1 00:00:01,069 --> 00:00:01,199 . 2 00:00:02,170 --> 00:00:02,600 [upbeat music] 3 00:00:04,372 --> 00:00:06,242 - Good morning. - Morning. 4 00:00:06,274 --> 00:00:08,184 - Hm. - Can't believe we're back. 5 00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:12,179 Same stupid timecards. Same boring beige halls. 6 00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:14,483 - Actually, I think that cockroach in the light is new. 7 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,375 - Nope, Ernie's been here longer than me. 8 00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:20,117 - I'm excited that things are getting back to normal. 9 00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:22,664 No more corporate getting all up in our business. 10 00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:26,090 - Oh, you know that the district manager's still here, right? 11 00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:29,227 - Jeff? What is Jeff still doing he-- 12 00:00:29,263 --> 00:00:31,403 You don't think he's trying to find a reason to fire me? 13 00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:32,432 Do you? - No. 14 00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:34,136 Glenn, why would they fire you? 15 00:00:34,168 --> 00:00:35,138 They just hired you back. 16 00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:37,409 - Because they're still mad that I gave Cheyenne 17 00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:39,268 maternity leave. 18 00:00:39,307 --> 00:00:42,077 Maybe they think that people, like, just walk all over me. 19 00:00:42,110 --> 00:00:44,380 Like I'm some sort of pathetic Peter. 20 00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:46,282 - Oh, come on. They don't--they don't think 21 00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:49,154 you're...that. - You don't know. 22 00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:51,853 I mean, these corporate guys, they're out for blood. 23 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:55,285 Okay? They are vicious, savage monsters. 24 00:00:55,323 --> 00:00:57,293 - Hey, everybody. - Hi. 25 00:00:57,325 --> 00:01:00,485 - Um, these are welcome back flowers. 26 00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:02,858 - Oh. - They gave me a packet of, uh, 27 00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:05,326 plant food for it, but I left it in the car. 28 00:01:05,366 --> 00:01:07,166 So if they die, I guess, just... 29 00:01:07,201 --> 00:01:09,501 throw them away. But, anyway... 30 00:01:09,537 --> 00:01:12,307 here. 31 00:01:12,340 --> 00:01:13,510 - Cool. 32 00:01:13,541 --> 00:01:16,711 - You guys have been through a lot in the last two days. 33 00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:19,314 Your manager getting fired. Everybody walking out. 34 00:01:19,347 --> 00:01:21,217 - Not everybody walked out. I didn't. 35 00:01:21,249 --> 00:01:22,619 She did, he did, those three. 36 00:01:22,650 --> 00:01:24,720 I've got a PDF file. - Great. Good. 37 00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:26,322 Thank you, as always, Dina. - Welcome. 38 00:01:26,354 --> 00:01:28,194 - But the point is, um, 39 00:01:28,222 --> 00:01:30,492 that I don't want to just go back to the way things were. 40 00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:32,464 I wanna know what we as a company 41 00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:34,403 can do better. - Really? 42 00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,198 Great. Well, uh... 43 00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:37,400 I think we should start with maternity leave. 44 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,601 - Listen up, ladies and jerks, 45 00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:44,213 because I am so not in the mood. 46 00:01:44,238 --> 00:01:46,308 - What is happening? - No idea. 47 00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:48,410 - Okay, I know corporate suits probably think 48 00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:52,482 I'm a big, ole softy, but as everyone here knows 49 00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:54,683 I'm a hard-ass boss. 50 00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:59,285 And I act like this every day, not just today. 51 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:00,920 - Okay. - Yeah. 52 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:03,364 - What we were talking about when you came in was I wanna-- 53 00:02:03,391 --> 00:02:05,731 - Everybody here better do their job 54 00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:09,599 or you're all going down. 55 00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:10,730 - Ju-- - Oh! 56 00:02:10,764 --> 00:02:12,274 [clattering] 57 00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:13,730 - Just step out. - Just lift your leg up. 58 00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:15,297 - I can't find-- - You got it. 59 00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:16,336 - Just hold 'em up. - Get it off me. 60 00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:17,170 - Okay. - Yeah, all right. 61 00:02:17,205 --> 00:02:18,335 - Get it off me. - All right, here. 62 00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:19,442 - Yeah, yeah. - Just-- 63 00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:20,773 - We'll just-- yeah, this is easier. 64 00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:21,778 - Oh, boy. 65 00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:24,779 [upbeat music] 66 00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:26,682 * 67 00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:28,484 - It's just so nice to hear 68 00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:30,546 that you actually wanna listen to our concerns. 69 00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:32,224 - Yeah, one big thing we've been talking about 70 00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:34,223 is the store limiting our hours to avoid-- 71 00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:35,515 - Sorry, here's what I'd like to do. 72 00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:37,226 I'd just like to take a walk around. 73 00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:39,228 Observe how things work. We'll meet later 74 00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:41,400 and discuss ways that we can all improve. 75 00:02:41,429 --> 00:02:43,359 - Oh, sorry, did you just say, 76 00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:45,397 "we can all improve"? 77 00:02:45,433 --> 00:02:46,803 'Cause none of this happened because 78 00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,744 we weren't doing our jobs well. 79 00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:51,739 - Sure, but... everything is a two-way street. 80 00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:53,572 - Yeah, but... 81 00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:56,377 some things are just... one-way streets. 82 00:02:56,410 --> 00:02:57,480 - You need both, you know? 83 00:02:57,511 --> 00:03:01,281 One-way streets are useful in terms of traffic flow 84 00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:04,715 whereas I lost track of the point I was trying to make. 85 00:03:04,752 --> 00:03:06,422 - Yeah, so here's what I'd like to do. 86 00:03:06,454 --> 00:03:08,224 I'd like to observe how things work 87 00:03:08,256 --> 00:03:09,656 when you guys are not in the parking lot 88 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:12,490 screaming like lunatics and then we can go from there. 89 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,356 Think we can handle that? 90 00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:16,595 - I guess we'll see. - All right. 91 00:03:18,366 --> 00:03:20,996 - I'm sorry, we're the ones who need to change? 92 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,004 How about they stop limiting our hours 93 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:25,806 or docking our pay for bathroom breaks? 94 00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:27,839 We are not the ones who need to improve here. 95 00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:29,775 [clattering] 96 00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:31,710 - Yeah, we're pretty perfect. - [sighs] 97 00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,675 - But, look, he wants to hear our complaints. 98 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:36,524 - Yeah, and then not do anything about them. 99 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:37,720 No matter what we say, he's just gonna be like, 100 00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:40,391 [high-pitched voice] "Well, it's a two-way street, so..." 101 00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:41,761 - Wow, that was spot on. 102 00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:43,519 - It was like Amy just disappeared. 103 00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,587 - Look, guys, we just need to be on top 104 00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:47,756 of our game today, you know? 105 00:03:47,795 --> 00:03:50,725 Remember that day six months ago where nothing went wrong? 106 00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:52,604 Let's do that today. 107 00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:54,603 - March 14th cannot be manufactured. 108 00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:56,535 That's what makes March 14th beautiful. 109 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,640 - Okay, well, let's just be on our game, okay? 110 00:03:58,672 --> 00:04:00,812 - Okay, you got it. 111 00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:02,541 - Attention Cloud 9 shoppers, 112 00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:05,476 beef products from Cloud 9 Ranch are now 80% off, 113 00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:07,523 but maybe ask yourself why we would do that. 114 00:04:09,517 --> 00:04:10,617 You mean like that? 115 00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:13,791 - I'm the kind of hard-ass boss that corporate loves. 116 00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:15,821 - Uh-huh. - I-I don't allow any 117 00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:18,786 jiggerypokery or argle-bargle. 118 00:04:18,826 --> 00:04:20,556 - Mm-hmm. - Glenn... 119 00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,634 can I go to the doctor? I've had a sharp pain 120 00:04:22,663 --> 00:04:23,903 in my lower right for days. 121 00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:26,801 - There you go. Typical argle-bargle. 122 00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:28,904 Denied. - Actually... 123 00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:30,366 that sounds like appendicitis. 124 00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:31,514 I think you should go to the hospital. 125 00:04:31,539 --> 00:04:33,539 - Thank you. 126 00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:38,676 - I want to see that appendix on my desk tomorrow, young lady! 127 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,650 - * Hot child in the city 128 00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:43,482 * 129 00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:45,847 * Hot child in the city 130 00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:47,716 * 131 00:04:47,755 --> 00:04:49,915 * Runnin' wild and lookin' pretty * 132 00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:51,457 * 133 00:04:51,492 --> 00:04:54,462 [suspicious music] 134 00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:57,925 * 135 00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,795 - Hey, can you tell me where the bathroom is? 136 00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:02,803 It's kind of an emergency. - I exceeded your expectations? 137 00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:04,906 [chuckles] Thank you. 138 00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:06,508 Have a heavenly day. 139 00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:07,780 Hi! 140 00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:10,578 That guy just said I exceeded his expectations. 141 00:05:10,611 --> 00:05:12,611 Don't know if you heard. - Nice work. 142 00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,948 I'm Jeff, by the way. - No, I know. 143 00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:19,394 Mateo. We met yesterday? 144 00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:21,120 I was the "loyal, hard-working employee 145 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,464 with great skin"? [chuckles] 146 00:05:23,491 --> 00:05:25,431 Uh, so now that everything's back to normal, 147 00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:27,529 I would love to talk to you about my career here at Cloud 9. 148 00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:28,561 - Yes, I'm so sorry to do this to you. 149 00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:30,726 I just have a bunch to cover today, 150 00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:32,604 but nice to meet you, Ma-tato. 151 00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:36,498 - Ma-tato? 152 00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:37,807 - Laney, make sure Tate's not trying 153 00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,638 to sell our customers time shares. 154 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,843 Todd, keep Sal at least 100 feet away from women's wear. 155 00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:43,505 And women in general, if possible. 156 00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:45,484 Why is nobody working the deli? 157 00:05:45,513 --> 00:05:47,583 - Oh, right, Dom told me that he just 158 00:05:47,615 --> 00:05:48,545 really didn't feel like coming in today 159 00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:50,622 and that I should cover for him by telling you 160 00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:52,691 that-- wait, go back. 161 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:53,690 Let me take that again. 162 00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:56,661 Dom told me to tell you that his pug, Elmo, 163 00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:58,430 fell into a sinkhole in the park. 164 00:05:58,459 --> 00:05:59,629 - Just follow me. 165 00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:01,500 Okay, we need to keep the line moving. 166 00:06:01,529 --> 00:06:03,829 We have a lot of hungry, angry people out there. 167 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,704 - Uh, you can just say "hangry" now. 168 00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:07,843 It's a new word. My friend's cousin made it up. 169 00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:11,713 - I'll take rolls, veggies, and condiments. 170 00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:14,709 You start slicing the meat. - Slicing the meat. 171 00:06:14,742 --> 00:06:18,182 Oh, sweet, always wanted to work this bad boy. 172 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,851 Not totally sure how it works-- 173 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:23,581 - Just, um, load the meat and then slice the meat. 174 00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:25,747 - Definitely. I'm a quick study, so-- 175 00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:27,916 Oh! I cut myself. - Already? 176 00:06:27,955 --> 00:06:30,785 Well, maybe I should do-- - [quietly groans] 177 00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:32,764 - Marcus, that looks really bad. 178 00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:35,503 - Just a nick. It looks worse than it is. 179 00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:36,629 Kinda stings a little. 180 00:06:36,664 --> 00:06:38,934 - [gasps loudly] 181 00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:42,666 Marcus, is that your thumb? 182 00:06:44,805 --> 00:06:47,505 - Uh... I don't know. 183 00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:49,841 - You don't know? 184 00:06:49,877 --> 00:06:51,747 Why don't you check? 185 00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:53,509 - I don't wanna. - Marcus, check! 186 00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:54,717 - I don't want to. - To see if your thumb 187 00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:55,718 is on your hand. - [whining] 188 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,219 [Pat Benatar's "We Belong" playing] 189 00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,020 - * We belong 190 00:07:06,226 --> 00:07:06,626 - [groans] - Ah. 191 00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:08,834 I need this thumb 192 00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,902 for work and driving. Door knobs! 193 00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:13,771 - We just need to put it in a cold, air-tight container, 194 00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:15,541 we'll get it to the hospital, they're reattach it. 195 00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:17,839 It's easy. - Promise? 196 00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:19,741 - Mm-hmm. 197 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:20,713 Here. This should do it. 198 00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:22,881 - Oh, come on, not the guac. It's all slimy. 199 00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:25,110 - You're not gonna feel it. 200 00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:27,005 - "Yeah, I've got a whole PDF." 201 00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:28,147 [laughter] - Hey! 202 00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:30,581 Let's break up this loser squad and get back to work. 203 00:07:30,618 --> 00:07:32,488 - You guys don't hear anything, do you? 204 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,120 - Nope, I can't hear traitors. 205 00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:35,924 - Oh, is that so, Peter? Because I was just 206 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:37,586 coming to tell you that your wife has died. 207 00:07:37,625 --> 00:07:39,985 I just got the call. - I don't have a wife. 208 00:07:40,027 --> 00:07:41,157 Everyone knows I'm gay. 209 00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:42,834 - Ha! I knew you could hear me. 210 00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:45,503 In your gay face! - Come on, guys. 211 00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:50,097 - [clears throat] Hey. 212 00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:52,007 I've, uh... 213 00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:53,069 I've been there. 214 00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:55,806 Junior year of high school I lost all the proofs 215 00:07:55,843 --> 00:07:57,583 for lit mag and we had to stay up all night 216 00:07:57,611 --> 00:08:00,051 relaying it out. Everybody hated me. 217 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,180 Especially Becca Fish-- such a Goody Two-shoes, 218 00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:05,585 but I killed them with a little thing called kindness, 219 00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:07,989 and guess who became the next editor-in-chief. 220 00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,921 Well, co-editor. 221 00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:12,287 - Worst story I've ever heard. 222 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:15,155 - Look, all I'm saying is with a little effort 223 00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:17,155 it's not that hard to get people to like you. 224 00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:19,567 - [whispers] I really don't care if people like me. 225 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,270 - Okay, but-- 226 00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:23,801 don't you find it hard being a boss to people... 227 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,167 [whispers] That resent you? 228 00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:27,035 - Who's the one wearing the blue polo now? 229 00:08:27,074 --> 00:08:30,084 [laughter] 230 00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:32,150 - You do raise a good point. - Yeah. 231 00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:34,109 - I watch a lot of "Dog Whisperer" DVDs 232 00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:35,847 and it's always easier to train a bitch 233 00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:39,553 who enjoys your scent. - That's exactly what I meant. 234 00:08:39,587 --> 00:08:41,887 Um... look, if you need any help-- 235 00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:45,932 - Pass. I can make people like me on my own just fine. 236 00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,629 Oh, hey... - Yeah? 237 00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,561 - I just wanted to say... - Mm-hmm. 238 00:08:49,597 --> 00:08:51,057 - That story really is awful. 239 00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:53,228 I'd tighten it up. Add a couple jokes. 240 00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:55,941 - Thank you for the feedback. 241 00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,269 - This website says we have an hour 242 00:08:57,304 --> 00:08:59,074 to get you and the thumb to the hospital. 243 00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:00,206 - What happens after an hour? 244 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,880 - Um... nothing, it's just a good number to shoot for. 245 00:09:02,910 --> 00:09:04,950 Why are you limping? - I stubbed my toe 246 00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:07,008 picking up the thumb. It really stings. 247 00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:10,277 - Oh, damn it! Okay, act natural. 248 00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:13,187 - Hey, there. Everything okay with you guys? 249 00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:15,160 - Yeah. Yeah. 250 00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:17,588 We were just organizing these batteries. 251 00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:20,085 - I just have a couple questions about shift assignments. 252 00:09:20,127 --> 00:09:23,127 - Oh, uh, Glenn, I forgot to mention 253 00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:24,333 those skateboarders are back. 254 00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:26,204 - Oh, Jeff, come with me. 255 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:28,703 Now--now, those girls are big for 12, but there's two of us, 256 00:09:28,736 --> 00:09:30,936 so it'll be a fair fight this time. 257 00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:32,071 - Oh... 258 00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:33,165 - Okay. 259 00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:35,976 - Who broke into my locker? 260 00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:38,009 What is happening to this country? 261 00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:40,605 - Mine looks burnt off. It wasn't even locked. 262 00:09:40,648 --> 00:09:42,648 - Everybody shut up. I got you all presents. 263 00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:46,393 - Oh, okay, guys, how nice of Dina to... 264 00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:50,189 break into our lockers and give us presents. 265 00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:52,393 - Yeah, prescription strength deodorant. 266 00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:55,125 "Stop stink in its tracks." - Now that's a gift 267 00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:57,262 for all of us, my friend. - Thoughtful. 268 00:09:57,297 --> 00:09:58,397 In its own way. 269 00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:01,001 - Men's razors? - For your mustache. 270 00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:03,644 You're welcome. - "Gay Guy." 271 00:10:03,671 --> 00:10:05,241 - Now, I had to order 30 of those, 272 00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:07,342 so if you have any gay guy friends, just say the word. 273 00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:10,244 Um... okay, no big deal, 274 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:11,907 but usually people say "Thank you" 275 00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,145 when they get presents. Come on. 276 00:10:14,181 --> 00:10:17,751 - "It's Not All Interesting: How to Tell a Better Story"? 277 00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:20,015 - Now, I don't know if you already have this. 278 00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:21,923 I'm assuming you don't. 279 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:25,025 - I'll be home in five, ten minutes max. 280 00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:28,228 Everyone's gonna wanna see photos of the baby, so... 281 00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:30,931 oh, Amy-- - Hi, not now. 282 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:34,004 Okay, quick drive to the hospital. 283 00:10:34,034 --> 00:10:36,444 They'll reattach the-- where's the thumb? 284 00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:39,669 - My thumb? - Yes, Marcus, your thumb! 285 00:10:39,707 --> 00:10:42,077 There is no other thumb! [groans] 286 00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:51,118 - Okay, listen closely. When Jeff comes over, 287 00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:53,421 I'm gonna pretend to be mean to you, 288 00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:55,423 but it's all an act, okay? 289 00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:57,355 - You're going too fast. I can't follow. 290 00:10:57,390 --> 00:11:00,030 - It's simple. I'm gonna say mean things 291 00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:02,300 to you, but I don't mean the things I say. 292 00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:04,199 So even though I really like you, 293 00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:06,131 I might say, "I hate you." 294 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,466 - Hold up. You hate me? - No, I love you. 295 00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:12,241 I--why is this so complicated? 296 00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:14,342 - Hey. - Oh, ah, hey, Jeff. 297 00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:18,354 I was just telling this employee how lazy I think he is. 298 00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:21,078 - You think I'm lazy? - Yes... 299 00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:24,454 - I'm sorry. I mean, I-I try really, really hard. 300 00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:26,294 I always thought you liked me. 301 00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:30,358 - I don't. [stifled whimpers] 302 00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:35,100 - He right. Actually, I am kinda lazy. 303 00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:38,428 - Detergents. Pod, liquid, powder. 304 00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:41,165 Uh, high-efficiency, et cetera, et cetera. 305 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,301 Whatever. - Wow, thank you so much. 306 00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:44,165 You're a lifesaver. 307 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,044 - Oh, could you just repeat that over here? 308 00:11:46,073 --> 00:11:47,113 - Actually, I'm kinda in a hurry. 309 00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:48,440 So I-- - It'll only take a sec. 310 00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:50,805 - This is my son. You're hurting my arm! 311 00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:52,054 - I showed you where the detergent was! 312 00:11:52,079 --> 00:11:52,949 [clears throat] 313 00:11:52,980 --> 00:11:54,850 Now tell him what you just said to me. 314 00:11:54,882 --> 00:11:57,252 - You're hurting my arm. 315 00:11:57,284 --> 00:12:00,394 - I mean before that. About being a lifesaver. 316 00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:04,289 - It's okay, Owen. Mama's here. 317 00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:06,134 The bad man didn't get me. 318 00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:08,759 - In the future, I'd love you to not 319 00:12:08,796 --> 00:12:11,326 grab our customers. Okay, Ma-tah-to? 320 00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:12,534 - It's Ma-tato. 321 00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,795 I mean... Mateo. 322 00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:16,765 - [clears throat] 323 00:12:16,804 --> 00:12:18,374 "Dear everyone, 324 00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:20,205 "from the bottom of my heart I'm sorry 325 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,270 "that you are mad at me. 326 00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:22,378 "I only acted the way the way I did 327 00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:25,149 "because I'm a very loyal person and I can't empathize 328 00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:26,878 "with people who are self-centered traitors. 329 00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:30,424 "If I could go back in time I would do the exact same thing. 330 00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:32,520 I consider this matter closed now." 331 00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:34,292 Huh? - Great. 332 00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:36,791 Great, uh... lotta great stuff in there. 333 00:12:36,824 --> 00:12:39,494 I just have a few notes. Tiny stuff. 334 00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:42,156 Maybe it could be a little more personal. 335 00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:44,755 - Sounds great. Write it up. 336 00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:47,399 - There's just nothing like looking 337 00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:49,474 into your baby's eyes. 338 00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:51,202 Amy, wanna see my baby? 339 00:12:51,238 --> 00:12:52,468 - Not now. I need everybody's help. 340 00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:54,565 Follow me, please. 341 00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:57,807 The last time we saw the thumb it was in a tub of guacamole, 342 00:12:57,845 --> 00:13:00,405 but then we found this open tub of guacamole on the floor, 343 00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:02,117 so it could be a different guacamole, 344 00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:03,419 or else it could be the same guacamole, 345 00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:04,420 but the thumb fell out. 346 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,591 So the thumb could either be in a guacamole 347 00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,459 or it could be anywhere. Any questions? 348 00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:10,558 - Yeah, uh, is it just regular guacamole? 349 00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:12,860 - No, it's, uh... grapefruit, ginger, and lime. 350 00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:15,133 all: Oh. - Where's Marcus? 351 00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:17,202 - Marcus is at the hospital. Elias took him. 352 00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:18,830 We have 45 minutes to get him his thumb. 353 00:13:18,866 --> 00:13:20,466 - Does the guacamole have nuts in it? 354 00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:21,870 - What? Why does this matter? 355 00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:23,572 - Well, I'm allergic. 356 00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:25,573 - In the event of a tornado 357 00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:27,605 you wanna go straight for the eye of it. 358 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,280 That is where it is safest. 359 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,480 Oh, hi. We are just conducting 360 00:13:32,512 --> 00:13:34,552 a--a--an impromptu safety meeting. 361 00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:36,351 - Well, I don't want to interrupt. 362 00:13:36,383 --> 00:13:37,623 I'm gonna need to see all non-essential employees 363 00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,350 in the break room. - Right now? 364 00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:42,816 - The man said now, so that means now! 365 00:13:48,896 --> 00:13:49,326 [cheery music] 366 00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:52,367 - Everything around here looks great. 367 00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:54,899 I mean, were there a few expired shampoo bottles 368 00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:57,565 left on the shelf? Yes--six actually, 369 00:13:57,604 --> 00:14:00,274 but mostly good jobs. 370 00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:02,537 So now I would like you guys to tell me 371 00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:05,475 what we at corporate can be doing better for you. 372 00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:07,922 - You know, Jeff, it feels weird 373 00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:09,648 talking about this on company time. 374 00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,352 - Oh, that's okay, it's an unpaid break. 375 00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:12,524 - Yeah, of course it is. 376 00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:15,592 - So maybe we'll just start with the beginning of the day. 377 00:14:15,622 --> 00:14:17,622 Um, when we all clock in-- 378 00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:18,657 - You know what? This sounds like it's gonna be 379 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:22,361 a long Jonah story. How about we put a pin in it 380 00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:25,465 and we get back out there and we serve our customers. 381 00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:28,268 - Really? I mean, now's your chance to say 382 00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:29,641 anything you want to say to me. - That's right, Jeff. 383 00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:31,599 Now is our chance, and we actually have 384 00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:33,408 a list of things that we think 385 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:34,640 the company could do better. 386 00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:36,084 - It's just I don't like complaining 387 00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:37,579 while we still have that outstanding 388 00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:39,450 shampoo problem to fix. 389 00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:40,949 You know, there are things that we could 390 00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:42,451 all do to improve. 391 00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:45,392 It's a... two-way street. 392 00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:48,458 - Okay. If that's how you feel. - Uh-huh. 393 00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:50,388 - Everybody, grab a cupcake! 394 00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:54,363 - Oh! Nope, I hate cupcakes 395 00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:55,934 'cause I'm a meanie. 396 00:14:55,963 --> 00:14:57,463 - Nobody move. 397 00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:59,097 I have something to say. - Ooh, I wanna hear this. 398 00:14:59,132 --> 00:15:00,532 - What? - This is a letter 399 00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:03,667 to my subordinates that I wrote by myself. 400 00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:07,013 Mahatma Gandhi once said, "Forgiveness is an attribute 401 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:09,710 of the strong"? Ugh, starting with a quote. 402 00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:11,952 It's like a middle-school book report. 403 00:15:11,979 --> 00:15:14,979 [scanner beeping] 404 00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:19,394 - Oh, uh, excuse me. 405 00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,956 Oh, I'm actually not-- - Thank you so much. 406 00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:32,396 I'm in a rush. I gotta get home to my kid. 407 00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:33,632 - Sure. 408 00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:37,495 Oh. 409 00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:43,036 - "So as I seek atonement for my foibles--" 410 00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:44,736 that's a little bit much. 411 00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:48,447 Um, blah, blah, "The movie 'Magnolia'"? 412 00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:51,351 I'm gonna skip that. - No, no, that's the best part! 413 00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:53,454 I would imagine. It's--it's an excellent film. 414 00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:54,616 - Okay, Dina, we get it. 415 00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:57,524 You messed up, you're sorry, you'll never do it again. 416 00:15:57,557 --> 00:15:59,687 - Actually, no. I'm not sorry. 417 00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:02,556 And this isn't even like a "sorry, not sorry" situation. 418 00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:04,595 This is "not sorry, not sorry." 419 00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:07,071 You're all garbage, so grab a cupcake, 420 00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,640 and continue your slow march to death. 421 00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:14,041 "Foibles." - Great. 422 00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,484 - That was brave, huh, guys? 423 00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:21,512 - [huffing] 424 00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:25,053 - Hey, so I'm not sure calling people "garbage" 425 00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:26,615 reads as an apology. 426 00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:28,563 - Great leaders don't care about being liked. 427 00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:30,188 Do you think dogs like Cesar Millan? 428 00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:31,763 Heck no, they just want him to stop going, 429 00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:33,091 "Chh! Chh! Chh!" 430 00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:34,626 - Why don't you care if people like you? 431 00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,401 - Why do you care if people like you? 432 00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:38,399 - Because it's important. - To you. 433 00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:39,631 - Don't try to flip this, okay? 434 00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,696 It's a basic human need. - Of yours. 435 00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:43,574 - You know what? I don't care how you feel 436 00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:45,173 about my need to be liked, and I realize 437 00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:46,635 that's kind of a contradiction, 438 00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:48,513 but one day-- - Chh! Calm down! 439 00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:50,441 Chh! Chh! - Stop doing that. 440 00:16:50,477 --> 00:16:53,707 - Chh! There it is. 441 00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:56,516 - * I have to give 442 00:16:56,549 --> 00:17:01,149 * Without you I don't think I can live * 443 00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:03,518 - Whoever finds the thumb, pick up the intercom 444 00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:06,426 and say-- I don't know, "strawberry jam." 445 00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:08,229 - Ooh, but what if something actually happens 446 00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:09,231 with strawberry jam? 447 00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:11,502 - I am willing to take that chance. 448 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,231 - Do you think I'm a memorable person? 449 00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:14,696 - Can you please stop asking questions 450 00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:15,804 and just go find the thumb? 451 00:17:15,835 --> 00:17:16,795 Please? Go. 452 00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:19,806 [upbeat music] 453 00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:25,079 * 454 00:17:25,112 --> 00:17:26,782 - Ohh, beige. 455 00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:29,123 That's a crazy color for a towel. 456 00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:30,549 Nice. 457 00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:33,553 And you got one of this. 458 00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:35,786 Hmm. Oh, lady, hey! 459 00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:37,262 Let me dig in your basket. 460 00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:44,460 * 461 00:17:49,602 --> 00:17:51,672 - You guys, we are so out of time. 462 00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:54,244 - Hey, guys, what's going on over here? 463 00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:56,184 Looks intense. 464 00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:57,579 - Answer him! 465 00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:59,210 - We were just talking about sales. 466 00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:02,776 - Yeah, sales orders and utility patents 467 00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:04,715 and other words from "Shark Tank." 468 00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:05,621 - Okay. - Good. 469 00:18:05,652 --> 00:18:07,152 - Excuse me, are you the store manager? 470 00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:08,717 - Heck yeah, I am, guy. 471 00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:10,515 - I found a thumb in my guacamole. 472 00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:13,287 [all exclaiming] 473 00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:18,700 - * The horn on the bus goes beep, beep, beep * 474 00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:23,503 * Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep * 475 00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:25,536 - Get off the phone! You're at work! 476 00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:29,137 - I'm sorry. 477 00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,746 Thank you for shopping at Cloud 9-- 478 00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:39,690 Oh, I put my phone in his bag. 479 00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:41,849 - I'm weird for wanting to be liked. 480 00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:44,618 I mean, this isn't even about my ego. 481 00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:46,657 People getting along is the bedrock 482 00:18:46,693 --> 00:18:49,233 of a functioning society. Am I right? 483 00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:52,502 [indistinct chatter on TV] 484 00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:53,372 I've seen this one. 485 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:54,730 They get in a big fight over a sofa, 486 00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:56,167 but it's not really about the sofa. 487 00:18:56,203 --> 00:18:57,173 - I wanna keep it. 488 00:18:57,204 --> 00:19:00,214 [can tapping] 489 00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:05,705 - Marcus got his thumb back, so, you know, no harm no foul. 490 00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:07,875 - I just really thought that we could have a day 491 00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:09,254 where nothing went wrong. 492 00:19:09,282 --> 00:19:11,852 - You mean like March 14th? 493 00:19:11,884 --> 00:19:15,194 We're never gonna have another March 14th. 494 00:19:15,222 --> 00:19:17,922 Just be grateful you were alive to see one. 495 00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:19,587 - Do you think they're gonna fire me? 496 00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:23,226 I mean, I am the idiot who put Marcus on the meat slicer. 497 00:19:23,263 --> 00:19:26,703 - If they do, this whole store will walk out in support of you. 498 00:19:26,733 --> 00:19:27,873 - Thanks, Glenn, but I don't think 499 00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:30,740 we can pull that move twice in 48 hours. 500 00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:35,542 - Hey, Jeff, have you told corporate about the thumb yet? 501 00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:38,275 - I'm just about to submit an incident report now. 502 00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:39,911 Don't worry about it, I know you had nothing to do with it. 503 00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:42,516 - Cool. Cool. Yeah, I was just making sure. 504 00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:45,289 But out of curiosity, what's gonna happen to Amy? 505 00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:48,518 - Suspension, termination. We'll have to see. 506 00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:49,955 - Well, I'll walk with you to the office. 507 00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:52,259 I actually have something I'd like to submit as well. 508 00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:54,232 I mean, obviously corporate needs to know 509 00:19:54,261 --> 00:19:55,801 that a district manager was on site 510 00:19:55,828 --> 00:19:58,628 when an untrained employee maimed himself. 511 00:19:58,665 --> 00:19:59,925 - Uh, I'm sorry? 512 00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:01,566 - God, I really hope this doesn't hurt 513 00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:03,301 your shot at that senior VP slot 514 00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:05,606 when Todd Spurman retires in June. 515 00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:10,538 - And if I didn't turn the report in? 516 00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:11,777 - Well, if you didn't turn the report in, 517 00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:12,911 then officially nothing happened, 518 00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:16,815 so I guess that means I would have nothing to report. 519 00:20:19,286 --> 00:20:21,286 - Fine. 520 00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:27,864 I really don't like you. - I really don't care. 521 00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:30,934 [Berlin's "The Metro" playing] 522 00:20:30,963 --> 00:20:35,903 * 523 00:20:39,806 --> 00:20:41,736 - Oh, hey. Hey. 524 00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:43,914 - What? What can I do for you... 525 00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:45,313 um... - Mateo? 526 00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:47,345 My name's Mateo. 527 00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:48,850 You know, I've been busting my butt trying to show you 528 00:20:48,881 --> 00:20:50,651 I'm a good worker, but you have your head 529 00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:52,793 so far up your own butt you haven't noticed. 530 00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:55,386 I am so sorry. 531 00:20:55,422 --> 00:20:56,722 I have no idea what came over me. 532 00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:57,956 - It's okay. - I shouldn't be talking to you. 533 00:20:57,990 --> 00:20:59,390 - Stop, stop, stop. Mateo, it's okay. 534 00:20:59,426 --> 00:21:00,686 I'm sorry. It's been a long week. 535 00:21:00,727 --> 00:21:03,057 I've noticed you. - [sighs] Okay. 536 00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:06,265 Thank you. That's all I was asking. 537 00:21:07,334 --> 00:21:08,774 - I've definitely noticed you. 538 00:21:15,074 --> 00:21:17,284 - Holy [bleep].