1 00:00:05,978 --> 00:00:08,838 [dramatic music] 2 00:00:08,938 --> 00:00:14,780 ♪ 3 00:00:16,380 --> 00:00:18,041 - I'm so busy I haven't really had an opportunity 4 00:00:18,141 --> 00:00:19,761 to feel homesick. 5 00:00:19,861 --> 00:00:22,162 Well, I'm gonna call that a day on the shelter experiment. 6 00:00:22,262 --> 00:00:26,363 Now it's just me and my thoughts and feelings. 7 00:00:26,463 --> 00:00:28,363 - Our fishing sucks. 8 00:00:28,463 --> 00:00:29,963 There's no more catfish in here. 9 00:00:30,063 --> 00:00:31,884 I'm desperate to find something to eat. 10 00:00:31,984 --> 00:00:33,084 I'm losing strength. 11 00:00:33,184 --> 00:00:35,805 I'm losing muscle, weight, you name it. 12 00:00:35,905 --> 00:00:36,925 I'm pushing my limit. 13 00:00:37,025 --> 00:00:39,646 But we're not done yet. Can't give up. 14 00:00:39,746 --> 00:00:41,966 - It's going across the top peak. 15 00:00:42,066 --> 00:00:44,687 I feel like I've got everything else dialled in. 16 00:00:44,787 --> 00:00:46,927 The critical piece is the protein. 17 00:00:47,027 --> 00:00:48,208 That's the missing link. 18 00:00:48,308 --> 00:00:51,889 [whispering] There's one kudu leaving, 19 00:00:51,989 --> 00:00:54,409 just over the other side of the clearing. 20 00:00:54,509 --> 00:00:56,130 ♪ 21 00:00:56,230 --> 00:00:58,970 I've been hamstrung. 22 00:00:59,070 --> 00:01:00,451 [animal grunting] 23 00:01:00,551 --> 00:01:03,411 They're gonna come right in front of me, I think. 24 00:01:03,511 --> 00:01:05,612 I think I've got a shot here. I'm gonna take a shot. 25 00:01:05,712 --> 00:01:09,933 ♪ 26 00:01:10,033 --> 00:01:12,033 [bow clatters] [bleep]. 27 00:01:20,075 --> 00:01:22,976 [whispering] That was... 28 00:01:23,076 --> 00:01:25,556 super disappointing. 29 00:01:29,157 --> 00:01:31,818 [sighs] 30 00:01:31,918 --> 00:01:34,139 Dang, man, it's tough to get close to them. 31 00:01:34,239 --> 00:01:36,239 ♪ 32 00:01:52,243 --> 00:01:54,983 I think that's blown my chances today, 33 00:01:55,083 --> 00:01:56,864 to be honest. 34 00:01:56,964 --> 00:01:58,504 ♪ 35 00:01:58,604 --> 00:02:00,465 [bleep], man, I tell ya. 36 00:02:00,565 --> 00:02:04,066 ♪ 37 00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:05,826 It's tough. 38 00:02:05,926 --> 00:02:07,666 ♪ 39 00:02:07,766 --> 00:02:11,467 I'm just feeling so [bleep] frustrated 40 00:02:11,567 --> 00:02:15,468 because it's so close but so far away, 41 00:02:15,568 --> 00:02:18,509 in terms of actually getting a successful shot. 42 00:02:18,609 --> 00:02:20,429 ♪ 43 00:02:20,529 --> 00:02:23,310 [whispering] It is what it is. 44 00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:25,311 I'm heading back. 45 00:02:25,411 --> 00:02:29,552 ♪ 46 00:02:29,652 --> 00:02:33,152 I'm really at a pivotal point right now. 47 00:02:33,252 --> 00:02:36,113 [bleep] acacia. 48 00:02:36,213 --> 00:02:40,314 Even the plants don't want me to eat meat, 49 00:02:40,414 --> 00:02:42,315 it feels like. 50 00:02:42,415 --> 00:02:45,595 The physicality of this is getting beyond me 51 00:02:45,695 --> 00:02:47,936 because I don't have enough protein. 52 00:02:54,057 --> 00:02:57,478 Starting to feel myself getting really tired. 53 00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,719 Eating plants for this long, 54 00:02:59,819 --> 00:03:02,999 it's starting to be that my body doesn't want that. 55 00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:05,520 Like, I feel like my body's rejecting it. 56 00:03:05,620 --> 00:03:08,001 I'm so close. [laughs] 57 00:03:08,101 --> 00:03:09,441 Oh, my God. 58 00:03:09,541 --> 00:03:12,402 But I think what's driving me forward, at this point, 59 00:03:12,502 --> 00:03:16,203 is the possibility of success. 60 00:03:16,303 --> 00:03:20,204 Whew, I'm back. 61 00:03:20,304 --> 00:03:23,004 Kudu, nyala... 62 00:03:23,104 --> 00:03:25,885 ♪ 63 00:03:25,985 --> 00:03:29,126 But nothing to eat but plants. 64 00:03:29,226 --> 00:03:32,286 [laughs] 65 00:03:32,386 --> 00:03:35,607 Cruel twist of fate. 66 00:03:35,707 --> 00:03:39,248 And I feel like that's what this has been for me, 67 00:03:39,348 --> 00:03:41,449 a big, fat death quest. 68 00:03:41,549 --> 00:03:45,089 It's not death so much as commitment. 69 00:03:45,189 --> 00:03:46,570 It's actually more a commitment quest. 70 00:03:46,670 --> 00:03:49,691 They call it the death quest, but it's actually about 71 00:03:49,791 --> 00:03:54,172 what are you committing to so fiercely in life 72 00:03:54,272 --> 00:03:58,373 that it's actually taking away your energy 73 00:03:58,473 --> 00:04:00,613 to your life purpose? 74 00:04:00,713 --> 00:04:03,054 And I feel like that's what this has been for me. 75 00:04:03,154 --> 00:04:05,294 It's this real sense of what I need 76 00:04:05,394 --> 00:04:09,335 to stop putting so much energy into 77 00:04:09,435 --> 00:04:12,856 and freeing myself up to create something 78 00:04:12,956 --> 00:04:16,017 really different moving forward. 79 00:04:16,117 --> 00:04:17,297 [sighing] Oh. 80 00:04:17,397 --> 00:04:19,738 So maybe I don't need 81 00:04:19,838 --> 00:04:22,738 to kill a greater kudu male 82 00:04:22,838 --> 00:04:25,139 with fabulous horns to 83 00:04:25,239 --> 00:04:28,020 get that life lesson. 84 00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:30,940 [sighs] 85 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:37,842 ♪ 86 00:04:42,523 --> 00:04:45,524 [birds chirping] 87 00:04:48,844 --> 00:04:51,765 [tapping] 88 00:04:53,005 --> 00:04:54,746 - So last night, I roasted 89 00:04:54,846 --> 00:04:58,227 these Buffalo thorn fruits 90 00:04:58,327 --> 00:05:02,508 to make my first cup of coffee. 91 00:05:02,608 --> 00:05:04,508 I'm really looking forward to sitting with this 92 00:05:04,608 --> 00:05:06,909 this morning and thinking about Erica 93 00:05:07,009 --> 00:05:09,029 and our time together. 94 00:05:09,129 --> 00:05:12,030 [tapping] 95 00:05:12,130 --> 00:05:14,070 ♪ 96 00:05:14,170 --> 00:05:16,871 My brain is always focused on something. 97 00:05:16,971 --> 00:05:18,792 I lock on to one thing at a time. 98 00:05:18,892 --> 00:05:21,672 And that's been pointed out to me, 99 00:05:21,772 --> 00:05:23,873 that I'm not as available 100 00:05:23,973 --> 00:05:27,474 because rarely am I doing nothing in my head. 101 00:05:27,574 --> 00:05:29,714 ♪ 102 00:05:29,814 --> 00:05:31,675 Smells really good. 103 00:05:31,775 --> 00:05:33,875 And one of the things that I've been loving 104 00:05:33,975 --> 00:05:37,036 about that morning practice with my wife, Erica, 105 00:05:37,136 --> 00:05:38,516 I'll say, what are you thinking about? 106 00:05:38,616 --> 00:05:40,557 And she'll say, nothing. 107 00:05:40,657 --> 00:05:42,397 And I'm like, that's impossible. 108 00:05:42,497 --> 00:05:43,797 How could you be thinking about nothing? 109 00:05:43,897 --> 00:05:44,998 You're just thinking about something 110 00:05:45,098 --> 00:05:45,998 you don't wanna tell me about. 111 00:05:46,098 --> 00:05:47,318 That's what I first thought. 112 00:05:47,418 --> 00:05:48,839 And then later, I came to trust it. 113 00:05:48,939 --> 00:05:50,399 She actually is thinking about nothing. 114 00:05:50,499 --> 00:05:52,800 All right, we're gonna call that good. 115 00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:57,921 ♪ 116 00:05:58,021 --> 00:05:59,361 And so I've been experimenting with that 117 00:05:59,461 --> 00:06:03,402 and trying to just fall into that place 118 00:06:03,502 --> 00:06:05,723 of not thinking about anything. 119 00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:08,163 And it's been, I think, a healthy thing for my brain. 120 00:06:08,263 --> 00:06:10,804 I'm starting to feel more present. 121 00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:13,084 I'm gonna make this coffee cowboy-style, 122 00:06:13,184 --> 00:06:15,645 where you just, uh, 123 00:06:15,745 --> 00:06:21,046 boil the grounds right in the pot. 124 00:06:21,146 --> 00:06:25,887 In the meantime, I plan to work on the interior of the shelter. 125 00:06:25,987 --> 00:06:28,448 ♪ 126 00:06:28,548 --> 00:06:30,969 So we can feel like home. 127 00:06:31,069 --> 00:06:34,369 ♪ 128 00:06:34,469 --> 00:06:36,730 I decided on a floor plan in the shelter. 129 00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:40,491 I'm gonna have a bed that's the full 10-foot length. 130 00:06:40,591 --> 00:06:42,411 That'll give me some room to have a place 131 00:06:42,511 --> 00:06:44,772 to put my stuff at my head and at my feet, 132 00:06:44,872 --> 00:06:46,532 and can sleep in the middle. 133 00:06:46,632 --> 00:06:50,213 ♪ 134 00:06:50,313 --> 00:06:53,814 I've got all of this leftover stone and sand 135 00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:56,375 just kind of cluttering up the outside of my shelter, 136 00:06:56,475 --> 00:06:58,775 all this building material that I'm gonna use 137 00:06:58,875 --> 00:07:02,016 to fill the bed. 138 00:07:02,116 --> 00:07:05,217 So rather than hauling it off to clean up the yard, 139 00:07:05,317 --> 00:07:08,337 I'm just gonna make a bed out of it. 140 00:07:08,437 --> 00:07:11,478 [birds chirping] 141 00:07:12,678 --> 00:07:16,539 Sun peeked out. That means it's coffee time. 142 00:07:16,639 --> 00:07:20,200 That's some black coffee. I'd say that was a dark roast. 143 00:07:25,441 --> 00:07:28,002 Good morning, Erica. I miss you. 144 00:07:31,283 --> 00:07:34,063 I feel like I'm settling into a new phase here 145 00:07:34,163 --> 00:07:38,184 where I'm having more time to contemplate things. 146 00:07:38,284 --> 00:07:42,425 ♪ 147 00:07:42,525 --> 00:07:45,266 I do miss my kids, and I miss Erica. 148 00:07:45,366 --> 00:07:48,187 I have waves of deep missing. 149 00:07:48,287 --> 00:07:50,507 The distance is great 150 00:07:50,607 --> 00:07:52,988 and the time is getting greater. 151 00:07:53,088 --> 00:07:55,548 But I'm enjoying being in this place 152 00:07:55,648 --> 00:07:58,229 and wanna stay. 153 00:07:58,329 --> 00:08:01,910 But I need to figure out how to get more calories. 154 00:08:02,010 --> 00:08:04,571 ♪ 155 00:08:07,571 --> 00:08:10,472 [dramatic music] 156 00:08:10,572 --> 00:08:16,513 ♪ 157 00:08:16,613 --> 00:08:21,034 - I had a dream last night about buying steak-- 158 00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:24,075 ah, hilarious, buying steak to go fishing. 159 00:08:24,175 --> 00:08:26,236 That's what I need right now. 160 00:08:26,336 --> 00:08:27,876 God, if I had steak or hot dog or bacon, 161 00:08:27,976 --> 00:08:29,236 I'm sure I'd be doing great. 162 00:08:29,336 --> 00:08:31,357 ♪ 163 00:08:31,457 --> 00:08:33,317 I think I might go for a little walk. 164 00:08:33,417 --> 00:08:35,158 ♪ 165 00:08:35,258 --> 00:08:36,678 I'm really feeling the cold today. 166 00:08:36,778 --> 00:08:39,119 I think it's because I've lost so much weight. 167 00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:41,719 ♪ 168 00:08:41,819 --> 00:08:45,600 Oh, I'm feeling tired. 169 00:08:45,700 --> 00:08:49,921 I'm sick of eating greens and things like that. 170 00:08:50,021 --> 00:08:54,322 Even the African cabbage does not taste good anymore. 171 00:08:54,422 --> 00:08:55,923 It's like my body's going, look, 172 00:08:56,023 --> 00:08:58,323 this is all great but I don't wanna keep doing this. 173 00:08:58,423 --> 00:08:59,844 Things need to change, 174 00:08:59,944 --> 00:09:04,165 and I need to work out what the right thing is to do. 175 00:09:04,265 --> 00:09:05,605 [sighs] 176 00:09:05,705 --> 00:09:09,726 Country, what have you done to me? 177 00:09:09,826 --> 00:09:12,827 You took me down a notch, that's for sure. 178 00:09:15,347 --> 00:09:17,928 Any time you do something this extreme, 179 00:09:18,028 --> 00:09:21,409 you're gonna find new parts of yourself. 180 00:09:21,509 --> 00:09:24,770 And I'm really starting to feel a sense 181 00:09:24,870 --> 00:09:27,970 of my own personal story 182 00:09:28,070 --> 00:09:30,411 starting to come forward more clearly, 183 00:09:30,511 --> 00:09:32,491 and what it is that I need 184 00:09:32,591 --> 00:09:36,172 to see about myself. 185 00:09:36,272 --> 00:09:38,893 Goodness. 186 00:09:38,993 --> 00:09:43,414 I think I'm just gonna sit and contemplate things. 187 00:09:43,514 --> 00:09:49,255 ♪ 188 00:09:49,355 --> 00:09:51,836 [sighs] 189 00:09:53,796 --> 00:09:56,577 I have this sort of seeking part of me 190 00:09:56,677 --> 00:09:59,218 that always wants to know what's really possible. 191 00:09:59,318 --> 00:10:01,498 What's really the edge? 192 00:10:01,598 --> 00:10:04,539 And typically, what I do in life is, 193 00:10:04,639 --> 00:10:07,620 I commit to the full. 194 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:09,900 But all of a sudden, 195 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,381 I'm realising that, over the years, 196 00:10:12,481 --> 00:10:16,462 I will commit to friendships, relationships, 197 00:10:16,562 --> 00:10:19,903 sometimes even business collaborations, 198 00:10:20,003 --> 00:10:23,263 even when there's lots of signs that it's not working. 199 00:10:23,363 --> 00:10:26,024 I feel like I'm stuck in this, 200 00:10:26,124 --> 00:10:28,465 and I have to make it work somehow. 201 00:10:28,565 --> 00:10:31,985 I need to just... 202 00:10:32,085 --> 00:10:34,986 just do what's right for me. 203 00:10:35,086 --> 00:10:37,707 And that's true for everybody, I think. 204 00:10:37,807 --> 00:10:40,587 You've gotta honour what's right for you. 205 00:10:40,687 --> 00:10:42,988 ♪ 206 00:10:43,088 --> 00:10:44,548 [sighs] 207 00:10:44,648 --> 00:10:47,229 And now what I'm really feeling 208 00:10:47,329 --> 00:10:49,509 is that it's not healthy. 209 00:10:49,609 --> 00:10:52,110 And I need to let go of the expectations, 210 00:10:52,210 --> 00:10:53,871 in all aspects, 211 00:10:53,971 --> 00:10:56,791 because this is an opportunity 212 00:10:56,891 --> 00:11:00,192 to rewrite that code for myself. 213 00:11:00,292 --> 00:11:02,513 I had to come all the way to South Africa 214 00:11:02,613 --> 00:11:07,474 to really let go 215 00:11:07,574 --> 00:11:10,474 of what was old in my life 216 00:11:10,574 --> 00:11:14,435 and--and move ahead. 217 00:11:14,535 --> 00:11:17,316 It's crazy. 218 00:11:17,416 --> 00:11:23,598 ♪ 219 00:11:23,698 --> 00:11:26,698 [beeping] 220 00:11:30,499 --> 00:11:32,680 Hey, it's Katie. 221 00:11:32,780 --> 00:11:35,800 I'm just calling to officially tap out. 222 00:11:35,900 --> 00:11:42,862 ♪ 223 00:11:51,344 --> 00:11:53,565 I just feel like the country-- 224 00:11:53,665 --> 00:11:56,365 I guess it just feels like it's besting me at this point. 225 00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:57,886 [laughs] 226 00:11:57,986 --> 00:12:02,567 And I have to just be realistic and not hurt myself. 227 00:12:02,667 --> 00:12:06,008 I think the biggest thing is letting go 228 00:12:06,108 --> 00:12:09,768 of parts of my life. 229 00:12:09,868 --> 00:12:11,689 I think that's been the biggest-- 230 00:12:11,789 --> 00:12:15,090 like, being prepared to let go 231 00:12:15,190 --> 00:12:18,370 and starting a new chapter 232 00:12:18,470 --> 00:12:20,931 in my life. 233 00:12:21,031 --> 00:12:23,452 I feel like I've found confidence 234 00:12:23,552 --> 00:12:26,892 and personal power. 235 00:12:26,992 --> 00:12:29,973 Life is always working with you and for you, 236 00:12:30,073 --> 00:12:31,494 whether you know it or not 237 00:12:31,594 --> 00:12:33,814 and whether you like it or not. 238 00:12:33,914 --> 00:12:35,695 And it feels like this has been 239 00:12:35,795 --> 00:12:38,175 a beautiful example of that. 240 00:12:38,275 --> 00:12:41,496 It's definitely not rolled through the way I expected, 241 00:12:41,596 --> 00:12:44,257 but I fully trust that 242 00:12:44,357 --> 00:12:47,537 what's actually happening is what's meant to be. 243 00:12:47,637 --> 00:12:50,378 I've enjoyed being here on my own. 244 00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:51,978 ♪ 245 00:12:52,078 --> 00:12:53,979 It's like a piercing insight 246 00:12:54,079 --> 00:12:56,619 into what you're really carrying. 247 00:12:56,719 --> 00:12:58,420 ♪ 248 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:02,381 I think this is very much what this experience 249 00:13:02,481 --> 00:13:04,381 has been for me, 250 00:13:04,481 --> 00:13:07,982 a quest for my real truth, 251 00:13:08,082 --> 00:13:10,663 and a humbling in that at the same time. 252 00:13:10,763 --> 00:13:14,224 It's been very, very powerful. 253 00:13:14,324 --> 00:13:17,504 I'll always carry the energy of this in my heart. 254 00:13:17,604 --> 00:13:20,225 Maybe this stoic, 255 00:13:20,325 --> 00:13:23,906 kind of rock energy is coming home with me. 256 00:13:24,006 --> 00:13:27,667 So just thanking the land, really, for that. 257 00:13:27,767 --> 00:13:31,688 ♪ 258 00:13:34,688 --> 00:13:37,509 [dramatic music] 259 00:13:37,609 --> 00:13:44,571 ♪ 260 00:13:51,172 --> 00:13:52,593 - Very cold morning. 261 00:13:52,693 --> 00:13:54,393 Check this out. 262 00:13:54,493 --> 00:13:56,474 [tapping] 263 00:13:56,574 --> 00:13:58,574 Nice and icy. 264 00:14:05,776 --> 00:14:07,436 It's freezing every night. 265 00:14:07,536 --> 00:14:11,197 And every day I wake up, there's frost everywhere. 266 00:14:11,297 --> 00:14:14,958 My feet get cold, but I have the layers I put on. 267 00:14:15,058 --> 00:14:17,399 There's not much more I can do. 268 00:14:17,499 --> 00:14:19,199 I'm just getting, you know, skinnier, and I just-- 269 00:14:19,299 --> 00:14:21,279 my circulation is worse. 270 00:14:21,379 --> 00:14:22,600 But I'm handling it. 271 00:14:22,700 --> 00:14:24,360 Tough it out or go home. 272 00:14:24,460 --> 00:14:26,361 And I'm gonna tough it out. 273 00:14:26,461 --> 00:14:28,401 We're gonna go for a walk, see how we feel, 274 00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:30,362 see how our legs do. 275 00:14:30,462 --> 00:14:32,602 Let's do this. What's the worst-case scenario? 276 00:14:32,702 --> 00:14:35,683 Pass out and they come get me. [laughs] 277 00:14:35,783 --> 00:14:39,164 That's--that is worst-case scenario, yes. 278 00:14:39,264 --> 00:14:42,364 Okay, go for a walk. 279 00:14:42,464 --> 00:14:44,125 ♪ 280 00:14:44,225 --> 00:14:46,845 Here we go. 281 00:14:46,945 --> 00:14:48,366 Make sure I don't fall down there. 282 00:14:48,466 --> 00:14:50,446 We're walking to our lookout rock. 283 00:14:50,546 --> 00:14:51,967 I've eaten all my jerky. 284 00:14:52,067 --> 00:14:55,047 I'm officially out of food. 285 00:14:55,147 --> 00:14:58,048 I really wanna get in that sun and get warm. 286 00:14:58,148 --> 00:15:00,369 I've had my catfish lines out every single day, 287 00:15:00,469 --> 00:15:02,049 with nothing. 288 00:15:02,149 --> 00:15:04,130 And I've changed the bait out multiple times. 289 00:15:04,230 --> 00:15:07,050 I'm going to start losing weight very fast, 290 00:15:07,150 --> 00:15:10,051 but I'm not that skinny yet. 291 00:15:10,151 --> 00:15:11,771 We'll keep on fishing. 292 00:15:11,871 --> 00:15:14,932 We'll keep trying until we can't. 293 00:15:15,032 --> 00:15:16,973 There's two deer up here. 294 00:15:17,073 --> 00:15:20,053 I haven't seen them yet, that species. 295 00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:22,574 There's one, and there's two. 296 00:15:22,674 --> 00:15:25,655 I think those are bushbucks. 297 00:15:25,755 --> 00:15:27,815 Very cool, I like them. I like the stripes on them. 298 00:15:27,915 --> 00:15:29,916 I like the stripes on their coat. 299 00:15:30,956 --> 00:15:34,897 In my rescue, I see and help animals every single day. 300 00:15:34,997 --> 00:15:37,257 But out here, I see wildlife 301 00:15:37,357 --> 00:15:38,738 that I don't get to see back home. 302 00:15:38,838 --> 00:15:41,698 It just makes me happy and excited. 303 00:15:41,798 --> 00:15:43,019 There's another one. 304 00:15:43,119 --> 00:15:44,859 They just uplift me. 305 00:15:44,959 --> 00:15:47,940 These animals are a part of my journey. 306 00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:50,020 So very cool. 307 00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:52,341 I'm gonna keep on going. 308 00:15:52,441 --> 00:15:54,541 That sun already feels good. 309 00:15:54,641 --> 00:15:56,702 It's so hard to be out here 310 00:15:56,802 --> 00:15:58,542 and not fantasise about winning, 311 00:15:58,642 --> 00:16:02,903 to use that money to help improve animals' lives. 312 00:16:03,003 --> 00:16:06,344 If we win, Brady and I could get more animals in. 313 00:16:06,444 --> 00:16:10,785 I think an ideal partnership is respect and support. 314 00:16:10,885 --> 00:16:13,586 Brady and I have that, for sure. 315 00:16:13,686 --> 00:16:15,186 He's my rock. 316 00:16:15,286 --> 00:16:19,067 I need to stick it out for the rescue. 317 00:16:19,167 --> 00:16:21,188 We made it. 318 00:16:21,288 --> 00:16:23,148 It took a lot of energy to get up here today. 319 00:16:23,248 --> 00:16:26,049 [sighing] 320 00:16:31,690 --> 00:16:33,631 I hear baboons. 321 00:16:33,731 --> 00:16:35,551 This is where I clear my mind. 322 00:16:35,651 --> 00:16:39,352 This is where I get mentally strong. 323 00:16:39,452 --> 00:16:41,793 I need this 324 00:16:41,893 --> 00:16:44,113 to stay in the game. 325 00:16:44,213 --> 00:16:45,954 [exhales] 326 00:16:46,054 --> 00:16:49,514 I feel like it's coming down to the mental game. 327 00:16:49,614 --> 00:16:52,435 And I'm digging deep every day. 328 00:16:52,535 --> 00:16:55,276 I'm finding grit I didn't know I had. 329 00:16:55,376 --> 00:16:57,436 I'm not sure where it's coming from. 330 00:16:57,536 --> 00:16:59,717 But once I get to the rock, 331 00:16:59,817 --> 00:17:01,957 the universe is like, you're okay now. 332 00:17:02,057 --> 00:17:04,058 There's a whole bunch of them. 333 00:17:06,218 --> 00:17:09,679 You have to be mentally strong to stay out here. 334 00:17:09,779 --> 00:17:12,160 There's a lot of people with jobs they gotta get back to, 335 00:17:12,260 --> 00:17:14,240 families, children. 336 00:17:14,340 --> 00:17:16,321 Eventually, that pulls on them, 337 00:17:16,421 --> 00:17:18,421 and then they wanna go home. 338 00:17:20,102 --> 00:17:21,882 I don't have to be home for anything, 339 00:17:21,982 --> 00:17:24,283 so I tell myself to suck it up. 340 00:17:24,383 --> 00:17:27,283 This is my adventure, and I can do it as long as I want. 341 00:17:27,383 --> 00:17:30,084 And Brady knows that about me. 342 00:17:30,184 --> 00:17:33,325 When I leave here, it's gonna be-- 343 00:17:33,425 --> 00:17:37,686 absolutely could not have made it another hour. 344 00:17:37,786 --> 00:17:40,126 And it could be mental. 345 00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:44,687 You know, my mental game could decrease in the next few days. 346 00:17:44,787 --> 00:17:46,408 Hopefully not. 347 00:17:46,508 --> 00:17:47,488 But you don't know. 348 00:17:47,588 --> 00:17:49,408 You don't know what's gonna happen. 349 00:17:49,508 --> 00:17:52,249 ♪ 350 00:17:52,349 --> 00:17:54,250 This is "Alone." Haven't you seen it? 351 00:17:54,350 --> 00:17:56,650 Anything can happen. 352 00:17:56,750 --> 00:18:03,832 ♪ 353 00:18:17,755 --> 00:18:20,716 [birds chirping] 354 00:18:22,436 --> 00:18:24,497 - Nothing on that one. 355 00:18:24,597 --> 00:18:26,597 Damn it. 356 00:18:30,358 --> 00:18:33,779 I haven't had any more luck on fishing, 357 00:18:33,879 --> 00:18:35,619 so I'm officially out of food. 358 00:18:35,719 --> 00:18:41,341 ♪ 359 00:18:41,441 --> 00:18:43,181 Expected to be doing better, 360 00:18:43,281 --> 00:18:46,302 especially after coming in and easily catching fish. 361 00:18:46,402 --> 00:18:49,003 There's still a little bit of breaching going on out there. 362 00:18:51,003 --> 00:18:54,464 Sure wish I could catch one of them. 363 00:18:54,564 --> 00:18:57,545 If I cast out, I'm gonna hit a snag. 364 00:18:57,645 --> 00:18:59,665 And I'd end up having to swim for the hook. 365 00:18:59,765 --> 00:19:03,266 It's just a lot of energy to get up out of this. 366 00:19:03,366 --> 00:19:05,546 And I just can't keep burning calories. 367 00:19:05,646 --> 00:19:08,027 ♪ 368 00:19:08,127 --> 00:19:10,348 One of the downsides to building a shelter... 369 00:19:10,448 --> 00:19:13,708 ♪ 370 00:19:13,808 --> 00:19:16,669 I put thousands of calories into this shelter. 371 00:19:16,769 --> 00:19:18,389 I hauled so many loads of rock, 372 00:19:18,489 --> 00:19:20,850 and gotta balance that out with food. 373 00:19:22,530 --> 00:19:23,911 I need food coming in. 374 00:19:24,011 --> 00:19:25,991 And fish seems like the best option, 375 00:19:26,091 --> 00:19:28,352 but it's just not happening. 376 00:19:28,452 --> 00:19:30,192 I feel the stress. 377 00:19:30,292 --> 00:19:32,273 If you don't eat, you get a little bit lightheaded 378 00:19:32,373 --> 00:19:35,994 when you stand up, that kind of stuff. 379 00:19:36,094 --> 00:19:39,574 So I'm gonna harvest prickly pear today. 380 00:19:41,495 --> 00:19:43,555 I don't think I'll get a lot of calories out of it, 381 00:19:43,655 --> 00:19:47,356 but it's just good for the gut biome 382 00:19:47,456 --> 00:19:49,457 and all that, I'm sure. 383 00:19:52,377 --> 00:19:56,318 I'm ready to get back to hunting. 384 00:19:56,418 --> 00:19:59,479 Problem with that is, the big game are up on top, 385 00:19:59,579 --> 00:20:03,400 and that's a very big calorie expenditure 386 00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:04,960 to get up there. 387 00:20:05,060 --> 00:20:06,521 All right, well, that ought to do. 388 00:20:06,621 --> 00:20:09,722 I'll go burn all these thorns off 389 00:20:09,822 --> 00:20:11,482 and then have a little meal. 390 00:20:11,582 --> 00:20:13,923 I really think that if I climb up on top 391 00:20:14,023 --> 00:20:17,043 and I'm not successful, I will burn through calories 392 00:20:17,143 --> 00:20:20,484 too fast and I will not last. 393 00:20:20,584 --> 00:20:23,165 So I've gotta stay close to home here 394 00:20:23,265 --> 00:20:26,606 and just hope that I can find the calories 395 00:20:26,706 --> 00:20:28,726 sooner than later. 396 00:20:28,826 --> 00:20:32,327 ♪ 397 00:20:32,427 --> 00:20:34,287 Prickly pear kebab here. 398 00:20:34,387 --> 00:20:36,908 We're gonna roast them for a bit and then boil it up. 399 00:20:40,389 --> 00:20:43,410 Erica and I have ten children between us. 400 00:20:43,510 --> 00:20:45,690 Each day, I've been picking a different child 401 00:20:45,790 --> 00:20:47,691 and thinking about them. 402 00:20:47,791 --> 00:20:50,871 And today is Isaiah. 403 00:20:54,672 --> 00:20:57,413 I think about you all the time. 404 00:20:57,513 --> 00:20:59,373 I hope you're having a great summer, 405 00:20:59,473 --> 00:21:02,094 and I can't wait to get home and hear about it. 406 00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:07,415 ♪ 407 00:21:07,515 --> 00:21:09,416 Isaiah is my little world traveler, you know. 408 00:21:09,516 --> 00:21:11,256 He's been all over the place. 409 00:21:11,356 --> 00:21:13,457 He was the last one to be with his brother 410 00:21:13,557 --> 00:21:16,417 before his brother passed. 411 00:21:16,517 --> 00:21:17,538 They were traveling in Vietnam. 412 00:21:17,638 --> 00:21:20,018 And Isaiah came home, and Porter stayed. 413 00:21:20,118 --> 00:21:21,859 ♪ 414 00:21:21,959 --> 00:21:25,619 Isaiah was closest in age to Porter, and they were buddies. 415 00:21:25,719 --> 00:21:28,060 They did everything together 416 00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:30,541 and were really bonded as brothers. 417 00:21:30,641 --> 00:21:33,901 And Porter looked out for Isaiah. 418 00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:37,222 Porter's death, it was very, very difficult for all of us, 419 00:21:37,322 --> 00:21:40,143 but I think especially for Isaiah. 420 00:21:40,243 --> 00:21:42,744 ♪ 421 00:21:42,844 --> 00:21:44,504 I think that's good. 422 00:21:44,604 --> 00:21:46,864 Now I'm just gonna boil them into a mush. 423 00:21:46,964 --> 00:21:49,505 ♪ 424 00:21:49,605 --> 00:21:52,066 And as Porter, 425 00:21:52,166 --> 00:21:55,667 you know, eventually struggled with his use of substances, 426 00:21:55,767 --> 00:21:58,307 those roles changed. 427 00:21:58,407 --> 00:22:00,508 Isaiah significantly became 428 00:22:00,608 --> 00:22:03,308 the caregiver to Porter. 429 00:22:03,408 --> 00:22:06,709 And I really admire him for that. 430 00:22:06,809 --> 00:22:09,310 In a big family structure, that's pretty important. 431 00:22:09,410 --> 00:22:11,630 The older siblings especially 432 00:22:11,730 --> 00:22:14,671 tend to fill some of those roles to supplement the fact 433 00:22:14,771 --> 00:22:17,192 that the parents can't be with every child 434 00:22:17,292 --> 00:22:19,472 all the time. 435 00:22:19,572 --> 00:22:23,513 When I was considering coming on "Alone," 436 00:22:23,613 --> 00:22:25,954 it was one of the hardest things for me to consider, 437 00:22:26,054 --> 00:22:27,674 was being away. 438 00:22:27,774 --> 00:22:31,155 So Isaiah really allowed me to be able to 439 00:22:31,255 --> 00:22:33,435 come and have this experience. 440 00:22:33,535 --> 00:22:36,336 [wind whooshing] 441 00:22:44,858 --> 00:22:47,719 Yep, just like I remember it. Not great. 442 00:22:47,819 --> 00:22:49,959 I just wanna make sure I don't get too depleted. 443 00:22:50,059 --> 00:22:53,400 I'm gonna spend some time on catfish again tonight. 444 00:22:53,500 --> 00:22:55,401 See what happens. 445 00:22:55,501 --> 00:22:58,821 ♪ 446 00:23:01,942 --> 00:23:04,803 [dramatic music] 447 00:23:04,903 --> 00:23:11,784 ♪ 448 00:23:13,825 --> 00:23:16,366 - Pretty tired. It's been a long day. 449 00:23:16,466 --> 00:23:18,886 It started really early, fishing. 450 00:23:18,986 --> 00:23:20,967 It's just not happening. 451 00:23:21,067 --> 00:23:24,107 So I'm just gonna drink some coffee and think about it. 452 00:23:28,628 --> 00:23:30,529 [slurping] 453 00:23:30,629 --> 00:23:33,890 [birds chirping] 454 00:23:33,990 --> 00:23:37,331 ♪ 455 00:23:37,431 --> 00:23:41,491 How strong of a mind do you need to have to win this game? 456 00:23:41,591 --> 00:23:44,532 I don't know the answer to that question. 457 00:23:44,632 --> 00:23:47,293 Maybe it's less about strength 458 00:23:47,393 --> 00:23:50,654 and more about your personality, 459 00:23:50,754 --> 00:23:53,614 the way you're wired. 460 00:23:53,714 --> 00:23:55,695 I was thinking about my mom. 461 00:23:55,795 --> 00:23:59,936 When I was young, the cows got out, and... 462 00:24:00,036 --> 00:24:02,056 ♪ 463 00:24:02,156 --> 00:24:04,857 My dad sent... 464 00:24:04,957 --> 00:24:08,738 my two older brothers and I to get them. 465 00:24:08,838 --> 00:24:12,219 So we were hiking along, and I couldn't keep up. 466 00:24:12,319 --> 00:24:14,379 And I got so tired that I thought, 467 00:24:14,479 --> 00:24:16,140 man, I just can't make it. 468 00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:18,340 And I just laid down on the ground, 469 00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:21,141 and I was just looking at the sky. 470 00:24:21,241 --> 00:24:23,461 I was cold, tired, 471 00:24:23,561 --> 00:24:26,342 and I thought I might die. 472 00:24:26,442 --> 00:24:29,263 And I fell asleep. 473 00:24:29,363 --> 00:24:33,064 And I woke up to my mom, 474 00:24:33,164 --> 00:24:36,544 her hand on my shoulder. 475 00:24:36,644 --> 00:24:38,905 I was like, oh, man, she's gonna rescue me. 476 00:24:39,005 --> 00:24:40,745 [laughs] She's here for me. 477 00:24:40,845 --> 00:24:43,746 I'm saved. 478 00:24:43,846 --> 00:24:46,467 That's not what happened. 479 00:24:46,567 --> 00:24:47,867 She said, Nathan, 480 00:24:47,967 --> 00:24:49,428 you're supposed to be getting the cows. 481 00:24:49,528 --> 00:24:50,908 Why are you laying here on the ground? 482 00:24:51,008 --> 00:24:52,908 You need to get up and go join your brothers 483 00:24:53,008 --> 00:24:55,109 and bring those cows home. 484 00:24:55,209 --> 00:24:58,430 ♪ 485 00:24:58,530 --> 00:25:00,030 So... 486 00:25:00,130 --> 00:25:02,111 ♪ 487 00:25:02,211 --> 00:25:06,271 I got up, and I started walking again. 488 00:25:06,371 --> 00:25:08,032 After a little bit, I met my brothers. 489 00:25:08,132 --> 00:25:09,872 They were coming back with the cows, 490 00:25:09,972 --> 00:25:12,753 and I brought the cows home. 491 00:25:12,853 --> 00:25:15,594 I remember feeling like, wow, I did it. 492 00:25:15,694 --> 00:25:22,395 ♪ 493 00:25:22,495 --> 00:25:26,116 And my mom could have said, oh, you poor thing, you know, 494 00:25:26,216 --> 00:25:28,637 let me take you home and make you some hot chocolate. 495 00:25:28,737 --> 00:25:30,477 ♪ 496 00:25:30,577 --> 00:25:33,678 She could have been that kind of mom, right? 497 00:25:33,778 --> 00:25:34,998 She wasn't. 498 00:25:35,098 --> 00:25:38,759 She said, you know, get up and finish the job. 499 00:25:38,859 --> 00:25:40,920 It's experiencing those hard things 500 00:25:41,020 --> 00:25:43,120 makes us into the people that we are. 501 00:25:43,220 --> 00:25:46,401 And if my mom had just rescued me, 502 00:25:46,501 --> 00:25:48,561 I wouldn't be the person I am. 503 00:25:48,661 --> 00:25:50,562 And that's... 504 00:25:50,662 --> 00:25:53,563 [sniffling] 505 00:25:53,663 --> 00:25:56,203 ♪ 506 00:25:56,303 --> 00:25:59,064 That's what my mom taught us. 507 00:26:10,187 --> 00:26:12,807 [laughs] You're the best, Mom. 508 00:26:12,907 --> 00:26:15,368 I love you so much. 509 00:26:15,468 --> 00:26:21,369 ♪ 510 00:26:21,469 --> 00:26:26,170 My family's tradition around wilderness survival 511 00:26:26,270 --> 00:26:30,651 came from my mother and my father and their life's work. 512 00:26:30,751 --> 00:26:33,692 I got two poles set up here. 513 00:26:33,792 --> 00:26:36,653 I'll just wait and see if we get any action. 514 00:26:36,753 --> 00:26:39,413 ♪ 515 00:26:39,513 --> 00:26:42,654 It's so much a part of our family culture 516 00:26:42,754 --> 00:26:44,815 that I feel a responsibility 517 00:26:44,915 --> 00:26:48,336 to represent well. 518 00:26:48,436 --> 00:26:52,016 So far, I have not been successful 519 00:26:52,116 --> 00:26:55,257 in solving the puzzle of calories. 520 00:26:55,357 --> 00:26:59,218 I have noticed that I've lost quite a bit of weight. 521 00:26:59,318 --> 00:27:02,259 I feel the lack of energy 522 00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:05,500 and lack of cognitive ability. 523 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:10,101 ♪ 524 00:27:10,201 --> 00:27:14,262 This is a difficult thing to figure out right now. 525 00:27:14,362 --> 00:27:17,662 My game plan is to just keep trying, not give up. 526 00:27:17,762 --> 00:27:22,624 ♪ 527 00:27:22,724 --> 00:27:26,104 [water sloshing] 528 00:27:26,204 --> 00:27:28,105 Oh, my gosh. 529 00:27:28,205 --> 00:27:33,426 ♪ 530 00:27:33,526 --> 00:27:35,347 [bleep]. 531 00:27:35,447 --> 00:27:42,248 ♪ 532 00:27:43,569 --> 00:27:44,789 Oh, yeah, a big-- 533 00:27:44,889 --> 00:27:46,789 [laughs] 534 00:27:46,889 --> 00:27:49,790 ♪ 535 00:27:49,890 --> 00:27:51,590 Wow. 536 00:27:51,690 --> 00:27:56,912 ♪ 537 00:27:57,012 --> 00:27:58,392 Oh, a big ol' dandy. 538 00:27:58,492 --> 00:28:00,793 Wow. 539 00:28:00,893 --> 00:28:04,674 Wow, that's really exciting. 540 00:28:04,774 --> 00:28:06,914 It feels so good. 541 00:28:07,014 --> 00:28:09,755 This long dry spell of not catching more fish 542 00:28:09,855 --> 00:28:12,715 has been broken. 543 00:28:12,815 --> 00:28:17,156 Well, I'm not gonna carry this and all this stuff back 544 00:28:17,256 --> 00:28:19,997 at the same time, so I'll make two trips. 545 00:28:20,097 --> 00:28:22,038 Whoa. [clears throat] 546 00:28:22,138 --> 00:28:25,598 ♪ 547 00:28:25,698 --> 00:28:28,639 It's incredible to know that my need for food 548 00:28:28,739 --> 00:28:32,240 is gonna be satisfied now for several days. 549 00:28:32,340 --> 00:28:34,561 The best day yet. 550 00:28:34,661 --> 00:28:37,361 I'm really grateful for it. 551 00:28:37,461 --> 00:28:39,942 ♪ 552 00:28:42,863 --> 00:28:45,723 [dramatic music] 553 00:28:45,823 --> 00:28:52,825 ♪ 554 00:28:58,626 --> 00:29:02,127 - So I'm just trying to, like, walk a little. 555 00:29:02,227 --> 00:29:05,928 Circulation. 556 00:29:06,028 --> 00:29:08,008 It's going pretty slow. 557 00:29:08,108 --> 00:29:11,129 ♪ 558 00:29:11,229 --> 00:29:13,210 [sighs] 559 00:29:13,310 --> 00:29:14,730 ♪ 560 00:29:14,830 --> 00:29:16,530 Man, I'm exhausted. 561 00:29:16,630 --> 00:29:19,811 ♪ 562 00:29:19,911 --> 00:29:21,772 I can't go much farther. 563 00:29:21,872 --> 00:29:24,012 I'm pooped. 564 00:29:24,112 --> 00:29:28,533 ♪ 565 00:29:28,633 --> 00:29:31,414 I'm not doing well. 566 00:29:31,514 --> 00:29:34,235 My heart, my breathing makes me a little concerned. 567 00:29:36,435 --> 00:29:40,376 I feel like-- I feel like there's a heavy... 568 00:29:40,476 --> 00:29:42,137 weight on my chest all the time. 569 00:29:42,237 --> 00:29:43,897 And, like, literally every couple minutes, I have to-- 570 00:29:43,997 --> 00:29:46,898 [inhales] Deep breath because I feel like 571 00:29:46,998 --> 00:29:48,898 I'm not getting enough oxygen. 572 00:29:48,998 --> 00:29:51,499 ♪ 573 00:29:51,599 --> 00:29:53,939 It could be from low blood pressure, 574 00:29:54,039 --> 00:29:57,300 dehydration, malnutrition, 575 00:29:57,400 --> 00:29:59,741 all of the above. 576 00:29:59,841 --> 00:30:02,541 ♪ 577 00:30:02,641 --> 00:30:04,642 [sighs] 578 00:30:06,442 --> 00:30:09,583 I have no energy for anything right now. 579 00:30:09,683 --> 00:30:11,143 We're gonna get up. 580 00:30:11,243 --> 00:30:13,864 I just wanna be in the sun. 581 00:30:13,964 --> 00:30:16,105 I'm very winded all the time. 582 00:30:16,205 --> 00:30:18,065 My legs are Jell-O. 583 00:30:18,165 --> 00:30:20,426 I get lightheaded when I stand up. 584 00:30:20,526 --> 00:30:22,066 Add all those together, and I just don't know 585 00:30:22,166 --> 00:30:24,426 if I can even hike anymore. 586 00:30:24,526 --> 00:30:27,427 ♪ 587 00:30:27,527 --> 00:30:29,468 [sighs] 588 00:30:29,568 --> 00:30:31,508 ♪ 589 00:30:31,608 --> 00:30:35,509 As you see, everything I do exhausts me. 590 00:30:35,609 --> 00:30:38,530 So it's not like we could do a whole lot. 591 00:30:41,370 --> 00:30:43,591 I'm a licensed vet tech, and I tell clients-- 592 00:30:43,691 --> 00:30:46,832 they always have the question, when do I put my animals down? 593 00:30:46,932 --> 00:30:49,032 How do you know? 594 00:30:49,132 --> 00:30:51,113 I say, 595 00:30:51,213 --> 00:30:53,673 mark on a calendar when the bad days 596 00:30:53,773 --> 00:30:55,794 outnumber the good. 597 00:30:55,894 --> 00:30:58,755 ♪ 598 00:30:58,855 --> 00:31:01,595 And a lot of people bring their animals in, 599 00:31:01,695 --> 00:31:06,036 carrying them because they can't walk, they can't eat. 600 00:31:06,136 --> 00:31:09,557 They're suffering. They're in pain. 601 00:31:09,657 --> 00:31:12,918 And that's their decision. That's fine. 602 00:31:13,018 --> 00:31:14,758 ♪ 603 00:31:14,858 --> 00:31:16,599 In my opinion, 604 00:31:16,699 --> 00:31:20,400 don't let them get to that point. 605 00:31:20,500 --> 00:31:23,760 Why let them go out in pain and suffering? 606 00:31:23,860 --> 00:31:27,601 Let them go out on a day that they can walk on their own. 607 00:31:27,701 --> 00:31:31,722 We love them so much that we hang on till the very end. 608 00:31:31,822 --> 00:31:34,483 We have to be strong enough, I feel, to... 609 00:31:34,583 --> 00:31:36,043 ♪ 610 00:31:36,143 --> 00:31:38,764 Realise that they need-- 611 00:31:38,864 --> 00:31:41,605 they might need to go before that. 612 00:31:41,705 --> 00:31:43,725 [sighs] 613 00:31:43,825 --> 00:31:45,966 It's getting hard. 614 00:31:46,066 --> 00:31:48,046 I wanna walk out of here on my own, 615 00:31:48,146 --> 00:31:52,047 and I'm almost to the point where I can't do that. 616 00:31:52,147 --> 00:31:54,368 Man, it hurts. 617 00:31:54,468 --> 00:31:56,728 I don't want the safety team to come in 618 00:31:56,828 --> 00:31:59,849 and have to scoop me up with a shovel and take me out. 619 00:31:59,949 --> 00:32:04,770 ♪ 620 00:32:04,870 --> 00:32:06,571 I don't need to prove anything to anybody else. 621 00:32:06,671 --> 00:32:09,531 I don't need to prove anything to myself anymore. 622 00:32:09,631 --> 00:32:11,612 [sighs] 623 00:32:11,712 --> 00:32:15,093 I'm just tired of fighting with myself. 624 00:32:15,193 --> 00:32:16,693 I wanna go out with my boots on. 625 00:32:16,793 --> 00:32:20,574 I wanna go out kicking, go out on a good day. 626 00:32:20,674 --> 00:32:22,574 ♪ 627 00:32:22,674 --> 00:32:25,515 [beeping] 628 00:32:26,595 --> 00:32:28,896 This is Kelsey. 629 00:32:28,996 --> 00:32:31,897 I'm officially tapping out. 630 00:32:31,997 --> 00:32:38,998 ♪ 631 00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:48,300 I'm exhausted. I can barely stand. 632 00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:50,701 When I walk, it feels like 633 00:32:50,801 --> 00:32:53,382 there's a cinder block on my chest. 634 00:32:53,482 --> 00:32:54,902 So I know I'm just getting weaker. 635 00:32:55,002 --> 00:32:57,263 And I hate to use that W word, but I'm-- 636 00:32:57,363 --> 00:32:58,583 I'm there. 637 00:32:58,683 --> 00:33:01,704 But I'm proud. I'm proud of what I did. 638 00:33:01,804 --> 00:33:04,544 You know, I've never gone a day in my life without food. 639 00:33:04,644 --> 00:33:07,225 And I've done a lot of days without food, 640 00:33:07,325 --> 00:33:09,105 you know, and did a lot. 641 00:33:09,205 --> 00:33:11,426 I just wanna go out on a good day, 642 00:33:11,526 --> 00:33:14,066 and that I'm not leaving because I hate it. 643 00:33:14,166 --> 00:33:16,267 I'm just leaving because this journey needs to end, 644 00:33:16,367 --> 00:33:18,788 and another one needs to begin. 645 00:33:18,888 --> 00:33:21,548 [sighs] Yeah. 646 00:33:21,648 --> 00:33:23,509 [soft music] 647 00:33:23,609 --> 00:33:25,909 I came in as the underdog, 648 00:33:26,009 --> 00:33:28,350 with people doubting me, 649 00:33:28,450 --> 00:33:31,191 with me even doubting some of my skills. 650 00:33:31,291 --> 00:33:32,991 I've accomplished things that I didn't know 651 00:33:33,091 --> 00:33:34,951 that I could accomplish. 652 00:33:35,051 --> 00:33:38,352 But it was a lot harder than I thought, mentally. 653 00:33:38,452 --> 00:33:40,713 I had so many meltdowns, 654 00:33:40,813 --> 00:33:42,953 but then I pep talked my way back up. 655 00:33:43,053 --> 00:33:44,514 The animals really helped me. 656 00:33:44,614 --> 00:33:47,194 And I know that's weird to say that, 657 00:33:47,294 --> 00:33:49,795 but, man, they built me up. 658 00:33:49,895 --> 00:33:52,636 This experience will help me with the rescue 659 00:33:52,736 --> 00:33:54,316 because if the animals 660 00:33:54,416 --> 00:33:56,076 were being malnourished and starved, 661 00:33:56,176 --> 00:33:58,197 if they were dumped on the side of the road, 662 00:33:58,297 --> 00:34:01,598 cold and wet and hungry, I can truly 663 00:34:01,698 --> 00:34:04,198 make them comfortable because I've been through it 664 00:34:04,298 --> 00:34:06,519 here in South Africa. 665 00:34:06,619 --> 00:34:09,400 I feel like I represented women very well, 666 00:34:09,500 --> 00:34:12,360 being the first woman to shoot a big game animal 667 00:34:12,460 --> 00:34:16,401 and having the grit to endure storms, 668 00:34:16,501 --> 00:34:20,082 rains, many flash floods and not giving up 669 00:34:20,182 --> 00:34:23,523 until your body physically can't go anymore. 670 00:34:23,623 --> 00:34:27,404 And I do feel like I've let women know that you absolutely 671 00:34:27,504 --> 00:34:29,164 can go out all by yourself. 672 00:34:29,264 --> 00:34:31,285 You absolutely can do that. 673 00:34:31,385 --> 00:34:33,605 You just have to go and do it. 674 00:34:33,705 --> 00:34:36,126 My journey here has ended, but my story 675 00:34:36,226 --> 00:34:38,206 has just begun being written. 676 00:34:38,306 --> 00:34:41,687 Now nobody can call me an underdog ever again. 677 00:34:41,787 --> 00:34:44,968 I am a force to be reckoned with. 678 00:34:45,068 --> 00:34:52,070 ♪ 679 00:35:19,676 --> 00:35:22,977 - My daughter, Eliza, before I came out, she said, Dad, 680 00:35:23,077 --> 00:35:25,057 you just have to do one thing for me. 681 00:35:25,157 --> 00:35:26,298 And I said, why? 682 00:35:26,398 --> 00:35:27,538 She didn't give me an explanation. 683 00:35:27,638 --> 00:35:28,978 She just said, it'll be meaningful to me. 684 00:35:29,078 --> 00:35:30,579 Just do it. 685 00:35:30,679 --> 00:35:33,819 ♪ 686 00:35:33,919 --> 00:35:36,220 And that's write "No Regrets." 687 00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:38,100 And you have to spell it like this. 688 00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:39,941 And she showed me. 689 00:35:40,041 --> 00:35:43,942 So I decided to name the shelter 690 00:35:44,042 --> 00:35:45,942 Fort No Regrets-- 691 00:35:46,042 --> 00:35:47,663 "Regrats." 692 00:35:47,763 --> 00:35:50,983 And because that's meaningful to you, Eliza, 693 00:35:51,083 --> 00:35:53,504 it's meaningful to me. 694 00:35:53,604 --> 00:35:54,984 I like it. 695 00:35:55,084 --> 00:35:57,745 I'm gonna drink some coffee. 696 00:35:57,845 --> 00:36:01,906 I know it's been a month, but the time has just flown. 697 00:36:02,006 --> 00:36:04,227 I'm sure part of that was just because I was so busy trying 698 00:36:04,327 --> 00:36:07,387 to solve the puzzle here. 699 00:36:07,487 --> 00:36:09,708 And I'm looking forward to slowing down a little bit more 700 00:36:09,808 --> 00:36:11,668 and just enjoying the pleasure of being 701 00:36:11,768 --> 00:36:13,589 in this beautiful place. 702 00:36:13,689 --> 00:36:15,309 ♪ 703 00:36:15,409 --> 00:36:17,670 I'm gonna get that catfish head cooking in here. 704 00:36:17,770 --> 00:36:19,990 And that's all I have planned at the moment. 705 00:36:20,090 --> 00:36:25,512 ♪ 706 00:36:25,612 --> 00:36:28,512 [beeping] 707 00:36:28,612 --> 00:36:29,633 ♪ 708 00:36:29,733 --> 00:36:32,313 The crew is coming by to do a med check. 709 00:36:32,413 --> 00:36:39,055 ♪ 710 00:36:39,775 --> 00:36:41,875 I just saw the team pull up in a boat. 711 00:36:41,975 --> 00:36:48,977 ♪ 712 00:36:54,819 --> 00:36:57,199 [beeping] 713 00:36:57,299 --> 00:36:59,820 ♪ 714 00:37:06,741 --> 00:37:08,882 - No. 715 00:37:08,982 --> 00:37:10,002 - The weather's been fantastic-- 716 00:37:10,102 --> 00:37:11,362 a little windy at times, 717 00:37:11,462 --> 00:37:13,463 which is great for drying out meat, so. 718 00:37:16,624 --> 00:37:18,004 - No, I still need to build a door. 719 00:37:18,104 --> 00:37:21,005 But honestly, I call it a fort because 720 00:37:21,105 --> 00:37:23,485 I feel like a kid again out here. 721 00:37:23,585 --> 00:37:26,686 I feel like I'm just out here playing and having a good time. 722 00:37:26,786 --> 00:37:28,927 It's an amazing opportunity. 723 00:37:29,027 --> 00:37:33,528 And the reason I can do that is that my kids support it. 724 00:37:33,628 --> 00:37:35,948 ♪ 725 00:37:38,989 --> 00:37:40,409 [dramatic music] 726 00:37:40,509 --> 00:37:42,450 - I feel like a kid again out here. 727 00:37:42,550 --> 00:37:45,691 I feel like I'm just out here playing and having a good time. 728 00:37:45,791 --> 00:37:47,411 It's an amazing opportunity. 729 00:37:47,511 --> 00:37:51,812 And the reason I can do that is that my kids support it. 730 00:37:51,912 --> 00:37:53,132 And-- 731 00:37:53,232 --> 00:37:54,373 - What about your kids? 732 00:37:54,473 --> 00:37:55,733 - Oh, my God. 733 00:37:55,833 --> 00:37:57,373 [laughs] 734 00:37:57,473 --> 00:37:58,374 [gasps] 735 00:37:58,474 --> 00:37:59,374 What in the world? 736 00:37:59,474 --> 00:38:00,974 Isaiah. 737 00:38:01,074 --> 00:38:03,695 [laughter] 738 00:38:03,795 --> 00:38:05,375 - You won. 739 00:38:05,475 --> 00:38:08,816 [laughter] 740 00:38:08,916 --> 00:38:10,096 - I love you, man. 741 00:38:10,196 --> 00:38:11,697 - I love you too. 742 00:38:11,797 --> 00:38:14,977 ♪ 743 00:38:15,077 --> 00:38:17,178 - Wow, look at you. You're right here. 744 00:38:17,278 --> 00:38:19,258 - Yeah, you look terrible. - Holy smokes. 745 00:38:19,358 --> 00:38:22,419 Oh, my God. 746 00:38:22,519 --> 00:38:23,780 Oh, wow. 747 00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:25,420 - I love you, Dad. 748 00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:26,700 - And the world traveler-- 749 00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:27,940 - Yeah. 750 00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:29,541 - And you're down here in South Africa now, huh? 751 00:38:29,641 --> 00:38:31,021 - Yeah. 752 00:38:31,121 --> 00:38:33,902 - Oh, my gosh. [laughter and sniffling] 753 00:38:34,002 --> 00:38:35,262 I'm so excited. 754 00:38:35,362 --> 00:38:36,583 Oh, it's so good to see you. 755 00:38:36,683 --> 00:38:38,943 Holy smokes. 756 00:38:39,043 --> 00:38:41,224 - You gonna give me the tour? - I would love to. 757 00:38:41,324 --> 00:38:42,864 Unbelievable. 758 00:38:42,964 --> 00:38:44,384 [laughter] 759 00:38:44,484 --> 00:38:45,665 ♪ 760 00:38:45,765 --> 00:38:47,185 - "Fort No Regrats." 761 00:38:47,285 --> 00:38:49,346 [laughs] 762 00:38:49,446 --> 00:38:52,146 Holy crap, Dad. 763 00:38:52,246 --> 00:38:55,627 Unbelievable, but totally believable at the same time. 764 00:38:55,727 --> 00:38:57,347 ♪ 765 00:38:57,447 --> 00:38:58,508 It's not bad. 766 00:38:58,608 --> 00:39:01,268 - No, it's super comfortable. 767 00:39:01,368 --> 00:39:02,869 - Wow. - Yeah. 768 00:39:02,969 --> 00:39:04,869 Remember, Eliza asked me to write that somewhere? 769 00:39:04,969 --> 00:39:06,950 I decided just to name the-- 770 00:39:07,050 --> 00:39:08,950 name the shelter that. 771 00:39:09,050 --> 00:39:10,070 - They're all doing great, by the way. 772 00:39:10,170 --> 00:39:12,831 Everybody's good. - Oh, that's so good to hear. 773 00:39:12,931 --> 00:39:14,832 I knew that was true. - Yeah. 774 00:39:14,932 --> 00:39:16,552 - You guys are amazing. 775 00:39:16,652 --> 00:39:19,193 ♪ 776 00:39:19,293 --> 00:39:20,873 So yeah, let me show you. 777 00:39:20,973 --> 00:39:23,114 I can't believe it. 778 00:39:23,214 --> 00:39:24,554 I'm so excited. 779 00:39:24,654 --> 00:39:27,475 And there's a sense of relief. 780 00:39:27,575 --> 00:39:28,955 Well, do you wanna eat some catfish head? 781 00:39:29,055 --> 00:39:30,875 - Yeah, let's do it. - All right. 782 00:39:30,975 --> 00:39:32,596 I don't have to struggle anymore. 783 00:39:32,696 --> 00:39:34,956 I set out to do this, and I did it. 784 00:39:35,056 --> 00:39:37,757 I'm feeling all of these emotions at the same time. 785 00:39:37,857 --> 00:39:39,437 It feels good. 786 00:39:39,537 --> 00:39:41,478 Ta-da! - [laughs] 787 00:39:41,578 --> 00:39:42,998 - Let's go sit by the water. 788 00:39:43,098 --> 00:39:45,679 It means so much to me to have Isaiah here. 789 00:39:45,779 --> 00:39:48,840 I've thought so much about him while I've been out here. 790 00:39:48,940 --> 00:39:51,640 I'm glad that he gets to be here and be a part of it. 791 00:39:51,740 --> 00:39:53,081 Let's eat. 792 00:39:53,181 --> 00:39:54,801 It's just a beautiful thing. 793 00:39:54,901 --> 00:39:56,001 - This is massive. 794 00:39:56,101 --> 00:39:57,602 - Look at the size of the mouth on that thing. 795 00:39:57,702 --> 00:39:58,962 - Wow. 796 00:39:59,062 --> 00:40:02,283 - And the head is just full of fat and muscle. 797 00:40:02,383 --> 00:40:04,283 There's so much food in a single catfish head. 798 00:40:04,383 --> 00:40:05,403 It's amazing. 799 00:40:05,503 --> 00:40:08,204 - Give me a meaty piece. - Okay. 800 00:40:08,304 --> 00:40:12,005 So yeah, the cheek meat is really good, so right in there. 801 00:40:12,105 --> 00:40:13,445 - Oh, wow. 802 00:40:13,545 --> 00:40:15,046 - Yeah. - Cheers. 803 00:40:15,146 --> 00:40:16,966 - Yeah, let me get a piece too. 804 00:40:17,066 --> 00:40:19,007 All right. Love you, son. 805 00:40:19,107 --> 00:40:22,047 - I love you too. [laughter] 806 00:40:22,147 --> 00:40:23,128 - Mm. 807 00:40:23,228 --> 00:40:24,888 - It's not bad. I mean, it's-- 808 00:40:24,988 --> 00:40:26,929 [laughter] 809 00:40:27,029 --> 00:40:29,409 - It's so fun to hang out with my son, 810 00:40:29,509 --> 00:40:32,170 just enjoy this spot. 811 00:40:32,270 --> 00:40:34,610 When you really feel that closeness with your children, 812 00:40:34,710 --> 00:40:36,891 there's nothing better than that in life. 813 00:40:36,991 --> 00:40:39,452 Money is like the cherry on top 814 00:40:39,552 --> 00:40:42,892 because I had some of the most fun of my life, 815 00:40:42,992 --> 00:40:45,493 enjoying the opportunity to have this kind of 816 00:40:45,593 --> 00:40:48,814 an adventure, to be challenged in this way, 817 00:40:48,914 --> 00:40:52,295 to really have left behind all the cares of life, 818 00:40:52,395 --> 00:40:55,495 all the responsibilities of being an adult 819 00:40:55,595 --> 00:41:00,496 in our modern world, and to reset the clock, 820 00:41:00,596 --> 00:41:05,218 behaving out here just like my 12-year-old self-- 821 00:41:05,318 --> 00:41:09,219 hiking, building a fort, trying to hunt, 822 00:41:09,319 --> 00:41:11,499 trying to fish. 823 00:41:11,599 --> 00:41:13,700 Having the opportunity to relive 824 00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:17,020 those childhood experiences was deeply satisfying. 825 00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:18,981 ♪ 826 00:41:19,081 --> 00:41:21,701 Not that it was easy, not that I didn't suffer, 827 00:41:21,801 --> 00:41:25,582 but that's a big part of the reason I'm here. 828 00:41:25,682 --> 00:41:30,063 The human experience includes suffering. 829 00:41:30,163 --> 00:41:32,144 It's the other side of suffering that creates 830 00:41:32,244 --> 00:41:34,224 the opportunity for joy. 831 00:41:34,324 --> 00:41:35,985 You can't have one without the other. 832 00:41:36,085 --> 00:41:39,346 And that is one of the best parts. 833 00:41:39,446 --> 00:41:41,866 If you can have experiences that really test you, 834 00:41:41,966 --> 00:41:44,547 you also get the opportunity to have 835 00:41:44,647 --> 00:41:48,708 the joy and fun that follow. 836 00:41:48,808 --> 00:41:50,548 One of my takeaways from this experience 837 00:41:50,648 --> 00:41:53,189 is the deep joy in our life really 838 00:41:53,289 --> 00:41:56,470 comes from the relationships we have with other people. 839 00:41:56,570 --> 00:41:59,230 I think it's one of the biggest lessons of "Alone." 840 00:41:59,330 --> 00:42:02,871 And the time I've had out here to reflect 841 00:42:02,971 --> 00:42:06,832 on each of my children, on Erica, on my mom, 842 00:42:06,932 --> 00:42:10,873 my love for them has just continued to deepen. 843 00:42:10,973 --> 00:42:13,154 This is a theme that other "Alone" participants 844 00:42:13,254 --> 00:42:14,954 just keep coming back to. 845 00:42:15,054 --> 00:42:18,355 We're showing our children we have the courage to go for it. 846 00:42:18,455 --> 00:42:21,916 And we want you to do the same thing in your life. 847 00:42:22,016 --> 00:42:24,636 When you have an opportunity, seize that opportunity. 848 00:42:24,736 --> 00:42:27,957 This is a chance in a lifetime. 849 00:42:28,057 --> 00:42:30,718 Coming and having the courage to do this, 850 00:42:30,818 --> 00:42:34,359 and then to be successful at it, it feels like momentum. 851 00:42:34,459 --> 00:42:37,839 I have renewed energy to play the game of life 852 00:42:37,939 --> 00:42:40,320 with more focus and intensity, 853 00:42:40,420 --> 00:42:43,201 and take advantage of this amazing opportunity 854 00:42:43,301 --> 00:42:45,361 that we get to be alive. 855 00:42:45,461 --> 00:42:47,722 ♪ 856 00:42:47,822 --> 00:42:49,962 - [sobbing] 857 00:42:50,062 --> 00:42:53,223 You did it. 858 00:42:56,104 --> 00:42:59,004 - [vocalising] 859 00:42:59,104 --> 00:43:01,105 ♪