You know, I'm really getting used to life on the road.
Living with the bare essentials isn't so bad.
You said it.
RV living is literally the life for us.
Why are we stopping?
Exciting news.
For my next piece in the travel series,
we are all going to check out the beauty
of the Rocky Mountains here in Colorado.
- Cool. - Definitely rocky.
Sweet.
No, I meant we're going outside
for an invigorating 10-mile hike.
You guys are going to love it.
- Nah. - I'm good.
You kids have fun.
Come on, fam.
Hm, is that my convincing suit?
Maybe.
It'll be great to get out of the RV for a while...
For some fresh air.
Your mother and I made some of our best memories hiking,
and we want that for all of you.
There's nothing like enjoying what nature has to offer.
So what do you say, kids?
Maybe it's because I've never been
on the receiving end of that suit,
but I'm convinced. Besides, how bad can hiking be?
Ugh, there is literally no signal.
Ugh, get away!
Leave me here.
I belong to the mountains now.
Too hot. Too cold.
And now it's hot again.
But hey, we are making lifelong memories, right?
Ugh, more like lifelong nightmares.
I agree. This hike's a bust.
I bet Mom and Dad are having as rough a time as we are.
Ah.
I've never felt more alive.
We're never gonna make it, dudes.
We have to convince Mom and Dad
to let us go back to the RV.
Lincoln, pull out the convincing suit.
Dad stretched it out.
But don't worry, I have a plan.
Follow me.
Uh, siblings, would someone mind
lending me a five-fingered appendage?
Good to know you can always count on family.
Oops.
All of our food has fallen into the river.
Now we will perish.
Oh, no, my homemade grano-Lynn bars!
Luan, I think you can reach it.
Luan, just use your human hands.
Well, too late, toots.
Looks like our food is down the river,
and we're up a creek.
Aw, looks like if we don't go back to the RV, we'll starve.
Bummer.
All right, let's go, everybody.
No, no, no, this will just give us
the opportunity to live off what nature has to offer.
Don't worry, kids. The hike continues.
Great idea having us forage for our own food, honey.
This will make a great addition to my column.
Mm, right?
Nothing like huckleberries fresh off the branch.
Oh, thorn.
Incoming.
Lana, you clod. You know red isn't my color.
That gives me another idea.
Oh no.
I seem to have a bad case of poison oak.
Oh, cruel world.
We must go back to the RV.
Don't worry, honey. I've got this.
Voilà.
An all-natural cure for poison oak.
Ew, what's in this?
Herbs, spring water, and squirrel excrement.
Ha, what do you know? I'm cured.
Ah, great work, honey. Your mom is awesome.
Onward.
Beware of mountain goats.
I have one more idea.
Mom, Dad, Lily's got a full diaper.
- And we all have to go too. - I have to take a leak.
- I have to pee. - Need to evacuate my bladder.
Of course. Bathroom break, everyone.
Ah, it's one of those Rocky Mountain goats
I've heard about. They're very aggressive.
They've been known to injure people.
Kids, everyone come back.
We're sorry to say this, but the hike is off.
We've had an angry goat sighting.
It's just too dangerous for you kids
to be out here with those beasts
roaming the woods.
Time to get back to the RV ASAP.
- I mean, "Oh, no." - Terrible.
This is terrible.
Hurry like your lives depend on it
because they do.
No one make any sudden movements.
OM-gosh, our sisters make
really convincing mountain goats.
No, Leni.
It seems Lynn's roar summoned actual mountain goats.
I'm not quite as familiar
with this Rocky Mountain dialect,
but I can tell they are not happy.
Maybe I can soothe them with a lullaby.
You know, Moon Goat to mountain goat.
♪ Sleep angry mountain goats on this mountain hike ♪
♪ With visions of whatever goats like ♪
♪ Just lie down now and shut your sleepy eyes ♪
♪ Please let the Loud family stay alive ♪
Ah, tough room!
OK, careful. Follow me.
- Oh, no. - Dad!
- Gasp. - Whew.
OK, I am literally not crossing that.
I'd rather take my chances with the goats.
Wait for me!
They're gonna break the bridge.
Run!
OK, kids, stay calm.
We need to use the bridge as a ladder to get back up.
- Make way. - Come on.
- Ow! - Beauty before age.
And before you too. - Eh.
See that?
The Louds can handle anything Mother Nature throws at them.
Now let's see where to go next.
Where's the map? Oh. Oh, no.
No, no, no, no. No!
Great, so we're completely lost with no food
and no way to call for help.
Ah, yes, given our circumstances,
I calculate our chances of survival at 35%.
Gah!
Oh, wait, forgot to carry the one.
5%.
We never should have taken you kids on a hike.
We just wanted to make
some lifelong memories together.
And now it seems lifelong means only a few hours.
This is all our fault.
Actually, Mom and Dad, this is all our fault.
We didn't want to do a 10-mile hike,
so we sabotaged it. - You what?
Kids, how could you?
- We're sorry. - You should be.
I tried to talk them out of it.
But don't worry. We got us into this mess.
And if we work together, we can get us out of it.
Right, guys? - Totally!
Well, judging by the sun's position in the sky
and knowing we took an easterly road,
the RV must be, uh, this way.
How are we supposed to get down?
Ooh, we'll use what nature provides.
Oh, how are we gonna get past these rapids?
We'll use what nature provides.
How are we gonna get past this waterfall?
We'll use what nature--
Never mind!
Everyone lean left.
Lean right.
Aim for that beaver dam.
We made it.
Can you believe when that bridge broke?
I thought we were goners in the rapids.
OK, OK, we get the message.
We'll never take you on another hike again.
What do you mean?
We literally loved it.
I concur. Talk about an adrenaline rush.
Nature is rad.
Mom and Dad, can we sleep under the stars tonight?
I'll go grab our mattresses.
Or we can sleep on the ground.