1
00:00:00,133 --> 00:00:01,367
- Whoo!
- Party bus.

2
00:00:01,369 --> 00:00:04,370
Okay, a toast!
To our girl Sandra...

3
00:00:04,372 --> 00:00:05,904
Whoo-whoo...

4
00:00:06,588 --> 00:00:08,688
For being awesome,

5
00:00:08,690 --> 00:00:10,357
for finding true love,

6
00:00:10,359 --> 00:00:12,359
and most importantly,

7
00:00:12,361 --> 00:00:13,493
for giving me my first chance

8
00:00:13,495 --> 00:00:15,996
to par-tay in, like, decades.

9
00:00:15,998 --> 00:00:17,030
Thank you.

10
00:00:17,032 --> 00:00:17,898
All right, let's get drunk

11
00:00:17,900 --> 00:00:20,634
and take this bitch
to see a horse.

12
00:00:22,371 --> 00:00:24,805
You guys are the best.
I love you all.

13
00:00:24,807 --> 00:00:26,606
- Aw...
- Aw!

14
00:00:26,608 --> 00:00:28,909
Wait! Don't eat that.

15
00:00:28,911 --> 00:00:31,044
They're filled with laxatives.

16
00:00:31,046 --> 00:00:32,546
What? Why?

17
00:00:32,548 --> 00:00:34,281
I mean, I get that some of you
may have that problem.

18
00:00:34,283 --> 00:00:36,049
For the record, I do not.

19
00:00:36,051 --> 00:00:38,085
My doctor is begging me
to eat less fiber.

20
00:00:38,087 --> 00:00:39,054
I won't do it.

21
00:00:39,055 --> 00:00:40,655
I wanted Sandra to get sick

22
00:00:40,656 --> 00:00:42,556
so tomorrow
would be ruined, okay?

23
00:00:42,558 --> 00:00:43,890
What the hell, Carol?

24
00:00:43,892 --> 00:00:44,958
I knew you hadn't changed.

25
00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:46,827
I'm sorry. I tried.

26
00:00:46,829 --> 00:00:49,429
But I just couldn't
let the anger go.

27
00:00:49,431 --> 00:00:50,964
I'm a mess.

28
00:00:50,966 --> 00:00:52,799
I shouldn't be any part of this.

29
00:00:52,801 --> 00:00:55,235
Mmm, that cupcake was delicious.

30
00:00:56,371 --> 00:00:57,938
Mmm.

31
00:00:57,940 --> 00:00:59,873
Ooh, someone should tell him.

32
00:00:59,875 --> 00:01:01,741
- Yeah.
- No, no, no, no, no!

33
00:01:01,743 --> 00:01:03,210
Maybe he'll be fine.

34
00:01:03,212 --> 00:01:05,645
Oh, he's not fine.

35
00:01:09,050 --> 00:01:11,857
Synced and corrected by hawken45
for www.addic7ed.com

36
00:01:15,235 --> 00:01:16,957
I knew we were here too early.

37
00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:18,592
They haven't even finished
setting up the...

38
00:01:18,594 --> 00:01:19,860
s-ship?

39
00:01:19,862 --> 00:01:22,329
Is... is it a cowboy ship?

40
00:01:22,331 --> 00:01:23,663
No, their theme is nautical,

41
00:01:23,665 --> 00:01:24,998
but they got this
western place for cheap

42
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:26,700
because Jerry got hit
by a dart here.

43
00:01:26,702 --> 00:01:28,301
Oh... bar! Come on.

44
00:01:28,303 --> 00:01:29,669
Wow, going right at it, huh?

45
00:01:29,671 --> 00:01:30,770
Yeah, well,
I didn't get to cut loose

46
00:01:30,772 --> 00:01:31,605
at the bachelorette party,

47
00:01:31,607 --> 00:01:33,540
so I'm cutting
twice as loose tonight.

48
00:01:33,542 --> 00:01:34,808
My phone is on do not disturb,

49
00:01:34,810 --> 00:01:37,077
and my liver is on high alert.

50
00:01:37,079 --> 00:01:38,712
That's where you think
your liver is?

51
00:01:38,714 --> 00:01:40,264
I don't know. Where's my liver?

52
00:01:41,116 --> 00:01:42,895
It... it's not there.

53
00:01:43,585 --> 00:01:45,085
- Excuse me.
- Oh, sorry, folks.

54
00:01:45,087 --> 00:01:46,119
I'm not open yet.

55
00:01:46,121 --> 00:01:47,821
Oh, okay. No worries.

56
00:01:47,823 --> 00:01:50,323
But you've got
bottles, and glasses,

57
00:01:50,325 --> 00:01:52,459
and the garnish
buffets all set up.

58
00:01:52,461 --> 00:01:53,460
Looks good to go!

59
00:01:53,462 --> 00:01:55,162
And yet, nope.

60
00:01:55,164 --> 00:01:56,563
No rush. No rush at all.

61
00:01:56,565 --> 00:01:57,931
No, please. God, no.

62
00:01:57,933 --> 00:01:58,698
No, no, take your time.

63
00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:00,133
But, you know,
when the time comes,

64
00:02:00,135 --> 00:02:02,024
I would love an old-fashioned.

65
00:02:02,804 --> 00:02:04,871
Or, you know, something
like quick and easy

66
00:02:04,873 --> 00:02:06,439
like a beer...
there's a bunch of them here.

67
00:02:06,441 --> 00:02:07,908
- I could just...
- Ma'am.

68
00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:09,176
Sorry.

69
00:02:09,178 --> 00:02:10,592
I was just trying to help you.

70
00:02:12,381 --> 00:02:15,327
- I said ma'am.
- He did say ma'am.

71
00:02:20,455 --> 00:02:21,715
- Oh, hey, Glenn.
- Mm-hmm?

72
00:02:21,849 --> 00:02:22,989
Getting ready for the ceremony?

73
00:02:22,991 --> 00:02:24,324
Yeah. You bet.

74
00:02:24,326 --> 00:02:26,193
I know this
backwards and forwards.

75
00:02:26,195 --> 00:02:28,361
Though I would not
recommend it backwards.

76
00:02:28,363 --> 00:02:30,263
- I sound like a lunatic.
- Yeah.

77
00:02:30,265 --> 00:02:31,665
So how's your toast coming?

78
00:02:31,667 --> 00:02:33,400
Oh, well, you know,
I'm still working it out.

79
00:02:33,402 --> 00:02:35,769
I just have this, like,
little story about him.

80
00:02:35,771 --> 00:02:36,603
Basically, Jerry and Sandra

81
00:02:36,605 --> 00:02:38,705
have this sweatshirt
with a crab on it,

82
00:02:38,707 --> 00:02:41,474
and whoever's feeling crabby
has to wear the sweatshirt.

83
00:02:41,476 --> 00:02:42,876
And the only time
Jerry's worn it

84
00:02:42,878 --> 00:02:44,592
is when Sandra was out of town.

85
00:02:45,781 --> 00:02:47,291
That's nice. And then?

86
00:02:47,883 --> 00:02:49,649
That's... Well, that... that's it.

87
00:02:49,651 --> 00:02:50,784
Oh, that... that's...

88
00:02:50,786 --> 00:02:51,851
that's your whole speech?

89
00:02:51,853 --> 00:02:53,386
- Yeah.
- Oh, okay.

90
00:02:53,388 --> 00:02:55,725
Well, I do not see
a problem with that.

91
00:02:56,091 --> 00:02:57,123
It sounds like you do.

92
00:02:57,125 --> 00:02:58,458
No, no, no.

93
00:02:58,460 --> 00:03:00,961
What I'm saying is
there's no disaster ahead.

94
00:03:00,963 --> 00:03:02,395
You know, nobody's going to hate you.

95
00:03:02,397 --> 00:03:03,730
Hate me? Why would anyone hate me?

96
00:03:03,732 --> 00:03:06,866
That's what I'm saying.
Most of them won't.

97
00:03:06,868 --> 00:03:08,335
Yeah.

98
00:03:08,337 --> 00:03:10,670
I bet this place sees
a lot of ill-fitting denim.

99
00:03:10,672 --> 00:03:13,406
Yeah, just imagine how many
bad butts have been in here.

100
00:03:13,408 --> 00:03:14,274
Call me an optimist,

101
00:03:14,276 --> 00:03:16,476
but I think there are no bad butts.

102
00:03:16,478 --> 00:03:18,111
There's just bad pants.

103
00:03:18,113 --> 00:03:20,080
Aw, that's beautiful.

104
00:03:20,082 --> 00:03:22,816
Okay, I'm going to hit
the little cowboys' room.

105
00:03:22,818 --> 00:03:25,252
Not my words.
It says that on the door.

106
00:03:27,556 --> 00:03:28,688
So?

107
00:03:28,690 --> 00:03:31,524
Oh! He's great!
Yeah, he's so nice.

108
00:03:31,526 --> 00:03:32,659
I know, we're working on

109
00:03:32,661 --> 00:03:33,727
getting him to talk trash about people.

110
00:03:33,729 --> 00:03:35,195
Yeah, it just takes practice.

111
00:03:35,197 --> 00:03:36,963
He'll be a nasty bitch real soon.

112
00:03:36,965 --> 00:03:38,064
Thanks.

113
00:03:38,066 --> 00:03:38,999
I was a little worried, you know,

114
00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:40,757
inviting him to a wedding this early on.

115
00:03:40,758 --> 00:03:42,435
But then I thought it'd be
weirder not to bring him.

116
00:03:42,437 --> 00:03:44,938
Totally... that's how it was
for me and Bo at homecoming.

117
00:03:44,940 --> 00:03:47,407
But then we just did a bunch
of whip-its in the DJ's van,

118
00:03:47,409 --> 00:03:48,564
and it was great.

119
00:03:49,344 --> 00:03:50,877
I say this with love...

120
00:03:50,879 --> 00:03:52,312
it's crazy you haven't been murdered.

121
00:03:52,314 --> 00:03:53,608
I know.

122
00:03:53,949 --> 00:03:55,849
But you're not some
kind of nerd like Glenn.

123
00:03:55,851 --> 00:03:56,750
You're just going
to find your speech

124
00:03:56,752 --> 00:03:58,852
- in, like, the moment, right?
- No, sir.

125
00:03:58,854 --> 00:04:01,054
I take my maid of honor
duties very seriously.

126
00:04:01,056 --> 00:04:02,555
So I've rehearsed it
down to the syllable.

127
00:04:02,557 --> 00:04:04,791
I know exactly where I'm going to...

128
00:04:04,793 --> 00:04:06,784
almost start to cry.

129
00:04:07,129 --> 00:04:08,595
And where I'm going to...

130
00:04:08,597 --> 00:04:10,730
Get myself a little bit with my own joke.

131
00:04:10,732 --> 00:04:11,933
And then I'm going to bring it home

132
00:04:11,934 --> 00:04:15,778
with a series... of meaningful... pauses.

133
00:04:16,605 --> 00:04:19,673
So you have thought about it.
All right.

134
00:04:19,675 --> 00:04:21,508
Guys, they haven't
put out the shrimp yet,

135
00:04:21,510 --> 00:04:22,475
in case anyone is wondering.

136
00:04:22,477 --> 00:04:24,878
I saw cocktail sauce,
though, so we are close.

137
00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:27,480
- Oh, whew.
- The wedding starts soon.

138
00:04:27,482 --> 00:04:29,482
Shouldn't all this stuff
be ready by now?

139
00:04:29,484 --> 00:04:31,015
Carol snapped
and left us hanging,

140
00:04:31,016 --> 00:04:33,420
Sandra's sister is useless,
and Jerry's family members

141
00:04:33,422 --> 00:04:35,188
are definitely related to Jerry.

142
00:04:35,190 --> 00:04:36,556
You know, it's funny.

143
00:04:36,558 --> 00:04:38,158
I always thought if Carol snapped,

144
00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:41,194
she'd do something crazier than
putting laxatives in cupcakes.

145
00:04:41,196 --> 00:04:42,696
- What do you mean?
- I just thought

146
00:04:42,698 --> 00:04:43,830
she'd go bigger.

147
00:04:43,832 --> 00:04:45,765
Plus, I'm surprised she did it
at the bachelorette party,

148
00:04:45,767 --> 00:04:48,234
instead of the day Sandra marries her ex.

149
00:04:48,236 --> 00:04:49,836
In front of all her friends and family.

150
00:04:49,838 --> 00:04:51,571
- Mm-hmm.
- Hmm.

151
00:04:53,508 --> 00:04:54,774
You don't think

152
00:04:54,776 --> 00:04:56,676
Carol's behind the shrimp delay, do you?

153
00:04:56,678 --> 00:04:58,347
Yes, definitely.

154
00:04:58,771 --> 00:05:01,748
- Strike two.
- What is that bartender's problem?

155
00:05:01,750 --> 00:05:04,813
This is a wedding,
not a rules convention.

156
00:05:04,814 --> 00:05:05,726
Get me a drink!

157
00:05:05,727 --> 00:05:07,587
I feel like flirting
with him could've worked,

158
00:05:07,589 --> 00:05:09,255
calling him a fascist could've worked,

159
00:05:09,257 --> 00:05:11,591
but I think doing both
just kind of confused him.

160
00:05:11,593 --> 00:05:14,127
Okay, centerpieces, chairs...

161
00:05:14,129 --> 00:05:16,229
Hey, Dina. Everything okay?

162
00:05:16,231 --> 00:05:17,364
Carol's going to do something.

163
00:05:17,366 --> 00:05:19,165
- I can feel it.
- What? No.

164
00:05:19,167 --> 00:05:20,600
Carol's working at the store tonight.

165
00:05:20,602 --> 00:05:21,531
She's not even here.

166
00:05:21,532 --> 00:05:23,303
What if she threw us off
the scent by making us think

167
00:05:23,305 --> 00:05:24,838
her plan was over
at the bachelorette

168
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:26,473
so we'd let down our
guard at the wedding?

169
00:05:26,475 --> 00:05:28,408
The wedding that she helped design?

170
00:05:28,410 --> 00:05:29,876
Huh?

171
00:05:29,878 --> 00:05:31,010
If Sandra makes it through today without

172
00:05:31,012 --> 00:05:32,512
being decapitated, it will be a miracle.

173
00:05:32,514 --> 00:05:34,247
Dina, it does seem like there's a lot

174
00:05:34,249 --> 00:05:35,582
that still needs to get done.

175
00:05:35,584 --> 00:05:36,983
Isn't that kind of your job?

176
00:05:36,985 --> 00:05:38,818
My job is keeping the bride safe.

177
00:05:38,820 --> 00:05:40,120
I need to find a sewer map.

178
00:05:40,122 --> 00:05:42,622
Um, wait, Dina. Who...

179
00:05:43,825 --> 00:05:44,958
No, no, no, no, no.

180
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:48,128
This is not your problem.
You have a liver to ruin.

181
00:05:48,130 --> 00:05:50,130
- Yes, but...
- I'm sure

182
00:05:50,132 --> 00:05:51,231
they're going to figure it out.

183
00:05:51,233 --> 00:05:53,032
Yeah, yeah, no. Totally, totally.

184
00:05:53,034 --> 00:05:56,369
Things have a way of
working out for Sandra.

185
00:05:57,439 --> 00:05:59,205
Hey, guys. Having fun?

186
00:05:59,207 --> 00:06:00,573
Don't forget to sign the guest book.

187
00:06:00,575 --> 00:06:01,808
Sandra!

188
00:06:01,810 --> 00:06:03,710
- You look beautiful!
- Yeah!

189
00:06:03,712 --> 00:06:05,678
And why are you carrying chairs?

190
00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:06,813
Yeah, do you need a hand, or...

191
00:06:06,815 --> 00:06:08,515
No, no, no. It's just, uh,

192
00:06:08,517 --> 00:06:09,749
I don't know where Dina is,

193
00:06:09,751 --> 00:06:12,522
and, uh, Jerry's busy parking cars, so...

194
00:06:13,021 --> 00:06:14,387
It's fine. You guys are guests.

195
00:06:14,389 --> 00:06:15,515
Sit down, enjoy.

196
00:06:18,191 --> 00:06:19,259
- I have to.
- I know.

197
00:06:19,261 --> 00:06:20,136
- I hate it.
- I know.

198
00:06:20,138 --> 00:06:22,333
Oh, God. Sandra, stop, please.

199
00:06:22,597 --> 00:06:24,364
I-I will make sure everything gets done.

200
00:06:24,366 --> 00:06:25,598
You go. Get ready.

201
00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:28,701
Oh, really? Thank you so much.

202
00:06:29,141 --> 00:06:31,271
Maybe I can still get
into the family photos.

203
00:06:31,273 --> 00:06:33,473
Yes. Go, go, go.

204
00:06:33,475 --> 00:06:35,442
I can't wait to have some champagne.

205
00:06:35,444 --> 00:06:37,521
Me, too.

206
00:06:38,797 --> 00:06:40,340
All right, guys, listen up.

207
00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:42,820
There is still a lot
that needs to get done,

208
00:06:42,821 --> 00:06:43,904
and it is crunch time.

209
00:06:43,905 --> 00:06:45,355
I'm going to finish the centerpieces,

210
00:06:45,357 --> 00:06:47,524
Jonah, you set up the chairs.
Cheyenne, can you make sure

211
00:06:47,526 --> 00:06:48,850
that the sound system's working?

212
00:06:48,851 --> 00:06:50,988
Oh, God, yeah, I totally forgot. Sorry.

213
00:06:51,864 --> 00:06:53,880
Had you already asked her to do that?

214
00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:55,389
No.

215
00:06:58,804 --> 00:07:00,864
Dina, hey. Are they
inviting me after all?

216
00:07:00,865 --> 00:07:03,640
'Cause I did throw my nice
socks in the car, just in case.

217
00:07:03,642 --> 00:07:04,841
<i>No, you're still not wanted here.</i>

218
00:07:04,842 --> 00:07:06,810
Look, I'm worried that Carol
is plotting something.

219
00:07:06,812 --> 00:07:07,878
Has she been acting weird?

220
00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:10,480
I guess, like, her regular level.

221
00:07:10,482 --> 00:07:11,514
Okay, yeah, what's her energy like?

222
00:07:11,516 --> 00:07:13,037
<i>Is she laughing to herself?</i>

223
00:07:13,038 --> 00:07:14,818
<i>Rubbing her hands together maniacally?</i>

224
00:07:15,095 --> 00:07:16,561
Okay. She's eating a sandwich,

225
00:07:16,562 --> 00:07:18,046
not in an evil way, but...

226
00:07:18,724 --> 00:07:21,193
it's not so positive, either.
Should I send a pic?

227
00:07:22,027 --> 00:07:23,276
Absolutely, you should.

228
00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:25,295
Okay, the seating cards are placed.

229
00:07:25,297 --> 00:07:27,197
Sandra's cat has the ring.

230
00:07:27,199 --> 00:07:28,521
Jonah, do you want to go
make sure that the caterers

231
00:07:28,522 --> 00:07:29,684
have everything that they need?

232
00:07:29,685 --> 00:07:31,735
On it. Also, are we hanging

233
00:07:31,737 --> 00:07:34,004
these fishing nets? They're so wet.

234
00:07:34,006 --> 00:07:35,744
Were they just used?

235
00:07:36,708 --> 00:07:38,041
Oh, wow.

236
00:07:38,043 --> 00:07:40,607
You... uh, you really went all out, huh?

237
00:07:40,846 --> 00:07:43,732
The invitation said Cowboy
Charlie's Old West Steakhouse.

238
00:07:43,733 --> 00:07:45,910
I assumed what any sane person would.

239
00:07:45,911 --> 00:07:47,083
I told you.

240
00:07:47,085 --> 00:07:48,518
Oh, you love this, don't you?

241
00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:50,487
This is the greatest gift
I could give you.

242
00:07:50,489 --> 00:07:52,522
And now you give me the cold shoulder.

243
00:07:52,524 --> 00:07:53,857
Perfect!

244
00:07:53,859 --> 00:07:55,918
Make sure we're at their table.

245
00:08:04,036 --> 00:08:05,568
Oh, thanks.

246
00:08:05,570 --> 00:08:07,604
Hey, man, sorry about earlier.

247
00:08:07,606 --> 00:08:09,272
It's my eighth straight day of work.

248
00:08:09,274 --> 00:08:11,274
I'm usually better with pushy guests.

249
00:08:11,276 --> 00:08:12,742
Although, they're usually much older.

250
00:08:12,744 --> 00:08:16,112
- And whiter, too.
- Well, she breaks barriers.

251
00:08:16,949 --> 00:08:20,083
So they have you setting up
the bar and all the food?

252
00:08:20,085 --> 00:08:21,518
Man, this company is so cheap,

253
00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:23,222
they never send enough people.

254
00:08:23,314 --> 00:08:26,148
But, hey, at least they pay us
a whopping 9 bucks an hour.

255
00:08:26,291 --> 00:08:28,391
9 bucks? That's... wow!

256
00:08:28,393 --> 00:08:31,101
Hey, you know, I actually work

257
00:08:31,102 --> 00:08:33,228
with an organization that can help you.

258
00:08:33,229 --> 00:08:36,136
Here, take my card.
There's a link to the web...

259
00:08:36,137 --> 00:08:37,254
Man, I don't want to join another cult.

260
00:08:37,307 --> 00:08:39,769
Oh, no, no, no. I'm with Raise the Wage.

261
00:08:39,771 --> 00:08:42,243
You deserve better than this.
Look us up.

262
00:08:42,900 --> 00:08:44,734
- Thanks.
- Yeah.

263
00:08:45,397 --> 00:08:48,898
So do I give off, like,
a cult leader vibe?

264
00:08:49,047 --> 00:08:50,309
I didn't say leader.

265
00:08:51,650 --> 00:08:52,816
Ah.

266
00:08:53,819 --> 00:08:55,452
You took over a wedding.

267
00:08:55,454 --> 00:08:57,187
This is the Amy-est thing I've ever seen.

268
00:08:57,289 --> 00:08:58,784
I don't want to be doing this.

269
00:08:58,785 --> 00:09:01,042
I'm just trying to make this
the best day of their dumb lives.

270
00:09:01,043 --> 00:09:03,126
- Tell me how to help.
- Now you want to help,

271
00:09:03,128 --> 00:09:04,406
when we're almost done?

272
00:09:04,407 --> 00:09:05,803
Next time, figure out
how to help on your own.

273
00:09:05,804 --> 00:09:07,630
- I'm not going to help you help.
- You see?

274
00:09:07,632 --> 00:09:09,265
She's like a 12-year-old when I'm around.

275
00:09:09,267 --> 00:09:10,400
Oh, shut up, Eric.

276
00:09:10,402 --> 00:09:11,501
I'm like this all the time, idiot.

277
00:09:11,503 --> 00:09:13,336
Oh, she's so mad.

278
00:09:13,338 --> 00:09:15,070
This is my favorite.

279
00:09:15,071 --> 00:09:17,941
I mean, Eric, stop.
Come on, she's my boss.

280
00:09:20,278 --> 00:09:21,945
I think everyone would understand

281
00:09:21,947 --> 00:09:23,414
if you just went home.

282
00:09:23,415 --> 00:09:25,949
Trust me, when Sandra
and Jerry come out in their

283
00:09:25,951 --> 00:09:28,014
western garb, you're all
going to look like fools.

284
00:09:29,821 --> 00:09:31,910
Dina, we should get this thing started.

285
00:09:31,911 --> 00:09:34,538
This place has line dancing at 10:00,

286
00:09:34,539 --> 00:09:38,094
and I'm not sure line dancers
take kindly to boat people.

287
00:09:38,096 --> 00:09:39,451
I haven't locked everything down yet.

288
00:09:39,452 --> 00:09:40,925
Well, we're already 20 minutes behind.

289
00:09:40,926 --> 00:09:43,092
Yeah, we've got to get things going.

290
00:09:43,094 --> 00:09:45,407
I'm telling you, it isn't safe.

291
00:10:07,519 --> 00:10:09,319
Ohh...

292
00:10:18,029 --> 00:10:19,429
Jerry and Sandra

293
00:10:19,431 --> 00:10:22,699
have requested a non-religious ceremony,

294
00:10:22,701 --> 00:10:25,635
so I'd just like say that the following

295
00:10:25,637 --> 00:10:28,087
is from a book I highly recommend,

296
00:10:28,473 --> 00:10:31,140
written by the greatest
and most powerful author

297
00:10:31,142 --> 00:10:33,443
in history of the world, so...

298
00:10:33,445 --> 00:10:36,333
"Love is patient, love is kind."

299
00:10:37,015 --> 00:10:39,182
"Love does not envy."

300
00:10:39,184 --> 00:10:41,217
Bomb!

301
00:10:41,219 --> 00:10:44,287
Everyone, stay calm,
even though there is a bomb!

302
00:10:44,289 --> 00:10:45,321
It's not a bomb, not a bomb.

303
00:10:45,323 --> 00:10:47,657
It-it's my ankle monitor. I just...

304
00:10:47,659 --> 00:10:49,492
I-I thought I charged it.

305
00:10:49,494 --> 00:10:52,228
S-Sorry, everyone. So sorry, sorry.

306
00:10:52,230 --> 00:10:54,631
Sorry, sorry, I-I'm just going to...

307
00:10:54,633 --> 00:10:56,399
I... Mazel.

308
00:11:02,641 --> 00:11:05,708
- Oh, no.
- I know, so embarrassing.

309
00:11:05,710 --> 00:11:06,676
- Yeah.
- Poor guy.

310
00:11:06,678 --> 00:11:09,379
Yeah.

311
00:11:12,050 --> 00:11:14,350
Never mind. Go, Glenn, go.

312
00:11:14,352 --> 00:11:16,219
- Yeah, well...
- Get back in.

313
00:11:19,324 --> 00:11:22,425
Ah, okay, um... Jesus Christ...

314
00:11:22,427 --> 00:11:24,827
is not welcome here.

315
00:11:24,829 --> 00:11:26,143
So, um...

316
00:11:28,700 --> 00:11:34,042
So, something fun about
Jerry and Sandra is that

317
00:11:34,043 --> 00:11:35,738
they have this little tradition.

318
00:11:35,740 --> 00:11:39,342
When one of them gets crabby,
they have to wear a T-shirt

319
00:11:39,344 --> 00:11:40,743
with a crab on it.

320
00:11:40,745 --> 00:11:45,748
But the only time
that Jerry ever put it on

321
00:11:45,750 --> 00:11:47,583
was when Sandra left town.

322
00:11:47,585 --> 00:11:49,643
Aww. Aww, that's sweet.

323
00:11:49,644 --> 00:11:52,355
I know, it's cute, isn't it?
It's a little insight

324
00:11:52,357 --> 00:11:54,757
into who they are as people.

325
00:11:54,759 --> 00:11:56,759
What the [bleep], man?

326
00:11:59,665 --> 00:12:01,490
Dina, a bomb? Really?

327
00:12:01,491 --> 00:12:04,525
Nothing happened, okay?
Everything's fine.

328
00:12:04,527 --> 00:12:07,194
So get it together and
give Sandra what she needs.

329
00:12:07,196 --> 00:12:08,562
A lovely toast,

330
00:12:08,564 --> 00:12:11,365
some assurance that she's
better than her sister,

331
00:12:11,367 --> 00:12:12,720
and no drama.

332
00:12:13,269 --> 00:12:16,113
Yeah, I got it. Sorry.

333
00:12:19,075 --> 00:12:20,875
Jonah, what are you doing?

334
00:12:20,877 --> 00:12:24,078
Just, uh, grabbing myself some grub.

335
00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:25,746
How about I grab you some
and meet you back over there

336
00:12:25,748 --> 00:12:28,382
- at the table?
- Um, doesn't catering

337
00:12:28,384 --> 00:12:29,517
have people who can do this?

338
00:12:29,519 --> 00:12:31,352
Uh, yeah, they did.

339
00:12:31,354 --> 00:12:33,587
Until a bunch of them walked off.

340
00:12:33,589 --> 00:12:36,073
They got really upset about the pay.
You know, these things bubble up,

341
00:12:36,126 --> 00:12:37,925
- no rhyme or reason...
- You too, man?

342
00:12:37,927 --> 00:12:40,534
I-I forgot how inspiring I can be.

343
00:12:41,264 --> 00:12:43,431
Justine, how are you at cutting cake?

344
00:12:43,433 --> 00:12:44,930
Honestly, weird.

345
00:12:49,572 --> 00:12:52,106
- Hey.
- How's it going?

346
00:12:52,108 --> 00:12:53,826
The charging light is acting up.

347
00:12:54,277 --> 00:12:55,976
I called ICE to complain, but, you know,

348
00:12:55,978 --> 00:12:58,025
they're not really known
for their customer service.

349
00:12:59,048 --> 00:13:00,335
So embarrassing.

350
00:13:00,421 --> 00:13:02,910
Whatever, it was exciting.
And now you're, like,

351
00:13:03,052 --> 00:13:04,085
the story of the wedding.

352
00:13:04,087 --> 00:13:06,320
Yeah, it's fine.
Just juice that bad boy up,

353
00:13:06,322 --> 00:13:07,979
and we'll get back out there.

354
00:13:08,591 --> 00:13:09,924
It takes two hours.

355
00:13:09,926 --> 00:13:11,779
- What?
- You two should go.

356
00:13:12,261 --> 00:13:13,365
I'm good.

357
00:13:13,796 --> 00:13:15,763
I saw that Lasagna Bear
is trending on twitter,

358
00:13:15,765 --> 00:13:17,585
so I definitely have to see
what that's all about.

359
00:13:19,435 --> 00:13:20,796
I'm going to hang out.

360
00:13:22,572 --> 00:13:23,891
I like it in here.

361
00:13:25,608 --> 00:13:27,241
Cool, okay, you two hang.

362
00:13:27,243 --> 00:13:28,976
Because to me, this room sucks.

363
00:13:28,978 --> 00:13:31,145
I mean, compared to out
there, where the party is?

364
00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:32,744
This is not close.

365
00:13:33,783 --> 00:13:37,651
♪ You're my weirdo ♪

366
00:13:37,653 --> 00:13:42,490
♪ I'm so happy that you're here ♪

367
00:13:42,492 --> 00:13:46,160
♪ We both belong here ♪

368
00:13:46,782 --> 00:13:51,465
♪ We both belong here ♪

369
00:13:56,506 --> 00:13:58,806
Hey, I just wanted to say thank you.

370
00:13:58,808 --> 00:14:01,782
Your anecdote really
got me back on track.

371
00:14:02,145 --> 00:14:04,845
And it went over great.
I booked three more weddings.

372
00:14:04,847 --> 00:14:06,347
Hey, Glenn, that's the only story I had.

373
00:14:06,349 --> 00:14:07,818
That's all I know about them.

374
00:14:08,151 --> 00:14:10,384
Okay, I'm sorry. I just... I panicked.

375
00:14:10,386 --> 00:14:12,686
But you're going to be fine.

376
00:14:12,688 --> 00:14:14,622
I remember you told me something about

377
00:14:14,624 --> 00:14:17,391
you and Jerry eating corn,
so maybe go with that.

378
00:14:17,393 --> 00:14:18,859
What? We ate corn once.

379
00:14:18,861 --> 00:14:21,195
Well, don't just blurt it out.

380
00:14:21,197 --> 00:14:24,965
Come on, paint me a picture.
What time of day was it?

381
00:14:24,967 --> 00:14:27,526
Was there butter? Hmm? Was there salt?

382
00:14:30,072 --> 00:14:31,839
Marcus, I realize you feel left out,

383
00:14:31,841 --> 00:14:33,908
but you have to let the invited
move on with our lives.

384
00:14:33,910 --> 00:14:36,177
No, I'm calling to see
if we have a spare key

385
00:14:36,179 --> 00:14:38,512
to the printer ink case.
Elias can't find one,

386
00:14:38,514 --> 00:14:39,680
and Carol's not answering her walkie.

387
00:14:39,682 --> 00:14:41,315
- Wait, really?
<i>- Yeah.</i>

388
00:14:41,317 --> 00:14:43,715
No one knows where she is,
and it's a bad time, man.

389
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,553
<i>We've got that Saturday night ink rush.</i>

390
00:14:46,556 --> 00:14:47,980
It's go time.

391
00:14:48,858 --> 00:14:51,592
So I don't have access
to the printer case,

392
00:14:51,594 --> 00:14:54,292
but I can offer you condoms or razors.

393
00:14:55,064 --> 00:14:56,230
Take your pick.

394
00:14:56,999 --> 00:14:59,794
A lot of people assume
I'm the younger sister,

395
00:15:00,269 --> 00:15:02,403
and I am. It's pretty obvious.

396
00:15:02,405 --> 00:15:04,386
Love you.

397
00:15:04,774 --> 00:15:06,907
Remember to moisturize, okay?

398
00:15:06,909 --> 00:15:09,577
And now, I'm going to
pass it on to the best man,

399
00:15:09,579 --> 00:15:13,047
Jerry's best friend, Garrett.

400
00:15:13,049 --> 00:15:14,381
Here we go.

401
00:15:14,383 --> 00:15:15,966
So, uh,

402
00:15:17,386 --> 00:15:21,255
one story that comes
to mind when I think of Jerry

403
00:15:21,257 --> 00:15:25,059
is Jerry and I went to...

404
00:15:28,865 --> 00:15:29,990
A rodeo.

405
00:15:30,867 --> 00:15:32,673
Yeah, yeah, it's funny,

406
00:15:32,902 --> 00:15:34,768
because we're in a cowboy restaurant,

407
00:15:34,770 --> 00:15:37,471
but I would've told
this story either way.

408
00:15:37,473 --> 00:15:39,440
Um, so we're at the rodeo, right?

409
00:15:39,442 --> 00:15:44,478
And we're watching these guys
ride the bucking broncos.

410
00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:47,500
And Jerry leans over to me and says...

411
00:15:49,952 --> 00:15:53,721
"I can do that."

412
00:15:53,723 --> 00:15:56,323
Really?

413
00:15:56,325 --> 00:15:59,627
It was so sad. So sad.

414
00:16:00,102 --> 00:16:01,815
You sure I can't get you a drink?

415
00:16:02,498 --> 00:16:04,580
- No.
- Cranberry juice?

416
00:16:04,834 --> 00:16:06,153
What do I have, a UTI?

417
00:16:07,603 --> 00:16:10,531
Sorry. Just go enjoy the wedding.

418
00:16:12,174 --> 00:16:14,141
That sounds like something
someone says but they don't

419
00:16:14,143 --> 00:16:17,225
- actually want you to do it.
- It's not like that, okay?

420
00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:19,747
There's no reason for both
of us to be stuck back here.

421
00:16:19,749 --> 00:16:23,017
- You sure?
- Please, just go have fun!

422
00:16:23,890 --> 00:16:25,560
All right, I'll be back in a few.

423
00:16:28,434 --> 00:16:29,447
Rude.

424
00:16:29,825 --> 00:16:33,027
So we're flying, okay? We're doing 80

425
00:16:33,029 --> 00:16:34,962
down the freeway, and the mob guys

426
00:16:34,964 --> 00:16:38,499
are chasing us 'cause they had
money on the rodeo, all right?

427
00:16:38,501 --> 00:16:39,566
And I lean over to Jerry.

428
00:16:39,568 --> 00:16:42,102
I go, "Jerry, what are you
getting me into here?"

429
00:16:42,104 --> 00:16:44,371
And Jerry, calm as a cucumber,

430
00:16:44,373 --> 00:16:47,666
looks at me, tips down
his sunglasses, and goes,

431
00:16:48,177 --> 00:16:49,394
"Welcome to my life."

432
00:16:51,881 --> 00:16:54,348
- "Welcome to my life"!
- So, Sandra,

433
00:16:54,350 --> 00:16:56,116
welcome to Jerry's life.

434
00:16:56,118 --> 00:16:59,553
Let's all raise a glass
to many more adventures.

435
00:16:59,555 --> 00:17:01,772
- Congratulations.
- Cheers.

436
00:17:02,491 --> 00:17:04,333
When did you get sunglasses?

437
00:17:04,660 --> 00:17:07,194
- I guess at a rodeo.
- All right, so next up,

438
00:17:07,196 --> 00:17:10,779
we have the maid of honor. Um, Dina?

439
00:17:11,534 --> 00:17:13,701
Anyone? 5'9", brown hair,

440
00:17:13,703 --> 00:17:15,402
shouted, "Bomb!" during the ceremony?

441
00:17:15,404 --> 00:17:17,807
Damn it, Dina. You had one job.

442
00:17:19,041 --> 00:17:21,842
Uh, okay.

443
00:17:21,844 --> 00:17:24,511
Uh, so what else can I tell
you guys about Jerry?

444
00:17:24,513 --> 00:17:27,481
Um, apparently anything I want.

445
00:17:27,483 --> 00:17:29,612
- Okay.
- Dina, come on, you...

446
00:17:30,353 --> 00:17:32,395
What the hell?

447
00:17:35,099 --> 00:17:36,399
So your crisis of conscience

448
00:17:36,401 --> 00:17:37,657
- at the bachelorette?
- Totally fake.

449
00:17:37,831 --> 00:17:39,235
I wanted you all to let your guard down.

450
00:17:39,237 --> 00:17:41,015
I knew it! Yes!

451
00:17:41,169 --> 00:17:42,269
But what are you doing now?

452
00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:43,764
Are you gonna kill Sandra's cat?

453
00:17:43,765 --> 00:17:45,024
Dina, she's not gonna kill the...

454
00:17:45,025 --> 00:17:46,117
I'm gonna kill the cat.

455
00:17:46,118 --> 00:17:48,566
Oh, yes... two for two!

456
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:52,098
"Oh, I'm marrying Jerry.
It's the best day of my life."

457
00:17:52,099 --> 00:17:54,071
We'll see about that
when your cat explodes

458
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,223
on the dance floor.

459
00:17:55,303 --> 00:17:57,008
Wait, you're going
to blow up the cat?

460
00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:59,242
Okay, that was misleading.
I'm going to throw it

461
00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:00,844
over the balcony, and ideally,

462
00:18:00,846 --> 00:18:02,746
the impact will make it explode.

463
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:04,514
Carol, you can't do that!

464
00:18:04,516 --> 00:18:06,183
Yeah, that carrier's way too sturdy.

465
00:18:06,185 --> 00:18:07,718
- The cat will never explode.
- No, Dina.

466
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,419
I mean, like, she shouldn't kill the cat.

467
00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:11,988
Yeah, and she won't, if she
throws it in that carrier.

468
00:18:11,990 --> 00:18:14,024
It could totally die in here, Dina.

469
00:18:14,026 --> 00:18:15,225
It's a 15-foot drop.

470
00:18:15,227 --> 00:18:16,927
These things are built sturdy for travel.

471
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,428
It will absorb all of the impact.

472
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:19,763
Dina, this really isn't the point.

473
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:21,231
This is a very good plan.

474
00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:23,066
It is a terrible plan.

475
00:18:23,068 --> 00:18:24,868
The bottom's completely
rubberized. Look at it.

476
00:18:24,870 --> 00:18:27,070
No, it's not completely... oh!

477
00:18:27,072 --> 00:18:28,605
Oh!

478
00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:30,774
We got the cat back!

479
00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:33,436
We? You just stood there
with your Wang in the wind!

480
00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:44,421
Tough night, huh?

481
00:18:44,423 --> 00:18:46,757
What are you talking about?

482
00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:50,059
I love being stuck back here,
tied to this wall.

483
00:18:51,263 --> 00:18:53,296
My little friend. Plus, my phone died,

484
00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,298
and Eric hasn't been by in an hour, so...

485
00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:57,864
Yeah.

486
00:18:58,690 --> 00:19:00,141
He left, didn't he?

487
00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:02,963
I'm sorry.

488
00:19:03,275 --> 00:19:05,976
I don't blame him. It's my fault.

489
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,544
I don't know what I was thinking,

490
00:19:07,546 --> 00:19:09,546
trying to get into a normal relationship.

491
00:19:09,548 --> 00:19:14,651
It was going so well, you know,
that I forgot about all this.

492
00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:17,220
It's just too much to ask him
to deal with, you know?

493
00:19:17,222 --> 00:19:19,156
Well, I can stay here with you,

494
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,224
and we can watch
Lasagna Bear on my phone.

495
00:19:21,226 --> 00:19:22,325
I watched it.

496
00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:23,827
It's just a bear eating a lasagna.

497
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:25,162
I don't know what I was expecting.

498
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:27,381
Yeah, the internet has gotten so bad.

499
00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:28,883
Yeah, I think it's over.

500
00:19:29,527 --> 00:19:30,526
Sorry to interrupt,

501
00:19:31,075 --> 00:19:33,928
but I was wondering
if you wanted to dance.

502
00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:38,975
The cat's not going to last...

503
00:19:38,977 --> 00:19:42,245
Dina, where have you been?
I've been looking for you.

504
00:19:42,247 --> 00:19:44,247
- You missed your speech.
- Hey, Sandra.

505
00:19:44,249 --> 00:19:46,416
Listen, I know Dina's
been all over the place.

506
00:19:46,418 --> 00:19:48,853
But just trust me,
it was for a good reason.

507
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:50,981
Was it her?

508
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:53,573
Was it bad?

509
00:19:54,159 --> 00:19:56,092
- Almost.
- Is it over?

510
00:19:56,437 --> 00:19:57,545
It's over.

511
00:19:58,630 --> 00:19:59,676
Oh.

512
00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:01,086
Aww.

513
00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:03,366
Amy, this is kind of a private moment.

514
00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:04,490
Yeah.

515
00:20:05,917 --> 00:20:07,817
Hey, there you are,
I was looking for you.

516
00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:08,939
Everything okay?

517
00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:10,207
Yup, cat's fine.

518
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,475
Oh, wow. Now we're talking.

519
00:20:12,477 --> 00:20:14,311
Oh, that was actually for m-me.

520
00:20:14,313 --> 00:20:15,712
- If you want, I can...
- Yes, bar.

521
00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:16,713
Got it.

522
00:20:34,747 --> 00:20:36,747
I know this is really awkward but,

523
00:20:36,749 --> 00:20:38,954
I have to fire you from Sandra's wedding.

524
00:20:40,541 --> 00:20:42,896
- I get zero perks for dating the boss.
- Um hmm.

525
00:20:43,930 --> 00:20:44,968
What?

526
00:20:49,583 --> 00:20:51,583
You sure you want all this?

527
00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:52,834
That ship already sailed.

528
00:20:52,835 --> 00:20:55,326
This is not something
you are doing to me.

529
00:20:55,327 --> 00:20:57,327
This is something we
are doing to each other.

530
00:20:59,134 --> 00:21:00,829
I like being married to you.

531
00:21:01,123 --> 00:21:03,934
Yes! I'm having a really good time.