[ominous music]
♪
- Let's see that spike.
♪
Oh.
♪
Ugh.
Still got a fair bit of stuff in it, though.
♪
- All your protein around here is made to get away from you.
Edibles don't run.
I don't want to go without food.
But I want a reserve
Just in case I can't go outside for three days.
- Part of this experience is your head.
It's always your mind that gives up on you.
Can't allow ourself to dwell too much on home.
Otherwise, it gets you.
♪
- The fear is,
Turning this epic adventure into a great regret.
My legs are wobbly and barely can walk around.
And I do not want long-term health complications.
Hi, this is tas, and I am officially tapping out.
♪
[wind whistling]
- I'm going to do this, man. I'm going to do this.
I'm going to fight this thing out till the last breath.
♪
- Okay.
Game on. - [growls]
♪
- I got him.
Narrator: In "alone's" most remote location yet...
- [shouting]
Narrator: Ten participants set out to survive at all costs.
- The goal is to stay alive.
♪
- [winces] oh.
Narrator: Battling extreme isolation...
- There is no camera crews.
You are really alone.
- It'll eat at you, tear you up.
- God, why.
- It's a battle. Nobody ever comes out the same.
- Oh, man.
- It'd be impossible to.
Narrator: And fierce predators.
- That's a big bear.
It was right outside my shelter.
- Predators like that-- damn sure going to kill you.
- Please don't rip my face off.
- He bit the hell out of me.
Narrator: They'll endure merciless wind...
- It's been over 60 hours, and it has not let up.
- I can hear the trees falling down around me.
Narrator: And bitter cold.
- This whole place has turned into a frozen hell.
Narrator: Last one standing...
- It's a moose. Wow.
- Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
- No, no!
Narrator: Wins.
♪
- All right, I'm finally up and at 'em.
I haven't been sleeping.
I've just been chilling in the shelter,
Thinking, you know, making a plan.
But it's now time to leave the shelter.
And let's check out what it looks like outside
As I open the door,
Because I think it's going to be pretty cool.
Oh, there's some snow coming in the shelter.
And we open up into...
♪
A little winter wonderland.
It's pretty beautiful out here, actually.
♪
I like it a lot.
There's the old tepee.
Doing a great job, man. I'm so happy with the tepee.
♪
Let's walk down to the water, see what's going on down there.
See how it looks.
♪
The cooking pot full of water I had in the shelter froze,
So I'm sure that my fish is frozen.
So I don't have to worry about that.
Oh, look at how nice it is down here.
Hmm.
I hate my mustache.
I would like to shave it.
♪
Snowy outside, cold and gray--
Tepee day, inside day.
Just passing time.
So I've got six arrows left, which is pretty good.
But I have no more tips,
And I don't want to shoot my broadhead at a grouse,
Because it'll just go through and keep going.
So I'm just going to carve some wooden blunts, drill a hole,
And just pound them in the end.
♪
Winter is not coming.
Winter is here.
And the days to push are coming.
I know.
We got to grind through them.
Like, the 50 to 80 days, those are going to be really hard.
Really short days, long nights, not a lot to do.
You're malnourished.
The fishing isn't going to be good.
You're not going to see as much small game.
And you're going to start feeling really sad,
Lonely, and dark.
Those are going to be the tough days,
Mentally and physically.
But I want to experience that.
It sounds weird, but I do. I want to experience that.
My dad suffered when he was a kid
Before he emigrated here from sudetenland.
When he was eight years old, he was actually starving.
He ate window putty.
He heard bombs exploding in the distance.
And just knowing that people all over the world
Are suffering constantly, and it's not the same,
But to a small extent, I want to see what it was like.
It's on there good.
♪
Right.
We have a grouse blunt...
A thumper.
Yeah, that's not coming off.
Two grouse arrows.
Oh, yeah. Those will work, guaranteed.
You hit a grouse in the side with that...
Grouse arrows ready for action.
Oopsies. I should close this door.
It's snowing in here, man.
What the heck am I doing?
Close the door, tenta.
♪
- It's very, very quiet outside.
It's just got that feeling of snow.
[exhales deeply]
I can hardly see my breath,
So my insulation that I have already
Is doing its job, which is good.
But as I was lying in bed last night,
I got woken up by a cold draft on my back,
And I couldn't work out what it was.
So I shoved my hand down there, and there's a hole.
On further inspection, I saw that the mice have bitten
Into my sleeping bag.
And they, I should imagine,
Are probably starting to take
The lining of my sleeping bag out
To line their burrows with.
[laughs]
Oh, my god.
I have to work out
How I'm going to sew that up pretty sharpish.
Other than that, wood processing,
Firewood collection.
So, yeah, it's going to keep me busy.
I will stop procrastinating. Time to get to work.
♪
Ooh, water's cold right now.
Get some wood.
My greatest concern at this point
Is having dry tinder for my fire.
That's the only way that I'm going to survive
The colder days coming up.
The last thing I want to do when it's minus temperatures
Is come down to the shore
With the wind beating at me to pick it up.
It's the whole reason I made that woodshed.
That woodshed being gone
Means I have to find another solution.
♪
I think I have a wood pile here,
And I'll put a wood pile up here, too.
If I do a little bit every day like this,
I get a really good supply going.
I'm not quite so sure how to say it correctly,
But you can never have enough wood.
[laughing]
English people will laugh.
[laughs]
Oh!
Oh, blimey.
55 years old--grow up, mel.
It's going to require a lot of work
To fill up my shelter with the fuel necessary
To keep me warm in the coming weeks and months.
Getting a good pile going now.
Very happy with that.
♪
Who needs a sewing kit when you've got underwire bras?
♪
[straining]
[object snaps]
[laughs]
♪
I think it's-- oh, here it is.
♪
Yes!
♪
Don't know if you can see that.
♪
Now I'm going to sharpen it on the stone.
I have always been someone that keeps myself busy.
♪
When I was modeling, it was work, work, work.
Pretty good.
Whoo-hoo!
All right, now this bit I have to bend.
♪
The industry in the 1980s
Was not such a social insta-tiktok world
As it is today.
It's like a little mini cutlass.
Arr!
And I treated it very much as a business
And not as a glamorous party scene.
♪
I have a piece of my scarf.
I was there to make money and control my own life,
Which is exactly what I've done here.
Ta-da!
I want to be here as long as possible.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you a needle and thread
Made out of a bra underwire.
♪
Large hole on sleeping bag--
Check this out. Look what they did.
♪
Can you see that?
♪
I get my fist in there.
They're so cheeky.
♪
If anyone had asked me this time last year
What I thought I would be doing,
I would not say sitting on the floor in my own shelter
In saskatchewan sewing my sleeping bag up
With an underwire of a bra.
There.
All right, we're good.
I now have no hole in my sleeping bag.
The hole is no more.
Dun, dun, dah!
It'll do.
[dramatic music]
♪
- My ear's ringing again.
Hazel, tell nikolai that I love him.
Got ten days until his birthday.
Looking good, ain't it?
You guys have no freaking idea what I'm even doing.
♪
Damn.
Ten days.
♪
Kind of makes you feel like a horrible, horrible parent.
♪
He's probably going to think this is the coolest thing ever.
Just to know I could be home with my family right now,
And instead I'm not.
And he doesn't understand any of it.
Son, I hope you know I've used up
A whole hell of a lot of material
Trying to make things for you.
♪
Eh, he don't care.
And that's fine.
♪
He doesn't need to care. He's a little kid.
♪
Here I am out here doing it.
And I feel bad for leaving him.
I feel bad for leaving his mama with no help.
♪
For nine years, I've wanted to do this,
To come out here and push myself,
To see just how far I can go before I break.
But for the past three years, it's been because I'm broke
And I can't afford the therapy that my son needs.
♪
I'm kind of hoping everybody quits before his birthday,
So I can be there on his birthday.
♪
That would be so awesome.
Say, hey, you know, daddy's coming home on your birthday.
That'd be so awesome.
♪
Nikolai, I know your birthday's coming up.
But if I quit now, every bit of this is for nothing.
I'm sorry.
I know you don't understand, but I have to stay at it.
I bet after watching me work on this for so long,
You're wanting to know what it is.
Well, that's too bad.
♪
Almost showed you.
♪
Oh.
I'm a idiot.
All these little shavings is a fire hazard.
♪
But I can't have that.
I'm going to have to seriously dust my bed up.
♪
- Brr.
It is a chilly one.
It's calming down, but it's still windy.
I just loaded up my fire.
We may keep it going all day.
We're going to be hanging out here for most of it,
Cutting wood.
Now that I know how much it takes
To keep it going for a full day,
I got a lot of work to do.
♪
I'm going to build a wood-processing holder
To cut my wood on.
♪
If I keep the fire going 24-7,
Depending on the size of the pieces I burn,
Between 20 and 30 pieces of wood--
That's got to be cut every day.
♪
So there's a lot of wood cutting.
♪
I haven't even looked at my arm today.
It's pretty sore, but that was to be expected.
♪
Back when I was a teenager, I was helping
Our local volunteer fire department,
♪
And one of the basement windows blew out
And blew a bunch of glass into my leg.
And I went into the hospital and had a bunch of stitches,
And they cleaned it all up and what have you.
♪
Three years later,
I started getting just a wicked pain
Right where that had happened.
That is perfect.
♪
Oh.
I think I'll bring almost every pole here.
I went to the hospital.
They x-rayed it, and I had a piece of glass
About the size of a .22 shell, and that had been in my leg
For three years.
And I'd been walking around, never had a clue.
♪
My arm is not healing.
I don't know what's going on.
And that's all I'm worried about right now.
Oh.
I am tired, and I am sore.
We're certainly over 35 today.
I mean, the amount of wood, not my age.
All right.
Take this over there. [grunts]
♪
I'm just going to clean it up,
And I'm going to have a look.
♪
Holy [bleep].
My arm--it's swelling.
♪
And I was squeezing it.
And...
♪
I noticed...
♪
It was a little hard, and...
♪
I squeezed this.
♪
[groans] [bleep].
[dramatic music]
- My arm--it's swelling.
♪
I squeezed this.
♪
[winces] look at that.
Oh, [bleep].
That's been in my arm the whole time.
I don't know if you can see that.
Holy [bleep].
Oh.
♪
Mm.
Does that ever feel better.
Look at that.
♪
That has been in my arm for a couple weeks.
♪
And...
Oh, [bleep].
It's bleeding a lot, but...
♪
That is about half the size of the first one
That I pulled out.
♪
Hopefully...
♪
That is the end of it.
♪
There.
♪
That'll do for the day.
♪
- It's grouse-hunting time.
But before we do anything this morning,
The lake is dead calm, no wind.
We know what this means.
That means we must fish for a little while.
♪
Wouldn't that be a surprise?
An upside-down 20-pound lake trout.
♪
I don't see any upside-down bellies.
♪
I don't know what the heck is going on
With me and my gill-netting skills,
But I'm definitely lacking.
Well, let's walk down to the point.
♪
Is this ice?
Nope.
We're good.
♪
Let's see if there's any action.
There's got to be still a few lake trout around.
Haven't given up hope yet,
Even though it's getting pretty late in the season.
♪
I'm probably halfway through the competition.
It's crazy.
I'm going to be here for so much longer.
Getting close to day 50.
♪
I think I have food till 55, 56.
Come on, lake trout. Let's go.
Then I'll probably fast till day 60 and see how I feel.
That's kind of my goal in my head right now.
[gasps] had a bite, had a bite, had a bite.
Come on, take it again, take it again.
Take it again, take it again.
♪
Got one. Nope, damn it.
[groans] missed him.
I wonder how long a man my size could live
On just half of a lake trout a day.
Could you live for a long time, or would you die
Of some sort of deficiency?
That was another bite. He's there.
Come on.
That was right at the surface.
Okay, there is something going on here,
And this is really frustrating me.
I don't think that's enough calories.
I think you'd slowly starve to death.
I am slowly starving to death, I guess.
There's another bite!
What is happening here?
Holy moly!
Just doesn't make sense.
That's too many bites to not get a hook up.
I feel like I've missed my opportunity this morning.
That's disappointing.
♪
No fish.
I'm just going to go for a walk with my bow,
Look for some tracks.
I don't know. Maybe I'll scare up a grouse.
♪
If I was smart, I'd probably stay in my shelter
And conserve calories,
But it's kind of fun being out in the snow.
♪
Makes me feel like a kid.
♪
Oh, no, that just made me sad when I said that.
I thought of my own kids in the snow.
Oh. [sighs]
Every emotion you feel out here, man...
It goes from just a thought...
♪
To a strong feeling
Of either happiness or sadness
Or feeling kind of mundane.
But it definitely made me feel sad for missing my kids.
Oh.
Why did I have to say that?
Darn it.
♪
There's this emotion that I feel out here.
♪
It's hard to explain,
But it's almost like pain in your chest.
It's like, oh!
You miss 'em so much, and you just hope they're okay.
And I have feelings of guilt for not being there.
So I think I'm just feeling that a bit today.
♪
Man, do I ever feel... Lightheaded.
♪
That was, like, not a long walk, but I feel tired.
[chuckles]
I guess that'll happen after 42 days.
Ooh, rest time.
[dramatic music]
♪
- Brr.
She's crunchy.
I was going to go fishing,
But it's going to get way too cold on my hands.
So... [spits]
I'm going to slice up one of these mushrooms
Here that I found.
This is a really good score of mushrooms.
There's a lot of weight of mushroom here.
And...
You can see the combing on the bottom of them
And where the mice and the squirrels
Have all been chewing at them.
Never ate that mushroom before.
And I've never laid my hands on one before.
But I also have never, ever found a mushroom
That the squirrels and the mice and stuff
Are eating that we can't eat, too.
So...
♪
We're going to find out.
I'm going to roll the dice.
♪
I'm not sure what type of mushroom these are.
So eating them might be a bad idea.
♪
But I'm really hoping that these are good...
♪
Because I got a lot...
Of nutrient in these...
♪
Handful of mushrooms.
♪
Mushrooms can kill you very quickly.
Some of them will just give you a severe gut rot.
Others will give you a cruel, painful, slow death.
And there's no stopping it.
You're going to have cramping and pain
Like you've never felt before
Until your body completely shuts down
And you're dead.
But I'm taking a chance on it.
I want to keep eating.
♪
That's what I'm going to take for a piece...
[sniffs]
Right there.
I'm just going to stick it there.
My mom taught me how to do this.
They say that if they're poisonous...
Within a half hour or so...
You'll know.
And if I feel anything ugly, we'll get rid of it.
So let's go for a walk.
♪
We're going to go check our snares...
♪
See if we can't find another grouse or squirrel.
Fish is my priority, but everything else is a bonus
That I'll welcome greatly.
♪
Got our mushrooms simmering in the pot...
One stuck under the gums.
Let's go see what we can find.
♪
Okay.
♪
[dramatic music]
♪
There we go.
♪
Let me make sure it's dead.
♪
There we go.
♪
So, after quite a display...
We get two more grouse.
[grunts] there, is that better?
We got two more grouse. Oh, got blood all over.
We got two grouse,
And we found that...
The mushrooms,
I'm pretty sure--
Well, I was sure before,
But now I'm even more sure that they're fine,
Which is going to make these next couple pots of soup
So much better.
I couldn't be happier about that.
♪
Thing of beauty.
I am going to have a full belly tonight.
I am so looking forward to that soup.
This one doesn't want to pluck easy.
Now that I got that chunk of lumber out of my arm
And I'm not carrying that around, we're feeling good.
Every day we're one step closer.
Energy's good.
Things are going good.
♪
Hard to imagine...
But my dad and my grandfather...
Were teaching to me these skills...
Since I can remember.
Dad's still around to thank for it.
♪
Grandpa, well, like I say, he's been and gone.
But...
♪
I was a very fortunate, fortunate person to...
♪
Get to enjoy as much time with him as I did.
♪
I got to spend 35 years with him.
December 10, 2006,
My grandfather shot his last deer
With me and my dad.
And on March 8, 2007, he was dead.
He did what he did right up until the day he died.
♪
Oh, that there's roasting up nicely.
And that is an inspiration to me to do the same.
That's one thing he taught me--
Was you go until you can't go anymore.
That's what I'm going to do.
I don't know how everyone else is today,
But I got lots in me left--lots.
We're not going nowhere.
Enough talking. Jeez.
It's all I've been doing all day is talking.
♪
- Are you ready to check the deadfall?
Ten, nine, eight, seven,
Six, five, four, three, two, one.
Yes!
We have a mouse.
I knew we had a mouse.
I will set up that deadfall again.
You were fun...
But now you are not.
Dead mouse. Awesome.
I will skin him, preserve his pelt,
And then part of me wants to walk inland
And get some more rock tripe.
Very happy.
♪
I feel like I am a good friend of death.
♪
When my mom contracted cancer for the second time
And she decided to refuse chemo and radio,
I didn't feel anything.
♪
Okay, skins really easily.
♪
I just...
Bury myself in the rest of my life.
That's a thigh--
The tiniest drumstick I will ever eat.
And, honestly,
Being a model, you spend your life--
Or I did, anyway--
Getting on planes by myself, going to hotels by myself,
Going to the studio.
It was a very transient life of travel
And not really allowing yourself
To become emotionally involved in anybody else.
Take that brain out.
♪
There we go.
I never let people get close to me.
I could just appear, work, and disappear.
♪
Take the mouse with me.
So it was a buffer for any pain that I was feeling.
Okay.
♪
Every trauma that I've had in my life, I put it in a box,
And I put it in the back of my head,
And I forget about it.
♪
I just lock it away.
♪
I'm learning that this experience right now
Is making me open my boxes
And set all of those things free.
♪
[sighs contentedly]
I have four things
Which a lot of people do not have in this world.
I have love.
I have a home.
I have choice.
And I have freedom.
I'm very lucky to have those four things.
I have...
My lovely man...
And felix and luca and ollie.
I have a home,
Which brian built and has welcomed me into.
I have freedom to make the decisions
And choices...
To decide what to do with my freedom.
You never know...
How long you have in this world.
♪
Every day is a gift.
♪
My mom passed from cancer in her 60s.
♪
I'm 55.
♪
So I kind of feel...
Every day is special and precious...
Because you just don't know.
♪
[sniffles]
♪
I had plans for today.
They changed.
♪
That's okay.
It's part of mel change.
Normally, I would have fought on...
♪
Made myself do things.
♪
Mm, now I'm just listening to what I really want to do.
♪
[grunts]
♪
[breathes deeply]
So I'll take a walk down to the beach.
♪
I've come around the corner,
And seen this absolutely beautiful sky.
Saskatchewan seriously knows how to do a sunset.
That's for sure.
♪
I'm realizing that I can be in the moment
And really enjoy watching the colors change
From blue to red to orange.
And I'm noticing so many more details
Instead of just rushing over things
Like I normally do when it's to do with me.
These feelings are so new.
It's like being set free.
It's like opening the door to a cage,
And I'm able to fly out.
♪
[dramatic music]
♪
- [sniffing]
♪
- Well, hunting may be a bust today.
I didn't see [bleep], nothing. It was just cold.
So we're back to the times I hate...
Boring times.
♪
In the darkness, when you're just sitting there
Staring up at the ceiling,
That's when everything starts coming out.
♪
It's worms in your head.
And they'll keep eating away at you
And eating away at you till there's nothing left,
And you'll break down...
♪
Because the deeper you go into your own mind,
The harder it is to get back out.
So, as soon as things start getting bad,
You have to be able to turn to something else.
♪
Found a big nail.
Thinking about...
Forging a knife out of it like biko did.
That'll probably be that knife's name--biko.
So, yeah, let me get a fire going...
Before I get so far into my head that I quit.
♪
I'm playing with fire a little bit.
♪
I got a nail in there.
It's probably hot enough now I can straighten it.
♪
And it's got a big bend in it.
You see?
♪
The rust is falling off of it now.
♪
I learned all of these skills from my stepfather.
♪
Trying to stretch it out,
But I want to have a little bit of a blade profile.
So I don't want it too thin on the spine.
♪
First knife I ever had, he gave it to me,
Told me how to sharpen them.
Oh, yeah, that's thinning it down.
He was always there to show me.
It surely is.
And even though I hated it at the time,
If it wasn't for that, I wouldn't be here.
Need to go ahead and warm up some water
So I can quench it, too.
♪
A fire starts with a spark.
He was the spark that got me started.
♪
Any man can be a father.
I didn't hear it crack.
Took a lot for him to be a dad to four kids that weren't his.
So I think I owe a thank-you to my stepfather, my dad.
Check that out.
That's so awesome.
I'll put a handle on that bad boy.
That might be my new little skinning knife.
[clicks tongue]
A hardened knife...
In the alaskan bush.
Or the alaskan--
A hardened knife in the canadian bush.
[sniffs] might as well be alaska.
It's cold as [bleep].
♪
So I got a piece of wood right here.
I'm going to whittle this thing down to size.
♪
Right now I'm just kind of roughing it out,
Like I do everything else.
♪
As a child, it was hard times and all that stuff,
But I was taught these skill sets.
Even though they were basic, that's what led me to here.
So that's one side all hollowed out.
The knife will sit in there just like this.
Now I got to work on the other side...
♪
Whole nother piece.
♪
And it's that type of generational knowledge
That isn't passed down from father to son,
Mother to daughter anymore.
Most of what people learn comes off of video,
And it's a lot harder to retain that knowledge.
Teaching your children,
Taking them outside, showing them,
That's what's going to make them remember.
I'm going to wrap the sheath now.
And as a child,
You're so much more open to learn these things.
So, if you can start at an early age,
Then they're going to retain that knowledge a lot more
And maybe even find a love for it, like I did.
♪
There it is, folks--
♪
My new bush knife.
Check that out.
Watch this. This is the cool part.
That's the best part right there.
[dramatic music]
♪
- I can see my lips are all chapped again.
[groans softly]
I have a list of things I'd like to do today,
But I'm not sure how I'm going to do them
Or when I'm going to do them.
I just have to go with the flow
And do what takes my fancy.
So, yeah, I'm definitely learning to slow down here.
[chuckles] definitely learning to just take it easy...
And just...
Take it hour by hour almost, which is amazing.
All right.
[grunts]
I'm going to see if I can go fishing now.
♪
I've been hoarding my mushrooms, berries, plants,
But I really want to bring fish in and add it to my diet.
Those fats, those oils, and the variation
Are something that I'm going to want to have,
And they're going to make me feel good moving forward.
♪
Nice and quiet.
♪
It is absolutely frustrating
That I am unable so far to catch fish.
♪
It's partly because of my ego,
Because I know what I'm capable of,
But the only thing I can do is to just keep trying.
♪
I just wish I was home.
I'd be catching fish left, right, and center.
It's really tough to do that, though,
Because I put that hook in the water,
I don't catch a fish,
And it can affect the rest of my day.
Try over here.
[sighs]
It makes me wonder what the [bleep] I'm doing here.
♪
Brian, I'm thinking of you.
♪
There are times when I feel amazing,
Like I'm completely at one here.
Nothing.
♪
And then there are times where I just miss my human.
[sniffles]
[voice breaking] this for me was never about the money--
Just a learning experience.
And I'm wondering,
How much more learning can I do?
♪
[dramatic music]
- How much more learning can I do?
♪
You know, I can now stand and watch a sunset.
I can now not have to do a schedule and work by it.
I don't miss having a list.
♪
But you can be...
[breathes deeply]
All of those things.
You can be a better person.
You can have an amazing experience here.
But if you don't have...
♪
The person--
I have a person who I love back home.
And it's like, as much as this is amazing...
[sniffles]
♪
I don't want to spend another day away from him,
Because I don't know how long I have left.
So I'm tapping out.
I'm going to tap out.
And I want to go home to him,
And I want to spend my time with him and...
♪
And tell him I love him
And not miss another day.
I don't want to miss another day.
No more.
This is an amazing, incredible experience.
[inhales deeply]
But...
I want to...
I want to go home and be with my human, my brian.
♪
I had no idea that being by myself
Would have such an effect on me.
I had no idea that it would affect me so deeply.
♪
It was a complete surprise, but it's a good one.
♪
Hello. It's melanie sawyer here.
♪
Yeah, I'm officially tapping out.
♪
Thank you.
♪
Thank you.
♪
[sniffles]
[sighs, whimpers]
[groans]
Time to go home.
♪
I've been here six weeks.
I've had an amazing, amazing time.
I know that I could last for a long time,
But I feel empty. [sniffles]
And I'm not...
I'm not going to waste precious time
Doing something that doesn't make me happy anymore.
Sometimes when we are too busy in our minds,
We become ill in our bodies.
So I have to slow down.
And that's what I'm going to do.
And that's a good thing.
[sniffles]
♪
I'm tapping out because every day is precious.
I want to spend that time
Making memories with the people
Who are the most important to me.
♪
Compartmentalization
Is an incredible defense system.
Pain or worry--
You can lock them away
And forget about them.
♪
And I would have been perfectly fine,
But I wouldn't have been the person I am today.
And that's incredibly empowering.
♪
I realized that I'm capable of teaching myself
And learning and verbalizing what it is I want,
Creating my own future.
♪
History is important,
But I'm also really excited to begin the rest of my life
And the new adventures with the new mel
That await me.
So my living history
Is closure of the past
And creation of the future.
♪
- Exactly 52 years ago, I was born.
[chuckles] it's my birthday today.
Yay. Happy birthday to me.
The weather is gray, cold, and windy.
It's not a fishing day today again, which bums me out,
Because I really enjoy fishing,
And the only way to get further in this game right now
Is catch more fish.
So plan for today--
Get the bear bag, make a fire, eat some fish, drink some tea,
And enjoy my birthday.
♪
My triple-layer birthday cake.
Happy birthday to me.
The candle's still kind of going.
Make a wish.
Happy birthday.
In you go, birthday cake.
♪
That's a lot of fish. I'm excited.
Still frozen a little bit.
I'm treating myself.
I'm having an extra half a fish
Because I'm worried I'm not eating enough,
'cause when I've been bending over today,
I'm getting, like, a head rush.
I'm like, what?
I just feel really weak.
I worry I'm not sustaining myself with half a fish a day.
But the good thing is, I have a lot of fish stored.
Hopefully that fish will give me some energy.
♪
Thinking about my wife today.
I feel bad for her because...
She'll be thinking about me and feel bad for me.
She'll be like, oh!
♪
But it's fine.
I don't want her to worry.
♪
It's just a birthday, and I'll remember this one.
A lot of your birthdays you don't remember.
I'll definitely remember my 52nd birthday.
♪
As the game wears on like it is now,
I can just feel that the mental game
Is starting to play on me a little bit.
[exhales deeply]
I miss my family dearly, and I miss my kids.
♪
Whoever's left is probably feeling this way.
But they're thinking the same thing I am.
You got to battle through it.
♪
Keep pushing, keep grinding,
Stay busy, stay focused,
Think positive thoughts.
You're just feeling slight uncomfortable feelings
Because you miss the comforts of home and your family.
So here we go. Let's push.
♪
You are coming with me...
♪
Right onto my lid.
Man, that's a big piece of fish,
And there's three of these.
Heck, yeah.
Part of my strategy, I think, is,
If I can spend half the day in the shelter,
Then just half the day outside,
Days are going to go by faster,
And I'm preserving a lot of calories.
♪
Unbelievable.
Just to stay in the game longer
And allow my body to use less calories,
I think, is a good idea.
Hmm.
That was a big meal.
Feeling really full. That's good.
That is great, my friend.
But I think we should check the gill net.
♪
Oh, wow.
I might have something in my gill net.
I can't really tell, but...
It kind of looks that way.
Hold on a sec.
♪
It looks big.
Or it's just a tangle of my net.
I don't know.
But whatever it is...
I'm going to check it out.
♪
I just hope it's...
What I think it is.
♪
What the hell?
♪
[dramatic music]
- What the hell?
I might have something in my gill net.
♪
Whoa.
I got to be careful here.
I hope he doesn't come out.
♪
I might get wet, but I don't care.
♪
I can't believe it!
♪
Oh, my god.
♪
Look at that! I got a fish in my gill net!
♪
Wow!
Whoo!
[laughs]
What?
A fish in my gill net?
I can't believe it.
Wow.
Did he ever tangle it up, though.
♪
Can you believe that? [chuckles]
It worked!
He's huge!
He's got to be five, six pounds.
Maybe that's my biggest fish.
[laughs]
♪
[chuckles] wow.
I can't believe it.
I'm sorry, mr. Fishy. Thank you for your life.
♪
He's big.
♪
[chuckles]
♪
Look at all the meat on that thing.
♪
Oh, my gosh.
I was wondering why my gill net wasn't catching anything.
♪
On my birthday. [laughs]
Oh, I get this great big fish, whitefish.
Whatever it is, it's going in the pot.
It's going to be good.
Whoo!
Birthday gill-net fish-- I can't believe it.
♪
It's the biggest fish yet by far.
It's a beast. It's a leviathan.
It's moby dick.
The scales on that guy-- man, they're like armor.
Holy cow.
It feels good getting your own food,
Even though it's just fish.
I'd never set a gill net before, and it worked.
It was nice that a trap that I set actually worked.
It gives me hope that once I get it untangled,
I can maybe get another one in there.
♪
Beautiful, thick white meat.
I feel so happy right now.
I needed it. I needed a shot of happiness.
♪
What a birthday present.
Somebody gave me a fish in my gill net for my birthday.
Thank you, whoever that was.
Each fish is two days closer to winning this game.
I got food.
Just got to make sure my head stays in the game.
♪
Beautiful meat.
Looks beautiful.
[grunts]
We'll give those a rinse.
♪
[sniffs] all right.
So, in celebration of my birthday...
♪
There's a small fireworks display
That's going to happen right now.
Now, just to be clear...
There is also bears in the area, right?
And I got a lot of fish at my shelter,
So I don't want to take any chances, okay?
Fireworks display starts now.
♪
Happy birthday to me!
♪
Whoo!
Happy birthday!
♪
- Something got in my shelter today,
And all of my [bleep] rats have been taken.
I can't even leave my shelter for fear of getting robbed.
♪
- Oh, my god.
He's got these white growths all over his guts,
And his whole liver was covered in it, too.
I can't lose this fish.
I'm just hoping I don't get sick from it.
- Holy [bleep].
Got a bit of a fire going on right there.
Oh, man. [bleep].
♪