[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
Hello, Cabo!
Bell boy, take my luggage to the suite.
I'll be sending my tailor... [GROANS]
This isn't a tropical paradise!
This is Area 51!
That place where the government keeps all kinds of weird experiments,
and... Aliens?
[BEEPING]
Aw, hey there, little shaver.
What's an adorable little guy like you
doing in a place like this?
-[BEEPS] -Oh, you're a Martian?
[BEEPS]
And you crashed here on Earth?
[BEEPS]
Oh, and you want to go home to your parents?
But you can't because they got you locked up here like a prisoner?
Okay, okay, that was an obvious question.
But don't you worry, because I'm going to get you out of here.
Now, let's get you to your ship.
Not so fast, rabbit!
Where do you think you're going with my baby alien?
Gee, Doc, who says this is your alien?
Five-star General Yosemite Sam says so.
And so does this here giant laser gun.
Now, surrender that green thumb sucker.
-Okay, Doc. -[CRIES]
Good gravy, he's crying.
What do I need to do to calm this critter down?
Oh, you're gonna need this, this, this, this,
this, this, all of this...
And that ought to do it, Doc.
Ooh! I done been hornswoggled.
He maybe a five-star general, but he's got a one-star brain.
[ZAPPING]
Yikes!
Huh? Where did they go?
-Ten-hut! -Who are you?
Who am I? I'm a six-star general, you worthless maggot.
[GASPS] Reporting for duty, sir.
Good! General says, "Drop and give me ten."
[STRAINING] One, two...
-Two's enough, two's enough. -[GRUNTS]
Now general says, "Act like a monkey."
[GIBBERING]
General says, "Monkey, make me some waffles."
[GIBBERING]
General says, "Monkey, write me a sonnet."
[GIBBERING]
General says, "Monkey, punch yourself in the face."
[EXCLAIMING]
-General says, "Faster." -[EXCLAIMING]
-General says, "Harder!" -[EXCLAIMING]
-You can stop. -Phew!
-Uh-uh-uh. I didn't say, "General says." -[GASPS]
My bad. [EXCLAIMS]
Nope. You're out of the game.
[GROANS] Oh! Sir, yes, sir.
Oh, gee, I can't believe I have been discharged
by a real life six-star general.
Wait one second...
There ain't no such thing as a six-star general.
Get back here with my baby alien!
Transportation tubes.
This could be our ticket to the spaceship, fella.
A-ha!
-[BEEPS] -[EXCLAIMS]
Nice thinking, kid.
These tubes go all around the base, right?
Let's send him to the rocket testing area.
[YOSEMITE SAM SCREAMS]
To the water filtration pump.
[SPLASHING AND CHOKING]
Then into the pinata factory.
[MARIACHI MUSIC PLAYS]
Cool. Now let's send him to the taffy-pulling machine.
[YOSEMITE SAM EXCLAIMING]
Into the seasickness chamber.
YOSEMITE SAM: Oh! I don't feel so good.
And then to the monster truck rally.
[YOSEMITE SAM GASPS] Not the Truck-a-dontus!
[EXCLAIMS]
Now let's send him to the summer dress rally.
-YOSEMITE SAM: Too tight. -To the nacho room.
YOSEMITE SAM: [SCREAMS] The cheese! It burns!
And into the spectacle spectacular.
YOSEMITE SAM: Oh! This is pretty nice.
Does this dress make me look cheesy?
[GROANS]
Okay, we've had our fun.
Time for us to make our big exit.
[GROWLS]
[EXCLAIMS]
Look! There's your ship!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
We gotta get around those guards.
GUARD 1: So my in-law are coming for the weekend.
Hey! Freeze!
In-laws? More like outlaws. Am I right?
[GUARDS LAUGHING]
Hey, how do you know Tim and Verna?
-[ALL EXCLAIMING -We've got company.
Line up in formation.
[GUARDS STOMPING]
[LASERS ZAPPING]
[BLEEPING]
We got 'em. Let's go!
Freeze, rabbit!
Nobody steals my baby alien. [LAUGHS]
[BEEPING]
[ENERGY CHARGING]
Oh...
[EXCLAIMS]
[GROANS]
Is that all you... [GRUNTS]
Nice move, kid.
Well, I guess this is goodbye.
[BEEPING]
Oh, shoot! We let another alien get away.
The President's gonna kill us!
Oh, gee, fellas, you may have let that one get away,
but it looks like there's another one right over there.
-[MUTTERING] -[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
Works for me.
All these aliens look the same anyhow.
[BEEPS]
There may be intelligent life up there,
but down here not so much.
BAILIFF: All rise!
The Honorable Judge Elmer J. Fudd presiding, okay?
Court to order. Ladies and gentlemen,
I call the case of The State v. Porky Pig.
Are both sides ready?
I say, I say ready, Your Honor.
That's why I am standing here wearing this law suit.
Get it? "Law Suit"? That's a joke, Your Honor.
Why ain't you laughing?
Mr. Pig, where is your attorney?
-I... [STUTTERS] Don't have one, Your Honor. -[DOOR OPENS]
You do now. Daffy Duck, attorney at law.
I would have been here sooner, but I was busy chasing ambulances.
I caught three of them! It's hard when you don't have a car.
Mr. Pig, is this your attorney?
-Uh... -Don't answer that!
Are you even a real attorney?
Of course. I have my license right here.
[STUTTERS] This is a fishing license.
Fish need lawyers too.
All right, Mr. Duck, present your case.
Here's my case, Your Honor.
It's 100% leather, has a combination lock,
and even has a neat little pouch here for your cell phone.
Not that. Your client's case!
I don't think he has a case.
Unless you count his piggy pouch.
Which, by the way, is not a good look for you.
[STUTTERS] Just tell him I didn't do it.
He didn't do it, Your Honor.
-End of story. Case closed. -[GROANS]
[EXCLAIMS]
Why are you waving your arms around like that?
I was making a motion for a mistrial.
This is the motion for a mistrial.
And your motion is denied.
-[GROANS] -Well, I tried.
Looks like you're gonna have to take the stand.
-[SQUEALS] -[WHOOPS]
Porky, do you swear to tell the whole truth,
and not just an itty-bitty little piece of it?
My mother always told me not to swear.
But I guess I can make an exception.
Your Honor, I'd like to introduce exhibit A to the evidence.
Exhibit A, this is evidence. Evidence, meet exhibit A.
Don't be shy. Get in there.
[IMITATING] "Oh, how nice to meet you.
"I usually don't talk to strangers."
"But I like those tight firm corners."
[IN DIFFERENT VOICE] "Well, thank you, little missy.
"You don't look so bad yourself."
"Kiss me now." "Gladly."
[MAKING KISSING SOUNDS]
"Oh! Evidence!"
Enough with the puppet show! Just get on with it.
Okay, Pig. Here, read this paper.
-"I did it." -A-ha!
He confessed. [WHOOPING]
He did it, he did it! [WHOOPING]
Objection, Your Honor.
The defense cannot do the prosecution's job.
Then do it yourself.
I'm tired of doing all the work around here.
Your Honor, I didn't do it.
-[CRASHING] -Well, I think you did.
And I've got some tough questions that are going to make you crack.
How many fingers am I holding up?
-Uh, five. -What's the capital of Kentucky?
[STUTTERS] Uh, Frankfurt.
What baseball player holds the all-time record for stolen bases?
Lou Brock. [STUTTERS] No, no, no. Rickey Henderson.
Oh! Now you're starting to sweat, aren't you, boy?
[STUTTERS] That's because of this down parka you have me wearing.
-Objection! -I agree.
You're clearly badgering the witness.
Oh, no, no, no! It's not that.
This would be badgering the witness.
[GROWLING]
[PORKY SCREAMS]
[GROANS]
No, Your Honor. What I was objecting to was the down jacket.
It could my relative for all I know.
Order! Order in the court.
Just give us a second.
We haven't had a chance to have a look at the menu.
So, what do you think?
Well, uh, the mushroom caps look really good.
Oh, yeah, I've had those. They're great.
I say, do you mind if we order a few things
and, uh, do it tapas-style?
Enough! Counselors, approach the bench.
Now, look you two, I want a good, clean trial
that has lots of legal mumbo jumbo. Got it?
Mumbo jumbo. Got it!
Now, I'd like to file a legal brief at this moment.
I too would like to file a legal brief.
I left my legal boxers at home.
Your Honor, this calls for tort reform.
I agree.
This chocolate torte's getting all over my underwear.
I move for capital punishment!
I'll give you capital punishment!
Frankfurt, this is all your fault.
Go to your room, and don't come out
until you think about what you've done.
That's enough!
Bailiff, throw this duck out of my court room.
Come on, Mr. Duck, let's go.
Hold it right there!
I can see I'm going to have to win this trial all by myself.
-[STUTTERS] What? -Get out of here, Piggins.
Mr. Duck, where were you the night of September 2nd?
I, I have no idea.
Oh, no? You weren't at the mall that day?
Parking in a handicap spot?
[STUTTERS] The lot was full. I had no choice.
No choice, eh? You could have parked across the street.
Or you could have circled the lot until something opened up.
You could have taken public transportation!
[STAMMERS] I...
We all know what you did.
So confess. Confess.
Confess!
All right! I confess. It was the pig!
He made me do it!
[CROWD GASPS]
[CROWD EXCLAIMS]
Justice may be blind, but I just gave her glasses.
Order! Order in the court!
Frankly, I'm torn between the pasta primavera and the butt steak.
Order! Order, I say.
Yeah, you heard him. Order in the court.
No, no, no. I'm the judge here.
Nobody out-gavels Judge Fudd.
And I say, order!
No, I say, order!
-Order! -Order!
[GROANS]
Oh, that does it! This trial is over!
Porky Pig, you are not guilty.
But that duck is incredibly guilty of wasting everyone's time.
Therefore, I'm going to throw the book at you.
[WINCES]
[SPUTTERING] Justice is served.
Speaking of served, is it too late to order pot stickers?