,046 "Don't admit to crime." 337 00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:26,702 - Look, if for whatever reason it gets traced back to me, 338 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,356 I'm gonna say that I acted alone. 339 00:12:28,399 --> 00:12:31,359 There's no reason that both of us should lose our jobs. 340 00:12:31,402 --> 00:12:33,013 - Oh, okay. 341 00:12:34,231 --> 00:12:35,711 - [stammers] That was-- 342 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,887 that was just kind of, like, a big gesture, 343 00:12:37,931 --> 00:12:40,890 so I thought maybe I'd--I'd get a bigger reaction. 344 00:12:40,934 --> 00:12:41,978 - Yeah. No-- 345 00:12:42,022 --> 00:12:44,807 Yeah. No. Yes, of course. Thank you. 346 00:12:44,851 --> 00:12:47,854 But I just--I kind of figured that's what we would do. 347 00:12:47,897 --> 00:12:48,855 - Right. 348 00:12:48,898 --> 00:12:50,726 - Just based on what we both make. 349 00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:51,988 And I have kids. - Yeah. 350 00:12:52,032 --> 00:12:53,990 - It just sort of makes the most sense. 351 00:12:54,034 --> 00:12:56,558 But that was a very nice offer. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 352 00:12:56,601 --> 00:12:59,169 Let's just-- let's just move on, so... 353 00:12:59,213 --> 00:13:01,041 - You know, I just want to make sure that you're not planning 354 00:13:01,084 --> 00:13:03,913 on doing any hiking or grape stomping 355 00:13:03,957 --> 00:13:05,567 or anything like that in these? - Uh, no. 356 00:13:05,610 --> 00:13:07,830 No, you think I'd go hiking in a pair of shoes 357 00:13:07,874 --> 00:13:10,572 I've been trying to find for, like, six years? 358 00:13:10,615 --> 00:13:12,052 - Of course. I'm just messing with you. 359 00:13:12,095 --> 00:13:14,750 [chuckles] All right. So, uh... 360 00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:17,057 You know what? Do you need these today? 361 00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:18,841 Because I could give them to you next week 362 00:13:18,885 --> 00:13:20,451 and bring them home, clean them up, make them nice. 363 00:13:20,495 --> 00:13:22,323 - No, that's cool. These are pristine. 364 00:13:22,366 --> 00:13:24,499 - Yep, they are. 365 00:13:24,542 --> 00:13:25,935 They are pristine. 366 00:13:25,979 --> 00:13:27,545 Okay, so... [exhales sharply] 367 00:13:27,589 --> 00:13:29,417 You're going to give me the money, 368 00:13:29,460 --> 00:13:31,419 I'm going to give you the shoes, 369 00:13:31,462 --> 00:13:33,900 and they will be yours and not mine. 370 00:13:33,943 --> 00:13:36,163 - That is generally how this works. 371 00:13:36,206 --> 00:13:37,686 - Right, right. 372 00:13:37,729 --> 00:13:41,342 - Great. How much do I owe you? 373 00:13:41,385 --> 00:13:43,039 - $3 million. 374 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:48,479 - Okay, so the first tweet was sent at 10:46:32. 375 00:13:48,523 --> 00:13:50,220 Can we see if anyone was on their phone then? 376 00:13:50,264 --> 00:13:51,569 - Got it. 377 00:13:51,613 --> 00:13:54,529 Okay, looks like Brett was on his phone. 378 00:13:54,572 --> 00:13:56,400 Also Jay. 379 00:13:56,444 --> 00:14:00,274 And, uh, Henry, Chris, Giuseppe W., 380 00:14:00,317 --> 00:14:02,798 Sarah, Sue, 381 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,975 Pablo, Denise, Giuseppe. 382 00:14:06,019 --> 00:14:07,890 - Uh, okay, who was not texting? 383 00:14:07,934 --> 00:14:10,066 - Uh, Elias isn't on his phone, 384 00:14:10,110 --> 00:14:11,807 though I think he might be asleep. 385 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,114 - Uh, may I? - Oh. 386 00:14:14,157 --> 00:14:16,203 - What about the break room? Anybody in there? 387 00:14:16,246 --> 00:14:17,987 - Oh, yeah, no, none of this is from today. 388 00:14:18,031 --> 00:14:19,815 We used to have cameras in the break room, 389 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:22,949 but then people found out and got all rights-y about it. 390 00:14:22,992 --> 00:14:25,168 Wait--wait, hold on. What is that? 391 00:14:26,039 --> 00:14:28,998 - Careful, careful, stupid birds, dumb birds... 392 00:14:29,042 --> 00:14:31,479 [fast-forwarded speech] - Nice job. 393 00:14:31,522 --> 00:14:33,916 [both yelling] 394 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,439 - No. - Oh, oh, oh. 395 00:14:35,483 --> 00:14:37,311 - Oh, my God. - Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, no. 396 00:14:37,354 --> 00:14:39,704 - Oh, no. Nope. 397 00:14:41,706 --> 00:14:44,927 - Luanne, if you'll excuse me, 398 00:14:44,971 --> 00:14:47,712 I have some business to take care of. 399 00:14:47,756 --> 00:14:49,366 - What is all this stuff? 400 00:14:49,410 --> 00:14:51,455 - Well, it's just junk we've had in our attic 401 00:14:51,499 --> 00:14:53,893 that we've been meaning to throw out, you know. 402 00:14:53,936 --> 00:14:56,199 Jerusha's dad was a collector... 403 00:14:56,243 --> 00:14:59,594 of both things and, as it turned out later, wives. 404 00:14:59,637 --> 00:15:02,118 But, anyway, is any of it valuable? 405 00:15:02,162 --> 00:15:06,035 - [sighs] I mean, a flattened penny from Niagara Falls-- 406 00:15:06,079 --> 00:15:07,819 that's worth less than a penny. 407 00:15:07,863 --> 00:15:10,648 Some random keys. Ka-ching! 408 00:15:10,692 --> 00:15:14,826 A Neil Diamond cassette tape? - [gasps] Oh, I'll keep that. 409 00:15:14,870 --> 00:15:16,741 I've been meaning to check him out. 410 00:15:16,785 --> 00:15:18,569 - What about these baseball cards? 411 00:15:18,613 --> 00:15:20,615 Mickey Mantle-- wasn't he someone? 412 00:15:20,658 --> 00:15:22,269 - I don't know. I've never really been a fan 413 00:15:22,312 --> 00:15:23,835 of men's baseball. 414 00:15:23,879 --> 00:15:25,489 - This is from the first year he ever played, 415 00:15:25,533 --> 00:15:27,535 like, before he was even famous. 416 00:15:27,578 --> 00:15:29,885 - Oh, it was worth a shot. 417 00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:33,367 - Action Comics "Superman," 1938. 418 00:15:33,410 --> 00:15:36,674 Wow, this is so old. 419 00:15:36,718 --> 00:15:38,720 That doesn't even look like Dean Cain. 420 00:15:38,763 --> 00:15:40,113 - Yeah. 421 00:15:40,156 --> 00:15:43,029 - I had IT look up the Websites that were visited 422 00:15:43,072 --> 00:15:45,118 by the same device that posted the tweets. 423 00:15:45,161 --> 00:15:47,990 - O...kay, so that's something one could do. 424 00:15:48,034 --> 00:15:49,470 I didn't--didn't know that. 425 00:15:49,513 --> 00:15:52,734 - So I was hoping we could narrow down who it might be. 426 00:15:52,777 --> 00:15:55,432 Do you know anyone here who would have visited, uh, 427 00:15:55,476 --> 00:15:57,043 "Huffington Post," "Slate," 428 00:15:57,086 --> 00:15:58,740 "The New Yorker" caption contest, 429 00:15:58,783 --> 00:16:01,221 or done Google searches for "brine my own pickles," 430 00:16:01,264 --> 00:16:04,354 "Chris Hayes no glasses," and "Ronan Farrow age"? 431 00:16:04,398 --> 00:16:07,923 - Huh, well, you know, that really could describe 432 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,969 just about everyone who works here. 433 00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:12,362 - It's a--it's a hip group. - Excuse me. 434 00:16:12,406 --> 00:16:14,234 - Oh, hi. - Hi. 435 00:16:14,277 --> 00:16:17,585 If I know who the person is who was tweeting, 436 00:16:17,628 --> 00:16:19,152 who should I tell about that? 437 00:16:19,195 --> 00:16:21,458 - You--are you saying you do? - When you say "you"-- 438 00:16:21,502 --> 00:16:23,025 - Excuse me. Who is it? 439 00:16:23,069 --> 00:16:25,680 - Her name is Sandra Kaluiokalani. 440 00:16:25,723 --> 00:16:28,770 That's spelled K-A-L... 441 00:16:28,813 --> 00:16:30,772 K-- It's K-A-L... 442 00:16:30,815 --> 00:16:32,034 [whispers indistinctly] 443 00:16:32,078 --> 00:16:35,385 K-A-L-A, then I think it's "O." 444 00:16:35,429 --> 00:16:37,692 It's, um--it's K-A-L... 445 00:16:37,735 --> 00:16:39,128 Kalui... 446 00:16:40,782 --> 00:16:40,956 . 447 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:45,047 - O-K-L-A-N-A-N-I. 448 00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:46,788 Kaluiokalani. - Okay. 449 00:16:46,831 --> 00:16:49,008 So how do you know that it's Sandra? 450 00:16:49,051 --> 00:16:50,052 - Oh, she told me. 451 00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:51,401 We're really good friends, 452 00:16:51,445 --> 00:16:53,229 so we tell each other everything. 453 00:16:53,273 --> 00:16:56,624 - No kidding, that's--I didn't realize you two were so close. 454 00:16:56,667 --> 00:16:59,583 - Oh, God, maybe I shouldn't have said anything. 455 00:16:59,627 --> 00:17:01,803 I'm a horrible person, aren't I? 456 00:17:01,846 --> 00:17:03,109 - No, you're not. 457 00:17:03,152 --> 00:17:05,589 - She's not gonna be in too much trouble, is she? 458 00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:08,636 - I can't believe Sandra would do something like that. 459 00:17:08,679 --> 00:17:10,420 - I didn't think she had it in her. 460 00:17:10,464 --> 00:17:11,943 I borrowed her car, like, three years ago, 461 00:17:11,987 --> 00:17:14,250 and she still hasn't asked for it back. 462 00:17:14,294 --> 00:17:15,599 - Well, I'm not surprised. 463 00:17:15,643 --> 00:17:17,775 Cloud 9's been dicking her over for years. 464 00:17:17,819 --> 00:17:19,429 - It's true-- she got injured on the job 465 00:17:19,473 --> 00:17:20,778 when she first started working. 466 00:17:20,822 --> 00:17:22,606 Instead of paying her medical bills, 467 00:17:22,650 --> 00:17:24,478 they just gave her a blue polo. - [scoffs] 468 00:17:24,521 --> 00:17:26,610 - I guess she just snapped. - I'm glad she did it. 469 00:17:26,654 --> 00:17:28,699 Like, it's about time one of us stood up to corporate. 470 00:17:28,743 --> 00:17:30,179 - Yeah. - Yeah. 471 00:17:30,223 --> 00:17:32,442 - You know, as a store manager, I would've been upset, 472 00:17:32,486 --> 00:17:35,141 but as a floor worker, I'm like, "Get it, girl!" 473 00:17:35,184 --> 00:17:36,446 - She's like a rebel. 474 00:17:36,490 --> 00:17:38,144 - She's like a total badass bitch. 475 00:17:38,187 --> 00:17:39,667 - Oh, my God, is Sandra an icon now? 476 00:17:39,710 --> 00:17:41,277 - She's like a total badass bitch. 477 00:17:41,321 --> 00:17:43,062 - Heard it both times, thanks. 478 00:17:45,499 --> 00:17:47,588 - Sandra does live really far away. 479 00:17:47,631 --> 00:17:50,460 Maybe she'd be really happy to have to find a new job 480 00:17:50,504 --> 00:17:52,071 closer to home. 481 00:17:52,114 --> 00:17:53,811 - Yeah, I mean, a lot of great success stories 482 00:17:53,855 --> 00:17:55,596 start with someone losing their dead-end job. 483 00:17:55,639 --> 00:17:57,554 - And perhaps she's supposed to save the world, 484 00:17:57,598 --> 00:17:59,991 and us keeping her here is just preventing that. 485 00:18:03,038 --> 00:18:05,954 - Okay, I'm gonna go in there and come clean. 486 00:18:05,997 --> 00:18:08,957 - No, I'm not gonna let you do that alone. 487 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,306 We did this together. 488 00:18:10,350 --> 00:18:12,003 - I appreciate that, but you were right. 489 00:18:12,047 --> 00:18:14,832 It doesn't make sense for both of us to go down. 490 00:18:14,876 --> 00:18:17,008 You were counting on me saying that, right? 491 00:18:17,052 --> 00:18:18,836 - It's just that I make so much more money-- 492 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,838 - Yeah, y-you mentioned that. 493 00:18:20,882 --> 00:18:24,015 [Muzak playing over speakers] 494 00:18:24,059 --> 00:18:25,843 - [sighs] 495 00:18:25,887 --> 00:18:27,367 - Hey, so, random-- 496 00:18:27,410 --> 00:18:29,020 I was going through some old security footage with Luanne. 497 00:18:29,064 --> 00:18:30,761 - Yeah? - And you remember how we used 498 00:18:30,805 --> 00:18:32,720 to have those security cameras in the break room? 499 00:18:32,763 --> 00:18:35,331 Well, we came across the time you let all my birds escape. 500 00:18:35,375 --> 00:18:37,333 ♪ 501 00:18:37,377 --> 00:18:39,161 - Uh...yeah. Um-- 502 00:18:39,205 --> 00:18:40,336 - Remember that? 503 00:18:40,380 --> 00:18:41,903 Remember? It was Valentine's Day. 504 00:18:41,946 --> 00:18:43,600 Remember? I was blaming myself for it, 505 00:18:43,644 --> 00:18:45,776 and then when I was at my lowest, you had sex with me, 506 00:18:45,820 --> 00:18:48,518 knowing that, hours before, you were the one that let them out. 507 00:18:48,562 --> 00:18:50,868 And you knew the entire time. And yet, you said nothing. 508 00:18:50,912 --> 00:18:53,175 Remember that? [laughs] So funny. 509 00:18:53,219 --> 00:18:55,351 - Dina, I'm so, so sorry. 510 00:18:55,395 --> 00:18:57,179 - Hey, come on. Don't even worry about it. 511 00:18:57,223 --> 00:18:58,702 I forgive you. 512 00:18:58,746 --> 00:19:01,052 When you think about it, this whole thing is just funny. 513 00:19:01,096 --> 00:19:04,447 Hey, come with me. I want to show you something. 514 00:19:06,797 --> 00:19:09,713 They went up so fast, it's like they wanted to burn. 515 00:19:09,757 --> 00:19:12,716 [chuckles] What's that sound? 516 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:15,066 Is that air escaping from the sneakers? 517 00:19:15,110 --> 00:19:17,895 [chuckles] It almost sounds like they're screaming. 518 00:19:17,939 --> 00:19:19,636 [chuckles] 519 00:19:22,248 --> 00:19:26,948 [whispering menacingly] I will never forgive you... ever. 520 00:19:32,867 --> 00:19:35,217 - ♪ And I just can't hide it 521 00:19:35,261 --> 00:19:36,610 ♪ 522 00:19:36,653 --> 00:19:38,568 ♪ And I know, I know, I know 523 00:19:38,612 --> 00:19:41,702 ♪ I know, I know I want you 524 00:19:41,745 --> 00:19:45,967 ♪ We shouldn't even think about tomorrow ♪ 525 00:19:47,273 --> 00:19:48,752 - Hey, Sandra. 526 00:19:48,796 --> 00:19:50,493 - What's going on? Where are you going? 527 00:19:50,537 --> 00:19:53,017 - I just got fired. I don't know what happened. 528 00:19:53,061 --> 00:19:55,237 Luanne said I was the one who was tweeting, 529 00:19:55,281 --> 00:19:56,891 but I swear to God, it wasn't me. 530 00:19:56,934 --> 00:19:58,414 - No, we know. - Yeah, don't worry. 531 00:19:58,458 --> 00:20:00,024 We are not gonna let this happen. 532 00:20:00,068 --> 00:20:01,243 - We're gonna fix this. 533 00:20:01,287 --> 00:20:02,810 - I never even joined Twitter 534 00:20:02,853 --> 00:20:04,812 'cause I was thinking of running for City Council, 535 00:20:04,855 --> 00:20:07,597 and you know how my humor can get a little edgy. 536 00:20:07,641 --> 00:20:09,512 [indistinct chatter] - There she is! 537 00:20:09,556 --> 00:20:12,559 - Hey! [applause] 538 00:20:12,602 --> 00:20:16,563 - [chanting] Sandra, Sandra, Sandra, S-- 539 00:20:16,606 --> 00:20:18,304 Ugh, what is wrong with you people? 540 00:20:18,347 --> 00:20:20,828 - Guys, I didn't do it. - It's true, it--it wasn't her. 541 00:20:20,871 --> 00:20:23,439 - Yeah, of course it wasn't you. Wink. 542 00:20:23,483 --> 00:20:25,136 [laughter] - Okay, guys, listen. 543 00:20:25,180 --> 00:20:27,704 - Whoever did was pretty awesome, though. 544 00:20:27,748 --> 00:20:30,054 - Total superstar. - She's a rebel. 545 00:20:30,098 --> 00:20:32,709 - She's a badass bitch. - Justine, just go home. 546 00:20:32,753 --> 00:20:34,668 - I have every right to be here. 547 00:20:34,711 --> 00:20:35,973 - Guys, look, you know how corporate 548 00:20:36,017 --> 00:20:37,323 just kept cutting back our hours 549 00:20:37,366 --> 00:20:38,672 and cutting back our hours? 550 00:20:38,715 --> 00:20:40,674 all: Yeah. - I know they have. 551 00:20:40,717 --> 00:20:42,893 - Well-- - Well, sometimes 552 00:20:42,937 --> 00:20:46,593 you just got to say, "Enough with the [bleep]." 553 00:20:46,636 --> 00:20:48,203 all: Yeah! 554 00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,987 - It's like, you can only get pushed around so much 555 00:20:50,031 --> 00:20:53,295 before you say, "No! This isn't fair. 556 00:20:53,339 --> 00:20:54,818 This isn't right." 557 00:20:54,862 --> 00:20:57,212 - What is happening? - I have no idea. 558 00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:59,301 - What are you gonna do? 559 00:20:59,345 --> 00:21:01,042 - We're gonna-- we're gonna stand up. 560 00:21:01,085 --> 00:21:02,304 - That's right. - Yep. 561 00:21:02,348 --> 00:21:03,523 - And we're gonna stay strong. 562 00:21:03,566 --> 00:21:04,654 - There she is. - Yep, that's it. 563 00:21:04,698 --> 00:21:06,656 - And we need to unionize! 564 00:21:06,700 --> 00:21:08,484 [all cheering] 565 00:21:08,528 --> 00:21:11,357 This is just the beginning! Yeah! 566 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:12,793 [all cheering] 567 00:21:12,836 --> 00:21:15,317 all: [chanting] Sandra! Sandra! Sandra! 568 00:21:15,361 --> 00:21:17,493 Sandra! Sandra! 569 00:21:17,537 --> 00:21:19,669 Sandra! Sandra! 570 00:21:19,713 --> 00:21:22,237 Sandra! Sandra! Sandra!