IAIN STIRLING: Your Saturday night Unseen Bits party starts here.
We have everything we need to make an exclusive event go with a bang.
Great music...
# Going for the ring We're going for the peng... #
..fancy dress...
I think you need to be Crocodile Dundee.
..nibbles...
Bon appetit. ..and dips.
Expect VIP guests, supermodels,
and celebrity chefs.
Konnor is such a good cook.
You can smell the whiff of excitement in the air -
or is it fart?
LAUGHTER I love you, girl.
Either way, belt up...
I actually thought I was wearing my belt.
..for the journey of a lifetime... Wallop.
..as we are squeezing every last drop of unseen action...
Ew, it's a spider!
..out of the last seven days.
I'm going for a poo.
It's gonna be reem.
Er, doggy. LAUGHTER
This is Love Island: Unseen Bits.
You either love the show or you hate the show.
How you doing, mate? Nice to see you.
I'm Sean. What you doing here? I'm Ciaran.
Joey. Ciaran. Nice to meet you.
I swear I've seen you before somewhere. Familiar?
Yeah. Oh, wait, are you that boy from TOWIE?
Yeah, that's the one, yes. Right, OK. Yeah.
Wait, are you that... are you that Ciaran off Love Island?
I think you are.
Yeah, in and out sort of thing, not full-time, but yeah.
Sweet man? Er, TikTok? Yes.
You put lots of sweets together and stuff?
Pick and mix. Oh, wow, two... two... Two for a tenner.
Two for a tenner?! That's good.
That's a sweet job. It's high demand, sweets.
There's lots of people doing it, and that's good for you, mate.
Nice to meat you, anyway. Yeah, nice to meet you. Cheers, boys.
Yeah, hope it's a good night.
I really hope that's not on Unseen Bits tonight.
IAIN STIRLING: It is now, lads. Welcome to Love Island: Unseen Bits.
# My heart Only wants what it wants... #
HE EXCLAIMS
We're just like the main show but hotter.
TEXT ALERT I've got a text!
Oh, no. Shit, I think my phone's too hot.
It says "shutting down". LAUGHTER
IAIN STIRLING: What sort of clips are we going for tonight, Joey?
# We're going for the smart The swag
# We're going for the sick We're going for the reem
# We're going for the peng What we saying? #
Reem, baby! Yeah. There's one word.
You are going for the... BOTH: ..reem!
IAIN STIRLING: So, dive on in.
LAUGHTER
You can feel the buzz...
No! No! Stop, let it out!
SHOUTING Oh, my God. Oi, Oi, Oi!
..as we're going to make a splash...
I'm going. Josh, man. Josh!
LAUGHTER, ALL SPEAK AT ONCE
Where you going? What the hell! Josh!
..and bring you all the best crap chat. I mean "rap".
# They don't know me Only by affiliation
# Don't chat to me Cos I've got no patience... #
CHEERING
# I'm chilling your bacon... # CHEERING
# Don't get rude to me Cos you don't like retaliation... #
CHEERING INTENSIFIES, LAUGHTER
IAIN STIRLING: This is Unseen Bits.
When you want to command control over your fellow Islanders,
the best solution is to elevate yourself to a higher level.
How's that beanbag working out for you, Nicole?
OK, guys, welcome to today's bombing competition.
Grace is gonna be the judge.
OK, guys, so, today, I'm looking at technique, splash,
how much you look like a little... Ball?
This is serious, so take it very serious. Very seriously.
IAIN STIRLING: First up, it's everyone's wet "reem", Joey Essex.
Ready? CHEERING
Yeah! Oh, that was good.
That was pretty decent. Yeah.
Slight slant, it was a big splash, pretty all right technique.
I would probably give that about a seven.
Decent. Yeah!
You were on the slant. You were on the slant, not straight.
Ladies, up next, Matilda. APPLAUSE
Go on, Tils! Do it for the girls.
EXCLAMATIONS, CHEERING
That was a good splash.
She tucked right in, she went straight,
she wasn't slanted. I'm giving that a strong eight.
CHEERING, LAUGHTER
JOEY: Wait, wait, I know where this is going.
LAUGHTER
Right, up next is the next Bombshell, Konn.
Oh, yes, come on, Konnor! Go on, Konnor. Come on, Konnor.
KONNOR: We're gonna go hair out. CHEERING
Oh, he's going serious! Yes, Konnor! JOEY: I know.
CLAPPING, EXCLAMATIONS
JOEY: Yes!
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
Yeah, but it was a bit slant.
It was a bit slanted, but I think that's the strongest one yet.
What are we rating him? What are we rating him, Grace? Nine.
A nine. A nine?! A nine, yeah. Whoa.
Hey, guys, it's Nicole. LAUGHTER
NICOLE EXCLAIMS, SHOUTS
Go on, Nic! CHEERING
NICOLE SQUEALS I'm giving that a ten.
JOEY: I'm gonna give you a ten.
Love it. Fab, Nicole, that was great.
Love it, Nicole. HE CHUCKLES
That was a nine? Yeah! Oh, my God.
The technique was sick, the splash was huge.
She's tiny, and she made a massive splash. Yeah!
That was the politest bomb I've ever seen.
Ayo, if you get a ten, you're gonna get this,
you're gonna win, so I feel like you need to pull this one out the bag.
Do I come in as well, like, maybe, like, five seconds afterwards,
make it even bigger?
But will I get disqualified for that?
That's wh... I don't know. AYO LAUGHS
But sometimes it's good to break rules,
sometimes it just works, but we could get disqualified.
EXCLAMATIONS
NICOLE: Ayo!
KONNOR: Go on, Ayo!
CHEERING
CHEERING INTENSIFIES
Guys, hold on.
KONNOR: He's done a good job on it. Whoo! Get in, get in.
It's got to go in.
IAIN STIRLING: Guys, you all know the swimming pool rules.
Group bombings result in immediate disqualification,
although petting is very much allowed.
Love Island's about coupling up and going the distance,
and Konnor's trying to get the measure of Jess.
There she is. Top of that hill there in a straight line... Yeah.
..how many miles?
100. Is that a good guess?
SHE LAUGHS
Me and Ciaran said we reckon about three.
300? No, three. That's not three miles.
I'd say maybe, like, maybe, like, ten.
How have you just gone from 100 to ten?!
CHUCKLING: How?
Matilda, have you answered this question? What?
So, if there was a straight road, right,
from here to the top of that hill there,
how many miles do you reckon that would be?
Er...
100?
Thank you! Girl math. Girl math.
100? Girl math. Girl math. Don't ever rely on girl math.
I said 100. They said three miles. That's so far away.
Guys, do you know how short ten miles is? I'd say 100 miles.
It just seems that far, though. I'm so confused.
100 miles, you're probably, like...
That's like from here to, don't know, Australia.
IAIN STIRLING: No, Sean, you're wrong.
Australia is just over that hill - actual fact.
It is a well-known fact among the aviation migration community
that the Love Island villa has the best ecological habits for breeding,
and the Mallorcan pink flamingos have already begun
their mating ritual, which requires them to stand rigid.
And like these elegant flamingos,
our Islanders are blessed with grace and poise.
Or at least Ayo is trying to get them to be.
You're gonna walk straight down. OK.
Give me a little something. OK. Ooh!
And then, yeah, just strut your stuff in front of everybody else.
IAIN, AS FLAMINGOS: "Squawk! 'Strut your stuff,' he said."
"Oh, this sounds fun. And we've got a bird's-eye view."
CHANTING
IAIN SQUAWKS
"That's the man who sells those delicious pink prawns."
Yes, Sean! Yes, Sean! Come on!
"Was that some kind of mating dance?"
CHEERING Yes!
"I like his pigeon chest, though."
"Yeah, but he looks like a right tit in those sliders."
CHEERING
GIRLS EXCLAIM
"What's he doing? He looks like he's trying to lay an egg!"
CHEERING
"Moves like that will ruffle feathers."
"Call yourself a catwalk? This guy is krill-ing me."
CHEERING Go on, girl!
CHEERING
IAIN SQUAWKS "What's with all these bird jokes?
"Who do you think you are? Iain 'Starling'?"
Oh, my God. Wow, wow. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
GIRLS EXCLAIM
"So that's how they do it.
"We've been doing it wrong, standing around still for weeks.
"I love you, Fifi.
"Don't just stand there, give us a peck."
"I would, but my flipping legs are welded onto the decking."
Greece's ancient culture is the foundation of Western civilisation
and after his time in Malia,
the Islanders want to tap into Konnor's expert knowledge.
Holiday rep, give us our pornstar names.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on. Hoo-hoo-hoo!
Who would like to go first? I feel like...
How do you even work that out? I'll start.
I think mine would have to be my favourite drink on a night out,
so it would have to be "Dark and Stormy". Ooh...
Konnor, you've definitely done this before.
LAUGHTER
This is one of his Malia questions! This is one of your Malia questions!
I'm gonna jump in there and steal "Lollipop"
before you, Sean, anyway, because I'm allowed.
Lick the Lollipop. Like I've never heard that before.
LAUGHTER Here we are. "The Gobstopper".
THEY EXCLAIM
You're too good at that. Yes, Kon! Oh, my...
I feel like I've not got a... "Cowgirl Jessy".
I can do cowgirl... Yeah. "Cowgirl Jessy". That's a good one.
That actually suits you, as well. OK.
I wanna say, like, "Amazing Grace". No, too bait. Too innocent, yeah.
Could you do something about, like, G spot?
"G Spot". "G Spot." ALL: "G Spot."
"Rude Boy Reuben". ALL: Nah.
IAIN: Oh, Konnor, that was more crap and corny
than dark and stormy.
Aw! I love it!
Earlier in the week,
we saw Nicole being treated to this very romantic breakfast,
and Ciaran using his best Spanish phrases.
Bon appetit.
He just, honestly...
He surprises me every single day, and I don't know how he does it.
That's where I come in, Nicole. Let me explain.
Ciaran has three ingredients for the perfect breakfast.
Cooking up another storm, Ciaran.
Firstly, never forget the old saying -
"Too many Islanders spoil the eggs."
Why don't you cook in a pan?
Because I like doing it in a saucepan.
And Nicole said my eggs were 10/10. I did it Gordon Ramsay style.
Are you gonna tell Gordon Ramsay to change it?
I'm not talking to Gordon. But you're talking to someone
that's doing it like Gordon. "Like."
Number two, use Gordon's next-level ingredients.
Where's that ketchup gone, though? Cos she loves ketchup.
She doesn't even know I'm doing this.
Finally, when informing a guest that their meal is ready,
be more Gordon.
Can you please tell Nicole to hurry the fuck up
and meet me in the den? She's got to be quick.
Can you tell Nicole that she needs to hurry up and go to the den? Den.
Ooh! Interesting...
Oh, she needs to hurry the fuck up. She doesn't...
I say, I tell her to get a move on, and she just doesn't get a move on.
You need to hurry up and go to the den.
I wanna do my hair. I can't be going like this.
Fuck, if the coffee's cold,
then these eggs are definitely freezing cold.
Kon, are you going in the dressing room now? Yeah.
Tell Nicole to actually get out and meet... To get a move on.
You're needed urgently. Urgently! Urgently.
Can I just have two minutes? Two minutes.
What did she say?
She said two minutes, tops. For what, though?
She's halfway through something done with her hair, or something.
CIARAN GROANS
What, did you hear him?
He said, "Two minutes, tops." "Argh, what?"
NICOLE LAUGHS Can hear them in the den over there.
It's literally scrambled egg on toast, love.
Just come and eat it and go back in there.
I'm sat here like a muppet now, aren't I?
Thank you, babe.
I've got to go and get...? Argh...
Coming! I'm coming! Oh, my gosh.
Your shorts are nice. Thank you.
Aw! I love it!
He absolutely smashed it, and he knows it's my favourite, as well,
so, it's still, again, the little things.
IAIN: It's the little things.
Cold eggs, cold coffee, and heart-shaped ketchup.
How romantic!
Here's a clip of Josh trying to go to bed
but absolutely bottling it.
Aw, man, I need to get my bottle, as well, man.
But...
IAIN STIRLING: You know what they say -
"When life gives you lemons, watch Unseen Bits."
Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm!
Oh!
We pluck out all the funny moments from life in the villa.
You can experience my first-ever white hair.
Don't pluck it! It comes back in fours.
And what the fuck is that?
You want me to pull it? Pull it.
Oh, my... God.
Speaking of grey...
Ciaran, has anyone ever told you that you look like Christian Grey?
Ooh! Oh!
That is a unbelievable shout.
I used to go outside and play when I was a kid,
so who's Christian Grey?
The guy out of... Fifty Shades.
..Fifty Shades Of Grey. Oh! Oh! Oh!
Yeah? Oh!
And there's never a grey day when Reuben is sliding into your DM.
Ooh-ooh! SCREAMING
Ooh-ooh! Or side table.
Because here on Unseen Bits, dreams really do come true.
Guys, I just wanna listen to the Macarena.
# Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
# Que tu cuerpo Es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena
# Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena
# Hey Macarena, ay. #
WHISTLING
Right, before we go any further, we need to find out
if Josh ever found that water bottle.
Aw, man, I need to get my bottle, as well, man.
Well, here's...
REUBEN SCREAMS
REUBEN LAUGHS
Seems like Josh has even less bottle than I thought.
The Amazing Spider-Man, Incredible Hulk,
Thor, the God of Thunder... Joey Essex.
Hm, doesn't sound as epic, does it?
If you could, like, have any superpower, yeah? Mm.
What would you do? What would you have?
I would say fly, but then again, potentially, one day,
I probably will buy a jetpack, so then I can fly anyway.
So that's pointless. Then I would say mind-reading,
but I wouldn't really wanna know what people... Nuh-uh. Ooh...
I reckon that'd be too much.
Mm-hm. Cor, imagine mind-reading in here.
What you say about me?! That's what I'm saying.
It'd be dangerous in here, yeah?
But do you know what would be a sick one? Yeah?
To go invisible.
SEAN GASPS Ooh... Imagine.
Where would you wanna be invisible? If you could just slap your hands.
Maybe, like, when I'm in the middle of, like, a argument.
Do you know what I mean? Just disappear.
So when you're arguing with Jessy, just... boom.
Or like that. "Just one sec, babe." Just gone.
That would be lit, wouldn't it?
Imagine people talking about you around the villa,
and you're just next to them.
I'm standing there the whole time.
Everyone's chatting lyrics about me, yeah? Here.
And I'm standing like this. Yeah, just right here.
Ding! And I go, "What you saying?" "What's going on here?"
It's sick.
That is a proper superpower.
A lit superpower, invisible. That'd be so sick. Yeah.
I think mine would be teleportation.
Teleportation? What, like, you could literally go,
"Right, I wanna be in Ibiza right now."
Boom, and you're... Straight there.
Just think of all the time saved.
Don't have to fly. Mm. No agg in airports. Mm.
So true. Pop to the shops whenever you want for a pint of milk.
You'd save so much money by doing that. Save so much money.
Fuel. Fuel. Fuel.
No fuel. No fuel. No fuel.
Fuel. Fuel. Fuel.
No fuel. No fuel. Fuel. No fuel.
No fuel. Fuel. Fuel. No fuel.
It's a very good one.
Phew-el! I'm glad that's over.
Wimbledon might be over,
but tennis fever has taken over the villa...
BOTH: Welcome to Game Sex Match!
..and served up drama...
LOLLY: What is your partner's favourite sex position?
Missionary.
Er, doggy. LAUGHTER
Wait, wait, hold on, hold on!
CHEERING
SCREAMING
..backhanded compliments...
If your partner wasn't coupled up with you,
who would they be coupled up with?
Ciaran. Ciaran!
We're having a foursome. What?
..and a little bit of love.
But here's some sets you didn't get to see.
Couples, between you both, who has the best dress sense?
Matilda, show us what you've got for that one.
I've put me.
Sean... Surely not.
Sean, let's have a look what you've said.
Of course, I've put Matilda! CHEERING
I like how Sean dresses, but he does wear shit shirts most nights.
I think I look amazing, personally. You do.
You know, I rock a funky shirt, and if you don't like it, then...
Oh. Go on. Ooh!
Like it, or what? I'm gonna still wear 'em!
LAUGHTER
Girls, what would you change about your partner?
I put, "the way he acts sometimes. Comments, like, being a lad."
I kept this one very vague,
but I just wrote the word "comments".
I nearly put Eggy Boff down.
LAUGHTER
I'm afraid that's a disqualification. It's too vague.
Nah, this isn't funny.
If you're gonna do it, do it properly.
Properly? Properly. You want it proper? Proper.
LAUGHTER
SQUEALING
LAUGHTER
Grace, what have you put down?
So, I feel like this one's a difficult one,
but I have put "sweaty".
Just because you are like a human radiator,
and whenever we have a cuddle or we're around each other,
you sweat on me.
LAUGHTER
Oh! Hey! Sweat.
I am a very sweaty fellow.
LAUGHTER
IAIN: Roses are red, those leaves are green, but...
If you were an animal, what would you be?
Like, a poodle. I could see you being a poodle.
You would be a poodle.
I feel like you'd be the poodle that'd be in the vets every week.
Fresh trim, fresh everything. GRACE LAUGHS
You'd be the one with, like... You'd have a little pink bow.
The white one with fluff around its head and its tail.
You'd be carried in, like, a Louis Vuitton carry bag.
Yeah, literally. A pink little Louis bag.
THEY LAUGH Ah...
That's so funny. Oh, my God.
I think Ayo would be a big, like, eight-legged spider.
Cos he's just, so, like... Gangly. Wouldn't he, though? Yeah.
Yeah. Those limbs go on forever.
What would Sean be if he was an animal?
I think he'd be a sloth. Do you?
Are they actually proper animals?
BOTH: A sloth?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
What do you think it is? I don't know. Just a meme?
A meme!
SHE LAUGHS
I don't know, I just never think of them actually being an animal.
I've met a sloth before.
They're just like cartoons. No, a sloth is a real thing.
A sloth is a real animal. That's wild.
Don't they live...? Where do they live, sloths?
In the trees? Yeah.
What is the purpose of a sloth, though?
Be iconic. Just be a sloth, innit? That's wild.
As if there's actually an animal called "sloth". Yeah.
What animal would Reuben be? Erm, let's have a look.
If you were an animal, what do you reckon you'd be?
REUBEN: What animal I would be? Come and sit down.
Ayo! AYO: Yeah?
What animal do you think you would be?
What animal? Yeah, come.
I said you'd be a big long-legged spider.
All right, thanks. Erm...
That's a actually good question.
What animal would you be? You'd be, like, a sloth.
SHE LAUGHS
IAIN: Oh, Jessy hasn't noticed the call-back.
She was a little "sloth" on the uptake there.
LAUGHTER
Oi! What are you two laughing at? I hate not being in on a joke.
Are you laughing at me? Oh, I'm paranoid now.
Come back after the break to find out...
IAIN STIRLING: Welcome back to Love Island Unseen Bits!
Ooh! Oh, my God! Bro, that was so close.
Oh, so close. Mate... I had it.
# I'm hungry, hungry, hungry... #
SHE LAUGHS
Take it out, pull it back... Yeah, got it.
In here, things are - I'm gonna say a massive word here -
"mish-interpreted."
Is that how you...? I dunno. Misinterpreted.
Whatever that one is. Yeah, they are them ones.
IAIN: I know what you mean, Joey,
things are always "mish-interpreted" in this place.
I love your belt. Do you? I've had this...
THEY LAUGH
You're such a wanker.
I actually thought I was wearing my belt.
He did this... and he didn't have a belt on!
IAIN: This place is like a human zoo.
What the frig? Didn't realise there was a zebra in the garden.
Sorry, I didn't realise there was a flamingo.
IAIN SQUAWKS
"Oh, Sean, unless you're screwed to a wall or the decking,
"there's no room for another flamingo around here."
THEY LAUGH
Before the break, this scene made me shout into my microphone.
But what happened before?
It seems Nicole had a little secret to share with Matilda.
TRUMP
Pfft! LAUGHS
Did she fart?
Stay away, you fucking dirty man.
SHE LAUGHS
What's going on?
THEY LAUGH
IAIN: I reckon it was those cold eggs Ciaran served you
for breakfast.
I don't know if anyone knows this,
but Joey Essex has been on many reality TV shows.
Celebrity MasterChef being one of them.
And I think Gregg Wallace has tasked him with finding
the next contestants.
Jesus Christ!
Who was keeping an eye on these chips?
Oh, shit, get 'em out. Get 'em out! Get 'em out!
Matilda! Yeah! What's in the oven?
Erm, loads of... So many chips! Loads of chips!
Oi, I'm coming in two secs. OK.
Konnor is going on MasterChef. I put these in. Did ya?
Joey thinks I'm going on MasterChef because I put stuff in the oven.
Honestly, Konnor is such a good cook,
he cuts that pizza with love. It's mad.
I've never seen anyone cut a pizza with so much love.
Joey is like, "I know you just put stuff in the oven,
"but the way you cut the pizzas, you know?"
No, you do do them so well, though, Kon, come on. Kon, come on now.
Kon, there's a space for you on MasterChef, come on. Yeah? Yeah.
IAIN: Well, that's the next Celebrity MasterChef sorted out.
But surely we need to come up with some new reality shows
for you, Joey.
Well, luckily the villa had the classic
Snog, Marry, Pie challenge this week,
which gave me inspiration.
PHONE RINGS
Hello, big bosses of television, Iain Stirling here.
No, don't hang up.
I'm just a little worried that Joey hasn't been on
enough reality TV shows.
He is always clowning around, so I've got a great idea for you.
# Feeling so good... #
It's called Love Pie-land.
It's Joey Essex with a load of cream on his face.
Nicole has came over and absolutely pied me full pelt.
IAIN: No, OK, I've got another one for you - Celebs Go Pieing.
It's a classic example of when clowning around
and courtship collide.
Wallop!
She then rubs it around like it's some sort of like window wiper.
IAIN: How about Love Is Pie?
It is what it is.
IAIN: OK, what about Say Yes To The Pie?
Respectfully or disrespectfully.
# I feel it all over me... #
That pie was the biggest pie I have ever had.
I'm surprised I haven't got whiplash.
Well done, Grace. That was sick.
Look at my ear, bro. Oh, my God, man.
It's in my ear, like, proper, I can't hear. Yeah.
IAIN: That's it, Joey, cream in the ear.
It must be The Only Way Is Ear-sex.
No, Ear-stenders.
DIAL TONE Hello, hello? Hello?
Oh, they must have lost reception or something.
When I was younger, I always said I wanted to be the guy
who says the line of voice-over
to tee up a conversation between three women
in a villa in Mallorca.
And I'm living the dream!
What did you guys want to be when you were younger?
I just wanted to be Britney Spears, to be honest.
Did you? You're giving Britney Spears.
You are giving Britney Spears right now.
Current moment, it's giving Britney. Yeah, I loved her growing up.
Listened to all her music. I just thought she was, like, iconic.
She was. And so, like, sexy and a vibe, and like...
I remember in primary school, she was, like, it.
Yeah, she was just like it, girl. Yeah.
So I wanted to be her. What about you guys?
I wanted to be a princess. Really? Yeah.
And then my first job was as a princess,
so I ticked that box. Was it? Did you dress up?
Yeah. So, I was at kids' parties and events and charity events. Really?
And I was, like, the Disney princesses.
So I was, like, Belle, Anna, Elsa, Ariel.
And then I also did, like, Minions and Olaf and stuff as well.
I wanted to be on Disney Channel. Yeah, same, that was my thing.
However, I did all these things, and I was so awful at it all.
It just never worked out.
One thing I've been good at my whole life is chatting shit,
so this is perfect. Yeah, literally. Me too.
Back off, Jessica. Chatting nonsense is my job.
The producers thawed out the challenge team once more
for a Villa game which made all "hail" break loose
and put some couples on thin ice.
# Cos I'm cold as ice... #
"Snog the Islander that is not your partner
"who you think would be the most passionate in bed."
Oh!
Reasoning? Obviously, Lola's new, and...
A good kisser.
Ooh!
But that was just the tip of the iceberg.
Here are some bits you didn't get to see.
Yeah, let's go!
Oh, Chr... LAUGHTER
Are you stupid? I actually hate you.
I didn't even mean that. Joey, I knew you were gonna do that.
"Nibble the ear of the boy or the girl
"you would most like to have sexy pillow talk with."
Can't choose you, but... Oh!
Why don't you want to have sexy pillow talk with me?
Ooh, la, la!
I think that me and Matilda would be really good in bed together,
so that's why I nibbled her ear.
I agree. I second that, Nicki. My peach.
"Kiss the forehead of the Islander
"who you think needs to think more before speaking."
If I could kiss my own forehead, I would probably do that. But...
Reuben, it's you, mate. You know it's you.
Bring it in, baby. Mwah. Oh, my God. You're so sweaty.
Sweatin' hell.
LAUGHTER
Oh, Mimii!
"Poor pass - kiss an Islander that's not your partner."
Let's go. Mwah, mwah, mwah.
Love you, babe. Love you.
"You must have a three-way snog with Islanders of your choice."
That's greedy. I'll go Sean and Gracie.
CHEERING
Go on, Seanie, boy. Look at Seanie's face!
Sean didn't want it to stop, really.
Like a kid in a candy shop.
I did have more ice puns to round up this segment,
but it's completely slipped my mind. How "frost-rating"!
No, stop! OK, can we show this clip?
But I'm not allowing you to show the close-ups.
It's gonna have to remain an unseen zit.
Does he have...? Does he have any goodies, Nic?
Does he have any goodies? What? On his back?
I've squeezed them all, but you can have a look if you want.
Do you wanna come and have a look on my back? Yes. Yes.
No, come and have a look at mine first.
No, you've got none. Look at mine first.
Look at mine first! If there's none there,
you can look at Nicole's then. He hasn't got many. I squeezed them.
Oh, please stop picking spots. I can't... I love it.
I love having popped spots. Go on, then.
I want to watch you. Nicky, I did yours earlier.
I know, but I love it.
GASPING
Oh. That was a good one.
Fucking get me to bed.
Still more to come, Nicole.
GASPING
Oh, go on, Matilda. Get in there, girl.
HEAVY PANTING
Oh, is that actually a naughty one? Is it? Yeah, a little bit.
I wanted to pop that one! Fuck off.
Right, pop off, you lot. It's time for a break.
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HUMMING
I can just hear fucking crickets.
Or am I just hearing things?
IAIN STIRLING: Sorry, Lola, it's actually
a sleep meditation podcast I'm listening to
called Tropical Paradise.
Let me turn it off and crack on with the final part
of Love Island Unseen Bits!
The reality show which punches above its weight
and our Islanders get so relaxed
they forget the cameras are even there.
SHE GASPS
Oh, I've done that, I've done that. Oh, my God.
Mate, my feet are actually so crusty.
Right, I think I might go for a poo. Safety.
IAIN: We bring you the best "roar" footage from the villa.
ROAR
What was that growl? Harriett, but I knew it.
SHE GROWLS
IAIN: But we ask all the big questions.
What are you saying, Joey, boy?
What are you saying? What are YOU saying?
What are you saying? What are you saying?
No, but what are you saying? What are YOU saying?
I know what I'm saying, but what are you saying?
What are you saying, though?
Yeah, but what are you saying? No take backs.
CRICKETS CHIRP
IAIN: And there's the crickets again.
Let's crack on with some more unseen bits.
TEXT ALERT
You know... Oi! SHE GASPS
IAIN: Earlier in the week, the Islanders received
an early morning text.
"It's time for you to get ready and leave the villa,
"as you're off to an exclusive party."
IAIN: I'm not sure how they felt about it, though.
I am literally so excited for a VIP party.
Leaving the villa!
THEY SCREAM
What the fuck is that about?
THEY SCREAM
THEY PAUSE, THEN CONTINUE SCREAMING
SHE SCREAMS Yes!
What you wearing? Nothing, I'm wearing this.
No, what are you actually wearing? I don't know, Nicole.
Probably just a shirt and shorts.
Shit shirt and shorts, or...? At this rate, I'm joining you.
Can we borrow a shit shirt and some shorts?
What do you want?
Do you want Crocodile Dundee, Steve Irwin, Benidorm?
I think you need to be Crocodile Dundee.
I'm so, so excited right now. I'm so excited for us.
Ooh-ooh-ooh.
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh.
Right, let's fucking get out of here.
Let's have it off! Let's fucking have it!
IAIN: You're absolutely right, Matilda.
The Vibe Club has one dress code for the boys -
silly shirt, short shorts and shiny white shoes.
# Just put your arms around me Tell me everything's OK... #
IAIN: And to make sure they were all dressed correctly,
let's slow this right down.
Oh, yes, lovely and shiny white shoes.
# Darlin', hold my hand
# Oh, won't you hold my hand?
# Cos I don't wanna walk on my own Any more, won't you understand? #
IAIN: And the slo-mo dancing was only broken up
by the arrival of two new bombshells, Lola and Harry.
Hi! Oh, my...
IAIN: Unbutton that shirt right now, Harry,
or I'll have security throw you out.
Well done on the white trainers, though.
# Darlin' hold my hand... #
IAIN: And there was no slowing the slo-mo down.
# Cos I don't wanna walk on my own Any more, won't you understand? #
It went on so long, even the sun went down.
# Cos I don't wanna walk alone... #
But once the queen of slo-mo herself arrived...
CHEERING
Hello! Islanders, the party is over.
..things moved a lot faster and Konnor and Lolly were dumped.
Lolly and Konnor, could you please leave immediately?
I guess it's time to head back to the villa with your new bombshells.
Back to the villa.
It's never just a bit of fun in the sun, is it?
Wow. Some gaff.
Tomorrow is a new day, boys.
Harry, you've got to get your grafting boots on, boy.
IAIN: Never mind grafting boots, get those shiny white trainers off,
it's a "no shoe in the bedroom policy" here.
Here's an unseen clip of Reuben trying to guess Joey's surname.
Maybe, like, Sussex.
Is that why you talk...? It's literally English Lit.
It's just lit. How do you talk like that?
Did you have "alu-clution" lessons? Elocution. Elocution.
Elocution. "Eloclution."
Just growing up in Surrey. Why are you laughing?
What is it again? El... Is it Ella?
Elo... Oh, elo-cution. There you go.
Elocution. No, it ain't. Elocution. Yes, it is.
Growing up in Surrey, mate. Little posh-o.
Mate, your wording is so sick, so precise. Yeah.
You sound like a keyboard.
IAIN: Keyboard?
I've been practising my keyboard
ever since Jess Glynne let me have a go the other day.
'Jess even let me play the piano opening to Hold My Hand.
'It took me three weeks to learn this
'because it is super complicated.'
And here is my very own Reuben keyboard.
What do you think about this then, Jess Glynne?
Whoo! Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo, whoo!
Oh-oh-oh, O-K.
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, O-K.
He-he-he-he. He, he, he, he, he-he-he-he.
Can we put the eating on hold? Hold, hold, hold.
Can we put the eating on hold?
Let's bring the good vibes. Vibes, vibes, vibes.
Let's bring the good vibes.
Let's bring the... Whoo! Let's bring the... Whoo!
Oh-oh-oh...
Let's bring the... Whoo! Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh...
I don't, I don't, I don't... I don't take myself too seriously.
Bring the... bring the... bring the...
Put the eating on hold...
Bring the... bring the... bring the... He-he-he...
He-he-he... Bring the... bring the...
Love Island 2024, baby!
Whoo!
I thoroughly enjoyed that experience.
I'll wait to hear from you and your management, Jess.
Here's an unseen bit of Grace
attempting to tell a joke I told her earlier.
It's not... You know. He was like...
This is actually really funny cos duh-duh-duh,
and you can't... He was like...
Hear it. Hear it. You know what I'm trying to say?
He was like, "That's not how it was at all."
And he was like... I was... What?
Oh, my God! Look at that fucking spider!
Where? Up there.
SCREAMING
Oh, dear, Grace.
It looks like you're being heckled by an eight-legged audience member,
which can only mean one thing - it's...
IAIN WINCES
My head's not turning. And my heart is with you.
Oh, my God. What the fuck?
JOEY GASPS
Saved you. Thanks.
SHE SCREAMS
Oh, my God. Ew! It's a spider.
BOTH SCREAM
That jumped on my neck! What the fuck?!
I can walk round the club and be in love
with three different girls in about ten minutes.
Oh, yeah, exactly. There you go. Soon as I get in here, I can't...
Fuck. I don't like things that flap.
SHE LAUGHS
What is...?
Babe. Babe, what's on your leg? No! Get it off! Get it off!
BUZZING
Erm, but he was like, "Would you be open to like...?"
There's a spider on your chest! Where? Where? Where?
Where? Where was it? It was on your chest.
It literally crawled over your chest. Was it big?
Where's it gone?
I fucking hate when that shit happens.
I hate screaming and stuff. Fuck that shit.
I'm so fucking scared. Ugh!
It's time for...
Hello!
And this week, I asked our Islanders what their icks were.
Oh, my God. I've got so many icks.
HE BURPS
When their mam makes their packed lunch for work the next day.
Like, you can't even make a packed lunch. Come on now.
HE GASPS
So, this is something Nicole does.
It doesn't put me off, but I do find it weird.
Baggy boxers. I just think they're just not it.
When she has a canned drink, she doesn't open it all the way.
She just breaks it, pops it enough so all the gas is gone
and then, like, sucks the can to drink it.
Emojis that are just cringe.
If, like, a girl has a clipboard, you know you're in for a long day.
I feel like that's an ick, being very like... like that.
I don't like the monkeys. I don't like the kissing.
You know the kissing one that, like, blows a kiss.
I do not like that emoji.
There's just certain words people are shortening
that you don't need to shorten.
I just don't understand that. Just, like, say it.
Boys and white jeans. Yuck.
Nah.
If I come out of the dressing room and saw Sean in ripped white jeans,
I would have to re-couple, I think.
Men wearing flip-flops. I don't really know why
you've got that in between your big toe and little toe.
Bad hair extensions, for me, probably.
You know, I don't really wanna be walking round
and having to see the clip hanging out of your head.
I absolutely hate it when boys own pyjamas and dressing gowns.
It's just such an ick for me.
You know, like, the stripy pyjama bottoms.
It's just a massive no-go for me.
Men in a bath.
They've got hairy feet sticking out at the end.
Always no bubbles with them. And everything floats.
Please, no. No, no, no.
The candyman sweets. I love them, they worked for me. I'm here.
However, it is an ick that he gives them
to every single girl that he meets.
Yeah, give them the worst sweet. He has to give them liquorice
because, like, if you like liquorice,
then that's an ick in itself.
If you like liquorice as your favourite sweet,
I'm sorry, it's a no-go.
I'm a walking ick.
I sing, I dance, I do everything. I'm just... I'm a show.
And you either love the show, or you hate the show.
See you all next time for some more...
Right, that's it for Unseen Bits. Off to bed, you lot.
# After a long day in the Villa
# Lots of arguments and fights
# In here with Mimii and Matilda
# And we're gonna have a good night
# It's time for us to sleep Sleep
# But before we go Go
# We're gonna brush our teeth Teeth
# And put on a show Show... #
HE IMITATES BEAT DROP
# Here we go, here we go... #
No, stop that. I said bed. We haven't got any more time.
It's the end of the show! Bye, y'all!
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