1 00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:01,242 . 2 00:00:01,702 --> 00:00:02,172 [upbeat rock music] 3 00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:05,537 - So, Mike and Martina, 4 00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:07,979 let's talk about why you're seeking therapy today. 5 00:00:07,975 --> 00:00:09,675 - She made me. 6 00:00:11,912 --> 00:00:13,752 What are you writing? - Mike. 7 00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:15,017 He's just taking notes. 8 00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:19,490 - [chuckles] He's writing about you now. 9 00:00:19,487 --> 00:00:21,287 - You don't know that. 10 00:00:21,289 --> 00:00:22,859 Are you? 11 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,426 - Let's get back to why you're here. 12 00:00:24,425 --> 00:00:25,655 - Yes. 13 00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:28,159 We're here about a dilemma Mike's facing. 14 00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:31,272 It all began when I was counseling a mother and daughter 15 00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:34,965 who were having some problems since they moved in together. 16 00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:36,398 - [British accent] I just can't control her. 17 00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:38,274 Coming in at all hours, 18 00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:40,572 drinking, loud music, 19 00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:42,614 an endless parade of men. 20 00:00:45,513 --> 00:00:49,053 - I'm just having a little fun. 21 00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:52,049 - Well, adult parents and children living together again 22 00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,052 does present a lot of challenges. 23 00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:55,924 - It certainly does. 24 00:00:55,923 --> 00:00:58,233 - That stupid accent! 25 00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,033 - It's not a choice. 26 00:01:01,028 --> 00:01:03,358 You married a British man and raised me in London. 27 00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:06,734 - [imitating a British accent] Raised me in London. 28 00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:09,004 Who talks like that? 29 00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:11,712 - Everyone in London! 30 00:01:11,705 --> 00:01:14,035 - Can you even understand her? 31 00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:17,306 - Mom, major emergency. 32 00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:18,311 - Stella! 33 00:01:18,312 --> 00:01:19,712 I'm in session. 34 00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:22,323 You know I've said not to come in when the door is closed. 35 00:01:22,316 --> 00:01:23,576 - Yeah, but you also said 36 00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,294 you're sad you don't have enough patients, 37 00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:29,256 so sometimes you just come in here to cry, so... 38 00:01:29,257 --> 00:01:32,057 - Stella, whatever it is, we'll deal with it later. 39 00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:34,329 Oh, sorry about that. 40 00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:36,158 Now, let's get back-- 41 00:01:36,164 --> 00:01:37,674 - Martina! 42 00:01:37,665 --> 00:01:40,995 I don't feel so good. 43 00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:42,541 Whoa, whoa. 44 00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:45,036 Yes, I was a little under the weather, 45 00:01:45,038 --> 00:01:47,338 but that is not how it happened. 46 00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,853 - Mike, what are you doing out of bed? 47 00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:53,975 You're deathly ill. 48 00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:55,421 - Yes, I am, 49 00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:58,546 but that wood isn't gonna chop itself. 50 00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:00,822 - That is not how it went. 51 00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:03,791 Although I would like you to chop that wood. 52 00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:06,561 - It's a lot of work. 53 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,760 Martina! 54 00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:10,062 - That's my husband. 55 00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:11,603 He's not feeling well, 56 00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:13,229 and you know how men get. 57 00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:14,644 - She doesn't. 58 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,095 - Ugh. 59 00:02:16,103 --> 00:02:17,243 This again. 60 00:02:17,238 --> 00:02:19,008 - She's a virgin. 61 00:02:20,308 --> 00:02:22,378 - I am not a virgin. 62 00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:23,936 - It can lapse! 63 00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:26,914 Like a driver's license. 64 00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:28,824 - That's ridiculous. 65 00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:31,516 I was married up until ten years ago. 66 00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:34,359 I will admit it has been a while. 67 00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:37,785 - There are cobwebs down there. 68 00:02:40,093 --> 00:02:42,463 - Stop pushing me, Mother. 69 00:02:42,463 --> 00:02:44,503 I'll go out again when I'm ready. 70 00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,128 Look, we really don't mind 71 00:02:46,133 --> 00:02:47,743 if you need to tend to your family. 72 00:02:47,735 --> 00:02:49,865 Your daughter did say it was an emergency. 73 00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:53,240 - Well, thank you. 74 00:02:53,241 --> 00:02:56,141 I'm sure it's nothing, but I will be right back. 75 00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:01,152 - It must be nice to have a daughter who needs you 76 00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:03,118 and wants your advice. 77 00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:05,786 - You don't give me advice, just insults. 78 00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:07,516 - I don't insult you. 79 00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:08,921 - Just this morning you asked me 80 00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:12,792 which mortician died and left me his clothes. 81 00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:16,633 - A genuine question. 82 00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:19,630 - All right, what's the big emergency? 83 00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:21,343 - This is tough, Mom. 84 00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:23,265 Have you ever heard of Lou Gehrig's disease? 85 00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:25,671 - Yes. Oh, my God, Stella. 86 00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:29,583 - Well, there's a play about it, and I have an audition. 87 00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:31,747 But I told them I could do accents, and I can't. 88 00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,305 - Mom, help. 89 00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:34,754 It's the first day of my internship, 90 00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:35,878 and I'm freaking out. 91 00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:37,023 Which outfit says, 92 00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:38,117 "Take my seriously, damn it, 93 00:03:38,118 --> 00:03:40,288 but I'm a little fun." 94 00:03:40,288 --> 00:03:42,318 - The left one. 95 00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:45,363 Oh, and you, google "accents" and do what they say, 96 00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:48,159 then google "real problems" and pay attention. 97 00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:55,574 Oh, I am so sorry for that interruption. 98 00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:56,869 Where's your mother? 99 00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,940 - She went to help your husband. 100 00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:00,509 - What? 101 00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:06,975 - Is this helping you? 102 00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,650 - I'm not sure. 103 00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:12,349 - It's sure helping me. 104 00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:15,123 - Sandy, what are you doing in here? 105 00:04:15,122 --> 00:04:19,332 - She showed up and started rubbing VapoRub on my chest. 106 00:04:19,327 --> 00:04:21,427 And... 107 00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:24,599 I just went with it. 108 00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:26,798 - This is wrong. You can't be here. 109 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,600 I'm your therapist. 110 00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,142 - Oh, not anymore. 111 00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:32,867 This poor man needs me. 112 00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:34,583 - That's my job. 113 00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:36,975 I think I can take care of my husband. 114 00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:39,177 - So why aren't you feeding him? 115 00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:40,649 Feed a cold; 116 00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:42,078 starve a fever. 117 00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:43,782 - I could eat. 118 00:04:45,052 --> 00:04:47,392 - How do chocolate chip pancakes sound? 119 00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:50,518 - Could you make the chocolate chips into a smiley face? 120 00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:53,064 - With a whipped cream beard. 121 00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:54,430 - That sounds good. 122 00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:56,928 Can we keep her? 123 00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:59,930 [upbeat music] 124 00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:08,043 * 125 00:05:10,478 --> 00:05:13,208 - Excuse me. 126 00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:14,383 When I was in here before, 127 00:05:14,382 --> 00:05:16,952 I noticed you do a great British accent. 128 00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:18,190 - It's just how I talk. 129 00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:19,545 - Okay, you don't have 130 00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:22,593 to brag about how easy it is for you. 131 00:05:22,590 --> 00:05:24,690 Anyway, I have a play audition tomorrow, 132 00:05:24,692 --> 00:05:26,392 so I could I follow you around tonight 133 00:05:26,394 --> 00:05:27,834 and learn how to talk like you? 134 00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,298 I mean, you don't have, like, a date or anything, do you? 135 00:05:30,297 --> 00:05:31,297 - No. 136 00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:32,298 [chuckles] 137 00:05:32,299 --> 00:05:33,299 No dates for me. 138 00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:34,470 - [chuckles] 139 00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:37,568 It's kind of your own fault. 140 00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:39,911 You're like the girl in a teen move who's ugly 141 00:05:39,907 --> 00:05:42,777 until she takes her glasses off, and then she's hot. 142 00:05:45,413 --> 00:05:46,883 Huh... 143 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,950 That must just be in the movies. 144 00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:51,890 Anyway, I can help, okay? 145 00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:53,415 You teach me to talk like a Brit, 146 00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:55,261 and I will make you over. 147 00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:57,825 - I must say I'm intrigued. 148 00:05:57,825 --> 00:06:02,425 - [in a Cockney accent] I must say I'm intrigued! 149 00:06:02,430 --> 00:06:04,670 - We've got a lot of work to do. 150 00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:06,065 - Oh, don't put yourself down. 151 00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:08,566 You're not that unattractive. 152 00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:12,639 * 153 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:15,510 - Oh, these pancakes are so good. 154 00:06:15,509 --> 00:06:16,739 [moans] 155 00:06:16,744 --> 00:06:20,154 - Even sick, you're an attractive man. 156 00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:23,775 - What the hell's going on, son? 157 00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:24,794 - Son? 158 00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:27,115 So that's where you get it. 159 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:30,590 - You need to get out of bed so we can go watch the game. 160 00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:32,891 - I got a cold. - Typical. 161 00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,263 I don't get colds. 162 00:06:34,261 --> 00:06:36,331 I felt one coming on once, but I told it to screw, 163 00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:37,669 and that was the end of it. 164 00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:39,265 - I could listen to you 165 00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:43,336 telling things to screw all night. 166 00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:45,306 - Who is this? 167 00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:46,705 - Dad, this is Sandy. 168 00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:49,907 She's a little tiny angel, and I'm keeping her. 169 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,750 Go watch the game with Alice. 170 00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:54,245 - Alice is at Bible study again, 171 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,677 and apparently I'm not allowed to join. 172 00:06:56,684 --> 00:07:00,094 - I didn't want my husband to go to my Bible study either. 173 00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:01,217 - Why not? 174 00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,161 - Because I wasn't there. 175 00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:06,286 I was having an affair. 176 00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:08,833 - Well, Alice is not having an affair. 177 00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:10,499 She's studying the good book. 178 00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:12,298 When she comes home from Bible study, 179 00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:14,199 she's full of the Spirit. 180 00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:17,041 Flushed and satisfied. 181 00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:18,507 Happy... 182 00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:20,506 tired... 183 00:07:20,508 --> 00:07:23,238 Good God, I have to investigate. 184 00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:26,613 - I have an idea how you can get back at her! 185 00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:34,685 . 186 00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:39,959 - Hi, I'm Shea Moore, the new intern. 187 00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:44,999 - I'm Nate Johnson, the other new intern. 188 00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:46,828 - Nice to meet you. 189 00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:48,844 - Whoa... [laughs] 190 00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:51,236 what are we gonna do about this? 191 00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:52,708 - What "this"? 192 00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:55,336 - The obvious sexual tension between us. 193 00:07:55,342 --> 00:08:00,552 - [giggling] Well, I don't see how it could be obvious. 194 00:08:00,548 --> 00:08:02,318 - Nice try. Your breath is shallow. 195 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,975 The capillaries in your cheeks are reddening, 196 00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:06,094 and your pupils are dilating. 197 00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:07,986 Yeah, I'm also an MD. I was a triple major. 198 00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,418 - They told me I couldn't do that! 199 00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:10,722 - Yeah. [laughs] 200 00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:12,694 They told me I couldn't park my motorcycle in my room. 201 00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:14,833 Did I listen to them? I don't know. 202 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,428 Ask the grease stains on my carpet. 203 00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:18,099 [machine beeps] 204 00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:20,368 - A bad boy. 205 00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:22,237 - Look, let's just reduce this equation 206 00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:24,605 down to the lowest terms. 207 00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:26,205 Honestly, every cell in my being 208 00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:27,906 is just screaming to make love to you. 209 00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:29,208 - They are? 210 00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:30,579 - I'm not gonna let that happen. 211 00:08:30,578 --> 00:08:32,008 - What? 212 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,582 - No, this internship's too important to the both of us. 213 00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:35,822 We're astrophysicists. 214 00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:39,146 We're not gonna let our biology screw this up. 215 00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:41,692 Yeah, I'm funny too. You're doomed. 216 00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:46,159 * 217 00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:49,359 - Oh, my God! You're still here. 218 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,602 Why are you still here? 219 00:08:51,599 --> 00:08:53,999 - Good genes, I guess. 220 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,369 - She's making me pie. Don't be mad, Martina. 221 00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:00,041 She's just taking care of me. 222 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,780 - I take care of you. 223 00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:05,375 - Yeah, but then I have to take care of you back. 224 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:06,708 - Hello, all. 225 00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:09,654 - Sweetheart, how was your first day at the new job? 226 00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:10,720 - It was great, 227 00:09:10,718 --> 00:09:13,488 except there's a fellow intern who is... 228 00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:16,286 well, I don't know how to put this. 229 00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:18,289 - You want to have sex with him. 230 00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:21,087 - Sandy! 231 00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:22,134 - No, she's right. 232 00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:26,974 - Honey, workplace romances can be really risky. 233 00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:29,237 - What if he's the love of her life? 234 00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:30,436 - She's 23. 235 00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:32,807 How can this guy possibly be the love of her life? 236 00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:34,676 - We got married at 23. 237 00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:36,205 - We had to. 238 00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:40,149 - I met the love of my life at 23... 239 00:09:40,147 --> 00:09:43,977 and 47... 240 00:09:43,984 --> 00:09:47,694 and 65... 241 00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:50,818 - I'm just saying be smart. 242 00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:53,694 - And I'm just saying there are other variables. 243 00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:57,404 - Mom, as always, your advice is spot-on, 244 00:09:57,397 --> 00:09:59,467 but this lady's advice is a little bit better 245 00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:01,296 and seems like it might get me laid. 246 00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:05,373 And I am, sadly, only human. 247 00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:06,372 [bell dings] 248 00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:07,883 - Oh, who wants pie? 249 00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:10,475 - I do. - Pie? There's pie? 250 00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:12,447 - Okay, Sandy, 251 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:13,575 time to go home. 252 00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:16,150 Do you need a lift? Should I call an Uber? 253 00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:17,819 A horse-and-buggy? 254 00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:21,886 - I'm not going anywhere. 255 00:10:21,889 --> 00:10:22,889 - What? 256 00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:25,430 - Your family needs me. 257 00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:27,185 I'm filling a vacuum. 258 00:10:27,194 --> 00:10:29,234 By the way, I vacuumed. 259 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,001 - I mean, obviously, as a therapist, 260 00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:35,171 I could see that she was 261 00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:36,968 projecting her relationship issues 262 00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,570 with her daughter onto us. 263 00:10:38,571 --> 00:10:40,271 - Oh, stop showing off. 264 00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:44,535 - And since I couldn't reason with Sandy, 265 00:10:44,544 --> 00:10:47,014 I decided to talk to her daughter Gwen 266 00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:49,424 who had spent the day with Stella. 267 00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:53,416 - [in a Cockney accent] 'Ello, Mum, fancy a pint? 268 00:10:53,420 --> 00:10:56,590 It's me, Stella. 269 00:10:56,589 --> 00:11:00,259 [in a Cockney accent] Do I make you 'orny? 270 00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:01,490 - I'm your mother. 271 00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,434 - I'm practicing my new accent. 272 00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:05,030 Gwen and I watched some British films 273 00:11:05,032 --> 00:11:06,232 about that Austin Powers guy. 274 00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:08,243 - Well, where is Gwen? I need to talk to her. 275 00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:09,495 - She's in the loo. 276 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,442 That's British for toilet! 277 00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:15,138 They have a word for everything over there. 278 00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:17,142 - Hello, Martina. 279 00:11:17,144 --> 00:11:20,214 - Wow, you look amazing! 280 00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:21,753 - I feel like a whole new woman! 281 00:11:21,749 --> 00:11:24,079 Between Stella's makeover and not having my mum around, 282 00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:25,854 I've never been happier. 283 00:11:25,853 --> 00:11:26,993 - That being said, 284 00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:29,157 wouldn't you like to have your mom around? 285 00:11:29,156 --> 00:11:30,286 - God, no. 286 00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:33,290 - But she's driving me crazy. 287 00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:37,503 - What I'm hearing sounds like a you problem. 288 00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:39,967 You know, it's amazing what not being insulted 289 00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:42,397 24 hours a day does to your self-esteem. 290 00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:44,842 - Gwen, as a professional therapist, 291 00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:47,368 let me just say this is no fair! 292 00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:48,644 [phone chimes] 293 00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:50,581 - Whoa, warehouse party. 294 00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:53,847 It's starting right now, and the Snapchats are dope. 295 00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:55,047 - Whatever that is, 296 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,848 it sounds like exactly what I need. 297 00:11:57,851 --> 00:12:00,021 - Oh, behave! 298 00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:02,360 That means we're not gonna behave. 299 00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:04,585 - Well, after the party, how about you come by 300 00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:06,031 and pick up your mother? 301 00:12:06,026 --> 00:12:07,996 If you agree, walk out the door 302 00:12:07,995 --> 00:12:11,095 without saying anything! 303 00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:13,928 - Oh, looks like it's time for me to go to Bible study. 304 00:12:13,934 --> 00:12:15,544 - Again? 305 00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:17,095 You just went last night. 306 00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:19,574 - Oh, it's a long book, Bob. 307 00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:25,209 - So what have you been studying? 308 00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:26,882 - Obadiah 1:9. 309 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:28,350 - Oh, come on. You made that up. 310 00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:30,878 There's no such thing as Obadiah 1:9. 311 00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:31,994 - Yes, there is. 312 00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:33,885 We read that passage at our wedding. 313 00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:37,057 - Oh, yeah. 314 00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:39,027 Greatest day of my life. 315 00:12:39,026 --> 00:12:40,856 Alice. - Hmm? 316 00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:44,161 Whatever you do, never forget I'm an ex-cop. 317 00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:46,704 I'm trained to see things other men don't see. 318 00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:48,939 I notice things other men don't notice. 319 00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:51,836 I hear things other men don't hear. 320 00:12:51,839 --> 00:12:54,309 Nothing gets by me, my love. 321 00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:57,037 Nothing. 322 00:12:57,044 --> 00:13:00,354 - Oh...your wedding vow! 323 00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:05,222 But really, I got to go! 324 00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:08,488 * 325 00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:11,488 - So I say we evaluate our potential relationship 326 00:13:11,491 --> 00:13:13,961 as if it were any other scientific dilemma. 327 00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:15,861 - God, you're perfect. 328 00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:18,033 - I'm glad you think so. I'll factor that in. 329 00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:23,768 Well, there it is. 330 00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:26,770 49% we should act on our attraction, 331 00:13:26,773 --> 00:13:29,243 51% we shouldn't. 332 00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:30,882 - Did we factor in my new leather jacket? 333 00:13:30,878 --> 00:13:32,408 - Yes, right here. 334 00:13:32,412 --> 00:13:35,722 I was hoping it would change things too. 335 00:13:38,518 --> 00:13:42,518 - See you tomorrow, platonic co-worker. 336 00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:43,722 - Please don't look back. 337 00:13:43,723 --> 00:13:46,663 Please don't look back. 338 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,929 Damn it. 339 00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:52,369 Good-bye, bad boy. 340 00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:53,995 - [sighs] 341 00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:55,741 Wasn't this a good idea? 342 00:13:55,735 --> 00:13:56,795 - Absolutely. 343 00:13:56,803 --> 00:13:58,543 Close to the kitchen, bigger TV. 344 00:13:58,538 --> 00:14:00,468 I'm feeling much better. 345 00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:02,813 - It's nice to be needed. 346 00:14:02,809 --> 00:14:04,639 Let's drink our tea. 347 00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:10,517 - That's whiskey. 348 00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:12,587 - Is it? 349 00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:16,461 - You know, my mother used to spoil me like this 350 00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:18,956 when I was sick. Drove my dad nuts. 351 00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:20,689 She was a bit of a free spirit. 352 00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:22,563 One time she pulled me out of school 353 00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:26,132 because it was too nice a day to stay inside. 354 00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:28,043 - Where's your mother now? 355 00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:30,795 - I don't know. She left when I was a kid. 356 00:14:30,803 --> 00:14:32,843 She was more into causes and movements 357 00:14:32,839 --> 00:14:34,409 than marriage and motherhood. 358 00:14:34,407 --> 00:14:37,637 She's reached out a few times, but... 359 00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:39,684 I didn't want it. 360 00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:42,749 - What kind of a mother leaves her little boy? 361 00:14:42,749 --> 00:14:44,249 - Exactly. 362 00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:49,289 I feel a little tired. 363 00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:01,365 - What the [bleep]! 364 00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:11,141 . 365 00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:13,009 - What the hell's going on here? 366 00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,977 - What? What happened? 367 00:15:16,984 --> 00:15:20,294 - The bad lady woke you up. 368 00:15:20,287 --> 00:15:21,287 - That's it, Sandy. 369 00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:23,858 I cannot take this for one second longer. 370 00:15:23,856 --> 00:15:26,556 Get out of my house! Nobody wants you here! 371 00:15:26,559 --> 00:15:28,829 - I need to talk to Sandy. 372 00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:30,698 - Sandy, I need to talk to you. 373 00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:31,697 - No, me first. 374 00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:33,128 Nate and I ran all the variables, 375 00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:34,473 and it said we shouldn't be together, 376 00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:35,667 and now I'm miserable. 377 00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:36,668 - That's nothing. 378 00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:37,839 Sandy, I went to the church, 379 00:15:37,837 --> 00:15:39,907 and Alice isn't at Bible study at all! 380 00:15:39,906 --> 00:15:41,306 - You know what? That's it, guys. 381 00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:42,278 Stop. 382 00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,805 She's mine. 383 00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:48,122 - There's the adulteress. 384 00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:50,015 Shame. 385 00:15:50,017 --> 00:15:51,647 - What? 386 00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:53,551 - The wife is black? 387 00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:56,823 Oh, I didn't picture that. 388 00:15:56,823 --> 00:15:58,493 - What did you picture? 389 00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:00,031 - Me. 390 00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:03,529 - 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello! 391 00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:05,170 - I've got to talk to my mother. 392 00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:07,765 - Those are my suitcases. - They are! 393 00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:11,197 I've discovered a new me, and she's better without you. 394 00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:12,674 I always thought I'd put you in a home. 395 00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:15,542 Turns out, it's this one. 396 00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:17,542 - Fine. I'll live here forever. 397 00:16:17,544 --> 00:16:18,784 - That's enough. 398 00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:21,578 I am gonna take care of all of this right now. 399 00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:24,081 First, Shea, gun to your head, 400 00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:26,054 what's the most important thing to you right now? 401 00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:28,893 - Getting the gun away from my head. 402 00:16:28,888 --> 00:16:30,718 - No, don't think, just react. 403 00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:31,893 Your career or this boy? 404 00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:32,891 - My career. 405 00:16:32,892 --> 00:16:34,392 - There's your answer. 406 00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:35,534 - Bob. - [grunts] 407 00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:37,858 - Stop projecting your fears on to Alice 408 00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:39,804 and just ask her where she's been going. 409 00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:42,969 - All right, Jezebel... 410 00:16:42,969 --> 00:16:44,799 where have you been going? 411 00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:47,114 - Fine, I'll confess. 412 00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:48,537 I've been going bowling. 413 00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:49,741 - Bowling! 414 00:16:49,742 --> 00:16:51,112 - Yeah, I didn't want to tell you 415 00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:53,481 because the team doesn't want you back this year. 416 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:56,420 You yell at everybody. You made Denise cry. 417 00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:58,086 - Well, she's a terrible player. 418 00:16:58,085 --> 00:17:01,815 - She's in a wheelchair. 419 00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:05,761 - I thought they liked to be treated the same! 420 00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:10,128 - Okay, bottom line is Alice is not having an affair. 421 00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,170 - Good to know. Well, enjoy my mother. 422 00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:13,925 - No, no, no! Wait. 423 00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:16,103 You say you're "a new me"? 424 00:17:16,103 --> 00:17:17,443 But isn't that what your mother's 425 00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:19,107 been telling you all along? 426 00:17:19,106 --> 00:17:20,406 That you need to fix yourself up 427 00:17:20,407 --> 00:17:22,107 and get yourself out there again? 428 00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:25,310 - I suppose. 429 00:17:25,312 --> 00:17:29,422 - And Sandy, what do you think of this new Gwen? 430 00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:31,416 - You look like... - What? 431 00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:32,888 A poorly dressed mannequin? 432 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:35,315 An ad for a depressing dating website 433 00:17:35,322 --> 00:17:36,722 for the elderly divorced? 434 00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:38,693 A hooker from Cleveland? 435 00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:42,161 Just say it! 436 00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:44,132 - You look beautiful 437 00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:46,271 and happy. 438 00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:49,136 - Well, thank you. 439 00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:51,436 - You see? It's simple. 440 00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:56,138 Sandy, Gwen wants to feel supported and loved. 441 00:17:56,143 --> 00:18:00,613 And Gwen, your mom wants to feel needed. 442 00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:03,053 - I do need you. 443 00:18:03,049 --> 00:18:05,149 - And I love you. 444 00:18:08,155 --> 00:18:10,785 [phone chimes] 445 00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:11,990 - Oh, my God. 446 00:18:11,991 --> 00:18:13,261 Emergency, you guys. 447 00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:14,590 They've changed the part. 448 00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:16,564 It's a southern accent now. 449 00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:20,165 - Stella, we really need to discuss 450 00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:21,727 the meaning of the word "emergency." 451 00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:23,574 - [in a southern accent] Stella, we really need 452 00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:26,940 to discuss the meaning of the word emergency. 453 00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,179 - [in a southern accent] What? 454 00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:29,305 That's not how I sound! 455 00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:30,309 - [imitating her] What? 456 00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:32,410 That's not how I sound! 457 00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:34,552 - She has you nailed. 458 00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:35,877 - Let's go home. 459 00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:39,322 - Or we could go back to that warehouse party. 460 00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:40,689 Lot of men there. 461 00:18:40,687 --> 00:18:42,047 - Anyone my age? 462 00:18:42,054 --> 00:18:43,064 - No. 463 00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:48,295 . 464 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:48,701 * 465 00:18:51,097 --> 00:18:52,697 - How you feeling? 466 00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:53,699 - Physically, better, 467 00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:57,000 but I miss Sandy being here. 468 00:18:57,003 --> 00:18:59,243 It's nice having one of those older ladies in the house 469 00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:01,269 who takes care of you. 470 00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:04,714 - A mother? 471 00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:07,251 - Yeah, one of those. 472 00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:09,317 - Well, do you think maybe what you're really missing 473 00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:10,646 is your own mother? 474 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,220 - Maybe. 475 00:19:12,219 --> 00:19:14,119 - You could get in touch with her. 476 00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:16,390 - I'm still angry. 477 00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:19,789 - You can be angry at someone and still miss them. 478 00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:21,392 - Like Mel Gibson. 479 00:19:25,232 --> 00:19:29,242 I'm angry at him, but I kind of miss his movies. 480 00:19:29,236 --> 00:19:31,536 He would have been great in "Taken." 481 00:19:31,538 --> 00:19:33,268 You know what Liam Neeson's taken? 482 00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:35,013 Mel Gibson's parts. 483 00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:41,351 - Do you think maybe you're deflecting... 484 00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:44,018 to avoid talking about something painful? 485 00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:48,486 - Martina, I really don't want to be therap-ized by you. 486 00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:51,158 - So that's what brought us to you, 487 00:19:51,157 --> 00:19:52,827 to discuss whether or not Mike 488 00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:54,355 should get in touch with his mother. 489 00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:55,431 - I see. 490 00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:57,158 Mike, what we need to do now 491 00:19:57,163 --> 00:19:58,573 is explore all the difficult 492 00:19:58,565 --> 00:20:00,565 and contradictory feelings that come into play 493 00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:03,367 when making such a potentially life-changing decision. 494 00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:06,510 - Yeah, I don't want to do all that. 495 00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:09,276 I'll just call her. 496 00:20:09,276 --> 00:20:12,136 * 497 00:20:12,144 --> 00:20:13,154 [voicemail beeps] 498 00:20:13,145 --> 00:20:15,615 Hey, Mom, it's Mike. 499 00:20:15,615 --> 00:20:18,715 Your son. 500 00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,448 It's, uh... 501 00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:23,163 been a long time. 502 00:20:23,155 --> 00:20:24,755 Maybe too long a time. 503 00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:28,297 So if you get this, please give me a call. 504 00:20:31,431 --> 00:20:34,001 Martina, I know you're listening at the door. 505 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,000 - Not listening. 506 00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:37,241 Just here in case you need me. 507 00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,336 - Well, what I said was-- 508 00:20:39,339 --> 00:20:42,579 - I heard the whole thing. 509 00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:44,335 - Look, I don't know if it was the right number 510 00:20:44,344 --> 00:20:46,154 or if I'll ever hear from her, 511 00:20:46,145 --> 00:20:49,245 but I am glad that I did it, so thanks. 512 00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:52,488 You take good care of us. 513 00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:55,145 * 514 00:20:55,154 --> 00:20:56,824 - Well, Nate Johnson, I look forward 515 00:20:56,823 --> 00:20:59,033 to our professional relationship together. 516 00:20:59,025 --> 00:21:00,625 - So do I, Shea Moore. 517 00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:10,940 - It seems there's one variable we neglected to consider, 518 00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:14,467 which is that... that was awesome. 519 00:21:14,474 --> 00:21:17,344 We should consider it again. 520 00:21:17,344 --> 00:21:20,454 *