1 00:00:02,036 --> 00:00:02,236 . 2 00:00:02,270 --> 00:00:03,137 - From the moment your kids are born, 3 00:00:04,805 --> 00:00:06,974 you dread the fact that one day they'll leave you. 4 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,909 And then they do, 5 00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:12,246 and it's just as bad as you thought it'd be. 6 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:15,316 I just want you to remember that you're special, 7 00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:17,751 and you'll always be my little girl. 8 00:00:17,785 --> 00:00:20,321 - Two forms of birth control. 9 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,656 And men are like basketball players-- 10 00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:24,058 they dribble before they shoot. 11 00:00:24,092 --> 00:00:25,059 - Martina! 12 00:00:25,093 --> 00:00:26,594 - It's reality, Mike. 13 00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:27,761 - Bye, guys. 14 00:00:27,795 --> 00:00:28,896 - Bye. - I'll miss you. 15 00:00:28,929 --> 00:00:30,564 - I'll miss you too. 16 00:00:30,598 --> 00:00:31,632 - Bye, Dad. - Love you, kid. 17 00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:33,434 - Love you. 18 00:00:36,437 --> 00:00:39,607 - Well, at least now we know what it's like. 19 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,942 The next one will be easier. 20 00:00:41,975 --> 00:00:44,145 [crying] 21 00:00:44,178 --> 00:00:46,714 Oh, my sweet baby. 22 00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:49,750 [sobbing] 23 00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:57,425 [sobbing louder] 24 00:01:03,331 --> 00:01:05,933 - What are you looking at? 25 00:01:05,966 --> 00:01:06,934 It's just us now! 26 00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:08,001 We're alone! 27 00:01:08,035 --> 00:01:10,638 - [crying] 28 00:01:16,777 --> 00:01:18,579 Wow. 29 00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:21,549 The empty nest. 30 00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:24,818 - We're gonna die in this house. 31 00:01:24,852 --> 00:01:26,687 - I need alcohol. 32 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:28,922 But it's only 10:00 a.m. 33 00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:30,158 - Well, on the other hand, 34 00:01:30,191 --> 00:01:32,160 we don't have to drive anybody anywhere. 35 00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:34,762 - Or cook anyone dinner, 36 00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:36,630 or set a good freakin' example. 37 00:01:36,664 --> 00:01:39,433 Hey, we don't have to say "freakin'" anymore! 38 00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:42,636 - We can swear when we want, drink when we want, 39 00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:45,773 have sex when we want, 40 00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:48,976 and have sex when we want. 41 00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:51,779 There's a reason I said that twice. 42 00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,714 - This could be good. 43 00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:57,351 - This could be really good. 44 00:01:57,385 --> 00:02:03,090 - * It might seem crazy what I'm bout to say * 45 00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:05,259 * Sunshine, she's here, you can take a break * 46 00:02:05,293 --> 00:02:08,196 - Finally getting rid of the play room. 47 00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:09,763 - Turn it into a media room. 48 00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:11,799 Big-ass plasma. 49 00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:14,202 I'm gonna have an old timey popcorn machine, 50 00:02:14,202 --> 00:02:16,304 one of those big chairs with the cup holders. 51 00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:19,973 I'll be just like a Hollywood douchebag. 52 00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:21,475 - [sniffing] 53 00:02:21,509 --> 00:02:23,211 [gasps] 54 00:02:23,211 --> 00:02:24,845 Look what I found. 55 00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:25,846 - That's pot. 56 00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:27,014 Our kids were doing drugs? 57 00:02:27,047 --> 00:02:29,049 - Mike! Martina! 58 00:02:29,082 --> 00:02:30,050 - It's your parents! 59 00:02:30,083 --> 00:02:32,286 Hide the pot! 60 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:35,423 Wow, I just felt so young. 61 00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:36,624 - Bob? - What? 62 00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,792 - They're in the playroom! - What? 63 00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:40,461 - The playroom! 64 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:43,096 They're fine. 65 00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:44,665 - Alice, again, the key that we made 66 00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:46,934 for you and Dad was for emergencies. 67 00:02:46,967 --> 00:02:48,869 - We knocked on the door, and you didn't answer. 68 00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:51,339 It could have been an emergency. 69 00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:53,140 - Why didn't you just ring the bell? 70 00:02:53,241 --> 00:02:54,242 - Ring the bell? 71 00:02:54,242 --> 00:02:57,545 Child please, we're family. 72 00:02:57,578 --> 00:03:00,614 Family doesn't ring the bell. 73 00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:01,982 - Oh, hey, Pop. 74 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:05,653 - Oh, good, you're finally cleaning this room. 75 00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:08,656 You didn't have all these toys when you were a kid. 76 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:10,991 - I know. 77 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,726 - You spoiled those girls. 78 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:14,262 You know, when Mike was young, 79 00:03:14,262 --> 00:03:16,864 I taught him how to do military sheet corners. 80 00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:19,267 He couldn't go out to play until I could bounce a coin 81 00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:21,068 off his tightly made bed. 82 00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:24,638 - I still get a little tense when I see a quarter. 83 00:03:24,672 --> 00:03:26,907 - We tried to help with Stella and Shea. 84 00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:30,411 - Yes, you were here all the time. 85 00:03:30,444 --> 00:03:32,580 - Well, we're headed to the store. 86 00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:34,615 We'll bring you back some doughnuts. 87 00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:36,384 - Alice, we don't eat doughnuts. 88 00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:38,286 And you know I'm gluten free. 89 00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:41,355 - Oh, that nonsense. 90 00:03:41,389 --> 00:03:44,492 That's why you're so skinny. 91 00:03:44,525 --> 00:03:45,959 - I don't think I'm too skinny. 92 00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:49,663 - You can't see your own skinny. 93 00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:51,164 It's like smelling your own breath. 94 00:03:51,198 --> 00:03:53,901 You need someone else to tell you that it's bad. 95 00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:56,937 Mike, I'll pick you up some breath mints. 96 00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,708 - When are you gonna stand up to them? 97 00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,543 - Well, I've always said "soon," 98 00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:05,946 but now that they're moving, I can give the truthful answer: 99 00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:08,449 never. 100 00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:11,385 So what are we gonna do with this? 101 00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:14,388 [Tommy James & the Shondells' "Crimson and Clover"] 102 00:04:14,422 --> 00:04:17,725 - * Now I don't hardly know her * 103 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:19,059 * 104 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:23,497 What if "Horton Hears a Who!" is real? 105 00:04:23,531 --> 00:04:26,900 - Deep. 106 00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:30,738 - You know what's great about smoking pot when you're older? 107 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,205 You don't get paranoid. 108 00:04:32,239 --> 00:04:33,341 - [chuckles] 109 00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:34,342 [rustling at door] 110 00:04:34,342 --> 00:04:35,343 - It's the cops! 111 00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:36,344 - [screams] 112 00:04:42,450 --> 00:04:45,419 [door unlocking] 113 00:04:45,453 --> 00:04:46,954 - Oh, thank God you're home. 114 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:49,022 - Stella? - Brace yourselves. 115 00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:50,624 I left Justin. 116 00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:53,060 We had this big fight, and he's dead to me. 117 00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:54,227 - Is he dead to everyone? 118 00:04:54,261 --> 00:04:56,530 Did you kill him? 119 00:04:56,564 --> 00:04:59,367 - Answer your father. 120 00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:00,901 - What is wrong with you guys? 121 00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:01,902 - Nothing. 122 00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:02,903 I could really use a pizza, 123 00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:04,938 but go on. 124 00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:06,407 - Okay. 125 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,642 Well, I'm here because I'm not getting any acting jobs, 126 00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:11,278 and my YouTube videos don't get enough hits. 127 00:05:11,379 --> 00:05:13,146 Being an adult is hard. 128 00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:16,083 Plus, I miss you guys, so I was wondering-- 129 00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:18,886 - Hello, all. 130 00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:19,987 Forgive the surprise. 131 00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:21,722 - Shea, what are you doing here? 132 00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:24,157 - I'm moving back home. - What? 133 00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:26,594 - But I told you I was coming here today to move back home. 134 00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:28,462 - What? 135 00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:31,098 - Yes, but I reasoned that the cumulative impact on them 136 00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:32,833 would be reduced if it were simultaneous 137 00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:34,402 rather than staggered. 138 00:05:34,402 --> 00:05:37,771 - Ew, Shea, you don't just break into someone's scene. 139 00:05:40,574 --> 00:05:42,142 - We're not in a movie, Stella. 140 00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,744 This is the real world. 141 00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:46,246 A world where, thanks to this country's hatred of science, 142 00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:48,181 the funding for my job has been eliminated. 143 00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:53,120 So like 23.8% of people between the ages of 22 and 31, 144 00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:55,122 I've determined the most logical course of action 145 00:05:55,155 --> 00:05:58,859 in this economy is to move back in with my parents. 146 00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:00,928 And because of the broad number of young people doing this, 147 00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:04,164 there's no longer the social stigma attached. 148 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,232 - Is she done? 149 00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:08,569 I can never tell when she's done. 150 00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:10,003 - I'm the one who should move back in. 151 00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:12,072 Mom and Dad are like my best friends. 152 00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:14,442 - They're my only friends. 153 00:06:14,442 --> 00:06:16,777 - Girls, girls, don't fight. 154 00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:19,780 You're equally disappointing both of us. 155 00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:21,014 [knocking at door] 156 00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,015 - Hello? 157 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,451 We hear voices in there! 158 00:06:23,451 --> 00:06:24,752 - Oh, boy. 159 00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:25,753 - It's Grandma! 160 00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:26,854 - Oh! 161 00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:29,089 Are you girls here for our anniversary dinner? 162 00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:31,291 - Oh, no, I'm moving back home today. 163 00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:32,893 - So am I. 164 00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:36,063 - Well, we certainly can't move to Florida now. 165 00:06:38,599 --> 00:06:40,901 - It looks like you need us again. 166 00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:42,470 - Who wants doughnuts? 167 00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:43,704 - I do! - Me. 168 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,372 - They're back. 169 00:06:45,473 --> 00:06:47,808 They're all back! 170 00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:49,209 It's a nightmare. 171 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:52,079 - It's a [bleep] disaster! 172 00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:56,083 Oh, God, we can't say [bleep] anymore. 173 00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:57,485 Where are you going? 174 00:06:57,485 --> 00:07:00,053 - There's doughnuts. 175 00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:03,123 [upbeat music] 176 00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:12,666 . 177 00:07:14,702 --> 00:07:15,068 [upbeat music] 178 00:07:16,336 --> 00:07:18,238 - Hey, you got a passenger. 179 00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:19,573 Real slacker type. 180 00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:22,375 - Sounds like my daughter's boyfriend. 181 00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:25,312 It is my daughter's boyfriend. 182 00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:26,647 [knock at door] 183 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,148 Ugh, that knock. 184 00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:30,818 Come in, Justin. 185 00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:31,819 - Hey. 186 00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:33,086 - Hey. 187 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,187 Here's how you knock. 188 00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:35,188 [knocking] 189 00:07:35,222 --> 00:07:36,724 It's not... 190 00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:37,725 [single knock] 191 00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:38,826 - Well, why? 192 00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:41,228 - Because we as a society have decided 193 00:07:41,261 --> 00:07:42,395 that's how you knock. 194 00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:43,531 What are you doing here? 195 00:07:43,531 --> 00:07:44,698 - I miss Stella. 196 00:07:44,732 --> 00:07:46,534 I was hoping you'd help me get her back. 197 00:07:46,534 --> 00:07:49,102 - Look, Justin, no man thinks any guy 198 00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:50,538 is good enough for his little girl, 199 00:07:50,538 --> 00:07:51,739 and then I met you and-- 200 00:07:51,772 --> 00:07:53,406 please don't take this the wrong way-- 201 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:56,777 but I thought, "He's not even close." 202 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,278 I mean, do you even have a job? 203 00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,913 - I have something better than a job: 204 00:07:59,947 --> 00:08:02,015 an idea for an app. 205 00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:03,751 - Everyone with the apps. 206 00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:05,352 - Yeah, it's awesome. 207 00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:09,222 But figuring out how to actually make it is super hard. 208 00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:11,391 - Look, that's the problem with people your age. 209 00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:12,726 Once it gets hard, you quit. 210 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:14,461 You got to stick with things. 211 00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:15,963 - I like that. 212 00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,565 Could you text that to me? 213 00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:19,066 - Get out. 214 00:08:19,099 --> 00:08:21,201 - What happens if I push this button? 215 00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:23,704 - That'll get you out even faster. 216 00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:25,739 Push it. 217 00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:29,577 * 218 00:08:29,577 --> 00:08:30,578 [sighs] 219 00:08:30,578 --> 00:08:31,879 What a mess. 220 00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:33,747 - Ugh. 221 00:08:33,781 --> 00:08:35,315 We spent so much time teaching the girls 222 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:36,684 how special they are. 223 00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:39,452 Why didn't we teach them how to shut a cabinet door? 224 00:08:39,486 --> 00:08:42,355 - Why do we buy free range chicken? 225 00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:45,458 I mean, how free are they really? 226 00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:50,097 It's not like they're letting them walk into town. 227 00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:52,933 Speaking of freeing things... 228 00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:54,201 - Mike, stop it. 229 00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:56,336 We are not asking the girls to leave. 230 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,338 They're hurting right now, and they need us. 231 00:08:58,371 --> 00:08:59,873 - Okay. 232 00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:01,609 Hey, it's quiet. 233 00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:02,810 - [sighs] 234 00:09:02,843 --> 00:09:05,045 Maybe we can have the place to ourselves. 235 00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:06,046 - Mom? 236 00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:07,748 Mom? 237 00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:09,683 Tell Shea she's never gonna get a date with Carter 238 00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:12,285 if she texts like a dorky virgin. 239 00:09:12,319 --> 00:09:16,289 - Let me see what you wrote, honey. 240 00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:17,958 "I'm interested in dating you. 241 00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:19,793 Do you share similar feelings?" 242 00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:22,029 Ooh, that's bad. 243 00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:23,430 - I know. 244 00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:26,099 But Stella wants me to text "Hang sometime?" 245 00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:27,367 I can't send that. 246 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,069 It's a meaningless statement. 247 00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:30,738 - Shea, you have to put yourself out there, 248 00:09:30,771 --> 00:09:31,805 be sexy, 249 00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:34,141 and stop dressing like Daria. 250 00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:36,677 - I've put myself out there with Carter. 251 00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,879 Last week, he was making an AU calculation 252 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:41,014 that would have been off by thousands of parsecs, 253 00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:43,250 and I thoughtfully pointed out his mistake. 254 00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:45,252 That's love. 255 00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:47,287 - Is she done? 256 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:50,758 I can never tell when she's done. 257 00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:52,960 - You never correct a man you like. 258 00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:54,762 - Really? 259 00:09:58,065 --> 00:10:00,834 - Look, men are like balloons. 260 00:10:00,868 --> 00:10:02,535 They don't want anyone to pop them 261 00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:05,105 and show that it's all just air inside. 262 00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:07,040 All you got to do is fill that balloon 263 00:10:07,074 --> 00:10:09,209 with what they want to hear. 264 00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:10,210 - It's like how for Dad, 265 00:10:10,243 --> 00:10:12,112 you act all excited about the Mets. 266 00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:14,114 - Hey, I never pushed Shea to be a Mets fan. 267 00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:17,951 - You named me after their stadium. 268 00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:20,553 But I love the Mets because you love them. 269 00:10:20,587 --> 00:10:21,955 - That's my girl. 270 00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:25,693 - Okay, it works. 271 00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:27,160 "Hang sometime?" 272 00:10:27,194 --> 00:10:30,030 And send. 273 00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:31,031 Thank you. 274 00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:32,265 - Any time. 275 00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:33,500 - If you know all this, how come you can't 276 00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:34,902 work things out with Justin? 277 00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:36,770 - It's just super hard when two brilliant, 278 00:10:36,804 --> 00:10:39,639 complex artists get together. 279 00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:42,876 - We're still talking about you and Justin? 280 00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:45,512 Look, Stella, why don't you forget about boys 281 00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:48,381 and focus on what you're gonna do with your life? 282 00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:49,717 - Maybe you're right. 283 00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:53,887 I mean, I have a degree in theater arts. 284 00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:55,956 It's crazy that I'm not using it. 285 00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:58,959 - Oh, you're using it some. 286 00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,228 - I'm a singer and an actress. 287 00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:03,230 That's like having two lottery tickets. 288 00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:04,431 - Yes. 289 00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:07,467 As valuable as two lottery tickets. 290 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:08,736 - Hey, let's all do something. 291 00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:10,738 - We could watch a movie like when we were kids. 292 00:11:10,771 --> 00:11:12,472 Perhaps a Disney princess movie. 293 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:13,907 - Not "Beauty and the Beast." 294 00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:16,243 Belle is so basic. 295 00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:17,745 - Don't you put down Belle. 296 00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:20,748 She was willing to marry an animal to get a good library. 297 00:11:22,649 --> 00:11:23,616 - [sighs] 298 00:11:23,650 --> 00:11:24,818 I'm exhausted. 299 00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:28,355 I forgot how much energy parenting takes. 300 00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:31,759 But they like us. 301 00:11:31,759 --> 00:11:33,660 - They really do. 302 00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:37,931 . 303 00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:40,968 - A naked woman in bed with me, 304 00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:45,806 the only reason I ever do anything. 305 00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:49,943 - Lying, sneaking off to a hotel. 306 00:11:49,977 --> 00:11:52,612 We're like Stella in high school. 307 00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:54,181 - No kid talk. 308 00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,282 That was the deal. 309 00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:56,950 - Oh, yeah. 310 00:11:56,984 --> 00:11:58,952 [cell phone vibrating] 311 00:11:58,986 --> 00:12:02,322 - Whoever it is, they can wait five minutes. 312 00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:04,657 I mean, 45 minutes. 313 00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:08,161 - But it could be the girls. 314 00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:09,629 It's Shea. 315 00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:13,133 Oh, Carter hasn't texted back. 316 00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:15,803 [cell phone vibrates] 317 00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:17,137 Now it's Stella. 318 00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:19,406 Justin got tagged in a picture with some girl. 319 00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:23,176 Oh, God, my poor babies. 320 00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:25,979 Okay. 321 00:12:26,013 --> 00:12:26,980 - No, no, look. 322 00:12:27,014 --> 00:12:28,816 You're gonna do that thing now 323 00:12:28,816 --> 00:12:30,050 where you're thinking about the kids 324 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,152 when we're about to have sex. 325 00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:34,221 I'm gonna be doing some of my best work, 326 00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:37,424 and you're gonna have this worried look in your eyes. 327 00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:38,658 - I can't help it. 328 00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:41,528 A mother is only as happy as her unhappiest child. 329 00:12:41,561 --> 00:12:44,631 - What about her unhappiest husband? 330 00:12:44,664 --> 00:12:45,833 We should probably just go. 331 00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:46,834 - Why? 332 00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:48,401 But that's not fair. 333 00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:49,837 I want to do this. 334 00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:51,071 - Don't you get it? 335 00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:54,174 The fun is over. 336 00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:55,508 I mean, this is supposed to be our time, 337 00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:57,744 but it is their time again. 338 00:12:57,845 --> 00:12:59,546 - Oh, my God, you're right. 339 00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:01,982 This is our life now, isn't it? 340 00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:03,216 - And you know whose fault it is? 341 00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:04,551 It's ours. We did this. 342 00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:07,320 We made them our friends. 343 00:13:07,354 --> 00:13:08,889 - We were so involved in their lives. 344 00:13:08,922 --> 00:13:12,092 We listened, we supported, we validated. 345 00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,660 - We blew it. 346 00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:15,896 - Now we have to sneak off to a hotel room 347 00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:17,264 to get away from them. 348 00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:20,868 - If we only spanked them once, we could've saved $200. 349 00:13:20,868 --> 00:13:22,202 - We could've saved a boatload more 350 00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:24,404 if we'd done what my father did and just left. 351 00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:26,106 - It's too late for that. 352 00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:27,240 - Okay, I'm in. 353 00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:28,341 They got to go. 354 00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:29,576 And your parents. 355 00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:30,743 - All right, here's the deal. 356 00:13:30,777 --> 00:13:32,345 Tomorrow is their anniversary party. 357 00:13:32,379 --> 00:13:33,881 We get everybody together, 358 00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:35,382 we tell them how much we love them, 359 00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:36,884 and then we kick them to the curb. 360 00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:38,185 - Deal. 361 00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:39,519 - All right. 362 00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:42,755 Now let's get our 200 bucks' worth. 363 00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:46,759 * 364 00:13:46,793 --> 00:13:49,930 - Oh, this one is from Mike and Martina. 365 00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:53,033 I bet it's that scarf I've been hinting at. 366 00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:54,567 Oh. 367 00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:58,038 Look, Bob, it's some sort of coupon. 368 00:13:58,071 --> 00:13:59,406 - It's airline miles. 369 00:13:59,439 --> 00:14:01,708 - Yes, we gifted you our miles 370 00:14:01,741 --> 00:14:04,912 so that when you do decide to move to Florida, 371 00:14:04,912 --> 00:14:08,081 you can upgrade to first class if there's a seat available. 372 00:14:08,115 --> 00:14:10,717 - If there's a seat? 373 00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:12,785 So we go to the airport with no idea 374 00:14:12,819 --> 00:14:15,422 where we're going to sit, and then just announce ourselves 375 00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:16,957 like we think we're so great? 376 00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:19,426 - I don't think first class is for us. 377 00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,194 We'd be uncomfortable. 378 00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:23,530 - But there's more room, and you get to board first. 379 00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:25,999 - But then we'd have to watch the other passengers go by us. 380 00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:28,035 Everybody hates those first class people 381 00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:29,402 when they walk by them. 382 00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:31,704 - We'd be the people they hate! 383 00:14:31,738 --> 00:14:34,341 - Look, let's just call this a bad gift and move on. 384 00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:41,214 - Well, gifts aside, I would like to make a toast. 385 00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:43,150 You know, multi-generational events like this 386 00:14:43,183 --> 00:14:45,618 remind one of the natural order of things. 387 00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:47,387 First you're a child. 388 00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:49,656 Then you grow older, and eventually you leave home 389 00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:51,624 and stand proudly upon your own two feet, 390 00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:55,195 taking any job you can, even if it's not your dream. 391 00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:58,665 And then you grow old, and you move to Florida. 392 00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:01,734 Cheers. 393 00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:04,804 - But you and Mom always told us to follow our dreams. 394 00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:06,006 - Yes, we did, 395 00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:07,975 and that may have been a mistake. 396 00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:09,742 - See, we didn't think everybody in your generation 397 00:15:09,776 --> 00:15:10,978 would have the same dream: 398 00:15:10,978 --> 00:15:13,113 to be an actress or win singing competitions. 399 00:15:13,146 --> 00:15:15,615 - Surely you're not equating my dream of becoming an astronaut 400 00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:18,451 with hoping a chair turns around on "The Voice." 401 00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:21,154 - Dad, what are you trying to tell us? 402 00:15:21,188 --> 00:15:23,156 - Clearly they want us to leave. 403 00:15:23,190 --> 00:15:24,257 - Is that true? 404 00:15:24,291 --> 00:15:26,994 - Well, it might be time. 405 00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:29,629 - Wow, I didn't know you guys didn't want us here. 406 00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:30,998 - Neither did I. 407 00:15:30,998 --> 00:15:33,466 Sometimes I have trouble with social cues. 408 00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:34,801 I was perceiving joy, 409 00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:37,204 and you were feeling shackled and burdened. 410 00:15:37,237 --> 00:15:38,205 - No, no. 411 00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:39,306 - We do not feel that way, 412 00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:42,275 and we want to be supportive in any way we can. 413 00:15:42,309 --> 00:15:45,078 - Well, that didn't take long. 414 00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:46,579 - What is that supposed to mean? 415 00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,715 - You're going soft already. 416 00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:51,318 You remember the summer that you turned 16? 417 00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:52,652 I locked you out of the house 418 00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:54,421 with a bowl of cereal and the want ads, 419 00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:57,090 and I said, "Don't you come home until you've got a job." 420 00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:58,458 Now that's parenting. 421 00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:00,460 - I hated you that day. 422 00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:01,694 I thought to myself, 423 00:16:01,728 --> 00:16:04,431 "I can't wait to get away from these people." 424 00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:06,099 - See? Success! 425 00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:07,867 - I would never do that to my daughters. 426 00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:09,102 I like them. 427 00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:10,337 - Well, there's your mistake. 428 00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:12,805 You love your children. You don't like them! 429 00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:14,341 - I want to be close to the girls. 430 00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:16,076 When I was growing up, you and Mom had no idea 431 00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:17,410 what was going on in my life. 432 00:16:17,444 --> 00:16:20,347 - We weren't that interested in you. 433 00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:21,614 - Well, I'm not you, Dad. 434 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,350 I don't push my kids away when they need me. 435 00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:25,218 Girls, you can stay. 436 00:16:25,252 --> 00:16:26,486 And you might call that weak. 437 00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:28,788 I call it a strong man making a strong decision. 438 00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,457 It's okay with you, dear? 439 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:31,691 - Of course. 440 00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:32,859 We love you. 441 00:16:32,892 --> 00:16:35,862 - Aww. 442 00:16:35,895 --> 00:16:38,665 That's is good parenting right here. 443 00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:39,666 [knock at door] 444 00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:41,334 Oh, that knock. 445 00:16:41,368 --> 00:16:44,504 - It's Justin. 446 00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:45,505 - Hi, Stella. 447 00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:47,074 You look smokin'. 448 00:16:47,074 --> 00:16:48,675 Hey, everybody. 449 00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:50,643 - Justin, why are you here? 450 00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:51,978 - I'm taking your dad's advice. 451 00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:53,546 He told me I shouldn't quit on you. 452 00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:55,748 - I did not say that. 453 00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:57,817 - Well, it was something like that. 454 00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,720 You never texted me, so I don't got it exactly. 455 00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:02,922 But he said if you want something, 456 00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:04,157 you should stick with it. 457 00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:06,159 And I want you. 458 00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:09,496 - Oh, Justin, I want you, too. 459 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:12,099 You're a full balloon, 460 00:17:12,099 --> 00:17:15,102 and no one should pop you. 461 00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:17,737 - I'll explain metaphor to her later. 462 00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:18,905 - Let's go home, baby. 463 00:17:18,938 --> 00:17:20,273 - Um, about that. 464 00:17:20,307 --> 00:17:21,774 We kind of got evicted. 465 00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:23,310 - Well, you can stay here with me. 466 00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:24,911 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 467 00:17:24,944 --> 00:17:27,447 You guys are not even married. 468 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,949 - I hear you, bro. 469 00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:31,451 Stella, will you marry me? 470 00:17:31,484 --> 00:17:33,720 - No, no, no. 471 00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:34,754 - Yes. 472 00:17:46,133 --> 00:17:46,233 . 473 00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:47,634 [upbeat music] 474 00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:51,938 - How can you drink iced lattes at this time of night? 475 00:17:51,971 --> 00:17:53,173 - Why does that bother you? 476 00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:54,407 I sleep fine. 477 00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:57,444 - It's just suspicious. 478 00:17:58,645 --> 00:18:00,280 Is she really gonna marry that guy? 479 00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:01,848 - Ugh. 480 00:18:01,881 --> 00:18:05,017 Let's don't think about that tonight. 481 00:18:05,051 --> 00:18:09,856 Honey, we can keep the fun going. 482 00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:12,024 How about you go get some wine 483 00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:15,362 and I'll put on something ridiculous? 484 00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:17,063 - Are we talking parading? 485 00:18:17,164 --> 00:18:18,865 - Oh, I'll parade. 486 00:18:18,898 --> 00:18:20,900 - I love a parade. 487 00:18:25,372 --> 00:18:26,673 - Alice sent me to make sure 488 00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:31,010 we're not stuck with those miles. 489 00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:32,445 - We'll get you another gift. 490 00:18:32,479 --> 00:18:33,613 - Well, good. 491 00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:35,948 Nothing crazy this time. 492 00:18:35,982 --> 00:18:37,650 Now, about our staying-- 493 00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:38,651 - Dad, go to Florida. 494 00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:39,652 Have fun. 495 00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:41,188 We really don't need your help here. 496 00:18:41,188 --> 00:18:43,089 - Well, don't tell your stepmom that. 497 00:18:43,190 --> 00:18:45,325 She was miserable about moving. 498 00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:46,793 You know, it's nice to feel needed 499 00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:50,663 and not just going someplace warm to rot and die. 500 00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:53,032 Besides, who wants to be around a lot of old people? 501 00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:56,203 Old people are annoying. 502 00:18:56,236 --> 00:18:59,206 - Are they? 503 00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:01,641 - I know you think I'm too conservative and old-fashioned, 504 00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:03,109 but I did marry a black woman. 505 00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:05,245 That's got to mean something. 506 00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:07,314 - Dad, I don't see race. 507 00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:08,915 I see a bossy woman who you married 508 00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:11,117 who's always in my house. 509 00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:12,585 - Fair enough. 510 00:19:12,619 --> 00:19:15,087 You know, I don't agree with how you raised these girls, 511 00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:18,425 but I see how much they like you. 512 00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:20,026 That must feel kind of good. 513 00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:22,229 - It does. 514 00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:23,963 - I don't think my pop even knew I existed 515 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:26,599 until I was standing in his direct line of sight. 516 00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:28,535 - Well, did he ever talk to you? 517 00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:30,837 Ask you how you were feeling, how you were doing? 518 00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:32,672 - Never. 519 00:19:32,705 --> 00:19:33,840 Different times. 520 00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,074 - Yeah, different times, 521 00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:38,077 but it would have been nice if he had, right? 522 00:19:38,110 --> 00:19:42,249 - Yeah, would've been nice. 523 00:19:42,249 --> 00:19:45,518 Good night, son. 524 00:19:45,552 --> 00:19:47,554 - Good night, Dad. 525 00:19:49,756 --> 00:19:50,723 - Mike. 526 00:19:50,757 --> 00:19:52,259 - Yeah? 527 00:19:52,259 --> 00:19:54,894 - How you doing, son? 528 00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:57,330 - I'm good. 529 00:19:57,364 --> 00:19:59,466 You? 530 00:19:59,499 --> 00:20:00,867 - Good too. 531 00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:02,835 - Good. 532 00:20:09,242 --> 00:20:12,245 - Did you tell him we don't want the miles? 533 00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,483 - What? - The miles! 534 00:20:16,516 --> 00:20:18,518 - He told me! 535 00:20:21,187 --> 00:20:26,192 I hope whatever you put on is easy to take off. 536 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:30,330 Hello, ladies. 537 00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:31,698 - Good news, honey. 538 00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:34,534 The girls came in to tell me that Carter texted back. 539 00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,035 - Told you he would. 540 00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:38,505 Remember, two forms of birth control, 541 00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:40,507 right, Mom and Dad? 542 00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:43,910 - I feel very uncomfortable in this conversation. 543 00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:45,345 - Why? We're all adults here. 544 00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:47,680 - Then why are you living at home? 545 00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:51,083 - Oh, Dad, you're so funny. 546 00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:52,585 - I have a suggestion. 547 00:20:52,619 --> 00:20:54,454 How about I get two more glasses? 548 00:20:54,487 --> 00:20:56,088 - Ooh, I have an even better idea. 549 00:20:56,122 --> 00:20:57,690 Okay, don't freak out, 550 00:20:57,724 --> 00:20:59,559 but have some pot stashed in the playroom. 551 00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:00,560 I'll go get it. 552 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:01,928 - Don't bother. 553 00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:02,929 - Why? 554 00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:04,931 - We got rid of it. - We smoked it. 555 00:21:04,964 --> 00:21:06,966 *