1
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,988
TOUR GUIDE: Now, if you'll follow me
this way onto the quad,
2
00:00:31,156 --> 00:00:32,489
we'll continue our campus tour.
3
00:00:32,657 --> 00:00:34,491
SCOTT: So, sweetie, remember,
if you drink a beer,
4
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:35,826
you drink a glass of water, all right?
5
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,454
Six-pack of beer, six-pack of water.
6
00:00:38,621 --> 00:00:40,956
Okay. This just sounds like
way too much liquid.
7
00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:42,875
KATE: Or just don't party at all.
8
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,793
Okay, Mom, you're the one
who always talks about
9
00:00:44,961 --> 00:00:46,628
how much you smoked pot in college
10
00:00:46,796 --> 00:00:48,547
and for a whole semester,
you just peed outside.
11
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:52,134
Okay, they did call me,
"Smoke a Lot of Pot and Pee Outside" Kate.
12
00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:53,552
- Well...
- But I regret that.
13
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,971
Okay? Just skip over that part
and act like I am now.
14
00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:58,223
- Okay.
- Oh. Let's show her stranger danger.
15
00:00:58,391 --> 00:01:00,559
- Do you know stranger danger?
- (SIGHS) I'm sure-
16
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:03,479
Okay, this is real important.
So, I'm a scary frat guy.
17
00:01:03,646 --> 00:01:05,481
- Right? There's a lot of them.
- Okay.
18
00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:07,816
- Mom is you, all right?
- Lucky me. (CHUCKLES)
19
00:01:07,984 --> 00:01:10,069
Okay. Hey, sweet thing.
20
00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:12,237
- My name's Geppetto.
- Whoa.
21
00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:14,823
- Uh, 'cause I make the ladies my puppets.
- Uh...
22
00:01:14,991 --> 00:01:16,492
- Yeah. Right?
- See? I already don't trust him.
23
00:01:16,659 --> 00:01:18,202
- Right? He's a bad guy.
- Trust your instincts.
24
00:01:18,369 --> 00:01:19,745
- Bad guy.
- Weird choice.
25
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:21,413
SCOTT: So, you wanna come up
to the bro house?
26
00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:22,915
You don't have to answer.
27
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,416
- Oh...
- But, for this scenario, I will.
28
00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:26,835
I'm fine, thank you.
I'm getting ready to study.
29
00:01:27,003 --> 00:01:28,837
Oh, but I like the silent type.
30
00:01:29,005 --> 00:01:30,255
You smell good.
31
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:32,758
You probably think I'm close to you,
but I'd like to get closer.
32
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,760
Come, my lady
Come, come, my lady
33
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,345
You're my sugar pie, honey, baby
34
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:38,013
Then you elbow him in the balls,
and then you roll away.
35
00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:39,181
(GROANS) Right there. And you roll.
36
00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:41,517
- And the guy's like, "No! My nards. "
- And you get out of there.
37
00:01:41,684 --> 00:01:43,519
So, stay away from guys named Geppetto.
38
00:01:43,686 --> 00:01:45,062
Got it. Thank you. Guys...
39
00:01:45,855 --> 00:01:48,690
I love this school.
This is where I wanna go next year.
40
00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:51,026
Oh! We're so happy you love it here!
41
00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:52,569
- Let us come with you!
- (ALL LAUGHING)
42
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:54,655
- She's just kidding.
- Nah.
43
00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:57,074
I love you guys.
44
00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:58,700
- We love you, too.
- Come here.
45
00:01:58,910 --> 00:02:00,702
SCOTT: Aw... God, our little baby!
46
00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:02,496
(CHUCKLES) If I get in.
47
00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:03,914
- If you get in.
- If you get in.
48
00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:06,041
- That's right.
- Tough school. It's tough.
49
00:02:06,709 --> 00:02:08,085
Oh, God. No, I don't wanna click it.
50
00:02:08,253 --> 00:02:09,837
I'm not gonna click it.
One of you click it. I'm not...
51
00:02:10,004 --> 00:02:13,715
Honey, Alex, you're an A student, okay?
Chill. I'm sure you got in.
52
00:02:13,883 --> 00:02:15,843
You know, if they don't want my baby,
they're stupid.
53
00:02:16,010 --> 00:02:18,846
The Bisons? What kind of mascot is that?
54
00:02:19,013 --> 00:02:21,223
If they say no to you,
I say we say no to them.
55
00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:22,432
Fuck the Bisons! You know?
56
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:23,892
Yeah. Bucknell, more like Fucknell!
57
00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:25,060
Yes!
58
00:02:28,356 --> 00:02:29,898
(GASPS) I got in!
59
00:02:30,108 --> 00:02:31,275
(ALL SCREAMING)
60
00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:33,569
You got in! Yes!
61
00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:40,075
Bucknell, I knew it!
I knew it! I knew it!
62
00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:42,870
We're Bucknell!
63
00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:44,872
- Bucknell, baby! Bucknell!
- Yeah! Bucknell!
64
00:02:45,039 --> 00:02:48,458
It's a majestic creature, the bison!
Bisons! Bisons!
65
00:02:58,469 --> 00:03:01,805
Man, Frank is not looking so hot
since Raina left.
66
00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:03,974
SCOTT: Ugh, I can smell
that poncho from here.
67
00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:05,434
He looks like Animal from the Muppets.
68
00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:06,935
- What's up, you guys?
- What's up, buddy? How are ya?
69
00:03:07,103 --> 00:03:09,104
- Guys. Great party!
- Frank, buddy.
70
00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:10,439
Yeah, it's going great, huh?
71
00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:11,732
Yeah, we're glad you could come.
72
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:14,276
- You made it.
- Yeah, of course I made it.
73
00:03:14,485 --> 00:03:15,611
Rode my bike all the way here.
74
00:03:16,112 --> 00:03:17,112
- Good.
- Yeah.
75
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:18,280
What happened to your car?
76
00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:19,781
I can't find it.
77
00:03:20,783 --> 00:03:22,117
You guys must be pretty psyched, right?
78
00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:23,327
Yeah, we are.
79
00:03:23,494 --> 00:03:24,953
So proud of Alex. She's really grown up.
80
00:03:25,121 --> 00:03:26,955
No, no, no. I'm talking about us.
81
00:03:27,123 --> 00:03:28,999
I'm talking about the three of us,
next week. Vegas!
82
00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:30,459
- We were thinking about Vegas.
- Yeah.
83
00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:32,669
What if we push Vegas until the fall?
84
00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:35,255
Yeah. We still go.
We just push it a little later.
85
00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:37,299
No. There's only now.
There is no later, right?
86
00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:38,967
- We'll talk.
- (LAUGHS)
87
00:03:39,135 --> 00:03:40,469
All right, buddy. All right.
88
00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:41,845
RACHEL: Guys, high school's over.
89
00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:44,097
And, let's face it,
we're not ready for college.
90
00:03:44,265 --> 00:03:46,308
It seems like being a freshman in college
91
00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:48,310
means you have to be prepared
to get date raped, right?
92
00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:51,521
I don't understand the difference
between, like, rape and date rape.
93
00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:55,776
Oh, I think date rape is when you go
to dinner and a movie, and then rape.
94
00:03:55,944 --> 00:03:57,236
She's talking to her friends
about how sad she is.
95
00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:59,446
- Yeah.
- KATE: Look at their body language.
96
00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:00,989
They don't want to leave their parents.
97
00:04:01,157 --> 00:04:04,159
We're gonna pack everything we should
have done at high school into this summer.
98
00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:06,328
I mean, I told my parents
I'd hang out with them this summer.
99
00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:09,331
- That's weird.
- No, my parents are fun.
100
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:12,417
For parents, they're fun.
For people, they're the worst. I...
101
00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:14,002
Does your mom even talk to you, Rachel?
102
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:15,754
Stop.
103
00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:17,965
How did we get so lucky
to snag a kid like that?
104
00:04:18,132 --> 00:04:19,174
I don't know.
105
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:21,593
KATE: Kind of feel like
I'm losing my best friend.
106
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:25,264
Gotten so used to it being us three.
107
00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:28,225
What's it gonna be like when it's just us?
(CHUCKLES)
108
00:04:32,021 --> 00:04:34,106
- Well, it's gonna...
- (SPUTTERING)
109
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:35,524
Come on!
110
00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:36,858
- I mean, yeah!
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
111
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,652
SCOTT: Empty nest?
112
00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:41,530
This nest is gonna be filled
with our loving.
113
00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:43,031
- Yes!
- Yeah!
114
00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:44,950
It's gonna be a regular
fuck fest around here.
115
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:47,286
Oh, yeah! Get your passport ready.
116
00:04:48,871 --> 00:04:50,122
'Cause we're...
117
00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:53,292
We'll be going to fuck town.
118
00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:56,837
What a nice party.
119
00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:58,547
Hey, thank you so much for the party.
120
00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:00,299
- SCOTT: Oh, you're welcome.
- It was really fun.
121
00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:02,009
I had such a good time.
122
00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:04,845
Rachel invited me
over to her house tonight,
123
00:05:05,096 --> 00:05:06,847
and I was wondering if I could go.
124
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:08,807
Well, we were gonna watch Walking Dead.
125
00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:10,475
KATE: What's more fun,
hanging with your friends,
126
00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:12,811
or watching zombies eat people
with your parents?
127
00:05:13,062 --> 00:05:15,230
- (CHUCKLES)
- Think it's time for an Alex sandwich?
128
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:17,566
BOTH: Mmm.
129
00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:19,318
Please stay, please stay.
130
00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:21,862
BOTH: Stay, stay, stay.
131
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,697
Okay. Okay, I'll stay.
132
00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:25,866
SCOTT AND KATE: Yes.
133
00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:27,951
- (ZOMBIES SNARLING)
- (SCOTT AND KATE MOANING)
134
00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:30,412
- Brains.
- Brains.
135
00:05:30,913 --> 00:05:33,040
Oh, no! Oh, no!
136
00:05:33,207 --> 00:05:34,249
Brains.
137
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:35,751
(SQUELCHING)
138
00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:37,461
KATE: Whoa!
139
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,087
- Oh, my God!
- SCOTT: Oh!
140
00:05:39,255 --> 00:05:40,297
(GAVEL BANGING)
141
00:05:40,506 --> 00:05:43,383
BOB: All right, town. We'd now like
to open up the floor to its citizens.
142
00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:45,052
First up on the docket,
143
00:05:45,219 --> 00:05:47,429
Council would like to
recognize Officer Chandler.
144
00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:49,598
Good afternoon.
145
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:54,561
Last Tuesday night
at approximately 3:14 a.m.,
146
00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:57,773
vandals spray-painted
what appears to be a male penis
147
00:05:57,940 --> 00:06:00,400
and accompanying genitalia
148
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:02,611
on the high school football field.
149
00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:04,780
It has since been removed.
150
00:06:04,947 --> 00:06:05,947
BOB: All right.
151
00:06:06,115 --> 00:06:08,200
Town would like to recognize
Frank Theodorakis.
152
00:06:08,659 --> 00:06:10,786
$1,500 of fines
153
00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:13,747
for the height of my hedges.
154
00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:15,957
This is bullshit, Bob.
155
00:06:16,125 --> 00:06:17,459
Screw this town,
156
00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:19,753
I am out of here. Right after I say this.
157
00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:22,047
Raina, baby, please come home.
158
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,507
- You're my wife.
- Oh, God.
159
00:06:23,925 --> 00:06:26,009
- I love you and I want you to come home.
- Frank, shut up. Stop it.
160
00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:27,803
This is the only time
I can be in the same room with you.
161
00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:29,054
- Come home!
- Just not here!
162
00:06:29,263 --> 00:06:30,722
SCOTT: It's not going the way
you think it's going.
163
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:32,557
I want it... But I've gotta
turn this around. Raina, just-
164
00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:35,185
- Stop it. Go. Just-
- FRANK: Oh, come on!
165
00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:36,561
RAINA: And where the hell
is our car, Frank?
166
00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:39,731
BOB: Well, looks like Fox Meadow's having
its own little soap opera play out here.
167
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:40,982
I'm sorry.
168
00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:42,567
No need to apologize to us.
169
00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:44,820
Just apologize to yourself
for making a bad decision.
170
00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:46,279
On a bad man.
171
00:06:46,447 --> 00:06:49,282
Uh, moving on to the next issue.
172
00:06:49,450 --> 00:06:51,785
If we could, please.
Ladies and gentlemen,
173
00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:54,413
Fox Meadow's most exciting project,
174
00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:55,789
the town pool!
175
00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:59,418
- (APPLAUSE)
- (GASPS OF AWE)
176
00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:01,503
What?
177
00:07:01,712 --> 00:07:03,672
BOB: The actual pool will be five pools,
178
00:07:03,881 --> 00:07:08,218
picnic area, playground,
state-of-the-art locker room,
179
00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:11,763
and the best food court
in the tri-state area.
180
00:07:12,223 --> 00:07:15,809
(CLEARS THROAT) All right, the last item
on today's agenda is 207-G,
181
00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:18,103
that is the Fox Meadow Scholarship
182
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:20,397
rewarding one hardworking
high school student...
183
00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:22,274
This is us. He's talking about us.
184
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:23,942
...by paying their college tuition.
185
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:26,403
This year's recipient
is none other than Alex Johansen.
186
00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:28,363
- Alex Johansen.
- Alex... Yes!
187
00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:32,409
Unfortunately, the town is facing
some devastating budget cuts this year,
188
00:07:32,577 --> 00:07:35,078
and I'm afraid the scholarship
is an indulgence
189
00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:37,914
that the town can no longer afford.
190
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:39,791
- (GASPS)
- (CROWD MURMURING)
191
00:07:40,209 --> 00:07:41,251
(BOTH STAMMERING)
192
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,003
All right, so if that is it,
then we can move on.
193
00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:44,504
- Hold on, please.
- Bob...
194
00:07:44,672 --> 00:07:46,965
Are you saying that you don't have
money for the scholarship,
195
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:49,926
but you have money for the town pools?
196
00:07:50,094 --> 00:07:53,138
Look, I would love to
give Alex this scholarship.
197
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,223
Heck, I'd love to give everybody
a free education.
198
00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:57,350
So, let's open it up to the town.
199
00:07:57,518 --> 00:08:00,312
By a show of hands,
who here likes swimming?
200
00:08:00,521 --> 00:08:01,646
(MURMURS OF AGREEMENT)
201
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:02,898
SCOTT: No, wait.
202
00:08:03,065 --> 00:08:04,816
- No, don't raise your hands.
- Oh, come on.
203
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:07,527
That's not what we're debating here.
It's a trick question.
204
00:08:07,695 --> 00:08:10,447
I guess I'm a little torn here,
to be quite honest,
205
00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:12,532
'cause I do love Alex.
206
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:14,326
But I also love swimming.
207
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:15,785
Shut up, Joe.
208
00:08:15,953 --> 00:08:18,246
I love swimming. I'm Martha.
209
00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:20,123
'Cause, you know,
with three kids and a job,
210
00:08:20,416 --> 00:08:21,541
it's the only me time I get.
211
00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:24,336
Of course you want the pool, Martha.
It's right next to your house.
212
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:27,839
You know what Laura brings to a potluck?
Her nasty mouth and no more.
213
00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:30,258
How was I supposed to know
that I was supposed to bring food?
214
00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:32,260
That invitation was vague.
And you don't have to
215
00:08:32,553 --> 00:08:34,012
keep telling everyone
your name's Martha, they know.
216
00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:35,931
But that's who I am, I'm Martha.
217
00:08:36,098 --> 00:08:39,017
All right, ladies, enough, enough.
Let's bring this to a vote.
218
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:41,520
Those in favor
of eliminating the scholarship
219
00:08:41,729 --> 00:08:43,772
and building the town pool, vote yes.
220
00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:46,900
Those opposed,
who want one family to profit
221
00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:49,694
while the rest of the town suffers, no.
222
00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:51,154
Yes?
223
00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:53,031
All right, looks like the yeses have it.
224
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,449
- (SIGHS)
- Oh, please.
225
00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:04,376
I'll tell you one thing I'm gonna do is
I'm gonna take a hate crap in that pool.
226
00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:08,421
SCOTT: We can barely afford our mortgage,
and now this?
227
00:09:08,589 --> 00:09:10,757
It's time we face the truth,
we're bad parents.
228
00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:12,801
Remember that mother
who threw her baby down a well?
229
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:14,177
We're worse than that mother.
230
00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:17,430
You know, when I became a dad,
I made a choice.
231
00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:20,850
To be the dad my father wasn't. Right?
232
00:09:21,018 --> 00:09:24,813
To play with my daughter,
to support her dreams and talents,
233
00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:28,191
and, yeah, maybe I could have spent
a little more time
234
00:09:28,359 --> 00:09:30,610
checking on what was in the bank.
235
00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:34,030
But instead, I put my heart in the bank.
236
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:37,409
I deposited love, a lot of it.
237
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:42,122
And that's not gonna be the cover story
of The Wall Street Journal,
238
00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:45,250
but it's the headline of my heart.
239
00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:48,461
- Does that make sense?
- No, honey, I lost you halfway through.
240
00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:51,881
Okay, the bottom line is that Alex thinks
we can afford tuition, and we can't.
241
00:09:52,049 --> 00:09:53,550
We need to tell her the truth.
242
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:55,176
We always tell the truth.
That's what we always say.
243
00:09:55,636 --> 00:09:56,636
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
244
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,263
I think we should do it.
245
00:09:59,181 --> 00:10:00,640
- I'm not gonna do it.
- Me, neither.
246
00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:03,351
We gotta lie about everything,
because that's what parents do.
247
00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:05,186
The job of being a parent, number one job,
248
00:10:05,354 --> 00:10:07,480
is to keep this crazy shit
from their kids.
249
00:10:07,648 --> 00:10:08,940
'Cause otherwise,
the kids are gonna realize
250
00:10:09,191 --> 00:10:10,734
that we don't know what we're doing!
251
00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:12,402
- Exactly, that's what our parents did!
- Yeah.
252
00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:14,195
My dad had cancer and never told us!
253
00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:16,031
And what you didn't know,
didn't hurt you.
254
00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:18,575
It was weird. But I got over it.
255
00:10:19,201 --> 00:10:20,952
And then he died, so...
256
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:22,996
- Yeah.
- Hey, guys.
257
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:24,289
Hi.
258
00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:26,875
I heard about the scholarship.
259
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:30,503
So, I guess I can't go to Bucknell.
260
00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:32,964
You're going to Bucknell University.
261
00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:34,924
- We're gonna send you there.
- Yeah. Yeah.
262
00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:37,677
And if we can't keep the promise
that we make to you,
263
00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:39,846
we are the worst parents in the world.
264
00:10:40,264 --> 00:10:41,264
Oh, honey.
265
00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:46,519
ALEX: Thank you guys so much.
266
00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:48,521
- I love you guys.
- SCOTT: Love you, too.
267
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:54,611
(BOTH SIGH DEEPLY)
268
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:01,910
SCOTT: So, as you know,
Bob took away our scholarship,
269
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:03,411
which we were kind of counting on.
270
00:11:03,579 --> 00:11:06,039
But then we remembered
that we have a college fund
271
00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:08,958
with our dear financial advisor, Dawn.
272
00:11:09,126 --> 00:11:10,585
You don't have enough money.
273
00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:12,420
I don't have any money.
274
00:11:12,963 --> 00:11:14,255
Can I have a raise?
275
00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:17,092
No way. No Earthly way.
276
00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:18,385
- I have an idea.
- Hmm?
277
00:11:18,552 --> 00:11:20,011
- Can we apply for a loan?
- (GASPS)
278
00:11:20,262 --> 00:11:21,721
Listen, I'm just gonna come
right out with it.
279
00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:23,390
No one's gonna lend you shit.
280
00:11:23,557 --> 00:11:25,016
But if I don't get my job back...
281
00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:29,521
WOMAN: Are you jerking off a giant?
282
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:30,855
No, I'm...
283
00:11:31,023 --> 00:11:33,233
I just hung... I just hanged myself.
284
00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:36,945
I don't know if you heard me.
If you don't give me a raise,
285
00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:40,865
I'm walking out of this building
and I'm not looking back.
286
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:42,283
I don't believe you
and I think you're bluffing.
287
00:11:42,451 --> 00:11:44,285
Is this the face of a man who's bluffing?
288
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,622
Okay, right here.
289
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:51,292
It says right here, in this account,
we have $401,000.
290
00:11:51,460 --> 00:11:53,586
- Jackpot!
- You missed it!
291
00:11:53,754 --> 00:11:56,965
No, that says you have a 401 K account.
292
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:02,470
Look, we have to tell him
that we're not going to Vegas, okay?
293
00:12:02,638 --> 00:12:04,264
SCOTT: Yeah. There's no way we can go.
294
00:12:06,934 --> 00:12:07,934
Yikes.
295
00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:10,437
FRANK: I'm not a loser.
RAINA: You are a loser!
296
00:12:10,604 --> 00:12:12,480
- Frank? Where are you, bud?
- FRANK: I'm not a loser! No!
297
00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:14,607
- RAINA: What do you want from me?
- What do you want from me?
298
00:12:14,775 --> 00:12:16,818
- Sign the divorce papers, Frank!
- FRANK: No, I don't wanna do...
299
00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:19,070
What did I do to make
you hate me so much?
300
00:12:19,238 --> 00:12:20,780
We should get out of here.
Give them their privacy.
301
00:12:20,948 --> 00:12:21,948
- Yep.
- RAINA: You punched my dad!
302
00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:23,491
FRANK: He called me a gambling addict!
303
00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:25,118
BOTH: Wow.
RAINA: You are a gambling addict.
304
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:27,328
You lost your job,
and you stopped showering.
305
00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:28,580
- We should go.
- I know.
306
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:29,748
She's coming.
307
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,833
Just sign
the fucking divorce papers, Frank.
308
00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:34,002
- Oh, hi.
- Oh. Hey.
309
00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:35,920
Hey, Raina, you look great.
310
00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:37,172
RAINA: Oh, wow.
311
00:12:37,631 --> 00:12:38,673
That was crazy.
312
00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:40,175
- (LAUGHING)
- Yeah, it was kind of weird.
313
00:12:40,342 --> 00:12:42,510
We don't really know. Yeah.
314
00:12:42,678 --> 00:12:44,471
(SIGHS) He's your problem now.
315
00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:46,806
(FRANK SOBBING)
316
00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:52,353
Hey, Frank?
317
00:12:54,690 --> 00:12:55,690
Hey, bud.
318
00:12:55,858 --> 00:12:57,484
Hey. Hey, guys.
319
00:12:58,527 --> 00:13:00,445
- What's going on?
- I was fixing the sink.
320
00:13:00,654 --> 00:13:01,654
Uh-huh.
321
00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:04,032
(CLEARS THROAT)
Splashed some water on my face.
322
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,743
- (SNIFFLES) That's what's going on here.
- BOTH: Mmm-hmm.
323
00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:09,204
'Cause I was fixing the sink,
'cause the sink was broken.
324
00:13:09,371 --> 00:13:11,456
Right. It's okay. We saw Raina.
325
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:15,043
I know my life seems totally awesome
and, like, things are going great, but...
326
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:17,378
Hmm. It looks pretty bleak in here.
327
00:13:17,546 --> 00:13:19,881
Who am I kidding?
I'm having a pretty hard time right now.
328
00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:22,175
- We get that. Yeah.
- It seems like it. Yeah.
329
00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:25,386
Which is why I'm all in
on this Vegas trip.
330
00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:28,348
That's the only thing that is
keeping me alive right now, frankly.
331
00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:30,517
So, let's get this party started!
332
00:13:30,684 --> 00:13:33,019
- Right.
- You know?
333
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:35,230
- I need it bad.
- KATE: We know you need it.
334
00:13:35,397 --> 00:13:37,565
- Yeah.
- But, for us, it's not a great time.
335
00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:39,317
So, we were thinking, maybe...
336
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:40,527
SCOTT: Maybe...
337
00:13:40,694 --> 00:13:44,739
We could leave
later than we talked about leaving.
338
00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:47,075
You said we were going to say-
339
00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:49,244
I said we have since...
340
00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:50,578
You have since-
341
00:13:50,746 --> 00:13:53,915
...decided that
we need to support a friend.
342
00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:56,751
Who's this friend?
343
00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:03,758
Vegas. Whoo!
344
00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:05,510
(CROWD CHEERING)
345
00:14:10,599 --> 00:14:12,183
- DEALER: It's 11! 11!
- Yes! Yes!
346
00:14:12,351 --> 00:14:13,685
DEALER: Gentleman needs some chips.
347
00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:15,270
Guys, what are you waiting for?
348
00:14:15,437 --> 00:14:19,858
Get in on this. I'm hitting every single
number over and over again.
349
00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:21,526
- Let's do this!
- DEALER: Dice are out!
350
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:24,195
-11!
- (ALL CHEERING)
351
00:14:24,446 --> 00:14:26,197
- MAN: This dude is on fire!
- You guys need money?
352
00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:30,451
I am literally making
every single person at this table money.
353
00:14:30,619 --> 00:14:32,078
I don't know,
we said we weren't gonna gamble.
354
00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:34,038
Come on.
What's the worst that could happen?
355
00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:35,790
Maybe we put a few dollars on four.
356
00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:37,000
DEALER: Hot shooter.
357
00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:39,252
I mean, yeah,
the fourth is Alex's birthday.
358
00:14:39,461 --> 00:14:40,628
- Right?
- We'll just do one bet.
359
00:14:40,796 --> 00:14:42,964
I kind of can't lose at this point,
so let's do this.
360
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:45,466
DEALER: Welcome to the Wynn, sir.
361
00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:46,968
Number four, please.
362
00:14:47,469 --> 00:14:49,053
- No, no, not all 500.
- Hey-oh!
363
00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:51,222
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
364
00:14:51,473 --> 00:14:53,308
- Yeah! Fuck yeah, four!
- Yes! Yes!
365
00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:54,517
Four! Four!
366
00:14:54,810 --> 00:14:57,812
I should tell you, the probability
of hitting four again, very unlikely.
367
00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:01,816
But if we do, you guys are gonna double
that and it's gonna pay out big.
368
00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:03,234
And, plus, it's for baby Alex!
369
00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:06,988
- (CHANTING) Alex! Alex! Alex!
- ALL: Alex! Alex! Alex!
370
00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:08,239
DEALER: That's a four.
371
00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:10,533
(ALL CHEERING)
372
00:15:10,951 --> 00:15:13,244
Come on, Frank! Frank, look at me!
373
00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:15,163
- We're gonna do this, Frank!
- Here we go, Kate!
374
00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:16,831
- Do this!
- Let's do this!
375
00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:33,097
- DEALER: Four!
- (CHEERING)
376
00:15:37,519 --> 00:15:38,519
FRANK: Okay, guys,
377
00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:40,021
if I roll another four,
378
00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:44,192
that's Alex going to college, all right?
I feel very lucky right now.
379
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:45,485
- We believe in you, Frank.
- All right.
380
00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:48,029
Whatever you do, don't roll a seven!
381
00:15:57,706 --> 00:16:00,375
(DISTORTED) Why would you say that?
382
00:16:00,542 --> 00:16:02,877
(DISTORTED) I didn't know!
383
00:16:03,045 --> 00:16:04,170
- No!
- No!
384
00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:10,843
(DISTORTED) Fuck you, asshole!
385
00:16:11,011 --> 00:16:13,554
ALL: No!
386
00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:23,064
SCOTT: (DISTORTED) Yeah! Oh, yeah!
387
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:25,400
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
388
00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:27,568
KATE: (DISTORTED) Oh, no!
FRANK: (DISTORTED) God damn it!
389
00:16:27,736 --> 00:16:30,071
DEALER: Seven out, there was no four.
390
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:31,614
Hey, that money's
391
00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:33,408
- my daughter's college tuition.
- DEALER: Yeah?
392
00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:35,743
Well, she just got accepted
to the School of Hard Knocks.
393
00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:38,454
- Misroll! It's a misroll!
- Scotty, no!
394
00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:39,789
I said not a seven!
395
00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:41,624
Give me that stick! Give it to me!
396
00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:43,960
FRANK: "Whatever you do,
don't roll a seven"?
397
00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:46,713
Thanks a lot, asshole.
You basically jinxed us all.
398
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:51,801
I was merely trying to make you aware
of what number not to roll,
399
00:16:52,052 --> 00:16:54,762
which, by the way, for the record,
was seven.
400
00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:56,431
- (GROANS)
- MAN: Fuck you, asshole!
401
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:57,640
That guy gets it!
402
00:16:57,933 --> 00:16:59,600
- Why is that guy following me?
- Why?
403
00:16:59,768 --> 00:17:01,144
Because he hates you.
404
00:17:01,311 --> 00:17:02,895
I hate you, too, right now.
405
00:17:03,063 --> 00:17:04,981
This place makes you crazy.
406
00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:08,443
You know, we came in hell-bent on
not gambling, and what did we do?
407
00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:10,319
We gambled and we lost all our money.
408
00:17:10,487 --> 00:17:11,946
You know what I say?
409
00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:13,448
House always wins.
410
00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:15,241
What if we were the house?
411
00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:20,705
FRANK: Are you guys familiar
with the cliché,
412
00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:22,290
"It's a cliché because it's true"?
413
00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:26,127
Well, that cliché about clichés being true
has never been more true
414
00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:29,255
than right now with the cliché,
"The house always wins. "
415
00:17:30,257 --> 00:17:31,799
- What?
- FRANK: Okay?
416
00:17:31,967 --> 00:17:33,801
Now, we stand to make
417
00:17:33,969 --> 00:17:37,096
four years' tuition in one month.
418
00:17:37,264 --> 00:17:40,099
One month, guys. Think about that.
419
00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:42,310
This is the most impressive thing
you've ever done, Frank.
420
00:17:42,644 --> 00:17:43,644
- KATE: Um...
- Thanks, Scott.
421
00:17:43,812 --> 00:17:45,605
I'm very wary to go
into business with you.
422
00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:47,273
- Noted.
- However,
423
00:17:47,608 --> 00:17:49,817
- we know why we need the money.
- Yes.
424
00:17:49,985 --> 00:17:51,027
What's in it for you?
425
00:17:51,278 --> 00:17:53,279
Well, full disclosure,
the bank has foreclosed on my home.
426
00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:55,156
- Oh, Frank.
- Ah. There we go.
427
00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:57,325
So, this money would
help me get that back.
428
00:17:57,493 --> 00:17:58,659
That's pretty much why Raina left me.
429
00:17:58,827 --> 00:17:59,994
KATE: No, that's not why Raina left you.
430
00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:01,913
It's because you started
gambling on golf...
431
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,498
True. Well, not just golf, but okay.
432
00:18:03,665 --> 00:18:05,792
And you developed
an online porn addiction.
433
00:18:05,959 --> 00:18:08,628
It's not an addiction if you can quit
any time you want, which I can.
434
00:18:08,796 --> 00:18:11,130
- Then stop.
- I don't want to right now.
435
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:14,342
Listen, I know I'm throwing a lot of
numbers at you guys, lot of financials.
436
00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:17,678
But let's not take away from the fact
that this is gonna be fun.
437
00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:19,514
Okay, but we're not doing it
for fun, right?
438
00:18:19,723 --> 00:18:21,182
- Eh.
- No, we aren't. No.
439
00:18:21,391 --> 00:18:22,767
- Meh.
- It's work.
440
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:24,435
I think we're saying
the same thing, all of us.
441
00:18:24,603 --> 00:18:26,354
Work hard, play hard. Everybody has fun.
442
00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:28,356
I think this slide will explain it.
443
00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:32,944
- FRANK: Hey-oh! (LAUGHS) Look at that!
- Well, it just says "fun. "
444
00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:35,113
FRANK: It's fun.
SCOTT: But it just says "fun. "
445
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:38,032
It's gonna be a great time,
probably the best time of our lives.
446
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:41,202
And we're gonna make crazy money.
447
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:43,621
The graphics are great,
but it doesn't help us. It doesn't.
448
00:18:43,872 --> 00:18:46,290
I have one last slide to show you,
and I think it's the most important.
449
00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:47,458
Check this out.
450
00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:49,293
Look at Alex, right? Here she is.
451
00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:53,798
She's gone to college, Bucknell,
top of her class, built her own company.
452
00:18:54,341 --> 00:18:56,384
If she doesn't go to college...
453
00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:58,469
Boom! She's a homeless prostitute.
454
00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:02,348
She's a runaway on the streets,
selling her tiny body for money.
455
00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:04,392
I don't like this.
456
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,310
This is very emotionally manipulative.
457
00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:07,687
Yeah, exactly.
458
00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:09,564
- May I speak with you privately, please?
- Right now?
459
00:19:09,731 --> 00:19:11,899
Yes, I'd love to talk to you
in the kitchen, if I could.
460
00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:13,192
Okay.
461
00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:18,322
Well?
462
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,659
Thumbs up, right?
463
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:24,245
I mean, the math. It seems to check out.
464
00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:27,373
Do this math. You're 40 years old
and you go to jail for 20 years.
465
00:19:27,541 --> 00:19:28,749
How old are you when you get out?
466
00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:30,585
- Ninety. Hundred.
- No. Honey-
467
00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:32,211
If I have some scratch paper,
I can figure it out.
468
00:19:32,379 --> 00:19:34,088
Really fucking old!
469
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:37,175
Besides, I don't wanna start
an illegal operation with...
470
00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:38,843
SCOTT: Frank?
KATE: Yes!
471
00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:40,011
He's our best friend!
472
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,262
No, he's your best friend.
473
00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:44,265
He's my long friend.
We haven't been friends since college.
474
00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:46,559
Besides, we promised Alex
475
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:49,270
that we would spend time with her
before she went to college.
476
00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:52,106
But if we don't have the money,
she can't go to college.
477
00:19:52,274 --> 00:19:54,609
And then she's living with us
until she's 40,
478
00:19:54,776 --> 00:19:56,694
working as a banged-up cocktail waitress.
479
00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:58,779
She's gonna have tattoos
with weird guys' names on them.
480
00:19:58,947 --> 00:20:01,115
- She's gonna get a neck tattoo.
- KATE: Oh, my God.
481
00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:02,783
Of a hand trying to choke her.
482
00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:04,952
- That's gonna be Alex!
- I know. You don't think I know that?
483
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:06,245
We need to figure this shit out!
484
00:20:06,413 --> 00:20:09,290
Can we pull this off?
I mean, can we run a casino?
485
00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:10,958
It's a shady business
486
00:20:11,126 --> 00:20:14,462
with criminals, mobsters,
you know, with shady people.
487
00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:17,965
Look, we tried to play it safe,
we've tried to play by the rules,
488
00:20:18,133 --> 00:20:20,092
and it got us nowhere.
489
00:20:20,260 --> 00:20:22,470
- What do we have to lose? Nothing.
- (SIGHS)
490
00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:25,139
So, what do you guys think?
491
00:20:25,307 --> 00:20:27,558
Let's take a risk for Alex.
492
00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:30,895
All right, fuck it, I'm in.
493
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:32,104
- Yes!
- Yeah!
494
00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:33,689
(ALL EXCLAIM EXCITEDLY)
495
00:20:34,149 --> 00:20:36,067
FRANK: We'll do it here, my house.
496
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:38,819
My hedges are crazy high,
so it's private.
497
00:20:39,488 --> 00:20:43,157
Plus, Raina took a lot of the furniture,
so we've got plenty of room for tables.
498
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:46,244
We need players. That's easy.
499
00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:47,411
There's Martha.
500
00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:50,248
Her husband left her last year,
and now she runs book club
501
00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:53,626
and tries to suppress the rage bubbling
just beneath the surface.
502
00:20:53,835 --> 00:20:57,171
There's Joe, retired at 30,
taking care of his mom,
503
00:20:57,339 --> 00:20:59,674
and bored out of his fucking mind.
504
00:20:59,841 --> 00:21:02,802
Then there's Reggie,
who just made partner at his law firm,
505
00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:06,305
which means he's got cash to burn,
but he's super stressed out.
506
00:21:06,473 --> 00:21:08,683
He needs to blow off steam.
507
00:21:08,850 --> 00:21:11,519
Now, remember, this is
an underground casino.
508
00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:15,815
We can't park outside my house,
or everyone will know, including the cops.
509
00:21:16,024 --> 00:21:17,275
Park at Taylor's,
510
00:21:17,442 --> 00:21:19,527
buy something and keep
the receipt to prove you're a customer.
511
00:21:20,487 --> 00:21:24,490
Don't attract attention.
Remember, you're just buying groceries.
512
00:21:24,658 --> 00:21:27,368
You're not on your way
to an illegal casino.
513
00:21:27,869 --> 00:21:29,245
Walk out to the back,
where the electrical wall
514
00:21:29,454 --> 00:21:31,205
and the wooden fence meet by the woods.
515
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:34,375
- (GROANING)
- (ALL GASPING)
516
00:21:34,584 --> 00:21:35,584
(ALL SHRIEKING)
517
00:21:35,794 --> 00:21:36,877
(JOE LAUGHS)
518
00:21:37,045 --> 00:21:38,546
FRANK: Ignore the sign.
519
00:21:38,714 --> 00:21:39,964
It's a decoy.
520
00:21:40,716 --> 00:21:41,716
SCOTT: Got it.
521
00:21:41,883 --> 00:21:44,969
FRANK: Take the path through the woods,
bear left at the fourth tree,
522
00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:47,054
and boom, you're right in my backyard.
523
00:21:51,018 --> 00:21:52,685
Go down the basement stairs,
524
00:21:52,853 --> 00:21:54,687
then knock three times
and give the password.
525
00:21:54,855 --> 00:21:56,314
André the Giant.
526
00:21:58,066 --> 00:21:59,275
Welcome. (CHUCKLES)
527
00:21:59,776 --> 00:22:00,776
SCOTT: Frank!
528
00:22:01,194 --> 00:22:02,778
When we open this door,
529
00:22:02,946 --> 00:22:04,238
don't get confused.
530
00:22:04,406 --> 00:22:06,490
It's still just Frank's house.
531
00:22:08,285 --> 00:22:09,618
Ta-da!
532
00:22:12,331 --> 00:22:13,456
What do you guys think?
533
00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:18,461
I mean, am I in the Bellagio right now,
or am I three blocks from my house?
534
00:22:18,628 --> 00:22:19,754
I genuinely don't know.
535
00:22:19,921 --> 00:22:21,714
This is the best day of my entire life.
536
00:22:22,424 --> 00:22:24,091
- Thumbs up. Pretty good.
- (CHUCKLES)
537
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,844
And we can gamble here for real money?
538
00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:28,596
This isn't like
one of those charity things
539
00:22:28,805 --> 00:22:30,514
where you think you're winning
but then you have to give it
540
00:22:30,849 --> 00:22:32,058
to cancer research or some bullshit?
541
00:22:32,309 --> 00:22:33,768
You win it, you keep it.
542
00:22:33,935 --> 00:22:35,436
Okay, you know what, fuck book club!
543
00:22:35,687 --> 00:22:36,687
Fuck book club!
544
00:22:36,897 --> 00:22:38,272
On these notes,
545
00:22:38,523 --> 00:22:40,691
let the games of chance begin!
546
00:22:40,859 --> 00:22:42,234
- Yeah!
- (ALL CHEERING)
547
00:22:48,784 --> 00:22:49,784
(CHUCKLES) All right, man.
548
00:22:50,077 --> 00:22:51,202
Hit me right now!
549
00:22:51,370 --> 00:22:52,536
Hit it!
550
00:22:52,996 --> 00:22:54,538
Hit it down right there!
551
00:22:54,706 --> 00:22:55,998
And I lost!
552
00:22:56,166 --> 00:22:57,792
All right! Mama like!
553
00:22:58,418 --> 00:23:00,878
FRANK: Now, we don't have five years
to make the money.
554
00:23:01,046 --> 00:23:02,171
We only have a month.
555
00:23:02,339 --> 00:23:04,548
So, we have to reinvest our winnings.
556
00:23:04,716 --> 00:23:06,175
It's like I always say,
557
00:23:06,468 --> 00:23:08,719
"Back your own horse, baby.
Bet on yourself. "
558
00:23:09,054 --> 00:23:11,013
We gotta invite everybody.
559
00:23:11,181 --> 00:23:13,849
Even Garvey and fucking Craig!
560
00:23:14,601 --> 00:23:15,768
(EXCITED CHATTER)
561
00:23:17,521 --> 00:23:19,480
Oh, did I win? That's fun. (CHUCKLING)
562
00:23:19,648 --> 00:23:22,274
I never played before. Isn't that funny?
563
00:23:22,442 --> 00:23:26,445
COMIC: Anybody been to that Burrito Hut
over on Fox Meadow Lane?
564
00:23:26,613 --> 00:23:28,239
- Yeah, it's a nightmare.
- (LAUGHING)
565
00:23:28,407 --> 00:23:30,366
You can't even
get a burrito out of there.
566
00:23:30,534 --> 00:23:34,787
People are getting so involved,
they had to put a spit guard up
567
00:23:34,955 --> 00:23:38,541
because people kept falling
into the vegetables.
568
00:23:38,708 --> 00:23:42,253
"More corn! I want more corn!"
569
00:23:46,425 --> 00:23:48,175
- (GASPS)
- (CHEERING)
570
00:23:53,765 --> 00:23:54,932
KATE: So, where are we at?
571
00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:56,559
FRANK: All right.
572
00:23:57,227 --> 00:23:58,727
When all's said and done,
573
00:23:58,895 --> 00:24:00,729
we are... (LAUGHS)
574
00:24:01,273 --> 00:24:02,523
Down $3,500.
575
00:24:02,691 --> 00:24:04,442
- BOTH: Yeah!
- Nice!
576
00:24:04,609 --> 00:24:05,860
- Wait.
- Up top!
577
00:24:06,027 --> 00:24:07,194
- Down?
- Wait...
578
00:24:07,362 --> 00:24:08,737
Listen, Reggie went on a streak,
579
00:24:08,905 --> 00:24:10,364
that comedian was very expensive.
580
00:24:10,532 --> 00:24:13,284
We're lucky that Joe lost that
$1,000 bet at the end.
581
00:24:13,452 --> 00:24:15,703
If he hadn't, you know
where we'd be then.
582
00:24:16,163 --> 00:24:17,913
- Mmm-mmm. Where would we be?
- Really?
583
00:24:18,081 --> 00:24:20,791
We'd be down $5,500. It's simple math.
584
00:24:20,959 --> 00:24:23,085
Math gives him anxiety,
numbers make him nervous.
585
00:24:23,253 --> 00:24:25,421
A lot of people, you know,
break out in sweats
586
00:24:25,589 --> 00:24:28,090
and have heart palpitations
when they hear numbers out loud.
587
00:24:28,258 --> 00:24:29,675
That's not true at all.
588
00:24:29,843 --> 00:24:31,385
But, you know what,
let's not worry about that.
589
00:24:31,553 --> 00:24:36,682
Let's just focus on the positives,
which is, down $3,500 is a great start.
590
00:24:36,933 --> 00:24:39,226
- Ooh. Bucknell.
- Ooh. What's this?
591
00:24:39,519 --> 00:24:41,770
SCOTT: 50 million dollars?
592
00:24:42,063 --> 00:24:43,063
KATE: Thousand, honey.
593
00:24:44,649 --> 00:24:45,983
- (SCOTT EXHALES)
- Oh, God.
594
00:24:46,151 --> 00:24:48,194
- My butt just got so tight.
- Yeah.
595
00:24:48,361 --> 00:24:50,070
- Hey, what's that?
- SCOTT: Hey.
596
00:24:50,238 --> 00:24:51,864
- What? Hey.
- Nothing.
597
00:24:53,033 --> 00:24:54,742
We gotta get a bell on you.
598
00:24:54,910 --> 00:24:57,244
- Sneaking up on us like that.
- (LAUGHS) Yeah.
599
00:24:58,079 --> 00:25:01,624
And so that's why your mother and I
will be working late
600
00:25:02,959 --> 00:25:04,835
every night,
601
00:25:05,378 --> 00:25:08,839
and on weekends for all of next month.
602
00:25:09,925 --> 00:25:13,302
Because you're working on
a super top secret project
603
00:25:13,470 --> 00:25:15,804
that you may or may not
reveal to me later.
604
00:25:15,972 --> 00:25:17,556
Mmm-hmm. Yes, exactly, you get it.
605
00:25:17,891 --> 00:25:20,351
No, but I don't get it.
You're just being weird.
606
00:25:20,936 --> 00:25:22,436
You're acting weird.
607
00:25:22,604 --> 00:25:25,189
With your shifty eyes
and your sketchy posture.
608
00:25:25,524 --> 00:25:26,565
Sorry.
609
00:25:26,775 --> 00:25:29,109
Doesn't feel good
to be called names, does it? Weirdo.
610
00:25:29,444 --> 00:25:31,779
I thought we'd hang out a lot
this summer.
611
00:25:31,947 --> 00:25:32,947
Are we still going school shopping?
612
00:25:33,114 --> 00:25:36,283
Yes! Absolutely, we're gonna
do all of those things.
613
00:25:36,451 --> 00:25:38,118
While you work every night
until 3:00 a.m.?
614
00:25:38,370 --> 00:25:39,370
SCOTT: You know what?
615
00:25:39,913 --> 00:25:42,414
You're kind of acting like
a (MOUTHS) bitch.
616
00:25:42,707 --> 00:25:44,166
What did you just say?
617
00:25:44,334 --> 00:25:45,709
I didn't say it.
618
00:25:46,294 --> 00:25:47,795
- I didn't vocalize it.
- Mom?
619
00:25:48,421 --> 00:25:51,549
If it walks like a duck
and talks like a duck, it's probably a...
620
00:25:51,716 --> 00:25:52,716
(QUIETLY) Bitch.
621
00:25:52,926 --> 00:25:54,635
You just said "bitch. "
You just called me a bitch.
622
00:25:54,803 --> 00:25:56,053
Don't say that word.
623
00:25:56,429 --> 00:25:58,597
I just can't help but feel
like you're lying.
624
00:25:58,807 --> 00:26:00,808
(BOTH LAUGH)
625
00:26:02,310 --> 00:26:04,353
Oh, my God!
626
00:26:04,521 --> 00:26:06,897
This is what I wanted to show you guys.
Pretty beautiful, right?
627
00:26:07,148 --> 00:26:08,148
Not really.
628
00:26:08,358 --> 00:26:10,025
It's Thomas Kinkade, Master of Light.
629
00:26:11,695 --> 00:26:12,736
- It's mesmerizing.
- Yeah.
630
00:26:12,904 --> 00:26:15,698
But it's, oh, so much more.
631
00:26:16,449 --> 00:26:17,575
- Oh!
- Whoa!
632
00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:20,369
Crafty hiding spot, Frank.
633
00:26:20,537 --> 00:26:22,871
Each of these safes holds 100 grand.
634
00:26:23,039 --> 00:26:27,126
I know, because I cut paper into
money-size stacks and I checked.
635
00:26:27,335 --> 00:26:29,587
It took an incredibly long time.
636
00:26:29,754 --> 00:26:33,090
Now, if we fill all five safes,
that's 500 grand.
637
00:26:33,258 --> 00:26:35,634
250 for you, 250 for me.
638
00:26:35,802 --> 00:26:37,386
You guys can put Alex through college,
639
00:26:37,554 --> 00:26:39,221
and I can get my life back on track.
640
00:26:39,556 --> 00:26:41,390
Let's fill these fucking safes.
641
00:26:41,641 --> 00:26:43,350
(EXCITED CHATTER)
642
00:26:45,312 --> 00:26:46,353
Wow.
643
00:26:46,605 --> 00:26:48,647
Looks like we got some
heavy action tonight.
644
00:26:48,815 --> 00:26:51,483
Yeah, Reggie winning was the best thing
that could have happened to us.
645
00:26:51,651 --> 00:26:54,069
People actually think
they can win money at this place.
646
00:26:54,237 --> 00:26:55,738
We're giving people hope.
647
00:26:55,905 --> 00:26:58,907
There's at least one, two, three, four...
648
00:27:00,869 --> 00:27:02,578
There's at least 800 people
in here tonight.
649
00:27:02,746 --> 00:27:05,873
There are, max, 35 people in this room.
650
00:27:10,003 --> 00:27:11,712
(ALL CHEERING)
651
00:27:13,423 --> 00:27:14,923
REGGIE: You got a 19!
652
00:27:15,091 --> 00:27:17,176
GARVEY: I'll take advice from the guy
who's down four grand.
653
00:27:17,344 --> 00:27:19,178
- Is that what I'm supposed to do?
- REGGIE: Just leave.
654
00:27:19,346 --> 00:27:21,805
Please, will you leave, so we can all win?
655
00:27:21,973 --> 00:27:24,141
- Hey, hey, hey.
- We could all win if you leave.
656
00:27:24,309 --> 00:27:26,018
SCOTT: Fellas, come on. What's the beef?
657
00:27:26,186 --> 00:27:27,186
How can we squash it?
658
00:27:27,395 --> 00:27:29,772
This bo-bo here keeps hitting
on the worst hands.
659
00:27:30,065 --> 00:27:32,149
I play how I play.
You don't like it, you leave.
660
00:27:32,317 --> 00:27:33,525
REGGIE: And he's a thief.
661
00:27:33,693 --> 00:27:35,402
Where's my leaf blower, Garvey?
662
00:27:35,570 --> 00:27:37,488
I just thought maybe
you'd wanna rake a little bit more.
663
00:27:37,656 --> 00:27:40,407
You know, get some physical activity,
on account of you being fat.
664
00:27:40,575 --> 00:27:42,117
- Hey, hey! Okay! Time out!
- (ANGRY YELLING)
665
00:27:42,285 --> 00:27:43,994
Gentlemen, time out! Time out!
666
00:27:44,162 --> 00:27:45,162
You're 86'd.
667
00:27:45,413 --> 00:27:47,456
- GARVEY: Come on!
- (CROWD GASPS)
668
00:27:47,707 --> 00:27:50,584
(GROANS) Right in my armpit!
It's such a sensitive area.
669
00:27:50,752 --> 00:27:53,003
- My gland.
- I'll squash the shit out of you!
670
00:27:53,171 --> 00:27:55,339
They'll be peeling you off the ground,
you sackless bitch.
671
00:27:55,507 --> 00:27:56,757
CRAIG: I'll bet 100 bucks on Reggie.
672
00:27:56,925 --> 00:27:58,425
He's gonna kick Garvey's ass!
673
00:27:58,593 --> 00:28:00,344
I will call that bet, sir.
674
00:28:00,512 --> 00:28:03,597
There is fear in Reggie's eyes.
I know a pussy when I see one.
675
00:28:03,765 --> 00:28:05,057
Only when you're looking down.
676
00:28:05,308 --> 00:28:06,684
Reggie, we got this.
677
00:28:06,851 --> 00:28:08,394
- Eat shit, Garvey.
- That's right.
678
00:28:08,561 --> 00:28:11,814
Laura, you wanna keep your mouth shut?
You got a big fucking mouth.
679
00:28:11,981 --> 00:28:12,981
There's a StairMaster downstairs.
680
00:28:13,191 --> 00:28:15,192
Why don't you go stand next to it
and do nothing?
681
00:28:15,443 --> 00:28:17,736
You want a piece of these thighs?
You don't know what's coming.
682
00:28:17,987 --> 00:28:21,323
- (YELLING)
- Everybody, shut the fuck up!
683
00:28:21,491 --> 00:28:23,367
Nobody is betting on this fight.
684
00:28:23,535 --> 00:28:24,660
- Thank you, Frank.
- LAURA: What?
685
00:28:24,828 --> 00:28:26,286
- Come on.
- SCOTT: Yes.
686
00:28:26,454 --> 00:28:28,247
Unless you're betting with us!
687
00:28:28,415 --> 00:28:31,709
Damn skippy. Damn skippy.
That's right, I'm gonna...
688
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:32,960
(LAUGHS)
689
00:28:33,378 --> 00:28:35,129
We're gonna bet on our friends fighting?
690
00:28:35,296 --> 00:28:37,256
Hell, yeah! Are you kidding?
We're a casino.
691
00:28:37,424 --> 00:28:40,300
Have you ever heard of Fight Night?
This is the same thing.
692
00:28:40,468 --> 00:28:41,510
Get your juices in there.
693
00:28:41,803 --> 00:28:44,138
Come on, Scott, these guys will
beat the shit out of each other anyway.
694
00:28:44,305 --> 00:28:45,889
These dildos are gonna bet on it.
695
00:28:46,099 --> 00:28:48,642
We should be getting that action.
We're the house!
696
00:28:48,810 --> 00:28:51,228
- Honey...
- Hey! Who wants a fight?
697
00:28:51,396 --> 00:28:53,439
- Can't wait!
- FRANK: Can't wait!
698
00:28:53,606 --> 00:28:55,774
- Who wants fight? Say, "Hey!"
- ALL: Hey!
699
00:28:55,942 --> 00:28:57,693
- Here we go, fight!
- Here we go!
700
00:28:57,944 --> 00:28:59,111
(ALL CHEERING)
701
00:29:01,614 --> 00:29:04,533
- And we're gonna start a race war!
- ALL: Whoa! Whoa!
702
00:29:04,784 --> 00:29:07,578
Reggie, Reggie, that makes us nervous.
703
00:29:07,746 --> 00:29:11,457
This is just a fight between two men
of different races,
704
00:29:11,624 --> 00:29:14,418
fighting each other to decide
which race is superior.
705
00:29:14,586 --> 00:29:15,586
- ALL: Whoa!
- Nope, that sounds wrong.
706
00:29:16,504 --> 00:29:17,588
- Black power!
- (BELL DINGS)
707
00:29:26,598 --> 00:29:28,932
Welcome to Fight Night!
708
00:29:29,225 --> 00:29:30,601
(CHEERING)
709
00:29:32,312 --> 00:29:37,649
In the corner closest to the fireplace,
weighing in at 220 pounds,
710
00:29:37,817 --> 00:29:42,029
Reggie "The Rocket" Whaler!
711
00:29:42,238 --> 00:29:43,655
(CHEERING)
712
00:29:50,038 --> 00:29:53,207
And in this corner,
713
00:29:53,374 --> 00:29:55,417
weighing in at 180 pounds,
714
00:29:55,585 --> 00:30:00,964
give it up for Kevin "I Didn't Know
His First Name Was Kevin" Garvey!
715
00:30:02,175 --> 00:30:03,300
(CHEERING)
716
00:30:04,219 --> 00:30:06,053
Now, murder each other!
717
00:30:06,304 --> 00:30:07,638
(CROWD CHEERING)
718
00:30:14,854 --> 00:30:15,896
(GROANS)
719
00:30:20,944 --> 00:30:23,695
Wow. That was fast.
720
00:30:26,825 --> 00:30:29,201
- Reggie is the winner!
- (CROWD CHEERING)
721
00:30:31,204 --> 00:30:32,871
This is bullshit. I want my money back.
722
00:30:33,039 --> 00:30:34,748
Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
723
00:30:34,916 --> 00:30:37,417
Laura, why don't you shove
that chicken dinner right up your asshole?
724
00:30:37,585 --> 00:30:39,002
And then bring it to my potluck.
725
00:30:39,170 --> 00:30:41,755
For the love of God,
if you bring up that potluck again-
726
00:30:41,923 --> 00:30:44,675
Ladies, uh-uh! Cool your jets!
727
00:30:46,052 --> 00:30:47,177
Yeah.
728
00:30:48,096 --> 00:30:50,597
Save it for the ring!
729
00:30:50,807 --> 00:30:52,599
(ALL CHEERING)
730
00:31:18,585 --> 00:31:19,793
- (GRUNTS)
- (GROANS)
731
00:31:20,378 --> 00:31:21,628
- Mmm!
- Oh!
732
00:31:22,422 --> 00:31:24,798
What's my name? I'm Martha!
733
00:31:25,008 --> 00:31:26,049
(ALL CHEERING)
734
00:31:29,804 --> 00:31:31,013
(GROWLS)
735
00:31:40,398 --> 00:31:41,398
Yes, come on. Fight!
736
00:31:42,066 --> 00:31:43,233
(YELLING)
737
00:31:46,738 --> 00:31:48,405
FRANK: (LAUGHS) Yeah!
738
00:31:48,573 --> 00:31:49,823
Fuck you, Craig!
739
00:31:50,992 --> 00:31:52,993
I don't know why I love this so much!
740
00:31:53,745 --> 00:31:55,495
(BOTH GRUNTING)
741
00:31:56,956 --> 00:31:58,582
(SCREAMING)
742
00:31:58,958 --> 00:32:01,335
Eat her fucking face off, Martha!
743
00:32:03,004 --> 00:32:04,338
(GROANS)
744
00:32:08,051 --> 00:32:09,593
(GRUNTING)
745
00:32:11,512 --> 00:32:12,512
(SCREAMING)
746
00:32:28,196 --> 00:32:29,571
- (GROANS)
- Oh, oh!
747
00:32:29,781 --> 00:32:31,031
She doored her!
748
00:32:36,996 --> 00:32:37,996
(YELLS)
749
00:32:40,041 --> 00:32:41,208
CROWD: Oh!
750
00:32:43,878 --> 00:32:44,878
(GROANS)
751
00:32:46,506 --> 00:32:47,756
(BOTH GROAN)
752
00:32:49,717 --> 00:32:50,759
REGGIE: Oh!
753
00:32:51,970 --> 00:32:53,387
Double knockout?
754
00:32:55,807 --> 00:32:57,057
Wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait a minute.
755
00:32:57,308 --> 00:32:58,308
What does that mean?
756
00:32:58,518 --> 00:33:01,728
Okay, the good news is we don't
have a prop bet to cover that,
757
00:33:01,896 --> 00:33:04,064
- so the house wins everything!
- (CHEERING)
758
00:33:04,273 --> 00:33:05,524
(JEERING)
759
00:33:23,042 --> 00:33:24,584
(UPBEAT SONG PLAYING)
760
00:33:40,184 --> 00:33:42,352
- I'm feeling pretty good.
- Yeah, me, too.
761
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:44,855
Can I talk to you in the laundry room
for a second?
762
00:33:47,734 --> 00:33:49,192
(BOTH MOANING)
763
00:33:51,612 --> 00:33:53,113
This is why I'm not worried
about next year.
764
00:33:53,281 --> 00:33:54,781
No. Not in the least.
765
00:33:59,620 --> 00:34:01,496
Is this a real microscope?
766
00:34:01,664 --> 00:34:04,499
Yeah, dude. You can get high
and look at ants at the same time.
767
00:34:04,751 --> 00:34:05,792
(LAUGHING)
768
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:08,045
(SCOTT AND KATE LAUGHING)
769
00:34:09,338 --> 00:34:10,672
We never walk at night.
770
00:34:11,299 --> 00:34:12,507
So nice to walk.
771
00:34:12,675 --> 00:34:14,301
So beautiful.
772
00:34:14,469 --> 00:34:16,511
I drive everywhere.
It's just nice to get out-
773
00:34:16,679 --> 00:34:17,679
Excuse me. Beep-beep.
774
00:34:17,930 --> 00:34:19,306
- Beep-beep.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
775
00:34:19,515 --> 00:34:20,807
Hey. Ow. Hey.
776
00:34:20,975 --> 00:34:22,642
- Hey.
- Ow. Hey. Ow.
777
00:34:22,810 --> 00:34:24,644
- Ow.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
778
00:34:25,063 --> 00:34:26,480
- I'm gonna pee outside.
- What?
779
00:34:26,647 --> 00:34:27,689
I'm gonna take a pee outside.
780
00:34:27,857 --> 00:34:30,150
- What are you doing?
- I'm gonna do it.
781
00:34:30,318 --> 00:34:31,693
What, are you kidding? Come on.
782
00:34:31,986 --> 00:34:34,613
(BOTH LAUGHING)
783
00:34:36,741 --> 00:34:38,158
- She's doing it.
- Yes! Yes!
784
00:34:38,326 --> 00:34:39,326
You're so good at it.
785
00:34:39,494 --> 00:34:40,660
This is the real me!
786
00:34:40,828 --> 00:34:41,828
Yes.
787
00:34:41,996 --> 00:34:42,996
Yes!
788
00:34:43,539 --> 00:34:44,623
(LAUGHS)
789
00:34:44,832 --> 00:34:46,875
"Pee Outside" Kate is back!
790
00:34:47,335 --> 00:34:49,002
You do it. You're doing it.
791
00:34:49,170 --> 00:34:50,170
This is my lawn.
792
00:34:50,338 --> 00:34:51,838
- You're a woman.
- This is my lawn.
793
00:34:52,006 --> 00:34:53,340
God, you got a lot of pee-pee.
794
00:34:55,009 --> 00:34:57,010
- Oh, shit!
- What?
795
00:34:57,762 --> 00:34:58,887
Fuck, it's my parents!
796
00:34:59,055 --> 00:35:00,430
God damn it! Quick!
797
00:35:01,516 --> 00:35:02,516
(GRUNTS)
798
00:35:04,352 --> 00:35:05,727
- (BOTH PANTING)
- Is she still looking?
799
00:35:05,895 --> 00:35:08,021
Guys, I'm feeling, like,
really nervous right now.
800
00:35:08,189 --> 00:35:09,689
You want some weed?
801
00:35:09,857 --> 00:35:12,359
We can totally go talk to her
like regular people.
802
00:35:12,527 --> 00:35:14,027
How drunk are you?
803
00:35:14,195 --> 00:35:15,570
(SLURRING) I'm fine.
804
00:35:15,738 --> 00:35:17,072
How many fingers do I have up?
805
00:35:17,240 --> 00:35:18,615
Don't do that.
806
00:35:18,783 --> 00:35:19,950
Who's the president?
807
00:35:20,118 --> 00:35:21,368
The president?
808
00:35:21,619 --> 00:35:22,744
Bah...
809
00:35:23,579 --> 00:35:25,080
- Ba-Obama.
- Mmm-hmm.
810
00:35:25,748 --> 00:35:28,083
The back, the back, they never
come in through the back.
811
00:35:28,251 --> 00:35:29,793
We'll just sneak through there.
812
00:35:29,961 --> 00:35:30,961
We'll go around the back.
813
00:35:31,129 --> 00:35:32,879
- Yeah. No, we never go through the back.
- Let's do it.
814
00:35:33,047 --> 00:35:34,381
- Go.
- Go.
815
00:35:41,556 --> 00:35:43,140
(YELLING)
816
00:35:43,724 --> 00:35:44,933
What are you doing?
817
00:35:45,101 --> 00:35:47,144
Sorry. I'm so high.
818
00:35:51,065 --> 00:35:52,315
The coast is clear.
819
00:35:55,319 --> 00:35:57,195
(KATE AND SCOTT GIGGLING)
820
00:35:58,823 --> 00:35:59,865
(RATTLING)
821
00:36:00,074 --> 00:36:02,075
- Oh! Do you hear something?
- Oh! What is it? Raccoons?
822
00:36:02,285 --> 00:36:03,285
KATE: It sounds human.
823
00:36:03,494 --> 00:36:04,744
- Go.
- Okay.
824
00:36:07,957 --> 00:36:09,457
(SCOTT AND KATE SIGH)
825
00:36:10,209 --> 00:36:13,628
(ALL SCREAMING)
826
00:36:14,172 --> 00:36:15,338
(ALL SCREAMING)
827
00:36:18,217 --> 00:36:19,593
KATE: It's good. Rachel-
828
00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:22,053
SCOTT: It's Rachel.
KATE: Rachel and Alex. Hey!
829
00:36:22,221 --> 00:36:23,972
- Hey!
- Alex.
830
00:36:24,140 --> 00:36:25,140
- Hey!
- Hey!
831
00:36:25,349 --> 00:36:27,434
What's up, guys?
832
00:36:28,436 --> 00:36:29,436
I got them.
833
00:36:30,104 --> 00:36:32,272
Sorry. Sorry, Rachel.
834
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:33,481
Alex sandwich.
835
00:36:33,649 --> 00:36:34,941
Alex sandwich.
836
00:36:35,109 --> 00:36:36,443
ALEX: Oh, God.
837
00:36:36,694 --> 00:36:38,111
(ALL MOANING)
838
00:36:38,321 --> 00:36:39,571
SCOTT: Aw, sweetie.
839
00:36:40,114 --> 00:36:42,073
You guys have fun tonight?
840
00:36:42,241 --> 00:36:43,408
ALEX: Great hug.
841
00:36:43,576 --> 00:36:45,327
KATE: Okay, this went great. We're fine.
842
00:36:45,494 --> 00:36:46,786
Night-night.
843
00:36:46,954 --> 00:36:49,080
I'm gonna go pee.
844
00:36:50,333 --> 00:36:51,750
And I'm good.
845
00:36:54,295 --> 00:36:55,503
KATE: Oh, God.
846
00:36:56,631 --> 00:36:57,797
Oh, God.
847
00:36:59,467 --> 00:37:00,717
(SIGHS)
848
00:37:05,097 --> 00:37:06,389
(RETCHING)
849
00:37:11,229 --> 00:37:12,229
KATE: Oh, God.
850
00:37:13,022 --> 00:37:15,273
Good thing it's a container store.
851
00:37:15,441 --> 00:37:17,317
There's containers everywhere.
852
00:37:22,949 --> 00:37:23,949
Honey?
853
00:37:24,116 --> 00:37:27,160
SCOTT: Yeah. I'm just gonna lie down.
Check some emails.
854
00:37:30,081 --> 00:37:31,206
Um...
855
00:37:31,832 --> 00:37:32,832
Fuck.
856
00:37:33,668 --> 00:37:34,834
(WHISTLES)
857
00:37:38,339 --> 00:37:39,422
(YELLS)
858
00:37:41,050 --> 00:37:43,051
Excuse me one second.
859
00:37:46,639 --> 00:37:47,681
Oh...
860
00:37:47,890 --> 00:37:48,890
Raina?
861
00:37:49,058 --> 00:37:51,017
You're the Raina of Raina's Hair Salon?
862
00:37:51,185 --> 00:37:53,853
Okay, what are you doing here?
You got the divorce papers?
863
00:37:54,021 --> 00:37:55,522
Listen, I'm onto something big.
864
00:37:55,690 --> 00:37:57,190
- Oh, God.
- Okay?
865
00:37:57,358 --> 00:37:59,901
No, and it's not some harebrained scheme
that I cooked up with my friends.
866
00:38:00,069 --> 00:38:01,194
- I'm gonna get the house back...
- Cool.
867
00:38:01,362 --> 00:38:02,696
And we're not gonna need to get divorced.
868
00:38:02,905 --> 00:38:05,532
It's not gonna need to even happen.
I'm gonna make it up to you.
869
00:38:05,700 --> 00:38:06,866
- Are you gambling again?
- What?
870
00:38:07,034 --> 00:38:08,326
- Is that what this is?
- No, no.
871
00:38:08,494 --> 00:38:10,328
- You gambling again?
- No. And in fact...
872
00:38:10,496 --> 00:38:12,414
- Uh-huh.
- I'm not gambling.
873
00:38:15,042 --> 00:38:16,167
Why'd you say it like that?
874
00:38:16,377 --> 00:38:17,377
What do you mean?
875
00:38:18,087 --> 00:38:20,088
No. Sorry, I'm just saying,
in terms of gambling...
876
00:38:20,256 --> 00:38:23,216
- Yeah.
- People might be doing it, but I'm not.
877
00:38:23,384 --> 00:38:24,426
You just did it again.
878
00:38:24,593 --> 00:38:25,927
What? I'm not gambling.
879
00:38:26,095 --> 00:38:28,221
- "I'm not gambling"?
- Yeah, that's right.
880
00:38:28,389 --> 00:38:29,431
All right, I'm not gonna argue with you.
881
00:38:29,682 --> 00:38:31,391
- You look nice.
- Oh, thanks.
882
00:38:31,559 --> 00:38:32,851
Well, you smell good.
I mean, you look good.
883
00:38:33,019 --> 00:38:34,561
- What? Okay. No, yeah.
- I mean, you're nice.
884
00:38:34,729 --> 00:38:35,895
(LAUGHS) I'm not doing this.
885
00:38:36,063 --> 00:38:40,025
Just because you've showered
and you look great,
886
00:38:40,901 --> 00:38:42,402
it doesn't mean you've changed.
887
00:38:44,697 --> 00:38:45,864
(CHUCKLES)
888
00:38:46,240 --> 00:38:47,949
Yes! Yes! Yes!
889
00:38:49,327 --> 00:38:50,368
(LAUGHS)
890
00:38:50,619 --> 00:38:54,080
FRANK: You might notice that I've made
some Vegas-style upgrades.
891
00:38:54,415 --> 00:38:56,583
Welcome to Club Ooze.
892
00:38:56,751 --> 00:38:58,293
Because what does every casino need
893
00:38:58,461 --> 00:38:59,711
but a kick-ass pool.
894
00:38:59,879 --> 00:39:02,297
You're done gambling,
what are you gonna do? Go home? No.
895
00:39:02,465 --> 00:39:04,966
You're gonna come out here,
get a drink, party in the pool,
896
00:39:05,134 --> 00:39:08,094
and then back inside to lose more money.
897
00:39:08,262 --> 00:39:09,262
How much did all of this cost?
898
00:39:09,430 --> 00:39:11,598
You know that old saying,
"Spend money to make money. "
899
00:39:12,266 --> 00:39:13,308
Hmm.
900
00:39:13,768 --> 00:39:15,602
Now, this I'm very excited about.
901
00:39:15,770 --> 00:39:18,271
- Oh, wow.
- These are pure oxygen tanks.
902
00:39:18,481 --> 00:39:20,398
I'm pumping it into the house,
and guess what?
903
00:39:21,442 --> 00:39:22,776
It works.
904
00:39:23,611 --> 00:39:25,653
Welcome to the relaxation zone.
905
00:39:25,821 --> 00:39:29,657
We've got a nail salon,
we've got massages, shiatsu,
906
00:39:29,825 --> 00:39:31,951
deep tissue and hand jobs.
907
00:39:37,917 --> 00:39:38,917
Bob...
908
00:39:39,418 --> 00:39:41,753
I think we really need to start.
909
00:39:42,296 --> 00:39:43,797
I'll start when everyone's here.
910
00:39:43,964 --> 00:39:45,465
- Stop it.
- What?
911
00:39:48,302 --> 00:39:49,677
Where is everyone, Laura?
912
00:39:50,304 --> 00:39:52,472
Nowhere. Why do you
think they're somewhere?
913
00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:55,016
Why are you wearing sunglasses
in town hall?
914
00:39:55,434 --> 00:39:56,476
'Cause
915
00:39:57,311 --> 00:39:58,812
my future's so bright.
916
00:39:58,979 --> 00:40:00,855
Well, I find it highly disrespectful.
917
00:40:01,023 --> 00:40:02,982
Would you please remove the sunglasses?
918
00:40:04,527 --> 00:40:05,652
- Fine.
- BOB: Ugh.
919
00:40:05,861 --> 00:40:07,320
Oh, my God.
920
00:40:08,864 --> 00:40:10,198
What happened?
921
00:40:10,366 --> 00:40:12,200
This looks way worse than it is.
922
00:40:12,368 --> 00:40:13,451
What are you hiding, Laura?
923
00:40:13,619 --> 00:40:15,286
What's that face?
924
00:40:15,454 --> 00:40:17,163
- You wanna fight me, Bob?
- What?
925
00:40:17,331 --> 00:40:18,331
Is that what this is about, Bob?
926
00:40:18,499 --> 00:40:19,999
'Cause I'll tell you right now,
927
00:40:20,167 --> 00:40:23,002
I'll headbutt you to next Tuesday, bitch!
928
00:40:23,546 --> 00:40:24,879
(CHUCKLING)
929
00:40:25,339 --> 00:40:26,464
- Well...
- Okay.
930
00:40:26,674 --> 00:40:28,383
This town hall meeting is suspended
931
00:40:28,551 --> 00:40:31,511
until I find out what's going on
around town, all right?
932
00:40:34,932 --> 00:40:36,808
- (EXCITED CHEERING)
- (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
933
00:41:16,015 --> 00:41:18,766
BOB: I can't believe no one showed up
at the goddamn meeting.
934
00:41:19,226 --> 00:41:20,351
And I was going to announce
935
00:41:20,519 --> 00:41:22,896
that Panera was opening
a location on Butler Ave.
936
00:41:23,522 --> 00:41:24,856
Panera Bread?
937
00:41:26,567 --> 00:41:27,734
Wow. Great get, Bob.
938
00:41:28,068 --> 00:41:29,110
(SIGHS)
939
00:41:29,361 --> 00:41:31,237
My God, you do so much for this town.
940
00:41:31,405 --> 00:41:34,532
It's a 24/7 job. But I love it.
941
00:41:34,742 --> 00:41:38,077
Plus, means I get to spend
more time with you.
942
00:41:38,287 --> 00:41:39,287
Stop.
943
00:41:39,580 --> 00:41:41,080
- What?
- Stop it.
944
00:41:46,086 --> 00:41:47,420
Were you guys holding hands?
945
00:41:47,588 --> 00:41:49,839
Oh, yeah. We were holding hands,
Chandler, you know why?
946
00:41:50,007 --> 00:41:51,216
- Yeah.
- 'Cause we're having an affair.
947
00:41:51,383 --> 00:41:52,383
(LAUGHS) Yeah.
948
00:41:52,551 --> 00:41:54,302
Nine and a half months,
emotional and physical.
949
00:41:54,553 --> 00:41:57,263
Yep. He knows about all
my hopes and dreams.
950
00:41:57,431 --> 00:41:59,224
I plead with her to leave her husband,
951
00:41:59,391 --> 00:42:02,018
but in reality,
I would be sort of scared if she did.
952
00:42:03,270 --> 00:42:04,771
That's so specific.
953
00:42:04,939 --> 00:42:07,440
It just sounds like it's true.
954
00:42:07,608 --> 00:42:09,275
No, there's nothing
going on with us, Chandler.
955
00:42:09,443 --> 00:42:11,194
But there is something
going on in this town.
956
00:42:11,362 --> 00:42:13,321
I've been noticing a lot of crazy shit
going on in this town.
957
00:42:13,531 --> 00:42:16,866
Over at Taylor's Meat Market at night,
the parking lot is really crowded.
958
00:42:17,034 --> 00:42:20,954
Maybe there's some flank steaks
that are starting a gang over there.
959
00:42:21,121 --> 00:42:23,540
- Looks like a pork chop prostitution ring.
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
960
00:42:24,708 --> 00:42:27,210
- Now leave, so we can have sex. (LAUGHS)
- Yeah.
961
00:42:30,381 --> 00:42:33,299
Okay, I'll get the blinds.
But make it quick.
962
00:42:33,509 --> 00:42:34,509
(APPLAUSE)
963
00:42:38,305 --> 00:42:39,305
(CHEERING)
964
00:42:41,392 --> 00:42:42,600
How are we looking tonight?
965
00:42:42,768 --> 00:42:46,271
Garvey caught a heater in blackjack,
but we're killing it in roulette.
966
00:42:46,438 --> 00:42:48,314
Good call hiring that Judy, by the way,
967
00:42:48,482 --> 00:42:50,441
she destroys people.
968
00:42:50,609 --> 00:42:52,485
- She's a bad-ass bitch.
- Hi, Judy.
969
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:55,613
You're very smart with this stuff.
970
00:42:55,823 --> 00:42:57,073
- Very shrewd.
- (KATE CHUCKLES)
971
00:42:58,617 --> 00:43:00,743
- Where'd you get that?
- This?
972
00:43:00,995 --> 00:43:02,954
Joe gave it to me.
Some sticky-icky hybrid.
973
00:43:03,163 --> 00:43:04,664
It chills me the fuck out. You want some?
974
00:43:05,249 --> 00:43:07,166
No. No, I'm good. Maybe later.
975
00:43:07,334 --> 00:43:10,169
I gotta stay vigilant.
Keep my eye on the prize.
976
00:43:10,337 --> 00:43:12,755
Yeah. Weed is so great, you know?
977
00:43:12,923 --> 00:43:16,926
When I smoke it, I feel nothing.
It's like emotional armor, man.
978
00:43:17,094 --> 00:43:19,470
Alex is gone next year, who cares?
979
00:43:19,638 --> 00:43:21,514
I got weed.
980
00:43:22,182 --> 00:43:24,017
- And me.
- And you, yes.
981
00:43:24,184 --> 00:43:25,852
Guys, we've got a problem.
982
00:43:26,854 --> 00:43:28,855
Table four, third guy from the left.
983
00:43:29,023 --> 00:43:31,357
This motherfucker right here
is counting cards.
984
00:43:31,525 --> 00:43:32,525
How do you know?
985
00:43:32,776 --> 00:43:34,694
If I'm gonna accuse someone of cheating,
I wanna be sure.
986
00:43:38,741 --> 00:43:39,782
(SCOTT GASPS)
987
00:43:40,034 --> 00:43:41,200
- He's cheating.
- Yeah.
988
00:43:41,368 --> 00:43:43,536
- He's definitely cheating.
- That's so rude.
989
00:43:43,704 --> 00:43:45,371
If people think you can
come in here and cheat,
990
00:43:45,539 --> 00:43:47,373
the street is gonna think we're soft.
991
00:43:47,541 --> 00:43:49,000
Yeah. Every Blackjack Barry
992
00:43:49,209 --> 00:43:50,543
and Roulette Rob's
gonna think it's open season.
993
00:43:50,794 --> 00:43:52,837
We gotta do something to send a message.
994
00:43:53,005 --> 00:43:54,714
- Yep.
- Like De Niro in Casino.
995
00:43:54,882 --> 00:43:57,884
Didn't he break that guy's hand
with a hammer?
996
00:43:58,052 --> 00:43:59,052
Yeah.
997
00:44:01,889 --> 00:44:02,930
Hmm.
998
00:44:03,349 --> 00:44:04,349
- Okay.
- Yeah.
999
00:44:04,516 --> 00:44:05,516
Yeah.
1000
00:44:05,976 --> 00:44:07,977
- All right. Okay.
- Yeah.
1001
00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:13,983
Kazowee! (LAUGHS)
1002
00:44:14,568 --> 00:44:16,486
Excuse me, can we have
a word with you, please?
1003
00:44:16,654 --> 00:44:19,405
Yeah, I'd love another
Grey Goose on the rocks, extra lime.
1004
00:44:20,741 --> 00:44:22,200
Come on, let's go. Let's go.
1005
00:44:23,077 --> 00:44:24,327
Enjoy your gambling.
1006
00:44:24,495 --> 00:44:25,495
- Get in here.
- All right, okay.
1007
00:44:25,704 --> 00:44:26,746
- Get in here!
- Watch the jacket.
1008
00:44:26,914 --> 00:44:28,414
- Sit down!
- Sit down!
1009
00:44:28,582 --> 00:44:29,916
You think you can cheat us?
1010
00:44:30,084 --> 00:44:31,918
You think you can steal our money?
1011
00:44:32,169 --> 00:44:33,169
I got lucky.
1012
00:44:33,420 --> 00:44:35,880
I didn't know it was illegal
to catch a hot streak.
1013
00:44:36,090 --> 00:44:37,757
Well, your luck just ran out, man,
1014
00:44:37,925 --> 00:44:39,884
because me and my friends
about to fuck you up!
1015
00:44:40,052 --> 00:44:42,011
FRANK: Yeah!
SCOTT: Hey, pal.
1016
00:44:42,262 --> 00:44:43,262
You better call your mama,
1017
00:44:43,430 --> 00:44:45,181
and tell her you're gonna
be late for dinner.
1018
00:44:45,349 --> 00:44:47,266
Which is a shame,
'cause she's serving your favorite,
1019
00:44:47,434 --> 00:44:48,726
coconut shrimps!
1020
00:44:48,894 --> 00:44:50,520
Hey, you're gonna miss dinner, bitch!
1021
00:44:50,688 --> 00:44:52,271
We had your mom's shrimp last night.
1022
00:44:52,439 --> 00:44:54,065
- Yeah!
- It was delicious!
1023
00:44:54,233 --> 00:44:55,733
What are you guys
gonna do about it anyway?
1024
00:44:55,943 --> 00:44:57,026
You're a bunch of soccer moms.
1025
00:44:57,194 --> 00:44:59,946
You ever hear of Tommy Papouli?
He's my boss.
1026
00:45:00,114 --> 00:45:02,240
You know what? Fuck this guy.
1027
00:45:02,408 --> 00:45:03,408
And fuck Tommy whoever.
1028
00:45:03,575 --> 00:45:05,952
I'd like to introduce you
to my friend, Mr. Vice.
1029
00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:07,453
How does that feel?
1030
00:45:07,621 --> 00:45:09,872
- Yeah, I got it.
- Coat's coming off, bitch!
1031
00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:11,541
- SCOTT: Coming off!
- ALL: Oh!
1032
00:45:17,965 --> 00:45:20,967
You taking your jacket back to Marshalls?
(LAUGHS)
1033
00:45:22,636 --> 00:45:23,636
Oh, shit!
1034
00:45:23,804 --> 00:45:25,138
I'm gonna get me a chunk of flesh.
1035
00:45:25,305 --> 00:45:28,599
Yeah! Yeah, maybe we'll cut
your fucking dick off.
1036
00:45:28,767 --> 00:45:30,101
- Oh, shit!
- (ALL CHEERING)
1037
00:45:30,269 --> 00:45:31,602
Oh, shit!
1038
00:45:31,770 --> 00:45:33,771
This shit just got real, bro!
1039
00:45:33,939 --> 00:45:35,440
I'm so scared. (LAUGHS)
1040
00:45:35,607 --> 00:45:37,483
- You're looking at a bad man.
- SCOTT: Ooh.
1041
00:45:37,651 --> 00:45:39,819
- This motherfucker don't give a shit.
- Yep.
1042
00:45:39,987 --> 00:45:41,320
This axe is burning a hole in my pocket.
1043
00:45:41,488 --> 00:45:42,488
KATE: What are we doing?
1044
00:45:43,323 --> 00:45:44,657
Can we just conference
on what we're doing?
1045
00:45:44,908 --> 00:45:45,908
We're gonna... Just you wait.
1046
00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:47,326
SCOTT: Hold on.
1047
00:45:47,494 --> 00:45:49,120
We need to focus up
and figure out what we're gonna do.
1048
00:45:49,329 --> 00:45:50,329
Honey, are you still stoned?
1049
00:45:50,539 --> 00:45:51,622
What? Yes!
1050
00:45:51,957 --> 00:45:54,041
FRANK: I am also stoned
and nothing is more clear
1051
00:45:54,376 --> 00:45:55,960
than the fact that
we need to murder this guy.
1052
00:45:56,170 --> 00:45:57,712
Just to be clear,
we're pretending, though,
1053
00:45:57,963 --> 00:45:59,130
we're not gonna actually do that.
1054
00:45:59,298 --> 00:46:01,424
We have to send a message, okay?
We have to send a message.
1055
00:46:01,675 --> 00:46:02,675
Yeah!
1056
00:46:03,010 --> 00:46:04,427
You're bluffing.
1057
00:46:04,970 --> 00:46:07,138
(LAUGHS) You're not gonna do shit.
1058
00:46:07,306 --> 00:46:10,016
You're not gonna do jack shit,
Paul Bunyan.
1059
00:46:10,184 --> 00:46:11,684
- He's a jerk!
- He's making it easy.
1060
00:46:11,852 --> 00:46:13,352
You know what? I'm gonna do this.
1061
00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:15,688
- I'm gonna do this.
- Hey, hey, hey, hold on.
1062
00:46:15,856 --> 00:46:18,024
- Fuck off! You're not gonna do shit.
- No, I'm gonna...
1063
00:46:18,192 --> 00:46:19,776
Tommy's gonna kick your fucking ass.
1064
00:46:19,943 --> 00:46:21,360
Fuck you!
1065
00:46:21,528 --> 00:46:23,529
- Don't wrestle with the fucking axe!
- Fuck you all!
1066
00:46:24,406 --> 00:46:25,615
(SCREAMS)
1067
00:46:26,784 --> 00:46:28,534
(FRANK AND SCOTT YELLING)
1068
00:46:29,036 --> 00:46:30,203
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!
1069
00:46:30,370 --> 00:46:31,788
Shut the fuck up, Frank!
1070
00:46:31,955 --> 00:46:34,165
- FRANK: Put it back on! Put it back on!
- I'm trying to find it!
1071
00:46:34,333 --> 00:46:35,541
I'm trying to find it!
1072
00:46:35,709 --> 00:46:37,210
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- KATE: Shut up!
1073
00:46:38,295 --> 00:46:39,337
Apply pressure, man.
1074
00:46:39,505 --> 00:46:41,005
- Please, apply pressure.
- I'm trying!
1075
00:46:41,173 --> 00:46:43,007
- (SOBBING) It's so slippery!
- (SCREAMING)
1076
00:46:43,258 --> 00:46:45,301
It won't fit on! It won't fit back on!
1077
00:46:45,469 --> 00:46:46,552
Honey, please get it on.
1078
00:46:46,720 --> 00:46:47,720
I don't know if it's up or down.
1079
00:46:47,888 --> 00:46:49,388
Does anyone have any gum?
1080
00:46:50,307 --> 00:46:52,225
I'm just gonna put it right there,
maybe it'll grow back.
1081
00:46:52,392 --> 00:46:53,893
- FRANK: Oh, God!
- Oh, my God, the blood!
1082
00:46:54,061 --> 00:46:55,061
Could this help?
1083
00:46:56,188 --> 00:46:57,897
- Put that Croc on there.
- (SHRIEKS)
1084
00:46:58,190 --> 00:46:59,732
(MUFFLED SCREAMING)
1085
00:47:00,484 --> 00:47:02,777
So salty! I'm swallowing so much blood!
1086
00:47:02,945 --> 00:47:05,404
- You cut off my fucking finger!
- (FRANK AND KATE SCREAMING)
1087
00:47:05,656 --> 00:47:07,323
What the fuck just happened?
1088
00:47:07,491 --> 00:47:11,118
Tell your friends, if they mess with us,
this is what... (GAGS) They're gonna get.
1089
00:47:17,751 --> 00:47:19,752
(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)
1090
00:47:28,720 --> 00:47:30,930
Nothing ever happens
in this neighborhood.
1091
00:47:31,098 --> 00:47:32,306
- (FRANK SCREAMS)
- (ALL GASP)
1092
00:47:32,516 --> 00:47:33,558
(MUFFLED YELLING)
1093
00:47:33,851 --> 00:47:35,893
- (GROWLS)
- (ALL GASP)
1094
00:47:39,815 --> 00:47:41,190
(GRUNTING)
1095
00:47:41,775 --> 00:47:42,859
Oh.
1096
00:47:43,193 --> 00:47:44,819
- (GRUNTING)
- (GASPS)
1097
00:47:48,991 --> 00:47:50,032
- Sweetheart!
- (SCOTT YELLING)
1098
00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:51,534
FRANK: Scott?
KATE: Where are you going?
1099
00:47:51,702 --> 00:47:54,370
FRANK: Where are you going?
Don't go in there, buddy!
1100
00:47:57,916 --> 00:47:58,916
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1101
00:48:04,339 --> 00:48:05,423
(GRUNTS)
1102
00:48:39,833 --> 00:48:42,376
No, I swear to God, I'm looking, Reggie.
I'm not finding it.
1103
00:48:42,544 --> 00:48:45,671
In my experience, money lost in the woods
does not easily get found.
1104
00:48:46,381 --> 00:48:48,925
Oh, fuck. Oh! (LAUGHS)
1105
00:48:49,843 --> 00:48:51,177
Buddy, great news.
1106
00:48:51,345 --> 00:48:53,429
- Excuse me, sir?
- I'll call you back.
1107
00:48:53,597 --> 00:48:54,639
What are you doing out here?
1108
00:48:55,432 --> 00:48:57,475
Um... Uh...
1109
00:49:01,271 --> 00:49:02,271
Jogging.
1110
00:49:02,689 --> 00:49:04,482
You don't appear to be jogging.
1111
00:49:05,317 --> 00:49:06,525
Well, now you're jogging.
1112
00:49:06,693 --> 00:49:08,194
You caught me in a cooldown.
1113
00:49:08,862 --> 00:49:10,112
What'd you put in your pocket?
1114
00:49:10,530 --> 00:49:11,530
Very slowly.
1115
00:49:11,698 --> 00:49:14,325
Very slowly with the hand, sir.
Very slowly, take it out of your pocket.
1116
00:49:14,493 --> 00:49:15,910
Okay, Officer. (CHUCKLES)
1117
00:49:16,453 --> 00:49:20,539
I think, earlier, you just saw me
put this phone in my pocket,
1118
00:49:20,707 --> 00:49:22,875
which is now videotaping you.
1119
00:49:23,043 --> 00:49:25,503
I don't feel safe, I don't feel safe.
1120
00:49:25,671 --> 00:49:27,046
I am Frank Theodorakis.
1121
00:49:27,214 --> 00:49:29,423
I don't feel safe in the woods,
the police are harassing me.
1122
00:49:29,591 --> 00:49:31,759
Hello, everyone, I'm Officer Chandler,
1123
00:49:31,927 --> 00:49:34,762
and I'm here protecting
as well as serving.
1124
00:49:35,180 --> 00:49:36,597
What are you, like, doing a PSA?
1125
00:49:36,807 --> 00:49:37,974
Well, if you're filming this.
1126
00:49:38,141 --> 00:49:40,518
Look at you, you put your hands
on your hips immediately.
1127
00:49:40,686 --> 00:49:41,727
You look ridiculous.
1128
00:49:41,895 --> 00:49:43,020
I will end you!
1129
00:49:43,188 --> 00:49:44,563
I will end your life!
1130
00:49:44,731 --> 00:49:46,524
Whoa! Whoa, man!
1131
00:49:46,900 --> 00:49:49,610
I'm sorry that I said that everyone,
1132
00:49:49,945 --> 00:49:51,112
and I...
1133
00:49:51,279 --> 00:49:52,363
am gonna...
1134
00:49:52,531 --> 00:49:54,824
What's that?
I'm gonna respond to this call.
1135
00:49:54,992 --> 00:49:56,659
What call? Nothing happened.
It didn't say anything.
1136
00:49:56,827 --> 00:49:59,036
There's a disturbance in the force.
1137
00:49:59,204 --> 00:50:01,205
There's a disturbance
in the police force.
1138
00:50:14,136 --> 00:50:15,428
(GASPS)
1139
00:50:16,013 --> 00:50:18,764
- (SHRIEKS)
- Dad. What...
1140
00:50:19,599 --> 00:50:20,683
Dad, it's just...
1141
00:50:20,851 --> 00:50:22,268
It's just, it's good... Dad!
1142
00:50:22,436 --> 00:50:23,602
Don't touch 'em!
1143
00:50:24,688 --> 00:50:26,522
Hey, did you see the game?
1144
00:50:28,608 --> 00:50:29,650
(YELLS)
1145
00:50:30,777 --> 00:50:32,445
Stay away from the meat section!
1146
00:50:33,822 --> 00:50:34,864
FRANK: Hey, there you are.
1147
00:50:35,615 --> 00:50:37,616
Everybody's looking for you downstairs.
What's going on?
1148
00:50:38,869 --> 00:50:40,161
- Hey.
- Hey.
1149
00:50:41,955 --> 00:50:44,457
- So many buttholes, so little time, huh?
- Yeah.
1150
00:50:44,624 --> 00:50:46,834
You okay, man?
You seem a little off today.
1151
00:50:47,544 --> 00:50:49,962
(SIGHS) I don't know.
Something's changed, Frank.
1152
00:50:50,130 --> 00:50:52,173
I chopped a man's finger off.
1153
00:50:52,340 --> 00:50:55,801
And ever since that moment,
I've just been barraged
1154
00:50:55,969 --> 00:50:59,722
with a series of
anxiety-induced hallucinations.
1155
00:50:59,890 --> 00:51:03,017
They're hallucinations. They're not real.
1156
00:51:03,185 --> 00:51:05,144
You know what is real?
1157
00:51:08,356 --> 00:51:09,899
This is real.
1158
00:51:10,067 --> 00:51:11,317
This is real.
1159
00:51:11,485 --> 00:51:13,027
This is real.
1160
00:51:13,195 --> 00:51:14,528
And this is real.
1161
00:51:14,696 --> 00:51:17,031
And do you know where
all that money came from?
1162
00:51:17,574 --> 00:51:19,158
- Hmm.
- From you.
1163
00:51:19,326 --> 00:51:23,412
You chopped that guy's finger off,
and the whole town became afraid.
1164
00:51:23,580 --> 00:51:25,539
You know what
they're calling you on the street?
1165
00:51:25,707 --> 00:51:26,749
- Uh-uh.
- The Butcher.
1166
00:51:26,917 --> 00:51:28,084
They're so afraid of us,
1167
00:51:28,251 --> 00:51:31,087
people are starting to give us
the money they owe us. (CHUCKLES)
1168
00:51:31,254 --> 00:51:33,005
I didn't know people owed us money.
1169
00:51:33,381 --> 00:51:36,926
Oh, I've been extending lines of credit
to all of our high rollers.
1170
00:51:37,094 --> 00:51:38,761
All the casinos do it.
It's not a big deal.
1171
00:51:38,929 --> 00:51:41,555
Frank, you didn't tell me that.
1172
00:51:41,723 --> 00:51:42,723
And that's a huge decision.
1173
00:51:42,891 --> 00:51:44,558
You need to let Kate and I
be a part of that.
1174
00:51:44,726 --> 00:51:46,727
It's a moot point now, okay? It's done.
1175
00:51:46,895 --> 00:51:49,730
Everybody's afraid that
you're gonna take them into the garage,
1176
00:51:49,898 --> 00:51:52,399
and chop some piece
of their body off. All right?
1177
00:51:52,567 --> 00:51:54,068
"The Butcher" is our identity.
1178
00:51:54,319 --> 00:51:55,361
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
1179
00:51:56,071 --> 00:51:57,530
- Come on in.
- Hey.
1180
00:51:58,198 --> 00:52:00,032
- Hey, Reggie.
- Do you guys mind if I...
1181
00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:01,742
- Come on in, Reggie.
- REGGIE: Okay.
1182
00:52:02,577 --> 00:52:05,371
Hi, uh, Frank. Scott.
1183
00:52:06,373 --> 00:52:07,873
Here's that...
1184
00:52:08,041 --> 00:52:11,418
Here's that money I owe you.
I'm sorry it's so late.
1185
00:52:11,670 --> 00:52:13,838
- Reggie, don't worry about it. It's fine.
- FRANK: Hey.
1186
00:52:14,005 --> 00:52:16,674
You sure about that, Butcher?
You happy about that?
1187
00:52:16,967 --> 00:52:17,967
I mean...
1188
00:52:18,885 --> 00:52:20,678
Don't let it happen again.
1189
00:52:21,221 --> 00:52:23,222
Yeah, you bitch!
1190
00:52:23,723 --> 00:52:25,724
You little bitch!
1191
00:52:25,892 --> 00:52:27,518
Hey, Butch, you want me
to go get your axe?
1192
00:52:27,686 --> 00:52:29,854
Yeah, so I can cut me off
a piece of bitch meat.
1193
00:52:30,021 --> 00:52:31,564
No, I don't want the axe.
1194
00:52:31,731 --> 00:52:34,900
Hey, Frank, this feels
a little light to me.
1195
00:52:35,277 --> 00:52:37,236
Uh-oh. Reggie, is everything
you owe us in there?
1196
00:52:37,404 --> 00:52:38,612
I counted it myself.
1197
00:52:38,780 --> 00:52:39,780
Maybe I should count it.
1198
00:52:40,407 --> 00:52:42,366
- Oh. Are you gonna count it?
- I don't think...
1199
00:52:42,826 --> 00:52:43,868
FRANK: Oh. Uh-oh.
1200
00:52:44,077 --> 00:52:45,244
Are you okay?
1201
00:52:45,787 --> 00:52:47,580
- I'll handle the counting.
- Okay.
1202
00:52:47,747 --> 00:52:48,873
- Get out of here, Reggie!
- Okay.
1203
00:52:49,040 --> 00:52:50,416
Tell your friends
what you saw here, Reggie.
1204
00:52:50,667 --> 00:52:51,667
Sorry.
1205
00:52:52,377 --> 00:52:54,253
- (DOOR CLOSES)
- That was amazing!
1206
00:52:54,421 --> 00:52:55,796
Did you see how scared he got?
1207
00:52:55,964 --> 00:52:57,798
Yeah! How did that feel?
1208
00:52:57,966 --> 00:53:00,092
- It felt good.
- Yeah.
1209
00:53:00,594 --> 00:53:02,094
Yeah, it felt real good.
1210
00:53:12,272 --> 00:53:13,397
Hello, Gary.
1211
00:53:13,565 --> 00:53:15,774
I understand you have
an overdue library book.
1212
00:53:15,942 --> 00:53:17,860
(GARY GROANING)
1213
00:53:18,111 --> 00:53:19,278
No! No!
1214
00:53:22,949 --> 00:53:24,408
KATE: Come here. Come here.
1215
00:53:24,576 --> 00:53:26,118
FRANK: Pay your debts!
1216
00:53:26,953 --> 00:53:29,121
FRANK: Get out of the way!
SCOTT: Hi, Crystal!
1217
00:53:33,460 --> 00:53:35,294
- Where's our money?
- Give it to us!
1218
00:53:35,462 --> 00:53:37,171
- FRANK: You piece of shit!
- Give us the money!
1219
00:53:37,339 --> 00:53:38,756
No, no, no.
1220
00:53:38,965 --> 00:53:39,965
(GROANING)
1221
00:53:40,717 --> 00:53:41,800
(GRUNTS)
1222
00:53:44,763 --> 00:53:46,639
- I'm tired of asking you, Eddie!
- Eat it!
1223
00:53:46,806 --> 00:53:48,015
Give us the money, Eddie!
1224
00:53:48,183 --> 00:53:49,600
You don't wanna do this, Eddie!
1225
00:53:56,650 --> 00:53:58,275
(HORN HONKING)
1226
00:54:00,487 --> 00:54:02,821
FRANK: Get out of here!
Just walk away, Angela!
1227
00:54:12,165 --> 00:54:13,499
I'm the Butcher.
1228
00:54:13,667 --> 00:54:15,417
And I'm the Burner.
1229
00:54:15,585 --> 00:54:17,670
Why are you guys talking like that?
Really low?
1230
00:54:17,837 --> 00:54:19,088
'Cause we're cool now.
1231
00:54:19,256 --> 00:54:20,506
Get on board.
1232
00:54:20,674 --> 00:54:23,008
Okay. This is what
we're doing from now on.
1233
00:54:23,176 --> 00:54:24,176
KATE: It's weird when you do it.
1234
00:54:24,344 --> 00:54:25,844
SCOTT: You sound like Cookie Monster.
1235
00:54:26,012 --> 00:54:29,265
FRANK: Well, Cookie Monster wants some
motherfuckin' lobster.
1236
00:54:52,455 --> 00:54:54,915
ALL: Oh! (LAUGHING)
1237
00:54:55,375 --> 00:54:57,668
Madam Treasurer,
there's something for you to sign.
1238
00:55:01,047 --> 00:55:02,506
Aw, it's really nice.
1239
00:55:02,674 --> 00:55:05,050
I can't accept that.
How would I explain that to my husband?
1240
00:55:05,218 --> 00:55:07,553
You can tell your husband
that you're in love with me,
1241
00:55:07,721 --> 00:55:08,887
and that we're gonna be together.
1242
00:55:09,055 --> 00:55:11,974
- This is getting out of control, okay?
- Yeah, it is.
1243
00:55:12,142 --> 00:55:14,226
At first, it was gifts
and trips and things,
1244
00:55:14,394 --> 00:55:16,562
but I didn't know where
the money was coming from.
1245
00:55:16,730 --> 00:55:18,147
It was coming from me.
1246
00:55:18,315 --> 00:55:20,149
Yeah, but you took it from the town.
1247
00:55:20,317 --> 00:55:22,067
And that poor girl's scholarship?
1248
00:55:22,402 --> 00:55:25,362
Come on. Look at these
budget numbers, okay?
1249
00:55:25,530 --> 00:55:27,364
We are 300 grand short.
1250
00:55:27,532 --> 00:55:29,908
We're gonna get audited,
and we're gonna lose our jobs.
1251
00:55:30,076 --> 00:55:32,244
We're probably gonna go to jail, okay?
1252
00:55:32,412 --> 00:55:33,537
Just stop.
1253
00:55:33,705 --> 00:55:35,080
At first it... Stop. It was like...
1254
00:55:35,248 --> 00:55:36,749
Stop, stop.
1255
00:55:36,916 --> 00:55:38,417
Stop. Stop it.
1256
00:55:38,835 --> 00:55:42,671
I think, next year, when Alex is gone,
we do this every Tuesday night.
1257
00:55:42,839 --> 00:55:44,381
- KATE: Yay! Cheers, team.
- Hooray!
1258
00:55:44,549 --> 00:55:46,342
- We look great.
- SCOTT: We do.
1259
00:55:46,509 --> 00:55:48,886
- We should dress like this every night.
- Yeah.
1260
00:55:49,763 --> 00:55:51,597
It's been a pretty tough year for me.
1261
00:55:51,765 --> 00:55:53,682
And I just wanna say thank you
to both of you.
1262
00:55:54,100 --> 00:55:55,768
This might be the best night of my...
1263
00:55:57,395 --> 00:55:58,687
- What?
- What?
1264
00:55:59,564 --> 00:56:00,606
KATE: (GASPS) Raina?
1265
00:56:01,024 --> 00:56:05,069
SCOTT: Easy, tiger. It's okay.
We knew this day would come. Okay?
1266
00:56:05,278 --> 00:56:07,237
Scott, Kate, excuse me.
1267
00:56:07,405 --> 00:56:09,531
I'm gonna go get my wife back.
1268
00:56:09,699 --> 00:56:11,450
Hold on, buddy. Frank.
1269
00:56:11,618 --> 00:56:12,743
Frank?
1270
00:56:12,911 --> 00:56:14,953
Hey, pal. There's no reservations...
1271
00:56:15,163 --> 00:56:16,163
(GROANING)
1272
00:56:16,414 --> 00:56:17,790
- FRANK: He's very strong!
- Frank!
1273
00:56:19,084 --> 00:56:20,501
(CROWD GASPS)
1274
00:56:20,877 --> 00:56:23,253
FRANK: At least I have my dignity.
(FARTING)
1275
00:56:23,630 --> 00:56:25,923
I don't understand why
you're talking to me.
1276
00:56:26,091 --> 00:56:28,175
Go arrest that guy. He attacked me.
1277
00:56:28,343 --> 00:56:30,177
Mr. Theodorakis, I talked to him.
1278
00:56:30,345 --> 00:56:33,722
He said that you attacked him,
and then you grabbed his man bun.
1279
00:56:33,890 --> 00:56:36,350
What? I don't remember any of that.
1280
00:56:37,477 --> 00:56:40,396
Officer Chandler, what's going on here?
1281
00:56:40,563 --> 00:56:43,357
OFFICER CHANDLER: It's been a hell of
a night. I've gotten multiple reports
1282
00:56:43,525 --> 00:56:45,984
of violence all over town,
and no one's talking.
1283
00:56:46,653 --> 00:56:49,863
Well, no one's talking 'cause
there's nothing to talk about, so...
1284
00:56:50,365 --> 00:56:52,991
(SHUSHING)
1285
00:56:53,576 --> 00:56:55,202
- What's your deal, Johansen?
- SCOTT: No deal.
1286
00:56:55,370 --> 00:56:57,121
You got a deal, Bob?
1287
00:56:57,414 --> 00:56:59,832
- No deal here.
- Yeah.
1288
00:56:59,999 --> 00:57:03,085
I would advise you to put that away.
I'm a police officer.
1289
00:57:03,420 --> 00:57:05,045
Don't worry about it.
1290
00:57:05,630 --> 00:57:07,714
Check your marshmallows, fellas.
1291
00:57:07,882 --> 00:57:09,800
No one says "check your marshmallows. "
1292
00:57:09,968 --> 00:57:12,344
You wanna get fucked by a fire dick?
1293
00:57:12,512 --> 00:57:13,637
OFFICER CHANDLER: No.
1294
00:57:13,805 --> 00:57:15,597
- Then check your marshmallows.
- SCOTT: Yeah.
1295
00:57:15,765 --> 00:57:17,808
There's something fishy
going on with those three.
1296
00:57:17,976 --> 00:57:19,935
- DAWN: Definitely.
- (COOING)
1297
00:57:20,103 --> 00:57:21,520
(EXCITED CHATTER)
1298
00:57:31,739 --> 00:57:33,782
Are those women's sunglasses?
1299
00:57:33,950 --> 00:57:36,326
No. They're Italian.
1300
00:57:36,494 --> 00:57:38,871
And that's a woman's cigarette.
That's nice.
1301
00:57:39,038 --> 00:57:40,581
Also Italian.
1302
00:57:40,748 --> 00:57:43,584
Italian sunglasses, Italian cigarettes.
1303
00:57:43,751 --> 00:57:46,170
Okay. Ciao.
1304
00:57:51,426 --> 00:57:53,343
Excuse me, what the hell is that?
1305
00:57:53,511 --> 00:57:55,012
Craig ordered eggs, over-medium.
1306
00:57:55,180 --> 00:57:56,221
No. Look at the yolks.
1307
00:57:56,389 --> 00:57:58,223
Those are hard, that's not over-medium.
Take it back.
1308
00:57:58,391 --> 00:57:59,475
Scott, I'm really slammed right now.
1309
00:57:59,642 --> 00:58:01,101
I don't give a shit, asshole.
1310
00:58:01,728 --> 00:58:04,730
Take it back. All right, dick face?
1311
00:58:04,898 --> 00:58:06,982
You're doing a great job.
1312
00:58:08,693 --> 00:58:09,943
Hey, sexy.
1313
00:58:10,111 --> 00:58:11,403
Hey, baby. Looking good.
1314
00:58:11,571 --> 00:58:12,863
Feeling better.
1315
00:58:14,949 --> 00:58:16,700
(SMACKING)
1316
00:58:17,744 --> 00:58:21,246
Hey, things are getting super weird.
1317
00:58:21,414 --> 00:58:23,415
I just found a glory hole upstairs.
1318
00:58:23,583 --> 00:58:26,418
Just a dick-sized hole in the middle
of the wall that somebody made.
1319
00:58:26,586 --> 00:58:28,962
You know how I knew?
There was a dick hanging out of it.
1320
00:58:29,172 --> 00:58:30,464
(ALL CHEERING)
1321
00:58:31,925 --> 00:58:33,550
Who the hell are they?
1322
00:58:33,718 --> 00:58:35,135
Oh, they're Wall Street guys.
1323
00:58:35,303 --> 00:58:36,553
They're betting a lot of money.
1324
00:58:36,721 --> 00:58:39,056
They're also doing a ton of blow.
1325
00:58:39,641 --> 00:58:41,183
- Oh, yes!
- (SNIFFING)
1326
00:58:45,647 --> 00:58:47,773
This is Frank Theodorakis' house.
1327
00:58:47,941 --> 00:58:50,776
And right through those woods,
only 100 yards away
1328
00:58:50,944 --> 00:58:53,111
is the parking lot
to Taylor's Meat Market.
1329
00:58:53,279 --> 00:58:55,906
Oh, right, the great meat conspiracy.
1330
00:59:00,703 --> 00:59:01,787
Come on, man.
1331
00:59:01,955 --> 00:59:04,206
Don't do blow on the table.
It gets in the felt.
1332
00:59:04,374 --> 00:59:06,583
Hey, we're betting 1,000 bucks a roll.
1333
00:59:06,751 --> 00:59:08,710
I'll do cocaine off of whatever I want.
1334
00:59:08,878 --> 00:59:11,547
I'll do it off of that dumb wall sconce
over there. Check this out.
1335
00:59:11,798 --> 00:59:12,839
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
1336
00:59:14,551 --> 00:59:15,551
(SNIFFS)
1337
00:59:15,760 --> 00:59:16,969
Whoo!
1338
00:59:21,474 --> 00:59:24,142
OFFICER CHANDLER: What the shit?
1339
00:59:28,940 --> 00:59:31,275
- Everybody, freeze! Police!
- (PANICKED YELLING)
1340
00:59:31,985 --> 00:59:35,404
Everybody, freeze! Respect my authority!
1341
00:59:36,656 --> 00:59:37,823
No, no! No!
1342
00:59:37,991 --> 00:59:40,158
No, freeze! You're not freezing!
1343
00:59:41,077 --> 00:59:42,452
Freeze! Get on the ground.
1344
00:59:42,620 --> 00:59:43,996
You will stop or get arrested.
1345
00:59:44,163 --> 00:59:45,289
Do not inhale that!
1346
00:59:45,582 --> 00:59:46,832
(SCREAMING)
1347
00:59:49,502 --> 00:59:50,544
My eyes!
1348
00:59:54,007 --> 00:59:55,632
BOB: Playing cards, huh?
1349
00:59:56,009 --> 00:59:57,342
- (SIGHS)
- For cash?
1350
00:59:58,011 --> 00:59:59,344
That's illegal.
1351
00:59:59,512 --> 01:00:01,346
- It's for charity.
- Yeah.
1352
01:00:01,514 --> 01:00:02,848
- Yeah.
- Good.
1353
01:00:03,016 --> 01:00:04,850
Which charity?
1354
01:00:05,351 --> 01:00:06,810
- Uh...
- Uh... Horse circumcision.
1355
01:00:06,978 --> 01:00:07,978
Money for psychic kids.
1356
01:00:08,146 --> 01:00:09,146
Canada.
1357
01:00:09,814 --> 01:00:11,023
Where's the money?
1358
01:00:11,190 --> 01:00:13,275
This is pointless.
You're not gonna find anything anywhere.
1359
01:00:13,443 --> 01:00:14,526
- Really?
- Yeah.
1360
01:00:14,694 --> 01:00:16,778
Well, we've looked in
all of the other rooms, so...
1361
01:00:16,946 --> 01:00:18,363
Chandler, take a look.
1362
01:00:18,573 --> 01:00:19,740
(CLATTERING)
1363
01:00:20,533 --> 01:00:23,535
- Hey, Scotty! Eyes up here, buddy.
- Honey, don't point at that.
1364
01:00:23,703 --> 01:00:25,203
SCOTT: Look how nervous the baby deer is.
1365
01:00:25,371 --> 01:00:27,372
You guys seem pretty interested
in this painting, here.
1366
01:00:27,540 --> 01:00:28,707
- Yeah.
- We're not.
1367
01:00:29,167 --> 01:00:30,709
The baby. The doe.
1368
01:00:31,377 --> 01:00:32,461
FRANK: Ah!
1369
01:00:32,670 --> 01:00:33,879
What's this?
1370
01:00:34,047 --> 01:00:35,380
It's safes, Bob.
1371
01:00:35,548 --> 01:00:36,882
(SOFTLY) Oh, you fucking idiot.
1372
01:00:37,050 --> 01:00:40,135
- Those are my pornography collection.
- Mmm.
1373
01:00:40,303 --> 01:00:43,055
Why don't we pop the safes and see
if it's all the money that you've taken?
1374
01:00:43,222 --> 01:00:44,556
You can't open them without the combo,
1375
01:00:44,807 --> 01:00:46,224
- and I'm not giving it to you.
- BOB: Hmm.
1376
01:00:46,809 --> 01:00:49,394
What are you looking at?
Why are you staring
1377
01:00:49,729 --> 01:00:51,229
at this photo over here, now?
1378
01:00:51,397 --> 01:00:52,397
Don't do that. Oh!
1379
01:00:53,566 --> 01:00:54,608
BOB: Oh.
1380
01:00:54,859 --> 01:00:56,026
A Post-it note.
1381
01:00:56,361 --> 01:01:00,405
Is this the combination?
'Cause you 69 yourself, 24/7?
1382
01:01:00,573 --> 01:01:01,782
Okay, here's the deal.
1383
01:01:01,991 --> 01:01:03,617
- We're not gonna arrest you.
- (BOTH SIGH)
1384
01:01:03,826 --> 01:01:05,535
But you guys have to
shut down this casino.
1385
01:01:05,703 --> 01:01:06,745
Aw, what?
1386
01:01:06,913 --> 01:01:08,413
And also, we're confiscating
all your money.
1387
01:01:08,581 --> 01:01:11,083
Hold on, you can't take the money.
It's for our daughter.
1388
01:01:11,250 --> 01:01:12,918
You're gonna take their money, Bob?
1389
01:01:13,086 --> 01:01:14,544
I'm not gonna take their money.
1390
01:01:14,712 --> 01:01:16,922
I'm gonna confiscate
their money for the town.
1391
01:01:17,090 --> 01:01:19,841
Come on, Chandler, you're not gonna
get caught up in this, are you?
1392
01:01:20,009 --> 01:01:21,009
You're a good guy.
1393
01:01:21,719 --> 01:01:25,013
Who's always lead baritone
when we go Christmas caroling.
1394
01:01:25,181 --> 01:01:26,264
Come on.
1395
01:01:26,891 --> 01:01:30,936
(SINGING) Hark the herald angels sing
1396
01:01:31,354 --> 01:01:33,605
Glory to the newborn king
1397
01:01:33,773 --> 01:01:35,232
BOB: Shut up.
1398
01:01:35,733 --> 01:01:38,276
You remember when you guys
started an illegal casino?
1399
01:01:38,444 --> 01:01:40,445
(IN HIGH VOICE) I'm Alex.
I wanna go to Bucknell.
1400
01:01:40,613 --> 01:01:41,988
- Bob, enough.
- But my parents fucked up.
1401
01:01:42,156 --> 01:01:44,950
They couldn't find the money,
so they started an illegal casino.
1402
01:01:45,118 --> 01:01:47,411
- Bob, she's a kid.
- Oh, oh.
1403
01:01:47,620 --> 01:01:49,913
(NORMAL VOICE) We're taking the cash.
1404
01:01:52,458 --> 01:01:55,293
BOB: Let's go, Chandler. Shut it down.
1405
01:01:55,461 --> 01:01:57,587
OFFICER CHANDLER:
Bob. Bob! That money's for college.
1406
01:01:59,632 --> 01:02:01,633
WOMAN: (ON TV)
Tonight at 11:00. Earlier this week,
1407
01:02:01,801 --> 01:02:04,344
a local man was treated
at Sacred Heart Hospital
1408
01:02:04,512 --> 01:02:05,762
for a severed middle finger.
1409
01:02:06,264 --> 01:02:09,558
Authorities believe this may be related
to the recent local crime spree.
1410
01:02:09,934 --> 01:02:12,477
The man is known to have
connections to Tommy Papouli,
1411
01:02:12,645 --> 01:02:16,606
long suspected of racketeering,
illegal gambling, and even murder.
1412
01:02:20,445 --> 01:02:21,778
Hey, sweetie.
1413
01:02:23,823 --> 01:02:26,324
You were watching Walking Dead
without us?
1414
01:02:26,492 --> 01:02:29,619
- Yeah. Lizzie killed Mika.
- (GUNSHOT ON TV)
1415
01:02:33,624 --> 01:02:34,708
(SIGHS)
1416
01:02:38,838 --> 01:02:40,464
KATE: (SIGHS) Fuck, we suck.
1417
01:02:40,631 --> 01:02:41,673
SCOTT: We lost all our money.
1418
01:02:41,841 --> 01:02:44,050
And I am mentally and physically
addicted to marijuana.
1419
01:02:44,510 --> 01:02:45,510
Honey, you love it.
1420
01:02:45,678 --> 01:02:48,180
I think about it all the time.
It's really hard to focus right now.
1421
01:02:48,347 --> 01:02:49,723
I'm so mad I'm not high.
1422
01:02:49,891 --> 01:02:51,183
And we started a fight club.
1423
01:02:51,350 --> 01:02:52,350
What are we doing?
1424
01:02:52,727 --> 01:02:55,187
We're each other's enabler.
We're not even...
1425
01:02:55,354 --> 01:02:57,022
One of us has to be an adult here.
1426
01:02:58,816 --> 01:03:00,484
So, you do it.
1427
01:03:01,360 --> 01:03:02,360
You be it.
1428
01:03:02,528 --> 01:03:04,863
Okay. I'll be the adult.
1429
01:03:06,240 --> 01:03:08,366
And, as the adult,
1430
01:03:08,534 --> 01:03:12,996
I'm gonna say, we're gonna call Frank
and tell him to shut it down.
1431
01:03:13,206 --> 01:03:14,206
Okay.
1432
01:03:14,415 --> 01:03:15,874
- And that's how we're gonna handle it.
- Okay.
1433
01:03:16,042 --> 01:03:17,292
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
1434
01:03:17,543 --> 01:03:19,211
- What a relief.
- Right?
1435
01:03:19,378 --> 01:03:20,378
Or we keep it open, and go big.
1436
01:03:20,546 --> 01:03:21,713
Or we do. Yeah.
1437
01:03:21,881 --> 01:03:23,799
Fuck Bob Schaeffer.
I'm not gonna look my daughter in the eye
1438
01:03:24,050 --> 01:03:25,383
and tell her she can't go to college
1439
01:03:25,593 --> 01:03:28,553
because some small-time
city councilman is bullying us.
1440
01:03:28,721 --> 01:03:31,890
Exactly! We'll call everyone
and tell them the casino is still open.
1441
01:03:32,099 --> 01:03:34,351
- Yes.
- No limit on any bet in the house.
1442
01:03:34,519 --> 01:03:36,686
We go big, we make our money,
1443
01:03:36,854 --> 01:03:38,563
and then we parachute out of there.
1444
01:03:38,731 --> 01:03:39,856
Go big, or go home.
1445
01:03:40,024 --> 01:03:41,608
- Let's do this!
- Okay.
1446
01:03:42,693 --> 01:03:44,402
LAURA: All right, here we go. Here we go!
1447
01:03:44,862 --> 01:03:46,029
CRAIG: All right!
1448
01:03:46,239 --> 01:03:47,823
LAURA: This is fun! Whoo!
1449
01:03:48,574 --> 01:03:49,616
WOMAN: That guy!
1450
01:03:49,784 --> 01:03:50,909
CRAIG: Fuck Bob Schaeffer! Whoo!
1451
01:03:51,452 --> 01:03:53,036
We got a professional shooter here.
1452
01:03:53,204 --> 01:03:55,121
JOE: He can't tell us to shut down!
1453
01:03:55,289 --> 01:03:58,083
CRAIG: Let's go! Two more.
Let's go. Come on.
1454
01:03:58,292 --> 01:03:59,459
(EXCITED CHATTER)
1455
01:04:03,047 --> 01:04:05,382
Wow. Hey, Raina.
1456
01:04:06,384 --> 01:04:08,093
- What a pleasant surprise.
- Oh, my God!
1457
01:04:08,261 --> 01:04:09,636
You said, "I'm not gambling. "
1458
01:04:09,804 --> 01:04:12,597
Raina, I meant that. I'm not!
1459
01:04:13,391 --> 01:04:14,391
They are!
1460
01:04:14,559 --> 01:04:16,268
All of them, and they're losing.
1461
01:04:16,435 --> 01:04:19,271
You know, when you emphasize
one word more than the other,
1462
01:04:19,438 --> 01:04:20,981
you know that's bullshit, right?
1463
01:04:21,148 --> 01:04:24,150
Okay, so do you want me
to emphasize something for you?
1464
01:04:24,318 --> 01:04:27,612
I am not coming back.
1465
01:04:34,287 --> 01:04:35,328
(GIRLS CHEERING)
1466
01:04:35,621 --> 01:04:37,497
RACHEL: They said go through Taylor's,
then through the woods,
1467
01:04:37,665 --> 01:04:38,665
then we'll get to the casino!
1468
01:04:38,833 --> 01:04:39,833
ALEX: Let's do it!
1469
01:04:42,128 --> 01:04:44,379
- Ooh.
- (ALL LAUGHING)
1470
01:04:45,798 --> 01:04:47,841
(ALL CHEERING)
1471
01:04:50,553 --> 01:04:53,305
I'm beginning to think
Raina's not gonna take me back.
1472
01:04:53,472 --> 01:04:56,641
Mom? Dad? What are you guys doing here?
1473
01:04:57,143 --> 01:04:58,727
Alex, what are you doing here?
1474
01:04:58,895 --> 01:05:01,146
ALEX: We got invited to this casino.
1475
01:05:01,314 --> 01:05:02,355
You shouldn't be here.
1476
01:05:02,523 --> 01:05:03,648
- What?
- Come with us.
1477
01:05:04,025 --> 01:05:07,319
Sweetheart, it's very complicated,
but we need to tell you a few things.
1478
01:05:15,161 --> 01:05:16,578
Hello?
1479
01:05:16,746 --> 01:05:19,748
Hey, go around back.
There's a secret entrance.
1480
01:05:19,916 --> 01:05:21,833
The password is André the- (YELLS)
1481
01:05:22,001 --> 01:05:23,293
(YELLING)
1482
01:05:25,087 --> 01:05:27,339
Holy fuck, look at this place.
1483
01:05:27,506 --> 01:05:30,342
When you said casino,
I didn't think you meant fucking casino.
1484
01:05:37,058 --> 01:05:38,683
Remember me, motherfucker?
1485
01:05:39,226 --> 01:05:41,561
Wow, that looks great.
1486
01:05:41,729 --> 01:05:43,563
Hey, dickfuck,
you're not gonna like Tommy.
1487
01:05:43,731 --> 01:05:46,191
He doesn't cut off fingers,
he cuts off heads.
1488
01:05:46,359 --> 01:05:48,234
Shut up. Come on.
1489
01:05:48,653 --> 01:05:49,903
Guys, we've got a problem.
1490
01:05:50,112 --> 01:05:51,196
(KATE SCREAMS)
1491
01:05:52,073 --> 01:05:53,531
- He's got a gun.
- Okay.
1492
01:05:53,699 --> 01:05:54,699
Where's the money?
1493
01:05:54,867 --> 01:05:56,159
- We just got robbed.
- Yeah.
1494
01:05:56,327 --> 01:05:57,702
Look, the safes are all empty.
1495
01:05:57,870 --> 01:06:00,330
Do you know how many times I've seen
someone point to an empty safe
1496
01:06:00,498 --> 01:06:01,998
and say, "We have no money"?
1497
01:06:02,166 --> 01:06:03,208
- A hundred?
-500?
1498
01:06:03,376 --> 01:06:04,709
- Thirty thousand.
- It's rhetorical, fuckstick.
1499
01:06:04,877 --> 01:06:05,877
- FRANK: Okay.
- Shut up.
1500
01:06:06,045 --> 01:06:07,545
- This your daughter?
- Where?
1501
01:06:07,713 --> 01:06:08,964
- Who, her?
- Right here.
1502
01:06:09,215 --> 01:06:11,383
That's such a compliment.
This is my wife.
1503
01:06:11,550 --> 01:06:13,343
- Alex?
- SCOTT: In fact, there's our daughter.
1504
01:06:13,511 --> 01:06:15,720
- There she is. Hello, daughter.
- SCOTT: Hi, honey.
1505
01:06:15,888 --> 01:06:16,888
Don't overthink it.
Just be our daughter.
1506
01:06:17,056 --> 01:06:19,766
- Come right here.
- I'm not your daughter. That's your-
1507
01:06:20,685 --> 01:06:21,726
- (SHRIEKS)
- (GROANS)
1508
01:06:21,936 --> 01:06:22,936
Sorry, Rachel!
1509
01:06:23,729 --> 01:06:25,271
- Fuck's the matter with you?
- What?
1510
01:06:25,439 --> 01:06:26,439
Shoving a girl like that?
1511
01:06:26,649 --> 01:06:28,608
We are strict disciplinarians
in our household.
1512
01:06:29,068 --> 01:06:30,735
Get out of my way.
I know this is your daughter.
1513
01:06:30,987 --> 01:06:32,696
- Mom!
- SCOTT: No, no, no!
1514
01:06:32,905 --> 01:06:34,030
TOMMY: Cuff her.
SCOTT: Sweetie.
1515
01:06:34,198 --> 01:06:35,532
- Mom.
- Honey.
1516
01:06:35,700 --> 01:06:37,075
- No.
- Wait, no.
1517
01:06:37,368 --> 01:06:39,035
Take me, not her.
1518
01:06:39,203 --> 01:06:40,620
No. No one cares if you die.
1519
01:06:40,788 --> 01:06:41,788
Oh, thank God.
1520
01:06:41,998 --> 01:06:43,873
Help 'em find the money. And hey...
1521
01:06:44,083 --> 01:06:46,626
300 grand. Or you'll never see
your daughter again.
1522
01:06:47,628 --> 01:06:50,630
- Mom! Dad! Help! Help!
- Fuck you. Fuck you.
1523
01:06:50,798 --> 01:06:53,091
- Let go of me.
- (CHUCKLES)
1524
01:06:54,760 --> 01:06:57,262
You know what? You got us.
1525
01:06:58,222 --> 01:07:01,433
There's $300,000 in money in this room...
1526
01:07:01,600 --> 01:07:04,644
hidden in these money... Buckets.
1527
01:07:04,812 --> 01:07:07,772
So, if you want,
you can take the money,
1528
01:07:07,940 --> 01:07:09,566
and we'll take their daughter back.
1529
01:07:09,734 --> 01:07:10,775
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1530
01:07:10,943 --> 01:07:12,444
There's one here,
there's one behind the bed,
1531
01:07:12,611 --> 01:07:14,112
and there's one right over there.
1532
01:07:15,489 --> 01:07:16,823
Money cannon.
1533
01:07:17,033 --> 01:07:18,033
(GROANING)
1534
01:07:18,451 --> 01:07:19,534
(LAUGHS)
1535
01:07:19,744 --> 01:07:20,952
Yeah!
1536
01:07:21,120 --> 01:07:23,913
Don't worry, guys, I got this.
1537
01:07:25,207 --> 01:07:26,416
KATE: Yes!
1538
01:07:27,126 --> 01:07:29,294
Oh, no! Not in Frank's place, you don't!
1539
01:07:30,046 --> 01:07:32,297
- (CROWD GASPS)
- (GASPS AND GROANS)
1540
01:07:32,590 --> 01:07:33,923
He's got a knife.
1541
01:07:36,427 --> 01:07:38,970
- Look what he did.
- RAINA: Oh, my God, Frank.
1542
01:07:39,138 --> 01:07:40,472
- Frank! Frank!
- (GROANING)
1543
01:07:40,639 --> 01:07:42,640
- Raina.
- Are you okay?
1544
01:07:42,808 --> 01:07:44,893
- God.
- Did you see him stab me?
1545
01:07:45,061 --> 01:07:46,936
- Yes-
- It was so cool and effortless.
1546
01:07:47,104 --> 01:07:49,147
- Oh, no! (GAGS)
- Okay. Okay.
1547
01:07:49,315 --> 01:07:50,815
Let's go. Come on.
1548
01:07:51,984 --> 01:07:52,984
Jesus.
1549
01:07:53,152 --> 01:07:54,819
Aren't you supposed
to be getting me my money?
1550
01:07:54,987 --> 01:07:56,446
- Pal?
- Dad?
1551
01:07:56,614 --> 01:07:58,448
My name's not Pal.
1552
01:07:59,992 --> 01:08:02,327
- They call me the Butcher.
- Is that right?
1553
01:08:02,495 --> 01:08:04,329
Alex! Stranger danger!
1554
01:08:04,497 --> 01:08:05,580
(GROANS)
1555
01:08:06,165 --> 01:08:07,165
(CROWD GASPS)
1556
01:08:09,335 --> 01:08:10,877
- (CROWD SCREAMS)
- (ALEX SCREAMING)
1557
01:08:12,171 --> 01:08:14,172
- Fuck!
- (PANICKED SHRIEKING)
1558
01:08:14,381 --> 01:08:15,381
Oh, God!
1559
01:08:15,591 --> 01:08:17,217
Don't forget about the Burner!
1560
01:08:18,344 --> 01:08:20,178
Yeah!
1561
01:08:20,513 --> 01:08:22,013
Oh, shit!
1562
01:08:22,181 --> 01:08:23,223
Oh!
1563
01:08:23,808 --> 01:08:24,808
What the fuck?
1564
01:08:24,975 --> 01:08:26,101
Put him out! Put him out!
1565
01:08:26,268 --> 01:08:27,685
- I got this!
- No, no, no!
1566
01:08:29,271 --> 01:08:30,355
That's vodka!
1567
01:08:30,523 --> 01:08:31,773
Are you kidding? Help!
1568
01:08:31,941 --> 01:08:33,108
- I got it!
- No, no, no!
1569
01:08:33,275 --> 01:08:34,526
That's vodka, too!
1570
01:08:35,820 --> 01:08:37,153
Oh, God! (SCREAMS)
1571
01:08:37,530 --> 01:08:39,030
Wait, no! That's polyester!
1572
01:08:39,490 --> 01:08:40,865
(SCREAMING IN PAIN)
1573
01:08:43,160 --> 01:08:46,204
I've got an idea. Everybody, back up!
All right.
1574
01:08:46,914 --> 01:08:47,997
Ouch!
1575
01:08:48,374 --> 01:08:49,374
- Stop!
- (SCREAMING)
1576
01:08:51,210 --> 01:08:53,002
What's with these people?
1577
01:08:54,338 --> 01:08:55,338
I did it!
1578
01:08:55,714 --> 01:08:56,714
- (ALL CHEERING)
- Frank!
1579
01:08:57,883 --> 01:09:00,718
Frank, you saved his life.
1580
01:09:00,928 --> 01:09:05,140
(LAUGHS) Everybody, everything's
gonna be just fine.
1581
01:09:05,641 --> 01:09:07,725
- (ALL SCREAMING)
- I was wrong!
1582
01:09:18,070 --> 01:09:19,529
I'm sorry.
1583
01:09:20,239 --> 01:09:21,322
You were right about me.
1584
01:09:21,490 --> 01:09:24,075
I will sign the divorce papers.
1585
01:09:24,243 --> 01:09:25,702
As long as you print a new copy,
1586
01:09:25,870 --> 01:09:27,912
'cause the ones that you gave me
burned up in the house.
1587
01:09:28,080 --> 01:09:29,581
I fucked everything up.
1588
01:09:29,748 --> 01:09:31,082
I know.
1589
01:09:31,250 --> 01:09:33,418
But we have insurance.
1590
01:09:34,253 --> 01:09:37,505
They don't know that I took
all the furniture and jewelry and stuff.
1591
01:09:37,673 --> 01:09:39,549
- Raina...
- What?
1592
01:09:39,717 --> 01:09:43,052
Are you suggesting that
we commit insurance fraud together?
1593
01:09:43,220 --> 01:09:45,346
What, Frank? I'm just sayin'.
1594
01:09:48,350 --> 01:09:49,767
(CROWD GASPS)
1595
01:09:53,022 --> 01:09:55,523
ALEX: That's one of the most
fucked-up things I've ever heard.
1596
01:09:55,733 --> 01:09:56,733
But,
1597
01:09:57,526 --> 01:09:59,444
you guys kind of did it all for me.
1598
01:09:59,612 --> 01:10:02,238
So, thank you.
1599
01:10:02,406 --> 01:10:03,948
Honey, don't thank us.
1600
01:10:05,075 --> 01:10:08,453
The money's all gone.
You can't go to Bucknell.
1601
01:10:08,621 --> 01:10:10,038
We are so sorry.
1602
01:10:10,206 --> 01:10:11,748
We had it,
1603
01:10:12,374 --> 01:10:15,001
but then Bob Schaeffer took it from us.
1604
01:10:15,169 --> 01:10:16,878
The asshole that took my scholarship?
1605
01:10:18,130 --> 01:10:20,423
If he stole it from us,
why don't we just steal it back?
1606
01:10:20,591 --> 01:10:21,925
- No.
- 'Cause we don't do that anymore.
1607
01:10:22,092 --> 01:10:24,636
Once you go to the dark side,
it gets dark very quickly. Trust me.
1608
01:10:24,803 --> 01:10:26,221
I see fingers everywhere.
1609
01:10:26,388 --> 01:10:27,388
Are you guys serious?
1610
01:10:27,556 --> 01:10:29,641
You've been doing
this insane stuff all summer,
1611
01:10:29,808 --> 01:10:33,061
and now that I have a chance to help,
you just wanna quit?
1612
01:10:33,520 --> 01:10:34,729
OFFICER CHANDLER: Good afternoon, folks.
1613
01:10:34,897 --> 01:10:36,314
SCOTT: Excuse me? Hello?
ALEX: Mom?
1614
01:10:36,482 --> 01:10:38,441
Don't be alarmed.
I'm not here to arrest you.
1615
01:10:38,609 --> 01:10:40,401
What you did was self-defense.
1616
01:10:40,569 --> 01:10:42,153
We are alarmed, you're in our backyard.
1617
01:10:42,321 --> 01:10:43,655
Ignore the badge.
1618
01:10:43,822 --> 01:10:45,281
- Ignore the gun.
- ALL: Oh!
1619
01:10:45,866 --> 01:10:46,866
- Shit!
- Put it down.
1620
01:10:47,034 --> 01:10:48,159
- What are you doing?
- Put that down.
1621
01:10:48,327 --> 01:10:50,954
This is nothing to be afraid of. Here.
1622
01:10:51,163 --> 01:10:52,163
(ALL GASP)
1623
01:10:52,456 --> 01:10:54,374
People being afraid of guns is silly.
1624
01:10:54,541 --> 01:10:55,667
And I'm sick of it.
1625
01:10:56,418 --> 01:10:57,627
Anyway...
1626
01:10:57,795 --> 01:10:59,796
I'm just here to say one thing.
1627
01:11:00,923 --> 01:11:02,632
Fuck Bob Schaeffer.
1628
01:11:02,800 --> 01:11:05,593
He doesn't care about this town.
Here's what we're gonna do.
1629
01:11:06,387 --> 01:11:08,972
You're never gonna believe this, Bob.
1630
01:11:09,139 --> 01:11:10,890
They never shut down the casino.
1631
01:11:11,058 --> 01:11:12,809
They just moved it to another house.
1632
01:11:12,977 --> 01:11:16,479
But I told them if they kept it open,
that I would have them arrested.
1633
01:11:17,523 --> 01:11:19,565
FRANK: There are Smurfs who are taller
1634
01:11:19,817 --> 01:11:21,442
- than Bob Schaeffer.
- (SIGHS)
1635
01:11:21,610 --> 01:11:24,445
He looks like a gremlin
learned how to tie a tie.
1636
01:11:24,613 --> 01:11:26,030
Don't get him wet after midnight.
1637
01:11:26,198 --> 01:11:27,365
Hey, guys! I found the casino!
1638
01:11:27,533 --> 01:11:29,784
GARVEY: For God sakes, I'm short!
1639
01:11:29,994 --> 01:11:30,994
(LAUGHTER)
1640
01:11:31,412 --> 01:11:33,579
(ALL CHEERING)
1641
01:11:34,748 --> 01:11:36,040
They're making fun of you, Bob.
1642
01:11:36,208 --> 01:11:37,750
GARVEY: (IN HIGH VOICE)
Hello, I'm Bob Schaeffer.
1643
01:11:37,918 --> 01:11:40,586
You told them to shut it down.
1644
01:11:41,505 --> 01:11:43,256
Cop car. Now.
1645
01:11:46,135 --> 01:11:48,094
Can't wait to see their faces
when we get there.
1646
01:11:53,976 --> 01:11:55,310
Come on.
1647
01:12:01,483 --> 01:12:03,609
SCOTT: Okay. Yeah, right there.
1648
01:12:03,777 --> 01:12:04,944
Okay, here you go.
1649
01:12:05,112 --> 01:12:06,154
Okay.
1650
01:12:08,532 --> 01:12:09,782
SCOTT: All right.
1651
01:12:09,992 --> 01:12:11,034
What's the combination?
1652
01:12:11,201 --> 01:12:13,453
It's okay, I know.
Um, Officer Chandler told me.
1653
01:12:13,620 --> 01:12:15,163
And right now,
1654
01:12:16,206 --> 01:12:19,000
I completely remember it.
1655
01:12:20,502 --> 01:12:22,003
It's okay, I know, I know, I know.
1656
01:12:22,171 --> 01:12:23,254
Dad, there's no time for this.
1657
01:12:23,422 --> 01:12:24,839
- (THUDDING)
- (SHUSHING) Hide!
1658
01:12:25,007 --> 01:12:26,341
- Hey, how's it going?
- Good.
1659
01:12:26,508 --> 01:12:27,633
I need that by tomorrow.
1660
01:12:27,801 --> 01:12:29,594
All right. No, I'm serious, though.
1661
01:12:29,762 --> 01:12:31,763
All right. Bye.
1662
01:12:31,930 --> 01:12:33,681
Okay, Scott...
1663
01:12:34,099 --> 01:12:36,476
- Honey, I have faith in you, okay?
- Yeah.
1664
01:12:36,643 --> 01:12:40,438
I know that you can remember
four sequential numbers.
1665
01:12:41,315 --> 01:12:43,149
Just think. Just think.
1666
01:12:48,280 --> 01:12:49,906
Squiggly line.
1667
01:12:50,616 --> 01:12:52,450
Is that part of the combination?
1668
01:12:54,578 --> 01:12:56,913
- Poop. Poop emoji?
- POOP: Uh-oh.
1669
01:12:57,081 --> 01:12:58,956
Is that part of it? No.
1670
01:12:59,124 --> 01:13:01,250
I love you so much, Dad.
1671
01:13:01,418 --> 01:13:03,920
I'm gonna miss you next year at college.
1672
01:13:06,215 --> 01:13:08,341
29-52-41-78 pound.
1673
01:13:08,509 --> 01:13:09,509
- Yes!
- I remember!
1674
01:13:09,676 --> 01:13:10,676
You did! Good job!
1675
01:13:10,844 --> 01:13:11,844
I'm gonna miss you, too, sweetie.
1676
01:13:12,429 --> 01:13:13,429
Okay.
1677
01:13:13,889 --> 01:13:15,390
- Good job.
- (SAFE BEEPING)
1678
01:13:17,142 --> 01:13:18,226
(SAFE CLICKS)
1679
01:13:21,688 --> 01:13:22,688
Okay.
1680
01:13:25,025 --> 01:13:26,067
(GASPS)
1681
01:13:27,778 --> 01:13:28,903
(SCOTT GRUNTING)
1682
01:13:29,571 --> 01:13:31,447
Okay. Here we go. Here we go.
1683
01:13:31,615 --> 01:13:32,615
Honey, there's wheels.
1684
01:13:32,783 --> 01:13:33,783
I got it. What?
1685
01:13:33,992 --> 01:13:34,992
- Dad! Dad!
- It's got wheels!
1686
01:13:35,244 --> 01:13:36,702
- You can wheel it.
- It does.
1687
01:13:36,870 --> 01:13:38,579
- Okay, yeah. So much easier.
- Just drag the suitcase.
1688
01:13:38,747 --> 01:13:40,873
- Okay.
- Careful! The floor is slippery.
1689
01:13:41,041 --> 01:13:42,166
Are you meeting with the Johansens?
1690
01:13:42,334 --> 01:13:44,335
I think I saw them come into Town Hall.
1691
01:13:44,503 --> 01:13:46,796
BOB: Dawn, they can't be there.
We're going to arrest them right now.
1692
01:13:46,964 --> 01:13:48,506
DAWN: Well, they're here somewhere.
1693
01:13:51,260 --> 01:13:52,677
Your office door is open.
1694
01:13:52,845 --> 01:13:54,095
Wait, so is the safe.
1695
01:13:54,263 --> 01:13:55,513
What? I'm coming back!
1696
01:13:55,764 --> 01:13:56,764
Go faster, Chandler.
1697
01:13:56,932 --> 01:13:58,307
- I'm driving safely, Bob.
- Punch it!
1698
01:13:58,475 --> 01:13:59,934
Bob, I'm going the speed limit.
1699
01:14:00,102 --> 01:14:01,853
- Punch it, Chandler. Let's go.
- I won't.
1700
01:14:02,020 --> 01:14:03,938
BOB: Back to Town Hall now!
1701
01:14:04,106 --> 01:14:05,106
OFFICER CHANDLER: Stop it!
BOB: You stop it!
1702
01:14:05,315 --> 01:14:06,315
- Stop doing that!
- BOB: No!
1703
01:14:06,608 --> 01:14:08,025
Stop it! Watch out, Chandler!
1704
01:14:09,903 --> 01:14:10,945
(GROANS)
1705
01:14:11,488 --> 01:14:13,239
That's why you don't punch it!
1706
01:14:14,074 --> 01:14:16,117
(GRUNTS) Great, just great!
1707
01:14:17,286 --> 01:14:18,286
(GROANING)
1708
01:14:21,290 --> 01:14:23,708
Fuck you, Bob Schaeffer!
1709
01:14:23,876 --> 01:14:26,836
- You wrecked my car! You pig!
- Stop it.
1710
01:14:27,004 --> 01:14:28,004
Bob!
1711
01:14:28,172 --> 01:14:30,756
- Look what you did!
- Ma'am, we have to exchange information!
1712
01:14:30,966 --> 01:14:33,759
WOMAN: Fuck the police.
1713
01:14:34,887 --> 01:14:35,887
There you go.
1714
01:14:36,054 --> 01:14:37,263
There we go.
1715
01:14:37,514 --> 01:14:38,723
- (YELLS)
- (ALL GASP)
1716
01:14:39,683 --> 01:14:41,142
(ALL PANTING)
1717
01:14:46,732 --> 01:14:47,857
- (GRUNTS)
- (KATE SCREAMS)
1718
01:14:48,817 --> 01:14:49,901
(ALL GROANING)
1719
01:14:54,406 --> 01:14:56,240
(PANTING)
1720
01:14:58,202 --> 01:14:59,243
(YELLS)
1721
01:14:59,953 --> 01:15:01,078
(GRUNTS)
1722
01:15:03,040 --> 01:15:04,040
(KATE YELLS)
1723
01:15:04,291 --> 01:15:05,416
(ALL GROAN)
1724
01:15:06,585 --> 01:15:08,586
Your family fucking sucks!
1725
01:15:09,046 --> 01:15:10,421
(GRUNTING)
1726
01:15:11,215 --> 01:15:12,882
Stupid fucking money bag!
1727
01:15:15,761 --> 01:15:17,094
(YELLS)
1728
01:15:17,304 --> 01:15:19,472
No! Not the model!
1729
01:15:20,265 --> 01:15:21,599
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1730
01:15:22,351 --> 01:15:23,434
(BOB CHUCKLES)
1731
01:15:23,810 --> 01:15:27,355
I handcuffed it to my wrist,
you fucking shithead!
1732
01:15:27,523 --> 01:15:30,900
So, what are you gonna do
about it now, Scott Johansen?
1733
01:15:35,364 --> 01:15:36,781
You're not talking to Scott Johansen.
1734
01:15:36,949 --> 01:15:37,949
What?
1735
01:15:39,535 --> 01:15:40,535
You're talking to...
1736
01:15:40,702 --> 01:15:41,786
No. No.
1737
01:15:41,954 --> 01:15:43,329
- The Butcher.
- No!
1738
01:15:43,872 --> 01:15:44,914
(BOB GASPS)
1739
01:15:46,291 --> 01:15:47,667
(GASPING)
1740
01:15:48,126 --> 01:15:49,835
I thought you were gonna cut off my arm.
1741
01:15:50,003 --> 01:15:52,004
So did I. I'm so glad I didn't do that.
1742
01:15:52,172 --> 01:15:53,464
Oh, God.
1743
01:15:56,218 --> 01:15:57,468
Oh, Chandler, God.
1744
01:15:57,636 --> 01:15:59,428
Chandler, arrest these people, please.
1745
01:15:59,596 --> 01:16:01,264
I don't think so, Bob.
1746
01:16:01,431 --> 01:16:03,182
I like them a lot more than I like you.
1747
01:16:03,433 --> 01:16:05,393
- Hmm.
- BOB: Are you kidding me?
1748
01:16:05,561 --> 01:16:07,520
- So, that's how it's gonna be?
- Yeah.
1749
01:16:07,688 --> 01:16:09,397
Don't touch the fucking money.
1750
01:16:09,565 --> 01:16:10,815
(CHUCKLING) It's fine.
1751
01:16:10,983 --> 01:16:12,441
All I need is my sweet, sweet Dawn.
1752
01:16:12,609 --> 01:16:14,610
Bob, is that all cash
that you stole from them?
1753
01:16:14,987 --> 01:16:15,987
KATE: Yep.
1754
01:16:16,196 --> 01:16:17,530
- Yeah, he did.
- All of it.
1755
01:16:17,781 --> 01:16:18,781
- KATE: Mmm-hmm.
- Come on!
1756
01:16:18,991 --> 01:16:20,157
I took that money for us,
1757
01:16:20,409 --> 01:16:21,701
for our future.
1758
01:16:22,077 --> 01:16:23,369
What future? What are you talking about?
1759
01:16:23,537 --> 01:16:25,162
I wanted you to be my First Lady.
1760
01:16:25,330 --> 01:16:27,206
DAWN: You're never gonna be President.
1761
01:16:27,624 --> 01:16:28,958
You're too short.
1762
01:16:29,209 --> 01:16:30,209
(SUCKS IN BREATH)
1763
01:16:30,460 --> 01:16:31,460
Dawn?
1764
01:16:32,421 --> 01:16:33,963
- What's going on in here?
- DAWN: Joe...
1765
01:16:34,256 --> 01:16:35,798
Oh, my God, the model.
1766
01:16:36,174 --> 01:16:37,508
DAWN: And you know what, Bob?
1767
01:16:37,676 --> 01:16:39,594
I'm already somebody's First Lady.
1768
01:16:39,845 --> 01:16:40,845
No.
1769
01:16:41,013 --> 01:16:42,388
JOE: I'm coming in for a kiss right now.
1770
01:16:42,556 --> 01:16:44,348
- Here I come.
- (BOTH CHUCKLING)
1771
01:16:45,058 --> 01:16:46,058
Mmm.
1772
01:16:46,268 --> 01:16:47,518
(SMACKING)
1773
01:16:48,937 --> 01:16:50,813
Way to go, Joe.
1774
01:16:50,981 --> 01:16:52,898
- Did I get you that necklace?
- What?
1775
01:16:53,567 --> 01:16:54,567
Yep.
1776
01:16:54,735 --> 01:16:57,069
BOB: You know what? All I do is give!
1777
01:16:57,237 --> 01:16:59,030
What about me?
1778
01:16:59,197 --> 01:17:02,116
- What about Bob?
- (ALL LAUGHING)
1779
01:17:02,326 --> 01:17:03,784
What's so funny?
1780
01:17:03,952 --> 01:17:05,786
There's a movie. What About Bob?
1781
01:17:05,954 --> 01:17:07,955
Yeah. Richard Dreyfuss, Bill Murray.
1782
01:17:08,123 --> 01:17:10,708
Am I the only one
who doesn't get Bill Murray?
1783
01:17:10,876 --> 01:17:12,001
- What?
- You're coming off
1784
01:17:12,210 --> 01:17:14,879
- like a real dipshit now.
- You're being a piece of shit, Bob.
1785
01:17:15,088 --> 01:17:16,672
Don't judge me!
1786
01:17:16,840 --> 01:17:18,466
Yeah, I took the money!
1787
01:17:18,634 --> 01:17:20,301
I took the money from the Johansens,
1788
01:17:20,469 --> 01:17:22,178
and I took the money from the town.
1789
01:17:22,346 --> 01:17:23,554
But I deserve it!
1790
01:17:23,722 --> 01:17:25,014
I'm so glad you said that clearly, Bob.
1791
01:17:25,891 --> 01:17:28,100
'Cause we've been recording it
on all of these cameras.
1792
01:17:28,310 --> 01:17:30,061
What? What?
1793
01:17:30,228 --> 01:17:31,896
Oh, God!
1794
01:17:32,606 --> 01:17:33,814
I'm gonna go shoot Bob.
1795
01:17:33,982 --> 01:17:35,149
No, no, no.
1796
01:17:35,317 --> 01:17:37,193
- I'm gonna go arrest Bob.
- KATE: That a boy!
1797
01:17:37,361 --> 01:17:39,904
Anyway, those cameras weren't turned on.
I just said that to freak him out.
1798
01:17:40,072 --> 01:17:41,405
- Are you kidding me?
- That was badass.
1799
01:17:41,573 --> 01:17:42,573
I totally bought that!
1800
01:17:42,866 --> 01:17:44,533
SCOTT: Come on. Let's go, guys.
1801
01:17:58,548 --> 01:18:00,132
- It's okay.
- It's okay.
1802
01:18:01,760 --> 01:18:02,968
You got it.
1803
01:18:05,430 --> 01:18:06,972
I love you guys.
1804
01:18:10,560 --> 01:18:12,436
Thanks for getting me into college.
1805
01:18:18,944 --> 01:18:20,069
KATE: (SIGHS) You okay?
1806
01:18:22,155 --> 01:18:23,197
Yeah.
1807
01:18:23,657 --> 01:18:24,657
Yeah, you?
1808
01:18:24,950 --> 01:18:25,950
KATE: Yeah.
1809
01:18:28,203 --> 01:18:31,288
You know, I thought losing Alex
would feel like losing my best friend.
1810
01:18:31,748 --> 01:18:33,207
Yeah, me, too.
1811
01:18:35,001 --> 01:18:36,961
But it's not.
1812
01:18:38,505 --> 01:18:39,672
Alex is my daughter,
1813
01:18:39,840 --> 01:18:41,507
you're my best friend.
1814
01:18:44,136 --> 01:18:46,387
You're my best friend.
1815
01:18:47,389 --> 01:18:48,389
(SIGHS)
1816
01:18:48,640 --> 01:18:51,726
And you're not just my best friend,
you're the baddest mofo around.
1817
01:18:53,311 --> 01:18:55,271
Whom I fucking love.
1818
01:18:56,398 --> 01:18:57,940
Did you just say "whom"?
1819
01:19:00,026 --> 01:19:02,027
'Cause you're giving me
a straight-up boner, girl.
1820
01:19:02,195 --> 01:19:03,863
- Grammar has always been your thing.
- Yeah.
1821
01:19:04,030 --> 01:19:05,614
Math, not so much.
1822
01:19:05,782 --> 01:19:07,199
I know you.
1823
01:19:08,118 --> 01:19:10,619
I wanna feed you soup when we get old.
1824
01:19:11,997 --> 01:19:13,080
(SIGHS)
1825
01:19:13,790 --> 01:19:16,542
I really hope that I don't die before you.
1826
01:19:18,044 --> 01:19:20,755
Because I don't know
how you're gonna make it without me.
1827
01:19:20,922 --> 01:19:22,173
I know.
1828
01:19:22,799 --> 01:19:24,175
I think about that all the time.
1829
01:19:24,384 --> 01:19:25,384
Okay.
1830
01:19:26,094 --> 01:19:27,219
For another day.
1831
01:19:27,721 --> 01:19:28,929
Okay.
1832
01:19:44,488 --> 01:19:45,529
(SIGHS)
1833
01:19:49,159 --> 01:19:50,534
Excuse me.
1834
01:19:51,828 --> 01:19:52,912
- Excuse me?
- (HORN HONKING)
1835
01:19:53,538 --> 01:19:54,872
You mind pulling up?
1836
01:19:55,040 --> 01:19:56,874
We're just having
a little trouble getting out.
1837
01:19:57,042 --> 01:19:59,752
Where are you gonna go, huh? Soccer moms.
1838
01:20:02,172 --> 01:20:03,172
Hey!
1839
01:20:03,340 --> 01:20:05,299
Wrong couple to fuck with, pal.
1840
01:20:06,218 --> 01:20:07,301
(SCREAMS)
1841
01:20:07,761 --> 01:20:09,011
You're fucking crazy!
1842
01:20:10,472 --> 01:20:12,473
- I'm starving.
- Yeah, me, too.
1843
01:20:13,892 --> 01:20:16,268
God, he was scared shitless, huh?
(CHUCKLES)
1844
01:20:21,024 --> 01:20:22,107
(GIRL SCREAMS)
1845
01:20:33,662 --> 01:20:36,247
I don't mean to freak you out,
but if I don't get my job back...
1846
01:20:39,668 --> 01:20:41,043
Are you jerking off a giant?
1847
01:20:41,211 --> 01:20:42,586
No. (CHUCKLES)
1848
01:20:42,838 --> 01:20:43,838
ANDREW JAY COHEN: Try it again.
1849
01:20:44,005 --> 01:20:47,174
Maybe lean over with your neck,
like it's just snapped.
1850
01:20:47,342 --> 01:20:48,342
Okay.
1851
01:20:48,510 --> 01:20:50,970
I will give you your raise.
1852
01:20:51,137 --> 01:20:53,514
- Okay.
- If you can name one of my kids.
1853
01:20:53,682 --> 01:20:55,349
Varley. Sativa.
1854
01:20:55,517 --> 01:20:56,892
- No, no. I'm sorry.
- Okay. Yeah.
1855
01:20:57,060 --> 01:20:58,060
Sataiva.
1856
01:20:58,228 --> 01:20:59,937
- Campbell. Campbell's Soup?
- Campbell?
1857
01:21:00,105 --> 01:21:02,565
- Khaleesi?
- Khaleesi is not one of my kids' names.
1858
01:21:02,732 --> 01:21:04,066
- Salamander.
- You just said 'em back to me...
1859
01:21:04,234 --> 01:21:05,901
Salamander? No way.
1860
01:21:06,319 --> 01:21:09,154
No Earthly way
is my child named Salamander.
1861
01:21:09,614 --> 01:21:10,739
Like, no fucking way?
1862
01:21:10,907 --> 01:21:12,366
Like, no fucking way.
1863
01:21:12,617 --> 01:21:14,326
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1864
01:21:14,578 --> 01:21:15,828
Let's go downstairs.
1865
01:21:15,996 --> 01:21:18,414
There's some people that the Butcher
needs to talk to on the floor.
1866
01:21:18,582 --> 01:21:20,207
- What are you doing?
- (CREW LAUGHING)
1867
01:21:20,542 --> 01:21:21,834
(ALL LAUGHING)
1868
01:21:22,085 --> 01:21:25,713
I was gonna go here,
and then I realized that I crossed you.
1869
01:21:26,631 --> 01:21:28,340
You know I love y'all, right?
1870
01:21:28,508 --> 01:21:29,842
But you stress me out.
1871
01:21:30,218 --> 01:21:31,385
COHEN: And, cut!
1872
01:21:31,553 --> 01:21:33,470
- All right, you motherfuckers...
- (LAUGHING)
1873
01:21:39,185 --> 01:21:40,185
COHEN: Action!
1874
01:21:40,353 --> 01:21:41,729
What the fuck?
1875
01:21:42,731 --> 01:21:45,441
- Fuck is your problem with you people?
- FRANK: Put him out, put him out!
1876
01:21:46,109 --> 01:21:48,485
- I put it out. Fuck yourself!
- (LAUGHTER)
1877
01:21:48,695 --> 01:21:50,237
Yeah, we're gonna cut your finger off.
1878
01:21:50,405 --> 01:21:51,864
We're gonna cut your dick off.
1879
01:21:52,032 --> 01:21:54,241
I'm gonna take your dick,
I might lick it.
1880
01:21:54,409 --> 01:21:55,451
- Hang on. What?
- In private.
1881
01:21:55,619 --> 01:21:57,286
Wait, what? What do you mean?
1882
01:21:57,454 --> 01:21:58,454
What?
1883
01:21:59,456 --> 01:22:01,040
(LAUGHTER)
1884
01:28:01,734 --> 01:28:02,734
English - SDH