1
00:00:00,523 --> 00:00:02,857
From the moment
your kids are born,
2
00:00:02,893 --> 00:00:05,026
you dread the fact that
one day they'll leave you.
3
00:00:05,617 --> 00:00:07,516
And then they do,
4
00:00:07,552 --> 00:00:10,786
and it's just as bad
as you thought it'd be.
5
00:00:10,822 --> 00:00:13,823
I just want you to remember
that you're special,
6
00:00:13,858 --> 00:00:16,258
and you'll always be
my little girl.
7
00:00:16,633 --> 00:00:19,133
Two forms
of birth control.
8
00:00:19,169 --> 00:00:21,436
And men are like
basketball players...
9
00:00:21,471 --> 00:00:22,804
they dribble
before they shoot.
10
00:00:22,839 --> 00:00:23,805
Martina!
11
00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:25,306
It's reality, Mike.
12
00:00:25,342 --> 00:00:26,474
Bye, guys.
13
00:00:26,509 --> 00:00:27,608
- Bye.
- I'll miss you.
14
00:00:27,644 --> 00:00:29,243
I'll miss you too.
15
00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:30,311
- Bye, Dad.
- Love you, kid.
16
00:00:30,347 --> 00:00:32,080
Love you.
17
00:00:35,051 --> 00:00:38,186
Well, at least now
we know what it's like.
18
00:00:38,221 --> 00:00:40,488
The next one will be easier.
19
00:00:42,692 --> 00:00:45,226
Oh, my sweet baby.
20
00:01:01,578 --> 00:01:04,145
What are you looking at?
21
00:01:04,180 --> 00:01:05,146
It's just us now!
22
00:01:05,181 --> 00:01:06,180
We're alone!
23
00:01:14,858 --> 00:01:16,657
Wow.
24
00:01:16,693 --> 00:01:19,594
The empty nest.
25
00:01:19,629 --> 00:01:22,830
We're gonna die
in this house.
26
00:01:22,866 --> 00:01:24,665
I need alcohol.
27
00:01:24,701 --> 00:01:26,868
But it's only 10:00 a.m.
28
00:01:26,903 --> 00:01:28,102
Well, on the other hand,
29
00:01:28,138 --> 00:01:30,071
we don't have to
drive anybody anywhere.
30
00:01:30,106 --> 00:01:32,640
Or cook anyone dinner,
31
00:01:32,675 --> 00:01:34,509
or set a good
freakin' example.
32
00:01:34,544 --> 00:01:37,278
Hey, we don't have to
say "freakin'" anymore!
33
00:01:37,313 --> 00:01:40,448
We can swear when we want,
drink when we want,
34
00:01:40,483 --> 00:01:43,551
have sex when we want,
35
00:01:43,586 --> 00:01:46,721
and have sex when we want.
36
00:01:46,756 --> 00:01:49,490
There's a reason
I said that twice.
37
00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:51,392
This could be good.
38
00:01:51,428 --> 00:01:54,996
This could be really good.
39
00:02:02,772 --> 00:02:05,573
Finally getting rid
of the play room.
40
00:02:05,608 --> 00:02:07,208
Turn it into
a media room.
41
00:02:07,243 --> 00:02:09,210
Big-ass plasma.
42
00:02:09,245 --> 00:02:11,546
I'm gonna have an
old timey popcorn machine,
43
00:02:11,581 --> 00:02:13,648
one of those big chairs
with the cup holders.
44
00:02:13,683 --> 00:02:17,285
I'll be just like
a Hollywood douchebag.
45
00:02:20,457 --> 00:02:22,090
Look what I found.
46
00:02:22,125 --> 00:02:23,091
That's pot.
47
00:02:23,126 --> 00:02:24,258
Our kids were doing drugs?
48
00:02:24,294 --> 00:02:26,260
Mike!
Martina!
49
00:02:26,296 --> 00:02:27,261
It's your parents!
50
00:02:27,297 --> 00:02:29,464
Hide the pot!
51
00:02:29,499 --> 00:02:32,567
Wow, I just felt so young.
52
00:02:32,602 --> 00:02:33,734
- Bob?
- What?
53
00:02:33,770 --> 00:02:35,903
- They're in the playroom!
- What?
54
00:02:35,939 --> 00:02:37,538
The playroom!
55
00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:40,141
They're fine.
56
00:02:40,176 --> 00:02:41,709
Alice, again,
the key that we made
57
00:02:41,744 --> 00:02:43,945
for you and Dad
was for emergencies.
58
00:02:43,980 --> 00:02:45,847
We knocked on the door,
and you didn't answer.
59
00:02:45,882 --> 00:02:48,282
It could have been an emergency.
60
00:02:48,318 --> 00:02:50,084
Why didn't you
just ring the bell?
61
00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:51,085
Ring the bell?
62
00:02:51,121 --> 00:02:54,422
Child please,
we're family.
63
00:02:54,457 --> 00:02:57,391
Family doesn't ring the bell.
64
00:02:57,427 --> 00:02:58,759
Oh, hey, Pop.
65
00:02:58,795 --> 00:03:02,363
Oh, good, you're finally
cleaning this room.
66
00:03:02,398 --> 00:03:05,333
You didn't have all these toys
when you were a kid.
67
00:03:05,368 --> 00:03:07,668
I know.
68
00:03:07,704 --> 00:03:09,370
You spoiled those girls.
69
00:03:09,405 --> 00:03:10,838
You know,
when Mike was young,
70
00:03:10,874 --> 00:03:13,474
I taught him how to do
military sheet corners.
71
00:03:13,510 --> 00:03:15,877
He couldn't go out to play
until I could bounce a coin
72
00:03:15,912 --> 00:03:17,645
off his tightly made bed.
73
00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:21,182
I still get a little tense
when I see a quarter.
74
00:03:21,217 --> 00:03:23,417
We tried to help
with Stella and Shea.
75
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:26,888
Yes, you were
here all the time.
76
00:03:26,923 --> 00:03:29,056
Well, we're headed
to the store.
77
00:03:29,092 --> 00:03:31,092
We'll bring you back
some doughnuts.
78
00:03:31,127 --> 00:03:32,860
Alice,
we don't eat doughnuts.
79
00:03:32,896 --> 00:03:34,662
And you know I'm gluten free.
80
00:03:34,697 --> 00:03:37,765
Oh, that nonsense.
81
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:40,902
That's why you're so skinny.
82
00:03:40,937 --> 00:03:42,336
I don't think I'm too skinny.
83
00:03:42,372 --> 00:03:46,040
You can't see
your own skinny.
84
00:03:46,075 --> 00:03:47,508
It's like smelling
your own breath.
85
00:03:47,544 --> 00:03:50,244
You need someone else
to tell you that it's bad.
86
00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:53,247
Mike, I'll pick you up
some breath mints.
87
00:03:55,185 --> 00:03:56,918
When are you gonna
stand up to them?
88
00:03:56,953 --> 00:03:58,753
Well, I've always said "soon,"
89
00:03:58,788 --> 00:04:02,123
but now that they're moving,
I can give the truthful answer:
90
00:04:02,158 --> 00:04:04,592
never.
91
00:04:04,627 --> 00:04:07,495
So what are we
gonna do with this?
92
00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:19,540
What if "Horton Hears a Who!"
is real?
93
00:04:19,576 --> 00:04:22,910
Deep.
94
00:04:22,946 --> 00:04:26,714
You know what's great about
smoking pot when you're older?
95
00:04:26,749 --> 00:04:28,182
You don't get paranoid.
96
00:04:30,253 --> 00:04:31,219
It's the cops!
97
00:04:41,331 --> 00:04:42,797
Oh, thank God you're home.
98
00:04:42,832 --> 00:04:44,865
- Stella?
- Brace yourselves.
99
00:04:44,901 --> 00:04:46,434
I left Justin.
100
00:04:46,469 --> 00:04:48,869
We had this big fight,
and he's dead to me.
101
00:04:48,905 --> 00:04:50,037
Is he dead to everyone?
102
00:04:50,073 --> 00:04:52,306
Did you kill him?
103
00:04:52,342 --> 00:04:55,042
Answer your father.
104
00:04:55,078 --> 00:04:56,577
What is wrong with you guys?
105
00:04:56,613 --> 00:04:57,578
Nothing.
106
00:04:57,614 --> 00:04:58,579
I could really use a pizza,
107
00:04:58,615 --> 00:05:00,581
but go on.
108
00:05:00,617 --> 00:05:02,049
Okay.
109
00:05:02,085 --> 00:05:04,252
Well, I'm here because I'm not
getting any acting jobs,
110
00:05:04,287 --> 00:05:06,887
and my YouTube videos
don't get enough hits.
111
00:05:06,923 --> 00:05:08,723
Being an adult is hard.
112
00:05:08,758 --> 00:05:11,659
Plus, I miss you guys,
so I was wondering...
113
00:05:11,694 --> 00:05:14,428
Hello, all.
114
00:05:14,464 --> 00:05:15,529
Forgive the surprise.
115
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:17,265
Shea, what are you doing here?
116
00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:19,700
- I'm moving back home.
- What?
117
00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:22,136
But I told you I was coming
here today to move back home.
118
00:05:22,171 --> 00:05:23,971
What?
119
00:05:24,007 --> 00:05:26,607
Yes, but I reasoned that
the cumulative impact on them
120
00:05:26,643 --> 00:05:28,342
would be reduced
if it were simultaneous
121
00:05:28,378 --> 00:05:29,844
rather than staggered.
122
00:05:29,879 --> 00:05:33,247
Ew, Shea, you don't just
break into someone's scene.
123
00:05:36,052 --> 00:05:37,618
We're not in a movie, Stella.
124
00:05:37,654 --> 00:05:39,220
This is the real world.
125
00:05:39,255 --> 00:05:41,689
A world where, thanks to this
country's hatred of science,
126
00:05:41,724 --> 00:05:43,624
the funding for my job
has been eliminated.
127
00:05:43,660 --> 00:05:48,529
So like 23.8% of people
between the ages of 22 and 31,
128
00:05:48,564 --> 00:05:50,531
I've determined the most
logical course of action
129
00:05:50,566 --> 00:05:54,268
in this economy is to
move back in with my parents.
130
00:05:54,304 --> 00:05:56,270
And because of the broad number
of young people doing this,
131
00:05:56,306 --> 00:05:59,507
there's no longer
the social stigma attached.
132
00:05:59,542 --> 00:06:00,574
Is she done?
133
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:03,911
I can never tell
when she's done.
134
00:06:03,946 --> 00:06:05,346
I'm the one who should
move back in.
135
00:06:05,381 --> 00:06:07,415
Mom and Dad are like
my best friends.
136
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,750
They're my only friends.
137
00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:12,119
Girls, girls, don't fight.
138
00:06:12,155 --> 00:06:15,122
You're equally
disappointing both of us.
139
00:06:16,392 --> 00:06:17,358
Hello?
140
00:06:17,393 --> 00:06:18,759
We hear voices in there!
141
00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:20,094
Oh, boy.
142
00:06:20,129 --> 00:06:21,095
It's Grandma!
143
00:06:21,130 --> 00:06:22,196
Oh!
144
00:06:22,231 --> 00:06:24,432
Are you girls here for
our anniversary dinner?
145
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,634
Oh, no, I'm moving
back home today.
146
00:06:26,669 --> 00:06:28,235
So am I.
147
00:06:28,271 --> 00:06:31,405
Well, we certainly can't
move to Florida now.
148
00:06:33,943 --> 00:06:36,243
It looks like
you need us again.
149
00:06:36,279 --> 00:06:37,745
Who wants doughnuts?
150
00:06:37,780 --> 00:06:39,046
- I do!
- Me.
151
00:06:39,082 --> 00:06:40,715
They're back.
152
00:06:40,750 --> 00:06:43,150
They're all back!
153
00:06:43,186 --> 00:06:44,552
It's a nightmare.
154
00:06:44,587 --> 00:06:47,421
It's a disaster!
155
00:06:47,457 --> 00:06:51,425
Oh, God, we can't
say anymore.
156
00:06:51,461 --> 00:06:52,760
Where are you going?
157
00:06:52,795 --> 00:06:55,396
There's doughnuts.
158
00:07:10,313 --> 00:07:12,179
Hey, you got a passenger.
159
00:07:12,215 --> 00:07:13,481
Real slacker type.
160
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:16,250
Sounds like my
daughter's boyfriend.
161
00:07:16,285 --> 00:07:19,153
It is my daughter's boyfriend.
162
00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:21,956
Ugh, that knock.
163
00:07:21,991 --> 00:07:24,625
Come in, Justin.
164
00:07:24,660 --> 00:07:25,593
Hey.
165
00:07:25,628 --> 00:07:26,861
Hey.
166
00:07:26,896 --> 00:07:27,928
Here's how you knock.
167
00:07:28,965 --> 00:07:30,464
It's not...
168
00:07:31,501 --> 00:07:32,533
Well, why?
169
00:07:32,568 --> 00:07:34,935
Because we as a society
have decided
170
00:07:34,971 --> 00:07:36,103
that's how you knock.
171
00:07:36,139 --> 00:07:37,138
What are you doing here?
172
00:07:37,173 --> 00:07:38,372
I miss Stella.
173
00:07:38,408 --> 00:07:40,141
I was hoping you'd
help me get her back.
174
00:07:40,176 --> 00:07:42,743
Look, Justin,
no man thinks any guy
175
00:07:42,779 --> 00:07:44,145
is good enough
for his little girl,
176
00:07:44,180 --> 00:07:45,346
and then I met you and...
177
00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:47,014
please don't take this
the wrong way...
178
00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:50,351
but I thought,
"He's not even close."
179
00:07:50,386 --> 00:07:51,852
I mean, do you
even have a job?
180
00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:53,454
I have something
better than a job:
181
00:07:53,489 --> 00:07:55,489
an idea for an app.
182
00:07:55,525 --> 00:07:57,224
Everyone with the apps.
183
00:07:57,260 --> 00:07:58,793
Yeah, it's awesome.
184
00:07:58,828 --> 00:08:02,630
But figuring out how to
actually make it is super hard.
185
00:08:02,665 --> 00:08:04,799
Look, that's the problem
with people your age.
186
00:08:04,834 --> 00:08:06,100
Once it gets hard, you quit.
187
00:08:06,135 --> 00:08:07,835
You got to stick with things.
188
00:08:07,870 --> 00:08:09,336
I like that.
189
00:08:09,372 --> 00:08:10,905
Could you text that to me?
190
00:08:10,940 --> 00:08:12,406
Get out.
191
00:08:12,442 --> 00:08:14,508
What happens if
I push this button?
192
00:08:14,544 --> 00:08:17,011
That'll get you
out even faster.
193
00:08:17,046 --> 00:08:19,013
Push it.
194
00:08:23,820 --> 00:08:25,119
What a mess.
195
00:08:25,154 --> 00:08:26,987
Ugh.
196
00:08:27,023 --> 00:08:28,522
We spent so much time
teaching the girls
197
00:08:28,558 --> 00:08:29,890
how special they are.
198
00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:32,626
Why didn't we teach them
how to shut a cabinet door?
199
00:08:32,662 --> 00:08:35,529
Why do we buy
free range chicken?
200
00:08:35,565 --> 00:08:38,599
I mean,
how free are they really?
201
00:08:38,634 --> 00:08:43,204
It's not like they're
letting them walk into town.
202
00:08:43,239 --> 00:08:46,006
Speaking of freeing things...
203
00:08:46,042 --> 00:08:47,274
Mike, stop it.
204
00:08:47,310 --> 00:08:49,376
We are not asking
the girls to leave.
205
00:08:49,412 --> 00:08:51,378
They're hurting right now,
and they need us.
206
00:08:51,414 --> 00:08:52,880
Okay.
207
00:08:52,915 --> 00:08:54,515
Hey, it's quiet.
208
00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:57,952
Maybe we can have
the place to ourselves.
209
00:08:57,987 --> 00:08:58,953
Mom?
210
00:08:58,988 --> 00:09:00,654
Mom?
211
00:09:00,690 --> 00:09:02,556
Tell Shea she's never gonna
get a date with Carter
212
00:09:02,592 --> 00:09:05,159
if she texts
like a dorky virgin.
213
00:09:05,194 --> 00:09:09,129
Let me see what
you wrote, honey.
214
00:09:09,165 --> 00:09:10,764
"I'm interested in dating you.
215
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,600
Do you share similar feelings?"
216
00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:14,802
Ooh, that's bad.
217
00:09:14,837 --> 00:09:16,203
I know.
218
00:09:16,239 --> 00:09:18,873
But Stella wants me
to text "Hang sometime?"
219
00:09:18,908 --> 00:09:20,107
I can't send that.
220
00:09:20,142 --> 00:09:21,809
It's a meaningless statement.
221
00:09:21,844 --> 00:09:23,444
Shea, you have to
put yourself out there,
222
00:09:23,479 --> 00:09:24,512
be sexy,
223
00:09:24,547 --> 00:09:26,847
and stop dressing like Daria.
224
00:09:26,883 --> 00:09:29,350
I've put myself
out there with Carter.
225
00:09:29,385 --> 00:09:31,552
Last week, he was
making an AU calculation
226
00:09:31,587 --> 00:09:33,654
that would have been off
by thousands of parsecs,
227
00:09:33,689 --> 00:09:35,890
and I thoughtfully
pointed out his mistake.
228
00:09:35,925 --> 00:09:37,858
That's love.
229
00:09:37,894 --> 00:09:39,894
Is she done?
230
00:09:39,929 --> 00:09:43,364
I can never tell
when she's done.
231
00:09:43,399 --> 00:09:45,533
You never correct
a man you like.
232
00:09:45,568 --> 00:09:47,334
Really?
233
00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:53,407
Look, men are like balloons.
234
00:09:53,442 --> 00:09:55,075
They don't want
anyone to pop them
235
00:09:55,111 --> 00:09:57,645
and show that
it's all just air inside.
236
00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,580
All you got to do
is fill that balloon
237
00:09:59,615 --> 00:10:01,749
with what they want to hear.
238
00:10:01,784 --> 00:10:02,716
It's like how for Dad,
239
00:10:02,752 --> 00:10:04,618
you act all excited
about the Mets.
240
00:10:04,654 --> 00:10:06,620
Hey, I never pushed Shea
to be a Mets fan.
241
00:10:06,656 --> 00:10:10,457
You named me
after their stadium.
242
00:10:10,493 --> 00:10:13,027
But I love the Mets
because you love them.
243
00:10:13,062 --> 00:10:14,428
That's my girl.
244
00:10:14,463 --> 00:10:18,165
Okay, it works.
245
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:19,600
"Hang sometime?"
246
00:10:19,635 --> 00:10:22,469
And send.
247
00:10:22,505 --> 00:10:23,470
Thank you.
248
00:10:23,506 --> 00:10:24,705
Any time.
249
00:10:24,740 --> 00:10:25,940
If you know all this,
how come you can't
250
00:10:25,975 --> 00:10:27,341
work things out with Justin?
251
00:10:27,376 --> 00:10:29,176
It's just super hard
when two brilliant,
252
00:10:29,211 --> 00:10:32,046
complex artists get together.
253
00:10:32,081 --> 00:10:35,282
We're still talking
about you and Justin?
254
00:10:35,318 --> 00:10:37,918
Look, Stella, why don't you
forget about boys
255
00:10:37,954 --> 00:10:40,788
and focus on what you're
gonna do with your life?
256
00:10:40,823 --> 00:10:42,122
Maybe you're right.
257
00:10:42,158 --> 00:10:46,293
I mean, I have a degree
in theater arts.
258
00:10:46,329 --> 00:10:48,362
It's crazy that
I'm not using it.
259
00:10:48,397 --> 00:10:51,365
Oh, you're using it some.
260
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,567
I'm a singer
and an actress.
261
00:10:53,603 --> 00:10:55,569
That's like having
two lottery tickets.
262
00:10:55,605 --> 00:10:56,770
Yes.
263
00:10:56,806 --> 00:10:59,807
As valuable as
two lottery tickets.
264
00:10:59,842 --> 00:11:01,075
Hey, let's all do something.
265
00:11:01,110 --> 00:11:03,077
We could watch a movie
like when we were kids.
266
00:11:03,112 --> 00:11:04,812
Perhaps a Disney princess movie.
267
00:11:04,847 --> 00:11:06,246
Not "Beauty and the Beast."
268
00:11:06,282 --> 00:11:08,582
Belle is so basic.
269
00:11:08,618 --> 00:11:10,017
Don't you put down Belle.
270
00:11:10,052 --> 00:11:13,053
She was willing to marry an
animal to get a good library.
271
00:11:15,992 --> 00:11:17,157
I'm exhausted.
272
00:11:17,193 --> 00:11:20,694
I forgot how much energy
parenting takes.
273
00:11:20,730 --> 00:11:24,031
But they like us.
274
00:11:24,066 --> 00:11:26,000
They really do.
275
00:11:26,035 --> 00:11:28,369
How do we get away from them?
276
00:11:31,605 --> 00:11:33,205
A naked woman in bed with me,
277
00:11:33,241 --> 00:11:36,876
the only reason
I ever do anything.
278
00:11:36,911 --> 00:11:40,946
Lying, sneaking off
to a hotel.
279
00:11:40,982 --> 00:11:43,582
We're like Stella
in high school.
280
00:11:43,618 --> 00:11:45,117
No kid talk.
281
00:11:45,153 --> 00:11:46,218
That was the deal.
282
00:11:46,254 --> 00:11:47,853
Oh, yeah.
283
00:11:49,857 --> 00:11:53,092
Whoever it is,
they can wait five minutes.
284
00:11:53,127 --> 00:11:55,394
I mean, 45 minutes.
285
00:11:55,430 --> 00:11:58,864
But it could be the girls.
286
00:11:58,900 --> 00:12:00,299
It's Shea.
287
00:12:00,335 --> 00:12:03,769
Oh, Carter hasn't texted back.
288
00:12:06,441 --> 00:12:07,707
Now it's Stella.
289
00:12:07,742 --> 00:12:09,975
Justin got tagged
in a picture with some girl.
290
00:12:10,011 --> 00:12:13,679
Oh, God, my poor babies.
291
00:12:13,715 --> 00:12:16,449
Okay.
292
00:12:16,484 --> 00:12:17,450
No, no, look.
293
00:12:17,485 --> 00:12:19,218
You're gonna
do that thing now
294
00:12:19,253 --> 00:12:20,486
where you're thinking
about the kids
295
00:12:20,521 --> 00:12:22,555
when we're about to have sex.
296
00:12:22,590 --> 00:12:24,590
I'm gonna be doing
some of my best work,
297
00:12:24,625 --> 00:12:27,760
and you're gonna have this
worried look in your eyes.
298
00:12:27,795 --> 00:12:28,994
I can't help it.
299
00:12:29,030 --> 00:12:31,831
A mother is only as happy
as her unhappiest child.
300
00:12:31,866 --> 00:12:34,900
What about her
unhappiest husband?
301
00:12:34,936 --> 00:12:36,068
We should probably just go.
302
00:12:36,104 --> 00:12:37,069
Why?
303
00:12:37,105 --> 00:12:38,637
But that's not fair.
304
00:12:38,673 --> 00:12:39,972
I want to do this.
305
00:12:40,007 --> 00:12:41,273
Don't you get it?
306
00:12:41,309 --> 00:12:44,343
The fun is over.
307
00:12:44,379 --> 00:12:45,644
I mean, this is
supposed to be our time,
308
00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:47,847
but it is their time again.
309
00:12:47,882 --> 00:12:49,648
Oh, my God, you're right.
310
00:12:49,684 --> 00:12:51,984
This is our life now, isn't it?
311
00:12:52,019 --> 00:12:53,185
And you know
whose fault it is?
312
00:12:53,221 --> 00:12:54,520
It's ours.
We did this.
313
00:12:54,555 --> 00:12:57,256
We made them our friends.
314
00:12:57,291 --> 00:12:58,791
We were so involved
in their lives.
315
00:12:58,826 --> 00:13:01,961
We listened, we supported,
we validated.
316
00:13:01,996 --> 00:13:03,529
We blew it.
317
00:13:03,564 --> 00:13:05,731
Now we have to sneak off
to a hotel room
318
00:13:05,767 --> 00:13:07,099
to get away from them.
319
00:13:07,135 --> 00:13:10,569
If we only spanked them once,
we could've saved $200.
320
00:13:10,605 --> 00:13:11,971
We could've saved
a boatload more
321
00:13:12,006 --> 00:13:14,140
if we'd done what my father did
and just left.
322
00:13:14,175 --> 00:13:15,808
It's too late for that.
323
00:13:15,843 --> 00:13:16,942
Okay, I'm in.
324
00:13:16,978 --> 00:13:18,043
They got to go.
325
00:13:18,079 --> 00:13:19,245
And your parents.
326
00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:20,413
All right,
here's the deal.
327
00:13:20,448 --> 00:13:21,981
Tomorrow is their
anniversary party.
328
00:13:22,016 --> 00:13:23,516
We get everybody together,
329
00:13:23,551 --> 00:13:24,984
we tell them
how much we love them,
330
00:13:25,019 --> 00:13:26,485
and then we kick them
to the curb.
331
00:13:26,521 --> 00:13:27,753
Deal.
332
00:13:27,789 --> 00:13:29,088
All right.
333
00:13:29,123 --> 00:13:32,291
Now let's get our
200 bucks' worth.
334
00:13:36,264 --> 00:13:39,365
Oh, this one is from
Mike and Martina.
335
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:42,435
I bet it's that scarf
I've been hinting at.
336
00:13:42,470 --> 00:13:43,969
Oh.
337
00:13:44,005 --> 00:13:47,406
Look, Bob,
it's some sort of coupon.
338
00:13:47,442 --> 00:13:48,741
It's airline miles.
339
00:13:48,776 --> 00:13:50,943
Yes, we gifted you our miles
340
00:13:50,978 --> 00:13:54,079
so that when you do decide
to move to Florida,
341
00:13:54,115 --> 00:13:57,249
you can upgrade to first class
if there's a seat available.
342
00:13:57,285 --> 00:13:59,852
If there's a seat?
343
00:13:59,887 --> 00:14:01,921
So we go to the airport
with no idea
344
00:14:01,956 --> 00:14:04,523
where we're going to sit,
and then just announce ourselves
345
00:14:04,559 --> 00:14:06,025
like we think we're so great?
346
00:14:06,060 --> 00:14:08,461
I don't think
first class is for us.
347
00:14:08,496 --> 00:14:10,229
We'd be uncomfortable.
348
00:14:10,264 --> 00:14:12,531
But there's more room,
and you get to board first.
349
00:14:12,567 --> 00:14:14,967
But then we'd have to watch
the other passengers go by us.
350
00:14:15,002 --> 00:14:16,969
Everybody hates
those first class people
351
00:14:17,004 --> 00:14:18,337
when they walk by them.
352
00:14:18,372 --> 00:14:20,606
We'd be the people they hate!
353
00:14:20,641 --> 00:14:23,209
Look, let's just call this
a bad gift and move on.
354
00:14:26,514 --> 00:14:30,015
Well, gifts aside,
I would like to make a toast.
355
00:14:30,051 --> 00:14:31,917
You know, multi-generational
events like this
356
00:14:31,953 --> 00:14:34,386
remind one of
the natural order of things.
357
00:14:34,422 --> 00:14:36,121
First you're a child.
358
00:14:36,157 --> 00:14:38,357
Then you grow older,
and eventually you leave home
359
00:14:38,392 --> 00:14:40,292
and stand proudly
upon your own two feet,
360
00:14:40,328 --> 00:14:43,863
taking any job you can,
even if it's not your dream.
361
00:14:43,898 --> 00:14:47,299
And then you grow old,
and you move to Florida.
362
00:14:47,335 --> 00:14:50,269
Cheers.
363
00:14:50,304 --> 00:14:53,305
But you and Mom always
told us to follow our dreams.
364
00:14:53,341 --> 00:14:54,507
Yes, we did,
365
00:14:54,542 --> 00:14:56,475
and that may have
been a mistake.
366
00:14:56,511 --> 00:14:58,210
See, we didn't think
everybody in your generation
367
00:14:58,246 --> 00:14:59,411
would have the same dream:
368
00:14:59,447 --> 00:15:01,580
to be an actress or
win singing competitions.
369
00:15:01,616 --> 00:15:04,049
Surely you're not equating my
dream of becoming an astronaut
370
00:15:04,085 --> 00:15:06,852
with hoping a chair
turns around on "The Voice."
371
00:15:06,888 --> 00:15:09,555
Dad, what are you
trying to tell us?
372
00:15:09,590 --> 00:15:11,524
Clearly they want us
to leave.
373
00:15:11,559 --> 00:15:12,625
Is that true?
374
00:15:12,660 --> 00:15:15,294
Well, it might be time.
375
00:15:15,329 --> 00:15:17,963
Wow, I didn't know you guys
didn't want us here.
376
00:15:17,999 --> 00:15:19,265
Neither did I.
377
00:15:19,300 --> 00:15:21,767
Sometimes I have trouble
with social cues.
378
00:15:21,802 --> 00:15:23,102
I was perceiving joy,
379
00:15:23,137 --> 00:15:25,471
and you were feeling
shackled and burdened.
380
00:15:25,506 --> 00:15:26,472
No, no.
381
00:15:26,507 --> 00:15:27,573
We do not feel that way,
382
00:15:27,608 --> 00:15:30,509
and we want to be supportive
in any way we can.
383
00:15:30,545 --> 00:15:33,279
Well, that didn't take long.
384
00:15:33,314 --> 00:15:34,780
What is that
supposed to mean?
385
00:15:34,815 --> 00:15:36,882
You're going soft already.
386
00:15:36,918 --> 00:15:39,485
You remember the summer
that you turned 16?
387
00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:40,819
I locked you out of the house
388
00:15:40,855 --> 00:15:42,555
with a bowl of cereal
and the want ads,
389
00:15:42,590 --> 00:15:45,224
and I said, "Don't you come home
until you've got a job."
390
00:15:45,259 --> 00:15:46,559
Now that's parenting.
391
00:15:46,594 --> 00:15:48,561
I hated you that day.
392
00:15:48,596 --> 00:15:49,728
I thought to myself,
393
00:15:49,764 --> 00:15:52,431
"I can't wait to get away
from these people."
394
00:15:52,466 --> 00:15:54,099
See?
Success!
395
00:15:54,135 --> 00:15:55,834
I would never
do that to my daughters.
396
00:15:55,870 --> 00:15:57,069
I like them.
397
00:15:57,104 --> 00:15:58,304
Well, there's your mistake.
398
00:15:58,339 --> 00:16:00,739
You love your children.
You don't like them!
399
00:16:00,775 --> 00:16:02,274
I want to be
close to the girls.
400
00:16:02,310 --> 00:16:03,976
When I was growing up,
you and Mom had no idea
401
00:16:04,011 --> 00:16:05,311
what was going on in my life.
402
00:16:05,346 --> 00:16:08,213
We weren't that
interested in you.
403
00:16:08,249 --> 00:16:09,481
Well, I'm not you, Dad.
404
00:16:09,517 --> 00:16:11,183
I don't push my kids away
when they need me.
405
00:16:11,218 --> 00:16:13,052
Girls, you can stay.
406
00:16:13,087 --> 00:16:14,320
And you might call that weak.
407
00:16:14,355 --> 00:16:16,589
I call it a strong man
making a strong decision.
408
00:16:16,624 --> 00:16:18,257
It's okay with you, dear?
409
00:16:18,292 --> 00:16:19,491
Of course.
410
00:16:19,527 --> 00:16:20,659
We love you.
411
00:16:20,695 --> 00:16:23,662
Aww.
412
00:16:23,698 --> 00:16:26,432
That's is good parenting
right here.
413
00:16:27,468 --> 00:16:29,101
Oh, that knock.
414
00:16:29,136 --> 00:16:32,271
It's Justin.
415
00:16:32,306 --> 00:16:33,238
Hi, Stella.
416
00:16:33,274 --> 00:16:34,740
You look smokin'.
417
00:16:34,775 --> 00:16:36,408
Hey, everybody.
418
00:16:36,444 --> 00:16:38,377
Justin, why are you here?
419
00:16:38,412 --> 00:16:39,712
I'm taking your dad's advice.
420
00:16:39,747 --> 00:16:41,280
He told me I shouldn't
quit on you.
421
00:16:41,315 --> 00:16:43,449
I did not say that.
422
00:16:43,484 --> 00:16:45,517
Well, it was
something like that.
423
00:16:45,553 --> 00:16:48,420
You never texted me,
so I don't got it exactly.
424
00:16:48,456 --> 00:16:50,522
But he said
if you want something,
425
00:16:50,558 --> 00:16:51,757
you should stick with it.
426
00:16:51,792 --> 00:16:53,759
And I want you.
427
00:16:53,794 --> 00:16:57,096
Oh, Justin,
I want you, too.
428
00:16:57,131 --> 00:16:59,632
You're a full balloon,
429
00:16:59,667 --> 00:17:02,635
and no one should pop you.
430
00:17:02,670 --> 00:17:05,337
I'll explain metaphor
to her later.
431
00:17:05,373 --> 00:17:06,505
Let's go home, baby.
432
00:17:06,540 --> 00:17:07,873
Um, about that.
433
00:17:07,908 --> 00:17:09,375
We kind of got evicted.
434
00:17:09,410 --> 00:17:10,909
Well, you can
stay here with me.
435
00:17:10,945 --> 00:17:12,511
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
436
00:17:12,546 --> 00:17:15,047
You guys are not even married.
437
00:17:15,082 --> 00:17:17,549
I hear you, bro.
438
00:17:17,585 --> 00:17:19,051
Stella, will you marry me?
439
00:17:19,086 --> 00:17:21,320
No, no, no.
440
00:17:21,355 --> 00:17:22,354
Yes.
441
00:17:27,361 --> 00:17:30,696
I should rub it in,
but I just feel sorry for you.
442
00:17:36,042 --> 00:17:38,943
How can you drink iced lattes
at this time of night?
443
00:17:39,113 --> 00:17:40,312
Why does that bother you?
444
00:17:40,348 --> 00:17:41,547
I sleep fine.
445
00:17:41,582 --> 00:17:44,583
It's just suspicious.
446
00:17:45,787 --> 00:17:47,420
Is she really gonna
marry that guy?
447
00:17:47,455 --> 00:17:48,921
Ugh.
448
00:17:48,956 --> 00:17:52,091
Let's don't think
about that tonight.
449
00:17:52,126 --> 00:17:56,929
Honey, we can
keep the fun going.
450
00:17:56,964 --> 00:17:59,098
How about you
go get some wine
451
00:17:59,133 --> 00:18:02,435
and I'll put on
something ridiculous?
452
00:18:02,470 --> 00:18:04,136
Are we talking parading?
453
00:18:04,172 --> 00:18:05,938
Oh, I'll parade.
454
00:18:05,973 --> 00:18:07,973
I love a parade.
455
00:18:12,447 --> 00:18:13,746
Alice sent me to make sure
456
00:18:13,781 --> 00:18:18,084
we're not stuck
with those miles.
457
00:18:18,119 --> 00:18:19,518
We'll get you
another gift.
458
00:18:19,554 --> 00:18:20,686
Well, good.
459
00:18:20,721 --> 00:18:23,022
Nothing crazy this time.
460
00:18:23,057 --> 00:18:24,723
Now, about our staying...
461
00:18:24,759 --> 00:18:25,724
Dad, go to Florida.
462
00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:26,725
Have fun.
463
00:18:26,761 --> 00:18:28,227
We really don't
need your help here.
464
00:18:28,262 --> 00:18:30,162
Well, don't tell
your stepmom that.
465
00:18:30,198 --> 00:18:32,398
She was miserable about moving.
466
00:18:32,433 --> 00:18:33,866
You know,
it's nice to feel needed
467
00:18:33,901 --> 00:18:37,736
and not just going
someplace warm to rot and die.
468
00:18:37,772 --> 00:18:40,106
Besides, who wants to be
around a lot of old people?
469
00:18:40,141 --> 00:18:43,275
Old people are annoying.
470
00:18:43,311 --> 00:18:46,278
Are they?
471
00:18:46,314 --> 00:18:48,647
I know you think I'm too
conservative and old-fashioned,
472
00:18:48,683 --> 00:18:50,116
but I did marry a black woman.
473
00:18:50,151 --> 00:18:52,251
That's got to mean something.
474
00:18:52,286 --> 00:18:54,320
Dad, I don't see race.
475
00:18:54,355 --> 00:18:55,921
I see a bossy woman
who you married
476
00:18:55,957 --> 00:18:58,124
who's always in my house.
477
00:18:58,159 --> 00:18:59,592
Fair enough.
478
00:18:59,627 --> 00:19:02,094
You know, I don't agree with
how you raised these girls,
479
00:19:02,130 --> 00:19:05,431
but I see how much
they like you.
480
00:19:05,466 --> 00:19:07,032
That must feel kind of good.
481
00:19:07,068 --> 00:19:09,201
It does.
482
00:19:09,237 --> 00:19:10,970
I don't think my pop
even knew I existed
483
00:19:11,005 --> 00:19:13,606
until I was standing
in his direct line of sight.
484
00:19:13,641 --> 00:19:15,541
Well, did he ever talk to you?
485
00:19:15,576 --> 00:19:17,843
Ask you how you were feeling,
how you were doing?
486
00:19:17,879 --> 00:19:19,678
Never.
487
00:19:19,714 --> 00:19:20,846
Different times.
488
00:19:20,882 --> 00:19:22,081
Yeah, different times,
489
00:19:22,116 --> 00:19:25,084
but it would have been nice
if he had, right?
490
00:19:25,119 --> 00:19:29,188
Yeah, would've been nice.
491
00:19:29,223 --> 00:19:32,525
Good night, son.
492
00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:34,560
Good night, Dad.
493
00:19:36,764 --> 00:19:37,730
Mike.
494
00:19:37,765 --> 00:19:39,231
Yeah?
495
00:19:39,267 --> 00:19:41,901
How you doing, son?
496
00:19:41,936 --> 00:19:44,336
I'm good.
497
00:19:44,372 --> 00:19:46,472
You?
498
00:19:46,507 --> 00:19:47,873
Good too.
499
00:19:47,909 --> 00:19:49,842
Good.
500
00:19:56,250 --> 00:19:59,251
Did you tell him
we don't want the miles?
501
00:20:01,556 --> 00:20:03,489
- What?
- The miles!
502
00:20:03,524 --> 00:20:05,524
He told me!
503
00:20:08,196 --> 00:20:13,199
I hope whatever you put on
is easy to take off.
504
00:20:13,234 --> 00:20:17,336
Hello, ladies.
505
00:20:17,371 --> 00:20:18,704
Good news, honey.
506
00:20:18,739 --> 00:20:21,540
The girls came in to tell me
that Carter texted back.
507
00:20:21,576 --> 00:20:23,042
Told you he would.
508
00:20:23,077 --> 00:20:25,511
Remember,
two forms of birth control,
509
00:20:25,546 --> 00:20:27,513
right, Mom and Dad?
510
00:20:27,548 --> 00:20:30,916
I feel very uncomfortable
in this conversation.
511
00:20:30,952 --> 00:20:32,351
Why?
We're all adults here.
512
00:20:32,386 --> 00:20:34,687
Then why are you
living at home?
513
00:20:34,722 --> 00:20:38,090
Oh, Dad, you're so funny.
514
00:20:38,125 --> 00:20:39,592
I have a suggestion.
515
00:20:39,627 --> 00:20:41,460
How about I get
two more glasses?
516
00:20:41,495 --> 00:20:43,095
Ooh, I have
an even better idea.
517
00:20:43,130 --> 00:20:44,697
Okay, don't freak out,
518
00:20:44,732 --> 00:20:46,565
but I have some pot
stashed in the playroom.
519
00:20:46,601 --> 00:20:47,566
I'll go get it.
520
00:20:47,602 --> 00:20:48,867
Don't bother.
521
00:20:48,903 --> 00:20:49,868
Why?
522
00:20:49,904 --> 00:20:51,870
- We got rid of it.
- We smoked it.