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For anyone who hasn't
already downloaded
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the Zephra employee app,
you need to.
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There's a bunch
of cool features.
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For one, you get points
for helping customers...
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Ooh, I want points.
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- Ooh, me too.
- What do points do?
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Looks like ten points get you a badge,
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and ten badges get you a banner.
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- Ooh.
- And what do banners get you?
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I don't know, Jonah, the moon.
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God, ten times a day with this guy.
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"What do banners get you?"
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It also uses your location data
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to automatically clock you in
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when you enter the store,
so no need to swipe in
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- in the mornings anymore.
- Really?
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Hello, extra half-hour of sleep!
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- Extra half-hour?
- Glenn, what is your
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- clock-in process?
- Oh, it's very involved.
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Can we all talk about whether
it's an invasion of privacy
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for Zephra to force us
to download something
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that can track our phones?
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- Do we have to?
- Who cares?
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- No, thank you.
- That's kinda boring.
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That's what every app does.
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Great debate, guys. It's very useful.
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Also there's a product
locator, an inventory map,
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and, uh, oh... your Z-Shelf comes with
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the CEO's autobiography
and an audio version
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read by Emily Deschanel from "Bones."
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- Wow.
- What?
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- Love her.
- I'm a total "Bones" - head.
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How are we supposed to
use any of this stuff
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when we're not even allowed to
have our phones on the floor?
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The new policy says that you
can have your phones now.
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In fact, you are expected to carry them.
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Holy [bleep].
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I am so happy right now.
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So to reiterate, we must
download an app that can
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track our phones, and then we must carry
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our phones at all times.
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And everybody here is just,
like, fine with that?
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- Yes.
- Pretty much.
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- Yeah.
- What's the problem?
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"Who Run the World? Me"
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by Kira Moon.
Read by Emily Deschanel.
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I could listen to that lady
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read the phone book.
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I had nothing but a seed
loan from my father...
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Synced and corrected by hawken45
for www.addic7ed.com
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I linked the app to my
Facebook and checking accounts.
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I got the Super Sharer badge.
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You hate this, don't you?
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I just don't love handing
giant corporations a way
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to get my address, my contacts,
and all of my passwords.
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I already gave all of that up
to figure out which cat
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from "Cats" I am.
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- Macavity, the magical one.
- What do you think
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they're gonna do with
that information, anyway?
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A lot.
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They can track what you
do, what you like.
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They can scan your internet
searches for keywords
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and then just send you ads for
things you were talking about.
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- That just seems thoughtful.
- Yeah, but then they can just
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package your data and sell it
to other companies.
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And then those companies
would give you the free help?
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I'm... I'm not doing it justice.
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So you think you're so
fascinating that Zephra's
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dying to learn which Beach
House album you just preordered?
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Ah, the "I've got nothing
to hide" argument.
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- Where have I heard that before?
- Bible camp.
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"In Christ I have nothing
to hide, nothing to prove,
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nothing to fear, nothing to lose."
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Hmm, is that where you
heard it, Jonah? Bible camp?
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Maybe.
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Hey, this cartoon thing you sent me.
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Is it supposed to be you
or, like, a depressing,
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aged-up Dora?
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No, it's me.
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You can design your
own avatar on the app.
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And the purple streak in your hair?
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Well, yeah, that's just for fun.
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To see what it would look like.
I mean, it's not like I could
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actually pull that off
in real life, right?
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Oh, yeah, definitely.
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Yeah. Look, I can make you one.
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Oh, knock yourself out.
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I never got into the whole texting fad.
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- Really? You've texted me.
- Yeah, to convey information,
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but, like, sending someone
a little picture or something?
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It's, like, what's the point?
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Well, sometimes you just feel
like sending someone an emoji
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or, like, a GIF from a movie.
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Why? Why would you do that to someone?
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Okay, never mind. Here, look.
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Huh. Oh, that does kinda look like me.
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Yeah, and you can change
the facial expressions.
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- Whoa, I can change my race.
- Yes, but you shouldn't.
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- That's...
- See, I knew it.
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People are always telling me
I'd be a beautiful Indian woman.
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You should really change
that back, Dina.
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Who... who... who says that?
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Every time you take
a trip back and forth
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to the stock room, you earn points.
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I'm already at "Stockroom Fiend."
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Well, I'm a "Stockroom Rockstar."
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If I ever get "Stockroom
Fiend" again, kill me.
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Seriously.
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If you click on the little
clock on the bottom,
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it tells you how much time
you have left on your break.
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- Wait, what?
- Yup. Eight minutes.
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Mine says six.
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Wait, they're timing our breaks now?
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How do they even know that
we're in the break room?
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- Hold on.
- It's GPS probably.
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I bet it's GPS.
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So we're only allowed
to be in the break room
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if we're actually on break now?
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Okay, it stops counting out here.
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This isn't even a break. This is just...
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unofficial break room time.
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And now it's
counting down again.
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GPS. Global Positioning System.
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You can't fit a whole 15-minute
break into just 15 minutes.
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I can't relax if I know I'm being timed.
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It's too much pressure.
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Stopped. Started. Stopped.
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So what if we leave our
phones outside the break room?
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That way they won't know
when we're in here.
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- A break without your phone?
- Do you hear yourself?
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Jesus, Justine,
either help or keep quiet.
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Now it's stopped again.
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I'm 70% sure this is what it is.
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My man, I made something for you.
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- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah, try it on.
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What... what am I looking at here?
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It's a hat lined with tin foil
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so Zephra can't hack into your thoughts.
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- Okay, all right, I get it.
- So I'm just some sort of, like,
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wacko conspiracy theorist
for thinking that
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a tech conglomerate just
might want to check out
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- its employees' phone activity.
- Shh.
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The lizard people are all
around us; they'll hear you.
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Sorry, buddy. Not you.
You look totally normal.
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Okay, so you're so sure
that nobody's looking
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you wouldn't mind if I took
your phone and just, like,
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Googled a bunch of weird
porn or something?
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Be my guest.
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If you think I haven't
Googled weird porn,
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- you're in for a treat.
- Okay, all right, fine.
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Then what if I, uh, what if I wrote
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"How to murder my coworkers"?
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- Doesn't bother me.
- You sure? 'Cause I...
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- 'Cause I'm doing it.
- Go for it.
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Okay, I'm... here we go.
It's... I'm... I'm typing it.
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- Type it.
- Into your phone right now.
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- Great.
- Got it all queued up.
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- Okay.
- Ready to send.
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- Send it.
- I'm gonna send it.
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- Press it.
- Pressing it.
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- There you go.
- Boom.
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And I'm still here.
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Well, no one was saying you would, like,
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- immediately disappear.
- Yeah, no, I know that.
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I was just trying to add some flair.
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We got hit with a ton of graffiti
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that we have to remove.
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I'm not sure if it was a bunch
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of different people...
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Or just one guy with a lot of range.
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Sorry. Text from Dina.
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"Heads up, spill in Produce,"
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with her avatar surfing on a banana.
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- Ooh, 'cause Produce!
- Yup, I'm guessing so.
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At any rate, they spray painted
a pentagram in Toys & Games,
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which I've just been telling the parents
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is a "Frozen" thing, so.
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Sorry.
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Apple emoji, orange
emoji, grapes emoji...
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- She's good at this.
- Yeah.
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Hey, Amy, ignore the baseball.
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I thought it was a shelled coconut.
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All good.
Just, uh, trying to get through
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some assignments here.
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- Got it.
- Okay.
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Okay, um, where was I? Uh...
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Oh, right... also, they
spray painted "Greta is God"
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in the changing rooms, now...
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Um, I'm not sure if they
meant Gerwig or Thunberg,
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but not that it matters.
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- What I need is for you...
- Amy!
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Check your phone!
This is a good one!
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It's a meme of Indiana
Jones cracking his whip.
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It's you, the boss!
Apparently, it's from a movie!
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Wow, generations have changed, huh?
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If it were me, I'd find that
incredibly annoying.
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It's obviously toothbrushes.
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00:07:09,518 --> 00:07:12,586
Or is it teethbrush?
Like attorneys general?
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Are you gonna answer any of those?
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It's Dina.
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She won't stop texting.
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It is crazy how people act
like the rules of human decency
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don't apply in the digital
space, especially be...
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- you're not listening.
- Yeah, I'm sorry,
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I can only feign interest
in one conversation at a time.
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Everything's in caps.
And when she sends
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a long message, she sends
each word individually.
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Maybe you should just mute her.
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- You can mute people?
- Yeah, it's right here in the settings.
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- Ooh, that's a game changer.
- Boom.
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I mean, I feel kinda bad,
but it's too much.
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While we're at it, do you
maybe wanna change
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00:07:44,780 --> 00:07:47,447
your passcode to
something besides "0000"?
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00:07:47,449 --> 00:07:50,298
Eh, if I did, I'd have to
change it on my debit card too.
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I know that's a joke.
Right?
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00:07:52,854 --> 00:07:54,053
Not telling.
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00:07:56,919 --> 00:07:58,088
Hey, man.
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00:07:58,681 --> 00:08:00,581
How's stuff been going with you lately?
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- Anything new?
- No, not really.
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00:08:03,031 --> 00:08:05,599
What are you writing?
A note to someone?
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00:08:06,681 --> 00:08:09,232
- No, I'm just doodling.
- Oh, yeah, nice.
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00:08:10,038 --> 00:08:11,695
Looks good, man.
You're talented.
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Well, hey, I should get back to it.
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But I'm right over there if
there's any issues or anything.
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What issues?
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Well, I mean, not like
"issues," but, like,
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if you need to talk
or tell me something,
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or something happens or whatever...
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I'm around.
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- Yeah, okay, thanks.
- No doubt.
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- Sandra, did you catch that?
- Yeah.
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Listened to the entire thing.
I'm always listening.
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Well, did it sound weird to you?
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- He's never talked to me before.
- I don't know.
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A lot of people have never
talked to me before.
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I didn't know people took
their breaks out here.
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Mainly just smokers.
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Usually cigarettes,
but sometimes crack.
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00:08:56,518 --> 00:08:59,586
Oh, I would do anything
for some crack right now.
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Just for the warmth.
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Well, the important thing
is we're not being timed.
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So, you know, we can just
sit back and relax.
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- I'm so fricking cold.
- I know.
244
00:09:10,933 --> 00:09:13,533
- I can't feel my hands.
- I'm also having a bad time.
245
00:09:13,535 --> 00:09:14,835
It's not that bad.
246
00:09:14,837 --> 00:09:16,469
We're outside,
the sun is shining...
247
00:09:16,471 --> 00:09:17,838
I mean, it's not shining,
248
00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:19,506
but whatever.
It's up there.
249
00:09:19,508 --> 00:09:22,042
We should warm up
by combining body heat.
250
00:09:22,769 --> 00:09:24,770
Do you guys wanna
press up against each other?
251
00:09:25,180 --> 00:09:27,053
- I'm going inside.
- Me too.
252
00:09:32,975 --> 00:09:34,774
Hey, did you get the link I texted you?
253
00:09:34,916 --> 00:09:36,563
Uh, the link?
254
00:09:37,226 --> 00:09:39,722
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was funny.
255
00:09:39,723 --> 00:09:42,128
Oh, what was it? It...
some rando emailed it to me.
256
00:09:42,130 --> 00:09:43,630
I was nervous it was
a virus or something.
257
00:09:43,632 --> 00:09:46,819
Um, I'm trying to remember.
258
00:09:47,063 --> 00:09:49,884
You know, my brain is foggy.
Amy need coffee.
259
00:09:50,105 --> 00:09:51,805
Want caffeine.
260
00:09:51,807 --> 00:09:53,707
I'm not sure what that was,
261
00:09:53,735 --> 00:09:55,334
but it is not banter-ready.
262
00:09:56,692 --> 00:09:58,166
- W-What are you doing?
- 0000.
263
00:09:58,213 --> 00:10:00,680
- How do you know my password?
- I'm looking for that link.
264
00:10:00,682 --> 00:10:01,894
Are you not getting all my texts?
265
00:10:01,963 --> 00:10:03,737
Uh, maybe not.
266
00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:06,019
You know, the service
around here is spotty.
267
00:10:06,021 --> 00:10:08,153
Why does it say "mute" next to my name?
268
00:10:08,236 --> 00:10:09,258
Huh?
269
00:10:09,917 --> 00:10:11,450
Says "mute" next to my name.
270
00:10:11,453 --> 00:10:15,789
Oh, um, yeah.
Uh, so you were...
271
00:10:15,791 --> 00:10:16,957
you were texting me a lot,
272
00:10:17,099 --> 00:10:20,233
um, and my phone just kept
dinging and I couldn't really
273
00:10:20,235 --> 00:10:23,527
get my work done, so I just
temporarily muted you.
274
00:10:25,060 --> 00:10:28,361
- You... you muted me?
- Temporarily.
275
00:10:28,577 --> 00:10:30,043
Wow.
276
00:10:30,045 --> 00:10:31,310
Didn't realize
I was so annoying.
277
00:10:31,669 --> 00:10:33,580
Maybe I should just sell my
voice to a sea witch,
278
00:10:33,582 --> 00:10:35,215
become nothing but
a pretty, pretty face.
279
00:10:35,217 --> 00:10:36,977
N-no, Dina, come on.
It's not like that.
280
00:10:36,978 --> 00:10:39,586
Wait, so you didn't get my
security memo about the Chafies?
281
00:10:39,588 --> 00:10:40,963
- Chafies?
- Yes.
282
00:10:40,964 --> 00:10:42,237
The fuel cans that caterers use?
283
00:10:42,238 --> 00:10:43,449
Teens are drinking them to get high.
284
00:10:43,490 --> 00:10:44,802
We have to put out red label warnings.
285
00:10:44,803 --> 00:10:46,042
Red label warnings?
286
00:10:46,043 --> 00:10:47,943
Dina, you can't just text me
something like that.
287
00:10:47,945 --> 00:10:49,468
We could get in a lot of trouble.
288
00:10:49,469 --> 00:10:51,991
Yeah, I know, that's why I
added my avatar like this.
289
00:10:52,349 --> 00:10:54,282
I thought it was screaming,
but I guess I was silent,
290
00:10:54,284 --> 00:10:56,852
because you muted me.
You took away my voice.
291
00:10:56,854 --> 00:10:59,384
Okay, well... that's dramatic.
292
00:10:59,757 --> 00:11:02,190
So by that logic, it wouldn't
be a box of toothpicks,
293
00:11:02,192 --> 00:11:04,159
it would be a box of teeth-pick?
294
00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:06,338
No, no, because well...
295
00:11:06,764 --> 00:11:08,296
Yeah, maybe.
296
00:11:08,298 --> 00:11:11,166
Yo, somebody broke into my locker.
297
00:11:11,168 --> 00:11:13,201
- What?
- Did they take anything?
298
00:11:13,203 --> 00:11:15,837
No, doesn't look like it.
Just looks like they
299
00:11:15,839 --> 00:11:18,040
- went through everything.
- Huh.
300
00:11:18,042 --> 00:11:20,342
You don't think this is because
of the Google search, do you?
301
00:11:20,344 --> 00:11:21,977
N-no. I mean, I...
302
00:11:21,979 --> 00:11:23,539
I don't think.
303
00:11:24,214 --> 00:11:25,881
Sal used to break into people's lockers.
304
00:11:25,883 --> 00:11:27,732
But usually just to lick their stuff.
305
00:11:28,052 --> 00:11:29,682
Yeah, that's probably it.
306
00:11:31,955 --> 00:11:34,094
- Wanna know a secret?
- Always.
307
00:11:34,391 --> 00:11:36,308
I'm the one that broke into his locker.
308
00:11:36,493 --> 00:11:37,793
Oh.
309
00:11:37,795 --> 00:11:38,994
You're a locker-licker too?
310
00:11:38,996 --> 00:11:42,898
No, no, it was revenge for
acting like I'm the crazy one.
311
00:11:42,900 --> 00:11:45,033
- Oh.
- Yeah, I even got Ken
312
00:11:45,035 --> 00:11:46,468
to act weird around him too.
313
00:11:46,470 --> 00:11:48,236
Oh, this is genius.
314
00:11:48,238 --> 00:11:50,305
Can I help? I'm never
on the happy end of a prank.
315
00:11:50,307 --> 00:11:52,974
It's not a prank.
More like gaslighting.
316
00:11:52,976 --> 00:11:55,010
But, uh, yeah, sure, whatever.
317
00:11:55,012 --> 00:11:57,846
Yes! Revenge of the losers!
318
00:11:57,848 --> 00:12:00,348
Oh, we don't have to call it that.
319
00:12:00,350 --> 00:12:01,910
You got it, buddy.
320
00:12:03,387 --> 00:12:05,721
Apparently, teens are
drinking the slushie stuff
321
00:12:05,723 --> 00:12:07,355
inside of these for the alcohol.
322
00:12:07,357 --> 00:12:10,158
So starting now, if anybody
buys one of these
323
00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:12,527
without a warning and they
die, we're liable.
324
00:12:12,529 --> 00:12:13,795
Actually, starting an hour ago.
325
00:12:13,797 --> 00:12:16,498
We're a little delayed because
Amy was busy mean-girling me.
326
00:12:16,500 --> 00:12:18,200
I really think you're
blowing this out of proportion.
327
00:12:18,202 --> 00:12:19,534
I think I'm blowing it into proportion.
328
00:12:19,536 --> 00:12:21,645
What if someone already bought those,
329
00:12:21,659 --> 00:12:23,538
but without a warning?
330
00:12:23,540 --> 00:12:26,374
'Cause I just sold six
24-packs to a teenager.
331
00:12:26,376 --> 00:12:29,277
A teenager bought 144
cans of chafing fuel,
332
00:12:29,279 --> 00:12:30,946
and you didn't think
that was suspicious?
333
00:12:30,948 --> 00:12:32,948
I thought it was incredibly suspicious!
334
00:12:32,950 --> 00:12:34,416
That's why I remembered.
335
00:12:34,418 --> 00:12:35,884
But look, he was on a skateboard.
336
00:12:35,886 --> 00:12:37,185
You can probably still catch him.
337
00:12:37,187 --> 00:12:39,387
Well, we can try.
Come on, Dina.
338
00:12:39,389 --> 00:12:41,356
Wow, first you mute me,
then you kill a child.
339
00:12:41,358 --> 00:12:43,024
- Busy day for you.
- Nobody's dying.
340
00:12:43,026 --> 00:12:44,729
She said as the child dies.
341
00:12:46,786 --> 00:12:49,757
- Do you see anybody?
- Ooh, what about that guy?
342
00:12:49,957 --> 00:12:51,620
Oh, no, that's just a bag of leaves.
343
00:12:51,750 --> 00:12:53,959
Kinda looked like a person though, huh?
344
00:12:55,814 --> 00:12:56,980
Hello?
345
00:12:58,750 --> 00:13:00,104
Oh, right.
346
00:13:00,752 --> 00:13:02,968
'Cause I muted you. Got it.
347
00:13:05,165 --> 00:13:07,223
You made your point.
348
00:13:12,015 --> 00:13:13,450
And so then I said to her,
349
00:13:13,629 --> 00:13:15,295
"You're the one who just got a raise.
350
00:13:15,298 --> 00:13:17,399
Why don't you buy the dryer balls?"
351
00:13:17,456 --> 00:13:19,392
Yeah, man, uh, I'm cool
to show you in silence.
352
00:13:19,393 --> 00:13:20,885
Thanks, but I need to get this out.
353
00:13:20,887 --> 00:13:23,909
And let me tell you, that is
not what she wanted to hear.
354
00:13:24,417 --> 00:13:25,716
So she starts in with,
355
00:13:25,718 --> 00:13:27,217
"You're just threatened by a woman..."
356
00:13:27,219 --> 00:13:28,719
Hold on a sec.
357
00:13:30,956 --> 00:13:33,732
- What the hell?
- Oh, cool.
358
00:13:34,427 --> 00:13:36,544
- Is this racism?
- No.
359
00:13:36,807 --> 00:13:38,607
And don't be so excited about it.
360
00:13:38,764 --> 00:13:39,797
Sorry.
361
00:13:40,432 --> 00:13:45,002
We're going back, yeah, yeah.
And front, stop, turn around...
362
00:13:45,004 --> 00:13:46,770
oh, yeah, I can go that way too, buddy.
363
00:13:46,772 --> 00:13:48,970
Jonah, you are the new prank king.
364
00:13:48,971 --> 00:13:51,858
Again, it... it's not a prank.
I'm... I'm teaching Garrett
365
00:13:51,859 --> 00:13:52,943
a lesson.
366
00:13:52,945 --> 00:13:55,112
We're gonna be legends after this.
367
00:13:55,114 --> 00:13:57,105
"Jonah and the Kid"
I bet they'll call us.
368
00:13:59,418 --> 00:14:00,584
Uh-huh.
369
00:14:04,829 --> 00:14:07,993
Oh. Everyone's in the men's room.
370
00:14:08,627 --> 00:14:11,457
- Even some ladies.
- The app can't track us here.
371
00:14:12,290 --> 00:14:13,557
Okay, I'm just gonna...
372
00:14:13,958 --> 00:14:15,891
You know, I actually prefer
this to the break room.
373
00:14:16,368 --> 00:14:17,468
- Excuse me.
- It's cozier,
374
00:14:17,470 --> 00:14:19,703
the lighting's better,
there's a nice little echo.
375
00:14:19,705 --> 00:14:20,904
Whoa, whoops.
376
00:14:20,906 --> 00:14:23,858
Yeah, I just wish it didn't
smell so much like farts.
377
00:14:24,276 --> 00:14:25,797
The break room smelled like farts.
378
00:14:25,837 --> 00:14:28,645
Yeah, but you didn't know
if that was from actual farts.
379
00:14:28,647 --> 00:14:30,481
You could just tell yourself
it was someone's gumbo
380
00:14:30,483 --> 00:14:31,615
or something.
381
00:14:31,617 --> 00:14:33,335
- How's the peeing going?
- Fine.
382
00:14:34,453 --> 00:14:36,653
Really? I can't hear anything.
383
00:14:38,491 --> 00:14:40,724
Guys, I don't think
this is working, either.
384
00:14:40,726 --> 00:14:41,745
Nope.
385
00:14:42,140 --> 00:14:44,855
Do you guys look?
'Cause I would totally look.
386
00:14:46,652 --> 00:14:48,503
Maybe we should do another
lap around the park?
387
00:14:48,667 --> 00:14:50,534
'Cause teens still drink
in the park, huh?
388
00:14:50,536 --> 00:14:52,519
It's what they do, still?
389
00:14:56,982 --> 00:14:59,149
Oh, so you do read your texts.
390
00:14:59,263 --> 00:15:01,345
I'm sorry, it's Jonah.
I thought it was important.
391
00:15:01,347 --> 00:15:03,347
And what did that
androgynous sex robot say
392
00:15:03,349 --> 00:15:04,715
that was so important
you needed to read it
393
00:15:04,717 --> 00:15:05,776
while driving?
394
00:15:06,451 --> 00:15:09,318
"Getting Garrett good."
With a GIF of Nancy Pelosi
395
00:15:09,388 --> 00:15:10,587
clapping from
the Speaker's chair.
396
00:15:10,589 --> 00:15:12,189
Mmm. Totally worth dying for that.
397
00:15:12,191 --> 00:15:15,826
Dina, I am sorry, but you
were texting me so much
398
00:15:15,828 --> 00:15:17,427
that I couldn't even do my work!
399
00:15:17,429 --> 00:15:19,530
You could've just said, "Dina,
you're texting too much!"
400
00:15:19,532 --> 00:15:21,398
Well, I didn't want to hurt
your feelings.
401
00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:24,344
And the moment anyone tries to
criticize you, you just explode.
402
00:15:24,345 --> 00:15:26,570
Well, at least people know
where they stand with me, okay?
403
00:15:26,572 --> 00:15:27,771
I don't pretend to be
somebody's friend
404
00:15:27,773 --> 00:15:29,048
and then secretly shut them out.
405
00:15:29,068 --> 00:15:31,542
- It's called honesty.
- Oh, is it honest, Dina,
406
00:15:31,544 --> 00:15:34,325
or is it just you treating people
like garbage and calling it a virtue?
407
00:15:34,326 --> 00:15:35,746
Oh, you're so pathetic.
408
00:15:35,748 --> 00:15:37,748
You're so worried about
having everyone's approval.
409
00:15:37,750 --> 00:15:39,616
I don't care if people like me.
410
00:15:39,618 --> 00:15:41,618
Well, good, because nobody does.
411
00:15:50,696 --> 00:15:51,931
I'm sorry.
412
00:15:53,217 --> 00:15:54,607
I didn't mean that. I...
413
00:15:56,435 --> 00:15:57,634
- Can we...
- Watch out, watch out!
414
00:15:57,636 --> 00:15:59,065
Oh, my God!
415
00:15:59,638 --> 00:16:01,710
- What did I just hit?
- We hit a goose.
416
00:16:02,207 --> 00:16:03,710
Oh, thank God.
417
00:16:04,443 --> 00:16:05,798
We hit a goose.
418
00:16:19,238 --> 00:16:20,330
Hey, man.
419
00:16:20,426 --> 00:16:22,459
Wow, wound a little
tightly there, buddy.
420
00:16:22,461 --> 00:16:24,261
- Everything all right?
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah.
421
00:16:24,263 --> 00:16:26,072
No, you know what?
Uh, everything's not all right.
422
00:16:26,073 --> 00:16:27,364
I think they're spying on our phones.
423
00:16:27,366 --> 00:16:30,434
What? I thought you said
I was the paranoid one.
424
00:16:30,436 --> 00:16:31,902
I thought you were,
but then they started
425
00:16:31,904 --> 00:16:34,122
following me around; they
started searching my stuff.
426
00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:35,505
That woman in the café
427
00:16:35,507 --> 00:16:36,895
who's pretending to read the newspaper?
428
00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:38,308
Nobody reads newspapers anymore.
429
00:16:38,310 --> 00:16:39,509
- I do.
- No, you don't.
430
00:16:39,511 --> 00:16:41,345
- You say you do, but you don't.
- Guys.
431
00:16:41,347 --> 00:16:42,946
Something crazy is happening.
432
00:16:42,948 --> 00:16:45,182
There are men in black suits
swarming the parking lot,
433
00:16:45,184 --> 00:16:47,184
saying things like,
"Quantico, this is Daniels"
434
00:16:47,186 --> 00:16:49,286
and "Uncle Phil is on
the move, I repeat",
435
00:16:49,288 --> 00:16:50,754
Uncle Phil is on the move."
436
00:16:50,756 --> 00:16:53,275
Wow, that is too crazy.
437
00:16:53,276 --> 00:16:55,572
The only question is, who is Uncle Phil?
438
00:16:56,161 --> 00:16:57,794
Probably someone that
looks like Uncle Phil.
439
00:16:57,796 --> 00:17:00,297
It's me!
I look like Uncle Phil!
440
00:17:00,299 --> 00:17:02,261
Man, why'd you do that
stupid Google search?!
441
00:17:02,262 --> 00:17:04,534
- Whoa, calm down.
- No, I'm not gonna calm down.
442
00:17:04,536 --> 00:17:06,361
You calm down.
You're always starting stuff!
443
00:17:06,362 --> 00:17:08,470
"Hey, Garrett, let's Google
how to murder somebody."
444
00:17:08,471 --> 00:17:10,103
Well, you happy now?
What's next?
445
00:17:10,105 --> 00:17:12,372
"Hey, Garrett, let's tell
Zephra to email the police
446
00:17:12,374 --> 00:17:14,308
and tell them I just planted
a bomb in the store!"
447
00:17:14,310 --> 00:17:16,109
Emailing local police.
448
00:17:16,111 --> 00:17:17,778
"I just planted a bomb in the store."
449
00:17:17,780 --> 00:17:20,113
- Oh.
- Would you like to send?
450
00:17:20,115 --> 00:17:21,148
- N...
- Yes.
451
00:17:21,150 --> 00:17:22,382
- What?
- No!
452
00:17:22,384 --> 00:17:24,532
Okay, I've sent your email.
453
00:17:25,187 --> 00:17:26,192
Why?
454
00:17:26,722 --> 00:17:29,056
I just always say yes.
455
00:17:34,298 --> 00:17:35,503
It's mating season.
456
00:17:35,505 --> 00:17:37,338
Her gander must be worried sick.
457
00:17:37,340 --> 00:17:39,140
How do you know it's a she?
458
00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:41,276
The undercarriage. The neck.
459
00:17:41,278 --> 00:17:42,838
The feather loss on the back of her head
460
00:17:42,839 --> 00:17:44,379
where her mate pinned her
down during penetration.
461
00:17:44,381 --> 00:17:45,546
Okay.
462
00:17:48,997 --> 00:17:51,994
Dina, I am sorry that I
said nobody likes you.
463
00:17:51,995 --> 00:17:53,544
That's just not true.
464
00:17:53,902 --> 00:17:54,939
- I...
- It's okay.
465
00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:57,173
I overreacted to the whole muting thing.
466
00:17:57,543 --> 00:17:59,193
I just had a really hard year.
467
00:18:00,012 --> 00:18:01,407
My birds flew away.
468
00:18:01,613 --> 00:18:03,563
My dad turned out to be a big nothing.
469
00:18:04,383 --> 00:18:06,745
I can't even remember the
last time I had a boyfriend.
470
00:18:06,985 --> 00:18:09,452
Even Sandra got married.
Who saw that coming?
471
00:18:10,489 --> 00:18:13,523
Yeah, but she married Jerry, so...
472
00:18:13,525 --> 00:18:15,280
Yeah, I recognize that.
473
00:18:17,529 --> 00:18:19,229
How does it work with geese?
474
00:18:19,231 --> 00:18:21,865
Do you think I can just have this?
475
00:18:21,867 --> 00:18:24,000
Um, I... I don't know.
476
00:18:24,002 --> 00:18:25,420
I... I would ask.
477
00:18:25,671 --> 00:18:27,471
Do you understand how badly
this could have gone?
478
00:18:27,473 --> 00:18:28,672
People could have been shot.
479
00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:30,674
Again, we are so, so sorry.
480
00:18:30,676 --> 00:18:31,741
Yeah, I guess this is what happens
481
00:18:31,743 --> 00:18:33,376
when someone who doesn't
know how to do a prank
482
00:18:33,378 --> 00:18:34,316
tries to do a prank.
483
00:18:34,317 --> 00:18:35,912
Not a prank. It was comeuppance.
484
00:18:35,914 --> 00:18:37,978
It was an attempted comeuppance.
485
00:18:37,979 --> 00:18:39,545
People go to jail for
this kind of thing.
486
00:18:39,751 --> 00:18:41,248
Jonah was the ringleader.
487
00:18:41,326 --> 00:18:43,338
- Seriously?
- I was intimidated.
488
00:18:43,722 --> 00:18:44,821
I'm a very weak person.
489
00:18:44,823 --> 00:18:46,151
I'm gonna let you off
with a warning this time.
490
00:18:46,546 --> 00:18:47,572
But in the future,
491
00:18:47,573 --> 00:18:49,173
you should never joke about bombs.
492
00:18:49,175 --> 00:18:50,407
Right, sorry. Yeah, no, I...
493
00:18:50,409 --> 00:18:51,675
I thought that was just airplanes.
494
00:18:51,677 --> 00:18:54,645
- It's everywhere.
- It's everywhere, Jonah.
495
00:19:04,142 --> 00:19:06,202
So then, okay, we got
to the restaurant...
496
00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:07,242
Three minutes left.
497
00:19:07,243 --> 00:19:08,891
Sweetie, I need to know
if this is going somewhere.
498
00:19:08,892 --> 00:19:10,646
It is! Okay, so then we
get into our booth
499
00:19:10,647 --> 00:19:12,023
and you won't believe who we saw.
500
00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:13,659
We will believe it.
Just hurry up and say it.
501
00:19:13,660 --> 00:19:15,784
- Okay, just give me a second!
- We don't have a second.
502
00:19:15,785 --> 00:19:17,008
Two minutes, 30 seconds!
503
00:19:17,009 --> 00:19:18,023
Just jump to the end!
504
00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:19,523
Fine! We get back to the party,
505
00:19:19,525 --> 00:19:20,691
Tish had my necklace,
506
00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:22,526
and K-Fai is making out with Greg!
507
00:19:22,528 --> 00:19:23,427
Who the hell is Greg?!
508
00:19:23,429 --> 00:19:24,695
You would know if you didn't make me
509
00:19:24,697 --> 00:19:25,863
skip to the end of the story!
510
00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:27,091
Oh, my God.
511
00:19:27,533 --> 00:19:29,533
Her heartbeat is stable, so that's good.
512
00:19:29,535 --> 00:19:30,701
She drank some water in the car,
513
00:19:30,703 --> 00:19:32,329
which gives me hope
for her stomach.
514
00:19:32,330 --> 00:19:33,971
She might have a broken leg, so...
515
00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:35,873
I'd like to get an X-ray
while she's still sedated.
516
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:38,242
An X-ray for a goose?
517
00:19:38,244 --> 00:19:39,456
How much is that gonna cost?
518
00:19:39,457 --> 00:19:40,845
It'll probably be about $250.
519
00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:42,425
$250?!
520
00:19:42,447 --> 00:19:45,398
That's like ten giant buckets of KFC.
521
00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:47,651
Sorry, that sounded really callous.
522
00:19:47,653 --> 00:19:48,586
I don't hate animals.
523
00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:50,855
Yeah, well, most people who hit geese
524
00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:51,989
don't even get out of their cars,
525
00:19:51,991 --> 00:19:53,357
much less bring them to me,
526
00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:55,445
so it's actually nice to see.
527
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:57,661
Well, I used to have 16 birds,
528
00:19:57,663 --> 00:19:59,563
so I guess you could call me a softie.
529
00:19:59,565 --> 00:20:00,799
16?
530
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:02,733
Wow, you do not look like someone
531
00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:03,901
who would have that many birds.
532
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:05,503
The [bleep] is that supposed to mean?
533
00:20:05,505 --> 00:20:06,871
Nothing.
534
00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:09,907
Sorry, I meant to say that I also have
535
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:11,041
a lot of birds,
536
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,877
and when women
537
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:14,745
come in here with a lot of birds,
538
00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:16,980
they're usually older
or not as attractive.
539
00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:19,049
I am so sorry
540
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:20,351
that I said that.
541
00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:22,019
I'm gonna write up
the X-ray thing...
542
00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:25,000
try to do it very soon...
543
00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:27,525
Uh, and your wife?
544
00:20:27,527 --> 00:20:29,960
Or girlfriend, what does she
think about all your birds?
545
00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:31,067
Oh, I'm single.
546
00:20:31,434 --> 00:20:33,364
What about the dudes you
meet on message boards
547
00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:34,798
and then bring home to bone?
548
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,361
Do they like the birds?
549
00:20:36,362 --> 00:20:37,468
I'm not gay.
550
00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:40,336
But I assume gay people also like birds.
551
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:44,608
Okay, so, radio-graph of a goose
552
00:20:44,610 --> 00:20:46,027
hit by car...
553
00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:47,945
not driver's fault.
554
00:20:47,947 --> 00:20:51,448
Um, I'm gonna go make a call
555
00:20:51,450 --> 00:20:53,584
to my insurance company and see if they
556
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:55,052
cover bird X-rays.
557
00:20:55,054 --> 00:20:56,754
Oh, they don't.
558
00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:59,422
Well, I'm gonna go do
something else then.
559
00:21:00,229 --> 00:21:03,129
She probably actually is just going to
take a giant dump.
560
00:21:03,658 --> 00:21:05,130
Anyway ah...
561
00:21:05,131 --> 00:21:07,131
I was wondering if maybe you wanted to
562
00:21:07,305 --> 00:21:09,305
walk me through the spaying process?
563
00:21:09,306 --> 00:21:11,306
It's something I've
always been interested in.
564
00:21:11,834 --> 00:21:13,834
For sure!