1 00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:01,242 . 2 00:00:04,438 --> 00:00:04,908 - Hey, honey. What's up? 3 00:00:05,806 --> 00:00:07,036 - I'm on with The Gooch. 4 00:00:07,041 --> 00:00:08,611 - Oh, I love The Gooch! 5 00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:10,539 - Give me a Pearl Jam trivia question. I-- 6 00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:13,414 You're talking to Seattle's number one Pearl Jam fan. 7 00:00:13,414 --> 00:00:14,784 If you don't believe me, ask any one 8 00:00:14,782 --> 00:00:17,892 of the four message boards I moderate. 9 00:00:17,885 --> 00:00:20,485 - Mike, I lost your rake. Can I borrow another one? 10 00:00:20,488 --> 00:00:21,818 - He's on with The Gooch! 11 00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:23,522 - Ooh, I love The Gooch. 12 00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:26,434 I love it when he says, "You got Gooched." 13 00:00:26,427 --> 00:00:27,427 - Shh, shh, shh. 14 00:00:27,428 --> 00:00:29,558 Name two ex-Pearl Jam drummers. 15 00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:30,633 How about four? 16 00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:32,831 Dave Krusen, Matt Chamberlain, 17 00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:35,143 Dave Abbruzzese, Jack Irons. 18 00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:39,812 I won? I won! 19 00:00:39,807 --> 00:00:41,537 - Oh! - I'm going to Pearl Jam! 20 00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:42,582 That's awesome. 21 00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:43,976 Yeah, I'm in a room full of people. 22 00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:46,277 He wants me to turn the radio up. 23 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,020 - So, caller, are you happy? 24 00:00:48,015 --> 00:00:49,045 - Ecstatic. 25 00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,049 - That's great. 26 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,450 Well, it would be great 27 00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:53,622 if this weren't The Prank of the Week! 28 00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:55,821 [spring boings, sad horn warbles] 29 00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:57,663 We don't really have Pearl Jam tickets. 30 00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:58,958 You just got Gooched. 31 00:00:58,959 --> 00:00:59,959 - Ha-hah! 32 00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:01,630 That's what I was talking about. 33 00:01:03,331 --> 00:01:05,531 - Well, it's official. 34 00:01:05,533 --> 00:01:08,303 There is no God. 35 00:01:08,302 --> 00:01:10,142 - What's wrong with Dad? Did someone die? 36 00:01:10,138 --> 00:01:11,638 - In a way, yes. 37 00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:14,579 - He just lost out on Pearl Jam Tickets. 38 00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:15,875 - Oh, I can get you those. 39 00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:17,906 - Stella, you better not be joking, 40 00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:20,281 and that goes for all of you. 41 00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:23,451 Do not [bleep] with me right now. 42 00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:25,891 - I'm serious, Dad. 43 00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:27,456 My new boyfriend, Hashtag, 44 00:01:27,455 --> 00:01:29,255 he's the drummer of Riptide, 45 00:01:29,257 --> 00:01:31,787 They're the band that's opening for Pearl Jam. 46 00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:34,702 - There is a God, and He rocks. 47 00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:37,425 That is awesome. Can you get another ticket for Shea? 48 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,171 - Can't it be just a you and me thing? 49 00:01:39,167 --> 00:01:41,837 It could be a Daddy-Stella date like when I was little. 50 00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:43,335 - You know what? We'll fly there in my chopper 51 00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:45,167 just like we did in the old days. 52 00:01:45,173 --> 00:01:47,183 Agh! I love you, Stella. 53 00:01:47,175 --> 00:01:48,575 I love all of you right now. 54 00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:51,710 - Dad... 55 00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:53,752 have your eyes always been so blue? 56 00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:58,890 - They're green, but thank you. 57 00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:03,993 - Good morning, all. 58 00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:06,661 - Shea, are you wearing the same thing you wore last night? 59 00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:07,960 - I am. 60 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,901 And we all know what that indicates. 61 00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:13,498 - Oh, my God. You're doing the walk of shame. 62 00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:15,041 That's my thing. 63 00:02:15,035 --> 00:02:16,795 - Is it a walk of shame if I'm proud of it? 64 00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:19,344 I think not. 65 00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:21,740 All I can think of now is when can I text him? 66 00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:23,912 Or should I wait for him to text me? 67 00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:26,581 What's the proper postcoital protocol? 68 00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:28,580 You know what? No biggie. Whatever. 69 00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:31,022 Somebody tell me what to do. 70 00:02:31,018 --> 00:02:32,488 - Do not text him. 71 00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,856 - You'll look desperate. - They're right. 72 00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:36,555 You need a distraction. 73 00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:37,887 You should come to my poker game. 74 00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:39,561 It's just me and a few other guards. 75 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:40,730 - Thanks, Grandma. 76 00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:42,728 - Well, while you hens are clucking over the cards, 77 00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:44,600 I'll be at the gun range. 78 00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:46,628 I got to stay sharp in case they call me back in 79 00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:48,044 for one last case. 80 00:02:48,035 --> 00:02:51,065 - Oh, would that be the case of the delusional old man? 81 00:02:56,244 --> 00:02:58,414 - You know, I used to shoot when I was a kid. 82 00:02:58,412 --> 00:03:00,952 Going out back with my Pa. 83 00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:04,388 Target practice with cans and bottles. 84 00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:06,345 The rusted out El Camino, 85 00:03:06,354 --> 00:03:08,864 the other rusted out El Camino. 86 00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:10,956 - I didn't know you could shoot. 87 00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:14,128 - Once shot a possum without even slowing the tractor down. 88 00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:17,767 - I love when Mom gets all "Duck Dynasty." 89 00:03:17,765 --> 00:03:19,925 - Hey, why don't I come with you, Bob? 90 00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:22,473 - I like to shoot alone, Martina. 91 00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:23,800 - Yeah, I understand. 92 00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:27,044 I mean, what guy likes being shown up by a woman? 93 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:30,740 - Passive aggressive challenge, eh? 94 00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:32,654 Accepted. 95 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,154 [beer plunks in trashcan] 96 00:03:36,617 --> 00:03:39,617 [upbeat music] 97 00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:48,459 . 98 00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:50,633 - All right, I found my favorite Pearl Jam T-shirt, 99 00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:53,332 socks, boxer shorts... 100 00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:55,704 Where is my Ten Club hoodie? 101 00:03:55,703 --> 00:03:58,313 - It's in the drawer next to your Pearl Jammies. 102 00:04:00,308 --> 00:04:02,978 - How could jammies that rock so hard 103 00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:04,476 be so soft? 104 00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:09,377 - Look, honey, I know you're excited about the show, 105 00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:10,483 but the thing is-- 106 00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:13,754 - Don't finish that sentence, Martina. 107 00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:16,164 I know that whatever you're about to say 108 00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:19,826 is somehow going to ruin my enjoyment of this concert. 109 00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:20,887 - But I have to say it. 110 00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:23,104 - Resist. - But it's important. 111 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,126 - Fight it. Fight it! 112 00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:29,104 - I Googled Stella's boyfriend, Hashtag, 113 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:30,342 just to see what he looked like, 114 00:04:30,338 --> 00:04:32,108 and there was a link to a blog, 115 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:35,135 and it's all very hush-hush so the fans won't know, 116 00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:36,442 but Hashtag's married. 117 00:04:36,444 --> 00:04:38,954 - Ugh! You and that Google! 118 00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:40,576 Geez. 119 00:04:40,581 --> 00:04:41,821 You think Stella knows? 120 00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:44,115 - No. I'm sure she doesn't. 121 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:46,047 I mean, Stella does a lot of bad things, 122 00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:48,623 but I don't think she would want to ruin a marriage. 123 00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,362 We have to tell her. 124 00:04:50,358 --> 00:04:52,188 - All right, in situations like this, 125 00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:55,832 I like to ask myself: W.W.E.V.D? 126 00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:59,199 What would Eddie Vedder do? 127 00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:02,399 - Any chance he'd sit down with his daughter 128 00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:03,803 and open a dialogue? 129 00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:06,374 - No, he'd grab his ax and head off to East Java 130 00:05:06,374 --> 00:05:09,014 with surf god Laird Hamilton; 131 00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:12,379 drop in on some major tubular action. 132 00:05:12,380 --> 00:05:14,980 - And how does that help us? 133 00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:17,392 - It doesn't. It's just fun to think about. 134 00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:22,764 - Mike, come back. [snapping] 135 00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:25,226 - Okay, fine. You know what? I'm gonna tell her. 136 00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:28,625 She'll break up with Hashtag, and I won't go to the concert. 137 00:05:28,629 --> 00:05:31,199 And it's the right thing to do, and we'll all be happy. 138 00:05:31,198 --> 00:05:34,868 So if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna take a sad nap 139 00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:37,098 in my Pearl Jammies. 140 00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:42,311 - So, you spent last night with him, 141 00:05:42,309 --> 00:05:43,909 and he still hasn't texted you? 142 00:05:43,911 --> 00:05:45,411 - No. - Called you? 143 00:05:45,413 --> 00:05:46,683 - No. - Sent flowers? 144 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,950 - Flowers? Guys don't send flowers 145 00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:50,649 after the first time you sleep with them. 146 00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:53,691 - They do if you're doing it right. 147 00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:56,257 - Oh, I did it right. 148 00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:58,726 I'm pretty sure. 149 00:05:58,726 --> 00:06:00,756 - I'm sure you did, sweetie. 150 00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:03,031 Your breadstick body can be just as much fun 151 00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,630 as a real woman's. 152 00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:09,443 - Shea, the bottom line is you can't text him first. 153 00:06:09,437 --> 00:06:10,597 - Yeah, I hear what you're saying, 154 00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:12,914 but what if I really, really want to? 155 00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:13,966 - So, you just came in here 156 00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:16,084 to get permission to text this guy? 157 00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:17,946 - Shea, nobody's gonna tell you to do that. 158 00:06:17,945 --> 00:06:19,675 It's a bad idea. 159 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,450 You got to play the game. 160 00:06:21,449 --> 00:06:23,449 - Oh, Grandma, Nate's not like other guys. 161 00:06:23,451 --> 00:06:24,851 He said he doesn't want to play games. 162 00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:27,622 - Oh, honey, that's a classic first move in the game. 163 00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:30,621 - That's like the traditional kickoff of the game. 164 00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:32,694 - That's what someone who's good at playing the game 165 00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:34,733 says about the game. 166 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:37,698 - Or, he just meant what he said. 167 00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:40,728 [all laugh] 168 00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:44,910 - I think this is the first time you and I 169 00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,905 have gone out and done stuff, just the two of us. 170 00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:49,377 - You're not gonna narrate like this the whole time, are you? 171 00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:53,345 So, your old man taught you to shoot? 172 00:06:53,346 --> 00:06:55,076 - Oh, so now you want to talk? 173 00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:58,122 - Mine was about guns, not about our relationship. 174 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,590 - Yeah. My dad taught me. 175 00:07:02,590 --> 00:07:04,220 He also taught me how to clean a fish, 176 00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:06,334 dress a deer, and open a beer with my teeth. 177 00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:11,395 Only time we got along was when we did stuff like that. 178 00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:13,698 - Maybe he wanted a boy. 179 00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:16,501 - Well, who knows what he wanted. 180 00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:18,874 He was an angry old cuss. 181 00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:22,082 [gunshots] 182 00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:25,375 - Wow. You stink. 183 00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:26,748 - Well, you threw me off. 184 00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:29,977 - A good shot doesn't get thrown off that easily. 185 00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:30,983 Let me show you how it's done. 186 00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:32,294 - With that stance? 187 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:35,655 Heh-heh-heh. Your center of gravity is way off. 188 00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:37,656 - My center of gravity is fine. 189 00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:39,688 - Maybe thirty pounds ago it was. 190 00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:44,666 [gunshots] 191 00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:47,329 Son of a bitch. 192 00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:48,704 Look what you made me do. 193 00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:51,442 - I thought you said a good shot doesn't get thrown off. 194 00:07:51,438 --> 00:07:54,338 - Your cackling would throw off the American Sniper. 195 00:07:54,341 --> 00:07:56,941 - I'm beginning to see why we don't hang out. 196 00:07:56,944 --> 00:07:59,554 - I didn't want you to come to my range in the first place. 197 00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:01,347 - Well, I know when I'm not wanted. 198 00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:02,818 - I just said you're not wanted. 199 00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,546 - That's how I know, dumbass. 200 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,620 - Eddie, Laird, 201 00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:12,563 we respected those waves, and they respected us. 202 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:14,060 Cheers. 203 00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:15,301 [phone rings] 204 00:08:15,295 --> 00:08:16,995 Laird, could you grab that? You're closer. 205 00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:19,972 [phone rings] 206 00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:24,041 Fine, I'll grab it. 207 00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:25,037 Hello? 208 00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:26,568 - I want to kill your father. 209 00:08:26,574 --> 00:08:29,614 - Take a number. 210 00:08:29,610 --> 00:08:32,580 Your number is two. 211 00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:34,480 - The balls on that guy to insult me 212 00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:36,021 while I'm holding a gun. 213 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:38,086 - [chuckles] 214 00:08:38,085 --> 00:08:39,415 - Why are you laughing? 215 00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:40,619 - I'm sorry. I know you're upset. 216 00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:43,161 But I love hearing you trash him. 217 00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:47,055 - Hey, how did Stella take the Hashtag news? 218 00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:48,860 - Well, here's the thing now. 219 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,832 You know how you're always saying 220 00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:52,131 that we got to let the girls 221 00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:53,632 make their own mistakes like adults. 222 00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:55,944 Well, you know, I've decided that you're right, 223 00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:58,236 because if I meddle, 224 00:08:58,238 --> 00:09:00,738 I may jeopardize Stella's independence. 225 00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:03,311 - And your Pearl Jam tickets. 226 00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:04,810 - Hadn't thought about that. 227 00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:07,950 - W.W.E.V.D. 228 00:09:07,948 --> 00:09:09,118 What would Eddie Vedder do 229 00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:11,316 if his daughter was in the same situation? 230 00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:13,688 - He would take her to the Mike concert. 231 00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:16,823 No? 232 00:09:16,824 --> 00:09:19,664 All right, fine. Look, I'll talk to her. 233 00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:21,190 I will talk to her right now. 234 00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:26,203 - Ready for Daddy-Stella Date 2016? 235 00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:27,939 - Yes, but first we have to talk about something. 236 00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:30,135 - Wait, what is that shirt you're wearing? 237 00:09:30,137 --> 00:09:31,437 - Shea made this for me 238 00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:34,038 when we went to go see Pearl Jam in 2002. 239 00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:37,651 See? It's pearl plus jam. 240 00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:41,816 - Good old Shea. 241 00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:45,215 She may be the good one, but did she ever get you... 242 00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:48,088 uh-front, uh-row, uh-seats? 243 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:51,288 - Front row seats? Oh, God. 244 00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:52,961 Oh, Stella, you're killing me. 245 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,400 Look, there's something that I wanted to tell you 246 00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:57,665 after the concert, but I have to do it now. 247 00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:01,996 Sweetie, hurting you is the last thing 248 00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:04,872 that I would ever want to do, but, um... 249 00:10:04,872 --> 00:10:06,142 Hashtag's married. 250 00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:07,539 - I know. 251 00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:09,580 - You do? 252 00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:11,336 You know that you're dating a married man, 253 00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:13,414 and you are fine with that? 254 00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:14,553 [phone beeps] 255 00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:16,747 - Oh, it's Hashtag. 256 00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:18,290 He wants to know if we want to get drinks 257 00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:19,645 with Eddie after the concert. 258 00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:26,857 . 259 00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:29,128 - Okay, hypothetically, let's say I do text him. 260 00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:32,598 What's the worst that could happen? 261 00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:34,869 - Well, you could text him, 262 00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:37,268 he doesn't text back, it drives you crazy, 263 00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:38,440 and the next thing you know, 264 00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:40,468 you're facing 20 without chance of parole. 265 00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:41,843 - Mm. - Mm. 266 00:10:42,943 --> 00:10:44,283 - You're just trying to scare me. 267 00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:45,907 - It's the truth. 268 00:10:45,913 --> 00:10:49,023 There was this one inmate-- good, church-going woman-- 269 00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:51,016 her boyfriend didn't call her the next day, 270 00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:52,888 she chased him, he pulled away-- 271 00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:54,486 - As men do. 272 00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:57,217 - And she got so mad, she took a knife-- 273 00:10:57,224 --> 00:10:58,634 - My God, did she kill him? 274 00:10:58,625 --> 00:10:59,725 - No! 275 00:10:59,727 --> 00:11:01,157 Didn't you hear me say 276 00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,901 she was a good, church-going woman? 277 00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:05,927 She just cut off his [bleep]. 278 00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:10,065 - I saw the file. It had pictures. 279 00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:11,240 - Mm. - Oh, me too. 280 00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:13,268 - You know, when they're off the body, 281 00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:14,473 they just don't look right. 282 00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:16,284 all: Mm-mm. 283 00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:18,076 - It's like seeing your junior high teacher 284 00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:19,448 at the supermarket. 285 00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:21,476 You don't belong here. 286 00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:26,190 - Agreed. They should be attached. 287 00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:29,416 And I get it. And thank you. 288 00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:31,932 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go for a walk. 289 00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:34,155 - Nobody's gonna tell you to text that boy. 290 00:11:34,161 --> 00:11:36,761 - You don't know that! 291 00:11:36,764 --> 00:11:39,234 [gunshots] 292 00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:41,172 - Ugh. - Well... 293 00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:42,868 One of those hit the target. 294 00:11:42,870 --> 00:11:44,300 My target. 295 00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:48,109 - Less talkin'. More shootin'. 296 00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:50,278 - Whatever you say, Annie Choke-ly. 297 00:11:51,879 --> 00:11:54,009 - How long did it take you to come up with that one? 298 00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:56,354 - Not as long as you think. 299 00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:58,289 - Let's just get to it, old man. 300 00:11:58,285 --> 00:12:01,415 - Ooh, tough talk for someone who shoots like a girl. 301 00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:03,021 - I don't shoot like a girl. 302 00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:04,833 I shoot like a country-ass redneck, 303 00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:06,955 and don't you forget it. 304 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,600 And women shoot great, 305 00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:11,525 you grumpy, stubborn, misogynistic, pig-headed-- 306 00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:13,701 - Just shut up and let me shoot, Linda. 307 00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:16,695 - Linda? 308 00:12:18,806 --> 00:12:20,636 Oh... 309 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,610 That's what's happening here. 310 00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:24,579 - Nothing's happening here. 311 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,877 - You just called me by your ex-wife's name, 312 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:28,220 who you never talk about. 313 00:12:28,215 --> 00:12:29,975 Something's happening. 314 00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:33,053 - Don't talk to me like I'm one of your patients. 315 00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:34,693 - You just threw a fish at a fisherman. 316 00:12:34,687 --> 00:12:35,717 I'm gonna catch it. 317 00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:37,592 - Just like your pappy taught you? 318 00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,130 - What's that supposed to mean? 319 00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:42,026 - You have got daddy issues. 320 00:12:42,029 --> 00:12:45,069 See? I can be a therapist, too. 321 00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:46,525 I've slept with enough younger women 322 00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:48,243 to know what a daddy issue looks like. 323 00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,940 - So, sleeping around after your wife left you... 324 00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:55,880 yeah, nothing sad or transparent about that. 325 00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:57,506 - All right, that's it. I've had enough. 326 00:12:57,510 --> 00:12:59,650 - Oh, wait, Bob. I-- 327 00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:01,846 I'm sorry. 328 00:13:01,849 --> 00:13:04,749 I'm sorry if I crossed the line there. 329 00:13:04,751 --> 00:13:07,861 Maybe calling me Linda was just a slip of the tongue. 330 00:13:07,855 --> 00:13:09,285 - No, it wasn't. 331 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,463 The truth is, 332 00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:13,929 you do remind me of her. 333 00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:18,668 Maybe that's why I didn't like you right off the bat. 334 00:13:18,665 --> 00:13:20,225 - You didn't? 335 00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:23,573 But I'm so great right off the bat. 336 00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:27,040 Off the bat's where I shine. 337 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,980 - I liked you, but I was worried about Mike. 338 00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:31,607 I was afraid you'd grow tired of him 339 00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:33,311 the way my ex grew tired of me. 340 00:13:34,381 --> 00:13:35,781 - Hey... 341 00:13:35,782 --> 00:13:37,892 There's no way I'm ever leaving Mike. 342 00:13:37,885 --> 00:13:40,585 He's too good looking. 343 00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:42,117 And he's aging very well. 344 00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:43,222 I'm not giving that up. 345 00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:45,793 - [laughs] Takes after his old man. 346 00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:48,362 - Yes, he does. 347 00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:50,901 And I do have some daddy issues. 348 00:13:50,898 --> 00:13:52,768 He did want a boy. 349 00:13:52,765 --> 00:13:54,495 But I'm glad I was a girl, 350 00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:57,171 because that meant I'd never be what he wanted, 351 00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:59,110 and I liked pissing him off. 352 00:13:59,106 --> 00:14:00,736 - [laughs] 353 00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:03,610 That may be my favorite thing you've ever said. 354 00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:05,950 Still angry at the old man, not gonna let it go. 355 00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,916 You're my kind of gal. 356 00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:11,575 - That may be my favorite thing you've ever said. 357 00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:13,154 - You know, I don't understand 358 00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:15,593 a man who doesn't want a daughter. 359 00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:17,488 I kind of wish I had one. 360 00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:20,930 - Well, you have a daughter-in-law. 361 00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:26,699 A daughter-in-law who can whup your ass in shooting. 362 00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:29,669 - Well, we'll see about that, Bitch Cassidy. 363 00:14:31,804 --> 00:14:33,114 That's the other one I had. 364 00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:34,436 - [laughs, unamused] 365 00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:36,111 [gunshot] 366 00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:37,579 Bull's-eye. 367 00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:45,518 - Well, this brings back memories. 368 00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:48,218 How old were you on our last helicopter date? 369 00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:49,721 - Nine, maybe? 370 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:54,262 You seemed like this magical man who could make things fly. 371 00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:57,761 - And there you were in that seat looking up at me, 372 00:14:57,764 --> 00:15:00,404 biggest eyes I'd ever seen. 373 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:04,440 So sweet and small... 374 00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:06,107 How could you be dating a married man? 375 00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:07,266 - Oh, here we go. 376 00:15:07,274 --> 00:15:08,984 - Well, didn't I raise you better than that? 377 00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:10,676 - Apparently not. 378 00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:14,049 Look, what do you want me to do? 379 00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:15,647 End things with him right now? 380 00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:18,288 Not go to the Pearl Jam concert? Not meet Eddie? 381 00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:20,585 - Well... 382 00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,087 let's not be hasty. 383 00:15:25,225 --> 00:15:27,425 It's just that, Stell, your choices in men-- 384 00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,827 losers, druggies, guys named Hashtag-- 385 00:15:29,829 --> 00:15:31,699 do you ever think any of this through? 386 00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:33,768 I mean, look at how Shea analyzes-- 387 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,536 - Yeah, yeah. I'm the screwup, 388 00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:37,735 but perfect Shea does everything right. 389 00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:39,337 I bet you wish she was here right now. 390 00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:41,169 - I do not wish she was here right now. 391 00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:42,184 - Well, that's unfortunate. 392 00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:45,175 - Oh, my God! - Good lord. 393 00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:47,248 - Oh, my God, what are you doing here? 394 00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:49,647 - I came here, but then I felt dumb for coming here, 395 00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:51,619 so I hid, hoping to come up with a plan 396 00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:53,018 to leave unnoticed. 397 00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:54,490 But then you started talking about me, 398 00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:57,487 and, well, now you're up to speed. 399 00:15:57,490 --> 00:16:00,060 - But why did you come here in the first place? 400 00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:01,490 - It's too embarrassing. 401 00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:03,864 - Oh, this can't still be whether to text that guy. 402 00:16:03,863 --> 00:16:05,403 - Of course not. 403 00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:06,898 But I should, right? 404 00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:10,938 - Oh, my God. Even your problems are adorable. 405 00:16:10,937 --> 00:16:12,467 - Well, they're certainly more adorable 406 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,272 than sleeping with a married man. 407 00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:15,944 - You know what? Why don't you and Shea 408 00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:17,042 just go to the concert. 409 00:16:17,044 --> 00:16:18,554 It's probably what you wanted. 410 00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:21,205 Just admit it. You like her better than me. 411 00:16:21,214 --> 00:16:22,484 - Just stop that. 412 00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:23,952 I do not like Shea better. 413 00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:26,650 - Yes, you do. 414 00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:28,723 - But not in the way you think. 415 00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:30,921 It just appears that Mom and Dad like me better 416 00:16:30,923 --> 00:16:32,893 because I'm no trouble. 417 00:16:32,892 --> 00:16:34,692 But you're brave, 418 00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:36,934 and brave people make more mistakes 419 00:16:36,929 --> 00:16:38,399 and get into more trouble. 420 00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:41,068 But I admire your fearlessness. 421 00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:42,898 People like you wouldn't waste a whole day 422 00:16:42,902 --> 00:16:44,772 scared to send a text. 423 00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:46,271 - Thank you, Shea. 424 00:16:46,273 --> 00:16:47,443 - So I should send it? 425 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,480 both: No. - Okay, okay. 426 00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:57,745 - Oh, Stella, how could you think I love Shea more than you? 427 00:16:57,750 --> 00:16:59,450 - You call her "the good one." 428 00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:01,592 It's practically her nickname. 429 00:17:01,588 --> 00:17:03,988 - Well, look, it's hard not to give extra points 430 00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:05,090 to the easy one. 431 00:17:05,092 --> 00:17:07,762 But Shea's right. 432 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,400 You're brave. 433 00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:10,896 And that's great. 434 00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:13,097 But it scares me. 435 00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:14,900 Now, when you were little, I could protect you, 436 00:17:14,901 --> 00:17:16,271 but when you became a teenager, 437 00:17:16,269 --> 00:17:18,139 everything changed. 438 00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:19,368 - Why? 439 00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:21,512 - Well, the way you looked, the way you dressed, 440 00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:24,338 all those boys grabbing at you like horny zombies. 441 00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:27,114 - Yeah. Good times. 442 00:17:27,114 --> 00:17:29,654 I mean, that must have been hard for you. 443 00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:30,949 - It was, 444 00:17:30,950 --> 00:17:33,990 and maybe I pulled back from you a little bit. 445 00:17:34,954 --> 00:17:37,164 - Yeah, maybe I did, too. 446 00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:38,687 - Well, I'm sorry. 447 00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:40,861 And it's something that we can work on. 448 00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:43,660 - I'd like that. 449 00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:45,703 - Look, Stell, I don't like either one of you best, 450 00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:48,398 but I did love you first. 451 00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:51,039 And don't tell your sister, 452 00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:53,437 but that will always make you special. 453 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,410 - Aw, Dad. 454 00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,408 - Just don't date married men. 455 00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:58,550 Brave, I'll acknowledge, 456 00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:00,975 but stupid, I put a stop to. 457 00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:03,150 - Okay. I hear you. 458 00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:05,650 I will break up with him. 459 00:18:05,652 --> 00:18:07,622 But what about the concert? 460 00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:08,890 - There are more important things 461 00:18:08,888 --> 00:18:11,758 than getting to hang out with Pearl Jam. 462 00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:14,158 - Wow, Dad. 463 00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:15,631 I have an idea. 464 00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:18,998 How about we go to the concert and I break up with him after? 465 00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:22,597 - I like that plan. 466 00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,502 - Who says Shea's the smart one? 467 00:18:24,504 --> 00:18:25,974 - Not me. 468 00:18:31,178 --> 00:18:31,278 . 469 00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:35,014 - Best Daddy-Stella date ever. 470 00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,079 - [yelling] What an amazing night! 471 00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:39,224 - Where were your seats? 472 00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:41,249 - [yelling] Right next to the speakers. 473 00:18:41,254 --> 00:18:43,994 So close, when Eddie spit out his gum, I caught it. 474 00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:47,658 - Was that the gum you're chewing now? 475 00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:50,996 - No. 476 00:18:53,032 --> 00:18:55,942 - Shea, I'm sorry that Nate didn't text you, 477 00:18:55,935 --> 00:18:57,195 but you should be proud. 478 00:18:57,204 --> 00:19:00,214 You got through the whole day without texting him. 479 00:19:00,207 --> 00:19:01,737 - Yeah, about that... 480 00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:04,641 I thought to myself, "What would Stella do?" 481 00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,584 - [yelling] How many times do I have to tell you? 482 00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:07,779 I'm not a role model. 483 00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:09,450 Look somewhere else for your heroes. 484 00:19:12,219 --> 00:19:14,749 - I tried to be brave, so I texted him. 485 00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:16,664 And he hasn't texted me back. 486 00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:20,226 - So here I am: a sad, lonely little breadstick. 487 00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:23,502 - Good-bye, Nate Johnson. 488 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:24,496 - Aw. 489 00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:25,497 - Bummer. 490 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:26,528 Your only option now 491 00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:28,003 is to pretend you died and re-meet him 492 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,870 as your twin sister. 493 00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:37,808 - Shea! 494 00:19:37,810 --> 00:19:39,510 - Nate? 495 00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:41,052 - I'm so glad I found you. 496 00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:42,747 - You are? This sounds promising. Go on. 497 00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:46,154 - Hey, look, I know you think of Nate Johnson 498 00:19:46,152 --> 00:19:48,822 as this bad boy who plays by his own rules. 499 00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:50,261 You know, the guy who flipped the script 500 00:19:50,257 --> 00:19:51,817 on the astrophysics game. 501 00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:53,434 - Of course I think that. 502 00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:54,726 Why do you think I broke my rules 503 00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:55,857 and slept with you on our eighth date? 504 00:19:57,264 --> 00:19:58,874 - Well, look. The thing is, 505 00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,695 I wanted to text you or call you all day. 506 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,570 You know, or send flowers, 507 00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:05,669 or fruit, or mini muffins, or something. 508 00:20:05,672 --> 00:20:08,382 You know, to thank you for all the stuff you did. 509 00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:12,247 - So, I did well? 510 00:20:12,245 --> 00:20:13,275 I thought so. 511 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,150 I'm very task-oriented. 512 00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:18,890 - What do you think they're talking about? 513 00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:21,085 - Shea just said she's good at doing it. 514 00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:27,125 - So, my friend took my phone away, 515 00:20:27,126 --> 00:20:29,126 'cause he was scared that you'd be turned off 516 00:20:29,128 --> 00:20:30,198 if I contacted you too soon. 517 00:20:30,196 --> 00:20:32,696 - I wanted to text you all day, too. 518 00:20:32,699 --> 00:20:34,799 So, if you could've texted me, 519 00:20:34,801 --> 00:20:36,201 what would've you said? 520 00:20:36,202 --> 00:20:37,672 - That I missed you. 521 00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:39,510 I couldn't wait to see you again. 522 00:20:39,506 --> 00:20:41,706 Look, Shea, I'm just an astrophysicist, 523 00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:44,908 standing in front of another astrophysicist-- 524 00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:47,451 except I also have an MD. 525 00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:49,517 I'm just asking you to... 526 00:20:49,516 --> 00:20:50,846 like me, or whatever. 527 00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:52,920 That kind of fizzed out at the end there. 528 00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:54,989 - Oh, Nate. I do like you or whatever. 529 00:20:54,987 --> 00:20:56,457 all: Aww. 530 00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:57,986 - Privacy! 531 00:20:57,990 --> 00:20:59,290 But thank you for caring. 532 00:21:00,493 --> 00:21:02,463 - She's even nice when she's pissed. 533 00:21:02,462 --> 00:21:04,962 At this point, I like her better than me.