All right, let's dive into the suggestion box.
The mound of brown is too moundy.
The mound of brown is too brownie.
If you wax the canoes, they'd glide through the water better.
Hey, that's actually a good suggestion.
Also, the food here is trash.
Okay.
Complaining about the food won't make it any better.
I'm only one woman, not the glorious, godly genius that is Guy Fieri.
I think the food here is pretty good.
Thank you, Bill.
It's right up there with my favorite trail meal,
beans cooked in an old cowboy boot.
You really didn't need to elaborate.
Hello. Are you Lou Hockhauser?
If so, I'm Sam. Your 9:15.
[GASPS] Nice to meet you, Sam.
Okay. [LAUGHS]
Firm.
This is Parker, our activities director,
and Bill, one of our campers.
- Hi there. - Pleased to meet you.
Sam is our newest camper
and is also a real life genius.
Charity has her PhD
and is the youngest biotech engineer working in the field to date.
That must have been hard.
Actually, the hardest part
was finding Harvard graduation robes in kid's sizes.
I had to borrow mine from a tiny judge.
I'd love it if you guys would show Sam around camp for me.
Yeah, totally. We can handle that.
Absolutely. So, Sam, what made you decide to come to Kikiwaka Ranch?
Well, I live in Minneapolis,
but I'm Yaqui, and our tribe's homeland encompasses the Southwest.
So I thought it'd be cool to go to camp somewhere around there.
But you heard about Kikiwaka Ranch
and just couldn't stay away from Wyoming?
Oh, no. All my first camp choices in the Southwest are full.
You guys are my safety, safety, safety camp.
Cool, cool.
♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
Destiny, you can't take a nap now.
What are we doing next?
Nothing. Nothing is next.
We just ziplined and canoed and ziplined into a canoe.
Any chance, next, we could zipline into a good book?
I know what somebody needs.
- Sumo wrestling. - A break.
Okay.
I'll go grab the suits.
Whoa.
Where's the fire?
There's a fire? Where's the fire?
I love fire.
It's just an expression. There's no fire.
Not yet.
You okay?
No. Winnie has more energy than a hurricane fighting a tornado,
drinking a latte, apparently in a sumo suit.
Just give her something she can do alone.
For instance, I just give Jake a tennis ball in a bowl of water,
and he entertains himself for days.
It's fascinating to watch.
I don't think that'll work with Winnie.
Then how about music?
We could get her an instrument like a trombone.
[EXCLAIMS] That's a great idea.
I mean, not the trombone part. Obviously.
Hey.
Maybe we could get her a guitar.
I used to love listening to Ava play hers.
I can see if they have one at the music store.
I'm going into town tomorrow.
Destiny. Meet me on the Great Lawn.
I laid down some hot coals to make it more interesting.
Or I could go today.
Yes, please.
Down that way is the city of Dusty Tush.
This trail leads to lake Tush, and that way you can hike up to Mount...
Let me guess. Tush?
No. Mount Derriere.
They decided to get fancy with that one.
So Sam, what made you decide to come to camp in the first place?
Well, I figured since I have a full time job, work with adults,
hang out with adults, help adults with their taxes...
Okay, if your life was any more adult,
I need a permission slip to hear about it.
Exactly.
So it took some vacation time to come here
and try making new friends closer to my own age.
To that end, I've made a list of the most common activities
for forming amicable social bonds.
I don't understand what you're saying,
but let's make you some friends, girl.
Making friends wasn't easy for me when I got here,
but I figured it out and I'd love to help you do the same.
Yes!
What should we do first?
Depends. What do you like to do for fun?
Oh, you know, peer review my colleague's journals,
updating my PC software, the ushe.
And I can see from your faces that's not the ushe.
Uh, it says here you want to play more games.
How about something with a ball?
Perfect.
You guys are really internalizing my mission statement.
BOTH: Thank you?
[SNIFFS]
Suite seven
herbs and spices.
Something smells good.
Wait, am I at the right camp?
Guy Fieri, Is that you?
What smells so good?
My mom sent me my favorite dish.
It's called the Jacobs family surprise.
Well, it looks delicious.
Want some?
It's a recipe that's been passed down through my family for generations.
Mmm.
This is amazing.
I almost forgot food could have taste
and not just relentless, unforgiving texture.
Hey, can we make more of this for, like, the whole camp?
Absolutely. I can't wait to make it.
So how do we make it?
You don't know?
No.
It's a secret family recipe.
You're not trusted with the ingredients until you're an adult.
But when I was a little kid, I did watch my mom make it a bunch of times.
Hmm. Well, then, looks like we're going to figure out this recipe on our own.
Time to put our thinking caps on.
And cover this up.
I'm having such a great hair day.
Okay. I'm gonna have to figure this out on my own.
You... can be there.
Sam, have you ever played tetherball?
No, but I did do a great presentation on fun at my company picnic.
Okay, so I see we're starting at ground zero.
All you do is hit it back and forth.
You start.
Great.
First, I'll match the wind velocity,
then calculate the centrifugal force of the ball.
You know what? We'll start.
- Take that, Preston. - In your face, Pickett.
- You're going down. - Not if you go down first.
Gentlemen, please.
Don't let this weird game come between you.
Oh, we don't mean it.
It's just a fun way to talk to your friends while you're playing a game.
Oh, yes, that's my list, too.
Right here.
Gentle ribbing.
Then, give me your best shot.
How's this?
I am Parker and my smile is so bright, it kind of hurts to look at it.
Ha! Take that.
I will take that That was quite nice.
Too nice. You need to tease him more.
Okay.
Then how about this?
I'm Parker, my bright smile's covering up the existential fear
that my life will be a series of ever escalating failures.
Is that better?
Ouch.
It's a bit of an overcorrection.
You'd fit right into my family reunions.
That is not a guitar.
It's not?
Boom! Gotcha.
Acting.
What happened?
So, there was his mom hanging out at the music store,
and she offered me this set of drums for free.
And I said, I don't know.
And then she said, she'll give me $50 to take them.
And I said, "Okay, I guess."
Then she said, "No, take backs", and ran out the store.
Great deal, right?
Whoa! Why are there drums in the cabin?
There are drums in the cabin?
[EXCLAIMING] What!
Stop it.
We got one for you.
You did? Why?
Um, because...
I am such a great counselor and...
You know what? Let's just skip to the part
where you thank us and I feel like a hero.
Thanks, guys.
This is so nice.
Oh, wow, that is loud.
Oh, well, see you at dinner.
[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING]
Okay. This is basically every ingredient
that could possibly be in Jacob's family surprise.
Will you please stop doing that?
Sorry. No one taught me this game.
I could do this for days.
Okay.
I'm getting hints of garlic.
And notes of chili powder.
And, uh-oh.
What's this?
Peppermint? Huh?
Oh, probably should have spit my gum out first.
Okay, tell me what you think it tastes like.
It tastes like... home.
Okay. That is adorable, but extremely unhelpful.
I know this recipe has to be in my brain somewhere.
Yes, we just need to pull it out.
Uh, Lou. My brains in here.
Bless her heart.
I'm going to hypnotize you to pull the recipe from your memory.
Cool. Where'd you learn hypnosis?
I took an online course. It was a package deal.
I'm also qualified to officiate weddings
and communicate with some dogs.
All right. I'm going to be using this triangle dinner bell.
Since I don't have a pocket watch.
I'm not an old timey train conductor.
Good luck.
My mind is an impenetrable fortress.
You are getting very sleepy.
[SNORES]
Well, that was easy.
Okay, Jake, listen to my voice and follow my commands.
Go back to a time when you were younger
and watched your mom make Jacob's family surprise.
Now open your eyes
and tell me what you see.
Kiki had a nice nap.
Time for yum yums.
Yum yums. Jake, how old are you?
This many?
Uh-oh. I took you too far back.
Uh. What's going on? Are you okay?
Jakey's gonna make a boom boom.
Okay. We don't make boom booms
where we make yum yums.
Let's go.
Jakey's not gonna make it.
You better make it, Jakey.
You.
Is this about the drums?
Yes, it's about the drums.
You basically gave my camper a headache machine.
What if she starts a band one day
and thanks you in her Grammy speech
in a category I was celebrity presenter for
because I finally beat out Robert Pattinson for my first Oscar?
Sorry. Favorite fantasy of mine.
Maybe you're right.
She should join a band.
Hmm.
She agreed with me but the ominous tone was a strange choice.
Oh.
Now I get it.
Winnie, can we see you for a moment?
The drums are in here now.
Well, Noah is dying for a jam session with you.
Cool.
But why can't he just bring his trombone to our cabin?
That's not happening.
I mean, uh, the acoustics are better in here.
[VOCALIZING]
Ooh. That is nice.
I know right. That's why I picked this cabin.
Oh, and I almost forgot the best part.
I saw this in the kitchen and thought nothing completes a jam session
like the shrill clanging of a dinner triangle.
Just something a beloved grandmother of mine used to say.
If you say so.
[CLANGING]
Have fun.
Oh, we will.
So are we gonna jam or what?
Is or what still on the table?
Well, we can remove swimming with my peers from the list.
Did you know your lake water is crawling with microbes?
It's not so bad.
If you don't mind being your own night light.
Okay, what's next on the list?
Pranking.
But that's probably too advanced for me.
I was pretty trash at trash talk.
No way! I'm known for my pranks on cattle drives.
Pranking at camp can be a good icebreaker for making friends.
Oh, and I have a great idea for the perfect camp-friendly prank.
S'more? Thanks.
Wait, no, don't.
Instead of marshmallow, it's filled with mashed potato.
Nice. I usually use lard for this one.
But that won't taste very good.
Oh, I get it!
Tomfoolery.
Great. An unsuspecting prankee.
Go get him, Tiger!
Hello, My name's Sam.
So, what do you think about packing the Supreme Court?
What?
Anyway, I have this extra s'more.
Would you like it?
Sure.
[GASPS] No!
Well, this was weird.
Why didn't you finish the prank?
I lost my nerve.
Maybe need to practice in a controlled environment.
Parker, do you mind if I use you as my test subject?
Sure, prank away.
But remember, you can't tell me when it's coming.
Got it.
So definitely don't be here at 2:30, Mountain Standard time.
I guess there are different kinds of smart.
Okay. Time to help Auntie Lou,
so we can have the yum yums ready for dinner.
Purple.
Yeah. Good job.
Now, you remember the first thing that goes in the pot?
Rabbit sticks.
Oh, you mean carrots? How many carrots.
This many.
Well, that is an absurd amount.
Oh, play time.
All right. We're done here.
Wait.
Where's the triangle?
I know I laid it right here.
Jackey got ouchie!
[CRYING HYSTERICALLY]
Oh, no, no, no. Look at Auntie Lou.
Yay! Whoo.
[CRYING HYSTERICALLY]
Weird. That worked when you were 12.
What are you doing? You can't put those back in here.
Oh, what?
Where am I?
Destiny, I must have been sleep drum moving again.
It's a real condition.
Don't look it up.
Noah.
[SIGHS] Fine, I can't take it anymore.
Maybe it's time we just take them back to the music store.
No, we can't.
Winnie loves these drums.
She'll never forgive us.
Unless we're not the culprits.
But we have to do something.
I'm starting to feel my heartbeat in my eyeballs.
Hey, Sam. Cool chair.
It's a gift to you for helping me.
A rocking chair is a great way to relax
while nothing unexpected happens to you.
This must be her new prank.
There's probably a whoopee cushion under the pad.
Act surprised.
Wow, this looks comfortable.
Too bad I have gas.
Ew. TMI.
No, I thought that... Never mind.
Lemonade?
Oh, lemonade.
I hope this doesn't taste salty.
Good grief.
That's delicious.
Is that rosemary?
I'm glad you approve.
Maybe it's not a prank.
Can it be she actually appreciates you?
Hey, don't say like that.
Balloons.
Wow, She really does appreciate me.
Sam? What's happening?
You just got pranked!
Wait till the gals in the book club hear about this.
This isn't a prank,
this is dangerous!
PARKER: Whoa!
It's fine. I ran a bunch of simulations and he'll land safely.
I accounted for everything.
Wind speed, air density, rate of ascent.
There are no unfactored variables.
Really? Because that looks like a flying-V of unfactored variables.
[BALLOONS POPPING]
[SCREAMS][THUDS]
Parker, are you okay?
Totally. Good prank.
I think I just kissed a goose.
I'm sorry, guys.
I messed up again.
It's okay, Sam.
We can keep trying.
No! I almost seriously injured Parker.
It was stupid of me to come here.
I think I missed my window to be a kid.
I'm never gonna learn how to make friends.
You kissed a goose?
Okay, technically, she kissed me.
Oh, no! What happened to the drums?
What did happen to the drums?
Acting is harder than it looks, isn't it?
Oh! Would you look at that?
There's tufts of weasel fur and visible claw marks.
Just like a real weasel would leave behind.
Oh, no!
Why would they destroy something so beautiful.
Seriously, girl. Just come to one of my weekend workshops.
I know exactly what happened.
You do?
It's all my fault.
I left the bathroom window open.
That must be how the weasels got in.
I'm the reason your amazing gift got destroyed.
It's okay.
I feel terrible.
Yeah, and it's all thanks to those insensitive weasels.
I'm sure if the weasels were here now,
they'll tell you how sorry they were.
It's us, we're the weasels.
I got that.
Okay. You just need to wear this kid leash
until I can find that triangle dinner bell and change you back.
I know it's weird, but someone didn't want to be swaddled.
So here we are.
Jakey go bye-byes.
Okay, this is happening.
Ooh, Jakey wanna play.
No, Jakey, no!
Can't you all see, I am walking a giant toddler here.
[BANGING]
Shiny.
Bad, Jakey! You can't play with axes until you're out of a night-time diaper.
No pointy sticks.
Really, Tyson, do we think this is a good use of our time?
I want it. I want it!
I'm gonna hold my breath until I get it.
And this is why we no longer have an eight and under program.
Ooh, drums.
Rectangle.
[GASPS] Yes! Give me that.
[CLANGS]
Whoa, Lou. I had the craziest dream.
Jake, is that you? How old are you?
This many.
Good enough for me?
Wow. It's like I now have every memory from when I was four.
Will you remember everything? Even the recipe?
Yeah, I remember that, too.
Let's go.
Seriously, Lou. Are you this kind of parent?
Hey, Sam, you okay?
What are you reading?
The canine genome. I'm trying to figure out
what part makes them man's best friend.
Come on, dogs!
What do you know that I don't?
Sam, the scientific method won't help you make friends.
Trust me. I failed science a lot.
And my prom king speech was about rising above that.
Don't worry.
You're smart and nice and super fun.
You're going to make friends. We promise.
How do you know?
Because you've already made two of them.
I did?
Yeah, us.
Wow.
Thanks, guys.
That really means a lot.
Oh, and Bill, your shoe's untied.
Really?
But I'm wearing cowboy boots.
Gotcha.
Perfect execution of a classic.
I've never been prouder.
The ringing in my ears is gone,
but it's been replaced by a huge knot in my stomach.
Me too.
My guilt is tearing up my insides
more than yesterday's muskrat gumbo.
Okay, I just want you all to know
that I plan on making this up to you.
I'll do extra chores for a month
and bring you breakfast in bed.
You don't have to do that.
Hey, hey, hey.
What kind of breakfast we talking here?
All right, That's enough.
I have a confession.
We destroyed the drum set.
Then why did you get it for me in the first place?
To give you something to do by yourself?
Because, honestly, sometimes counseling can be really tiring
and every once in a while, I need a break.
You could've just told me that.
I know. We messed up, and we'll definitely buy you a new drum set.
An even bigger drum set.
Or the same size drum set.
Well, since we're confessing,
I don't really like the drums.
You don't?
No.
Drums have all the noise and explosion
without any the destruction I've come to enjoy.
Hmm. Maybe you're more of a bagpipes girl.
You shut your mouth.
I guess we all should have been honest from the very beginning.
I do love music, though.
I already play guitar.
Just didn't bring mine to camp, but I miss it.
Destiny!
You wanted to get her a guitar in the first place.
Isn't that funny? [CHUCKLING]
Okay, we're not there yet.
That's fine.
I don't want to oversell what you all are about to eat,
but prepare for the greatest meal of your lives.
Oh, man.
Food that looks and smells like food.
It's dinner time, y'all.
Parker, no!
[BELL DINGING]
Pot too heavy for Jakey.
[GROANS]
[CRYING HYSTERICALLY]
Defrosted mound of brown it is.
There goes dinner.
I was really hungry too.
Would you like to maybe go outside and make s'mores?
No mashed potatoes this time, I promise.
[SCOFFS] Nah! Put him in.
Then we have our dinner and dessert at the same time.
I like you.
Someday you'll be on the management track.
Thanks, and you can be my VP of mayhem.
Look at those two new friends.
We did a good job today.
Sure did.
Almost makes it worth it that I can still taste goose.
Everyone grab a spoon and get down here.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]