1
00:00:09,866 --> 00:00:13,166
You heard a couple
nut sacks talkin' about
hockey the other day...

2
00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:15,100
This kid.
Kid is a fuckin' stud.

3
00:00:15,133 --> 00:00:17,266
Kid's a fuckin' beauty.
Fuckin' look at this kid.

4
00:00:17,300 --> 00:00:18,333
Fuckin' love this kid.

5
00:00:18,366 --> 00:00:20,433
Kid lights lamp.
Hashtag lamp life.

6
00:00:20,466 --> 00:00:21,466
Eat, sleep, lamp.

7
00:00:21,500 --> 00:00:23,333
Don't give him too much space,
buddy. He'll dangle.

8
00:00:23,366 --> 00:00:25,266
He'll dangle all the fuckin'
way to outer space.

9
00:00:25,300 --> 00:00:27,166
Suck some Martian
titties up there, boys.

10
00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:29,700
Just getting super sloppy
all over our space dinks.

11
00:00:29,733 --> 00:00:31,300
Silky mittens, top
tittens. Ferda boys.

12
00:00:31,333 --> 00:00:32,466
Ferda!

13
00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:33,466
Ferda!

14
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:36,100
Big roadie to the big city
this weekend, Schmelt.

15
00:00:36,133 --> 00:00:37,266
Do you know
what that means?

16
00:00:37,300 --> 00:00:38,300
Um...

17
00:00:38,333 --> 00:00:39,400
Suckin' city titty, idiot.

18
00:00:39,433 --> 00:00:41,133
Suckin' all that
big city titty, idiot.

19
00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:42,666
All up that big
city slam piece.

20
00:00:42,700 --> 00:00:44,366
Big city slams, idiot.

21
00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:47,133
Big city billet moms.
Big city billet sisters.

22
00:00:47,166 --> 00:00:48,366
Let's get our dinks
sucked on, boys.

23
00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:49,400
Yes.

24
00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:52,800
Hey, how's school going,
Schmelt?

25
00:00:52,833 --> 00:00:55,166
It's going...
Just kidding.
We don't give a fuck.

26
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:56,533
Get our pops, Schmelt.

27
00:00:56,566 --> 00:00:58,466
Big city slams, Schmelt.

28
00:01:00,566 --> 00:01:03,433
(IMITATING AIR HORN)

29
00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:21,266
How are ya now?
Not so bad.

30
00:01:21,300 --> 00:01:22,300
Good and you?

31
00:01:23,266 --> 00:01:25,166
Not too bad.

32
00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:27,566
Have you shit yourself?
You look like you've got
an awkward boner.

33
00:01:29,233 --> 00:01:30,766
Don't.
Don't what?

34
00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:32,433
Dan?

35
00:01:32,466 --> 00:01:34,233
Did you know that Daryl used
to get boners every morning

36
00:01:34,266 --> 00:01:35,566
in grade nine during
O Canada?

37
00:01:36,166 --> 00:01:38,066
No shit.

38
00:01:38,100 --> 00:01:39,266
Yep. Just

39
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:42,033
could not get through O Canada
without getting a boner.

40
00:01:42,066 --> 00:01:44,800
Give a young man 30
idle seconds and he's
gonna get a boner.

41
00:01:44,833 --> 00:01:46,366
We talked about this.

42
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:48,300
Is there something you
want to talk about now?

43
00:01:52,566 --> 00:01:55,033
Well, pitter patter,
let's get at 'er.

44
00:01:57,766 --> 00:02:00,633
Well, I was wondering
if this year we could
skip the birthday party?

45
00:02:00,666 --> 00:02:03,300
Skip your super soft birthday
party? Are you fuckin' high?

46
00:02:03,333 --> 00:02:04,366
Hard no.

47
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:06,500
DAN: Daryl's super
soft birthday party?

48
00:02:06,533 --> 00:02:10,233
Every year, Daryl's mom used
to throw him these birthday
parties when he was a kid.

49
00:02:10,266 --> 00:02:12,266
Softest birthday party
on planet Earth.

50
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:14,766
Boy band karaoke, cupcake
decoration station,

51
00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:16,100
charcuterie.

52
00:02:16,133 --> 00:02:20,233
One year, his mom had him
a "Make the world a
better place" party.

53
00:02:20,266 --> 00:02:22,500
One year they dressed
a horse up like a unicorn

54
00:02:22,533 --> 00:02:24,366
and he was never really
the same after that.

55
00:02:24,733 --> 00:02:25,766
It's not funny.

56
00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:28,100
I used to take a lot of
teasing in school for those.

57
00:02:28,133 --> 00:02:30,633
Aw, should I get
you a tissue, Sally?

58
00:02:30,666 --> 00:02:32,733
No, he'll have
one in his purse.

59
00:02:32,766 --> 00:02:34,633
Or maybe his clutch.

60
00:02:34,666 --> 00:02:37,133
Party's happening, Daryl.
You don't fuck with tradition.

61
00:02:41,733 --> 00:02:44,066
DAN: So. The agenda.

62
00:02:44,100 --> 00:02:47,233
After your dust up over
the weekend, safe to assume
you're fighting again?

63
00:02:47,266 --> 00:02:49,500
Co‐rect.
Ten‐four, good buddy.

64
00:02:49,533 --> 00:02:52,266
Well, it's gonna be a busy
week 'cause there's a few
guys walking around town

65
00:02:52,300 --> 00:02:54,300
claiming to be
the toughest guys
in Letterkenny.

66
00:02:54,333 --> 00:02:56,166
I'm the toughest
guy in Letterkenny.

67
00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:59,333
You were the toughest
guy in Letterkenny.
It's been some time.

68
00:02:59,366 --> 00:03:03,100
Now, it's safe to assume that
that title is as important to
you now as it was then?

69
00:03:03,133 --> 00:03:04,700
Does a duck with a
boner drag weeds?

70
00:03:04,733 --> 00:03:06,266
Ten‐four, good buddy!

71
00:03:06,300 --> 00:03:09,500
Then it's safe to assume
that the challengers will
be coming up around the farm,

72
00:03:09,533 --> 00:03:11,700
as that is how you've
conducted business
in the past.

73
00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:13,566
Well, I was never
one for an audience.

74
00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:15,700
All right, let's talk
about the challengers.

75
00:03:15,733 --> 00:03:17,566
First up,
we've got Sled Ted.

76
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:18,533
Why's he called Sled Ted?

77
00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:22,300
Well, he likes fixin' sleds,
and ridin' sleds,

78
00:03:22,333 --> 00:03:24,366
and talkin' about sleds.

79
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:26,233
He just really
likes sleddin', boys.

80
00:03:26,266 --> 00:03:29,133
Uh, he beat up a
guy named Basic Jay.

81
00:03:29,166 --> 00:03:30,233
Why's he called Basic Jay?

82
00:03:30,266 --> 00:03:32,033
'Cause he's a fuckin' basic.

83
00:03:32,066 --> 00:03:34,366
DAN: And now he thinks
he's the toughest guy
in Letterkenny.

84
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:36,633
After that,
we got Rat Ass.

85
00:03:36,666 --> 00:03:37,800
Why's he called Rat Ass?

86
00:03:37,833 --> 00:03:40,400
'Cause he's got a
hairy ass like a rat.

87
00:03:41,100 --> 00:03:42,200
Can confirm.

88
00:03:45,133 --> 00:03:46,600
He beat up a guy
named Brains.

89
00:03:46,633 --> 00:03:48,733
See, his name's Brian
but he spelt it Brain

90
00:03:48,766 --> 00:03:51,166
in the computer at bowling
one time. It just kinda stuck.

91
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:54,033
DAN: Now he thinks he's the
toughest guy in Letterkenny.

92
00:03:54,066 --> 00:03:56,366
And after that,
we got Joint Boy.

93
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:59,000
Because he smokes
lots of joints, Dairy.

94
00:04:02,066 --> 00:04:04,433
Well, just plucking
the low hanging fruit
is what that is.

95
00:04:04,466 --> 00:04:07,766
I've seen that guy take
on four bouncers at
the rippers one time.

96
00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:09,566
He is otherworldly.

97
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:12,433
Got a dome on him like
an Easter Island statue.

98
00:04:12,466 --> 00:04:13,566
Is he single?

99
00:04:14,533 --> 00:04:16,333
Not that it matters,
I guess.

100
00:04:16,366 --> 00:04:21,133
Look, keep it at the
end of the lane way.
No degens on the property.

101
00:04:21,166 --> 00:04:23,666
That's a Texas size 10‐4.
Over and out.

102
00:04:30,133 --> 00:04:31,633
Well, this is annoying.

103
00:04:31,666 --> 00:04:34,400
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING
ON CAR RADIO)

104
00:04:34,433 --> 00:04:37,166
The fuck are they
doin' out there?
They're scared of you.

105
00:04:38,666 --> 00:04:39,766
(SIGHS)

106
00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:46,666
This snipe is
a fuckin' sniper.

107
00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:49,333
Snipe's a fuckin' beauty.
Fuckin' look at this snipe.

108
00:04:49,366 --> 00:04:51,500
Fuckin' love this snipe.
We're snipe selling, boys.

109
00:04:51,533 --> 00:04:53,500
Dirty fucking
dangles, boys.

110
00:04:53,533 --> 00:04:56,433
You're a sniper.
You're a snipe.

111
00:04:56,466 --> 00:04:58,266
You're a skirt,
you pansy.

112
00:04:58,300 --> 00:05:01,500
If you make me walk up
the lane way again,
we're having babies.

113
00:05:01,533 --> 00:05:03,433
Put it out! Put it
out! Put it out!
Fuck!

114
00:05:03,466 --> 00:05:05,200
Fuck!

115
00:05:05,233 --> 00:05:07,200
Those boys need
to give their
balls a tug.

116
00:05:07,233 --> 00:05:09,766
Maybe, check, make
sure they're still
attached right quick.

117
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:12,500
I'd rather put a mirror down
there and see what's what.

118
00:05:12,533 --> 00:05:13,700
One time,
my cousin...

119
00:05:13,733 --> 00:05:16,500
He tore open his
ball sack trying to
do a skateboard trick

120
00:05:16,533 --> 00:05:18,533
and he had to show
it to his mum.

121
00:05:18,566 --> 00:05:20,466
Was it his scrotal sack?

122
00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:24,066
Well, you know. That dangly
piece of flesh, what hangs
down behind the penis.

123
00:05:24,100 --> 00:05:25,700
Scrotal sack.
The nut sack.

124
00:05:25,733 --> 00:05:28,433
So, he tore his ball
sack open trying to do
a skateboard trick

125
00:05:28,466 --> 00:05:31,766
and he's gots to show it to
his mum because apparently one
of his testicles was showing.

126
00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:34,100
Was it the right one
or the left one?

127
00:05:34,133 --> 00:05:35,633
Why is that
of importance?

128
00:05:35,666 --> 00:05:37,500
Well, because the left
one has more sperm in it.

129
00:05:37,533 --> 00:05:39,000
Spermatozoa is
what it's called.

130
00:05:39,033 --> 00:05:42,200
Tell you what, if I ripped
open my ball sack trying to
do a skateboard trick,

131
00:05:42,233 --> 00:05:43,866
I'd be more worried about
seeing my vas deferens.

132
00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:47,633
Well, you'd have to tear your
ball sack pretty near wide
open doing a skateboard trick

133
00:05:47,666 --> 00:05:49,566
if you wanted to see
your own vas deferens.

134
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,233
I'm not sure I wanna
see my own vas deferens

135
00:05:52,266 --> 00:05:53,766
I think if I saw my
own vas deferens,

136
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,300
I'd be quite worried.

137
00:05:55,333 --> 00:05:59,300
I'd be most worried if I tore
my ball sack open trying to do
a skateboard trick

138
00:05:59,333 --> 00:06:01,566
if I could see my
accessory glands.

139
00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:05,366
Well, you don't want to go
too kooky with accessories
on your truck.

140
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:07,500
Or your jeep. It's okay
with like, a quad, though,

141
00:06:07,533 --> 00:06:11,200
like my buddy Big T's got
a snorkel kit on his and
that's pretty punk rock.

142
00:06:11,233 --> 00:06:12,566
What's an
accessory gland?

143
00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:15,233
Well, if your vas deferens
is your sperm ducts,

144
00:06:15,266 --> 00:06:18,666
the accessory glands is
what supplies lubricant
to the sperm duct.

145
00:06:18,700 --> 00:06:21,566
I think if I ripped open
my ball sack trying to do
a skateboard trick,

146
00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:24,066
I'd be most worried about
seeing my seminal vesicles.

147
00:06:24,100 --> 00:06:26,366
Oh, like the Florida
State seminal vesicles?

148
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,766
Like the sack that hangs
behind your vas deferens

149
00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:30,300
and contains fructose

150
00:06:30,333 --> 00:06:31,833
which is energy
for the sperm.

151
00:06:31,866 --> 00:06:34,600
Yeah, it's like when you
go in the city there and
they got them charge stations

152
00:06:34,633 --> 00:06:37,333
for the people that
drive the electric cars.

153
00:06:37,366 --> 00:06:39,633
That's pretty much
your seminal vesticles.

154
00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,233
I thought it was pretty
funny when I said

155
00:06:44,266 --> 00:06:47,000
Florida State seminal vesicles
and nobody laughed.

156
00:06:57,133 --> 00:06:58,566
(PHONE RINGING)

157
00:07:07,300 --> 00:07:09,066
Hello.

158
00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:10,733
Okay.

159
00:07:10,766 --> 00:07:13,300
End of the lane way.
Don't come up the property.

160
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:14,433
Good.

161
00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:23,366
Sled Ted's here.

162
00:08:45,166 --> 00:08:47,133
(MUSIC PLAYING)

163
00:09:22,433 --> 00:09:25,633
Geez, Basic Jay must
have been a shit fighter
to lose to that ass‐hat.

164
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:28,366
I've known Basic Jay
to be a pretty tough dude.

165
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,566
He's not really
a fuckin' basic.

166
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:32,266
Guess he could
have had a cold.

167
00:09:32,300 --> 00:09:33,700
Or the flu.

168
00:09:33,733 --> 00:09:35,366
Sled Ted had Bigfoot hands.

169
00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:37,100
Yeah, he's a big grimy brute.

170
00:09:37,133 --> 00:09:38,366
Shit fighter, though.

171
00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:40,733
Do you guys remember
the fragrance Brut?

172
00:09:40,766 --> 00:09:42,266
Or Actif Brut?

173
00:09:42,300 --> 00:09:43,733
Yeah.
Yeah, they still
make that.

174
00:09:43,766 --> 00:09:45,233
I always enjoyed
that fragrance.

175
00:09:45,266 --> 00:09:47,600
You can use it to
dry up zits too.

176
00:09:47,633 --> 00:09:51,400
Did you know you can use
shaving cream to get permanent
marker off your hands?

177
00:09:51,433 --> 00:09:53,366
Why wouldn't you
just dip your hands
in the parts cleaner?

178
00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:55,033
Well, most people don't
have a parts cleaner.

179
00:09:56,333 --> 00:09:58,366
Well, most likely Rat Ass
will be your next dude.

180
00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:01,200
I hear that he is a greaser.

181
00:10:01,233 --> 00:10:02,333
Can confirm.

182
00:10:02,366 --> 00:10:04,633
So fuckin' greasy
I almost don't want to.

183
00:10:04,666 --> 00:10:08,533
I saw him with his shirt off,
swimming at the gravel pit
not that long ago.

184
00:10:09,500 --> 00:10:11,500
His back acne
was extraordinary.

185
00:10:14,233 --> 00:10:16,166
Well, like,
extraordinary how?

186
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,733
Well, like, I thought
about it for a while
after is all.

187
00:10:18,766 --> 00:10:21,566
Well, elaborate,
'cause I'm likely
gonna have to touch it.

188
00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:24,100
Well, like how
it was cultivated.

189
00:10:25,133 --> 00:10:27,233
WAYNE: Well, by not
showering likely.

190
00:10:27,266 --> 00:10:29,300
Likely.

191
00:10:29,333 --> 00:10:31,733
Did you know that men
can wear the fragrance
CK ONE as well as women?

192
00:10:31,766 --> 00:10:33,066
Yeah.
DAN: Yeah.

193
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:34,733
That's 'cause it's
an unisex fragrance.

194
00:10:34,766 --> 00:10:37,100
It says that right
on the bottle.

195
00:10:37,133 --> 00:10:38,600
But would ya?
Oh, negative.

196
00:10:38,633 --> 00:10:39,633
Me neither.

197
00:10:41,366 --> 00:10:42,366
Would you wear
Gap Dream?

198
00:10:45,333 --> 00:10:46,766
DAN: No!

199
00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:48,733
No, no, Dairy,
that's for girls.

200
00:10:48,766 --> 00:10:49,766
Dairy, that's for girls.

201
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:52,800
You can't walk around
smelling like pretty girls.

202
00:10:52,833 --> 00:10:54,766
You're not wearing
it right now, are you?

203
00:10:56,466 --> 00:10:59,233
Cologne is too expensive.
I just use sunscreen.
Banana Boat.

204
00:11:02,233 --> 00:11:04,666
Let's get into some of those
fuckin' all dressed chips.

205
00:11:08,733 --> 00:11:10,666
WAYNE: Jesus, Katy,
put some fuckin' clothes on.

206
00:11:10,700 --> 00:11:12,566
Not my forte.
Unfortunate.

207
00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:15,333
Hey, neighbor said
he's not gonna give
us a horse this year.

208
00:11:15,366 --> 00:11:16,900
What?

209
00:11:16,933 --> 00:11:19,333
Well, he said that last year
we returned him and his
breath smelled like alcohol.

210
00:11:19,366 --> 00:11:22,466
Well, it was probably mine.
You could have lit my breath
on fire the next day.

211
00:11:22,500 --> 00:11:24,033
Horse was
half cut though.

212
00:11:24,066 --> 00:11:26,066
He said that he's gonna
give us a donkey.
Nope.

213
00:11:26,500 --> 00:11:27,500
Might be funny.

214
00:11:27,533 --> 00:11:29,600
Gotta be a horse.
You don't fuck
with tradition.

215
00:11:29,633 --> 00:11:32,200
You're really gonna pump
the brakes on a donkey
dressed up like a unicorn?

216
00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:33,366
Oh, I'm stompin'
the brakes.

217
00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:35,533
You put that idea
right through the
fuckin' windshield.

218
00:11:35,566 --> 00:11:38,333
But it's a donkey dressed
up like a unicorn.
Katy!

219
00:11:38,366 --> 00:11:41,566
Well, it's better than
a kick in the pants.

220
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:44,366
Do you want this to
be the softest birthday
party ever or not?

221
00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:46,466
I want this just
as much as you do.

222
00:11:46,500 --> 00:11:48,433
Well, then find
us a horse.

223
00:11:48,466 --> 00:11:51,066
Please and thank you.
And don't stay out in the
sun too long.

224
00:11:51,100 --> 00:11:52,366
Your skin will
look like an old saddle bag.

225
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:53,500
Yeah.

226
00:11:54,766 --> 00:11:56,500
(PHONE RINGING)

227
00:12:05,133 --> 00:12:06,500
Hello.

228
00:12:06,533 --> 00:12:07,766
Okay.

229
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:10,466
End of the lane way.
Don't come up the property.

230
00:12:10,500 --> 00:12:11,500
Good.

231
00:12:20,533 --> 00:12:21,633
Rat Ass is here.

232
00:12:53,666 --> 00:12:54,666
Keep it standing.

233
00:12:55,433 --> 00:12:57,000
This goes to the
ground, we stand up.

234
00:12:57,733 --> 00:12:59,100
Okay.

235
00:12:59,133 --> 00:13:00,333
This goes to a clinch,

236
00:13:00,366 --> 00:13:01,700
we separate.

237
00:13:01,733 --> 00:13:03,600
Great. Let's go!

238
00:13:03,633 --> 00:13:05,133
All right.
So, hit me.

239
00:13:06,466 --> 00:13:08,500
Fight him or
shut the fuck up.

240
00:13:08,533 --> 00:13:10,600
I'll give you
a free one.

241
00:13:11,266 --> 00:13:12,666
What the fuck is this?

242
00:13:12,700 --> 00:13:14,166
Let's fuckin' do this.

243
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:15,533
Just fuckin'
square off.

244
00:13:39,733 --> 00:13:41,566
WAYNE: Hey! He's pulling hair,
he's pulling hair.

245
00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:43,266
Break 'em up, break 'em up.

246
00:13:43,300 --> 00:13:44,166
Come on, come on!

247
00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:47,066
DAN: I'm gonna clock
this shitty wolverine.

248
00:13:51,133 --> 00:13:52,166
(YELLING)

249
00:13:57,300 --> 00:14:00,034
Hit me. Come on. I love pain.

250
00:14:33,734 --> 00:14:37,301
Look at the
execution, boys.
Look at the hustle, boys.

251
00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:38,367
Ding.

252
00:14:38,401 --> 00:14:40,234
You guys made
the liquor run,
right?

253
00:14:40,267 --> 00:14:42,867
I was Donny
Drives the car.
I was Nicki Navigates.

254
00:14:43,267 --> 00:14:45,034
But, uh...

255
00:14:45,067 --> 00:14:47,234
We couldn't find a lot
of the stuff on the list.

256
00:14:47,267 --> 00:14:48,734
Yeah.
Like what?

257
00:14:49,401 --> 00:14:50,834
Uh, well...

258
00:14:52,067 --> 00:14:54,701
Uh, there's
ingredients

259
00:14:54,734 --> 00:14:57,234
that I don't think you can
get in Letterkenny.
Yeah.

260
00:14:57,901 --> 00:14:59,767
So, go to the city.

261
00:14:59,801 --> 00:15:01,267
Yeah, but we got practice
in a couple of hours.

262
00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:03,367
We're gonna crush a couple
sandos before, too.

263
00:15:03,401 --> 00:15:04,701
Grab some
nappies, maybe?

264
00:15:04,734 --> 00:15:06,201
We haven't had our
pre‐game naps either.

265
00:15:06,234 --> 00:15:08,934
Nappies are nappies. Ferda.
Ferda.

266
00:15:08,967 --> 00:15:10,667
Well, we need
everything on the list.

267
00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:12,734
So, what drinks do you
need ingredients for?

268
00:15:13,001 --> 00:15:14,934
Uh,

269
00:15:14,967 --> 00:15:17,101
Corebelo Love Potion.

270
00:15:17,134 --> 00:15:19,834
Uh, Purple Passion Punch.

271
00:15:19,867 --> 00:15:21,967
Lemon Gingerini.

272
00:15:22,001 --> 00:15:25,067
Apricot Toblerone Cocktail.

273
00:15:25,101 --> 00:15:27,234
Couldn't find
a Flirtini.

274
00:15:27,267 --> 00:15:30,701
Couldn't find Sparkling
Mango Sorbet Float.

275
00:15:30,734 --> 00:15:33,001
Don't...
Don't know really
what that is.

276
00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:36,067
Well, that's all of them.

277
00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:38,367
Ye... Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.

278
00:15:38,401 --> 00:15:40,934
Look, I have about a million
things to do if this is

279
00:15:40,967 --> 00:15:43,634
gonna be the softest
birthday party ever.

280
00:15:43,667 --> 00:15:45,834
If you guys don't get me
everything on the list,

281
00:15:45,867 --> 00:15:48,101
you'll be pulling each
other's horns from now on.

282
00:15:48,967 --> 00:15:50,234
(PHONE BEEPS)

283
00:15:51,334 --> 00:15:52,734
Pitter patter!

284
00:15:53,401 --> 00:15:54,634
(BOTH GROANING)

285
00:15:54,667 --> 00:15:55,667
So far!

286
00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:10,067
Fuck, was he a beaker.

287
00:16:10,101 --> 00:16:12,101
Like, he would not
stop beaking.

288
00:16:12,134 --> 00:16:13,901
That shit
is the worst.

289
00:16:13,934 --> 00:16:16,001
That was right to stick to
the task at hand, pal.

290
00:16:16,034 --> 00:16:17,267
Keep your trap shut.
Throw bombs.

291
00:16:17,301 --> 00:16:19,934
I wouldn't say shit
if my mouth was
full of it.

292
00:16:19,967 --> 00:16:22,234
I haven't seen that many
hits since Good Charlotte
played Warped Tour.

293
00:16:22,267 --> 00:16:23,367
Yeah, more like...

294
00:16:23,401 --> 00:16:25,034
Not very Good Charlotte.

295
00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:26,301
I always liked NOFX.

296
00:16:26,334 --> 00:16:28,034
YESFX.

297
00:16:28,067 --> 00:16:30,734
Big fuckin' day, Dairy.
Big fuckin' day!

298
00:16:30,767 --> 00:16:32,334
Big fuckin' day!
Ow.

299
00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:34,934
Happy birthday, it's your
special day Dairy.
DAN: Birthday beats!
Birthday beats!

300
00:16:34,967 --> 00:16:38,234
Ow. Oh, that's
not polite, Katy.

301
00:16:38,267 --> 00:16:39,901
You really are a Sally.

302
00:16:39,934 --> 00:16:43,101
That's the most action I've
seen since I gave the dairy
cows' teats a good scrubbin'.

303
00:16:43,134 --> 00:16:44,267
I don't need
to know that.

304
00:16:44,301 --> 00:16:46,101
You're pretty good at
wrestling there, Katy,

305
00:16:46,134 --> 00:16:48,201
and that's what
I appreciates about you.

306
00:16:48,234 --> 00:16:50,234
Is that what you
appreciate about me?

307
00:16:50,267 --> 00:16:52,834
Let's go easy over there,
squirrelly Dan.

308
00:16:52,867 --> 00:16:55,401
Yeah. Oh, hey,
look at you, ground.

309
00:16:55,434 --> 00:16:57,401
So, tell me about
this guy, Joint Boy.

310
00:16:57,434 --> 00:16:59,934
Well, I'm not gonna
sugar coats it for you, Wayne.

311
00:16:59,967 --> 00:17:03,067
This guy looks like an
Australian rugbies player,
chiseled out of stones.

312
00:17:03,101 --> 00:17:06,134
Uh‐oh.
Got legs on him
like tree trunks.

313
00:17:06,167 --> 00:17:08,834
Is that a deciduous tree
or a coniferous tree?

314
00:17:08,867 --> 00:17:11,001
What?
Well, there's a difference.

315
00:17:11,034 --> 00:17:12,967
If we're talking about,
like, a maple tree,

316
00:17:13,001 --> 00:17:14,701
which is thick
and deciduous

317
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:17,667
or a Christmas tree, which
is thin and coniferous.

318
00:17:17,701 --> 00:17:20,267
Yeah, but both is hards
and mades of woods, right?

319
00:17:20,301 --> 00:17:21,767
There's a difference
is all I'm saying.

320
00:17:21,801 --> 00:17:24,001
What type of tree
is a coconut tree?

321
00:17:24,034 --> 00:17:25,234
It's a palm tree.

322
00:17:25,867 --> 00:17:26,967
How do you know?

323
00:17:27,001 --> 00:17:29,034
Well, like the Internet.
Oh.

324
00:17:29,067 --> 00:17:30,967
Anyways, backs to Joint Boy.

325
00:17:31,001 --> 00:17:32,701
How come I've never
heard of him before?

326
00:17:32,734 --> 00:17:34,234
Oh, he just gots out of jail.

327
00:17:34,267 --> 00:17:36,334
He was arrested for assaults
after he beats the shits

328
00:17:36,367 --> 00:17:38,634
out of a guy for
pushin' up on his sister.

329
00:17:38,667 --> 00:17:40,067
Got this big
entourage of guys,

330
00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:43,101
bald‐headed, bearded dudes
what looks like a whole
bunch of surly uncles.

331
00:17:44,934 --> 00:17:46,167
You think we should
call The Ginger?

332
00:17:47,334 --> 00:17:48,934
Mmm.

333
00:17:51,201 --> 00:17:52,334
No.

334
00:17:52,367 --> 00:17:54,001
DARYL: Why not?
He's tougher than hell.

335
00:17:54,034 --> 00:17:55,267
WAYNE: Yeah, but...

336
00:17:58,067 --> 00:18:00,034
Well, like you heard he
fucked an ostrich, right?

337
00:18:02,367 --> 00:18:03,367
He what?

338
00:18:04,967 --> 00:18:06,034
He fucked an ostrich.

339
00:18:06,734 --> 00:18:08,701
Allegedly.

340
00:18:08,734 --> 00:18:10,967
How does a fella get caught
up in that sort of business?

341
00:18:11,001 --> 00:18:13,934
Well, I guess his cousin

342
00:18:13,967 --> 00:18:16,667
had an ostrich farm

343
00:18:16,701 --> 00:18:18,901
when he thought it
might be fun to fuck one.

344
00:18:18,934 --> 00:18:20,067
Allegedly.

345
00:18:20,101 --> 00:18:22,234
So, he got hard

346
00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:24,634
somehow

347
00:18:24,667 --> 00:18:26,034
and he fucked an ostrich.

348
00:18:28,734 --> 00:18:30,034
That's fucked.

349
00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:31,334
That's a felony.

350
00:18:33,667 --> 00:18:35,334
So, we use him in
emergencies only, then.

351
00:18:38,001 --> 00:18:39,067
I should say.

352
00:19:04,134 --> 00:19:06,967
Dairy. Hey, Dairy.

353
00:19:07,001 --> 00:19:08,734
This one's for you.

354
00:19:08,767 --> 00:19:09,767
Oh.

355
00:19:11,134 --> 00:19:12,701
DARYL: Hey, Joint Boy's here.

356
00:19:23,967 --> 00:19:25,767
Which one of youse is Wayne?

357
00:19:29,234 --> 00:19:30,834
We got some business.

358
00:19:35,001 --> 00:19:37,101
You're interrupting a party
for my best pal

359
00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:39,734
that my little sister worked
pretty hard to put on.

360
00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:42,267
Hold it.

361
00:19:44,134 --> 00:19:46,267
May I sort this out
now, please?

362
00:19:47,101 --> 00:19:48,334
Goddamn right you may.

363
00:19:48,367 --> 00:19:49,701
WAYNE: Thank you.

364
00:19:49,734 --> 00:19:50,734
Don't lose.

365
00:20:06,667 --> 00:20:09,001
You had yourself a scrap
the other weekend at Modean's.

366
00:20:09,034 --> 00:20:11,001
What's it to ya?

367
00:20:11,034 --> 00:20:13,134
You left the dude
pretty banged up.

368
00:20:15,267 --> 00:20:19,101
I heard he kicked a slow
learning fella in the bum
while he was havin' a piss.

369
00:20:19,134 --> 00:20:21,734
Now, that slow learning
fella is my second cousin.

370
00:20:22,834 --> 00:20:24,201
Okay.

371
00:20:24,234 --> 00:20:26,867
Being the toughest
guy in Letterkenny is
important to me.

372
00:20:28,201 --> 00:20:29,767
I'm sure it is
to you too

373
00:20:30,701 --> 00:20:33,801
but we're all hicks here.

374
00:20:33,834 --> 00:20:37,601
And you've done me a favor,
so I'd be willing to shake
your hand and call it a day.

375
00:20:43,134 --> 00:20:45,801
I didn't do you no favors.

376
00:20:45,834 --> 00:20:47,734
'Cause I don't know
who the fuck you are.

377
00:20:51,001 --> 00:20:52,201
We done talking?

378
00:22:10,267 --> 00:22:13,734
You wanna come to a
super soft birthday party?

379
00:22:24,701 --> 00:22:26,701
Happy birthday,
Dairy.

380
00:22:28,167 --> 00:22:30,967
It's really more
for them, ain't it?

381
00:22:31,001 --> 00:22:32,301
What is?

382
00:22:32,334 --> 00:22:33,334
DAN: All this.

383
00:22:35,767 --> 00:22:37,834
No, it's not.
It's cream cheese.
No.

384
00:22:37,867 --> 00:22:38,901
That's cream cheese.

385
00:22:38,934 --> 00:22:40,601
No.
Yeah, that's
cream cheese.

386
00:22:41,667 --> 00:22:42,701
Just go...

387
00:22:42,734 --> 00:22:44,101
Jesus!

388
00:22:44,134 --> 00:22:46,834
You remember they
weren't allowed to have
birthday parties growing up.

389
00:22:46,867 --> 00:22:48,367
They had to go
bucky at mine.

390
00:22:48,401 --> 00:22:51,101
DAN: All they do is go
alls out, don'ts they?

391
00:22:51,134 --> 00:22:52,967
DARYL: That's
a Texas size 10‐4.

392
00:22:54,334 --> 00:22:56,834
You know, if Joint Boy
and his pals hadn't
showed up,

393
00:22:56,867 --> 00:22:59,034
I figure this would have been
the softest birthday ever.

394
00:23:00,101 --> 00:23:03,001
That's a small victory
for you, I suppose.

395
00:23:03,034 --> 00:23:04,534
I was worried.

396
00:23:04,567 --> 00:23:07,101
Thought I might have to get
Stewart and the Skids to come
over here and start

397
00:23:07,134 --> 00:23:09,701
hoovering up that
white powder of theirs.

398
00:23:09,734 --> 00:23:11,701
DARYL: Anything for a little
bit of an edge, am I right?

399
00:23:11,734 --> 00:23:13,167
DAN: The white stuff.

400
00:23:13,201 --> 00:23:14,701
The snooter.

401
00:23:14,734 --> 00:23:16,334
The devil's dandruff.

402
00:23:16,367 --> 00:23:18,067
The dander.

403
00:23:18,101 --> 00:23:22,101
I... I hoovered
up a bit of the
schneef in my day.

404
00:23:23,067 --> 00:23:25,234
You ever hoovered
barnyard schneef?

405
00:23:25,267 --> 00:23:28,834
I've hoovered behind the
manure pile schneef.

406
00:23:28,867 --> 00:23:31,034
You ever hoovered schneef
off a sleeping cow's spine?

407
00:23:31,067 --> 00:23:34,167
I've hoovered schneef off
of an awake cow's teat.

408
00:23:36,867 --> 00:23:39,367
What are the odds that
I ride him home bareback?

409
00:23:39,401 --> 00:23:41,101
Gonna hurt
your balls, bro.

410
00:23:41,134 --> 00:23:42,267
Good going.

411
00:23:44,334 --> 00:23:45,867
Oh, yeah.

412
00:23:47,967 --> 00:23:49,934
You ever hoovered
library schneef?

413
00:23:49,967 --> 00:23:51,701
I've hoovered schneef
off of the cover of

414
00:23:51,734 --> 00:23:55,934
Gordon Korman's
This Can't Be Happening
at Macdonald Hall.

415
00:23:55,967 --> 00:23:57,967
You wanna come
home with me?

416
00:23:58,001 --> 00:23:59,967
You can sleep
in my bed.

417
00:24:00,001 --> 00:24:02,234
He'd break it.
He'd break your bed.

418
00:24:02,267 --> 00:24:03,834
His dick alone
would break your bed.

419
00:24:03,867 --> 00:24:05,134
I saw that too.
I... Yeah.

420
00:24:05,167 --> 00:24:06,167
It was really big.

421
00:24:07,267 --> 00:24:08,767
(PHONE BEEPING)

422
00:24:09,901 --> 00:24:11,267
(PHONE BEEPING)

423
00:24:13,901 --> 00:24:15,367
(PHONE BEEPING)

424
00:24:23,167 --> 00:24:24,834
You ever hoovered
Sunday school schneef?

425
00:24:24,867 --> 00:24:28,134
I've hoovered schneef
off the collection plate
in the rectory.

426
00:24:29,667 --> 00:24:31,167
Do you know what
dick dingers are?

427
00:24:36,801 --> 00:24:37,801
Yep.

428
00:24:39,067 --> 00:24:40,767
You know that movie

429
00:24:40,801 --> 00:24:42,967
with the guy who
whispers to horses.

430
00:24:43,001 --> 00:24:44,901
Brokeback Mountain?

431
00:24:45,367 --> 00:24:47,201
No.
No.

432
00:24:47,234 --> 00:24:49,734
DARYL: That's the toughest
guy in Letterkenny.

433
00:24:49,767 --> 00:24:51,001
(BLOWING PARTY WHISTLE)