.
- We found him this morning.
Looks like he used to work here.
We were opening up the drywall, and Gary saw the arm.
I was like, "What?
No way, Gary. That's not a dead body."
Then Gary showed it to me.
Turns out, it was a dead body.
Who are you? Beyoncé?
- Selena.
- Who? - Selena.
She was Beyoncé before Beyoncé.
- I thought you were J.Lo.
- Mm, no.
[upbeat music]
*
- So, unfortunately, the body we found
was one of our employees.
[all gasping]
- Salvatore Kazlauskas.
- Wait, you mean Creepy Sal?
- The man is dead.
But yeah.
- Oh. - Phew.
- Police said he's been dead for at least a year.
- Are you crying?
- Yeah, I just...
Poor guy.
- But you didn't know him.
- But he was a human being.
- Ehh.
Sal was a bit of a...
How do I put it?
- When he looked at you,
it felt like he was grabbing you.
- Apparently he was doing some work behind the drywall
outside the women's washroom and then his foot got caught
in a beam, and he starved to death.
- I'm sorry, what "work" was he doing exactly?
- We're not sure.
He drilled a hole into the women's washroom so...
maybe he was hanging a picture?
[all groaning] - Dude.
He was peeping on women going to the potty.
- What? - Ew.
- Why?
- Well, that explains the rotting smell
in the women's bathroom.
I know we all assumed that was Amy.
- Why--why me?
- 'Cause, you know...
divorce tummy.
I'm sure there's a lot of churn going on in there.
- I have no churn. - And anyway, um,
everyone make sure that you don't disturb the body
until the coroner gets here.
- Wait, so it's just going to sit in the store?
- Uh... [chuckles]
I'm not working next to a dead body.
Especially Sal's.
- Technically we've all been working
next Sal's dead body for the past year.
Nobody complained until now.
- Oh, it just occurred to me.
That must've been Sal's foot we found.
all: Oh. - No, no.
Actually he still had both of his feet.
- Then who's foot was that?
[Halloween hip-hop music playing]
- What about Maxine?
- Nah, I don't trust anybody
who opens their eyes that wide.
- Yeah. Pass.
- I can't believe this is what dating is now.
- Oh, you're not ready to jump back in?
- [scoffs] No.
And even if I were,
I wouldn't be using an app.
I'm still afraid of PayPal.
- It actually gets to be
kind of fun, you know.
You just swipe right for yes,
left for no, see?
Oh, hello, Jessicah...
with an H at the end, wow. - Can I see?
- Okay, you just took it.
- Come on, so this is just like
a typical day for Jessicah
where she's baking cupcakes in a Rams jersey.
Come on, I'm onto you, Jessicah with an H.
Oh, this one is way too hipster,
even for Jonah. - Mm-hmm.
- Oh.
A bowling action shot?
Well, clearly she's just trying to show off her cleavage.
- Oh, gross.
- Yeah, get out of here with that.
- Jonah! - Next.
- I need your help.
- Okay, uh...
Can--can I just get my phone?
- Oh, no I'm still playing. - Right.
But it's not a game so-- - Mine.
- Jonah, you can live without
your pager for five minutes. Now!
- Okay.
- Wait, this one's just a picture of Margot Robbie.
Are they allowed to do that?
- Mm.
- I can do...
a one-eyed zombie,
a motorcycle accident victim,
bride of "Babadook," and then
this one makes it look like your head is
eating the rest of your body.
- That one's my favorite.
- Um, these are a bit much.
- Thanks.
I've getting into special effects makeup.
I'm working on my portfolio.
- Uh-huh, that's great. Um...
How about a kitty cat?
- Okay.
Another cat.
How fun. - [sighs]
Oh, God. - I know.
I'm so sick of basic people.
Not you, your mom.
- No, my cousin is getting married in the Philippines,
and literally everyone I know is going except for me.
- Aw, you should totally go.
- I can't exactly leave the country, remember?
- Oh, right, because you're...
Do you know what "undocumented" means?
Because you're undocumented.
- [sighs] This is so unfair.
Do you know how badly I want one of those Instagram photos
of the wing of the plane?
- Just for the record, I don't think we should
be disturbing a crime scene.
- Yeah, I got to go with the cop on this one.
- I just want to cover it up until the coroner gets here.
I mean, we're a family store.
I know we don't specifically promise no dead bodies,
but we shouldn't have to.
- Fine, just don't go touching the body.
- I wasn't going to.
- Now that you know you're not allowed.
- No, I just wouldn't do that.
- Uh, because I said you can't.
- Why would I--
I'm gonna let you have this one.
- Because you have to.
- All right, well, that should hold.
[all gasp]
Is this worse?
I feel like it is.
[rock music playing]
- Boo! - [screams]
*
- This one says "professional wanderer,"
AKA on her parents' phone plan. Next.
- I can't tell if I like or don't like candy corn.
- Oh, my God.
Is that Kelly?
- Oh, yeah, it is.
Hey, girl. Go get it.
- [scoffs]
"Just a small-town girl livin'
in a lonely world."
Ugh, calm down.
[cell phone dings] Oh, no.
What? "Match?"
I didn't--how--how did that happen?
- Well, you swiped right.
- No, I didn't.
I swiped left, like this.
- Oh, yeah, you got a little right to your swipe.
- Well, how do I cancel it? - You can't.
- What do you mean I can't?
She's gonna think Jonah matched her.
- You know what it is?
It's like eating a birthday candle,
only in a good way.
- Garrett, what do I do?
- I don't know, be honest.
Tell her you stole Jonah's phone,
and you were stalking her on it.
- Okay, that's not gonna happen.
I was thinking more like,
I could sneak up like a ninja,
take her phone, cancel the notification,
and then slip it in without her noticing.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Mm.
Or...
I know this guy who works at the NSA.
He kind of owes me a favor.
I could call him up,
have him hack into Kelly's phone,
and melt her motherboard.
- Yes, call the guy.
- I'm messing with you.
- How is that helpful?
.
[quirky music]
*
- Robin. Move.
Kelly.
Hey, girl.
Um, I--I meant to ask you earlier...
um, what's...up?
- Oh, I'm just going to the bathroom.
- Oh, me too.
Sweet. Hey, real quick.
Could I borrow your phone?
Yeah, mine is soaked.
Not in the toilet, in a...
pond.
- Uh, yeah, sure. Here you go.
- Thanks. Oh, it's--
it's asking me for a passcode.
- Oh, here let me put it in.
- Oh, you can just tell it to me,
and I'll do it. - That's okay.
I'd rather do it myself.
- Why are you being so weird about your code?
- I'll just do it. - Okay, but
then just give it right back to me
like really quick. [cell phone dings]
- [giggles]
- What--what was that? What--why--
why--why--why are you laughing?
- I just...
got some good news.
Ah, here you go.
- Thanks.
Oh, um, right.
Hi, it's Amy. Happy Halloween.
Thanks, you're a lifesaver.
- Oh, I love how they put him in a uniform.
Like he's a dead employee.
[chuckles] So cool.
- No.
This is not a Halloween display.
That is a real dead body.
- [laughs] You crack me up.
It must be so much fun working there.
Okay, talk to you later.
That was the coroner's office.
A gas main blew in a Shoeland.
- Oh, God. Which Shoeland?
- Who cares? They're all the same.
The point is, they're not gonna be here for a while.
- Oh, come on.
Really? - Which Shoeland?
My husband works at a Shoeland.
- I don't know, Jodi.
I didn't ask the man every little question in the world.
- How long are they gonna be-- - Which Shoeland?
- Jodi, I can not with you right now.
I didn't even hear Glenn's question. Glenn?
- How long are they gonna be? - I don't know.
- Mind if I sit here, Mr. Bumblebee?
- Mm, actually it's the "Disappearing Bee Crisis."
You know, because nobody seems to--
It doesn't matter. Yeah, sure, sit.
- Oh, thanks.
[clears throat]
So, uh...
hey, I just want to say-- - Hey!
- Hey. - Hey.
- I thought you took your lunch break already?
- What do we got here, the lunch police?
[imitates sirens]
Take me downtown, Officer Bumblebee.
- Oh, actually I'm the "Disappearing Bees,"
so the-- - Oh, hey.
Kelly, could you jump on register four?
- Oh, I just started my lunch break.
- Oh, I know, and I'm ending it.
[chuckles] Just kidding.
- Oh. [laughs]
- I'm not, though.
Yeah.
- Sure, no, yeah. I, um...
I guess I can eat this on the way.
- Yup, that's why they're made to go.
- Oh, do you still have my phone?
- Uh-oh, phone police.
[imitates siren]
You'll never take me alive.
- What is this new cop thing?
[classic rock music playing]
*
- Attention shoppers:
Please stay away from the Housewares section.
There is something there that is extremely disturbing,
and it may frighten you.
It's literally horrifying.
They're going the wrong way. - Yeah.
I think the fact that it's Halloween
is working against us.
- Please, listen to me.
The Housewares section is very, very scary.
It will give you nightmares.
Turn back before it's too late.
- Okay, okay, Glenn,
I think you're just making it sound
like a haunted house, you know?
- Oh, my God, you're right. - Yeah.
- The Housewares section is not
a haunted house. - There you go.
- It is so much worse
than any haunted house you have ever seen.
- No. No, no.
- You--you--you've been warned.
- Okay.
- Isn't that the same costume you wore last year?
- Yeah, costumes are like bathing suites.
You wear it till it's just threads.
All right, Sal, let's see what you got for me.
A bunch of wigs.
Film canister full of...
I mean, it looks like baby teeth.
- Ew.
- All right, what else?
Bag of old batteries,
corpse of a turtle,
his passport.
- Oh. - What's this?
Huh.
Looks like Sal was working on a book.
"Bethany said Logan was the cutest boy at Wakefield,
and he wanted to ask me to the dance."
[chuckles] I'm in.
- You're going to that wedding.
- With Sal's passport?
- I am a master at make-up.
If I can make Elias look like Dame Edna,
I can make you look like Sal.
- Wait, why did Elias want to be Dame Edna?
- He didn't, I just did it.
- [sighs] I mean...
it would be illegal.
Although me just being here is illegal
so it kind of cancels out.
- Mm-hmm. - So...
I think...we should...
do it. - Yes!
Oh, my God, this is going to be so fun.
- [sighs] - Excuse me.
We agreed on a kitty cat.
- She is a kitty cat.
An undead one. - Duh.
[country music playing]
*
- She saw the match before I could get her phone.
- Oh, okay, we need to "Freaky Friday" this.
You need to find a cursed object,
switch bodies with Jonah,
have a whirlwind romance with her,
but then learn an important life lesson.
Switch bodies back.
- This was helpful. [cell phone buzzing]
Thank you. - You're welcome.
- Oh, no.
She sent him a wink.
What does that mean?
Is she, like, flirting? Is that like a flirty wink?
Maybe she's winking like,
"I get it. I know what's going on.
I know it's you, Amy. It's all cool.
I won't tell Jonah."
- Definitely the second one.
- I have to squash this
before Jonah finds out.
- Oh, so now you're just gonna
straight up "Catfish" her? Cool.
- "Hey...
"Thanks for the wink.
"It means the world.
"I think you're a great girl,
"but I realized I shouldn't be dating right now.
The timing's just not right."
There. That should fix it.
- Yeah, as long as they never run into each other
in the store they both work in.
- There are, like, dozens of aisles.
[hip-hop music playing]
- Okay, Sal, what's your last name?
- Kazlauskas.
- Can you use it in a sentences?
- My name is Sal Kazlauskas.
- And where were you born?
- South Dakota. It's great.
It's just...south of...
North Dakota.
- Good save.
In 2012 you went to...?
- Thailand.
- In 2013 you went to...?
- Thailand. - In 2014...
- It's Thailand.
I've only been to Thailand.
- Good job. - Thanks.
[rock music playing]
- Boo! [groans]
.
- Well, the verdict is in.
I do not like candy corn.
- Things have gone very wrong. - Mm-hmm.
- [sighs]
Kelly texted Jonah, and I thought,
"Oh, Kelly will feel bad
if she doesn't get a text back from him.
So I texted and...
- This goes on for pages.
- It's not good.
- "Any guy in the store would be lucky
"to be with you.
"Not just the store,
the world."
- It gets worse. - I can imagine.
"Aw, sweet of you to say that."
"Well, it's true.
You're very spicy."
- "Special." It auto-corrected.
- "Sorry, I meant spicy."
- It did it again.
- "Ha, you're spicy too."
"Well, the things is, Kelly,
"my heart wants a relationship,
"but my body can't handle one.
I'm very ill."
- I don't know.
I was just trying to make it seem final,
and Emma and I are reading "Fault in Our Stars" so...
- "The doctors don't even have a name for it yet."
"Oh, my God, I'm so sorry."
"I don't really like to talk about it.
No one here knows."
"I understand.
Sending you good energy."
Ugh. - Okay.
I know this is probably not
the right next step, but...
what if I tried to get her fired?
Or him?
Help me, who should I get fired?
["Ghostbusters" playing]
*
- What do you think?
- I look terrible.
- Oh, I-- - No, I mean, I look...
terrible. Like, exactly like Sal.
- Oh!
- You're a genius. [chuckles]
Well I mean, not literally, but you know.
Well done!
One ticket to Manila, please.
I'll probably just buy it online.
So... [chuckles]
[spooky music plays quietly]
- Where's the hummus? - There you are.
We've been waiting for you.
- For me? - Yeah.
Come on.
So crazy about Shoeland.
- Shoeland?
- Wow, already onto the next one, huh?
*
- Hey. - Hey.
- You seem good.
- [sighs] I am.
I had a bar this morning
with like 20 grams of protein.
Might have been a little too much.
- No, no listen to your body.
- Yeah.
- Oh, my gosh, be careful. Let me help you.
- Oh, no, no, I'm fine.
I'm stronger than people think.
- Yes.
You are so strong.
And I also think you are so brave.
- Thank you.
- So you'll have to do the make-up yourself
for the trip back.
Or you could just stay like this the whole time.
- I wish I could wear your skin.
- What was that?
- What? I was just saying
she had really great skin.
- Huh.
- What? - You know how,
when a person dresses skanky
then they start acting all skanky,
but then you put that person in fancy clothes
and they act like super British?
- Uh-huh. Sure.
- So maybe being in creep-face
is making you act like a creep.
- [laughs] That's stupid.
Mmm.
I just think it feels really good and firm on my tongue.
- I don't know why you don't have a gurney.
- Yeah, I was gonna get one,
but they're like a hundred bucks.
- Ah, budget cuts.
Thank you, Governor Greitens.
- So where am I supposed to put thing?
- Well, where you normally put it.
- I guess I could put it on my lawn.
- I guess.
- Chuck, what are you doing?
Did you get the hummus?
- Hummus?
both: Put the body down!
- I was just doing what you told me to do!
- What is wrong with you?
- Okay, okay, okay! - Back up!
- You back up! - What?
[all yelling]
- Okay, if I rotate Jonah on four-hour shifts,
and I keep Kelly on the loading dock,
then I think I can make it so that they never see each other.
- I don't feel so good.
The candy corn is fusing itself
back together in my stomach.
- Is that your second bag? - Mm-hmm.
- Why did you lie to me?
- I don't know what you're talking about, Kelly!
- There's a 1% chance they're talking
about something else.
.
- Is this some kind of prank?
Like, like, what?
"Humiliate the new girl?"
- How could I humiliate you?
I barely talk to you.
- Hey, guys.
Why don't we take a breath?
You know what, Kelly,
I feel like I cut your break short.
Maybe you should go have another bowl of ramen,
my treat. - No, no, no, no.
This guy's playing mind games
with me all day.
- I would never do that.
I'm an ally.
- Then explain all those texts!
- I never texted you.
- Stop lying!
- Whoa! - Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Okay, Kelly, just-- - Okay, Kelly.
It was me. I did it.
I took Jonah's phone,
and I was messing around.
And I accidently swiped right,
and I just couldn't stop myself.
And Garrett had something to do with it too.
- What? - I-I mean mostly it was me.
- Just put the knife down, okay?
You're not going to hurt anyone.
- Stop telling me what to do! - Jonah!
[all screaming]
- [bleep]!
- Aah!
Why...
did you have to use...
my phone?
[groans]
[laughs]
- Oh.
I get it.
You--that...
fake.
So funny. - [giggles]
- Got me. - Ha-ha.
Happy Halloween.
[pop music playing]
*
- I swear I'm a size eight and a half.
- [chuckles]
Uh, you know, it's fine.
We have a nine right here.
[sniffs] - Oh!
What are you doing?
- I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to...
Oh, God. Uh...
Oh, God.
Help! Help!
- Oh, my God.
You look adorable.
- Okay, here. Take it.
Destroy it, douse it with holy water, and set it on fire.
- What about the wedding?
- I'm not going, okay?
It's not worth it.
I don't like what's happening to me.
I need to wash this all off before it's too late.
This happened to my uncle once.
- [laughs]
Well, yep, you guys--you got me.
But to be fair there are a lot of stabbings in this store.
- Yeah, you know honestly,
you really committed.
I'm impressed. I was almost scared.
- Really? Aw.
Thanks.
I watch a lot of Lifetime movies.
- Well, I'm gonna go wash all this blood off...
is a weird way to leave a conversation.
- [giggles]
- Hey, listen.
I just wanted you to know that
I was really not trying to make fun of you.
It was an accident.
- It's okay. I mean...
really I should have known it was from a girl.
Guys never text that much.
- I know, right?
I just, like, couldn't stop.
- Yeah. [giggles] - I was like, "Aah."
- A lot of verbs.
[sighs]
- Well, thank you for being cool about it.
- Yeah. I mean, if anything,
I should thank you.
You kind of helped me break the ice.
- Oh.
Oh, good.
- Oh, gosh, and I just--
I really wanted to tell you that...
I love Selena Gomez.
- Mm-hmm.
- Sorry about the questioning.
Just had to make sure you were real coroners,
and not just here for hummus or something.
- Sure, yeah.
- Well, here we are.
[banjo music playing]
- And you didn't touch the body?
*
- Absolutely not.
[clears throat]
- Hey, buddy, want some ribs?