1 00:00:00,664 --> 00:00:01,434 - Great show. 2 00:00:01,430 --> 00:00:03,450 - Right? It was amazing. 3 00:00:03,451 --> 00:00:04,821 Cheers. - Cheers. 4 00:00:04,820 --> 00:00:06,620 - You know, when you first told me 5 00:00:06,622 --> 00:00:08,562 that you’d booked us to do an alternative comedy show 6 00:00:08,556 --> 00:00:10,126 that started at midnight, 7 00:00:10,125 --> 00:00:11,685 I was certain you’d had a stroke. 8 00:00:11,694 --> 00:00:13,634 - Of genius. We totally killed. 9 00:00:13,629 --> 00:00:15,429 And it’s all thanks to Shonda Rhimes. 10 00:00:15,430 --> 00:00:17,530 You know how Shonda Rhimes wrote that book "The Year of Yes," 11 00:00:17,532 --> 00:00:19,872 about how she said yes to every opportunity? 12 00:00:19,868 --> 00:00:20,868 - You read that? 13 00:00:20,869 --> 00:00:21,999 - I read the Amazon review, 14 00:00:22,004 --> 00:00:23,274 and I got the gist, 15 00:00:23,271 --> 00:00:24,611 and I was inspired. 16 00:00:24,607 --> 00:00:26,637 - So this is your year of yes? 17 00:00:26,642 --> 00:00:28,782 - Well, it’s my week of yes, but it’s working so far. 18 00:00:28,777 --> 00:00:30,677 I mean, we did the show, and it went well. 19 00:00:30,679 --> 00:00:34,549 - Julie, Billy, I had to come meet you guys after that set. 20 00:00:34,549 --> 00:00:36,379 - Oh, my God, Method Man? 21 00:00:36,384 --> 00:00:38,194 - Holy shit! - We love you. 22 00:00:38,186 --> 00:00:39,656 - And I love to laugh. 23 00:00:39,655 --> 00:00:42,285 Here’s who makes me laugh, you two, 24 00:00:42,290 --> 00:00:43,690 and Bonnie Hunt. 25 00:00:43,692 --> 00:00:45,132 - Thank you. 26 00:00:45,127 --> 00:00:46,727 - Hey, can we hang out sometimes? 27 00:00:46,729 --> 00:00:49,159 - Yes, yes, yes. - Yeah, of course, anytime. 28 00:00:49,164 --> 00:00:50,734 - Here’s my email. 29 00:00:50,733 --> 00:00:54,103 - MethodMan@TheMysteries ofLauraForever. com. 30 00:00:54,102 --> 00:00:55,802 - I love that fucking show. 31 00:00:55,804 --> 00:00:57,774 I’ll holler. 32 00:00:57,773 --> 00:01:01,283 both: Method Man is our first famous friend! 33 00:01:01,276 --> 00:01:04,546 [driving punk rock music] 34 00:01:04,546 --> 00:01:06,476 ♪ ♪ 35 00:01:06,481 --> 00:01:07,881 - Oh, my God, Billy, 36 00:01:07,883 --> 00:01:10,193 did you see the cover of Today’s "New York Post"? 37 00:01:10,185 --> 00:01:11,445 There’s no headline or anything. 38 00:01:11,453 --> 00:01:13,123 It’s just a picture of a toilet. 39 00:01:13,121 --> 00:01:14,661 - Aren’t you supposed to be having lunch with your mom? 40 00:01:14,657 --> 00:01:17,327 - Well, in the spirit of "My Year of No" 41 00:01:17,325 --> 00:01:19,625 by Nonda Rhimes, I blew her off 42 00:01:19,628 --> 00:01:21,858 because I’m in too good of a mood to deal with her. 43 00:01:21,864 --> 00:01:24,774 I just found tickets for "#Cats" on Craigslist. 44 00:01:24,767 --> 00:01:27,397 - Holy shit, those are hard to get. 45 00:01:27,402 --> 00:01:29,642 - I do not approve of all these Broadway reboots. 46 00:01:29,638 --> 00:01:31,438 I mean, do we need an all-white "Dreamgirls"? 47 00:01:31,439 --> 00:01:33,709 Yes, but Paula Deen can’t sing. 48 00:01:33,709 --> 00:01:35,639 - Well, this is gonna be amazing. 49 00:01:35,644 --> 00:01:37,014 Grumpy Cat is a character, 50 00:01:37,012 --> 00:01:39,312 and naturally Sasha Grey is playing Grizabella. 51 00:01:39,314 --> 00:01:41,054 I’m already squirming in my seat. 52 00:01:41,049 --> 00:01:43,449 - Wow, not since Gina Gershon’s star turn in "Bye Bye Birdie" 53 00:01:43,451 --> 00:01:46,251 has the town been so loudly ambivalent. 54 00:01:46,254 --> 00:01:47,664 - And you’re coming with me, right? 55 00:01:47,656 --> 00:01:50,086 - Shit, I wish I could. I have another thing. 56 00:01:50,092 --> 00:01:52,132 Don’t hate me, but it’s exercise-related. 57 00:01:52,127 --> 00:01:53,457 It’s Felix. 58 00:01:53,461 --> 00:01:54,901 - The cartoon cat with the bag of tricks? 59 00:01:54,897 --> 00:01:57,467 - No, it’s my new trainer, Felix. 60 00:01:57,465 --> 00:01:59,425 - Uh, how can you afford a trainer? 61 00:01:59,434 --> 00:02:00,744 - And wouldn’t that money be better spent 62 00:02:00,736 --> 00:02:03,066 on real shoes or a blouse that fits? 63 00:02:03,071 --> 00:02:05,941 - Oh, ka-zing! Yes, honey! 64 00:02:05,941 --> 00:02:08,441 - Matthew, why couldn’t you have been on Flight 93? 65 00:02:08,443 --> 00:02:10,483 - No, it’s actually not that expensive 66 00:02:10,478 --> 00:02:11,948 because Felix trains me in his apartment. 67 00:02:11,947 --> 00:02:15,717 - Well, then who am I gonna take to "#Cats"? 68 00:02:15,718 --> 00:02:17,048 [sighs] 69 00:02:17,052 --> 00:02:19,392 I guess I’ll force Arthur to come with me. 70 00:02:19,387 --> 00:02:20,687 [phone buzzes] Ohh! 71 00:02:20,689 --> 00:02:22,589 I just got a test from the Craigslist guy. 72 00:02:22,591 --> 00:02:24,791 He said he’s giving me the friend rate 73 00:02:24,793 --> 00:02:27,533 and knocking $50 off the price of tickets. 74 00:02:27,529 --> 00:02:29,729 - Wow, maybe you two will become actual friends. 75 00:02:29,732 --> 00:02:31,472 - Well, I mean, he’s still charging me. 76 00:02:31,466 --> 00:02:33,236 And as long as there’s a financial transaction, 77 00:02:33,235 --> 00:02:34,595 it’s not a real friendship. 78 00:02:34,603 --> 00:02:36,243 - I think I could be friends with Felix, 79 00:02:36,238 --> 00:02:37,868 even if he wasn’t my trainer. 80 00:02:37,873 --> 00:02:39,613 - No, no, that’s the girlfriend experience, 81 00:02:39,608 --> 00:02:41,008 which Sasha Grey could tell you all about, 82 00:02:41,009 --> 00:02:42,949 but not tonight because she’ll be onstage 83 00:02:42,945 --> 00:02:44,105 belting "Memory." 84 00:02:44,112 --> 00:02:46,722 - Sasha Grey, so sad to go from doing porn 85 00:02:46,715 --> 00:02:49,375 to something as degrading as "Entourage." 86 00:02:49,384 --> 00:02:51,654 [rock music] 87 00:02:51,654 --> 00:02:54,064 - Chad, thank you so much for fitting me in last minute. 88 00:02:54,056 --> 00:02:56,456 - No, it’s my pleasure. I love seeing you. 89 00:02:56,458 --> 00:02:58,958 ♪ Marilyn is my favorite client ♪ 90 00:02:58,961 --> 00:03:00,661 - Oh, yeah, I’ve heard that one. 91 00:03:00,663 --> 00:03:02,233 "You’re my favorite patient." 92 00:03:02,230 --> 00:03:04,230 Then youtell them you don’t accept their insurance. 93 00:03:04,232 --> 00:03:05,872 - Oh, stop, you are a panic. 94 00:03:05,868 --> 00:03:08,068 - Really, I’m sorry for no notice. 95 00:03:08,070 --> 00:03:10,370 Ugh, my daughter cancelled on me once again 96 00:03:10,372 --> 00:03:12,812 because she wanted to hang out with her gay best friend. 97 00:03:12,808 --> 00:03:14,978 - Well, to be fair, gay best friends usually do trump 98 00:03:14,977 --> 00:03:18,347 all other plans for a gal that don’t involve getting fucked. 99 00:03:18,346 --> 00:03:20,416 - [laughs] 100 00:03:20,415 --> 00:03:22,075 Wish I had a gay best friend. 101 00:03:22,084 --> 00:03:24,454 - Cheer up, buttercup. I’ll be your bestie. 102 00:03:24,452 --> 00:03:26,692 - Plus, I hear gays are really great listeners. 103 00:03:26,689 --> 00:03:28,519 So we have that in common. 104 00:03:28,523 --> 00:03:30,433 - Turn around, bright eyes. 105 00:03:30,425 --> 00:03:32,185 Ta-da! - [gasps] 106 00:03:32,194 --> 00:03:34,534 I could stand Julie up and hang out with you. 107 00:03:34,529 --> 00:03:35,929 - That’s right, and then we’ll show her 108 00:03:35,931 --> 00:03:37,701 a thing or two about a thing or two. 109 00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:39,770 - Really? You’ll do this? 110 00:03:39,768 --> 00:03:41,838 - You had me at "Keep the shampooer’s tip. 111 00:03:41,837 --> 00:03:43,507 I don’t like her attitude." 112 00:03:43,505 --> 00:03:46,235 - That was years ago. We’ve come so far. 113 00:03:46,241 --> 00:03:48,511 - Oh, you want to hear a funny story about coming so far? 114 00:03:48,510 --> 00:03:50,550 Last night I was watching "Modern Family." 115 00:03:50,545 --> 00:03:52,405 Phil Dunphy was shirtless. - Yeah? 116 00:03:52,414 --> 00:03:55,324 - Long story short, I ruined a wall sconce. 117 00:03:55,317 --> 00:03:56,447 Pew! 118 00:03:56,451 --> 00:03:58,291 - Jesus, Chad. 119 00:03:58,286 --> 00:03:59,756 JULIE: So wait, Method Man, 120 00:03:59,755 --> 00:04:01,285 you really want to pitch a show with us? 121 00:04:01,289 --> 00:04:03,389 - Judd Apatow has Lena Dunham, right? 122 00:04:03,391 --> 00:04:05,191 Ira Glass has Mike Birbiglia, right? 123 00:04:05,193 --> 00:04:08,863 And now Method Man’s gonna have Julie and Billy. 124 00:04:08,864 --> 00:04:10,874 - Oh, my God, are you serious? 125 00:04:10,866 --> 00:04:13,196 I’m so happy I can’t feel my limbs. 126 00:04:13,201 --> 00:04:15,271 Although that could also be a side effect 127 00:04:15,270 --> 00:04:17,040 of my new antidepressants. 128 00:04:17,039 --> 00:04:18,409 - [imitates gunshot] 129 00:04:18,406 --> 00:04:20,536 You can’t not be funny. 130 00:04:20,542 --> 00:04:22,442 So what kinda TV you guys want to do? 131 00:04:22,444 --> 00:04:24,314 Sitcom, talk show, 132 00:04:24,312 --> 00:04:25,752 maybe one of those streaming joints 133 00:04:25,748 --> 00:04:27,348 that claims to be a comedy but no one on the staff 134 00:04:27,349 --> 00:04:28,549 truly knows how to write a joke 135 00:04:28,550 --> 00:04:30,050 even if you put a gun to their head? 136 00:04:30,052 --> 00:04:32,252 - Julie and I have been talking a lot about sketch. 137 00:04:32,254 --> 00:04:34,124 - Sketch comedy, love it. 138 00:04:34,122 --> 00:04:37,192 I’ll have my reps put together some network pitch meetings. 139 00:04:37,192 --> 00:04:38,632 - Wow. 140 00:04:38,627 --> 00:04:39,957 - Hey, you guys want to get some dinner later? 141 00:04:39,962 --> 00:04:41,362 - I wish I could. I have my trainer. 142 00:04:41,363 --> 00:04:42,673 - Ah, no dinner. 143 00:04:42,665 --> 00:04:44,195 - And I got tickets to see "#Cats." 144 00:04:44,199 --> 00:04:46,169 - "#Cats." Say word. 145 00:04:46,168 --> 00:04:47,238 - Yeah. 146 00:04:47,235 --> 00:04:49,435 [rock music] 147 00:04:49,437 --> 00:04:50,807 - All right, Billy, feeling good? 148 00:04:50,806 --> 00:04:52,366 - Yeah, I’m ready. Let’s do this. 149 00:04:52,374 --> 00:04:53,784 - Okay. 150 00:04:53,776 --> 00:04:56,536 Why don’t we start with a weighted squat? 151 00:04:56,544 --> 00:04:58,014 - Okay, fine. 152 00:04:58,013 --> 00:05:00,223 Small, no? 153 00:05:00,215 --> 00:05:02,785 All right. 154 00:05:02,785 --> 00:05:04,185 - Delicious. Good one. 155 00:05:04,186 --> 00:05:05,516 All right, let’s move on. 156 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:07,260 - Wait, I only did one rep. 157 00:05:07,255 --> 00:05:08,685 - I have a very specific process. 158 00:05:08,691 --> 00:05:10,931 We do frequent micro-intervals. 159 00:05:10,926 --> 00:05:14,396 I swear you’re gonna see amazing results. 160 00:05:14,396 --> 00:05:15,926 - Awesome. 161 00:05:15,931 --> 00:05:17,931 - All right, let’s stretch it out with a roller. 162 00:05:17,933 --> 00:05:19,803 - But I didn’t do anything. 163 00:05:19,802 --> 00:05:22,142 - Okay, how ’bout instead of you criticizing yourself, 164 00:05:22,137 --> 00:05:23,367 you trust me? 165 00:05:23,371 --> 00:05:24,911 And you start feeling really good 166 00:05:24,907 --> 00:05:27,007 about the changes you’ve already started making. 167 00:05:27,009 --> 00:05:29,439 - Okay, yeah. 168 00:05:29,444 --> 00:05:32,214 I mean, it’s hard, you know? 169 00:05:32,214 --> 00:05:33,784 When you grow up a fat kid, 170 00:05:33,782 --> 00:05:36,122 you’re always a fat kid. 171 00:05:36,118 --> 00:05:37,848 I cut out sugar this week. 172 00:05:37,853 --> 00:05:39,963 And white flour after eight. 173 00:05:39,955 --> 00:05:41,185 Well, ten. 174 00:05:41,189 --> 00:05:43,289 Well, 12:30 if there’s a good "Colbert." 175 00:05:43,291 --> 00:05:44,831 - You know what would make this a lot easier? 176 00:05:44,827 --> 00:05:46,927 If you upgrade to my meal plan. 177 00:05:46,929 --> 00:05:48,399 - Oh, that sounds expensive. 178 00:05:48,396 --> 00:05:50,396 - It is, but if you’re doing micro-intervals, 179 00:05:50,398 --> 00:05:51,928 you gotta confuse your body 180 00:05:51,934 --> 00:05:55,274 with a four-five-two-three-one ratio of fats, proteins, 181 00:05:55,270 --> 00:05:57,840 ketones, lipids and amino acids. 182 00:05:57,840 --> 00:05:59,940 - Okay. - How ’bout this? 183 00:05:59,942 --> 00:06:02,442 I’ll let you try it for a week for free. 184 00:06:02,444 --> 00:06:04,054 - Wow, really? 185 00:06:04,046 --> 00:06:05,906 Man, I feel like I’m getting paid to get leaner. 186 00:06:05,914 --> 00:06:08,984 Like Carrie Fisher, who makes me sad. 187 00:06:08,984 --> 00:06:11,354 [rock music] 188 00:06:11,353 --> 00:06:12,993 - Julie? - James from Craigslist? 189 00:06:12,988 --> 00:06:14,958 - Yeah, yeah. You could just call me James. 190 00:06:14,957 --> 00:06:16,757 - [laughs] 191 00:06:16,759 --> 00:06:18,859 - Uh, here are the tickets. 192 00:06:18,861 --> 00:06:21,701 - Ah, I’m so excited! Thank you so much! 193 00:06:21,697 --> 00:06:23,597 - Yeah, no problem. - And here is the cash. 194 00:06:23,599 --> 00:06:25,499 - Fantastic. - Can we hug? 195 00:06:25,500 --> 00:06:27,140 - I know it’s weird, but-- - Okay. 196 00:06:27,135 --> 00:06:28,865 - Thank you again. - No problem. 197 00:06:28,871 --> 00:06:31,411 All right, have a good one. - You too. 198 00:06:31,406 --> 00:06:34,576 - Enjoy the show. - Thank you. 199 00:06:34,576 --> 00:06:36,036 [beeps] - Sorry, ma’am, 200 00:06:36,044 --> 00:06:37,484 there’s something wrong with your tickets. 201 00:06:37,479 --> 00:06:38,679 - What are you talking about? 202 00:06:38,681 --> 00:06:39,781 My friend James sold these to me. 203 00:06:39,782 --> 00:06:41,022 They’re fine. 204 00:06:41,016 --> 00:06:43,086 [beeps] - Yeah, it looks like 205 00:06:43,085 --> 00:06:46,545 your friend James sold you some fraudulent tickets. 206 00:06:46,554 --> 00:06:47,924 - What? - [laughs] 207 00:06:47,923 --> 00:06:49,763 Bitch, you’ve been scammed. 208 00:06:52,527 --> 00:06:53,827 - Hi, James, it’s Julie Kessler, 209 00:06:53,829 --> 00:06:55,299 from Craigslist. Remember me? 210 00:06:55,297 --> 00:06:57,897 You fucking scammed me, you piece of shit! 211 00:06:57,900 --> 00:07:00,440 I will never leave you alone until you pay me back. 212 00:07:00,435 --> 00:07:02,335 You fucked with the wrong bitch, James! 213 00:07:02,337 --> 00:07:03,767 I don’t have a real job, 214 00:07:03,772 --> 00:07:05,812 and I’m very good at holding grudges. 215 00:07:05,808 --> 00:07:07,338 Okay, fuck you, bye. 216 00:07:07,342 --> 00:07:09,212 - You know what, noodles, third time was the charm. 217 00:07:09,211 --> 00:07:11,451 I think that voicemail evened out the karma. 218 00:07:11,446 --> 00:07:13,016 - No, I’m not done with him. 219 00:07:13,015 --> 00:07:14,875 I am never leaving him alone 220 00:07:14,883 --> 00:07:17,223 until he pays me back, kills himself or both. 221 00:07:17,219 --> 00:07:18,889 I’m gonna leave him another voicemail. 222 00:07:18,887 --> 00:07:21,787 What can I say that’s gonna hurt him most? 223 00:07:21,790 --> 00:07:23,030 I want him to suffer. 224 00:07:23,025 --> 00:07:24,955 And I want to be the one that causes it. 225 00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:26,860 This must be what it’s like to be Ryan Murphy 226 00:07:26,862 --> 00:07:28,962 in the "American Horror Story" writers’ room. 227 00:07:28,964 --> 00:07:30,104 - Hmm. 228 00:07:30,098 --> 00:07:31,768 - Julie, you should know better than that. 229 00:07:31,767 --> 00:07:33,397 Ryan Murphy is never in the "American Horror Story" 230 00:07:33,401 --> 00:07:34,701 writers’ room. 231 00:07:34,703 --> 00:07:35,873 I’m not even sure there is one. 232 00:07:35,871 --> 00:07:37,171 - Hey, are you okay? 233 00:07:37,172 --> 00:07:38,742 You seem a little out of it. 234 00:07:38,741 --> 00:07:40,511 - Yeah, I’m fine. I don’t know. 235 00:07:40,508 --> 00:07:42,978 My trainer keeps feeding me all this heavy food. 236 00:07:42,978 --> 00:07:45,248 Apparently it’s in the right ratio, I don’t know. 237 00:07:45,247 --> 00:07:47,017 All I know is it’s a lot of goose fat. 238 00:07:47,015 --> 00:07:48,545 But it’s my year of yes, 239 00:07:48,550 --> 00:07:50,150 so I’m just gonna keep saying yes 240 00:07:50,152 --> 00:07:53,792 in the hopes that I too one day create "Grey’s Anatomy." 241 00:07:53,789 --> 00:07:55,389 both: Method Man! 242 00:07:55,390 --> 00:07:57,290 - There’s my superstars. What’s good? 243 00:07:57,292 --> 00:07:58,732 - Yay! 244 00:07:58,727 --> 00:08:00,027 - First network pitch. 245 00:08:00,028 --> 00:08:01,098 - Yes, sir. 246 00:08:01,096 --> 00:08:04,766 So tell me, how was "#Cats"? 247 00:08:04,767 --> 00:08:06,327 - So listen to this, you’re a rapper. 248 00:08:06,334 --> 00:08:09,404 You know about injustice and being fucked over, right? 249 00:08:09,404 --> 00:08:10,914 I bought fake tickets. 250 00:08:10,906 --> 00:08:12,206 - Get the fuck outta here. 251 00:08:12,207 --> 00:08:14,507 So you never got in to see the show? 252 00:08:14,509 --> 00:08:16,039 - No, no, they turned me away 253 00:08:16,044 --> 00:08:19,014 like some disgusting tourist wearing flip-flops. 254 00:08:19,014 --> 00:08:21,384 - Although the way people dress for the theater nowadays, 255 00:08:21,383 --> 00:08:23,753 you probably could have got in dressed like that. 256 00:08:23,752 --> 00:08:25,452 - Shit! Now I’m mad about that. 257 00:08:25,453 --> 00:08:27,963 I’m gonna leave this guy another voicemail. 258 00:08:27,956 --> 00:08:29,726 Hold on. 259 00:08:29,725 --> 00:08:31,885 Hey, cocksucker, it’s me again. 260 00:08:31,894 --> 00:08:33,604 - Folks, we’re ready for you. 261 00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:35,756 - Hello, hello, hello. 262 00:08:35,764 --> 00:08:39,034 - Hey, hey, how are you? - Hi, good to see-- 263 00:08:42,705 --> 00:08:44,965 - Hey, guys. 264 00:08:44,973 --> 00:08:46,313 - Hey. 265 00:08:46,308 --> 00:08:48,338 - Hey, hey, hey. 266 00:08:51,980 --> 00:08:54,320 - Oh. 267 00:08:54,316 --> 00:08:55,376 - All right. 268 00:08:55,383 --> 00:08:56,853 - Method Man. 269 00:08:56,852 --> 00:08:58,692 Method to his Man-ness. 270 00:08:58,687 --> 00:08:59,717 Double-M, oh! 271 00:08:59,722 --> 00:09:00,792 We here at The Peacock, 272 00:09:00,789 --> 00:09:03,489 we love you, and we love Wu. 273 00:09:03,491 --> 00:09:04,861 - And I love Julie and Billy. 274 00:09:04,860 --> 00:09:06,800 JULIE: So I’m just gonna cut to the chase. 275 00:09:06,795 --> 00:09:09,555 What we’re proposing is a sketch show, 276 00:09:09,564 --> 00:09:11,104 starring us, on NBC. 277 00:09:11,099 --> 00:09:12,899 Now, I know what you’re thinking. 278 00:09:12,901 --> 00:09:15,171 NBC already has "Saturday Night Live." 279 00:09:15,170 --> 00:09:16,470 But does it? 280 00:09:16,471 --> 00:09:18,511 - Julie and I want to do a show like "Key and Peele," 281 00:09:18,506 --> 00:09:20,936 except we’re not black or even bi-racial. 282 00:09:20,943 --> 00:09:22,483 - Not even a little bit. - No, I think all four 283 00:09:22,477 --> 00:09:24,677 of our biological parents come from the shetl 284 00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:26,310 in Lithuania or Belarus. 285 00:09:26,314 --> 00:09:29,654 - Yeah, genetically Billy and I are pretty pure, you know? 286 00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:31,052 Which is ironic. 287 00:09:31,053 --> 00:09:32,793 - Yeah, I mean, in terms of Hitler’s goals. 288 00:09:32,788 --> 00:09:35,118 - Ah, ah, ah, flag on the field. 289 00:09:35,123 --> 00:09:37,033 Hitler’s a little problematic for us. 290 00:09:37,025 --> 00:09:38,725 Does he have to be a character? 291 00:09:38,727 --> 00:09:40,327 all: Yes. 292 00:09:40,328 --> 00:09:42,458 - I get it, I get it, I get it, I get it, I love it. 293 00:09:42,464 --> 00:09:43,674 And I love the two of you. 294 00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:45,066 - Really? - Ah, thank you. 295 00:09:45,067 --> 00:09:46,497 - Wow, great, thanks. - That’s awesome. 296 00:09:46,501 --> 00:09:48,241 - I am unfortunately gonna have to pass though. 297 00:09:48,236 --> 00:09:49,736 Just a hard pass right here in the room right now. 298 00:09:49,738 --> 00:09:51,738 - The fuck? - Well, um--hmm. 299 00:09:51,740 --> 00:09:52,880 I will level with you. 300 00:09:52,875 --> 00:09:55,035 NBC is currently rethinking 301 00:09:55,043 --> 00:09:56,613 it’s commitment to comedy 302 00:09:56,612 --> 00:10:00,422 in the way that you decide to take a break from an ex 303 00:10:00,415 --> 00:10:02,045 who has already dumped you. 304 00:10:02,050 --> 00:10:03,420 But this has been a lot of fun. 305 00:10:03,418 --> 00:10:04,888 If you could just leave your unopened waters 306 00:10:04,887 --> 00:10:07,657 with Kathleen, that’d be great. 307 00:10:07,656 --> 00:10:08,986 - Fuck NBC. 308 00:10:08,991 --> 00:10:10,431 We’ll go sell our show somewhere else. 309 00:10:10,425 --> 00:10:12,795 - Is this Shonda Rhimes or Billy Epstein talking? 310 00:10:12,795 --> 00:10:14,225 Come on, let’s go get pizza. 311 00:10:14,229 --> 00:10:15,859 - All right, I’ll walk with you, 312 00:10:15,864 --> 00:10:17,474 ’cause I actually brought my own lunch. 313 00:10:17,465 --> 00:10:19,365 My trainer’s making me all my meals this week for free. 314 00:10:19,367 --> 00:10:21,597 - He wants to fuck you. - No, please. 315 00:10:21,604 --> 00:10:23,914 If he wanted to fuck me, he wouldn’t have to give me food. 316 00:10:23,906 --> 00:10:25,136 Besides, he’s straight. 317 00:10:25,140 --> 00:10:26,610 I think he just wants to be my friend. 318 00:10:26,609 --> 00:10:28,609 - Billy, I promise you, there’s no such thing 319 00:10:28,611 --> 00:10:31,451 as being friends with someone you are employing. 320 00:10:31,446 --> 00:10:33,846 Have we learning nothing from Tom Cruise and Kate Holmes? 321 00:10:33,849 --> 00:10:35,419 - Well, it might be cool to make the leap 322 00:10:35,417 --> 00:10:36,647 from trainer to friend. 323 00:10:36,652 --> 00:10:38,122 It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world 324 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:39,860 for me to have a second friend. 325 00:10:39,855 --> 00:10:42,385 - But all the lights were off, so it wouldn’t matter anyway. 326 00:10:42,390 --> 00:10:43,830 - Is that my mom? 327 00:10:43,826 --> 00:10:45,756 - Yeah, and why is she here with the real life Matt Damon 328 00:10:45,761 --> 00:10:47,101 from "Behind the Candelabra"? 329 00:10:47,095 --> 00:10:48,525 JULIE: I think that’s her hairdresser. 330 00:10:48,530 --> 00:10:50,430 - Ooh, that’s the type of guy that exists 331 00:10:50,432 --> 00:10:54,302 only to let you know you’ve walked into the wrong bar. 332 00:10:54,302 --> 00:10:58,042 - Hi, Mom. Oh, so sorry to interrupt. 333 00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:00,640 - Julie, what are you doing here? 334 00:11:00,643 --> 00:11:02,913 - Well, you and I had lunch plans, 335 00:11:02,911 --> 00:11:05,981 and then you cancelled, and yet here you sit. 336 00:11:05,981 --> 00:11:08,121 - [chuckles] My gay bestie, Chad, and I 337 00:11:08,116 --> 00:11:10,446 decided we’d come here, sit on our asses 338 00:11:10,452 --> 00:11:12,762 and make fun of everybody walking by. 339 00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:14,815 Sound familiar? - Got it, all right. 340 00:11:14,823 --> 00:11:18,193 Well, have fun, you two. - Wait. 341 00:11:18,193 --> 00:11:19,763 How does it feel to be stood up 342 00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:23,402 by someone who’d rather hang out with their gay BFF? 343 00:11:23,398 --> 00:11:25,228 - Really, Mom? Is that what this is about? 344 00:11:25,233 --> 00:11:28,243 Fine, but just remember, he can’t be your real friend 345 00:11:28,236 --> 00:11:29,936 as long as you’re still paying him. 346 00:11:29,938 --> 00:11:31,438 - Honey, if I were being paid, 347 00:11:31,439 --> 00:11:32,839 I would be on all-fours 348 00:11:32,841 --> 00:11:35,441 with a ball gag in my male vagina. 349 00:11:35,443 --> 00:11:38,413 - No, my best friend is outrageous! 350 00:11:38,413 --> 00:11:40,783 You are. 351 00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:43,193 Stop. Stop now. 352 00:11:43,185 --> 00:11:45,015 - Today we’re kicking it up a notch 353 00:11:45,020 --> 00:11:46,890 with something called interval eating. 354 00:11:46,889 --> 00:11:49,119 I need you consuming small meals frequently 355 00:11:49,124 --> 00:11:50,934 in between spurts of highly intense workouts. 356 00:11:50,926 --> 00:11:52,386 Go ahead. 357 00:11:52,394 --> 00:11:54,134 - While I’m running? - While you’re running. 358 00:11:54,129 --> 00:11:55,859 - Okay, well, I’m in ShondaLand, 359 00:11:55,864 --> 00:11:57,504 so I will say yes to that. 360 00:11:57,499 --> 00:11:59,199 - Great. 361 00:11:59,201 --> 00:12:00,571 Just gotta say, Billy, 362 00:12:00,568 --> 00:12:03,068 I really appreciate how much you trust me. 363 00:12:03,071 --> 00:12:04,071 - Yeah, sure. 364 00:12:04,072 --> 00:12:07,442 - Hit it. - Again? 365 00:12:07,442 --> 00:12:10,012 Hey, you maybe want to hang out sometime, 366 00:12:10,012 --> 00:12:11,312 like when I’m not training? 367 00:12:11,313 --> 00:12:13,183 - It’s so weird you said that, 368 00:12:13,181 --> 00:12:14,721 ’cause I was just thinking that we should be friends. 369 00:12:14,717 --> 00:12:16,277 Here you go. 370 00:12:16,284 --> 00:12:18,324 But I thought I was maybe crossing some sort of line. 371 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:19,920 Why don’t you come over tomorrow night? 372 00:12:19,922 --> 00:12:21,262 I got some friends coming over. 373 00:12:21,256 --> 00:12:23,426 It’ll be chill. I’m cooking a meal. 374 00:12:23,425 --> 00:12:24,985 - Thanks. 375 00:12:24,993 --> 00:12:26,703 Can I bring my friend Julie? 376 00:12:26,695 --> 00:12:27,755 - I can’t understand you. 377 00:12:27,763 --> 00:12:29,203 - Can my friend Julie come? 378 00:12:29,197 --> 00:12:31,397 - Oh, absolutely. Now hit that thing again. 379 00:12:31,399 --> 00:12:34,339 - Again? 380 00:12:34,336 --> 00:12:35,736 - Do you like French fries? 381 00:12:35,738 --> 00:12:37,338 - Now, now-- At the same time? 382 00:12:37,339 --> 00:12:40,279 - Yeah, get it in there. This is important. 383 00:12:40,275 --> 00:12:42,135 All right, slow it down a little bit on the workout, 384 00:12:42,144 --> 00:12:44,684 but focus on the eating. Focus. 385 00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:46,920 - Hey, are you named after Felix, the cartoon cat 386 00:12:46,915 --> 00:12:48,275 with his bag of tricks? 387 00:12:48,283 --> 00:12:49,753 - I can’t understand you. 388 00:12:49,752 --> 00:12:51,292 - Are you named after Felix, 389 00:12:51,286 --> 00:12:54,156 the cartoon cat with his bag of tricks? 390 00:12:54,156 --> 00:12:55,386 It’s too much food. 391 00:12:55,390 --> 00:12:57,460 - Yes. - I’m good. 392 00:13:00,963 --> 00:13:02,003 - You’re still here. 393 00:13:01,997 --> 00:13:03,367 - Oh, thank God. 394 00:13:03,365 --> 00:13:06,465 Detective, please, help us book this perp. 395 00:13:06,468 --> 00:13:08,768 - I’m sorry about your bad ticket scalping experience, 396 00:13:08,771 --> 00:13:10,611 but I’ve got just one or two more pressing crimes 397 00:13:10,606 --> 00:13:12,306 in New York that I have to prioritize. 398 00:13:12,307 --> 00:13:14,837 - Oh, yeah? Well, my job’s hard too, okay? 399 00:13:14,843 --> 00:13:17,183 I had to recap the season finale of "Jerseylicious," 400 00:13:17,179 --> 00:13:18,579 and it was a two-parter, 401 00:13:18,580 --> 00:13:20,480 and I only got paid my regular rate, so... 402 00:13:20,482 --> 00:13:22,652 - Well, here’s what I have to do before the end of my day. 403 00:13:22,651 --> 00:13:25,321 We’ve got to ID a headless corpse and find the killer, 404 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:27,320 knowing that Robert Durst was in custody at the time. 405 00:13:27,322 --> 00:13:29,022 We’re staking out a suspected cannibal 406 00:13:29,024 --> 00:13:30,694 in Sunset Park. 407 00:13:30,693 --> 00:13:33,103 And finally we just found out that the Impractical Jokers 408 00:13:33,095 --> 00:13:34,895 are a front for a prostitution ring. 409 00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:37,067 So once I deal with all of that, 410 00:13:37,065 --> 00:13:38,665 I’ll look into your tickets. 411 00:13:38,667 --> 00:13:40,097 Have a nice day. 412 00:13:40,102 --> 00:13:43,572 - So, like, Tuesday, you think maybe? 413 00:13:43,571 --> 00:13:45,141 - Thank you. 414 00:13:45,140 --> 00:13:47,980 Maybe it’s time you moved on. 415 00:13:47,976 --> 00:13:50,046 - Oh, don’t worry. I already have. 416 00:13:50,045 --> 00:13:52,275 Phase two. 417 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:54,480 Hi, James. It’s Julie Kessler again. 418 00:13:54,482 --> 00:13:57,322 Remember me, the girl you scammed? 419 00:13:57,319 --> 00:13:59,619 Well, I just wanted to let you know. 420 00:13:59,622 --> 00:14:02,592 Those tickets I bought were for me and my sister, 421 00:14:02,591 --> 00:14:03,961 who has cancer. 422 00:14:03,959 --> 00:14:06,959 Her dying wish was to see "#Cats," 423 00:14:06,962 --> 00:14:10,402 but now poor... S. Epatha 424 00:14:10,398 --> 00:14:13,468 is gonna have to pass away without ever having seen it. 425 00:14:13,468 --> 00:14:15,538 I had a whole evening planned for us too. 426 00:14:15,537 --> 00:14:17,667 I had a white limo, a string quartet. 427 00:14:17,673 --> 00:14:18,873 But you ruined it. 428 00:14:18,874 --> 00:14:20,584 I’m coming, S. Epatha! 429 00:14:20,575 --> 00:14:24,345 Don’t cry. I know the pain is terrible. 430 00:14:24,346 --> 00:14:26,046 - I can’t believe that you played the cancer card. 431 00:14:26,048 --> 00:14:27,778 - Really? How long have you known me? 432 00:14:27,783 --> 00:14:30,253 And you thought the cancer card was at the bottom of the deck? 433 00:14:30,252 --> 00:14:33,822 Honey, we haven’t even hit the middle. 434 00:14:33,822 --> 00:14:36,692 - Felix, this place is so different when it’s not a gym. 435 00:14:36,692 --> 00:14:38,262 - Oh, totally. 436 00:14:38,260 --> 00:14:40,460 I bet it’s also super weird to see me in jeans too, 437 00:14:40,462 --> 00:14:42,332 like when you used to see your teacher in public. 438 00:14:42,330 --> 00:14:43,970 - Oh, it’s super hot, and you have to pretend 439 00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:46,126 that you don’t know each other in front of his wife? 440 00:14:46,134 --> 00:14:47,804 - How ’bout a tour of the kitchen? 441 00:14:47,803 --> 00:14:50,713 - Sure. - Is this a pizza oven? 442 00:14:50,706 --> 00:14:52,336 - Yea, but this one’s higher than normal. 443 00:14:52,340 --> 00:14:53,940 I think it was designed for calzones. 444 00:14:53,942 --> 00:14:56,612 - Huh, I haven’t seen a lot of these gadgets before. 445 00:14:56,612 --> 00:14:59,412 - So, Billy, do you enjoy training with Felix? 446 00:14:59,414 --> 00:15:00,984 - Oh, yeah, it’s awesome. 447 00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:02,623 It’s like my own personal "Celebrity Fit Club," 448 00:15:02,618 --> 00:15:04,118 except I don’t have to compete 449 00:15:04,119 --> 00:15:06,519 with Kevin Federline and Tweedledee. 450 00:15:10,659 --> 00:15:13,629 - Well, Felix enjoys training you. 451 00:15:13,629 --> 00:15:14,729 - Oh, awesome. 452 00:15:14,730 --> 00:15:17,600 And all of you guys are trainers or... 453 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:19,100 - Yes. 454 00:15:19,101 --> 00:15:21,571 Trainer. 455 00:15:23,305 --> 00:15:25,265 - That’s great. 456 00:15:26,809 --> 00:15:29,879 - What’s the deal with creepy ZZ Top? 457 00:15:29,878 --> 00:15:32,878 - I don’t know. You’re asking creepy ZZ Bottom. 458 00:15:32,881 --> 00:15:34,451 Wait, so what do you think? 459 00:15:34,449 --> 00:15:36,819 You think Felix is a real friend or a paid-for friend? 460 00:15:36,819 --> 00:15:38,389 - Well, I stand corrected 461 00:15:38,386 --> 00:15:40,886 in that I think he genuinely likes you. 462 00:15:40,889 --> 00:15:42,459 - See? - But if this food 463 00:15:42,457 --> 00:15:44,827 is indicative of the meal plan he’s giving you, 464 00:15:44,827 --> 00:15:47,957 I can’t see how you could possibly be losing weight. 465 00:15:47,963 --> 00:15:49,533 - I’m not losing weight. - Right. 466 00:15:49,531 --> 00:15:51,431 - I’m gaining, but Felix says that’s because 467 00:15:51,433 --> 00:15:53,003 muscle weighs more than fat. 468 00:15:53,001 --> 00:15:54,441 - Oh, I’ve heard that one before. 469 00:15:54,436 --> 00:15:55,966 That and, "Keep watching ’Mad Men.’ 470 00:15:55,971 --> 00:15:57,571 It gets less boring." 471 00:15:59,274 --> 00:16:02,814 - Okay, this is our marathon pitch day, all right? 472 00:16:02,811 --> 00:16:05,411 Remember, we’re gonna see a ton of networks today. 473 00:16:05,413 --> 00:16:08,123 So we may need to do a little tailoring on the pitch 474 00:16:08,116 --> 00:16:09,446 depending on where we’re at with it. 475 00:16:09,451 --> 00:16:10,591 BILLY: Sure. - Huh? Huh? 476 00:16:10,586 --> 00:16:11,946 [phone chimes] Oh, shit. 477 00:16:11,954 --> 00:16:13,364 This is Ghostface. 478 00:16:13,355 --> 00:16:15,555 This better be about that frittata recipe. 479 00:16:15,557 --> 00:16:18,187 Dingy ass, I’ve been hounding him for about three months. 480 00:16:18,193 --> 00:16:21,303 - Okay, folks, my boss will be with you in just a moment. 481 00:16:21,296 --> 00:16:23,296 Here are your waters. 482 00:16:23,298 --> 00:16:25,128 - You look familiar. 483 00:16:25,133 --> 00:16:26,673 - Oh, you know what it is? 484 00:16:26,669 --> 00:16:28,639 I used to be VP of Development at NBC. 485 00:16:28,637 --> 00:16:30,537 Yeah, you guys pitched for me on Monday. 486 00:16:30,538 --> 00:16:32,168 - Oh. - Oh, yeah. 487 00:16:32,174 --> 00:16:33,284 - Break a leg. 488 00:16:33,275 --> 00:16:35,075 [rock music] 489 00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:36,237 - Okay, check it out, 490 00:16:36,244 --> 00:16:37,954 our show is gonna punch you, 491 00:16:37,946 --> 00:16:39,506 and then once you pass out 492 00:16:39,514 --> 00:16:41,354 we’re gonna draw a dick on your face and take a picture. 493 00:16:41,349 --> 00:16:42,949 - Yeah. - It’s cunty, it’s bitchy, 494 00:16:42,951 --> 00:16:44,191 it’s gossipy, cunty fun. 495 00:16:44,186 --> 00:16:46,286 - There’s cunts everywhere! 496 00:16:46,288 --> 00:16:47,618 - This is gonna be animation, 497 00:16:47,623 --> 00:16:49,493 but it’s also gonna be live action, 498 00:16:49,491 --> 00:16:51,061 and then it’s genre. 499 00:16:51,059 --> 00:16:53,759 And here’s the thing, if we don’t have a joke, 500 00:16:53,762 --> 00:16:55,732 we’re just gonna do something weird. 501 00:16:55,731 --> 00:16:57,271 - Yeah, or random. 502 00:16:57,265 --> 00:16:59,395 Now do you guys vape 503 00:16:59,401 --> 00:17:01,971 or shall I bring out my clown bong? 504 00:17:01,970 --> 00:17:04,610 Am I a girl? Yes. 505 00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:06,467 But do I have a filthy mouth? 506 00:17:06,474 --> 00:17:08,544 Why don’t you ask my asshole. 507 00:17:08,543 --> 00:17:10,113 And that’s our show. 508 00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:11,552 - Starring us. 509 00:17:11,546 --> 00:17:14,816 - Okay, let’s shoot a pilot. 510 00:17:14,817 --> 00:17:16,247 both: Really? 511 00:17:16,251 --> 00:17:18,191 - Absolutely, we here at Al Jazeera 512 00:17:18,186 --> 00:17:20,756 are always looking for comedy. 513 00:17:20,756 --> 00:17:21,786 both: Really? 514 00:17:21,790 --> 00:17:23,530 - And you two would be the perfect way 515 00:17:23,525 --> 00:17:25,585 to launch our rebrand. 516 00:17:25,594 --> 00:17:28,604 Al Jazeera America sadly is no more, 517 00:17:28,597 --> 00:17:31,427 but we’re relaunching as Al Jazeera Xtreme. 518 00:17:31,433 --> 00:17:33,173 It’s "Xtreme" with an X. 519 00:17:33,168 --> 00:17:34,768 We mean it in a Mountain Dew way. 520 00:17:34,770 --> 00:17:35,800 Don’t worry. 521 00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:38,674 - I love that. - And we love you! 522 00:17:38,674 --> 00:17:41,284 Billy and Julie, you are the new face 523 00:17:41,276 --> 00:17:42,976 of Al Jazeera. 524 00:17:42,978 --> 00:17:45,108 [laughter] 525 00:17:45,113 --> 00:17:47,583 - Thank you. - Gangsta! 526 00:17:50,653 --> 00:17:51,793 - Whoo! 527 00:17:51,787 --> 00:17:54,417 - We are the stars of Al Jazeera Xtreme! 528 00:17:54,422 --> 00:17:55,962 - Oh, my God! 529 00:17:55,958 --> 00:17:58,328 My first big break, and my mother can never know. 530 00:17:58,326 --> 00:18:00,426 - I have one extra surprise. 531 00:18:00,428 --> 00:18:02,668 I have VIP tickets 532 00:18:02,665 --> 00:18:05,525 for tonight’s performance of "#Cats." 533 00:18:05,533 --> 00:18:08,103 - Oh, my God! - Ahh! Oh, my God! 534 00:18:08,103 --> 00:18:09,373 Thank you so much. 535 00:18:09,371 --> 00:18:10,871 - Hey, look, it’s gonna be me, 536 00:18:10,873 --> 00:18:12,913 you guys, and whoever y’all want to bring. 537 00:18:12,908 --> 00:18:15,078 - I’ll bring Felix, my trainer. - Felix, your friend. 538 00:18:15,077 --> 00:18:16,607 Oh, this is the best. 539 00:18:16,612 --> 00:18:19,182 I can’t wait to rub it in the face of my scammer. 540 00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:20,751 - Listen, Jules, I’ve had beef 541 00:18:20,749 --> 00:18:23,119 with a lot of people over the years. 542 00:18:23,118 --> 00:18:26,218 But Shonda Rhimes helped me realize something. 543 00:18:26,221 --> 00:18:27,991 One, that there are limits 544 00:18:27,990 --> 00:18:30,760 to what even Viola Davis can make seem plausible. 545 00:18:30,759 --> 00:18:35,099 And two, the best way to say yes to yourself 546 00:18:35,097 --> 00:18:36,667 is to forgive your enemies. 547 00:18:36,665 --> 00:18:38,125 - That’s really good advice. 548 00:18:38,133 --> 00:18:39,603 I needed to hear that. 549 00:18:39,602 --> 00:18:41,372 - Yeah, that’s what friends are for. 550 00:18:41,369 --> 00:18:44,039 - I’m gonna text him right now. 551 00:18:44,039 --> 00:18:46,109 "Hey, James. 552 00:18:46,108 --> 00:18:48,238 "I forgive you. 553 00:18:48,243 --> 00:18:49,813 "Everything worked out, 554 00:18:49,812 --> 00:18:52,922 and I’m gonna see ’#Cats’ tonight." 555 00:18:52,915 --> 00:18:54,945 - And don’t that shit feel good? 556 00:18:54,950 --> 00:18:58,120 [upbeat music] 557 00:18:58,120 --> 00:18:59,860 - Here, I made some caramel corn for the show. 558 00:18:59,855 --> 00:19:01,485 - Oh. - You see, dressing on the side, 559 00:19:01,489 --> 00:19:03,789 everything worked out. - I know, right? 560 00:19:03,792 --> 00:19:06,932 Oh, fuck! It’s my Craigslist scammer. 561 00:19:06,929 --> 00:19:08,759 I never should have sent that last text. 562 00:19:08,764 --> 00:19:10,734 - Oh, forgiveness is such a rookie mistake. 563 00:19:10,733 --> 00:19:12,943 - Do me a favor, okay? Get my mom out of this. 564 00:19:12,935 --> 00:19:14,935 She can’t know the sister cancer thing. 565 00:19:14,937 --> 00:19:16,197 - On it. 566 00:19:16,204 --> 00:19:17,344 So excited for this. 567 00:19:17,339 --> 00:19:18,509 - Who’s that guy? 568 00:19:18,506 --> 00:19:20,536 - He is some crazy fan 569 00:19:20,542 --> 00:19:22,042 of Julie’s recaps. 570 00:19:22,044 --> 00:19:23,484 - So he’s gay? Pity. 571 00:19:23,478 --> 00:19:24,948 I was hoping he was someone viable. 572 00:19:24,947 --> 00:19:26,477 - Always good to see you too, Marilyn. 573 00:19:26,481 --> 00:19:28,751 - Hello, Arthur. Where’s my date? 574 00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:30,791 - Julie, I should never have scammed you. 575 00:19:30,786 --> 00:19:32,856 - Hey, don’t worry about it. Who loves you, baby? 576 00:19:32,855 --> 00:19:34,955 Telly Savalas. Good-bye forever. 577 00:19:34,957 --> 00:19:36,287 - No, let me just-- 578 00:19:36,291 --> 00:19:37,661 Let me make her dream night come true. 579 00:19:37,660 --> 00:19:39,760 I got the violins, the limo, everything. 580 00:19:39,762 --> 00:19:41,332 - You know what, you can’t. It’s fine. 581 00:19:41,329 --> 00:19:42,429 - Why? 582 00:19:42,430 --> 00:19:44,830 - Because my sister just died. 583 00:19:44,833 --> 00:19:47,873 - Oh, fuck. - Your sister died? 584 00:19:47,870 --> 00:19:49,300 - From cancer. 585 00:19:49,304 --> 00:19:51,444 - I’m so sorry for your loss. 586 00:19:51,439 --> 00:19:53,709 - Thank you. But you know what? 587 00:19:53,709 --> 00:19:55,579 She wouldn’t have wanted us to be sad. 588 00:19:55,577 --> 00:19:56,747 That wasn’t like her. 589 00:19:56,745 --> 00:19:58,445 She would have wanted tonight 590 00:19:58,446 --> 00:20:01,316 to be about celebration and friendship 591 00:20:01,316 --> 00:20:02,516 and "#Cats." 592 00:20:02,517 --> 00:20:04,347 - God damn right, Jules! 593 00:20:04,352 --> 00:20:05,552 Let’s go enjoy "#Cats." 594 00:20:05,553 --> 00:20:06,823 - In her honor. - In her honor. 595 00:20:06,822 --> 00:20:08,422 - Let’s do this. - Let’s do it. 596 00:20:08,423 --> 00:20:10,263 ♪ ♪ 597 00:20:10,258 --> 00:20:13,098 Was that Method Man? 598 00:20:13,095 --> 00:20:15,955 - Thanks for bringing me to the show tonight, Julie. 599 00:20:15,964 --> 00:20:17,304 You know what? 600 00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:18,969 I get why you stand me up sometimes, 601 00:20:18,967 --> 00:20:22,337 because having a gay best friend really is so special. 602 00:20:22,337 --> 00:20:24,467 [applause] 603 00:20:25,507 --> 00:20:27,807 [upbeat music] 604 00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:29,980 - Ah, here come the kitties. 605 00:20:29,978 --> 00:20:32,578 - Oh! 606 00:20:34,950 --> 00:20:36,480 - Chad-Chad-Chad! 607 00:20:36,484 --> 00:20:38,094 [muffled shouting] 608 00:20:38,086 --> 00:20:40,286 Chad, stop that! 609 00:20:40,288 --> 00:20:41,988 You’re gay. 610 00:20:41,990 --> 00:20:43,160 - I’m bi. 611 00:20:43,158 --> 00:20:44,558 - Oh, my God. 612 00:20:44,559 --> 00:20:45,759 Get off her--hey, okay. [overlapping shouting] 613 00:20:45,761 --> 00:20:47,931 Hey, hey, hey, get off of her! 614 00:20:47,930 --> 00:20:49,130 Hey, get off of her! 615 00:20:49,131 --> 00:20:50,701 - Okay, fuck this noise. 616 00:20:50,699 --> 00:20:52,429 All right, I don’t want to be in the friend zone, 617 00:20:52,434 --> 00:20:54,974 and I’m not gonna sit through some bullshit musical 618 00:20:54,970 --> 00:20:56,810 if it’s not gonna get me any pussy later. 619 00:20:56,805 --> 00:20:59,605 - Oh, you’re a monster. - Give her a break asshole. 620 00:20:59,608 --> 00:21:01,938 Her daughter just died of cancer. 621 00:21:01,944 --> 00:21:03,914 - Excuse me? 622 00:21:03,912 --> 00:21:04,712 - Ra-roh. 623 00:21:04,713 --> 00:21:06,183 - What’s going on here? 624 00:21:06,181 --> 00:21:09,721 And don’t lie to me, little white lady. 625 00:21:09,718 --> 00:21:12,188 - I made up a lie about having a sister 626 00:21:12,187 --> 00:21:13,657 with cancer who died 627 00:21:13,656 --> 00:21:16,686 to make my Craigslist scammer feel bad. 628 00:21:16,692 --> 00:21:19,292 - That takes the cake, Julie. 629 00:21:19,294 --> 00:21:20,864 - I don’t work with liars. 630 00:21:20,863 --> 00:21:23,333 You two can kiss your Al Jazeera show good-bye. 631 00:21:23,331 --> 00:21:24,571 Get the fuck out of VIP. 632 00:21:24,566 --> 00:21:25,926 - Method Man. - Al Jazeera? 633 00:21:25,934 --> 00:21:27,474 - Get the fuck out of my section. 634 00:21:27,469 --> 00:21:28,869 - My God. - Can we just stay for act one? 635 00:21:28,871 --> 00:21:30,111 BILLY: Let’s go. METHOD MAN: Security! 636 00:21:30,105 --> 00:21:31,665 - Have you been radicalized? 637 00:21:31,674 --> 00:21:34,484 - We’re leaving. - What is going on? 638 00:21:34,476 --> 00:21:35,706 [overlapping talking] 639 00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:37,881 - Move, move, move, move, move! 640 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:39,080 Hands up! 641 00:21:39,081 --> 00:21:41,651 You are surrounded. Do not flee. 642 00:21:41,650 --> 00:21:42,850 - Hold your fire. 643 00:21:42,851 --> 00:21:45,221 James and I are cool now. 644 00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:47,090 - Guys, let me handle this. 645 00:21:47,089 --> 00:21:48,889 - Oh. - Excuse me. 646 00:21:48,891 --> 00:21:50,961 Detective, there’s been a misunder-- 647 00:21:50,959 --> 00:21:52,999 - What? What’s happening? 648 00:21:52,995 --> 00:21:56,555 JULIE: Ohh! BILLY: What’s happening? 649 00:21:56,564 --> 00:21:58,074 - Cannibal apprehended! - What? 650 00:21:58,066 --> 00:22:00,736 Why are you arresting my trainer? 651 00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:02,166 - He’s a cannibal, son. 652 00:22:02,170 --> 00:22:03,410 - What? 653 00:22:03,405 --> 00:22:04,665 - He eats human flesh. 654 00:22:04,673 --> 00:22:06,143 - I know what a cannibal is. 655 00:22:06,141 --> 00:22:08,181 - We brought down a ring of them in Sunset Park, 656 00:22:08,176 --> 00:22:09,436 pretending to be trainers. 657 00:22:09,444 --> 00:22:10,684 - It’s not fair. 658 00:22:10,679 --> 00:22:12,779 I fattened you. I can find you. 659 00:22:12,781 --> 00:22:14,451 Don’t keep me from my veal! 660 00:22:14,449 --> 00:22:15,919 Look at him. He’s perfect. 661 00:22:15,918 --> 00:22:18,318 He’s so tall and fat. You never find that! 662 00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:19,890 It’s perfect to cook! 663 00:22:19,888 --> 00:22:21,418 It’ll fall right off the bone 664 00:22:21,423 --> 00:22:23,033 after four hours at 375. 665 00:22:23,025 --> 00:22:24,485 DETECTIVE: Get him out of here! 666 00:22:24,492 --> 00:22:26,332 FELIX: With carrots and potatoes! 667 00:22:26,328 --> 00:22:27,998 - I’m fat? 668 00:22:27,996 --> 00:22:29,526 - [mouthing words] 669 00:22:31,566 --> 00:22:33,036 Well, I guess the lesson is 670 00:22:33,035 --> 00:22:35,665 you can’t be friends with people you pay. 671 00:22:35,671 --> 00:22:38,941 - Yeah, also I was almost eaten. 672 00:22:38,941 --> 00:22:41,341 - No wonder I never saw a lemon zester like that. 673 00:22:41,343 --> 00:22:42,783 Bastard. 674 00:22:42,778 --> 00:22:44,578 - I don’t know what traumatized me more. 675 00:22:44,579 --> 00:22:48,319 Cannibalism, bisexuality, Al Jazeera. 676 00:22:48,316 --> 00:22:49,646 [sighs] 677 00:22:49,652 --> 00:22:51,592 I feel like I could use a good shrink. 678 00:22:51,587 --> 00:22:54,457 It’s a good thing I’m me. 679 00:22:54,456 --> 00:22:55,886 - And now that I think of it, 680 00:22:55,891 --> 00:22:58,591 that Pilates bar that he was rotating me on 681 00:22:58,594 --> 00:23:00,804 was probably a spit roast. 682 00:23:00,796 --> 00:23:03,626 - Okay, folks, my name is Kevin, and I’ll be-- 683 00:23:03,632 --> 00:23:05,132 Wait a second, I know the two of you. 684 00:23:05,133 --> 00:23:06,433 You’re my friends. 685 00:23:06,434 --> 00:23:08,004 - Oh, no, we’re not your friends, 686 00:23:08,003 --> 00:23:09,813 and we don’t need to know your name. 687 00:23:09,805 --> 00:23:13,005 - Kevin, let me ask you a question. 688 00:23:13,008 --> 00:23:14,478 How’s the veal? 689 00:23:14,476 --> 00:23:16,706 MAN: ♪ Oh ♪ 690 00:23:16,712 --> 00:23:19,052 ♪ Thought it’d be easy ♪ 691 00:23:19,047 --> 00:23:21,877 ♪ Thought they didn’t know ♪ 692 00:23:21,884 --> 00:23:25,924 ♪ You thought it was the only way to go ♪ 693 00:23:25,921 --> 00:23:26,891 ♪ ♪ 694 00:23:26,889 --> 00:23:29,389 ♪ Another way out ♪ 695 00:23:29,391 --> 00:23:31,991 ♪ Found on the way home ♪ 696 00:23:31,994 --> 00:23:33,604 ♪ Thought you were living fast ♪ 697 00:23:33,596 --> 00:23:36,626 ♪ But you were living slow ♪ 698 00:23:36,632 --> 00:23:44,772 ♪ ♪