Morning, campers. Just a quick heads-up.
Turns out Nibbles the goat has developed a taste for flesh
after biting a camper's fingers,
but to be fair, that camper had a cheap spray tan
and those fingers looked a lot like carrots.
What if Nibbles comes after me?
My fingers look like little hot dogs.
Oh, I'm sure they don't... Oh, my gosh, they do.
But don't worry. The goat is locked up and thinking about what he's done.
Either that or choosing his next victim.
Regardless, that's a tomorrow problem.
Moving on to our next order of business,
tonight we're trying something a little different.
This evening's campfire is going to be led by our very own
activities director, Parker Preston.
Lou, what an honor and a complete shock!
So you don't know anything about the 45 slips
in the suggestion box saying you should do it?
No, but, wow, sounds like I've got a whole lot of fans out there.
Well, it was written on Parker Preston stationery.
Oh, whatever. It worked!
Lou, I was wondering who you wanted to lead the treasure hunt.
And by that polite question, I mean, it should be me and none of these yahoos.
Um, what Bill is trying to say is that, yes, on the back of the deed to the ranch,
we did find something that looks a lot like a map.
And what Lou is trying to say is...
I actually spoke too soon. Not sure what your angle is yet.
My angle is no treasure hunt.
Everyone knows that buried treasure is a myth, and it's just something
that you see in adventure movies or pirate fiction.
Much like in my self-published novel, Beauty and the Barnacle,
on sale now for $14.99 or best offer.
But the map proves the treasure's real.
And you're just gonna let it sit around collecting dust?
No, I framed it, deed side up, for all of us to admire.
Isn't she a beauty? Proof of Mama's first franchise.
Come on, Lou. Let me hunt for that treasure.
I'm just dying to fill up my hands with that huge Dusty Tush load.
Yeah. I don't think he heard it.
♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka
Hey, Destiny. Have you seen Winnie?
I need her help with something.
She's actually away for the weekend at her cousin's wedding.
She's the flower girl.
Oh. That's cool.
Not really.
I heard her say instead of petals,
she's going to toss crawdads
and just see where the night takes her.
I don't think I'm doing a very good job with her.
Oh, okay. Never mind, then.
Wait. Can I help you with something?
Uh, not really. I need a camper for this.
Why not a counselor?
Because I'm not really supposed to be doing it.
And a counselor would totally tell Lou.
Not true.
Okay, so I may be a counselor by name
and contractual agreement,
and the status on my social media profiles.
But I'm basically one of you guys!
Fine. I want to steal the deed to the camp so I can hunt for the Dusty Tush treasure.
You mean the treasure Lou told you not to go looking for?
I mean... Ooh! Spill all the juicy deets, fellow camper friend.
The Dusty Tush treasure is something my family's been after for decades,
and the map makes me think it might be hidden on this land.
If I put enough holes in this camp, I can find it
and finally be worthy of the Pickett name.
So, what do you say?
I'd say walk me through the "putting holes in Lou's camp" part again.
See? Counselors! They can't turn it off.
First they shut down the treasure hunt.
Then they come after you with the sunscreen.
Wait, you didn't let me finish.
I'd also say I think the treasure hunt
is a fantastic idea, and I totally want to help.
Yay, rule-breaking! And also, yay, sunscreen.
Noah, what are you doing?
Making a seating chart from my grandparents' 50th anniversary.
I planned out every relative who's coming, their food preferences...
That's great.
You're helping me with campfire tonight.
I spent hours making that tiny sweetheart table!
This is my chance to prove to Lou how great of an activities director I can be.
She hasn't trusted me with a lot of stuff yet.
Because you usually mess it up.
Unhelpful.
So I have to put on the most incredible campfire that Kikiwaka has ever seen.
Which can only mean one thing.
Hmm. I don't know.
Dead celebrity holograms make me feel icky inside.
I'm talking about a dance performance. You've got the best moves
of anyone outside of myself and the Canadian postmaster general.
Say what you will about Jean-Jacques' political future,
that guy can cut a rug.
Parker, I'm flattered, but not surprised.
My dance style has been called "inappropriate at a funeral."
I'm thinking we put on a whole production, complete with costumes.
We can do a Western-themed dance and fuse it with hip-hop.
Dude, get outta here!
That's exactly what the funeral director said.
Noah, are you sure you want to put Aunt Sherry
and her ex-husband at the same table? Drama!
There's no time for this.
We are talking about the super-sick dance
we're performing at campfire tonight.
Oh, sweet! I love dancing.
In preschool, I was voted most likely to "bust a move" during nap time.
Well, the more the merrier.
Let's turn this dancing duo into a trio.
I believe you mean three-o.
I was also voted most likely to count on my fingers through adulthood.
I don't think I'm doing a very good job with him.
There she is. The map that's gonna put me on the map.
I've been waiting all morning to use that.
But the ladder's missing.
Oh, well, we tried. Can't win them all. Who's up for a round of lawn bowling?
I'm team bowly-locks.
Don't worry.
I think I got a plan.
I can use the coffee table and a few chairs to create a makeshift tower.
Then I'll use it to climb up to the balcony and grab the deed.
I'm so in.
Can't you tell how excited I am by how high my voice is getting?
Then let's do this.
Why did I do this?
Darn it. I guess we can't get that map without the ladder.
Oh, great. Thanks, Lou.
Sweet insurance deductible! Who did this?
Would you believe
prairie dogs?
I would. They're the vandals of the open range.
Then that is exactly what it was.
Oh, it's on. I'm going to destroy those varmints if it's the last thing I do.
Though I hope the actual last thing I do is ride an ostrich off of a cliff
into a swimming pool filled with watermelon jelly beans.
I had a dream about it once. Now I feel like it's the only way to go.
Nice one, Destiny.
Uh, yeah. Who needs a soul?
All right, before we start planning tonight's show,
let's see what kind of skills we have to work with.
Hey!
North of the border, they call this the poutine pop and lock.
More gravy, please.
Noah, let's see what you got.
Watch out. I'm about to go "Hamlet."
To groove or not to groove.
Just kidding. To groove.
Whoo! Oh.
Jake, blow us away with your ridiculous moves.
Get ready to see something special.
My mom calls this one the "You're doing great, honey. I love you so much."
I feel so alive!
To be fair, you did say "ridiculous moves."
Wow. The actual map to the Dusty Tush treasure.
Everything we need to find that jade is right here.
So where is it?
Not a clue.
This map is just a bunch of weird shapes.
Ah!
Nope, still weird.
Look, there are words.
"Near a mass of gilded bricks,
"this tool will save you from a fix."
My family told me about this.
The map has a series of riddles you have to solve.
Well, if it's word-based puzzles you want, then there's a poetry slam
going on in the mess hall. So...
Let's think. Gilded means golden.
So we need to be looking for a golden bri...
Wait a minute.
Bricks.
These bricks used to be painted gold.
The jade must be somewhere nearby.
Do you know what this means?
That we need to study a topographical map
of the greater Dusty Tush area and be very intentional about where we dig?
No. We need to rip the stuffing out of this lawn before someone stops us.
Okay, yay! This is so much fun.
The treasure's close. I can feel it in my gut.
Nope, must have been indigestion.
What have we done?
Maybe Lou won't notice it?
My beautiful lawn, and I had just painted it.
I mean, the grass was so lovely and real.
Lou, I can explain. It was...
The prairie dogs.
There's a whole army of them now.
I think the one with the silver whiskers is their general.
I should've known traps wouldn't be enough for those suckers.
Wait. Why do you two have shovels?
Uh... We were going to use them to defend the camp.
Excellent idea. Destiny,
you are such a great counselor.
Yes, that is me.
Did she say she paints the lawn?
Jake, I want you to watch our moves and see if you can try to mimic them.
Okay?
All right, Jake. Now your turn.
Nailed that one.
What's next? Do you want me to sing and dance because I've got a voice like butter.
Stop right there!
You multi-talented little superstar, you.
We can only handle one amazing skill at a time.
Aw. You sound just like my mom.
Okay, new tactic.
All right, let's break it down, one move at a time.
Okay? First, the step.
Perfect. Now the slide.
Perfect. Then we finish with a jump and a clap.
Good. Now just string it all together, okay?
Hope you don't mind a little freestyle
because this beast can't be contained by choreo.
What are we gonna do?
I'll let you know what my therapist says.
Dude!
When did that wall get there?
Wait. I just got an idea.
You got an idea off that?
I had so much fun with you on this incredible adventure today.
But you know what they say, if at first you don't succeed, stop and go swimming.
You think I'm quitting that easily?
I have a family name to live up to.
And that name is Pickett.
Not "I give up after only one try..."
...burg.
Bill, you tried your best.
And even though we didn't discover any treasure,
we discovered something just as important.
That I can still be as cool as a camper.
Wait. What about the hay bales in the barn?
Hay is golden in color, and the bales are shaped like bricks.
I wish I could argue with any of that, but I can't.
We've gotta go bust up that barn.
Was Winnie the well-behaved one this whole time?
Now into the sarsaparilla shuffle. Hey!
To the left.
To the right.
Uh-oh! There's a snake in your boot.
Guys, when's my entrance?
Not yet. Wait for the finish.
Okay, now.
Sweet. Awesome rehearsal.
Great job, tumbleweed.
Guys, I don't understand.
When do I dance?
Jake.
This is way better than dancing.
You're the climactic centerpiece of the whole production.
You know, some people say, not dancing is the greatest dancing of all.
Wait...
You guys never wanted me to dance, did you?
I finally see what's going on here.
Sometimes it takes me a while to catch on to things.
Like when I learned that there are no unicorns
because they went extinct over a million years ago.
Oh, my sweet child.
But I can tell when I'm not wanted.
So if you'll excuse me...
Could someone please push me through the door so I can storm off?
Turn to the side.
Thank you.
I think we might have messed up.
I know. If we just dressed him up as a cactus,
he would have slipped right through.
But we also hurt his feelings, yes.
Hey, Bill, you go on ahead.
I'll meet you at the barn.
Okay, But hurry or there won't be any barn left for you to bust.
Oh, there better be!
Lou.
Is everything okay?
Yeah. Why?
I'm assuming this is something to do with the prairie dog problem
that is totally and completely real.
You bet. I'm gonna stay out here all night if I have to,
luring them in with my stuffed friend and the dance of their people.
Okay.
Have you considered that maybe the prairie dogs just left on their own?
Dear sweet, naive Destiny.
The prairie dogs won't just leave on their own. It is I who must end this, now,
keep your eyes peeled and your ears to the ground.
If you hear me let out a prairie dog mating call, stay completely still.
How will I know what that sounds like?
Oh, you'll know.
Okay, Well, I have a full day of thorough and responsible counseling ahead of me.
So ta-ta for now.
Okay. If you see any prairie dogs,
make sure you steer 'em in the direction of the barn.
Nibbles is in there and that meat-eating goat
will tear apart anything - that gets near it. - What?
That is just until Sunday when I donate him to Dusty Tush's children's petting zoo.
Oh, no!
Oh, relax! The kids will wear chain mail. It's all been worked out.
One, two, three, four.
Five, six, seven, eight.
- You're great! - No, you're great.
Let's do this!
Oh, Jake. Um...
Noah and I just wanted to say we're sorry for how things turned out.
Yeah, we never should have made you dress up as a tumbleweed.
Did you want to be a cactus? I think you wanted to be a cactus.
What Noah is trying to say is we should have just let you dance with us.
And we're sorry that you're not anymore.
Oh, I'm dancing tonight.
What?
Whoa...
I'm performing my own dance for the crowd.
One that'll blow yours out of the water.
You mean like...
A dance battle?
That's right.
You guys are gonna get wiped out.
Just like the unicorns.
I think Jake just stole my campfire.
I know! The nerve.
But do you think he'll give me the name of his sequin guy?
I know. I kind of want it, too.
"Near a mass of gilded bricks..." This is it!
Time for me to finally live up to the Pickett name.
Hello? Is someone here?
Bill, we've got to leave right now.
Seriously, Destiny, stop being such a counselor.
No! It's...
Do you feel like we're being watched?
Nibbles. He's here for finger blood.
There, there, nice murder goat.
Bill, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault.
Okay.
Well, that was a little quick.
Destiny.
Maybe you should sacrifice yourself so that I could get away.
You know, since you're a counselor.
Oh. Now it's okay to be a counselor?
I'm not ready to die.
There's so much I haven't seen yet.
Okay, well, that's everything.
Destiny, Bill? I heard Nibbles screaming
and thought a prairie dog massacre was happening without me.
And Mama's not gonna miss that.
Okay, Lou, there never were any prairie dogs.
Wait, then what little demons tore up my great lawn and wrecked my mess hall?
You're looking at them.
Hey, Nibbles.
If you need something to nibble on, try this, you terrifying weirdo.
Well, that's the last time I buy a goat on sale.
So, Destiny, what's going on?
I'm so sorry for lying to you, Lou.
Bill wanted to go on the treasure hunt, and I went along with it.
I was trying to be both a fun camper and a cool counselor.
And I wound up making a mess of both.
Hmm. I get it. I've been there.
You have?
Yeah. I was a camper, then a counselor.
Then a camp director, and then a camp owner.
Each step of the way, the transitions were never easy,
but it's all part of growing up.
Thanks, Lou. It means a lot knowing someone I admire struggled, too.
Aw, I'm glad. But I've spent my whole day chasing phantom prairie dogs,
resodding my lawn and cleaning up the mess hall.
So I'm gonna need you two to drop and give me 50.
Yeah, that's fair.
What was that?
Wait, I know what this is.
"Near a mass of gilded bricks,
"this tool will save you from a fix."
It's a compass made of jade!
The treasure's real? Bill, you were right.
Look, there's another riddle etched onto the back.
There must be more treasure still to find.
This is just like my novel,
Hunky Men Tell No Tales.
It's a very spicy read.
Assemble!
Parker's first campfire, presented by Parker Preston.
Commemorative T-shirts will be available for purchase.
Already regret delegating.
Ladies and gentlemen, I welcome you to a very special campfire.
A dance battle to the death!
To the death? Really?
No. But please hold off on comments.
They're killing the dramatic effect.
Parker, are you sure you want to do this?
We're going to destroy Jake in this thing.
Do you seriously think we could stop him?
Even if we wanted to?
You're right. He's stretching those hammies. He means business.
Let's do this.
This campfire is about to get hot.
I'm not even gonna ask where they got the money for costumes.
Or props, or a lighting concept.
I guess this is what my boys get up to when I'm not around.
You might be holding them back.
You guys are going down.
Hit it!
Oh, you want me to start the music?
Yes, please.
Ooh, I had no idea Jake was a dancer. This is so awesome.
Oh, boy...
Oh, we've got this in the bag.
Yeah. How do we feel about that?
Not good. Not good at all.
That's my little coyote up there. We have to do something.
That's right. And what does Jake always say?
Coyotes flock together.
Let's go, Jake!
- Yeah! - What?
Somebody call a veterinarian 'cause this coyote is sick!
Eh, why not? I've had a day.
All right, campers, what do we think?
Who is the winner of tonight's dance battle?
Jake! Jake! Jake!
Thanks, guys. This was a blast.
And I totally forgive you for copying all my dope moves
and piggybacking on the frenzy I whipped up in the crowd.
Yeah, that's what happened.
Well, I think it's pretty safe to say that your first campfire was a success.
I guess I should start trusting you with more responsibility.
Yes! I have tons of ideas. If we can just get one of those machines
that makes dead celebrity holograms.
Ew, no. Those make me feel icky.
What do you say, Parker? Encore? Let's keep this party going.
No, party's over! Ball up your fists and run!