1
00:00:02,651 --> 00:00:03,951
‐ Finally, somewhere we can
charge our phones
2
00:00:03,945 --> 00:00:05,355
without having to buy anything.
3
00:00:05,364 --> 00:00:07,914
‐ I know. Thank God.
Literally!
4
00:00:07,911 --> 00:00:11,211
The problem is, if my mom calls
when my phone is dead,
5
00:00:11,209 --> 00:00:13,379
she gets mad she can't reach me
and it activates
6
00:00:13,380 --> 00:00:14,680
the guilt sequence.
7
00:00:14,675 --> 00:00:16,135
‐ Well, she may be the trigger,
8
00:00:16,135 --> 00:00:17,675
but you're the one omitting
those...
9
00:00:17,681 --> 00:00:20,191
Wait. What's the opposite
of endorphins?
10
00:00:20,185 --> 00:00:22,105
‐ Judaism.
11
00:00:22,106 --> 00:00:24,566
She just keeps calling me to ask
me to do stupid things,
12
00:00:24,570 --> 00:00:26,490
and I feel guilty, so I say yes,
13
00:00:26,489 --> 00:00:28,289
and then I feel like shit,
14
00:00:28,285 --> 00:00:29,285
and then we start the whole
thing from the top.
15
00:00:29,287 --> 00:00:31,207
A‐5, 6, 7, 8.
16
00:00:31,207 --> 00:00:32,997
‐ You know, there is not a
single fucking outlet here.
17
00:00:33,003 --> 00:00:34,513
‐ I know!
18
00:00:34,505 --> 00:00:36,175
What is this place
even good for?
19
00:00:37,052 --> 00:00:39,142
‐ Does anybody work here?
20
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:43,020
[driving punk rock music]
21
00:00:43,023 --> 00:00:45,903
‐ Finally an electrical outlet.
22
00:00:45,903 --> 00:00:48,583
Make room for Mommy.
23
00:00:48,576 --> 00:00:50,116
‐ Uh, hey.
24
00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:52,710
‐ Oh, shit.
‐ Oh, sorry. So sorry.
25
00:00:52,709 --> 00:00:54,299
‐ Thank you.
26
00:00:54,295 --> 00:00:57,295
Hi.
Um, Vanessa. I'm an alcoholic.
27
00:00:57,301 --> 00:01:00,641
‐ Is this sitcomy?
‐ Not if we're respectful.
28
00:01:00,641 --> 00:01:02,391
‐ I repeat behaviors
that hurt me,
29
00:01:02,394 --> 00:01:05,654
and then I feel really bad
about myself.
30
00:01:05,651 --> 00:01:08,111
‐ That sounds just like me
and my mom.
31
00:01:08,114 --> 00:01:09,994
Oh, shit, Billy.
I'm at 1%.
32
00:01:09,993 --> 00:01:11,913
This is gonna take forever
to charge.
33
00:01:11,914 --> 00:01:13,834
Let's stay for the meeting.
34
00:01:13,834 --> 00:01:15,634
ALL: Keep coming back.
35
00:01:15,630 --> 00:01:19,430
It works if you work it,
so work it; you're worth it.
36
00:01:19,428 --> 00:01:21,388
‐ Thank you very much.
Thanks, everybody.
37
00:01:21,391 --> 00:01:23,651
[applause]
Thank you.
38
00:01:23,646 --> 00:01:25,316
‐ Clapping?
Why are they clapping?
39
00:01:25,315 --> 00:01:27,185
That guy over there was barely
phoning it in.
40
00:01:27,194 --> 00:01:29,574
‐ Hi.
I'm Vanessa. Welcome.
41
00:01:29,574 --> 00:01:30,624
‐ Hi.
‐ I'm a hugger.
42
00:01:30,618 --> 00:01:31,698
‐ Oh.
‐ Hello.
43
00:01:31,704 --> 00:01:32,834
‐ I'm Julie. I'm not.
44
00:01:32,831 --> 00:01:34,381
‐ Oh, okay.
Hi‐‐
45
00:01:34,375 --> 00:01:35,955
‐ I just sanitized my hands.
‐ Okay.
46
00:01:35,962 --> 00:01:37,592
Is this your first time
in a meeting?
47
00:01:37,590 --> 00:01:39,550
‐ Yeah.
‐ Yeah.
48
00:01:39,553 --> 00:01:41,143
‐ I have to say, what you were
yammering on about earlier
49
00:01:41,139 --> 00:01:43,559
really resonated with me.
50
00:01:43,561 --> 00:01:45,061
‐ Listen, if you ever need
anybody to talk to,
51
00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:46,693
please, don't hesitate
to call me.
52
00:01:46,692 --> 00:01:48,992
‐ Oh, I'm into dudes.
53
00:01:48,988 --> 00:01:51,238
‐ I wasn't coming on to you.
Just sobriety.
54
00:01:51,242 --> 00:01:53,122
‐ Oh. Okay.
‐ Okay?
55
00:01:53,121 --> 00:01:55,211
Thanks a lot.
And good luck.
56
00:01:55,208 --> 00:01:56,918
‐ Oh, I don't need good luck.
‐ Hmm?
57
00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:59,380
‐ 'Cause I have a boyfriend.
‐ Oh, he's gay.
58
00:01:59,383 --> 00:02:01,433
‐ No, no, no.
He's not my boyfriend.
59
00:02:01,429 --> 00:02:03,519
My boyfriend's
way more feminine.
60
00:02:03,516 --> 00:02:05,606
[rock music]
61
00:02:05,605 --> 00:02:08,185
Mom, what's going on?
I'm on a deadline.
62
00:02:08,193 --> 00:02:11,073
Netflix just dropped 1,700
episodes of "The Ranch"
63
00:02:11,073 --> 00:02:12,913
on their poor subscribers
overnight.
64
00:02:12,911 --> 00:02:14,751
‐ Julie, I believe that
my dentist
65
00:02:14,748 --> 00:02:19,418
is trimming my bangs
while I'm asleep in his chair.
66
00:02:19,423 --> 00:02:22,103
‐ Mom, no.
‐ Julie, yes.
67
00:02:22,095 --> 00:02:25,645
I had a hunch, so I scheduled
a superfluous teeth whitening.
68
00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:26,975
And look at these selfies.
69
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,780
These are before and after.
70
00:02:28,776 --> 00:02:30,566
This is the before.
71
00:02:30,571 --> 00:02:32,621
And this is the after.
72
00:02:32,617 --> 00:02:34,157
No, wait.
That's a mistake.
73
00:02:34,161 --> 00:02:37,131
That's right.
This is the befo‐‐
74
00:02:37,125 --> 00:02:38,495
‐ Oh, my God,
what's wrong with me?
75
00:02:38,503 --> 00:02:40,133
Why do I keep coming back
for this?
76
00:02:40,131 --> 00:02:42,301
‐ Julie, somebody could be
collecting my DNA
77
00:02:42,302 --> 00:02:45,312
or they could be making a wig
from my bangs very slowly.
78
00:02:45,308 --> 00:02:47,058
After all I do for you,
79
00:02:47,062 --> 00:02:49,992
you can't give me ten minutes
of your life.
80
00:02:49,985 --> 00:02:52,735
‐ Okay, fine. I'm sorry.
81
00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:55,830
Besides, staring at your hair
is still more interesting
82
00:02:55,830 --> 00:02:57,750
than watching Ashton Kutcher
and Sam Elliott
83
00:02:57,750 --> 00:03:00,170
clash worldviews in front
of a live studio audience.
84
00:03:00,171 --> 00:03:02,591
I think the one on the right
your bangs look shorter.
85
00:03:02,594 --> 00:03:04,474
‐ I knew it!
That's the one.
86
00:03:04,471 --> 00:03:06,481
What a creep he is.
87
00:03:06,475 --> 00:03:08,395
Oh, Julie, while you're here,
88
00:03:08,396 --> 00:03:10,476
I need you to partially clog
the drain in my bathtub
89
00:03:10,483 --> 00:03:13,453
so that when I take a shower,
my feet stay warm.
90
00:03:14,701 --> 00:03:16,121
‐ Arthur, close the door.
I have sort of an awkward
91
00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:17,830
subject to discuss.
92
00:03:17,832 --> 00:03:19,752
‐ Gabby, you've told me about
your favorite
93
00:03:19,753 --> 00:03:21,093
American Girl doll's
hysterectomy
94
00:03:21,088 --> 00:03:23,048
at length yesterday.
95
00:03:23,051 --> 00:03:24,351
And I maintain there are no
wrong decisions around it.
96
00:03:24,345 --> 00:03:25,965
‐ Right, well, between you, me,
97
00:03:25,973 --> 00:03:27,143
and my American Girl doll's
uterus,
98
00:03:27,142 --> 00:03:28,482
we have a problem
99
00:03:28,478 --> 00:03:29,978
with Lester from sales.
100
00:03:29,981 --> 00:03:31,691
‐ Why?
He's been here 30 years.
101
00:03:31,693 --> 00:03:34,453
‐ He can't learn our
new computers.
102
00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:37,788
Look, maybe you could, um,
coach him.
103
00:03:37,789 --> 00:03:39,829
‐ I could certainly try.
104
00:03:39,834 --> 00:03:41,714
‐ Thanks. I really don't want to
have to let Lester go.
105
00:03:41,713 --> 00:03:43,683
The world is cruel enough.
106
00:03:43,676 --> 00:03:46,676
Thank God Bitty Baby
can't have children.
107
00:03:46,682 --> 00:03:48,142
‐ [grunts]
108
00:03:48,142 --> 00:03:49,312
[moans]
109
00:03:52,359 --> 00:03:53,949
You didn't finish.
110
00:03:53,946 --> 00:03:57,236
‐ Oh, I got it.
‐ No, no, no, no. Let me.
111
00:03:57,244 --> 00:03:58,964
‐ It'll just be faster
if I do it.
112
00:03:58,956 --> 00:04:00,036
Then we can walk the dogs
and come home in time
113
00:04:00,041 --> 00:04:01,291
to watch Samantha Bee.
114
00:04:01,293 --> 00:04:02,963
‐ As erotic a scenario
115
00:04:02,964 --> 00:04:05,054
as you've just painted
with your word pictures,
116
00:04:05,051 --> 00:04:07,561
I miss when we started going out
and I would get you off myself.
117
00:04:07,557 --> 00:04:10,977
‐ Okay.
We'll take the long way home.
118
00:04:10,980 --> 00:04:13,990
[game show theme music]
119
00:04:13,986 --> 00:04:16,906
♪ ♪
120
00:04:16,908 --> 00:04:18,698
[sighs]
121
00:04:18,704 --> 00:04:22,844
♪ ♪
122
00:04:22,837 --> 00:04:24,757
‐ I know how to do this.
Why isn't it working?
123
00:04:24,758 --> 00:04:26,598
‐ I don't know, but I think
we should cut our losses
124
00:04:26,595 --> 00:04:28,635
before any chaffing happens.
125
00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:30,640
‐ I feel terrible.
‐ Don't feel terrible.
126
00:04:30,644 --> 00:04:32,574
Millions of women go to bed
every night
127
00:04:32,565 --> 00:04:33,975
without having an orgasm.
128
00:04:33,984 --> 00:04:35,784
All their husbands
voted for Trump.
129
00:04:35,780 --> 00:04:37,280
At least you care.
130
00:04:39,369 --> 00:04:40,619
Let's change the subject.
131
00:04:40,623 --> 00:04:42,043
This is what I did today.
132
00:04:42,042 --> 00:04:43,962
I went to my first
AA meeting.
133
00:04:43,962 --> 00:04:45,422
But it was just to charge
my phone.
134
00:04:45,423 --> 00:04:47,053
Anyway, long story short,
135
00:04:47,052 --> 00:04:48,602
I'm addicted to my mother.
136
00:04:48,597 --> 00:04:52,807
[phone buzzing]
137
00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:54,864
‐ Hello?
138
00:04:54,859 --> 00:04:56,819
‐ Billy. It's Rucchel,
your sister‐in‐law.
139
00:04:56,822 --> 00:04:58,992
‐ Thanks for narrowing down
all the Rucchels in my life.
140
00:04:58,992 --> 00:05:01,672
It's 6:00 a. m.
Why are you calling me?
141
00:05:01,665 --> 00:05:04,335
‐ There were noises in the house
all night and I don't feel safe.
142
00:05:04,336 --> 00:05:06,716
Garry is still in Israel,
so it's just me and the girls.
143
00:05:06,716 --> 00:05:08,136
Please come!
144
00:05:08,136 --> 00:05:10,426
‐ Hi, Rucchel.
Why am I here?
145
00:05:10,431 --> 00:05:13,021
What do you want from me, and
how long is it going to take?
146
00:05:13,020 --> 00:05:15,360
‐ The answer to all your
questions is shut the fuck up.
147
00:05:15,358 --> 00:05:17,528
Where do you have to be,
a loser convention?
148
00:05:17,530 --> 00:05:19,370
‐ Okay.
So, what's happening?
149
00:05:19,366 --> 00:05:21,246
There are noises in the house?
150
00:05:21,245 --> 00:05:23,535
‐ I'm sure it's the new
neighbors across the street.
151
00:05:23,542 --> 00:05:26,302
They're the first gentiles
ever to live on Feldshuh Lane,
152
00:05:26,297 --> 00:05:27,927
and I think they're trying
to mess with us.
153
00:05:27,925 --> 00:05:29,675
‐ By doing what, exactly?
154
00:05:29,679 --> 00:05:31,309
‐ They come in at night,
move things around,
155
00:05:31,307 --> 00:05:32,937
don't take anything,
and then leave.
156
00:05:32,935 --> 00:05:35,015
It's called "creepy crawling."
157
00:05:35,023 --> 00:05:37,443
‐ I'm going home.
‐ No, you're not.
158
00:05:37,444 --> 00:05:39,744
You're gonna back me up
while I scream at those goyim
159
00:05:39,741 --> 00:05:41,581
until they go back to
Marblehead.
160
00:05:41,578 --> 00:05:42,828
They could have guns.
161
00:05:42,830 --> 00:05:44,540
Or Polo mallets.
162
00:05:44,542 --> 00:05:46,302
‐ Uncle Billy, please don't let
her do anything.
163
00:05:46,295 --> 00:05:47,665
She's going
to embarrass us.
164
00:05:47,673 --> 00:05:50,513
‐ Shut the fuck up, Tal!
I am not.
165
00:05:51,848 --> 00:05:53,808
Hey, you Christmas celebrators!
166
00:05:53,810 --> 00:05:56,690
Stop creeping crawling, and get
out of our neighborhood!
167
00:05:56,691 --> 00:05:58,651
‐ Sorry!
Don't mind her!
168
00:05:58,654 --> 00:06:02,124
No, you know, Jews,
we're the same as you.
169
00:06:02,118 --> 00:06:04,248
‐ No.
We've suffered a lot more.
170
00:06:04,248 --> 00:06:06,748
‐ No!
We've all suffered!
171
00:06:06,753 --> 00:06:09,383
‐ Shut up, Billy.
Get back in the house.
172
00:06:09,383 --> 00:06:12,393
[rock music]
173
00:06:12,389 --> 00:06:15,229
‐ So Rucchel is the first Jew
these neighbors have ever met?
174
00:06:15,228 --> 00:06:17,068
She's not a great ambassador.
175
00:06:17,065 --> 00:06:19,485
‐ Julie, I had to run across
the street and apologize
176
00:06:19,486 --> 00:06:23,116
to these poor Presbyterians
from Eureka Springs, Arkansas.
177
00:06:23,119 --> 00:06:25,329
‐ That can't be a real place.
‐ Yes.
178
00:06:25,331 --> 00:06:26,461
Do you think Eureka Springs
is named after the first girl
179
00:06:26,458 --> 00:06:28,378
who ever squirted?
180
00:06:28,379 --> 00:06:30,379
‐ Clumsy transition,
but topic adjacent...
181
00:06:30,383 --> 00:06:32,813
‐ Okay.
‐ Arthur is no longer okay
182
00:06:32,805 --> 00:06:34,925
with the conclusion
of our sexual routine.
183
00:06:34,934 --> 00:06:37,364
‐ He can't cum?
‐ He can't make me cum.
184
00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:38,855
But I can make me cum,
which is fine.
185
00:06:38,859 --> 00:06:40,649
The point is,
everybody's cuming!
186
00:06:40,654 --> 00:06:41,874
‐ Sounds like an episode of
"Californication."
187
00:06:41,865 --> 00:06:43,695
What's the problem?
188
00:06:43,702 --> 00:06:44,952
‐ He's taking it personally
and he's become obsessed
189
00:06:44,954 --> 00:06:46,584
with doing it for me.
190
00:06:46,583 --> 00:06:49,213
It's well‐intentioned
but exhausting.
191
00:06:49,212 --> 00:06:50,922
‐ Like Tim Robbins.
192
00:06:50,924 --> 00:06:52,854
But I don't get it.
Why is it so complicated?
193
00:06:52,845 --> 00:06:54,595
‐ It's not, and I hate
when people say
194
00:06:54,599 --> 00:06:56,389
that giving a woman an orgasm
is complicated.
195
00:06:56,393 --> 00:06:58,193
It's not a circuit board.
196
00:06:58,189 --> 00:06:59,689
It's a series
of mechanical actions
197
00:06:59,692 --> 00:07:01,282
that you learn and repeat.
198
00:07:01,278 --> 00:07:04,698
The problem is,
I think my code changed.
199
00:07:04,702 --> 00:07:06,712
‐ But I thought you said
it's not a circuit board.
200
00:07:06,706 --> 00:07:08,916
‐ It's not; it's more like
a combination lock
201
00:07:08,919 --> 00:07:10,129
or a PlayStation controller.
202
00:07:10,129 --> 00:07:11,719
It's a sure thing.
203
00:07:11,716 --> 00:07:14,136
Up, up, down, down,
left, left, right,
204
00:07:14,137 --> 00:07:17,767
up, down, long diagonal,
long stroke, punch, game over.
205
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,270
‐ Punch?
‐ Punch.
206
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,942
‐ Mazel tov.
207
00:07:20,943 --> 00:07:22,823
Well, I don't get it.
So what's different now?
208
00:07:22,822 --> 00:07:24,372
‐ After three failed attempts
at breaking the new code,
209
00:07:24,366 --> 00:07:26,786
I think my vagina
locked Arthur out.
210
00:07:26,788 --> 00:07:29,998
‐ Oh, no. Your pussy got
a stronger password.
211
00:07:30,002 --> 00:07:31,802
‐ [laughs] Are we talking about
code changes?
212
00:07:31,798 --> 00:07:33,758
Mine changes every day.
213
00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:36,470
Sometimes it's four strokes
and a yank,
214
00:07:36,473 --> 00:07:39,403
sometimes just a couple of toes
up my asshole.
215
00:07:39,396 --> 00:07:42,276
Oh, God, the male organ
is a complicated wonderland.
216
00:07:42,277 --> 00:07:44,237
‐ Did I just overhear
a conversation about your dull,
217
00:07:44,239 --> 00:07:46,659
hetero/homonormative sex lives?
218
00:07:46,661 --> 00:07:49,671
‐ Yes, Lola Falana!
Drag them!
219
00:07:49,667 --> 00:07:51,547
Oh!
220
00:07:51,546 --> 00:07:53,836
‐ Your experience isn't worth a
hill of flickable beans.
221
00:07:53,842 --> 00:07:56,222
If you had half a brain
in that red Bozo wig,
222
00:07:56,221 --> 00:07:58,811
you would know there are
a million ways to cum.
223
00:07:58,810 --> 00:08:00,770
You're only using ten percent
of your pussy.
224
00:08:00,772 --> 00:08:03,822
Call me when you're ready
to be "Limitless."
225
00:08:03,820 --> 00:08:05,700
‐ Oh, hi, Mama D.
226
00:08:05,699 --> 00:08:07,449
You look cute. You all dressed
up for Nate's return
227
00:08:07,452 --> 00:08:09,542
from Rock and Roll Fantasy Camp?
228
00:08:09,540 --> 00:08:12,840
‐ Yes, and now that he got that
silly little rock and roll phase
229
00:08:12,838 --> 00:08:15,588
out of his system,
we can put it behind us.
230
00:08:15,594 --> 00:08:19,564
[bluesy guitar riff]
231
00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:22,230
Oh, God, no.
232
00:08:22,232 --> 00:08:23,902
‐ Red Band Trailer,
I'm working late.
233
00:08:23,902 --> 00:08:26,452
I have to save an old man
from becoming redundant.
234
00:08:26,448 --> 00:08:28,408
JULIE: Arthur,
you're not redundant.
235
00:08:28,410 --> 00:08:30,920
Orgasms are just faster and
easier if I do them myself.
236
00:08:30,916 --> 00:08:32,166
‐ That isn't what I was
talking about,
237
00:08:32,168 --> 00:08:33,548
but thank you for reinforcing
238
00:08:33,546 --> 00:08:35,416
my sexual failure
on my work phone.
239
00:08:35,424 --> 00:08:37,354
‐ Oh, shit, I gotta go.
My mom's on the other line.
240
00:08:37,345 --> 00:08:39,135
Can I call you back?
I've gotten, like, seven texts
241
00:08:39,140 --> 00:08:41,310
from her that say "Emergency."
242
00:08:41,311 --> 00:08:43,571
‐ Emergency, Julie. Emergency.
243
00:08:43,566 --> 00:08:45,356
I need you here right now.
244
00:08:45,361 --> 00:08:47,741
I'm at Saks, and everything
my personal shopper
245
00:08:47,741 --> 00:08:50,331
picked out for me
is way too boxy.
246
00:08:50,329 --> 00:08:51,959
Is she trying to sabotage me?
247
00:08:51,958 --> 00:08:53,668
Does she think I'm ten years
older than I am?
248
00:08:53,670 --> 00:08:55,050
‐ You know what, Mom,
I'll call you right back.
249
00:08:55,047 --> 00:08:56,047
‐ Julie?
250
00:08:58,597 --> 00:09:00,097
‐ Hey, uh, Vanessa?
251
00:09:00,099 --> 00:09:02,349
This is Julie
from the AA meeting.
252
00:09:02,353 --> 00:09:04,073
Listen, I need your help.
253
00:09:04,065 --> 00:09:06,985
The bottle is calling.
254
00:09:06,988 --> 00:09:08,698
♪ ♪
255
00:09:08,700 --> 00:09:10,540
‐ Rucchel, you have to stop
calling me.
256
00:09:10,537 --> 00:09:14,207
‐ Oh, I'm sorry my terror
is inconveniencing you,
257
00:09:14,210 --> 00:09:16,130
you selfish son of a bitch.
258
00:09:16,131 --> 00:09:18,181
It's a good thing your parents
are already dead,
259
00:09:18,177 --> 00:09:19,717
because if they saw how you
treat your only sister‐in‐law,
260
00:09:19,722 --> 00:09:21,482
it would fucking kill them.
261
00:09:21,475 --> 00:09:23,645
‐ Oh, please, Rucchel.
My parents hated you.
262
00:09:23,647 --> 00:09:25,267
You know that.
They were just happy
263
00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:27,074
that Garry could lose
his virginity.
264
00:09:27,070 --> 00:09:28,700
‐ Exactly.
265
00:09:28,698 --> 00:09:30,988
I took one for the team;
now it's your turn.
266
00:09:30,994 --> 00:09:33,044
Go check the basement.
267
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:34,880
What if it's not
creepy crawlers?
268
00:09:34,877 --> 00:09:37,797
For all I know, there could be
a dybbuk down there.
269
00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:40,010
‐ Oh, really, Rucchel?
A dybbuk?
270
00:09:40,012 --> 00:09:43,062
A Yiddish demon is haunting
your water heater?
271
00:09:43,060 --> 00:09:45,400
[clanging]
‐ [gasps]
272
00:09:45,398 --> 00:09:48,068
‐ Okay, I heard that.
273
00:09:48,070 --> 00:09:49,070
Uh...
274
00:09:51,076 --> 00:09:52,196
Stay here.
275
00:09:54,249 --> 00:09:57,259
[ominous music]
276
00:09:57,255 --> 00:10:04,265
♪ ♪
277
00:10:08,653 --> 00:10:09,703
[screams]
278
00:10:09,697 --> 00:10:10,907
Garry!
279
00:10:10,907 --> 00:10:13,197
‐ Billy?
Thank God.
280
00:10:13,203 --> 00:10:15,333
The Israeli Army
doesn't want me,
281
00:10:15,332 --> 00:10:18,462
so I've been hiding out
under here.
282
00:10:18,464 --> 00:10:22,104
Could you please get me
crackers and some clean socks?
283
00:10:24,977 --> 00:10:27,107
‐ Garry, what the fuck
is wrong with you?
284
00:10:27,106 --> 00:10:28,316
What did you do to get yourself
kicked out of the Israeli Army?
285
00:10:28,317 --> 00:10:30,147
‐ No, I didn't get kicked out.
286
00:10:30,154 --> 00:10:32,374
I‐‐I never even made it past
the Tel Aviv airport.
287
00:10:32,366 --> 00:10:34,576
I got there and they took
my vitals;
288
00:10:34,580 --> 00:10:36,880
they said my Dramamine levels
were too high
289
00:10:36,876 --> 00:10:38,376
and then they just sent me
home.
290
00:10:38,378 --> 00:10:40,258
I begged them to let it
wear off,
291
00:10:40,257 --> 00:10:43,677
but they just threw some
oranges at me.
292
00:10:43,681 --> 00:10:45,481
‐ What the hell is going on
down there?
293
00:10:45,476 --> 00:10:47,936
‐ Oh, nothing, Rucchel!
Stay up there!
294
00:10:47,940 --> 00:10:49,570
Garry, this is so‐‐
‐ I know, I know.
295
00:10:49,568 --> 00:10:51,818
It's pathetic and stupid.
I know, I know.
296
00:10:51,823 --> 00:10:54,243
I just feel so ashamed
with Rucchel and the girls,
297
00:10:54,244 --> 00:10:55,664
so I've just been hiding out
down here
298
00:10:55,664 --> 00:10:57,844
and just sneaking up at night.
299
00:10:57,835 --> 00:10:59,705
‐ You're living down here?
300
00:10:59,713 --> 00:11:01,683
This is like "Room" if that
abuser had kept kosher.
301
00:11:01,676 --> 00:11:03,506
What the fuck is wrong with you?
302
00:11:03,512 --> 00:11:05,432
How long have you been living
on fucking crackers
303
00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:06,852
and basement air?
304
00:11:06,853 --> 00:11:08,363
‐ Oh, I don't know.
I mean...
305
00:11:08,355 --> 00:11:11,565
I think a couple of days.
A month.
306
00:11:11,571 --> 00:11:13,371
‐ What?
307
00:11:13,365 --> 00:11:14,535
‐ Here's the thing,
I'm scheduled to come home soon,
308
00:11:14,535 --> 00:11:16,365
so if I could pull it off,
309
00:11:16,371 --> 00:11:18,081
I have, you know, one of those
really great, like,
310
00:11:18,083 --> 00:11:19,553
heroes welcomes.
311
00:11:19,545 --> 00:11:20,955
You ever see those
YouTube videos
312
00:11:20,964 --> 00:11:22,804
of soldiers coming home
313
00:11:22,801 --> 00:11:24,721
and those dogs don't even
consider biting them?
314
00:11:24,722 --> 00:11:26,142
I want that with Rucchel.
315
00:11:26,141 --> 00:11:27,731
‐ What the fuck is wrong
with you?
316
00:11:27,728 --> 00:11:28,768
Living down here,
running around the dark
317
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:30,321
with your little lantern
318
00:11:30,316 --> 00:11:31,936
like you're fucking
Ichabod Crane.
319
00:11:31,944 --> 00:11:33,204
Your wife thinks that your house
320
00:11:33,196 --> 00:11:35,576
is haunted by a dybbuk, okay?
321
00:11:35,577 --> 00:11:37,657
I'm not gonna be part of this.
322
00:11:37,664 --> 00:11:39,174
‐ I understand.
You don't wanna help.
323
00:11:39,167 --> 00:11:41,757
And I wouldn't either.
324
00:11:41,756 --> 00:11:44,506
I'll just continue
living under the stairs.
325
00:11:50,189 --> 00:11:53,199
[door creaks]
326
00:11:53,195 --> 00:11:54,615
‐ God damn it, Garry.
327
00:11:54,615 --> 00:11:58,285
Rucchel.
You've got a dybbuk.
328
00:11:58,288 --> 00:12:00,128
[rock music]
329
00:12:00,125 --> 00:12:02,205
So now I have to stage
an exorcism
330
00:12:02,213 --> 00:12:04,303
so that Garry can pretend to
come home from the Israeli Army
331
00:12:04,300 --> 00:12:06,350
in time for Rucchel to believe
that her home is dybbuk‐free.
332
00:12:06,346 --> 00:12:08,386
‐ Perfect. Meanwhile,
333
00:12:08,392 --> 00:12:11,482
Arthur is holding me hostage to
an orgasm of his own making.
334
00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:13,701
He asked me to block out
three hours tonight.
335
00:12:13,695 --> 00:12:15,195
‐ There's nothing hotter than
reserving the amount of time
336
00:12:15,197 --> 00:12:16,907
it would take to watch
"The Hobbit"
337
00:12:16,909 --> 00:12:18,909
for your lover to insist on
pleasuring you.
338
00:12:18,913 --> 00:12:20,583
‐ I know; I feel like I'm about
to be subjected
339
00:12:20,583 --> 00:12:22,463
to some kind of clitoral
fracking.
340
00:12:22,461 --> 00:12:24,841
NATE: Hey, hey, hey.
How's it going, New York City?
341
00:12:24,842 --> 00:12:26,512
We are Order's Up.
342
00:12:26,511 --> 00:12:28,431
We're all over 40,
we all own restaurants,
343
00:12:28,432 --> 00:12:31,402
and we met at Rock N' Roll
Fantasy Camp.
344
00:12:31,396 --> 00:12:34,276
This is an extremely slow
version of "Surfin' Bird."
345
00:12:34,277 --> 00:12:35,947
One, two, three.
346
00:12:35,947 --> 00:12:39,157
♪ Well, everybody's heard
about the bird ♪
347
00:12:39,162 --> 00:12:41,212
‐ Jesus Christ.
348
00:12:41,207 --> 00:12:42,997
We've only been parents
for six months
349
00:12:43,003 --> 00:12:45,263
and he's already going through
a mid‐life crisis.
350
00:12:45,257 --> 00:12:47,087
‐ ♪ Bird, bird, bird ♪
351
00:12:47,094 --> 00:12:48,184
Hey, hold on, guys.
I'm a little bit out of tune.
352
00:12:48,180 --> 00:12:49,770
Hold on.
♪ Bird ♪
353
00:12:49,767 --> 00:12:52,897
[guitars tuning]
♪ Bird, bird, bird ♪
354
00:12:52,898 --> 00:12:55,188
‐ This is some straight‐up
Tim Allen shit.
355
00:12:55,194 --> 00:12:57,784
‐ "How to Exorcise a Dybbuk."
356
00:12:57,783 --> 00:13:00,413
‐ The unloved spinoff to
"How To Train Your Dragon."
357
00:13:00,412 --> 00:13:02,832
‐ Step 1. Assemble a Minyan.
358
00:13:02,834 --> 00:13:04,554
‐ Like those little yellow
idiots?
359
00:13:04,546 --> 00:13:06,716
‐ Billy, if you make one more
goddamn quip,
360
00:13:06,717 --> 00:13:09,097
I will punch you so hard, your
stubble will fall to the floor
361
00:13:09,097 --> 00:13:10,347
like you're in a fucking
cartoon.
362
00:13:10,349 --> 00:13:12,099
‐ Note taken.
363
00:13:12,103 --> 00:13:14,573
‐ A minyan is a prayer group
of ten Jewish Men
364
00:13:14,566 --> 00:13:16,606
who have all been
Bar‐Mitzvah'ed.
365
00:13:16,612 --> 00:13:18,912
‐ Well, this neighborhood
is notably Jewladen.
366
00:13:18,908 --> 00:13:20,578
I mean, we could just knock on
doors and ask.
367
00:13:20,578 --> 00:13:22,408
‐ Are you out of your mind?
368
00:13:22,414 --> 00:13:24,044
I don't want my neighbors to
know I have a dybbuk.
369
00:13:24,043 --> 00:13:25,593
‐ Whenever I need a guy on
short notice,
370
00:13:25,588 --> 00:13:28,048
I just use RentB‐‐
I mean, Tinder.
371
00:13:28,051 --> 00:13:29,561
‐ That's it!
372
00:13:29,555 --> 00:13:31,765
We'll recruit our Minyan
from J‐Swipe!
373
00:13:31,767 --> 00:13:33,557
‐ Isn't J‐Swipe how you teach
girls to wipe?
374
00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:36,323
Front to back in the shape
of an upper case J?
375
00:13:36,317 --> 00:13:38,567
‐ Why do you know that?
376
00:13:38,573 --> 00:13:40,413
No.
J‐Swipe is Jewish Tinder.
377
00:13:40,409 --> 00:13:42,499
‐ There's Jewish Tinder?
‐ Yes.
378
00:13:42,496 --> 00:13:44,246
‐ [groans]
‐ We'll create a fake profile
379
00:13:44,250 --> 00:13:45,880
for the ultimate Jewish girl.
380
00:13:45,879 --> 00:13:47,839
‐ Yes! I like that.
381
00:13:47,841 --> 00:13:50,051
Image search "Brandeis."
382
00:13:51,389 --> 00:13:55,189
Yes, those photos are from the
Jewish A Capella championships.
383
00:13:55,188 --> 00:13:57,688
‐ The Jew‐Wops.
‐ Hello, gorgeous.
384
00:13:57,694 --> 00:13:58,914
Bye bye, Dybbuk.
385
00:13:58,905 --> 00:14:00,775
‐ What should we say?
386
00:14:00,783 --> 00:14:02,123
[funky music]
387
00:14:02,119 --> 00:14:04,289
"My breasts are as heavy
and dense
388
00:14:04,290 --> 00:14:08,170
"as two garbage bags
full of marbles,
389
00:14:08,173 --> 00:14:12,973
and I have the flattest, widest
ass you've ever seen."
390
00:14:12,974 --> 00:14:15,234
"‐ When I'm not drinking
iced tea
391
00:14:15,228 --> 00:14:17,438
"in an air‐conditioned
restaurant,
392
00:14:17,441 --> 00:14:19,911
"I'm praying to Hashem
393
00:14:19,905 --> 00:14:24,035
"to send me a man who will
share with me his opinions
394
00:14:24,038 --> 00:14:29,338
on everything from
Bob Dylan to Philip Roth."
395
00:14:29,340 --> 00:14:30,510
‐ Ooh.
396
00:14:30,509 --> 00:14:34,479
[Arthur panting]
397
00:14:34,475 --> 00:14:36,185
‐ That was
"The Braille Wishbone."
398
00:14:36,187 --> 00:14:38,607
♪ ♪
399
00:14:38,609 --> 00:14:43,159
[grunting]
400
00:14:43,159 --> 00:14:44,829
"The Morse Code Noose"
combined with
401
00:14:44,830 --> 00:14:46,080
"Reach for the rest of
the peanut butter
402
00:14:46,082 --> 00:14:47,332
under the life of the jar."
403
00:14:47,334 --> 00:14:51,384
♪ ♪
404
00:14:51,384 --> 00:14:53,184
Oh, really?
405
00:14:53,179 --> 00:14:56,189
No luck with "The Double‐Handed
Vulcan Salute"?
406
00:14:56,185 --> 00:14:58,145
Okay.
Drumroll please.
407
00:14:58,148 --> 00:15:00,358
"The Other Becky From
'Roseanne.'"
408
00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:01,360
Ah!
409
00:15:03,450 --> 00:15:06,920
‐ I've got some
disappointing news.
410
00:15:06,915 --> 00:15:10,375
My entire doll collection
committed suicide last night.
411
00:15:10,380 --> 00:15:12,090
‐ I'm sorry for your loss.
412
00:15:12,092 --> 00:15:14,852
‐ And since you started working
with Lester,
413
00:15:14,848 --> 00:15:17,808
he's actually started forgetting
things
414
00:15:17,812 --> 00:15:19,522
he used to know how to do.
415
00:15:19,524 --> 00:15:21,154
So, I'm sorry, Arthur,
416
00:15:21,152 --> 00:15:22,402
but it's time to let Lester go.
417
00:15:22,404 --> 00:15:25,044
He's just completely useless.
418
00:15:25,035 --> 00:15:27,285
‐ Or maybe...
419
00:15:27,289 --> 00:15:29,169
the problem isn't Lester.
420
00:15:29,168 --> 00:15:30,958
Maybe the software has changed!
421
00:15:30,963 --> 00:15:33,013
Give him one more chance!
422
00:15:33,009 --> 00:15:35,809
‐ Not the right time, Arthur!
423
00:15:35,807 --> 00:15:39,357
Call me when you've found
45 dolls in an oven.
424
00:15:41,317 --> 00:15:43,107
‐ Uh, God damn it, Lester.
425
00:15:43,113 --> 00:15:44,623
I don't need to watch you
fumble around
426
00:15:44,616 --> 00:15:46,486
like Ronald Reagan in...
either term.
427
00:15:46,494 --> 00:15:48,164
Okay, click on the file.
428
00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:49,294
Click on the folder.
429
00:15:49,291 --> 00:15:50,751
Okay? Try it.
430
00:15:50,753 --> 00:15:53,263
Folder, fi‐‐
no, stop!
431
00:15:53,258 --> 00:15:55,468
Just easier if I do it myself.
432
00:15:55,470 --> 00:15:57,270
‐ Hey J‐Swipers.
433
00:15:57,266 --> 00:15:58,806
Debbie, the Jewish girl
that you matched with,
434
00:15:58,811 --> 00:16:00,151
she'll be down in a second.
435
00:16:00,147 --> 00:16:01,937
‐ She's just diffusing her hair.
436
00:16:01,942 --> 00:16:03,782
‐ I know how long
diffusing takes.
437
00:16:03,779 --> 00:16:05,489
Curly hair is a whole
thing if you don't want frizz.
438
00:16:05,490 --> 00:16:07,330
‐ My sisters, they spend forever
in the morning.
439
00:16:07,327 --> 00:16:08,407
‐ But I'm telling you, I've
known her since camp,
440
00:16:08,413 --> 00:16:10,133
and she's worth the wait.
441
00:16:10,125 --> 00:16:11,705
‐ Oh, camp‐‐that was the
happiest I was ever at.
442
00:16:11,712 --> 00:16:12,962
‐ All my friends come from
summer camp.
443
00:16:12,964 --> 00:16:14,974
‐ I can't wait to meet her.
444
00:16:14,968 --> 00:16:16,508
You know, Jordan and I used to
do a Capella at Camp Ramah.
445
00:16:16,512 --> 00:16:17,562
‐ Nobody cares.
Save it for Debbie.
446
00:16:17,557 --> 00:16:19,057
She loves that shit.
447
00:16:19,059 --> 00:16:20,689
‐ Really?
I formed a Doo Wop Group
448
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:22,478
with my friends from
Project Birthright.
449
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,282
‐ My Bar Mitzvah theme was
a three‐part harmony.
450
00:16:24,278 --> 00:16:25,738
‐ I started a Barbershop Quartet
on the train here.
451
00:16:25,740 --> 00:16:28,120
‐ Was Lou Reed
the last cool Jew?
452
00:16:28,119 --> 00:16:30,289
‐ I am so glad
that you reached out.
453
00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:32,670
The first step of sobriety
can be scary.
454
00:16:32,670 --> 00:16:34,590
‐ Yeah, I can see how it can be.
455
00:16:34,591 --> 00:16:36,641
Excuse me?
Can I please see the wine list?
456
00:16:36,637 --> 00:16:38,007
‐ Julie.
‐ Fine.
457
00:16:38,014 --> 00:16:39,894
Four desserts.
And surprise me.
458
00:16:39,893 --> 00:16:42,023
‐ Julie, you were a wreck when
you called me from Saks.
459
00:16:42,022 --> 00:16:45,402
I mean, you've got to get a
handle on these addictions.
460
00:16:45,403 --> 00:16:47,413
‐ I love this sponsor thing.
461
00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:49,327
It's like having a friend
who never talks about herself.
462
00:16:49,328 --> 00:16:51,328
‐ [laughing]
‐ A cheese plate doesn't count.
463
00:16:51,332 --> 00:16:53,002
I'm gonna need a fifth.
464
00:16:53,002 --> 00:16:55,722
Oh, no, no, leave it, please.
Thank you.
465
00:16:55,716 --> 00:16:57,926
‐ Nancy Reagan was
an AIDS‐ignoring monster.
466
00:16:57,929 --> 00:16:59,469
‐ Tell me something
I don't know.
467
00:16:59,473 --> 00:17:02,153
‐ However, next time the bottle
calls...
468
00:17:02,145 --> 00:17:05,185
‐ I'll just say no.
‐ There you go. Atta girl.
469
00:17:05,193 --> 00:17:06,743
[phone buzzes]
470
00:17:06,738 --> 00:17:08,778
‐ Oh, speak of the devil.
‐ Hmm?
471
00:17:08,784 --> 00:17:10,414
‐ It's the bottle calling.
472
00:17:10,412 --> 00:17:12,462
My old drinking buddy.
473
00:17:12,457 --> 00:17:13,497
‐ You know what to do.
474
00:17:13,501 --> 00:17:15,051
I am right here for you.
475
00:17:15,046 --> 00:17:16,626
‐ Okay.
476
00:17:16,633 --> 00:17:19,353
[phone continues buzzing]
Hi.
477
00:17:19,346 --> 00:17:20,806
‐ Julie, I need you to replace
478
00:17:20,808 --> 00:17:21,888
these energy‐efficient
lightbulbs
479
00:17:21,893 --> 00:17:23,403
with energy‐wasting ones.
480
00:17:23,396 --> 00:17:26,646
This economy lighting
is aging me.
481
00:17:26,653 --> 00:17:28,413
‐ No.
482
00:17:28,406 --> 00:17:31,116
‐ Excuse me?
JULIE: I said no.
483
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:33,670
I can't do it.
Good‐bye.
484
00:17:33,667 --> 00:17:36,377
‐ What?
485
00:17:36,380 --> 00:17:38,220
I'm sorry.
486
00:17:38,217 --> 00:17:39,967
Well, if I look sick,
it's because of the call
487
00:17:39,971 --> 00:17:41,311
I just had with my daughter,
488
00:17:41,307 --> 00:17:43,267
or this bullshit
Al Gore lighting.
489
00:17:43,269 --> 00:17:45,569
Anyway, catch me up.
490
00:17:45,566 --> 00:17:48,396
‐ Thanks for the meditation app
recommendation.
491
00:17:48,404 --> 00:17:52,374
Danny Aiello wasn't exactly
the guide...
492
00:17:52,371 --> 00:17:55,251
‐ Is it hot in here?
493
00:17:55,251 --> 00:17:57,341
Are you hot?
494
00:17:57,339 --> 00:17:59,009
Uh.
495
00:17:59,009 --> 00:18:00,179
‐ How good does that feel?
496
00:18:00,178 --> 00:18:01,718
What were we so afraid of?
497
00:18:01,723 --> 00:18:03,483
‐ I don't know!
I mean, I said no.
498
00:18:03,476 --> 00:18:05,226
Big deal; what's the worst thing
that could happen?
499
00:18:05,230 --> 00:18:07,360
[phone buzzes]
500
00:18:07,359 --> 00:18:08,819
[groans]
501
00:18:08,821 --> 00:18:11,491
Yeah?
‐ I‐‐I just called 911.
502
00:18:11,492 --> 00:18:13,452
‐ Ow!
‐ I think your mom
503
00:18:13,454 --> 00:18:15,084
is having a heart attack.
504
00:18:15,083 --> 00:18:17,713
‐ Ow!
505
00:18:17,714 --> 00:18:19,554
‐ You okay?
‐ Yeah, I think I just learned
506
00:18:19,551 --> 00:18:20,801
what the worst thing
that could happen is.
507
00:18:23,934 --> 00:18:25,404
‐ Mom!
508
00:18:25,395 --> 00:18:26,895
‐ How did you get past
the nurse?
509
00:18:26,898 --> 00:18:28,528
‐ How could you tell her
not to let me in?
510
00:18:28,527 --> 00:18:31,117
‐ How did you give me
a heart attack?
511
00:18:31,115 --> 00:18:33,825
‐ I did not intend to give you
a heart attack.
512
00:18:33,829 --> 00:18:35,619
I was just trying to set
some boundaries.
513
00:18:35,624 --> 00:18:38,804
‐ Please. That's "Julie" for
you doing what you like,
514
00:18:38,797 --> 00:18:41,967
when you like it,
with no regard for what I need.
515
00:18:41,970 --> 00:18:43,680
‐ All I do is regard your needs.
516
00:18:43,682 --> 00:18:45,852
It's making me unhealthy.
517
00:18:45,853 --> 00:18:47,573
‐ That's rich, Julie.
518
00:18:47,565 --> 00:18:48,775
You're complaining about you
being unhealthy
519
00:18:48,776 --> 00:18:50,446
when I'm in a hospital bed?
520
00:18:50,445 --> 00:18:52,945
‐ All I did was tell you
I couldn't come over
521
00:18:52,950 --> 00:18:53,990
and change all of your
lightbulbs
522
00:18:53,994 --> 00:18:55,124
within an hour's notice.
523
00:18:55,121 --> 00:18:56,581
‐ Was it worth it, Julie?
524
00:18:56,583 --> 00:18:58,253
Was it worth it?
525
00:18:58,252 --> 00:19:00,012
‐ Stop blaming me for this!
526
00:19:00,006 --> 00:19:01,716
MAN: Can you please
keep it down?
527
00:19:01,718 --> 00:19:03,678
BOTH: Shut up, asshole!
528
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:05,390
‐ Before you meet Debbie,
529
00:19:05,391 --> 00:19:08,521
let's say a traditional blessing
for first dates.
530
00:19:08,524 --> 00:19:11,454
And...
five, six, seven, eight.
531
00:19:11,445 --> 00:19:14,785
ALL: ♪ Dybbuk, dybbuk, dybbuk,
get out of town ♪
532
00:19:14,786 --> 00:19:16,786
RUCCHEL: Good!
533
00:19:16,790 --> 00:19:20,170
ALL: ♪ Dybbuk, Dybbuk, Dybbuk,
don't come back around ♪
534
00:19:20,171 --> 00:19:22,091
‐ And counter‐clockwise.
535
00:19:22,092 --> 00:19:25,222
BOTH: ♪ Gey avek, dyvuk ♪
536
00:19:25,223 --> 00:19:26,943
‐ Put some feeling into it!
537
00:19:26,935 --> 00:19:28,305
Billy, get in there.
538
00:19:28,312 --> 00:19:30,112
‐ No.
‐ Get in there, Billy!
539
00:19:30,108 --> 00:19:33,568
Get in there. It won't work
unless ten of you do it.
540
00:19:33,574 --> 00:19:36,084
BOTH:
♪ Un ikh darf az du zolst gey ♪
541
00:19:36,078 --> 00:19:39,418
‐ [indistinct Yiddish] dybuk,
di ale!
542
00:19:39,418 --> 00:19:44,088
Gey avek un kum nisht tsurik!
543
00:19:44,094 --> 00:19:47,024
We don't need you here, dybbuk.
544
00:19:47,017 --> 00:19:49,147
Oh, no, not I.
545
00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:53,816
[ululating]
546
00:19:55,491 --> 00:19:57,411
[ululating]
547
00:19:57,412 --> 00:19:59,252
Rid thee, demons!
548
00:19:59,249 --> 00:20:00,789
Flee from this home!
549
00:20:00,794 --> 00:20:02,384
Flee from this home!
550
00:20:02,380 --> 00:20:07,060
[ululating]
551
00:20:07,057 --> 00:20:09,687
‐ Oh, my God!
Chrissy, Lexington.
552
00:20:09,687 --> 00:20:11,517
How are you?
Thank you for coming.
553
00:20:11,524 --> 00:20:15,324
A margarine casserole?
That is so sweet of you.
554
00:20:15,323 --> 00:20:17,793
‐ [ululating]
555
00:20:17,787 --> 00:20:20,457
‐ Don't worry about that.
‐ [ululating]
556
00:20:20,458 --> 00:20:22,628
‐ We're just Jews.
We're just like you.
557
00:20:22,630 --> 00:20:23,970
We're not weird.
558
00:20:23,966 --> 00:20:27,306
‐ Daddy's home!
559
00:20:27,305 --> 00:20:29,265
‐ Garry!
560
00:20:29,267 --> 00:20:31,267
‐ Ask me about Israel.
561
00:20:31,271 --> 00:20:34,151
Ask me about Israel!
562
00:20:34,152 --> 00:20:35,612
♪ ♪
563
00:20:35,614 --> 00:20:37,624
‐ Get me out of here, Julie.
564
00:20:37,618 --> 00:20:41,248
Who knows what they'd do
to my bangs if I nodded off.
565
00:20:41,250 --> 00:20:42,710
‐ Here, let me.
566
00:20:45,341 --> 00:20:47,891
‐ Don't forget my eyebrows.
567
00:20:47,888 --> 00:20:49,638
You know, I have in my will
568
00:20:49,642 --> 00:20:52,442
they can't bury me without
doing my eyebrows.
569
00:20:52,439 --> 00:20:55,989
You know that video will I made
with Tina what's‐her‐name.
570
00:20:55,988 --> 00:20:59,658
‐ I'm still in shock.
I can't believe you almost died.
571
00:20:59,662 --> 00:21:01,832
‐ You know, sometimes I wonder
572
00:21:01,833 --> 00:21:05,213
if maybe that would be a relief
for you.
573
00:21:05,214 --> 00:21:07,554
‐ Are you crazy?
574
00:21:07,553 --> 00:21:10,733
I can't imagine life
without you.
575
00:21:10,726 --> 00:21:12,346
I'd say you're a part of me,
576
00:21:12,353 --> 00:21:14,903
but sometimes I think
you're most of me.
577
00:21:14,901 --> 00:21:18,581
You can't leave, Mom.
I'd disappear.
578
00:21:18,575 --> 00:21:23,375
‐ Oh, sweetie.
I'm not going anywhere.
579
00:21:23,375 --> 00:21:27,925
I can't imagine what life
would be without me, either.
580
00:21:27,927 --> 00:21:30,137
I'm sorry about the nurse.
581
00:21:30,139 --> 00:21:32,689
Next time I have a crisis in
the Saks dressing room,
582
00:21:32,686 --> 00:21:35,436
I think maybe I'll just send
a selfie.
583
00:21:35,441 --> 00:21:37,531
‐ I'd like that.
584
00:21:37,530 --> 00:21:40,200
You know what, I do think she
was trying to sabotage you.
585
00:21:40,201 --> 00:21:42,621
‐ I'm not that boxy.
‐ Nobody is.
586
00:21:42,623 --> 00:21:44,253
♪ ♪
587
00:21:44,251 --> 00:21:47,471
‐ I'm exhausted.
‐ Me too.
588
00:21:49,219 --> 00:21:53,649
What if we both just sit here
589
00:21:53,645 --> 00:21:56,895
and we're okay with doing
absolutely nothing.
590
00:21:56,901 --> 00:21:58,571
‐ We won't even try to do
nothing.
591
00:21:58,572 --> 00:21:59,992
We'll just do nothing.
592
00:21:59,991 --> 00:22:02,541
‐ Yes.
‐ Completely.
593
00:22:02,538 --> 00:22:04,458
‐ [sighs]
594
00:22:04,457 --> 00:22:07,967
[rock music]
595
00:22:07,965 --> 00:22:11,595
MAN: ♪ Ease your hand ♪
596
00:22:11,598 --> 00:22:15,148
♪ Call out your name ♪
597
00:22:16,691 --> 00:22:18,861
‐ We did it.
‐ You did it.
598
00:22:18,862 --> 00:22:20,362
‐ Thank you for letting me.
599
00:22:20,364 --> 00:22:22,084
I wonder what was
different this time.
600
00:22:22,076 --> 00:22:24,366
‐ Uh, maybe if you're turned on
enough,
601
00:22:24,372 --> 00:22:27,002
there is no specific code.
602
00:22:27,003 --> 00:22:29,553
[phone buzzes]
603
00:22:29,550 --> 00:22:32,510
Oh, shit. It's my sponsor.
Do you mind if a grab it?
604
00:22:32,513 --> 00:22:34,183
‐ Pumpkin Seed, from now on,
605
00:22:34,184 --> 00:22:36,104
I don't mind if you grab it
or if you let me.
606
00:22:36,104 --> 00:22:39,324
As long as we're both satisfied
during and after sex,
607
00:22:39,319 --> 00:22:42,909
I'm as happy as a Jewish girl in
an air‐conditioned restaurant.
608
00:22:42,910 --> 00:22:44,450
‐ Hey, Vanessa.
VANESSA: Hey.
609
00:22:44,454 --> 00:22:45,674
I was just wondering
if you're gonna
610
00:22:45,666 --> 00:22:46,876
come to the meeting tonight.
611
00:22:46,876 --> 00:22:48,956
‐ Exactly, I'm using again.
612
00:22:48,964 --> 00:22:51,724
I tried but, I don't think
I'm ready to quit her.
613
00:22:51,719 --> 00:22:54,269
So I just put a turban
on her instead,
614
00:22:54,266 --> 00:22:57,106
and now my boyfriend
can make me cum.
615
00:22:57,105 --> 00:23:00,185
‐ Okay, Julie.
You're obviously wasted.
616
00:23:00,194 --> 00:23:03,284
If you need any help,
you have my number.
617
00:23:03,284 --> 00:23:05,914
Hi, I'm Vanessa.
I'm an alcoholic.
618
00:23:05,914 --> 00:23:07,384
Get the hell out of my chair.
619
00:23:10,172 --> 00:23:11,172
‐ So was the army scary?
620
00:23:11,174 --> 00:23:13,184
‐ Oh, it sure was.
621
00:23:13,178 --> 00:23:15,598
You know, it's not so easy
living in such damp conditions.
622
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:19,690
Eating crackers for breakfast,
lunch, and dinner.
623
00:23:19,692 --> 00:23:22,742
War, what is it good for?
624
00:23:22,740 --> 00:23:24,330
Absolutely nothing.
625
00:23:24,326 --> 00:23:25,996
‐ What a blessing.
626
00:23:25,996 --> 00:23:29,706
Our dybbuk is gone,
and our Garry is home.
627
00:23:29,712 --> 00:23:32,512
‐ Really great timing
for two unrelated events.
628
00:23:32,508 --> 00:23:34,348
Listen, I gotta go.
629
00:23:34,346 --> 00:23:37,016
I will see you all at the next
unpronounceable holiday.
630
00:23:37,018 --> 00:23:39,108
GARRY: Billy?
631
00:23:39,105 --> 00:23:40,395
Thank you.
632
00:23:40,399 --> 00:23:41,609
‐ You're welcome.
633
00:23:41,611 --> 00:23:43,281
‐ No, I mean, um,
634
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:45,120
thank you very much.
635
00:23:45,117 --> 00:23:47,037
I salute you.
636
00:23:47,038 --> 00:23:49,168
‐ All right.
Bye, guys.
637
00:23:49,167 --> 00:23:51,547
‐ Billy...
Thank you.
638
00:23:51,547 --> 00:23:53,507
‐ Billy...
[mouthing]
639
00:23:53,509 --> 00:23:54,929
‐ Thank you so much,
Uncle Billy.
640
00:23:54,929 --> 00:23:56,889
‐ Shut the fuck up, Tal.
641
00:23:56,891 --> 00:23:58,061
The first fucking time
in your life you say thank you,
642
00:23:58,060 --> 00:23:59,810
and it has to be now?
643
00:23:59,814 --> 00:24:01,404
‐ I'm just sorry you‐‐
‐ You don't even know
644
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:02,740
what the fuck you're thanking
him for.
645
00:24:02,736 --> 00:24:04,526
‐ All right, okay.
646
00:24:04,532 --> 00:24:07,502
‐ Hey, so is Debbie almost ready
yet?
647
00:24:07,495 --> 00:24:08,825
[lively ska music]
648
00:24:08,832 --> 00:24:10,672
‐ Hey! How's it going?
649
00:24:10,669 --> 00:24:12,169
Hello, everybody!
650
00:24:12,171 --> 00:24:14,551
Lookin' good.
Up top.
651
00:24:14,552 --> 00:24:16,602
Yeah!
Whoo!
652
00:24:16,597 --> 00:24:18,937
Lester, just the man
I wanted to see.
653
00:24:18,935 --> 00:24:20,805
You're fired.
Clean out your desk.
654
00:24:20,814 --> 00:24:23,284
All right, Gabby.
Gabby, Gabby, Gabby, Gabby.
655
00:24:23,277 --> 00:24:25,527
‐ I don't know how.
I don't know how.
656
00:24:25,532 --> 00:24:27,912
‐ Okay, PBS, baby!
Yeah.
657
00:24:27,911 --> 00:24:30,001
Making TV.
658
00:24:29,999 --> 00:24:31,839
♪ ♪
659
00:24:31,836 --> 00:24:33,456
‐ Thank you.
Thank you very much.
660
00:24:33,464 --> 00:24:35,184
‐ These guys make
the Rock Bottom Remainders
661
00:24:35,176 --> 00:24:37,716
look like‐‐
well, no, they suck also.
662
00:24:37,723 --> 00:24:39,693
‐ We're also taking requests.
663
00:24:39,685 --> 00:24:41,975
‐ Oh, I'd like to retroactively
request the night off.
664
00:24:41,981 --> 00:24:43,231
‐ No.
665
00:24:43,233 --> 00:24:44,403
‐ He's getting better.
666
00:24:44,402 --> 00:24:46,162
‐ Matthew, he is damn not.
667
00:24:46,156 --> 00:24:47,866
This is a nightmare.
668
00:24:47,868 --> 00:24:49,998
‐ Oh, well, what if you took
your baby back
669
00:24:49,997 --> 00:24:52,127
to the adoption agency,
got rid of it?
670
00:24:52,126 --> 00:24:53,586
You know, put the focus back
on Matthew?
671
00:24:53,588 --> 00:24:55,418
‐ All right, listen up, Sheeple!
672
00:24:55,424 --> 00:24:58,264
I'm Lola, and I'm the newest
member of Order's Up.
673
00:24:58,263 --> 00:25:00,603
This is a real song you can find
on YouTube,
674
00:25:00,602 --> 00:25:02,402
called "Building Seven."
675
00:25:02,396 --> 00:25:03,936
Three, four...
676
00:25:03,942 --> 00:25:06,242
MAN: Oh!
677
00:25:06,238 --> 00:25:08,868
♪ Thought it'd be easy ♪
678
00:25:08,868 --> 00:25:11,458
♪ Thought they didn't know ♪
679
00:25:11,456 --> 00:25:15,296
♪ You thought it was
the only way to go ♪
680
00:25:15,297 --> 00:25:16,797
♪ ♪
681
00:25:16,801 --> 00:25:18,891
♪ Another way out ♪
682
00:25:18,888 --> 00:25:21,638
♪ Found on the way home ♪
683
00:25:21,644 --> 00:25:23,154
♪ Thought you were living fast ♪
684
00:25:23,146 --> 00:25:26,186
♪ But you were living slow ♪
685
00:25:26,194 --> 00:25:33,214
♪ ♪