[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
[GUNSHOTS]
It's me, Yosemite Sam,
the greatest train robber that ever lived.
And I'm here to rob this fancy new train.
All righty, sir. Have you got a ticket?
Get that dust out of your ears, old timer.
Did you hear me say who I am?
I ain't ridin' this train, I'm robbin' it.
Oh, not this train, fella. This here is a bullet train.
Too fast to rob.
There ain't a train that been invented that I can't rob.
What time's it a-comin'?
Noon.
-High noon, perfect. -[TRAIN BEEPS]
-So, where is it? -It just went by.
"Just went by"?
I didn't see nothing. [GROANS]
-That's the 12:01. -[GROANS]
[BLUBBERING] 12:01? What time's the next one?
-[TRAIN BEEPS] -Ugh!
That's the 12:02.
-[TRAIN BEEPS] -[GROANS]
-That's the 12:03. -Ugh...
[BLUBBERING]
Are there any more?
-Nope. -Phew!
-[GROANS] -[TRAIN BEEPS]
Until the 12:04.
If you wanna go as fast as a bullet train,
you gotta be a bullet.
[TRAIN BEEPS]
There she blows! Yee...
[LOUD BANG]
...haw.
[GRUNTS AND GROANS]
Why are folks still advertising
on billy-boards when you got the Internet?
-Gall darn it! -[TRAIN BEEPS]
[MUMBLING]
This time everything's gonna go...
[GROANS]
Consarn it! [GRUNTS]
Hmm, no good helmet!
[TRAIN BEEPS]
Razzle-frazzle, brick building, no-good...
[CHUCKLES]
[GROANS]
Oh, you, consarn it!
-[SCREAMS] -[TRAIN BEEPS]
Whoa! [GROANS]
Huh-uh.
It's not too late. It's coming back.
Just gotta point the cannon in the other direction.
Whoa! [GROANING]
You sure you don't wanna just buy a ticket?
[GROANS]
[LAUGHS]
If I can't get onboard this here train,
I'll blow it to smithereens.
-[TRAIN HALTS] -[DYNAMITE TICKING]
Huh?
What the...
Oh, you no-good razzle-frazzle...
[GROANS]
-[MUTTERS] -[DYNAMITE EXPLODES]
No-good dynamite...
-[DYNAMITE EXPLODES] -[GRUNTS AND GROANS]
[TRAIN BEEPS]
If at first you don't succeed,
try a rocket-powered motorcycle.
[TRAIN BEEPS]
[ENGINE REVVING]
[BUTTON CLICKS]
[YOSEMITE SAM LAUGHS]
Here she comes now.
[SNIGGERING]
[TRAIN BEEPS]
The old ball and train gag.
[GROANS]
I did not see that... Come on, now!
[GROANS]
I know what I'll do. I'll jump on top of the train.
This will require impeccable timing.
One... two...
No! [GROANS]
No, no, no, no! Ow!
[GROANING]
[TRAIN BEEPS]
[GROANING]
Ow, my biscuits!
[SIGHS] Okay, that was a tad early.
This time, I'll get it just right.
-Hu-ha! -[TRAIN BEEPS]
Yosemite Sam has done it... Ugh!
[GROGGILY] Tunnel.
[THUD]
[GROANS]
[TRAIN BEEPS]
What is happening?
-[TRAIN BEEPS] -[GROANS]
Come on, come on!
[TRAIN BEEPS]
[GRUNTS AND GROANS]
[GROANS] Ooh!
All right, I'll buy my ticket.
And then, I'mma rob it from the inside.
Can you break a 100?
Nope.
Razzle-frazzle! Lousy transportation industry!
[YOSEMITE SAM COUGHS]
-BUGS: Ticket, please? -Here.
Thank you very much, Doc.
[BLUBBERING] You?
You're the one driving this train?
That's right, Doc. Next time you wanna rob me,
I would train first.
Now, let me just stash your belongings.
-[TRAIN BEEPS] -[SCREAMS]
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
[STAMMERS] Thanks for calling.
Porky Pig speaking. How can I help you?
Oh, I'm extremely sorry.
We don't have any openings until after the...
[STAMMERS] ...the 21st.
Yes, that's century.
MAN: Hey, Porky the Pig!
Yes, I'm coming!
[PANTING]
-Yes, sir. -The menu is done.
Everything is perfecto!
The restaurant, she opens in 30 minutes.
So I'm gonna go foraging for mushrooms.
Keep your eyes peeled for deliveries.
And don't mess up the place, huh?
I'm just kidding you.
I know you're a good little piggy.
[MENACINGLY] Aren't you, Piggy?
Aren't you?
All right now, Porky.
No need to be nerv... [STAMMERING]
Just calm down.
-[KNOCK ON DOOR] -[SQUEALS]
VOICE FROM BOX: Help! Help! Let me out! [WHIMPERS]
Gee, now that's fresh.
Thanks, pal.
I almost suffocated in there.
Oh, dear. We couldn't have you suffocate
before we have you for dinner.
Now, that is what I'm talking about, dinner!
Set me up, bub!
I'm starving.
Oh, you're not having dinner. You are dinner, see?
But, they told me I was heading
to a relaxing spa weekend
at an animal sanctuary because I'm so special.
[STAMMERING] No, no, no.
Animal Sanctuary is the name of the restaurant.
-And you're the special. -So that's how it is?
I gotta say, that idea is all wet!
[CHEERS MANICALLY]
[STAMMERS] Come back!
You're the main course.
-Well, I say, "Nuts to that!" -[CHOKING]
How's about a little fiber in your diet? Whoo-hoo!
[EXCLAIMING]
Greetings. Welcome to Animal Sanctuary.
Hey! That podium is not a toy.
-[STAMMERS] Get your own, Duck. -This one's mine.
-[PANTS] All right, now see here. -Honk, honk.
[GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION] Just gimme that!
Who's the pig I gotta grease to get a table around here?
[STAMMERS] Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
I'll seat you immediate...
[STAMMERING] ...promptly.
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] I've been here 15 minutes,
and I have yet to receive a menu.
Oh... [STAMMERS] Sorry, ma'am.
Thank you.
Garcon! There are flies in my soup
My apologies, sir. I...
I ordered crickets, and I didn't even order soup!
Listen here, buckaroo! If you can't fill me up soon,
I'm gonna fill you up with lead.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
[STAMMERS] In a moment, sir.
[ALL SPEAKING TOGETHER]
-Hey there, chuckles! -Huh.
You look like a man who eats alone.
I've got the perfect spot for you.
Here we are. Table for one.
And I assume you won't be needing this chair...
-or this table. -[GRUNTS AND GROANS]
-[SHRIEKS] Ow! -Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
Welcome to the john, ham.
Would you care for some talcum powder?
[INHALES SHARPLY]
-[COUGHS AND GRUNTS] -Maybe some cologne.
Perhaps a mint.
[SCREAMS] Stop! You're not the...
[STAMMERS] You're not the bathroom attendant.
You're the duck we're serving for dinner.
Tsk-tsk-tsk.
I have worked here for eight years
and you don't even know me?
I guess to you, all us ducks look the same.
-Then, where did he go? -I'd try door number one.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Privacy, please!
[STAMMERS] There's no time for privacy.
Where is the rest of him?
Well, now I'm just puzzled.
-You look a little flushed. -Ah...
[EXCLAIMS] It really was me.
[EXCLAIMS]
All right, you! Time to get in the pan!
No, it's time for you to get in the pan.
[EXCLAIMING]
Okay, folks. There's 50 ways to cook a pig.
You can bake it, broil it, grill it, braise it, pickle it, tickle it...
Do as you please with it.
My restaurant, it's trashed!
Porky, you're fired!
[STAMMERS] Fired?
[SOBBING]
Wait, you're the one who wants to make me for dinner?
But, of course, it's called Animal Sanctuary.
It's a nice, quiet place you can come and eat animals.
But now it is ruined!
Brother, you are one hot-blooded chef.
You need to chill out.
Whoo-hoo!
Now, that's what I call Italian ice.
Whoo-hoo!
What are we gonna do now?
What do you say we open up
a vegetarian joint together?
[STAMMERS] You got a... Shake on it.
Well, I guess, that's all, folks.
-Hey, that's my line... -Shh.