1 00:00:01,302 --> 00:00:01,442 . 2 00:00:01,469 --> 00:00:02,039 - Attention shoppers. 3 00:00:03,204 --> 00:00:04,344 It's Valentine's Day, and love is in the air, 4 00:00:04,372 --> 00:00:07,582 along with dust, pet dander, and toxic mold spores, 5 00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:10,438 so pick up a SuperCloud air purifier and convince yourself 6 00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:11,378 it's making a difference, 7 00:00:11,412 --> 00:00:14,482 which it's not, 'cause it's just a fan. 8 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,115 - Excuse me, everyone. - Dude. 9 00:00:16,150 --> 00:00:17,590 You know what? I don't care. 10 00:00:17,618 --> 00:00:20,448 - Two Aprils ago, I was new here, 11 00:00:20,488 --> 00:00:22,818 and someone special came over to help me on register. 12 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:27,556 And, Lisa, you didn't just bag groceries. 13 00:00:27,595 --> 00:00:28,595 You bagged my heart. 14 00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:30,599 - Ooh, this is a bad idea. 15 00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:33,431 - Lisa Beth-Ann Donatella Lopez-Fitzgerald, 16 00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:36,167 if you'll make me the luckiest man in St. Louis, 17 00:00:36,204 --> 00:00:39,514 I'll show you the time of your life. 18 00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:43,140 ["(I've Had) The Time of My Life" by Mickey & Sylvia plays] 19 00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:45,207 - * I've been waiting for so long * 20 00:00:45,246 --> 00:00:47,576 - This makes me genuinely sad. 21 00:00:47,615 --> 00:00:50,415 - Flash mob proposals are so lame. 22 00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:51,591 Except for the one that Bo did for you. 23 00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:54,319 That was unique and very cool. - Yeah. 24 00:00:54,355 --> 00:00:58,155 - Yeah, but flash mobs stopped being cool, like, a year ago. 25 00:00:58,192 --> 00:01:00,632 - Yeah, they were cool one year ago. 26 00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:04,101 both: * Now with passion in our eyes there's no way... * 27 00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:06,172 - Where's Lisa? We need Lisa. 28 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,840 - Where the [bleep] is Lisa? 29 00:01:07,868 --> 00:01:10,338 - She's in the bathroom. 30 00:01:10,371 --> 00:01:12,441 - Is it a quick bathroom break or more 31 00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:14,513 of a hunker-down-watch- YouTube-videos situation? 32 00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:16,682 - Hard to say. Her body language going in-- 33 00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:18,180 oh, wait, here-- [clears throat] 34 00:01:18,212 --> 00:01:19,882 - * Just remember 35 00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:22,153 - * You're the one thing 36 00:01:22,183 --> 00:01:23,153 - Go back. Go back. Places, places. 37 00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:25,454 - Oh, God. Not again. - Oh, wow. 38 00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:26,846 - Take two, dude. 39 00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:29,857 [upbeat music] 40 00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:31,690 * 41 00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:34,195 - Front of store on the left. 42 00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:35,698 - Amy, Amy. - Yeah. 43 00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:38,529 - Tell me, do you think that Brett and Brittany 44 00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:39,566 would be good together? 45 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,700 I mean, it feels like there's chemistry there, 46 00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:43,495 but it might just be the alliteration. 47 00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:45,337 - What, like, together-together? - Yeah, yeah. 48 00:01:45,373 --> 00:01:46,513 - I don't know. Why? 49 00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:50,910 - 'Cause I hired Miles and Lisa, and now they're in love. 50 00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:53,214 You know, so I thought maybe there's some other sad singles 51 00:01:53,247 --> 00:01:54,677 who'd like to get bitten by Cupid. 52 00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:57,385 - An arrow. I think Cupid has an arrow. 53 00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:58,648 - And he bites. 54 00:01:58,686 --> 00:02:00,886 - And I don't think that it's a good idea to go 55 00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:02,721 setting people up around work. 56 00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:06,456 - Are you down on love because of your bad marriage? 57 00:02:06,494 --> 00:02:09,634 - No, I just don't think people come here to find love. 58 00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:11,633 This is a workplace, not Match.com. 59 00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:13,465 - What's Match.com? 60 00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:16,371 - It's like Christian Mingle, but for everyone. 61 00:02:16,404 --> 00:02:18,614 - Oh! That is such a good idea. 62 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,209 - Mm-hmm. 63 00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:27,647 - I'm sure it's her. 64 00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:29,521 - Well, there's definite similarities. 65 00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:31,250 Slightly different BMIs, but she could be on 66 00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:32,385 one of those crash diets. 67 00:02:32,420 --> 00:02:34,620 - So what do we do next? Do we--do we call the cops? 68 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,485 Do we bust her ourselves? 69 00:02:36,524 --> 00:02:38,694 - [laughs] Easy, Cagney. 70 00:02:38,726 --> 00:02:40,256 We have to catch her in the act. 71 00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:41,734 Now, I'd have my plainclothes guy tail her, 72 00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:42,702 but Tuesday's his day off. 73 00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:44,770 Ah, I wonder what he wears on his day off. 74 00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:46,528 Fancy clothes probably. 75 00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:47,667 - I could do it. 76 00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:48,641 I've always wanted to go undercover. 77 00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,499 - [laughs] You? 78 00:02:50,538 --> 00:02:53,538 Okay, yeah, you're way underqualified. 79 00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:55,614 - What do you need to be qualified? 80 00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:57,413 - You need to watch a video. 81 00:02:57,445 --> 00:02:59,705 - I could watch a video. 82 00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:01,277 - You could watch a video. 83 00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:04,415 - You guys, look what Jeff just sent me. 84 00:03:04,452 --> 00:03:06,422 "My precious treasure, 85 00:03:06,454 --> 00:03:09,694 "words cannot express my love for you. 86 00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:13,663 "And I love seeing you naked, because it's really good. 87 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,464 Love, Mr. Man." 88 00:03:15,496 --> 00:03:17,366 - Wow, Jeff sent you those. 89 00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:18,328 - Mm-hmm. 90 00:03:18,366 --> 00:03:19,766 - That's, like, a hundred-dollar bouquet. 91 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,440 - Yeah, or, like, 140. 92 00:03:21,469 --> 00:03:23,299 - Seems so weird he'd send you a gift at work when your 93 00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:24,807 relationship is supposed to be secret. 94 00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:26,968 - I guess he really loves me, huh? 95 00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:28,977 - Yeah. - Hey, Heather. 96 00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:30,709 Look what Jeff just sent me. 97 00:03:33,681 --> 00:03:36,481 - Oh, we need more tissue paper. 98 00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:39,715 - What's wrong with him? 99 00:03:39,753 --> 00:03:44,023 - Well, it's because of a reason that I--I can't tell you. 100 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,587 - Hmm, I actually don't care, so-- 101 00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:47,456 - Mateo's the one dating Jeff, okay? 102 00:03:47,495 --> 00:03:50,625 And Sandra is just making it up to get attention. 103 00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:53,404 - So Sandra has a fake boyfriend, 104 00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:55,544 she sent herself flowers, and Mateo is dating Jeff? 105 00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:56,569 - Yeah. 106 00:03:56,604 --> 00:03:59,344 - This a quality Tuesday. 107 00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:03,043 - * Four, repeat steps one through three * 108 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:04,646 * Five, make you fall in love with me * 109 00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:06,478 [balloon pops] - Oh! 110 00:04:06,514 --> 00:04:07,524 - Hello. 111 00:04:07,548 --> 00:04:08,678 Welcome to Cloud 9. 112 00:04:08,716 --> 00:04:13,316 And you must be the little princess we've been expecting. 113 00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:15,464 Right this way, Your Highness. 114 00:04:15,489 --> 00:04:18,689 [chuckles] 115 00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:20,786 M... [stammering] 116 00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:29,068 - Hey, Arthur, I might be totally off base here, 117 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,772 but do you have a crush on Myrtle? 118 00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:34,635 - Oh, no. I-- 119 00:04:34,675 --> 00:04:36,375 well, maybe just a little crush. 120 00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:38,610 - Oh, that's so sweet. 121 00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:41,646 - I like to imagine the two of us together someday 122 00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:43,782 feeding the ducks... - Ohh. 123 00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:45,647 - Watching the ducks. 124 00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:46,646 It doesn't have to be ducks. 125 00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:49,717 - No. It can be ducks. 126 00:04:52,426 --> 00:04:54,426 - You're doing great. 127 00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:57,059 Good, good, good. 128 00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:59,667 Just keep thinking, "Customer, customer. 129 00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:00,900 I'm shopping as a customer." 130 00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:03,344 - Okay, okay, thank you. - All right. 131 00:05:08,876 --> 00:05:10,706 - Hey, Jonah. 132 00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:14,654 Do you think Elias and Pauline would be good together, 133 00:05:14,682 --> 00:05:17,352 or am I just projecting Laurel and Hardy? 134 00:05:18,586 --> 00:05:21,616 - I think you have me confused with someone else. 135 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:25,730 - Oh, wow. I'm--I'm so sorry. 136 00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:28,659 I--you look exactly like someone who works here. 137 00:05:28,696 --> 00:05:30,326 I'm so sorry. 138 00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:34,435 Wow, it's uncanny. 139 00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:36,498 - And Bo's parents are out of town, 140 00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:39,567 so everyone's just gonna get waa-sted. 141 00:05:39,607 --> 00:05:42,437 What about you? Any hot Valentine's Day plans? 142 00:05:42,476 --> 00:05:47,716 - No, probably sit in the park, feed the ducks. 143 00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:50,918 - Ohh, that's so old person. 144 00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:54,461 You can come if you want, but it's bring your own nitrous. 145 00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:56,718 - Hey, Myrtle, do you date anymore? 146 00:05:56,757 --> 00:06:00,527 - No, but if you know someone nice, 147 00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:02,431 set me up. 148 00:06:02,463 --> 00:06:03,933 He doesn't even have to be white. 149 00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:08,496 - * Girl it's plain to see 150 00:06:08,536 --> 00:06:11,806 * That you're the only one for me * 151 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:14,939 - Arthur, we're switching things up a bit today. 152 00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:17,775 I'm gonna have you tackle Womenswear with Myrtle, 153 00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:20,551 and Cheyenne here is gonna take your post. 154 00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:21,881 - You want me to be a greeter? 155 00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:23,475 I'm not trained in that. 156 00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:25,587 - You'll be fine. I believe in you. 157 00:06:25,619 --> 00:06:28,719 - Hello. Welcome to Cloud 9. 158 00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:33,734 . 159 00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:34,601 - Come on, you two. Talk to each other. 160 00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:38,570 It's not like either one of you have that much time left. 161 00:06:38,599 --> 00:06:42,439 - Hey. Oh, what is Arthur doing in Womenswear? 162 00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:43,700 He's confused again. 163 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:44,837 I'll go fix it. - No, no. 164 00:06:44,872 --> 00:06:47,712 No, Glenn, I put him there. 165 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:48,841 - Why? 166 00:06:48,876 --> 00:06:51,746 - You know, just to mix things up, 167 00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:55,479 give people an opportunity to work with other people and... 168 00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:57,716 - Oh, I see. 169 00:06:57,751 --> 00:07:00,591 It's wrong when I try to do matchmaking, 170 00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:02,891 but you get to whip out the fangs, huh? 171 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,763 - What fangs? - Cupid's fangs. 172 00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:08,702 - Glenn, again, an arrow. Never mind. 173 00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:09,559 Look, this is different. 174 00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:11,727 They're really perfect for each other. 175 00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:13,825 - They are. They're both old. 176 00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:15,867 - Yeah, and there's, like, this whole duck thing, 177 00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:17,773 but mostly they're old. 178 00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:19,135 - Why aren't they talking to each other? 179 00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:20,772 - I don't know. He's really shy. 180 00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:22,738 It's like they need a bigger push. 181 00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:25,476 - Yeah. Oh, hey, you see that guy? 182 00:07:25,513 --> 00:07:26,753 You think that's Jonah, right? 183 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,880 It's not. 184 00:07:28,916 --> 00:07:31,646 - [laughs] 185 00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:33,485 This is so embarrassing. 186 00:07:33,521 --> 00:07:36,891 I always tell him, "Jeff, you're gift enough for me," 187 00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:38,864 but he won't listen. 188 00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:41,732 - I'm not much of a romantic, but this is special stuff. 189 00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:43,162 - Whatever. 190 00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:44,726 Do you know how many babies choke on balloons 191 00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:45,995 and die every year? 192 00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:47,673 I don't know, but it seems like a few would. 193 00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:48,901 - I'm just happy for Sandra. 194 00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:52,636 I mean, can you imagine what it's like to have what she has? 195 00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:54,273 I mean, just to have a connection like that 196 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,777 with someone. 197 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,649 I bet Jeff just loves it. 198 00:07:57,678 --> 00:08:00,678 - 30. 30 babies die. 199 00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:10,516 - [exhales] 200 00:08:10,558 --> 00:08:12,758 [drone whirring] 201 00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:14,763 - Oh! - Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. 202 00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:16,525 I'm so sorry. 203 00:08:16,564 --> 00:08:17,364 Are you okay? 204 00:08:17,397 --> 00:08:20,667 - Oh, yeah, no, happens all the time. 205 00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:22,701 Someone flies a drone into my head. 206 00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:25,566 - Are you sure? 'Cause I can give you a ride to the hospital. 207 00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:28,206 - No way. I've seen how you drive. 208 00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:31,981 - Well, I--I mean, I'm better with the--the four wheels. 209 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,252 - Yeah, I'd hope so. 210 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:34,750 [groans] 211 00:08:34,782 --> 00:08:36,822 This is why people hate Valentine's Day, 212 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:39,750 you know, drone strikes. 213 00:08:39,787 --> 00:08:41,717 - Oh, yeah. - Yeah. 214 00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:43,715 - Oh, welcome to Cloud 9. 215 00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:46,787 Welcome to Cloud 9. 216 00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:49,057 Cloud 9 welcomes you. 217 00:08:49,096 --> 00:08:51,666 [laughs] 218 00:08:51,699 --> 00:08:54,299 - * God must have spent 219 00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:58,744 * A little more time on you 220 00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:01,782 * On you 221 00:09:01,809 --> 00:09:03,709 - That's right, chat her up. 222 00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:05,914 Just a normal person having a normal conversation. 223 00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:09,576 Speak, listen, speak, listen. 224 00:09:09,617 --> 00:09:11,747 - Ooh, look at him getting some on V-Day. 225 00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:13,715 - What are you talking about? 226 00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:14,694 He is undercover. 227 00:09:14,722 --> 00:09:16,822 He's just building a rapport with the suspect. 228 00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:19,087 I mean, that's why they're talking and laughing so much, 229 00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:20,656 standing so close. 230 00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:23,934 He just touched her elbow with his hand. 231 00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:26,734 - Anyway, do you want to... - Huh. 232 00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,797 - She's late, like-- - There she is. 233 00:09:28,836 --> 00:09:29,966 [clears throat] 234 00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:31,743 Hey, Myrtle. Break time already, huh? 235 00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:33,312 - Uh-huh. 236 00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:35,940 - I love break time, great time to kick back and see what's in 237 00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:38,846 the old locker, huh? 238 00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:41,719 - Wh--what you got there? 239 00:09:41,749 --> 00:09:44,279 - I don't think this is my locker. 240 00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:45,547 - Yeah, it is. 241 00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:49,355 It just looks like someone left you some flowers and chocolates 242 00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:50,719 and a duck. 243 00:09:50,758 --> 00:09:54,628 - Wow. Who's it from? 244 00:09:54,662 --> 00:09:56,332 - Well, look. Look for a card. 245 00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:57,703 Just look around. Look-- 246 00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:58,871 look under that sweater. 247 00:09:58,899 --> 00:10:01,969 No, not your sweater. He's not a magician. 248 00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:05,811 - It's from Arthur. 249 00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:07,309 - Oh. - Ohh. 250 00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:10,640 That's so sweet of him. - That's so nice. 251 00:10:10,678 --> 00:10:12,308 - * And he rocks in the tree tops all day long * 252 00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:13,775 - [sobbing] - Ohh. 253 00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:16,384 You don't have to cry, sweetie. 254 00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:18,916 - He won't leave me alone. 255 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:22,692 Why won't he leave me alone? 256 00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:24,023 [whimpers] Aah! 257 00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:25,757 - * Go rockin' robin 258 00:10:30,998 --> 00:10:31,158 . 259 00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:32,268 - So Myrtle has filed sexual harassment complaints against 260 00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:35,674 Arthur as well as the two of you. 261 00:10:35,703 --> 00:10:37,103 - That's crazy. 262 00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:38,907 We didn't harass her. 263 00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:40,969 - She's alleging that you used your positions of authority to 264 00:10:41,008 --> 00:10:42,978 force her to work with an employee in hopes of engaging 265 00:10:43,010 --> 00:10:44,850 in a physical relationship with him. 266 00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:47,778 And she also claims you broke into her locker. 267 00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:48,915 Now, what's your side of the story? 268 00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:51,989 - Um, factually similar. 269 00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:53,889 - Yeah, but you can prove anything with facts. 270 00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:55,691 I mean, Darwin-- 271 00:10:55,723 --> 00:10:58,063 - She goes on to say that he made lewd and profane comments. 272 00:10:58,091 --> 00:11:00,791 - Arthur? He's so sweet. 273 00:11:00,828 --> 00:11:03,858 - We had no idea what he was saying to her. 274 00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:05,967 The security cameras don't have sound. 275 00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:08,199 - I'm sorry, are you saying that you were spying 276 00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:09,295 on them as well? 277 00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,866 - No, spying makes it sound like 278 00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:13,305 we were trying to get information. 279 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,710 We were just watching them for our own pleasure. 280 00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:16,813 - Stop talking, Glenn. 281 00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:18,184 - Welcome to Cloud 9. 282 00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:20,111 Welcome to Cloud 9. 283 00:11:20,147 --> 00:11:23,247 Hey, it's Cloud 9 up in here. [laughs] 284 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:25,917 - Jeff got her a watch. 285 00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:27,723 I would have liked a watch. 286 00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:29,715 - But she sent it to herself. 287 00:11:29,757 --> 00:11:30,717 - Yeah, I know she sent it to herself. 288 00:11:30,758 --> 00:11:31,858 I'm not stupid. 289 00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:34,092 - You know, it's just sad that she feels the need to-- 290 00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:35,197 - White gold? 291 00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:36,958 Oh, my God. That's her favorite. 292 00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:38,027 It's like he knows exactly what she wants. 293 00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:39,765 - Ohh. 294 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,240 - I thought space camp was just gonna be all moon rocks 295 00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:45,039 and astronaut ice cream, but it was basically 296 00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:46,972 just a bunch of science classes. 297 00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:49,877 - But still, I'm--that's-- I'm so jealous of that. 298 00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:51,850 - Really? - Yes, it's incredible. 299 00:11:51,879 --> 00:11:54,849 Meanwhile, according to the absurd amount of decorations 300 00:11:54,882 --> 00:11:57,892 in this store, I guess it's Valentine's Day. 301 00:11:57,918 --> 00:11:59,148 - Oh. - Did you-- 302 00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:00,246 did you see any of this? 303 00:12:00,287 --> 00:12:01,857 - No, I hadn't noticed. 304 00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:05,029 - So do you--do you have any plans or... 305 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:10,198 - Actually, yeah, I'm going to an MMA fight with my boyfriend. 306 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,870 Yeah, he's that muscly guy right over there. 307 00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:14,330 - Oh. 308 00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:16,337 Oh, I didn't-- - So gullible! 309 00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:19,039 - I am gullible. - Yes. 310 00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:21,212 - So are you--are you free or... 311 00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:23,041 - Yeah, I'm free. 312 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:25,546 - She's not the shoplifter. 313 00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:28,548 - Really? Because you were so certain of it earlier. 314 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,881 I mean, you had that dance-y energy you get. 315 00:12:30,918 --> 00:12:32,148 - Oh, no, no, no. That was just-- 316 00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:34,915 I had an extra shot in my cold brew this morning. 317 00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:38,225 But seeing her up close, the chin, the nose, 318 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,158 that's a different person. 319 00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:41,963 - Huh, well, 320 00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:43,995 I can't think of any reason why you'd want to lie. 321 00:12:44,031 --> 00:12:47,231 So I guess you're officially off the case. 322 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:48,837 Thank you for your service. 323 00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:50,799 - It was an honor and a pleasure. 324 00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:54,906 - Attention shoppers. 325 00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:57,982 We just received a song dedication. 326 00:12:58,011 --> 00:13:01,011 This one goes out to "Sandra, my one and only. 327 00:13:01,048 --> 00:13:02,248 "Happy Valentine's Day, boo. 328 00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:04,952 Love, your Mr. Man." 329 00:13:04,985 --> 00:13:06,245 ["I Wanna Get Next to You" by Rose Royce plays] 330 00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:09,986 - * Sitting here 331 00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:11,193 * In this chair 332 00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:13,594 * 333 00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,226 - Hi, Myrtle. 334 00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:17,932 Look, I just-- I want to say I'm sorry. 335 00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:19,365 I was totally out of line. 336 00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:23,869 - He was saying such filth, how much he liked my sweater. 337 00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:26,944 - Oh, well, is that really that bad? 338 00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:30,014 - He meant he liked what's under my sweater. 339 00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:34,983 - Okay, maybe, but maybe-- I don't know-- 340 00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:38,915 it is possible that you misunderstood what he said or-- 341 00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:40,892 - Oh, blame the victim. 342 00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:42,421 She's blaming the victim! 343 00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:44,015 - No, no, no, no. 344 00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:45,157 I'm not blaming anyone. 345 00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:48,232 I'm just saying that maybe he wasn't harassing you. 346 00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:49,961 It is a very nice sweater. 347 00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:51,997 - It shouldn't matter what she's wearing. 348 00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:54,132 - I'm sorry. Who asked you to get involved? 349 00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:55,997 - Sexual harassment involves us all. 350 00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:58,006 - Okay, this isn't sexual-- 351 00:13:58,038 --> 00:14:01,038 okay, I was just trying to set her up for a date. 352 00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:02,644 - Intent is irrelevant. 353 00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:04,075 - Seriously, who are you people? 354 00:14:04,111 --> 00:14:05,481 - Oh, we're not together. 355 00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:08,182 - Oh, oh, 'cause a woman couldn't possible be out on her 356 00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:11,475 own without a big, strong man, 'cause then she'd be a slut! 357 00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:13,418 - Okay, none of you know the story. 358 00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:15,923 She asked me to set her up, so I set her up. 359 00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,156 She was asking me for it. 360 00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,390 She asked for it. 361 00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:19,885 [both gasp] 362 00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:22,431 - Sexual harassment. 363 00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:25,232 At what point is it inappropriate? 364 00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:29,142 . 365 00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:30,069 - If it starts in the break room, 366 00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:33,008 it shouldn't end in the bedroom. 367 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:36,040 - He's totally thinking about boning Sandra right now. 368 00:14:36,076 --> 00:14:37,406 - No, he's not. 369 00:14:37,444 --> 00:14:40,984 - And fewer lawsuits equals more revenue for Cloud 9, 370 00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:43,624 which benefits all of us. 371 00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:46,420 - I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable, Michelle. 372 00:14:46,453 --> 00:14:50,463 - Oh, M.C. Cool Cloud, you are all right. 373 00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:51,560 - Does anybody have any questions? 374 00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:53,591 - No, I think we're all set here. 375 00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:56,456 - Well, you can't take love out of the workplace. 376 00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:58,026 - Oh, God, kill me now. 377 00:14:58,065 --> 00:14:59,225 - What about Miles and Lisa? 378 00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:02,536 If it was up to you, they never would have gotten together. 379 00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:04,499 And then the children they're gonna have 380 00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:05,537 would never have been born. 381 00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:08,482 - Oh, we're-- we're not having kids. 382 00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:10,208 - What? - No one is saying 383 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:12,613 you can't ever date somebody you work with. 384 00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:15,545 Just be careful not to make unwanted advances. 385 00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:19,192 - So you can't ask someone out unless you know they like you? 386 00:15:19,219 --> 00:15:20,719 But then you don't know if someone likes you 387 00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:25,263 unless you ask them out, so that's, like, a catch-22. 388 00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:26,962 - Whoa, well done. 389 00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:29,434 - Oh, I've been studying for the SATs. 390 00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:32,172 It's been a very extrapolatory experience. 391 00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:34,529 - Okay, what we need is a database. 392 00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:38,437 Everybody write down all the employees you're attracted to. 393 00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:39,711 Totally confidential. 394 00:15:39,739 --> 00:15:41,979 I will compile a spreadsheet of any matches 395 00:15:42,009 --> 00:15:43,079 and post it above the microwave. 396 00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:44,510 - Nope, we're not doing that. 397 00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:46,554 Let's just say that if you ask somebody out, 398 00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:48,979 and they say no, move on. 399 00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:50,076 - What if she just says no 400 00:15:50,117 --> 00:15:51,477 because she has plans that night? 401 00:15:51,518 --> 00:15:54,118 Can you ask her out again for a different night? 402 00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:56,594 - I guess. I mean, it depends. Does she really have plans, 403 00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:59,463 or is she politely telling you she's not interested? 404 00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:01,292 - Which one is it, Sarah? - It's the second one. 405 00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:03,558 - [scoffs] Whatever. 406 00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:05,296 I was just asking as a joke anyway. 407 00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:06,732 - Without kids, what's the point of life? 408 00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:08,096 - I can't believe you'd want to bring someone 409 00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:09,565 into this crazy world. 410 00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:12,512 - Sometimes people do change their minds. 411 00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:15,009 I mean, I met Jerusha when we were both working 412 00:16:15,042 --> 00:16:17,482 at my father's hardware store. 413 00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:20,750 I asked her out every day for a year, 414 00:16:20,780 --> 00:16:22,320 and then she said yes. 415 00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:23,319 all: Aww. 416 00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:24,280 - Yes. - Okay, actually, 417 00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,647 that's called a systemic pattern of hostility. 418 00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:29,216 It's, like, the number one thing you can't do. 419 00:16:29,256 --> 00:16:30,316 - I got a question. 420 00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:33,157 The actress in the video, does she get paid per video, 421 00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:35,603 or is it more of a flat rate for the whole day kind of thing? 422 00:16:35,628 --> 00:16:38,328 - My guess is flat rate. 423 00:16:38,365 --> 00:16:39,565 - Can ignoring someone you're dating 424 00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:40,499 be considered harassment? 425 00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:42,673 - I don't think so. - Of course you don't. 426 00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:44,342 - I'm--I'm just not explaining it right. 427 00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:46,111 I wasn't harassing her. 428 00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:48,739 She agreed to go out with me because my father threatened 429 00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:50,605 to fire her if she didn't. 430 00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:52,583 - Myrtle, I'm so sorry. 431 00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:55,552 It was wrong to harass you, and if you want, 432 00:16:55,582 --> 00:16:57,252 I will quit right now. 433 00:16:57,284 --> 00:16:59,554 - No, no, no. - Yes, quit. 434 00:16:59,586 --> 00:17:00,686 - Arthur is a lovely guy. 435 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,690 He was just trying to compliment you. 436 00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:04,192 - That's all it is! 437 00:17:04,224 --> 00:17:06,834 I like your sweater, and I think you're pretty. 438 00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:09,359 - Ohh. - And I love how your sweater 439 00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:12,226 cleaves tight against your breasts. 440 00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:14,565 - Arthur, no. - Gross, dude. 441 00:17:14,601 --> 00:17:15,571 She's, like, 100. 442 00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:17,242 - Okay, this is actually making things worse. 443 00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:18,670 - It's not always harassment. 444 00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:20,605 I mean, Jerusha and I got married. 445 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:23,610 - Oh, so it's not harassment if you marry them? 446 00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:25,313 - Oh, God, what have I done? 447 00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:28,675 - They're like two little robin's eggs all bundled up 448 00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:30,145 in a bird's nest. 449 00:17:30,183 --> 00:17:32,293 - Stop. - Found her on IMDB. 450 00:17:32,319 --> 00:17:35,159 She was on "NCIS." She played "Lady in Pool." 451 00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:37,158 Acting life is tough. 452 00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:41,390 - * All I want to do is make love to you * 453 00:17:41,428 --> 00:17:44,158 * I've got lovin' arms to-- 454 00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:48,397 - So right in here is where I saw the feces swastika. 455 00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:50,065 - Okay. 456 00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:53,108 - Happy Valentine's Day, baby. 457 00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:55,310 - Mm, yeah, you too. 458 00:17:55,342 --> 00:17:58,312 - Oh, all right, well, there you go. 459 00:17:58,345 --> 00:18:01,675 - Oh, you didn't have to get me anything. 460 00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:06,123 - It's a keychain. - Thank you. 461 00:18:06,153 --> 00:18:07,623 - 'Cause you're always losing your keys. 462 00:18:07,654 --> 00:18:12,634 - Ahh, what a small, thoughtful...small gift. 463 00:18:12,659 --> 00:18:15,229 - Are you angry at me? 464 00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:16,262 'Cause I'm not ignoring you. 465 00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:17,896 I just don't think everybody at work needs to know 466 00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,900 you're my boyfriend. 467 00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:20,902 - Boyfriend? 468 00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:21,903 - Yeah. 469 00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:23,644 - I'm your boyfriend? 470 00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:24,570 - Yeah. 471 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:27,844 - Oh, you've never called me that before. 472 00:18:31,344 --> 00:18:33,684 Boyfriend is way better than the keychain. 473 00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:37,783 - So what did you get me? 474 00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:40,147 - I'm sorry. I've been dealing with a lot of drama today. 475 00:18:40,187 --> 00:18:41,387 - Oh, okay. Yeah, no, that's all right. 476 00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:43,161 - Yeah. - Sure. 477 00:18:43,190 --> 00:18:45,360 Sure, so... 478 00:18:45,392 --> 00:18:48,432 - Anyway, I was convinced that I was gonna be the president 479 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,731 of the thespians, but then Steve Luber got it. 480 00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:52,173 - What? - And he was in, like, 481 00:18:52,199 --> 00:18:53,329 three plays. 482 00:18:53,366 --> 00:18:54,566 - Hey, sweetheart. 483 00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:57,301 Did you get what I sent you in for, or did you get distracted? 484 00:18:57,337 --> 00:18:58,637 Men, right? 485 00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,411 - Hey, wh--who-- 486 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:02,480 - Look, Tyler and Megan are in the car. 487 00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:05,349 - Oh, you're married? - No, no, no, no, no. 488 00:19:05,378 --> 00:19:06,648 Those are not my kids. 489 00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:09,349 Those are your kids with your boyfriend. 490 00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:11,452 - How dare you! 491 00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:12,924 You are the closest thing those kids have had to a father 492 00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:14,652 since he died at war. 493 00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:17,717 - Fighting for the other side, and we are not married! 494 00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:19,327 - I never signed any divorce papers! 495 00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:20,359 - You don't remember you signed them 496 00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:21,463 because of your drinking problem! 497 00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:22,704 - I drink because of you! 498 00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:24,259 - You don't-- 499 00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:25,767 great, now she's gone. 500 00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:26,928 Why would you do that? 501 00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:29,666 - You put your personal libido in front of busting a thief. 502 00:19:29,702 --> 00:19:30,902 - She's not a thief! 503 00:19:30,937 --> 00:19:32,807 She--oh, my God. My wallet's gone. 504 00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:34,409 - There you go. - Oh, wait, no, no. 505 00:19:34,441 --> 00:19:35,811 It's in the other pocket. 506 00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:37,682 My chiropractor told me to switch it up. 507 00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:42,220 - Jerusha, our whole marriage 508 00:19:42,249 --> 00:19:43,949 is based on a sex crime. 509 00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:48,823 No, no, no, you only think you love me. 510 00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:50,985 You were my victim! 511 00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:53,393 - Ooh, he got her puppies too? 512 00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:56,696 I'm not a big Valentine's Day guy, but Jeff and Sandra are-- 513 00:19:56,729 --> 00:19:57,959 - Jandra. 514 00:19:57,997 --> 00:20:00,397 We should call them Jandra. 515 00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:02,243 [puppies barking] 516 00:20:02,269 --> 00:20:03,399 Puppies! 517 00:20:03,436 --> 00:20:04,536 Hi! 518 00:20:04,571 --> 00:20:07,541 Ohh! 519 00:20:07,574 --> 00:20:10,284 - Why does everybody want to [bleep] Jeff? 520 00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:13,450 - Oh, hey, if you've got plans tonight, you can head out. 521 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:14,950 I'm fine to finish this up. 522 00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:16,521 - No, I'm good. 523 00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:17,879 No plans for me. 524 00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,487 - Yeah, me neither. 525 00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:28,500 - Oh! 526 00:20:28,528 --> 00:20:30,998 Wow, you are not messing around. 527 00:20:31,030 --> 00:20:34,000 [rock music] 528 00:20:34,033 --> 00:20:38,873 * 529 00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:41,265 - Aah! [grunts] 530 00:20:41,308 --> 00:20:43,408 [balloons popping] 531 00:20:43,443 --> 00:20:45,413 Yah! 532 00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:46,475 Aah! 533 00:20:46,513 --> 00:20:48,553 - [grunts] 534 00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,281 - What is wrong with you? 535 00:20:50,317 --> 00:20:52,487 Ugh! Coconut. 536 00:20:52,519 --> 00:20:53,949 - I got caramel. 537 00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:56,386 - Mmm. - Mmm. 538 00:21:01,528 --> 00:21:03,798 Happy Valentine's Day, by the way. 539 00:21:03,830 --> 00:21:05,930 - Oh, yeah. 540 00:21:05,965 --> 00:21:07,995 Happy Valentine's Day. 541 00:21:08,034 --> 00:21:11,004 [light quirky music] 542 00:21:11,037 --> 00:21:18,277 *