1 00:00:04,395 --> 00:00:04,613 . 2 00:00:04,656 --> 00:00:07,137 - "Cloud 9 Management Summit 2018." 3 00:00:07,181 --> 00:00:10,445 - Yeah, managers, district managers, 4 00:00:10,488 --> 00:00:12,882 assistant managers, regional managers-- 5 00:00:12,925 --> 00:00:16,407 - A lot of managers. - A ton of managers, big fella. 6 00:00:16,451 --> 00:00:17,843 Anyway, Dina I can't go this year, 7 00:00:17,887 --> 00:00:20,629 'cause, you know, her goldfinch is in hospice, 8 00:00:20,672 --> 00:00:23,197 poor thing. And my in-laws are in town, 9 00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:25,416 which is...unpleasant. 10 00:00:25,460 --> 00:00:28,158 But anyway, two tickets up for grabs. 11 00:00:28,202 --> 00:00:29,942 - Oh, that's so kind of you to offer, 12 00:00:29,986 --> 00:00:31,509 but I think I'm gonna pass. 13 00:00:31,553 --> 00:00:35,209 - Yeah, and I-I would go, but it sounds terrible. 14 00:00:35,252 --> 00:00:37,124 - Oh, okay. 15 00:00:37,167 --> 00:00:39,082 Well, I'm sure you don't wanna leave 16 00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:41,041 your baby overnight anyway, right? 17 00:00:42,129 --> 00:00:43,695 - Oh, yeah, it's in Chicago. 18 00:00:43,739 --> 00:00:45,654 The put you up in a hotel, which I hate, 19 00:00:45,697 --> 00:00:47,525 'cause they're always washing the sheets. 20 00:00:47,569 --> 00:00:49,353 You never get a chance to have that nice, lived-in feel. 21 00:00:49,397 --> 00:00:50,789 - Yeah, we're gonna take these tickets. 22 00:00:50,833 --> 00:00:52,617 Thank you. - Oh, great. 23 00:00:52,661 --> 00:00:54,532 And it works out perfect because, you know, 24 00:00:54,576 --> 00:00:56,230 you two are a hot item now, 25 00:00:56,273 --> 00:00:59,233 and they only give you one hotel room per store. 26 00:00:59,276 --> 00:01:01,713 - So, you and Dina would have had to share a room? 27 00:01:01,757 --> 00:01:03,063 - Yeah, yeah. 28 00:01:03,106 --> 00:01:04,281 We managed to make it work last year. 29 00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:05,630 I just read a book in the bathtub 30 00:01:05,674 --> 00:01:08,807 while she made love to the bellhop. 31 00:01:12,855 --> 00:01:14,726 ♪ 32 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:18,078 - I can't wait to get in to our room 33 00:01:18,121 --> 00:01:19,557 and take a long, hot bath. 34 00:01:19,601 --> 00:01:21,603 - Yeah, mm-hmm. Maybe I'll join you. 35 00:01:21,646 --> 00:01:23,083 - Ooh, maybe. 36 00:01:23,126 --> 00:01:25,128 Although, I really would rather just take it by myself, 37 00:01:25,172 --> 00:01:26,173 if that's okay... 38 00:01:26,216 --> 00:01:27,565 - Oh, yeah--no. 39 00:01:27,609 --> 00:01:29,393 I already took a shower this morning anyway. 40 00:01:29,437 --> 00:01:31,613 - I don't see Amy Sosa or Jonah Simms on the list. 41 00:01:31,656 --> 00:01:33,397 - Oh, check under Glenn Sturgis. 42 00:01:33,441 --> 00:01:34,877 He gave us his tickets. 43 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,097 - I'm sorry, the tickets are non-transferable. 44 00:01:39,969 --> 00:01:41,666 - Right here on the ticket. 45 00:01:41,710 --> 00:01:42,841 - Oh, look at that. 46 00:01:42,885 --> 00:01:45,061 Not even in fine print, just right there 47 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:46,889 in big, bold letters. 48 00:01:46,932 --> 00:01:49,196 Hey, guys. 49 00:01:49,239 --> 00:01:53,591 Corporate is asking us to run everybody through E-Verify, 50 00:01:53,635 --> 00:01:56,246 and there's a bit of a problem. 51 00:01:58,161 --> 00:02:00,120 - It's a registry for sex offenders. 52 00:02:00,163 --> 00:02:01,947 - No, it's for undocumented immigrants. 53 00:02:03,514 --> 00:02:05,037 - Because it's not illegal to hire a sex offender, 54 00:02:05,081 --> 00:02:07,301 but it is illegal to hire an undocumented immigrant. 55 00:02:07,344 --> 00:02:10,130 - Well, I've heard that E-Verify is full of bugs. 56 00:02:10,173 --> 00:02:11,957 Just lots and lots of bugs. 57 00:02:12,001 --> 00:02:14,786 - They're not bugs, Cheyenne. They're human beings. 58 00:02:14,830 --> 00:02:17,615 But we do need to talk. 59 00:02:17,659 --> 00:02:19,400 Or Sayid? 60 00:02:19,443 --> 00:02:20,705 You probably meant Sayid. 61 00:02:20,749 --> 00:02:22,359 Sayid, Glenn wants to talk to you. 62 00:02:22,403 --> 00:02:23,795 - Yeah, I meant Sayid. 63 00:02:23,839 --> 00:02:25,536 - Good. 64 00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:27,582 That's what I said. Yeah. 65 00:02:27,625 --> 00:02:29,192 We're all saying the same thing. 66 00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:31,803 Sayid, I think you're getting deported. 67 00:02:31,847 --> 00:02:33,283 - But I'm not undocumented. 68 00:02:33,327 --> 00:02:34,719 - Of course you're not. 69 00:02:34,763 --> 00:02:36,112 - He's a refugee. You have to enter his info 70 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,244 on a different page. 71 00:02:37,287 --> 00:02:40,160 Oh, I had no idea. 72 00:02:40,203 --> 00:02:42,118 - So, what crime did you commit? 73 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:43,902 - I committed no crime. 74 00:02:45,208 --> 00:02:47,471 - I'm a refugee, not a fugitive. 75 00:02:47,515 --> 00:02:49,908 I was fleeing the civil war in Syria. 76 00:02:51,649 --> 00:02:54,696 - Not good. Seriously, not good. 77 00:02:54,739 --> 00:02:57,177 - Yeah, there's all sorts of, like, rampant destruction 78 00:02:57,220 --> 00:02:59,962 and beheadings and locusts, right? 79 00:03:00,005 --> 00:03:02,225 - Yes, though the locusts had nothing to do with the war. 80 00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:03,835 They're a seasonal nuisance. 81 00:03:03,879 --> 00:03:05,750 - Hey, what are your thoughts on the movie, "Syriana"? 82 00:03:05,794 --> 00:03:08,362 - I thought George Clooney was pretty okay, 83 00:03:08,405 --> 00:03:10,842 and Matt Damon was just okay. 84 00:03:12,279 --> 00:03:14,498 - Cheyenne, why would you ask that? 85 00:03:14,542 --> 00:03:16,631 - He said he was part of a civil war. 86 00:03:16,674 --> 00:03:18,676 Our Civil War was about slavery. 87 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:21,157 - Actually, the Civil War was not about slavery. 88 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,768 That's a misconception. - No, not a misconception. 89 00:03:23,812 --> 00:03:25,335 - Good people can disagree. - Wrong. 90 00:03:25,379 --> 00:03:27,685 You are not a good person if you disagree. 91 00:03:27,729 --> 00:03:30,862 - The point is, Sayid, you're home now. 92 00:03:30,906 --> 00:03:35,040 And on behalf of everyone in America, we welcome you. 93 00:03:36,738 --> 00:03:39,219 Come on, clap harder. He's been through stuff. 94 00:03:41,699 --> 00:03:45,225 - Well, at least you got away from the baby for a few hours. 95 00:03:45,268 --> 00:03:47,531 I mean, nothing against your baby--he's great. 96 00:03:47,575 --> 00:03:49,185 - Yeah, no, he's the best. 97 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:52,449 - Uh-oh, who let these dogs out? 98 00:03:52,493 --> 00:03:53,929 - Hey, Jeff. - Jeff. 99 00:03:53,972 --> 00:03:55,147 - Hi, guys. 100 00:03:55,191 --> 00:03:56,236 Are you here for the conference? 101 00:03:56,279 --> 00:03:57,324 That's awesome. 102 00:03:57,367 --> 00:03:58,542 - Well, we were supposed to be, 103 00:03:58,586 --> 00:04:00,588 but apparently it's just for managers. 104 00:04:01,719 --> 00:04:05,070 - Um...let me take care of that for ya. 105 00:04:06,420 --> 00:04:08,900 Hey, Denise, these are friends of mine, 106 00:04:08,944 --> 00:04:10,598 so I can vouch for them. 107 00:04:10,641 --> 00:04:12,252 - I don't know who you are. 108 00:04:12,295 --> 00:04:13,427 What? 109 00:04:13,470 --> 00:04:15,472 We've met, like, a million times. 110 00:04:15,516 --> 00:04:17,561 - Okay, I'm just gonna say what everyone's thinking. 111 00:04:17,605 --> 00:04:20,869 How do we know he's not, you know, ISIS? 112 00:04:22,044 --> 00:04:24,568 - Are you--you haven't heard of ISIS? 113 00:04:24,612 --> 00:04:26,875 Are you even on Instagram? 114 00:04:26,918 --> 00:04:29,399 - Relax, they vet these guys for years. 115 00:04:29,443 --> 00:04:31,096 I mean, truthfully, out of everyone in this store, 116 00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:33,925 Sayid is the one person I'm sure isn't a terrorist. 117 00:04:33,969 --> 00:04:35,623 - You think I could be a terrorist? 118 00:04:35,666 --> 00:04:37,277 - Yeah, I definitely think you could be a terrorist. 119 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:38,408 - Definitely. - Oh, yeah. 120 00:04:38,452 --> 00:04:40,236 I would not rent you a U-Haul, ever. 121 00:04:41,498 --> 00:04:42,673 - I told him to shovel out front. 122 00:04:43,631 --> 00:04:45,285 Hasn't he been through enough? 123 00:04:45,328 --> 00:04:48,505 I mean, the last thing he needs is to be thrown out in the cold 124 00:04:48,549 --> 00:04:50,551 like--like he's some nothing. 125 00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:52,770 Mateo, go take over for Sayid. 126 00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:54,206 Wha-- 127 00:04:54,250 --> 00:04:55,947 You know what? I can't. 128 00:04:55,991 --> 00:04:58,036 I am on holiday wrapping duty. - No problem. 129 00:04:58,080 --> 00:04:59,908 Garrett, could you take over for Mateo, please? 130 00:04:59,951 --> 00:05:01,388 - Or we can just cut out the middle man 131 00:05:01,431 --> 00:05:02,693 and have Garrett shovel the snow. 132 00:05:02,737 --> 00:05:04,347 How am I supposed to do that? 133 00:05:04,391 --> 00:05:06,349 - I mean, we have snow tires. 134 00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:08,395 Okay, I want everybody to remember this 135 00:05:08,438 --> 00:05:09,831 the next time somebody says 136 00:05:09,874 --> 00:05:11,876 "Garrett can do anything." - Wow. 137 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:15,967 - Okay, here are your lanyards and your room keys. 138 00:05:16,011 --> 00:05:18,143 Sometimes you just gotta grease the right palms. 139 00:05:18,187 --> 00:05:20,537 'Cause it sort of looked like you just waited 140 00:05:20,581 --> 00:05:23,192 till her back was turned and stole these off the table. 141 00:05:23,235 --> 00:05:24,889 - Eagle eyes over here. 142 00:05:24,933 --> 00:05:26,195 - Okay. 143 00:05:26,238 --> 00:05:27,979 And what happens when the real "Colt McCann" 144 00:05:28,023 --> 00:05:30,373 and "Chien Mon Koh" try to get in? 145 00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:32,419 You guys want 'em or not? 146 00:05:32,462 --> 00:05:33,768 - Okay. 147 00:05:33,811 --> 00:05:34,899 - Yes, yes, yes! 148 00:05:34,943 --> 00:05:36,466 We're gonna have a great time together. 149 00:05:36,510 --> 00:05:37,989 Come on, come on, come on-- - No, no, no. 150 00:05:38,033 --> 00:05:39,382 I think we're just gonna meet you in there later on. 151 00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:40,992 - Yeah, we were just gonna check in, 152 00:05:41,036 --> 00:05:43,343 settle into the room. It was a really long drive. 153 00:05:43,386 --> 00:05:44,648 - No, no, no, no. 154 00:05:44,692 --> 00:05:45,780 There's plenty of time for that later. 155 00:05:45,823 --> 00:05:47,521 Time to get our party on. 156 00:05:47,564 --> 00:05:49,871 Whoop-whoop. Let's do it. 157 00:05:51,394 --> 00:05:53,788 Wait... 158 00:05:53,831 --> 00:05:56,094 And go. Go, go, go, go. 159 00:05:59,054 --> 00:05:59,228 . 160 00:05:59,271 --> 00:06:00,664 - It's so unfair. 161 00:06:00,708 --> 00:06:01,970 I'm stuck outside shoveling snow 162 00:06:02,013 --> 00:06:03,363 while Sayid gets treated like he's 163 00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:06,061 part of Janet Jackson's entourage, or something. 164 00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:07,584 - I know, he's safe and sound now. 165 00:06:07,628 --> 00:06:10,631 If anyone deserves special treatment, it's you. 166 00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:12,328 Thank you. 167 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:15,418 - I mean, you could be deported literally at any moment, 168 00:06:15,462 --> 00:06:17,681 just taken back to the Philippines 169 00:06:17,725 --> 00:06:19,727 on some sex trafficker's yacht. 170 00:06:21,206 --> 00:06:23,818 I'm undocumented, not Liam Neeson's daughter. 171 00:06:25,646 --> 00:06:27,517 - Hey, Sayid. 172 00:06:28,605 --> 00:06:29,606 Whatcha doing? 173 00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:31,782 - I left my lunch in the car. 174 00:06:31,826 --> 00:06:33,001 - Cool. 175 00:06:33,044 --> 00:06:34,959 Well, looks yummy for your tummy. 176 00:06:36,961 --> 00:06:39,007 Apple a day. Ha ha. 177 00:06:40,530 --> 00:06:43,098 You literally called yourself "undocumented." 178 00:06:43,141 --> 00:06:44,621 Yeah, I know. - 'Cause if he did, 179 00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:47,494 then he might tell Dina or Glenn or corporate-- 180 00:06:47,537 --> 00:06:49,365 - Yeah, there's a lot of people he could tell. 181 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:52,020 - Welcome to the big time, huh? 182 00:06:52,063 --> 00:06:53,195 You like shrimp cocktail? 183 00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:54,370 Well, prepare to be happy, 184 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,198 because there's shrimp cocktail. 185 00:06:56,241 --> 00:06:58,592 - Wow, this is not at all what I expected. 186 00:06:58,635 --> 00:07:00,376 - Well, you know, they call it a conference, 187 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,334 but it's really just a ball's-out party. 188 00:07:02,378 --> 00:07:04,554 I mean, one of us is gonna end up puking 189 00:07:04,598 --> 00:07:05,947 before the night is over. 190 00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:07,514 Probably me. - Hmm. 191 00:07:07,557 --> 00:07:10,255 - Well, thanks so much for showing us around, Jeff. 192 00:07:10,299 --> 00:07:11,779 I'm sure you gotta go mingle. 193 00:07:11,822 --> 00:07:13,650 - Yes, good idea, I don't want anybody to feel excluded. 194 00:07:13,694 --> 00:07:15,522 I'm gonna take a quick lap, say a few hellos, 195 00:07:15,565 --> 00:07:17,262 and I'll see you guys by the ice sculpture. 196 00:07:17,306 --> 00:07:18,873 - Oh, no--you--we don't really have to... 197 00:07:22,267 --> 00:07:24,400 - Don't look at me like that. I did all the heavy lifting. 198 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:25,967 You can finish it up at home. Happy holidays. 199 00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:27,447 Next. 200 00:07:28,186 --> 00:07:29,884 - That is your idea of gift wrapping? 201 00:07:29,927 --> 00:07:31,320 - I don't believe in gift wrapping. 202 00:07:31,363 --> 00:07:32,930 If I go through the trouble of getting you a gift, 203 00:07:32,974 --> 00:07:34,236 that should be enough. 204 00:07:34,279 --> 00:07:36,281 Now you want me to waste time, waste paper, 205 00:07:36,325 --> 00:07:38,240 just so you can rip it shreds and be just as surprised 206 00:07:38,283 --> 00:07:40,068 as if I just handed you the gift unwrapped? 207 00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:41,417 I don't think so. 208 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:42,679 - You don't know how to wrap a gift. 209 00:07:42,723 --> 00:07:44,420 - I do not. 210 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:51,079 That sounds rough. You see any action? 211 00:07:52,123 --> 00:07:54,343 - Yeah, like drone strikes, 212 00:07:54,386 --> 00:07:57,433 IUDS, big, loud explosions? 213 00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,522 That must have killed your hearing. 214 00:07:59,566 --> 00:08:00,654 - My hearing's good. 215 00:08:00,697 --> 00:08:01,829 - Hmm. 216 00:08:03,091 --> 00:08:04,440 Can you hear this? 217 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:05,702 - Yes. 218 00:08:07,095 --> 00:08:08,923 How about this? 219 00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:10,533 - Yes. - Oh, cool. 220 00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:13,405 Well, I'm glad everything's intact. 221 00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:20,151 - I just wanted to lie in bed, order room service, 222 00:08:20,195 --> 00:08:21,501 and watch pay-per-view. 223 00:08:21,544 --> 00:08:23,415 - We still will. We'll sneak out of here 224 00:08:23,459 --> 00:08:25,287 as soon as Jeff moves away from the doors. 225 00:08:25,330 --> 00:08:26,984 - He's been standing there for like, 20 minutes. 226 00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:29,160 He's just parked there waiting for someone to talk to him. 227 00:08:29,204 --> 00:08:30,510 It's so sad. 228 00:08:30,553 --> 00:08:31,772 - You'd think someone would let the poor guy 229 00:08:31,815 --> 00:08:33,382 in on a conversation. 230 00:08:33,425 --> 00:08:35,427 - Yeah, well, everyone here's a d-bag anyway, so... 231 00:08:35,471 --> 00:08:37,865 - Not everyone. - Everyone here is a d-bag. 232 00:08:37,908 --> 00:08:39,867 - This is a room full of d-bags. 233 00:08:39,910 --> 00:08:41,303 - Come on. - He's a d-bag. 234 00:08:41,346 --> 00:08:44,306 He's a d-bag. She's a triple d-bag. 235 00:08:44,349 --> 00:08:46,482 These are the kind of people who come here every year, 236 00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,832 they eat 1/2 million dollars' worth of shrimp cocktail, 237 00:08:48,876 --> 00:08:51,574 and then they tell us that they can't afford maternity leave. 238 00:08:51,618 --> 00:08:54,142 - These are just ordinary, boring people. 239 00:08:54,185 --> 00:08:55,622 - D-bags. - Watch--watch. 240 00:08:55,665 --> 00:08:57,101 - What are you-- - Howdy. 241 00:08:57,145 --> 00:08:58,973 I'm Colt McCann. 242 00:08:59,016 --> 00:09:02,019 Down here abouts from, uh... 243 00:09:02,063 --> 00:09:04,587 Burlington, Vermont. That's weird. 244 00:09:04,631 --> 00:09:06,328 - Ted Morrison. - Hey, Ted. 245 00:09:06,371 --> 00:09:08,156 - Kent Ostrofsky. - Hey, Kent. 246 00:09:08,199 --> 00:09:10,462 - Chien Mon Koh. Family name. 247 00:09:10,506 --> 00:09:12,116 - Ah! - So, Chien and I 248 00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:15,032 were just talking about a $15 minimum wage. 249 00:09:15,076 --> 00:09:16,425 How y'all feel about that? 250 00:09:16,468 --> 00:09:18,166 - Ask me, the floor workers 251 00:09:18,209 --> 00:09:19,994 are barely worth 15 bucks a week. 252 00:09:20,037 --> 00:09:21,343 - Don't even get me started. 253 00:09:21,386 --> 00:09:23,040 "Pay us more. Give us more hours. 254 00:09:23,084 --> 00:09:25,173 I'm on food stamps." It's endless. 255 00:09:27,349 --> 00:09:28,655 both: Ugh. Yeah. - They really should let us 256 00:09:28,698 --> 00:09:31,179 kill one of those entitled brats each year. 257 00:09:31,222 --> 00:09:32,702 You know, just to keep us sane. 258 00:09:32,746 --> 00:09:34,530 - That's exactly what they should do. 259 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:37,315 - That's a good idea. - Ugh, I hate them so much. 260 00:09:37,359 --> 00:09:39,230 - These are funny jokes. 261 00:09:40,188 --> 00:09:42,190 - We need to fortify these two weak spots with tape. 262 00:09:42,233 --> 00:09:43,844 - The whole thing is tape at this point. 263 00:09:43,887 --> 00:09:46,455 - Just do it, it's not like society's in a tape shortage. 264 00:09:46,498 --> 00:09:48,283 Oh, this is a good, long piece, yeah. 265 00:09:48,326 --> 00:09:50,764 Oh, no you've taped my hand to the gift. 266 00:09:57,988 --> 00:10:00,643 - Why does everyone here start conversations like that? 267 00:10:00,687 --> 00:10:02,340 - Ha. 268 00:10:02,384 --> 00:10:04,647 You know, I'm actually an immigrant, too. 269 00:10:04,691 --> 00:10:07,084 Not a refugee, like you. Knock on wood. 270 00:10:08,695 --> 00:10:10,871 Just a regular, undocumented immigrant. 271 00:10:10,914 --> 00:10:12,481 Or is it "documented"? 272 00:10:12,524 --> 00:10:14,222 I'm always mixing those up. 273 00:10:14,265 --> 00:10:16,441 I think it's like inflammable-flammable, 274 00:10:16,485 --> 00:10:18,139 where they mean the same thing? 275 00:10:18,182 --> 00:10:19,488 - No, they're opposites. 276 00:10:19,531 --> 00:10:22,534 - Anyway, I'm definitely the legal kind. 277 00:10:22,578 --> 00:10:25,320 Came here legally, took the citizenship test, 278 00:10:25,363 --> 00:10:27,365 got sworn in by the president. 279 00:10:29,324 --> 00:10:31,631 - Uh-huh, yeah. 280 00:10:31,674 --> 00:10:32,588 Yeah. 281 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,851 They, um, they do it personally. 282 00:10:34,895 --> 00:10:36,070 At least they used to. 283 00:10:37,724 --> 00:10:40,814 - God, it's been so long, 284 00:10:40,857 --> 00:10:42,729 I don't even remember. 285 00:10:42,772 --> 00:10:44,992 One of the white ones? 286 00:10:45,035 --> 00:10:47,690 I wanna say...Henderson. 287 00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:49,605 Yes. 288 00:10:50,954 --> 00:10:53,087 - He's pretending to see people he knows across the room, 289 00:10:53,130 --> 00:10:54,349 but there's no one there. 290 00:10:54,392 --> 00:10:56,873 - Hey, buddy. There he is. 291 00:10:56,917 --> 00:10:58,570 I didn't know you were here. - Now's our chance. 292 00:10:58,614 --> 00:11:00,311 Go, go, go, go, go, go. - Okay, okay, okay! 293 00:11:05,316 --> 00:11:07,101 - No, they're free. 294 00:11:07,144 --> 00:11:10,539 - You're just--you're just offering to give me an iPad? 295 00:11:10,582 --> 00:11:13,107 - Well, not just you. All the managers. 296 00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:15,022 - Well, I am a manager. 297 00:11:15,065 --> 00:11:16,937 I am Chien Mon Koh. 298 00:11:16,980 --> 00:11:18,721 - That's fine, take one. 299 00:11:18,765 --> 00:11:22,203 - Okay, then, I will take this iPad. 300 00:11:22,246 --> 00:11:23,247 - Go right ahead. 301 00:11:23,291 --> 00:11:24,988 - I'm gonna go now. 302 00:11:25,032 --> 00:11:26,424 - Okay. 303 00:11:28,252 --> 00:11:29,601 Oh, my God, I can't believe 304 00:11:29,645 --> 00:11:31,125 they're just giving out iPads. 305 00:11:31,168 --> 00:11:32,779 - Yeah, you played that very cool, by the way. 306 00:11:32,822 --> 00:11:35,477 - Wait a second. Is everybody in a green polo 307 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:38,393 just giving away free stuff? - I guess. 308 00:11:38,436 --> 00:11:39,960 You know what they're also giving out for free? 309 00:11:40,003 --> 00:11:42,049 Nice hotel rooms with bathrobes and room service. 310 00:11:42,092 --> 00:11:43,485 - Yes, yes. We should go. 311 00:11:43,528 --> 00:11:44,921 - Great. - I'm just gonna go get 312 00:11:44,965 --> 00:11:46,401 one of those fancy wine openers real quick. 313 00:11:46,444 --> 00:11:48,620 - Amy-- Chien! 314 00:11:50,144 --> 00:11:50,361 . 315 00:11:50,405 --> 00:11:53,016 - Oh, yes. This is perfect for Aspen. 316 00:11:53,060 --> 00:11:54,757 I go once a year. It's just gotten 317 00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:56,759 really overrun by tourists recently. 318 00:11:58,456 --> 00:12:01,851 - Just trying on these $300 coats they're giving away. 319 00:12:01,895 --> 00:12:03,374 - Ah. - He'll take one too. 320 00:12:03,418 --> 00:12:05,289 - That's okay, I don't need a woman's coat. 321 00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:06,421 - Well, you can take one 322 00:12:06,464 --> 00:12:08,292 for your 15-year-old daughter, Emma. 323 00:12:08,336 --> 00:12:10,120 - I'll take one coat, please. 324 00:12:10,164 --> 00:12:11,861 By the way, speaking of free things, 325 00:12:11,905 --> 00:12:13,123 it's an open bar. 326 00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:15,560 - Oh. Thank you. 327 00:12:15,604 --> 00:12:17,388 - Uno. - Dos. 328 00:12:17,432 --> 00:12:18,781 - Tres. - Cuatro. 329 00:12:18,825 --> 00:12:20,522 - L'chaim. 330 00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:21,828 Oh. - Ugh. 331 00:12:23,351 --> 00:12:24,700 Two more, please. 332 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:25,788 Howdy, partner. 333 00:12:27,398 --> 00:12:28,704 - ♪ Walk away 334 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:29,705 - Switch. 335 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:30,750 Wait, wait, wait. 336 00:12:30,793 --> 00:12:33,970 - Oh, thank you. Nice. 337 00:12:34,014 --> 00:12:35,406 ♪ 338 00:12:35,450 --> 00:12:38,845 - Mmm. Wow, that is what I would imagine 339 00:12:38,888 --> 00:12:40,150 a cloud would taste like. 340 00:12:41,412 --> 00:12:43,110 Switch. - Oh. 341 00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:46,156 - Oh, that's a cloud! 342 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:48,376 - ♪ I'll be here downtown and I see your face ♪ 343 00:12:48,419 --> 00:12:50,508 ♪ Thought I caught that smile today ♪ 344 00:12:52,684 --> 00:12:53,685 - That's terrifying. 345 00:12:53,729 --> 00:12:54,991 - Here. 346 00:12:55,731 --> 00:12:56,906 Whoo. - Whoop. 347 00:12:56,950 --> 00:12:58,778 - And boom. 348 00:12:58,821 --> 00:13:00,388 - So, I think you just step... 349 00:13:00,431 --> 00:13:01,432 Oh, that looks nice. 350 00:13:01,476 --> 00:13:03,043 - Oh, yes, thank you. 351 00:13:03,086 --> 00:13:04,348 You put the mushroom 352 00:13:04,392 --> 00:13:06,437 on the mini grilled cheese sandwich, 353 00:13:06,481 --> 00:13:08,744 and then they all go in at the same time. 354 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:11,181 Oh, that definitely looks like an orgy's going on in there. 355 00:13:12,443 --> 00:13:13,923 Who holds the bag? - Oh, I'll hold the bag. 356 00:13:13,967 --> 00:13:15,925 You've got the vest. - Oh, that's great. 357 00:13:17,405 --> 00:13:20,930 - Whoa, it's like we're really in a grocery store. 358 00:13:20,974 --> 00:13:22,802 - I feel like technology is solving problems 359 00:13:22,845 --> 00:13:24,107 we don't even have. 360 00:13:24,151 --> 00:13:25,413 - "Best friends" on three. 361 00:13:25,456 --> 00:13:28,155 One...two...best friends. 362 00:13:28,938 --> 00:13:30,853 - Okay, so, after the twirl, 363 00:13:30,897 --> 00:13:32,942 you just pull the ribbon through 364 00:13:32,986 --> 00:13:35,640 and...voila. 365 00:13:35,684 --> 00:13:37,294 Easy-peasy. - Okay, I guess. 366 00:13:37,338 --> 00:13:38,905 - Yeah, I mean, if you're going for something 367 00:13:38,948 --> 00:13:40,471 that's kind of generic-looking. 368 00:13:40,515 --> 00:13:41,864 - Cheyenne, I can't believe 369 00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:43,561 you didn't tell me you were pregnant. 370 00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:47,043 - Obviously she is. Look at her boobs. 371 00:13:47,087 --> 00:13:49,350 - Whoa! - I'm not pregnant. 372 00:13:49,393 --> 00:13:51,134 - But Sayid said... 373 00:13:51,178 --> 00:13:54,834 That guy's always making up stuff about people. 374 00:13:56,009 --> 00:13:57,184 - I mean, it's--it's not his fault. 375 00:13:57,227 --> 00:13:59,229 Uh, it's a cultural thing. 376 00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:01,928 You know, lying is a big part of Syrian culture. 377 00:14:01,971 --> 00:14:03,364 - I've never heard that, and I've slept with 378 00:14:03,407 --> 00:14:04,495 a ton of Syrian dudes. 379 00:14:04,539 --> 00:14:06,062 - Wait, is that where the phrase, 380 00:14:06,106 --> 00:14:08,848 "lying like a Syrian" comes from, Mateo? 381 00:14:08,891 --> 00:14:10,980 - Oh, you know, now that you mention it, 382 00:14:11,024 --> 00:14:13,026 that makes sense. Yes, Cheyenne. 383 00:14:13,069 --> 00:14:15,419 - Wow, what a completely natural conversation, 384 00:14:15,463 --> 00:14:16,725 Cheyenne and Mateo. 385 00:14:16,768 --> 00:14:19,249 - Sayid never mentioned anything about lying 386 00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:20,947 when I interviewed him. 387 00:14:20,990 --> 00:14:23,036 Then again, if he was a liar, he wouldn't have. 388 00:14:23,079 --> 00:14:24,994 - Mmm. - But if he wasn't a liar, 389 00:14:25,038 --> 00:14:27,518 he wouldn't have either, so--oh, this is a pickle. 390 00:14:27,562 --> 00:14:30,173 - Hold on, so when Sayid said he liked my haircut... 391 00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:32,436 - Yep, lying like a Syrian. 392 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:35,135 - Damn it. Do you guys like my hair? 393 00:14:35,178 --> 00:14:36,701 - Eh. - Eh. 394 00:14:36,745 --> 00:14:38,312 - Phew. Thanks, I was worried. 395 00:14:38,355 --> 00:14:41,097 I said, "Make me look like Jeff Probst." 396 00:14:41,141 --> 00:14:43,056 - I know it's so bad for your teeth, 397 00:14:43,099 --> 00:14:44,579 but I love chewing on ice. 398 00:14:44,622 --> 00:14:46,798 - You have so many interests that I don't know about. 399 00:14:46,842 --> 00:14:48,844 - So cold. 400 00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,106 Oh, look, look, look, look. 401 00:14:50,150 --> 00:14:53,022 It's our best friends. - Ted! Kent! 402 00:14:53,066 --> 00:14:55,372 Get over here you sons of bitches. 403 00:14:55,416 --> 00:14:57,722 - Oh, damn are we getting turnt over here? 404 00:14:57,766 --> 00:14:58,854 - Turnt! - Oh yeah, 405 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,551 we are getting turnt. 406 00:15:00,595 --> 00:15:03,076 - We were just laughing about the fact that 407 00:15:03,119 --> 00:15:04,947 we get all this free stuff, 408 00:15:04,991 --> 00:15:06,993 and the floor workers get nothing. 409 00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:09,473 - Yeah, that is pretty funny. 410 00:15:09,517 --> 00:15:10,910 - All right, all right. 411 00:15:10,953 --> 00:15:13,390 Here's a joke: How many floor workers 412 00:15:13,434 --> 00:15:15,218 does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 413 00:15:15,262 --> 00:15:16,872 - Shut up! You're fired. 414 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,268 - I don't even get it. 415 00:15:21,311 --> 00:15:24,053 - Me neither, Kent, me neither. 416 00:15:24,097 --> 00:15:26,534 - ♪ It's the most wonderful time ♪ 417 00:15:26,577 --> 00:15:30,320 ♪ Of the year - ♪ Ding-dong-dong-ding 418 00:15:32,105 --> 00:15:33,584 - Not as good as your elves, huh? 419 00:15:35,064 --> 00:15:36,936 - 'Cause you look like Santa Claus. 420 00:15:36,979 --> 00:15:39,503 - And you look like a dick. 421 00:15:39,547 --> 00:15:40,940 - Surprising. 422 00:15:42,550 --> 00:15:44,247 - Okay, what's the difference between a floor worker 423 00:15:44,291 --> 00:15:45,988 and a two - Here we go. 424 00:15:46,032 --> 00:15:47,729 - Two-legged chair don't make $8.50 an hour 425 00:15:47,772 --> 00:15:49,252 for being useless. 426 00:15:49,296 --> 00:15:50,950 Shut up! You're fired. 427 00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:53,256 - It's just getting better! - Hey, Bill, get over here. 428 00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:54,779 This guy's throwing rocks tonight. 429 00:15:54,823 --> 00:15:56,085 - Oh, I got one, I got one. 430 00:15:56,129 --> 00:15:58,174 How do you get out of giving benefits 431 00:15:58,218 --> 00:16:00,133 to a full 432 00:16:00,176 --> 00:16:02,222 - Make them two part-time employees. 433 00:16:02,265 --> 00:16:05,268 - Boom! Chien is killing it. 434 00:16:05,312 --> 00:16:06,878 - That's actually a good idea, though. 435 00:16:06,922 --> 00:16:08,576 - Yeah, you just tell every full-timer 436 00:16:08,619 --> 00:16:10,360 that they're now actually two part-timers--you save a ton. 437 00:16:10,404 --> 00:16:12,406 - I wasn't actually suggesting-- 438 00:16:12,449 --> 00:16:14,103 - Hey, we should get Tracey in legal on this. 439 00:16:14,147 --> 00:16:15,887 - Yeah. Hey, Tracey. 440 00:16:15,931 --> 00:16:17,672 - You gotta hear this good idea that Chien Mon Koh just had. 441 00:16:19,021 --> 00:16:20,283 I think I just see someone I know. 442 00:16:20,327 --> 00:16:21,763 - Tracey, come here! - Hassan, hi. 443 00:16:21,806 --> 00:16:23,156 - Hold on, Chien. - Come on. 444 00:16:24,113 --> 00:16:25,201 - Why are you telling people 445 00:16:25,245 --> 00:16:26,507 that I'm "lying like a Syrian"? 446 00:16:26,550 --> 00:16:28,074 - Um, I don't think I ever said-- 447 00:16:28,117 --> 00:16:29,597 That is not a saying. 448 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:31,686 Was this Marcus? 449 00:16:31,729 --> 00:16:34,645 'Cause that guy is... 450 00:16:34,689 --> 00:16:36,299 Okay, fine. 451 00:16:36,343 --> 00:16:39,259 I just...I know you heard me 452 00:16:39,302 --> 00:16:41,652 talking about being undocumented. 453 00:16:41,696 --> 00:16:43,306 - You mean, President Henderson 454 00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:45,308 didn't personally swear you in? 455 00:16:45,352 --> 00:16:48,007 - No, I don't even think Henderson was still alive 456 00:16:48,050 --> 00:16:49,225 when I came here. 457 00:16:49,269 --> 00:16:50,661 I was nervous that you might turn me in, 458 00:16:50,705 --> 00:16:53,142 so ironically, I was the one who started 459 00:16:53,186 --> 00:16:54,491 lying like a Syrian. 460 00:16:54,535 --> 00:16:57,146 - Again, that is not a real saying. 461 00:16:57,190 --> 00:16:58,930 And why would I wanna turn you in? 462 00:16:58,974 --> 00:17:00,628 It's none of my business. 463 00:17:00,671 --> 00:17:02,934 - I don't know, maybe you were afraid of getting into trouble. 464 00:17:02,978 --> 00:17:04,197 Like not saying anything 465 00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:05,763 might somehow make you my accomplice. 466 00:17:05,807 --> 00:17:07,156 - Oh. 467 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,245 - But you're not. 468 00:17:09,289 --> 00:17:12,161 You are just an innocent bystander. 469 00:17:12,205 --> 00:17:13,641 - Yes, in my experience, 470 00:17:13,684 --> 00:17:16,252 nothing ever happens to innocent bystanders. 471 00:17:16,296 --> 00:17:20,213 - Look, Sayid, Sayid, don't worry about it. 472 00:17:20,256 --> 00:17:21,344 What are they gonna do, deport you 473 00:17:21,388 --> 00:17:22,737 for not ratting me out? 474 00:17:22,780 --> 00:17:24,869 - I can honestly say that that thought 475 00:17:24,913 --> 00:17:27,089 had not occurred to me. 476 00:17:30,310 --> 00:17:32,007 - To the back. I have work to do. 477 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,356 - I'll come with. 478 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,184 - I might have to go to the men's room first. 479 00:17:35,228 --> 00:17:37,186 - We'll both go. 480 00:17:39,406 --> 00:17:39,580 . 481 00:17:39,623 --> 00:17:43,366 - Mateo, Sayid seems to think that you're undocumented 482 00:17:43,410 --> 00:17:46,108 and that you've been working in this store illegally. 483 00:17:46,152 --> 00:17:48,763 That--that's crazy. 484 00:17:48,806 --> 00:17:52,941 Why would he...wait, is today November 29th? 485 00:17:52,984 --> 00:17:54,029 - Yeah. 486 00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:56,640 - It's Syrian April Fool's Day. 487 00:17:56,684 --> 00:18:00,427 That guy--I am gonna go shaving cream his locker. 488 00:18:00,470 --> 00:18:03,604 - Okay, I didn't believe him at first, so I checked. 489 00:18:03,647 --> 00:18:05,867 Did you know that your social security number 490 00:18:05,910 --> 00:18:09,088 belongs to a Polish woman from Buffalo? 491 00:18:09,131 --> 00:18:12,091 So, unless your name is Nadia Kedzierski, 492 00:18:12,134 --> 00:18:13,744 we have a problem. 493 00:18:13,788 --> 00:18:16,530 - Oh, this isn't my social security number. 494 00:18:16,573 --> 00:18:18,749 Must've got put in wrong. 495 00:18:18,793 --> 00:18:20,186 - Oh, okay. 496 00:18:20,229 --> 00:18:21,752 Well, I'm relieved to hear that. 497 00:18:21,796 --> 00:18:24,581 So, if you could just enter your real one. 498 00:18:25,626 --> 00:18:27,932 - I don't think you're supposed to give out-- 499 00:18:27,976 --> 00:18:29,760 - Okay, Mateo, I'm not kidding. 500 00:18:38,813 --> 00:18:42,251 - Okay--well, that's only five numbers, like a zip code. 501 00:18:42,295 --> 00:18:44,340 Um, you need four more. 502 00:18:44,384 --> 00:18:49,084 - Uh, it's, uh, the last four, uh, is, um, two... 503 00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,346 - Two. - Nine... 504 00:18:50,390 --> 00:18:52,043 - Nine. - Nine... 505 00:18:52,087 --> 00:18:55,917 - Nine. - Nine. 506 00:18:55,960 --> 00:19:00,182 - Okay, I'll just run this through E-Verify. 507 00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:02,141 Thanks. 508 00:19:10,497 --> 00:19:12,760 - Wow. - Yeah. 509 00:19:12,803 --> 00:19:14,457 - You know, of all the times we made love, 510 00:19:14,501 --> 00:19:16,198 we never made anything this beautiful. 511 00:19:17,808 --> 00:19:18,896 - So, can I... 512 00:19:18,940 --> 00:19:20,289 - You can get another one in aisle six. 513 00:19:20,333 --> 00:19:21,986 - Yeah, but we're not gonna wrap it. 514 00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:23,466 We're going out on top. 515 00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:25,251 - Okay, I'll go get another. 516 00:19:25,294 --> 00:19:27,601 - Just get another one. - Okay. 517 00:19:27,644 --> 00:19:28,776 - Ugh. 518 00:19:28,819 --> 00:19:30,169 Can you believe these are the idiots 519 00:19:30,212 --> 00:19:31,474 who lead this company? 520 00:19:31,518 --> 00:19:34,216 - Not exactly the best and brightest. 521 00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:36,827 - And they get paid ten times as much as us. 522 00:19:36,871 --> 00:19:38,220 And they get better benefits 523 00:19:38,264 --> 00:19:41,484 and free aroma-therapy diffusers. 524 00:19:41,528 --> 00:19:42,790 They don't even have to pay for their 525 00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:44,748 aroma-therapy diffusers. How is that fair? 526 00:19:44,792 --> 00:19:46,576 - Maybe you should be a manager. 527 00:19:49,536 --> 00:19:51,494 I mean, they have those training seminars. 528 00:19:51,538 --> 00:19:54,932 They love bragging about how they promote from within. 529 00:19:54,976 --> 00:19:56,717 And like you said, 530 00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,849 these people are not rocket scientists. 531 00:19:58,893 --> 00:20:01,461 - I'm a single mom, and I just had a second baby. 532 00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:04,855 It's not exactly the best time to make a big life change. 533 00:20:04,899 --> 00:20:06,205 - Ah. 534 00:20:08,163 --> 00:20:10,513 When is? 535 00:20:12,515 --> 00:20:13,864 - Do you think we'll still be friends 536 00:20:13,908 --> 00:20:15,692 when I get sent back to the Philippines? 537 00:20:15,736 --> 00:20:18,478 - Of course we're still gonna be friends. 538 00:20:18,521 --> 00:20:21,089 Ooh, maybe I could come visit you. 539 00:20:21,132 --> 00:20:24,701 I hear they have nice beaches and really cheap massages. 540 00:20:24,745 --> 00:20:26,355 I bet I could get a deal on a ticket 541 00:20:26,399 --> 00:20:27,748 if I book it far enough in advance. 542 00:20:27,791 --> 00:20:29,402 - Cheyenne, I'm about to be deported, 543 00:20:29,445 --> 00:20:31,012 and you're planning your vacation. 544 00:20:31,055 --> 00:20:32,579 - Sorry. 545 00:20:33,754 --> 00:20:37,105 But hotels are super inexpensive, right? 546 00:20:37,148 --> 00:20:38,759 - Oh, my God, so affordable. 547 00:20:38,802 --> 00:20:40,935 - That's what I heard. - Yeah, it's great. 548 00:20:43,981 --> 00:20:46,288 - Sure. 549 00:20:52,338 --> 00:20:54,601 - So, I ran your social security number-- 550 00:20:54,644 --> 00:20:57,952 - Okay, look, I know it's-- - And it checked out. 551 00:21:00,476 --> 00:21:02,435 - Yep, it did. 552 00:21:11,618 --> 00:21:14,447 - Merry Christmas, Mateo. 553 00:21:16,405 --> 00:21:18,538 - You've been legal this whole time? 554 00:21:18,581 --> 00:21:21,018 How much attention do you need?