[dramatic music]
¶ ¶
- I can't wait to have this place try and break me.
narrator: For the first time on "Alone,"
ten participants fight to survive
in the hunting ground
of the world's largest land predator.
- Oh, my God. Where'd he go?
Those are bear.
- I heard a big animal.
- Hey, bear. - Oh, no. [bleep].
- Sometimes you eat the bear,
sometimes the bear eats you.
narrator: Battling merciless conditions...
- This is some hard core bushwhacking.
- Why does it have to be such a struggle every night?
- I hit it, I hit it, I hit it.
- I feel more alive every day I'm out here.
- Ah. - Here comes the rain again.
- Labrador, you're not gonna make it easy for us, are you?
narrator: In complete isolation...
- The most dangerous thing out here is myself.
- Look at that.
- The cold ground
is just pulling all the warmth from me.
- How many days can this go on? - Very, very hungry.
- I feel like I'm hitting a wall.
narrator: Last one standing wins.
- Only gonna get harder the longer you stay out here.
¶ ¶
- The weather here changes really fast.
- I'm gonna get hammered here.
- I'm frickin' getting soaked.
- Whoo-hoo, second day. I got game.
- I'm not a weekend warrior.
I've got 50 years of preparing to do this kind of thing.
¶ ¶
- I heard a big animal.
If I can get a bear, that's basically the golden ticket.
- Oh, [bleep], that's a bear...
¶ ¶
[bleep], let's move over in this direction.
- Shot my first squirrel.
[whispering] I just spooked a grouse.
[normal voice] I hit it, I hit it, I hit it.
There's two of them. That is a game changer, man.
¶ ¶
[helicopter whirring overhead]
- Oh-ho-ho-ho.
¶ ¶
There it goes.
¶ ¶
"Alone," day one.
I just need to let this sink in for a minute.
[chuckles]
What am I even doing here?
[laughs]
¶ ¶
- I can't believe I get to do this.
¶ ¶
Me, here, Labrador,
by myself.
¶ ¶
- Utter disbelief that I am allowed to be here.
So thankful.
This is living life amplified.
¶ ¶
- Now it's just me.
Let's get to work.
¶ ¶
It's raining now, so let's prospect
for a shelter location.
The landscape here is spectacular--
very thick brush and woods.
Things to kind of keep in mind,
there were flash floods here
not too long ago, so I want to pick a good spot
so I don't get washed away.
¶ ¶
I know that doing less work
and accomplishing the same goal is worthwhile.
I know that picking a good location for my shelter
is worthwhile because that's gonna be home for me.
So that's about three inches of insulation from the ground.
Primitive survival has been something
very much incorporated in my life for over ten years.
I did six years in the military,
in the Canadian Armed Forces,
where I would specialize
in cold-weather warfare and survival.
So I'm confident about building shelters
and making fires in wet, cold environments.
Being in the military, I know what I'm capable of,
and I'm very methodical with what I do.
I think I have a leg up in the competition
because I'm a general-practice doctor
with a high inclination
towards emergency medicine and wilderness medicine.
I have a previous injury, so what I'm gonna do
is I'm gonna make an improvised splint and wrap.
With my medical training,
anything that you can pull me out for,
I'll treat before you get to me.
So no pulse and no bleed
means that's the correct way to put a tourniquet.
¶ ¶
Becoming a doctor is expensive.
500K would mean being able to pay off my student loans,
and then the rest would go
into helping renovations for my mom's home.
That would be good for her health.
Thanks, Mom.
I think I can do this
because I'm a little bit of a masochist.
I love the type of person you become after the struggle.
I'm a doctor, and I'm a soldier,
so I have a hell of a lot of mental fortitude.
I plan on going day 90-plus.
I'm gonna be out there as long as possible.
¶ ¶
All right.
Definitely a potential spot over here.
I should probably set up that tarp.
¶ ¶
My advantage for this season
is my mental approach to things
just because of what I have to do
on a day-to-day basis, trying to save lives.
And the same thing goes
for people with military background as well.
You have to make very concise,
thought-out, and effective decisions.
Everything that I'm gonna be doing
will be very "intentful."
¶ ¶
Definitely not the prettiest, but...
I think it'll do what I need it to.
¶ ¶
- [whispering] I can't believe it.
There's a harbor seal right over my shoulder.
That's so cool.
It's a beautiful place.
Let's get a fishing rod set up.
I'm a commercial fisherman in Alaska.
I've been doing that just shy of a decade.
It's very, very physical, 20 hours a day,
every single day, 100 days straight.
And I love it.
It's like Christmas for me.
You just never know what you're gonna get.
I was drawn to Alaska for freedom.
I work very hard for four months.
And then I go on solo backpack adventures
in the backcountry.
No big surprise to see one now.
And I truly enjoy the struggle.
I don't view pain or suffering as a negative thing.
I think it's growth and opportunity.
It's a worm.
I've never pushed myself past 30 days solo.
I'm here to do that.
It'll all be okay.
I'm leaving a lot of people behind, especially my mother.
I'm going to miss her tremendously,
but I feel that my entire life has led to this moment.
I started fishing when I was three.
Harvested my first white-tailed buck by myself
when I was 11.
I want to see how far I can go,
and this is an opportunity to push myself,
see my edge.
¶ ¶
It's a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful morning.
Super thankful.
Hopefully get a lot of work done today.
Before we start, I'm quite thirsty.
I'm gonna go ahead and try to find a spot
to get a fire started, get some water boiling.
I've seen signs of beaver.
Certainly, there's giardia in this water.
Gonna have to boil it thoroughly.
¶ ¶
There's camp, been sleeping under a tarp.
¶ ¶
So, like I say, just temporary for now.
¶ ¶
My strategy for the first few days
is to get some kind of shelter started.
So gonna have to have water quickly
and find a way to get fire going.
And then food.
Always have the bow in the hand
in case you come across something.
Get those things established, and I'm confident
that I can stay for an appreciable amount of time.
¶ ¶
No, no, no.
[groans]
There it is.
That's all I had for a tinder.
This is a mistake.
I left it out here in the rain.
Well, whoop-de-do-pee.
Back to square one.
So we're just gonna wander around, looking for dry...
¶ ¶
Labrador routinely sees
massive, massive rain systems.
¶ ¶
And it's quite difficult to get a fire started
in these conditions.
I am worried my mistake
is going to be extremely detrimental to my experience.
Here's a few wood chips,
about the driest ones I could find.
I think I might also grab the sawdust.
Oh, boy.
There's the rain.
¶ ¶
We're going to try our first attempt.
¶ ¶
Gonna try to make some real fine shavings
and something real, real dry to go along with this.
¶ ¶
Well, now that...
lit for just a second.
¶ ¶
Hoping I can dry it out just enough.
¶ ¶
Well, it's getting to the point
where it's almost not bright out anymore.
I'm gonna spend all day trying to make a fire.
¶ ¶
Things are getting serious.
It's pretty likely I could not get a fire started.
¶ ¶
[sighs]
That's terrifying.
¶ ¶
[flint scraping]
¶ ¶
[flint scraping]
- I'm gonna spending all day trying to make a fire.
¶ ¶
[sighs]
¶ ¶
Come on.
¶ ¶
That's just an exercise in futility at this point.
That's just embarrassing myself.
So, quite thirsty.
I hope I don't get real dizzy or anything crazy
in the night.
¶ ¶
Silly mistakes out here can cost you everything.
¶ ¶
So we're gonna try to learn from our mistakes.
Boy, I bet everybody's gonna see this and wonder, why--
why did this guy make it and so many others did not?
¶ ¶
Well...
sure hope I can stick around to show you.
¶ ¶
- This is a good look for me.
[spits]
Oh, I'm sorry.
Just spit bunchberry all over you.
It's windy as hell.
I'm headed up the hill.
And I am looking for anything that's food.
I'm gonna get tired of bunchberries real quick.
It's also important for my body to get some proteins.
Got a little small-game arrow nocked.
Coming home with something.
[imitating bird call]
¶ ¶
The farm I live on is 325 acres.
I run a serious prescribed fire program.
It's been really interesting to burn the farm
and see what comes back.
The areas that we've managed have become really beautiful.
We blend regenerative agriculture
with prescribed fire and natural ecosystems.
A lot of my neighbors think I'm crazy
for doing what I'm doing, but I'm a creative person.
The way that I think about things is not always
the way that a lot of other people think about them.
This is a Kalahari Bushmen tracking technique.
You go left, right, left, right, left, right
on down the trail.
It helps keep them a rhythm.
Once they get the rhythm of the animal,
they can track very fast.
I was born in South Africa,
and my family immigrated to the States when I was small.
Shortly after my parents divorced,
my father went back to doing his fieldwork
in various places--Kenya, Tanzania, and South Africa.
And I spent all of my summers with my father in the bush.
So I spent a lot of time watching animals
before I ever took one.
It's made me a more patient hunter
and a more observant hunter.
And, so, when I decided to start taking animals,
I found that I excelled at it.
There you have it, y'all.
My sweetheart, Ashley, is back at home waiting for me.
I will miss my family,
but I know they're in my corner and they'll support me
because I have what it takes to win it.
- Bye!
- Terrain is so tough in here.
I mean, there's places
where you can't see your hand in front of your face.
I feel my legs wearing out 'cause I haven't had
any food today but some bunchberries.
I hear squirrels everywhere, but they're up in the trees.
Certain times of day, they...
come down on the ground.
My approach is to be an observer in the woods.
[animals chattering softly]
You can be the best shot in the world,
and you can have the best bait,
or you can make the best trap.
If it's not in the right place,
it does absolutely no good.
I'm so sorry.
How about that right there?
Get some!
That's what I'm talking about.
It's a good shot, too. I didn't mess his guts all up.
Thank you, buddy. I'm so sorry.
I'm so, so sorry.
Looks like we're having squirrel stew.
¶ ¶
I really wish...
that my father was still alive to see me do this.
He was a huge inspiration.
He was not the best dad in the world.
He cared a lot more about his dreams,
the conservation of the planet, the animals
than the actual family unit.
Oh, that looks amazing.
¶ ¶
But it allowed me to spend my summers
in some really incredible places
working on his field biology programs.
Going in the stew, too.
He taught me a lot,
and I really wish that he was still around
for me to show him
that I was listening when he was talking.
¶ ¶
Go ahead and get the part I'm not too fond of over with.
Eyeballs and brains and tongue.
Yep, there it is.
Pretty big brain for a tiny little critter.
¶ ¶
It's not as bad as you might think.
¶ ¶
I keep looking over my shoulder because...
the wind's kind of coming this way off the water now.
Anything that smells this grub
is gonna approach me from that direction,
and that's where the thick edge is, too.
Probably best just to...
keep an eye out.
[dramatic music]
¶ ¶
- I'm gonna let the image just get all...
There we go.
I mean, I can't even take a selfie in real life.
[chuckles]
And yet, here I am with a bevy of camera equipment.
Very sorry for whoever has to see this.
Right, so we got the trap set.
This is our bait stick here.
¶ ¶
Got yourself a dead mouse.
I'm a tree house carpenter,
and I am also a professional alpaca shearer.
There's probably less than a hundred of us in the U.S.
that do it full-time professionally.
¶ ¶
Hunting, fishing--
those were things that no one taught me how to do
when I was growing up,
but it was something that I was always passionate about
and that I was interested in
and something that I take very seriously now.
But more than anything, the big X factor I have
is the time that I spent alone at sea.
I crossed the Pacific Ocean in my sailboat.
That journey took 90 days.
When you're out in sea,
you have absolutely nobody to rely on.
You don't know how your brain and your body
is going to react to that
until you've put yourself in those situations.
The fact that I have, I think, makes me uniquely qualified.
I haven't seen the sun in, like...
¶ ¶
Eight, nine days.
$500,000 would be an absolute game changer for me.
Oh, look at that.
I work very physically demanding jobs.
When you work in blue collar, you have a shelf life.
It would also allow me to help my family
in ways that I've dreamed of for years.
I come from a family of farmers,
and there's not a lot of money in farming.
I have a girlfriend that loves me,
and I'm gonna to miss all of those people a lot.
But I'm doing this because I think I can win.
It's gonna be hard on my body.
But if I can do ten years' financially worth of work
in 90 days,
I'm willing to push my body to its absolute limits
in order to make that happen for me.
¶ ¶
My survival strategy is to build
a bombproof shelter and shoot a black bear.
¶ ¶
I'm building kind of like a modified lean-to
with a big front and a little window.
I want to be able to get some light coming in
during the day.
¶ ¶
So these spruce trees-- we're gonna strip
all the boughs off and slide them underneath
and layer them like tiles, one laid on top of the other,
which will hopefully help keep some of the rain
from getting through,
and that'll provide insulation as well.
¶ ¶
This is how you thatch a roof, guys.
¶ ¶
Pretty cool, eh?
¶ ¶
Side walls are gonna be mostly moss
with logs kind of stacked up to compress the moss.
Moss is a better insulator than logs.
¶ ¶
I'm sleeping in here tonight.
Almost like sleeping on a Christmas tree
Welcome to my home.
And most important...
¶ ¶
Dog and my girlfriend.
[chuckles]
Now it feels like home.
¶ ¶
Awesome.
¶ ¶
- [sighing]
So thankful.
[exhales deeply]
Real positive way to start the day.
Now it's nice and dry.
Let's get us a shelter built.
¶ ¶
The thought in my mind for a more permanent shelter
is just a rudimentary, super-simple A-frame.
¶ ¶
So now what we're doing, is we've got
this paracord stretched out
to determine at what height I want my lodgepole
so that I can stand up in the tent.
¶ ¶
I am not a bush crafter.
I'm not a shelter builder.
I live to hunt. I live to fish.
¶ ¶
But I'm gonna enjoy the entire process,
because there was a time where I saw the negative.
¶ ¶
I was a salary guy, getting paid for 40 hours,
working 120.
I wasn't sleeping.
I'd fall asleep standing up in the shower.
¶ ¶
And then on January 8, 2011,
there was a 17-vehicle pileup.
I got hit head-on by an 18-wheeler.
¶ ¶
I walked away unscathed.
¶ ¶
Paramedics couldn't believe it.
It just made me realize there's a lot more to life.
All right.
¶ ¶
Well, that's good enough there for now.
¶ ¶
I am acutely aware
it could be tremendously worse.
All right, I'm getting daggone hungry, I tell you.
¶ ¶
Let's go fishing.
¶ ¶
As far as fishing goes, I'm super lucky
that I have chased fish literally around the planet.
¶ ¶
Sure fish better when you got some confidence.
So I think that there are certain skills,
such as reading water, that may be beneficial.
It just feels like any cast
could really produce something memorable.
[inhales sharply] Fish on.
¶ ¶
Well, that fish sure is a fight.
¶ ¶
My goodness, these are strong fish.
They sure have a propensity to head shake.
Try to get over here in the quiet water.
¶ ¶
Oh.
Oh, dear.
¶ ¶
[dramatic music]
¶ ¶
Can't get it coaxed in they're going to where I could get it.
¶ ¶
Thank you.
Oh.
[sighs]
Fantastic.
Oh, what a fight.
I can't believe what a fight that was.
We're running out of light.
It's getting late...
but we got a fish.
We got a beautiful brook trout.
We have...
[exhales sharply]
We have something to eat.
¶ ¶
- All right, the last shelter task
for today is to dig the fire pit.
So it's gonna start around here,
end around here.
And I want it to be at least the depth of this stick.
So let's start digging.
¶ ¶
Coming from a military background
that operates in a very cold environment,
I know what components
and what concepts make really warm shelters.
One of them is sleeping high and having your pit low.
That way, you're not sleeping in a cold gap.
That reduces your chance of getting frostbite,
and it increases your ability to rewarm yourself.
¶ ¶
So having that pit way beneath you,
having that heat rise to exactly where you're sleeping
just increases your chance of being warm.
¶ ¶
As the time passes,
it's gonna be super important
'cause it's getting colder really fast.
¶ ¶
I guess this is actually turning
into a form of a Dakota fire pit.
I'm gonna have one inlet
that goes right to the base of the fire,
and one outlet towards the middle
to help with the smoke.
And I'll be able to put my pot
somewhere around here, have that flames feed it,
and funnel all that smoke out that way--
a ground chimney.
And I'll fortify that with some of the river clay,
to make it fire safe.
¶ ¶
Oops.
¶ ¶
Look at that.
[breathing heavily]
¶ ¶
Now to...
build up the wall a little bit.
¶ ¶
I want it to be about a foot thick.
¶ ¶
Just kind of hammer it into place.
¶ ¶
Trying to get rid of some of those air gaps.
¶ ¶
My girlfriend asked me, in my mind...
how long would I stay for?
Like, what's my goal?
I didn't really have an answer for her.
I want it to be hard, you know?
I didn't come out here to do what I know
and just have it easy.
I want to try things that I have never done before.
I want to grow from this.
I want to know myself better.
¶ ¶
All right.
I'm gonna fire it up a little bit, let it warm.
¶ ¶
There we go.
¶ ¶
Thank you very much.
¶ ¶
All right, guys.
¶ ¶
This is officially home.
¶ ¶
- So today we're gonna try to make
a streamer using some of our...
Green hair that we dyed for this trip before it fades...
And...
some of that squirrel tail.
Let's see here.
All right.
We'll just try one for now, and if it works,
we'll cut all of it off.
I'll go home bald if I have to if it gets me trout.
So let's see.
Ooh, this is gonna be hard.
¶ ¶
Ain't like a mirror, everything's backwards.
When I was told
that we were gonna be on a fly-only river...
Is that mostly green?
I immediately started thinking of ways
that I could make effective fly patterns.
¶ ¶
[chuckles] I'm literally cutting myself a bald patch.
¶ ¶
I'm fortunate enough to still have my hair,
and so I thought, "Why not dye my hair a couple colors?"
The pink's gonna be the hard stuff to get.
¶ ¶
Ah.
¶ ¶
Not pink anymore, really.
Pink didn't hold its color very well.
It was bright when I first did it.
¶ ¶
But...
None too the worse for wear.
Plenty more where that came from...
so far at least.
¶ ¶
My mother always used to tell me,
"Be happy with what you have".
Got my paracord sheathing...
squirrel tail...
my hair...
my hooks.
We didn't grow up with a lot of money,
so trying to do a lot with very little
is something that I grew up doing.
Get my squirrel fur.
¶ ¶
Lay it in with my fur
or some of my fur.
Lay that in like so.
¶ ¶
Grab the green hair...
¶ ¶
Lay that in.
¶ ¶
And we have...
the world's ugliest streamer fly.
¶ ¶
Taking that into this arena
hopefully gives me a little bit of an edge.
¶ ¶
See if this works.
Yes, sir.
Little trout.
Little trout, little trout.
[grunts]
No, sir.
Whoo.
Let's get a couple more.
Another nice fish.
Very nice fish.
Well, we got some bites on my ugly little homemade fly.
¶ ¶
[grunts]
¶ ¶
So far, I am crushing it.
Feeling good.
Trying to win us a damn half a million, baby.
¶ ¶
[dramatic music]
¶ ¶
[indistinct chatter]
- Oh, yeah. Whoo!
[cheering]
Yes! Yes!
Look at this fish.
Oh, my God, look at how beautiful this fish is.
[breathing heavily]
Holy crap.
That's incredible!
Incredible!
Oh! [smooches]
Thank you.
Beautiful, beautiful....
beautiful brook trout.
We're eating like kings tonight.
¶ ¶
I like to kill and clean my fish right away.
Whether we have feathers, fur, or scales,
we can all feel pain and suffering.
That remains true.
I found survival and bushcraft...
at a time in my life where I didn't feel
super safe and strong.
¶ ¶
I grew up in an alcoholic home
and all the things that kind of come with that.
Fear and pain was part of my everyday life,
but the outdoors made me feel strong and safe.
So I latched on to it really hard
and really threw myself into it.
¶ ¶
I'm incredibly proud of myself
for just getting to this point...
and it's been a super-long journey.
So, even if your life path
goes against the grain of society...
¶ ¶
No matter what your passions are,
if you chase them...
¶ ¶
You can do incredible things,
and you can accomplish beautiful things.
¶ ¶
Being a part of this is a really cool thing.
¶ ¶
I have no idea how long I'll last.
I have no idea if I'll win.
And that's okay, 'cause getting to this point
is beyond my wildest dreams.
¶ ¶
This trout...
is so good.
Holy cow.
So fatty, so oily.
So delicious.
[wind blowing]
Like, I feel like I'm killing it.
Like, I'm getting firewood and good shelter.
You know, hunting and fishing, and, like, I feel accomplished.
But I can't shake this, like...
this want to be with them.
¶ ¶
Be with my girlfriend that farts all the time,
and my dog that bites me all the time.
Nibbles, they're-- they're nibbles.
She's a puppy. [chuckles]
But...
it's hard.
I don't know what to do about it.
¶ ¶
- Well, good morning, y'all.
It is another...
clear, cold, sunny morning
here at Moss House.
I'm feeling good today,
feeling good about the shelter.
Feeling hungry this morning, man.
I need something in my stomach.
So we're gonna go hunt.
Have a little wander, see what we can find.
¶ ¶
This landscape is very unfamiliar to me.
So hunting's just gonna be opportunistic.
Wah.
¶ ¶
Oh, [bleep].
Looks like we've got some bear dung on the trail.
¶ ¶
So...
exactly what I wanted to see.
¶ ¶
[chuckles]
I can taste that bear already.
Getting a black bear means going
from a constant deficit of calories
to an overwhelming surplus.
¶ ¶
But at the same time,
we're dealing with a group of black bears
that are very large, quite aggressive,
and are trying to stock up for the winter.
And bears aren't the easiest thing to kill.
You got to have some grit
to take a shot at a black bear from 20 yards
with a primitive long bow.
That's not for the faint of heart.
¶ ¶
That's a $500,000 view right there.
[laughs]
¶ ¶
And blue skies, a blessing.
Man, I feel so grateful right now.
Every day I get to be out here is a blessing.
[distant rustling]
¶ ¶
What the heck?
¶ ¶
Oh, [bleep].
[dramatic music]
¶ ¶
[bleep].
¶ ¶
[bleep].
¶ ¶
[sighs] Two inches too low.
Damn.
Okay, now I need to go find my blunt-tip arrow..
which could take a while
'cause it went through the trees.
Probably shouldn't have taken it.
¶ ¶
[bleep].
¶ ¶
Grouse--there it is.
With her that high in the tree...
It just seems like a surefire way to lose an arrow.
Oh, but she's so close. She's right there.
Oh, it's a tough choice.
But I have to try, right?
I have to try.
¶ ¶
[bird squawking]
[bleep].
[sighs] Missed again.
¶ ¶
Looking pretty hard for my lost arrows,
I haven't found any of 'em.
You shoot out into this stuff here,
they just kind of disappear under this pillow moss.
¶ ¶
I mean, it's so hard to find your arrows.
¶ ¶
As of right now, I feel like I'm burning daylight
and good solid daylight,
so I want to get back.
But that was a bummer.
That grouse cost me dearly.
I burned two arrows trying to get it,
so that's not good.
If I'm out of arrows, that's my black bear...
gone.
¶ ¶
All right, let's take a look
at how our fat reserves are doing.
Oh, they're dwindling quite quickly, actually.
[bleep].
I thought I put on enough for a while,
but it looks like not really.
Man, that really is...
a lot.
Wow.
That's insane.
Well, you can always do the "Alone" diet plan,
just lots of work and no food.
You'll get [bleep] jacked.
Can't do that for a very long. It hurts.
I feel like it's gonna rain.
And if it's gonna rain...
I need more firewood.
¶ ¶
We learn the most about ourselves
when we're put into hard times,
when we're put into difficult situations.
¶ ¶
That's when you'll start to learn more things
about how you operate, how you think, how you work.
¶ ¶
No matter who you are
and no matter how long you last here,
you will not come out the same person that you went in as.
You are going to change...
¶ ¶
Hopefully for the better.
¶ ¶
[distant animal chattering]
¶ ¶
[whispering] I hear a squirrel.
[chattering continues]
¶ ¶
Here we go.
¶ ¶
[dramatic music]
¶ ¶
[chattering continues] [bleep].
¶ ¶
Oh, over there.
¶ ¶
[normal voice] Got him.
Yeah, he's dead.
[exhales deeply]
Thank you, ol' dude.
[sniffs]
I'm sorry.
Well...
[chuckles] Got him.
And although it does...
feel good to be able to pro--
to provide for myself,
I do hate having to kill these guys.
I don't know why.
I don't know if it's just 'cause they're small or what,
but...
I don't like killing them.
¶ ¶
I'm really sad when I kill these things.
I don't know what's going on.
¶ ¶
The killing of anything should never be taken lightly.
I don't know if it's something
to be celebrated either.
Be thankful, be grateful, but...
you know, don't throw a party.
¶ ¶
It's not fun watching something die.
¶ ¶
I generally don't have a problem with killing things,
as long as it's done respectfully.
¶ ¶
But right now it's really bothering me.
¶ ¶
I don't know if that is the alone factor.
¶ ¶
I feel like if I was here with someone,
this wouldn't weigh that heavily on me.
¶ ¶
But when you're alone with only your thoughts...
¶ ¶
It's all very heavy.
[sniffles]
¶ ¶
It's pretty tough not getting that grouse.
So we're gonna go find a spruce bough
to make into a fishing pole.
Calling that other one a pole is a little bit generous.
[chuckles]
I need to make a real pole.
I'm not looking for something super long,
maybe seven feet.
And I'm gonna strip it down at the base
so it's a little bit lighter.
maybe I can get a one-handed cast with it.
¶ ¶
My family moved to the U.S. when I was nine.
We moved from a small industrial town in England,
to Florida to start a new life
and for new opportunities.
¶ ¶
I was chubby, was red faced,
and had a British accent...
¶ ¶
Which is great when you're an adult, but...
[chuckles] When you're a little kid,
anything that marks you as different
is gonna pick you apart.
¶ ¶
I found my refuge, or solace, in the woods.
That was the place where I felt most myself,
and I never lost that love.
¶ ¶
So we're gonna take the grommets
from the tarp here
and make them into...
into guides for the fly line.
We'll just pull out the bit of plastic around it,
and then you've got a nice little ring.
Ta-da!
All right, so we got our rod done,
gonna go test it out.
¶ ¶
Try this out, hopefully get some protein.
¶ ¶
Oh, my goodness.
[laughing]
It's working. Hell, yeah.
[chuckles] Let's get another one.
¶ ¶
Oh.
Yes. [chuckles]
¶ ¶
He's a beauty.
[chuckles]
Oh, man.
I'm feeling good today. Feeling good about this.
¶ ¶
Oh, man.
I'm expecting one every cast now.
I'm missing my family more than I ever have in my life.
Okay.
Little guy. I'll take him.
But to win $500,000
would help my family in ways
that I've dreamed of for years.
My parents have no retirement income whatsoever,
and they're pushing on 70.
So, to win this competition
would be the greatest gift that I could work towards.
Oh!
I'm gonna have to dig deeper in myself
than I've ever dug before.
¶ ¶
Oh, man!
[laughing]
¶ ¶
Now, that... [chuckles]
[laughs]
That's a lovely meal.
¶ ¶
I put the ten little ones straight in the pan.
I put the big one up above the fire...
to smoke.
That's enough food for me right here, for sure.
¶ ¶
I'm gonna work on my spoon for a bit.
¶ ¶
I was a bullied kid, but because of that,
I really started to develop my bushcraft knowledge,
and that changed my life.
It's one of the reasons why I'm out here.
It's kind of like...
pride in your own toughness...
because that's really what it comes down to, right?
I mean, there's been people
on this show...
Who were very, very, very skilled...
who maybe...
weren't quite as tough as they thought they were.
But I don't feel like it's been...
particularly tough yet.
¶ ¶
And I have to catch myself
and remind myself that...
¶ ¶
You know, it's coming.
¶ ¶
Enjoying each day as a gift,
that's kind of been my mantra out here so far.
¶ ¶
Every day is a gift.
¶ ¶
I'm not going anywhere.
¶ ¶
[dramatic music]
¶ ¶
Tonight I spent a lot of time
thinking about the squirrel I shot.
And there's something that feels
really inherently wrong,
for me, about that.
My whole life, I've been running
from a troubled childhood.
And...
I...
it makes me really sad
for the only relationship I have
with the living things around me
is hurting them and causing them harm.
I don't like that.
And I had this realization
that my favorite moments throughout my life
have never been the moments spent alone in the woods,
they've always been the moments spent with Catherine and Pip.
So that made me realize...
my whole life
all I wanted is a little family, and I have it.
So I don't know what I'm chasing out here.
¶ ¶
As you kill things,
you think about the fragility of life...
and how it's not guaranteed by any means.
And I have this life that I love...
so very much,
and, like, this beautiful little family
that I've created.
And the happiest moments of my entire life
have been the moments I've shared with them.
And by being out here alone...
I'm missing out...
on a bunch of those moments,
and I'll never get those moments back.
Yeah.
I'm ready to go home.
[sniffs]
[satellite phone beeping]
¶ ¶
This is Jacques. I'm tapping out.
¶ ¶
That feels good.
I think I made the right decision.
¶ ¶
I get to go home to these two.
¶ ¶
Get to go see them.
¶ ¶
- Hey, Jacques. - Hey.
- What's going on?
- I'm ready to let this place be in peace.
Yeah.
I came out here to test myself and to see what I was made of,
and I'm proud of what I've been able to do.
I've proven to myself I can take care of myself,
but every moment I'm out here is a moment I'm missing
with the people I love.
[sighs]
¶ ¶
I had a traumatic childhood.
¶ ¶
And I ran to the outdoors
because I thought that it'd be the answer to all my problems.
¶ ¶
But I have everything I ever wanted
waiting for me back home.
And so I'm really excited
because I feel like...
for the first time in a long time...
¶ ¶
I'm not running away from something.
¶ ¶
I'm running towards something...
something really good and pure,
and that is Catherine and my life back home.
¶ ¶
And I feel whole,
and I feel like I'm going back a better person,
a more thankful person.
¶ ¶
- I just heard a grouse land outside.
There he is. [object thuds]
- There's just beaver sign all over.
¶ ¶
It's freakin' nuts.
- Holy [bleep].
That's a bear track.
¶ ¶