1
00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:03,604
Give me that!

2
00:01:18,119 --> 00:01:19,787
Move!

3
00:01:20,371 --> 00:01:23,749
Hey, sir! Sir! Come
back!

4
00:01:56,407 --> 00:01:57,908
I've gotta
get outta here.

5
00:01:57,992 --> 00:01:59,660
Boo, boo, boo,
hey, hey, hey.

6
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,620
Girl, you got that
list of questions?

7
00:02:01,704 --> 00:02:02,830
Yes.

8
00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:05,791
I think I have
everything that I need.

9
00:02:05,875 --> 00:02:07,584
Be happy you ain't got
this chlamydia, all right?

10
00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:09,962
Girl, I tried
to take a piss earlier,

11
00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:12,172
it was like there was an
angry dragon inside my snatch,

12
00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:14,133
you know, like some
Game of Thrones shit!

13
00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:16,343
That's terrible,
Kateesha.

14
00:02:16,427 --> 00:02:19,138
I can't help it when
a tall, athletic brother

15
00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:21,557
come pushing up
on this thickness.

16
00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,433
Yeah...
Oh, shit!

17
00:02:23,726 --> 00:02:28,063
Oh, God, girl, I thank God
every motherfucking day

18
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,774
that the SuperSonics
moved to Oklahoma. Shit.

19
00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:36,905
Okay, I'm gonna go so I won't
be late for your interview.

20
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,574
What the fuck are
you wearing, girl?

21
00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:43,328
There ain't no camouflage, no
fishnets and no fluorescent colors.

22
00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:46,331
How they gonna see you in the
dark, bitch? How they gonna see you?

23
00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,250
I gotta go.

24
00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:13,775
Wow, so big.

25
00:03:33,963 --> 00:03:35,422
Oh, I'm sorry.

26
00:03:35,506 --> 00:03:38,217
If you're looking for the homeless
shelter, it's two doors down.

27
00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:40,219
Oh, no, I'm...
I'm Hannah Steale.

28
00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:42,512
I'm here to see Mr. Black.

29
00:03:43,431 --> 00:03:46,767
The college bitch.
May I take your coat?

30
00:03:46,851 --> 00:03:49,269
Yes, please.
Thank you.

31
00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:51,563
Ew...

32
00:03:53,441 --> 00:03:54,691
Follow me.

33
00:03:57,612 --> 00:03:58,779
In case
you're wondering,

34
00:03:58,863 --> 00:04:00,822
I'm the hot secretary
who's fucking the boss,

35
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,824
which means there's no
room for the dopey intern

36
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:05,285
with the damaged
hair and the cankles.

37
00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:09,081
Come here.

38
00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:13,627
That's the smell
of his balls

39
00:04:13,711 --> 00:04:15,671
after lunch and two
games of racquetball.

40
00:04:18,549 --> 00:04:20,259
Have a nice day,
Ms. Steale.

41
00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:21,843
Plain-ass bitch.

42
00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:43,031
My neck.

43
00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:47,035
You...

44
00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:53,083
Oh, shit!

45
00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:02,509
I guess I should've
tried pulling.

46
00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:03,677
Ms. Kavahellnah.

47
00:05:03,761 --> 00:05:04,845
Christian Black.

48
00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:07,055
Are you okay?

49
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,266
I think so, yeah.

50
00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:11,518
Good, 'cause
you got fucked up!

51
00:05:13,062 --> 00:05:15,605
I mean, you hit that statue
like a hard-charging rhino,

52
00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:17,482
and I say rhino because you're
a lot fatter than I thought,

53
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:18,567
and you got this
bump on your nose

54
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:20,610
that resembles a small horn. Um...

55
00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,487
Maybe you wanna get that squeezed. Okay.

56
00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:24,072
A little
Proactiv on it.

57
00:05:24,365 --> 00:05:25,907
I'm not
Ms. Kavahellnah.

58
00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:27,492
You ain't
Ms. Kavahellnah?

59
00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:30,412
Who the fuck are you?
My name is Hannah Steale.

60
00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:31,955
I'm studying literature

61
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,915
with Kateesha
at the university.

62
00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:35,417
Oh.

63
00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:38,211
Please,
have a seat.

64
00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:39,755
Thank you.
You're welcome.

65
00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:56,855
No.

66
00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:01,401
No. So, what do you want?

67
00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:03,612
Jesus Christ!
Just spit it out!

68
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:05,822
A pencil.

69
00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:08,950
A pencil... You
should've just said that in the beginning!

70
00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:11,453
Gosh! Here, take 'em!

71
00:06:11,954 --> 00:06:13,955
Jesus!
Thank you.

72
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,083
You gotta get your shit
together, Ms. Steale.

73
00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:19,503
Shit.

74
00:06:19,587 --> 00:06:22,255
These are Kateesha's
questions, okay?

75
00:06:24,842 --> 00:06:27,302
"You have mad
stacks of cash.

76
00:06:28,137 --> 00:06:30,597
"How'd you get it,
and can I get some?"

77
00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:33,350
Oh...
Ms. Steale.

78
00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:34,559
I got my money

79
00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:36,853
the way most black
entrepreneurs got theirs.

80
00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:39,398
Real estate?
Drug dealing.

81
00:06:39,690 --> 00:06:43,026
See, you have to know your
business inside and out.

82
00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:46,196
I smoked crack.
Not for long,

83
00:06:46,864 --> 00:06:48,990
but just long enough to know
what a penis tastes like.

84
00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:52,494
Tastes like
raw rump roast.

85
00:06:54,288 --> 00:06:57,624
I got all ashy, like E.T.
when he was sick in the river.

86
00:06:58,376 --> 00:07:01,169
I lost six
essential teeth.

87
00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:05,132
Have you ever tried to
eat steak with one molar?

88
00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:07,509
No. Why would
I do that?

89
00:07:08,010 --> 00:07:10,137
Gnaw and suck.

90
00:07:10,221 --> 00:07:13,223
Gnaw and suck.
It's hard.

91
00:07:13,724 --> 00:07:17,477
Could be that you're lucky. No.

92
00:07:17,895 --> 00:07:19,813
Keanu Reeves is lucky.

93
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,566
Flo Rida is lucky.

94
00:07:22,733 --> 00:07:24,901
Iggy Azalea is lucky.

95
00:07:25,069 --> 00:07:26,903
Yeah, he's lucky.

96
00:07:27,029 --> 00:07:28,196
Next question.

97
00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:33,326
"Is you gay, or is you
gay as a motherfucker?"

98
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:37,622
Just because you touch a
penis doesn't mean you're gay.

99
00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:40,250
Especially if it's
for money or crack.

100
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:44,379
You're only gay if you
enjoy touching penis.

101
00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:47,215
You touch a penis with attitude,
like... "I don't really like this. "

102
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:50,343
That ain't gay.
It's just exploratory.

103
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,305
You said you're
an English major.

104
00:07:53,389 --> 00:07:55,724
Was it Chaucer,
Shelley or Keats

105
00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:57,893
that first made you fall
in love with literature?

106
00:07:58,227 --> 00:08:00,312
It was Seuss.
Seuss!

107
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,023
Cat in the Hat, Thing 1
and Thing 2... and Thing 2!

108
00:08:03,107 --> 00:08:05,192
I mean, who doesn't
wanna be them?

109
00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:07,319
Well, you know, me and my
brother were Thing 1

110
00:08:07,403 --> 00:08:08,904
and Thing 2 for
Halloween this year.

111
00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:10,989
Really?
Yeah. Check this out.

112
00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:14,159
Oh, my God,
look at both of you!

113
00:08:14,243 --> 00:08:16,286
We called 'em
Thang 1 and Thang 2.

114
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:19,831
That's amazing.

115
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:21,500
What if I wanted
to hire you?

116
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:25,879
I don't know. I see the way
the women dress around here.

117
00:08:25,963 --> 00:08:28,673
I don't exactly fit in.

118
00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:30,759
You know, despite the
Salvation Army sweater,

119
00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:32,302
the greasy weaves,

120
00:08:32,428 --> 00:08:34,387
and your big ol'
Usher nose,

121
00:08:34,472 --> 00:08:36,932
there's something oddly
attractive about you.

122
00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:39,142
Yeah, you're like
the little ugly runt

123
00:08:39,227 --> 00:08:40,977
in a litter full
of pretty puppies.

124
00:08:41,103 --> 00:08:43,271
You know, the little ugly one
that nobody wants to touch.

125
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:46,816
You're, all hairless and
big-eyed and wild-looking.

126
00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:49,694
But you just wanna take
you home and give you love,

127
00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:51,738
or stuff you in a sack
with a bunch of rocks

128
00:08:51,822 --> 00:08:53,323
and just toss
your little ugly ass

129
00:08:53,407 --> 00:08:54,407
at the bottom
of the ocean.

130
00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:55,742
Just put you
out your misery.

131
00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:58,453
Oh. Okay.

132
00:09:01,457 --> 00:09:02,707
Thank you, Mr. Black.

133
00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:05,001
Please,
call me Christian.

134
00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:09,047
Christian. I hope I
answered all your questions.

135
00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:11,216
You certainly did.

136
00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:15,470
Hannah.
Christian.

137
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:16,972
Shit!

138
00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:18,515
Oh, God!

139
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:20,267
Oh!

140
00:09:20,476 --> 00:09:22,060
Jesus Christ!

141
00:09:22,144 --> 00:09:23,853
Oh, God,
make it stop!

142
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:30,569
White girls,
get that elevator fixed.

143
00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:33,989
Hannah!

144
00:09:34,323 --> 00:09:36,575
So, how was he?

145
00:09:36,951 --> 00:09:40,120
He was all right,
I guess.

146
00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:43,873
Oh, shit! You fucked him,
girl! I knew that shit!

147
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,668
Yeah, girl, get
that dick, girl, get that dick.

148
00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:49,879
What? Get that dick!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

149
00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:52,674
Take it to town,
motherfucker. Get that dick.

150
00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:54,801
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

151
00:09:54,885 --> 00:09:56,970
Shit, girl, yeah!

152
00:09:57,054 --> 00:09:58,597
So, did he have
a big dick?

153
00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:01,433
What? Girl, was it
like real skinny, girl,

154
00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:03,435
or was it like real long,
like skinny long?

155
00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:04,728
'Cause that's
fucking weird.

156
00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:06,688
But, like, short
and thick, girl?

157
00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:08,273
I can get down with
that short, fat dick.

158
00:10:08,357 --> 00:10:10,984
No, there is... There's
no... There's no dick.

159
00:10:11,068 --> 00:10:12,777
Remember what I
told you, okay?

160
00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:16,114
If it's got like little red zit-like
things on the head of that shit,

161
00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:17,949
you put that in
your butt, okay?

162
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:21,536
He gonna be like, "Oh, girl,
no, it's just skin tags. "

163
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,872
"Bitch, you got 47
skin tags on your dick?

164
00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:25,040
"I ain't falling
for that shit.

165
00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:27,042
"Again!" Okay?

166
00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:31,713
But you gotta admit,
girl, he is bangin'!

167
00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:34,924
Yeah, I guess if you're
into the wildly-successful,

168
00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:37,385
super-handsome,
possibly-dangerous thing,

169
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,346
then Christian
Black is your guy.

170
00:10:39,430 --> 00:10:42,390
Bitch, I'm talkin'
'bout Lil Weezy!

171
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:45,018
Girl, he got
tats on his tats.

172
00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:47,270
And he ain't afraid
to get a bitch pregnant.

173
00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:49,064
Let you keep
the baby and everythin'.

174
00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:52,233
You gonna eat that?

175
00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:58,907
I wish I could find a man
the size of this to satisfy me.

176
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:01,618
This shit
better be gluten-free.

177
00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:37,612
Mr. Black.

178
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:39,280
Oh, God.

179
00:11:39,782 --> 00:11:42,909
God, Christian.

180
00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:54,129
Oh, my God, you know what I wanna do.

181
00:12:18,028 --> 00:12:19,654
Hi.
What the fuck?

182
00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:21,656
What a pleasant
surprise, Ms. Steale.

183
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:23,992
Please, call me Hannah.

184
00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:25,118
Okay, Ms. Steale.

185
00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:28,663
I was just in the area and
wanted to pick up a few items.

186
00:12:29,206 --> 00:12:31,499
Are you stalking me, Mr. Black?

187
00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:34,085
Yes.

188
00:12:35,504 --> 00:12:37,589
I mean, unless you
don't want me to.

189
00:12:37,673 --> 00:12:40,633
You do want me to,
don't you?

190
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:43,887
Just something
to think about.

191
00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:47,265
Can I help you
with something?

192
00:12:47,349 --> 00:12:48,433
Yes.

193
00:12:48,517 --> 00:12:50,769
I would like to pick up some
cable ties and some tape.

194
00:12:51,061 --> 00:12:53,104
Well, you're in luck, we got
some cable ties right here.

195
00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:55,273
What color do you want? Red.

196
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,526
The color of passion.

197
00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:00,945
The tape is this way.
Follow me.

198
00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:07,619
If I didn't
know better,

199
00:13:07,703 --> 00:13:09,704
I might mistake you
for a serial killer.

200
00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:12,624
Don't be ridiculous.
If I was a serial killer,

201
00:13:12,708 --> 00:13:14,709
I'd need rope,
ax, lye, ammonia,

202
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,711
chlorophyll, wood
chipper, plastic sheets

203
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,713
and three large
boxes of space Pampers.

204
00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:20,381
And a shovel.

205
00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:23,718
Second thought...

206
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,929
I think I need to
pick up a few more items.

207
00:13:26,722 --> 00:13:29,140
Well, looks like
you're all set now.

208
00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:30,767
Thank you, Ms. Steale.

209
00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:36,314
Hey, if your roommate needs
a photo to go with the story,

210
00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:38,775
I'll be around tomorrow.
And the next day.

211
00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:39,901
And the day after that.

212
00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:41,945
I'm actually around
all of next week.

213
00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:44,197
Here. Just contact me.

214
00:13:45,866 --> 00:13:47,325
"Christian Black.

215
00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:52,080
"I'm not a bidness man,
I'm a bidness... man. "

216
00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:55,625
Thank you so much for
your help, Ms. Steale.

217
00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:57,877
Let me know when those
space Pampers come in, okay?

218
00:13:57,962 --> 00:13:59,462
Save me three boxes!

219
00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:00,922
Got a long drive
ahead of me.

220
00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:02,382
Bye!

221
00:14:02,466 --> 00:14:04,133
I'm gonna call you.

222
00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:12,100
Jesse!
Hey.

223
00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:14,310
Thank you so much
for doing this last minute.

224
00:14:14,436 --> 00:14:17,105
Hannah, listen, you are
my best friend, okay?

225
00:14:17,189 --> 00:14:18,606
You know I'd do
anything for you, right?

226
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:19,941
Oh!

227
00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:22,777
Yeah. I'd really love
a handjob, though. What?

228
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:25,530
I said I really love
this job. It's amazing.

229
00:14:25,614 --> 00:14:27,198
Oh, my God.
Get in here.

230
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:28,908
Later I wanna hit it.

231
00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:32,495
I didn't catch
the last thing.

232
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,622
I said later
I wanna hit the bar.

233
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:35,999
Oh.
Come on, Hannah,

234
00:14:36,083 --> 00:14:37,709
it's what platonic
friends do.

235
00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:39,168
You know?
You grab a beer, right?

236
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:40,295
Then you make out
and have sex

237
00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:43,047
until we question the status of our
friendship or whatever, you know?

238
00:14:43,257 --> 00:14:45,800
I guess. Come on.
Yeah. Come here.

239
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,971
Hannah! Did you just
kiss me on my lips?

240
00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:52,682
Wait, I thought that... No. Listen.
Okay, let's get one thing clear.

241
00:14:52,808 --> 00:14:55,727
We are just friends. Don't make
it weird. Oh, no, I thought...

242
00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:58,062
It's okay, I'll fuck
you later. Wait. What?

243
00:14:58,188 --> 00:15:00,273
I said
I'll see you later.

244
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:01,983
Jeez, Hannah.
Oh.

245
00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:04,152
Just go.

246
00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:08,323
Pow! Pow!

247
00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:12,076
Girl, he's staring at you like
some real

248
00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:14,078
Fear-type
shit right now, girl.

249
00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:15,580
He look like Marky Mark

250
00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:17,957
after he left the Funky Bunch
and started acting, girl.

251
00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:19,417
All right,
give me a smile.

252
00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:21,002
Cheese.

253
00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:23,338
All right, don't ever
fucking smile again, okay?

254
00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:26,174
He asked me to go to coffee
with him after the shoot.

255
00:15:26,258 --> 00:15:27,717
Oh, girl, that's cute!

256
00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:29,427
Last time
I went to coffee,

257
00:15:29,511 --> 00:15:31,679
I got eaten out
outside of McDonald's.

258
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,641
That McCafé menu
got a girl gushin'.

259
00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:36,017
All right, let's break
the Internet.

260
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,028
Eat.

261
00:15:47,404 --> 00:15:49,822
I'm not your dog, you
can't tell me what to do.

262
00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:52,784
You're right. If you were
my dog, I would do this.

263
00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:56,537
Bad girl! Bad,
bad, bad girl!

264
00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:01,542
So, tell me
about your family.

265
00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:02,877
Well...

266
00:16:03,712 --> 00:16:07,090
My dad left me when
I was two years old,

267
00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:09,884
so I was mostly
raised by my stepdad, Ron.

268
00:16:11,011 --> 00:16:12,929
That's painfully
uninteresting.

269
00:16:13,263 --> 00:16:14,430
How about your mother?

270
00:16:14,556 --> 00:16:16,683
She's been married eight times. Yeah.

271
00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:18,643
She's an incurable romantic.

272
00:16:18,727 --> 00:16:20,311
Are you a romantic?

273
00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:21,688
I guess.

274
00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:24,399
I mean, I like long
walks on the beach.

275
00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:26,025
I like baby talk,
I like to cuddle.

276
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:27,819
And I love
Nicholas Sparks movies.

277
00:16:27,903 --> 00:16:29,320
Even the one
with Miley Cyrus?

278
00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:31,572
That's my favorite one!
Bitch, I'm out!

279
00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:38,037
Cheers.
Yeah.

280
00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:43,418
That tastes like a
white boy on spring break.

281
00:16:43,502 --> 00:16:45,920
I hate him.
I'm gonna call him.

282
00:16:46,046 --> 00:16:47,755
You want another drink?

283
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,091
Yes. Drink to forget.

284
00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:51,676
Yeah.

285
00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:54,303
Oh, yeah.

286
00:16:56,473 --> 00:16:57,890
That tastes horrible.

287
00:16:57,975 --> 00:17:00,018
The Molly must not be
crushed up all the way.

288
00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:02,020
Let me fix it for you.

289
00:17:02,771 --> 00:17:04,105
I gotta go
to the bathroom.

290
00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:05,440
You gotta what?

291
00:17:05,524 --> 00:17:07,942
I gotta go to
the ladies' room.

292
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:10,862
I have to take a shit!

293
00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:19,912
Hannah... Hannah, you feeling
all right? A little woozy perhaps?

294
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:22,331
Unable to make good decisions?

295
00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:23,374
We should take it
to the next level

296
00:17:23,459 --> 00:17:24,709
and you, like, suck my dick.

297
00:17:24,793 --> 00:17:26,294
Baby, you take it
to the next level,

298
00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:27,503
you stop feelin'
sick, okay?

299
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:30,673
Oh, my God. You are my bestest friend.

300
00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:32,300
Yes. With benefits.

301
00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:35,261
 Fuck my mouth
with your fingers.

302
00:17:35,512 --> 00:17:36,596
Fuck!

303
00:17:37,806 --> 00:17:39,432
I'm never
gonna get none.

304
00:17:40,976 --> 00:17:44,479
I'll fuck you. I ain't gonna
like it, but I'll do it.

305
00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:46,314
Listen, I don't
fuck white girls, okay?

306
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:48,024
Nigga, who you
callin' white?

307
00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:52,361
She just call me
the N word?

308
00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:55,198
Kind of turned me on.

309
00:17:56,408 --> 00:17:58,326
Call me "nigga" again.

310
00:18:12,466 --> 00:18:13,800
Well, hello there.

311
00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:15,885
Yeah, this is Hannah.

312
00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:17,804
Hannah,
are you wasted?

313
00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:19,263
Yes, I am wasted.

314
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:22,016
You're a hole-ass,
you're might on the roney,

315
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,352
you penis
suck of yours.

316
00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:28,523
You sound like Yoda. Listen, I
want you to go home right now.

317
00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:30,274
Don't tell me
what to do,

318
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,777
Mr. "Oh,
let's go for coffee.

319
00:18:32,861 --> 00:18:34,779
"No, stay away
from me!"

320
00:18:34,863 --> 00:18:37,323
Let me put this in words
you can understand.

321
00:18:37,407 --> 00:18:40,368
Now, right home you go!

322
00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:41,452
No!

323
00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:42,954
I told him.

324
00:18:43,705 --> 00:18:45,957
Bitch, you smell like shit.

325
00:18:55,717 --> 00:18:58,052
Oh, Hannah! Hannah!
Hey, it's cold out here.

326
00:18:58,137 --> 00:18:59,178
You can't come
out like that.

327
00:18:59,263 --> 00:19:00,721
Oh, thank you.

328
00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:02,098
How you feelin'?

329
00:19:02,182 --> 00:19:03,850
Just a little bit drunk.

330
00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:06,394
Are you, like, Donald-Trump-running-
for-president drunk

331
00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:08,688
or, like, Donald-Trump-saying-
he-don't-like-Mexicans drunk?

332
00:19:08,772 --> 00:19:09,939
'Cause that's
some crazy shit, man.

333
00:19:10,023 --> 00:19:12,316
A lot of Mexicans out there just
crossing the border and shit!

334
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:15,319
And you show them niggas love!
Show them niggas love!

335
00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:16,404
Can I show you
some love?

336
00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:17,530
What? No!

337
00:19:17,614 --> 00:19:20,950
Come on. Come on!
Just one kiss, man!

338
00:19:21,034 --> 00:19:23,035
I don't know when you
gonna be this drunk again!

339
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:24,662
Come on, gimme that kiss!

340
00:19:24,746 --> 00:19:25,746
Stop!

341
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:28,374
Hey! Hey! She said no! Stop!

342
00:19:30,085 --> 00:19:31,252
Christian!

343
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:32,712
You just push me, nigga?

344
00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:35,256
Oh, you got some crazy
shit coming, boy.

345
00:19:35,632 --> 00:19:36,716
Wait. Hold up.
This nigga comin' back?

346
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:37,842
Comin' to you, nigga.

347
00:19:37,926 --> 00:19:39,510
He comin' back!

348
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:41,345
Damn!

349
00:19:44,641 --> 00:19:46,767
Christian, stay down!

350
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,436
Okay. Okay.

351
00:19:48,812 --> 00:19:51,272
The nigga's a ninja!
This nigga's a ninja.

352
00:19:51,648 --> 00:19:53,608
Worldstar!

353
00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:56,611
- Bitch!
- He had such a beautiful face.

354
00:19:57,613 --> 00:19:59,113
Did he leave?

355
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,032
You better run!

356
00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:03,284
Oh, I don't feel
so good, Christian.

357
00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:04,410
Come on, let's
get you home.

358
00:20:04,494 --> 00:20:06,579
Oh, no,
I can't with you,

359
00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:09,749
because my roommate
is in there.

360
00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:13,252
Don't worry. She's
being well taken care of.

361
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:14,879
What's your name again?

362
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:17,089
My name is Eli.

363
00:20:17,174 --> 00:20:19,717
My friends
call me Weekday.

364
00:20:19,801 --> 00:20:21,302
I'm Christian's brother.

365
00:20:23,138 --> 00:20:25,139
The poor one.

366
00:20:28,518 --> 00:20:30,228
I know what
you're saying,

367
00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:35,149
"Oh, he's financially poor,
yet spiritually rich. "

368
00:20:36,693 --> 00:20:39,153
Nah, that don't count.
What do you feel?

369
00:20:40,530 --> 00:20:43,157
What do you feel?
Oh, my God.

370
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:46,619
When does that end?
Oh, my God!

371
00:20:46,828 --> 00:20:51,457
The weight of my penis makes my
money too heavy to carry around!

372
00:20:51,541 --> 00:20:52,667
Yes!

373
00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:54,335
I'll see you later,
woman.

374
00:20:55,837 --> 00:20:58,506
Until we meet again.
How can I touch you?

375
00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:00,424
I mean,
get in touch with you!

376
00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:01,926
My number

377
00:21:02,886 --> 00:21:04,178
is seven.

378
00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:05,263
Oh!

379
00:21:06,181 --> 00:21:09,558
That's a good number.
Oh, God.

380
00:21:09,643 --> 00:21:11,143
I'mma call you!

381
00:21:14,481 --> 00:21:16,315
Good morning.

382
00:21:17,442 --> 00:21:18,901
I've been staring
at you all night.

383
00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:20,194
I haven't blinked once.

384
00:21:20,779 --> 00:21:22,363
Gosh, my eyes
are hurting.

385
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,868
How did I get here? I
brought you here, Hannah.

386
00:21:29,037 --> 00:21:30,204
Did you undress me?

387
00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:31,831
I sure did.

388
00:21:32,249 --> 00:21:33,541
My God, we didn't...

389
00:21:33,875 --> 00:21:35,918
No, we didn't.

390
00:21:36,753 --> 00:21:38,462
And I have the blue
balls to prove it.

391
00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:41,090
Look at these things.

392
00:21:43,468 --> 00:21:47,096
What are those?
What the fuck are those?

393
00:21:47,222 --> 00:21:48,764
Oh... It hurts so much.

394
00:21:48,849 --> 00:21:50,391
I don't know
what to do!

395
00:21:50,475 --> 00:21:51,809
Why are you
showing me this?

396
00:21:52,477 --> 00:21:53,894
I ordered you
some breakfast.

397
00:22:03,655 --> 00:22:07,074
Here. Eat. You'll need your strength.

398
00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:11,078
But you licked this one, and did
all sorts of other weird stuff to it.

399
00:22:11,163 --> 00:22:13,914
Can I get a fresh one?
Maybe some jam.

400
00:22:14,041 --> 00:22:15,583
No, eat it.

401
00:22:15,751 --> 00:22:18,002
Why don't you just
leave me alone, Christian?

402
00:22:18,128 --> 00:22:20,087
Because I'm incapable
of leaving you alone.

403
00:22:20,547 --> 00:22:22,048
I'm a certified stalker.

404
00:22:22,132 --> 00:22:23,257
I have four
restraining orders,

405
00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:25,343
and I'm currently
working on a fifth.

406
00:22:25,427 --> 00:22:26,969
Listen to me.

407
00:22:27,054 --> 00:22:29,764
I don't do
the romance thing.

408
00:22:30,265 --> 00:22:33,601
Anal, yes.
Fisting, sure.

409
00:22:33,769 --> 00:22:37,396
Two in the pink,
one in the stink, yeah.

410
00:22:37,481 --> 00:22:40,441
I do that.
But I don't do romance.

411
00:22:42,486 --> 00:22:44,070
You know, I'd like
to bite that lip.

412
00:22:44,154 --> 00:22:45,780
I wish you would.

413
00:22:51,745 --> 00:22:52,870
Oh, my God!

414
00:23:04,716 --> 00:23:07,510
Come on, let's get
you outta here.

415
00:23:08,637 --> 00:23:10,971
God, that made me wet. Oh!

416
00:23:11,264 --> 00:23:12,431
Oh, love it.

417
00:23:21,149 --> 00:23:22,983
Fuck the bullshit.

418
00:23:33,495 --> 00:23:35,329
How you doin'?

419
00:23:42,838 --> 00:23:44,338
Open your eyes.
Lizard kisses, come on.

420
00:23:51,763 --> 00:23:53,013
Vampire bite!

421
00:23:57,686 --> 00:23:58,811
I love it! More!

422
00:23:58,895 --> 00:24:00,104
Yes! Yes!

423
00:24:01,231 --> 00:24:02,606
Oh, my God!

424
00:24:08,822 --> 00:24:10,614
You shut up
and watch.

425
00:24:12,576 --> 00:24:13,868
Get outta here!

426
00:24:16,663 --> 00:24:17,997
Excuse me.

427
00:24:22,002 --> 00:24:25,045
I have to warn you,
elevators make me horny.

428
00:24:28,049 --> 00:24:31,010
Daddy, I want you to
write a song about me.

429
00:24:31,303 --> 00:24:32,928
I wanna be your muse.

430
00:24:33,013 --> 00:24:34,597
Oh, this is a great time.

431
00:24:34,681 --> 00:24:37,183
I'm inspired
to write a song

432
00:24:37,267 --> 00:24:38,601
about you right now.

433
00:24:38,685 --> 00:24:40,519
That feels so good.

434
00:24:41,271 --> 00:24:45,232
'Cause I love
havin' sex unprotected

435
00:24:46,443 --> 00:24:50,863
And I love when my
dick's in you naked

436
00:24:50,947 --> 00:24:52,364
Deeper, Daddy,
deeper! Yeah!

437
00:24:52,491 --> 00:24:55,826
Goin' raw in you,
you, you...

438
00:24:55,911 --> 00:24:57,286
Yes! Yes!

439
00:24:57,370 --> 00:25:00,706
Goin' raw in you,
you, you, you

440
00:25:00,790 --> 00:25:04,210
I think you going platinum
in about two minutes! Oh!

441
00:25:04,377 --> 00:25:07,296
You're infected, yeah

442
00:25:07,589 --> 00:25:10,341
Need antiseptic, yeah

443
00:25:10,467 --> 00:25:12,134
'Cause, girl, you burned it

444
00:25:12,219 --> 00:25:14,428
That like an E
minor or something?

445
00:25:14,513 --> 00:25:16,430
Oh, you burned it!

446
00:25:17,098 --> 00:25:18,516
Oh, you burned

447
00:25:18,767 --> 00:25:20,351
You...

448
00:25:24,356 --> 00:25:25,356
Shit.

449
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:27,149
Motherfucker!

450
00:25:30,487 --> 00:25:33,447
You done?
I gotta get to church.

451
00:25:35,033 --> 00:25:36,200
Hey!
Oh.

452
00:25:36,284 --> 00:25:37,451
You two are fucking.

453
00:25:39,496 --> 00:25:41,330
Hey, bro.

454
00:25:44,084 --> 00:25:45,960
How you doin'?
My brother.

455
00:25:46,211 --> 00:25:47,294
My brother,
peace and blessings.

456
00:25:47,546 --> 00:25:49,630
Hannah, this is my
little brother, Eli.

457
00:25:49,839 --> 00:25:51,340
Little?
Yes.

458
00:25:51,424 --> 00:25:53,759
I'm Eli, like the movie about the book,

459
00:25:53,843 --> 00:25:55,135
because I'm deep.

460
00:25:55,220 --> 00:25:56,220
He is deep.

461
00:25:56,304 --> 00:25:57,304
Balls deep.

462
00:25:57,389 --> 00:25:58,681
Yeah.

463
00:25:58,765 --> 00:26:00,349
Kateesha told me
a lot about you.

464
00:26:00,433 --> 00:26:02,560
Yeah, you're like...
You're, like, a lot

465
00:26:02,644 --> 00:26:04,478
plainer than
I thought you would be.

466
00:26:04,563 --> 00:26:06,397
Well, she plain
but pretty.

467
00:26:06,523 --> 00:26:09,733
- You're like a brick wall, just boring and rigid...
- Okay.

468
00:26:09,818 --> 00:26:12,194
and just ashy
in some places.

469
00:26:12,279 --> 00:26:13,988
Okay, okay, okay, okay,
enough with the small talk.

470
00:26:14,656 --> 00:26:17,032
We have a long
drive ahead of us.

471
00:26:17,158 --> 00:26:19,326
We do. Great pleasure.
It's been a pleasure.

472
00:26:20,161 --> 00:26:21,704
The moon shall rise again.

473
00:26:21,788 --> 00:26:24,331
That so romantic, boo.
What that mean?

474
00:26:25,333 --> 00:26:29,044
Deuces, bitch. Okay, I
got you! I see you later!

475
00:26:29,129 --> 00:26:31,046
Nice meeting you.
Bye.

476
00:26:32,632 --> 00:26:36,343
All right, so listen.
Meet me at the office later.

477
00:26:36,469 --> 00:26:38,137
I have something
special planned for you.

478
00:26:38,847 --> 00:26:40,514
Okay? Deuces, bitch.

479
00:26:40,599 --> 00:26:42,433
Who you calling a bitch? Oh, shit!

480
00:26:42,684 --> 00:26:43,726
Damn, girl.

481
00:26:43,810 --> 00:26:45,769
I was just saying.
He said it to her,

482
00:26:45,854 --> 00:26:46,937
and I thought
it was cute.

483
00:26:48,648 --> 00:26:50,107
Damn, bitch... I mean, girl.

484
00:27:00,952 --> 00:27:02,328
Are you ready for
the ride of your life?

485
00:27:02,412 --> 00:27:04,580
Oh, my God! Are we gonna
go in your helicopter?

486
00:27:10,170 --> 00:27:13,672
I can't believe you thought I
was gonna take you on the chopper.

487
00:27:14,466 --> 00:27:16,216
We haven't even
fucked yet.

488
00:27:20,722 --> 00:27:21,972
After you.

489
00:27:27,312 --> 00:27:29,146
Holy shit!
You live here?

490
00:27:29,981 --> 00:27:33,025
What, a black man can't
have a nice place like this?

491
00:27:33,109 --> 00:27:37,112
No, a black man cannot have
a beautiful place like this.

492
00:27:37,197 --> 00:27:39,073
You know, Wesley Snipes
had a place like this,

493
00:27:39,157 --> 00:27:40,741
before he stopped
doing his own taxes.

494
00:27:42,369 --> 00:27:43,494
How about some wine?

495
00:27:43,578 --> 00:27:44,662
Yes, please.

496
00:27:44,746 --> 00:27:45,746
Okay.

497
00:27:48,917 --> 00:27:51,377
Do you know why I
brought you here, Hannah?

498
00:27:51,461 --> 00:27:53,671
I'm assuming to
make sweet love.

499
00:27:53,755 --> 00:27:56,340
I don't make love.
I fuck.

500
00:27:56,508 --> 00:27:58,467
Hard and quick.

501
00:27:59,010 --> 00:28:00,177
Really quick.

502
00:28:00,387 --> 00:28:03,555
It's like a Ronda Rousey
fight. You blink and it's over.

503
00:28:04,099 --> 00:28:05,891
Okay.

504
00:28:06,017 --> 00:28:08,310
But first you're
gonna have to sign

505
00:28:08,395 --> 00:28:09,687
a nondisclosure
agreement.

506
00:28:10,021 --> 00:28:11,105
What's that?

507
00:28:11,189 --> 00:28:13,982
It's basically lawyer talk
for "shut the fuck up. "

508
00:28:14,317 --> 00:28:16,110
Come with me.
I'll explain.

509
00:28:16,236 --> 00:28:17,403
A nondisclosure
agreement

510
00:28:17,529 --> 00:28:20,489
protects both you and me,
but mostly me.

511
00:28:26,079 --> 00:28:29,206
Behind this door
is my playroom.

512
00:28:29,290 --> 00:28:31,417
You mean, like, for your
PlayStation and stuff?

513
00:28:34,754 --> 00:28:36,714
That's a nice key.

514
00:28:39,300 --> 00:28:40,592
So tight.

515
00:28:46,683 --> 00:28:50,060
Keyhole don't wanna open!
You ready to get opened?

516
00:28:57,944 --> 00:29:01,488
Reload, man! Reload!
I told you to reload!

517
00:29:02,157 --> 00:29:03,574
I'm an Xbox man myself.

518
00:29:03,658 --> 00:29:04,742
Oh, you next, Black!

519
00:29:04,826 --> 00:29:05,909
You don't want
none of this.

520
00:29:05,994 --> 00:29:07,536
Yo, when you done with
Wendy Williams over there,

521
00:29:07,620 --> 00:29:09,621
jump on this game so I
can shoot you in the face!

522
00:29:09,748 --> 00:29:12,374
I'm gonna be honest with you,
Christian. She's not attractive.

523
00:29:12,459 --> 00:29:14,084
Like, the bitch look
like she got lupus.

524
00:29:14,169 --> 00:29:15,252
Well, you look
like a thumb

525
00:29:15,336 --> 00:29:16,920
that's been yanked out
of somebody's asshole.

526
00:29:17,005 --> 00:29:19,923
Oh!

527
00:29:22,761 --> 00:29:23,761
Slam dunk!

528
00:29:23,845 --> 00:29:24,845
That's crazy.
That's crazy.

529
00:29:24,929 --> 00:29:26,513
Yeah, well,
how about... Ha!

530
00:29:27,599 --> 00:29:29,224
I got nothing. 'Cause
I'm better than you.

531
00:29:29,476 --> 00:29:30,934
Okay, well,
I got something

532
00:29:31,019 --> 00:29:32,269
I really wanna
show you.

533
00:29:32,395 --> 00:29:34,521
Oh, my God. It's not
more broke niggas, is it?

534
00:29:34,606 --> 00:29:35,981
No more broke niggas.
No offense.

535
00:29:36,065 --> 00:29:38,817
And don't worry about those
ingrown hairs on your penis.

536
00:29:38,902 --> 00:29:40,110
We can't see them through
your pants.

537
00:29:40,195 --> 00:29:41,779
Don't give her
all the dick, bro.

538
00:29:41,863 --> 00:29:43,572
She don't deserve it.
Half the dick.

539
00:29:43,656 --> 00:29:45,824
Over there fucking
Charles Barkley.

540
00:30:16,940 --> 00:30:18,315
Fuck this shit!
I'm out!

541
00:30:18,399 --> 00:30:22,110
Please, Ms. Steale.
Just keep an open mind.

542
00:30:42,507 --> 00:30:44,508
Tantalizing.

543
00:30:51,808 --> 00:30:53,559
Got these
from my grandma.

544
00:31:02,777 --> 00:31:04,695
You're a sick
motherfucker.

545
00:31:04,779 --> 00:31:07,531
No, Bill Cosby's
a sick motherfucker.

546
00:31:07,615 --> 00:31:08,699
I'm just a dominant.

547
00:31:08,783 --> 00:31:10,409
What does that
have to do with me?

548
00:31:10,743 --> 00:31:14,413
I want you to give
yourself to me sexually.

549
00:31:14,789 --> 00:31:18,292
Hence all the whips, chains
and freaky sex toys.

550
00:31:19,127 --> 00:31:20,836
And what would
I get out of it?

551
00:31:21,754 --> 00:31:22,754
Me.

552
00:31:25,842 --> 00:31:27,301
Oh, my God!

553
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:30,304
Let me get this straight.

554
00:31:30,513 --> 00:31:33,473
So, you wanna beat me
with these paddles...

555
00:31:33,558 --> 00:31:35,517
Whip.
Whips.

556
00:31:35,643 --> 00:31:37,144
You wanna chain
me to this rack...

557
00:31:37,228 --> 00:31:39,021
Handcuff.

558
00:31:39,147 --> 00:31:41,356
And humiliate me in
unimaginable ways,

559
00:31:41,441 --> 00:31:43,859
and in exchange
for all this torture,

560
00:31:43,985 --> 00:31:45,569
I get you?

561
00:31:46,070 --> 00:31:47,195
Yeah, that's correct.

562
00:31:47,322 --> 00:31:48,822
And women go for this?

563
00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:50,657
Some women.

564
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:56,204
Wow. It's like Disneyland
for grown-ups. Yeah.

565
00:31:56,831 --> 00:31:58,040
So, what do you think?

566
00:31:58,166 --> 00:32:00,542
I'm pretty much
cool with anything,

567
00:32:00,668 --> 00:32:04,004
as long as you promise you won't
tell my dad I fucked a black guy.

568
00:32:07,008 --> 00:32:09,176
So, what do you think?

569
00:32:10,011 --> 00:32:12,054
Two things.
Where's the cup,

570
00:32:12,138 --> 00:32:13,847
and when do
we eat shit?

571
00:32:17,685 --> 00:32:19,853
What we supposed
to do in here?

572
00:32:19,979 --> 00:32:22,773
Well, I thought we'd start
with a little bit of rope play.

573
00:32:23,358 --> 00:32:24,524
No!

574
00:32:25,193 --> 00:32:26,485
Okay, well, how about
I just mount you

575
00:32:26,569 --> 00:32:28,403
to that rack over
there and spank you?

576
00:32:28,529 --> 00:32:30,113
Hell to the no!

577
00:32:30,865 --> 00:32:33,200
Perhaps a little
bit of flogging?

578
00:32:33,284 --> 00:32:35,994
I don't even know what
the hell flogging means,

579
00:32:36,079 --> 00:32:38,121
so fuck to the no!

580
00:32:38,706 --> 00:32:40,707
Okay, well, what
are we supposed to do then?

581
00:32:40,792 --> 00:32:43,460
You need to find Jesus!
That's what you can do.

582
00:32:45,797 --> 00:32:48,131
Okay, here's how it goes.

583
00:32:48,216 --> 00:32:50,717
I've drafted a standard
contract that lays out the terms.

584
00:32:51,094 --> 00:32:53,470
Lots of sex,
we have more sex.

585
00:32:53,554 --> 00:32:55,555
Yadda-yadda,
we end with sex.

586
00:32:56,057 --> 00:32:59,017
You look it over, and you
negotiate what you're willing to do.

587
00:32:59,477 --> 00:33:02,396
I hate to throw
a monkey wrench

588
00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:04,147
into the whole
works here,

589
00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:06,483
but I...

590
00:33:06,567 --> 00:33:07,651
You have
low self-esteem?

591
00:33:07,735 --> 00:33:09,486
No. I...

592
00:33:09,570 --> 00:33:11,446
You have
daddy issues.

593
00:33:12,949 --> 00:33:14,157
No.

594
00:33:15,284 --> 00:33:17,327
What I'm trying to
tell you is, I'm a...

595
00:33:19,580 --> 00:33:21,248
A virgin?
Yeah.

596
00:33:22,500 --> 00:33:25,419
Man! I can't believe this!

597
00:33:26,295 --> 00:33:27,462
I don't understand!

598
00:33:27,588 --> 00:33:30,382
Okay, tell me
you've done something.

599
00:33:30,466 --> 00:33:31,591
Blowjob?

600
00:33:31,801 --> 00:33:34,261
Where does the blowing
come in? Finger pop?

601
00:33:34,345 --> 00:33:36,513
No.
Angry panda?

602
00:33:36,597 --> 00:33:39,099
Why is it angry?
Why did you ask that?

603
00:33:39,684 --> 00:33:42,853
Oh, my God! Okay,
tell me you've done anal.

604
00:33:42,937 --> 00:33:44,146
I know how it goes.

605
00:33:44,272 --> 00:33:46,648
You let guys put it in your
little rusty bullet hole

606
00:33:46,774 --> 00:33:48,191
so you can tell your
mama and your pastor

607
00:33:48,276 --> 00:33:49,526
that you're
still a virgin.

608
00:33:49,610 --> 00:33:51,236
I've just been waiting.

609
00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:52,654
For what?

610
00:33:52,739 --> 00:33:54,990
Girl, you are
20-something years old!

611
00:33:55,116 --> 00:33:57,784
It don't get no better.
It's going to spoil!

612
00:33:58,119 --> 00:34:02,539
It's fermenting down there.
Just fermenting. Okay?

613
00:34:02,623 --> 00:34:04,624
You gonna tell me
nobody wanted the pussy?

614
00:34:05,126 --> 00:34:08,879
Well, I just am very selective
about who I've wanted to...

615
00:34:08,963 --> 00:34:10,047
Oh, selective?

616
00:34:10,131 --> 00:34:11,548
Oh, that sound like
something somebody

617
00:34:11,632 --> 00:34:13,425
with a pussy that
nobody wanted would say.

618
00:34:13,509 --> 00:34:15,385
Hey.
Don't get me wrong.

619
00:34:15,470 --> 00:34:18,263
I don't want it all worn out
like an old washing machine belt

620
00:34:18,347 --> 00:34:21,641
or hanging like
wet straps in a car wash

621
00:34:21,726 --> 00:34:25,645
or flapping around like an inflatable
figure outside of a mattress store.

622
00:34:25,730 --> 00:34:27,981
But I want it to
have some experience.

623
00:34:30,068 --> 00:34:31,359
Okay, look.

624
00:34:32,528 --> 00:34:35,363
We're gonna fix this
situation. Right now.

625
00:34:36,741 --> 00:34:38,825
I've been waiting my
whole life for this.

626
00:34:39,994 --> 00:34:41,244
Come on.

627
00:34:41,329 --> 00:34:42,496
Yes!

628
00:34:56,260 --> 00:34:58,386
Oh... Very...

629
00:34:59,013 --> 00:35:00,472
Very Sasquatch of you.

630
00:35:00,556 --> 00:35:02,682
Have you never had sex
with a virgin before?

631
00:35:02,767 --> 00:35:04,101
Not a hairy one.

632
00:35:11,984 --> 00:35:13,652
You nicked me!

633
00:35:20,368 --> 00:35:22,035
What the hell?

634
00:35:22,870 --> 00:35:24,871
Oh, yeah,
I have an outie.

635
00:35:27,625 --> 00:35:29,167
Oh, wow!

636
00:35:31,379 --> 00:35:32,671
That got flavor!

637
00:35:33,548 --> 00:35:36,591
What? You're the first
person who's seen it.

638
00:35:36,717 --> 00:35:38,385
Little Eskimo kisses?

639
00:35:40,221 --> 00:35:42,889
I never had anyone
do that to it before.

640
00:35:44,976 --> 00:35:47,227
Watch the teeth!
Sorry.

641
00:36:02,994 --> 00:36:04,327
Got him.

642
00:36:04,996 --> 00:36:06,413
Okay.

643
00:36:20,761 --> 00:36:22,429
Sorry. I didn't have
time to shower.

644
00:36:22,513 --> 00:36:23,597
Shit!

645
00:36:39,488 --> 00:36:40,488
Thank you.

646
00:36:45,036 --> 00:36:46,953
Okay. You ready?

647
00:36:47,371 --> 00:36:49,789
I'm gonna take you
to a whole 'nother galaxy!

648
00:36:49,874 --> 00:36:51,499
Oh, my God, I'm coming!

649
00:36:54,045 --> 00:36:56,504
Oh, God!

650
00:36:59,550 --> 00:37:02,844
God! God! God! God!

651
00:37:03,721 --> 00:37:05,305
Already?

652
00:37:07,808 --> 00:37:09,100
Oh, that was amazing.

653
00:37:09,644 --> 00:37:12,229
Really? I guess I was
expecting something

654
00:37:12,813 --> 00:37:14,064
different.

655
00:37:14,315 --> 00:37:16,566
Don't worry about it. It's
your first time. Don't sweat it.

656
00:37:17,318 --> 00:37:20,111
You'll get better with experience.
Just keep working on it.

657
00:37:21,447 --> 00:37:24,032
Oh, you know, it's
customary for a woman

658
00:37:24,158 --> 00:37:25,784
to make a man
an oversized sandwich

659
00:37:25,868 --> 00:37:27,160
to help him
regain his strength.

660
00:37:27,495 --> 00:37:30,872
Either that or some leftover
pizza, or maybe a Hot Pocket.

661
00:37:30,998 --> 00:37:32,999
You want me to make you
a Hot Pocket now?

662
00:37:33,292 --> 00:37:35,210
I don't make the rules,
I'm just telling you.

663
00:37:36,087 --> 00:37:37,796
You got
a lot to learn, kid.

664
00:37:43,511 --> 00:37:45,095
Are you asleep already?

665
00:37:46,013 --> 00:37:47,347
Nigga!

666
00:38:16,127 --> 00:38:17,544
Christian?

667
00:38:19,380 --> 00:38:21,047
Christian!
Oh, shit!

668
00:38:21,132 --> 00:38:22,257
Who the fuck is that?

669
00:38:22,383 --> 00:38:24,259
My mother.

670
00:38:24,427 --> 00:38:26,594
Oh!

671
00:38:27,555 --> 00:38:28,680
Great.

672
00:38:28,764 --> 00:38:31,891
Now I gotta get rid of
two crazy bitches. Fuck.

673
00:38:33,436 --> 00:38:34,894
Mother!

674
00:38:35,021 --> 00:38:37,063
Christian.
Hello.

675
00:38:37,231 --> 00:38:40,066
Oh, you better get dressed, or
we're gonna be late for the regatta.

676
00:38:40,151 --> 00:38:41,943
I forgot that was today.

677
00:38:42,069 --> 00:38:43,570
You're not doing
crack again, are you?

678
00:38:43,612 --> 00:38:45,322
No, Mother. I never raised you that way.

679
00:38:45,406 --> 00:38:48,325
However, it is a prominent
trait in your genealogical pool.

680
00:38:48,409 --> 00:38:49,534
Hello.

681
00:38:49,618 --> 00:38:51,745
I'm standing my ground!
I'm standing my ground!

682
00:38:53,914 --> 00:38:55,248
Oh, shit!

683
00:38:55,333 --> 00:38:58,168
Mother, what're you doing?
That's Hannah Steale!

684
00:38:59,587 --> 00:39:01,254
How many times I gotta tell
you? Black lives matter.

685
00:39:01,339 --> 00:39:02,797
Come on,
let's get you up.

686
00:39:05,426 --> 00:39:07,510
Hannah, this is my mother, Claire. Oh.

687
00:39:08,929 --> 00:39:11,389
I am so sorry, Hannah.

688
00:39:12,975 --> 00:39:14,476
Oh, my, you have
beautiful breasts.

689
00:39:14,602 --> 00:39:16,478
I would've thought
they'd be more droopy,

690
00:39:16,604 --> 00:39:18,438
like a sock with
a rock in the toe,

691
00:39:18,522 --> 00:39:20,815
like in those National
Geographic magazines.

692
00:39:22,318 --> 00:39:24,069
You're gonna have to
forgive my mother's behavior.

693
00:39:24,153 --> 00:39:28,198
Sometimes she can be factually
inaccurate and quite racist.

694
00:39:28,282 --> 00:39:30,158
Do not apologize
for me, Christian.

695
00:39:30,242 --> 00:39:31,701
I am your mother,
and I love you

696
00:39:31,786 --> 00:39:33,536
like you were my
own white child.

697
00:39:33,621 --> 00:39:35,622
But I still hide my wallet
at night, just in case.

698
00:39:35,706 --> 00:39:37,207
As you should, Mother.

699
00:39:37,291 --> 00:39:39,334
It is awesome
to meet you.

700
00:39:40,461 --> 00:39:43,755
Are you two dating? Oh, no,
Mother, we're not dating.

701
00:39:43,839 --> 00:39:45,507
We're just fucking. Hard.

702
00:39:45,633 --> 00:39:47,926
And quick. Apparently,
it's the best way.

703
00:39:48,469 --> 00:39:51,554
Well, I just can't tell you how
pleased I am to meet you, Hannah.

704
00:39:51,639 --> 00:39:55,225
I mean, you're the first
woman I've seen Christian with.

705
00:39:55,309 --> 00:39:56,810
I assumed that he was...

706
00:39:57,353 --> 00:40:00,188
What would Oprah say?
"On the DL?"

707
00:40:02,316 --> 00:40:03,316
Christian, you can
do so much better.

708
00:40:03,401 --> 00:40:04,442
Oh, Mother.

709
00:40:04,527 --> 00:40:06,152
You're one of the richest,
most handsome men in the world.

710
00:40:06,237 --> 00:40:07,487
You could date
white women.

711
00:40:07,571 --> 00:40:09,072
Like Tiger Woods
and Seal.

712
00:40:09,156 --> 00:40:10,949
Okay, it's time for
you to go, Mother.

713
00:40:11,033 --> 00:40:15,161
Or like Taye Diggs or
Quincy Jones. Or even Ice-T.

714
00:40:15,496 --> 00:40:19,457
Hannah, Christian's Chinese
sister, Mai, has come to town,

715
00:40:19,542 --> 00:40:20,959
so we're gonna
hide the cats

716
00:40:21,043 --> 00:40:22,335
and have the family
over for dinner.

717
00:40:22,420 --> 00:40:24,421
You should come.
I'd be delighted.

718
00:40:24,505 --> 00:40:25,797
It was really
nice to meet you.

719
00:40:25,881 --> 00:40:27,674
Okay, great.
Time to go, Mom.

720
00:40:29,218 --> 00:40:30,218
Oh...

721
00:40:30,553 --> 00:40:32,554
Now, where is
my wallet?

722
00:40:32,638 --> 00:40:34,347
Still there.

723
00:40:34,432 --> 00:40:36,141
You just never know.
Yeah.

724
00:40:38,853 --> 00:40:40,687
They're delicious.

725
00:40:41,188 --> 00:40:42,230
All right.

726
00:40:43,899 --> 00:40:45,817
We had breakfast.
Time to go.

727
00:40:45,901 --> 00:40:48,361
Look, your Uber's here. All right.

728
00:40:52,616 --> 00:40:54,200
Okay, what?

729
00:40:55,536 --> 00:40:56,578
Spit it out.

730
00:40:57,037 --> 00:40:59,080
Well, how did you
get into this whole

731
00:40:59,206 --> 00:41:01,374
dominant-submissive thing?

732
00:41:02,418 --> 00:41:04,669
It was one of my mother's
really close friends,

733
00:41:04,753 --> 00:41:06,421
and my music teacher.

734
00:41:07,214 --> 00:41:08,798
I was 16.

735
00:41:10,301 --> 00:41:11,551
She was older.

736
00:41:21,395 --> 00:41:23,980
Don't look
so nervous, Christian.

737
00:41:24,064 --> 00:41:28,818
All I ask is that
you do your very best.

738
00:41:29,195 --> 00:41:31,905
I thought I was supposed to
be here for music lessons.

739
00:41:32,907 --> 00:41:34,574
Baby, you are.

740
00:41:34,658 --> 00:41:39,078
And your lesson
starts right here.

741
00:41:42,625 --> 00:41:44,626
Hey, hey. Snap.

742
00:41:45,002 --> 00:41:46,711
We got a regular
John Holmes here,

743
00:41:47,630 --> 00:41:49,464
without the big
dick and the stamina!

744
00:41:49,673 --> 00:41:52,926
Okay! Again!
One, two, three!

745
00:41:54,720 --> 00:41:55,845
Do you know why
I hit you in the head

746
00:41:55,930 --> 00:41:57,180
with that
tambourine, Black?

747
00:41:57,264 --> 00:41:58,473
I have no idea.

748
00:41:58,557 --> 00:42:00,183
Well, were you rushing
or were you dragging?

749
00:42:00,351 --> 00:42:01,809
I... I thought
I was fucking.

750
00:42:01,894 --> 00:42:04,103
Oh! That wasn't fucking!

751
00:42:04,939 --> 00:42:06,606
Now, count off.

752
00:42:07,441 --> 00:42:08,942
One, two...

753
00:42:09,276 --> 00:42:11,152
Was I rushing or
was I dragging?

754
00:42:11,278 --> 00:42:13,571
Answer the question!
You were rushing!

755
00:42:13,948 --> 00:42:17,200
Is that a tear?
Oh! Poor little guy.

756
00:42:17,284 --> 00:42:19,577
Are you upset?
I'm upset.

757
00:42:19,662 --> 00:42:24,207
You worthless, adopted,
unloved little piece of shit!

758
00:42:24,792 --> 00:42:29,379
Weeping and slobbering over my
vagina like a 9-year-old girl!

759
00:42:29,463 --> 00:42:31,756
Now, for the last
father-fucking time,

760
00:42:32,091 --> 00:42:34,926
say it louder so I
can hear it! I'm upset!

761
00:42:35,010 --> 00:42:37,762
Oh, Black, get off the bed!
You make me sick.

762
00:42:37,846 --> 00:42:39,889
But I'm upset.
Get off the bed!

763
00:42:40,015 --> 00:42:43,142
You're not ready for this! I'm ready!

764
00:42:44,562 --> 00:42:46,604
Willy? Willy,
you're up next.

765
00:42:47,356 --> 00:42:48,398
Willy?

766
00:42:48,482 --> 00:42:50,525
You better get your
shit together, Black!

767
00:42:50,609 --> 00:42:53,319
You're not gonna amount to
anything, sexually or musically.

768
00:42:53,404 --> 00:42:54,862
And you know
what the biggest

769
00:42:54,947 --> 00:42:56,781
disappointment
of all is to me?

770
00:42:56,991 --> 00:43:00,827
I thought all you black men
had rhythm and a big dick!

771
00:43:01,328 --> 00:43:03,204
Boy, was I mistaken!

772
00:43:04,415 --> 00:43:06,124
I have rhythm!

773
00:43:08,919 --> 00:43:11,629
You're all set, Ms. Steale.
Courtesy of Mr. Black.

774
00:43:14,925 --> 00:43:16,050
What the heck?

775
00:43:20,014 --> 00:43:22,432
What is that?
Is that a drone?

776
00:43:23,309 --> 00:43:25,018
All right,
just sign here.

777
00:43:28,314 --> 00:43:30,315
Thank you very much.

778
00:43:36,030 --> 00:43:38,448
Girl, another gift?

779
00:43:38,741 --> 00:43:41,117
Damn, you must be
giving that bomb head!

780
00:43:41,827 --> 00:43:45,330
Wait a minute, is that a
Retina display MacBook Pro?

781
00:43:45,414 --> 00:43:47,290
Bitch, you lickin'
that butthole!

782
00:43:47,374 --> 00:43:48,791
I didn't lick a butthole!

783
00:43:48,876 --> 00:43:50,293
Shit, you lucky, girl.

784
00:43:50,377 --> 00:43:54,130
Like, I licked six buttholes
last week! I got a Dell!

785
00:43:54,757 --> 00:43:56,049
Desktop!

786
00:43:56,133 --> 00:43:58,051
I can't take that
shit anywhere, girl.

787
00:43:58,302 --> 00:43:59,469
Hey, the mail
come already?

788
00:43:59,553 --> 00:44:00,720
No.

789
00:44:00,804 --> 00:44:04,974
It's just a weird sex contract
Christian wants me to sign.

790
00:44:05,059 --> 00:44:09,103
You sign that, but then you
get that paper, boo, all right?

791
00:44:09,188 --> 00:44:13,191
A bitch gotta get hers. You
keep licking that bootie, okay?

792
00:44:48,310 --> 00:44:50,395
We're done?

793
00:44:50,729 --> 00:44:52,730
Wha...
Yeah, I read your text.

794
00:44:52,815 --> 00:44:55,191
Wow face, sparkly
diamond, poop?

795
00:44:55,275 --> 00:44:56,359
Like, what does
that even mean?

796
00:44:56,443 --> 00:44:58,194
You got me all fucked up
with your emojis, like...

797
00:44:58,278 --> 00:44:59,529
Hey, how did you
get in here?

798
00:44:59,613 --> 00:45:01,030
Does it matter?

799
00:45:01,115 --> 00:45:02,198
Yes, actually
it does matter,

800
00:45:02,282 --> 00:45:04,033
because you don't live here
and you don't have a key.

801
00:45:04,118 --> 00:45:08,496
You don't need a key
to get in a hamper, Hannah.

802
00:45:08,622 --> 00:45:10,456
Here, now,
help me outta here.

803
00:45:11,208 --> 00:45:14,085
You're lucky I wasn't
in your medicine cabinet,

804
00:45:14,211 --> 00:45:15,837
or your jewelry box.

805
00:45:15,921 --> 00:45:17,088
I tried to hide
in your nightstand,

806
00:45:17,172 --> 00:45:19,173
but you had this Gideon Bible
in there and I couldn't fit.

807
00:45:20,634 --> 00:45:23,010
Wait a minute, did you
break in through that window?

808
00:45:23,095 --> 00:45:24,053
This one?

809
00:45:24,138 --> 00:45:25,847
Oh, no, that could've
been anybody.

810
00:45:26,306 --> 00:45:29,600
The brick on the ground says
"Property of Christian Black. "

811
00:45:29,685 --> 00:45:31,185
"Christian... "

812
00:45:31,270 --> 00:45:33,646
Yeah, yeah, it does.

813
00:45:34,022 --> 00:45:36,941
But, I mean, that could belong
to any black Christian, right?

814
00:45:37,025 --> 00:45:38,276
I mean, okay...

815
00:45:39,236 --> 00:45:42,113
Enough with
the interrogation.

816
00:45:43,449 --> 00:45:44,699
Come here.

817
00:46:17,649 --> 00:46:20,359
Do not move,

818
00:46:21,153 --> 00:46:23,863
or I'll be forced
to punish you.

819
00:46:39,713 --> 00:46:41,047
I said don't move!

820
00:46:41,131 --> 00:46:42,131
Okay.

821
00:46:43,801 --> 00:46:47,303
That feels weird. What
is that? It's so hairy.

822
00:46:56,772 --> 00:46:58,898
Yeah! Yes!

823
00:46:58,982 --> 00:47:01,526
Wait, wait, wait, don't
move. Don't, don't...

824
00:47:13,372 --> 00:47:15,081
Damn it,
that shit was cold!

825
00:47:19,545 --> 00:47:20,586
Are you ready,
Ms. Steale?

826
00:47:20,671 --> 00:47:21,754
Yes, Christian.

827
00:47:31,390 --> 00:47:32,849
You brought
a condom, right?

828
00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:36,269
A condom?
Yeah.

829
00:47:36,353 --> 00:47:38,104
Oh... Okay.
Yeah, of course!

830
00:47:38,188 --> 00:47:40,356
Of course I got a condom.
Hold on one second.

831
00:47:40,607 --> 00:47:41,858
God damn it!

832
00:47:42,234 --> 00:47:45,695
Just knowing you care enough
to use protection excites me.

833
00:47:45,779 --> 00:47:47,405
Aha! Old trusty dusty!

834
00:47:51,034 --> 00:47:52,952
"March, 1982?"
Hell no.

835
00:47:53,745 --> 00:47:55,788
Yeah, I got one
right here! Found it!

836
00:47:56,832 --> 00:47:59,417
Here, let me open it
up so you can hear it.

837
00:48:05,924 --> 00:48:07,466
Okay.

838
00:48:07,551 --> 00:48:11,137
I'm just gonna scoot these
little bad boys to the side.

839
00:48:11,471 --> 00:48:14,223
Oh! And then I'm gonna park
this right there.

840
00:48:14,725 --> 00:48:16,893
Oh, my God,
it feels so natural.

841
00:48:16,977 --> 00:48:19,186
It's like you're not
wearing anything at all!

842
00:48:19,271 --> 00:48:21,063
It's lambskin
foreskin.

843
00:48:23,775 --> 00:48:25,359
Oh! Just relax.
What?

844
00:48:25,444 --> 00:48:26,611
No, not you. Now I'm talking to myself.

845
00:48:29,823 --> 00:48:31,741
Okay? Oh... Ready?

846
00:48:38,832 --> 00:48:40,666
That was like two strokes!

847
00:48:42,252 --> 00:48:44,420
This nigga's back
here settin' records!

848
00:48:44,504 --> 00:48:46,672
They gonna put me
on a Wheaties box! Oh!

849
00:48:46,757 --> 00:48:48,341
Thank God you're
wearing a condom.

850
00:48:48,634 --> 00:48:51,010
I know, 'cause, boy,

851
00:48:51,094 --> 00:48:52,970
we wouldn't want to
get you pregnant, right?

852
00:48:53,055 --> 00:48:56,390
I know. I'm not even taking any
birth control and I'm ovulating.

853
00:48:56,475 --> 00:48:58,309
Did I tell you that
twins run in my family?

854
00:48:58,393 --> 00:48:59,518
Twins?

855
00:48:59,603 --> 00:49:01,062
My sister
had sextuplets.

856
00:49:01,146 --> 00:49:02,146
Sextu...

857
00:49:03,440 --> 00:49:07,068
Oh, really? Let me just
get an after-sex mint.

858
00:49:07,945 --> 00:49:09,403
Here, Hannah, here.

859
00:49:09,488 --> 00:49:11,322
Have one of these.
Here you go.

860
00:49:11,406 --> 00:49:12,615
Yeah.

861
00:49:12,699 --> 00:49:14,659
It tastes weird.
All done?

862
00:49:16,578 --> 00:49:18,704
Good girl.

863
00:49:58,203 --> 00:49:59,578
Shall we begin,
Ms. Steale?

864
00:49:59,913 --> 00:50:02,248
Page one,
paragraph one.

865
00:50:02,833 --> 00:50:04,250
This must change!

866
00:50:05,377 --> 00:50:06,711
There's a typo
in the header.

867
00:50:08,922 --> 00:50:09,964
That's it?

868
00:50:10,048 --> 00:50:12,967
Mr. Black, I will end
this negotiation right now!

869
00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:15,636
My apologies.

870
00:50:16,388 --> 00:50:18,222
Page four,
section 13-20.

871
00:50:18,515 --> 00:50:20,850
With regards to
anal fisting...

872
00:50:21,184 --> 00:50:23,686
Is there a problem?
Absolutely not.

873
00:50:24,938 --> 00:50:26,439
And strike out
vaginal fisting.

874
00:50:26,523 --> 00:50:27,732
I mean, if you're
gonna do anal,

875
00:50:27,816 --> 00:50:30,693
you're obviously gonna have vaginal
fisting. I mean, it's a given.

876
00:50:30,777 --> 00:50:32,278
Oh, for sure.
I will put that...

877
00:50:32,362 --> 00:50:34,447
I'm putting that
in there in bold.

878
00:50:34,531 --> 00:50:38,868
Next page, sex toys. "Are they
acceptable to the submissive?"

879
00:50:39,453 --> 00:50:42,955
Dildos, I guess.
Butt plugs, fine.

880
00:50:43,165 --> 00:50:44,331
Fuck yeah!

881
00:50:44,416 --> 00:50:45,499
How did this slip
through the cracks?

882
00:50:45,584 --> 00:50:46,709
What's with
the genital clamps?

883
00:50:46,793 --> 00:50:48,794
Sorry, Ms. Steale, I...

884
00:50:48,879 --> 00:50:50,755
I can't seem to
find those in my...

885
00:50:50,839 --> 00:50:52,965
Because you forgot
to put them in there.

886
00:50:53,925 --> 00:50:55,468
Rookie move,
Mr. Black.

887
00:50:56,303 --> 00:50:57,595
Silly me.

888
00:51:05,103 --> 00:51:08,606
Let's be clear. I will not
share you with another woman.

889
00:51:10,067 --> 00:51:12,318
I require at least two or three. Five.

890
00:51:12,402 --> 00:51:14,111
Seven.
Seven it is.

891
00:51:14,237 --> 00:51:16,489
You're not gonna
shortchange me, Mr. Black.

892
00:51:16,656 --> 00:51:18,783
You drive a hard
bargain, Ms. Steale.

893
00:51:19,242 --> 00:51:21,160
Thank you. You know, Ms. Steale,

894
00:51:21,244 --> 00:51:23,537
I'd like to fuck you into
the middle of next month.

895
00:51:23,914 --> 00:51:26,082
Silly. You couldn't
fuck me

896
00:51:26,166 --> 00:51:27,875
into the middle
of the next minute.

897
00:51:27,959 --> 00:51:29,835
I'll fuck you into
a different galaxy.

898
00:51:29,920 --> 00:51:32,088
You'll be like, "Oh, shit,
it's cold in Pluto!"

899
00:51:32,172 --> 00:51:34,673
Yeah, well, I'm gonna fuck you
at the Stephen Hawking exhibit.

900
00:51:34,758 --> 00:51:36,092
And I'm gonna ram
your ass so hard

901
00:51:36,176 --> 00:51:38,427
that I cause a tear in
the time-space continuum.

902
00:51:38,512 --> 00:51:39,887
I'll fuck you
through slavery times,

903
00:51:39,971 --> 00:51:41,305
and you'll get
your freedom papers.

904
00:51:41,473 --> 00:51:43,224
Yeah, well, I'm gonna
rent me a DeLorean

905
00:51:43,308 --> 00:51:44,767
and fuck you
back to the future.

906
00:51:44,851 --> 00:51:46,519
I'll fuck you into
a whole 'nother planet,

907
00:51:46,645 --> 00:51:47,978
where that insect
is from Men in Black.

908
00:51:48,063 --> 00:51:50,356
You'll be like, "Oh, shit!
How many times you fuck me?"

909
00:51:50,440 --> 00:51:52,942
Three million, 746
hundred million times.

910
00:51:53,026 --> 00:51:54,068
And you'd
be like, "Why?"

911
00:51:54,152 --> 00:51:56,153
And I'd be like, "Shut up," and
I hit you with the neuron, like...

912
00:51:58,698 --> 00:52:00,032
You'd be like,

913
00:52:00,867 --> 00:52:03,619
"Oh, my God, why is my vagina so sore?"

914
00:52:03,703 --> 00:52:05,746
And I'd be like,
"You fell. "

915
00:52:06,623 --> 00:52:08,791
Well played, Mr. Black.

916
00:52:08,875 --> 00:52:10,042
I've done this before.

917
00:52:12,337 --> 00:52:15,172
And he's a major beneficiary
of our university.

918
00:52:15,257 --> 00:52:18,134
Interestingly enough,
he donates all cash.

919
00:52:18,718 --> 00:52:22,012
Usually in ones,
fives, twenties,

920
00:52:22,097 --> 00:52:25,224
the odd rolled-up $100 bill that's
got a little bit of powder on it.

921
00:52:25,600 --> 00:52:28,227
Please welcome
Mr. Christian Black.

922
00:52:32,566 --> 00:52:35,276
What you talkin' 'bout my
business? Don't get cut.

923
00:52:38,238 --> 00:52:41,949
Thank you. Let's talk
about life and your purpose.

924
00:52:42,576 --> 00:52:47,329
You all spent four hard years in
this school getting your diploma,

925
00:52:47,414 --> 00:52:50,499
putting your
parents in debt,

926
00:52:50,584 --> 00:52:51,584
for what?

927
00:52:52,043 --> 00:52:56,255
Between global warming and
the world economy crashing,

928
00:52:56,339 --> 00:52:59,216
I don't even know why you're
trying to better yourselves.

929
00:52:59,301 --> 00:53:02,428
Give up hope!
Think about it.

930
00:53:02,512 --> 00:53:04,430
You are wasting time.

931
00:53:04,556 --> 00:53:07,266
You. You're a drug addict
waiting to happen.

932
00:53:07,350 --> 00:53:10,561
Look at you. You can't wait to
get outta here and smoke some weed.

933
00:53:10,645 --> 00:53:13,272
And you!
You are a stripper!

934
00:53:13,648 --> 00:53:16,233
Your ass is twerkin'
as I'm sitting here talking.

935
00:53:16,318 --> 00:53:18,068
You can find
the rhythm in anything.

936
00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:19,403
And you, sir.

937
00:53:19,738 --> 00:53:22,656
Well, you're white.
You'll be fine.

938
00:53:23,325 --> 00:53:25,659
So, in closing,
I would like to say,

939
00:53:26,244 --> 00:53:29,663
"Thank God I'm not you. "

940
00:53:31,208 --> 00:53:33,959
Kateesha! Oh, my God, we
did it! Girl!

941
00:53:34,044 --> 00:53:35,252
I'm so proud of you.

942
00:53:35,337 --> 00:53:37,296
Who you telling?
I was close, girl.

943
00:53:37,380 --> 00:53:41,926
I was one handjob away from
losing valedictorian to that bitch,

944
00:53:42,010 --> 00:53:43,552
Lindsey Hung, right?

945
00:53:43,637 --> 00:53:45,387
What are you talking...
Shut up.

946
00:53:45,931 --> 00:53:47,640
I see that bitch,
she talkin' shit.

947
00:53:48,183 --> 00:53:49,558
She gonna need
a gynecologist

948
00:53:49,643 --> 00:53:51,936
when I'm done fucking
that bitch up! All right!

949
00:53:52,103 --> 00:53:53,562
Girl, I'll see you later.

950
00:53:53,647 --> 00:53:55,189
I'mma go punch
a bitch in the throat.

951
00:53:55,398 --> 00:53:57,399
Lindsey!
You bilingual bitch!

952
00:53:57,609 --> 00:53:58,859
So proud of you.

953
00:53:59,736 --> 00:54:00,819
Hannah!

954
00:54:00,904 --> 00:54:01,904
Dad!

955
00:54:03,240 --> 00:54:04,657
I'm so happy
to see you.

956
00:54:04,741 --> 00:54:06,951
Oh! I'm so
proud of you.

957
00:54:07,202 --> 00:54:09,495
You know, I thought you'd
turn out not to be shit.

958
00:54:09,621 --> 00:54:11,247
But you ended up
looking real good,

959
00:54:11,331 --> 00:54:13,082
being that you
from a drunken whore.

960
00:54:13,166 --> 00:54:16,293
Oh, yeah. Yeah, your
mama's over at the rehab.

961
00:54:16,378 --> 00:54:18,420
Twenty-seven times
is the fucking charm.

962
00:54:18,546 --> 00:54:20,464
Isn't it? Yeah, it's the fucking charm.

963
00:54:20,548 --> 00:54:21,924
Hey, where are
my other stepdads?

964
00:54:22,008 --> 00:54:23,592
Right over there.

965
00:54:24,803 --> 00:54:26,845
Jonny Quest, B. B. King.

966
00:54:26,930 --> 00:54:28,597
I don't know who that
nigga is with his shirt off.

967
00:54:28,682 --> 00:54:30,349
That must be
your birth daddy.

968
00:54:30,642 --> 00:54:33,519
Yeah, it's all good. What a
great bunch of guys.

969
00:54:33,728 --> 00:54:36,397
And you know the old saying,
"It takes a village. "

970
00:54:36,481 --> 00:54:38,607
And it's true.
Especially when it comes

971
00:54:38,692 --> 00:54:40,192
to your mom
being a gutter slut

972
00:54:40,610 --> 00:54:42,403
and the village
is a gangbang.

973
00:54:43,655 --> 00:54:45,823
The village is a gangbang. Hannah!

974
00:54:46,700 --> 00:54:47,825
Hi!

975
00:54:48,451 --> 00:54:50,160
Hey, hey, hey,
hold up, player!

976
00:54:50,245 --> 00:54:52,454
Shit, how you gonna walk up
and kiss the girl that I raised?

977
00:54:52,539 --> 00:54:53,914
What kind of
shit is this?

978
00:54:53,999 --> 00:54:57,209
Ron, this is my boyfriend,
Christian Black.

979
00:54:57,711 --> 00:54:58,919
Boyfriend!

980
00:54:59,004 --> 00:55:00,629
Ron, to be
honest with you,

981
00:55:00,714 --> 00:55:01,839
I just fucked her
a few times.

982
00:55:02,299 --> 00:55:05,134
"Boyfriend" makes it sound
serious, like I went raw.

983
00:55:05,218 --> 00:55:06,635
I mean, I might've
dipped, but...

984
00:55:06,720 --> 00:55:08,137
Are you thinkin'
about marrying her?

985
00:55:08,221 --> 00:55:09,305
No.

986
00:55:09,389 --> 00:55:10,556
What if she
get pregnant?

987
00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:13,017
Still no,
but hell no.

988
00:55:16,062 --> 00:55:17,313
I like this fella!

989
00:55:18,481 --> 00:55:19,940
I like this nigga
right here.

990
00:55:20,025 --> 00:55:21,317
I fucks with
your stepdad.

991
00:55:21,401 --> 00:55:22,735
You know what,
from player to player,

992
00:55:22,819 --> 00:55:24,278
Black, I really
like you, man.

993
00:55:24,362 --> 00:55:27,197
You can fuck anybody you
wanna fuck. Thank you.

994
00:55:27,282 --> 00:55:30,659
Yeah, just don't pass her
around like we did her mama.

995
00:55:30,744 --> 00:55:32,745
That's all I ask you to do.
Yes, sir, out of respect.

996
00:55:32,829 --> 00:55:34,747
We passed her mama
around like a baton, man.

997
00:55:34,831 --> 00:55:35,873
Yeah.

998
00:55:35,957 --> 00:55:37,374
You never told me
that about your mother.

999
00:55:37,459 --> 00:55:39,668
Your mother fucked everybody
in the neighborhood,

1000
00:55:39,753 --> 00:55:42,171
and then wanted to settle down
with me, and I went for it.

1001
00:55:42,255 --> 00:55:43,714
You know what, I gotta
hang out with you, man,

1002
00:55:43,798 --> 00:55:45,758
get your knowledge, man,
'cause you got a lot of wisdom.

1003
00:55:45,842 --> 00:55:48,177
I got a lot of wisdom
and I been through a lot,

1004
00:55:48,261 --> 00:55:49,803
and I done been
with a lot of hos

1005
00:55:49,888 --> 00:55:52,931
and the smells
that's on my fingers

1006
00:55:53,099 --> 00:55:54,808
over all the years...
Oh, shit! What!

1007
00:55:54,893 --> 00:55:57,227
Still there. Never went away. Oh! Damn!

1008
00:55:57,687 --> 00:56:00,606
Wow, sir! I smelled every
last single one of them!

1009
00:56:00,690 --> 00:56:01,774
Yes, man.

1010
00:56:01,858 --> 00:56:04,735
It was like beautiful and
horrible at the same time.

1011
00:56:04,819 --> 00:56:06,862
I've stuck my hands in some of

1012
00:56:06,946 --> 00:56:09,365
the nastiest bitches'
pants all over the world.

1013
00:56:09,449 --> 00:56:10,491
Really?

1014
00:56:10,575 --> 00:56:13,410
Asia, Malaysia, Congo.

1015
00:56:13,870 --> 00:56:15,537
That's
Dubai right there.

1016
00:56:15,622 --> 00:56:17,331
Wow, I smell the hair.

1017
00:56:17,540 --> 00:56:19,958
Touched a bitch's booty
hole in Dubai at the airport.

1018
00:56:20,043 --> 00:56:22,211
I bet you could probably spit
a lot of game to me, my nigga.

1019
00:56:22,295 --> 00:56:23,545
Let's take a picture,
let me get a picture

1020
00:56:23,630 --> 00:56:24,838
of me and you.
Make it a selfie.

1021
00:56:24,923 --> 00:56:26,048
No, no, baby.
Just me and him.

1022
00:56:26,132 --> 00:56:28,717
Ready? One, two, three.
Nigga!

1023
00:56:33,390 --> 00:56:34,723
Where are we going?

1024
00:56:36,976 --> 00:56:38,060
Congratulations,
Hannah.

1025
00:56:38,144 --> 00:56:39,812
That's a car.

1026
00:56:40,271 --> 00:56:41,605
With a broken window?

1027
00:56:41,689 --> 00:56:42,898
Do you like it?

1028
00:56:46,111 --> 00:56:49,405
Yeah. It's nice.

1029
00:56:49,489 --> 00:56:51,198
You know what I went
through to steal this car?

1030
00:56:52,325 --> 00:56:55,077
I mean...
The car was a steal.

1031
00:56:56,955 --> 00:56:58,872
Did you just roll your eyes at me? No.

1032
00:56:58,998 --> 00:57:00,666
Listen, there's only
two things I hate,

1033
00:57:00,834 --> 00:57:03,210
when you roll your
eyes at me and Craisins.

1034
00:57:03,586 --> 00:57:07,798
Like, what is a Craisin? It's not
a cranberry, it's not a raisin.

1035
00:57:07,882 --> 00:57:09,508
Like, it doesn't
even make sense.

1036
00:57:10,718 --> 00:57:13,220
Look, you just rolled your
eyes at me again! No, I didn't.

1037
00:57:13,304 --> 00:57:15,264
Yes, you did.
I have it on tape.

1038
00:57:15,348 --> 00:57:16,765
Check this out.
Look at this.

1039
00:57:18,977 --> 00:57:21,854
Oh, what's she doing? She's
rolling her eye. Look at that.

1040
00:57:22,814 --> 00:57:24,940
How did you do that? Come
on, you, with me, now.

1041
00:57:25,024 --> 00:57:26,066
But...

1042
00:57:26,151 --> 00:57:28,402
Teach you a little lesson about
rolling your eyes. Come on.

1043
00:57:32,824 --> 00:57:33,824
Oh.

1044
00:57:34,993 --> 00:57:37,327
Now, do you know
why I'm gonna punish you?

1045
00:57:37,579 --> 00:57:40,038
Because you're a sicko
who likes abusing women.

1046
00:57:40,373 --> 00:57:43,542
While there may be some truth
to that, that's not the reason.

1047
00:57:44,335 --> 00:57:46,003
Because I rolled my eyes.

1048
00:57:46,087 --> 00:57:47,171
Bingo.

1049
00:57:49,716 --> 00:57:50,716
Oh!

1050
00:57:53,386 --> 00:57:57,890
This is gonna hurt you a whole
lot more than it's gonna hurt me.

1051
00:58:01,227 --> 00:58:04,062
Ha!

1052
00:58:04,272 --> 00:58:06,482
Welcome to my world.

1053
00:58:07,484 --> 00:58:10,152
Oh, God! Fuck!

1054
00:58:10,737 --> 00:58:12,863
That hurt! Oh!

1055
00:58:13,239 --> 00:58:14,448
Did you do it?

1056
00:58:17,202 --> 00:58:19,828
Okay, 15 across,
"winter beverage. "

1057
00:58:19,913 --> 00:58:22,080
Nothing? You don't
feel nothing?

1058
00:58:22,957 --> 00:58:24,249
I love knitting.

1059
00:58:30,548 --> 00:58:33,592
Are you gonna spank me? All
this build-up is getting boring.

1060
00:58:33,676 --> 00:58:35,344
Okay, okay,
you wanna play?

1061
00:58:35,428 --> 00:58:37,054
Oh, I got
something for you.

1062
00:58:37,138 --> 00:58:38,222
Excuse me.

1063
00:58:40,767 --> 00:58:44,144
Enough of your games. It's
about to get real dark in here.

1064
00:58:44,229 --> 00:58:45,312
Sure.

1065
00:58:47,732 --> 00:58:49,358
Are you gonna find something
that actually works?

1066
00:58:49,442 --> 00:58:52,069
Big brother almighty!

1067
00:58:56,574 --> 00:58:58,534
That was my
sorority paddle!

1068
00:58:58,952 --> 00:59:00,160
Oh!

1069
00:59:00,620 --> 00:59:02,246
You know, Hannah,

1070
00:59:03,456 --> 00:59:05,207
I didn't wanna have
to do this to you,

1071
00:59:05,792 --> 00:59:07,709
but you've been
a naughty girl.

1072
00:59:12,131 --> 00:59:14,049
Did you break
my fucking stool?

1073
00:59:14,634 --> 00:59:15,676
No.

1074
00:59:17,345 --> 00:59:19,304
I think I'm
pretty good at this.

1075
00:59:23,476 --> 00:59:24,476
Oh...

1076
00:59:24,561 --> 00:59:26,728
I don't...
I don't understand.

1077
00:59:26,813 --> 00:59:29,898
I fucking hit you with
everything. I don't get it.

1078
00:59:29,983 --> 00:59:31,108
Don't feel bad.

1079
00:59:31,192 --> 00:59:32,734
I haven't really felt
anything down there

1080
00:59:32,819 --> 00:59:33,944
since I got my
butt implants.

1081
00:59:34,028 --> 00:59:37,406
I'll just... I'll see you back
at my place tomorrow. Yeah.

1082
00:59:55,633 --> 00:59:58,844
When you're in this room,
you do as I say.

1083
01:00:00,179 --> 01:00:02,347
Is that understood?
Yes.

1084
01:00:02,432 --> 01:00:04,391
Yes, who?
Yes, sir.

1085
01:00:04,559 --> 01:00:05,726
Good girl.

1086
01:00:07,562 --> 01:00:08,895
Hands up.

1087
01:00:23,244 --> 01:00:25,662
Turn around.
On your knees.

1088
01:00:26,539 --> 01:00:27,789
Stay.

1089
01:00:37,508 --> 01:00:38,508
Don't look at me!

1090
01:00:52,732 --> 01:00:54,316
Raise your hand.

1091
01:01:10,708 --> 01:01:11,750
Did that hurt?

1092
01:01:11,834 --> 01:01:13,001
No.

1093
01:01:13,586 --> 01:01:18,423
Sometimes the pain
is in your mind.

1094
01:01:35,525 --> 01:01:38,193
God damn it! Motherfuck!

1095
01:01:38,444 --> 01:01:42,155
And sometimes the pain
is not in your mind!

1096
01:01:47,495 --> 01:01:48,704
Jerk!

1097
01:01:52,542 --> 01:01:55,919
I have a very important
question to ask you, Ms. Steale.

1098
01:01:56,754 --> 01:01:58,755
Where is bin Laden?
What?

1099
01:01:59,090 --> 01:02:03,468
Where is bin Laden? When was
the last time you saw bin Laden?

1100
01:02:03,553 --> 01:02:05,679
Where is he?

1101
01:02:05,763 --> 01:02:07,556
I don't know!

1102
01:02:07,640 --> 01:02:09,975
He's been dead
for five years!

1103
01:02:10,059 --> 01:02:11,935
I don't keep up
on current events!

1104
01:02:17,650 --> 01:02:20,110
And now the real
torture begins.

1105
01:02:21,904 --> 01:02:22,904
Where were we?

1106
01:02:26,075 --> 01:02:28,326
I can't
remember the safe word.

1107
01:02:28,786 --> 01:02:30,370
Chapter 23.

1108
01:02:32,623 --> 01:02:35,792
"It was a cold,
gloomy day in Seattle. "

1109
01:02:36,169 --> 01:02:40,088
Oh, God, this book is 50
shades of fucking terrible.

1110
01:02:41,466 --> 01:02:43,341
Who wrote this,
a third-grader?

1111
01:02:43,468 --> 01:02:46,011
Please go back to
the water-torture thing!

1112
01:02:52,059 --> 01:02:53,894
What's the safe word?
Stop it!

1113
01:02:53,978 --> 01:02:55,228
What's your
safe word?

1114
01:02:55,313 --> 01:02:56,521
I don't know.

1115
01:02:57,190 --> 01:02:59,649
Please just... Are you
gonna let me down now?

1116
01:02:59,734 --> 01:03:01,109
Yes, Ms. Steale.

1117
01:03:04,280 --> 01:03:07,491
If I could just
find these keys.

1118
01:03:08,117 --> 01:03:11,119
You didn't see the keys... No,
I know where they are. I just...

1119
01:03:11,204 --> 01:03:13,455
God, my arms are
really starting to hurt.

1120
01:03:13,623 --> 01:03:14,998
I got an idea.

1121
01:03:15,792 --> 01:03:18,502
See, most people use a universal
lock key in their sex dungeons

1122
01:03:18,586 --> 01:03:19,961
for reasons just like this.

1123
01:03:20,046 --> 01:03:22,380
But what you got here is
an over-molded swivel key.

1124
01:03:22,465 --> 01:03:23,632
All right,
that's a custom job.

1125
01:03:23,716 --> 01:03:24,758
You're gonna
need somebody else

1126
01:03:24,842 --> 01:03:25,801
to take a look at this.

1127
01:03:25,885 --> 01:03:27,594
Yeah, I don't know
what to tell you.

1128
01:03:27,720 --> 01:03:29,596
Next time, I'd put one of those
tracker app things on the key

1129
01:03:29,680 --> 01:03:30,847
so you don't lose it.

1130
01:03:30,932 --> 01:03:32,682
What are they called?
Oh, I know the name.

1131
01:03:32,767 --> 01:03:35,352
It's on the tip of my tongue.
It starts with a "T."

1132
01:03:35,436 --> 01:03:36,770
Ta...
Maybe Ten?

1133
01:03:36,854 --> 01:03:38,146
Telepathy?

1134
01:03:38,231 --> 01:03:40,941
Hey, dipshits,
it's called a Tile.

1135
01:03:41,067 --> 01:03:42,818
Tile!

1136
01:03:42,902 --> 01:03:43,985
Holy shit,
you're good!

1137
01:03:44,070 --> 01:03:45,111
You went to college!

1138
01:03:45,196 --> 01:03:46,196
Hell yeah!

1139
01:03:46,280 --> 01:03:47,614
Come on!

1140
01:03:47,698 --> 01:03:48,824
I've picked a lot
of locks in my day,

1141
01:03:48,908 --> 01:03:50,700
but I've never seen
anything like this.

1142
01:03:50,785 --> 01:03:52,828
Man, it's impressive.
Thank you.

1143
01:03:52,912 --> 01:03:55,455
Yeah. I got nothing.
Who's next?

1144
01:03:55,540 --> 01:03:58,124
Who's next? What are
you guys, Ocean's Eleven?

1145
01:03:58,209 --> 01:04:00,001
How many more fuckups
are you gonna bring in here?

1146
01:04:00,837 --> 01:04:02,295
Stand back!
Oh.

1147
01:04:03,172 --> 01:04:05,841
On the count of three,
the Great Mysterio

1148
01:04:05,925 --> 01:04:08,760
shall command these
shackles unlocked!

1149
01:04:09,011 --> 01:04:11,346
One! Do not
divert your gaze.

1150
01:04:11,430 --> 01:04:13,598
Two! Illusion!

1151
01:04:13,975 --> 01:04:16,101
Three! Mysterio!

1152
01:04:16,394 --> 01:04:17,727
Thank you.
Um...

1153
01:04:18,980 --> 01:04:20,730
Yeah, that didn't work. All
the locks are still there.

1154
01:04:20,815 --> 01:04:22,399
Nothing happened!

1155
01:04:22,483 --> 01:04:24,234
Oh. I got nothing, guys.

1156
01:04:24,360 --> 01:04:25,652
Jesus Christ.

1157
01:04:25,736 --> 01:04:29,739
Oh, speaking of disappearing, I have
a bar mitzvah in one hour. Mysterio!

1158
01:04:31,701 --> 01:04:34,077
Oh, damn!
Oh, my God.

1159
01:04:41,711 --> 01:04:43,837
This was not
in the contract!

1160
01:04:49,010 --> 01:04:50,468
Where we going?

1161
01:04:51,137 --> 01:04:53,555
To my parents'
house for dinner.

1162
01:04:54,307 --> 01:04:56,474
You look lovely.
Thank you.

1163
01:04:59,854 --> 01:05:01,563
Where'd you
learn to dance?

1164
01:05:01,647 --> 01:05:03,481
At this little
club in Tampa.

1165
01:05:27,673 --> 01:05:28,673
Dance!

1166
01:05:38,851 --> 01:05:40,018
Yeah!

1167
01:05:41,854 --> 01:05:43,271
Wow.

1168
01:05:47,443 --> 01:05:48,443
Fuck!

1169
01:06:23,729 --> 01:06:24,729
What's that?

1170
01:07:27,877 --> 01:07:29,961
Oh, my God,
he's got a baby dick!

1171
01:07:34,300 --> 01:07:37,927
It's just the lighting! It's bad
lighting! It's creating shadow!

1172
01:07:44,769 --> 01:07:47,854
It's not little!
You're just little people!

1173
01:07:52,568 --> 01:07:53,818
Hi.

1174
01:07:53,903 --> 01:07:55,111
Oh, you made it.

1175
01:07:55,613 --> 01:07:57,697
Hannah! It's so
good to see you.

1176
01:07:57,990 --> 01:07:59,032
Hi.

1177
01:07:59,116 --> 01:08:00,784
Hannah, this
is my dad, Gary.

1178
01:08:01,535 --> 01:08:03,953
Are we ever happy
to meet you, Hannah.

1179
01:08:04,163 --> 01:08:05,497
Really?
Oh, yes.

1180
01:08:05,790 --> 01:08:08,041
I was sure that
Christian was gay.

1181
01:08:08,626 --> 01:08:11,586
He's well-groomed,
loves Lady Gaga.

1182
01:08:11,879 --> 01:08:14,255
Can't take his eyes
off of Anderson Cooper.

1183
01:08:14,340 --> 01:08:16,925
What kind of
Republican watches CNN?

1184
01:08:17,051 --> 01:08:19,761
Hi! I'm Mai!

1185
01:08:19,845 --> 01:08:21,346
It's so nice
to meet you!

1186
01:08:21,639 --> 01:08:23,681
I can't believe
you're a Republican.

1187
01:08:23,766 --> 01:08:26,392
That's his deep, dark secret.

1188
01:08:26,477 --> 01:08:28,019
Shall we?

1189
01:08:29,522 --> 01:08:31,356
I can't believe you're
a Republican. Sorry.

1190
01:08:34,026 --> 01:08:35,652
Mrs. Black, this
food looks amazing.

1191
01:08:35,736 --> 01:08:37,278
Oh, thank you, Hannah.

1192
01:08:37,363 --> 01:08:38,446
Well, it was
important to me

1193
01:08:38,531 --> 01:08:42,450
that our adopted children were
exposed to their native cultures.

1194
01:08:42,535 --> 01:08:45,745
So, for Eli, I have
prepared Balangu.

1195
01:08:45,996 --> 01:08:48,039
It's a spicy goat
dish from Nigeria.

1196
01:08:48,541 --> 01:08:50,792
And for Mai, of course,
we have Peking Duck

1197
01:08:50,876 --> 01:08:52,836
from the Mandarin
province of China.

1198
01:08:53,045 --> 01:08:54,212
I'm Korean!

1199
01:08:54,296 --> 01:08:55,421
Don't be fresh, Mai!

1200
01:08:55,923 --> 01:08:58,383
There are billions of
starving Chinese children

1201
01:08:58,467 --> 01:09:00,844
who need their energy
to make sneakers for Nike,

1202
01:09:00,928 --> 01:09:03,596
and they would
kill for this meal.

1203
01:09:03,681 --> 01:09:07,100
For Christian, of course, we
have fried chicken and Kool-Aid.

1204
01:09:07,309 --> 01:09:10,270
It's a very popular
dish in Detroit, Michigan.

1205
01:09:10,354 --> 01:09:13,273
And your favorite,
of course, hot sauce!

1206
01:09:13,357 --> 01:09:14,774
Oh, Mom.

1207
01:09:16,944 --> 01:09:19,279
So, Hannah, are you
interested in having children?

1208
01:09:20,614 --> 01:09:23,324
Yes, I would,
if I met the right person.

1209
01:09:23,659 --> 01:09:28,913
Oh, you have no idea what joy
we have had from having our kids.

1210
01:09:29,373 --> 01:09:31,374
Mai's the one that I
worried about the most.

1211
01:09:31,458 --> 01:09:33,877
I
mean, she was so sweet.

1212
01:09:33,961 --> 01:09:35,211
I mean, it seemed
almost inevitable

1213
01:09:35,296 --> 01:09:38,089
that she'd grow up one day
and run off with Gary.

1214
01:09:38,299 --> 01:09:40,133
Like that little
director fellow, you know,

1215
01:09:40,217 --> 01:09:41,676
the one that
married Mia Farrow?

1216
01:09:42,094 --> 01:09:44,596
Oh, sweetheart, please
stop. She's our daughter.

1217
01:09:44,680 --> 01:09:46,556
She's a hot
little number, though.

1218
01:09:48,684 --> 01:09:50,643
Hannah, I would
really recommend

1219
01:09:50,728 --> 01:09:53,271
adopting underprivileged children.

1220
01:09:53,439 --> 01:09:57,442
Wow, that's really just so
sweet of you, Mrs. Black.

1221
01:09:57,651 --> 01:10:00,361
It is a great conversation
starter at charities,

1222
01:10:00,446 --> 01:10:02,739
it helps your
social standing...

1223
01:10:02,823 --> 01:10:03,823
Give it to me.

1224
01:10:03,949 --> 01:10:05,575
...and your vag
doesn't get stretched out

1225
01:10:05,659 --> 01:10:07,243
like an elastic band
at Cirque du Soleil.

1226
01:10:07,328 --> 01:10:08,995
Okay, Mom.
Mom, please.

1227
01:10:09,121 --> 01:10:11,539
There was just nothing I
wouldn't do for my children. Hot, hot...

1228
01:10:11,624 --> 01:10:13,708
I even learned to
speak Mandarin for Mai.

1229
01:10:22,968 --> 01:10:24,427
That's not even
a real language.

1230
01:10:24,929 --> 01:10:26,221
Hit that bottom!

1231
01:10:26,722 --> 01:10:28,681
Hannah, where is
your family from?

1232
01:10:28,766 --> 01:10:29,766
Oh...

1233
01:10:29,850 --> 01:10:31,601
My mom lives in Georgia.

1234
01:10:31,936 --> 01:10:33,436
Oh, Atlanta!

1235
01:10:33,896 --> 01:10:36,105
Oh, then your mom
must be a stripper.

1236
01:10:36,315 --> 01:10:38,316
She actually
lives in Savannah,

1237
01:10:38,442 --> 01:10:40,068
and she's just a housewife.

1238
01:10:40,236 --> 01:10:42,362
Sure she is, dear.

1239
01:10:42,446 --> 01:10:45,114
I'm gonna go and visit her,
actually, in a few days.

1240
01:10:46,325 --> 01:10:47,909
Drinks anyone?
Drinkies?

1241
01:10:47,993 --> 01:10:50,078
I'll have two.
I'd love to, Mom,

1242
01:10:50,162 --> 01:10:52,622
but I promised Hannah
I'd show her the estate.

1243
01:10:52,706 --> 01:10:54,207
Home stretch! Yes!

1244
01:10:54,291 --> 01:10:55,541
Excuse us, please.

1245
01:10:56,168 --> 01:10:57,418
It's grocery time.

1246
01:10:58,796 --> 01:11:01,422
It's like I'm on air right
now!

1247
01:11:03,008 --> 01:11:04,259
How come you didn't
tell me about her?

1248
01:11:04,343 --> 01:11:05,510
Who, my mom?

1249
01:11:05,636 --> 01:11:07,220
My God, she
has a nickname?

1250
01:11:09,848 --> 01:11:10,974
Do you love her?

1251
01:11:11,058 --> 01:11:12,725
Of course,
she's my mother.

1252
01:11:12,810 --> 01:11:15,728
God, how long has
this been going on?

1253
01:11:15,813 --> 01:11:17,313
Since birth.

1254
01:11:17,398 --> 01:11:19,274
Oh, come on, I can't compete with that!

1255
01:11:19,358 --> 01:11:20,733
Hey, you don't have
to compete with it!

1256
01:11:20,818 --> 01:11:22,360
You're my boyfriend,
she's my mom.

1257
01:11:22,444 --> 01:11:23,736
They're two totally
different relationships!

1258
01:11:23,821 --> 01:11:26,572
No, they're not! Okay,
Hannah, you're mine, okay?

1259
01:11:26,657 --> 01:11:30,410
There's no mother, no brother, no
cousins, no second cousin removed,

1260
01:11:30,536 --> 01:11:32,704
no friends that you call cousin
'cause your parents are close!

1261
01:11:32,830 --> 01:11:35,331
There's none of that.
No play cousins?

1262
01:11:35,416 --> 01:11:36,958
No play cousins.

1263
01:11:37,042 --> 01:11:38,584
Christian,
what do you want?

1264
01:11:38,669 --> 01:11:41,045
I want Kevin Hart not
to be in every movie!

1265
01:11:41,130 --> 01:11:42,630
Why? He's hilarious.

1266
01:11:42,715 --> 01:11:44,048
Come on, there's
other black actors!

1267
01:11:44,133 --> 01:11:46,009
How about them?
Like who?

1268
01:11:46,176 --> 01:11:48,052
It could've been Sam
Jackson in Ride Along.

1269
01:11:48,137 --> 01:11:50,388
Who knows what kind of crazy
wig he would have been wearing?

1270
01:11:50,514 --> 01:11:51,931
I thought you wanted me!

1271
01:11:52,016 --> 01:11:53,308
What do you want,
love letters?

1272
01:11:53,392 --> 01:11:55,810
Hickies? Edible Arrangements?

1273
01:11:55,894 --> 01:11:58,604
You know, that's not even real
flowers. It's fucking fruit.

1274
01:11:58,689 --> 01:11:59,772
Yeah, but it's delicious.

1275
01:12:00,733 --> 01:12:02,483
And it's a start, okay?

1276
01:12:02,568 --> 01:12:05,862
And maybe we could advance to
a Tiffany's engagement ring,

1277
01:12:05,946 --> 01:12:08,531
and a wedding where we invite
500 of our closest friends,

1278
01:12:08,615 --> 01:12:10,908
and then we have seven kids,
and we live in a big house...

1279
01:12:10,993 --> 01:12:15,330
You had this whole
thing planned out?

1280
01:12:15,414 --> 01:12:17,707
You know, is it me or
is it hot in here? Shit.

1281
01:12:17,791 --> 01:12:19,834
You want me to be
somebody that I'm not.

1282
01:12:19,918 --> 01:12:21,919
No, no, it's not me
that's changing you.

1283
01:12:22,004 --> 01:12:23,629
It's you that's
changing me!

1284
01:12:23,714 --> 01:12:25,340
Wait a minute.

1285
01:12:25,424 --> 01:12:27,258
That's a line
from the movie Radio.

1286
01:12:28,093 --> 01:12:29,177
No, it's not.

1287
01:12:29,261 --> 01:12:31,137
Yeah, yeah, the movie
with Cuba Gooding, Jr.,

1288
01:12:31,221 --> 01:12:33,931
where he played this
mentally disabled athlete.

1289
01:12:34,016 --> 01:12:35,933
"It's not us
that's teaching Radio,

1290
01:12:36,018 --> 01:12:37,810
"it's Radio
that's teaching us. "

1291
01:12:37,895 --> 01:12:39,187
Nah, mine is
way different.

1292
01:12:39,271 --> 01:12:40,646
It's the same premise.

1293
01:12:41,357 --> 01:12:42,523
You complete me?

1294
01:12:42,941 --> 01:12:45,151
Jerry Maguire, also
starring Cuba Gooding, Jr.

1295
01:12:45,235 --> 01:12:48,154
I don't understand
your whole fixation on him.

1296
01:12:48,238 --> 01:12:51,616
You know, all this time I thought
I wasn't in the right place,

1297
01:12:51,825 --> 01:12:53,242
but I was!

1298
01:12:54,036 --> 01:12:55,536
That's Snow Dogs.

1299
01:12:55,621 --> 01:12:56,996
God damn it!

1300
01:12:57,081 --> 01:12:59,248
I gotta stop
binging on Netflix.

1301
01:12:59,875 --> 01:13:00,917
Hannah!

1302
01:13:20,145 --> 01:13:22,522
That song
sounds so sad.

1303
01:13:22,606 --> 01:13:25,274
Not as sad as Luther
Vandross' Dance With My Father.

1304
01:13:25,359 --> 01:13:27,652
Oh, God, that
song tears me up.

1305
01:13:28,862 --> 01:13:32,323
Every time I hear it, I just
wanna go, "Where's my daddy?"

1306
01:13:32,658 --> 01:13:34,659
Christian,
we have to talk.

1307
01:13:35,411 --> 01:13:37,078
You mean like
white people?

1308
01:13:37,162 --> 01:13:38,579
What's wrong with that?

1309
01:13:39,164 --> 01:13:41,207
Well, they just
talk a lot, you know?

1310
01:13:41,291 --> 01:13:42,875
They do it differently
than black people do it.

1311
01:13:43,085 --> 01:13:45,336
White people don't like to
argue, they like to discuss.

1312
01:13:45,504 --> 01:13:48,714
Then they start throwing
around all these big SAT words

1313
01:13:48,799 --> 01:13:50,425
and putting a lot of
emotional guilt on each other.

1314
01:13:50,509 --> 01:13:52,427
It's just too much
to deal with.

1315
01:13:52,511 --> 01:13:55,012
I like it the black way, you know,
where we curse each other out,

1316
01:13:55,097 --> 01:13:57,223
we may fight, and
then we get cool again,

1317
01:13:57,307 --> 01:13:59,434
but we talk about each other
behind each other's back, like,

1318
01:13:59,518 --> 01:14:00,768
"Oh, nah, I ain't
fucking with that bitch. "

1319
01:14:00,853 --> 01:14:01,978
But what you
not gonna do...

1320
01:14:02,104 --> 01:14:03,771
But what you not gonna
do... You not gonna do...

1321
01:14:03,856 --> 01:14:04,856
You not about to "not" me!

1322
01:14:05,107 --> 01:14:06,899
Don't let me get
to clappin', boo.

1323
01:14:06,984 --> 01:14:07,984
Oh, hell no.

1324
01:14:08,068 --> 01:14:10,194
See, that's...
That's communication.

1325
01:14:10,279 --> 01:14:11,446
I feel better already.

1326
01:14:13,824 --> 01:14:15,575
Christian.
Hey!

1327
01:14:23,709 --> 01:14:25,418
You're not upset
because I haven't signed

1328
01:14:25,502 --> 01:14:26,919
the contract yet,
are you?

1329
01:14:27,045 --> 01:14:29,881
I mean, it's not even legally
enforceable. You know that, right?

1330
01:14:30,007 --> 01:14:33,050
What's important
here are the rules.

1331
01:14:33,135 --> 01:14:35,553
And if you break them,
you should be punished.

1332
01:14:35,679 --> 01:14:37,054
How are you
gonna punish me?

1333
01:14:37,139 --> 01:14:38,473
First off,
you'll get grounded.

1334
01:14:38,557 --> 01:14:40,391
I'll make you stand in
the corner for an hour.

1335
01:14:40,601 --> 01:14:42,310
And then I will
send you to your room

1336
01:14:42,394 --> 01:14:44,395
without no supper,
young lady.

1337
01:14:44,855 --> 01:14:47,857
Christian, this is crazy.
Why do you need to punish me?

1338
01:14:47,941 --> 01:14:50,318
Because I'm 51
shades of fucked up!

1339
01:14:51,570 --> 01:14:54,906
You know I'm five-four
seconds from wildin'.

1340
01:14:54,990 --> 01:14:57,533
I got three
fillets for fryin'.

1341
01:14:57,951 --> 01:15:01,704
I got 99 problems,
but now a bitch is one!

1342
01:15:01,914 --> 01:15:03,873
That's 100
problems, Hannah!

1343
01:15:05,918 --> 01:15:08,503
I can only deal with so much. 99's fine.

1344
01:15:08,587 --> 01:15:11,839
A hundred jus... I can't
even count that far.

1345
01:15:12,758 --> 01:15:13,925
Okay.

1346
01:15:15,385 --> 01:15:16,802
Then you show
me the worst.

1347
01:15:17,387 --> 01:15:19,180
I wanna see how
bad it can get.

1348
01:15:19,473 --> 01:15:21,182
No more of this
pussy-ass punishment

1349
01:15:21,266 --> 01:15:22,725
you've been
doling out thus far.

1350
01:15:22,809 --> 01:15:24,227
I wanna go all the way.

1351
01:15:26,396 --> 01:15:29,190
Is that something that
you think you can do?

1352
01:15:29,566 --> 01:15:30,816
Thank you.

1353
01:15:33,278 --> 01:15:34,445
Yes.

1354
01:15:35,614 --> 01:15:37,406
Bend over.

1355
01:15:54,716 --> 01:15:55,800
Aha.

1356
01:15:59,429 --> 01:16:03,599
Nothin' says ass-whuppin'
like good ol' Joe Jackson.

1357
01:16:05,185 --> 01:16:06,602
Hannah...

1358
01:16:07,688 --> 01:16:10,815
I'm gonna spank
you six times.

1359
01:16:12,526 --> 01:16:15,278
I need you
to count with me.

1360
01:16:21,201 --> 01:16:23,244
God damn it,
motherfucker!

1361
01:16:23,370 --> 01:16:25,538
I said count with me!

1362
01:16:27,374 --> 01:16:29,417
One! Two!

1363
01:16:30,335 --> 01:16:34,463
Jesus! It hurts so bad I can't
keep count! Where were we?

1364
01:16:34,673 --> 01:16:35,631
I don't know!

1365
01:16:35,716 --> 01:16:37,383
God damn it, Hannah!

1366
01:16:37,467 --> 01:16:39,468
I don't know how
to count, okay?

1367
01:16:39,553 --> 01:16:41,220
My crackhead mother
never taught me.

1368
01:16:42,347 --> 01:16:44,765
How about this?
Let's try in Spanish.

1369
01:16:44,975 --> 01:16:46,267
Spanish?
Si.

1370
01:16:48,312 --> 01:16:51,689
Tres. Cuatro.

1371
01:16:52,024 --> 01:16:56,068
I'm not too sure, but I
think cinco comes after tres.

1372
01:16:56,278 --> 01:16:59,113
Are you kidding me?
Cuatro comes after tres.

1373
01:16:59,364 --> 01:17:01,866
Well, don't get mad at me.
I don't know Spanish.

1374
01:17:01,950 --> 01:17:03,409
Look, my crackhead
mother never taught me

1375
01:17:03,493 --> 01:17:05,786
how to count or
how to speak Spanish.

1376
01:17:05,996 --> 01:17:08,039
Now we gotta start from scratch! No!

1377
01:17:22,220 --> 01:17:25,890
I am tired. Oh, God, that is exhausting.

1378
01:17:26,350 --> 01:17:28,434
Oh, I'm gonna be
sore tomorrow.

1379
01:17:29,019 --> 01:17:31,896
Oh. Come on, let's get you up.

1380
01:17:32,606 --> 01:17:34,273
Don't touch me!

1381
01:17:34,775 --> 01:17:35,900
Hey!

1382
01:17:36,401 --> 01:17:38,903
Does it make you
happy to see me like this?

1383
01:17:39,196 --> 01:17:42,531
I mean, not really.
You look like a sad Gollum.

1384
01:17:42,616 --> 01:17:45,868
Like you's all bent over, and you're
crying. You look a little crazy.

1385
01:17:46,536 --> 01:17:47,828
Come on,
don't hate me.

1386
01:17:47,913 --> 01:17:49,038
Hate you?

1387
01:17:49,414 --> 01:17:51,123
I loathe you.

1388
01:17:51,416 --> 01:17:54,418
That's a thesaurus
word right there.

1389
01:17:54,920 --> 01:17:57,088
I hate you the way
black people hate cops.

1390
01:17:57,255 --> 01:17:58,255
Wow.

1391
01:17:58,340 --> 01:18:01,509
I hate you the way
Republicans hate ObamaCare!

1392
01:18:01,593 --> 01:18:02,843
Baby, come on now.

1393
01:18:03,011 --> 01:18:07,598
I hate you the way
Kanye West hates everybody else!

1394
01:18:07,766 --> 01:18:09,809
Well, I'm kind of
with him on Taylor Swift.

1395
01:18:09,935 --> 01:18:11,519
What is that
bitch singing about?

1396
01:18:11,853 --> 01:18:14,522
You will never do
that to me again.

1397
01:18:14,606 --> 01:18:16,190
You said it was cool.

1398
01:18:16,358 --> 01:18:19,985
I know niggas, grimy niggas
who do not value themselves,

1399
01:18:20,153 --> 01:18:22,154
and they will have no
problem coming down here

1400
01:18:22,239 --> 01:18:23,656
to fuck your
little ass up!

1401
01:18:23,740 --> 01:18:26,534
Slow it up now.
Just one "Cuckoo!"

1402
01:18:27,035 --> 01:18:29,286
And they will
swoop down on you

1403
01:18:29,371 --> 01:18:32,039
like pigeons on
old garlic bread!

1404
01:18:32,374 --> 01:18:34,417
You can't be cuckooin'
on this mo'fuck!

1405
01:18:34,501 --> 01:18:36,794
You
gotta calm them niggas down.

1406
01:18:37,003 --> 01:18:38,462
You know what?

1407
01:18:40,632 --> 01:18:42,174
Let's try something else.

1408
01:18:43,802 --> 01:18:46,220
This is cute.
I get it, a little role-play.

1409
01:18:46,304 --> 01:18:47,388
It's cute.

1410
01:18:47,472 --> 01:18:49,098
Handcuffs. All right.

1411
01:18:49,182 --> 01:18:51,308
You thought you were
gonna do this shit to me?

1412
01:18:51,476 --> 01:18:53,477
You messed with
the wrong bitch.

1413
01:18:53,562 --> 01:18:54,979
You sound angry.

1414
01:18:55,188 --> 01:18:59,567
This is for Kerry Washington
from De-jango Unchained!

1415
01:18:59,651 --> 01:19:04,071
It's fucking... That
is Django! The "D" is silent!

1416
01:19:04,156 --> 01:19:08,743
This is for Lupita Nyong'o
in 12 Years a Slave!

1417
01:19:10,036 --> 01:19:13,581
God damn it!
It stings so bad!

1418
01:19:13,665 --> 01:19:15,583
All she wanted
was some soap!

1419
01:19:16,835 --> 01:19:19,253
Even the
antibacterial soap!

1420
01:19:19,337 --> 01:19:21,255
This is for
Denzel Washington.

1421
01:19:21,339 --> 01:19:22,965
Wait, he's not
even a woman.

1422
01:19:23,049 --> 01:19:24,258
You're just getting crazy.

1423
01:19:24,342 --> 01:19:26,177
But they made
him cry in Glory.

1424
01:19:27,512 --> 01:19:29,263
Who makes Denzel
Washington cry? Nobody!

1425
01:19:29,347 --> 01:19:30,389
You talkin'
'bout like this?

1426
01:19:30,474 --> 01:19:32,475
See, look,
I have a Glory tear.

1427
01:19:32,559 --> 01:19:33,934
If it wasn't for
Denzel Washington,

1428
01:19:34,019 --> 01:19:36,187
Flight would've been
a fucking Soul Plane!

1429
01:19:36,313 --> 01:19:37,938
Shit!

1430
01:19:38,023 --> 01:19:40,191
Why the fuck did they
make Soul Plane anyway?

1431
01:19:41,401 --> 01:19:45,196
And this is for the little white
girl in Fifty Shades of Grey!

1432
01:19:46,865 --> 01:19:48,699
Johnson.
Dakota Johnson.

1433
01:19:48,867 --> 01:19:50,993
She had to be naked
the whole fucking movie!

1434
01:19:51,077 --> 01:19:52,369
That shit
was just gratuitous!

1435
01:19:56,708 --> 01:20:00,544
It burns! It burns! It
feels like someone lit a...

1436
01:20:00,712 --> 01:20:03,380
My ass on fire!
Oh, God, it hurts!

1437
01:20:04,716 --> 01:20:05,966
We done?

1438
01:20:06,051 --> 01:20:09,470
Oh, no, nigga.
No, we not finished yet!

1439
01:20:09,554 --> 01:20:12,389
We not finished
with you yet, nigga!

1440
01:20:12,599 --> 01:20:13,808
What? Where you
goin' with this?

1441
01:20:13,892 --> 01:20:16,393
I'm about to get
medieval on your ass.

1442
01:20:17,103 --> 01:20:19,396
Welcome to my world,
motherfucker.

1443
01:20:24,402 --> 01:20:26,070
Oh, God!

1444
01:20:29,908 --> 01:20:31,659
Oh, God!

1445
01:20:33,745 --> 01:20:36,914
This hurts so much.

1446
01:20:37,123 --> 01:20:38,749
I wish I'd died.

1447
01:20:40,126 --> 01:20:42,503
Don't touch it!
Don't touch it!

1448
01:20:42,587 --> 01:20:44,463
Oh, it's tickling.

1449
01:20:44,923 --> 01:20:47,049
Christian, I thought
you'd like it.

1450
01:20:47,133 --> 01:20:48,634
What's there to like!

1451
01:20:49,010 --> 01:20:54,807
What kind of sick pervert beats
you for their own enjoyment?

1452
01:20:55,600 --> 01:20:59,353
Christian, you don't
want somebody like me.

1453
01:21:00,355 --> 01:21:01,939
You're exactly
what I want.

1454
01:21:03,149 --> 01:21:06,360
A broke college graduate
with a liberal arts degree

1455
01:21:06,611 --> 01:21:08,612
and no future prospects.

1456
01:21:10,949 --> 01:21:12,449
It's exactly what I want.

1457
01:21:13,159 --> 01:21:16,287
Christian, I've fallen head
over heels in love with you.

1458
01:21:18,832 --> 01:21:22,626
Slow it up. That is not in the contract.

1459
01:21:22,711 --> 01:21:25,880
Like, it specifically
says, and I quote,

1460
01:21:25,964 --> 01:21:28,257
"Bitch don't love a nigga. "

1461
01:21:28,633 --> 01:21:30,718
Okay? And I
double-bolded that.

1462
01:21:30,802 --> 01:21:33,470
I knew I should have had
you sign this contract.

1463
01:21:34,389 --> 01:21:37,474
Christian, I think
it'd be best if you leave.

1464
01:21:37,976 --> 01:21:39,560
Get out!

1465
01:21:39,644 --> 01:21:42,104
Fine, you want me to leave? You
want me to leave? Fine, I will leave!

1466
01:21:42,188 --> 01:21:43,856
Okay? Wait, time-out.

1467
01:21:44,065 --> 01:21:45,065
Um...

1468
01:21:45,150 --> 01:21:46,901
I live here.

1469
01:21:46,985 --> 01:21:49,320
Shouldn't you be the
one leaving? Am I wrong?

1470
01:21:50,697 --> 01:21:52,907
Take an umbrella
'cause...

1471
01:21:52,991 --> 01:21:54,533
Bitch, it's raining.

1472
01:21:59,205 --> 01:22:00,414
I need my car back.

1473
01:22:00,498 --> 01:22:02,124
I already sold
that piece of shit.

1474
01:22:02,208 --> 01:22:03,417
I'll send you
a check for $37.

1475
01:22:03,501 --> 01:22:05,085
That is way below
Blue Book!

1476
01:22:08,673 --> 01:22:09,673
Hannah!

1477
01:22:09,758 --> 01:22:11,508
Christian, you have
to let me go.

1478
01:22:11,927 --> 01:22:12,927
Please, listen to me!

1479
01:22:13,011 --> 01:22:14,136
No, you listen to me.

1480
01:22:14,220 --> 01:22:16,847
You'll find someone.
Somebody who wants to be open

1481
01:22:16,932 --> 01:22:19,350
to all the demeaning things
that you wanna do to them.

1482
01:22:19,517 --> 01:22:20,601
Hannah!

1483
01:22:20,685 --> 01:22:21,685
Christian.

1484
01:22:24,856 --> 01:22:25,856
God!

1485
01:22:33,406 --> 01:22:37,493
How is he gonna love you?
He doesn't even love himself.

1486
01:22:37,577 --> 01:22:41,372
Did you see
his haircut, girl?

1487
01:22:41,456 --> 01:22:45,459
How could you think
this was gonna end well?

1488
01:22:48,213 --> 01:22:49,713
Never look back.

1489
01:22:55,887 --> 01:22:57,012
Christian.

1490
01:22:57,263 --> 01:22:58,430
Hannah.

1491
01:22:59,724 --> 01:23:02,226
While running down
47 flights of stairs,

1492
01:23:03,061 --> 01:23:04,645
I had plenty
of time to think.

1493
01:23:05,647 --> 01:23:07,147
And when I passed
out on the 23rd floor,

1494
01:23:07,232 --> 01:23:09,566
I realized I owed
you an apology.

1495
01:23:09,901 --> 01:23:12,528
I just want to say I'm sorry
for the way I treated you.

1496
01:23:12,612 --> 01:23:14,363
Especially for the whole
waterboarding thing.

1497
01:23:14,990 --> 01:23:17,574
Turns out you were
right about bin Laden.

1498
01:23:17,659 --> 01:23:19,910
Who knew?
Everyone.

1499
01:23:21,079 --> 01:23:22,329
You hurt me, Christian.

1500
01:23:22,414 --> 01:23:24,665
I know. But I have
softer whips.

1501
01:23:24,749 --> 01:23:26,583
You know the kind
with the pink fur on it?

1502
01:23:27,419 --> 01:23:28,419
It takes the sting off.

1503
01:23:28,503 --> 01:23:30,129
That's not what
I'm talking about.

1504
01:23:30,588 --> 01:23:32,965
You want romance. I deserve it.

1505
01:23:33,091 --> 01:23:34,133
Well, what's
more romantic

1506
01:23:34,217 --> 01:23:36,176
than running down
47 flights of stairs?

1507
01:23:36,261 --> 01:23:37,511
You know I pulled
a hamstring?

1508
01:23:37,804 --> 01:23:39,013
Did you die?

1509
01:23:39,097 --> 01:23:41,682
No, but that's gonna keep me out
of the Red Room for at least a week.

1510
01:23:42,308 --> 01:23:43,559
Bye, bitch.

1511
01:23:43,643 --> 01:23:46,020
Okay, okay, okay. Hannah,
wait, wait. Hannah!

1512
01:23:46,104 --> 01:23:48,063
No, Christian.
You are incapable

1513
01:23:48,148 --> 01:23:49,523
of having a normal
relationship.

1514
01:23:49,607 --> 01:23:51,400
I know,
but I'm trying, okay?

1515
01:23:51,484 --> 01:23:54,278
I want to be like that old
man whose wife has Alzheimer's,

1516
01:23:54,362 --> 01:23:55,529
and he wakes up
every day

1517
01:23:55,613 --> 01:23:57,239
and he tells her the story
about their lives together.

1518
01:23:57,490 --> 01:23:59,616
And then they take a nap,
but they don't wake up.

1519
01:24:00,118 --> 01:24:01,410
Because they're dead.

1520
01:24:01,494 --> 01:24:02,911
That's The Notebook.

1521
01:24:02,996 --> 01:24:04,038
That's the one
with Ryan Gosling

1522
01:24:04,122 --> 01:24:05,539
and the girl with
the big-ass forehead?

1523
01:24:05,623 --> 01:24:06,623
Oh.

1524
01:24:07,208 --> 01:24:08,333
He never forgot her.

1525
01:24:08,460 --> 01:24:10,544
You don't even like
Nicholas Sparks movies.

1526
01:24:10,795 --> 01:24:12,880
I used to hate them,
but now I love 'em.

1527
01:24:13,256 --> 01:24:14,840
Even The Last Song.

1528
01:24:15,800 --> 01:24:17,342
Why was that
even a movie?

1529
01:24:17,427 --> 01:24:18,719
You know that
wasn't even a book?

1530
01:24:19,054 --> 01:24:20,429
Well, if I'm gonna
give you another chance,

1531
01:24:20,513 --> 01:24:21,597
things have
to be different.

1532
01:24:21,681 --> 01:24:23,015
I know.

1533
01:24:23,892 --> 01:24:26,310
I have something very
important I wanna tell you.

1534
01:24:27,687 --> 01:24:28,687
I lo...

1535
01:24:30,774 --> 01:24:32,649
I lo...

1536
01:24:34,360 --> 01:24:35,527
I...

1537
01:24:39,157 --> 01:24:41,992
What I'm trying
to say is, I love

1538
01:24:43,578 --> 01:24:44,995
Empire.

1539
01:24:45,080 --> 01:24:47,831
That Cookie just says
the craziest things.

1540
01:24:48,458 --> 01:24:49,625
Okay.

1541
01:24:51,377 --> 01:24:52,544
I love you.

1542
01:24:53,463 --> 01:24:55,172
I knew you loved me.

1543
01:25:05,558 --> 01:25:07,768
I have one last
surprise for you.

1544
01:25:07,894 --> 01:25:10,187
But you're gonna have
to pack a bag.

1545
01:25:10,355 --> 01:25:11,772
Are we gonna go on
your private jet?

1546
01:25:11,856 --> 01:25:13,190
Oh, my God,
what kind of jet is it?

1547
01:25:13,274 --> 01:25:15,776
No, no, no. Don't tell me.
I want to be surprised.

1548
01:25:21,783 --> 01:25:25,160
I can't believe you thought
I'd take you on a private jet.

1549
01:25:25,245 --> 01:25:27,621
I love you and all, but you
don't even have a ring yet.