1
00:00:01,461 --> 00:00:03,261
‐ You know,
I rarely wait on line
2
00:00:03,256 --> 00:00:05,006
for things that don't have
some kind of frosting.
3
00:00:05,010 --> 00:00:06,640
‐ I know, but this is
supposed to be amazing.
4
00:00:06,639 --> 00:00:08,479
It's David Blaine's
latest magic trick where
5
00:00:08,475 --> 00:00:10,685
he's just gonna kill himself.
‐ How is that magic?
6
00:00:10,688 --> 00:00:12,528
I thought he wasn't
supposed to be
7
00:00:12,526 --> 00:00:14,906
a celebrity anymore.
‐ Whoa. It says on "Deadline"
8
00:00:14,905 --> 00:00:16,655
that Maggie Gyllenhaal
just signed on
9
00:00:16,659 --> 00:00:18,249
for the next sequel
to "Hostel"‐‐
10
00:00:18,245 --> 00:00:21,035
"Clitorectomy:
Third Time's the Harm."
11
00:00:21,042 --> 00:00:23,002
‐ That's a bummer.
She's supposed to be a feminist.
12
00:00:23,004 --> 00:00:24,554
I expected more from her.
‐ It's always sad
13
00:00:24,550 --> 00:00:27,050
when someone sells out
their own people.
14
00:00:27,054 --> 00:00:29,774
‐ Yeah. Like when Elton John
did that thing with Eminem.
15
00:00:29,768 --> 00:00:31,558
And then they sang together.
16
00:00:31,563 --> 00:00:33,573
‐ Ugh! This line
is not moving!
17
00:00:33,568 --> 00:00:35,398
‐ I know, and I have to eat
before my audition.
18
00:00:35,404 --> 00:00:37,074
‐ What's it for again?
‐ I don't know. It's top secret.
19
00:00:37,074 --> 00:00:38,914
The only thing I know
is it's for Amazon,
20
00:00:38,911 --> 00:00:41,041
so I'm gonna bring a blender
I have to return.
21
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,840
‐ Well, if you want,
we can bail.
22
00:00:42,836 --> 00:00:44,916
We can go to that new Cajun
Meatball Poke pop‐up.
23
00:00:44,923 --> 00:00:47,603
‐ Ooh! Elton John's nickname
for Eminem.
24
00:00:47,596 --> 00:00:49,266
[crowd shouting]
‐ Scab, scab!
25
00:00:49,265 --> 00:00:52,265
Oh, another line?
‐ No, that's a picket line.
26
00:00:52,271 --> 00:00:55,741
See, they have a Strike Rat.
‐ "Waiters deserve wages"?
27
00:00:55,737 --> 00:00:57,487
I didn't know waiters
had a union.
28
00:00:57,489 --> 00:00:59,489
I thought it was just SAG.
‐ Well, I'm not joining.
29
00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:01,583
I can't afford to pay
any more stupid dues.
30
00:01:01,582 --> 00:01:03,462
And those SAG screeners
are pathetic.
31
00:01:03,460 --> 00:01:05,260
Big deal‐‐I get a free copy
of "Hacksaw Ridge,"
32
00:01:05,255 --> 00:01:07,125
but I have to see a dentist
in Paramus.
33
00:01:07,134 --> 00:01:09,394
‐ I guess we should find
a restaurant that's open.
34
00:01:09,388 --> 00:01:12,648
Although...technically,
this restaurant is open.
35
00:01:12,646 --> 00:01:14,976
And they could seat us
right away.
36
00:01:14,983 --> 00:01:18,323
‐ Yeah, but if we go in there,
they're gonna boo us.
37
00:01:18,323 --> 00:01:21,123
‐ I've been booed
four times today already.
38
00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:23,170
CROWD: Scab! Scab!
39
00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:24,586
Scab, scab, scab!
40
00:01:24,586 --> 00:01:26,966
‐ Scabs are a sign
of healing, dear.
41
00:01:26,965 --> 00:01:29,005
‐ Scab, scab, scab, scab!
42
00:01:29,011 --> 00:01:31,981
[driving punk rock music]
43
00:01:31,975 --> 00:01:35,775
♪ ♪
44
00:01:35,781 --> 00:01:38,371
‐ I just need you to sign
the nondisclosure forms,
45
00:01:38,369 --> 00:01:40,289
then I'll give you the sides
and we can get started.
46
00:01:40,290 --> 00:01:42,670
‐ Why is Amazon
being so secretive?
47
00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:45,339
Every improviser I know has gone
out for "Mozart in the Jungle."
48
00:01:45,341 --> 00:01:47,051
‐ Oh, I am sure.
49
00:01:47,053 --> 00:01:49,223
That show is real comedy.
50
00:01:49,224 --> 00:01:51,024
Just so you know,
51
00:01:51,020 --> 00:01:53,730
this project
comes from a film director
52
00:01:53,734 --> 00:01:56,074
who is arguably offensive
to women.
53
00:01:56,071 --> 00:01:58,661
‐ Eli Roth?
‐ Close. Jewish also.
54
00:01:58,659 --> 00:02:01,329
But his violence against
women is more...dialogue‐based
55
00:02:01,332 --> 00:02:03,212
and exists more in his
characters'
56
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:04,960
antiquated attitudes
towards them.
57
00:02:04,964 --> 00:02:06,934
‐ Woody Allen is doing
another Amazon series?
58
00:02:06,926 --> 00:02:09,006
‐ Yes! It's called
"Manhattan Mini Storage,"
59
00:02:09,014 --> 00:02:11,024
and this time we are sure
the Woodster's gonna
60
00:02:11,018 --> 00:02:12,268
"get TV."
61
00:02:12,270 --> 00:02:13,560
‐ I can't, in good conscience,
62
00:02:13,564 --> 00:02:15,284
audition for Woody Allen,
63
00:02:15,276 --> 00:02:17,946
as a woman, you know?
‐ Okay, yeah, sure, sure.
64
00:02:17,949 --> 00:02:19,949
‐ But can I just take
a peek at the sides
65
00:02:19,953 --> 00:02:22,253
to see how bad they are?
‐ Can only show them to you
66
00:02:22,248 --> 00:02:23,788
if you're auditioning.
67
00:02:23,794 --> 00:02:25,764
‐ Fine. I'll audition.
Why not?
68
00:02:25,756 --> 00:02:27,426
I'm not gonna get this part.
I never get any part.
69
00:02:27,425 --> 00:02:28,885
‐ Here you go.
Let me know if you have
70
00:02:28,887 --> 00:02:30,427
any trouble
reading his handwriting.
71
00:02:30,431 --> 00:02:32,231
‐ He doesn't even use
a typewriter?
72
00:02:32,227 --> 00:02:34,187
‐ He says gadgets and doodads
are passing fads
73
00:02:34,189 --> 00:02:35,649
and hurt his flow.
74
00:02:35,650 --> 00:02:38,700
‐ [laughs] Okay.
Got it. Of course.
75
00:02:38,699 --> 00:02:41,499
All right.
"Esther, white female,
76
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,785
over 16, unfuckable."
77
00:02:43,792 --> 00:02:45,672
Any other specifics, or...
78
00:02:45,670 --> 00:02:48,550
‐ She's a cigarette girl.
Uh, here, you can use this prop.
79
00:02:48,551 --> 00:02:50,601
‐ So it's another period piece?
‐ No.
80
00:02:50,596 --> 00:02:52,386
Woody just thinks
cigarette girls still exist
81
00:02:52,392 --> 00:02:53,772
and black people don't.
82
00:02:53,770 --> 00:02:55,440
Whenever you're ready.
83
00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:57,110
‐ [loudly]
"You'll have to speak up
84
00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:59,200
"over this loud
rock and roll music‐‐
85
00:02:59,197 --> 00:03:01,037
"if you can call it music.
86
00:03:01,035 --> 00:03:03,865
Oh, here, Mr. Yellnikoff,
let me light that for you."
87
00:03:05,626 --> 00:03:08,336
Oh, shit!
Oh, crap!
88
00:03:08,340 --> 00:03:10,220
[patting shirt]
89
00:03:10,219 --> 00:03:12,099
[exhales]
90
00:03:12,098 --> 00:03:14,268
[inhales]
I'm okay.
91
00:03:14,269 --> 00:03:15,899
‐ I don't care.
Please go.
92
00:03:15,898 --> 00:03:17,398
But not before you
check off a reason
93
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,610
why you're returning
this blender.
94
00:03:19,613 --> 00:03:21,373
♪ ♪
95
00:03:21,366 --> 00:03:23,656
‐ It's time to update
the cafe's website.
96
00:03:23,662 --> 00:03:25,752
Our site is so out of date,
we still have pics
97
00:03:25,751 --> 00:03:27,921
of when we served cereal
at breakfast.
98
00:03:27,922 --> 00:03:29,972
‐ And Billy was still
scruff‐free thin.
99
00:03:29,967 --> 00:03:32,807
‐ Oh, Matthew, if only you'd
been Jeffrey Dahmer's type.
100
00:03:32,807 --> 00:03:35,847
‐ Priority for the site will be
to get new pictures of our food.
101
00:03:35,854 --> 00:03:37,864
‐ Well, I'm happy to offer
my services.
102
00:03:37,858 --> 00:03:40,148
‐ Your services as a parody
of a pass‐around party bottom
103
00:03:40,154 --> 00:03:41,454
will not be helpful.
104
00:03:41,448 --> 00:03:46,208
‐ Oh, yaaaas!
105
00:03:46,208 --> 00:03:49,458
I always love the view from
deep inside Miss Lola's shade.
106
00:03:49,464 --> 00:03:52,104
‐ It's like punching pudding.
‐ Matthew, how can you help?
107
00:03:52,095 --> 00:03:53,715
‐ Well, my nickname
"Shutter Eye"
108
00:03:53,723 --> 00:03:55,693
isn't exclusively
because of my anus.
109
00:03:55,686 --> 00:03:57,646
I'm a talented
food photographer!
110
00:03:57,647 --> 00:03:59,397
Back in Catfish Holler,
111
00:03:59,401 --> 00:04:01,281
I developed the cutest
little eating disorder.
112
00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:02,950
I would take pictures of food
instead of eating it.
113
00:04:02,950 --> 00:04:04,620
Now, of course,
I just use portion control
114
00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:06,039
before I vomit everything up.
115
00:04:06,039 --> 00:04:07,539
‐ Matthew, you're hired.
116
00:04:07,542 --> 00:04:09,762
‐ Oh! That's great news,
Nate.
117
00:04:09,755 --> 00:04:11,545
You won't be‐‐Aah!
118
00:04:11,550 --> 00:04:13,300
‐ Aah!
119
00:04:13,304 --> 00:04:16,024
Matthew! Oh, my Mouse!
120
00:04:16,018 --> 00:04:18,478
Oh, my child bride.
‐ Oh, my good‐‐
121
00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:20,480
Oh, everybody, I would
like for you to meet
122
00:04:20,484 --> 00:04:22,284
my ex‐wife, Trish.
123
00:04:22,280 --> 00:04:23,570
‐ What?
‐ Whaaat?
124
00:04:23,574 --> 00:04:25,374
‐ No.
‐ We used to be
125
00:04:25,369 --> 00:04:27,209
the Prince Charles
and Lady Di of Catfish Holler.
126
00:04:27,207 --> 00:04:29,377
‐ [chuckles] But, Trish,
what are you doing in town?
127
00:04:29,377 --> 00:04:31,047
‐ Isn't it obvious?
128
00:04:31,048 --> 00:04:33,508
She's part of Pence's
conversion program.
129
00:04:33,510 --> 00:04:35,850
‐ Oh, sugar booger, I don't
know most of those words.
130
00:04:35,849 --> 00:04:37,729
‐ Mike Pence
has started a program
131
00:04:37,728 --> 00:04:39,978
for licensed therapists
to convert gay people
132
00:04:39,982 --> 00:04:41,862
to heterosexual Americans!
133
00:04:41,861 --> 00:04:44,531
‐ Lola, that's not happening.
I mean, I believe you
134
00:04:44,532 --> 00:04:46,542
when you say Pence
is a failed prototype
135
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:48,536
for one of those Japanese
sex robots,
136
00:04:48,540 --> 00:04:50,250
but there's no
conversion program.
137
00:04:50,253 --> 00:04:52,343
‐ No, no, it's real.
While we liberals
138
00:04:52,340 --> 00:04:54,970
were busy debating whether
those naked statues of Trump
139
00:04:54,971 --> 00:04:57,941
were body shaming,
Russia elected the fourth Reich.
140
00:04:57,935 --> 00:04:59,685
‐ And there's a protest
about it this afternoon at 3:00.
141
00:04:59,689 --> 00:05:01,569
‐ Uhh. All these protests.
142
00:05:01,566 --> 00:05:04,066
They keep popping up
like Cosby accusers.
143
00:05:04,072 --> 00:05:06,872
All right, how do I go?
What, do I RSVP?
144
00:05:06,869 --> 00:05:09,789
‐ It's not paperless post,
idiot. Just go.
145
00:05:09,792 --> 00:05:11,752
And pretend you don't know me!
146
00:05:11,754 --> 00:05:13,844
‐ Trish, what are you doing
in town?
147
00:05:13,842 --> 00:05:16,012
You know I'm still a slave
to the cock, right?
148
00:05:16,013 --> 00:05:18,233
‐ Darlin', I know.
I was invited
149
00:05:18,225 --> 00:05:20,935
to do an artist residency
at the Balloon Saloon.
150
00:05:20,939 --> 00:05:23,149
‐ Trish is one of the top
Balloon Artists
151
00:05:23,152 --> 00:05:24,702
working in the medium.
152
00:05:24,697 --> 00:05:26,617
‐ We met at a balloon
fetish social.
153
00:05:26,616 --> 00:05:29,076
‐ Mm‐hmm. That's when you
feel sexually excited
154
00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:31,840
by watching other people
sit on balloons till they pop.
155
00:05:31,836 --> 00:05:33,586
‐ Damn it, Matthew,
we all know that.
156
00:05:33,589 --> 00:05:35,629
Stop balloon‐splaining
and get back to work.
157
00:05:35,634 --> 00:05:38,314
‐ Oh, Trish, do you remember
that teacher
158
00:05:38,307 --> 00:05:40,477
we paid to be our
"ticklish toilet"?
159
00:05:40,478 --> 00:05:42,688
‐ Oh, no.
Absolutely not.
160
00:05:42,691 --> 00:05:45,071
[all chanting]
Women against Woody Allen.
161
00:05:45,071 --> 00:05:47,741
Women against
Woody Allen!
162
00:05:47,743 --> 00:05:49,333
‐ Oh, my God, it's you.
163
00:05:49,329 --> 00:05:51,169
Of course it's you.
‐ What's going on?
164
00:05:51,166 --> 00:05:53,376
Is this a flash mob?
'Cause I don't know the dance,
165
00:05:53,379 --> 00:05:55,129
but I can certainly try to learn.
166
00:05:55,132 --> 00:05:57,102
‐ No. It's a protest.
Woody Allen's
167
00:05:57,095 --> 00:05:59,135
shooting in New York again,
and we're not okay with it.
168
00:05:59,140 --> 00:06:01,270
Let me guess, dipshit.
You just auditioned.
169
00:06:01,269 --> 00:06:02,769
‐ Wait a minute.
You look familiar.
170
00:06:02,773 --> 00:06:04,363
Did we used to fuck
in college?
171
00:06:04,359 --> 00:06:06,069
Trick question.
I only did boob stuff
172
00:06:06,071 --> 00:06:07,531
with women in college.
But seriously,
173
00:06:07,532 --> 00:06:08,912
did we used to fuck
in college?
174
00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:10,710
‐ Andrea Mumford.
175
00:06:10,705 --> 00:06:12,665
We've met several times.
176
00:06:12,667 --> 00:06:14,627
None have gone well.
‐ I have no memory of that,
177
00:06:14,629 --> 00:06:16,509
But you seem to know
what you're talking about.
178
00:06:16,508 --> 00:06:18,718
My name's Julie K‐‐
‐ Kessler. Yeah, I know.
179
00:06:18,721 --> 00:06:20,731
Another name
for the WAWA Blacklist.
180
00:06:20,725 --> 00:06:22,515
‐ Wait. You guys work on
"The Blacklist"?
181
00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:23,940
What does James Spader
smell like?
182
00:06:23,940 --> 00:06:26,280
‐ No, you bloated
Wendy's mascot.
183
00:06:26,278 --> 00:06:28,778
WAWA is Women Against
Woody Allen.
184
00:06:28,783 --> 00:06:30,373
Once the WAWA Blacklist
is published
185
00:06:30,369 --> 00:06:31,579
in the Women's History
Month issue
186
00:06:31,580 --> 00:06:33,380
of the "Hollywood Reporter,"
187
00:06:33,375 --> 00:06:36,005
you can kiss your
nonexistent career good‐bye.
188
00:06:36,006 --> 00:06:37,546
‐ Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
189
00:06:37,550 --> 00:06:39,600
How dare you assume
190
00:06:39,596 --> 00:06:42,896
I went up there to audition
for Woody Allen, of all people.
191
00:06:42,895 --> 00:06:44,605
I went in there to protest!
192
00:06:44,606 --> 00:06:46,986
Yeah, that's right.
I ripped up sides
193
00:06:46,986 --> 00:06:48,696
right in front of that
daughter‐marrying
194
00:06:48,698 --> 00:06:51,078
clarinet‐tooting clown shoe.
195
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:53,417
And then, just to make sure
he knew I was serious,
196
00:06:53,415 --> 00:06:54,785
I burned my bra.
197
00:06:54,793 --> 00:06:56,843
‐ Really?
‐ Yeah, really.
198
00:06:56,839 --> 00:06:59,799
I'm a WAWA too.
See this body I inhabit?
199
00:06:59,803 --> 00:07:02,023
It's a Trojan Horse
for justice.
200
00:07:02,016 --> 00:07:03,516
These are the scales.
201
00:07:04,813 --> 00:07:06,943
Come on.
We did boob stuff in college.
202
00:07:06,943 --> 00:07:08,323
‐ I would have remembered.
203
00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:10,490
♪ ♪
204
00:07:10,491 --> 00:07:12,201
‐ I love that this is my
second protest in one day.
205
00:07:12,203 --> 00:07:14,293
Although this one's
intentional.
206
00:07:14,290 --> 00:07:16,380
‐ Well, it was worth schlepping
out to shit‐show Staten Island
207
00:07:16,378 --> 00:07:18,798
to make our voices heard
in front of
208
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:20,590
the one building in New York
Trump actually owns.
209
00:07:20,594 --> 00:07:22,224
Isn't it weird our parents
used to go to
210
00:07:22,223 --> 00:07:24,273
protests like this
in the '60s all the time?
211
00:07:24,269 --> 00:07:26,189
‐ Please. The only thing
my mother used to
212
00:07:26,189 --> 00:07:27,859
protest in the '60s was
the notion of letting her hair
213
00:07:27,859 --> 00:07:29,699
air dry so she could
have a natural wave.
214
00:07:29,697 --> 00:07:31,617
By the way, did I tell you
she called me earlier?
215
00:07:31,616 --> 00:07:33,286
She's furious because
the federal government
216
00:07:33,287 --> 00:07:34,957
revoked her parking privilege.
217
00:07:34,957 --> 00:07:37,247
‐ Did somebody say privilege?
218
00:07:37,253 --> 00:07:38,673
Oh, look, it's you two.
219
00:07:38,672 --> 00:07:40,932
BOTH: Hi, Lola.
‐ Do the opposite
220
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:43,467
of that terrible bra you're
wearing and hold these up.
221
00:07:43,473 --> 00:07:45,523
‐ "Six Pence None the Gayer"?
222
00:07:45,519 --> 00:07:47,059
I don't get it.
Is that a joke?
223
00:07:47,064 --> 00:07:49,074
‐ It's the gay conversion
initiative.
224
00:07:49,068 --> 00:07:51,358
The government's giving
$6,000 to any gay person
225
00:07:51,364 --> 00:07:53,624
who gets converted
by a "licensed conversionist."
226
00:07:53,618 --> 00:07:56,038
‐ Wait, pence is a thousand?
I thought it was pennies!
227
00:07:56,041 --> 00:07:58,551
I should also mention I've
never read a Shakespeare play.
228
00:07:58,545 --> 00:08:01,255
Book?
Shakespeare playbook?
229
00:08:01,259 --> 00:08:03,639
Stage movie? Anyway,
I don't have a great education.
230
00:08:03,638 --> 00:08:05,938
‐ Wait, h‐hold on.
Who gets the 6,000?
231
00:08:05,935 --> 00:08:08,605
The doctor or the patient?
‐ Exactly!
232
00:08:08,607 --> 00:08:10,697
As if integrity
could ever be bought
233
00:08:10,695 --> 00:08:12,945
for such a paltry sum!
234
00:08:12,949 --> 00:08:14,949
[crowd chanting]
235
00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:17,003
‐ Conversion therapy?
236
00:08:16,999 --> 00:08:19,249
I'll take any chance
I can get
237
00:08:19,253 --> 00:08:21,723
to spend time with you
without that third red wheel.
238
00:08:21,717 --> 00:08:24,467
But I had no idea
you didn't wanna be gay!
239
00:08:24,472 --> 00:08:26,352
‐ Oh, no, no, no, Marilyn,
I do wanna be gay.
240
00:08:26,351 --> 00:08:29,071
‐ Oh, whew! 'Cause even I
couldn't convert a gay person.
241
00:08:29,065 --> 00:08:31,525
If I could, you can bet
that Circle Line Cruise
242
00:08:31,528 --> 00:08:33,868
with Anderson Cooper
would have gone a different way.
243
00:08:33,866 --> 00:08:35,486
‐ [laughs] No, no, no.
Look at this.
244
00:08:35,494 --> 00:08:37,424
It's just a new
government program.
245
00:08:37,415 --> 00:08:39,035
They send you the paperwork,
246
00:08:39,043 --> 00:08:40,713
and then you just fill out
some materials
247
00:08:40,713 --> 00:08:42,383
and then you get paid‐‐
It's all bullshit.
248
00:08:42,383 --> 00:08:44,933
‐ Oh, come on, Billy.
Conversion therapy!
249
00:08:44,930 --> 00:08:48,480
That's beyond pseudoscience!
It's harmful, and‐‐
250
00:08:48,478 --> 00:08:51,148
Wait a minute. If I become
a licensed conversionist,
251
00:08:51,151 --> 00:08:54,121
I'd be eligible
for MD parking permit again?
252
00:08:54,115 --> 00:08:56,405
‐ See? It's a win‐win.
‐ You do know
253
00:08:56,411 --> 00:08:58,961
that shrinks no longer
have MD parking privileges.
254
00:08:58,958 --> 00:09:01,168
The only way they told me
that I could get it
255
00:09:01,171 --> 00:09:03,011
is to become a member
of the clergy,
256
00:09:03,008 --> 00:09:05,758
and I had to preside
over funerals for sperms
257
00:09:05,764 --> 00:09:07,274
wasted in masturbation.
258
00:09:07,266 --> 00:09:09,396
‐ No.
‐ Can you believe that?
259
00:09:09,395 --> 00:09:12,685
I did a couple, and then
I said enough is enough.
260
00:09:12,694 --> 00:09:14,664
‐ Marilyn, what do you say?
Will you help me become
261
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:16,825
a heterosexual thousandaire?
262
00:09:16,827 --> 00:09:20,037
‐ If you help me become a
charlatan with a parking permit!
263
00:09:20,042 --> 00:09:21,962
BOTH: Fuck, yeah!
264
00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:23,472
‐ Ha ha‐‐Oh!
‐ Oh, are you okay?
265
00:09:23,465 --> 00:09:24,715
‐ Arthritis!
‐ Ha ha ha!
266
00:09:24,718 --> 00:09:28,228
♪ ♪
267
00:09:28,225 --> 00:09:31,265
‐ What's that smell?
Is that "not dinner"?
268
00:09:31,272 --> 00:09:32,862
‐ It is not dinner.
269
00:09:32,859 --> 00:09:34,529
And it will never
be dinner again.
270
00:09:34,529 --> 00:09:37,199
Put pilot...I see now
271
00:09:37,201 --> 00:09:39,501
how offensive my cooking
for you was.
272
00:09:39,497 --> 00:09:41,877
‐ I hate every minute
of this confusing conversation.
273
00:09:41,877 --> 00:09:43,757
‐ In honor
of Women's History Month,
274
00:09:43,756 --> 00:09:46,336
I'm working on a PBS
documentary about Molly Kelly.
275
00:09:46,344 --> 00:09:48,184
‐ Who?
‐ She was a feminist icon,
276
00:09:48,181 --> 00:09:51,191
and resented her husband
for infantilizing her.
277
00:09:51,187 --> 00:09:54,567
And I see now that's what
I'm doing to you by cooking.
278
00:09:54,569 --> 00:09:56,529
‐ No! Arthur, there's nothing
that helps
279
00:09:56,531 --> 00:09:58,371
the feminist cause more
280
00:09:58,368 --> 00:10:01,038
than a woman coming home
to food a man made for her.
281
00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:04,670
I should know‐‐I'm
the newest member of WAWA.
282
00:10:04,672 --> 00:10:06,432
‐ You joined Women Against
Woody Allen?
283
00:10:06,426 --> 00:10:07,926
I'm so proud of you!
284
00:10:07,929 --> 00:10:09,849
You're a Molly Kelly
in the making.
285
00:10:09,850 --> 00:10:12,060
‐ Technically, all I did
was set my tits on fire
286
00:10:12,062 --> 00:10:13,942
during an audition
I'll never get.
287
00:10:13,941 --> 00:10:15,991
But it feels good to be
on the right side of things
288
00:10:15,987 --> 00:10:18,067
for once, you know?
Fuck Woody Allen!
289
00:10:18,074 --> 00:10:21,214
‐ That's right.
[phone vibrates]
290
00:10:21,205 --> 00:10:22,665
‐ Hello?
291
00:10:22,666 --> 00:10:25,456
Really?
292
00:10:25,464 --> 00:10:28,014
Arthur, Woody Allen
just cast me in his new series.
293
00:10:29,515 --> 00:10:32,555
‐ Listen, if his last
Amazon show
294
00:10:32,561 --> 00:10:33,861
is any indication,
no one's even gonna know
295
00:10:33,856 --> 00:10:35,606
you're working with Woody Allen
296
00:10:35,609 --> 00:10:37,029
other than a handful
of masochistic TV critics.
297
00:10:37,029 --> 00:10:38,819
‐ I know.
I just don't wanna be
298
00:10:38,824 --> 00:10:41,084
on the WAWA Blacklist.
‐ Working with Woody Allen
299
00:10:41,079 --> 00:10:43,829
never hurt Kristen Stewart
or Parker Posey.
300
00:10:43,834 --> 00:10:46,554
The only woman who ever
got any blowback was Mia Farrow.
301
00:10:46,547 --> 00:10:48,427
‐ But if I work with him,
it's just gonna validate
302
00:10:48,426 --> 00:10:50,636
his terrible behavior.
And I'm not just talking about
303
00:10:50,639 --> 00:10:52,479
the misogyny
in his personal life‐‐
304
00:10:52,476 --> 00:10:54,356
I mean, have you seen
"Whatever Works"?
305
00:10:54,355 --> 00:10:56,145
‐ Yes. And its portrayal
of women
306
00:10:56,150 --> 00:10:58,110
made Mickey Rooney's
performance
307
00:10:58,113 --> 00:11:00,833
in "Breakfast at Tiffany's"
look nuanced and respectful.
308
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:03,207
‐ So what should I do?
‐ You're asking someone
309
00:11:03,206 --> 00:11:04,836
who's taking 6 grand
from Mike Pence
310
00:11:04,835 --> 00:11:06,375
to pretend I'm not gay.
311
00:11:06,379 --> 00:11:07,759
I don't know if
I'm the right person
312
00:11:07,757 --> 00:11:08,877
to be asking for
ethical advice.
313
00:11:08,884 --> 00:11:11,014
That said, maybe you can
314
00:11:11,014 --> 00:11:12,734
affect some change
from the inside.
315
00:11:12,726 --> 00:11:15,476
‐ Yes, exactly.
Fuck it! I'm gonna do it.
316
00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:16,860
‐ Good. Just make sure
you call someone
317
00:11:16,859 --> 00:11:18,359
and let them know
you want it.
318
00:11:18,361 --> 00:11:19,951
‐ Oh, no, no, no,
I already told them.
319
00:11:19,948 --> 00:11:21,868
I decided last night.
I just needed
320
00:11:21,869 --> 00:11:23,539
a "Dirk Diggler in the mirror"
style pep talk
321
00:11:23,538 --> 00:11:25,378
before I, you know,
whip out my schvantz.
322
00:11:25,375 --> 00:11:27,245
‐ Oh, Matthew!
323
00:11:27,254 --> 00:11:29,344
[exhales]
Where is my Mouse?
324
00:11:29,341 --> 00:11:31,351
‐ Oh, he went to the store
325
00:11:31,345 --> 00:11:32,845
to get some lighting equipment
for the website photo shoot.
326
00:11:32,849 --> 00:11:34,899
‐ Oh, sugar in my bowl.
327
00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:39,065
Will you give him this little
balloon mousey I made?
328
00:11:39,070 --> 00:11:42,530
‐ Sure. Julie, this is
Matthew's ex‐wife.
329
00:11:42,534 --> 00:11:44,794
‐ [laughing]
330
00:11:44,790 --> 00:11:47,170
Wait, really?
331
00:11:47,169 --> 00:11:49,049
‐ Oh, my God, doesn't this
look like a little mini‐‐
332
00:11:49,048 --> 00:11:50,798
‐ Strike Rat! Holy shit!
‐ Yes!
333
00:11:50,802 --> 00:11:52,432
‐ We should have Matthew's
weird ex‐wife
334
00:11:52,429 --> 00:11:55,269
make us one of these.
‐ Or I can make you one.
335
00:11:55,268 --> 00:11:58,268
‐ If we had our own Strike Rat,
we could go anywhere.
336
00:11:58,274 --> 00:12:00,574
'Cause everyone would
think the staff is striking,
337
00:12:00,570 --> 00:12:02,490
and then we would never
have to wait in line again.
338
00:12:02,491 --> 00:12:05,121
‐ Mrs. Matthew, how much
do you think it would cost
339
00:12:05,122 --> 00:12:07,082
to make a giant version
of one of these?
340
00:12:07,084 --> 00:12:09,214
‐ Oh, I'd do it for free...
341
00:12:09,213 --> 00:12:11,093
if y'all two help me
find Matthew
342
00:12:11,092 --> 00:12:13,222
and get him alone
so I can seduce him.
343
00:12:13,221 --> 00:12:15,021
‐ Tch, aw, Trish.
344
00:12:15,016 --> 00:12:17,856
I can only imagine
your backstory.
345
00:12:17,856 --> 00:12:20,106
♪ ♪
346
00:12:20,110 --> 00:12:22,990
Well, did you open it?
‐ And ruin the surprise?
347
00:12:22,991 --> 00:12:25,371
No. Three secret service men
showed up,
348
00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:29,000
and then I called you.
‐ Oh...my...God!
349
00:12:29,003 --> 00:12:30,673
What is in here?
350
00:12:30,672 --> 00:12:32,682
Okay, this is...
351
00:12:32,677 --> 00:12:34,637
Oh, it's a letter
for the conversionist.
352
00:12:34,638 --> 00:12:36,638
‐ That's me.
‐ Ooh!
353
00:12:36,642 --> 00:12:38,982
It's the new vice‐presidential
seal.
354
00:12:38,981 --> 00:12:41,281
Well, that's gotta be a...
hmm.
355
00:12:41,277 --> 00:12:44,237
Okay, well, if you tilt it,
it's definitely a swastika.
356
00:12:44,241 --> 00:12:46,791
So, we just won't tilt it.
‐ Absolutely.
357
00:12:46,788 --> 00:12:48,958
"Dear brave medical
professional,
358
00:12:48,959 --> 00:12:50,799
"thank you for helping
an American
359
00:12:50,796 --> 00:12:54,216
take a step toward becoming
a regular person."
360
00:12:55,723 --> 00:12:58,353
‐ What? "Regular"? Oh, no, no,
don't worry about me.
361
00:12:58,353 --> 00:13:01,073
I'm not offended at all.
‐ No, I was just wondering
362
00:13:01,067 --> 00:13:03,107
if maybe I should record
books on tape.
363
00:13:03,112 --> 00:13:07,292
My voice seems to have
such a commanding quality.
364
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:10,337
‐ Ooh! It's a porn mag with
identical twins on the cover!
365
00:13:10,335 --> 00:13:13,085
God, is there anything hotter
than incest?
366
00:13:13,091 --> 00:13:15,971
What else is in here?
Oh, a hacky sack and...
367
00:13:15,972 --> 00:13:18,562
barbecue tongs.
Boy, someone really put
368
00:13:18,559 --> 00:13:20,269
a lot of thought into this.
‐ And look.
369
00:13:20,272 --> 00:13:23,242
All three "Hangover" movies
on DVD.
370
00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:25,776
‐ God. Oh!
371
00:13:25,783 --> 00:13:27,083
Coors?
372
00:13:27,077 --> 00:13:29,327
‐ Dare we?
373
00:13:29,331 --> 00:13:31,801
[bluesy music]
374
00:13:31,795 --> 00:13:33,715
‐ So I read your new novel.
375
00:13:33,716 --> 00:13:35,466
‐ So, I read your new novel.
376
00:13:35,468 --> 00:13:37,928
‐ So I read
your new novel.
377
00:13:39,226 --> 00:13:41,106
‐ Wai‐‐I'm sorry,
that can't be right.
378
00:13:41,105 --> 00:13:43,065
How can we all have
the same line?
379
00:13:43,067 --> 00:13:44,487
‐ That's what it says
in the script.
380
00:13:44,486 --> 00:13:46,196
‐ How can you tell?
381
00:13:46,198 --> 00:13:49,618
He writes in longhand
on these...Post‐it notes.
382
00:13:49,621 --> 00:13:52,591
‐ Maybe it means we all
read the line at the same time?
383
00:13:52,586 --> 00:13:54,506
‐ Is Woody here to help us?
Woody?
384
00:13:54,506 --> 00:13:57,176
‐ Nope. He heads home
2:00 p. m. every day
385
00:13:57,179 --> 00:14:00,139
for a salted
cottage cheese dinner.
386
00:14:02,105 --> 00:14:04,525
‐ So back to one or...
387
00:14:04,526 --> 00:14:06,356
‐ Okay, you're all set,
all right?
388
00:14:06,363 --> 00:14:08,033
There this is what's called
389
00:14:08,034 --> 00:14:11,504
a DIY electroshock
therapy kit.
390
00:14:11,499 --> 00:14:14,209
Okay, you look at
all these hot guys,
391
00:14:14,213 --> 00:14:16,433
and then I give you
a tiny shock.
392
00:14:16,425 --> 00:14:19,515
‐ Here's a shock: I've
definitely slept with this guy,
393
00:14:19,515 --> 00:14:21,765
and he wasn't tiny!
394
00:14:21,770 --> 00:14:23,770
[both laughing]
395
00:14:23,774 --> 00:14:26,454
‐ I cannot understand what the
big deal about all this is.
396
00:14:26,445 --> 00:14:28,905
I dabbled in lesbianism
in college.
397
00:14:28,909 --> 00:14:30,749
‐ You did?!
‐ Yeah. Well, truth be told,
398
00:14:30,746 --> 00:14:33,456
three dates in I realized
Dutch was a lady.
399
00:14:33,459 --> 00:14:35,419
And then I thought,
"She's here, I'm here.
400
00:14:35,421 --> 00:14:37,431
Might as well
do some boob stuff."
401
00:14:37,425 --> 00:14:39,845
‐ So how was it?
‐ Eh. It was like "Les Mis."
402
00:14:39,848 --> 00:14:41,848
You know, a lotta people
like it, but for me
403
00:14:41,852 --> 00:14:43,862
it was too long,
too confusing,
404
00:14:43,856 --> 00:14:45,986
and too much drama
for what you take away.
405
00:14:45,985 --> 00:14:48,315
‐ Marilyn, are you gonna
buzz my nips, or what?
406
00:14:48,322 --> 00:14:50,082
‐ Okay, so‐‐
Wait a second.
407
00:14:50,076 --> 00:14:53,076
Wait. There are more
volts here than I thought.
408
00:14:53,082 --> 00:14:55,552
Oh, sweetheart, no, no.
Take those off.
409
00:14:55,545 --> 00:14:57,415
Come on.
This stopped being funny.
410
00:14:57,424 --> 00:14:59,094
‐ You're right.
411
00:14:59,094 --> 00:15:01,104
Aaaahhh!
412
00:15:01,098 --> 00:15:02,888
‐ Aw!
‐ That hurt.
413
00:15:02,894 --> 00:15:04,564
Aw.
‐ You're right.
414
00:15:04,563 --> 00:15:06,073
We'll just throw it all away
and tell them
415
00:15:06,066 --> 00:15:07,736
that we did what they
wanted us to do.
416
00:15:07,737 --> 00:15:09,317
‐ Absolutely!
417
00:15:09,323 --> 00:15:11,453
Would you mind
if I kept "Hangover 3"?
418
00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:13,252
I saw the first two,
and I just wanna know
419
00:15:13,247 --> 00:15:15,077
how it turns out
for the gang.
420
00:15:16,922 --> 00:15:20,762
‐ Wow. Trish really outdid
herself with this Strike Rat.
421
00:15:20,763 --> 00:15:23,273
I feel like we should have
insisted on paying her.
422
00:15:23,267 --> 00:15:25,647
‐ I know. But then I told her
that Matthew was all alone
423
00:15:25,647 --> 00:15:28,237
at the cafe tonight, and she
refused to take any money.
424
00:15:28,236 --> 00:15:30,946
She is one thirsty bitch.
‐ All right, Strikey.
425
00:15:30,950 --> 00:15:32,790
Time to shame these suckers
426
00:15:32,787 --> 00:15:34,827
into not crossing
our fake picket line,
427
00:15:34,832 --> 00:15:37,342
and we can go watch David Blaine
blow his brains out.
428
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:40,007
‐ "Museum Workers 267."
You gave it a name!
429
00:15:40,009 --> 00:15:42,009
‐ Yeah.
‐ I like that!
430
00:15:42,013 --> 00:15:44,773
‐ Thank you. I named it after
my latest cholesterol count.
431
00:15:44,769 --> 00:15:46,269
‐ Where should we go
to eat after this?
432
00:15:46,272 --> 00:15:48,402
‐ Somewhere impossible
to get into.
433
00:15:48,401 --> 00:15:50,411
But not too late.
I have a big day tomorrow.
434
00:15:50,405 --> 00:15:52,405
After I work on the new
Woody Allen Show,
435
00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:55,079
WAWA is honoring me for refusing
to work on a Woody Allen show.
436
00:15:55,081 --> 00:15:57,501
‐ Okay, that's huge.
Not only did you manage
437
00:15:57,502 --> 00:16:00,012
to avoid the Blacklist, but now
you're the toast of the town.
438
00:16:00,008 --> 00:16:01,428
‐ I know!
Let's celebrate
439
00:16:01,427 --> 00:16:03,217
by cutting lines
all over the city!
440
00:16:03,222 --> 00:16:05,482
Disperse! Disperse!
441
00:16:05,476 --> 00:16:07,146
‐ Disperse.
‐ The power of Strikey
442
00:16:07,147 --> 00:16:09,817
compels you to disperse!
‐ Very unfair!
443
00:16:09,819 --> 00:16:11,359
‐ Get out of this
David Blaine exhibit.
444
00:16:11,363 --> 00:16:14,293
‐ David Blaine!
‐ This is a bad idea
445
00:16:14,286 --> 00:16:16,706
for you to not...go away.
446
00:16:17,752 --> 00:16:19,632
[cheerful music]
447
00:16:19,629 --> 00:16:20,969
Well, he's dead.
448
00:16:20,966 --> 00:16:22,386
‐ Yeah. It was all right.
449
00:16:22,385 --> 00:16:24,675
‐ Yeah. What do you wanna
do now?
450
00:16:24,682 --> 00:16:27,652
‐ Do you wanna eat something?
‐ Or, um, "Hamilton"?
451
00:16:27,645 --> 00:16:29,725
‐ Oh! With the rat.
‐ Yeah, yeah.
452
00:16:29,734 --> 00:16:32,494
WOMEN: ♪ It's a good thing,
good thing ♪
453
00:16:32,489 --> 00:16:34,199
♪ That you're my friend ♪
454
00:16:34,201 --> 00:16:36,661
♪ ♪
455
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,713
♪ It's a good thing,
good thing ♪
456
00:16:39,712 --> 00:16:41,762
♪ That you're my friend ♪
457
00:16:41,758 --> 00:16:45,008
♪ ♪
458
00:16:45,014 --> 00:16:48,654
♪ Something's turning ♪
459
00:16:48,646 --> 00:16:52,396
♪ Now I'm learning ♪
460
00:16:52,404 --> 00:16:55,414
♪ Who's a friend to ♪
461
00:16:55,410 --> 00:16:59,460
♪ Me ♪
462
00:16:59,459 --> 00:17:03,549
♪ ♪
463
00:17:04,804 --> 00:17:06,184
‐ Yaaas!
464
00:17:06,181 --> 00:17:08,141
There you are, little omelet.
465
00:17:08,144 --> 00:17:11,234
[chuckles] I never
have to eat you
466
00:17:11,233 --> 00:17:13,153
Because I've captured you.
467
00:17:13,154 --> 00:17:15,834
I win, food.
468
00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:17,956
I...win!
469
00:17:17,955 --> 00:17:19,955
[door clatters]
‐ Matthew.
470
00:17:19,959 --> 00:17:21,839
‐ Hello, Trish.
471
00:17:21,838 --> 00:17:24,128
Just coming from church?
472
00:17:24,134 --> 00:17:27,144
‐ Actually, I was...
on my way home
473
00:17:27,140 --> 00:17:30,150
after a long day
of twistin' balloons
474
00:17:30,146 --> 00:17:31,976
into different shapes
475
00:17:31,983 --> 00:17:35,873
and then sittin' on them
until they...exploded
476
00:17:35,866 --> 00:17:40,076
under the pressure
of my seated behind.
477
00:17:40,082 --> 00:17:42,712
You remember our weddin' night?
478
00:17:42,713 --> 00:17:45,763
‐ You had a helluva nerve
wearing white.
479
00:17:45,761 --> 00:17:47,431
‐ And so did you.
480
00:17:47,430 --> 00:17:49,060
[bright classical music]
481
00:17:49,059 --> 00:17:50,599
‐ Oh!
482
00:17:52,858 --> 00:17:54,068
Oh! Oh!
483
00:17:54,069 --> 00:17:57,909
♪ ♪
484
00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:02,500
[Matthew exclaiming]
485
00:18:02,502 --> 00:18:08,852
♪ ♪
486
00:18:08,849 --> 00:18:11,809
Oh...oh...oh...oh!
487
00:18:11,813 --> 00:18:16,993
♪ ♪
488
00:18:16,990 --> 00:18:18,490
‐ Rrrr! Rrrraah!
489
00:18:18,492 --> 00:18:20,582
Rrraah!
490
00:18:20,580 --> 00:18:27,090
♪ ♪
491
00:18:28,847 --> 00:18:32,477
[dramatic musical flourish]
492
00:18:32,478 --> 00:18:36,318
[objects clattering]
493
00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:39,080
[old‐time bluesy music]
494
00:18:39,075 --> 00:18:41,785
‐ Oh, Max,
every time I see you,
495
00:18:41,789 --> 00:18:44,249
I feel like I just smoked
a bunch of grass.
496
00:18:44,252 --> 00:18:48,052
‐ Drugs! Great...
she's talking about drugs.
497
00:18:48,052 --> 00:18:50,432
‐ I'm a mental imbecile,
but you...
498
00:18:50,431 --> 00:18:52,901
you're vibrating
on a sexual energy.
499
00:18:52,895 --> 00:18:55,015
I must be your muse.
500
00:18:55,024 --> 00:18:57,954
[bluesy music continues]
501
00:18:57,947 --> 00:19:02,867
♪ ♪
502
00:19:02,873 --> 00:19:04,423
Is someone gonna yell,
"Cut"?
503
00:19:04,417 --> 00:19:07,127
‐ Aw, shit!
Woody fell asleep again.
504
00:19:07,131 --> 00:19:09,551
Come on, everybody.
Start lookin' for him.
505
00:19:09,552 --> 00:19:11,772
‐ Seriously?
‐ Yes! He's a napper
506
00:19:11,766 --> 00:19:13,726
and a hider.
I mean, it's frustrating
507
00:19:13,728 --> 00:19:15,358
when he does both.
508
00:19:15,356 --> 00:19:17,566
All right, everyone
split up and search.
509
00:19:17,568 --> 00:19:19,698
You know, when we were
shooting "Midnight in Paris,"
510
00:19:19,699 --> 00:19:21,329
he fell asleep in a lake.
511
00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:22,786
So we gotta make sure
we're lookin' for
512
00:19:22,788 --> 00:19:24,538
bodies of water, okay?
513
00:19:24,541 --> 00:19:26,341
Large and small!
514
00:19:26,336 --> 00:19:29,376
All right, and let's not
forget to use the call:
515
00:19:29,384 --> 00:19:31,604
[shrilly]
Wha‐whaaaa!
516
00:19:31,596 --> 00:19:34,726
Wha‐whaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
517
00:19:34,729 --> 00:19:38,279
Woodyyyyyyyyyyy‐oh!
518
00:19:38,277 --> 00:19:41,657
Woodyyyyyyyyy‐oh!
519
00:19:41,658 --> 00:19:43,998
Let's hear it back!
520
00:19:43,997 --> 00:19:46,327
‐ Wha‐wha‐wha‐Woody!
‐ Whaaaa...
521
00:19:46,334 --> 00:19:48,884
‐ Woody?
[crew shrilling in background]
522
00:19:48,882 --> 00:19:51,342
Woody!
[crew whooping]
523
00:19:51,344 --> 00:19:53,394
‐ I found a fishing hat
and some Knicks tickets‐‐
524
00:19:53,390 --> 00:19:54,890
he can't be far!
525
00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:57,404
Woody?
‐ Woody!
526
00:19:57,398 --> 00:20:00,528
‐ Wah‐wah‐Woody!
‐ Woody?
527
00:20:00,529 --> 00:20:02,449
‐ Hello, Newman.
528
00:20:02,450 --> 00:20:05,160
‐ Oh, fuck!
529
00:20:06,625 --> 00:20:10,045
‐ Hey, guys!
I've been waiting all morning!
530
00:20:10,049 --> 00:20:11,259
You finally showed up
for the WAWA protest.
531
00:20:11,259 --> 00:20:12,679
Woman! Again!
532
00:20:12,679 --> 00:20:14,679
‐ You came in costume?
533
00:20:14,683 --> 00:20:16,943
‐ No. This isn't a costume.
534
00:20:16,938 --> 00:20:20,108
I work at speakeasies
and supper clubs...
535
00:20:20,111 --> 00:20:22,281
doing my burlesque act.
536
00:20:22,281 --> 00:20:24,871
‐ Really? I'm a huge
burlesque fan.
537
00:20:24,870 --> 00:20:27,580
I've never seen you.
Do something from your act.
538
00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:32,679
‐ Well...
♪ I'm a hoochie‐coochie‐coo ♪
539
00:20:32,678 --> 00:20:34,888
♪ And a hotty toddy too ♪
540
00:20:34,890 --> 00:20:36,520
♪ And the town never knew ♪
541
00:20:36,518 --> 00:20:38,558
♪ Such a hullaballoo ♪
542
00:20:38,564 --> 00:20:40,364
[softly] Cha!
543
00:20:41,153 --> 00:20:42,823
‐ Oh, that's right.
544
00:20:42,823 --> 00:20:44,203
I have seen you before.
545
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:47,420
‐ Hey. Hey, actress.
546
00:20:47,415 --> 00:20:50,545
Hey, actress
in a Woody Allen series.
547
00:20:50,546 --> 00:20:53,046
We found him. He fell asleep
inside a matchbox.
548
00:20:53,051 --> 00:20:56,181
We need you on set
so we can wrap this scene up.
549
00:20:57,226 --> 00:20:59,766
‐ Okay, fine!
I'm in this thing.
550
00:20:59,773 --> 00:21:01,863
If it's any consolation,
it's fucking horrible.
551
00:21:01,861 --> 00:21:04,911
‐ They're all fucking horrible
since "Crimes and Misdemeanors."
552
00:21:04,909 --> 00:21:06,949
‐ I know, but I need
this big break
553
00:21:06,954 --> 00:21:09,174
more than you guys need me
to hold one of your signs.
554
00:21:09,167 --> 00:21:11,417
Look, as soon as I make it,
I'll give back to the cause.
555
00:21:11,421 --> 00:21:12,881
I really am a feminist!
556
00:21:12,883 --> 00:21:14,723
‐ The hell you are.
557
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,390
Welcome to the Blacklist.
558
00:21:16,389 --> 00:21:18,269
We're gonna print your name
in a font
559
00:21:18,268 --> 00:21:21,068
that is five points bigger
than Scarlett Johansson's.
560
00:21:21,066 --> 00:21:23,446
‐ Ooh!
‐ Women!
561
00:21:23,445 --> 00:21:26,735
‐ Uh, hey, actress,
I got some bad news.
562
00:21:26,744 --> 00:21:29,124
We're shuttin' down.
‐ Wait‐‐what?
563
00:21:29,123 --> 00:21:30,753
‐ Turns out
Manhattan Mini Storage
564
00:21:30,752 --> 00:21:32,802
is the name of a business,
565
00:21:32,798 --> 00:21:35,388
Woody doesn't want to go to
the effort to pick a new title.
566
00:21:35,386 --> 00:21:38,056
So...that's a wrap!
567
00:21:38,058 --> 00:21:39,688
[background chatter]
568
00:21:39,687 --> 00:21:41,357
[thud]
569
00:21:44,070 --> 00:21:46,570
‐ Welcome home, Act Break.
570
00:21:46,574 --> 00:21:48,374
How was shooting?
‐ The worst.
571
00:21:48,370 --> 00:21:50,790
Woody shut down production
after WAWA found out
572
00:21:50,792 --> 00:21:52,962
that I lied.
‐ Sounds like somebody
573
00:21:52,963 --> 00:21:54,723
just earned some
chicken fingers.
574
00:21:54,717 --> 00:21:57,217
‐ Ah! Thank God!
You're cooking again.
575
00:21:57,221 --> 00:21:59,941
I'm sorry I'll never be
like Molly Kelly.
576
00:21:59,935 --> 00:22:02,105
‐ It turns out
that's a wonderful thing.
577
00:22:02,106 --> 00:22:04,236
PBS researchers just learned
578
00:22:04,235 --> 00:22:06,565
the reason Molly Kelly
wanted to cook for herself
579
00:22:06,573 --> 00:22:08,953
was because she was
eating her children.
580
00:22:08,953 --> 00:22:10,833
She didn't want her husband
poking around the kitchen.
581
00:22:10,832 --> 00:22:13,002
‐ No bueno!
‐ Yeah, so we're pulling
582
00:22:13,003 --> 00:22:15,553
the Molly docuseries.
PBS will celebrate
583
00:22:15,549 --> 00:22:17,299
Women's History Month
by rebroadcasting
584
00:22:17,303 --> 00:22:18,603
Peri Gilpin's American
Masters episode
585
00:22:18,597 --> 00:22:20,427
for...yet another year.
586
00:22:20,434 --> 00:22:23,484
‐ Roz from "Frasier," I raise
a finger to your legacy.
587
00:22:23,482 --> 00:22:25,492
These are all for me, right?
588
00:22:27,100 --> 00:22:29,660
MAN: Next!
‐ A‐12.
589
00:22:29,660 --> 00:22:31,250
‐ Driver's license,
boat registration,
590
00:22:31,247 --> 00:22:33,337
or no longer gay?
‐ No longer gay.
591
00:22:33,335 --> 00:22:34,665
‐ And I fixed him,
so I'm gonna need
592
00:22:34,670 --> 00:22:36,510
a new MD parking permit.
593
00:22:36,508 --> 00:22:38,428
‐ You're no longer gay.
594
00:22:38,428 --> 00:22:40,428
‐ That's right.
Serve me up some hot wings,
595
00:22:40,432 --> 00:22:42,852
fire up "Better Call Saul"
and please ask me how I feel
596
00:22:42,854 --> 00:22:44,404
about women
who don't wear makeup.
597
00:22:44,399 --> 00:22:45,989
I have an opinion whether
they're beautiful
598
00:22:45,985 --> 00:22:47,775
with or without it.
599
00:22:47,781 --> 00:22:49,911
‐ Yep. Checks out.
Here's your parking permit.
600
00:22:49,910 --> 00:22:51,410
And these are your
straight bucks.
601
00:22:51,413 --> 00:22:53,383
‐ Straight bucks?
‐ To make sure
602
00:22:53,375 --> 00:22:54,995
you'll spend your money
like a straight guy.
603
00:22:55,003 --> 00:22:57,343
‐ A Tommy Bahama gift card?
604
00:22:57,341 --> 00:23:00,351
How am I gonna spend
6 grand at Tommy fucking Bahama?
605
00:23:00,347 --> 00:23:02,517
‐ These are my new MD plates?
606
00:23:02,518 --> 00:23:05,358
"I'm an MD, I cure gays,
and I believe in Jesus."
607
00:23:05,357 --> 00:23:07,947
Those anti‐Semitic fucks!
‐ You can't put that
608
00:23:07,946 --> 00:23:09,696
on your car.
‐ Of course I'm not gonna
609
00:23:09,700 --> 00:23:11,950
put it on my car,
are you kidding?
610
00:23:11,954 --> 00:23:13,424
‐ Trish!
611
00:23:13,415 --> 00:23:14,575
‐ Hi...
612
00:23:14,584 --> 00:23:16,254
‐ What are you doing here?
613
00:23:16,254 --> 00:23:18,804
‐ Boat permit.
614
00:23:18,801 --> 00:23:21,011
‐ Trish.
615
00:23:21,014 --> 00:23:22,774
You did come here
to seduce Matthew
616
00:23:22,767 --> 00:23:24,687
for Six Pence None the Gayer,
didn't you?
617
00:23:24,688 --> 00:23:27,438
‐ Yes, I was at first.
But...
618
00:23:27,443 --> 00:23:30,533
Then I got in too deep.
619
00:23:30,532 --> 00:23:32,792
That's what he said!
620
00:23:32,787 --> 00:23:35,327
[sobbing]
621
00:23:35,334 --> 00:23:37,884
[rapid music]
622
00:23:37,881 --> 00:23:40,051
‐ Three hours
at fucking Tommy Bahama.
623
00:23:40,052 --> 00:23:41,852
Finally I just
bought this shirt
624
00:23:41,847 --> 00:23:44,017
just so the salesman
would leave me alone.
625
00:23:44,018 --> 00:23:46,478
‐ And I compromised integrity
I don't have
626
00:23:46,481 --> 00:23:48,111
to be on a show
that'll never air.
627
00:23:48,109 --> 00:23:49,989
Plus, I'm still on
the WAWA Blacklist.
628
00:23:49,988 --> 00:23:52,538
‐ That's totally fucked up.
We did the wrong thing,
629
00:23:52,535 --> 00:23:53,695
and we still got nothing.
630
00:23:53,704 --> 00:23:55,334
‐ Maybe it's time
631
00:23:55,332 --> 00:23:57,422
to stop trying to cheat
the system.
632
00:23:57,419 --> 00:23:58,839
‐ Yeah. At a certain age,
cutting the line
633
00:23:58,839 --> 00:24:00,759
just becomes a nasty look.
634
00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:03,520
Let's discuss this further
over some Cajun Poke Balls.
635
00:24:03,515 --> 00:24:05,225
‐ All right.
636
00:24:05,227 --> 00:24:07,817
[crowd noise]
637
00:24:07,816 --> 00:24:10,486
‐ Hey, assholes!
638
00:24:10,487 --> 00:24:12,487
Why are you here
with another rat?
639
00:24:12,491 --> 00:24:15,621
Are you striking against the
strikers, you sons of bitches?
640
00:24:15,622 --> 00:24:17,842
Hey, look, the scabs
have a scab rat.
641
00:24:17,836 --> 00:24:19,796
‐ No, we are not.
642
00:24:20,842 --> 00:24:22,972
We're balloon fetishists.
‐ Yeah.
643
00:24:22,971 --> 00:24:24,771
We're balloon fetishists.
644
00:24:24,766 --> 00:24:27,266
We are sexually stimulated
by popping balloons.
645
00:24:27,271 --> 00:24:29,861
‐ In public.
‐ In front of unions.
646
00:24:29,860 --> 00:24:33,070
‐ Who we thought...had
resolved this situation already.
647
00:24:33,074 --> 00:24:35,254
‐ Yeah.
‐ Then prove it.
648
00:24:35,245 --> 00:24:39,125
Pop your Strike Rat
in front of us.
649
00:24:39,128 --> 00:24:42,258
‐ Well, she can't because...
I'm gonna come.
650
00:24:42,259 --> 00:24:43,969
‐ Me, too.
‐ We're both gonna come.
651
00:24:43,971 --> 00:24:45,851
We're gonna come
right on the street,
652
00:24:45,850 --> 00:24:47,230
and no one wants to
see that.
653
00:24:47,227 --> 00:24:49,067
‐ I don't care.
654
00:24:49,065 --> 00:24:51,985
Pop. That. Rat.
655
00:24:51,987 --> 00:24:54,577
CROWD: Pop. That. Rat.
656
00:24:54,575 --> 00:24:56,195
Pop that rat!
657
00:24:56,204 --> 00:24:59,384
Pop that rat!
‐ I'm sorry, Strikey.
658
00:24:59,377 --> 00:25:00,707
‐ Pop that rat!
659
00:25:00,713 --> 00:25:02,093
[pop]
660
00:25:02,091 --> 00:25:05,061
[punk music]
661
00:25:05,055 --> 00:25:12,065
♪ ♪