1 00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:01,242 . 2 00:00:01,769 --> 00:00:02,269 [triumphant brass music] 3 00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:06,608 - Housewares! 4 00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:09,477 Baby and toddler! 5 00:00:09,477 --> 00:00:11,207 Pet food! 6 00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:12,582 - Okay, I get-- I get that Cloud 9 7 00:00:12,580 --> 00:00:14,480 is an Olympic sponsor, but do all the stores do 8 00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:16,082 an actual Olympic opening ceremony? 9 00:00:16,084 --> 00:00:17,254 - Nope, just us. 10 00:00:17,251 --> 00:00:19,451 Glenn has more company pride than most. 11 00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:22,193 - I feel like I've been transported to Rio. 12 00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:24,360 - Pharmacy! 13 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:27,258 Toys and sporting goods! 14 00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:29,261 - Is the life jacket really necessary? 15 00:00:29,263 --> 00:00:30,333 - Don't talk to me. 16 00:00:30,331 --> 00:00:32,371 Don't talk to me. Don't talk to me. 17 00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:35,336 - Our assistant manager, Dina! - I'm not a part of this. 18 00:00:35,336 --> 00:00:37,666 I just happen to be walking in the same direction. 19 00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:41,481 - And now, to light the Cloud 9 Olympic cauldron 20 00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:47,215 is store 1217's oldest living employee. 21 00:00:47,215 --> 00:00:48,815 Myrtle. Now. 22 00:00:48,816 --> 00:00:50,146 [Lee Greenwood's "Proud To Be An American" plays] 23 00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:51,691 - * And I'm proud to be an American * 24 00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:54,315 - There she is! An American hero! 25 00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:56,962 - Glenn, you did not tell me you'd be using actual fire. 26 00:00:56,957 --> 00:00:58,457 - Yes, I did. 27 00:00:58,459 --> 00:01:00,459 I put it in my column in the newsletter. 28 00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:01,731 - Nobody reads "Glenn's Corner," okay? 29 00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,329 - Did you read my thing on gluten? 30 00:01:03,331 --> 00:01:04,631 - Absolutely not. - Yeah, well, it was good. 31 00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:06,302 - This is a hazard. - I got a lot of-- 32 00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:08,140 How is that a hazard? - No, the fire, not the-- 33 00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:09,366 - How is that a hazard? 34 00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:11,140 - Uh, Glenn. - No, Myrtle! 35 00:01:11,139 --> 00:01:13,269 That's not the cauldron! 36 00:01:13,274 --> 00:01:15,844 - Oh. 37 00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:19,413 - It's okay, it's just a little baby fire! 38 00:01:20,181 --> 00:01:22,821 [all exclaiming, screaming] 39 00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:24,346 All right, okay, I've got this! 40 00:01:24,352 --> 00:01:25,752 I've got this! [fire alarm ringing] 41 00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:30,163 Everybody evacuate the store! - No! Nobody run! 42 00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:31,628 We have an elected store fire marshal 43 00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:34,055 who will lead us from the building safely. 44 00:01:34,061 --> 00:01:36,631 Elias! Where is Elias? 45 00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:39,630 - You are strong. Women love you. People-- 46 00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:42,503 - * And I'd gladly stand up 47 00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:45,813 - Um, I just came here to return these. 48 00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:46,806 - Do you have your receipt? - I do. 49 00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:48,777 - Okay. 50 00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:52,676 - * But there ain't no doubt I love this land * 51 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:55,780 * God bless the USA 52 00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:58,323 - I'm feeling really patriotic right now? 53 00:01:58,319 --> 00:02:00,689 - Well, we are breathing in a lot of smoke. 54 00:02:00,688 --> 00:02:03,188 * 55 00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:06,191 [upbeat music] 56 00:02:06,194 --> 00:02:08,064 * 57 00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:11,301 - All right, it's been an exciting 17 days 58 00:02:11,299 --> 00:02:13,199 of our Olympic promotion. 59 00:02:13,201 --> 00:02:15,371 A couple of hiccups there at the beginning, 60 00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:17,099 what with the inferno. 61 00:02:17,104 --> 00:02:20,474 Anyway, uh, we're not gonna have any accidents today 62 00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:22,714 during my closing ceremony. 63 00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:25,210 - Oh, no. Absolutely not. Not happening. 64 00:02:25,213 --> 00:02:27,083 No, your ceremony was not only reckless, 65 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,480 it was lame, and that's worse. 66 00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:31,252 - Like you could do better. - If I gave a crap. 67 00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:32,992 - Well, crap away, lady. 68 00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:34,586 - Ugh. - Game on. 69 00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:36,588 I am gonna close that ceremony so hard. 70 00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,530 - I wish someone would close you so hard. 71 00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:40,726 - Oh, really? I'd just open myself right back up again. 72 00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:42,758 - Excuse me, do the rest of us need to be here? 73 00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:44,233 - Yeah, uh, sorry, other stuff. 74 00:02:44,232 --> 00:02:47,942 Okay. Organic apples are on sale today. 75 00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:49,235 Make sure the customers know, 76 00:02:49,237 --> 00:02:51,807 and also, uh, Olympian Missy Jones 77 00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:54,105 is appearing in-store. - [gasps] 78 00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:56,237 - Wait, Missy Jones? 79 00:02:56,244 --> 00:02:59,284 The gold medal-winning gymnast Missy Jones? 80 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:00,650 Seriously? 81 00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:03,048 - I used to do gymnastics when I was little. 82 00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:05,250 It wasn't at the Olympics, though. 83 00:03:05,253 --> 00:03:07,363 It was at Bev's Tumble Palace. 84 00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:09,015 - Mateo, what's that on your vest? 85 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:11,762 - Oh! Uh, it's the Filipino flag. 86 00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:14,159 I just thought I'd support my home country for the Olympics. 87 00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:15,701 Pinoy Pride! 88 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,266 - Okay, that's your choice, I guess. 89 00:03:18,266 --> 00:03:19,896 I just thought that, during the Olympics, 90 00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:23,270 it'd be fun to pretend that we're all American. 91 00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:25,811 Even you, Sandra. - I'm from Hawaii. 92 00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:27,336 - Not today, you're not! 93 00:03:27,341 --> 00:03:30,111 - I do love America, but the Philippines is also great. 94 00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:32,280 - Yeah, of course, absolutely. 95 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:34,780 Just that, technically, America's number one. 96 00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:37,352 - Well, Glenn, what do you mean, "technically"? 97 00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:38,651 - Just as a fact. 98 00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:40,952 That's the saying-- "America's number one." 99 00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:43,924 - Well, but other countries believe that they're number one. 100 00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:47,504 - But America is number one. 101 00:03:47,495 --> 00:03:49,195 'Cause it's first in the world. 102 00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:51,096 - That's an airtight argument, though. 103 00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:52,668 - Well, uh, first in the world in what? 104 00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:53,866 - Being the best. 105 00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:55,537 - At? 106 00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:57,196 - Being number one. 107 00:03:57,204 --> 00:04:00,074 Of...countries... 108 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,483 And planets. 109 00:04:02,476 --> 00:04:03,936 - * In my ear 110 00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:06,214 * Tell me all the things that I want to hear * 111 00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:08,323 * 'Cause that's true - * What I like about you 112 00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:13,321 [camera shutter clicks] - Just talk to her. 113 00:04:13,321 --> 00:04:14,491 - Yeah, I'm going to. 114 00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:15,558 She's just busy, and I don't want to-- 115 00:04:15,556 --> 00:04:17,016 - Hey, Missy. - Dina, no. 116 00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:19,834 - Hi. Dina Fawkes, assistant manager. 117 00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:21,397 - Hi, I'm Amy. 118 00:04:21,395 --> 00:04:23,895 I am a big fan. - I'm not. 119 00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:25,927 No offense, I'm just not impressed by celebrities, 120 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:27,603 but I do have an Olympics related question. 121 00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,441 - Great. Maybe I can answer. 122 00:04:29,437 --> 00:04:31,367 - Is it true that the Olympic Village is basically 123 00:04:31,372 --> 00:04:33,212 just a three-week-long Slammerama? 124 00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:37,406 - Uh, I don't think I know how to answer that. 125 00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:38,481 - All the best bodies in the world. 126 00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:40,449 All those synthetic fabrics. 127 00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:43,878 Nobody speaks the same language, so everything means yes. 128 00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:46,454 I'm gonna name some Olympians, and you tell me if you've... 129 00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:49,264 Mm-mm. - [clears throat] 130 00:04:49,256 --> 00:04:52,856 Honestly, I think we were all just there to compete. 131 00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:55,000 - I get it. I got to buy the book. 132 00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:56,895 Okay. 133 00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:59,767 - I'm sorry, I'm just--I'm not comfortable talking about 134 00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:01,667 that part of my life. 135 00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:03,039 - Oh, no, no, no. 136 00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:05,236 I'm not-- I had your poster on my wall 137 00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:08,138 when I was a kid, and, um, I dressed my Barbie like you, 138 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,381 and my brother cut it in half, but it wasn't personal. 139 00:05:10,378 --> 00:05:12,148 It was--he was just-- but he's fine now. 140 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,145 - Amy, right? 141 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:16,917 - Yeah. - Take a breath. 142 00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:19,447 [both inhale deeply] 143 00:05:19,453 --> 00:05:24,023 You are the best in the world 144 00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:26,834 at being you. 145 00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,497 - Thank you. - Yeah. 146 00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:30,456 - That's amazing. - Yeah. 147 00:05:30,464 --> 00:05:31,804 - Your eyes are like lasers. 148 00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:33,399 - I know. 149 00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:34,801 - I'm gonna start by naming the weight lifters. 150 00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:35,872 - No. - Milen Dobrev. 151 00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:37,099 - This is not-- - Pyrros Dimas. 152 00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:38,414 - Appropriate. - Gleb Pisarevskiy. 153 00:05:38,406 --> 00:05:40,266 - Okay. - Gleb? 154 00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:42,443 No way. 155 00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:44,313 Lucky. 156 00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:51,117 - Oh, I just love this coffeemaker. 157 00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:53,318 It's the best one we sell. 158 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:54,960 Look at that. 159 00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:57,925 Made in the USA. 160 00:05:57,925 --> 00:05:59,885 - Yep. Uh-huh. 161 00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:01,463 I see that. 162 00:06:01,462 --> 00:06:03,962 - You know what I was just thinking about just now? 163 00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:07,274 How the United States has three of the world's 164 00:06:07,267 --> 00:06:10,297 longest rivers and the Grand Canyon 165 00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:13,243 in northwestern Arizona. 166 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:16,340 - [laughs] It's a beautiful country. 167 00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:22,519 - * Oh beautiful 168 00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:27,456 * For spacious skies 169 00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:33,526 both: * For amber waves of-- 170 00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:35,457 - She says stuff that should sound cheesy, 171 00:06:35,463 --> 00:06:38,233 but, coming out of her mouth, it's, like, magical. 172 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,501 They say people shouldn't meet their heroes, 173 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:41,100 but I'm really glad I did. 174 00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:43,471 - I once paid $200 to have lunch with Terry Gross-- 175 00:06:43,471 --> 00:06:47,171 from NPR, and she was on her phone the entire time. 176 00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:50,914 - When I was 16, I was trying to get a ride to the mall. 177 00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:55,621 When she was 16, she was competing in the Olympics. 178 00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:57,646 That's, like, Cheyenne's age. 179 00:06:57,651 --> 00:07:00,051 - Oh, I'm 17, actually. 180 00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:01,493 - So, younger than Cheyenne, 181 00:07:01,489 --> 00:07:02,989 and she was already a gold medal winner. 182 00:07:02,990 --> 00:07:05,660 - $200, and I picked up the check. 183 00:07:05,659 --> 00:07:08,099 I'm just saying, the woman makes conversation for a living. 184 00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:12,895 - I can't imagine being 16 and having accomplished so much. 185 00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:14,640 - Is this gonna take much longer? 186 00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:16,495 - I don't know, okay? 187 00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:19,174 I'm sorry that I'm not a stupid gold medalist! 188 00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:25,505 - My daughter's getting married today. 189 00:07:25,513 --> 00:07:27,313 To a lesbian. 190 00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:29,680 . 191 00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:31,081 [upbeat pop music] 192 00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:36,087 * 193 00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:37,559 - I've spent the last few weeks 194 00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:40,228 watching people my age be the best in the world, 195 00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:42,327 and I'm barely getting through summer school. 196 00:07:42,329 --> 00:07:45,399 - Cheyenne, you're just overwhelmed, okay? 197 00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:46,698 With school and... 198 00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,200 and I remember what it was like 199 00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:50,371 having to take all those child-birthing classes 200 00:07:50,370 --> 00:07:52,570 and the CPR classes and breastfeeding class-- 201 00:07:52,573 --> 00:07:55,413 - I haven't been taking any of those! 202 00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:58,448 [sobbing] 203 00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:01,917 - Um, okay, Cheyenne? 204 00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:04,445 Hey! Hey, hey! Look at me. 205 00:08:04,451 --> 00:08:06,121 Take a deep breath. 206 00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:09,159 [both inhale, exhale deeply] 207 00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:16,803 - You are the best in the world 208 00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:20,367 at being you. 209 00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:23,567 - Is that from the poster in Glenn's office? 210 00:08:23,571 --> 00:08:25,571 - It was better when Missy did it. 211 00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:28,483 Okay, let me try it again. 212 00:08:28,475 --> 00:08:30,975 [exotic music] 213 00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:32,848 - I can't compete with this. 214 00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,576 It's like Chinese people's only purpose in life 215 00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:35,982 is to humiliate me. 216 00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:38,323 - So you're trying to make your closing ceremonies 217 00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:41,718 compete with the actual ceremony from the actual Olympics? 218 00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:44,362 - I need a helper. 219 00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,687 How about this? 220 00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:46,993 We start with a fleet of helicopters 221 00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:48,504 descending on the store. 222 00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:50,225 - Okay, we? I'm--me? I'm the helper? 223 00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:51,600 - Yeah. - Okay. 224 00:08:51,599 --> 00:08:53,069 Well, how about, instead of helicopters, 225 00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,966 we go for something a tad less ambitious 226 00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,669 and use, like, streamers? 227 00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:59,011 - Interesting. 228 00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:00,606 We could shoot them out of a cannon. 229 00:09:00,608 --> 00:09:03,408 Or we could put a cannon on a helicopter. 230 00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:06,110 - Ooh, okay, well, and then, building on that, 231 00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:08,023 how about none of that stuff, 232 00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:10,875 and everybody carries a tiny little flag? 233 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,294 - What? - Look. 234 00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:15,255 Maybe we should focus on stuff we can actually pull off. 235 00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:17,455 - Okay. I hear you. - Right? 236 00:09:17,457 --> 00:09:19,487 I'm being unreasonable. 237 00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:22,262 Do you have access to a team of white stallions? 238 00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:23,762 - A team? No. 239 00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:25,774 - Then I'm back to helicopters. 240 00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:28,266 - * First you gonna say you ain't runnin' game * 241 00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:30,798 * Thinkin' I'm believing every word * 242 00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:33,514 * Call be beautiful, so original * 243 00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:35,076 - Hey! 244 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,705 Look what I found over in menswear. 245 00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:41,251 A good old pair of American blue jeans pants. 246 00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,648 - Hey, lookin' good. - So casual. 247 00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:47,351 Good luck getting a pair of these babies in "Ma-nai-la." 248 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,192 - You know, I-- I think he means well. 249 00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:52,491 He's--he's just-- he doesn't unders-- 250 00:09:52,492 --> 00:09:54,662 - It's not like I don't love America. 251 00:09:54,662 --> 00:09:56,062 I do. 252 00:09:56,063 --> 00:09:57,533 But it's not perfect. 253 00:09:57,530 --> 00:10:00,130 You guys are way too into brunch. 254 00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:01,673 I wish Asians were allowed to vote. 255 00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:03,169 And I--I don't really get the whole basement thing-- 256 00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:04,540 - Hold on-- hold on a second. 257 00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:05,707 What are you-- what are you talking about? 258 00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:06,706 - Yeah, I know-- it's a democracy. 259 00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:07,837 One person, one vote-- 260 00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:09,081 oh, unless you're Asian-American. 261 00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:10,306 Tell me why that is. 262 00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:12,180 - I don't know that I can. 263 00:10:12,179 --> 00:10:15,379 Are you--Mateo, you're an American citizen, right? 264 00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:18,492 - Oh, just 'cause I'm Asian, I can't be a citizen? 265 00:10:18,485 --> 00:10:19,845 - No, no, I'm-- I'm sorry. 266 00:10:19,853 --> 00:10:21,693 It's just that I've read about so many situations 267 00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:23,619 where parents bring their kids into the country illegally, 268 00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,433 and then, you know, they don't even tell them 269 00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:27,025 that they're undocumented. 270 00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:28,927 - Believe me, I have plenty of documents. 271 00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:31,629 I went to the green card store personally with my grandmother. 272 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,071 - The...green card store? 273 00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:36,837 - Yeah, they sell green cards and knockoff handbags 274 00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:39,437 and bootleg "Spider-Man" DVDs. 275 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:47,345 [speaking native language] ...green card 276 00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:48,847 [speaking native language] counterfeit? 277 00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:51,379 [speaking native language] ...American citizen? 278 00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:53,094 [speaking native language] "Spider-Man"... 279 00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:54,516 [speaking native language] Netflix. 280 00:10:54,521 --> 00:10:56,791 - I want to show you something, okay? 281 00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:00,726 See this? 282 00:11:00,728 --> 00:11:03,558 This looks like a stupid person wrote it, right? 283 00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:05,473 Well, it was me when I was five. 284 00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:07,735 I wrote that, and I put it on my wall, 285 00:11:07,735 --> 00:11:09,565 and I worked towards it every day, 286 00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:11,439 because there's nothing you can't do 287 00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:16,238 if you work hard, focus, and believe in yourself. 288 00:11:16,243 --> 00:11:19,813 - Wow, that is so cool. - It's very cool. 289 00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:21,513 - Can I touch it? 290 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:22,754 - Yeah, absolutely, it's just a card. 291 00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:24,520 It's not magic. 292 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,317 'Cause guess where the real magic is? 293 00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:30,661 - Is it in me? - Yeah, bingo. 294 00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:32,257 It's in you. And it's not real. 295 00:11:32,259 --> 00:11:33,989 Magic isn't real. It's tricks. 296 00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:36,764 Done by a liar. Remember that. 297 00:11:36,764 --> 00:11:41,774 - The Philippines has over 19 different regional languages. 298 00:11:41,769 --> 00:11:44,809 Hello? Indecisive much? 299 00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:46,265 Where is Mateo? 300 00:11:46,273 --> 00:11:47,373 - Oh, uh, you know what? 301 00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:48,414 Maybe-- maybe take it easy 302 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:50,338 on Mateo today. - Why? 303 00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:53,453 - Uh, well-- not just Mateo, you know? 304 00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:55,576 There's a lot of employees here from different countries 305 00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:57,482 and, you know, making them say America is the best-- 306 00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:59,424 that's just...not cool. 307 00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:01,689 - It's the Olympics! 308 00:12:01,688 --> 00:12:04,188 It's all about rooting for your country 309 00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:06,691 and saying all the other countries eat beans. 310 00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:08,303 - Well, but it's, it's also about the countries 311 00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:09,525 coming together, you know? 312 00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:11,929 That's why the rings are interlocked. 313 00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:15,402 - Oh, I thought it was just a symbol. 314 00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:18,972 I didn't know it symbolized something. 315 00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:20,442 - I have to go. 316 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:24,850 I am appearing at the opening of a motorcycle dealership. 317 00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:27,645 - Oh! You're leaving already? 318 00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:29,547 Maybe we could, like, trade numbers and-- 319 00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:33,489 - Oh, hey. We're not gonna do that. 320 00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:35,386 - Okay. - Yeah. 321 00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:36,718 - I get it. 322 00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:39,493 Bye. 323 00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:41,692 Oh, my God, isn't she so amazing? 324 00:12:41,694 --> 00:12:45,834 - Yeah. Thank you so much for this. 325 00:12:45,833 --> 00:12:48,943 I just haven't been believing in myself. 326 00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:52,036 I'm gonna find a card, write my dream down, 327 00:12:52,039 --> 00:12:53,469 and make it come true. 328 00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:55,843 - Good for you. 329 00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:58,483 - I'm gonna quit school and become an Olympic gymnast. 330 00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:05,015 . 331 00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:06,846 - So, dropping out of school, 332 00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:09,691 that's a big risk for-- 333 00:13:09,689 --> 00:13:11,859 for a field that's so competitive 334 00:13:11,859 --> 00:13:14,229 and which so few people succeed. 335 00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:17,927 - I know it's a risk, but I believe in myself. 336 00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:19,771 And back when I took gymnastics, 337 00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:21,996 Coach Bev said I was her best trier 338 00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:23,742 in her Tuesday-Thursday class. 339 00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:26,166 - Coach Bev said that, huh? - Mm-hmm. 340 00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:29,083 - I think what Amy is trying to say is that, uh, 341 00:13:29,076 --> 00:13:32,246 a lot of Olympic gymnasts train their whole lives, 342 00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:37,715 so writing it down a card might not be enough. 343 00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:39,487 - Really? 344 00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:42,716 - No, that is not what I was trying to say, Jonah. 345 00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:46,132 I was trying to say Tokyo 2020! 346 00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:48,526 - * I got this sewed up 347 00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:50,758 * Remy Boyz, they know us 348 00:13:50,763 --> 00:13:52,803 * All fast money, no slow bucks * 349 00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:56,999 - Bonjour and sayonara, everyone. 350 00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:59,914 I just picked up a multicultural buffet. 351 00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:02,737 I got some, uh, egg rolls from the Orient 352 00:14:02,742 --> 00:14:04,912 and pizza-- that's from Italy. 353 00:14:04,912 --> 00:14:09,522 Anyway, there's, uh, no reason for anyone to feel excluded. 354 00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:12,316 Now, I think all countries are equal. 355 00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:15,919 You know, whether you're of Mexican descent like Amy. 356 00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:17,063 - Honduran. 357 00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:19,387 - I don't speak Spanish, sorry. 358 00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:22,462 Or like Garrett-- you're, um... 359 00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:24,462 - Norwegian. 360 00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:26,374 - Wha-- really? 361 00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:29,466 Huh-- but you're also part, um... 362 00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:30,969 - Swedish. 363 00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:33,011 - O-- okay, um. 364 00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:34,806 Or-- or like Mateo. 365 00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:36,677 You're from the Philippines. 366 00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:37,946 - I may have been born in the Philippines, 367 00:14:37,945 --> 00:14:40,845 but I am true-blue American. 368 00:14:40,847 --> 00:14:42,047 Dane Cook! 369 00:14:42,049 --> 00:14:43,219 - These burritos all have meat in them, 370 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,816 so I can't eat any of these. 371 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:48,960 [upbeat rock music] 372 00:14:48,956 --> 00:14:49,986 - * Got to go to school 373 00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:52,990 * 374 00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:53,993 [grunts] 375 00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:56,004 [metal squeaking] 376 00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:59,096 * 377 00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:00,999 - All right, listen up. 378 00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:03,101 We're putting together tonight's closing ceremony, 379 00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:04,203 so we need to know if any of you 380 00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:05,874 have any special skills. 381 00:15:05,872 --> 00:15:07,512 - I'm a pretty good singer. 382 00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:10,277 - Okay. Sing "Car Wash" with me immediately. 383 00:15:11,979 --> 00:15:13,079 - * Workin' at-- - Fail! 384 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,150 The vocals don't come in 385 00:15:14,147 --> 00:15:15,577 for another ten measures. 386 00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,422 Also, you have the worst voice I've ever heard. 387 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:18,887 What about you? 388 00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:20,285 I assume you have no special skills. 389 00:15:20,287 --> 00:15:25,487 - Um, I have highly superior autobiographical memory. 390 00:15:25,492 --> 00:15:27,362 It means I remember everything that happened 391 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:28,830 every day of my life. 392 00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:30,898 - Wow. That must be excruciating. 393 00:15:30,897 --> 00:15:32,097 Your life is pathetic. 394 00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:33,099 - That's exactly what you said 395 00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:35,000 the last time I told you. 396 00:15:36,203 --> 00:15:38,473 April 8, 2012. 397 00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:39,541 Sorry. 398 00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:41,439 - This is a disaster! 399 00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:42,811 - We got a lot of great stuff here. 400 00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:43,839 - Are you kidding? 401 00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:45,813 I mean, this is the Olympics. 402 00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:47,012 They're about excellence. 403 00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:48,384 - Except it's not the Olympics. 404 00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:50,751 It's a store that sells discount soda pop 405 00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:52,550 and provides a bathroom for homeless dudes. 406 00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:54,252 - And there he is. 407 00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:56,194 Mr. Cool Guy Garrett, 408 00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:57,719 who doesn't care about anything. 409 00:15:57,724 --> 00:15:59,034 Well, you know what? 410 00:15:59,026 --> 00:16:00,326 I'm not cool. 411 00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:01,927 I don't know how to play the trumpet. 412 00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:03,428 I don't wear tie-dye shirts. 413 00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:05,400 - You think those things are cool? 414 00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:06,898 - You're off the team. 415 00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:08,939 - Okay, fine, whatever. 416 00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:10,035 Sorry, guys. 417 00:16:10,037 --> 00:16:12,037 Forget the whole thing. 418 00:16:12,039 --> 00:16:13,939 - I can't. 419 00:16:13,940 --> 00:16:16,340 - All you have to do is write it on the card, 420 00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:19,583 believe in it, and your dreams will come true! 421 00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:20,949 - Oh, hey! 422 00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:23,877 Are you guys doing that Missy-dream-card thing 423 00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:26,053 where you write down your realistic dreams? 424 00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:27,393 - Uh, realistic? 425 00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:28,557 - Yeah, that's the point. 426 00:16:28,555 --> 00:16:30,885 You make your dreams realistic 427 00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:33,830 so that you're not setting yourself up for disappointment. 428 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,226 - I wrote "go to Mars." 429 00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:37,058 - That's a great example. 430 00:16:37,064 --> 00:16:39,434 Um, I think Missy would say... 431 00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:41,672 if you want to go somewhere interesting, 432 00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:44,068 then maybe write something like, um-- 433 00:16:44,071 --> 00:16:45,741 - "Go to Disneyland." 434 00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:47,908 - Exactly. - Are you insane? 435 00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:50,437 It's super expensive. [overlapping agreement] 436 00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:53,113 - Okay, but you think that-- never mind. 437 00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:55,283 Let's try someone else. Uh... 438 00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:56,952 "Nail Scarlett Johansson." 439 00:16:56,949 --> 00:16:58,719 - Ah. - Okay. 440 00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:00,188 Maybe more realistically-- 441 00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:01,647 why don't you try to "nail" 442 00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:04,124 someone you actually know? 443 00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:05,164 Like your wife? 444 00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:06,888 - Oh, cool, that'd be awesome. 445 00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:08,233 - No, it wouldn't. 446 00:17:08,228 --> 00:17:10,428 - What I'm trying to say is you may not 447 00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:12,930 be able to "start the next Google" 448 00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:14,932 or, uh, "be Beyoncé," 449 00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:16,674 or "try lobster--" 450 00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:18,939 No, Carol, that is a good one. 451 00:17:18,938 --> 00:17:20,708 You could actually do that right now. 452 00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:22,777 - I'm allergic. It would kill me. 453 00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:25,005 - Okay, well, then, maybe don't try the lobster, 454 00:17:25,011 --> 00:17:28,421 but what I'm saying is you can't just do anything. 455 00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:31,115 If you could, then Garrett could just make himself walk. 456 00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:33,652 - Oh, my God, I'm so sorry, Garrett. 457 00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:35,193 That's just the first thing that came to mind. 458 00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:36,388 - Well, you know what? 459 00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,459 I never tried writing it on a card before. 460 00:17:39,292 --> 00:17:42,332 [marker squeaking] 461 00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:46,171 [sighs] Nope. 462 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,170 - Cheyenne, what did you write? 463 00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:51,399 Um, let's see, uh, 464 00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:54,044 "Olympic gymnast"? - Hmm... 465 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,040 - Thoughts? Realistic? 466 00:17:56,042 --> 00:17:58,512 - You know, I don't know anymore. 467 00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:01,481 - Yeah, 'cause we could replace this with, um, 468 00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:03,451 like, uh, college graduate. - Oh! 469 00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:06,220 - Or, um, businesswoman. - There you go. 470 00:18:06,219 --> 00:18:07,549 - Yeah, okay, I get it. 471 00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:08,994 - You do? - Yeah. 472 00:18:08,988 --> 00:18:10,388 You don't believe I can do it. 473 00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:11,690 both: No. - No, no. 474 00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:14,161 - No, that is not what I'm saying. 475 00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:15,631 - Thanks, Amy. 476 00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:19,074 - Hey. 477 00:18:19,065 --> 00:18:22,065 If Elias isn't nailing Scarlett Johansson, can I? 478 00:18:22,068 --> 00:18:24,898 - [groans] Sure. - Yes! 479 00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:30,340 . 480 00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:31,981 - Cheyenne. - What? 481 00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:35,980 Now you don't even believe I can sell jewelry? 482 00:18:35,982 --> 00:18:38,792 - Oh, come on. - I'm not stupid, okay? 483 00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:41,885 I never really thought I could become an Olympic athlete. 484 00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:43,588 - So then why were you-- 485 00:18:43,590 --> 00:18:45,560 - It was just nice living the fantasy for a while. 486 00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:47,858 You know, like, when you buy a lottery ticket 487 00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:49,830 and you plan on how you're gonna spend the money, 488 00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:52,399 even though you know you're not really gonna win? 489 00:18:52,399 --> 00:18:53,799 - Look, Cheyenne, 490 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,700 I know...that you... 491 00:18:56,703 --> 00:19:00,043 are destined for greatness. 492 00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:01,969 - Sorry, it just sounds cheesy. 493 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:04,244 - I don't know how she does it! 494 00:19:05,212 --> 00:19:06,982 [knock at door] - Glenn? 495 00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,819 Uh... 496 00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:11,615 This isn't easy for me to say, but, um, 497 00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:15,958 I found out today that I am not an American. 498 00:19:15,955 --> 00:19:18,485 But I love this job and, um-- 499 00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:22,801 - Mateo. You're an American. 500 00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:26,495 And I'm Filipino. And everybody's everything. 501 00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:29,639 So it's like nobody's anything. 502 00:19:29,636 --> 00:19:33,006 And that's beautiful. 503 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,635 - Well, okay. 504 00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:36,681 - Okay. 505 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,906 Let me see that pin. 506 00:19:38,911 --> 00:19:41,081 Okay. - [chuckles] 507 00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:50,158 - Heh. 508 00:19:50,156 --> 00:19:51,816 - You stick yourself? 509 00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:54,364 - So bad. Right into the bone. 510 00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:57,031 - Do you want me to go get someone or... 511 00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:59,469 - Just be with me. 512 00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:01,666 - I just don't know that I did the right thing. 513 00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:04,538 I mean, it feels weird convincing a teenager 514 00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:06,207 to not follow their dream. 515 00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:08,135 - Maybe think of it as convincing a teen mom 516 00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:09,840 not to drop out of school. 517 00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:11,482 Especially for something impossible. 518 00:20:11,478 --> 00:20:14,008 - I mean, I do wish impossible things could happen sometimes, 519 00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:16,023 but this is the real world. 520 00:20:16,015 --> 00:20:19,045 [lights clunking off] 521 00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:22,789 - What is going on? 522 00:20:22,789 --> 00:20:26,529 [Scorpions' "Rock You Like A Hurricane" plays] 523 00:20:26,526 --> 00:20:29,026 - I think this might be the closing ceremony. 524 00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:30,728 That I helped plan. 525 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:38,770 * 526 00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:49,949 - Only in America. 527 00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:53,789 But also only in anywhere else in the world, really. 528 00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:54,916 * 529 00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:56,891 - * Here I am 530 00:20:56,889 --> 00:20:59,459 - Damn. She got everything except the-- 531 00:20:59,459 --> 00:21:02,529 [helicopter blades whirring] 532 00:21:02,529 --> 00:21:05,399 - * Here I am 533 00:21:05,398 --> 00:21:07,728 * Rock you like a hurricane 534 00:21:07,734 --> 00:21:09,474 [Dina laughing] 535 00:21:09,469 --> 00:21:10,799 - Whoo! 536 00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:13,143 Helicopter! 537 00:21:13,139 --> 00:21:15,509 - * Here I am 538 00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:17,738 * Rock you like a hurricane 539 00:21:17,744 --> 00:21:20,354 - Hey, Glenn! In your face! 540 00:21:20,347 --> 00:21:22,347 [laughs] - What? 541 00:21:22,349 --> 00:21:24,919 - Suck it, Glenn! 542 00:21:24,917 --> 00:21:26,347 - Oh.