Listen up, campers. I have some very exciting news to share with you all.
You fixed the holes in the canoes?
Or the holes in our cabin's roof?
Or the holes in the plot of your latest manuscript?
That's right. I read it all.
Hey, you try writing pirate time travel narratives.
They're very tricky.
Going back to what I was saying.
The rodeo is coming to Dusty Tush.
Yes! I love the rodeo.
It's in my blood. My great, great granddad was rodeo royalty.
Did he happen to live in Buckingham Palace?
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
Well, people, not even a pity laugh?
Y'all are going on the list.
Bill Pickett performed in Buffalo Bill's Wild West show.
He was the first black cowboy inducted into the Rodeo Hall of Fame.
Wow, Bill. That's super impressive.
And since families come from all over Wyoming for this,
I want to showcase our camp
with a Kikiwaka ranch float in the rodeo parade.
Um, I can do that.
The gears are already turning.
I've got so many ideas.
Awesome. Keep them to yourself.
I want the kids to design a float, and I just need you to manage the project.
You're the boss, up to you
if you want to keep the sports car in the garage.
I'll work on the float.
Considering the fireworks incident,
I shouldn't show my face in Dusty Tush for a while.
What fireworks incident?
I mean, building flows my dream.
I'll help, too.
And not because I was with Winnie for the fireworks incident
that definitely did not happen.
Nailed it.
Good job, Jake.
Not instilling a lot of confidence.
Now go show those potential sign-ups just how great Kikiwaka campers can be.
And if you have any questions, feel free to float them by me.
[ALL FAKE LAUGHING]
Whatever. I'll take the win.
[ALL LAUGHING]
♪ Kikiwaka Kikiwaka
Hey, look, that's rock Brock Barning...
Aw, good for him.
He got the hook mark off his face.
Bill, I feel like you know everything about rodeos.
Will you show me around?
Sure. Let's start with the cow chip toss.
What's a cow chip?
You'll have a better time if you don't know
- It's cow poo. - Have fun.
Check this out.
Could you imagine the potential sign ups
we could get if Kikiwaka could win this rodeo queen pageant?
I hope you don't expect me to compete.
My pageant days are finished.
Got to get out of the game before the game gets you
I mean we could sign up one of our campers.
This is another opportunity to win over new customers.
Plus, the winner gets a subscription to Tush Valley's Leather of the Month Club.
Oh, look, Juna Spirit.
[GASPS] Just in time for wedding season.
[CHUCKLES] I hope you two aren't thinking about entering this pageant.
The idea that your fake ranch full of greenhorns
would even consider signing up is the funniest thing I ever heard.
And I live in a town called Dusty Tush.
We are gonna sign up one of our campers, and they might even win.
[SCOFFS] Pigs will fly before that happens, which is impossible
since our pig cannon is on the fritz.
I'd love to prove him wrong.
Do you think you could coach one of our campers to win?
Can't risk it. We need a guaranteed victory.
Me and my undefeated pageant record are coming out of retirement.
Really? Part of me isn't sure that's a good idea.
Three words, Lou. Ferret. Leather. Jumpsuit.
That was just the tipping point I needed.
Let's do this.
All right, what ideas do you guys have
for this float that will represent our camp. Hit me.
There's no wrong answers.
- Flaming arrows! - Forced fairies!
- Chain saws! - Happy clouds!
Flaming chain saws.
A mother's love.
Wow, that was a lot of wrong answers.
You don't like my ideas?
That's a shame, because I've been told I don't handle disappointment well.
Which is so disappointing to hear.
It's not that they're bad ideas, Jake.
It's just that mine are better.
And yeah, yours are bad.
Don't worry, we'll use everybody's stuff.
- Everybody's? - Yeah, it's a good idea, right?
"Parker! Parker!"
That's where you two come in.
"Parker! Parker!"
Okay.
I don't know. I don't think we'll have room for Winnie's stuff.
- Why not? - It's a very small float, and mother's love is very big.
- Enough with the mother's love! - Who hurt you, Winnie?
Uh... "Parker! Parker! Parker!"
You know, one of these times, it's gonna catch on.
[ORGAN PLAYING]
Isn't that guy serving chili the same one who won the cow chip toss?
How is he not wearing gloves?
Thank goodness I found you.
You're just the guy who can help me, Joah.
My name is Noah.
Who would have a dumb name like Joah?
It's a very popular name in town.
Listen, I need a replacement for our rodeo announcer,
and you're the only other performer in town.
Well, besides the mime who keeps talking about his invisible box.
Show! Don't tell man.
Rodeo announcer, huh? I've never considered working in an audio only format,
but with a voice as buttery smooth as mine,
I'm your guy.
What happened to the old announcer?
No idea.
One of minute Ernie's eating one of these bowls of chili,
the next I hear him screaming,
"Ah! My insides are on the outside!"
Anywho, be at the rodeo ring in 10.
This is so exciting.
You're going to love calling all the rodeo action.
I know! What is rodeo action?
Roping, steer wrestling, bull riding, bill racing, the usual, you know?
No, I don't know.
Bill, I think I need you in the booth with me.
It'll be rodeo expert, Bill Pickett
and rodeo announcer, Joah Lambert...
Man!
Noah Lambert.
It's in my head now.
We have to figure out how to make all these
float ideas go together, like where should the bear traps be
in relation to the Cotton Candy River.
Said no one ever.
I have a fix.
You can scrap all of Jake's ideas.
No way. The best part of camp isn't the dangers
about how you get to use your imagination.
But there aren't any flying bunnies at camp.
It's abstract surrealism, you plebeian.
Tell Jake he's ruining our flow!
No. Tell Winnie we're not using her stuff.
How about this?
You each get a half. We'll split it right down the middle.
That's what my sister and I had to do when we had to share a helicopter pad.
Yeah, we're not the most relatable family.
- I call the front half. - No, I call the front half.
- Parker! - Parker!
Please don't make me choose.
Oh, I know, we'll flip a coin.
Then everyone can hate the coin.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
I got to get a coin.
Oh, no.
What are you wearing, City slicker?
This is how you dress for a pageant.
I don't care what you think.
I'm a judge.
Okay. Maybe I care what you think.
Good luck, princess.
Here, take this.
Why?
I talked to all the judges, and apparently rodeo pageants
are very different from the pageants that you're used to.
Also, I really think she sets off your dress.
For our first event, the contestants will present their animal.
Let's kick things off with the fairy princess from Kikiwaka Ranch.
What in tarnation are you doing?
I have no idea.
Stand still and answer our question.
Can you tell us about your animal and how the two of you formed a special bond?
Well, my rooster... Chicken.
Uh, my chicken
is my best friend named Destiny Junior,
and we really bond over me not eating her.
This is not going well.
The thing about chickens that is so great is they live on this planet.
That is true.
I never did meet a chicken from outer space.
Yes.
The chickens are part of our ecosystem.
So by taking such good care of my beloved pet,
it's like I'm protecting our delicate environment. Save the planet!
[LOU APPLAUDING]
Looks like the environment just pooped on your party dress.
Also, I think that chicken hates you.
Hello and welcome to the Dusty Tush Rodeo,
sponsored by Rent a Cow, for all your bovine needs.
Rent a Cow.
I'm your announcer, Noah Lambert
and beside me in the booth is my rodeo expert, Bill Pickett.
Say hi, Bill.
Okay. Bill has waved to you.
He'll talk next time.
Since you can only hear us.
Well, we're in for a treat as we kick off the day with bronc riding.
Bill, what's the secret of coming out on top in this event?
Winning.
Bill Pickett, folks, breaking it down to the simple truth
and not caring about the dead air he leaves behind.
What's going on?
Sorry. I'm really nervous.
It's okay. I'll ease you in. We can work through this.
Bill, if you could use one word to describe this event, what would it be?
Uh...
horse?
I kind of fenced you in there. That's on me.
I suppose my unicorn will fit on this half.
It'll come right up to the line.
But if it ends there, the tail will hang on to my side.
Make it smaller.
But then it won't be the size of a real unicorn.
There are no real unicorns.
Whoa! You take that back.
Okay.
Okay. Jake.
Sidebar.
Jake, Jake, Jake, you know I love your ideas more than Winnie's.
Yeah, she said Unicorns weren't real.
Where does she think Rainbow Sherbet comes from?
I know, buddy, but stay with me.
Maybe we should just give Winnie some space because we know how Winnie can be.
She can be a little hotheaded.
Okay.
I'll stick to my side if she... Winnie!
Parker, she moved the tape.
The wind did it.
I'm on it. Winnie, with me?
Winnie, Winnie, Winnie, You know I love your ideas more than Jake's.
Yeah, because I'm giving the people what they want.
A glimpse into their own mortality.
I know, buddy.
But maybe we should just put up with his stuff
because we both know how Jake can be.
He can be a little [IN SING-SONG VOICE] kooky.
[SCOFFS]
That's true.
Fine. Just keep him off my side.
Jacob.
Winona, looking forward to putting aside our differences?
As am I.
Look at those two getting along
because I gave them each a false sense of superiority. [CHUCKLES]
I should write a book.
Come on, can someone give me a heads up on the dress code here?
The judges wouldn't give me any information on the next event.
Also, did you know those two are named Joah?
Okay, for round two,
let's see how quickly our contestants can tack up a horse.
We're using a fake horse
so certain greenhorn contestants don't annoy a real one.
I think he means you guys.
Destiny. Focus.
Maybe there's enough time for me to give you a crash course
on how to put that stuff on a horse.
Up first, Destiny Baker.
Or not. Good look, I'll pray.
When I say "Go," your time begins.
Okay, But can I just...
Go!
[TIMER BEEPS]
[GRUNTS]
[TIMER BEEPS]
No, not again.
How does this horse have more clothes than I do?
All right, I'm calling it.
This is harder to watch
than when the pig cannon misfired.
Judges?
And Roxy Li completes her barrel race in 18.2 seconds.
Bill, is that a good time for this event?
Let's just say Roxy did good.
And remind you, this event is sponsored by Rent A Cow.
"When you want fresh milk but not the commitments."
Rent A Cow.
The next round starts in 15 minutes.
Until then, I'm Noah Lambert, alongside my partner...
[BURPS]
Okay, we're out.
Bill, if you don't want to do this, I understand.
Stage fright is rough.
I assumed. I'm a natural born performer.
It's weird. I've never had stage fright before.
My great great granddad was an amazing showman.
Rodeo was his domain.
I have to do him proud.
Maybe that's it.
You're probably just putting too much pressure on yourself.
Like when I got trapped under that weighted blanket.
But that's a story for another time.
Just gonna go and grab some more orange paint
to finish your pool of lava.
That's actually a lake of lava, you know, just like Lake Tush.
Yep. You really captured the essence of camp.
[JAKE CHUCKLING]
What's so funny?
It's a secret.
Parker hates your ideas.
I'm not good at secrets.
Parker told me he loves my ideas.
Just like he told me we're only doing your ridiculous stuff because you're kooky.
What? But Parker told me we were only letting you
make your nightmare float because you can be so hot-headed.
He said that? Yeah, he may have a point there.
Parker lied and played us.
He's going to pay for this.
We should show him just how well our ideas can work together.
[WINNIE LAUGHS]
[BOTH LAUGHING]
I don't really get why we're laughing.
I want to drop out of the pageant.
I feel it's not good for you,
I feel it's hurting the camp's reputation, and I feel a little queasy.
Do you think it was that chili I ate?
Calm down.
The talent portion will fix everything.
It's in the rodeo ring with our biggest audience yet,
and it's worth 60 percent of the final scores, so I can still win.
Destiny, you can't win them all.
But I have won them all.
Even little Miss Pasta Palace, where I had to drink two gallons of Alfredo sauce.
My tears still tastes like Parmesan.
And... I know the perfect way to impress the judges.
And we've reached the clown part of the summer.
Don't you see?
I'm going to rodeo clown, my way to the crown.
You grew up in a circus clown family.
Rodeo clowns are a whole different thing.
It's very dangerous.
There is no way I'm letting you do that.
How are you going to stop me?
You're tied to the bed with a string of hankies.
What? How?
I'm just that good. [BLOWS WHISTLE]
I got this thing running.
Now we don't have to push the float to town,
which is good because we are much too weak.
Hey, look, this thing is certainly, uh...
finished.
We think you should sit on our unicorn drawn rocket for the parade.
Because you were the one truly responsible for how this all came together.
Wow.
You're saying it really accusingly, but it's still such an honor.
Hop on.
Okay.
Wow, that's a choice.
I think I taste sherbet.
We know you played us against each other
- by calling me kooky. - And me hot-headed!
In my defense, when I said those things,
I assumed you weren't speaking to each other.
Just sit on your rocket and think about what you did.
Destiny? Desti... What the heck?
You made me use all of Winnie and Jake's ridiculous ideas.
I did everything I could to get them to work together
and incorporate all their nonsense,
but apparently campers don't like "being manipulated."
I don't have time for this, Parker.
I have to stop a clown before she gets trampled by a bull
[SARDONICALLY] As one does.
If you ask me, this looks like a poor management problem.
You were supposed to guide the campers.
They clearly had terrible ideas, and you didn't tell them,
and now you look like a dying snowman.
You're right.
I've learned my lesson and will humbly watch you fix this for me.
Winnie, Jake! Lou wants to talk to you.
No time! You have to fix this!
Destiny already has a big head start on me, especially if she took the unicycle.
I really have no clue what her story is all about.
[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
The pageant judges are ready to score Jenny Creighton's roping talent.
And... Ooh, not good![AUDIENCE GROANS]
Bill, have you ever seen someone accidentally hog-tie themselves
like Jenny Creighton did?
Once.
[FAINT NEIGHING]
Oh, you're... you're done?
[CHUCKLES WEAKLY] Ok, well, I hope you share that fun story with us someday.
Our next Rodeo Queen hopeful
is Kikiwaka Ranch's own Destiny Baker,
with her talent of...
[AUDIENCE CHEERING] Rodeo clowning?
Wait a second!
Destiny is dressed like a circus clown, not a rodeo clown!
Hey, folks, Bill Pickett has joined the party!
What's got your fizzy in a tizzy?
Rodeo clowns are highly trained athletes who protect falling cowboys
by distracting angry bulls. And circus clowns...
[DESTINY HONKS HORN] Honk horns!
[STARTING HORN HONKING]
The gate is up and here comes...
[BULL BELLOWS ANGRILY]...a very angry bull!
[AUDIENCE GASPING] Destiny is doomed!
She'll be all right, as long as she doesn't make the bull mad.
[SPRAYING]
Too late! She squirted him with the flower.
That bull is mad!
[BULL BELLOWING]
Has she started yet? She's gonna... Oh, oh. [BULL SNIFFING AND GROWLING]
Destiny attempts to fend off the bull with the rubber chickens,
[RUBBER CHICKEN SQUEAKS]
[BULL BELLOWS AND SNIFF-GROWLING] And the bull is not amused.
Can you blame him? I mean, we're all kind of past prop comedy at this point, right?
Close-up magic is where it's at.
Destiny, run!
Destiny is now running for the gate,
and appears to be tossing confetti behind her for some reason.
I'm very familiar with this tactic, Bill.
It's called irrational panic.
Destiny is nearly to the gate!
She's going to make it! She's going to make it!
[PANTING]
I'm not gonna make it.
[BULL BELLOWS ANGRILY]
[DESTINY SCREAMS]
Don't worry, Destiny!
I'm coming! Where are one of those tiny clown cars when you need it?
Whoo! It looks like some real rodeo clowns are entering the ring to corral the bull!
So I'm going to take a short break.
I'm your rodeo expert, Bill Pickett.
And I'm Noah Lambert, your announcer and very proud counselor!
Signing off.
[CLICKS]
Bill! That was amazing.
I was so worried about Destiny,
I couldn't think of anything else.
See, once you got out of your head
about the Pickett legacy and being a rodeo legend,
you're finally able to captivate the audience,
just like your great-great grandfather.
I don't think I'm there yet.
But maybe I'm on my way.
Hey, do you guys think you could help me carry Destiny back to camp?
Making her ride that unicycle home just seems kind of cruel.
I'm sorry, I embarrassed the camp today.
I really made a fool of myself and not in the good clown way.
Destiny, what's important is that when you failed, that you learn from it,
and you should have learned a lot because, boy, did you fail!
Yeah, I learned some things.
I should have researched
Dusty Tush traditions before competing for Rodeo Queen.
And pageants make me way too competitive.
I guess I'm going out a loser.
[SNIFFS]
Why do I smell Parmesan?
[TEARING UP] Sorry. That's me.
Cheer up! You've won plenty.
And I'm glad you took something from this, even if it's not a crown.
Knock, knock! Here's your crown!
BOTH: What?
You're our new rodeo queen.
We gave you top marks for the talent portion.
You know you greenhorns are made of sterner stuff
than we gave you credit for.
Plus, watching you get tossed around by that bull was a real hoot!
But, Destiny was just learning a valuable lesson about losing!
Destiny Baker is still undefeated!
Ow!
Hey, guys.
I'm sorry I manipulated you.
I wasn't honest with you,
and we ended up with a hideous float.
That makes my eyeballs burn when I think about it.
That might also be because the shaving cream was menthol.
That's the smell!
We need to scrap that train wreck
of a float you made and start a whole new design.
We were actually just about to start brainstorming some new ideas,
and I will be vetoing the stinky ones.
Leadership!
Great, I just have one suggestion for who should ride on the float.
Yes, Lou, I accept.
- Not you. - Had to try.
[ALL CHEERING]
BILL: Coming up next on the parade,
is the Elementary School Cowboy Club.
The Little Tushies!
The Little Tushies are sponsored by
"Rent-A-Cow", because come on already!
Just rent a cow!
BILL: Here we have Sassy!
The lovable mascot for Main Street's Armadilla Sarsaparilla Shop.
Fun fact, our announcer Noah was the first person to ever don the Sassy costume.
That's true Bill. Another fun fact, it's impossible to breathe in.
And I'm very pleased to introduce this next float, which comes
from our very own Kikiwaka Ranch.[AUDIENCE CLAPPING]
This float was designed by actual campers.
And features this year's Rodeo Queen, Destiny Baker.
Fun fact about Destiny Baker...
For anyone needing more information about Kikiwaka Ranch,
please contact Lou Hockhauser at 877-7...
Sorry, but you have to pay to advertise.
It just wouldn't be fair to businesses like Rent-A-Cow.
Rent-A-Cow!
Now offering goats!
[CHICKEN CLUCKING]
I am so retired from pageants.