‐ You and your sweetie were discussing your town
the other day.
‐ Did you know there's a township in Pennsylvania
called Letterkenny?
‐ Hot off the presses. ‐ You didn't know that.
‐ Did too. ‐ Did not.
‐ Did too. ‐ You did not.
‐ That's where Letterkenny Army Depot is.
‐ Look at you. ‐ Good word. Letterkenny.
Nice ring to it. Very functional.
‐ Doesn't get much better‐kenny.
‐ What's say we head down to Gail's for breakfast?
Bit brisk though. Perhaps you should grab a sweater‐kenny.
‐ Breakfast at Gail's beats letter‐Denny's.
‐ I'd buy that for a letter‐penny.
‐ You should pinch your letter‐pennies
or you'll be in debt‐erkenny.
‐ Judging by that fancy watch you got on
maybe you're the one who should pinch your letter‐pennies.
‐ Hey, don't be fooled by the watch that I got,
I'm still letter‐Jenny from the block.
‐ Don't need a lecture‐kenny.
‐ Cito's got a new sweetie. An Irish setter‐kenny.
‐ Pure bred‐erkenny?
‐ As opposed to what, inbred‐erkenny?
‐ Fuck, Stormy's gonna take a header‐kenny.
‐ Hate how much setter's shedder‐kenny.
‐ I ever tell you, I think you look a little wee bit like the daughter
of letter‐Lenny Kravitz?
‐ I'll buy that for a letter‐penny!
‐ That's what I said‐erkenny.
‐ Have you seen my Eddie Vedder‐kenny Live DVD?
‐ What? The singer of Yellow Ledbetter‐Kenny?
‐ Mm‐hmm. It was right next to Dan's letter‐Kenny Loggins CD.
‐ I think he plays a Fender‐kenny.
‐ Oh, letter‐Kenny gee whiz.
‐ Did you know that Dan also enjoys Simply Red‐erkenny?
‐ And letter‐Benny Benassi.
‐ Wait, I did seen it, underneath another DVD.
Judge Dredd‐erkenny.
‐ Will you take this girl to bed‐erkenny?
‐ I don't know.
Letter‐can he?
♪ theme music playing ♪
‐ Wayne?
‐ Dary.
‐ Why are you parked all the way back here?
‐ What's the problem? ‐ There's a spot right over there.
It's really close to the door.
‐ Rock star's parkings what it's called.
‐ Well, is there something wrong with the spot we're in currently?
‐ Well, no. It's just a longer walk to the door.
‐ Well, which leg did you break?
‐ Well, it's‐‐ it's cold.
‐ Sounds like your old man shoulda kicked your ass
another time or two.
‐ Good buddies?
‐ Good buddy.
‐ To Dary's point, if rock star's parking's availables,
you should always takes the rock star's parkings,
and maybe gets yourselves a lottery's ticket.
‐ Well, okay, Dan. Dan, okay. What?
So, some drunk nut sack can stumble out of the bar,
take a header into the truck? Put a big ding in 'er?
DARY: Hm. ‐ And okay, Dary. Dary, okay. What?
So, a couple of drunk nut sacks can come out of there pushing
and shoving, bump into it and split?
‐ Yeah.
‐ Yeah. You're right, good buddy.
‐ Well, you're God damn right I'm right.
You gotta wake up pretty early in the morning.
‐ To what?
‐ What?
‐ You said I gotta wake up pretty early in the morning.
‐ Well, then you better wake up pretty early in the morning.
‐ To what? ‐ To‐‐
To... if you wanna fool me.
‐ I don't.
‐ Well, what if you did?
‐ Well, why'd I have to wake up pretty early in the morning?
‐ You‐‐ For if you wanna sneak one past me, Bud.
‐ What do you mean?
‐ I mean you better wake up pretty early in the morning.
‐ To do what?
‐ To if you want to outsmart me.
‐ Outsmart you with what?
‐ Well, doesn't matter. I won't be outsmarted.
‐ Well, I got no interest in outsmarting you.
‐ Well, you got interest in being smart,
and I'll tell you, you're cruising for a bruising.
‐ Well, why do I gotta wake up early in the morning
just to outsmart you?
‐ To‐‐ to if you want to beat me at what I was gonna do.
‐ Well, what were you gonna do?
‐ Well, it doesn't matter. If you want a head start on it
you gotta wake up pretty early in the morning.
‐ Well, I'd have to wake up extra early 'cause I don't want to
skip "brefekst." ‐ Well, guess what?
I'm serving knuckle sandwiches for brefekst.
‐ Good buddies? ‐ Good buddy.
‐ You mights gets a ding in your car if you parks up front.
Sure. Sure, that's could happen.
But, you know, back here's where fellers
comes to takes a piss.
‐ What are you saying, Squirrelly D?
‐ Yeah, you might get piss on your truck, good buddy.
‐ Oh.
Oh, I think you're right, good buddy.
‐ Well, one's the lesser of two evils.
‐ Yeah.
‐ We just have to decides which ones gets the edge.
‐ Yeah. ‐ Well, it is a wee bit chilly.
‐ Yeah.
Yeah, it is a wee bit chilly. Good enough.
‐ Hey!
Learn how to fucking drive!
[all laughing]
♪ "Crunk" by Noahplause playing ♪
‐ Aly‐cat. ‐ Stewart.
‐ Bianca‐donk. ‐ Stewart.
‐ I'm‐‐ ‐ Stewart.
‐ [chuckles] Roald!
I'm making a comeback.
‐ We're making a comeback.
‐ [sighing] Correct.
‐ We're the newest DJ duo on the scene.
‐ Got the streets bubbling. ‐ You're gonna be DJs?
‐ DJs fuck. ‐ Mm.
‐ Mm‐hm. ‐ Mm.
‐ Mm‐hm. So, what are you called?
‐ I'm quite sure you recall our previous collab.
‐ Nope. ‐ The Hottest Sex Imaginable?
‐ When. ‐ Now?
‐ No, no, no! That was the name of our band.
‐ The Hottest Sex Imaginable?
‐ The Hottest Sex Imaginable.
‐ Might've heard of my lil' side project Susan Serrated.
‐ Roald. ‐ I thought you liked that name?
‐ I don't. ‐ Stewart.
‐ I love it.
‐ So, what are you called now?
‐ Connor. Darien.
‐ 2cock Chakur?
‐ Picture me rolling... ‐ Hail Mary.
‐ Until the end of time. ‐ All eyes on me!
I imagine they'll just call us 2cock.
‐ Who's they? ‐ [scoffs] The streets.
‐ Tanis actually hired us to play her release party today.
‐ What's she releasing?
‐ ♪ You can get crunk in the club ♪
KATY: Tanis?
‐ Damn. You two look good.
‐ Scorched Earth season, baby. [slaps butt]
Yoo! ‐ Get 'em fired up.
‐ Great timing.
'Skoden.
‐ S'do dis.
‐ Damn. ‐ You look good.
‐ Hey, Hemsworth sisters.
‐ NDN NRG?
‐ Not sure that's PC, buddy.
‐ Indian Energy. It's hilarious.
‐ You said it.
‐ All of the kids on the rez have been obsessed
with BROdude ever since the senior tournament
so I thought to myself, "What can I do?"
‐ Learn how to fucking drive? [all chuckling]
‐ I hate leaving money on the table.
So, NDN NRG was born.
The kids are already hoovering it.
‐ Looks a Timbit like the BROdude logo, Tanis.
‐ Mm, no, it doesn't.
Also, I want to thank you, Gail, for hosting the launch party.
‐ Got you, girl.
‐ Tanis, it does look a drill bit like the BROdude logo.
‐ No, I don't see it.
‐ Don't think so? Not even a mosquito bit?
‐ Nope.
‐ Tassie. ‐ Cassie.
‐ I'm Tassie. ‐ I'm Cassie.
‐ Wow, boys. You have really outdone yourselves.
‐ Thanks.
We couldn't find broads to wheel within the 100km radius of Letterkenny
that we hadn't already wheeled,
so then I thought to myself, "Well, what should we do?"
‐ Learn how to fucking drive? [hicks chuckling]
‐ Go outside of the 100km range.
It's so simple!
‐ And then we remembered that Tassie and Cassie‐‐
‐ I'm Tassie. ‐ I'm Cassie.
‐ We'll get 'er.
‐ Tassie and Cassie gave up their jobs for us over at BROdude.
‐ We lost our jobs.
‐ The best jobs we've ever had.
‐ But all's well that ends well, right, Cassie?
‐ I'm Tassie. ‐ I'm Cassie.
‐ We'll get 'er.
[feedback squealing]
‐ Figure it out! ‐ Je suis désolé!
Gail's system is archaic. ‐ Fuck you, skid.
‐ Connor! Darien! Quick! The banner.
‐ 2cock Chakur?
‐ They just call us 2cock.
‐ Who's they? ‐ The streets.
‐ Blasphemy. ‐ Sacrilege.
‐ We know. ‐ And agree.
‐ But...
‐ So, why are you wearing the shirts?
‐ They're up to 10k SoundCloud followers.
‐ And you know what that means.
‐ No. ‐ What?
‐ Learn how to fucking drive. [hicks chuckling]
BOTH: All aboard that train.
[both snapping fingers] Choo‐choo‐choo.
[phone buzzing]
[sighing]
‐ I'm sick of these dudes already.
‐ Should we try to be NDN NRG girls?
‐ BROdude knock off? [scoffing]
‐ What if we tell BROdude?
‐ We could get our jobs back.
BOTH: Should we do it? We should do it.
TANIS: Hey!
DAN: Hey!
Shut the fuck up and listen to Tanis before
I have to stick my shoes down your throat
and turn you into a very fashionable gender‐neutral
pair of thigh‐high fucking boots.
‐ Alright, I got some shit to say.
But first, I want to thank Gail for hosting us.
Thank you, Gail. [crowd cheering]
‐ Got you, girl.
‐ Now, with the recent success of the Eagles
on the national senior hockey stage,
Auntie Tanis got a little bit of an idea.
‐ Learn how to fucking drive? [hicks chuckling]
‐ The team needs an official sponsor.
Something that contributes to the brand
of this championship team.
So, with that, I present to you.
[clapping] Skids!
‐ I know!
‐ It's 2cock Chakur. ‐ Roald.
[drumbeat sounding]
♪ Native hip hop playing ♪
♪
[applauding, cheering]
‐ Yes, and with the early success of NDN NRG.
Tanis bought the Eagles.
[cheering]
‐ I did! I bought the Eagles!
WOMAN: What the fuck is this?
Bye. Move. Basic.
Thanks for the heads up.
Tits look great, but no regrets.
Tanis? ‐ 'Sup?
‐ Your logo looks just a Bits & Bites like the BROdude logo.
‐ Mmm... no.
‐ It looks more than a horse bit like the BROdude logo.
‐ I‐‐ I don't see it.
‐ Hmm.
Mm, tastes the same too.
‐ They all taste the same. Get your head outta your ass.
‐ They do not all taste the same.
‐ Okay well then what're you gonna do about it, Erin Brockovich?
‐ Learn how to fucking drive? [hicks chuckling]
‐ Besides sue the moccasins off you?
‐ You don't have to sue me to get them off. What's your sign?
‐ Hm, I'll think of something.
Damn. You two look good.
Let's go.
‐ Anglais, s'il vous plait.
‐ We need to talk. ‐ About what?
‐ We'll be back.
TANIS: Skids! [claps hands]
‐ I know! ‐ It's 2cock.
‐ Roald.
‐ I'm not gonna fucking say that.
Alright, let's get fucking hammered!
[cheering]
♪ "So Deep" by MSTRKRFT playing ♪
‐ Boys. ‐ Boys.
‐ Boys! ‐ Boys.
‐ Doing well I see.
‐ Guess what we did. ‐ What's that?
‐ Started our own beer league team.
‐ Nice. Beer league checks all the boxes, boys.
‐ Booze. Boys...
‐ Yeah, I think that's pretty much it, buddy.
‐ Booze and the boys. Love beer league, boys.
‐ You're playing us this weekend.
‐ Good. Just don't work too hard.
‐ Yeah, no one likes a beer league hero, boys. Relax.
‐ Don't worry about it. We phone it straight the fuck in.
‐ Good. ‐ Relax.
‐ But we got a guy who can't be turned off.
‐ No. ‐ Not‐‐
BOTH: Shoresy.
SHORESY: Give your balls a tug.
‐ Wait, you know this guy? SHORESY: Fuck yeah.
Saw 'em at a Halloween party dressed as the twins from The Shining
and almost shot 'gurt through my Dorothy skirt.
‐ [chuckling] You were dressed as Dorothy for Halloween?
SHORESY: You bet. The dress looked good on me,
but it'll look better on your mum's bedroom floor,
you fucking loser. ‐ Fuck you, Shoresy.
‐ Fuck you, Jonesy. Your mom wanted to go with me as Toto
but I said short trip, you're already a fucking dog.
‐ Fuck you, Shoresy. SHORESY: Fuck you, Reilly.
Your mom got refused entry to that party for
coming in blackface.
Glad I came in blackface before we left her bungalow.
‐ Fuck you, Shoresy!
‐ Were you really taking down their moms?
‐ No! SHORESY: Fuck you, Reilly.
I'd still be with her,
but she ignored Lacy and Macy's safe word.
‐ It's Tassie. ‐ And Cassie.
‐ So, it is true.
‐ No!
‐ Fuck you, Jonesy. I dumped your mom
and she sent me flowers like I'm a fucking broad.
‐ Fuck you, Shoresy.
‐ Fuck you, Reilly. Your mom said she'd do anything to get me back
so I've got her running around town
on my Pokémon Go.
‐ Fuck you, Shoresy! We're done.
‐ Fuck you, Jonesy. How do you think I feel?
I gotta fuck your mom one more time
because she's still got my Game Boy Color.
BOTH: Fuck! SHORESY: Fucking Pokémons,
gotta catch 'em all, you piece of shit.
‐ ♪ She's got sugar on the inside ♪
♪ Honey so sweet that money can't buy ♪
♪ She's got sugar on the inside ♪
‐ You worried about The Devil Wears Prada?
‐ [scoffing] No.
Thanks for shaking it out there.
‐ What if she tries to sue you?
‐ Global corporation tries to take down a First Nations mom and pop shop?
I'd like to see her try.
Besides, I'm Mohawk. I'm Bear Clan.
This logo is ours. ‐ Careful, Auntie.
‐ Listen, Shark Tank can come after us if she wants to,
but you know what we're gonna do?
DAN: Learn how to fucking drive?
[hicks chuckling]
‐ Enjoy our day with our championship team
and our championship drink.
‐ ♪ She's got sugar on the inside ♪
♪ She's got sugar on the inside ♪
[whistling] [music stops]
‐ Good sound.
‐ [scoffing] Duh.
‐ What are you called?
‐ 2cock Chakur.
‐ That is the stupidest name I've ever heard.
‐ Just 2cock. ‐ The kids will love it.
‐ They already do. ‐ So do the ladies.
‐ Let's talk.
[both laughing]
‐ What? Did you come to sue the mukluks off me?
‐ I said moccasins, and come on, global corporation
takes down First Nations mom and pop shop?
How would that look?
‐ Hm, I like the way you think.
‐ I can't poop your party that way.
‐ Lovely. Later. ‐ But guess what I can do?
‐ Learn how to fucking drive? [hicks chuckling]
‐ Hurt you. Much worse. In other ways.
The Kerry County Eagles First Nations Senior Hockey Team.
‐ Championship First Nations senior hockey team.
‐ About that...
‐ Your rez's rules state that in order to play
for the Native team, you must be Native.
You sure all your players are Native?
‐ Listen, it chaps my ass more than anyone's that everyone
and their fucking dog is part Native now,
but read the Canadian Indian Act, alright?
‐ Oh, hm. Well.
How about I read some Ancestry.com results instead?
Reilly, Jones, and Shore.
Are they triplets or something?
‐ [chuckling] Yeah, triplets with all different last names?
‐ Fucking idiot.
‐ Oh, I just ask because
their Ancestry.com results are identical.
‐ What?
‐ Huh? ‐ How?
‐ Because the DNA submitted for all three of them
was the same.
‐ It's like the shotguns are cocks.
[both laughing]
The directions said to spit in a cup and send it in.
‐ So we spit in the cup like the directions said.
‐ You spit in separate cups, right?
BOTH: Yes!
‐ It said just spit in the cup and then send it in!
‐ So, we spit in the cup and sent it in!
‐ You sent it in?
Who sent it in?
BOTH: Shoresy.
[sighing]
BOTH: Shoresy!
‐ As official sponsor of the National Senior Hockey Championship,
until it is determined
whose DNA was submitted for all three players,
I must revoke the Kerry County Eagles championship status.
‐ No.
ALL: No.
BOTH: No!
‐ Good luck building your brand on the backs of disgraced
former National Senior Hockey Champions,
the conniving Kerry County Eagles.
JJ.
‐ That cup belonged to the Tree River Lakers.
‐ Fucking Tree Rivers.
[crowd gasping]
‐ Reilly! Jones!
Remember when I said this hat belonged on the head
of a real athlete?
Not washed up never‐have‐been taking a victory lap
through whale shit?
BOTH: Yeah.
‐ Well, here's what that looks like.
‐ Je t'ai dit qu'il fallait qu'on parle.
‐ Anglais, s'il vous plait.
‐ I have a new boyfriend. ‐ Oh?
‐ I wanted you to hear it from me.
‐ 'Kay.
‐ Katy, I have a new boyfriend.
‐ Oh?
‐ I wanted you to hear it from me.
‐ 'Kay.
[chuckling]
[kissing]
‐ Excuse me. Hi, yeah.
Would that be your car that's parked all snugged up
against the back door blocking the fire exit?
Learn how to fucking drive!
‐ Where's Wayne?
♪ "Lola Stars and Stripes" by The Stills playing ♪
♪
‐ ♪ We all need to feel secure ♪
♪ We're so middle class ♪
♪ But I'm still waiting for next week's ♪
♪ Chemical blast ♪
♪