[Jacks] Oh, my God.
Live beaver there.
Dead beaver there. Whoa. What do I do?
If I can honor this beaver,
then I believe that he is worth taking.
- Oh, [bleep].
These [bleep] jacks are going for my fat.
I will have to protect my meat much better.
I'm so glad that moose is...
[bowstring thuds]
[Aaron] [bleep].
The arrow hit a tree.
Oh, my God,
I'm gonna beat the [bleep] out of myself about it.
It's a sad day, though, boy.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
Okay, day 31.
Coming in hot.
Just trying to fill this glove with berries.
We're about right there right now.
Hopefully we'll have this thing topped right up,
and we can supplement berries as we're eating bunnies
and hopefully moose.
♪ ♪
It would be hard to pick berries when it gets cold,
but hopefully it doesn't for a bit.
♪ ♪
Yeah, the lingonberries still got crunch to them,
so it's nice to mix them in with the blueberries,
because they're getting a little bit mushy.
♪ ♪
[sighs]
Gonna go for a little walk, see if I can find an arrow.
♪ ♪
Missing the moose was a big disappointment.
I should have been more calm, more relaxed,
not letting the weight of the competition
make me rush a shot I shouldn't have taken.
But I have to dig deep.
I got to swallow my pride, and we got to work harder now.
♪ ♪
I'm just gonna walk this way for a second,
because I shot an arrow over.
I thought it went in the water,
but the water's receded so much.
It'd be nice to see a frickin' broadhead sticking up.
♪ ♪
Wouldn't that be something?
I don't got broadheads.
I only have two blunts.
I got no chances of getting a big game with them.
I don't know why I was shooting broadheads at squirrels,
though, like when I only had a...
♪ ♪
Whatever.
♪ ♪
It's in the past.
It's a new day...here.
♪ ♪
New day for luck.
I could easily hang it up right now, but I won't.
No way.
There's too many people I would be failing--
myself, obviously, number one,
Travis, my brothers, my dad.
♪ ♪
You know, my dad taught me how to hunt.
No arrows.
Damn it.
My dad's just a blue-collar guy
that loves the outdoors.
He was very disciplined.
Zero, zilch, nada.
♪ ♪
Well, let's go check on my snares.
♪ ♪
Growing up, there was tough days,
but there was a lot of lessons and a lot of things.
Like, even just, like, setting snares,
my dad taught me.
It's a beautiful thing.
And hopefully that's gonna carry me through to the end.
Oh, oh, we got a bunny.
I see feet.
Yeah, bunny.
Oh, yeah, bunny.
♪ ♪
One bunny in the bank.
We shall continue on.
♪ ♪
Coming up onto this.
Oh, [bleep], we got another bunny.
♪ ♪
Killing it.
♪ ♪
I knew this was gonna be a good set.
This is a huge trail.
♪ ♪
Two-bunny day, folks.
Two-bunny day.
♪ ♪
I'm happy...
happy I had a good day like this.
I was feeling pretty down in the dumps.
We're back on track.
Put the old flag up in the air today.
♪ ♪
Proud Canadian, so we will raise her on the shelter.
♪ ♪
My Canadian flag.
I declare this day Canada Day.
I just got to do you guys proud and win this thing.
♪ Oh, Canada ♪
♪ ♪
[Andrew] Snowed a little bit last night
but nothing too extreme.
So, for breakfast, I've got the last of the hare.
And after that, I've got no food at all.
I'm just gonna savor every tiny morsel of meat.
I think we get so used to having food security
in the West that it barely even occurs to us
that it's never really been a normal thing.
I'm hoping that this hare will give me all the energy I need
today to get everything done that I want to do,
which is finish the coracle
and...
get some fishing done.
But we shall see.
♪ ♪
I've been making a coracle, which is a small boat.
♪ ♪
I feel inspired.
That's the rough shape of it.
Now that the seat's in position,
I can weave more willow in, which will help
to clamp the seat in place.
♪ ♪
Nice.
Back to the coracle.
♪ ♪
Oh, it's starting to look like a boat.
Still needs a lot of work, but it's getting there.
♪ ♪
It's taken me a lot longer to build than I'd hoped,
because every time I thought, I'll put my effort
and energy into building the coracle,
the weather would turn.
But now that it's almost done,
I just want to get it out on the water.
What I need to do is start tying everything together
so it doesn't start to pull apart.
And then once I've got all the bottom part shaped
how I like it, I'm gonna flip the whole thing over,
put the tarp on, tighten that up...
and then I have a finished coracle.
♪ ♪
A coracle is a traditional Welsh watercraft
that would have been a common sight on rivers
a century or more ago.
And there's something quite nostalgic about seeing them.
Always remind me of home.
I just hope this isn't a waste of time and energy today,
but...
at least I'll have got it finished.
♪ ♪
I wanted to build a coracle because it would be
a useful way of fishing.
It would be a way to get to places
that I can't get to on foot.
That's good. Okay.
♪ ♪
The lake, I can't access huge areas of it
because of the dense undergrowth.
But by using a coracle,
I will be able to paddle straight across
to access areas that are potentially good for fishing,
as well as for hunting.
♪ ♪
I'll make a sliding knot here.
That will allow me to put some tension on this.
So I'm just gonna roll it into it so it's...
well secured.
I was thinking about names for my coracle,
and one that came to mind is the Welsh word "hiraeth,"
which roughly translates as a sort of longing for home,
missing all the things that home represents.
So I think that's a perfect little nod
to its Welsh heritage.
Looks like the time has finally come to launch the coracle.
♪ ♪
I'm pretty sure I've built a very stable
and watertight craft,
but if the structure is badly made,
the whole thing could just sink.
♪ ♪
My concern is that, if I do get cold and wet,
I could find myself becoming hypothermic,
and that would be a very serious situation.
It's all ice.
Looks like water a bit further out, but...
it's still a long way to go.
♪ ♪
At the very least, it would mean having to tap out.
At the worst, it could put my life in danger.
♪ ♪
It floats, but I'm stuck in the mud.
♪ ♪
Oh, [bleep]!
♪ ♪
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
- [sighs]
[chuckles]
Okay, it didn't damage anything.
My foot got stuck in the mud.
Oh, man. Right.
[squeaking]
Okay, here we go.
This is it.
This is "Hiraeth" on her maiden voyage.
I'm just gonna try and catch a fish while I'm here.
That'd be pretty magical, wouldn't it?
♪ ♪
Paddling a coracle differs quite significantly
from a canoe or a kayak.
Whereas with a canoe or a kayak,
you paddle at the sides,
with a coracle, you use a sculling motion,
which means that you almost perform a figure-eight motion
with a paddle at the front of the boat.
♪ ♪
I'm expecting the water to be quite deep in the middle...
But the further I go out, the more it becomes clear
that the lake, as I keep referring to it,
is no more than a shallow pond.
Don't know if there is any deep sections
that I can try fishing in.
Pretty shallow everywhere.
♪ ♪
It's disappointing, because it means
that it's highly unlikely to sustain
the kind of fish that I was hoping to catch in there.
♪ ♪
This isn't quite the experience I was planning.
♪ ♪
It'll be just like the "Titanic" at this rate.
♪ ♪
"Hiraeth" is a sound boat.
The lake is the problem.
It's not much more than ankle-deep.
And then as soon as you get to slightly deeper water,
it's ice.
So can't catch fish in it.
I'm starting to think my attention
is probably better put towards the river now.
I think that was a success.
The boat works, and that's progress.
"Hiraeth" of the seas...
or of the pond, anyway.
♪ ♪
- I see a log over here.
We're gonna trap the beaver.
Perfect.
Oh, jackpot. Oh, wow. Look at that.
Jackpot.
Yes.
Ah!
This is what I do every morning.
This is my breakfast.
This is my pantry right here.
[lips smacking]
♪ ♪
Okay, I need to hydrate.
This is my new water source.
♪ ♪
Initially, I was actually going to one of the ponds,
and it was a good 300, 400 meters every morning.
♪ ♪
This resource is a lot closer,
and it's kind of a marsh.
Definitely got to boil that.
And saves me a lot of effort for carrying water every day,
which is nice.
[sighs] First thing on the agenda today...
done.
♪ ♪
Okay, so the next thing,
a new location for my gillnet.
I think I've settled around here.
I don't see any beaver tracks, do I?
♪ ♪
That might be a good thing.
Well, it'll be a very good thing.
Okay, so...
perfect for a gillnet.
The beaver is the bane of my existence.
I put out setline.
I put a trotline out and a gillnet,
and I see him destroying work that I've done.
My net is utterly destroyed.
This doesn't really bode well for Jacks's fishing.
[bleep]. See if we can fix this monster of a trotline.
Look, there's the culprit right there.
Right there.
Stop destroying the things that I make!
It's reached the point where it's personal
between me and this beaver.
I spent all this time making a net,
and it's just destroyed.
It's soul-crushing.
Let's deploy this gillnet and see what happens.
Recently, I found the beaver lodge,
and now the potential to trap the beaver is a lot higher.
I'm channeling the beaver animal spirit,
and that is persistence.
♪ ♪
We can just pray.
Pray that it works.
God, I'd love a fish.
♪ ♪
Let's get out of here now.
Prime time, hunting time.
♪ ♪
Everything is pretty scarce here in this immediate area,
but I still see some hare.
I don't see them every day,
but I try every day to put some effort
into procuring them.
I didn't come into this as a big hunter
or a trapper or a fisherman, but this is an opportunity
for me to grow that skill set.
And while I may not be thriving,
I'm still doing it, you know?
I've got berries, I've got plants,
I've got meat.
♪ ♪
[exhales deeply]
[bowstring thuds]
Got a hare with a bow-- another one!
♪ ♪
Got him right in the head.
Wow.
♪ ♪
And we're taking him back.
We got rabbit to cook.
♪ ♪
You know, I think one of the things that is keeping me here
is the ability to hunt.
Oh, yeah.
♪ ♪
You know, I actually thought that hunting could be seen
as a waste of time.
If you have a bunch of traps out,
you could be sitting in your shelter
doing crafts instead of hunting.
[exhaling deeply]
But I'm finding a lot of power in hunting.
♪ ♪
[sighs]
It makes me happy, you know?
It helps me to shift from a bad day to a good day.
I really am the Jacks of all trades.
I know a little about a lot, but I feel like I know enough.
I'm living. I'm doing it.
Oh, yeah.
[sighs]
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[bird caws, Jacks groans]
♪ ♪
[Jacks groans] Okay.
My stomach is feeling really funny right now.
It's pretty cramped up.
♪ ♪
[sighs]
[groans]
♪ ♪
[bleep].
♪ ♪
[groans]
♪ ♪
[breathes deeply]
♪ ♪
[sighs]
♪ ♪
Just wondering if I need to, like, just lay down
for a second.
♪ ♪
[groans]
♪ ♪
[groans]
Not sure if I want to throw up or not right now.
♪ ♪
[groans]
♪ ♪
Ugh.
Why would this be happening to me?
♪ ♪
Am I not hydrated enough to digest?
♪ ♪
[groans]
♪ ♪
Oh, God, this is really painful.
[crying] I keep going through these waves...
of nausea
to, like...
♪ ♪
Pain, just pain.
♪ ♪
And I don't know why.
♪ ♪
It just hurts so bad.
[bleep].
♪ ♪
[bleep].
[groans]
♪ ♪
[sobbing]
♪ ♪
Oh, God, help me!
Please help me!
[groans, sobs]
♪ ♪
[grunts weakly]
[bleep].
[groans]
[sighs]
I think I'm gonna have to shift gears
for the next couple of days.
Okay.
I need to rest.
♪ ♪
[Andrew] The official launch on a proper body of water
of "Hiraeth" the coracle.
You would not believe how excited this makes me feel.
My entire nation will be singing
in jubilation that a coracle
is being launched in the Arctic.
[laughs] Ah.
No, they won't give a [bleep], but...
Anyway, I really care.
But this is a big deal for me.
And if I can catch some fish,
I am gonna be one happy survivor.
♪ ♪
Now that I'm confident in the fact
that my boat is an effective watercraft,
I think it's time that I tested it on the river.
That's a very different body of water.
I'm very aware that falling into the river
would present much more serious hazards.
It's certainly a lot deeper.
There's quite a strong current,
and I could potentially get washed downstream.
But the chance of catching fish is much higher.
Right, let's try it.
So there's my bait...
my hand line ready to go.
And we're in.
So no weight. Just letting it drift.
My dad's always been interested in kayaking.
♪ ♪
He always inspired me to be getting outside.
I think this might be one of the best days
we've had yet
in terms of weather.
♪ ♪
He claims he was the first guy to kayak-fish in the UK.
I can't verify that, unfortunately.
♪ ♪
Come on, fish.
♪ ♪
Come on.
And every summer we'd take a kayak and go catching fish.
♪ ♪
Come on, fishies.
♪ ♪
So by being on the coracle, it reminds me of my family,
and it reminds me that I haven't seen them
for a very long time.
♪ ♪
[object clattering]
No fish, unfortunately.
I've just used probably several thousand calories.
So the plan is to take a break from fishing
and not catching fish,
go and check the snares.
Take the bow...
hopefully...
get something.
♪ ♪
This is really quite energy-sapping.
My inability to get food at the moment
is becoming a real problem.
♪ ♪
I'm aware that my calorific input
is extremely low.
I'm feeling tired.
And calories I waste at this stage
could cost me a lot of time at the end.
We're going on a little scouting-cum-hunting mission.
I'm gonna try and explore a new area
which I think could be quite productive.
♪ ♪
I am literally desperate for food right now.
♪ ♪
I am so hungry, and...
I didn't think I'd be going back to that situation.
So there's a good game trail here.
That first two weeks was tough,
getting into that sort of ketosis state.
And then I had a few hares, and my body started to adjust,
and I started to feel really good.
♪ ♪
But it seems to be occasional runs of luck,
followed by a sort of period of not much.
Wind is in my favor.
I've always seen nature as my safe space,
a place to go when life becomes tough.
But nature doesn't feel quite so welcoming anymore.
I feel a lot smaller and a lot more vulnerable
to the whims of nature,
and I'm well aware that the circumstances
that are keeping me out here can change
as quickly as the weather,
and I think I've come to terms with that.
♪ ♪
[bowstring thuds]
♪ ♪
Someone's looking out for me.
Who, I don't know, but...
definitely feels like someone is.
♪ ♪
I've never had a solid belief in any one faith,
but I think when you're out here alone,
you can't help but analyze the meaning of life
in a much more in-depth way than you might
under normal circumstances...
Okay, this one's ready to cook.
Because being out here, you're a part of nature.
If things aren't going well,
it's almost as if nature is against you.
And then all of a sudden, things start to come.
This will definitely go a long way to helping
to put more back in where I need it.
It's like if you suffer enough,
the rewards come.
♪ ♪
I don't know what I've done, but...
thank you, whoever you are.
Very well done now.
The skin looks just crispy.
Perfect.
Mm, mm, mmm.
Oh, a couple of these a week, a couple of hares a week,
the odd fish, that'll be amazing.
80, 90, 100 days, no worries.
Mmm, mmm. Oh, my gosh.
Wow.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[Ziga] Gosh, look at these mountains.
♪ ♪
Mountains are pretty much without snow.
It's gonna be a very nice day.
Yeah, unfortunately, a bit too warm,
but I think meat can handle it,
at least for one more day.
Don't want to dry all the meat.
It was so nice to have some fresh one
for cooking.
Okay.
It's finally time for breakfast.
♪ ♪
I'm very thankful for all this moose meat.
I'm not thinking about any other game.
I don't need anything else.
The moose is gonna get me all the way to the end.
Okay, time for food cache.
I can smell some unpleasant smell.
I think it's just the hide.
[grunts]
[bleep].
♪ ♪
[bleep] damn it.
[bleep] damn it, [bleep] damn it,
[bleep] damn it.
I really have to figure out what is happening.
♪ ♪
It's maybe just slivers,
but they are spoiling.
They don't look the best.
♪ ♪
There's one part that is kind of...
suspicious to me.
Definitely have to take action with this food.
And this weather...
sucks.
Things are turning...
in direction that I don't like,
and I should stop it.
No question.
No matter how much energy I spend,
this is now...
number-one priority...
is meat preservation.
♪ ♪
I had a lot of time to preserve this meat,
but I didn't do it.
I was lazy.
I was hoping for cold weather
and to process meat slowly,
with cooking a few pieces each day.
But now I will have to smoke everything.
♪ ♪
I feel a lot of pressure,
because I really don't want to be remembered
as guy who shot a moose and let it spoil.
Guys, this food cache was really a mistake.
It's definitely one of the worst days so far,
and I have to give everything--
everything--to prevent this.
Okay, now things are getting
under control slowly.
Let's keep on processing.
♪ ♪
I have to carefully cut away all the surface
from big pieces
and then interior cut in small pieces
and prepare them for smoking in my shelter.
And I want to smoke everything in one round.
I know these parts can be super chewy.
♪ ♪
Success, for me, it's not necessarily winning at all,
but, still, I would like to represent my country.
It's what defined me,
and we have a great source of knowledge
from our old people
that were living close to nature.
And I think that this old knowledge
was disappearing.
But now I think we are starting to realize
that we are missing this part of being connected to nature.
When these old people will die,
a lot of knowledge will die with them.
So that's why I feel so passionate about it.
And I just want to pass this down
to my son...
because I think it's important for kids
to grow up finding joy
in simple things.
Another round of jerky...
and then another and then another.
And then also this.
Oh, gosh, it's gonna be a very long night.
Very long.
Inner peace is actually much more important
than what you are showing on the outside,
and I want to live this way for him.
♪ ♪
I filled the shelter with jerky.
I have to sleep outside.
[sighs]
So today's diary...
no more spoiling.
That's all.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
- Yeah, if "Alone" was a board game,
which it should be,
because that would be a kick-ass board game.
Like, you got your stereotypical
sort of, like, characters that you could choose from,
you could play.
There's, like, the hunter.
♪ ♪
There's the fisherman.
♪ ♪
There's the forager.
♪ ♪
And, you know, there's the trapper.
And the game board-- the land decides for me
which role it's gonna play.
And it's basically telling me just,
dude, you're the trapper,
and that's the role you're gonna play.
And I'm like...
okay, that's what I'm doing.
That would be pretty cool...
an "Alone" board game.
All right, let's finish this off.
Get a fire going. Try this guy out.
Might as well just cook up my meal.
♪ ♪
Food's over the fire.
So I'm gonna keep working on my wreath
for my door.
I've got, like, the main frame sorted out.
Coming along quite nicely.
I'm just gonna pop down and grab some
of the lighter, thinner stuff and kind of add it to this,
and then I'm gonna mount it.
It's gonna be one of my fun self-care morale projects
for today.
♪ ♪
I'm eating well. Digestion's well.
Just feel like I'm starting to just hit my stride out here.
Got my bundle.
But fishing's been a bitch.
Not really much method to what I'm doing here.
I'm just...
♪ ♪
Kind of going with the flow.
On the surface, it looks like a fisherman's dream,
but there is just snags everywhere.
Every time I cast out, always getting snagged,
always just losing line and hooks.
There. Pretty happy with that.
It's a cool-looking wreath.
Time to go put it on my door.
So right now I don't want to just put all this energy
and effort into the fishing.
♪ ♪
That's pretty good.
Hopefully the lake, I mean, fully freezes over,
and I can walk on it, and I can just drop a line down.
But for now, I'm good as gold.
[sighs]
♪ ♪
Wreath done.
[chuckles]
Pretty damn happy with that.
It's time to eat.
Time to eat.
♪ ♪
Anybody who sort of, like, knows bushcraft,
survival skills, they can see that...
what I'm doing out here is nothing special.
♪ ♪
We have a leg, and I have the other leg,
the head, and the ribs tonight.
I'm not really pulling out any, like,
crazy advanced tricks or techniques or anything.
I'm keeping it simple.
♪ ♪
Ah, yum.
Yum, yum, yum, yum.
Working the basics, working the fundamentals,
they get you to places.
They lead to success.
I'm gonna drink all this broth.
♪ ♪
But it wasn't until my son came along, and I was like,
what sort of childhood do I want to give him?
And, immediately, I was like, I want him to be outside.
But I didn't know where to start at all.
And I literally just hopped online.
I was like, how to do things outside with your kids?
And then all of a sudden, I came across bushcraft.
And so I did my very first bushcraft course,
and I just loved it.
And I want to have these experiences with him
that bring him and I together but also give him skills
and appreciation for the outdoors.
Wow.
The water level-- starting to really drop.
There's lots of little fish that have just been caught,
stuck in here.
I'm just trying to get them onto land.
♪ ♪
Oh, there's some more just here.
Whoa, there's a whole bunch of them.
♪ ♪
They're alive.
Water level's dropped, and...
thus, being caught out.
And there's some bigger ones here, too.
♪ ♪
Another one just here. [grunts]
Holy crap, there's heaps.
Look at them all.
Holy [bleep].
♪ ♪
Whoops. Threw that one back in the water.
♪ ♪
My hands are getting frozen.
I need to actually get my waterproof gloves,
I think...
and come back and finish this off.
♪ ♪
I remember back on day one or two,
I saw, like, one or two little whitefish near Broken Bridge.
Just gonna get ones I've collected
in the bag first.
Start a count.
♪ ♪
I didn't really think anything much of it.
I just grabbed them and used them as bait.
It's maybe one of those little signs
which I might have picked up on back then,
but I'm very, very grateful
that the fish are getting stuck.
One, two.
You have these ideas about bringing in these massive fish
on these lines or in your gillnet, and it doesn't work,
but it doesn't mean that there's not fish around.
14, 15.
And this bridge that I've built--
I never thought of it as some sort of,
like, horizontal fish weir,
but now that I actually look at it,
that's exactly what's happening here.
I'm not sure whether the fish are just trying to migrate
through to the big river or something else is causing them
to come through here, but food's food,
and that's a sustainable food source right there.
88, 89.
So now I need to reinforce this fish wire
to adapt something that nature
kind of really provided for me.
Wow.
Just wow.
And I'm just gonna keep working this as long as I can.
Nature is like, hey, Nero, you're actually listening.
♪ ♪
I've got 89 in here.
Grab, like, an average-size one.
There's your average-size little guy.
For the guy who can't catch anything, any fish,
who's caught two pike this whole entire time...
I just increased...
my fishing total
up to 91 fish. [chuckles]
There's a whole meal right there, easily.
There's, like, 89 little, bite-sized pieces.
I'm not gonna gut them or anything.
I'm just gonna cook them up.
But that's just...
♪ ♪
[splutters]
Cray-cray, man.
♪ ♪
The land provides.
It nourishes me.
I will be fed.
♪ ♪
Thank you.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[Nero] Let's see what little fishies are stuck.
♪ ♪
Wow.
Holy crap.
I got a burbot.
Got my bag o' fish.
I tell you what, though, like, I know it's a big, big choice,
because, yeah, it's one of your ten items,
but having salt?
Oh, my gosh.
It's just--that is a block of morale right there.
That is just--
like, psychologically and intuitively
as, like, to help with hydration
and water retention.
And, yeah, intuitively for me, it was like that--
salt is the right choice for one of my ten items.
[soft music]
It's a good--good size.
♪ ♪
We're gonna smoke that up.
♪ ♪
I'm sure people wonder, like,
why would you do this for a TV show?
♪ ♪
I'm here for my own personal growth and journey,
but also because, being out here,
I think about my relationship with my dad growing up
and just get this sense of just absence.
♪ ♪
There's our burbot liver.
Into the pot it goes.
♪ ♪
Start counting.
My parents were working a lot of the time.
They were supporting us economically,
but I didn't understand that as a child.
All I saw was that they spent a lot of time working
and not a lot of time with me.
Oh...[sighs]
I'll try and space these out.
Some of them are pretty damn small.
There's a couple larger ones
I might just slit down the middle.
Help dry 'em out.
You had this idea as a child of, like,
what your relationship should be with your dad.
And we'd go through little bits and pieces,
but it wasn't what I thought
a relationship with my dad should be like.
There's 23.
It always just left me in a place
of just uncertainty about myself.
That big guy there is 44.
♪ ♪
All right, get this hanging in Grug,
and then I'll hang those two separately in Grug.
I'll gut that one as well.
And smoke away.
That's why I make the effort with my boy.
♪ ♪
Being outdoors with him,
it's so important to me.
170 fish.
That might make me the most successful fisherman
in "Alone" history.
I don't want him to feel the way that I did.
That's my goal as a father.
♪ ♪
Good to get some fish into my system.
I don't know, like, how much fats and oils are in whitefish.
Pretty mild, actually.
Not really a lot of fishy flavor at all.
This is the sort of fish I could get used to.
No bones.
Well, there are bones, but not picking bones out of meals.
Life be crazy.
[tense music]
♪ ♪
[Jacks] So I'm not really sure what's going on.
♪ ♪
My first theory is that--
I realize that while I'm disinfecting the water,
it's not actually pulling out what might be in there,
and that is iodine.
Maybe a small portion every day,
it's actually stripping my stomach
and killing good bacteria.
Theory number two.
So about 12 years ago,
I had my gallbladder removed,
and I think what's happening is that
bile is building up in my stomach.
So what that means is I need fat.
♪ ♪
Um...I need fish.
I need a beaver.
I need something.
So I'm gonna check that beaver trap.
♪ ♪
You know, and I think just that subtle movement
of using your body, it's just a really nice
distraction from how uncomfortable I am right now.
It's also a really nice distraction
from how serious is this?
I'm not ready to give up.
I'm not ready to remove myself from this experience.
I want to thrive.
And if I leave, no one will see my comeback.
You know, with a half a million dollars,
I could have a home.
It's the thing that I crave the most in my life right now.
[tense music]
You know, like, I live in a vehicle.
And I love traveling.
I love meeting new people.
It allows me to teach in the Eastern Woodlands.
It allows me to teach in the desert.
But at the same time, living in a van,
it can be pretty isolating.
And as I get older,
I think there is something to be said
about planting roots and creating community.
Someday I might have to pull these traps,
'cause they're just too far.
♪ ♪
I want to host a holiday for my family.
I've never done that ever.
I want to cook for them.
I want them to be in my home and see what brings me joy
and share it with them.
Careful, steady.
And I would give anything for that right now.
♪ ♪
Hmm.
Okay.
What's happened here?
[tense music]
I'm at the beaver trap area...
but both the snare, the anchor,
and the float are gone.
♪ ♪
It looks like I caught a beaver,
but where is it?
♪ ♪
Maybe I'm lucky. Maybe he got out.
What if he went off in a different direction?
What if he was coming out when he got caught?
♪ ♪
Doubtful from the way it looks.
All I see is essentially debris of a struggle.
So something happened.
It could have got tangled in the snares
and died somewhere,
and I'm starting to fear that I'm not gonna be able
to retrieve his body to properly honor his life.
♪ ♪
Look at all the stumps from what the beaver has taken.
Just like me.
And I think about its home and its family.
And those are the things that I want.
What a horrible thing.
♪ ♪
What a horrible thing.
[ominous music]
♪ ♪
I would always respect an animal
out of being compassionate.
But I think that there is a very good possibility
that I killed this animal,
and my biggest fear just came to life,
that I became the murderer that I didn't want to be.
♪ ♪
I am not okay right now.
♪ ♪
I did the thing that I was so afraid that I was gonna do,
to take its life and not have the ability to honor it.
♪ ♪
[sniffs]
The only thing I can think of
is to just pray that he got out.
♪ ♪
I feel absolutely awful.
♪ ♪
I feel like I don't deserve to be here anymore.
♪ ♪
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[Jacks] I don't know.
I keep thinking about the beaver.
♪ ♪
[tense music]
I don't know.
♪ ♪
I just wish I could see him.
♪ ♪
I have seen no sign of this beaver for days.
[sighs]
Man.
Maybe I can still honor this one in some way.
♪ ♪
I'm taking the beaver trap down.
That last one that's there.
I decided to stop pursuing the beaver.
♪ ♪
Even though I know that I need fat,
it feels like nature is turning its back on me.
♪ ♪
And in the back of my brain, all I can think about
is how I wish I could call my mother
and tell her, "I love you."
♪ ♪
The frozen berries taste like candy.
I would say my childhood was pretty normal.
My mom and I had a really great relationship.
She cared a lot about other people, quite literally.
I mean, she was a nurse.
But my mom was always putting others before herself,
and she was always kind of putting
self-care to the wayside.
Out here, I'm realizing that
I'm not very different from her,
and I never made that connection before.
Self-care should be a priority.
I only have one shot on this planet.
I only have one shot to be the best version of myself
I could possibly be.
♪ ♪
Here we go.
Being a hunter, you're tapping into
a law of nature that you are a part of.
And with those laws comes responsibility
and also consequence.
I knew that going into this, but this is the first time
feeling the weight.
And I'm feeling a darkness and a guilt.
Better.
And that's the biggest lesson.
I need to step up and move forward.
♪ ♪
[sighs]
Mm, that sun is very warm.
Whoa.
Huh. Really?
[water splashing]
[suspenseful music]
No...
[bleep]...
way.
♪ ♪
Oh...
my [bleep] God!
Whoo!
I got a [bleep] fish finally!
Yeah!
Ha-ha!
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
[uplifting music]
♪ ♪
Hey, chill, buddy.
Chill.
♪ ♪
[groans]
Look at the [bleep] size of this fish.
Holy [bleep].
Ow.
♪ ♪
Finally!
Yeah, buddy!
Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!
♪ ♪
Thank you, gillnet. Thank you, universe.
Thank you, fish.
♪ ♪
I'm gonna cook him really good.
[tense music]
♪ ♪
[sighs]
Mmm.
♪ ♪
Oh, my God.
♪ ♪
I don't care if my stomach hurts after this.
It's so buttery.
Oh.
This beaver has taught me a lot about persistence,
has taught me a lot about family,
and it's taught me a lot about home.
Is the other side done?
♪ ♪
Oh, it is, thank God.
Okay.
♪ ♪
Mmm.
My obsession with home is growing out here,
and the beaver showed that to me.
Ah!
♪ ♪
[laughs]
♪ ♪
So now I have an opportunity
to live a life beyond my wildest dreams.
I have to win.
♪ ♪
I needed this.
I needed this so bad.
Oh, it's [bleep] awesome!
♪ ♪
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[Ziga] Here I can collect clay for a project.
I will show you how to make a very quick pot.
That's very nice.
So what's happening today?
Well...you know,
it's my son's and father's birthday.
Brought all this clay up here and made a--made a pot.
It ended up quite nice and big pot.
Quite useful.
So what I'm going to do now
is focus on birthday stuff.
[soft music]
♪ ♪
I finally finished processing meat.
I'm storing it in the shelter
and also in my trousers and my T-shirt.
I just use whatever.
♪ ♪
It feels very good that meat is secure.
And I really feel that now, finally,
I have some time to take rest
and do stuff that I want to do.
Well, I have to pick up some food.
♪ ♪
I'm dedicating this day
just to do something for my son and my father.
♪ ♪
Okay, lingonberries are out.
♪ ♪
Now also crowberries.
So I made a pot from clay.
I'm making a cake and a candle.
And in the evening, I'm going to eat it
and light a candle and think about them.
[tense music]
I will wash these berries
and start making marmalades.
♪ ♪
My son is turning two years,
and my father is turning 67.
It feels quite bad not to be there with my son.
I mean, he's only two years old now,
and he probably doesn't miss me,
but it's more for me, you know?
I feel very bad because I would like
to be there and see him playing and developing,
and I just can't.
♪ ♪
Okay.
Marmalade is cooking.
♪ ♪
Now I need to find appropriate candidates for candles.
But I'm here for a good reason.
The candle is basically going to be a Swedish torch.
And I believe this can really benefit also his future.
And there's gonna be a lot of time
when we will spend amazing time together.
So I should keep on pushing here.
♪ ♪
[singing in Slovenian]
[speaking Slovenian]
This is cake.
Bor, two years.
I will eat this cake and think of my son
and also of my father
and all the good times we had together.
I'm glad I made something for them
and I thought about them.
Yeah, I don't-- I try not to think too much
about this stuff, because, of course,
it makes it harder for me.
But, yeah, today is the day to think about them a lot.
[tense music]
My parents actually enabled me amazing childhood,
and I would definitely love to give something similar
also to my kids.
And I feel that it's not going in a very similar way.
It's very good.
Going always for newer and newer projects
and making a career,
it's not necessarily the best thing for your child.
♪ ♪
I think I will sit on the candle.
♪ ♪
My brother and my sister, they both have a son
of the same age as my son.
This can be amazing thing for my son growing up
and having these strong bonds.
But my sister and brother,
they both live in the same town
where my parents are.
And at the moment, I live in the capital.
Being so much time away from everything,
I realize I would like to be more social,
going more for type of holidays
that I had in my childhood,
and also enable something like this for my kid.
Time to start the candle.
Maybe I should start doing things a bit different.
That's my wish for his birthday.
♪ ♪
Happy birthday, Bor.
Happy birthday, Primoz.
[speaks Slovenian]
I miss you, but I'm here for a reason.
There will be a lot of good times together.
But not now.
Not yet.
[howling]