(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
♪ Going down the rabbit hole
♪ Where we're going no one knows
♪ Obstacles 'round every bend
♪ Let's see where the tunnel ends ♪
Water slides, wave pools, perfect weather...
(CHATTERING)
(SIGHS)
(EXCITED MURMUR)
Hello, ladies. After you.
-Me first. -Sheesh...
Come on, Squeaks. Let's go find a place to sit, huh?
(SCREAMING IN EXCITEMENT)
-These two chairs are perfect. -(ALL LAUGHING AND PLAYING)
Me first.
Squeaks, I know I promised you
a fun day at Splash World.
But we need to address the elephant seal
in the room first.
Hey, who do you think you are,
pushin' us into the water,
then stealin' our chairs like that?
I'm Slugsworthy the First.
Like my father before me and his father before him,
Slugsworthys are always first.
These are my chairs 'cause I saw them first.
Uh, just 'cause you saw them first,
doesn't mean they're yours.
Oh, gee, I hadn't realized.
Let me make it up to you.
(CRIES IN ANGUISH)
(SQUEAKS GASPS)
You can go first, Squeaks.
Sorry, gents, but it's my turn.
-What are you talkin'... -I'm a leader, not a follower, rabbit.
Me first. Whee!
(LAUGHS) Whee!
(WHISTLES)
(LAUGHS)
I'm chafing! Now I'm burning!
Now, I'm chafing and burning!
I got first-degree burns.
(SCREAMS)
Wait till I get my... Whoa.
-Babes. Hello, ladies. -(BOTH GASP)
Who wants the honors of rubbing sunscreen
all over this beautiful body?
-BOTH: Ew. -Hey.
Well, their loss. I would've done it first, anyway.
Hmm, where's that sunscreen?
Right here.
(SIZZLING)
(SNIFFS) Hmm.
Is that a coffee-glazed ham?
(SCREAMING)
Man, I was really bacon.
That Slugsworthy is somethin' else, eh, Squeaks?
(SQUEAKING EXCITEDLY)
This is your favorite part of the park?
-Move it. -Look out!
Oh, my God!
(THUDS)
Oh, man. I love water cannons.
(LONG GASP)
A-ha!
(LAUGHING)
Oh, no, I'm so scared of your teeny-tiny squirt gun.
(CHORTLES) Tell you what,
this time, and this time only,
I'll let you go first.
Take your best shot.
Oh, that's convenient.
(BEEPS)
(WHIRRING)
(SPUTTERING)
(GROANS)
(SCREAMING)
(GROANING)
I'm sure his lips are sealed. Get it?
(LAUGHS AND GROANS)
Nobody makes a fool of Slugsworthy the First
without getting my permission first.
(WHIMPERING) Squeaks.
(SQUEAKS CHATTERS)
Huh?
Huh? (GROWLS)
Huh? Huh? Huh?
-Ready, Squeaks? -(CHATTERS)
Yoo-hoo.
(SQUEAKS)
Ha-ha. Now, I got you... Whoa!
This is a bad first.
Let's get 'em, boys!
(ALL GIGGLING)
Oh, no. (SCREAMS)
(SCREAMING)
(ALL LAUGHING AND PLAYING)
Look at that, Squeaks.
I can honestly say that's a first.
(BOTH SIGH)
Welcome, madame.
Ahem, the specials, please.
Just the specials.
Of course. May I recommend the steak, madame?
It has been gently massaged by seven shiatsu masters.
No, I'd eaten that before.
How about a thousand-year-old quail's egg?
With baby field greens grown in zero gravity
-on the international space station? -Eaten it.
Have you had the Harvard-educated unicorn
in 30-karat-gold sauce,
stuffed with crisp thousand dollar bills?
Eaten it! Eaten it! Eaten it!
Query, what haven't I eaten?
-QUERY: Rabbit. -That's what I want.
But, madam, rabbit is the only thing we do not have.
Query, find me the wildest, freshest rabbit in town.
QUERY: Get out of your chair.
-Walk 30 feet to door. -(DOOR OPENS)
(RUSH OF TRAFFIC)
(CAR HORN BLARING)
Turn right on Sixth Avenue.
In 14,577 feet turn left at Albuquerque.
(SALIVATING AND CHATTERING)
(GROANING AND GRUMBLING)
I'm hungry, too, Squeaks.
But without our manners,
we're no better than animals.
There. Now, we can eat.
QUERY: You have arrived.
And you are?
I'm here for the rabbit.
-Sorry, lady, but we're just about to... -(SNIFFING)
-Hey! -(GULPS)
-What do you think you are doing? -(CHOMPING)
Done. Now clear this away and bring me a menu.
(SQUEAKING AND CHATTERING)
If you're looking for a restaurant,
you've come to the wrong place.
QUERY: This is the right place.
Now, look, the only thing left in the world
-that I haven't eaten is rabbit. -(GASPS)
I'm not leaving...
-(GROWLING) -...until I've had all the rabbit I can stand.
-(WHIMPERS) -Why didn't she say so?
If rabbit is what you want,
rabbit you'll get.
But first, a person of your eating expertise
will no doubt require a battery of appetizers
to prepare the palette.
-Huh?-Voila!
Ugh! What is all this?
We have a side of aged cherry yogurt reduction
with a dusting of coffee grounds and sofa crumbs...
-Ugh! -...besides some decomposed cantaloupe rinds
in a ketchup glaze, served
-over a bit of crisp gas station receipts. -(GAGGING)
-Finally, room temperature fat trimmings... -Ugh.
...wrapped in a vinegar-soaked paper towel,
all covered in previously live ants.
(GAGGING)
Bon appetit!
These appetizers aren't fresh at all.
Now, let's have that rabbit,
and I want to see it before it's prepared.
(HOARSELY) I want it fresh.
You won't be disappointed, ma'am.
I personally vouch for the rabbit.
Pleased to meet you, doc.
(KISSES)
Oh. Hello.
What you're getting here is premium Grade A rabbit.
I see a therapist twice a week
and drink nothing but mineral water.
I teach Pilates, and my credit score is 836.
Well, that all sounds exceptional.
Don't worry about me.
I volunteered for this.
It's an honor to serve.
(SOBBING)
But I've only got one favor to ask.
It's my mom, you see. I'm all she's got.
Would you mind checkin' on her now and then?
Of course, it's the least I can do.
You're a real piece of work.
I think I'm ready now.
(BOTH WAILING)
-BUGS: I'm getting warmer. -(GASPS)
-I'm getting warmer. Oh... -(WHIMPERING)
BUGS: That's hot!
(CRYING)
I'm almost done now.
(BOTH GIGGLING)
Here I go!
-Going, going, gone. -No!
-(LAUGHING) -Rabbit, please for...
Oh! This is the worst restaurant I've ever been to.
Where's the manager?
I'm not telling.
Query, where is the...
Uh, Query? Did you see my phone?
-Is this it? -(GROWLS)
Query. Find me the manager of this restaurant.
BUGS: (ON PHONE)Proceed 10 steps.
Open the refrigerator.
(WHISPERING) Nicely done, Squeaks.
The old switcheroo.
BUGS: Eat a jar of mayonnaise.
-Um, this will take me to the manager's office?-Yes.
(GULPS)
Proceed to exit.
In 20 feet, eat a fried pickle.
(CHEWS AND GULPS)
-(GAGGING)-Continue 30 feet to food trucks.
Proceed to drink the grease traps of each truck.
(GULPING)
(GROANING)
Take a spin on the carnival ride.
(GAGGING)
(GAGGING LOUDLY)
(VOMITS)
-(GROANING)-Proceed 30 feet to destination.
Arriving at destination.
(GROANS)
How can I help you, madame?
(GAGGING)
Ah, yes, the rabbit.
We'd like to make this right
by offering you the full rabbit dinner
free of charge.
No, I just... Check, please.
-(THUDS) -Thank you.
-And here's your phone. -(GROANS)
Whenever you're ready, sir.
-Keep the change. -(GASPS) Merci, Monsieur.
Don't mention it, my good man.
After all, without our manners,
we're just animals.
(CLINKING)