1 00:00:02,524 --> 00:00:02,704 . 2 00:00:02,741 --> 00:00:06,571 - The Missouri lottery is the highest it's been in 20 years. 3 00:00:06,615 --> 00:00:08,655 - Oh, man, I'd love to win the lottery. 4 00:00:08,704 --> 00:00:11,054 Yeah, I'd stop washing the sheets on my futon. 5 00:00:11,098 --> 00:00:13,008 I'd just buy new ones every day. 6 00:00:13,056 --> 00:00:14,616 - I'd get a bunch of vintage Jordans. 7 00:00:14,666 --> 00:00:16,576 But like, Michael Jordan's Jordans. 8 00:00:16,625 --> 00:00:18,495 I want the actual shoes off his feet. 9 00:00:18,540 --> 00:00:21,280 - If I won, you would not see me here tomorrow. 10 00:00:21,325 --> 00:00:23,675 That is for sure. I would be taking 11 00:00:23,719 --> 00:00:25,589 Thursdays off from now on. 12 00:00:25,634 --> 00:00:29,124 - I'd buy a private island. - [gasps] That's my plan too! 13 00:00:29,159 --> 00:00:30,679 - I'd go to really expensive stores, 14 00:00:30,726 --> 00:00:32,596 hoping that white women would be rude to me, 15 00:00:32,641 --> 00:00:35,041 so I could come back with a bunch of bags and be like, 16 00:00:35,078 --> 00:00:37,168 a ha, big mistake. 17 00:00:37,211 --> 00:00:38,521 Like "Pretty Woman." 18 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:40,340 - I'd drop everything and travel the world. 19 00:00:40,388 --> 00:00:41,948 You know? No plans, no ties. 20 00:00:41,998 --> 00:00:44,518 Just me and the open road. 21 00:00:44,566 --> 00:00:46,306 - So if you're ditching Kelly, dibs. 22 00:00:46,350 --> 00:00:47,700 - Oh, no, I didn't-- - Yeah, no. 23 00:00:47,743 --> 00:00:50,183 Enjoy the open road. Send me a postcard. 24 00:00:50,224 --> 00:00:52,014 - I could probably make Thursdays work, 25 00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,232 if they really needed me. 26 00:00:53,270 --> 00:00:54,660 - If I won, I would resurrect 27 00:00:54,706 --> 00:00:56,096 and then own the dodo. 28 00:00:56,143 --> 00:00:57,973 - I'd donate my winnings to my favorite charity. 29 00:00:58,014 --> 00:01:00,454 They pair wounded veterans with dogs who have been rescued 30 00:01:00,495 --> 00:01:02,755 from dog-fighting rings. Part of their therapy 31 00:01:02,801 --> 00:01:04,331 is making art that they sell 32 00:01:04,368 --> 00:01:06,538 to raise funds for the children's hospital. 33 00:01:06,588 --> 00:01:07,808 It's beautiful. 34 00:01:11,332 --> 00:01:14,682 - I, well, I mean, I would also give to charity. 35 00:01:14,726 --> 00:01:15,896 - Yeah, I mean, that's obviously... 36 00:01:15,945 --> 00:01:17,155 - Of course I'd give. 37 00:01:17,207 --> 00:01:19,077 - Not me. I'll stick with my Jordans idea. 38 00:01:19,122 --> 00:01:20,522 - The island would be more of a refuge 39 00:01:20,558 --> 00:01:23,818 for like, animals or orphans or something. 40 00:01:23,866 --> 00:01:25,386 - Exactly. - Yeah. 41 00:01:25,433 --> 00:01:28,573 [upbeat music] 42 00:01:28,610 --> 00:01:31,480 ♪ 43 00:01:31,526 --> 00:01:34,176 - Ooh, someone's all dressed up. 44 00:01:34,224 --> 00:01:35,704 Family court? [chuckles] 45 00:01:35,747 --> 00:01:38,227 Oh, God, I hope it's not family court, is it? 46 00:01:38,272 --> 00:01:40,322 - No, I'm asking Glenn for a raise. 47 00:01:40,361 --> 00:01:42,711 It's just, between the divorce 48 00:01:42,754 --> 00:01:44,804 and putting money away for Emma's college, 49 00:01:44,843 --> 00:01:48,413 and my car just started making this, like, [groans] sound. 50 00:01:48,456 --> 00:01:50,146 So it's like, what am I supposed to do? 51 00:01:50,197 --> 00:01:51,807 - Wait a minute, are you actually nervous? 52 00:01:51,850 --> 00:01:55,160 This is Glenn, he loves you. - I know, it's just, like, 53 00:01:55,202 --> 00:01:57,902 makes me feel self-conscious to ask for money. 54 00:01:57,943 --> 00:02:00,643 - See, this is the problem. Women aren't socialized 55 00:02:00,685 --> 00:02:02,635 to advocate for higher wages despite the fact that-- 56 00:02:02,687 --> 00:02:04,727 - Mm-hmm, I'm going to need you to turn off podcast mode. 57 00:02:04,776 --> 00:02:06,126 Thanks. 58 00:02:06,169 --> 00:02:08,169 - Fair enough. 59 00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:12,565 - 3, 22. - Oh, those are good. 60 00:02:12,610 --> 00:02:15,180 I picked random ones like 14 and 34. 61 00:02:15,222 --> 00:02:16,702 - Those are like, the random ones 62 00:02:16,745 --> 00:02:19,005 that no one picks, so that's kind of a good plan. 63 00:02:19,051 --> 00:02:20,751 - Okay. 64 00:02:20,792 --> 00:02:23,972 Hey, if you won, do you think we'd still be friends? 65 00:02:24,013 --> 00:02:25,543 - Chey, of course. 66 00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:26,890 You'd be my friend from my poor life 67 00:02:26,929 --> 00:02:28,279 who keeps me grounded. 68 00:02:28,322 --> 00:02:29,852 But, then again, I don't know if I want to keep 69 00:02:29,888 --> 00:02:31,978 a poor person around, just bumming everyone out. 70 00:02:32,021 --> 00:02:33,631 Ugh. 71 00:02:33,675 --> 00:02:35,975 We could buy our tickets together 72 00:02:36,025 --> 00:02:40,285 and whoever wins, we split it. - Cool, let's do it. 73 00:02:40,334 --> 00:02:41,944 Oh, my God, what if I pick 74 00:02:41,987 --> 00:02:46,637 something super out there, like 41 or 50? 75 00:02:46,688 --> 00:02:49,388 - Oh, my God, yes. You have to. 76 00:02:51,693 --> 00:02:56,183 - Hey, so, uh, before. That wasn't anything, right? 77 00:02:56,219 --> 00:02:59,879 Like, of course I wouldn't just ditch you if I won the lottery. 78 00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:01,828 - Yeah, I know, I was just giving you a hard time. 79 00:03:01,877 --> 00:03:04,967 - Okay, good, yeah, yeah, I mean, you know. 80 00:03:05,010 --> 00:03:06,620 I wasn't, like, saying what I would do. 81 00:03:06,664 --> 00:03:08,544 I was just talking, like, wildest fantasies. 82 00:03:08,579 --> 00:03:11,539 - Oh, okay, so yeah, no, all you're saying is, 83 00:03:11,582 --> 00:03:13,372 I'm not in your wildest fantasies. 84 00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:14,890 - No, no, no, no, I just meant like, 85 00:03:14,933 --> 00:03:17,503 a hypothetical world where you're not there. 86 00:03:17,545 --> 00:03:20,025 - So dead in your fantasy. - No, no, no, no. 87 00:03:20,069 --> 00:03:22,459 I just meant, no, it's like an alternate timeline 88 00:03:22,506 --> 00:03:24,466 where, like, you never existed in the first place. 89 00:03:24,508 --> 00:03:26,898 - [laughing] Okay, seriously, stop. 90 00:03:26,945 --> 00:03:28,945 I can't take this much romance. 91 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:35,480 - Oh, hey, uh, Glenn, um, whenever you get a chance, 92 00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:37,219 could we talk about something? 93 00:03:37,260 --> 00:03:39,520 - Oh, well I have a chance right now. 94 00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:42,607 Shoot. - Oh, um... 95 00:03:42,657 --> 00:03:45,267 No, no, I meant like, later. Like, in your office. 96 00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:47,622 But, or now. No-no-no, now's good. 97 00:03:47,662 --> 00:03:49,362 Now's great yeah. - Now, okay. 98 00:03:49,403 --> 00:03:51,883 - Uh, so... [both chuckle] 99 00:03:51,927 --> 00:03:53,927 Uh, as you know... 100 00:03:53,972 --> 00:03:56,582 Well, I mean, before I-- before I go there, 101 00:03:56,627 --> 00:04:00,327 I should say that I, um, [clears throat] 102 00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:03,330 Uh, I feel like, um, 103 00:04:03,373 --> 00:04:06,723 I feel like I've-- I've proven myself to be 104 00:04:06,768 --> 00:04:10,288 uh, reliable, and pretty sturdy, 105 00:04:10,337 --> 00:04:13,467 Um, well, sturdy's not really the word-- 106 00:04:13,514 --> 00:04:15,434 - Uh, excuse me, I'm sorry. 107 00:04:15,472 --> 00:04:17,522 How do these toilet stools work? 108 00:04:17,561 --> 00:04:19,481 Do you just sit down and put your feet on it, 109 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:24,180 or double over and grab onto it for dear life? 110 00:04:24,220 --> 00:04:27,350 - [groans] Well, that's annoying. 111 00:04:27,397 --> 00:04:29,397 - I know, right? - Why are you agreeing with me? 112 00:04:29,443 --> 00:04:30,793 You don't even know what I'm talking about. 113 00:04:30,835 --> 00:04:32,395 - Sorry. 114 00:04:32,446 --> 00:04:34,926 - Check out this text from Colleen at the Bel-Ridge store. 115 00:04:34,970 --> 00:04:36,360 "Biggest jackpot ever. 116 00:04:36,406 --> 00:04:38,146 Wonder who's gonna sell the most tickets." 117 00:04:38,190 --> 00:04:39,710 [scoffs] She's so competitive, 118 00:04:39,757 --> 00:04:42,407 with her smug cancer survivor smirk. 119 00:04:42,456 --> 00:04:44,196 - She sounds like a real piece of work. 120 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:45,940 - You don't even know her. 121 00:04:45,981 --> 00:04:48,901 Why are some women so quick to judge other women? 122 00:04:48,940 --> 00:04:50,380 - I don't know. 123 00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:52,730 - I need to find a way to sell more tickets than her. 124 00:04:52,770 --> 00:04:55,510 Beat her at her own game. - Uh-huh. 125 00:04:55,556 --> 00:04:56,946 - Don't say "uh-huh." 126 00:04:56,992 --> 00:04:58,562 You don't even know the rest of it. 127 00:04:58,602 --> 00:05:00,562 - I don't know why I do it. 128 00:05:00,604 --> 00:05:02,134 - Without going into too many details, 129 00:05:02,171 --> 00:05:04,091 the Squatty Potty basically saved our marriage. 130 00:05:04,129 --> 00:05:06,179 - You don't have to push. It just slides out. 131 00:05:06,218 --> 00:05:07,608 - I want a raise! 132 00:05:09,396 --> 00:05:10,956 I'm sorry, that was bad timing. 133 00:05:11,006 --> 00:05:13,226 I was looking for a pause in the conversation. 134 00:05:13,269 --> 00:05:14,579 Really. There wasn't one. 135 00:05:14,618 --> 00:05:16,708 It was surprisingly a very rich topic. 136 00:05:16,751 --> 00:05:18,751 - Okay, well, I will give it a try. 137 00:05:18,796 --> 00:05:20,226 I can always bring it back, right? 138 00:05:20,276 --> 00:05:22,836 - Yeah, though you won't want to. 139 00:05:22,887 --> 00:05:26,407 - So... - Amy, you deserve a raise. 140 00:05:26,456 --> 00:05:28,496 - Thank you. - But ever since Laurie 141 00:05:28,545 --> 00:05:30,195 was made district manager, I'm not allowed 142 00:05:30,242 --> 00:05:32,852 to give raises anymore. Or hugs. 143 00:05:32,897 --> 00:05:34,987 - Yeah, no, I, uh... 144 00:05:35,030 --> 00:05:37,510 I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought that up. 145 00:05:37,554 --> 00:05:40,124 - Aw, Amy. Come here. 146 00:05:40,165 --> 00:05:42,815 Nope, I can't do that. 147 00:05:42,864 --> 00:05:44,824 Look, why don't we hug ourselves, 148 00:05:44,866 --> 00:05:46,686 and then imagine it? - No, I'm okay. 149 00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:48,737 - No, no, come on. - I'm--I'm... 150 00:05:48,783 --> 00:05:51,443 - Here you go. - Okay. 151 00:05:51,481 --> 00:05:54,181 - There you--there you go. 152 00:05:54,223 --> 00:05:56,833 ♪ 153 00:05:58,923 --> 00:05:59,143 . 154 00:05:59,184 --> 00:06:01,934 - I know we're not going to win, but if we do, 155 00:06:01,970 --> 00:06:03,450 should we get our money up-front or in installments? 156 00:06:03,493 --> 00:06:05,023 - Hmm, I don't know. 157 00:06:05,060 --> 00:06:06,980 Some of my cousins might try to kill me for the money, 158 00:06:07,018 --> 00:06:09,148 but with installments, they'll need me alive. 159 00:06:09,194 --> 00:06:11,284 - Okay, but if we get the money now, 160 00:06:11,327 --> 00:06:13,237 we could buy something really baller. 161 00:06:13,285 --> 00:06:16,155 Like, maybe a robot that plays music 162 00:06:16,201 --> 00:06:18,201 and is also your dentist and stuff. 163 00:06:18,247 --> 00:06:21,987 Or a yacht, but the captain is an ape wearing a sailor hat. 164 00:06:22,033 --> 00:06:23,993 - If we get a yacht, do you think we can get 165 00:06:24,035 --> 00:06:26,255 Mariah Carey to perform on it? - Oh, yeah. 166 00:06:26,298 --> 00:06:27,908 - I want her to sing all of her songs, 167 00:06:27,952 --> 00:06:30,092 and then tell her, "Sorry, Mariah. 168 00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:31,778 "It's not 1994 anymore. 169 00:06:31,826 --> 00:06:33,826 Go cut up some cucumber for our water." 170 00:06:33,871 --> 00:06:35,181 - [laughs] Yes! 171 00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:37,220 - Not only did you not get the raise, 172 00:06:37,266 --> 00:06:39,696 you ended up apologizing to him? 173 00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:41,267 - I hadn't planned on asking for a raise 174 00:06:41,313 --> 00:06:43,753 while holding a toilet accessory. 175 00:06:43,794 --> 00:06:45,414 I'm sorry, how is this okay? 176 00:06:45,448 --> 00:06:47,148 Isn't there a problem with people eating these? 177 00:06:47,189 --> 00:06:49,929 - Yeah, that's not good. So wait, hold on, that's it? 178 00:06:49,974 --> 00:06:52,024 You're just going to take no for an answer? 179 00:06:52,063 --> 00:06:55,373 - Well, what more can I do? - Take it to Laurie. 180 00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,065 - Okay, yeah, I'll just mention it to her 181 00:06:57,112 --> 00:06:58,372 the next time she's here. 182 00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,938 Ooh, vanilla flavored. 183 00:06:59,984 --> 00:07:01,254 Now I kind of want to try one. 184 00:07:01,290 --> 00:07:02,600 - You can't keep waiting around 185 00:07:02,639 --> 00:07:04,029 for the perfect time to ask for a raise 186 00:07:04,075 --> 00:07:05,335 or it's never going to happen. 187 00:07:05,381 --> 00:07:06,511 You should do it now while 188 00:07:06,556 --> 00:07:07,946 you still got your business suit on. 189 00:07:07,992 --> 00:07:09,562 - It would be a phone call. 190 00:07:09,603 --> 00:07:10,823 - Yeah, but, 191 00:07:10,865 --> 00:07:12,555 she'll hear that business-suit energy. 192 00:07:12,606 --> 00:07:16,736 - My mouth is watering. I can't be around these. 193 00:07:18,046 --> 00:07:21,956 - For the next number, uh, 30? 31? 194 00:07:22,006 --> 00:07:23,356 - There's really no wrong answer. 195 00:07:23,399 --> 00:07:25,269 You just need to pick another number. 196 00:07:25,314 --> 00:07:28,364 - 30. No, no, no, no, 31. 197 00:07:28,404 --> 00:07:30,714 - Great, 31 it is. - No, no, no, mm-mm. 198 00:07:30,754 --> 00:07:32,844 You sounded like you weren't too into that. 199 00:07:32,887 --> 00:07:34,757 [laughs] Was 31 a mistake? 200 00:07:34,802 --> 00:07:36,462 What would you do? - Well, it's tough. 201 00:07:36,499 --> 00:07:40,369 Because if you pick 30, you're not gonna win. 202 00:07:40,416 --> 00:07:42,716 - Mm-hmm. - But if you pick 31, 203 00:07:42,766 --> 00:07:44,416 you're also not gonna win. 204 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:48,474 So it really depends on how you want to not win. 205 00:07:50,165 --> 00:07:52,725 - You're a dick. - Mm-hmm. 206 00:07:52,776 --> 00:07:56,476 Wait, no, it was 31 the whole time. 207 00:07:58,869 --> 00:08:00,919 - Dina, I thought about what you said 208 00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:02,788 about women not supporting other women-- 209 00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:04,140 - Jesus, just get on with it. 210 00:08:04,179 --> 00:08:06,139 I don't have time for the preamble. 211 00:08:06,181 --> 00:08:07,881 - Garrett's being rude to the customers. 212 00:08:07,922 --> 00:08:10,012 A few of them left before buying lottery tickets. 213 00:08:10,054 --> 00:08:11,624 - What? - I thought you might want 214 00:08:11,665 --> 00:08:13,575 to know since you're trying to sell more tickets than Colleen. 215 00:08:13,623 --> 00:08:14,973 - Thank you for letting me know. 216 00:08:15,016 --> 00:08:16,576 This is helpful. 217 00:08:16,626 --> 00:08:19,056 - Also, Elias has been stealing discontinued light bulbs. 218 00:08:19,107 --> 00:08:21,237 - I hate tattletales! 219 00:08:22,414 --> 00:08:24,464 - Laurie Neustadt's office. This is Skye. 220 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:28,554 - Uh, yes, hi, um, is she in? - Who is calling? 221 00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:29,935 - Amy Dubanowski. 222 00:08:29,987 --> 00:08:31,117 - She's not available right now. 223 00:08:31,162 --> 00:08:32,602 Can I take a message? 224 00:08:32,642 --> 00:08:35,302 - Um, yeah, could you just let her know that-- 225 00:08:35,340 --> 00:08:37,820 - No, no, sorry, is she there? 226 00:08:37,865 --> 00:08:39,775 - No, she's not available. 227 00:08:39,823 --> 00:08:42,173 - Because you asked who was calling, 228 00:08:42,217 --> 00:08:44,177 and only then did you say she was unavailable 229 00:08:44,219 --> 00:08:46,739 which implies, to me, that she is available; 230 00:08:46,787 --> 00:08:48,217 she just doesn't want to take our call. 231 00:08:48,266 --> 00:08:52,786 - Um, she's just not available. 232 00:08:52,836 --> 00:08:56,966 - Listen, Skye. I think you're lying to me. 233 00:08:57,014 --> 00:09:01,374 So why don't you do your job and get her on the phone? 234 00:09:01,410 --> 00:09:03,150 - [sniffles] I'm sorry. 235 00:09:03,194 --> 00:09:04,724 I don't really know what I'm doing. 236 00:09:04,761 --> 00:09:06,281 But Miss Neustadt is-- 237 00:09:06,328 --> 00:09:08,198 she's a friend of my dad's friend and... 238 00:09:08,243 --> 00:09:09,593 - You know what, I'm sorry. 239 00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:11,456 This really isn't my phone call. 240 00:09:11,507 --> 00:09:13,727 Take it away, Amy. - [sobbing] 241 00:09:13,770 --> 00:09:15,770 - Uh, hey, uh, Syke? 242 00:09:15,816 --> 00:09:16,856 It's Amy again. - Hi. 243 00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:18,514 - Um, you're doing great. 244 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,168 - [sobs] Thank you. - You're doing really great. 245 00:09:20,211 --> 00:09:22,131 Listen, could you just tell her that I called? 246 00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:24,610 - Okay, and what is this regarding? 247 00:09:24,651 --> 00:09:28,521 - Um, it's regarding me asking for a raise. 248 00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:30,398 - Oh, um, well, if it's just about a raise, 249 00:09:30,439 --> 00:09:33,619 Laurie has a protocol for that. 250 00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:35,270 - Money. 251 00:09:35,313 --> 00:09:38,403 No matter how much you make, it never seems like enough. 252 00:09:38,447 --> 00:09:40,927 But with a little planning, you'll see that a budget 253 00:09:40,971 --> 00:09:43,191 is like a raise you give yourself. 254 00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:44,764 ["Ladies Night" by Kool and the Gang playing] 255 00:09:44,801 --> 00:09:46,851 ♪ Oh, what a night Oh, what a night ♪ 256 00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:50,940 ♪ Oh, yes, it's ladies' night, and the feeling's right ♪ 257 00:09:50,981 --> 00:09:54,861 - Let's look at a typical budget for a Cloud 9 employee. 258 00:09:54,898 --> 00:09:57,548 We'll call her Penny Wise. 259 00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,817 - Oh, because she's a killer clown that lives in the sewer? 260 00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:01,820 - What? No. 261 00:10:01,862 --> 00:10:03,172 What, wait, I don't think so. 262 00:10:03,211 --> 00:10:05,391 - I don't see any expense for food. 263 00:10:05,430 --> 00:10:08,170 I mean, personally, I--I like food. 264 00:10:08,216 --> 00:10:10,036 Anybody else a food person? 265 00:10:10,087 --> 00:10:11,217 [all agree] 266 00:10:11,262 --> 00:10:13,002 - Wow, almost all of you. 267 00:10:13,047 --> 00:10:15,877 Well, there's $100 under "other." 268 00:10:15,919 --> 00:10:17,489 That's probably for food. 269 00:10:17,529 --> 00:10:20,229 - So we're supposed to live on under $4 a day for food? 270 00:10:20,271 --> 00:10:21,881 - Just don't go eating lobster. 271 00:10:21,925 --> 00:10:23,575 - Or just get one lobster and just eat it 272 00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,893 a little bit at a time over the course of several weeks. 273 00:10:25,929 --> 00:10:26,889 That's what I do. 274 00:10:26,930 --> 00:10:28,110 - There's no line for 275 00:10:28,149 --> 00:10:30,979 child care, or going to the doctor. 276 00:10:31,021 --> 00:10:32,851 - Probably because they're just planning on us 277 00:10:32,893 --> 00:10:34,553 not getting sick, right? 278 00:10:34,590 --> 00:10:37,030 - I eat two-week-old unrefrigerated lobster. 279 00:10:37,071 --> 00:10:38,731 I'm going to get sick. 280 00:10:38,768 --> 00:10:42,418 - So, I just managed to get us a reservation tonight 281 00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:45,077 at the Italian place with the Irish name that you love. 282 00:10:45,122 --> 00:10:46,432 - O'Brien's Osteria? 283 00:10:46,471 --> 00:10:48,261 Oh, they have the best spaghetti. 284 00:10:48,299 --> 00:10:49,689 - It wasn't easy, by the way. They don't have a host 285 00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:52,086 that takes reservations, so I had to track down 286 00:10:52,129 --> 00:10:53,569 the owner at a spin class. 287 00:10:53,609 --> 00:10:55,439 - I feel like you're just trying to make up for 288 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:58,180 totally ditching me in your lottery fantasy world. 289 00:10:58,222 --> 00:11:01,182 - Could be, but I won't be ditching you 290 00:11:01,225 --> 00:11:03,915 as we go home to watch the Hallmark romantic comedy 291 00:11:03,967 --> 00:11:05,447 of your choosing, 292 00:11:05,490 --> 00:11:08,320 and I won't poke holes in any of the stories. 293 00:11:08,363 --> 00:11:10,633 - Not even if the guy is revealed to be 294 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:13,930 the girl's childhood pen pal? - Nope. 295 00:11:13,977 --> 00:11:16,017 That's, that's just a... 296 00:11:16,066 --> 00:11:18,626 wonderful coincidence. 297 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:21,028 - What else can we do to have luxury on a budget? 298 00:11:21,071 --> 00:11:22,381 - Sometimes, I pee in the shower. 299 00:11:22,420 --> 00:11:24,210 It helps save toilet water. 300 00:11:24,248 --> 00:11:26,688 It's not why I do it, but it's a plus. 301 00:11:26,729 --> 00:11:29,989 I do it to wash my feet. Urine is sterile. 302 00:11:30,037 --> 00:11:31,467 - I save my bathwater to water 303 00:11:31,516 --> 00:11:33,556 the plants in my garden, and vice versa. 304 00:11:33,605 --> 00:11:36,345 - We could cut down on things like lotto tickets. 305 00:11:36,391 --> 00:11:37,831 Or buy more lotto tickets, 306 00:11:37,871 --> 00:11:39,311 depending on whether we win or not. 307 00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:41,050 - My friend, Corona, just keeps her webcams on 308 00:11:41,091 --> 00:11:43,311 all day in her bedroom and her bathroom. 309 00:11:43,354 --> 00:11:45,054 She makes thousands of dollars. 310 00:11:45,095 --> 00:11:46,915 - You could be on the lookout for loose coins. 311 00:11:46,967 --> 00:11:48,527 Vending machines, couch cushions, 312 00:11:48,577 --> 00:11:51,407 the ground near parking meters, fountains. 313 00:11:51,449 --> 00:11:54,499 ABG. Always Be Gathering. 314 00:11:54,539 --> 00:11:57,149 - Or, what if this company just gave us a little bit 315 00:11:57,194 --> 00:11:58,464 more money so we wouldn't have to scrounge 316 00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:00,330 for money like street urchins? 317 00:12:00,371 --> 00:12:03,551 - This one guy paid Corona $10,000 318 00:12:03,592 --> 00:12:04,812 to fart on a cake. 319 00:12:04,854 --> 00:12:06,604 - Oh. - She went to Cabo. 320 00:12:06,638 --> 00:12:08,638 - Oh, well, uh... 321 00:12:08,684 --> 00:12:12,254 Okay, moving on. Section three, Social Services. 322 00:12:12,296 --> 00:12:15,256 Uncle Sam has your food. Now go get it! 323 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:17,076 . 324 00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:19,647 - While you were at the meeting, I was checking out 325 00:12:19,695 --> 00:12:21,605 Laurie's Instagram to see how unavailable she is. 326 00:12:21,653 --> 00:12:22,743 - What? 327 00:12:22,785 --> 00:12:25,435 "Nice day for a drive, a golfing drive, 328 00:12:25,483 --> 00:12:28,533 'cause this minx is hitting the links." 329 00:12:28,573 --> 00:12:29,663 Jesus. 330 00:12:29,705 --> 00:12:31,835 - The course is not that far from here. 331 00:12:31,881 --> 00:12:34,011 You could just happen to run into her 332 00:12:34,057 --> 00:12:35,317 and then bring up the raise. 333 00:12:35,363 --> 00:12:37,373 - I think stalking her on social media 334 00:12:37,408 --> 00:12:39,628 and then hunting her down while she's playing golf 335 00:12:39,671 --> 00:12:41,331 might come off as a little pushy. 336 00:12:41,369 --> 00:12:43,329 - It would come off as a lot pushy. 337 00:12:43,371 --> 00:12:46,371 But pushy people are the ones that get what they want. 338 00:12:46,417 --> 00:12:48,457 You got to have chutzpah. 339 00:12:48,506 --> 00:12:52,116 - "Chutzpah"? - Chutzpah. 340 00:12:52,162 --> 00:12:54,732 - Okay, fine. But you're coming with me. 341 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:57,434 - Deal. - God, you're annoying. 342 00:12:57,472 --> 00:13:01,042 - Annoying or pushy? - Annoying. 343 00:13:01,693 --> 00:13:08,573 - Went with 4,8 15, 16, 23, 42. 344 00:13:08,613 --> 00:13:10,833 - You picked the numbers from "Lost." 345 00:13:10,877 --> 00:13:12,047 - Yeah, are you a fan? 346 00:13:12,095 --> 00:13:15,395 - No. Take your business elsewhere. 347 00:13:15,446 --> 00:13:17,226 - Hey, you're scaring off customers. 348 00:13:17,274 --> 00:13:18,754 - I'm scaring off gambling addicts. 349 00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,448 - Oh, and you don't care about the $5,000 bonus 350 00:13:20,495 --> 00:13:22,105 that goes to whoever sells the winning ticket? 351 00:13:22,149 --> 00:13:23,539 - Oh, boy, you think I'm that gullible? 352 00:13:23,585 --> 00:13:25,755 - Hey, Sandra, how much does the employee 353 00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,885 who sells a winning lotto ticket get? 354 00:13:27,937 --> 00:13:29,627 - $5,000. 355 00:13:29,678 --> 00:13:33,068 - Look, even if that was true, which I don't believe it is, 356 00:13:33,116 --> 00:13:34,986 you think I'm just going to start hauling ass 357 00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:36,421 in the 1-in-7-million chance 358 00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:37,767 that I'm going to sell the winning ticket? 359 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,817 - I didn't ask you to do anything. 360 00:13:44,301 --> 00:13:46,261 - Damn it. All right, come on, people. 361 00:13:46,303 --> 00:13:47,523 Let's get this line moving. 362 00:13:47,565 --> 00:13:49,085 You can't win if you don't play. 363 00:13:49,132 --> 00:13:50,612 Let's see what you got here. 364 00:13:50,655 --> 00:13:53,085 - We should have a saltwater pool on the yacht. 365 00:13:53,136 --> 00:13:54,656 Not to swim in, just to be like, 366 00:13:54,703 --> 00:13:57,273 "Hey, ocean, we don't need you. We've got our own." 367 00:13:57,314 --> 00:13:59,624 - And we should hire someone to bury treasure for us, 368 00:13:59,664 --> 00:14:02,284 and then we get to find it. - Is this all on the yacht? 369 00:14:02,319 --> 00:14:03,759 - Everything is happening on the yacht. 370 00:14:03,799 --> 00:14:05,279 We are done with land. 371 00:14:05,322 --> 00:14:06,802 - You guys know you wouldn't get all 30 million 372 00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:09,756 if you won, right? - What are you talking about? 373 00:14:09,805 --> 00:14:13,805 - Well, if you want it all at once, you'd get 18. 374 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:16,643 - Oh, well, I mean, you know, that's still pretty-- 375 00:14:16,681 --> 00:14:20,251 - And then, after taxes, 11. So that's 5 1/2 each. 376 00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:23,384 - 5 1/2 million? [scoffs] 377 00:14:23,427 --> 00:14:25,777 I guess that's something, right? 378 00:14:25,821 --> 00:14:30,391 I mean, it's more than we have. - I guess. 379 00:14:30,434 --> 00:14:32,784 - Oh, is that her over there, by the tree? 380 00:14:32,828 --> 00:14:34,828 - No, that doesn't look anything like her, either. 381 00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:37,014 Do you just think all white women look the same? 382 00:14:37,050 --> 00:14:38,490 - No. 383 00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:40,099 I think all these white women look the same. 384 00:14:40,140 --> 00:14:42,140 Just keep your eyes peeled. Tell me if you see her. 385 00:14:42,185 --> 00:14:43,835 - Well, I mean, that's going to be tough. 386 00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:46,893 At these speeds, everything is just a blur. 387 00:14:46,929 --> 00:14:48,839 - Shut up. I'm not used to these things. 388 00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,108 Not everyone grew up going to country clubs. 389 00:14:51,151 --> 00:14:53,501 - I feel like you just think of me as this 390 00:14:53,544 --> 00:14:55,944 like, spoiled rich kid who spent all of his time 391 00:14:55,982 --> 00:14:57,512 playing tennis and golf. 392 00:14:57,548 --> 00:14:59,378 - All right, well, what did you grow up playing? 393 00:14:59,420 --> 00:15:02,080 - Mostly tennis and some golf. - Uh... 394 00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:04,558 - And I was a pretty decent skier. 395 00:15:04,599 --> 00:15:05,909 - Ugh. - [laughs] 396 00:15:05,948 --> 00:15:08,258 - Oh, wait, is that her over there? 397 00:15:08,298 --> 00:15:10,168 - No, again, that's just-- 398 00:15:10,213 --> 00:15:11,523 Oh, wait, yeah, no, that is her. 399 00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:14,702 - Yeah, yeah, it is her. Okay, here we go. 400 00:15:14,739 --> 00:15:18,789 - I'm going to take a nap. Wake me up when we get there. 401 00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:21,010 - Attention shoppers, come buy your lottery ticket 402 00:15:21,050 --> 00:15:22,920 at customer service right now. 403 00:15:22,965 --> 00:15:25,355 There are some people who say the lottery is basically a tax 404 00:15:25,402 --> 00:15:27,542 on lower income, less educated people. 405 00:15:27,578 --> 00:15:28,878 But you know who doesn't say that? 406 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:32,408 People who win the lottery. [chuckles] 407 00:15:32,453 --> 00:15:35,893 There you go, got to be in it to win it, girl. 408 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:38,975 - Myrtle, what are you doing here? 409 00:15:39,025 --> 00:15:42,025 - Playing the numbers. - How you been? 410 00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:43,991 - Oh, I've been doing just fine. 411 00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:48,640 I got a job collecting cans and bottles from the trash. 412 00:15:48,686 --> 00:15:51,166 - Oh. - It's not bad. 413 00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:53,391 There's some competition, but 414 00:15:53,430 --> 00:15:55,690 I just have to get there at 3:00 a.m. 415 00:15:55,737 --> 00:15:57,827 - Yeah, wow. 416 00:15:57,869 --> 00:15:59,479 Hey, you know what? 417 00:15:59,523 --> 00:16:02,533 Um, why don't you give me these and I'll give you the cash? 418 00:16:02,570 --> 00:16:04,270 Okay? Uh... 419 00:16:04,311 --> 00:16:06,571 $30 sounds about right for all of this. 420 00:16:06,617 --> 00:16:10,057 - That's even more than I thought. 421 00:16:10,099 --> 00:16:12,749 - I hope you win. - Me too. 422 00:16:12,797 --> 00:16:16,577 The nights at the motel are starting to add up. 423 00:16:16,627 --> 00:16:19,197 - [softly] Yeah. 424 00:16:19,239 --> 00:16:20,629 - So we're just going to say 425 00:16:20,675 --> 00:16:22,105 that we happened to be here golfing, 426 00:16:22,155 --> 00:16:24,635 and that we ran into her, and then I'll just segue 427 00:16:24,679 --> 00:16:26,639 into talking about the raise. - Got it. 428 00:16:26,681 --> 00:16:29,031 Do you want to go over some possible segues? 429 00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:30,855 - Uh, no, I think I'll just find it. 430 00:16:30,902 --> 00:16:33,082 - Okay, all right, but you know, just--just in case, 431 00:16:33,122 --> 00:16:34,782 uh, speaking of golf greens, 432 00:16:34,819 --> 00:16:37,079 I could use a little green myself. 433 00:16:37,126 --> 00:16:38,296 - So dumb. 434 00:16:38,345 --> 00:16:40,215 - You know what really tees me off? 435 00:16:40,260 --> 00:16:41,440 Low pay. - [chuckles] 436 00:16:41,478 --> 00:16:45,308 Um, speaking of a hole-in-one... 437 00:16:45,352 --> 00:16:48,092 - Oh, yeah, you're going to kill it. 438 00:16:48,137 --> 00:16:50,227 Uh oh, she's moving. - Laurie! 439 00:16:50,270 --> 00:16:52,580 Hey, Laurie! Laurie! 440 00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:55,010 - Watch out for the hill right here. 441 00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:57,447 - Hey! Hi, Laurie! 442 00:16:57,494 --> 00:16:59,674 I thought that was you. - Oh, Amy, Amy, Amy. 443 00:16:59,714 --> 00:17:00,894 - Oh, oh, oh, oh! - Watch out! 444 00:17:00,932 --> 00:17:02,542 - [grunts] 445 00:17:04,936 --> 00:17:05,106 . 446 00:17:05,154 --> 00:17:07,684 - It doesn't seem like anything is broken, 447 00:17:07,722 --> 00:17:09,072 but just to be safe, I'm going to need you not to move. 448 00:17:09,115 --> 00:17:10,505 - Laurie, I am so sorry. 449 00:17:10,551 --> 00:17:12,071 I was trying to pull up next to you, 450 00:17:12,118 --> 00:17:14,248 but those things really just don't turn well. 451 00:17:14,294 --> 00:17:16,124 And I'm not saying this is what happened, 452 00:17:16,165 --> 00:17:19,075 but it is very possible that someone cut my break lines. 453 00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:21,645 - [scoffs] Okay. Can I get up please? 454 00:17:21,692 --> 00:17:23,092 - I'm sorry for the wait. 455 00:17:23,129 --> 00:17:26,049 They don't let us drive the truck on the grass. 456 00:17:31,224 --> 00:17:33,794 - Well, while we're waiting, and--and speaking of 457 00:17:33,835 --> 00:17:39,405 not being able to move, I too have had trouble moving. 458 00:17:39,449 --> 00:17:42,059 Lately. Past the poverty line. 459 00:17:42,104 --> 00:17:43,584 - No, no way, no, what are you doing? 460 00:17:43,627 --> 00:17:45,187 - Chutzpah. - [sighs] 461 00:17:45,238 --> 00:17:49,588 - So I would love-- no, actually, I think I deserve 462 00:17:49,633 --> 00:17:51,723 an extra buck 50 an hour. 463 00:17:51,766 --> 00:17:52,976 - I'm sorry, are you actually 464 00:17:53,028 --> 00:17:54,378 asking me for a raise right now? 465 00:17:54,421 --> 00:17:56,121 - Of course not right now-- - Yes, yes. 466 00:17:56,162 --> 00:17:57,642 That is what I'm doing. 467 00:17:57,685 --> 00:17:59,465 Unless for some reason 468 00:17:59,513 --> 00:18:01,653 I'm not allowed to, like, medically speaking. 469 00:18:01,689 --> 00:18:03,259 - No, no, no, not medically. 470 00:18:03,299 --> 00:18:04,999 But if you're asking me if it's a good idea 471 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,300 right now to ask for a raise-- 472 00:18:06,346 --> 00:18:07,826 - No, I wasn't asking your opinion. 473 00:18:07,869 --> 00:18:09,739 I just needed the info. - Okay. 474 00:18:09,784 --> 00:18:12,924 - With the highest lottery jackpot in 20 years, 475 00:18:12,961 --> 00:18:15,531 tonight's winning numbers are: 476 00:18:15,572 --> 00:18:17,572 4... - Nope. 477 00:18:17,618 --> 00:18:19,658 - 8... - Nope. 478 00:18:19,707 --> 00:18:21,057 - 15... - Nope. 479 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:25,150 - Dina, we sold 12,742 tickets. - Yes! 480 00:18:25,191 --> 00:18:27,501 Suck it, Colleen, you pink ribbon wearing bitch. 481 00:18:27,541 --> 00:18:30,501 If her jaw wasn't wired shut, I'd make her eat trash! 482 00:18:30,544 --> 00:18:32,984 - So this was about Colleen from Bel-Ridge. 483 00:18:33,024 --> 00:18:34,594 - Oh, yeah. - Pretty sure I know the answer 484 00:18:34,635 --> 00:18:36,805 to this question, but, uh, there's no bonus, is there? 485 00:18:36,854 --> 00:18:38,474 - Just the bonus of telling Colleen she can suck it-- 486 00:18:38,508 --> 00:18:40,598 - No, Sandra. You're not a part of this. 487 00:18:40,641 --> 00:18:44,651 - And now, for our mega jackpot winning number... 488 00:18:44,688 --> 00:18:48,038 42. [all groan] 489 00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:50,043 - It was the numbers from "Lost." 490 00:18:50,085 --> 00:18:51,995 - Guess it's back to washing my futon sheets 491 00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:53,353 like a frickin' nerd. 492 00:18:53,393 --> 00:18:55,403 - I like working Thursdays. 493 00:18:55,438 --> 00:18:58,048 You can talk about how Friday's coming up, 494 00:18:58,093 --> 00:19:01,533 and how Wednesday was, and, yeah. 495 00:19:01,575 --> 00:19:03,835 - Enjoy your 5 1/2 million, loser. 496 00:19:03,881 --> 00:19:05,271 [chuckles] 497 00:19:05,318 --> 00:19:09,578 - I get seasick anyway. - Yeah, yeah. 498 00:19:09,626 --> 00:19:13,056 I like living with my cousins. It's--it's cool. 499 00:19:13,108 --> 00:19:14,538 - In what world did you actually think 500 00:19:14,588 --> 00:19:16,548 she was going to give you a raise? 501 00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:17,940 - I don't know. 502 00:19:17,982 --> 00:19:20,812 I thought she'd be like, "You got moxie, kid." 503 00:19:20,855 --> 00:19:22,805 - [laughs] 504 00:19:22,857 --> 00:19:27,167 Why, because she's a 1930s Hollywood producer? 505 00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:30,079 - Yes, like, "I'm going to put you in the pictures, see?" 506 00:19:30,125 --> 00:19:31,205 - [laughs] 507 00:19:31,257 --> 00:19:33,077 - All right, Sosa up. 508 00:19:33,128 --> 00:19:35,608 [gentle acoustic guitar music] 509 00:19:35,652 --> 00:19:37,572 [both laugh] 510 00:19:37,611 --> 00:19:41,481 This is a stupid game for stupid people. 511 00:19:41,528 --> 00:19:43,228 - If you want to move up the corporate ladder, 512 00:19:43,269 --> 00:19:45,489 you're going to need to learn how to play golf. 513 00:19:45,532 --> 00:19:47,932 - Okay, golf camp. - All right, just hear me out. 514 00:19:47,969 --> 00:19:50,229 Okay? So--[laughs] 515 00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:52,226 so when you pull the club back, you want to make 516 00:19:52,278 --> 00:19:55,148 a triangle with your arms. - Okay. 517 00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,414 - Just think of yourself as, like, you're a pendulum. 518 00:19:57,457 --> 00:19:59,237 Okay? You're a clock. 519 00:19:59,285 --> 00:20:01,975 Yeah, but not so loose, and let's please be careful. 520 00:20:02,026 --> 00:20:04,456 Okay, so next... 521 00:20:04,507 --> 00:20:06,027 Do you, can I... 522 00:20:06,074 --> 00:20:07,294 Put my arms around-- - Just do it, Jonah. 523 00:20:07,336 --> 00:20:08,506 It's only weird if you talk about it. 524 00:20:08,555 --> 00:20:10,635 - Okay, all right. [inhales] 525 00:20:10,687 --> 00:20:13,257 Okay, so, uh... 526 00:20:13,299 --> 00:20:15,519 Hands overlap. - Mm-hmm. 527 00:20:15,562 --> 00:20:19,172 - Okay, um, back straight. - [laughs] 528 00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:22,608 - Bend your knees. Okay, all right, good. 529 00:20:22,656 --> 00:20:24,176 [phone buzzing] 530 00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,753 Now, when you pull back, good, good, good, good. 531 00:20:26,790 --> 00:20:30,840 - Hey, me again. [soft laugh] Where are you? 532 00:20:30,881 --> 00:20:33,281 If you won the lottery and are travelling the world, 533 00:20:33,319 --> 00:20:35,059 at least give me a call first, okay? 534 00:20:35,103 --> 00:20:36,973 So I can cancel our table. 535 00:20:37,018 --> 00:20:38,018 [lights clank] 536 00:20:38,062 --> 00:20:40,462 Okay. [giggles] Bye. 537 00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:44,290 ♪ 538 00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:47,120 - Good, good, okay, now don't swing yet. 539 00:20:47,158 --> 00:20:48,768 All right, when you come forward, 540 00:20:48,812 --> 00:20:51,952 we're going to move with the power of our whole bodies. 541 00:20:51,989 --> 00:20:53,249 - Okay. - Okay, not just our arms. 542 00:20:53,295 --> 00:20:55,465 And... - [gasps] 543 00:20:55,515 --> 00:20:56,985 ♪ 544 00:20:57,038 --> 00:20:59,168 Ah, yes! 545 00:20:59,214 --> 00:21:02,094 I am so good! - That was incredible. 546 00:21:02,130 --> 00:21:04,180 - Who knew I would be so good at golf? 547 00:21:04,219 --> 00:21:05,789 - I certainly didn't. - Whoo! 548 00:21:05,829 --> 00:21:07,219 - Yeah. - Fore! 549 00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,396 - No, no, no, no, not fore, nobody says-- 550 00:21:09,442 --> 00:21:11,182 "Fore" is like a warning, like you're going to, 551 00:21:11,226 --> 00:21:12,486 your ball is going to hit somebody in the head. 552 00:21:12,532 --> 00:21:14,142 - No, I'm pretty sure you say that 553 00:21:14,185 --> 00:21:15,315 whenever you feel like saying that. 554 00:21:15,361 --> 00:21:18,101 - That is incorrect. - Fore! 555 00:21:18,146 --> 00:21:20,756 It's fun, try it. - Fore! 556 00:21:20,801 --> 00:21:22,761 - See? - Yeah, that was really good.