♪
[Dieter speaking German]
Yeah!
[Shouting in German]
Yeah!
[Crowd jeering]
[Shouting in German]
♪
Narrator: With Gary Jacks imprisoned in a Russian gulag,
Rainer turned to his frequent leading man,
controversial German actor Dieter Daimler.
Dieter Daimler and I had made seven films together
by the time I enlisted him to help save "Bachelor Nanny."
Our first film told the true story of Aldo Vacci of Sicily,
a dwarf who experienced the stigmata in the 14th century
and was eventually imprisoned just because.
And...action!
Okay. Okay, Dieter.
Let's go again.
Rainer: The man was a genius.
We had a profound yet complicated kinship.
[Indistinct conversations]
Dieter: Hey! Rainer!
[Shouting]
I am the sun!
Looking down on the pestilence that you are!
Rainer: When Daimler landed in the Ula Mountains,
he had not even deplaned before he started ranting
that we should have spelled out his name in stones
so that he could see it
when he flew over the countryside.
Why are there not even some Hawaiian drinks
when I step out the [bleep] plane?!
I'm coming -- I'm coming down.
It's no matter. It's no matter.
Narrator: Anticipating a tirade from Dieter
over the production's humble accommodations,
Rainer planned a ruse to keep the eruption short-lived.
It would be this one.
This is our... regular lodging.
For me? Regular lodging.Regular lodging for you.
[Woman speaks German]
[Speaks German]
I am not sleeping with farting dogs.
I demand better! Rainer!
Dieter. [Grunts]
Okay, okay.
There might be one other option.
Okay. Good!
[Coughs]
"Luxury lodging." Hm.
Dieter, this is, uh...Mm-hmm.
This is where the chief's daughter...
Yeah?
...heavily, heavily pregnant daughter,
she lives in there, and I would have to evict her
and make her live in a hole like --
Yeah, so what? Then that's what she gonna do.
She gonna live in a hole. She gonna bleed and starve.
But, Dieter --
Bring all the bags to luxury lodging!
That's good. That's fine. Show me around.
This is Brian's place.Unh-huh.
Classic bachelor pad.
Billiards, darts...
couch shaped like a woman's mouth.
Dieter: Of course, Rainer wrote this part for me.
Bachelor Nanny. It's a great character.
It's somebody who has a very, very wild lifestyle,
and, uh, he loves pool playing
and, uh, music...
and, uh nature, women.
Um...
He doesn't like kids.
And, of course, Rainer,
who has his ideas and who's, uh, creating,
I think, a great story, a beautiful film.
[Choir vocalizing]
And then we find the twins.
Did he pee? Did he -- Did he poo-poo?
You don't know. You don't know.
And then you go in for the change.
Which is worse -- pee or poo for me?
You don't want poop. You're hoping for urine.
And...action!
So...let's hope this diaper change
is not a close encounter of the poopy kind.
Newspaper, Mr. Banner!
Whoa! Two babies?!
In order to secure our bond for Dieter,
who had a habit of nearly killing people on every shoot,
CBS insisted I add a young actor to the show
to lighten up some of the "batshit vibe"
I had going on over here.
Hey, Buster. Shut that door.
I mean, yesterday, you didn't even have a girlfriend,
but now you got two kids?!
Damn. You get busy.
You get bi-ih-zee.
Ohh. You gettin' busy, Mr. Banner.
Why are -- Why -- Why is he dancing now?
Biz-zee! Damn!
[Shouting in German]
I try. I try. Okay?
Hey, uh, Dieter?
Hi. I'm Alan Yaffa.Mm-hmm...
CBS head of comedy.Yeah.
How you doing? You're doing great out there.
I'm loving it, and, you know,
the studio loves the breakdancing beat,
so, I mean, we can help the scene, if you want.
I see you're upset.
Maybe we come up with a line, a funny line for you,
you know, "I wish Ihad those moves!"
Get out of the artistic area when I speak to the director!
I think -- Now!
I think we got off on the wrong foot, Dieter, alright?
Is there anything I can get for you for your dressing room?
Chocolate milk!
Chocolate milk. Consider it done.
Thank you.Alright?
Thank you.
[Horse neighs, cow moos, goat bleats]
Thank you, Alan Yaffa.
I was younger than you guys
when I was on my first sitcom, actually.
It must have been '77...
In order to get the best crowd reactions,
the network has insisted on not using a local audience.
Instead, they want to fly people from...
Woodland Hills, California.
It's a suburb where major films are focus-grouped.
While their fat, corpulent, ignorance does enrage me,
I have to agree.
They do make the best test audiences.
[Indistinct conversations]
♪
[Bird screeches]
Tomorrow, we give ourselves over to the fates...
and you become your characters.
So tonight we kill our egos by burning ourselves in effigy.
Burn, Dieter. Burn.
I just want to say that I wish
I was a better actor, sometimes,
and I -- I think I can be a lot funnier.
Rainer: That's enough. You can burn it now.
Burn. Burn, Butterman, burn.
Masho, this is a symbol of your ego.
Burn your ego.
Hy-a-a-a-ah!
[All chanting]
[Chanting stops]
So tomorrow, 7:00?
7:00 pickup, yep.
[Goat bleating]
[Motor starts]
[Creaking]
Narrator: After months of arduous preparation,
tape night had arrived
for Rainer and the "Bachelor Nanny" team.
♪
[Cheers and applause]
♪
Hello! Hello! Oh-ho!
[Cheers and applause]
Welcome!
Would love to ask you a question!
Who has been to a taping of a network sitcom before?
[Cheers]Oh, quite a few hands! Okay.
And who has been to the Ula Mountains?
Yeah? Or the Volga Riverlands?
Oh, less people, but okay. [Chuckles] Welcome.
Before we begin, I'm gonna read a list of crew members
who have died of exposure over the past month.
Vim Vorsman, Ulaf Schultz,
Sham Shuster of Lorimar,
Hans Hermann,
Menawahle Putushuka the Elder,
Bernhart Becker,
Menawahle Putushuka the Younger...
I'm getting excited!
[Rainer continues in distance]
I'm getting excited.
Okay! That was everyone.
Tonight, you're in for a real treat.
We have a fantastic show.
Enjoy it. Have fun.[Applause]
Thank you! Thank you!
[Cheers and applause]
Let's roll cameras!
And...action!
[Cheers and applause]
Am I going crazy or are those two babies?
[Canned laughter]
It is two babies.[Door closes]
Twins of my stupid sister.
But, buddy, they cramp my style.
I'm so mad!
[Laughs][Laughter]
Action!
[Laughter]
Rainer: Taping was magnificent.
The actors were on fire.
[Laughter]The crowd was delighted.
And we were ahead of schedule.
Give it up for the kids! Working with kids here!
[Cheers and applause]
Until Dieter fell into the abyss
of infectious laughter
and kept breaking character.
[Laughs] No, I can't! I can't!
Gordy! You've already landed.
Dieter: Keep rolling. Just keep rolling.
Yep. We're rolling. Okay. Pick up.
Maybe it won't be so bad. Maybe they'll pay for the beer!
[Laughter]
N-- But now he's improvising, right?
It doesn't work if you comment on the fact
that he's improvising. It's not --
And pick up.
Hey, maybe it won't be so bad.
Yeah, maybe they're playing poker with us.
They're just playing poker,
like two babies playing poker with us, you know?
Exactly. Again.
Another pick-up.
[Laughing hysterically]
Uh...
Oh, my God.
Rainer: I know.Dieter: It's really fun. It's so funny.
Yeah, yeah, it's --Sometimes I can't help it.
You have the giggles. You have the giggles.
Please, can we try to get to the end of the scene?
Yeah. Okay?
[Shouting in German]
Dieter. Dieter. Dieter!
[Shouting in German]
You've got to apologize now for Butterman and me!
Dieter, we have to shoot 10 scenes tonight.
Yeah, I know!And two joke pickups.
Tomorrow, we lose the audience.
We have to move on.
No, we are not gonna move on!Can we move --
I will riff when he gets to riff.
Butterman and me, we got to keep on doing this
and we're gonna improvise
and we're gonna top each other with jokes
while you and this Scheisse audience will rot
like dogs in the streets!
That's what's gonna happen
because this is art and you are scum!
Yeah. Great, Dieter. That's good.
We cannot plod along on tape night, okay?
Go again.
Your mother mounts like a whore!
[Audience oohs]
My mother died peacefully of M.S. in her 80s.
If you keep riffing with Kevin Butterman,
you jeopardize the fate of "Bachelor Nanny."
The Dushkir elders and I will disembowel you
in front of this audience from Woodland Hills, California.
You do not want to put these good people
through that carnage.
Well, then...
I would -- I-I would just s-s-suggest we --
we end this scene...
like God or Lucifer intended.
Great. [Sniff] Okay! Going again.
Same pickup!
[Animals howls]
And...action!
So...this is where the magic happens.
[Giggles] Spare me, David Copperfield.
Oh, a Jacuzzi!
Mm-hmm. Jacuzzi, Jacuzzi, Jacuzzi.
Narrator: Shooting was back on track and spirits were high.
Ahh!
I love the bubbles.Yeah...
But with just two scenes left to tape, catastrophe.
Out! Out!
[Thunder rumbles]
Narrator: Raiders from the neighboring Conca tribe
descended on the Dushkir village
to settle a longstanding blood feud.
I've been able to shepherd the principal cast to safety.
But the crew, extras,
and audience must fend for themselves.
[Blades clanging]Aah!
[Laughing]
[Indistinct shouting]
♪
[Grunts]
Rainer: Hours later, the marauding cowards
of the Conca were gone.
Filming was paused for the day.
The audience was given a small per diem and pizza
to stay the night,
while art department mopped up the carnage
and redressed the sets.
♪
At dawn the next day, we filmed the final scene.
The events and hardships of the journey
were evident in the breathtaking performances.
Oh, April.
You reallymean it?
I mean, you -- you won't evict me
for having...
two baby twins?
[Speaking German]
"Sure, they can stay.
You whine more than them, anyway."
[Laughter]
Man, that's great!
She seems cool for someone you called Attila the Babe.
[Laughs] April! Don't listen to him.
[Speaking native language]
Rainer: "Did you mean that?"
But of course not! I was joking!
[Speaking native language]
"What about the baby part?"
You could quote me on that.
[Audience awws]
[Cheers and applause]
Narrator: On March 22, 1983,
15 months after arriving in the Dushkir Valley,
Rainer Wolz wrapped the taping on the "Bachelor Nanny" pilot.
[Applause]
♪
[Up-tempo synth music plays]
♪
Hi. I'm Howie Mandel...
Narrator: The show was a hit and was nominated
for 7 Primetime Emmy awards and 11 Creative Arts Emmys.
And the winner is... Michael J. Fox, "Family Ties."
[Cheers and applause]
[Shouting in German]
Narrator: However, losing to Michael J. Fox
proved too much for Dieter,
who immediately quit the show and vowed to
"never again slum with the artless rotting corpses
of network television,"
choosing instead to return
to his German avant-garde theater roots.
[Indistinct conversations]
Rainer: I visited with Masho, now Masho Yaffa,
who continued acting after "Bachelor Nanny"
and was married to CBS executive Alan Yaffa
from 1984 until his death in 1996.
[Sprinkler clicking]
Rainer: Masho, were you angry with Dieter
for abandoning the show after he lost the Emmy?
No. Oh, God, no.
Was I sad? Sure.
Look, though, honey.
I grew up in a yurt in Siberia.
[Scoffs] I mean...
To end up here?
[Scoffs] I mean, right?
It's good.
It is remarkable, Masho.
Rainer: But not everyone from the "Bachelor Nanny" cast
fared as well as Masho.
For season two, network executives
decided to refresh the cast
and Gordy was written off the show.
The years that followed were unkind to Kevin Butterman.
In August of 1987,
he robbed a sporting-goods store in San Antonio, Texas,
and killed two police officers while fleeing.
Kevin: It's funny, you know.
You shoot your way out of a store to avoid going to jail...
and then you end up in arguably the worstpart of jail.
Rainer: Seven days later,
Kevin was executed by the state of Texas.
♪
But I choose to remember him not for his crimes,
but as Bachelor Brian's
affable best friend and neighbor,
sweet Gordy Sinclair.
♪
[Indistinct conversations]
♪
Man: Oh!
♪
Ohh!
[Chuckling] Oh-ho!
♪
I did not return to the Ulas
to worship at the shrine of nostalgia.
Rather, my lifelong friend, collaborator,
and tormentor, Dieter Daimler,
had one final demand of me.
♪
I learned of his death from cancer earlier this year.
And a courier brought me an urn of his ashes
with a note attached.
"Hey, shit mouth, I died of cancer.
These are my ashes for when they set my body on fire.
Spread my remains where I deserve to rest.
Dieter."
[Sniffs]
♪
[Laughter]
♪
[Laughing] No, I can't! I can't!
♪
[Laughter]
♪
[Coughs]
♪
[Bird screeches]