1
00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:16,892
‐ You were playing crib with
your pals the other day...

2
00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:21,146
[wind gusting]

3
00:00:21,146 --> 00:00:22,814
Fuck, it's windy out there, eh?

4
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:25,734
‐ Dary?

5
00:00:27,903 --> 00:00:28,904
‐ Dary?

6
00:00:28,904 --> 00:00:30,447
‐ Wayne.
‐ Get involved.

7
00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:32,491
‐ Got somethin' on my mind.
‐ Somethin' importants?

8
00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:35,118
‐ It's almost not even
worth thinkin' about.

9
00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:36,662
‐ Good enough!
‐ Three‐hander then.

10
00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:38,121
‐ I prefers a three‐hander.

11
00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:39,456
‐ I was actually hoping
Dary wouldn't be here,

12
00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:40,499
so that we could play a three‐hander.

13
00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:42,000
‐ Playing with three is good for me.

14
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,710
‐ Three‐way gives you leeway.

15
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,254
‐ Can I bend your ear about something?

16
00:00:45,254 --> 00:00:47,089
‐ Yep. Just go ahead and leave
right after that, though,

17
00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:49,091
since we're playing a three‐
hander and I don't appreciate

18
00:00:49,091 --> 00:00:50,759
when you look at my cards
over my shoulder.

19
00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:52,135
‐ Yous know Mother Hutchins?

20
00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:54,471
‐ 'Course. Mother of 17. Great gal.

21
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:55,806
By the way, can you grab us some Puppers

22
00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:57,182
out of the fridge on your way out?

23
00:00:58,517 --> 00:01:01,061
‐ Seventeen kids.
One less than a baseball game.

24
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:04,690
‐ Giving birth 17 times...
the war zone that must've left behind.

25
00:01:04,690 --> 00:01:07,150
‐ Fuckin' Ma Hutchins just birthin' 'em.

26
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:09,736
‐ Anyhoo, Dary, can you make sure that
the screen door latches?

27
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,280
I don't want it blowing in the wind.

28
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:13,699
‐ I seen Mother Hutchins today
and she was whistling

29
00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:15,617
when there's no way that she
could've been whistling.

30
00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:20,497
‐ What's that?

31
00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:23,292
‐ I seen Mother Hutchins uptown

32
00:01:23,292 --> 00:01:24,835
in a beautiful dress.

33
00:01:26,545 --> 00:01:28,839
And then...

34
00:01:28,839 --> 00:01:32,259
a slight gust of wind came by...

35
00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:34,386
and I heard a very faint...

36
00:01:35,554 --> 00:01:37,389
[low whistling]

37
00:01:37,389 --> 00:01:39,308
‐ That's enough.

38
00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:42,436
‐ Why couldn't she's have been whistling.

39
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,897
‐ On account of she was
eating an ice cream cone.

40
00:01:44,897 --> 00:01:47,608
‐ [Katy sighing] There's no
possible way you can whistle

41
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:48,734
when you're eating an ice cream cone.

42
00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:51,028
‐ Pert' near.
‐ So...

43
00:01:51,028 --> 00:01:53,530
where do you think the whistle
sound was coming from?

44
00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:57,201
‐ It's...

45
00:01:59,203 --> 00:02:00,996
It's almost not worth thinking about.

46
00:02:00,996 --> 00:02:02,664
‐ Well, I think we're all
thinking the same thing.

47
00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:04,124
‐ But what if we're not?
‐ What do you mean?

48
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,792
Like, if we aren't all
thinking the same thing

49
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:07,878
about, like... like where the...

50
00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:09,922
whistle sound was coming from
on her body...

51
00:02:09,922 --> 00:02:11,173
‐ Mother of 17...

52
00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:13,425
‐ ...on a windy day,

53
00:02:13,425 --> 00:02:15,928
if it wasn't coming from her mouth?

54
00:02:15,928 --> 00:02:17,679
‐ Yeah.

55
00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:20,557
What if we are not all in
agreements about what the...

56
00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:23,977
...source of the whistle is?

57
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:25,854
‐ Then, you'd have egg on your face.

58
00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:28,273
‐ There's only one way to find out.

59
00:02:34,738 --> 00:02:36,907
‐ Okay, Dary. Dary, okay.

60
00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:40,744
Are you suggesting that wind
went up Ma Hutchins' skirt

61
00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:43,205
and hit her... vagina...

62
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,542
...and made a whistle sound?

63
00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,253
‐ Is that what you were thinking, Katy?

64
00:02:49,253 --> 00:02:50,420
‐ Is that what you were thinking, Dan?

65
00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:52,130
‐ It's quite obvious that's
what Waynes was thinking.

66
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:54,716
‐ Just put me outta my misery here.
Do I have egg on my face or not?

67
00:02:57,427 --> 00:02:58,679
‐ No.
DAN AND KATY: No.

68
00:03:00,806 --> 00:03:01,890
‐ I'm not...

69
00:03:03,392 --> 00:03:04,852
unconvinced...

70
00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:08,647
that wind...

71
00:03:08,647 --> 00:03:12,150
hitting the womanhood
of a mother of 17s...

72
00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:15,988
at the right speed and angles

73
00:03:15,988 --> 00:03:20,784
could create vibrations...

74
00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:22,828
causing sounds.

75
00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:26,915
I'm just not convinced
it would be a whistle.

76
00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:32,963
I think we need to take
into consideration that...

77
00:03:32,963 --> 00:03:35,132
17 melons have passed

78
00:03:35,132 --> 00:03:37,134
through that particular greengrocer's...

79
00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:40,888
...and that...

80
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:44,766
the wind hittin' her...

81
00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:48,478
vagina...

82
00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:50,564
would sounds more likes a...

83
00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:55,736
balloons leaking air
out of a very thin hole.

84
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:57,988
‐ How would that sound, Dan?

85
00:03:57,988 --> 00:04:01,325
‐ Be more of a... be more
of a high‐pitched whistle.

86
00:04:01,325 --> 00:04:03,035
Uh...

87
00:04:03,035 --> 00:04:04,286
like a...

88
00:04:06,038 --> 00:04:08,373
[air whistling through Dan's teeth]

89
00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:10,000
‐ Cool it.

90
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:14,338
‐ Well, I was there, and what I heard...

91
00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:19,426
was more of a standard
whistle, like this...

92
00:04:22,554 --> 00:04:23,764
[whistling lowly]

93
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:27,518
‐ Uh‐uh.
‐ No. What yous aren't taking into account

94
00:04:27,518 --> 00:04:31,480
are the... grooming styles

95
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:35,067
of older women or lack thereof.

96
00:04:35,067 --> 00:04:36,360
‐ I had not taken that into account.

97
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:39,780
‐ As a woman, I...

98
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:43,784
I do think that the whistle
sound is more plausible.

99
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:48,372
But I feel like there
would be an addition...

100
00:04:48,372 --> 00:04:51,917
of a... rustling sound of sorts.

101
00:04:53,418 --> 00:04:57,130
Like a wind rustling in the bush.

102
00:04:58,674 --> 00:05:02,386
Dary... make the whistle sound, again.

103
00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:08,475
[whistling lowly]
[hair rustling]

104
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:09,935
‐ We respect our fuckin' elders.

105
00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:13,730
‐ Yeah, it be more what
it sounds like. Yeah.

106
00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:17,234
‐ Look, any of yous ever been in a cave?

107
00:05:17,234 --> 00:05:18,360
‐ You mean a real cave?

108
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:19,736
‐ Fuckin' sake, Dary.
‐ No.

109
00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:20,821
‐ Nope.
‐ No.

110
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:22,072
‐ You?
WAYNE: Yeah.

111
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:25,117
Down Disney.

112
00:05:25,117 --> 00:05:29,079
Now, as the only one here
who's even been in a cave,

113
00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:31,582
and witnessed the dull hum

114
00:05:31,582 --> 00:05:33,834
of wind hittin' something cavernous...

115
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,880
...like Dary, okay, the whistle sound
is plausible.

116
00:05:38,797 --> 00:05:41,675
And, Dan, I can picture the accompaniment

117
00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:44,678
of air being released from a balloon,

118
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,930
and, okay, Katy...

119
00:05:48,724 --> 00:05:50,475
Katy, okay.

120
00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:53,228
I suppose the grooming styles
of older ladies...

121
00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:54,646
‐ Or lack thereof.

122
00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:56,732
‐ ...oughta be considered as well.

123
00:05:58,609 --> 00:06:01,278
But what I think we're missing
here from the equation

124
00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:04,448
is the... dull hum.

125
00:06:04,448 --> 00:06:06,283
‐ What would that sound like?

126
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:09,369
‐ A bit like an idle lightsaber, I think.

127
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,538
‐ Like a Star Wars lightsaber?
‐ Don't piss me off, Dary.

128
00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:15,042
‐ So, like?

129
00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:21,965
[imitating high‐pitch hum of lightsaber]

130
00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:24,092
‐ That holds water.
‐ Most caves do.

131
00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:28,639
‐ However... like, if we were to combine
all our assumptions here, and...

132
00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:32,851
well, I think that
just might be the ticket.

133
00:06:37,523 --> 00:06:40,859
And a‐one, and a‐two,
and a one, two three and...

134
00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:44,488
[whistling, rustling, humming]

135
00:06:44,488 --> 00:06:46,782
Now...

136
00:06:46,782 --> 00:06:48,575
it's almost not worth thinkin' about.

137
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:53,872
♪ theme music playing ♪

138
00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:02,673
DAN: Fuckin' piece of shit.
God damn assholes.

139
00:07:02,673 --> 00:07:04,550
[muttering] Kids today have got
fuckin' problems!

140
00:07:04,550 --> 00:07:05,509
‐ You're kidding.

141
00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:07,386
‐ Aren't you surly, Squirrelly.

142
00:07:07,386 --> 00:07:08,804
‐ Some little shits

143
00:07:08,804 --> 00:07:10,556
stole the mailbox from
the end of the laneways.

144
00:07:10,556 --> 00:07:12,307
‐ Yous use to steal mailboxes

145
00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:14,685
at the end of laneways all
the time when you were kids.

146
00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:15,936
‐ Allegedly.
‐ Allegedlies.

147
00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,354
‐ That's a federal crime.

148
00:07:17,354 --> 00:07:19,606
‐ The feds are the real fuckin' criminals!

149
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:21,400
But that's my fuckin' mailbox!

150
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:24,486
DARY: [muttering]
Cocksucker motherfucker...

151
00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:26,154
I've had it with kids with problems!

152
00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:28,657
WAYNE: Sounds like you've
had it with kids then.

153
00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:31,034
‐ A bit hairy, Dary?
‐ Some little fuckers

154
00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:32,911
put shit in a bag, put it on my stoop.

155
00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:34,288
‐ How could they stoop so low?

156
00:07:34,288 --> 00:07:36,373
‐ Yous used to put shit in bags
and leave 'em places

157
00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:37,624
all the time when you were kids, too.

158
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:38,917
DARY/WAYNE: Allegedly.
‐ Allegedlies.

159
00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:41,086
‐ Yous should get motion sensing cameras

160
00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:43,463
set up around your homes.
It's the new norm.

161
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:44,798
‐ What am I? The FBI?

162
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,341
‐ Yeah, take it easy there Double‐O7.

163
00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:47,801
‐ Yeah. What am I's? The CIAs?

164
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,303
WAYNE: Fuckin' Carmen Sandiego over here.

165
00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:51,513
‐ Cameras are a bit MI5, cousint'.

166
00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:52,848
‐ Tinker Gailer soldier spy.

167
00:07:52,848 --> 00:07:54,641
‐ Guess that was a bit
Agents of S. H. I. E. L. D.

168
00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:57,728
‐ Oh, here come the men in black.

169
00:07:57,728 --> 00:07:59,813
‐ Do you know how many kids
have problems in this town?

170
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:01,523
‐ All of 'em.
‐ They all wait for the bus

171
00:08:01,523 --> 00:08:03,066
on the corner of my yard.

172
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:05,110
‐ Oh, no. It's your mother's yard.

173
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:09,323
‐ Fuck! And they're out
there fighting every day.

174
00:08:09,323 --> 00:08:10,866
‐ And name calling!

175
00:08:10,866 --> 00:08:13,869
‐ Yous used to scrap all
the time when you were kids.

176
00:08:13,869 --> 00:08:15,871
‐ Yous scrap all the time as adults.

177
00:08:15,871 --> 00:08:17,706
‐ I'm surprised we're not havin'‐‐

178
00:08:17,706 --> 00:08:19,374
[clearing throat]

179
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:21,502
I said I'm surprised we're not
having a scrap right now.

180
00:08:21,502 --> 00:08:22,586
ROSIE: You sorted?

181
00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:24,129
‐ Wee of frog in my throat today.

182
00:08:25,047 --> 00:08:26,215
BONNIE: I'm sorry I'm late.

183
00:08:26,215 --> 00:08:28,091
I hate being late. I am never late!

184
00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:29,843
‐ Shift doesn't start for another five.

185
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,929
‐ If you're not ten minutes
early, you're late!

186
00:08:31,929 --> 00:08:33,430
‐ Why are you‐‐
‐ Not now, Daryl!

187
00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:35,224
‐ What's the fuss, Bon?

188
00:08:35,224 --> 00:08:36,642
‐ Kids with problems!

189
00:08:36,642 --> 00:08:38,727
‐ I'm glad yous are all
finally catching up here.

190
00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:40,270
‐ What did kids with problems do now?

191
00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:43,690
‐ Grab assin'!
ALL: Oh!

192
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,400
‐ Looks I can tolerates mailbox stealin'.

193
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:46,902
‐ I'll tolerate shit throwin'.

194
00:08:46,902 --> 00:08:49,071
‐ Worse things than fighting.
‐ Name calling!

195
00:08:49,071 --> 00:08:51,740
‐ But grab assin' young womens,
that's where I draws the line!

196
00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,408
Something must be dones!

197
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,413
‐ Dart?

198
00:08:58,413 --> 00:09:00,749
‐ Next time, it could be
my ass that gets grabbed.

199
00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:02,000
‐ Then mine.

200
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,252
‐ Then, with any luck, mine.

201
00:09:03,252 --> 00:09:04,753
‐ Well, yous better get it sorted.

202
00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:06,255
‐ You're not gonna help?

203
00:09:06,255 --> 00:09:07,506
‐ No.
‐ Why not?

204
00:09:07,506 --> 00:09:09,550
‐ Rosie and I have decided
to take a dance class.

205
00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:10,467
BOTH: Really?

206
00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:12,469
‐ Fuck no! Get real.
‐ Ha!

207
00:09:12,469 --> 00:09:13,804
‐ But you're going.

208
00:09:13,804 --> 00:09:15,180
‐ Oh yeah?
‐ Oh yeah.

209
00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:16,181
‐ Okay.

210
00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:17,850
‐ Look, we'll bring them down here.

211
00:09:17,850 --> 00:09:20,602
You don't even have to go anywhere.

212
00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:23,313
‐ Can‐‐ Can we get hammered?

213
00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:24,731
‐ No.

214
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:27,484
We do it once. We do it right.

215
00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:28,610
Patience.

216
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:30,279
‐ 'Kay.

217
00:09:30,279 --> 00:09:32,865
‐ Booze usually helps these
things along, that's all I'm sayin'.

218
00:09:32,865 --> 00:09:34,408
[clearing throat]

219
00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:36,410
‐ Hey, buddy?
‐ Bro.

220
00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:37,327
Any part of you feel like

221
00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:38,996
you've done all you're
gonna to do in hockey?

222
00:09:38,996 --> 00:09:41,790
‐ No.
‐ I mean, we won a 'ship.

223
00:09:41,790 --> 00:09:44,668
‐ 'Coupla 'ships, on the ice
and behind the bench.

224
00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:45,836
‐ So, what comes next?

225
00:09:45,836 --> 00:09:48,630
‐ I don't know. Some back checking.

226
00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:51,341
Some learning defensive responsibilities.

227
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:52,509
Not skipping leg day.

228
00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:54,303
‐ Oh my God. See, that's the thing.

229
00:09:54,303 --> 00:09:55,679
I'm sick of back checking.

230
00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:58,140
‐ I'm sick of defensive responsibilities.

231
00:09:58,140 --> 00:10:00,642
‐ Fuck leg day. What if I told you

232
00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:02,769
there's a league where you
didn't have to do any of that?

233
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,730
‐ I'd call you a liar.
[snapping]

234
00:10:04,730 --> 00:10:05,814
‐ Full on selfish hockey.

235
00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,024
‐ That only exists in dreams.

236
00:10:07,024 --> 00:10:08,358
‐ And there's beer.

237
00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:10,861
‐ Are we‐‐
Are we dreaming?
‐ Are we dreaming?

238
00:10:10,861 --> 00:10:12,571
COACH: Oh, no.

239
00:10:12,571 --> 00:10:16,491
Would you like to join
my beer league hockey team?

240
00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:21,496
[laughing] There's beer.

241
00:10:22,748 --> 00:10:24,750
You're gonna love it.

242
00:10:26,335 --> 00:10:29,338
There's hockey... [laughing]
and there's beer.

243
00:10:29,338 --> 00:10:31,798
[laughing]

244
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:36,803
[sighing]

245
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,931
You in?
[whistle blowing]

246
00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:55,697
[clearing throat]

247
00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:57,449
‐ How are you now?

248
00:10:57,449 --> 00:11:00,869
Guess I'll start by saying,
uh, we appreciate yous

249
00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:03,121
taking the time to come down here today,

250
00:11:03,121 --> 00:11:05,207
taking time away from...

251
00:11:05,207 --> 00:11:07,459
well, being little fuckin' idiots.

252
00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:09,253
Guess, as a sort of peace offering,

253
00:11:09,253 --> 00:11:11,213
we've arranged a little surprise for yous.

254
00:11:11,213 --> 00:11:12,798
Now, just for being here,

255
00:11:12,798 --> 00:11:16,301
yous each get a hot dog,
pop and a bag of chips.

256
00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:19,429
Now, I see you've already got your pops
and bags of chips.

257
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:22,683
We'll have the hot dogs
a little wee bit later, so...

258
00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:27,229
Gail, if you wouldn't mind joining me on
the floor, please.

259
00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:32,067
This is Gail.

260
00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:35,362
Just like to say a quick thanks to Gail
for providing us with a venue today,

261
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:38,448
as well as the hot dogs,
pops and bags of chips.

262
00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:42,494
[applauding]

263
00:11:42,494 --> 00:11:45,163
Thanks very much, Gail.
‐ 'Kay.

264
00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:54,089
‐ Now, yous are all down here today

265
00:11:54,089 --> 00:11:55,674
'cause yous've been mailbox stealin',

266
00:11:55,674 --> 00:12:00,053
shit throwin', fightin',
name callin' and grab assin'.

267
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,681
Well, I think yous have all
had too much sugar cereal.

268
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:06,602
So, what we've done here
today, is arranged

269
00:12:06,602 --> 00:12:10,063
a panel of local experts
on this sort of thing

270
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:13,817
to see if we can't help yous
sort yourselves out.

271
00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:16,028
So, what's say we get this rig rollin'?

272
00:12:18,572 --> 00:12:21,408
Like to hand over the floor
to my good friend Dary.

273
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:23,535
I'd like yous to give
him your full attention

274
00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:25,204
'cause he's a pretty good guy.

275
00:12:26,163 --> 00:12:27,623
Dary, you have the floor.

276
00:12:27,623 --> 00:12:30,167
[applauding]

277
00:12:40,886 --> 00:12:43,889
‐ One or more of you

278
00:12:43,889 --> 00:12:47,643
dropped a shit in a bag
and put it on my stoop.

279
00:12:47,643 --> 00:12:49,978
‐ Yous used to do that, too.

280
00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:52,856
WAYNE/DARY: Allegedly.
DAN: Allegedlies.

281
00:12:52,856 --> 00:12:54,816
‐ I'm thinking the reason

282
00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:56,318
that you guys are acting up so much

283
00:12:56,318 --> 00:12:58,320
is because you've got too
much time on your hands.

284
00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:00,989
‐ The idle mind is the devil's playground!

285
00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:07,162
‐ So, if yous have got time for acting up,

286
00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:10,332
I think you've got time
to learn a skilled trade.

287
00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:12,584
Learning a skilled trade
will help you later on in life

288
00:13:12,584 --> 00:13:14,127
because everybody always
needs a skilled tradesman.

289
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:18,090
Now, Katy, would you help me
with the dry‐erase board, please?

290
00:13:18,090 --> 00:13:20,050
‐ You're way closer to it.

291
00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:23,011
‐ If yous can be one thing,
yous should be efficient.

292
00:13:27,099 --> 00:13:30,060
DARY: Now, one or maybe more of you

293
00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:31,520
seem to need a bit of a reminder

294
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:34,398
that shit... goes in the toilet.

295
00:13:35,941 --> 00:13:38,193
Now, who has a toilet? Well, everybody.

296
00:13:39,278 --> 00:13:40,362
And a question for you:

297
00:13:40,362 --> 00:13:42,698
Who is going to need their
toilet fixed sooner or later?

298
00:13:42,698 --> 00:13:43,782
Answer: everybody.

299
00:13:43,782 --> 00:13:45,325
So, get your toilet ticket.

300
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,618
That's for plumbers and pipefitters.

301
00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:48,453
Question for you:

302
00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:49,746
What happens in the summertime?

303
00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:52,916
That's right. It gets hot.

304
00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:57,045
People are always gonna need to stay cool,
so get your fridge ticket.

305
00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:59,214
That's for AC, deep freeze

306
00:13:59,214 --> 00:14:01,592
and other air conditioning
cooling systems.

307
00:14:01,592 --> 00:14:03,051
[chuckling]

308
00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:06,346
You there, I see you like the use
of your phone quite a bit.

309
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,682
Is that what you like? Really nice.

310
00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:11,476
GAIL: It's my phone now, okay?

311
00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:16,273
‐ Bet you don't like it

312
00:14:16,273 --> 00:14:18,192
when that phone
runs out of battery, do ya?

313
00:14:18,192 --> 00:14:19,776
No.

314
00:14:20,903 --> 00:14:22,529
Get your electrician's ticket.

315
00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:24,364
Everybody's always gonna need power.

316
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:27,367
‐ And if all else fails,
yous can drive truck.

317
00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:31,914
‐ So, there you see,
to fix essential services

318
00:14:31,914 --> 00:14:33,790
in a person's home or business,

319
00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:35,584
you need to learn
a skilled trade, that way,

320
00:14:35,584 --> 00:14:37,920
you'll always have work and
you'll always stay busy.

321
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:39,505
‐ This is so gay.

322
00:14:39,505 --> 00:14:41,089
ALL: Oh! Hey!
[all shouting at once]

323
00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:43,008
You want your mouth washed out with soap?

324
00:14:43,008 --> 00:14:45,302
‐ You want your mouth
washed out with soap?!

325
00:14:45,302 --> 00:14:47,554
I see you like that pop
and bag a chips pretty good!

326
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:50,766
I'll take it away from you just as fast
as I fuckin' gave it to you‐‐

327
00:14:50,766 --> 00:14:52,601
[all yelling]

328
00:14:52,601 --> 00:14:54,895
‐ [chuckling]
Beers before games, buddy.

329
00:14:54,895 --> 00:14:56,396
‐ Loving beer league already, bro.

330
00:14:57,648 --> 00:15:00,108
‐ Hey, save some
for the rest of us, Coach.

331
00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:02,110
[chuckling]

332
00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:03,987
‐ You guys ever seen the sun

333
00:15:03,987 --> 00:15:05,364
crest over the Blue Ridge Mountains?

334
00:15:05,364 --> 00:15:06,698
‐ No, Coach.

335
00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:09,243
‐ Fifteen years ago,
me and Barb rented an RV,

336
00:15:09,243 --> 00:15:12,037
and we decided to drive across
the United States...

337
00:15:12,037 --> 00:15:13,580
of America.

338
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:16,542
Well, we camped outside
the Blue Ridge Mountains.

339
00:15:16,542 --> 00:15:21,255
Just as the sun was cresting
over that majestic scenery,

340
00:15:21,255 --> 00:15:24,633
Barb took some olive oil and
squirted it into her hand

341
00:15:24,633 --> 00:15:28,011
and took my shaft and
started stroking it slowly.

342
00:15:28,011 --> 00:15:29,555
‐ Sorry. She what?

343
00:15:29,555 --> 00:15:32,182
‐ Then, she popped a couple
of winter fresh mints

344
00:15:32,182 --> 00:15:34,935
and it tingled as
she took me orally. [chuckles]

345
00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:37,479
She was like a Hoover
with perfect suction,

346
00:15:37,479 --> 00:15:40,607
you know, and just, ooh, latched on there

347
00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:42,693
and took me for a ride.

348
00:15:42,693 --> 00:15:46,738
Finally, I just ejaculated all my semen,

349
00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:49,575
just sat back, so much peace.

350
00:15:49,575 --> 00:15:52,327
Just looked at the mountains and the sun.

351
00:15:52,327 --> 00:15:55,122
Course, Barb went and washed her face.

352
00:15:56,415 --> 00:15:59,001
‐ You ready to win us
a beer league hockey game?

353
00:15:59,001 --> 00:16:01,295
Let's, uh, do this!

354
00:16:03,922 --> 00:16:05,340
[beers clinking]

355
00:16:07,342 --> 00:16:10,095
DAN: And I'll put what's left
of yous in a standard envelope

356
00:16:10,095 --> 00:16:12,681
and mail you back to your goddamn parents!

357
00:16:20,856 --> 00:16:22,357
[clearing throat]

358
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:26,028
‐ I'd just like to thank
Surly Dan for his explosive,

359
00:16:26,028 --> 00:16:28,363
yet compelling message on mailbox stealin'

360
00:16:28,363 --> 00:16:30,115
and how that's a federal crime.

361
00:16:30,115 --> 00:16:31,366
‐ Feds are the real criminals!

362
00:16:31,366 --> 00:16:32,451
‐ Yeah, we heard you, bud.

363
00:16:32,451 --> 00:16:34,536
‐ But that's my fuckin' mailbox!

364
00:16:34,536 --> 00:16:36,747
‐ Sun's getting real low,
big fella. Come on.

365
00:16:42,252 --> 00:16:44,630
WAYNE: Well, it looks like yous
are starting to settle into this.

366
00:16:44,630 --> 00:16:46,173
That's a pretty good thing,

367
00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:48,967
'cause guess what's right up
'round the corner?

368
00:16:48,967 --> 00:16:50,344
Hot dogs.

369
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:54,473
Like to hand over
the floor to Stewart, Roald,

370
00:16:54,473 --> 00:16:56,808
Tyson and Joint Boy, who are
gonna have a quick chat

371
00:16:56,808 --> 00:16:58,310
with yous about fightin'.

372
00:16:58,310 --> 00:17:01,104
‐ And name calling!
‐ Yup fightin' and name callin'.

373
00:17:01,104 --> 00:17:03,357
So, Stewart, Roald, Tyson, Joint Boy,

374
00:17:03,357 --> 00:17:05,067
yous have the floor.

375
00:17:05,067 --> 00:17:07,319
[applauding]

376
00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:11,949
‐ Oh, allow me.

377
00:17:16,328 --> 00:17:18,205
‐ Bet he tells them to self‐medicate.

378
00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:20,666
‐ The reason you're all
fighting and mailbox stealing

379
00:17:20,666 --> 00:17:23,168
and shit throwing and grab assing...

380
00:17:23,168 --> 00:17:24,503
‐ And name calling!

381
00:17:24,503 --> 00:17:27,089
‐ ...is because you have too much energy!

382
00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:29,883
You must expend the energy

383
00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:33,428
that leads to poor choices
and to do that...

384
00:17:33,428 --> 00:17:35,305
you must exercise.

385
00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:37,015
‐ What is happening here?

386
00:17:39,101 --> 00:17:40,894
‐ Our solution is two‐fold.

387
00:17:40,894 --> 00:17:43,605
You seem to enjoy fighting,

388
00:17:43,605 --> 00:17:47,150
so you will get your
exercise by learning to...

389
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:48,777
fight.

390
00:17:48,777 --> 00:17:50,946
Fuckin' idiot.

391
00:17:50,946 --> 00:17:53,031
Tyson. Joint Boy.

392
00:17:53,949 --> 00:17:55,951
[applause]

393
00:18:00,330 --> 00:18:03,458
‐ So, we're gonna teach you how to box.

394
00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:07,212
Boxing is the superior discipline
when it comes to physical combat.

395
00:18:07,212 --> 00:18:08,630
That's why they call it the sweet science.

396
00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:10,048
‐ Huh?
‐ What?

397
00:18:10,048 --> 00:18:11,717
‐ Muay Thai is the superior discipline.

398
00:18:11,717 --> 00:18:15,971
‐ Boxing actually teaches you
footwork and self‐defense.

399
00:18:15,971 --> 00:18:18,974
I'd evade your straight‐on
attack and knock you out.

400
00:18:18,974 --> 00:18:20,767
‐ You'd be able to evade
my eight points of attack

401
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:22,895
and knock me out with your
two points of attack?

402
00:18:22,895 --> 00:18:24,980
‐ You'd be surprised what
I can do with my left and right hands.

403
00:18:24,980 --> 00:18:27,524
‐ You'd be surprised what
I can do with my left and right hand,

404
00:18:27,524 --> 00:18:29,484
my left and right elbow,
my left and right knee

405
00:18:29,484 --> 00:18:30,986
and my left and right foot.

406
00:18:30,986 --> 00:18:33,322
Also, too, your boxing stance
exposes your knee.

407
00:18:33,322 --> 00:18:34,364
What are you gonna do when I break it?

408
00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:36,992
[chuckling] Try it.

409
00:18:36,992 --> 00:18:37,701
‐ All right.

410
00:18:43,707 --> 00:18:45,125
Yeah.

411
00:18:46,668 --> 00:18:47,628
JOINT BOY: Come on!

412
00:19:02,476 --> 00:19:04,561
‐ I smell hot dogs.

413
00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:08,065
‐ Buddy! This is sick!

414
00:19:08,065 --> 00:19:10,609
Two genos, two apples.
All while you're half cut.

415
00:19:10,609 --> 00:19:11,944
‐ I love beer league, buddy.

416
00:19:11,944 --> 00:19:15,113
Rockin' a hat trick and a helper,
all while working a little day fade.

417
00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:17,324
‐ Ferda! Coach, how you doing?

418
00:19:17,324 --> 00:19:19,701
‐ You guys ever been to the Grand Canyon.

419
00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:21,537
It's beautiful.
‐ No, Coach.

420
00:19:21,537 --> 00:19:23,914
‐ No, Coach, but if this is
another one of your stories,

421
00:19:23,914 --> 00:19:24,873
it's all right, you‐‐

422
00:19:24,873 --> 00:19:27,292
‐ Me and Barb parked the RV
right beside that canyon

423
00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:30,170
and we got so overtaken with its beauty

424
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:34,216
that I put down the kitchen
table, it turns into a bed,

425
00:19:34,216 --> 00:19:36,260
and I just lowered her onto it,

426
00:19:36,260 --> 00:19:38,929
took her clothes off that voluptuous body.

427
00:19:38,929 --> 00:19:41,682
She had the biggest fuckin' tits.

428
00:19:41,682 --> 00:19:43,684
Guys...

429
00:19:43,684 --> 00:19:47,104
she had one nipple that was
the size of a silver dollar.

430
00:19:47,104 --> 00:19:50,566
The other one didn't even have a nipple,
so I just stayed away from there.

431
00:19:50,566 --> 00:19:52,234
Then, I took some olive oil,

432
00:19:52,234 --> 00:19:53,777
'cause we were in the kitchen, right?

433
00:19:53,777 --> 00:19:56,572
I just dumped that all over her, right?

434
00:19:56,572 --> 00:19:59,199
And then, I took my sword

435
00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:01,410
and I just‐‐ I took Camelot.

436
00:20:02,661 --> 00:20:06,206
Or as we called it "Cumalot".

437
00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:10,043
Then, I was so tired, I just fell asleep.

438
00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:12,379
Barb, of course, went outside

439
00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:14,464
and washed up with the garden hose.

440
00:20:14,464 --> 00:20:15,674
PLAYER: Let's go! Come on!

441
00:20:15,674 --> 00:20:16,758
BOTH: Thank God.

442
00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:18,177
‐ Fuck. Let's wheel.
‐ Wheel, wheel.

443
00:20:18,177 --> 00:20:19,928
Wheel, wheel, wheel!

444
00:20:19,928 --> 00:20:21,221
[whistle blowing]

445
00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:22,764
‐ Did yous all get a hot dog?

446
00:20:22,764 --> 00:20:25,434
Give 'em all hot dogs?
Pretty good hot dogs?

447
00:20:25,434 --> 00:20:27,144
Boy, I love hot dogs.

448
00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:32,608
Well, here's a scoop
and I'm gonna tell ya,

449
00:20:32,608 --> 00:20:35,319
yous have all been little shits.

450
00:20:35,319 --> 00:20:36,695
But the worst of it all,

451
00:20:36,695 --> 00:20:40,824
like, by far, is grab assin'.

452
00:20:40,824 --> 00:20:44,077
Now, to explain to
yous why that's super bad,

453
00:20:44,077 --> 00:20:46,747
I've enlisted the help of my sister Katy,

454
00:20:46,747 --> 00:20:49,374
as well as my sweetie Rosie.

455
00:20:49,374 --> 00:20:51,418
[clearing throat]

456
00:20:53,712 --> 00:20:55,797
Katy, Rosie, yous have the floor.

457
00:20:55,797 --> 00:20:57,299
[applauding]

458
00:21:03,722 --> 00:21:07,476
‐ So, I hear you little boys
like to grab ass, eh?

459
00:21:07,476 --> 00:21:09,228
‐ You like grabbin' girls by the ass?

460
00:21:09,228 --> 00:21:11,355
‐ Um...
‐ Let me tell you a little something

461
00:21:11,355 --> 00:21:13,774
about little boys who grab asses.

462
00:21:13,774 --> 00:21:17,778
‐ Grabbin' ass, otherwise known as assault
and sometimes molestation.

463
00:21:17,778 --> 00:21:19,780
‐ Guys‐‐
‐ No, Bonnie. We got this.

464
00:21:19,780 --> 00:21:22,241
‐ Straight to the slammer.
‐ The clink.

465
00:21:22,241 --> 00:21:23,283
‐ The pen.
‐ The cage.

466
00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:24,326
‐ The pound.
‐ Prison.

467
00:21:24,326 --> 00:21:26,745
Wanna know what happens to
little boys in prison?

468
00:21:26,745 --> 00:21:28,914
‐ Let's try to keep this PGs.

469
00:21:28,914 --> 00:21:30,582
KATY: Well, you wanna know what happens

470
00:21:30,582 --> 00:21:33,502
to little boys after they've
served time in prison?

471
00:21:33,502 --> 00:21:36,338
‐ Katy...
‐ Bonnie, we've got this.

472
00:21:36,338 --> 00:21:39,550
‐ Do you guys know what
the sex offender registry is?

473
00:21:39,550 --> 00:21:41,176
‐ Yes.
‐ Stewart!

474
00:21:41,176 --> 00:21:42,678
‐ For the rest of your life,

475
00:21:42,678 --> 00:21:44,346
wherever you decide to set up shop,

476
00:21:44,346 --> 00:21:46,098
you'll have to go door to door

477
00:21:46,098 --> 00:21:48,934
and introduce yourself to
your neighbors and be like,

478
00:21:48,934 --> 00:21:51,311
"Hi, I'm Kyle" or "I'm Kendrick,"

479
00:21:51,311 --> 00:21:54,022
or "I'm Kenny and I'm a sex offender."

480
00:21:54,022 --> 00:21:56,942
‐ Yeah. I'm not sure if you
little boys have noticed,

481
00:21:56,942 --> 00:21:59,444
but we've got some big
dudes here in Letterkenny.

482
00:21:59,444 --> 00:22:02,197
Would you like to knock
on this fella's door?

483
00:22:02,197 --> 00:22:04,908
Huh? Huh? Huh?

484
00:22:04,908 --> 00:22:07,953
A fella who looks like... this? Huh?

485
00:22:07,953 --> 00:22:10,914
Say "Hey, fella, I'm a sex
offender" and see what happens.

486
00:22:10,914 --> 00:22:12,416
‐ Rosie...

487
00:22:12,416 --> 00:22:15,252
KATY: No, Bonnie. Bonnie, no.
You've suffered enough.

488
00:22:15,252 --> 00:22:17,129
Let's get to the bottom of this.

489
00:22:17,129 --> 00:22:22,176
Okay, which one of you little boys
grabbed Bonnie's ass?

490
00:22:23,552 --> 00:22:24,636
[scoffs]

491
00:22:26,597 --> 00:22:28,640
Not so tough now, eh?
‐ No.

492
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:31,393
‐ Not so tough, now that you've
been called to the carpet.

493
00:22:31,393 --> 00:22:33,687
Which one of you little shits did it?

494
00:22:33,687 --> 00:22:35,439
[gasping]

495
00:22:37,900 --> 00:22:40,485
‐ Why'd you grab her ass?
‐ It's a great ass.

496
00:22:40,485 --> 00:22:42,154
[all murmuring]

497
00:22:42,154 --> 00:22:44,948
‐ We're not arguing that it's a great ass.

498
00:22:44,948 --> 00:22:47,534
‐ But she did have one of
those poop bags for dogs

499
00:22:47,534 --> 00:22:49,369
sticking out of her back pocket.

500
00:22:49,369 --> 00:22:51,038
I just went to grab it and hand it to her.

501
00:22:51,038 --> 00:22:54,666
‐ Well, you can see how Ms. McMurray

502
00:22:54,666 --> 00:22:57,085
would, uh... not have seen it that way.

503
00:22:57,085 --> 00:22:58,921
‐ Then she called me a skank.

504
00:22:58,921 --> 00:23:00,756
ALL: Oh!

505
00:23:00,756 --> 00:23:02,341
ROSIE: No! Bonnie!
[all yelling]

506
00:23:02,341 --> 00:23:04,718
‐ Bonnie, this is a young girl‐‐

507
00:23:09,014 --> 00:23:11,016
REILLY:
Six genos and six apples, buddy.

508
00:23:11,016 --> 00:23:12,726
‐ Five tucks and seven helpers, bro.

509
00:23:12,726 --> 00:23:13,936
‐ No back checking.

510
00:23:13,936 --> 00:23:14,937
‐ No defensive responsibilities.

511
00:23:14,937 --> 00:23:17,648
BOTH: No leg day!

512
00:23:17,648 --> 00:23:19,483
‐ Fuck, buddy, I could get
use to beer league.

513
00:23:19,483 --> 00:23:20,817
‐ Beer league for life, bro!

514
00:23:20,817 --> 00:23:22,694
‐ You guys ever seen
the Mississippi river?

515
00:23:22,694 --> 00:23:24,071
‐ No, Coach.
‐ Please, Coach.

516
00:23:24,071 --> 00:23:25,864
We have so much going for us right here.

517
00:23:25,864 --> 00:23:27,950
‐ The flow of that river
that hot summer night

518
00:23:27,950 --> 00:23:31,995
was only outdone by the flow
of Barb's Bartholin glands.

519
00:23:33,539 --> 00:23:36,625
I undid by button‐fly acid wash jeans...

520
00:23:37,835 --> 00:23:41,046
pulled out my quarter pounder,
I presented it to her.

521
00:23:41,046 --> 00:23:44,007
No pickles, no onions, special order.

522
00:23:44,007 --> 00:23:45,592
Slid it inside her.

523
00:23:45,592 --> 00:23:47,553
There was some air caught up in there,

524
00:23:47,553 --> 00:23:49,346
so it was like... [blowing raspberry]

525
00:23:49,346 --> 00:23:53,183
[raspberry continuing]

526
00:23:54,935 --> 00:23:56,228
You gotta get it all out.

527
00:23:56,228 --> 00:24:00,440
And then, I kept going till
I was ready to water her

528
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:02,442
like a bed of Tuscan flowers.

529
00:24:03,944 --> 00:24:06,280
I ejaculated my semen all over her

530
00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:09,867
like I was hosing down an
elephant at the circus.

531
00:24:11,368 --> 00:24:13,245
Then, I couldn't move after.

532
00:24:13,245 --> 00:24:15,956
I just laid there
and just listened to the river.

533
00:24:15,956 --> 00:24:18,083
Of course, Barb went and got a rag

534
00:24:18,083 --> 00:24:21,044
and some Head and Shoulders
and cleaned herself up.

535
00:24:22,796 --> 00:24:25,048
‐ Well, every program has its flaws,

536
00:24:25,048 --> 00:24:27,342
but if that's all we have to deal with,

537
00:24:27,342 --> 00:24:29,052
fuck, buddy, I guess we're beer leaguers.

538
00:24:29,052 --> 00:24:30,804
‐ Beer league for life, bro!

539
00:24:30,804 --> 00:24:32,431
‐ 'Ferda.
‐ 'Ferda.

540
00:24:32,431 --> 00:24:33,348
[both chuckle]

541
00:24:34,933 --> 00:24:39,146
‐ Guys, you ever been to Disneyland?

542
00:24:40,939 --> 00:24:42,316
‐ Hey, leave it!

543
00:24:43,066 --> 00:24:44,234
‐ Hey! leave it!

544
00:24:45,944 --> 00:24:47,613
‐ He said fuckin' leave it!

545
00:24:53,827 --> 00:24:55,913
Yous mean to tell me
I can't even take a piss

546
00:24:55,913 --> 00:24:58,165
without yous horsin' around?

547
00:24:58,165 --> 00:25:00,751
Yous are little shits with your horseplay,

548
00:25:00,751 --> 00:25:02,294
with your roughhouse.

549
00:25:03,670 --> 00:25:05,839
Now, Gail's been back there
microwaving smokies

550
00:25:05,839 --> 00:25:08,509
all afternoon, so yous
could enjoy a hot dog.

551
00:25:08,509 --> 00:25:10,219
I was gonna leave this as a surprise,

552
00:25:10,219 --> 00:25:12,638
but she's gone to the store
to get more pops and chips.

553
00:25:12,638 --> 00:25:15,015
So, how do you feel now? Not very good.

554
00:25:16,391 --> 00:25:18,852
Now, what kids need if
they're gonna shape up

555
00:25:18,852 --> 00:25:20,687
is some tough love,

556
00:25:20,687 --> 00:25:22,981
but that's your parents' jobs's.

557
00:25:24,191 --> 00:25:27,778
As your peer, all I
can offer yous is logic.

558
00:25:27,778 --> 00:25:30,447
So, what we're gonna do...
[clearing throat]

559
00:25:31,865 --> 00:25:35,452
is sit down here today and
logic these problems to death.

560
00:25:35,452 --> 00:25:37,037
Here we go now.

561
00:25:37,037 --> 00:25:38,914
‐ Mailbox stealin'.
‐ Mailbox stealin'.

562
00:25:38,914 --> 00:25:40,332
Look, this is a small town.

563
00:25:40,332 --> 00:25:41,959
If you get in trouble with the law,

564
00:25:41,959 --> 00:25:43,669
you're gonna get written up in the paper.

565
00:25:43,669 --> 00:25:45,045
Either the police briefs

566
00:25:45,045 --> 00:25:47,005
or the court reports, if you get charged.

567
00:25:47,005 --> 00:25:49,007
So, now, how silly would you feel,

568
00:25:49,007 --> 00:25:51,343
if you get written up
in the paper for a crime,

569
00:25:51,343 --> 00:25:54,179
and that crime is mailbox stealin'?

570
00:25:54,179 --> 00:25:56,932
Like, it's about
the squarest crime there is.

571
00:25:56,932 --> 00:25:58,559
And fellas, if you want
to know how hard it is

572
00:25:58,559 --> 00:26:00,018
to get any attention from girls

573
00:26:00,018 --> 00:26:01,812
after getting written up
for mailbox stealin',

574
00:26:01,812 --> 00:26:02,980
fuckin' ask Dary.

575
00:26:02,980 --> 00:26:04,898
‐ Yeah, and how long was it, Dary?

576
00:26:04,898 --> 00:26:07,276
‐ Two calendar years
and four fiscal months.

577
00:26:07,276 --> 00:26:08,443
‐ Four fiscal months.

578
00:26:09,152 --> 00:26:11,363
‐ Shit throwin'!
‐ Shit throwin', this one's easy.

579
00:26:11,363 --> 00:26:12,281
How fuckin' old are yas?

580
00:26:12,281 --> 00:26:14,408
‐ Sixteen.

581
00:26:14,408 --> 00:26:16,493
‐ What's your name? I think
I know your old man.

582
00:26:16,493 --> 00:26:18,620
‐ Me?
‐ Fuckin' never mind.

583
00:26:18,620 --> 00:26:20,080
KID: Everyone else here is fifteen though.

584
00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:21,582
I was held back in first grade

585
00:26:21,582 --> 00:26:23,500
'cause it took me a little
longer to read than most kids.

586
00:26:23,500 --> 00:26:25,252
‐ Loser.
‐ Stewart.

587
00:26:25,252 --> 00:26:26,795
WAYNE: Well, look, if yous
are gonna get involved

588
00:26:26,795 --> 00:26:28,755
in petty vandalism, like,

589
00:26:28,755 --> 00:26:30,883
do graffiti or something,
get creative with it.

590
00:26:30,883 --> 00:26:32,551
It's more than a bit fuckin' primitive

591
00:26:32,551 --> 00:26:34,720
to be shittin' in bags
and throwin' it places.

592
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:37,181
‐ Well, yous did that, too,
when you were their age.

593
00:26:37,181 --> 00:26:38,098
WAYNE/ DARY: Allegedly.
DAN: Allegedlies.

594
00:26:39,725 --> 00:26:41,393
[mouthing word silently]

595
00:26:41,393 --> 00:26:42,477
‐ Fighting!

596
00:26:42,477 --> 00:26:44,688
‐ Well, look, I love a scrap
as much as the next guy,

597
00:26:44,688 --> 00:26:47,274
let's make that good and clear.
[clearing throat]

598
00:26:47,274 --> 00:26:49,651
But you kids have your phones
out all the damn time,

599
00:26:49,651 --> 00:26:52,237
taking videos of everything you see.

600
00:26:52,237 --> 00:26:54,072
So, let's say you get in a fight

601
00:26:54,072 --> 00:26:56,575
you get beat up or,
even worse, knocked out,

602
00:26:56,575 --> 00:26:58,869
some young nut sack's got his phone out

603
00:26:58,869 --> 00:27:00,037
and he's taking a video of it,

604
00:27:00,037 --> 00:27:01,747
going home to put it
on the fuckin' internet.

605
00:27:01,747 --> 00:27:03,999
And there's no helping you
once it's on a few websites.

606
00:27:03,999 --> 00:27:06,835
‐ [scoffs] And God help you
if it reaches the...

607
00:27:06,835 --> 00:27:07,794
‐ Dark web.

608
00:27:07,794 --> 00:27:09,463
‐ Once it's on there,
it's on there for good

609
00:27:09,463 --> 00:27:11,715
and it could follow you around
for the rest of your lifes.

610
00:27:11,715 --> 00:27:13,217
So, use your fuckin' heads.

611
00:27:13,217 --> 00:27:14,384
‐ Name calling!

612
00:27:14,384 --> 00:27:16,136
‐ Fuckin' sticks and stones.

613
00:27:16,136 --> 00:27:17,137
‐ Grab assin'!

614
00:27:17,137 --> 00:27:19,723
‐ Yous wanna go grab assin' girls?

615
00:27:19,723 --> 00:27:20,474
Okay.

616
00:27:21,892 --> 00:27:25,020
Now, more than likely that
girl's got a big brother,

617
00:27:25,020 --> 00:27:26,939
or a big cousint', or an old man

618
00:27:26,939 --> 00:27:28,732
who's been tossin' bales
around his whole life

619
00:27:28,732 --> 00:27:30,150
and loves the bottle.

620
00:27:30,150 --> 00:27:32,110
Now, I'm gonna tell ya,

621
00:27:32,110 --> 00:27:34,154
you don't want any of 'em
grabbin' a hold of you.

622
00:27:36,490 --> 00:27:37,783
Don't...

623
00:27:37,783 --> 00:27:39,034
fuck...

624
00:27:39,034 --> 00:27:40,661
with girls.

625
00:27:43,330 --> 00:27:44,706
‐ You know what?

626
00:27:44,706 --> 00:27:46,542
I've always wanted to be an actor.

627
00:27:46,542 --> 00:27:50,712
I am going to quit messing
around and go do it.

628
00:27:50,712 --> 00:27:52,923
‐ Well, don't fuckin' do that.

629
00:27:52,923 --> 00:27:54,424
Wait till you're older.

630
00:27:54,424 --> 00:27:56,176
Look how fucked up child actors get,

631
00:27:56,176 --> 00:27:57,928
with adults pressuring them to entertain.

632
00:27:57,928 --> 00:28:00,514
You'll have a needle
in your arm by the time
you're drinking age.

633
00:28:00,514 --> 00:28:03,976
‐ I'm going to be a
climate change activist just like‐‐

634
00:28:03,976 --> 00:28:05,477
‐ Don't do that! Well, like,

635
00:28:05,477 --> 00:28:07,396
look at how fucked up child actors get

636
00:28:07,396 --> 00:28:09,106
with adults pressuring them to entertain,

637
00:28:09,106 --> 00:28:11,692
like, fucking imagine how fucked up

638
00:28:11,692 --> 00:28:13,193
child climate activists would get

639
00:28:13,193 --> 00:28:15,237
with adults pressuring them
to save the fuckin' world!

640
00:28:15,237 --> 00:28:18,657
[chuckling]
‐ So, what do we do?

641
00:28:18,657 --> 00:28:20,826
‐ Well look, being a young shithead is
a rite of passage.

642
00:28:20,826 --> 00:28:22,953
You're only a young shithead once.

643
00:28:22,953 --> 00:28:24,663
So, you might as well just go out

644
00:28:24,663 --> 00:28:26,456
and be a young shithead.

645
00:28:26,456 --> 00:28:29,251
Get in trouble, take risks, make mistakes,

646
00:28:29,251 --> 00:28:31,753
but, you know, keep it between the lines.

647
00:28:31,753 --> 00:28:34,131
‐ We all dids.
‐ Yeah, but except for Dary,

648
00:28:34,131 --> 00:28:37,009
who got written up in The Banner for
stealin' mailboxes,

649
00:28:37,009 --> 00:28:39,344
and then no girls
would touch him for like...

650
00:28:39,344 --> 00:28:40,637
How long was it?

651
00:28:41,346 --> 00:28:44,433
‐ Two calendar years
and four fiscal months.

652
00:28:44,433 --> 00:28:45,976
‐ Four fiscal months.

653
00:28:45,976 --> 00:28:49,062
So, here's what I want yous to do,

654
00:28:49,062 --> 00:28:52,566
I want yous to take what
you've learned today...

655
00:28:54,151 --> 00:28:56,153
...and fuck off.

656
00:28:56,153 --> 00:28:57,237
‐ What are yous gonna do?

657
00:28:57,237 --> 00:28:58,363
‐ Get hammered.

658
00:28:58,363 --> 00:29:00,115
‐ Carve my names into the bars.

659
00:29:00,115 --> 00:29:02,284
‐ Make fun of skids.
‐ Fight this guy.

660
00:29:02,284 --> 00:29:04,453
‐ Grab a big chunk of that ass.

661
00:29:07,539 --> 00:29:09,124
‐ Well, sounds like we're gonna be

662
00:29:09,124 --> 00:29:11,752
young shitheads for a while yet, too.

663
00:29:11,752 --> 00:29:15,005
♪ "Straight Line"
by the New Values playing ♪

664
00:29:15,964 --> 00:29:19,384
♪

665
00:29:24,223 --> 00:29:26,225
‐ ♪ Dancing, by me my love ♪

666
00:29:26,225 --> 00:29:27,392
♪ Changing my love ♪

667
00:29:27,392 --> 00:29:29,269
♪ Followed for the future ♪

668
00:29:29,269 --> 00:29:31,230
♪ She goes slowly ♪

669
00:29:31,230 --> 00:29:33,774
♪ So securely, lovesick, lonely... ♪

670
00:29:33,774 --> 00:29:35,776
♪ Needed more than ever ♪

671
00:29:35,776 --> 00:29:38,237
♪ Concrete face below
the surface of the waves ♪

672
00:29:38,237 --> 00:29:40,239
♪ An endless chase, a straight line ♪

673
00:29:40,239 --> 00:29:42,449
♪ Life is not forever ♪

674
00:29:42,449 --> 00:29:45,244
♪

675
00:29:45,244 --> 00:29:46,912
♪ Sleep tight, care for no life ♪

676
00:29:46,912 --> 00:29:48,455
♪ Try to hope less ♪

677
00:29:48,455 --> 00:29:51,250
♪ Eyes wild, like the story,
shifting endlessly ♪

678
00:29:51,250 --> 00:29:53,210
♪ So securely, lovesick, lonely... ♪

679
00:29:53,210 --> 00:29:56,255
♪ Needed more than ever ♪

680
00:29:56,255 --> 00:29:59,299
♪ Concrete face below
the surface of the waves ♪

681
00:29:59,299 --> 00:30:01,260
♪ An endless chase, a straight line ♪

682
00:30:01,260 --> 00:30:03,428
♪ Life is not forever ♪

683
00:30:03,428 --> 00:30:08,225
♪